CONTENTS

C H A PTER 1
What is Purpose?

C H A PTER 2
How to Find
Your Purpose?

C H A PTER 3
How to Live
Your Purpose?
 CH A PT E R ON E

WHAT IS
PURPOSE?
 Man…sacrifices his health in order to
make money. Then he sacrifices money
to recuperate his health. And then he is
so anxious about the future that he does
not enjoy the present; the result being
that he does not live in the present or
the future; he lives as if he is never going
to die, then dies having never really lived.

DALAI LAMA
How happy are you? Have you ever asked yourself that
question?

It’s not the easiest one to ask because it requires you

to admit the possibility that you are not happy. Yet, the
entire world seems to want us to be happy, and even
judges us when we are not.

In some ways, the answer is binary. In the moment,

you’re either happy or not based on what’s happening.
But it’s also non-binary if looked at as the accumulation
of experiences both good and bad over a period of time.

People say things like, “I had a good week,” or, “Today

was awful.” What they’re really saying is that on the
whole, they had more happy moments this week or
fewer today. You might have heard someone say of
someone else, “They are not a happy person,” meaning,
more often than not, they are putting off a vibe of
unhappiness.

A lot of things can make us unhappy: anxiety over a life

circumstance out of our control, hostility from someone
in our circle, or the feeling of being under-appreciated.

5
This list could stretch on for the length of this book
and still be incomplete. But when asked, the number
one thing people say they are unhappy about is their
occupation, their job, or their career — the thing they
spend more time doing than anything else. They say it
feels like drudgery and monotony.

To them, it is purposeless, thankless, and not

stimulating. I’m sure I’m not telling you anything you
don’t already know here. Ellen Goodman, the Pulitzer
prize-winning journalist, famously said:

“Normal is getting dressed in clothes

that you buy for work and driving
through traffic in a car that you are still
paying for, in order to get to the job you
need to pay for the clothes and the car
and the house you leave vacant all day
so you can afford to live in it.”

6
ELLEN GOODMAN
In a national survey, eighty five percent of respondents
claimed they did not like their jobs. We go into debt
to earn a piece of paper, then craft fake versions of
ourselves in our resumes, all to secure a job that we will
come to hate. Then we work for the weekend, or the
holiday, or retirement.

Our whole life becomes a series of countdowns to

the next escape, but we never really do. We spend an
enormous amount of our time trying to make enough
money to buy back a little bit of the time and happiness
we lost in the pursuit of it. We spend the whole week in
anxiety wishing the weekend would come sooner, then
spend the weekend dreading going back to work on
Monday.

7
We are never really away from work because we carry
it with us everywhere we go. Our checklists are always
in the back of our minds. Our Inbox dings and ticks in
our pockets or on our wrists. Quotas, quarterlies, and
quid pro quos haunt our dreams. We chase the wrong
things up the ladder of success and end up less happy
than when we started the climb.

"We become prisoners to it, and can’t even see the

bars around us. And the further along we make
it in our career, the stronger the bars become.
The “golden handcuffs” tighten until they become
harder and harder to cut off. Money, lifestyle,
power, and influence—these things cloud our
desire for meaning, passion, and purpose.

Every day, we have to force ourselves out of our beds

to go to a job that would replace us immediately if we
dropped dead. Our partners, relationships with our
family and friends become casualties.

Does it really have to be that way? Think about the

people you admire the most, the people that have done
the most amazing things. Think about the people that

8
seem the most excited about being alive; that seem to
accomplish so much and are so happy while doing it. Do
they fit this mold? Do they seem imprisoned?

Or, do they seem impassioned and meaningful? Do they

seem to live in a certain state of flow? Do they seem to
have purpose?

Studies show that people who have found a clear

purpose to guide them live longer and healthier lives.

They are more resilient to the changes around them

and the hardships within. They are happier and have
longer-lasting relationships. They are wealthier and
report being more fulfilled by their occupations. They
are more giving and connected to the community
around them.

This is just a small sample of the benefits they enjoy,

just by living their purpose. Every hour you live your
purpose, you add that much more joy back into your
life.

But what is purpose?

9
Many people believe it is an occupation; that if they can
only find the right thing to do with their time, they will,
as Mark Twain said, “never work another day in their
life.”

Too often, this leads to job-change after job-change,

with only moments of what feels like happiness shining
through between long stretches of misery. That’s not to
say that what you do isn’t important; it is, but what you
do is not your purpose. Purpose is the answer to the
question,

“Why do you do what you do?”

There is a famous parable of bricklayers that illustrates

this point. In the parable, a man came upon two
bricklayers. He asked both, “How do you like your job?”
The first bricklayer responded, “It’s terrible. My back
aches and my hands are worn raw; they bleed on the
mortar. The sun beats down on me all day so that my
shoulders burn and blister. All I do is lay brick after
brick.”

The man felt a deep compassion for the first bricklayer.

10
Then the second bricklayer responded, “I love my job.
I’m building a great cathedral.”

Attitude is important, and this parable is a great

example of the difference it can make, but attitude
isn’t the only factor. In the parable, the only difference
highlighted between the two bricklayers is their attitude
toward what they are doing. One responds with the
“what” of their occupation and the other responds with
the “why.”

One sees only the task before them, and the other, the
purpose behind the task. What this parable doesn’t do
is recognize that no two people are identical with only

11
one difference between them. We are complex. We all
have different strengths and weaknesses, interests and
aversions, values and beliefs.

It is only when we are able to align who we truly are

with the product of what we are doing that we find our
purpose—our “why.”

From our earliest interactions, we are often conditioned

against this type of aligning of ourselves. We are taught
that occupations are neatly built boxes.

You must become a thing called a doctor or a lawyer,

and to do that you must go to a thing called a university
and get a thing called a degree. Then you must apply
for a thing called an internship, and then secure a thing
called a career. You must then work really hard for as
many hours as you can so you can one day retire.

And yet, some studies now show that people are most
susceptible to dying young in the first year of retirement
because they lack the purpose they felt while at their
career.

12
Truly, the only reason they lack it is because they
never found it in the first place. The career was only a
placeholder for death.

It was sociologist Charles Cooley that observed:

“I’m not what I think I am. I’m not what you think
I am. I am what I think you think I am.”

You see, we live in a multi-layered system of false

reality; a perception of a perception of who we really
are. We’re always trying to find ourselves in the eyes
of others; always trying to live up to the expectations
of those that are not ourselves, like our parents, our
friends, the images of a person on the television, a
politician, anyone and everyone.

We end up hating ourselves for not living up to

expectations we don’t fully understand in the first place.

Yet, we cannot be any of these people, and even if we

did know what they expected of us, we could never live
up to it because we are not them.

13
“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge
a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it
will live its whole life believing that it is
stupid.”

ALBERT EINSTEIN
All the money in the world cannot make a fish survive
out of water. It would be better to achieve half of your
true nature than to perfectly live up to the expectations
of someone else.

15
 CH A PT E R T WO

HOW TO FIND
YOUR PURPOSE
Learning there is a thing called

“purpose” and finding out what

that means is an important dis-

covery.

Realizing you lack one can be

both terrifying and freeing. It’s

“The greatest danger
the first step toward living a life for most of us is not
that our aim is too high
with meaning, but how do you
and we miss it, but that
take that step? How do you even it is too low and we
reach it.”
know which way to step?

AUTHOR UNKNOWN
So many things are standing

in your way – real things that

should not be taken lightly.

It’s been said that the four

most crippling words to a per-

son’s dream is “What will oth-

ers think?” We worry so much

17
about what other people will think about us, that we

resist our own happiness and replace it with what we

think their expectations are. We picture our friends or

imagine the words of our family members in our minds

telling us not to do it. We hear them listing all the dan-

gers. Maybe we even hear them telling us we’re not

good enough, not talented enough, or not smart enough.

We fear failure. This is a big one. No one likes to fail.

Everyone who has ever set out to do anything important

to them has hoped it would be a glowing success on the

first try. Most of the time, this doesn’t happen.

No one walks on their first try as a baby, or hits the per-

fect note the first time they open their mouth to sing, or

bowls a strike the first time they throw a bowling ball,

or anything else they’ve never tried before.

18
George M. Moore Jr. said:

“A winner is just a loser who tried one more

time.”

There are many fears and obstacles to pursuing your

purpose, but the reality is, there are fears and obstacles

to everything you do, even if you’re staying where you

are and not changing anything.

Did you know there is a Japanese word for people who

die at their work desks? The word is Karoshi and it lit-

erally means “overwork death.” Would a fear of dying

at your desk due to overwork be a rational fear? Would

that be an obstacle to staying put?

In contrast, something amazing happens when your

work is also your passion and purpose. You don’t feel

19
overworked. The hours fly by. Stress doesn’t build up

like a toxin inside of you. You feel exhilarated. That

doesn’t mean it isn’t hard. It doesn’t mean you won’t get

tired. It just means that instead of “only laying bricks,”

you’ll be “building a great cathedral.”

Even when you’re able to move past your fears, how

do you know what your purpose is? How do you know

what purpose to move toward? This is one of my fa-

vorite subjects to talk about. I want to start by making

it clear, there is no “one right way” to determine what

20
your purpose is, nor is there likely to be one specif-

ic “job” that will fully encapsulate it over time. Just as

you are changing to pursue your purpose, you will also

change while you are pursuing it and while performing

it. Let’s go through a few exercises that are useful in de-

termining your purpose.

Start by grabbing a few sheets of paper or a notebook or

journal that you like, and a nice pen or pencil- whatever

you feel the most comfortable using to write. It’s import-

ant to be as relaxed during this process as you can be.

Now, close your eyes. Picture your life, your job, your

responsibilities, your stresses, and your worries. See

these things rolling by in your mind or speak them out

loud if you have trouble visualizing.

Now go back in time. You’re in middle school sitting at

21
your desk and the teacher just asked you, “What do you

want to be when you grow up?” Only this middle school

version of you has all the knowledge you have now.

What is your answer? Maybe you have many. That’s

okay too. Go ahead, open your eyes and write down

your answers. Does your current life look anything like

what you just wrote down?

Now close your eyes again. This time, you’re going to

fast-forward your life. What does that look like in twen-

ty, thirty, forty years? What will your responsibilities

be then? Maybe this looks like your boss’s life, or their

boss’s life. Maybe you’re the CEO or a high-ranking offi-

cer in your firm, or maybe you’ve moved on to another

company in your field.

Ask yourself a question about this image of future you.

22
Is that what you want? Does that make you want to

work harder now to get there sooner? Does it make

you want to get up early and stay up late? Do you look

forward to it or does it make you anxious? If the an-

swer is anxious, then that is not your purpose. It might

be that that is the purpose for a fish, and you are a bird

slowly drowning.

Keep your eyes closed and let’s go through another ex-

ercise. Fast forward even further. You’re eighty, ninety,

one hundred years old. There isn’t much time left to

23
make changes now. You held the course of your current

trajectory, and now you’re nearing your death.

Ask yourself a different question:

What are your regrets? Most people say a variation of

the same thing. They regret not having done something,

or many things. They regret not having spent more time

painting or writing, not having taken the leap with that

business idea, not having left a legacy of giving or car-

ing, or a million other things.

Do you know what no one says? “I regret not getting

that promotion.” “I regret not making more money.” “I

regret going after my dreams.” People don’t say those

things because those things aren’t what build true value

in life. Experiences build value. Meaning builds value.

Purpose builds value.

24
Now I want you to write down your answer to question

one and question two: Do you want that fast-forwarded

life, and what will you regret on your deathbed if you

choose it? Spend some time and be honest. It’s only you

and the paper here.

Remember, I said we’re going to use a few different ex-

ercises, so we’re not going to use these answers as a first

step to build into the next, but it’s a good checkpoint for

you to look back on. It’s an honest representation for

you to reference when needed as you move forward.

25
The next tool I like to use is well known. It’s called the

Ikigai model, which literally means, “A reason for be-

ing.” Take a blank sheet of paper and on it, draw a line

down the middle from top to bottom and from left to

right. You should be left with a page divided into four

quadrants. Number the quadrants “one” through “four,”

starting in the top-left and moving from left to right and

top to bottom.

Label quadrant one, “Things I Love Doing,” and make a

list of all the things that you love doing in that box. This

can be anything you love doing. Don’t hold back. If you

love writing, cooking, running, public speaking, play-

ing video games—anything you love doing. Write those

things down.

Label quadrant two, “Things I am Good at,” and make a

list of all your skills. This does not necessarily have to be

26
what you like doing, only what you are good at doing.

They can overlap, however, and often do. Don’t hold

back here. Don’t worry about being humble and don’t

let yourself feel guilty if you feel a little pride. Just get it

all out onto the paper.

Label quadrant three, “Things the World Needs” and

make a list of what you see missing from the world. This

is personal. No two people will come up with the same

list of needs here. You might believe the world lacks

beauty, agency, kindness or wonder. Whatever these are

to you, write them down.

Lastly, label quadrant four, “Things I Can Be Paid For,”

and write all the things you can do right now that you

think people would pay you to do. This can be things

you are already doing in your job or career, or it could

be anything else that you believe is marketable and you

have the ability to do.

27
 IKIGAI MODEL
A Reason for being

THINGS I LOVE DOING THINGS I AM GOOD AT

THINGS THE WORLD NEEDS THINGS I CAN BE PAID FOR

28
Now stand back and take a look at what you’ve written.

Are there items that appear in multiple quadrants? For

most people, the answer is “yes.” How about quadrants

one and two? The overlap between these two quadrants,

meaning any items that are in both, is what the model

calls “Passion.” The intersection between one and three

is called “Mission.”

The overlap between three and four is called “Vocation.”

Anything in both two and four is “Job.”

Are you starting to see the purpose of the Ikigai mod-

el? The reality is, most people spend most of their time

engaging in the activities of “Vocation” and “Job.” You

might be realizing that about yourself as you read this.

But if you want to live a life of purpose, fulfillment,

and passion, you will need to spend more time in the

29
areas of “Passion” and “Mission.” The ultimate overlap

is when you’re engaging in activities that show up in

all four quadrants. This is what is known as “Ikigai,” or

your “reason for being.” This is your purpose.

You have to create space in your life for your purpose.

It will not create itself. You have to spend real time,

whether it’s in the evenings, on your lunch break, in

the morning before the kids get up, whenever you can,

to determine how to move from where you are toward

where you want to be.

30
 31

Now, let’s look at another approach to finding your pur-

pose. I like to call this one the Quadrant of Success. Take

out another blank sheet of paper and divide it up into

quadrants like you did before.

QUADRANT OF SUCCESS

1. PASSION 2. PAYING BILLS

This time, label quadrant one Label quadrant two “Paying

“Passion,” and write down all Bills,” and list all the things

the things you love to do and you don’t love but are good at.

are good at.

3. POTENTIAL 4. DAILY TASKS

Quadrant three is “Potential.” In quadrant four, write down

List all the things you love but what you don’t love and are not

are not good at. good at. This is called “Daily

Tasks.”

31
Step back from the paper again and take a look. You’ll

notice there are similarities between this and the previ-

ous exercise, but also some major differences.

In this model, most people find that they spend most of

their time in the tasks of quadrants two and four. They

live to pay the bills and get things done, but not to stim-

ulate themselves creatively or move toward their pas-

sions.

Finding your purpose lies in spending consistent time in

quadrants one and three. We are made for much more

than going to work, paying our bills, and then dying.

32
 A big part of aligning with your purpose is also aligning

with what I call the Three E’s.

THREE E'S

ELEMENT

First is Element.
Remember the fish that can’t ENVIRONMENT
climb trees? Climbing isn’t its
element, swimming is.
Next is Environment.
That same fish can’t
live out of water either,
right? It would simply
die because it is the
wrong environment for
a fish.

ENERGY

Last, is Energy. This one is a little more

nuanced, but imagine if that fish was a whale
shark, big and slow and relaxed, but it tried to
hang out with a group of swordfish. Swordfish
are fast. They hunt other fish, and they don’t
spend a whole lot of time staying still.

That’s the wrong energy for a whale shark, and

it would likely find itself wearing out pretty
quickly. It might wonder whether it was to
blame, or whether it was just not good enough.
The truth is, it just needs to surround itself with
the energy of other whale sharks. The same 33
applies to people.
Your element may be leadership, and if put in a support

role, you find yourself dwindling away. You might need

an environment of creative expression, an office with

lots of light, or perhaps even isolation to do your best

work. Your energy might perform best with a laid-back

energy where others might do best under high amounts

of pressure.

One way to begin to understand yourself a little more is

to use the DISC Theory, created by Harvard professor,

Dr. William Marston. Marston’s DISC Theory proposes

that people are generally either more “outgoing” or “re-

served” and either more “people oriented” or “task ori-

ented.” Where you fall on that chart gives insights into

aspects of your personality and the types of environ-

ments and tasks for which you have a greater affinity.

So, let’s do another exercise. Take out another blank

34
piece of paper and divide it up again into four quad-

rants. At the top of the page, write “Outgoing,” and at

the bottom write “Reserved.” Next, at the left side of the

page, write “Task,” and at the right, “People.”

Then, ask yourself this question: “Am I more outgoing or

reserved?”

For the one that is stronger, give a numerical value from

one to ten below that word on the page.

For instance, if I’m really outgoing, I might put a seven

or eight under the word “outgoing.” If I’m somewhere in

between, I might put a zero in the middle. Do the same

for task oriented or people oriented.

Now let’s fill in the corners. In the corner of the page be-

tween Outgoing and Task, write the letter “D.” Between

35
Outgoing and People write “I.” Between Reserved and

People, write “S,” and between Reserved and Task, write

“C.” You should see that the letters in the corners make

up the word “DISC.”

DISC QUADRANTS

OUTGOING

D I
TASK PEOPLE

S C

RESERVED

36
Now look at the numbers you assigned to your relative

traits. Whatever two words those numbers are under,

your DISC letter is the one in the corner between them.

Below is a guide for what each of the letters mean.

D=Dominant

I=Inspiring

S=Supportive

C=Collective

Before we continue to learn a little bit more about each

of these personality traits, it’s important to mention

here that any person can have multiple traits. A rare

few will have a little of all four, being pretty balanced

across the board. I should also mention that none of

these make you more or less likely to achieve success,

happiness or purpose. This is just a tool to help you bet-

ter understand yourself so you can pursue those things

37
better.

That being said, generally, D’s are the “ready, shoot, aim”

type, ready to move forward, win the day and take no

prisoners. This trait lends itself well to people who like

to lead with authority.

I’s tend to be the life of the party. They love to be around

lots of people, though they don’t always have the best

ability to get the work done. These people are great mo-

tivators but should be paired with someone who has

great focus.

S’s are people to whom you go to get a great big hug

when you’re having a rough day. They put people above

everything else. They love to work in groups and just

want to make sure everyone has everything they need

to get along and keep working toward the prize.

38
C’s might be the most focused on the work at hand. They

tend to be more, “Ready, aim, aim, aim, aim.” They don’t

have much interest in being seen or seeing anyone else

for that matter. They are happy to sit in a cave by them-

selves and crank away on their task.

Remember, these are only guidelines, and very few

people are going to fit neatly into any one of these trait

categories.

39
In that way, these are more like archetypes and less

like real people. Most real people have several of these

traits. You might also consider taking a DISC personality

test online for a more detailed evaluation of yourself.

You will be asked a series of questions, and your an-

swers will generate a series of descriptive recommenda-

tions about you, your likely strengths and weaknesses

and how to best apply or compensate for them.

Another way to get you moving toward your purpose

is to perform a life-goals self-audit. Take a moment and

allow your brain to freely bring up anything that you

would consider a goal or a dream of yours. Write them

down as you go. Now read back through the list with

a critical eye. Which of the goals are really yours and

which are products of others’ expectations?

40
As children we are taught to fit in, to stand in line, to

raise our hands, to be quiet, to learn and to be smart.

When we grow up, we are taught almost the opposite.

They tell us to stand out, work harder than everyone

else, and grow our personal brand. In a society where

everyone else is telling you what to be, which of your

goals are actually yours? Which ones came from your

parents? Which came from society? Which ones came

from what you saw on television or social media? It’s

important to be able to slow down as you consider how

to move forward and discern between internal and im-

planted goals.

Now that you’ve spent a little time getting to know your-

self better, what next? How do you go from understand-

ing your skills, passions, and interests to finding your

purpose? The short answer is, do. The old saying, “You

41
can’t catch a fish if your lure isn’t in the water,” applies

perfectly here. If you aren’t out seeking your purpose,

you’re unlikely to find it. Here are a few things you can

do to get started.

Start a side hustle. Even if you’re working a full-time

job, you probably have some time that you can spend

nurturing a passion for something else. Crack open

that book on social-media marketing during your lunch

break.

Write that extra chapter of your novel at night before

42
you conk out. Get up early and work on the code for

that app you think will change the industry. Plan it out

in great detail or just get started. Whatever works for

you, just don’t sit still. You’ll learn soon enough whether

your interest for that particular thing has legs enough to

carry it into something bigger.

Start getting exposed to new things and new people. A

person can only see from where they have stood. So, if

you have never seen competitive free-diving, you prob-

ably will never have an inclination toward it. Go out,

meet people, attend seminars, expose yourself to things

you never thought you would ever be exposed to and

see if anything sticks.

Rely on past experience. You haven’t been living in a

cave or under a rock your entire life, right? You’ve seen

a thing or two. When did your life feel most effortless?

43
When did everything just flow? Think about the envi-

ronment that produced that feeling and see if you can

write down a few its elements. Finding those again can

sometimes tap into a part of the brain that has been

somewhat dormant and lead to ideas that were other-

wise shut off.

Start serving people. One of the best ways to get expe-

rience in many different areas is to offer up your ser-

vices for free. Most people won’t turn that down. This

44
doesn’t have to just be charity work, though that is a

pretty great thing to do. Are you interested in invest-

ment banking? Head over to the firm down the street

and offer to run coffee if they’ll let you shadow one of

the partners.

However, don’t expect to get a “yes” the first or every

time. Finding your purpose isn’t something that is going

to come easily, but it will be worth the effort.

Focus on the process. Lots of people want to be a billion-

aire, but when they learn what kind of life they would

have to live to become a billionaire, they back out pret-

ty quickly. That’s why there aren’t many of them. The

point is, the result is not the purpose. You’ll never find

your passion by listing the things you want or the num-

ber of zeroes you’d like in your bank account, or even

the letters you’d like after your name on your business

45
card. It doesn’t work that way. You need to know that

you want to take part in the process of getting those

things. Don’t trade the misery you’re in now for another

one later. If you love the process of being a banker or

a baseball player or a ballet performer, then you won’t

care about the results.

Then, when you figure out what you want to dedicate

yourself to, make the decision and run like there’s no

tomorrow.

46
A few more thoughts on finding your purpose:

Sometimes we’re already in our purpose but we just

have the wrong mindset. Try to find the “why” buried

within the “what” of your job or role or hobby—the ca-

thedral behind the bricks. You might find that you see it

in an entirely different light.

You can often upgrade a hobby or interest into a pur-

pose simply by using it to serve others instead of just

START TODAY, YOU ONLY GET ONE.

47
 CH A PT E R T H R E E

HOW TO LIVE
YOUR PURPOSE
 One thing you’ll learn quickly as
“DON’T TAKE CRITICISM
FROM SOMEONE YOU soon as you consider stepping

WOULD NEVER GO TO out of the “Box” of normality,

FOR ADVICE.” is that everyone you have ever

known will be affected. They

will all react in some way.

MICHELANGELO
Some will criticize you. Some

49
will encourage you. Some will avoid you, and some will

try to stop you. Listen to them, but understand they are

most likely acting out of fear. They care about you and

they want what is best for you, but fear rarely gives good,

thoughtful advice. Be discerning.

They will tell you about all the things that you haven’t

considered, most of which, you likely already have, and

some you haven’t. They’ll tell you you’re not taking it

seriously enough, that you don’t understand what you’re

giving up.

They’ll tell you that leaving your secure job or turning

down that promotion is too risky. But remember the

Japanese concept of Karoshi? There is always risk involved

in life. Staying put is a dangerous decision that should be

weighed just as carefully as moving on.

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Once people see you living out your dream, they’ll start to

settle a little. Some in your periphery may turn a corner

sooner than others.

Some may even want to work with you or get your advice

on something they have been considering, but were never

brave enough to do. Remember the advice you wish you

had been given and proceed with caution.

Only in the end, when you’ve made it, when you’re

experiencing success others can see, will they respect

you. Even then, some will be so embittered toward you,

that your relationship may never recover.

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It is a great indictment on the still to see those that move.

Forgive them. Grudges are heavy. You don’t need that

kind of baggage where you’re going. If you’re really doing

what you love, you won’t worry about what they think

anyway.

While you’re going where you’re going, don’t hand out

business cards. Those are not memorable. Lead with your

heart. Make real connections with people. Give people a

hand, some advice, or some encouragement. Don’t just

offer them your services. Nelson Henderson said:

“The true meaning of life is to plant trees, under

whose shade you do not expect to sit.”

That is what people will remember, not some small

rectangular piece of paper in a stack with all the other

rectangular pieces of paper.

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Stay internally aware. What do I mean by that? It starts

by identifying the difference between what Daniel

Kahneman, author of the book “Thinking, Fast and Slow”

calls the System One and System Two brains.

System One brain reacts. Something happens and this

brain gets angry or sad or scared or jealous. It is the little

lizard brain we have inside of us that flees straight toward

the emotion that made the most sense when it was super

important to protect ourselves from dying at the claws of

a tiger or lion. These are conditioned responses. This is

the brain that thinks fast and not very thoroughly.

System Two brain, on the other hand, is the one that takes

things slowly. It’s the intelligence within the brain. This

could be seen as the “Parent” brain; the one that keeps

the other one in check and doesn’t let it wreck things.

This brain looks at things in the longer term. It evaluates

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whether there is a real and present danger and how to

respond appropriately. Being able to distinguish between

these two brain activities is a major step forward in self-

awareness and control.

Be externally detached. I became a monk for two years

and speak frequently about being detached from “things.”

But detachment is not the ability to avoid or be separated

from all the little temptations that things create. The

greatest detachment is being able to surround yourself

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 55

with any assortment of those temptations and still not

be affected by them. Highs and lows are flattened out

and you are in control of your responses to the external

stimulations of the world.

You’ll be able to avoid the worries about what other

people think, or the fears of failure. You won’t worry

about how quickly others are succeeding around you or

whether you’re as good as someone else.

You’ll be in control of the step you’re on and focused

only on taking it well. You won’t let compliments get to

your head or criticisms get to your heart. You’ll know the

“why” behind the “what” you’re doing, and you’ll be able

to curate a group of people that you can trust to check in

with, who can help you achieve your goals.

The Bhagavad Gita explains that detachment does not

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mean you no longer own anything, it’s that nothing else

owns you.

Don’t let the path you’re on keep you from getting to

the destination you’re heading toward, and don’t let the

destination you think you want to reach get in the way of

the one you’re supposed to. Most people that begin living

their life in this intentional way end up re-routing one,

two, or many times. That’s perfectly okay, normal, and to

be expected. How can you possibly expect to know how

you are going to feel in ten years about anything, much

less the most important aspects of your life. Steve Jobs

once said:

“You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you

can only connect them looking backwards. So, you
have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in
your future. You have to trust in something—your

56
gut, destiny, life, karma,
whatever. This approach
has never let me down, and
it has made all the difference
in my life.”

Keep refining
your purpose.
Once you have it,
tend it. Nurture
it. Check in on it
every day.

So, all you have to do now is

take the next three small steps.

Do the things that you can do

today. Yesterday is completely

gone. You can’t redo it. Focus on

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what you can do now and move the ball down the field.

It’s very easy, especially once a certain amount of success

is achieved, to see your purpose start getting taken over

by other things like money, influence, or distractions

of all kinds. How many people have you seen—actors,

politicians, athletes, and businesspeople—that once they

get to the top of the mountain, they fall to a long death?

How many people are ruined every day by their own

success, by being distracted from the true purpose they

started down the path to achieve in the first place?

These distractions start growing in the garden of your

purpose like little weeds, and you have to pluck them

from the soil, roots and all. Do this every time they pop

up or soon, they’ll look just like the purpose you planted

there in the first place.

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If your goal is to be a billionaire, redefine that as helping

a billion people with the service of your purpose. Your

passion is for you; your purpose is for others.

This is where you get deep fulfillment, seeing how your

purpose creates a benefit in the lives of others. We become

successful based on the things we do, but we become

happy based on the things we give. The King of Bhutan

was appalled when asked what his nation’s GDP was. He

said, “We measure GNH, Gross National Happiness. GDP

is only a byproduct.”

A few practical things to help you live out your purpose:

Stop trying to multi-task. It’s a myth.

Studies show that only a small percentage of the

population might be able to do it, and even they are likely

only switching quickly between tasks. And when given

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three tasks to do at the same time, compared to doing

them in succession, even the people good at multi-tasking

do a better, more thorough, faster, job when doing them

in succession.

Not only that, but they also retain details about the tasks

better, suffer less from stress while performing them, and

are able to make higher gains in efficiency and quality

from the first to the next attempt at the same task when

compared to trying to multi-task.

So, focus on doing one thing at a time and being completely

present in it. Don’t allow your mind to be somewhere

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else. Don’t allow your phone notifications to keep giving

you a string of distractions. Do only what you are doing.

Slow down. The reality of most tasks is that when you try

to speed up, you make more mistakes and end up doing

the job poorly. That doesn’t mean you won’t get faster,

and it doesn’t mean getting faster isn’t a good thing.

It means that when you try to focus on quality, you’ll

actually get faster without feeling like you’re going any

faster because you’ll just be getting really good at what

you’re doing. Let yourself relax. As it has been said, go

slow to go fast.

Try to implement some basic routines. This can be

anything from getting up at the same time every day, to

having the same morning routine, to listening to the same

music while you’re doing the same task.

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The more you can take your mind away from thinking

about certain aspects of your day, the more you free it up

to engage in the creative work of nurturing your purpose

and passion.

Always pay attention to staying in your element. In the

2015 Steve Jobs biopic, when Steve Wozniak asks Steve

Jobs what he “actually does,” Jobs replies, “Musicians play

their instruments. I play the orchestra.” In other words,

he was saying that he knew what his element was, and he

made sure he hired all the people he needed to make up

for his deficiencies.

Stop wasting your time. The most often used excuse for

why people don’t do a thing they would like to accomplish

is that they don’t have enough time, but that same person

could analyze their week and see that they watched

twenty hours of Netflix or played the same amount of

62
video games, etc.

Living a purposeful life

requires you to work for it.

If you want out of the ditch, you

have to do some climbing and

that means some sacrifices at

first. Before long, though, you’ll

no longer worry about whether

you see the latest episode of that

show you like because you’ll be

busy changing the world.

Believe in what you

do and do what you
believe.

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This will give you confidence in what you are sharing

and help you to articulate it better to those with whom

you share it. The opposite of this is why people in sales

often find their jobs empty and meaningless. They have

no belief in the product or service they are peddling

and ultimately have to do mental gymnastics to fake it

for client after client. Only stress and unhappiness lives

there. Live in belief.

Focus on living in a positive competitive state. This is

where you want to be your best because it will better

serve the purpose that you have laid out for yourself and

others. A negative competitive state comes from all those

weeds that sprout up.

You become jealous when someone else in your field is

outperforming you. This makes you want to beat them as

competition.

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A positive competitive state says, “If I help that person, we

all achieve our purposes and the whole world benefits.”

Positive collaborates. Negative isolates.

Lastly, two quotes to set your feet by...

65
 Not everything
that counts can be
counted and not
everything that can
be counted counts.

ALBERT EINSTEIN

66
 They tried to bury
us. They didn’t know
we were seeds.

DINOS CHRISTIANOPOULOS
GREEK POET

67
Sources:

“What is DISC.,” DISC Insights, last modified 2020, https://

discinsights.com/disc-theory

Kahneman, Daniel. Thinking, Fast and Slow. Farrar,

Strauss and Giroux, 2011.

Easwaran, Eknath. The Bhagavad Gita. 2nd ed., Nilgiri

Press, 2007.

Jobs, Steve. “Stanford University Commencement

Address.” Stanford University Commencement, 12 June

2005, Stanford, CA. Keynote Address.

“Multitasking: Switching Costs.” American Psychological

Association, last modified 20 March, 2006. https://www.

apa.org/research/action/multitask

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Japanese concept of Karoshi: https://www.businessinsider.com.

au/what-is-karoshi-japanese-word-for-death-by-overwork-2017-

10?r=US&IR=T

Ikigai model: https://becomingbetter.org/ikigai/

“85% of American workers are happy with their jobs,

national survey shows” CNBC, 2 April 2019, https://www.cnbc.

com/2019/04/01/85percent-of-us-workers-are-happy-with-their-

jobs-national-survey-shows.html

Iams, Howard M., & McCoy, John L. "Predictors of Mortality

Among Newly Retired Workers." Social Security Bulletin, March

1991. https://www.ssa.gov/policy/docs/ssb/v54n3/v54n3p2.pdf

Hammond, Claudia. "A Test Can Identify ‘Supertaskers’, But Only

A Few Pass It." BBC, 12 February 2017. https://www.bbc.com/

future/article/20170210-a-test-can-identify-supertaskers-but-

only-a-few-pass-it

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