First Love Yourself (F. L.Y.

)
करो अपने से प्यार,
पाओ खुशियाँ अपार !

Ask a small child, what does he love & he will say… “ I love Burger, Pizza,
Chips, Ice-cream or some pet or some toy, etc.” A child of 14-15 yr when
asked who does he love & comes the reply that he loves his mom or dad or
sibling or some friend. Very few will reply that they love themselves. We need
to love ourselves in the first place before loving others. Though you may not say
that you love yourself in the first place but most of us do.

What happens when you love some piece of jewelry or toy? You feel happy
having it, you appreciate it, you enjoy it, you take care of it, you see the brighter
side of it.
What happens when we fall in love with someone? Everything around us
become more beautiful and appealing, brighter & sharper. With love & trust in the
person, we feel safe & happy. Falling in love with oneself is no exception.

What are the benefits of loving Yourself?

1. When we love ourselves, we talk good about ourselves.

2. We can attract many good people into our life. Only when you love yourself,

You can love others.

3. We feel proud of our achievements, we feel secure & confident.
4. We encourage & motivate ourselves.
5. We work hard to achieve our goals.
6. We take good care of our physical, mental, emotional, social & spiritual well-
being. We eat well, sleep well, exercise & make efforts to be positive &
mentally Strong.
7. We are not dependent on other people’s approval.
8. We are not obsessive and possessive in relationships. We don’t feel jealous when
someone likes some other person.
9. We are happy & secure & do not get disturbed by what people say.
10. If you love yourself, you are always thankful for what you have.
11. You start living life for your happiness not just to fulfill the expectations of
others. You realize that life is very beautiful when you spend time with yourself.

What is happening today?

We are part of a generation that is constantly seeking validation from others.

How many likes on the face-book post & what all comments? We post
numerous selfies and wait for the number of likes/comments. We crave for
attention, care & love from others. We are obsessed with the expectations &
feelings of others. We do everything to get love & approval from others. But in
reality, we do not realize how dependent we are on those people, putting our
worth and value in their hands. Whatever they think about us, becomes our
reality. We see ourselves through their eyes and lose sight of who we are. 

If they tell us that we are trash, we end up being affected by what they say.
We are so busy focusing on others that we forget to love the person we see in
the mirror which is ‘me’. We live in fear of losing the attention if do not comply
To others.
Do we need another person's approval to like ourselves? Do we
need someone other to prove our worth?

Obsession with looks- At times we find ourselves gazing at magazines

and photos online and saying we want to look like this and that. We wish
to be smart, beautiful, skinny with beautiful long hair, and a slender body
like the image on the media. We long to be that “perfect” person & start
comparing & feeling ourselves not that good and eventually start to hate
ourselves. Body dissatisfaction is the number one reason for several
unhealthy behaviors including eating disorders & chronic dieting. We
forget that despite the perfect image that is displayed on the print ads and
social media, they too, have their insecurities & imperfections. We forget
that each one of us is unique & no one is perfect.

Is wanting approval wrong?

Wanting approval and appreciation is not wrong if it pushes you to be better or

boosts your energy, but it’s not healthy if it just makes you think low of
yourself. It is fine if you look for praise from others but in the first
Place you love yourself.
Peacock & the Crow story-A crow lived in the forest and was satisfied in
life. But one day he saw a swan. "This swan is so white," he thought, "and I am
so black. This swan must be the happiest bird in the world."

He expressed his thoughts to the swan. “Actually,” the swan replied, “I was
feeling that I was the happiest bird around until I saw a parrot, which has two
colors. I now think the parrot is the happiest bird in creation.” The crow then
approached the parrot. The parrot explained, “I lived a very happy life until I
saw a peacock. I have only two colors, but the peacock has multiple colors.”
The crow then visited a peacock in the zoo and saw that hundreds of people had
gathered to see him. After the people had left, the crow approached the peacock.
“Dear peacock,” the crow said, “you are so beautiful. Every day thousands of
people come to see you. When people see me, they immediately shoo me away.
I think you are the happiest bird on the planet.”

The peacock replied, “I always thought that I was the most beautiful and happy
bird on the planet. But because of my beauty, I am entrapped in this zoo. I have
examined the zoo very carefully, and I have realized that the crow is the only
bird not kept in a cage. So for the past few days, I have been thinking that if I
were a crow, I could happily roam everywhere. You should be the happiest as
you are free to fly everywhere, eat whatever you wish & never be caged like
me.”

That's our problem too. We make unnecessary comparisons with others and
become sad.

“Loving yourself does not mean being self-absorbed or narcissistic, or

disregarding others. Rather it means welcoming yourself as the most honored
guest in your own heart, a guest worthy of respect, a lovable
companion”.― Margo Anand

Love now…Some people want to love themselves with conditions. They wish
to lose weight or to crack IIT to love themself. Love yourself unconditionally&
love now.

Know your self-worth

Story… Worth of a watch

A father before he died said to his son: “this is a watch your grandfather gave
and this is more than 200 years old, but before I give it to you go to the watch
shop on the first street, and tell him I want to sell it, and see how much it is”.
He went and then came back to his father, and said, "the watchmaker paid 5
dollars because it's old”.
He said to him: “go to the coffee shop”. He went and then came back, and said:
“He paid $5 father”.
“Go to the museum and show that watch”.
— He went then came back, and said to his father “They offered me a million
dollars for this piece”.
The father said: "I wanted to let you know that the right place values your value
in a way right, don't put yourself in the wrong place, and get angry if you don't.
Who knows your value is the one who appreciates you, don't stay in a place that
doesn't suit you". Know your worth!
Message…To know your worth be at the right place with the right
people.

“You can never meet your potential until you truly learn to love
yourself.”― Teresa Collins
Low self-esteem
Some people keep criticizing themselves. They feel they are not good
looking or intelligent or do not possess any talent etc. They feel they
are good for nothing. No one loves them. They doubt their existence.
Once in a while, we too may have any such feeling but some people
feel the same throughout. They do not count on what they have but
focus on what they do not have. This makes them sometimes depressed
in life.

People with low self-esteem are more troubled by failure and tend to
exaggerate events as being negative. They often interpret noncritical
comments as critical. They are more likely to experience social anxiety and low
levels of interpersonal confidence. This in turn makes their social interaction
difficult as they feel awkward, shy, conspicuous, and unable to adequately
express themselves when interacting with others.

Steps to overcome low self-esteem

Mirror work - Look into your eyes often. At least once a day say look at the mirror & say:
"I love you; I love you. I forgive you. No one is perfect.”

Some have beauty & not money, some have drawing skills but can’t sing, some have
wealth but no family, some have intelligence but not good health. Say to yourself that I
value my imperfections as much as my perfections. I love myself despite my
flaws. Learn to accept & find beauty in the simplest of things. You’ve got two
eyes that help you to see the beauty of the world. That is wonderful. You’ve got
feet to take you to places. So Nice.

Count your blessings & Attitude of Gratitude…God has given you

beautiful hands to create things. Eyes to see beautiful things in life.
One should learn to be thankful for all the blessings. God has created
this masterpiece which is you & how insulted will he feel if you do
not respect his creation. Without asking, you have got the most
valuable things in life. You have trees to give you breeze early in the
morning, Sunlight to see all the beautiful world, food to eat, a house
to live & much more. Gratitude is strongly needed for well- being. It
reduces dissatisfaction & worries.

Stop All Criticism – Do not regret your past choices & do not criticize.
Criticism never changes a thing. Refuse to criticize yourself. Accept yourself
exactly as you are. When we criticize ourselves, changes are negative. When
we approve ourselves, changes are positive.

Be Gentle, Kind, And Patient - Be gentle with yourself. Be kind to yourself. Be

patient with yourself as you learn new ways of thinking. No one can change in a day.
Change your thoughts gradually. Treat yourself as you would to someone you loved.
Do not feel guilty if you make some mistakes. To err is human. Be yourself.

Become your life-coach…Encourage, appreciate & motivate

yourself. Our constant search for a love life should start within
ourselves. We must learn to love ourselves unconditionally, to
accept our failures gracefully. We should be able to make the best
person that we can. It is ok to find perfection in imperfection. Do
not look for approval from others.

Do not underestimate yourself. Have self-belief. You do not know how

powerful you are. “You are very powerful, provided you know how powerful
you are”.― Yogi Bahaman

Take out some “me” time: Take out sometime positively for yourself.
Do what you love. You may love to watch a movie once a week or do yoga
every morning or listen to music or chat with friends.

Give credit where it is due: We ignore to celebrate our achievements. We

should celebrate what makes us proud.

“ Leave your scars; live your skills!” Learn the skills to cope up with failures,
stress & anxieties.
“When you love yourself endlessly, you will find that the whole world loves
you too.”

The better you feel about yourself, the less you feel the need to show off.”
– Robert Hand

Love yourself because you are your hero, everyone else is busy making
their life better. You make yours.

The only person who can pull me down is myself, and I’m not going to let
myself pull me down anymore. ― C. JoyBell C.

Meenu Bhargava

Counseling Psychologist cum freelance trainer,

Director at Karan Consultants ( A center for Counseling)

Email: karanconsultants@gmail.com