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The Amazing Art of Dirty Talk

Adam Gilad

with

David Shade

ADAM  
Welcome  everybody!  My  guest  today  is  the  very  well-­‐known  –  if  you  haven't  heard  of  
him  you  will  understand  why  when  people  hear  him  they  get  very  interested  in  what  
he  has  to  teach  –  his  name  is  David  Shade.  David,  welcome!  
 
DAVID  
Hello  Adam.  It's  a  pleasure  to  be  speaking  to  you  and  it's  an  honor  to  be  speaking  to  
your  clients.    
 
ADAM  
Thank   you.   You   and   I   have   known   each   other   probably   about   five   years   and   I've   got   to  
say,  David  is  unparalleled  specifically  in  the  area  of:  voice,    confidence,  and  how  to  –  I  
use   the   word   "dominate,"   not   "domineer,"   but   "dominate"   –   how   to   be   a   dominant  
male   and   bring   a   woman   into   an   amazing   sexual   experience.   Did   I   summarize   that  
well?  
 
DAVID  
Oh,  that's  very  good.  Yeah,  let's  hear  it  for  dominant!  [laughter]  
 
ADAM  
[laughter]  Well,  let's  talk  about  that.  Now,  a  guy  who  hears  this  –  I  remember  when  I  
first  started  dating  and  I  had  no  idea  how  to  date  and  I  had  just  been  divorced  –  when  I  
heard   a   word   like   "dominant,"   I   felt,   "Well,   I   don't   feel   very   dominant.   I   don't   feel  
particularly  confident  in  my  life  right  now.”  I  had  just  gotten  divorced,  you  know,  broke  
in   every   possible   way!   And   so,   what   if   you   don't   feel   particularly   super-­‐confident  
because  of  something  that's  going  on  in  your  life?  How  can  you  still  bring  yourself  fully  
to  a  woman  with  that  kind  of  dominance?    
   
DAVID  
Yeah,  I  know  all  about  your  situation  –  you  and  I  have  talked  about  that  –  and  I  had  the  
same  situation:  I  also  was  divorced,  broke  in  a  lot  of  ways,  feeling  very  defeated,  alone;  
a  very  low  point  in  my  life.    
 
ADAM  
Yep!  
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DAVID  
What   gets   you   there,   what   gets   you   where   you   need   to   be   is   having   the   goal   to   get  
there,   having   the   will   to   get   there,   and   having   a   burning   desire   for   its   achievement.  
Period.  Do  whatever  you  have  to  do  to  get  there.  It's  a  matter  of  working  on  yourself.  
That's   what   you   need   to   work   on.   You   need   to   be   working   on   yourself.   But   you're  
going  to  get  there  because  you  have  to  get  there.  
 
ADAM  
The   gun   to   the   head   model.   You   know,   it's   the   same   in   business;   when   people   say,  
"You  can't  pay  your  mortgage  this  month?  You  own  your  own  business."  If  I  put  a  gun  
to   your   head   or   to   your   kid's   head,   what   would   you   do?   You'll   think   of   something,  
you'll  get  to  your  goal!  
 
DAVID  
You'll  fucking  get  it  done!    
 
ADAM  
Exactly!  So  that's  number  one.  So,  it's  desire  to  get  there.  And  obviously  anyone  here  
who's  listening  has  invested  in  themselves  to  help  get  there.  
 
So   let's   talk   about   what   that   feels   like   for   a   woman   because   one   of   the   things   that   I've  
discovered  over  time  is  if  a  woman  gets  a  feeling  she  wants  a  man,  she  doesn't  really  
care   what's   happening   inside   the   man.   Unless   they're   married   or   it's   a   long-­‐term  
relationship;  she  wants  to  feel  the  way  it  feels  with  a  confident,  dominant  man.    
 
So  where  would  you  start  with  someone  who's  walking  around  and  meets  a  woman?  
How  can  he  have  a  woman  feel  that,  just  by  the  use  of  his  voice  and  what  he  says?  
 
DAVID  
It   is   true   that   a   woman   dates   a   man   not   because   of   what   he   looks   like,   not   because   of    
other   attributes.   She   dates   him   because   of   how   he   makes   her   feel.   It's   all   very   mental.  
It's   all   about   how   you   make   her   feel   –   and   that   starts   with   understanding   what   do  
women  need  to  feel?  So  start  by  educating  yourself,  what  does  a  woman  need  to  feel  –  
and  why?  It's  really  a  matter  of  understanding  your  subject  matter.  
 
ADAM  
Yeah,   let's   talk   about   that.   I   mean,   in   my   formulation   a   woman   needs   to   feel   safe,  
special  in  some  way  –  that  you've  noticed  something  special  about  her,  unique  –  and  
sexy.  That's  my  little  triumvirate  that  I  work  on.  What  might  you  add  to  that?  
 
 
DAVID  
Yeah,   those   are   all   absolutely   very   true.   Let   me   cover   what   I   tell   guys   are   the   four  
things   that   women   absolutely   have   to   have   –   and   this   is   in   the   context   of   a  
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relationship.   Now,   when   you're   just   starting   a   relationship   you   work   on   these   things  
one  at  a  time  and  you  work  on  conveying  the  fact  that  you're  capable  of  making  her  
feel  those  four  things.    
 
But  the  four  things  that  a  woman  absolutely  has  to  feel  are:  number  one,  she  has  to  
feel  special,  and  appreciated,  and  unique  and  all  those  things.  Number  two,  she  has  to  
feel   a   deep   emotional   connection   with   her   man.   She   needs   to   feel   that   she   can  
communicate   within   her   emotions,   she   can   emote   with   him;   that   she   knows   that   he  
can  emote  with  her.  She  derives  a  great  deal  of  emotional  reward  by  communicating  
with  him  emotionally.  
 
Number   three,   she   absolutely   has   to   feel   beautiful,   feminine   and   sexy.   To   make   her  
feel  beautiful,  feminine  and  sexy  is  going  to  require  a  man  who  is  masculine  because  
what   brings   those   feelings   out   in   her   is   being   with   a   man   who   is   masculine.   Your  
masculinity  complements  her  femininity.    
 
And  the  fourth  thing  that  she  absolutely  has  to  have:  she  has  to  have  hot  passionate  
sex   –   and   it   has   to   be   hot.   That   is   extremely   important   to   women.   Now,   ninety-­‐nine  
percent   of   women   are   sexually   submissive;   they   highly   respond   to   a   man   being  
sexually   dominant.   Extremely   important   for   women.   Extremely   important.   I   cannot  
stress  that  enough.  That  is  why  you  absolutely  must  be  dominant.  
 
Okay,  those  are  the  four  things.  
 
ADAM  
Let's  talk  about  how  to  communicate  that  dominance  right  away.  So,  the  first  would  be  
–  let's  talk  about  "special:  make  her  feel  unique,  special,  seen…"  
 
DAVID  
Right.  Now,  we  can  understand  these  four  things  by  looking  at  the  cases  that  she  has  
been  through  in  her  life.  Like,  for  example,  let's  say  she's  been  with  a  "nice  guy."  We've  
all   used   the   term   "nice   guy"   to   describe   a   guy   who's   really   nice,   but   he's   a   doormat,  
he's  a  pushover.  Well,  with  him  she  can  feel  special,  she  can  feel  pretty,  appreciated.  
She   can   feel   that   which   she   needs   to   feel.   And   she   may   have   an   emotional  
communication   with   him.   But,   because   he's   not   very   masculine,   she's   not   going   to   feel  
feminine,   beautiful   and   sexy.   And   because   he   has   absolutely   no   concept   of   being  
dominant,  there's  not  going  to  be  hot  passionate  sex.  
 
Now,   on   the   clear   other   side   of   the   scale   is   the   "bad   boy."   Now,   the   bad   boy   is  
definitely   very   masculine,   makes   her   feel   very   feminine,   beautiful   and   sexy,   and   he's  
absolutely   very   dominant.   So   he   gives   her   really   hot,   passionate   sex   –   which   she  
absolutely   becomes   addicted   to.   But   there's   nothing   about   him   that   makes   her   feel  
unique   or   special.   For   one   thing,   he's   cheating   on   her!   He   doesn't   treat   her   in   a   way  
that  makes  her  feel  appreciated,  but  she's  already  addicted  to  the  sex.  
 
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Now,  what  happens  a  lot  in  marriages  is  a  woman  will  be  married  to  a  nice  guy,  but  
she'll  go  out  and  she'll  have  an  affair  with  a  bad  boy.  Now,  with  her  nice  guy  husband  
she  gets  to  feel  niche  one  and  two,  but  with  her  bad  boy  lover  she  feels  numbers  three  
and  four.  So  she  gets  all  four  things  that  she  needs  but  it  requires  two  men.  There  are  a  
lot  of  women  who  do  that.  
 
Ideally,   a   woman   would   like   all   of   that   in   one   man   –   and   that   takes   a   man   who   is  
capable  of  doing  all  the  things  that  the  nice  guy  does  right  and  avoids  the  mistakes  that  
the  nice  guy  makes.  And  doing  all  the  things  that  the  bad  boy  does  right,  but  avoids  the  
mistakes  that  the  bad  boy  makes.    
 
ADAM  
Well,   let's   get   practical.   Let's   talk   about   some   of   those.   So,   I   know   you   love   meeting  
women.   So,   when   you   approach   a   woman   you're   able   to   communicate   that   kind   of  
dominance  and    trustworthiness  at  the  same  time.  So  why  don’t  you  run  us  through  an  
example   of   how   you   might   approach   a   woman;   what   you   might   do   with   your   voice,  
how  you  might  lead  her  into  interest?

DAVID  
Well,  I'm  not  a  teacher  of  pick-­‐up.  I'm  not  a  specialist  of  pick-­‐up.  I'm  no  pick-­‐up  artist.  
 
ADAM  
No,  but  you  have  an  amazing  hypnotic  quality  about  you.  
 
DAVID  
Hmm,   that   came   about   by   educating   myself   after   my   divorce;   doing   a   lot   of  
introspection  –  and  dating  women.  You  know,  I  went  out  there,  I  tried  –you  know,  you  
try  enough;  eventually  some  of  them  are  going  to  go  out  with  you!  You  know,  you  and  
I   both   started   small   after   our   divorce   –   right?   We   didn't   know   what   we   were   doing.  
But,  you  know,  some  of  them  were  going  to  go  out  with  you.  
 
ADAM  
Sure!  
 
DAVID  
And  I  just  make  (made?)  it  work.  I  just  started  trying  stuff.  I  just  started  doing  what  I  
knew  I  had  to  do.  Well,  one  thing  I  did  is  I  studied  the  bad  boys  –  so  I  started  doing  
what  the  bad  boys  were  doing.  
 
ADAM  
Specifically,  what  are  some  of  those  things?  
 
DAVID  
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What's   interesting   about   the   bad   boys   is   they   appear   to   women   as   being   very  
masculine,  but  in  actuality,  women  find  out  that    they're  machismo  assholes.  They're  
sexist.  They're  male  chauvinists.  They're  not  masculine  –  they're  machismo.    
 
Women  like  that  bad  boys  are  very  protective;  women  love  to  feel  protected.  But  they  
later   find   out   that   the   bad   boy   is   actually   being   very   possessive   because   he   doesn't  
want  her  to  be  stolen  away  from  some  other  bad  boy-­‐  just  like  he  stole  her  away.    
 
Women   love   the   fact   that   bad   boys   are   very   confident.   They   appear   to   be   very  
confident.  However,  the  woman  eventually  learns  he's  actually  very  paranoid  because  
he  knows  there  are  other  bad  boys  out  there  trying  to  do  the  same  game  on  her  that  
he's  doing.  He  lives  in  a  world  of  constant  paranoia  –  because  he  lives  a  lie.  
 
Women  are  attracted  to  the  fact  that  he's  very  independent,  masculine,  strong  –  but  
they  eventually  find  out  that  he's  the  biggest  apron-­‐hugging  momma's  boy  there  is!  He  
calls  his  mom  every  day,  he's  over  to  her  house  every  other  day;  he  may  even  live  in  
his  mother's  house!  They're  big  momma's  boys!  
 
Now,   when   you   look   at   the   things   that   the   bad   boys   are   doing   right   –   confidence,  
protective,  masculine  –  start  forcing  yourself  to  be  those  things,  knowing  that  you  have  
to  be  those  things  and  knowing  that  you  actually  want  to  be  those  things.  First  of  all,  
you   have   to   do   them   because   that's   what   women   want.   So   if   you   want   women,   you  
have  to  attract  them  with  what's  going  to  make  them  feel  these  things.  You  also  want  
these  things  in  yourself.  A  man  wants  to  feel  confident.  He  wants  to  feel  masculine.  
 
ADAM  
Sure!

DAVID  
He  wants  to  protect  his  woman.  He  wants  to  make  her  feel  special.  He  wants  to  give  
her  hot,  passionate  sex.  He  wants  to  make  her  feel  beautiful,  feminine  and  sexy  –which  
makes  him  feel  masculine.  
 
ADAM  
Sure!  
 
DAVID  
So,  he  knows  he  has  to  do  these  things.  So,  it's  a  matter  of  being  educated  –  such  as  
talking  to  you  and  me  –  right?  
 
ADAM  
Alright.   Well,   let's   get   to   some   practical   education.   I   like   to   give   real   super-­‐practical  
tips.  So,  when  a  woman  meets  you  or  talks  to  you,  what  are  some  of  the  signals  that  
you  teach  guys  to  give  in  terms  of  how  you  speak  or  what  you  speak  about,  or  how  you  
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touch  or  move  her?  -­‐Anything  along  the  lines  of  confidence,  masculinity  –  those  things  
that  we  were  just  mentioning?  
 
DAVID  
Well,  I'm  not  a  pick-­‐up  expert.  But  it's  about  –  what's  critically  important  that  I  want  to  
communicate   is   how   you   feel   about   yourself,   which   is   going   to   be   communicated  
subconsciously   in   everything   that   you   do.   You   absolutely   have   to   do   these   things   if  
you're  going  to  have  any  hope.  You  have  to  feel  masculine.  You  have  to  feel  confident.  
You  have  to  feel  that  you  are  comfortable  with  sexuality.  
 
ADAM  
That's  the  key.  That's  the  thing  that  I  think  you  bring  better  than  almost  anybody.  So  
let's   leave   the   realm   of   meeting   women   and   talk   about   sexuality,   and   how   to   create  
dominance  –  you  know,  "enlightened  dominance"  I'll  call  it  because  it's  obviously  not  
bullying  or  anything  like  that.  How  do  you  create  dominance  as  you  start  leading  into  
the  sexual  moment?  
 
DAVID  
Yes,  it  is  absolutely  imperative  that  a  man  becomes  confident  with  his  sexuality.  Now,  
the  bad  boys  certainly  are.  They're  very  comfortable  with  their  sexuality  –  except  for  
the   fact   that   most   of   them   have   the   Madonna/Whore   syndrome.   But   generally,   my  
clients  who  are  basically  mentally  healthy,  don't  have  that  kind  of  problem  going  on.    
 
But  we're  also  raised  with  social  programming  that  restricted  us  from  feeling  confident  
and   comfortable   with   our   sexuality.   But   we   absolutely   have   to   feel   comfortable   with  
our  sexuality  in  order  to  feel  comfortable  with  hers  –  and  she  wants  her  man  to  feel  
comfortable  with  her  sexuality.    
 
Now,  we  were  all  born  sexual  creatures.  We're  naturally  sexual  creatures.  It's  natural  
in   us.   It's   social   programming   that's   screwed   it   up.   So   we   have   to   understand   what  
really   is   the   truth.   Well,   truth   is   found   in   reality.   In   reality,   you   find   that   the   truth   is  
that   women   are   highly   sexual   creatures   despite   social   programming.   Social  
programming  has  been  misleading  us  all  along.  But  women  are  actually  highly  sexual  
creatures.   They   want   their   man   to   be   comfortable   with   their   sexuality   and   only   then   is  
he  going  to  be  able  to  lead  her  sexually.  So  he  absolutely  has  to  be  comfortable  with  
his  sexuality.  
 
Now,  that  doesn't  mean  that  when  you're  talking  to  a  woman,  you  start  talking  about  
sex   things!   Not   at   all.   She   also   wants   you   to   be   discreet   because   so   long   as   you  
conform  to  social  norms,  everything  is  okay  –  but  you  must  conform  to  social  norms.  
You  cannot  violate  social  norms.  So  long  as  you  do  not  violate  social  norms,  you  can  do  
anything   sexual   with   her.   And   later   on   in   the   bedroom,   you   can   get   down   and   dirty  
with  her  and  you  can  bring  out  that  raging  slut  in  her,  just  so  long  as  nobody  knows  
about   it;   nobody   hears   it,   nobody   sees   it,   nobody   is   ever   told   about   it   –   and   thus   it  
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does  not  violate  social  norms.  You  can  do  anything  in  the  bedroom  because  it  does  not  
violate  social  norms  and  because  she  wants  to  be  a  sexual  creature.  
 
So   when   you   first   meet   her,   of   course   you   don't   talk   explicitly,   but,   because   you   are  
comfortable   with   her   sexuality   and   because   you're   comfortable   with   your   sexuality,  
then   that   is   going   to   be   communicated   in   your   body   language.   What's   important   is  
your  apprehension  about  sexuality  will  not  be  communicated  in  body  language.    
 
Now,  you  wanted  to  discuss  the  matter  of  confidence.  When  you  go  into  an  interaction  
with   a   woman,   you   know   that   the   reason   that   you're   talking   to   her   and   the   reason  
she's  standing  here  listening  to  you  is  because  people  are  looking  for  sex!  That's  at  the  
core  of  everything!  Why  do  people  go  to  the  nightclubs  to  talk  to  each  other?  Because  
they're   looking   for   sex.   They're   looking   for   somebody   to   have   sex   with.   And   in   any  
relationship   –   I   don’t   care   what   relationship   –   at   the   very   core   of   the   relationship   is  
sex.  When  the  sex  is  gone,  the  marriage  is  over.  Period.    
 
ADAM  
Uh-­‐huh.  Been  there.

DAVID  
Yeah.  Same  in  a  relationship:  when  the  sex  is  gone,  the  relationship  is  over.  You  have  
to   understand,   when   you're   talking   to   a   woman   she   knows   you   came   up   and   talked  
with  her  because  you  want  to  have  sex  with  her!  Of  course  you  don’t  talk  blatantly  like  
that   –   but   she   knows   the   deal.   You   know   the   deal.   And   you   have   to   be   comfortable  
with  that  –  and  the  way  that  you  get  comfortable  with  that  is  by  understanding  that  
women  actually  want  to  have  sex.    
 
ADAM  
So  it's  a  frame  that  you  approach  her  with;  you  understand  that  she  wants  sex.  It's  not  
something  unusual,  or  weird,  or  bad.  
 
DAVID  
Exactly!  Of  course  you  don't  approach  her  talking  about  sex.  
 
ADAM  
No,  of  course  not.  
 
DAVID  
Oh,  I  don't  know  –  some  pick-­‐up  artists  have  got  some  pretty…  [laughter]  
 
ADAM  
Yeah,  I've  heard  some  crazy  things!  
 
 
 
 8

DAVID  
It's  funny,  you  know.  They  work  in  very  specific  cases  –but  we'll  just  paint  with  a  very  
wide  brush  here,  okay?  
 
ADAM  
Alright.   What   we   really   want   to   talk   about   is   what   specifically   guys   can   do   to   really  
communicate   that   kind   of   confidence   or   masculinity   –   specifically   as   we're   getting  
toward  the  bedroom,  you  know,  and  when  things  start  escalating.

DAVID  
Alright.   When   things   start   escalating,   let's   say   you   get   her   out   on   a   date.   You   go   out  
and  do  whatever;  you  end  up  back  on  the  sofa  in  your  living  room  –  so  you've  already  
made  one  critical  transition  from  wherever  you  guys  were  out  that  night  back  to  your  
house.  You  got  her  as  far  as  the  sofa.  So  you've  successfully  made  one  very  important  
transition.    
 
You   don't   say   to   her,   "Let's   go   back   to   my   place   and   have   sex."   Of   course   not.   You   say,  
"Hey,  let's  go  back  to  my  place  because  I  have  this  piece  of  artwork  that  I  got  from  this  
group  of  American  Indians  in  Arizona  and  it's  really  cool.  Come  on  back  –  I'll  show  it  to  
you."    
 
She   knows   exactly   what   the   hell   is   going   on!   She   knows   you're   bringing   her   back   to  
your   house   and   hopefully   you'll   have   sex.   She   knows   what   that   the   hell   is   going   on!  
But,   you   know,   she's   going   for   it:   "Yeah,   I   would   like   to   see   that   American   Indian  
artwork  you  got  in  Arizona."  [laughter]  She  knows  what  the  fuck  is  going  on!  
 
But   you   did   not   violate   social   norms   –   right?   You   did   not   embarrass   her   by   saying,  
"Let's  go  back  to  my  house  and  have  sex."  But,  more  importantly,  you  do  not  give  her  
any   of   the   responsibility.   What   you   did   is   you   assumed   –   you   must   at   all   times   assume  
all  responsibility  for  the  sexuality.  
 
ADAM  
Yes.  
 
DAVID  
When   you   say,   "Let's   go   back   and   I'll   show   you   this   artwork,"   she   can   agree   to   that  
then   she   has   not   assumed   responsibility   for   anything   that   happens   sexually   because  
you're  just  going  back  to  look  at  fucking  artwork!  
 
ADAM  
Right.  
 
DAVID  
Okay,   so   you   looked   at   the   artwork,   you're   sitting   on   the   sofa   –   okay,   looking   at   the  
artwork  took  like  a  half  a  minute  –  "Oh,  whoopi  doo!"  –  right?  But  you're  there  at  your  
 9

house,   you're   sitting   on   the   sofa.   Now   you   have   to   escalate   things   sexually.   You  
absolutely  have  to  take  responsibility  for  everything  that  happens.  You  cannot  give  her  
any  responsibility  –  even  though  you  know  she  wants  to  have  sex  –  I  mean,  she  came  
back   to   your   house   after   the   date   to   look   at   your   fucking   artwork!   You   know   what's  
going  on.  It  doesn't  necessarily  mean  that  she  wants  to  have  intercourse,  but  she  does  
want  the  relationship  to  progress.  And,  hey,  you  may  not  get  her  in  the  bedroom  the  
first  time  you  bring  her  back  to  the  house  –  but,  you  know,  don't  disappoint  her  and  
not  try,  right?  [laughter]  I  mean,  that  would  be  an  insult!  
 
But   you   do   have   to   do   it   such   that   she   is   not   responsible   for   anything   that   happens  
sexually.   You   must   assume   responsibility   for   everything   that   happens   sexually.   A  
woman  needs  to  know  this.  And  you  convey  that  because  you  are  a  leader.  You  lead.  
That's  part  of  being  dominant.  
 
ADAM  
Yes!  
 
DAVID  
A   critical   part   of   being   dominant   is   that   you   lead;   anything   to   do   with   sexuality,   you  
lead.  
 
ADAM  
Yes.

DAVID  
Anything   to   do   with   romance,   by   the   way,   anything   to   do   with   romance,   you   lead.  
Anything  to  do  with  what  is  different  about  men  and  women  you  must  lead.  Like  when  
you're   walking   down   the   sidewalk   to   the   restaurant,   you   hold   her   hand   and   you're  
basically   pulling   on   her;   I   mean,   if   you   really   want   to   be   dominant,   you're   working  
slightly   in   front   of   her   and   you're   kind   of   pulling   on   her.   If   you   want   to   be   really  
dominant,  when  you  get  to  the  restaurant,  you  throw  the  door  open  and  you  walk  in  
and   you   pull   her   through   –   and   she'd   damn   well   better   get   through   that   door   before   it  
comes  shut  again.  
 
ADAM  
And  she'll  feel  that  if  you  pull  her  through.  She'll  feel  that  tug,  you  know?  And  if  you  do  
it  eye  to  eye,  it's  very  powerful.  
 
DAVID  
Exactly!  
 
ADAM  
Very  nice.  So  it  starts  early.  
 
 
 10

DAVID  
Or   you   ignore   her   while   you   throw   the   door   open   and   go   through.   You   just   ignore   her.  
You  just  yank  on  her,  right?  She'd  damn  well  better  make  it  through!  
 
ADAM  
Or  you  can  take  the  Family  Guy  approach  and  say,  "Come  on  through  the  door,  bitch!"  
 
DAVID  
Don't  listen  to  Family  Guy.  
 
ADAM  
Yeah,   I   wouldn't   either.   They   have   a   great   parity   (parody?)   we   were   talking   about  
earlier  of  really  bad  pick-­‐up…

DAVID  
Really  bad!  [laughter]  
 
ADAM  
Yes,  so  there  are  very  small  signals  –  and  I  tend  to  be  a  very  big  fan  of  that.  I  tend  to  be  
a  lover  leader  rather  than  a  physical  leader.  
 
DAVID  
Now,  I'm  only  doing  extremes,  Adam.  
 
ADAM  
Yeah.  What  I  do  works,  too,  but  I'm  very  forward  in  my  physicality.  Like,  if  I'm  talking  to  
a  woman  and  it's  going  where  I  want  it  to  go,  I'll  just  lean  over  while  she's  talking  and  
push   her   hair   behind   her   ear   without   a   second   thought   –   that   kind   of   thing.   That's   not  
dominant  but  it's  "claiming"  behavior,  which  is  something  related.    
 
DAVID  
Yeah,  "claiming  behavior"  –  that's  a  very  good  term  for  it.  I  like  that.  
 
ADAM  
I  like  to  claim  them.  And  I  assume  it.  And  I  think  we  both  assume  something;  it's  very  
much  like  sales  where  you  assume  the  close,  right?  When  someone  comes  into  a  car  
lot,  the  best  salesmen,  their  mindset  is  they're  assuming  that  they've  already  sold  the  
car  to  this  person  and  now  they  just  have  to  explain  why.  It's  very  different  than  trying  
to  sell  something.  So  we're  both  approaching  it  from  that  "claiming"  standpoint,  which  
I  really  like.  
 
Now,  there  are  things  that  I  say  sometimes  that  are  also  very  claiming  –  such  as,  "I'm  
going  to  take  you  upstairs  and  I'm  going  to  kiss  you."  Just  tell  her  that  –  you  know,  look  
her  in  the  eye  and  say,  "I'm  going  to  take  you  upstairs"  –  that  kind  of  thing.  Tell  her  
what's  going  to  happen.    
 11

 
I'll  also  kind  of  inflame  her  imagination  a  little.  I  may  describe  what  it's  going  to  feel  
like.  And  you're  a  master  of  words  too,  in  terms  of  inflaming  her  imagination.  So,  how  
about  some  tips  for  the  guys?  
 
DAVID  
Oh,   that's   a   really,   really   good   one.   You   know,   men   need   to   understand   that   female  
sexuality   is   entirely   mental   and,   oh,   inflaming   her   emotions   is   very   important.   And   you  
can  start,  you  know,  actually  I  highly  recommend  that  you  "Fuck  her  mind  before  you  
fuck  her."  
 
ADAM  
I  love  that.

DAVID  
That  is  so  powerful  for  her.  By  then  she'll  be  dripping  wet  and  begging  you  to  fuck  her.    
 
ADAM  
And  how  do  you  do  that?  
 
DAVID  
What   you   described.   You   describe   what's   going   to   happen.   Now,   here's   a   great   one  
that   let's   say   you   two   are   on   your   sofa   –   now,   I'm   not   recommending   this   for   a   first  
night;  I'm  only  illustrating  an  example.  It  might  not  be  the  first  night.  You  could  do  this  
down  the  road.  I've  done  this  and  my  top  clients  have  done  this.  It's  fucking  lethal.  And  
some  have  done  it  on  the  first  night  that  they  met  the  woman  and  actually  gave  her  an  
orgasm  with  just  their  voice.  
 
But  what  you  do,  when  you're  sitting  on  the  sofa  –  and  I'll  kind  of  continue  with  my  
story   from   before   –   you're   sitting   on   the   sofa;   it's   kind   to   escalate   things.   What   you   do  
is,   well,   you   can   do   like   what   you   said,   "claiming"   and   you   assume   responsibility   for  
anything  that  happens,  and  you  take  the  lead.  And  also  I  would  add  that  you  blame  her  
for   it.   And   what   I   mean   by   that   is   she   is   so   attractive   to   you,   you   cannot   help   yourself.  
Of  course  you  don't  do  that  in  a  caveman  way  –  at  least  not  until  the  bedroom  –  but  
still  on  the  sofa,  you  can  blame  her  for  it.    
 
You  can  start  with  romance  and  emotion.  You  start  by  –  I  like  to  go  to  romance  and  
then   emotions   because   romance   is   the   context   in   which   sexuality   can   happen.   And  
then  an  emotional  connection  is  the  lubricant  on  the  slide  to  sex,  okay?  So,  first  you  
start  with  something  romantic.  I  didn't  prepare  this  –  I'm  just  going  to  throw  stuff  out.    
 
ADAM  
Sure!  
 
 
 12

DAVID  
"I  feel  really  good  with  you  tonight.  You  look  so  adorable  to  me."  You  have  to  own  it;  
You  can't  just  say,  "You  look  beautiful;"  you  have  to  say,  "You  look  beautiful  to  me."  
 
ADAM  
I  like  that!  Good  touch!  
 
DAVID  
Yeah,  because  you  have  to  own  it.  If  you  just  say  she's  beautiful,  you've  only  objectified  
her.    
 
ADAM  
Good!

DAVID  
What   you   can   do   is   you   can   reward   proper   behavior.   You   know,   she's   spent   two   hours  
getting  dressed  and  doing  her  make-­‐up  to  go  out  with  you.  You  can  say,  "I  appreciate  
how   you   look   so   good   for   me   tonight."   So   you   reward   proper   behavior   but   you've   also  
communicated  that  you're  lusting  for  her  –  without  being  inappropriate.  
 
ADAM  
Yes.  I  like  the  touch  of  "for  me"  instead  of  "to  me."  That's  beautiful.  Beautiful.    
 
DAVID  
Yeah,  because  later  in  the  bedroom  you  can  tell  her,  "Come  for  me."  [laughter]  
 
ADAM  
Yeah,  because  you  actually  teach  that  in  your  programs.    
 
DAVID  
Oh,  very  much,  man.  
 
ADAM  
Which  program  is  that  in,  by  the  way?  
 
DAVID  
That's  pretty  much  all  of  them.  I  certainly  start  with  the  program:  Give  Women  Wild  
Screaming  Orgasms.    
 
ADAM  
Gee  –  what's  that  about?  I'm  kidding!  [laughter]  
 
DAVID  
[laughter]  
 
 13

ADAM  
I  do  recommend  his  stuff  because,  you  know,  sometimes  when  I'm  writing  a  program  
and   I   get   to   the   point   of   how   to   speak   to   a   woman   in   the   bedroom,   sometimes   I'll   just  
say,   "Go   read   David   Shade's   product"   because   it's   amazing   stuff.   We've   talked   about   it  
in  the  past  –  you're  in  my  program  called  Erotic  Mastery  –  and  what  you  teach  about  
how  to  verbally  lead  women  into  orgasm  and  then  deeper  into  orgasm,  and  then  pull  
her  out  of  it  is  really  unmatched.    
 
So  we're  not  really  covering  all  that  today,  but  I  like  that  you're  getting  to  the  point,  
"You   look   so   beautiful   for   me."   Now   we've   shifted   from   pure   objectification   –   "You  
look  beautiful"  to  kind  of  claiming,  "You  look  beautiful  to  me"  to  "You  look  beautiful  
for  me."  That  she's  actually  doing  it  for  you.  That's  beyond  "claim."  
 
DAVID  
Yeah.  And  this  only  works  when  you  have  rapport,  and  this  only  works  when  you  know  
that  she  is  considering  a  sexual  relationship  with  you.  You  cannot  do  this  kind  of  stuff  if  
she  is  not  yet  seriously  considering  a  sexual  relationship  with  you  because  that  would  
just   be   self-­‐vocation.   She's   already   gone   back   to   your   house   to   see   your   stupid  
artwork!  [laughter]  
 
ADAM  
Or  in  my  case  the  view  with  the  hot  tub.  
 
DAVID  
Whatever   –   okay?   Some   guys   say,   "You've   got   to   see   this   YouTube   video   I've  
watched…"  [laughter]  
 
ADAM  
Whatever  –  right?    [laughter]  
 
DAVID  
Okay,   so   you   get   her   back.   You   know   that   she's   somewhat   interested   in   possibly  
escalating  or  possibly  following  your  escalation  –  right?  Because  she's  waiting  for  you  
to  lead.  Don't  disappoint  her.  Don't  insult  her  by  not  leading.    
 
Now,  saying  things  like,  "I  appreciate  how  you  have  made  yourself  look  so  good  for  me  
tonight"   –   you   don’t   want   to   be   doing   that   kind   of   stuff   until   you   know   that   she's  
considering  having  a  sexual  relationship  with  you.  We're  talking  about  escalating.  You  
want   to   set   up   a   romantic   frame,   which   is   the   context   in   which   sexuality   can   happen   –  
and   typically   the   date   has   already   done   that;   even   if   you   guys   just   go   to   a   wine   bar,  
right?  The  fact  that  you  went  out  for  a  date  at  a  wine  bar  sets  the  romantic  context.  
Then  when  you  get  back  home,  then  you  reward  her  good  behavior  for  looking  so  good  
for  you.  
 
 
 14

ADAM  
Love  that.

DAVID  
Then  you  start  introducing  the  emotional  connection  and  you  simply  say,  "I  feel  very  
close   to   you   right   now."   Now,   she   has   to   validate   that   in   some   way.   She'll   say   that   she  
feels  very  close  to  you  or  something  to  that  effect.  Once  you  know  that  she  feels  that  
emotional  connection  that  is  going  to  be  a  lubricant  on  the  slide  to  sex.    
 
Then   you   can   start   doing   that   thing,   like   you   said,   where   you   claim   her,   where   you   can  
simply  pull  her  hair  back  away  from  her  ear  and  –  a  really  good  one  –  you  know  how  
you  start  narrating  things?  You  simply  take  the  hair  at  the  back  of  her  head  and  just  
hold   it.   Don't   pull   on   it   –   not   yet   –   that's   for   the   hardcore   bedroom   stuff.   Don't   pull   on  
it.  Just  hold  the  hair  at  the  back  of  her  head  and,  if  you  have  to,  lean  her  round  slightly  
towards   you.   But   bring   your   mouth   close   to   her   ear   and   talk   very   softly   in   her   ear,   and  
say,  "I  love  the  way  you  smell  right  now…"  I'm  going  to  borrow  a  line  that  you  used  a  
minute   ago:   "Right   now   I'm   going   to   kiss   you   and   I'm   going   to   let   you   feel   my   lips  
against  your  lips.  I'm  going  to  kiss  you,  and  then  I'm  going  to  kiss  you  passionately.  I  
want  you  to  feel  that  excitement  when  we're  kissing."  
 
But   your   mouth   is   still   next   to   her   ear   and   you're   speaking   in   a   very   low   and   soft   voice  
and  you're  talking  slow,  making  it  obvious  that  it  is  escalating  towards  sex.  And  she's  
actually  going  to  feel  the  tingle  in  her  lips.  Her  mind  will  start  feeling  that  sensation  in  
her   lips   of   you   kissing   –   and   that's   what   you   want   to   happen;   you   want   her   mind   to  
start  making  real  the  sense  of  these  things  that  you're  describing.  You  want  her  mind  
to  make  real  the  sensations  that  you  are  describing  to  her.    
 
Then  you  say,  "And  then  I  want  to  kiss  the  side  of  your  neck."  But  you  don't  kiss  the  
side   of   her   neck;   you   just   breathe   out   of   your   nose   so   that   the   air   slides   down   the   side  
of   her   neck   –   and   she'll   get   a   super   tingle   and   her   mind   will   start   making   shit   up.   She'll  
start  getting  really  excited  about  how  her  mind  is  making  these  sensations  real.    
 
You  have  to  speak  very  confidently,  of  course.  There  cannot  be  a  crack  in  your  voice,  
man!  There  cannot  be  a  hesitation  in  your  voice  or  it  will  not  be  believable.  You  have  
to  lead.  Then  you  would  say,  "You  skin  feels  so  soft  to  me."  You  take  ownership.  You  
say,  "I  love  how  your  skin  feels  so  soft  to  me."    
 
Then  you  take  one  hand  –  and  let's  say  that  her  forearm  is  laying  on  her  lap  and  she  
has  a  short-­‐sleeved  shirt  –  then  you  lightly  stroke  (I'm  just  making  shit  up  here,  right?)  
 
ADAM  
Yeah  –  there's  no  formula!  That's  perfect!  
 
 
 
 15

DAVID  
You  very  lightly  slide  your  fingertips  up  the  inside  of  her  forearm  –  the  sensitive  skin  by  
the  veins  and  the  tendons  –  very  lightly  slide  your  fingers  up  and  say,  "I  would  so  love  
to   feel   your   body.   I   would   so   love   to   lightly   stroke   your   body   all   over."   And   she's   going  
to  start  to  feel  that  tingle.    
 
Now,   there's   a   great   line   in   that   movie   Don   Juan   DeMarco   in   the   bit   where   he's  
decided  he's  going  to  commit  suicide  but  he  sees  this  hot  redhead  and  he  says,  "Oh,  
wait  a  minute  –  just  one  more!"  So  she's  sitting  at  a  table  in  a  fancy  restaurant  waiting  
for  her  idiot  boyfriend,  her  asshole  Wall  Street  bad  boy  boyfriend  who  hasn't  shown  up  
because   he   treats   her   like   shit.   So   Don   DeMarco   gets   the   perfect   opportunity,   you  
know?    
 
So  he  goes  up  to  the  table,  sits  down,  starts  talking  to  her  –  and  then  he  takes  her  hand  
and  he  says,  "Oh,  some  women,  they  have  hands  that  are  sensitive  and  like…"  and,  you  
know,  holds  her  hand  and,  "Oh,  like  the  knuckles  are…  her  fingers  are  like  her  legs,  and  
her   knuckles   are   like   her   knees;   oh,   and   this   soft,   fleshy   part   is   the   soft   skin   of   her  
thighs."  Then  he  says,  "And  then…"  and  he  pulls  her  hand  towards  his  mouth,  he  sticks  
his   finger   between   her   fingers   and   licks   it   while   he's   looking   at   her.   It's   so…   he's  
basically   fucking   with   her   mind   –   right?   He's   touching   one   part   of   the   body   but  
insinuating   that   it's   a   different   part   of   the   body   –   and   she'll   actually   feel   it   in   that  
different  part  of  the  body.  So  then  they  seal  the  deal  –  right?  She's  sunk.  She's  all  for  it.    
 
So  you're  doing  the  same  thing  when  you're  lightly  touching  the  inside  of  her  arm.  And  
you   continue   to   describe   things   as   if   what   you're   doing,   you   yourself   are   vividly  
imagining  her  lying  naked  on  your  bed,  and  the  things  that  you  are  going  to  do  to  just  
totally  turn  her  skin  electric.  You  continue  to  escalate  things  while  you're  rubbing  the  
inside  sensitive  part  of  her  forearm  and  –  I  like  that  line  –  "I'm  going  to  make  your  skin  
electric."  
 
ADAM  
I  love  that.  
 
DAVID  
"Your   skin's   going   to   tingle   all   over.   That's   right   –   feel   your   skin   tingling   all   over   as   you  
feel  me  lightly  brushing  your  skin.  It  tingles  all  over."  Alright,  well  she  knows  where  this  
is   going   and   she's   loving   that   you're   making   her   skin   tingle   all   over.   And   you   know  
where   that's   going   to   end   up   concentrating   -­‐   you   and   I   know   that's   going   to   end   up  
concentrating  in  the  clitoris.  "Oh,  yeah,  and  I  want  you  to  feel  that  tingle  concentrating  
even  stronger.  Oh,  yeah,  feel  that  tingle  concentrating  even  stronger,  even  stronger."  
 
And  the  whole  time,  she's  just  sitting  there  listening  to  you.  She  is  not  saying  anything.  
And   that's   actually   a   good   thing.   Well,   it'd   be   a   bad   thing   if   she   said,   "Stop   that!   I'm  
leaving!"   [laughter]   Game   over!   But   actually,   you   know   it's   working   when   she   just  
shuts  the  fuck  up  and  she's  listening  to  you.    
 16

 
You  continue,  "Yeah,  feel  it  even  stronger,  concentrating  even  more,  even  stronger,"  
while   you're   just   lightly   stroking   the   inside   of   her   forearm.   You   just   pick   a   place   on   her  
forearm   and   you   just   start   with   one   finger   rubbing   it   up   and   down,   "Even   stronger.  
Yeah,  even  stronger.  That's  right."  And  she'll  actually  feel  that  on  her  clitoris.  Her  mind  
will  actually  shift  that  to  her  clitoris  and  she'll  get  excited.  
 
Now,  when  she  starts  moaning  and  she's  getting  breathless,  you  can  tell  she's  getting  
highly  aroused.  First  of  all,  you  know  it's  working  –  and  once  that  happens,  once  she's  
slightly  aroused;  she's  moaning,  she's  breathing  deeply,  she's  like  losing  her  breath  –  
that's   when   you   get   hardcore   sexual.   "That's   right.   yeah.   Now   feel   me   licking   it.   Feel  
me  licking  it."  You  haven't  even  used  the  word  "clitoris."  "Yeah,  feel  me  licking  it.  Feel  
it  vividly.  That's  right.  Licking  it.  Feel  it  vividly.  Oh  yeah.  Even  more."    
 
And  she  is  supposed  to  become  even  more  aroused;  the  idea  is  you  actually  make  her  
mind   feel   her   clit   being   licked   by   you.   "Even   stronger.   Even   stronger."   And   then   you  
can  really  drive  it  home  by  saying,  "Yeah,  and  now  feel  me  suck  you  into  my  lips.  That's  
right.   Feel   me   suck   you   into   my   lips   as   I   hum   on   you,   and   I   push   it   back   out   and   suck   it  
back   in;   push   it   back   out   and   suck   it   back   in,   suck   it   back   in,   push   it   back   out."   You  
haven't   even   used   the   term   "clitoris"   yet.   She'll   actually   feel   that.   That'll   blow   her  
fucking  mind.  You  keep  saying  that  over  and  over,  repeating  that  exact  thing  over  and  
over  and  over  again  –  and  she'll  have  a  fucking  orgasm  right  there.    
 
ADAM  
You   actually   teach   how   to   give   a   woman   an   orgasm   without   touching   her.   That's  
fantastic.    
 
DAVID  
Yes.  
 
ADAM  
That,  by  the  way,  gentlemen,  is  confidence  [laughter].  That  is  like  going  for  what  you  
want  to  create  and  not  letting  anything  stop  you.

DAVID  
But  it's  so  easy  to  do.  Women  are  such  highly  sexual  creatures.  It's  a  mental  thing  for  
them.   For   women,   sexuality   is   entirely   mental.   All   you   need   to   do   is   understand   this  
and  just  simply  describe  what  you  would  do  in  the  bedroom.  She  will  have  an  orgasm  
right  there  -­‐  and  then  she  will  be  begging  you  to  fuck  her.  
 
ADAM  
On  that  beautiful  note,  I  am  going  to  close  because  that  is  the  process:  How  to  really  
use   your   imagination,   how   to   use   all   your   tools   –   your   mind,   your   words.   This   isn't  
about  pushing  people  around  and  this  isn't  about  tricking  anybody.  It's  about  creating  
an  ambiance  with  how  you  talk  to  her  and  how  you  use  your  own  imagination.  And  if  
 17

you  don't  have  imagination,  David's  work  obviously  provides  a  lot  of  templates  for  how  
to  do  exactly  what  you  just  said.    
 
That  is  really  the  core  of  this  program:  how  to  enact  confidently  even  if  you  don't  feel  
it   a   million   percent   inside;   that   you   can   still   set   your   goal   and   act   on   it   –   and   I   think  
you've  demonstrated  some  great  methods  today.  And  I  love  that  you  just  made  it  up  
on-­‐the-­‐spot;  obviously  when  I'm  online  dating,  I'm  doing  the  same  thing  with  women.  
You  know,  because  we've  studied,  we've  put  our  time  in,  we've  tested  a  lot  of  things,  
we   have   a   sense   for   what   actually   works.   So,   you   don't   have   to   have   something  
memorized.  
 
I  want  to  actually  encourage  guys  not  to  try  to  memorize  other  people's  words  –  but  
take  David's  samples  from  his  work  and  make  them  your  own.  I  know  why  I  did  that  
with   you   and   that's   a   whole   other   story   –   but   having   studied   your   work   –   God,   four  
years  ago,  I  started  –-­‐  gave  me  an  incredible  vocabulary  and  palette  to  work  from  with  
women.  It's  been  unbelievable.  It  has  created  more  wonderful  sexual  experiences  than  
any  human  being  deserves  to  have.  
 
So  I  will  thank  you  personally  for  that!  And  I  will  thank  you  for  taking  the  time  and  I  will  
send   everybody   a   way   to   find   your   stuff.   Really   great   things:   Give   a   Woman   Wild  
Screaming   Orgasms   is   a   great   place   to   start.   You   have   something   else   called   I   think  
Erotic  Hypnosis  –  is  that  right?    
 
DAVID  
Right.   What   I've   described   with   the   woman   on   the   sofa,   I   teach   that   in   my   program  
Give  Women  Hot  Phone  Sex;  where  I  introduce  how  to  give  women  orgasms  with  just  
your   voice,   and   you   can   do   it   over   the   phone.   But   the   exact   same   words   you   can   do   in  
person,  just  like  I  described  on  the  sofa.  
 
ADAM  
Beautiful.  I  love  it.  Thank  you  so  much  my  friend.  I'll  send  everyone  a  link  to  his  stuff  so  
you  can  find  his  different  programs  –  obviously  highly  recommended.  He's  put  a  lot  of  
work  into  mastering  these  things.  David,  thank  you  so  much  –  and  I'm  going  to  see  you  
here  in  the  sunshine  soon,  right?  
 
DAVID  
Absolutely.  Thank  you  very  much  Adam.  It  was  an  honor  to  be  speaking  to  your  clients,  
Sir.  
 
ADAM  
Oh,  they're  good  people.  Thank  you  so  much,  David.  
 
DAVID  
Thank  you  Adam.