Disruptive behavior is on the rise in our children. They need empathy and healing.

By Melissa Schlinger

This past fall, my 14-year-old son, Will, came home from school and told me that some of his
fellow students had participated in a TikTok challenge that encouraged them to vandalize
school bathrooms. Students destroyed soap dispensers and spilled drinks all over stalls. Like
many teenagers, Will initially found it funny. “But,” he said, “the more I thought about it, I felt
really bad for the custodian who would have to clean it up.”
What happened at my son’s school is not unique. I’ve talked with district leaders, educators,
administrators and parents across the country who are overwhelmed by an increase in
disruptive behavior — ranging from vandalism, delinquency and classroom outbursts to far
more severe concerns around harming themselves or others. In a recent survey published by
the Rand Corp., nearly 60% of district leaders reported that discipline had become a moderate
to major concern.
Also, my son’s capacity for empathy is not unique. We know from research that empathy can
be taught, practiced and promoted through intentional opportunities to build awareness of
others and reflect on their perspectives. This is what social and emotional learning, or SEL,
fosters in students. SEL isn’t a quick fix or a one-size-fits-all approach, but it should be an
important part of how we respond to the layered challenges that underlie the many stories of
disruptive behaviors in schools.
As students readjust to in-person learning, and as both adults and kids cope with the ongoing
stresses and trauma that the pandemic has brought, educators need support and resources.
Punitive responses will do little on their own to address the root causes of many disruptive
behaviors. In fact, punishments like suspensions or expulsion will likely cause more damage and
exacerbate long-term behavior concerns.
So what can we do? To start, education leaders need to take a close look at what’s behind the
behaviors. As a community, we’ve experienced collective trauma, and we are seeing the impact
of this across all aspects of society, not just education. Resignations at all levels, mental health
issues, drug use and crime are all up across the board. We need to recognize and pay careful
attention to signs of trauma in our schools.
The good news is that we already know a lot about how to reverse the impact of trauma and
promote healing, especially in children whose developing brains have high levels of
neuroplasticity. We need to provide consistent supportive relationships, nurturing
environments and opportunities to develop social and emotional skills.
These environments and skills are exactly what SEL promotes and why it is essential for
addressing school safety concerns. At CASEL, the Collaborative for Academic, Social and
Emotional Learning, we provide resources and techniques for schools and classrooms so that
they can create an environment that infuses SEL into every part of students’ educational
experience and promotes equitable outcomes for all.
At an individual level, we also need to pay attention to the different ways each student has
been affected and who is feeling most disengaged from school. Actions that look like
delinquency are often signs that children are looking for attention, belonging and relief from
stress. Again, SEL is critical for building the relationships and skills that help us address these
needs.
When every student feels valued and accepted and has at least one caring adult at school, we
are more likely to spot these needs early on before they escalate into safety issues. When we
help students develop empathy, relationship skills and responsible decision-making, they’re
better able to understand the impact of their actions and navigate challenging emotions
productively.
This moment is challenging for all of us. Rather than see the safety concerns and disruptive
behaviors as a call for harsher punishments, we need to come together to understand what’s
going on. As educators, we need to proactively check in with parents to see how their children
are feeling, rather than waiting to call parents when it’s time to report bad behaviors. As
parents, we need to talk to our children about how they’re feeling, what they’re seeing and
how they’re processing the world around them.
When kids are able to pause and put themselves in the shoes of others such as a school
custodian, their consideration of the broader impact of their actions is enhanced, they
appreciate our common humanity and responsibility to each other and they are better
prepared to work and live in a global society. And isn’t that what education should be all about?
Melissa Schlinger is the vice president of practice and programs at the Collaborative for
Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning, or CASEL.