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Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, the aviator and author of The Little Prince, said: “Perfection
is achieved not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.”
I’d say the same is true of happiness. I’m a happy man not only for the things I do, but also for the
things I don’t do. In 2019, I set out to say “no” more frequently so I could focus my time on the
things that mattered to me and the people I care for. It was the happiest year of my life so far.
I’ve created a list of what you can say “no” to, and how to do it. This guide is comprehensive, and
not everything will apply to you. Because of that, I’m including a table of contents so you can jump
to the things that may be relevant to your life. Read them, and start taking your life back into your
hands.
*See Appendix A at the bottom for visual representations.
Table of Contents
*Feel free to highlight those you agree with or those you want to work on.
Personality
1. Procrastination
2. Negative self-talk
3. Perfection
4. Excuses
5. Comparing to others
Health
6. The snooze button
7. Partying every night
8. Stimulants before bed
9. Food with no quality nutrients
Productivity
10. Reading things you don’t enjoy
11. Completing useless things
12. Tap-on-the-shoulder interruptions
13. Responding to messages ad-hoc
14. Doing things you can delegate
15. Overly long meetings
Relationships
16. Takers
17. Social media
18. Listening to complaints about others
19. Naysayers
Work-life balance
20. Bad routines
21. Bad clients
22. Spending your work hours doing personal stuff
23. Doing work stuff at home
24. A bad business partner
Environment
25. Clutter
26. Toxic people
27. Spending most of your time with the wrong people
28. Poor sleeping conditions
Other
29. Waiting needlessly
30. Comparing apples to oranges
31. Your phone
1. Procrastination
Stop thinking, and start doing.
“It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live.”
— Marcus Aurelius
How to say no to procrastination:
• Find yourself an accountability partner.
• Find the necessity in the things you set out to do.
• Find enjoyment in the things you do.
• Find your “why.”
Additional resources:
• “What is an Accountability Partner — And How to Choose Yours” by Aly Walansky
(Goalcast)
• Start With Why by Simon Sinek
• Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill
• 21 Lessons For The 21st Century by Yuval Noah Harari
2. Negative self-talk
Be positive. Don’t seek loathing, seek improvement.
“Just remember; someone loves everything you hate about yourself.”
— Frank Ocean
How to say no to negative self-talk:
• Replace “Sorry” with “Thank you for… ”
• Build your awareness by looking for specific cognitive distortions in other people’s speech.
• Be attentive to the way you talk to yourself (especially your tone).
• Observe and notice your feelings; don’t judge them.
• Be intentional, not habitual, with your self-criticism.
3. Perfection
Don’t waste time on perfection. Good enough is good enough.
“Perfection is the enemy of progress.”
— Winston Churchill
How to say no to perfection:
• Create a habit of releasing/publishing your work every day, whether you do it publicly or
not.
• Set a timer, and don’t let yourself touch what you’re working on after the time runs out.
• Make your deadlines tighter.
• Share your work with others before you consider it “done.”
Additional resources:
• How to Be an Imperfectionist by Stephen Guise
• I Thought It Was Just Me (but It Isn’t) by Brené Brown
• The Pursuit of Perfect by Tal Ben-Shahar
4. Excuses
Ask why three times, and you’ll land on the real reason.
“Ninety-nine percent of the failures come from people who have the habit of making
excuses.”
— George Washington Carver
How to say no to excuses:
• Replace “I can’t” with “How can I… ?”
• Increase confidence and own your decisions.
• Accept challenges and overcome your fears.
• View failure as a learning experiment.
Additional resources:
• “13 Steps to Stop Making Excuses and Take Responsibility” (Develop Good Habits)
• No Excuses! by Brian Tracy
• You Are a Badass by Jen Sincero
• Girl, Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis
5. Comparing to others
Focus on yourself instead of your competitors.
“Comparison is the thief of joy.”
— Theodore Roosevelt
How to say no to comparison:
• Build your own self-awareness.
• Journal.
• Self-reflect.
• Think of your old self as another person. Compete with him/her.
• Track your personal wins.
Additional resources:
• Win Journal (Forest)
• Oasis Notebook (my favorite notebook)
• I’m Happy for You (Sort Of…Not Really) by Kay Wills Wyma
• You Are Enough by Mandy Hale
Health
Say no to…
Additional resources:
• Start With Why by Simon Sinek
• Willpower Doesn’t Work by Benjamin P. Hardy
— Peter Drucker
How to say no to completing useless things:
• Reflect regularly on your priorities.
• Know what is useless.
Additional resources:
• The Eisenhower Matrix
• The Wheel of Life
• Ikigai
12. Tap-on-the-shoulder interruptions
A report from the workplace-research firm Udemy found that the biggest factor reducing
productivity is tap-on-the-shoulder interruptions.
“Noisy, interruption-prone offices make employees unmotivated, stressed, and
frustrated.”
— Udemy
How to say no to tap-on-the-shoulder interruptions:
• With your colleagues, set rules for when it is and isn’t okay to interrupt you. (For example, if
I’m wearing my over-ear headphones, my colleagues know to leave me alone.)
• Ask your manager to work remotely on some days.
• Do your core work before or after most people are at the office.
Additional resources:
• 2018 Workplace Distraction Report (Udemy)
• “How Startup Founders Can Take Advantage of New Coworking Trends For Maximum
Team Performance” (Crunchbase)
• The 4-Hour Workweek by Tim Ferriss
• Remote: Office Not Required by Jason Fried
• Work Together Anywhere by Lisette Sutherland
Additional resources:
• “Why You Should Not Respond To Emails Immediately” (Stronger Habits)
• “4 ways to turn off annoying notifications on your Android phone or iPhone” (PC World)
Additional resources:
• “Stewardship Delegation Makes a Difference” (The Achievement Centre)
• 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey
• The Eisenhower Matrix
Additional resources:
• “12 Ways to Stop Wasting Time in Meetings” (Real Leaders)
• “How to stop wasting your time — and everyone else’s — in meetings” (The Economist)
Relationships
Say no to…
16. Takers
Say “yes” to givers. Be a giver yourself.
“Know the difference between those who stay to feed the soil and those who come to
grab the fruit.”
— Pinterest.com
How to say no to takers:
• Recognize who’s a taker (they always ask or even demand things).
• Set ground rules and confront them (in a nice way).
• Stop giving to them until their behavior/mindset changes.
• Spend more time with givers like yourself.
Additional resources:
• “The Surprising Psychology of Givers, Takers, and Matchers” (Lemonade)
• “10 Signs You’re The Taker In Your Relationship” (Bolde)
• The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson
Additional resources:
• “7 Proven Ways to Spend Less Time on Social Media and More Time in the Real World”
(Saint Belford)
• “10 Tips To Spend Less Time On Social Media & More Time With Humans” (Mind Body
Green)
18. Listening to complaints about others
Gossiping is poisonous. Avoid people who spread it.
“Who gossips to you will gossip of you.”
— Turkish Proverb
How to say no to gossiping:
• Spend more time with positive people.
• Spend more time with productive people.
• Detect it and make it clear to others you don’t want any part in it.
• Reroute the discussion to something more positive and productive.
Additional resources:
• “Gossip is Bad Form” (The Spruce)
• “6 Steps to Stop Gossiping + Why It Matters” (Yoga Journal)
19. Naysayers
If someone doesn’t have time for you, don’t find time for them. Relationships are mutual.
“Naysayers have little power over us — unless we give it to them.”
— Arianna Huffington
How to say no to naysayers:
• After three “no”s on the same subject from the same person, stop trying.
• Surround yourself with positive people.
• Safeguard your goals.
• Know your “why.”
Additional resources:
• Start With Why by Simon Sinek
• “8 Tips to Tackle Naysayers” (Personal Excellence)
• “How to Maintain Motivation When Surrounded by Naysayers” (Entrepreneur)
Work-life balance
Say no to…
Additional resources:
• Atomic Habits by James Clear
• High Performance Habits by Brendon Burchard
• “How to Build a Strong Morning Routine: The Essential Guide” (Danny Forest)
• The Eisenhower Matrix
Additional resources:
• “How to Enjoy Your Work — Even When You Don’t” (Psychology Today)
• “How To Love Your Job Even If You Don’t Like It” (Forbes)
• Love Your Work by Robert Dickie III
• Love Your Work podcast
Additional resources:
• 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey
• “Taking Work Home With You? 12 Easy Ways to Leave Work Where It Belongs” (Inc.)
• 10 Reasons You Should Never Bring Unfinished Work Home (Lifehack)
25. Clutter
Have a clean workspace, both physically, mentally and on your computer.
“Clutter is anything that doesn’t support your better self.”
— Eleanor Brown
How to say no to cluttered environments:
• Take photos of your space and send it to someone who’ll keep you accountable weekly.
• Donate junk regularly.
• Make it a habit to finish or start the day tidying up.
• Find ways to reduce your available space.
Additional resources:
• The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo
• “15 Simple ways to instantly reduce clutter” (SheKnows)
• “25 Steps on How to Remove Clutter” (Case Design)
Additional resources:
• The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson
• “How to Up Your Entourage Regardless of Your Current Situation” (Danny Forest)
Additional resources:
• “How to Up Your Entourage Regardless of Your Current Situation” (Danny Forest)
• “7 Strange Questions That Help You Find Your Life Purpose” (Mark Manson)
• Find Your Why by Simon Sinek
Additional resources:
• “What is Circadian Rhythm?” (Sleep Foundation)
• “The Science of Sleep: Stages and Cycles” (Help Guide)
• “The Complete Guide to Insomnia: Symptoms, Causes & Cures” (Nick Wignall)
Everything Else
Say no to…
Additional resources:
• “84 Productivity Killers and How to Avoid Them” (Danny Forest)
Additional resources:
• “Life’s Enough: Stop Comparing Yourself to Others” (Zen Habits)
• “How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others” (Psychology Today)
• “How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others — A Helpful Guide” (Becoming Minimalist)
Additional resources:
• “These simple steps will help you stop checking your phone so much” (CNBC)
• “Making the iPhone Less Addictive — 7 Changes I Made” (Medium)
• “7 Ways to Curb Your Smartphone Addiction Right Now” (Inc.)
Learning to say “no” is a skill. Practice it. Master it. Say “no”
to the right things now and you’ll be happier for it. You can do
this.
Appendix A. Visual Representations