Relationship Compatibility Test

THE Winning
1
Lo v e S e r i e s
Relationship
Compatibility
p l etest
S a m
The Complete Guide
To Knowing Your Future Partner
Olalekan adebumiti
Relationship
Compatibilityletest
am p
SThe Complete Guide
To Knowing Your Future Partner
By
Olalekan adebumiti
RELATIONSHIP COMPATIBILITY TEST
Copyright ©2015
by
ADEGOKE OLALEKAN ADEBUMITI
All rights reserved.
Adegoke Olalekan Adebumiti asserts the moral right

to be identified as the author of this book.
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No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in any retrieval sys-
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tem, or transmitted in any form or by any means – electronic, mechanical,
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photocopy, recording, scanning, or any other – except for brief quotations,
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without a written permission of the publisher.
Cover and Interior Design by:

Deluxe Creative Media, +2347039429767
Book Edited by:
Kehinde Toluwani, +234 806 218 3235.
To Contact the Author
E-mail: motivatedolalekan@gmail.com
+234 803 250 3305; +234 805 267 0550
r e l at i on s h i p c o m pat i bi l i t y t e s t
DEDICATION
I
was just an innocent guy back then in my university days. I
never planned to fall in love so easily until it began to hap-
pen. I was just everything for the younger ladies. I wanted
to be their guides against the wrong guys and so would moti-
vate them to never settle for the less nor fall in love cheaply.
I was loving the counselor in me all the way until I was
unknowingly falling in love with a particular lady.
Funny enough, she was quick to know.... And so she asked
that we defined the relationship.
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I remember hearing her ask me, “What is the Purpose of
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your existence in a sentence and in just one word?” I was
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ashamed because she just did hit me below the belt: that was
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what I had struggled with for years. I didn’t know my purpose,
and it was clear though I was multitalented. I prayed and fast-
ed and almost got tired until I got “Enlightenment through
the media.”
I went straight to her and said, “My purpose is, ‘To enlighten
the world through the media’, which in one word is, ‘Enlight-
enment!”
I could feel a sense of acceptance in her face as a bit of
royalty energized my spine.
Guess what?
That was how we began our friendship and for two years
we were on whether we would be together or not. My friends
said something was wrong with me for waiting that long for
a lady. But, it was worth the wait. And as you would expect,
we eventually got into a relationship we were both assured
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would lead to a marriage.
Our parents were glad about the union and it was going
great.
But, here is the shocking part of the story…
If she was alive, we would have written this book together.
I hereby dedicate this book to the Loving memory of Oyin-
damola Adekunle, who died on February 25th, 2015, following
a major health challenge.
Our three years relationship gave me all I needed to write
this book.You were loving and a great example to the youth.
You taught me how to love, helped me grow to the height
that millions would be willing to follow after.
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The spark of light you helped ignite in me has begun its
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burning.The path of empowerment we planned to walk in has
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now metamorphosed into a Broadway.
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If there is any better me stage I see today, you were one of
the great personalities that God used to help me grow into it.
We said we were going to get married, be a couple whose
daily lifestyle would be worthy of emulation by all and sundry,
have glorious kids that would be great examples for the com-
ing generations. I wished we would be together as a couple,
but God knows the best as usual.
I sure will be the best father and the best husband you
have seen in my future. I didn’t regret I met you, it was really
worthwhile. May your Gentle Soul Rest in Perfect Peace!
Signed, Olalekan Adebumiti.

September 2015.
V
ACKNOWLEDGEMENT
T
he Beginning and the Ending of everything, in whom I
live, move and have my being, my Lord, my Love and
my Life, a lifetime wouldn’t be enough to thank you
for all you have given me. Forever you will be my God, and
forever will I serve you!
To her that was brave enough to watch my infant head
(without a cradle bed) and continued to watch my destiny
upon the altar of prayer, you are unequivocally qualified to be
my dear mother. Thanks for your effort to nurture me to this
great height, I couldn’t have been better with another woman.
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All efforts to give worthy appreciation to the family of
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Adebumiti-Best would sure be proven abortive: your input to
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what I am becoming is unmatched. I am grateful.
To those who contributed to the success of this book by
sending views, opinions and much like on relationship com-
patibility, through which the book wouldn’t have been well-
equipped, I will forever be indebted. Akinrelere Sunday who
authored the book, “The Journey through Life”; Femi Olof-
inkua; Sheu Mustapha Olanrewaju; Afolorunso Opeyemi; Kun-
le-Adesina Tolulope Blessing; Shoyemi Mopelola Folashade;
Samson Osuman; Ignatius Meshack Dozzy and Ayo-Akano
Ayokunmi of www.top7reasons.com, thanks so much.
Pastor Stephen Akintayo of Gtext Media and Investment
Limited, you are a rare gem and I am proud to call you my
role Model.Your impact over me is unspeakable.
To Vincent Adeoba of Seravision Brooks Business Solutions
and Akin Emmanuel, CEO of Omnigist.com, thank you so
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much for your help in getting this book published online.
It is sheer joy for me to say a big ‘thank you’ to the people
who have been sources of motivation to me all my life, es-
pecially Akintunde Promise and Olawoore Peter, with whom
I set out for the journey to impart the world together, on
campus.You will remain my choicest of friends.
As time would permit, I am saying a big thank you to my
boss, Mr Martins Boyejo, for his impact and daily encour-
agement to see me attain greater feats in life. To Mrs. Gloria
Okekearu, thanks for being a friend indeed.
To my team, I will ever be grateful for the cord of love that
ever binds us. Thanks to Timothy Ojo, the Lead designer at
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Deluxe Creative Media (www.deluxecreativemedia.com), for
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the cover and the interior layout of the book. Kehinde Tolu-
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wani, who edited the manuscript, my appreciation is endless.
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To you reading this book, and to as many as would strive
to see their relationships continue in bliss, I appreciate your
efforts.
Finally to my humble self, Olalekan Adebumiti, I bow in rev-
erence to the unmatched desire to give my best to the world.
Smiles.
VII
Table of Contents
PREFACE 1
INTRODUCTION 3
LET’S TALK ABOUT LOVE 5
THE MYTH OF COMPATIBILITY
IN RELATIONSHIPS 25
THE CONCEPT OF
COMPATIBILITY
p l e 33
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CHECKING FOR
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COMPATIBILITY: THE RIGHT WAY 40
A LETTER TO YOU 60
VIII
PREFACE
U
ndoubtedly, there is an avalanche of books on com-
patibility in a relationship in the world today. But
quite surprisingly, more and more people struggle in
their relationships many of which hit the rock… That breaks
my heart.
And that has left me wondering what the problem is. Is it

that the available books don’t contain relevant information,
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or that people just don’t put in their best to make their rela-
tionships work?
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Sa m
Of course, given the myriad of books in the market, it
would be preposterous to suggest that they all don’t contain
relevant information.
To me, it is heartbreaking when there are many books on

relationship compatibility and yet, people end it up in unimag-
inable ways.
I have been thinking... Could it be that the books don’t give

the best information or that people don’t give their best?
I do not want to believe that the books written had not

done justice to the topic in view since knowledge is one thing
and wisdom remains the principal thing. There is much infor-
mation, but many stop at acquiring them without reaching to
the point of application. That is where wisdom comes in!
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Whether the information available on compatibility in a

relationship is enough or not, this book will give all answers
you need regarding compatibility in relationships. So, don’t
read like you have been reading any other books. Read it as
the verdict for compatibility in relationships, and you won’t
regret it.
If you really wish to set yourself on the path of marital bliss,

this book is for you.
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2
INTRODuCTION
I
t was the most stimulating adventure you had embarked on.
The first meeting, the first conversation, the shared dreams,
and passions amongst others all pointed to the fact that
you had found your perfect match. Even the chemistry be-
tween you two was apparent to your friends. And you both
exchanged vows of undying love, on numerous occasions.
Yes, you noticed some slight issues that called for concern.
But the thick aura of love that had engulfed you drowned
them all. You could have sworn that you had beaten the
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odds of unhappy relationships. Nothing could go wrong, you
thought.
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Sa m
But things took a different turn, almost suddenly. The slight
issues gained prominence and seemingly displaced the butter-
flies in your belly. And your certainties too!
Then the questions flooded in.What went wrong? Is it that

what I felt all along wasn’t real? Was it love or lust? And you
ultimately had to decide what to do with the relationship.
More often than not, people emerge from such experiences
with scars so big they vow never to venture into relationships
again.
Over and over again, that story has been told.We’ve read it
in books. We’ve seen it in movies. Some of us have even lived
it. Of course, the characters and the specifics always differ.
Still they point to the same problem – a gross misunderstand-
ing of how relationships work.
3
As if those were not bad enough, stories of marriages end-

ing in divorce abound. And they only add to our disillusion-
ment about relationships as a whole.
But things shouldn’t be that way.
How then should they be? Read on.
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4
1
LET’S
TALK ABOuT
LOVE
p l e
Sa m
L
ove is magical. That’s no news, I suppose. It can keep you
up late into the night and wake you up in the wee hours
of the morning. It can make you give up all you ever held
dear and make you go to the lengths you never thought you
could. Love when pure brings a connection to your spirit; oh
how gently it heals the soul. It gives the power to channel
your speech to its maximum use, and your heart to its max-
imum muse.
Love is the most outstanding sources of inspiration there

is, especially when it’s with the right person. For those who
5
have enjoyed its streaks, it’s the best miracle that can hap-
pen to a heart. And when you have never had a broken rela-
tionship, you need to celebrate the heart you own! To fall in
love is undoubtedly a beautiful thing – I know you wouldn’t
agree less. And a heart that is indeed in love, like a two-edged
sword, cannot be stopped.
But not everyone can connect with that. The reverse has
been their experience. This same love has etched scars as
deep as the ocean in their hearts. It is so bad they’d do all they
can to totally erase it from their memory. It is their worst
nightmare.
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No matter how you see love, the following is ever true:
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• Love is not an abstract noun, it’s sure a verb in action!
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• Love is not inanimate, it lives to an unspeakable maturity!
• Love doesn’t live in our hearts, it lives in our acts!
• Love isn’t immobile, it works its way around the world!
• Love isn’t like a lifeless flower, it grows limitlessly!
• And when you can define it all, you have limited it!
Someone once said, “Love is everything it’s cracked up to

be. That’s why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth
fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the
trouble is, if you don’t risk anything, you risk even more.”
And Warren Barfield will ever be right for saying this:
6
LET ’STALK ABOUT LOVE
“Love is not a place

To come and go as we please
It’s a house we enter in
Then commit to never leave!”
“To some love is a word

That they fall into
But when they’re falling out
Keeping that word is hard to do.”
At the risk of over-flogging the point, love can’t be professed

with the mouth only. Commensurate actions must follow or
we’re already talking about something else.
p l e
Let’s pause awhile, and look inwards.
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Do you say more than you do? If yes, then it’s high time you
chose the path of action rather than dwell perpetually in the
‘just-talk-it’ paradise.
Love doesn’t reach its potential by nature or by default.

Rather, it requires painstaking effort and nurture. And only
those who dare to invest the required efforts get to enjoy the
resultant streaks of bliss.
Be that as it may, it’s our call - a clarion call at that - to make

our relationships worth it by giving it the required recipe. Do
you want to see your relationship grow? Then work it out.
LET’S EXAMINE AN INTERESTING FACT
According to a Research, falling in love has almost equal

neurological effects on a person as cocaine.The sensation the
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body gets from a dose of cocaine is the same as what it gets

from ‘falling in love’. And when a man falls in love, twelve areas
of his brain is stimulated, on the average.
How do you feel when you take this love away from some-
one that loves you with their whole life? Happy? Glad that you
have just caused a life its source of amusement and livability?
And if you have been a victim of heartbreak before, how

did it feel? I guess you felt lifeless, abandoned, lost, dejected,
and sorrowful. Isn’t that exactly how heartbreak feels? Time
would fail me to find the word that can describe that horrible
feeling.
HUNTING SHADOWS
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It’s so dark, like a lake
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It’s so huge like a giant’s grip,
It’s so weak like a vapour, yet it causes all the muscles and
bones to shiver.
It’s a traveller bringing the deeds of the past into the present.
Hunting shadows, playing pranks on a tender heart.
It steals away courage and replaces it with fierce fear
It steals away happiness which is so dear.
- Tolu.
Of a truth, heartbreak increases in rate than death toll on

a daily basis. Look around and you’ll find another heart being
8
broken. To take the bull by its horn, we really need to know

that heartbreak is not metaphoric; it’s real, and the effect
could be traumatic than you can imagine, except that some
people have hitherto seen it as part of the means to a trendy
lifestyle.
It’s so disheartening when I see someone who has invested

all his life, time, money and resources on a relationship getting
jilted in the end. It brings such an untold level of grief, pain and
agony altogether.
The thought is sickening!
Isn’t it interesting that love can have such different effects
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on people? To one, it’s a blissful dream; and to another, the
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worst nightmare. I do find it very interesting. Of course, no
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one has ever planned to make a nightmare of his relationship.
But, it is the reality all the same.
With a good number of books on relationship and mar-

riage, it is more than heartbreaking to see even teenagers join
in the chorus that love is vague and hitherto not what people
have known it to be.
Whenever I found myself thinking about this menace, I

wouldn’t help but sigh.
Over time, it’s just so disturbing when I see people asking

questions like, “What is Love? What is True Love? How can I
find True Love? Does Love really exist? Does True Love Ex-
ist?”
These questions keep telling me something you and I need
9
to know. It is the fact that “The world doesn’t understand

love!”
SO, WHAT THEN IS LOVE?

The first day I was asked this question in a gathering, I
didn’t have an answer. And I was ashamed of myself. Can you
imagine? I didn’t know what love was and I had already fallen
in love for years by then. Alarmingly, many of us are just like I
was back then. We go about looking for love when we don’t
even know what it really is!
Of course, there are a million definitions and descriptions
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of love (I exaggerate). Let’s examine a few.
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WordWeb says Love means to “have a great affection or
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liking for somebody” and the Oxford Dictionary summarizes it
thus: “to have very strong feelings of affection for somebody.”
Relationship wise, isn’t it disturbing to know that most dic-

tionaries define love as a “feeling” you have for someone?
And what’s the defeat of the above statement?
I’ll tell you.The dictionary definitions -and many others like

them- suggest that love is just a feeling, a strong feeling. But
it’s much more than that.The essence of love is not adequate-
ly captured until it is expressed, in actions.
If you have ever been in a relationship, you will agree with

me that what causes problems cum challenges aren’t feelings.
In fact, you have feelings in your dreams. Can you remember
when you would say, “He doesn’t care for my wellbeing; he
10
doesn’t call me or ask how I fare? He is just there! He doesn’t

love me.” And he would say, “She doesn’t know how to cook;
she is not humble enough and doesn’t even know when or
when not to talk. She is just a bitch. I made a mistake making
her my love!”
Oh, my! If love is actually feelings, why don’t people just

believe that their partners love them when they say, “I have
feelings for you?”
When you can think about the above and believe that they
are what bring about quarrels, resentment, silent treatment
and even disagreements in relationships, you are close to un-
derstanding love.
p l e
As far as I know, many people keep falling in love repeated-
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ly but don’t understand what exactly they are falling into. And
when they fall out of love, they discover some parts of them
have been tampered with.
Is love now a plague or flu that takes part of you when you
give yourself to it?
That’s what you are about to know.
In the said gathering, some guys gave definitions like: “it’s a

pure and passionate affection for something;” “it is sacrificially
giving to someone what they need, but not what they want.”
I remember the main speaker defined it as, “an uncondi-

tional commitment to an imperfect person.” He continued
by saying, “if you want to have a perfect person as a spouse,
you just won’t find any on earth because, such doesn’t exist
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yet! Love is in service; it’s an undiluted emotion mixed with

kindness and compassion.”
And for a long time, I held on to the definition of love as

“an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person” until
the day I broadcast the following update on WhatsApp about
love:
“She said... why is true love hard to find? And I
asked her, “What is Love?” Guess what... She can’t
define it!”
Many people laughed about that update; some agreed to it,
while others curiously still asked, “What is Love?”
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I had expected the question before I did the broadcast and
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so I quickly sent another one that says,
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“What is Love? It is an unconditional commitment.”
Almost immediately, people started responding to it and it
was amazing.
Among the responses I got, two struck me.
The first is, “There is no specific definition for love. It de-

pends on how anyone views it!”
And the second, “Love is abstract... It’s like the air... it’s
made of different matters!”
The second response really got me thinking. So, I decided

to have a chat with him.
From the chat, I picked some points I will want you and I to
focus on.
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He said,
“I don’t find love. I find happiness and contentment instead.
We are taking “love” so serious, thinking it’s all we need.

Funny enough, many people are in love who are not happy.
If the only reason someone is with the other person is the

heady belief of love, then such is bound to be hurt consis-
tently.
Love broken down is a two-way street: I love him and he

loves me isn’t enough... How to know that someone really
loves you is key!”
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Ideally the one who said there is no specific definition of
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love is really right.We can only come close to defining it. Love
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is deeper than lexicographers and even philosophers can give
a concise breakdown of. It’s really like the air whose ways you
can’t really tell even if you have been told that it’s a mixture
of gases. For you to understand love, you need to understand
its elements.
Eager to know them? You are close… Let’s continue.

Unequivocally speaking, as far as a relationship
is concerned, “love is to share and care selflessly
towards an end! And perfection is attained in love
when one’s selflessness meets with unmetered grat-
itude from the beneficiary.”
- Olalekan Adebumiti.
In relationships, love has goals! If you are giving me atten-

tion, care and sharing all you have with me, it’s to make me
13
a better and happier person, which in turn will help maintain

our relationship. Love is a choice and a decision. To see it as
unconditional is to say that you don’t really care about the
other person’s character, behaviour, look, etc. And who is that
person on earth who doesn’t have preferences?
What about my earlier definition of love as being an un-

conditional commitment?
Well, let me say that definition is not complete! And below

is why:
Even though unconditional commitment is part of what

makes up a long-lasting love, no human being can ever love
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unconditionally at all times. Only God has that capacity: He
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can choose to love you even when you are in any wise far
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from being an entity. He is also dynamic, and therefore, can
choose to love conditionally!
Here is more: if all men love unconditionally, the rich will

share all they have with the whole world! And there won’t
actually be anything called broken relationships let alone bro-
ken homes.
Is that more confusing? Let me explain.
To love unconditionally is to love without any reservations.

To love someone regardless of what he/she does: if he is a
bully or she nags, he doesn’t care for your wellbeing or she
can’t do anything right, you just have to love them. If he or
she cheats on you and it doesn’t bother you, and yet you
won’t even let it determine how you relate with them, then
you can say you love unconditionally. If whatever they do to
14
you doesn’t affect your next action towards them, then you
have unconditional love. To crown it all, if you can really love
(everyone) unconditionally, you are the best man on earth.
Can you do that? I sure know you can’t!
In fact, everyone wants someone that can be everything

to them: we all want to wake up, go about the activities of
the day without having a disturbing thought about what or
where our lover would do or be per time. If you find anyone
who doesn’t want the best, such must be an angel without a
physical body.
But… what makes up Love? Let’s see the paragraphs below
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together, and they will ultimately lead us to the lies you have
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been told about love and being in love.
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Make sure you read the following words carefully, giving
attention to the words that are highlighted.
1 Corinthians 13: vs 1-8
1.Though I speak with the tongues of men and of an-

gels, and have not love, I am become as sounding brass, or a
tinkling cymbal.
2. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and under-

stand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I
have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have
not love, I am nothing.
3. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor,

and though I give my body to be burned, and have not love,
it profits me nothing.
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4. Love suffers long, and is kind; Loves envies

not; love vaunts not itself, is not puffed up,
5. Does not behave itself unseemly, seeks not her

own, is not easily provoked, thinks no evil;
6. Rejoices not in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;
7. Bears all things, believes all things, hopes all

things, endures all things.
8. Love never fails: but whether there be prophecies,

they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall
cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish
away.
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In relation to the verses above, here are the facts from the
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lies you have been told about Love:
#1 That you feel it doesn’t mean it is true

Verse 1 and 2: As a Christian, seeing someone who speaks
in tongues, can prophecy, can demystify things, highly knowl-
edgeable and have covetable faith is enough to make you have
unrepentant feelings for them. But the bible is saying that one
can have all these and yet not have love! That he is a pastor,
a prophet, very sound and brilliant, is not a guarantee that he
has love or can be loved! That a lady is doing well ministerially
can be a hidden deception too.
Verse 3: Under normal condition, the heart of generosity is

one of the greatest gifts a man or woman can possess.Yet, the
bible says, being generous isn’t a proof of love.
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That a man can give you all material things isn’t enough to tag
him the best man in the whole world. That a lady whets your
sexual appetite with her body doesn’t mean she loves you.
You know what? The best a man or a woman can have at

present isn’t enough to judge love: to enjoy love takes pro-
cesses and it’s alarming how people want to jump it. I sigh.
Funny enough, I hear some ladies say, I have feelings for

him, and it’s something so deep and sacred. Hey! The last
time I checked, falling in love because of “only feelings” is not
enough to give you a successful relationship. If you doubt me,
ask those who have had broken relationships.
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#2 That they say it doesn’t mean it is true.
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Oh, a man tells you “I love you?” Don’t be deceived! If point
number one can show you that having physical proofs of love
isn’t the yardstick of the ideality of love, how then should you
believe it when they say it with their mouth?
For how long should ladies believe lies from men? For how
long are we going to accept love with just our senses? When
exactly are we going to stop believing in lies that appear as
truths?
I know his voice is romantic to melt your heart, and I also

know that the best of voices can’t mend a broken heart! So,
wake up!
#3 If it is not building you up, it is not true.

“It’s good for someone to love you the way you are… But
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if all they do is geared towards leaving you worse than they

have met you, run a check on the relationship before you
continue: love wants to improve you, but lust wants to reduce
you.”
For love to grow, it must be tied to a mutual interest. Two

people in a relationship must have a single goal to which their
journey of love is bound. It is very wrong to fall in love for
fun! And it is so dangerous to go into a relationship without
thinking it through.
Questions like, “What do we want in this relationship?”

and “What happens when one isn’t doing their part?” are im-
l e
portant in building a relationship to last. In the same vein,
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joint compromise is very key: you must be willing to give up
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your selfish interest to grow the relationship. More so, indi-
vidual ideas and beliefs must fuse into each other to reach an
agreement.
Here is more reason to have a mutual interest:
You may love someone because they have what you want
in a future partner whereas such doesn’t have the same level
of affection for you. And if you continue that way, each of you
will start pursuing their selfish goals.
And when you hear, “I thought we were compatible,” self-

ishness is in play. Most of the people that say such statement
upon a relationship breakup only wanted someone who
would be a slave to their selfish interests.
Before you ever think of falling in love, you should know

exactly what you want the relationship to do for you. And this
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is possible when you can have a grasp of your future.
How do I mean?
What would you say of a chicken falling in love with an ea-

gle because it can fly high? I know you just laughed about that
and I am not surprised. You see, many relationships are like
the eagle-chicken relationship: when they see someone that
has something that seems so out of the world, they begin to
fall in love without even taking their time to consider the end.
Before long, they begin to rhyme, “Oh had I known!”
Before going into any relationship, you must be able to

see the future ahead. Doing trial and error will only give you
enough heartbreaks!
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You need to sit down and think about your future before
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you can be set to bring any other person into the equation,
else heartbreak is looming. (You will learn more on this in the
next chapters)
When you think about falling in love without thinking of

what you want out of the relationship, you will only regret
it in the end. You really need to know exactly why you are
going into a relationship. Mind you, just relying on your head
knowledge or following only your intuition to fall in love is
tantamount to believing that you can swim a whole month
inside a river without being suffocated.
Again, that he or she always wants everything and doesn’t

want to give anything back is not love! Like respect, love is
reciprocal as in relationships. If he is giving you money, there
must be part of his life you are helping him to improve.
19
And did you know that no man or woman is perfect, even

though we are to attain completeness before going into a
relationship? That is why you must seek an area in your part-
ner’s life, business or career to work on: Your partner needs
an input from you, no matter how small.
Verse 4 to 7: Though long-suffering (to suffer long = pa-

tiently bearing continual wrongs or trouble) is an attribute of
love, it could be your undoing if the relationship is one you
are not supposed to be in. Every (good) relationship sure has
its ups and downs; hence the need to express love uncondi-
tionally.
l e
Should we really love unconditionally?
p
Yes, because it’s required of us. But, it’s a gift and sometimes
Sa m
a hard decision to take. It’s what you learn and grow into and
therefore, can be desired.
As long as you are very sure that your relationship is lead-

ing you to marriage, you can be unconditional for as long as
you want; you can be long-suffering as long as you desire.
However, you need to know when long-suffering is too long
to bear, especially in abusive relationships.
Don’t perpetuate long-suffering until you get yourself killed.
Generally speaking, you and I know that we tend to be

selective in the people we have a long commitment to love. If
you doubt me, why don’t you love a beggar down the street
like you love your siblings?
Does that sound like a mix-up? Let me clear the doubt
20
again.
Well, I agree with the opinion that you must love your
partner unconditionally. While this can be a great success for
people in romantic relationships, it’s not a perfect teaching
for the 21st-century relationships where it takes more than
miracles to get few working relationships.
If we would strive to be the better person we seek in re-

lationships, unconditional love would have been a solid and
perfect teaching. To continue to love someone who’s adding
little or no value to your life in a relationship could be disas-
trous in the end if not checked.
l e
To love unconditionally is to love someone without any
p
condition attached. If you go into a relationship with at least
Sa m
one feature that you love in your partner, that’s a conditional
love. This is because, you should have chosen any riffraff as a
wife or husband if you say you love unconditionally.
The following are simple enough: Love is not selfish, but

kind. It’s not moved by envy and is not proud.
Love does not behave itself unseemly. You know what un-
seemly means? It means, for you not to keep with accepted
standards of what is right or proper in polite society. Love
behaves itself seemly, therefore, means it keeps with accepted
standards of what is right or proper in “polite” society.
A polite society is one that preaches morality; one that

tells you premarital sex is not a proof of love! The same one
that shuns cohabitation. So, if it’s love truly, it will wait! With-
out a doubt, premarital sex only reduces you.
21
Love seeks not her (or his) own: when you see that your
lover is constantly wanting more and more, and always would
love everything to be in their favour, it’s to be checked wheth-
er it’s really a proof of love or not. Ideally, love would want to
reach an agreement, a mutual compromise. Love doesn’t say
me, me, and me all the time! It is “we!”
Love is not easily provoked, thinks no evil: well, this talks

about demeaning character and evil mind. Being gentle is one
of those attributes of love that could be more than a miracle
to get. Hey! Don’t be happy because I said that. If you are not
given to gentility, it’s what you should learn.
What about your mind?
p l e
Your mind is a battleground for the good and the bad
Sa m
thoughts on a daily basis. And when you can have it going
great, your relationship, as well as your whole life will be a
haven of peace. Do you want to keep your mind going great?
See Romans chapter 12.
Love rejoices not in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth: when

your lover offends you, it’s so important not to keep scores.
Forgive them easily and move on.
Did you just ask, “What if they keep doing the same thing
over and over again in a relationship?” If that it is, you need
to take a break and sort things out before it gets out of hand.
If it’s something you can’t handle on your own, or you have
even tried with no desirable result, it’s wise enough to seek
the help of a counselor.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things,
22
endures all things: So simple, or isn’t it? Love truly has the
capacity to put up with anything, but should never be abused.
Love sure can believe and hope all things, but not when it is
obvious that everything will soon turn a dead end. If you will
endure in a relationship, be sure it’s worth it; and be sure it’s
not worth it before you can call it quit.
So far so good, love is wonderful. Love is awesome and the

best venture for every heart. It is astounding when it’s with
the right person, and the reverse also holds true.
On this note, I will beg you to never go into any relation-

ship because it appears rosy to you. Sincerely, it takes God to
l e
give you the best. And I see that happening to you. Amen.
p
BEFORE YOU FLIP TO THE NEXT CHAPTER, Here is a
Sa
charge for you:
m
You and I need to be very careful when dealing with the
hearts that love us. Because, no matter how professional one
is at fixing a broken heart, a heart once broken might not
have its best shape again. No doubt, love is great in a relation-
ship when it is with someone who has a caring heart, and it is
like one is the most fortunate when you can see such a one
that is so plain to you.
“Never break the heart that wants to ever keep you strong,
and never fail the heart that wants nothing but your success.
Here are few questions for you:
How much are you really willing to give to love in your

relationship or marriage?
23
How long do you want to try to make sure it works out

for the best, even if it seems it’s not going to end well?
Do you just want to keep jumping from one to another,

breaking someone else’s precious heart or getting yours bro-
ken instead?
Answer those questions and then move to the next chap-

ter.
p l e
Sa m
24
2
THE MYTH OF
COMPATIBILITY IN
RELATIONSHIPS
p l e
Sa m
U
ntil today, many people have only been believing
myths when it comes to getting compatibility right
in relationships. Many people have only been able to
play out chemistry which they thought was compatibility.
So, permit me to ask this…
IS IT CHEMISTRY OR COMPATIBILITY?
I often hear 21st-century youths chorus chemistry as
though it’s the perfect proof of compatibility in a relationship.
I have heard many relationship and marriage counsellors alike,
preach along that line also. Something about that didn’t sit
25
down well with me, so I went into a research.
So, is it wrong to rely on chemistry as a true measure of

compatibility in a relationship or not? Read on and you might
just find the right answer to that age-long inquisition.
It was almost a shock the day I came across the word

“chemistry,” in the concept of relationship on Wikipedia.
If you are still skeptical about this subject and need a con-
cise explanation of it, you are not far from hitting the gold-
mine on this.
I found out that when two people share such an ecstatic
l e
bond or connection, whether platonic or romantic, chemistry
p
is deeply involved. Chemistry makes you boil with the feeling
m
of wanting to see the other person you are in love with (or
Sa
in lust with). That good feeling you have on hearing or seeing
someone you have an extraordinary affection for is nothing
but chemistry. It’s an unconscious decision. In fact, you don’t
need to be anything to have chemistry built up on your inside.
To some extent chemistry is congenital, although society

can build up a part of it in us. And your physical appearance
is enough for some people to see you as having a perfect
chemistry with them.
The above is true because many people only need mere

emotion to judge their chemistry with their partners. And
since the only reason they want to get along with the other
person is from the feeling their sense organs can readily give,
it’s often misleading than many can imagine.
26
T H E M Y T H OF C O M PAT I B I L I T Y I N R E L AT I ON S H I P S
By the way, if you’ve got a shape you feel no one out there
is interested in; don’t snap at it, for someone is dying to see
you be their spouse. Relieved? Good!
Let me now shock you with this:
Even though the concept of chemistry is well documented,

its totality is outright vague.Till date, some psychologists have
only given a metaphorical description to it. In the real sense,
chemistry majors on stimulating sexual attraction (not neces-
sarily that you feel like having sex) and many brain chemicals
are connected to the process.
HOW DOES CHEMISTRY HAPPEN?
p l e
Do you remember those moments that you would feel as
Sa m
though lost because you were away from the one you love?
The experience is awesomely wrapped around the concept
of chemistry. And here is how it normally happens:
Your nervous system gets aroused and provides some

adrenaline in the form of a speedy heartbeat, shortness of
breath, and sensations of excitement that are often similar to
sensations associated with danger. Sometimes, it comes with
a little rise in one’s blood pressure, the flushing of one’s skin,
the face and the ears turning red and even a feeling of weak-
ness in the knees. To crown it all, it can make you feel a sense
of obsession over the other person, longing for “the day when
you return to that person,” and can result in an uncontrol-
lable smile at the thought of the other person. Chemistry is
that ‘thing’ that gets you attracted to the opposite sex. More
so, it always comes with a high percentage of lust.
27
See these funny words….
I just love being around you… I love seeing you… I always

feel like I am lost without you… When you speak, my heart
melts away… And your voice is so soothing that it calms my
soul…
A young man could say,
“I think this is divine! It’s just unexplainable. It’s beyond

my comprehension. To be factual, she’s all I want in a woman.
She’s got all that meets my heart’s desire and I must play along
with the streaks that come with this.
l e
Words would fail me to talk of her smile, her gentle talks,
p
and her alluring gesture. Oh heavens! This is an epitome of
Sa m
beauty, awesomeness, perfection, and the list goes on.”
And here is a young lady dying for someone:
“What has this guy done to me? This is so sacred, and I

haven’t felt like this before. The aura around him is more than
I can verbalize. His words are like a two-edged sword, cutting
my spirit, soul and body apart. He is driving me crazy, I just
must confess. This is more than magical and my shadow can
tell. I don’t need anyone to tell me that I have fallen in love,
and I don’t wish to be back up from this. This is exceptional,
and I am willing to dance to its rhythmical tune.”
Hey, Mister! Hey, Miss! You are only dancing to the rhythms
of chemistry. In fact, you are swimming in the ocean of your
emotions, no more and no less.You see, you don’t have to plan
chemistry; it has its own modus operandi. In fact, its dealings
28
are automatic. It is purely biological. And it is even innate. It just

happens but has its root in how you are built up as a person.
I asked someone about chemistry as I wrote this book.

After the person had read about chemistry, he simply con-
cluded that his relationship was actually based on compatibil-
ity and not mere chemistry.
Then I asked him to prove that it was compatibility and not

just chemistry. I wasn’t really shocked when he asked, “How
do I?”
Can you tell the difference between the two?
THE WARNING
p l e
Allow me to quote Elizabeth Baldwin:
Sa m
“Romantic chemistry can be one of the most dangerous
and self-destructive emotions if left unchecked. People will
enter relationships with incompatible mates blinded by chem-
istry. Chemistry often seems to have the power to blind us.
Chemistry is the reason the saying, “Love is blind,” exists.

Chemistry can make otherwise rational people ignore se-
rious problems and issues in an individual and relationship.
Chemistry often blinds people to warning signs that a person
or relationship is not healthy or the right one for them.”
HERE IS MORE uNDERSTANDING

In the real sense, chemistry blinds one to demeaning habits,
decadent characters and even deviant manners. Chemistry
doesn’t see virtues in the other person because its make-up
29
is perpetually skin-deep! Chemistry doesn’t care about age,

background, religion, ethnicity, and social class of the other
person you are in love with. All it cares about is physical en-
dowments and the sensual feelings thereof.
Unlike Chemistry, compatibility sees demeaning habits in

the other person, decadent characters and deviant manners
and would want to make them all good (or be eager to learn
how to deal with them). Compatibility sees age, background,
religion, ethnicity, and social class and is, therefore, ready to
see if there is any potential challenge in accepting them as
they are or not.
l e
Compatibility seeks virtues in the other person and is
p
ready to explore them to fruition. Chemistry is, therefore,
See the illustration below.

CHEMISTRY
m
selfish while Compatibility will ever remain selfless.
Sa COMPATIBILITY
Emotions Purpose & Career
Lust Temperament
Physical Appearance Selfless Service
Temperament Passion
Selfishness Companionship
Pleasure Love
WRONG RIGHT
A PIECE FOR THE VICTIM

When a young man meets a lady, chemistry is what of-
ten connects them. Because chemistry is skin-deep, they are
30
both blinded by it and they just tag along. To test compatibil-

ity, they often have sex. But because the relationship is built
upon the concept of chemistry, they can’t help the growth of
each other. There is nothing called the discussion about the
future whenever they meet as their discussion is limited to
partying, clothing, and some sort of fallacies. It would always
be as though they were living in paradise, as all organs of their
bodies would heed the sensual call.
In such relationships, all that they want is seeking pleasure,

until that hits maxima.The moment he sees that she can’t give
more, he backs off, because,“we only grow into love and grow
out of lust.” She is back to square one, as he’s busy looking for
l e
another lady to whet his lustful appetite.
p
m
And here is the lady who has given her heart, body, soul
Sa
and spirit to see a relationship work out. She is left with a
putrefying sore inside her heart. At this point she wishes she
had seen it coming; maybe she would have gotten a grasp of
the horrible and undeserved end which did justify the roman-
tic means.
There is also the guy who was everything for a lady. How
he came to love her is still mystical. He gave her his best and
only wanted that in return. Shockingly, he’s been ditched. The
deed is done, and there is no going back.
Thinking about revenge? No. that is not necessary. My

friend, such is life. Don’t let it get you down! Get up and be
your best.
31
THE u-TuRN
While it has been noted that there can actually not be a
relationship without chemistry, which is said to be the “igniter
and the catalyst for a relationship”, the whole idea of chemis-
try has been bastardized. It is sure one of the most misleading
indicators of a future relationship as the dating Coach Evan
Katz suggests.
It’s so outrageous after all, to see that many people only

depend on this half-baked knowledge to judge compatibility
in their relationships. And isn’t it alarming how many of them
end it miserably?
l e
So, what has been your motivating factor all the while? Has
p
your judgement of compatibility been on the fact that you
Sa m
share chemistry with your partner?
If yes, let us quickly debunk that proof as we dig dip into

how to really check for compatibility.
Before then, let us see the next chapter together.
32
3
THE
CONCEPT
OF COMPATIBILITY
p l e
Sa m
I
t is often said, and you sure would agree, that “When the
purpose of a thing is not known, its abuse is inevitable.”
To really understand the purpose of compatibility, shouldn’t
we know what compatibility is?
So, what is compatibility?
The Oxford mini-reference dictionary defines compatibili-

ty as being “able to exist or be used together”.
My mobile dictionary defines compatibility as the state in

which two (or more) things are able to exist or perform to-
gether in combination without problems or conflict.
33
The latter definition is not really applicable to relationships.

And that’s because there is no relationship without at least
a challenge or conflict. Sadly, though, most singles miss
this point. Their understanding of compatibility is the same
as my mobile dictionary’s definition – to perform together
in combination without problems or conflict. Hence, they
disqualify people who might have made great partners just
because he isn’t supportive of a wish or she isn’t yielding to a
particular direction. Nothing could be more wrong!
Ideally, you can only tell who fits into your future through
a complete check (or test) of compatibility. To a large extent,
the partner one chooses determines how glorious (or the
l e
other way round) one’s future will be. The future promises
p
enviable bliss when you can be sure that you have chosen
Sa m
right, and the reverse holds true for the one who has failed
in that regard.
Before you make a decision or give your consent to enter

a life-long relationship with anybody, it is highly sacrosanct to
know if the person is compatible with you or not. To jetti-
son the necessity of this practice is to set your destiny on the
path of irredeemable horridness.
HOW DID COMPATIBILITY START?

It started in the Garden of Eden – a place God made and
described as good.The people he made, the environment into
which they were created, the animals, the serpent inclusive.
Despite that Adam was not aware of how Eve was made,
when he saw her after he woke up, he saw perfection.
34
T H E C ON C E P T OF C O M PAT I B I L I T Y
Let us make man in our image and after our likeness. That
was God’s plan, and He didn’t do less. The ones He created
were perfect beings – a true reflection of His person. Upon
making them, He gave them dominion over everything else
he had created.
As the story has it, Eve was the first woman on earth as
Adam was the first man. Although he had no one to compare
Eve with, he could still infer that she was the best. If sexy
curves, pink lips, radiating eyeballs, and what have you were
all that Adam desired in a woman, Eve had it all! “This is the
bone of my bone and the flesh of my flesh…,” he affirmed!
There couldn’t have been a better compatibility test other
than that.Yes or Yes?
p l e
Sa m
Compatibility has never been about the physical endow-
ment. There has to be a purpose, a career path, a vision, a
mandate!
And the mandate God gave was DOMINION… which is

not far from “Management.”
But is it in your own bible that the first marriage

ever failed?
So what was wrong? They didn’t know that compat-
ibility is to be managed; they didn’t know it is not
the basis for a successful marriage!
Management is why compatibility fails in relationships. Are

you hearing management for the first time? No cause for
alarm! I will talk more on that in my next book, KEEP THE
ROMANCE ALIVE.
35
I once met a woman who lamented the mess she had been
in since she got married some 24 years ago.The husband who
used to be everything for her suddenly became the direct
opposite of what she knew him to be. He used to be so sup-
portive of her but stopped her from doing everything to pro-
mote her career.
The only thing he wanted her to be was a housewife and

sex slave. Sadly, he succeeded and the woman’s life was no
more the same again. She used to be a counsellor, the hus-
band stopped her. He allowed her to do practically nothing
that could help promote her life. He turned her life upside
down, and it’s so sad that she can’t just pick it up again - I
assume.
p l e
m
If you look around, you sure would see a few marriages that
Sa
are in an indescribable mess. When you dig into the cause, it
would have been the result of costly assumptions on compat-
ibility. Today, there is no going back for many, no matter what
they face in their marriages.
Do you want to have a successful marriage? Then do com-

patibility test right!
My own definition of compatibility (as regards relationship)

is the state in which two individuals are able to co-exist sym-
biotically regardless of their individual differences. From this
definition, it should be clear that there is no perfect relation-
ship anywhere, except if the two individuals have decided to
operate as one and not as separate entities.
Having made known to you what compatibility is, it is es-
36
sential for you to have more insight to what relationship is

as well. Let me assume we know the basic meaning of rela-
tionship, but you may not know that there are two kinds of
relationship.They are Interpersonal relationship and Intra-
personal relationship. The former (interpersonal) has to do
with the relationship with others (in this case, your partner)
while the latter (intrapersonal) is the relationship with one-
self, and of course, the most important.
When you feel someone may not be compatible with you

in a relationship, are you also compatible as a person?
The problem of many youths nowadays is that they neglect
p l e
the questions of an intrapersonal relationship while finding
answers to the questions of interpersonal relationship.
Sa m
Ask yourself first, “Am I the right person for this guy or
lady?”, “Do I care?”, “Am I hardworking?”, “Do I know how to
manage differences?”, “Am I selfish or selfless?”, “Can I give
the best that I want in the other person?”, and many other
questions.
In Physics, they say, “Like poles repel, while unlike poles at-
tract”, but that’s not the case with relationship compatibility.
In fact, it should be described as “Like poles (partners) attract,
while unlike poles repel”. The law is simple and clear, “You
must be compatible with thyself first, before being compatible
with others”.
I must categorically state here that, compatibility in rela-

tionships most time fail in this regard.You know what it means
if a cat co-exists in the same roof with a rat? They are not in
37
any way compatible, right? That’s exactly what I’m saying. Her
beauty, the shape of her body or her charisma while leading
a song in the church does not make her compatible; his high
intelligence quotient, standard shoes, or talents do not make
him the perfect match either.
These are ephemeral things that have turned some “once

upon a time compatible relationships” to incompatible ones.
God forbids the beautiful wife has an accident and her body
shape becomes disfigured, would you still be able to go out
to a club with her? Can you even present her as your first
lady despite her deformity? Would you still go out on a date
with her?
p l e
Differences in character or temperament can result to in-
m
compatibility in a relationship, like many other factors. Some-
Sa
one who is choleric (vibrant) might find it difficult to co-exist
with a phlegmatic (sluggish) fellow. The relationship may not
last if individual differences are not checked.
Even if you eventually find someone of the same temper-

ament, it’s no guarantee that the romantic journey would be
that smooth since either of you would want their own deci-
sions to stand.
Faith or religious difference is another issue to be consid-

ered when it comes to a relationship. This is how it is done in
Egypt doesn’t mean that’s the same way it is done in Israel. It
is always advisable to be in a marital relationship with some-
one of the same faith.
However, if people desire great result in the bid to finding
38
out whether they are compatible with their partners or not,

and to answer this question of compatibility in a relationship,
there is a key I think should be able to solve the puzzle, and
that is, understanding.
Partners will find each other compatible if they understand

each other. One should put him or herself under the right
(not wrong) standing of the other partner. And when I talk of
understanding, I mean the one that has thoroughly been tried
and tested.
Know your partner’s temperament and correct yourselves

in love. Be real and stay true to yourselves under the sun or
l e
in the rain. It takes wisdom that is enshrined in understanding
p
to know how to settle disputes amicably with your partner
and brighten their day.
Sa m
Let me conclude here that compatibility in a relationship is
a wide, two-way street. You know you are compatible if both
of you are able to co-exist symbiotically, regardless of your
differences, and you are able to understand each other.
But, does it end here?
NO!
Let us go to the final chapter to unveil the one-off test for

compatibility.
Ready? Flip to the next Page…
39
4
CHECKING
FOR
COMPATIBILITY:
p l e
Sa
THE RIGHT WAY m
T
he issue of compatibility has always been a major con-
cern to people, especially the waiting singles. Many
people want to get married and start enjoying marital
bliss. Ladies, most especially see relationship as a healing balm
to their souls, but fear would not cease to grip the heart of
many when they are ready for a relationship that will lead to
marriage.
Even our religious leaders and mentors keep on telling us

that the most dangerous or risky stage in ones’ life is the
point of choosing a life partner thereby glamorizing fear, and
40
C H E C K I N G F OR C O M PAT I B I L I T Y : T H E R I G H T WAY
raising hundreds of questions in the minds of youths (myself

inclusive).
I don’t want to believe you’re not familiar with those ques-

tions, except if you are yet to get to the stage of entering a
relationship.
I’m not talking about ‘boyfriend’ or ‘girlfriend’ issue here. If

it were to be that, anything goes! There are guys who are into
romantic or sexually immoral relationship with many girls, as
there are many girls out there who are ‘double-dating’ (per-
mit me to use that word, but ‘two-timing’ is the right word).
The above is not the type of relationship I’m talking about
l e
here, since the motives are majorly for materialism, sexual
p
escapades, or immoralities generally. But anyone who is ready
Sa m
to enter into a life-long relationship will, no doubt, have some
questions in his or her mind that are begging for urgent an-
swers. The question is usually in this form: “Is he/she compat-
ible with me?”
I want to simplify the question in this way: “Is he/she the

right person?”, “Does he care?”, “Can she cook?”, “Does
he have enough cash?”, “Can she satisfy my sexual desire?”,
“What’s his/her qualification?” and so on.
To help check whether you two are compatible in a rela-

tionship, online quizzes often ask these questions:
Is he domineering or neutral in the relationship? Is he a

father, a brother, a friend? Is she a mother, submissive, a wife
material, someone your family will be proud of? Are they ma-
ture emotionally, physically and financially? Do they respect
41
your person; are they proud of you before friends and family;
is he a listener?
Is he/she disorganized, realistic, God fearing, trustworthy,

very social, a good planner, firm, reserved, apologetic, tim-
id, eccentric, unrealistic, imposing? Does he/she rarely wor-
ry about things? Does he have a sense of gratitude, a talent
for making people feel loved, favour the surreal, compliment
people frequently, put the needs of others ahead of his own,
usually feel good, get caught up in my problems…?
Isn’t that what you were taught to consider as criteria for

compatibility test in relationship?
l e
And the more you answer these questions, the more ques-
tions pop up in your heart?
p
Sa m
Ordinarily, the above questions are enough to tell compat-
ibility, but they all meet limitations with the level of broken
relationships and divorce rate presently in the world.
I know there is one person out there who has got all you
can think of as long as perfection is concerned.Whenever you
think of such, your heart skips a bit and you would sigh. It’s
something you have been waiting for and it will materialize
someday, right?
Like the examples above, there are actually many quizzes

out there that can show you how compatibility test is to be
done. But the last time I checked, the best of them can’t give
you all the answers you need for the questions of compatibil-
ity in your heart.
42
Have you ever heard of a marriage wherein the couples

signed a divorce as part of the marriage vow? I don’t think
such exists, because every living soul dreams of a blissful end
before the very beginning of a marriage.
Let’s give it some consideration. If the quizzes really help,

why the alarming increase in divorce rate in the world? Why
do we see single parents all around? Is it that they didn’t do
compatibility test before they got married? No! They did the
wrong compatibility test of course.
According to a research, divorce happens every six sec-

onds in the United States, which has 53% divorce rate. So it
l e
means more than half of the marriages in the United States
p
are likely to end in divorce. Shockingly, the United States is
m
the last on the list of the top ten countries with the highest
Sa
divorce rate. France has 55%, Cuba has 56%, Estonia has 58%,
Luxembourg has 60%, Spain has 61%, Czech Republic 66%,
Hungary has 67%, and Portugal has 68%, as Belgium has 71%.
Isn’t the statistic above enough to give marriage a second

thought?
When marriages end in divorce, we often hear people say,

“We are not compatible!” That implies many people even go
into marriages to test compatibility. This is heart-breaking!
When there arises emotional turmoil in the marital rela-

tionship, or money grows wing and flies away or the beauty
and charisma he used to see in you is no more, or when he
can no longer perform well in bed, some people see that as
the end to compatibility in their relationships and therefore
43
are willing to cut the relationship off.
Know this…
Compatibility could be learnt, played, framed, and feigned.

Little wonder people say marriage is an eye opener.You never
really know your partner until you’ve gotten married.
Isn’t it so alarming how love which makes a home eventu-

ally breaks it? I’ve seen people that were like, “But we were
so compatible when we started, but now we’re as far apart as
the heaven is from the earth.”
When compatibility is not well guarded, it can be the worst
l e
word you ever want to hear or think of.
p
Compatibility is to be maintained. It is also to be managed.
Sa m
Have you asked yourself this: what do you fall back to if
what you used to see as a true test of compatibility is no
longer there? That is why you have to be very careful how
you take compatibility as though it’s the only yardstick of a
successful relationship or marriage. It’s so sad how I see peo-
ple teach compatibility today as if it’s the only ticket for a
successful relationship.
You are told that you should make sure that both of you
are compatible before you would agree to marry him or her.
Is that what you were taught? Good.
You see, I used to think that billions of people have gotten

the compatibility check/test right until I met a lady that said it
became the centre of discussion in a gathering. I was shocked,
and still am.
44
She asked me again because she didn’t feel satisfied by the

explanation she got from the gathering.
She said, “Lekan, how do I know that someone is my fu-

ture Partner?”
Hearing this question again triggered a part of me… And I

only did switch on my “common sense” to answer the ques-
tion.
Don’t be shocked about the answer. Here is it…
Before you can tell whether someone is your future part-

ner, you have to know your future; you have to know what
l e
your future holds. Invariably, before you can be sure that
p
someone is fit to be your life partner, you must know the A-Z
of your Life.
Sa
For better understanding: m
If anyone would fit in your future, you must know how
your future is. You must be able to look into your career,
purpose, plans, goals, vision, and tell how lovely they all are,
before you can bring someone else in.
But some people just think by going into a relationship and

trying out few compatibility tests, they can decide if someone
is fit as a future partner or not.
You see, the last time I checked, it’s the lie of the devil.
Here is another proof.
Gastronomically speaking, mere smelling a food is enough

to trigger allergy. This happens because, your system knows
45
what it is made up of, and so would know what would nat-

urally fit in and what would not. That is how relationships
should be. But it’s alarming how people want to have a serial
taste of a guy or a lady before they know if such is fit for their
romantic taste bud.
This is where people get it wrong.
Let me keep it simple for you:
To know that somebody is your life partner, it is imperative

to know what your life is all about. You have to know where
your future leads.
You want to know why?
p l e
It’s because, environment, culture, nature of job, finance and
Sa m
the like will ultimately change your perception of compatibil-
ity as you both grow together.
For instance, someone who would always want to be

around you before would suddenly want to stay alone owing
to change of job. He was always there to attend to the least
of your worries and that was all you needed to apportion
him the best piece of your heart, but you keep wondering
now why he’s ever changing as though competing with the
evolution of the world.
When you have a grasp of your future, you can look ahead
and see who would fit into it.
But… that is not easy as well, because people really change

from what they used to be.
46
But the best bet is for you to be a futuristic and goal ori-
ented person yourself, and few other things would begin to
fall in place.
WHEN SHOuLD YOu CHECK FOR

COMPATIBILITY?
I remember the conversation I heard with a lady some
time ago. I asked, “Are you engaged?” and she said “No.” Then
why? Is it because they are not coming or because you are
sending them away?
I was shocked as I would any other time when she said,
l e
“You didn’t ask if I am in a relationship. I am in a relationship
but I am not engaged.
p
Sa m
What do you think my next question was? “So, young lady,
would you please tell me the difference between being in a
relationship and being engaged?”
I got the answer I needed when she said, “I don’t really

know. But I think you first get into a relationship and then see
if you are compatible before you get engaged.”
Point-blank, she was wrong! If you believe the same too,

you are more wrong than she was.
Let me tell you the remaining part of the discussion.
She discovered the guy was the direct opposite of the kind
of man she would love to spend the rest of her life with
and then she’s trapped in-between letting go or expecting a
change.
47
“He is not the picture of what I want in a man. He can’t

see the future with me as I am seeing. He is just glued to the
pleasure of today, and no investment at all in tomorrow.”
That is the point! She got compatibility test all wrong. And
here is what I told her:
“I understand you were taught to start a relationship and

then find out if he is the perfect one for your future. But
how would you know he is fit to be your husband when you
couldn’t tell if he would be fit for a relationship before you
agreed to go into one with him?”
All she could do was to shake her head!
p
The same question goes to you:
l e
Sa m
How will you know he or she will be the perfect one for
you in marriage when you couldn’t tell whether he or she
would be the perfect one for you in relationship? Those are
the lies we tell ourselves about relationship compatibility.
So many people don’t know how their future looks like and
they are sure of a man or woman who would fit into it. Can
we stop that hallucination!
I didn’t ask if they had had sex, but I could sense they had
from how she talked. When you have sex with someone you
are still doing a test run on, you open yourself to the danger
of being trapped.
Timing is everything in life, and I bet you know. Many peo-

ple have gotten this aspect wrong, and are reaping what they
sowed some time ago.
48
You are taught, or you follow the conventional way of try-

ing out relationships.You met this guy that you just want to be
with all day long; and it’s love at first sight to you. You agreed
to date him since he didn’t look bad, as your sense organs
could tell.The whole thing looked promising and you were so
lost that you gave your body to him so soon. That was what
he wanted! And he just got that. He just marked a register and
you did lose a piece of your dignity as a woman.
No matter how good it seems in bed, no guy or lady can

be that good ahead of marriage. And that’s because so many
things would change along the line.
What about this?
p l e
Let us even agree that no immorality of any sort happened
Sa m
between the two of you. Trying out a relationship to see if it
will work is one of the pillars of marital bad omens you can
see out there.
You don’t check for compatibility after you have entered

into a relationship! You don’t do it after having had series of
sexual intercourse! It just won’t work. Instead, you will soon
find out that you have been caged.
The best and the right time to do compatibility test is be-

fore you go into a relationship.
Even though I have earlier explained that you can be blind-

ed by chemistry, here is more reason you have to get compat-
ibility right before you set out on a courtship or relationship.
Quote me on this:
49
“God is the only person that can help you do compatibility

right! Any other means is just gambling and the end is always
disaster. Marriage has gone more spiritual than you ever can
tell sensually.”
With all these facts and figures, is it not worthy of note to

give up trying to use sensual means to choose a partner?
To say the least, never go into a relationship because your

feelings demand it. Doing that is more dangerous than you
could ever imagine. You could be right in getting it right with
chemistry, but compatibility is far more than what your sen-
sual faculties can get right.
MORE ABOuT THE GOD FACTOR

p l e
Sa m
As much as people seem to shy away from this factor, it is
the most important factor of all.
Why stress yourself, evaluating, trying, comparing, and in-

sinuating between interests, values, likes, dislikes etc., when
you could easily go to the Maker who knows all men and
women alike, and seek His face to know the one fit for you?
Never think it is obsolete and out-of-fashion to pray for

God’s will in marriage. There are many couples who got mar-
ried after God spoke to them, and till date they’re still basking
in the milk and honey of their marriages without a single day
of regrets.
Just ask around. Ask your parents how they did theirs. And
ask them why they never amounted to nothing if that’s the
case with them.
50
God knows it all. He is the omniscient one. He is the one

that can tell how chemistry could be deceiving and why you
shouldn’t use it as a yardstick of successful relationship or
marriage.
Well, I will love to say this again: we all need reorientation

and a quick surrender of our will to God, not just giving our
lives. We only want things that meet our sensuality and not
those that fit into God’s plan for our lives.That happens to be
the answer to the problems in many homes today. Let your
will be aligned with God’s and you sure will have His hand in
everything you set your heart to do.
l e
Often time, we are the architects of our problems and
p
heartaches, because, God has already given us the way out
Sa m
but we love to think we can do it on our own. If we all come
to the knowledge of God’s Will, we will know what and what
not to do, and even the choices we make.
If we want successful relationships, we do not have any oth-

er choice than to do it the God’s way. He laid the foundation
for relationships. It is to your best advantage when you have
an intimacy with God before finding and establishing one with
a man or woman. Every woman should first be God’s woman
and every man be God’s man.
Let God into the decision-making process of your rela-

tionship and you won’t regret it later. He indeed has the blue-
print of a successful marriage and so you shouldn’t bargain
letting Him into it. Go to God for the best compatible spouse,
and you don’t have to pray for months or years before God
speaks, it just depends on how close and ‘friendly’ you’re to
51
God.
Go to a spiritual leader to help, if you think you don’t know

how to get answers from God. But, the best way to get this
right is to stay by yourself with God in prayer. If it takes you a
month or more to get a response from Him, it is sure a better
bargain than going to anyone for help.
However, if you think the God factor is a farfetched illusion,

then you might do a guess work in finding compatibility in
marriage and, of course, a compatibility test that’s born out of
guesswork could be highly detrimental. So, never do relation-
ship compatibility the way everyone is doing it, else you will
regret it in the future.
p l e
Do you really want to get marriage right? Then be ready to
Sa
do it the God’s way!
m
SLEEVE ROLLED, GET SET… ACTION
To get compatibility right, you need to answer these ques-
tions…
1. Why am I here?
2. What am I made of?
3. Where am I going?
WHY ARE YOU HERE?
This answers Purpose!
A little from one of my books, THE PURE GOLD:
“Discovery of purpose is the beginning of great achievements
52
in life; achievements, in turn, grow into fulfilment of destiny. For the

ones who have taken time to find out what theirs is, the realization
of greatness will dawn in no time.”
To talk, therefore, about planning a life without having a

reasonable consideration of purpose can be likened to con-
sidering the means of transportation without knowing the
destination. Whenever you find yourself in that realm, know
that failure is looming.
The most damaging aspect of contemporary living is short-

term thinking. And that is what people do when they tend to
build their future upon nonchalance. Planning the future in a
l e
marital way without investing enough into the future is tanta-
p
mount to fetching water into a leaking bowl.
Sa m
When your future is not set, no matter how romantic the
relationship may appear in the beginning, it gets to a time
where reality calls and defeat sets in.This is where many peo-
ple look back and chorus, “Oh, had I known.”
My friend, it’s no gainsay that you need to work out your

future, by starting with the knowledge of your purpose,
knowing that God has not brought you into this world as a
spectator. He sure has created you for something great. You
need to search that out!
HOW DO I KNOW MY PuRPOSE?

While I cannot boast of giving you a cutting-edge answer
to this question of purpose in this book, I would like to share
with you some quick tips to get that done gallantly.
53
From Oxford Dictionary, Purpose is “The reason for which

something is done or for which something exists” or “The
intention, aim or function of something; the thing that some-
thing is supposed to achieve.
So, if you want to ever consider yourself as an achiever, you

undoubtedly need to know your purpose. When you fail to
know your purpose, you can never get the best out of your
life, no matter how hard you try. Not even can your spouse
help you out.
If you have not discovered your purpose and you are in a

relationship already, you need to take a break and save your
destiny from future mess.
p l e
To help you out, I will suggest two books. One is mine, The
Sa m
Pure Gold and the second is “A Purpose Driven Life by Rick
Warren.” Mine can be gotten free of charge by following this
link, www.loversify.com/purpose.
Endeavour to buy the other one, if you desire a glorious

future.
Read those two books and you have taken a step into get-
ting the best out of your life and relationship.
WHAT ARE YOu MADE OF?

This answers to Personality.
I remember mentioning intrapersonal relationship in the

previous chapter; here is where it applies.Your personality as
a person is pivotal to your choice of marriage partner. When
54
you are high-up, you tend to attract the best for yourself and
the reverse also holds true.
It is often embarrassing when you see people of marriage-

able age living disgraceful lives. Some don’t have control over
their words, actions, habits as they go about displaying the
result of their inglorious self-worth.
What would you call someone who shows off engagement

ring and doesn’t know what marriage entails, because they
think it’s what they are going to get by, through experience?
Their schools of thought tell them they can live marriage each
day at a time and the gained experience would be enough to
see them through.
p l e
If that is your school of thought, kindly rebuff it and move
Sa m
on with the reality that comes with doing compatibility the
right way.
When a man opens his mouth to say he loves a lady, the

content of such affection should never be connected to her
physical appearance in any way, but to her character. When
a lady looks at a man and says she loves him so much, she
should see nothing but the totality of his attitude.
So, how good or bad is your character? How sound are

you morally? What good and bad habits do you have? What is
your temperament? How matured are you? Do you have low
or high self-esteem?
Answer those, be sure of your answer and if it’s worth it,

then you are free to marry.
55
Many people, ladies especially, end up with the wrong spouse

because of low self-esteem. When you have the self-esteem
that is questionable, you tend to lose ground before all men.
The best you can get is to be used and dumped. That is not
what you bargain for.
What about your temperament?
It would be baffling to see teenagers who do not know

anything about temperament, let alone a grown-up chorusing
“I am engaged!”
Do you know your temperament? Are you a Choleric, San-

guine, Melancholy or Phlegmatic?
p l e
Without a concise answer to the question above, you are
m
not fit to be in a relationship. And here is why: temperament
Sa
is the spotlight to an individual’s daily behaviour. The way you
reason, talk, react, and act per time are functions of your tem-
perament.
You need to know this about yourself and even the other
person you want to be engaged with. For instance, it’s not
easy for two Choleric persons to be in a romantic relation-
ship, except they have learnt how to manage their differences.
You need to learn more about this? Get the book, “Why
You act the way you do, by Tim Lahaye.”
The book will help you to have a clear-cut understanding

of temperaments and how to develop or manage them for
the better.
56
WHERE ARE YOu GOING?

This answers to Goals, Dreams, Ambition, Career, and Vi-
sion.
Like I said initially, it is so imperative to have a distinct un-

derstanding of your life and what you see yourself becom-
ing in the nearest future, before you know the right man or
woman who would fit into it. Your future partner must be
someone who can work hand in hand with you to fulfil your
dreams cum visions, and not just the one who wants to build
a world of fantasies with you.
If only you knew that you have a bright future, you will
l e
work so hard to choose someone who can help towards get-
p
ting the best out of your life, rather than someone who can
Sa m
only pay the present bills. Having enough money could be a
determining factor for a relationship to be successful, but it
doesn’t answer all the questions about fulfilment in marriage.
When you have great foresight, no ordinary person with

limited perception of the future would have much of your
time. You just can’t be around the limiters! Your best friends
would be those who have potentials like you do and are
working towards seeing themselves in their future best.
But, no matter how ambitious you claim to be, or how

much of a dreamer you see yourself, the start of every great
achievement in life has to do with getting to know your pur-
pose, after which other things will fall in place.
Marriage is so sweet… but for only those who have taken

their time to work at getting the best.
57
And when you have done all these, you are fit to be in a
relationship with the right person.
WHAT ABOuT THE OTHER PERSON?

Sometimes, one might not be the problem of compatibility
in a relationship. You can be your best assuming the other
person to be likeminded. To see the one you would love to
consider for a future partner as you see yourself could even-
tually be your undoing. No matter how good looking he or
she is, you must seek the best that you are willing to have of
yourself in them.
l e
After the God factor, you must know your prospective
p
partner’s purpose, vision, career, ambition, dreams, goals, tem-
m
perament. He, or she as the case may be, must be someone
Sa
you are really ready to spend the rest of your life with. Physi-
cally, you both need to share a very keen and close vision and
have a very distinct and similar view to life and circumstances.
You both must be driven by the same force, and have passion
for many similar things. And if God is the one leading you to a
relationship with him or her, you need not worry about how
they will attain their best.
Well, there is more for the womanhood to learn! And they

are really learning. It is just that they need to learn more and
faster. And they need to grow out of their senses.
You know, ladies are moved by what they hear, and feel.
Men play on this fact. On the other hand, men are moved by
what they see, and that has been the undoing of many. Ma-
ny-a-man ended up in wrong relationships just because they
58
went for the first woman who was beautiful and had good
manners.
As a result of this, what is seen all around are nothing but

friendships with selfish benefits which they tend to call rela-
tionships! And the benefits sometimes are only skin deep.You
wouldn’t want to settle for that, would you?
Does he or she fit into your future? Then you are both
good to go…
Yet, it doesn’t end here!
Ideally, it’s not about compatibility only, many things are
l e
involved in having a blissful marriage out of a romantic rela-
tionship (or courtship).
p
Sa m
“Relationship Compatibility Test” is written for you
to get compatibility right in your relationship, and it’s only
one of “The Winning Love Series.” Be ready for the
mind-blowing book titled, “Keep the Romance Alive.”
Keep the Romance Alive is a book that will guide you

through the stages of your relationship, help you to spot red
signals, load you with skills to get your relationship growing
and set you on the romantic race towards “the walk down
the aisle.”
Do you want to be the first to read it? Then, subscribe on

www.loversify.com/romance and you will set your hands on
it before I begin to sell it.
I WISH YOU THE VERY BEST IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP.

MWAH!
59
A LETTER TO YOu
What do you really want out of Life? Is it Love, Joy, Empow-

erment, or Greatness?
Whichever one is your desire, I am on the path to helping

you out.
It’s sheer pleasure to introduce you to my websites:
Loversify
www.loversify.com
p l e
Relationship success is now being seen as a mirage as many
Sa m
young folks and the older ones alike have switched to the
school of thought that there is no true love anymore.
Here is the gospel truth: everyone wants to marry and

marry right, no matter what they have believed.
When you need undiluted articles, tips and guides on mak-

ing your relationship, courtship or marriage work, you won’t
regret being on the www.Loversify.com
I Love Text Messages

www.ilovetextmessages.com
Well, I know you would love to see your relationship enjoy

ceaseless romantic streaks. And to help you with that, www.
ilovetextmessages.com has been created with you in mind.
Good Morning, Good Night, I Love You, I Miss You messages?
60
A LETTER TO YOU
Or Love Poems and Quotes such that your lover would be

happy with?
Then you are just a click away from the Best Love Mes-
sages!
Safe Journey Quotes

www.safejourneyquotes.com
This website was created for as many as would love to

send Safe Journey wishes to their loved ones going on any
journey. Wouldn’t you love to send some lovely messages to
wish them safe journey? If yes, you have all you need for your
Lover and Loved ones.
Writers Alike
p l e
www.writersalike.com
Sa m
Do you desire to learn how to write and make the best
out of your writing career? If your answer is yes, then you will
be more right than wrong to be part of us at www.writersalike.
com. Our Vision is to build a community of Heroic Writers.
Don’t be left out.
Future Successors
www.futuresuccessors.com
My Goal in life is to build the world that indwells Total

Quality People. And to help myself up the rungs of the lad-
der, www.futuresuccessors.com was created to equip the Future
Successors.
Do you need help choosing a career and make it blossom,

or desire a platform where you can be nurtured for an ambi-
61
tion that you have chosen? You won’t regret joining us.
I wait to see you in. Thanks for your time.
p l e
Sa m
62
THIS PAGE
WAS LEFT
BLANKp l e
S a m
INTENTIONALLY
63
ABOUT THE BOOK
W
hen it comes to getting the best out of a relationship
in this age, questions are sure more than the available
answers. To be factual, there is an avalanche of books
on compatibility in a relationship. But quite surprisingly,
more and more people struggle in their relationships, many of which end
miserably… That breaks my heart.
The above menace has left me wondering what the problem is. Is it that
the available books don’t contain relevant information, or that people
just don’t put in their best to make their relationships work?
If you need an answer to the above question, this book is perfect for you.
With the book, Relationship Compatibility Test, you will have the clear-cut
exposition to knowing your future partner, guaranteed.
p l e
Sa
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
m
Olalekan Adebumiti is a seasoned Speaker who does
more than mere motivation and a life coach whose
daily goal is to see people get the best out of their
lives. He holds a B.Sc. degree in Physics with Electronics
from Olabisi Onabanjo University, Ogun State, Nigeria,
and he is the founder of Future Successors. Future Suc-
cessors is an organization dedicated to equipping the
young folks toward a fulfilling end, thereby building a community of total
quality people.

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THE Winning

All rights reserved.

Adegoke Olalekan Adebumiti asserts the moral right

Cover and Interior Design by:

Signed, Olalekan Adebumiti.

And that has left me wondering what the problem is. Is it

To me, it is heartbreaking when there are many books on

I have been thinking... Could it be that the books don’t give

I do not want to believe that the books written had not

Whether the information available on compatibility in a

If you really wish to set yourself on the path of marital bliss,

Then the questions flooded in.What went wrong? Is it that

As if those were not bad enough, stories of marriages end-

But things shouldn’t be that way.

How then should they be? Read on.

Love is the most outstanding sources of inspiration there

• Love doesn’t live in our hearts, it lives in our acts!

• Love isn’t immobile, it works its way around the world!

• Love isn’t like a lifeless flower, it grows limitlessly!

Someone once said, “Love is everything it’s cracked up to

And Warren Barfield will ever be right for saying this:

“Love is not a place

“To some love is a word

At the risk of over-flogging the point, love can’t be professed

Love doesn’t reach its potential by nature or by default.

Be that as it may, it’s our call - a clarion call at that - to make

LET’S EXAMINE AN INTERESTING FACT

According to a Research, falling in love has almost equal

body gets from a dose of cocaine is the same as what it gets

And if you have been a victim of heartbreak before, how

Hunting shadows, playing pranks on a tender heart.

It steals away courage and replaces it with fierce fear

It steals away happiness which is so dear.

Of a truth, heartbreak increases in rate than death toll on

broken. To take the bull by its horn, we really need to know

It’s so disheartening when I see someone who has invested

The thought is sickening!

Isn’t it interesting that love can have such different effects

With a good number of books on relationship and mar-

Whenever I found myself thinking about this menace, I

Over time, it’s just so disturbing when I see people asking

These questions keep telling me something you and I need

to know. It is the fact that “The world doesn’t understand

SO, WHAT THEN IS LOVE?

Of course, there are a million definitions and descriptions

Relationship wise, isn’t it disturbing to know that most dic-

And what’s the defeat of the above statement?

I’ll tell you.The dictionary definitions -and many others like

If you have ever been in a relationship, you will agree with

doesn’t call me or ask how I fare? He is just there! He doesn’t

Oh, my! If love is actually feelings, why don’t people just

That’s what you are about to know.

In the said gathering, some guys gave definitions like: “it’s a

I remember the main speaker defined it as, “an uncondi-

yet! Love is in service; it’s an undiluted emotion mixed with

And for a long time, I held on to the definition of love as

Among the responses I got, two struck me.

The first is, “There is no specific definition for love. It de-

The second response really got me thinking. So, I decided

“I don’t find love. I find happiness and contentment instead.

We are taking “love” so serious, thinking it’s all we need.

If the only reason someone is with the other person is the

Love broken down is a two-way street: I love him and he

Eager to know them? You are close… Let’s continue.