When I was discerning my vocation to the priesthood, Fr.

Daniel (our parish priest at that time)

expanded my horizon on the activity of the Spirit within me. At first, I was just seeing myself as a
priest simply because I was an altar server and for me this would be an appropriate. When I entered
seminary, the spiritual formation began. Aside from the spiritual lectures about spirituality, of course,
every seminarian has a spiritual director to convey our spiritual growth, aided by our journals
everyday and reflections. That was my first time having an intimate person to person conversation
where I am free to say in my heart and soul. Through those processes, I was able to extend my
awareness in my spiritual growth and its effect on me. Reading the first chapter (Spiritual Nurture of
the Soul) and A first look at Spiritual Direction brought me back to my memory lane when I was in the
seminary. Those moments I cherished forever ignites my passion to pray.

Up until college, I was able to explore more in more about spiritual direction. Our university (a
Jesuit one) geared us in every way to inculcate contemplation in action. Every year we have self and
non-self directed retreats and recollections chiseled my very soul. In college I have a nun director who
was never to neglect to infuse psychology (since she was a psychologist) in our monthly spiritual
conversation. Those were groundbreaking moments where my traumas in the past, emotional
baggages and fears really shaken. I must admit at that time I was so apprehensive with my director
because I always rationalize my sharing (Philosophy major) but Sister Elnora was very patient and able
to untangle my hidden anxiety and fears, although the conversation was leaning to a psychoanalysis
one, we never failed to direct our conversation to the other party, which is God.

When I left seminary I continue still my spiritual formation. Last year I finished my 18 th
annotation (longer retreat in daily life for the 1 st week of spiritual exercise of St. Ignatius) and
currently finishing my 19th annotation (retreat in daily life for the 30 days of the SPEX). These
annotations really purged me in the spiritual formation and accompaniment. Every day of journaling,
consciousness examen, lectio divina and meditation are easy if you are in the seminary, but doing all
of these in the midst of my work life, friend life and family life is very difficult. Your number one
enemy is TIME! But still, though not perfect I manage to pray and be able to be honest with my
directors. Any way if I could summarize this in a table form, here is what it looks like;

Epoche Context Spiritual Formation Approach Reflection/f

Pre- Seminary - when I was a high - our parish priest encourage me Guidance It is more like guidi
school discerning to to have a one-on- one prayer life becaus
become a seminarian conversation and Holy Hour wanted me to be p
the structured life
Seminary life - in the structured life - monthly spiritual direction with Guidance and The spiritual conf
of seminary a priest Spiritual direction geared
Direction discernment of s
continue or not
seminary formation
College - Philosophy years in a - Jesuit pedagogy includes basic Guidance and We were taught a
Jesuit institution rudiments of spiritual mentoring to become lea
discernment and the application expected of us to
and I do have directress, Sr. apply such form
Elnora series of counseling
Volunteer year - after graduation, we - We have monthly spiritual Guidance and I was able to shar
were sent to different recall where we poured out our Friendship friendship with F
parishes in the experiences in the mountains and guide me all
mountains in our and share our spiritual reflection. that year and bein
province to help the Fr. Dodong was my spiritual hold such friendsh
community. director. of desolation.
Theological - Theological studies - We have monthly spiritual Spiritual I was able to disce
schooling after volunteer year direction but mostly counseling Direction vocation. I was
“unlock” the voice
that time.
Married - I went out to the - 18th annotation and 19th Spiritual I was able to int
 life/teaching seminary for good and annotation Direction, prayer life into my
career engaged relationship to Guidance, friends and my ma
a young lady and at the Mentoring, and was also able to m
same time, I was Friendship my director to be
teaching in different Campus Minister
schools. intimate friendship
throughout the fo
was guided to wha
vocation in life.

There are moments where I could say that my experience in spiritual accompaniment are like
friendship, guidance, mentoring, and spiritual direction, there are no particular favors because all of
them knitted on my experience in spiritual direction. Though all of them are equally important to my
progression of my spirituality, I could not get away my heart, the spiritual friendship.

I remember in my younger years in spirituality, I always labeled myself as a “servant” of God. A

servant whose willing to serve inspite and despite of all, whose life is total surrendering to the will of
God, whose obedient in every way, as if God is up there and me here at the ground, an imagery of a
king and a lowly servant. These all noble and appreciative but as I progress in my spirituality,
especially in my 18th annotation, it revealed to me that, even if how much I tried to be a faithful
servant, I always ended up wanting for loving, like a validation of my service or even the question, to
whom I am for, or to whom I am with. This kind of loneliness or emptiness that wanted to fill in, like a
dry weary desert thirsts for rain. I knew already the meaning of Maundy Thursday but it keeps
blocking in my spiritual consciousness perhaps of my primitive formation but in the 18 th annotation, I
realized it more deeply that I am no longer a servant/slave but a friend whom I could confined my
totality, my being, a game changer indeed in my spiritual life.

Reading the chapter 2 and 3 of Henri Nouwen and Soul Care enhanced and revealed to me some
new aspects of my experience. One example is the spiritual friendship is like that of agaphe, in John
15:15. It dawned to me that spiritual friendship is like Jesus breaking the chain of slavery and making
me a friend whom I could share with, trust with and confined my secrets, fears and worries. A friend
who could laid down his life (here in the spiritual aspect). Now, seeing my director at first was just a
guide but later on, as we progress, we share intimate sharing that facilitates me and him to know
each other well. Christ is the gift to me, a friend is a gift according to Nouwen and for me is a
challenge to invest not just the time, talent, and treasure to the formation but to form “sustainable”
friendship.

Looking back at these, I am being reminded by Nouwen implicitely that first, I am loved by God.
The Soul Care is really a loving relationship that nourishes, nurtures and grows my totality, my being.
All throughout my life, I am loved by God, he never abandons me. Every epoch of my life, there is
someone who will guide me through, put me into right direction, mentored me so that I could share,
and build friendship that last long. I can’t imagine if this soul care would not impart in my life, I don’t
know what would lead me into, but for sure I will not become who I am now. This realization always
fueled my desire to love more.

Nouwen’s experiences as a pastor, priest, and prophet refreshed me that when God initiates to
love, the response must also with love, and that is the starting point of a loving relationship. The
hardships he went through in Harvard and the undying service in L’Arche proves to me how he love
Christ so much thus the second point would be the loving service as a response. This realization made
me more wanting about soul care so that I too can be of service to those who are in need of care.
Here I am, never fully satisfied, always hungry for more. I wanted to seek more, know more and
experience more so that I could fill in others by knowing soul care.