No Fear Shakesphere:

https://www.sparknotes.com/nofear/shakespeare/hamlet/act-3-scene-2/

Narrator Stinny :))))

Player King Michelle

Player Queen Ysabella

Hamlet 1 Brittney

Hamlet 2 Antonio

Queen Xochitl

King Claudius Danica <3

Polonius 1 Jizzboy

Ophelia Abbi w-h.

Guildenstern Fidel

Rosencrantz Giovanni

Lucianus Amaya

Horatio Aidan

SOUND EFFECTS BACKDROP SETTINGS/ props

➢ Amaya and Abby ➢ Costumes: capes ( Danica Can

➢ Ysabella’s Spotify Playlist bring from home),
background music ➢ Crowns for the royals
https://open.spotify.com/playlis ➢ Paper flowers
t/2bkiJnkZzBY4MBLLvcvVVU?si= ➢ Water dyed a different
 DscdeXAWR7mO6nmPhgIkWg color
➢ Cardboard guns
➢ https://docs.google.com/pres
entation/d/1xPkDjVQw-s0mt
Nd3RBKBdhRQfcndz48QbZJk9
e_i2CI/edit#slide=id.g1180acb9
c61_0_1

Part 1 Script: Michelle, Xochitl, Elicia, Antonio

Narrator: This is a Pantomime :3 The trumpets play. The stupid show begins.
The king and queen walk in and hug each other passionately. Makes
everyone cringe. The queen kneels before the king. The king makes the
queen stand up and he lays down in a bed of flowers. The king falls asleep
and the queen leaves. Another very VERY familiar man enters and pours
poison in the king’s ear and leaves. Quee comes back and finds her dead
husband. She cries when the killer comes back with other people and calms
her down. The killer tries to seduce the queen with gifts and she
eventually falls for it.

Players exit.
Ophelia: What does this mean?
Hamlet: This means we are going to have some fun.
Ophelia: It’s probably a preview of the show
Narrator enters.
Hamlet: These actors will tell us everything. They don’t keep secrets
Ophelia:Is he going to explain the play preview?
Hamlet: Sure, or anything else you show him. As long as you aren’t
ashamed to show it, he won’t be ashamed to tell you what it means.
Ophelia: Shut up, I'm watching the play.
Narrator: We beg you most courteously
To be patient with us
And watch our humble tragedy.
Narrator exits.
Hamlet: Was that a review or a skinny person's mcdonald order
Ophelia: Yeah that was very short
Hamlet: Yes, as short as a woman’s love.
The player king and queen walk in
Player King: We’ve been married for 30 years
Player Queen: and I hope we’ll stay married for 30 more! But you've been
so sad lately. It's making me sad, what's wrong? I love you but I’m
worried.
Player King: Girl, I am about to die, I will be leaving you behind in the
world and maybe you’ll find another husband..
Player Queen: I don’t want to! I cannot take another husband, it’s as if
I killed the first!
Hamlet: Harsh!
Player Queen: Someone marries the second time for money, not for
love. I will kiss my second husband and disregard the first.
Player King: You say that now, but people change their minds. We may
make promises during the moments, but once that happens it doesn’t
matter anymore. Sadness and happiness may push us to act, but once
that’s over, we don’t want to anymore. The world can’t do what we
want for us. People leave and go, usually for their own benefit, it
always is. Love is unreliable. You say you won’t leave me, but once I die,
who knows.
Player Queen: if you die i wont be able to eat or sleep. I'll never be
happy again, I'll just be a widow for the rest of my life!
Hamlet: A promise, what if she goes against it
Player King: You mean this promise. Now leave me be, I am not feeling
well, and I would like to sleep now
Player Queen: Sleep well, and hopefully we’ll still be together
Hamlet: How do you like the play so far, queen
Queen: she’s doing too much
Hamlet: But she’ll mean it
King: Do you know what happens? Is there anything offensive?
Hamlet: No, don’t worry, it’s just a joke, not offensive
King: What is the play called
Hamlet: The Mousetrap. Why is it called that you ask? It’s a metaphor.
It’s about a murder that happened in Vienna. Gonzago is the duke and
Baptista is his wife. You’ll see. It’s not good, but who cares. We’ve done
nothing, so it doesn’t concern us.
Lucianus walks in
Narrator: This is lucianus, the king’s nephew
Ophelia: You know how to commentate huh?
Hamlet: Yea, I can even tell you what happens, if you put your little
love show for me
Ophelia: You’re sharp aren’t you?
Hamlet: Yea I’m pointy, take the edge off, might make you moan
Ophelia: Your jokes improve, your manners don’t
Hamlet: That’s what you women get when you trick us men into
marriage. Come on! Let the murder happen already, stop with the
makeup! Get it going, we want revenge already!
Lucianus: Thinking evil, feeling evil, It’s night time and I’m ready. With
the plants to make the poison from the goddess hecate, of witchcraft.
I will steal this guy’s life away
Hamlet: See. he poisons the king in his own garden to get the kingdom.
The king’s name is gonzago. This was written in italian. Soon you’ll see
how the murderer wins the queen’s love.
King Cladius exits.

AcT 3. Scene 2: (amaya, jasmine, ysabella)

HAMLET
Let me ake you understand what my love is for you

OPHELIA
Ooh, that is so swag of you

HAMLET
Yeah I know , pointy, but I can turn you on girl, you might get a little
excited

OPHELIA
You so funny but you dumb as fuck

HAMLET
Thats what you want isnt it though, you only want to use men. YOU
MEN USER. can we please get this stupid play started i dont care about
your makeup i want to see murder and revange!!!!

LUCIANUS
I’m gonna kill this man right now, right here. The gods are on my side
and the time is perfect MWHAHAHAHAH ( looks at king) im going to
steal ur health with my witchcraft and take ur life and ur wife !
(poors it in his ear)

HAMLET
This selfish prick poisoned him and has his own kingdom now. His name
is Gonzago, sounds like that bird from the muppets. This used to be in
that nice Italian spice, Soon you see that hooker of a queen fall in
love with a murder.

CLAUDIUS stands up.

OPHELIA
The king is big mad

HAMLET
What is he afraid of? The truth?!

GERTRUDE : Husband what’s up

POLONIUS Stop the play. Your done, your done
CLAUDIUS
SOMEONE TURN ON THE LIGHTS GET ME OUT OF THIS STUPID PLAY
POLONIUS
Give me the lights people, give me the lights.

Everyone except HAMLET and HORATIO exits.

HAMLET
 Let the deer that’s been shot go off and weep,
 While the unharmed deer happily plays.
 For some must watch while other must sleep,
 That’s how the world goes.
That's how life be sometimes. I could be an actor if I wanted to

HORATIO
They might give you some DOLLA DOLLA BILLS

HAMLET
No, a whole band for times
 For you know, my dearest Damon,
 That Jove, king of the gods, was
 Thrown out of power here, and
 Who’s in charge? A big—peacock.

HORATIO
Your beats are not fire dawg

HAMLET
Gurl that damn ghost was right i shouldve bet money on it. Didnt you
notice that???

HORATIO
Yeah gorl, I totally knew bruh

HAMLET
The poison part true?

HORATIO
I was watching that bitch closely
HAMLET
They got some fine tunes on rightnow
 For if the king doesn’t like the play,
 Then he doesn’t like it, we may say.
Come on, ya’ll play some medieval drake

ROSENCRANTZ and GUILDENSTERN enter.

GUILDENSTERN
My lord, could I have a word with you?
GUILDENSTERN
Dawg, can I talk to you for a min ?

HAMLET
You got a tale bruh not just a word.

GUILDENSTERN
Bro, the king—

HAMLET
what about him dawg?

GUILDENSTERN
He’s in his chambers now, and he’s putting a pissy fit on

HAMLET
What is e gonna call his mummy? Oh wait she dead *snaps finger*

GUILDENSTERN
No, dawg, he’s .pressed

HAMLET
You should be smart enough to tell this to a thearpist, not me, since if
I treated him, he’d just get more pressed
GUILDENSTERN
My dude , please try to stick to the subject at hand.

HAMLET
I’ll be good,so good manz

GUILDENSTERN
The queen your mother is pressed too , and sent me to see you.
GUILDENSTERN
The queen your mother is upset, and sent me to see you.

GUILDENSTERN
No, my lord, your polite words are not to the point. If you could
please stop fooling around, I’ll tell you what your mother wants. If
not, I’ll leave you alone and that’ll be the end of my business.

HAMLET
Sir, I can’t.
GUILDENSTERN
Can’t what, my lord?

HAMLET
Stop fooling around. My mind is confused. But I’ll do my best to give
you a straight answer, as you wish—or rather, as my mother wishes.
Okay, to the point. My mother, you say …?
ROSENCRANTZ
She says that your behavior has astonished her.

HAMLET
Oh, what a wonderful son, I can impress my mother! But what’s the
upshot of her admiration? Do tell.

ROSENCRANTZ
She wants to have a word with you in her bedroom before you go to
bed.

HAMLET
I’d obey even if she were my mother ten times over. Is there anything
else I can do for you?

ROSENCRANTZ
My lord, you used to like me.

ROSENCRANTZ
My lord, what’s wrong with you? You’re not doing yourself any good
by refusing to tell your friends what’s bothering you.

HAMLET
Sir, I have no future ahead of me.
ROSENCRANTZ
But how can you say that, when the king himself says you’re the heir
to the Danish throne?
The PLAYERS enter with recorders .
HAMLET
Yes, eventually, but as the proverb goes, “While the grass grows …” But
that’s a tired old proverb. Oh, the recorders! Let me see one.(he takes a
recorder and turns to GUILDENSTERN ) Why are you hovering so close,
as if you want to ambush me?

GUILDENSTERN
Oh, my lord, I’m sorry if I’ have no manners. It’s just that I’m worried
about you.
HAMLET
IWill you play this recorder?

GUILDENSTERN
I can’t, my lord.

HAMLET
Please.
GUILDENSTERN
I’m serious, I can’t.

HAMLET
I’m begging you.

GUILDENSTERN
I have no idea how.

HAMLET
Oh, it’s as easy as lying. Just put your fingers and thumb over the holes
and blow into it, and it’ll produce the most moving music. Here, the
holes are here.
GUILDENSTERN
But I can’t play a melody. I don’t know how.

HAMLET
Well, look how you play me dawg as if you knew exactly where to put
your fingers, to blow the mystery out of me, playing all the octaves of
my range—and yet you can’t even produce music from this little
instrument? My God, do you think I’m easier to manipulate than a pipe?
You can push my buttons, but you can’t play me for a fool.

POLONIUS enters.
Hello and i wish god on you

POLONIUS
My lord, the queen wants to speak with you right away.

Act 3 Scene 3:(Aidan, Fidel, abbi) 163-169

Enter King Claudius, Rosencrantz, and Guildenstern

King Claudius: I think Hamlet is crazy, he is a lunatic. I am sending you

on a “special mission”, and you are taking Hamlet with you. I’m King,
and I can’t risk Hamlet’s stupidity and craziness becoming something
dangerous. He’s getting crazier.

King Guildenstern: Don’t worry G, we got it. It’s our job to keep
everyone safe.

Rosencrantz: Everyone wants to be safe, and not get hurt. Yet people
want more protection. When the big guy dies, he takes others down
with him emotionally. Everyone goes through a depression arc when
he gets sad. He’s a big influence.

King Claudius: Get ready, you’re in charge of Hamlet. He’s an increasing

danger.

Rosencrantz/ Guildenstern: We’ll hurry. We got this.

Rosencrantz/ Guildenstern exit scene

Enter Polonius

Polonius: What’s up G. Saw Hamlet going to big mom’s room. Imma be

nosy and eavesdrop. I bet she’s going to give him a beating. She might be
biased though, being his mom and all. So she might hear him out. So
imma let you know what she says G.

King Claudius: Thanks side hoe.

Exit Polonius
King Claudius: Oh my lord, I have committed so many sins it stinks to
high heaven. Each day my guilt keeps growing, and it’s become stronger
than my intentions. I'm so fake putting a face one for 2 different
people that I care for. It haunts me, I can't move. What If the root if
from my brothers blood, is there enough rain to wash the blood away
from God, isn't that what he does? Praying is supposed to keep us from
sinning and forgiving us, I'll pray for forgiveness of the horrible
muder. No that work work. Why am I covering for my bros, this is not
fear, this is the ture me, help me god make me new, I want all to be
good.

Hamlet Enters

Hamlet: He’s just kneeling there. He is praying. Imma do it to

him.(Hamlet draws his *insert weapon of choice*) He’ll get to meet god.
And then I'm happy. Let’s sit on this plan a little more. He killed my
daddy, I’ll do so in return. He killed my happy daddy. He killed him who
hasn’t got the chance to pay for his mistakes. Only the big guy knows
how bad my daddy messed up. His chances aren't looking so good.

Is it ok to do all this while he prays for his oopsie-whoopsies, where he

could just go straight into the good parts of heaven? No, I should
wait little bit longer.(puts his *insert weapon of choice* away) When he’s
in an orgy, or bangin’ my mom, or swearing like a sailor when he’s in
the casino, or doing other no good deeds -- that’s when I’ll do it, when
I send him to Hell . All he’s doing is stalling for time.

Hamlet Exits
King Claudius: (Unkneels) I talk to god, but not really. God will never
hear my prayers.

King Claudius Exits

Act 3, Scene 4: (Giovanni, Danica, Brittney)

Polonius: Tell your son that his little games aren't funny, and he’s
causing a lot of problems for the king.

Hamlet: (offstage) Mother! Mother! MOther!

Gertrude: Please, I will do as you say. Now quick, hide away for I hear
him.

Polonius: (hides behind tapestry)

Hamlet: ( enters) : Mummy what's wrong

Gertrude: Hamlet you disgraceful child you've insulted my step bro

and your daddy

Hamlet: Mother look at what you’ve done, father would be

disappointed

Gertrude: Don’t give me little brain answers

Hamlet: Question me so, Mother.

Gertrude: What the hell do you mean you disgrace?

Hamlet: Hm?

Gertrude: Have you forgotten I am your mom you little sh*t, don’t
talk to me like that.

Hamlet: How could I forget you are my mummy when you married my
uncle now daddy. It disgust me so much I wish I were adopted

Gertrude: I also wish you were adopted, but you clearly can’t talk to
me, why don’t you speak to someone else.

Hamlet: Oh hell no sit your a** down and confess because this is some
messy sh*t

Gertrude: Or else what you finna stab me

Polonius: *rat noises* (from behind the tapestry)

Hamlet: ew is is that rat

( stabs Polonius through tapestry )

Polonius: ( from behind tapestry ) BRO WTF IM NOT A RAT, up oh sh*i'm

ded.
Gertrude: OMG WHAT DID YOU DO DISGRACEFUL LITTLE SH*T(HAMLET
NO)

Hamlet: Ay, was that the king? (stabs the Tapestry again)

Gertrude: OH my god. what have you done

Hamlet: You know what, at least i didn't kill my husband and marry his
brother you gold digging hoe (GOTEM)

Gertrude: NOw listen her you little shi-

Hamlet: who is behind here

( finds Polonius behind tapestry )

Oh you nosy a* s having piece of sh*t, this is what your a** gets for
eavesdropping. That's why your wife ran off from your bald a** having
self. You got what you deserve, snitches get stitches. Hoe.

(looks to gertrude)
Stop your crying with your fake a**, this wouldn’t have happened if
yall didnt cause issues. Messy as hell. You ain't cried when your
husband died and you got that big fat life insurance check. Hoe

Gertrude: WHat have I done to make you think you can talk to me like
that
Hamlet: Uh I don’t know, maybe break your vows, kill your husband,
marry my uncle.

Gertrude: WHAT!

Hamlet: DOnt try to deny it hoe. I don't know why you killed daddy,
you were in love with him (hamlet starts to sob while speaking). I just
can't understand how you could do it.

Gertrude: Oh Please Hamlet! No! Hamlet shut up

Hamlet: No because you make love in those sin infested sheets

Gertrude: Hamlet Please! Quiet yourself

Hamlet: You sleep with a walmart brand king-

(Ghost enters)

Daddy is that you

Gertrude: Excuse Me?

Hamlet: Daddy did I do my job right?

Ghost: Hamlet, I've come to remind you of what I have asked of you.
You are depressed, that's why you can see me but your mother cannot.
Go console her, son

Hamlet: Mummy what's wrong

Gertrude: What's Wrong! What's wrong is that your speaking to no one

Hamlet: you don't see him

Gertrude: There is no one there

Hamlet: He’s right in front of me, can’t you hear him?

Gertrude: I cannot hear anyone you buffoon

Hamlet: Look he’s leaving

(ghost exits)

Gertrude: hAM hAM YOUR GOING CRAZY

Hamlet: Crazy? Let me rephrase, because you cannot see your plagued
state, as you are riddled with the crime, sin, and filth of the king!

Gertrude: hAMLET YOU’RE BREAKING MY HEART!

Hamlet: gOOD THEN THROW AWAY THE OTHER HALF, AND WITH WHAT
YOU HAVE LEFT OF A HEART CHOOSE TO NOT SLEEP WITH MY UNCLE
TONIGHT. fOR THEN IT WILL BE EASIER TO DENY HIM TOMORROW AND
THE DAY AFTER THAT

Gertrude: What should I do

Hamlet: wHATEVER YOU DO DON’T LET HIM CALL YOU HIS LITTLE KITTEN
BUNNY BOO IN BED TONIGHT, REFRAIN FROM SLEEPING WITH HIM AND
CONFESS TO HIM YOU KNOW OF HIS SINS

Gertrude: I’ve heard your words now, but with you here, I can’t note
that what you’ve said is true.

Hamlet: i HAVE TO LEAVE FOR ENGLAND

Gertrude: i HAD FORGOT ABOUT THAT, BUT YES IT IS OFFICIAL

Hamlet: yES IT IS, iLL BE LEAVING WITH MY TWO SNITCHES OF FRIENDS

TONIGHT. oFF TO CREATE TROBULE IS ALWAYS FUN ISNT IT, TO WATCH AN
ENGIneERS OWN BOMB EXPOLDE IN HIS FACE IS THE GREASTEST FORM OF
SATIFACTION. yES TONIGHT I SHALL GO AND KILL TWO BIRDS WITH ONE
STONE (POINTS TO POLONIUS) nOW THAT HE’S DEAD I GOTTA GO HIDE HIM.
peACE!

( They exit. Hamlet dragging Polonius off stage)