Amelia Bross

Ms. Dungey

Independent Research

18 May 2022

The Fight: A Journey Through Depression

“Don’t fall into the dark place” is something that I was always told as a child, but I never

understood the meaning of the phrase. I always thought that my mom meant literal darkness, like

when my lights are turned off before going to bed, but that's not what she was talking about.

When I started to become older, the darkness became something more than lights being

turned off. The darkness became a battle to fight. An everyday battle. Constantly trying to take

me down and win, but I refused to give up. Depression was not going to win. I was.

When you look into a mirror, there are two reflections. A physical and a mental. Both of

these reflections are seen at different times. A physical reflection is seen in public, while a

mental reflection is behind closed doors.

The physical is what I show to the world. Smiling so hard until my face is in pain,

laughing until my stomach hurts so much that it is hard to breathe and constantly making funny

jokes to make others smile, but this is not who I truly am.

My mental reflection is only seen by me. It takes over me. The moment I am alone, all of

my feelings rush through me. My tears full of mascara begin to flow down my face, falling

asleep starts to seem impossible, and waking up begins to seem like a chore. My smile turns into

a frown and my motivation begins to fade.

Chapter 1- Why me? Is something I often asked myself. All of my friends and family were

happier than ever, truly happy. Yet I was hiding every true feeling I had. Struggling to even do

daily tasks. I knew that this feeling was not normal. I was barely making it to the next day.

Laying in bed all day with no motivation to even think about getting out of bed. What is wrong

with me?

I knew that I needed to figure out what was going on. Life was passing by me day by day

while I was mentally still on the previous. Everyone was moving along and I was stuck. Unable

to move. I was barely holding myself together and it felt as if no one noticed, but my mom did.

My mom noticed that I was missing school, sleeping all the time and not eating. She was

the one that knew I wasn’t okay. My grandmother had severe depression when my mother was a

child. My mom knew the signs of depression and saw that I was portraying them.

My mother decided to have a conversation with me. She explained that she saw some of

the same characteristics her mother had when dealing with depression. My mother knew I had

depression. She knew that this was just the beginning. It was only going to get worse overtime.

Depression was just beginning to take over. This was just the first battle. Who knew how

many more were going to be left. I felt as if I was losing myself. Constantly battling myself

every single day. Trying to stay positive and hoping that it would eventually end, but I was

wrong. This was just the first chapter. This was the first battle out of many more to come.

Chapter 2- Social media always had a big impact on my mental health. The constant

stereotypes being created about impossible ways for someone to look and feel about themselves.

Even though social media had a bad side, I knew that I wasn't alone. Constantly seeing people

post about their feelings which are almost the exact same as me. Millions of people across the
world are struggling with depression like I am. I am not alone. I knew that the war I was fighting,

I could fight along with others.

Knowing that this is going to be a constant battle, I need someone by my side. Someone

other than my mother who was going to make a huge impact on my life for the best. I found that

person. There was someone who made an impact on my life. My therapist. My therapist saved

me.

My therapist was there for me every step of the way. Both the good and the bad days. I

was prescribed antidepressants to help decrease any symptoms I had with depression, but it was

not a permanent solution.

My antidepressants were able to help me begin to overcome depression. Yes it is still an

everyday battle, but I am able to still live life. Even on the rough days that I struggle with, but

therapy helped me the most.

My therapist allowed me to express my feelings. I was able to truly open up about myself

and how I feel. Finding ways to help myself in emotional situations, whether it was to slow

down, breathe, or write my feelings down in a journal. Depression is a battle I will fight against

for the rest of my life and I will not give up. Not without a fight.

Chapter 3- After therapy, everything was different. Depression was still a part of my everyday

life, but I was able to not let it overshadow me. Life was beginning to move at the pace it always

has been. I am able to keep up with the days, do daily tasks and hang out with the people I love.

It was starting to become easier. The battle was beginning to slow down, but it was still

there. A part of me still was in the battle, fighting constantly. While the other let go and began to

live the life I have always wanted.

 Some days the battle is harder than others and I take a step back. I know that the battles I

have with myself are going to be challenging, but not impossible to beat. Even though I am

living with depression, it does not define me. The battle inside of my head is not who I truly am.

I began to seek happiness in the smallest moments. Even if it was just someone smiling

or waving at me, I found happiness and peace within me. It may not seem like a big deal to my

present self, but it would to my past self. The rest of my life is dedicated to her. I know that she

is proud. I had finally won the battle, depression didn’t.