Prolouge

Paano mo mahihiwatig na napamahal kana?

Na sa bawat titig niya ay sadyang nalulunod ka. Nababliw kapag nariyan
siya.
Lahat ng exprisyon, galaw at tawa niya ay nauulol kana.
Parang baliw. Pero ganun talaga pag may minahal ka
Nakakabaliw. Hindi mona alam san hihinto at di mona maiintindihan ang
bawat galaw mo dahil nalulunod kana sa pagmamahal na naibuhos mo at
naibuhos niya saiyo.
Pero kapag ba nawala ito ng parang bula.
May magagawa kapa ba?
When all of the time he gave you attention, comfort and love.
When all of the things take out.. Where should I put myself for.
_
Hi dear reader! I’m so glad you had read the proluge part ;) fighting
for the next chapter. This also contains work of fiction. Names,
characters, some places and incidents are used fictitiously. Any
resemblance to actual event, places, persons, living or dead, is
entirely coincidental.
Halina’t subaybayan niyo ang bawat imahinasyon ko sa storying ito. <3
Keep safe and stabilize your mental health love.
 Chapter 1
Pagulong gulong ako sa sarili kong kama. Tila bat ayaw nang aking
sariling katawang bumangon.
“Anong oras naba?” tanong ko saking sarili. Nakapikit padin ako dahil
ayaw kopang magising. Alam kong sabado ngayon kaya’t nagpupuyat ako
kagabi at nanunuod sa Netflix ng mga palabas na movies.
Kinapa kapa ko kung san nilagay ang phone ko kagabi saaking side
table. Alam ko naming narito lang yon. Tsaka snitretch ko ang aking
sarili para naman magising
At ilang minuto ang nakalipas, naramdaman kona ang screen ng phone ko.
“Gothca!” I said.
Everytime na matutulog ako. I off my phone para no notifications that
make me get it and read it. Naku distractions. Lalo nat sa twitter.
Maraming notification na mag pa-pop up kasi different time zones na
mga mutual ko.
In on kona ang aking phone. Then there it goes parang pop corn na
notifications. Napangiti ako. Mamaya kona yan aatubagin. Self care
muna.
Then I get off quickly at my bed. I smilled.
“New day, new possibilities of new experiences.” Sabi ko.
Again at my routine. I make a stretch that every 30 seconds another
new positions. At consist of 5 minutes. Early strecth just again to
wake up my body.
No stretch, lutang always. Lutang equals no productivity. Equals again
lazy days. Bangon tayo girl. Sayang oras.
Then I make my bed.

Para iwas higa, kasi ganun ako eh. Ba’t ba. Tsaka pumunta na ako sa
aking study desk. My mirror dun kasi trip kong tignan yung sarili ko
kapag so boring na at may study break na ako.

I’d smile. Mini self care always make my heart and mind stable.
Kinuha ko aking journal book and affirmation book that I bought every
new year. Just to make myself mind. Affirmation to what to do for the
day.
That makes me feel like I’m on my growth and I have a process that
made everyday usefull I have an wall that build to myself and make me
to know me more.
Self love. Heal from the past inner truma.
And always remember na bawat galaw mo kailangan mong pagisipan. Focus
on what you may pledge to the future and to less think of the past.
Cause this day would be the past tomorrow. So the competition around
here is compete what you have did yesterday that make your tomorrow on
another level. And also It’s damn okay to take a break for a day and
be lazy. Bawi bukas. ;) know limits lang talaga.
After I read my affirmation, kinuha ko naman yung Bibble ko and make
up 10 minutes bibble study.
God words make me feel comfort and secure. That no one else could make
me feel.
Then after that cinomb ko muna ang buhok ko. My hair was just shoulder
length. Na aadik ako sa gantong buhok ko, mas bagay. Tsaka I have a
bangs, a long curtain bangs.
After that kinuha ko na ang phone ko. Na stop naden yung
notifications. I’d press muna my tiwtter spam account. Which where I
kinda put my rants
Aly: alyspam_
Hey universe, I did up my mini self routine. Then after that I’d like
to scroll on my soc meds and take a bath after. I wake up siguro mga
5:45 A.M its now 6:20 A.M may my day full fill love and productivity
that could give me growth. Rant later!
I get up a notification that ny twitter just sent.
Then I did what I’d rant on my twitter.
Chineck ko yung messenger ko. There was an activity given today and a
reminder of an online class would occur.
Yes. Were on online class. Nasa pandemya kami.
It’s been so long quarantine. Natatakot na ako sa mga tao paminsan
minsan kaya’t stay at home lang talaga. Almost 2 years nadin itong
pandemya. Hindi pa kami nakakaahon. And well rumours says na there
would be face-to-face class again. Since meron naming vaccine. And yet
heres the ironic part.
Theres another virus that have spread. SO ironic..
Kaya’t id stay at home as possible. Not gonna lie, being an introvert
makes this set up heaven.
I’d just reacted heart message to my Professor.
Yes I’m on my 1st year college. I’m taking Architecture Course.
And its been the first time to take this semester online class since I
was in Senior High last year and conducted up an Online Class.
New set of Classmates and Stress.
After that pumunta na ako sa banyo. I light up my candles. Scented
candles just to make the mood light up even more.
Gosh this is life.
Life for a moment without stress.
The warm shower felt on my skin. I had taned skin.
I’d take more than 30 minutes of taking a self care bath.
Then I change my clothes more comfy. Then pumunta na ako sa baba.
I saw my lola smilled at me.
“Goodmorning Lola kong maganda.” I said smilling her back to. I hug
her so thight she kiss my forehead as response.
“Ang bango ng apo ko. Goodmorning den.” She said.
“Timpla muna ako kape lola, uminom kana po ba ng gatas nyo?” tanong
ko.
“Hinde pa apo.”
“Sige po, pag timpla po kita.” Sabi ko.
Ngumiti lang siya sakin at lumakad palayo. Papunta yata siya dun sa
garden namen. Na siya din naman ang nagaalaga.
Most of all my lola likes Orchids. Just because they are simple yet
attractive.
Pumunta na ako sa kusina at nag go-goodmorning sa mga yaya ko.
Ngumiti sila saakin at binate ako.
Pagkatapos nagtimpla na ako ng gatas ni lola at nagtimpla ng ice
coffee ko.
At pumunta ako sa garden namin.
Nakita ko siyang nakatingin sa malayo. Nakangiti.
Lumingon siya sakin at ngumiti. Kumaway ako sa kanya.
Papunta na siya sa direksyon ko.. Mayroong table ditto sa garden at
umupo sa tabe ko.
“Iniisip nyo po ba si Lolo, la?” Tanong ko.
It’s been a decade since lolo Henry died. He died on a car accident.
I’ve been 5 Years old that time. I saw how my mom cried. And lola’s
grief. She grief by planting more plants to our garden. That’s how he
grief on my lolo.
“Palagi apo.” Sabi niya sakin.
Ngumiti ako ng pilit. Damn. The love of your life died. Well maybe
that’s how god made us to make us stronger pero why so soon?
I am so amazed how much people can survive, endure and how they can go
living, laughing. After through devastation, indescribable loss,
people’s heart still beat. People can, still live, This is perpiexing,
bewildering news to me. Difies all sense and gravity to me.
She touch my hand and squize it softly.
“Apo, there are many times that I’d badly want to sumunod sa lolo mo.
But yet there are times when I want to tell that to myself.
Napapaniginipan ko ang lolo mo sa panaginip ko. Lagi siyang ngumiti at
nagsabing. “Magsasama ulit tayo, susunod sa kabilang buhay ditto.
Hintay lang kaunti mahal. Hahawakan ko ang iyong kamay at puso kapag
hindi mona makaya ang lahat ng sakit na ibinigay ko sayo. May mission
kapa diyan sa mundo mahal ko. Hintay lang okay?” sabi niya. Ngumiti
siya.
“Siguro apo yung mission ko, hahanapin ka ng asawa para mapaikasal ka,
yung mabuti mabait at mapagkumbaba. Pero alam kong Malabo. Naku
talaga. Di natin maapipilit ang pagmamahal.” Sabi niya.
Natawa namana ako. “La wag nga po kayong ganyan. DIto muna tayo sa
mundo. Wag muna lola. Gagawin ko po lahat ng magawa ko mapangiti po
kita.” Sabi ko. And lazily smilled at her.

Gusto kong pumunta sa ibang parte ditto sa Pilipinas.

At magbabakasyon.
Wait.
I should.
“Lola. Since di panama talaga fully start yung klase namin.
Magbabakasyon po tayo. Tayo nila mama at papa. ANo po? G kayo?” Exited
kung sabi.
Ngumiti ng Malaki si Lola Lorme.
“Nako apo. Nagp-abala kapa. Ayaw ko ng gumastos ng pera.” Sabi niya.
“Nako si lola parang ewan. Maraming pera sila mommy tskaka Daddy.
Tsaka may ipon po ako. Gagamitin kopo iyon saiyo.” Sabi ko.

“Time doesn’t comeback. Money can grow and can be handle pero satin
yung time hinde napo.” I smilled lazily. “Tsaka po lola, its been
years since di tayo nakakalabas ano. Tsaka may vaccine naman tayo. I’d
probably book a vacation somewhere here in the Philipiines lola.” Sabi
ko.
Nakatingin lang siya sakin ngumiti ito at nagsabing.
“Nako apo ko, sigi na nga naman lalo’t nat college kana masayadong ma
stress at matatambak kana sa bahay. G ako. Pero sasabihin mo lang
sakin kapag wala kanang pera okay?” She said.

I smilled widely.
“Okay po lola. Naku maski wag napo hehe. Inumin nyo muna ang gatas
niyo at magbobook ako ng flight mamaya pagaktapos nating kumain ng
almusal.” Sabi ko
Pagkatapos nun ay sumunod naman siya sa tugon ko at nagkwentuhan pa
kami at tinatanaw ang mga bulaklak na nakagaan ng luob tignan.
Then after a while. Tinawag na kami ni Yaya na magal-musal nadaw.
Nakita kong naruon nat naka-upo si Mama sa lamesa.

“Ma goodmorning” sabi ko tsaka kiniss yung cheeks niya. “San si Papa?”
tanong ko.
Ngumiti siya sakin at sinabing “Goodmorning anak ko. Nasa taas si
daddy mo. Paki tawag nalang.” Sabi nito.
Tumango lang ako bilang pagsagot.
Pumunta na ako sa taas para tawagin si papa nang bigla akong nakarinig
ng bulong galling sa cr.
Nakapasok na ako sa silid. Ng biglang walang mailabas na salita sa
bibig ko. Parang gusto kong makinig sa kwento nila. Di naman ako ganto
since I respect privacy from my parents.
Not when I feel this kind of feeling.
Pahinay-hi