The Simonie

Opening stanzas B 118

Dear lords, listen to me for a while about a new menace that has begun:
how the world is turned upside down with falseness by Simony and
Covetousness, famous masters of wrong. Jesus, if this is by your will, their
power is lasting too long.
May the grace of sweet Jesus Christ, who died on the cross, and that of his
Mother, Mary, be among us today and grant us the strength and grace to
know the ways by which we may have the everlasting joy of being with him
in heaven who is called father and son.
Listen, lords—the day is somewhat long—and you will hear of both joy and
mourning. First of plenty and mirth, then of hunger and severe dearth.
Those who wish to know themselves, listen and you may learn B 622 “If
each man knew himself.”).
You who will stay, listen, and you will hear why war and destruction are in the
land and manslaughter has come, why hunger and dearth on earth have seized
the poor, why beasts are starving and wheat is so dear. Listen, whoever will,
for I will not lie. Heaven-blessed may be he who listens here for a while, how
plenty and mirth are downtrodden by pride, how it has turned steadfastness
and truth to treachery, and how all poor men sing “Alas, I am dying from
hunger!” Praised be the King of Heaven, for such is his might.¹
1 This ought to make men afraid of God’s great might

God greets all the people and has them understand that there is but Falseness
and Treachery in the land. At the court of Rome, where Truth should begin, he
is forbidden from the palace and dares not enter for fear. Even if the pope
called him in, he would stay outside. All the pope’s clerks have agreed that
should Truth come among them, he shall be slain. If he should encounter
Simony, he will lose his head.

The voice of the clerk is ignored at the court of Rome, unless he brings gold or
silver, even if he were the holiest man ever born. Alas, why do they love
something so much that is worthless? But if a fornicator or scoundrel comes
to court with gold and silver, his needs are speedily met. Thus Greed and
Simony have the world at their will.

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 Archbishops and bishops should examine the state of all men of religion, but
some are fools themselves, leading a feeble life. So they dare not speak, lest
a strife among the clergy arise and each reveal others’ weak ways. The church
has been much degraded since St Thomas of Canterbury, a just bishop who
governed the church properly, was struck down. Now many are ignorant and
work poorly so that all is amiss. Though everyone knows no one can serve
two masters, too many are in office with the king and gather heaps of gold
while they ignore the state of the church, against God’s will.

Archdeacons who are sworn to make visitations to their churches soon begin
to work wickedly. They take bribes and with their mouths shut by Greed, let
their parson and priest have wives as they like. When an old parson dies, the
young clerks start to woo the patron and bishop with gifts. Upon his horse,
Greed soon delivers silver to the bishop and whispers in his ear. All the poor
clerks have no chance, for whoever brings the most will have the church. Thus
all goes amiss.

As soon as the young parson is installed in his church, he begins to scheme.

The mice can’t eat the grain in his barn, for he spends it at a cursed house, and
it is all used up by Christmas Day. When he has gathered together marks and
pounds, he rides out into a strange country with hawks and hounds, and holds
a wench in a hut; she who catches such a parson first will do well. This is how
they serve the chapels and the church. He takes all he can from the church
and leaves nothing for the poor, and leaves there behind him a thief and a
whore—a servant and a milkmaid who lead a sad life as they openly go to bed
as a good man and his wife, with sorrow. No poor man shall have their alms at
evening or on the morrow.²
2 These lines are ambiguous and, as the editors offer, can mean that the
parson either has a thief and a whore for his servants, or has turned his
servants into a thief and a whore Embree and Urquhart 117. In context, the
latter seems more likely, good folk turned into sinners due to poverty and
the corrupt parson’s influence.

When he has sold wool and sheep for silver, he packs his purse with a kerchief,
comb and mirror, a cap to bind his hair, and a fiddle for playing.³

3 The original text reads:

and patyl on the rowbyble and in non other bokes C 94

(and rattles on his fiddle and on no other books)

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 The word rowbyble (rouwe bible A 88 (rübibe, ribibe, rebibe), “violin,” is a
pun on “bible” that drives the full line, which obviously cannot be captured
in modern English. The grooming aids and headdresses reflect not only his
vanity but his desire to conceal his tonsure and thus clerical identity. The
musical instrument suggests ribaldry.

The bishop who allows him to do so bears the blame, but although he knows
about it, he can be silenced with a little silver. He takes meed from clerks and
supports wenches, and lets the parish be destroyed. The devil drown him for
his works! Sorry may the father be who ever made him a clerk!

If the parson has a clean-living priest who is a good minister to maiden and to
wife, then another will put him out by working for a little less, but his
knowledge is not worth a farthing and he hardly knows his mass. Thus the
parson’s sheep go astray for lack of guidance. An ignorant priest is no better
than a jay; he speaks good English but does not know what he says, nor does
he understand the gospels he reads. Everyone knows, by the cross, that there
are many priests; but not all are good, and they ruin the reputation of those
who are by playing foolish games at night, going about with sword and
buckler as if they would fight.

Abbots and priors go against right, riding with hawks and hounds as though
they were knights. They should shun such pride and practice religion, but now
Pride is lord and master in each order’s house. Religion is not tended and goes
all wrong. As surely as I will die one day, wherever there is religion, there is
envy. Men of religion have been so changed by Pride and Envy that there is
no longer unity among them; love and charity are turned to woe and ruin.

If six or seven men come to any abbey and one asks for alms in God’s name,
he will stand outside hungry and cold. No man, young or old, will help him out
of love for the king of all kings who sits above us all. But if a boy comes with
a letter for the abbot from a lord who could do him harm, the porter leads him
into the hall and makes him warm, while God’s man stands outside. That is a
sorry law! Thus God almighty is driven out of religion. He may not come
among them in field or in town; his men are unwelcome, both early and late.
The porter is ordered to keep them outside the gate in the fen. How well can
they love the lord, who treat his men so?

Those in orders suffer great sorrow for our Lord’s love; they wear socks in
their shoes and furred boots; they are well fed with good flesh and fish, and if
the meat is good, little is left in the dish. Thus they torture their bodies to
keep Christ’s commandment. Religion was founded for endurance of penance;

The Simonie 3
 now it is greatly turned to pride and gluttony. Where will you find rosier, fairer
or fatter men than monks, canons or friars in town? Truthfully, there is no
easier life than religion. The man of religion knows what he will do every day.
He cares about nothing but his noon meal; he doesn’t worry about clothing or
rent; but when he comes to eat, he fills his stomach with the best food, then
goes to rest. If he has a stomach ache after his meal, he draws a good quart
or more of strong ale, the best brewed, and soon goes to rest. This is the
bodily penance paid, night and day.
There are other men of religion: Franciscans, Dominicans, Carmelites and
Augustinians, who will preach more for a bushel of wheat than to bring a soul
to rest out of Hell’s heat. Greed is lord, east and west. If I go to a friar and
ask for absolution, and you go to another and bring him a gift, you will be
taken into the refectory and welcomed, while I stand outside like a man mad
with sorrow, and my errand will not be fulfilled until the morrow.
If a rich man is overtaken by illness, the friars go to him all day, but if a poor
man lies in great suffering, they loathe the one friar who goes to him. Now
you know how the game goes. If a rich, powerful man dies, the friars will
fight for his body all day. The cow does not low for the calf, but for the good
grass that grows in the meadow, I swear. All good men know what I mean. As
sure as I must cover my head with my hat, the friar will attend to the dead man
if the body is fat, but by the faith I have in God, if the body is lean the friar will
walk about the cloister and keep his feet clean in his house.⁴ How can they
deny that they are greedy?
4 Theoretically all Christians were due a proper burial, but by this time fees
were frequently required. In the romance Sir Amadace, the hero spends his
last money to pay for the burial of an impoverished merchant. In Piers
Plowman, Piers expects, or hopes, to have a church burial and mass, since
he had paid the parish priest his tithes promptly “for peril of my soul” B VI
93.
There is another religious order, the Hospitallers, who are lords and sires over
the country. They should all be afraid when they think of how the Templars⁵
have succeeded on account of pride. In truth, property comes and goes as
does the weather in March.

5 The Knights Templar, a military and religious order, was suppressed in

1312 by the papacy and their property transferred to the Hospitallers. In
England, much of their seized wealth went to the crown McKisack 292.

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 Officials and deans who hold court should chastise men who sin and embolden
them. But give a gift to the official where you plan to live, and you will have a
year’s leave to serve the devil. If they have the silver, they take no notice of
sin. If a man has a wife he doesn’t love, he brings her to the consistory court,
where truth should be wrought. If he brings two false witnesses with him and
he testifies as the third, he shall be separated from his wife, and will be
supported in leading a wicked life.⁶

6 Dissolution of marriage was within the purview of the ecclesiastical

(consistory) courts. There was no “divorce,” only annulment or separation.
Brundage 510 finds little evidence of corruption in those actions, but his
study is based on official records, which would not be likely to include
corrupt dealings and do not always accord with the representations in
literature.
When he has left his true spouse and takes his neighbor’s wife into his house, if
he has enough silver to send among the clerks, he may have her to his life’s
end. God curse those who deal with such deceit!
But there is another craft related to clerical learning: the physicians, who help
men die.⁷
7 Most physicians were technically secular clergy.

He wags his patient’s urine in a glass vessel and swears by St John that the
man is sicker than he is and tells the wife: “Dame, for lack of help, the good
man is slain.” Thus he frightens everyone there and makes up lies to win silver.
Then he begins to comfort the wife; “Dame, if you lay out the cost, we shall
save his life,” though he has no idea whether the man will live or die.

First he begins to blear the wife’s eye and asks for half a pound to buy spices;
eight shillings goes for wine and ale, and he brings them roots and rinds, a
bagful worth nothing. It will be an expensive brew when it is done. He praises
the remedy and swears as though mad: “By the King of England, the drink is
sweet and good!” and gives the man a large drink, which makes him worse
than he was. The clerk who takes silver and works falsely must be evil! He
tells the wife to boil a capon and a piece of beef, but the patient never gets a
morsel, no matter how much he wants it. The physician stuffs himself and
gives the man lean broth that is not good for the sick. God curse him for
deceiving the good man so! He makes himself as comfortable as he can at
night and looks after his horse and servant. The next day he takes the urine

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 and shakes it in the sun and lies to the wife, “Dame, blessed be God, the
master is saved.” Thus he takes the silver and deceives the good wife.

By my soul, this world is cursed. Both ignorant and learned men have many
dealings with Falseness, who comes to each fair and pitches his booth first.
The unlearned are the concern of the pope, who greets them well—William,
Richard and John—and has them understand that truth is gone. He says that
whoever drove Truth out of the land without process of law deserves to be
hanged and drawn. When Truth was in the land, he was a good friend, always
ready to speak for poor men, who now go down; may God avenge them!
Pride and Greed judge overall and turn the laws upside down; thus are poor
men destroyed, while rich men don’t have the slightest fear of God.

Earls, barons and knights who are powerful in town and field are sworn to
uphold the church; knighthood was created to fight for the church, without fail.
But they are the first to assail it. They make war and cause destruction in the
land, where there should be peace. They should prove their might by going to
the Holy Land and help avenge Jesus Christ. Then they would be true knights,
but they are lions in the hall and hares in the field instead.⁸
8 The phrase may be conventional. It also appears in the Summa
Predicantium of John Bromyard: “Hi sunt in pretoriis leones, in preliis
lepores” and describes knights as fierce in the hall, where they should be
courteous, and timid on the fighting field, where they should be fierce
Owst 331.
Knights should wear clothing according to their order, just as a friar should.
But now they are disguised in such diverse array that no one can tell a knight
from a minstrel. So Meekness has fallen low, and Pride risen high, and the
order of knighthood turned upside down. They should be as courteous as any
lady in the land, but they chide like any scold in town; for a knight to speak all
manner of filth is shameful. Thus chivalry is corrupted and grown lame.

Chivalry is now crippled and wickedly ordered. If a boy can bear a spear, he
shall be made a knight. Thus knights of unnatural blood are gathered and taint
the order that should be gentle, good and noble. One shrew in a court may
disgrace a whole company.⁹

9 See “Variants.”
To serve God, knights shall swear each limb: his eyes, his feet, his nails; his
soul is not spared. Now they are the gentry in the chamber and hall, but on
doomsday no man can hide his oaths.

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 Now there is not a vain squire on this earth who does not wear a bauble and a
long beard, and swears often by God’s soul and often vows to God: “I curse
him for that, by God, both hosed and shod, for his works!” God is wroth with
both unlearned men and clerks for such oaths.¹⁰

10 The C-version is somewhat confused here, probably due to scribal error.

The A and B texts read: “And now there is no squire on this earth who
does not bear a bauble [knife] and a long beard, and all day swears by
God’s soul and vows to God. But if he should lose tunic or coat for each
vow, I believe he would stand stark naked, twice a day or evening” A 271
76, B 34348.
God’s soul is sworn, and the squire’s knife sticks out. Though his boots are all
torn, he still swaggers about. His hood hangs on his breast, like a slobbering
lout’s. Alas, the soul deserves to be lost for such pride of the body. Truthfully,
he is deceived when he thinks he is doing well. They have found a new fashion
that is now seen in every town. Stripes are turned sideways that used to go
up and down. They are costumed as tormentors in a clerk’s play, and are so
disguised that they are no longer like men.¹¹ They are all caught up with pride
and have cast dignity into a ditch.
11 Extravagance in both men’s and women’s clothing was frequently
criticized.

Officials under the king¹² who should maintain right make a fair, clear day into
dark night.

12 “Justices, sheriffs, mayors, bailiffs” A 289;

“Justices, sheriffs, stewards” B 392.

They go their own way and won’t stop on account of scandal, and their
chamber at home is their courtroom. It is the poor man who suffers
continually. ¹³
13 “If the hand is crossed with silver, it will go well enough” A 294, B 396.

When the king needs strong men from each town to help him with his war—
fourteen or ten—for ten or twelve shillings the strong men stay at home and
send wretches who can’t help themselves at need.¹⁴ Thus the king is deceived
and poor men harmed for meed.

14 Soldiers were conscripted through commissions of array, which were

delegated to local officials, who had opportunity for profit. They could
take bribes ranging from 12d to 10s from the strong or wealthy, which

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 usually resulted in poorer men being selected. The costs of outfitting men
for battle were provided by each vill, and the commissioners of array could
siphon off the levies collected. Maddicott 4243. Maddicott cites the
impressment of an “old and weak” man by a commissioner until he paid 2s
42, and another who extorted 2s from a “simple-minded villein” by
promising to get him off 38. Records suggest that the illicit income of
one arrayer, Sir John Savage, totaled nearly as much as that of a middling
knight in the fourteenth century 42.

When the king has a taxation to fund his war, a portion is gathered from each
town. It is torn and twisted so that half goes in the devil’s flight of Hell. There
are more partners than a poor man can tell. A man who has a hundred pounds
shall pay twelve pence, and so shall a poor man who has fallen into poverty
and has a houseful of children sitting about on the floor. Thus the poor are
plundered and the rich spared; such a system has Christ’s curse.

The king of England would be wroth if he knew how his poor men are robbed
and how the silver goes;¹⁵ the taxes are so pulled apart, hither and thither, that
half is stolen before it is collected and counted.
15 There was a belief that the king was unaware of the corruption and
exploitation in his kingdom, as he was shielded by his advisors who kept
the truth from him, and that if he knew he would make things right. It was a
naïve hope, as records show of his having been informed. See Dan
Embree, “’The King’s Ignorance’ : A Topos for Evil Times,” Medium Ævum
54 1985.
If a poor man speaks a word, he will be foully affronted. If the king would
follow my advice, I would teach him that he has no need to plunder the poor.¹⁶

16 “If the king were well advised and would work by reason, he would have
little need to plunder the poor” A 31920. This is one of the several
instances of the C-author speaking in a personal voice.

He should not seek his treasure so far away, but find it closer from justices,
sheriffs, coroners and chancellors. There he might find enough and leave the
poor in peace.¹⁷

17 See “Variants.”
Those in such offices, no matter how poor they begin, in a while fare as
though they have a hoard of silver, buying land and properties, and horses as
fair as the king’s except great steeds.¹⁸

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 18 There were horses for different uses, such as “palfreys” for riding;
“steeds” were for combat.

and cannot be resisted With so many such men in the land, why should the
poor be robbed? They play with the king’s silver and breed madness for
wealth. They take from a poor man who has but half a plowland, or a
wretched laborer who lives by his hands, I swear. These officials do the king’s
bidding; when each takes his part, the king has the less. Each wants to fill his
own purse at the king’s expense, who wrongly bears the blame.¹⁹ God send
Truth into England; treachery lasts too long.²⁰

19 In the romance/ballad King Edward and the Shepherd, the king

acknowledges the corruption of his officials but claims ignorance of their
identity. If he knew, he would take action against those who act with
villainy, “for the king bears all the infamy” 144.
20 Two stanzas (lines C 379390 have been compressed to avoid
repetition and to improve readability.
Bailiffs under the sheriff are always finding ways to cause poor men grief.
They summon poor men to London to serve at court sessions, while the rich
stay at home collecting silver. Christ’s curse on them, unless they change their
ways! Sergeants-at-law at the bench, who stand at the bar, will beguile you if
you are not wary. He will take half a mark and put down his hood, and speak
a word for a poor man that does him little good, and makes a grimace as he
leaves.²¹

21
“And when the man turns his back, the lawyer makes a grimace”
A 348, B 378.
“And when the good man goes away, the lawyer makes a grimace”
C 402.

Attorneys in the country earn silver for doing nothing. They invent cases that
have no basis, and make whatever they win with falseness seem honestly
earned. Don’t trust too much to them, for they are false by skill.²²

22 See “Variants.”

Such are the men of this world: deceitful. If any man wants to live in truth and
reason and not join the crowd of false neighbors, he may live every day in fear.
Why? He shall be indicted for manslaughter and robbery. The truest man in
the land shall be found guilty of a crime never committed, taken and bound as

The Simonie 9
 though he were a strong thief, and led to the king’s prison where he will lie and
rot. Or after a false inquest, he will be hung by the neck.

Many jurors and witnesses at courts of assize in the shire or hundred²³ hang
men for silver. And it is no wonder, for when they see a rich justice do wrong
for meed, they think they may do better since they have greater need. Thus
has Greed led them away from Truth for the love of deadly sin.

23 The courts of assize handled civil actions and were held periodically in
each county by the High Court of Justice. A “hundred” was a territorial
division based on one hundred homesteads, and had its own court MED.
By St James in Gale, who many have sought,²⁴ the pillory and the cucking
stool are made for naught. For in the end, when all is reckoned, bread and ale
are more expensive and never a better bargain for all that.²⁵
24 The shrine of St James at Compostella in northern Spain was a famous
pilgrimage site.

25 Prices for bread and ale were regulated by ordinance (assize), which
also governed weights and measures. Penalties for failure to observe the
statute ranged from fines to corporal punishment.

Tradesmen used to buy and sell honestly but now the regulations are broken.
Treachery is maintained and Truth put down, which is a great pity. There is
barely any man who knows a craft who can be trusted. Falseness is covering
the world, and there is hardly any truth in hand, tongue, or heart, and it will not
stop unless God brings them grief.²⁶

26 “Therefore it is no wonder that all the world is in pain”

A 366, B 480.
There was a game in England that lasted a year and another: every Monday
each man cursed the other.²⁷ The game lasted so long among the learned and
the unlearned that they did not stop until the world was accursed. All that
could ever help man is going amiss.
27 Embree and Urquhart cite lamentations in Piers Plowman and the Vita
Edwardi Secundi that cursing has become a game 142.

Because of all the Falseness in the land, God Almighty of Heaven has bound us
with his bond and sent cold, cruel weather, yet no one pays attention; we have
no fear of his great might. But it is well seen that God is angry with the world;
all that was play and game is turned to sorrow and pain. He gave us plentiful
fruits of all kinds, yet we ever act with wickedness against God. When he sees

The Simonie 10
 the world is so perverse, he sends his visitation onto the earth and gives us
grief, when beasts are starving and grain is dear, and there is hunger and
pestilence in each land, as you may hear everywhere. Unless we amend our
ways, worse will come.

The A and B-texts continue after the C-text concludes

A 397467, B 51129.
The following translation is based on the B-text:

Because of the wickedness that reigns in this land, I am afraid that God has
left us out of his hand through the cold and cruel weathers he has sent. Yet
no man gives him any mind; hardly anyone fears God’s great might. God is
angry with the people, which is well seen; once all was mirth, but now it is
turned to sorrow. He sent us plentiful sustenance of all kinds growing on
earth, and we repaid his goodness with wickedness.

At one time a man could not find a boy to bear a letter unless he was given
the best food, whether beef, bacon, or the stores of the house. They were
so haughty, hardly any would do chores, but now they who were so proud
sit pitifully. For when God saw that the world was so arrogant, he sent
dearth on earth and made it smart. A bushel of wheat was at four shillings
and more, so men who might have had a quarter previously now could
not.³

3 A quarter wagon load was a measure of grain equaling eight bushels.

At 4s a bushel a quarter would cost 32s, which accords with historical
data.

Thus God can turn plenty into scarcity. Then he caused those who had
boasted so loudly to grow pale, and those who were so proud to grow
humble. A man’s heart might weep to hear poor men cry “Alas, I am dying
from hunger!” This ought to make men afraid of God’s great might.
But after that great scarcity God’s plenty returned, growing on every
bough. And when the good year came with plentiful grain, we turned into
worse shrews than before, so swiftly we forgot God’s punishment and
lesson. Then beggars, once humble, became bold, and ate and drank all
they could get. There are some, no matter what, to whom no prosperity
clings. While there is good ale in the land, they will never thrive. And
though men threaten them with the dearth that had slain so many and tell
them to reflect upon it, it is futile. Whatever they get goes quickly on
checkers and games in the town tavern and filling their bellies, and there is

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 nothing left. Thus Pride rose again in Whoredom and Gluttony, who
brought in two others: Falseness and Treachery. The son beguiles the
father, and the daughter the mother. So there is no truth; no man loves
another in the end, and in this way we are worse than the Jew or Saracen.
Then God became angry with us again, more so than any living man could
remember, and brought those merry men into care and mourning. Death
was everywhere and the land completely bare, and all were aghast. When
the cattle disease passed, God sent another dearth of grain over the land,
north and south, and made many a good wife’s child sorely hungry. Yet
hardly any man dreaded God the more.

But with the last famine came yet another shame that ought to make us all
humble. The Fiend of Hell raised such a strife that every man struggled to
save his own life and goods. God, send us peace in England by his holy
blood! There was great need to pray for an end to the war wrought by the
Fiend that caused one cousin to kill the other and to murder with will, so
that England was near destruction.⁴

4 The reference is to the civil war of 1321 and 1322. Edward II and his
chief opponent, Henry of Lancaster, were cousins, and many family
members fought on opposite sides.

Pride drove them on so that there could be no peace, and the most noble
blood of this land was brought to the ground. Alas, that such a time should
come when great earls and barons should die and be laid so low; now it is
as if they were never born. May God care for their souls so that they are
not lost.

But while the lords clashed, the prelates of the church slept long and awoke
too late, which was a great pity. They were so blinded by greed that they
could not see the truth. They had more fear of being mocked than they
had love of Jesus Christ. Had they held together and looked for truth
rather than flitting about hither and thither, then the baronage that is now
divided would be whole. But England is destroyed through Greed and
Pride.
But the crafty King of Nature who oversees all saw how things had misfired
and how the king had been led. He sent comfort and avenged the dead.
Thus men could see Falseness go down and that wrong will always come
back home. But Greed overcomes, so that whoever was rich enough and
had goods to give could have the ignorant man and the clerk subject to his

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 will, make a false foundation, and destroy all the work at once. May the
bones of such stirrers of strife be burned!
For all the hard times God sends to earth, almost no one is the more aware
that they are scoundrels, flatterers, and false men, wicked and weak. We
are not afraid after all the wretchedness that has been, so this shame came
to wake us up.
But suffering fell first on the poor wretches who lay down in the streets,
stretched out dead from hunger; such was their fate. Then it came sorely
upon the rich. Yet we may dread that still more will come. For Pride has
snared both high and low in his net so that hardly any man can know God.
Pride rides about with Envy and Malice, while Peace, Love and Charity run
out of the land. We may be terrified that God will ruin the world.
We all know it is our guilt that brings us this woe. But no man sees it is for
his own sin, but for that of others; if each man knew himself things would
go well, but they can only judge others. Lord, for the blessed blood that
ran out your side, grant that we lead a righteous life while we are here so
that we may know and confess our sins with sorrow and serve God ever
the better, for the reasons I have told you, and come to Him who was sold
to the Jews for us.

The Simonie 13