WRITING CORRECTION

Dr Robert Edwards
Neurologist
Rushford Hospital
765 Long Gully Road
Littletown
24.02. 18
Dear Dr Edwards,
Re: Ms Sarah Day, D.O.B: 29.07.1997
I am writing to refer Ms Day, a 20-year-old university student, who has been suffering from sustained
whiplash injury. Your further assessment, investigation and management would be highly appreciated.
Initially, on 6.02.17, Ms Day presented with the complaint of 2 episodes of rapid onset, unilateral,
occipital and temporal headache, each episode lasting 1-2 days, radiating to the vertex, associated with
dizziness, visual disturbance, nausea, anxiety and aura. In addition, headache was relieved upon lying
down. Please note, she reported being in a car accident in June 2017, which was undisclosed during this
visit. Her physical examination including neurological assessment were unremarkable. Hence, she was
prescribed metoclopramide and paracetamol. Additionally, she was advised regarding rest, sleep, eating
habit, as well as received education on what do to during acute attacks, namely sleeping in a dark room
with application of ice.
On subsequent visits, it was revealed that her symptoms were not responding to the prescribed drugs or
advice. The frequency of the headache increased and it became associated with neck pain, worsening
anxiety as well as depression. Her physical examination was unremarkable except for weight gain.
Therefore, she was commenced on eletriptan, ibuprofen and amitriptyline. Please note, Ms Day reported
suffering from some adverse effects of eletriptan.
Today, Ms Day complained of paraesthesia in the 4th and 5th finger of her left hand, with no improvement
of the pre-existing symptoms.
Ms Day is a smoker and a moderate drinker. Her medical history is significant for dysmenorrhoea, acne
and anxiety. Her current medication includes oral contraceptive pill.
Ms Day has been diagnosed with sustained whiplash injury. I would be grateful if you could evaluate,
investigate and treat her condition accordingly.
Should there be any queries, please do not hesitate to contact me.
Yours sincerely,
Doctor
Explanation:

1. Grammatical errors were noticed.

2. Today’s visit needs change
3. Word count exceeded

Word count 278

1. Purpose- Satisfactory
2. Content- Word count exceeded
3. Conciseness and clarity- Minimum Irrelevant information
Comment was written.
4. Genre and Style- letter was clinical formal and non-
Judgmental. Preciseness hampered.
5. Organization and layout- Layout was maintained
6. Language- Grammatical error was noticed, appropriate
use of comma, Spelling, cohesion was good enough.
1. Follow the sample letter and explanation
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2. Keep practicing
Advice

Estimated Grade B(350)

 A sample letter of this case

Dr Roberts Edwards
Rushford Hospital
765 Long Gully Road
Littletown

Date: 24/02/2018

Dear Dr Edwards,
Re: Ms Sarah Day, D.O.B: 29/07/1997
I am writing to refer Ms Day, a 20-year-old student, who has sustained whiplash injury, for your further
assessment and management.
Ms Day presented with her mother on 06/12/2017 with the complaint of steady unilateral headache in
occipito-temporal region which was associated with dizziness, nausea, anxiety and visual disturbances.
The onset of pain was rapid with aura and not related to any triggering factors. . Her examination was
normal. Therefore, she was educated regarding rest, relaxation and mediation in addition to adequate
sleep and regular eating. In addition, metoclopramide and paracetamol were prescribed.
On his subsequent visits, her condition had worsened with frequent attacks and neck pain along with
poorly response to medications and development of depression. In addition, she developed diarrhoea and
drowsiness after taking eletriptan. Hence, amitriptyline was commenced.
Today, Ms Day's symptoms have not improved. She reported paraesthesia in her left fourth and fifth
fingers. Additionally, she disclosed regarding her whiplash injury following a car accident in June,2017
and remained untreated since then.
Ms Day is smoker and moderate drinker . Regarding her past medical history, she had a history of exam
related anxiety. Please note, she has been on oral contraceptives since 2013.
I would be grateful if you could evaluate her for further investigations and treatment of her condition.
Should there be any queries, please do not hesitate to contact me.
Yours sincerely,
Doctor