WRITING CORRECTION

Ms Jane Graham

Occupational Therapist

Newtown Occupational Therapy

10 Johnson St

Newtown

20/06/2015

Dear Ms Graham, Occupational Therapist,

Re: Mr Barry Jones, D.O.B: 01/04/1972

I am writing in regards to Mr Jones, a 44-year-old warehouse worker, who has been suffering from lower
back strain but now wants to return to work. Your expert opinion including an assessment of his
workplace would be highly appreciated.

On 21/03/2015, Mr Jones presented with a four-day history of back pain following lifting heavy weight
at work. He was prescribed with naproxen and Carisoprodol. He was advised to walk daily and was
referred for physiotherapy. In addition, he was recommended to take 30 days off from work.

Upon review during the next visits, he still reported pain despite gradual recovery. He was found to be
compliant to exercise and physiotherapy. The dose of naproxen was increased and his leave was
extended by 30 days on 2 more occasions.

Today, despite being in pain, he exhibited good recovery and increased range of movement. He
expressed boredom and wished to return back to work, his employer being supportive as well. It was
discussed that he might return to work only if no lifting and regular breaks could be ensured.

Mr Jones’ work on a typical day required prolonged sitting and occasional heavy lifting. I would be
grateful if you could assess his workplace and advise him on the duties he can perform, given his
condition.

Should there be any queries, please do not hesitate to contact me.

With regards,
Doctor
Explanation:

1. Grammatical error was noticed

2. Informal word was noticed. (But)

Word count 226

1. Purpose- Satisfactory
2. Content- Relevant info was written
3. Conciseness and clarity- No irrelevant information was
Comment written.
4. Genre and Style- letter was clinical formal and non-
judgmental. Preciseness hampered.
5. Organization and layout- Layout was maintained
6. Language- Grammatical error was noticed, appropriate
use of comma, Spelling, cohesion was good enough.
1. Letter meets the criteria
2. Keep practicing

Advice

Estimated Grade B(380)

 A sample letter of this case
Ms Jane Graham
Occupational Therapist
Newtown Occupational
Therapy 10 Johnston St.
Newtown

Date: 20.06.2015

Dear Ms Graham,

Re: Mr Barry Jones, D.O.B: 01.04.1972

I am writing to request for Mr Jones, a 44-year-old male, who has recovered from severe lower back
strain, for your kind assessment of his work place and duties she can perform.

Mr Jones is married with three children and drives forklift. Please note, his work demands prolong sitting
and occasional weight lifting.

Initially, Mr Jones presented to me with the features of severe back strain following lifting a heavy object
at his work. His X-ray revealed no disc abnormality. Hence, naproxen and carisoprodol were prescribed
in addition to regular walking with gradual increasing in time and distance. A work leave certificate had
been issued and a referral to a physiotherapist was made.

On his subsequent visits, Mr Jones's condition had been improved through physiotherapy and regular
walking; however, he had some stiffness and pain in his movement. Therefore, the dose of naproxen was
increased and advised to extend his leave from work.

Today, Mr Jones reported worsening pain after sitting or lying down and back stiffness despite increasing
range of movement. Additionally, he was bored, discouraged and restless for returning to his work.
Therefore, he was allowed to resume his work with the conditions of no heavy lifting and regular break
from his work.

It would be highly appreciated if you could visit and assess his work place including advice on his duty.

Should there be any queries, please do not hesitate to contact me.

With regards,
Doctor