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Mrs. Mary Carl

Resident In Medicine Department Commented [DAR1]: the Medicine
Carl Hospital
San Diego

Re: Ross Sergio, DOB: 13 MARCH 1969 Commented [DAR2]: March

Dear Mrs. Carl,

I am writing to transfer Mr. Ross Sergio, a 57-year-old smoker, who underwent left total
hip arthroplasty. Your follow-up regarding his progress Your further management of his
condition would be appreciated.

Mr. Sergio is a smoker at 10 pack years. in a year. He was diagnosed with hypertension
13 years ago, for which he is taking 10mg amlodipine daily. In addition, he has been
suffering from pain in the left hip since 8 years, for which he takes naproxen twice daily, Commented [DAR3]: for
and also tried hip cortisone injections and physical therapy. Please note, his mother was Commented [DAR4]: has been taking
asthmatic and his grandmother had gangreene. (write this alongside his social history
Commented [DAR5]: has also tried
above.)

On 03 February 2022, Mr. Sergio presented with complaints of pain in the left hip along
with difficulty in walking and getting up from sitting position. On palpation, tenderness Commented [DAR6]: a sitting position
was noticed in his left anterior hip line, but no swelling was observed in the left groin.

His x-ray and MRI revealed avascular necrotic lesion and the left femoral head Commented [DAR7]: Mr. Sergio's
avascular necrosis of the left femoral head respectively. Consequently, left total hip Commented [DAR8]: lesions
arthroplasty was performed, and 80mg oxycontin 12 hourly, 625mg acetaminophen 6
hourly and 325mg aspirin 12 hourly were commenced post-operatively. Commented [DAR9]: comma (,)
Commented [DAR10]: prescribed
In your care, please supervise Mr. Sergio regarding hip precautions, and monitor his
progress. An abduction pillow would be required, and his sutures will be removed in 2
weeks.
Should there be any queries, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Yours sincerely,
Doctor
 Report
Word Length 206
Comments 1. The purpose is not immediately apparent in the
introduction, but is clearly explained in the conclusion.
2. The letter tries to include relevant case notes, but some
required information is missing.
3. An attempt to organize the content logically is seen, but
order of information and paragraphing need a little bit
improvement in places.
4. In addition, there are minor inaccuracies related to
vocabulary, basic grammar and sentence structure.
5. Overall, the letter needs little bit improvement.
Estimated Grade C+
Estimated Score 310/500
Advice 1. Convey the purpose of the document generally in the
introduction.
2. Always read and select case notes carefully.
3. Avoid basic grammar errors.
4. Improve choice of words.
5. Improve the structure of sentences.
6. Improve coherence/paragraphing.
7. Always proofread the letter after finishing it.
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