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Dr. Peter Smith

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CITY, 4000

20/10/2009 Commented [DR1]: Write today’s date or the date given

as today’s date in letter.

Re:Darren Simpson
88 Sharp Street
Tawnton, 4151 Commented [DR2]: Irrelevant info. Do not write patient’s
address, phone number etc.

DOB 03/03/1952 Commented [DR3]: Write DOB after adding a comma

with Re- portion.

Dear Dr. Smith,

I am writing to refer Mr. Simpson, who presented with complaints of broken back teeth,
for assessment of teeth, and confirmation of diagnosis. (the purpose should be clearly evident in
the first line)

Darren Simpson 58-year-old smoker presented to my clinic on 20/10/2009 with the Commented [DR4]: a
complaint of broken back teeth which I dressed with GIC. An Initial examination Commented [DR5]: use an article
revealed a painless ulcer on right lower lateral border of tongue since 1 year.
Commented [DR6]: the tongue (use “the” with body
Initial examination revealed multiple carious teeth, deep periodontal pockets, pus parts)
exudates and bleeding from gums on probing. He is a heavy smoker and moderate to Commented [DR7]: for
heavy alcohol drinker. He is not a regular attender and has very poor oral hygiene with
Commented [DR8]: the
heavy calculus deposits.
The medical history revealed that he is suffering from type 2 Diabetes and is allergic to Commented [DR9]: the gums

penicillin. No details regarding Diabetes were provided. A provisional diagnosis of oral Commented [DR10]: he smokes 2 packs of cigarettes a
day
cancer is made.
Commented [DR11]: he is type 2 diabetic
I believe the ulcer on the tongue is cancerous lesion and In view of the above, I am
referring him to you for further investigation. I would be most grateful if you could Commented [DR12]: Mr. Simpson
examine and treat the lesion as you think appropriate. Commented [DR13]: For assessment of teeth, and
Should you have any queries, please do not hesitate to contact me. confirmation of diagnosis. (the purpose should be clearly
evident)

Yours sincerely,
Dentist.
 Report
Word Length 142
Comments 1. The length of letter is very short. Try to complete your
letter between 180-200 words.
2. The purpose is not immediately apparent in the
introduction, and is not clearly explained in the conclusion.
3. The letter tries to include relevant case notes, but some
required information is missing.
4. An attempt to organize the content logically is seen, but
order of information and paragraphing need much more
improvement in places.
5. In addition, there are few inaccuracies related to
vocabulary, basic grammar and sentence structure.
6. Overall, the letter needs much improvement.
Estimated Grade C+
Estimated Score 300/500
Advice 1. Convey the purpose of the document generally in the
introduction.
2. Always read and select case notes carefully.
3. Avoid basic grammar errors.
4. Improve choice of words.
5. Improve the structure of sentences.
6. Improve coherence/paragraphing.
7. Always proofread the letter after finishing it.
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