OETademy

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15/03/2010
Dr. Sue Kwang
Dental prosthetist
Anti Snore Dental prosthetist Centre Commented [DR1]: prosthetist
727 Ipsich Rd, Annerly

Re: Sheila Macbeth DOB:11/031936

Dear Dr Kwang,
I am Referring Mrs. Macbeth to you, who wants anti snore mouth guard. She has Commented [DR2]: referring
diagnosed with sleep apnea recently. Commented [DR3]: was

An initial examination revealed that Mrs. Macbeth has all the teeth present with good
oral hygiene but she is afraid of the injections. She has regular dental check ups With
scaling and cleaning twice a year.

Her medical history revealed that she has hypothyroidism and hypertension. She
regularly takes Thyroxine 150mg and Karvea 150mg daily. Her doctor advised her to
reduce weight and referred her to our clinic for assessment regarding possibility of a
mouth guard to control her snoring.

Mrs.Macbeth has amalgam fillings, and her gums are in good condition. I’ve already
explained her about the functions of mouth guard and how it works and success rate
after using it. I also advised her that professionally manufactured and fitted mouth
guards are most suitable for her.

I would like to tell you that Mrs. Macbeth is a pensioner, and is concerned about the
procedure and cost.

I would be grateful if you could examine and treat Mrs. Macbeth as you think
appropriate.

Yours sincerely,
Dentist
 Report
Word Length 183
Comments 1. The purpose is not immediately apparent in the
introduction, and is not clearly explained in the conclusion.
2. The letter tries to include relevant case notes, but some
required information is missing.
3. An attempt to organize the content logically is seen, but
order of information and paragraphing need much more
improvement in places.
4. In addition, there are few inaccuracies related to
vocabulary, basic grammar and sentence structure.
5. Overall, the letter needs much improvement.
Estimated Grade +
Estimated Score 300/500
Advice 1. Convey the purpose of the document generally in the
introduction.
2. Always read and select case notes carefully.
3. Avoid basic grammar errors.
4. Improve choice of words.
5. Improve the structure of sentences.
6. Improve coherence/paragraphing.
7. Always proofread the letter after finishing it.
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