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Dr B Comber
Urologist
Southport Hospital
Gold Coast

1/06/10 Commented [A1]: 01


Dear Dr Comber,

Re: Mr Tom Cribb, DOB: 23/5/82

I am writing to refer Mr Tom Cribb, a 28-year-old builder's labourer, who presented with Commented [A2]: labourer
a complaint of right sided lower abdominal pain for 5 days which is relieved by panadol. Commented [A3]: was
Commented [A4]: Panadol
On examination, right hypchondrium mass were noticed. His test report showed severe
Commented [A5]: a right
hydronephrosis was seen on ultrasound. I would be grateful if you could advise him
computerized tomography for accurate diagnosis. Commented [A6]: hypochondrium
Commented [A7]: was
Mr Cribb is a married man. He has a family history of Hypertension. His mother died of Commented [A8]: hypertension
the breast cancer. Please note,He has no know allergic. Commented [A9]: he
Initially, On 12/05/10, Mr Cribb was admitted with a complaint of nausea, and very
Commented [A10]: known
severe lower abdominal pain for thee hour which was radiated to the groin. On
examination, mild tenderness in lower abdomen were noticed. Therefore, Diclofenac Commented [A11]: allergies

sodium for 5 days was precribed. He was advised to engage himself in exercise and Commented [A12]: on
drink moderate amount of fluid along with follow up after 2 days with IVP and UFR Commented [A13]: three
reports. Two days later his symptoms was improved. His test report showed enlarged Commented [A14]: hours
right kidney was was ectopic on IVP and few red cells on UFR were noticed.
Commented [A15]: prescribed
Additionally, Ultrasound was ordered to exclude any kidneys pathology along with follow
Commented [A16]: comma (,)
up after 2 days.
On today's visit, Mr Cribb presented with a complaint of right sided lower abdominal Commented [A17]: reports
pain which is relieved by panadol. On examination, right lower abdominal mass were Commented [A18]: an enlarged
noticed. His test report showed severe hydronephrosis were seen on ultrasound. Commented [A19]: an ultrasound
Commented [A20]: Today,
In view of the above, I am referring Mr Cribb for Computerized tomography scan and
Commented [A21]: Do not repeat information again and
assessment. again
Commented [A22]: computerized
Should there be any queries, please do not hesitate to contact me.
Yours sincerely,
Doctor.

Report
Word Length 255
Comments 1. The letter is too long, make sure to write between 180
to 200 words.
2. The letter lacks conciseness, so much information is
repeated.
3. The purpose is not immediately apparent in the
introduction, but and is not explained in the conclusion.
4. The letter tries to include relevant case notes, but
some required information is missing, and some
irrelevant information is included.
5. An attempt to organize the content logically is seen, but
order of information and paragraphing need a little bit
improvement in places.
6. In addition, there are many inaccuracies related to
vocabulary, basic grammar and sentence structure.
7. Overall, the letter needs much improvements.
Estimated Grade C
Estimated Score 280/500
Advice 1. Convey the purpose of the document generally in the
introduction.
2. Always read and select case notes carefully.
3. Avoid basic grammar errors.
4. Improve choice of words.
5. Improve the structure of sentences.
6. Improve coherence/paragraphing.
7. Always proofread the letter after finishing it.
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