South Park Episode (Season 1)

01x01 - Cartman Gets an Anal Probe First aired: Aug/13/1997 Writer: Trey Parker, Matt Stone Guest star: Franchesca Clifford (Ike Broflovski) As Kyle, Stan, Kenny, and Cartman wait for the school bus, Cartman tells the boys about a dream he had the previous night about being abducted by aliens. The others try to convince him that the events did happen, but Cartman refuses to believe them. Chef pulls up in his car and asks if the boys saw the spaceship the previous evening, inadvertently confirming Cartman's "dream", and relays stories of alien anal probes (which throughout the episode Cartman denies he experienced). After Chef leaves, the school bus picks up the boys and they watch in horror as the aliens abduct Kyle's little brother, Ike. Kyle spends the rest of the episode attempting to rescue him. At school, Cartman begins to fart fire and Kyle unsuccessfully tries to convince his teacher Mr. Garrison to excuse him from class to find his brother. When Chef learns that Kyle's brother was abducted and sees a machine emerge from Cartman's rear end, he helps the boys escape from school by pulling the fire alarm. Once they are outside, Cartman reiterates that his abduction was just a dream, when suddenly he is hit by a beam and starts singing and dancing. Soon afterward, a spaceship appears. Kyle throws a stone and the spaceship fires back, propelling Kenny into the road

where he is run over by a herd of cows and a police car, killing him. Stan and Kyle meet Wendy at Stark's Pond and she suggests using the machine lodged inside of Cartman to contact the aliens. To lure the aliens back, the children tie Cartman to a tree and, the next time he farts, an 80 foot (24 m) satellite dish emerges from his rear. The alien spaceship arrives and Ike jumps to safety. In the meantime, the aliens communicate with the cows in the area, having found them to be the most intelligent species on the planet. Cartman is again abducted by the aliens and returned to the bus stop the following day.

01x02 - Volcano First aired: Aug/20/1997 Writer: Trey Parker, Matt Stone At the start of the episode, Stan's Uncle Jimbo and his Vietnam War buddy Ned take Stan, Kenny, Kyle, and Cartman on a hunting trip in the mountains. As they arrive, Jimbo explains to the boys how to hunt. Whenever they see a creature, they shoot it after yelling, "It's coming right for us!", so they can claim the shooting was in selfdefense. Stan doesn't have the proper temperament to enjoy hunting, and finds himself unable to shoot a living target. Unlike Stan, Kenny is able to shoot animals, impressing Jimbo. Meanwhile, South Park geologist Randy discovers that the mountain on which the boys are hunting is a volcano that is about to erupt. He reports his

findings to the Mayor, who directs one of her aides to make appropriate decisions about the crisis. During the hunting trip, Jimbo proclaims Kenny his honorary nephew, upsetting Stan. When night falls, Cartman tells the story of Scuzzlebutt, a mutant creature that has a piece of celery in place of one of its hands and Patrick Duffy for a leg. The boys are skeptical, so Cartman decides to dress up as the creature the next morning in order to convince and scare them. When he disappears the next morning, the others set out to find him. They then see Cartman disguised as Scuzzlebutt and start shooting at him. When they catch up with Cartman at the base of the mountain, Stan tries to shoot him in order to redeem himself in his uncle's eyes. However, he is unable to do so and the delay gives Cartman time to remove the costume. At a lower elevation, Randy orders the South Park residents to dig a trench to divert the lava away from the town. Suddenly the volcano erupts. The hunters try to flee, but find themselves trapped on the other side of the trench. The real Scuzzlebutt then appears, and Jimbo apologizes to the boys for their seemingly imminent deaths, just before realizing that Scuzzlebutt is weaving a wicker basket to carry the hunting party to safety. The lava then flows through the trench and destroys Denver due to the geologist's miscalculation. However, in a misguided attempt to prove he can kill something and impress his uncle, Stan kills Scuzzlebutt. Unfortunately for Stan, Jimbo is less than impressed, telling Stan that he will always be his nephew but that "some things you do kill and some you don't." Stan does not understand, since Jimbo tried to kill Scuzzlebutt earlier in the episode. Ned

states that and drops Finally, the go home to

he now understands the folly of guns his rifle, which fires, killing Kenny. boys decide that hunting is stupid and watch cartoons.

01x03 - Weight Gain 4000 First aired: Aug/27/1997 Writer: Trey Parker, Matt Stone Guest star: Karri Turner (Kathy Lee Gifford) At the beginning of the episode, teacher Mr. Garrison announces that third-grader Cartman has won the South Park Elementary's "Save Our Fragile Planet" essay contest, much to the anger of his classmate Wendy, who immediately suspects him of cheating. The rest of the town becomes a flurry of excitement upon learning celebrity television host Kathie Lee Gifford will come to South Park to present Cartman with an award on national television. Mayor McDaniels plans a big event to showcase the town, with hopes of furthering her own career. She recruits cafeteria worker Chef to sing at the event, unaware Chef has plans to seduce Gifford through his song. Mr. Garrison directs rehearsals for a play with the schoolchildren depicting the history of South Park, which is to be shown at the event. Mayor McDaniels is horrified, however, to learn the historically accurate play includes children playing pioneers who attack and brutally beat the students portraying Native Americans. Unbeknownst to the rest of town, Mr. Garrison relives a traumatic childhood memory in which a

young Gifford defeated him in a national talent show. Mr. Garrison is manipulated by his hand puppet, Mr. Hat, to assassinate Gifford out of revenge. He purchases a large rifle from Jimbo's gun shop and plots to shoot her from the window of a book depository. Meanwhile, Cartman is excited to appear on live television, and Mayor McDaniels instructs him to get into shape for Gifford's visit. Later, Cartman watches a television commercial for "Weight Gain 4000", a bodybuilding supplement, and asks his mom to buy it for him. Cartman becomes extremely fat from the product, although he believes he is in excellent shape and the excess weight is strictly muscle. Back at the school, Wendy looks through Mr. Garrison's papers and confirms Cartman indeed cheated on the contest by writing his name on a copy of Walden by Henry David Thoreau. Wendy also uncovers Mr. Garrison's assassination plan, and enlists her friend Stan's help to stop him. Most of the town attends the celebratory event and Mr. Garrison takes his position in the book depository. As Gifford approaches, however, he is frustrated to see she is hidden behind a bulletproof glass bubble hitched to the top of a car. Wendy and Stan arrive and try unsuccessfully to stop him, saying that they understand his pain, but Mr. Garrison fires a shot and misses, hitting thirdgrader Kenny in the head. Kenny is propelled through the air and impaled on a flagpole. Gifford's bodyguards whisk Gifford away, costing a disappointed Cartman his chance to be on television. Wendy takes to the stage and reveals that Cartman cheated on his essay, but the townspeople are too upset about Gifford's departure to care. Mr. Garrison is taken to a mental

hospital, where Mr. Hat is placed into a straightjacket. Mr. Garrison apologizes to the kids for costing the town to be on television, although Kyle explains to him that Cartman is now appearing on Geraldo because of his tremendous obesity. While being aired on live television, Cartman shouts, "Follow your dreams. You can reach your goals; I'm living proof ... Beefcake, BEEFCAKE!" The episode ends with Chef having sex with Gifford while watching Geraldo, with Chef saying that Cartman needs to 'run his ass around the block a few times'.

01x04 - Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride First aired: Sep/03/1997 Writer: Matt Stone, Trey Parker Guest star: George Clooney (Sparky) Stan's new dog Sparky follows the boys to the bus stop one morning. To determine whether Sylvester, a local mutt, or Sparky is the toughest dog in South Park, Stan and Cartman encourage the dogs to fight, when Sparky suddenly leaps on top of Sylvester and begins humping him energetically. Sylvester runs away yelping, and Cartman declares that Sparky is apparently a "gay homosexual." At football practice for the South Park Cows team, Stan's Uncle Jimbo and his buddy Ned show up and ask coach Chef whether the boys can beat the betting spread of 70 points. Impressed by a play from Stan, the quarterback and star, Jimbo and Ned run off to the bookmaker where Jimbo puts $500 on the team. As a result, everyone else bets

all their money on the team, and they threaten Jimbo if the Cows lose. Intimidated, Jimbo and Ned seek a backup plan and learn that John Stamos's brother Richard will be singing "Lovin' You" at halftime. Consequently, they plan to blow up the mascot for Middle Park, the opposing team. They place a bomb on the horse mascot, set to detonate via a sonic triggering device as Richard Stamos sings the high F note in the song. After practice, Sparky shows up and mounts another dog, Rex, who also runs away yelping with his tail between his legs. The next day, after class, Stan asks Mr. Garrison what a homosexual is, prompting Mr. Garrison to claim "Gay people are evil." As a result, Stan attempts to make his dog more masculine. First, he presents Sparky with Fifi, a female poodle, a plan which fails miserably when Sparky steals Fifi's pearl collar rather than having sex with her. Thinking that homosexuality might not be bad, Stan calls up Jesus on his show Jesus and Pals to ask him what he thinks of homosexuality. Before he can answer, though, the show abruptly ends in time for Cartman's favorite show, "Marty's Movie Reviews". Frustrated, Stan rants about wanting a butch dog, a Rin Tin Tin. Sparky overhears this and runs away to the mountains, ending up at Big Gay Al's Big Gay Animal Sanctuary. Concerned about his dog, Stan looks for him, missing the start of the football game. He finds Sparky at the Big Gay Animal Sanctuary, where he learns from Big Gay Al that homosexuality has been around for a long time, and Stan eventually accepts his dog's homosexuality. Meanwhile, Richard Stamos fails to hit the high note at half

time, prompting Mr. Garrison to shout, "It's obvious where all the talent in that family went!" Returning to the final moments of the game, Stan steps in as the quarterback, passing the ball to Kyle for a touchdown that beats the betting spread as time runs out. In his speech after the game, Stan tells the people of South Park about the Big Gay Animal Sanctuary and that "it's okay to be gay." He leads the people to the site of the Sanctuary, but it has mysteriously disappeared; people's runaway pets, however, return. Before leaving, Big Gay Al thanks Stan for enlightening everyone. Although the Cows beat the spread, Richard Stamos shows up to prove he can hit the high note that he missed earlier, triggering the bomb and killing the Cowboys' mascot.

01x05 - An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig First aired: Sep/10/1997 Writer: Dan Sterling, Trey Parker, Matt Stone Guest star: Jennifer Howell (Bebe) The boys are waiting at the bus stop when Cartman notices Stan has a black eye and it turns out his sister Shelley has been beating him up. Kyle has problems of his own; his mom wont let him keep his new pet elephant in the house. At school, Mr. Hat teaches the class about genetic engineering, which prompts Kyle to decide to crossbreed his elephant with Cartmans pot-bellied pig, Fluffy, to make little "pot-bellied elephants", which he could keep in his house. Upon hearing this, Terrance

Mephisto bets Kyle that he can clone a whole person before Kyle can create a pot-bellied elephant. Mr. Garrison suggests the boys use their genetic modifications for the upcoming science fair and check out the South Park Genetic Engineering Ranch. At the ranch, Dr. Mephisto shows them his genetically engineered collection, including several different animals with four buttocks, such as a monkey, ostrich and mongoose. Mephisto then explains that, just like the Loverboy song says, "pig and elephant DNA just wont splice," and steals a blood sample from Stan and the boys leave. At school the boys learn Terrance has cloned a human foot. The boys go to Chef with their genetic engineering problem, and after he too cites the Loverboy song, he gives them the idea to try to have the animals "make sweet love" to breed. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Mephisto and his assistant Kevin have created a human clone of Stan for Terrance. The boys attempt to get the pig and the elephant drunk and to mate, but it does not seem to be working until Chef stops by and sings to the animals with a little help from Elton John. The cloned Stan breaks free from Mephisto's ranch and proceeds to terrorize the town. The boys eventually find the clone and take it to Stans house and convince it to attack Shelley; however, it decides to destroy the house and indirectly kills Kenny, by flinging him into a microwave, with a chair. Mephisto shows up and shoots the clone, but Stan is afraid he will be in trouble for everything the clone did. However, in a brief moment of kindness, Shelley takes the blame, after which she beats up Stan.

When the science projects are due, Terrance presents a monkey with five buttocks, but Kyle has nothing until the pig gives birth to a pot-bellied pig that looks like Mr. Garrison, implying the pig was impregnated by Mr. Garrison before the elephant. Garrison quickly awards it first prize over Terrance's monkey.

01x06 - Death First aired: Sep/17/1997 Writer: Trey Parker, Matt Stone Guest star: Jennifer Howell (Bebe) The Marsh family celebrates Grandpa Marvin Marsh's 102nd birthday, but he is tired of living and tries unsuccessfully to commit suicide. He tries to convince Stan to kill him, but Stan refuses because he fears he might get in trouble. Meanwhile, Kyle watches the cartoon Terrance and Phillip, which revolves largely around fart jokes. Kyle's mother Sheila gets outraged by the foul language and crude humor, and contacts other South Park parents to organize a boycott at the Cartoon Central headquarters in New York City. Later at school, Stan asks adults Mr. Garrison, Chef and Jesus whether he should help his grandpa kill himself, but they avoid discussing the issue, much to Stan's anger. Meanwhile, Kenny suffers from a bout of "explosive diarrhea", which spreads to others in the town, including the adults protesting Terrance and Phillip. Despite objecting to the show, the adults laugh at the real-life toilet humor. Carol proclaims that if

Cartoon Central does not take the show off the air, the protesters will kill themselves, and they start slingshotting themselves into the building. With the adults out of town for the protest, the boys are free to watch Terrance and Phillip at their leisure. Grandpa Marvin continues asking Stan to kill him, and demonstrates how terrible his life is by locking Stan in a room and forcing him to listen to Enya music. The boys finally agree to kill Grandpa Marsh, and try to do so by rigging a cow on a pulley and dropping it on him. Just as they are about to do it, Death himself arrives, but starts chasing after the boys instead of Grandpa Marvin. While fleeing, Stan calls his mother, who is too busy protesting Terrance and Phillip to listen to his problems. More than a dozen people have killed themselves against the headquarters building. Eventually, the network agrees to take the show off the air (ends up getting back on the air later on), not because of the deaths but because of the stench of the protesters' explosive diarrhea. Meanwhile, Death continues chasing the boys, but stops in front of a television playing Terrance and Phillip. Death and the boys start laughing together, but after it is taken off the air, Death angrily touches and kills Kenny. When Grandpa Marvin asks why Kenny died instead of him, the spirit of Stan's great great grandfather (Marvin's grandfather) appears. The spirit, who was killed by Marvin when he was Stan's age, warns Marvin that he must die of natural causes and not place the burden of his suicide on anybody else's shoulders. Grandpa Marvin instead decides to visit Africa, where over 400 people are "naturally" eaten by lions every year. The episode ends with the boys

laughing, and then laughing harder when Kyle farts.

01x07 - Pinkeye First aired: Oct/29/1997 Writer: Philip Stark, Matt Stone, Trey Parker Guest star: Jennifer Howell (Bebe) The episode opens with the Mir space station falling from space and crashing into Kenny. His corpse is taken to the morgue and filled with embalming fluid. However, the coroner's bottle of Worcestershire sauce accidentally falls into the embalming fluid and turns Kenny into a zombie. He breaks free, biting the two coroners on his way out. The next morning, Kenny shows up at the bus stop as usual with Stan, Kyle, and Cartman, who observe Kenny has no costume for a school Halloween costume contest, despite the fact that part of his brain is exposed, along with showing bones and bloodstains on his clothing. Stan is dressed up as Raggedy Andy because his girlfriend, Wendy, is supposed to dress as Raggedy Ann. Kyle wears a store-bought Chewbacca costume and Cartman, much to Kyle's annoyance and anger, is dressed like Adolf Hitler. The two morgue workers visit the doctor, who discovers they have no pulse or heartbeat and possess an urge to eat brains. Based on their puffy and sticky eyes, he diagnoses them with pinkeye. Back at school, Kyle is disappointed when he sees almost all the children are dressed like Chewbacca. Even Wendy has dressed as Chewbacca, much to

the consternation of Stan, who is mocked by the other students for dressing as Raggedy Andy. Principal Victoria and Chef are upset over Cartmans costume, so Victoria makes him a new ghost costume, which ends up looking like a Ku Klux Klan uniform. Even though Kyle made a new costume as a model of the solar system, Wendy wins the costume contest for her Chewbacca costume, with Kenny winning second and Stan winning worst costume and having everyone laugh at him. Zombies begin attacking residents throughout South Park, although everyone still believes it is a pinkeye outbreak. Only Chef realizes the epidemic is actually a wave of the living dead. He visits the doctor and tries to explain the problem, but the doctor does not believe him; they are attacked by zombies, and Chef narrowly escapes as the doctor is eaten. Chef also tries to warn Mayor McDaniels and Officer Barbrady, who are engaged in some sort of sex scandal, but they do not believe him either. As the zombies continue to ravage the town, the boys, also oblivious of the zombies, go trick-or-treating, but their attempts to get candy are constantly ruined when Kenny bites those answering the doorbell. The boys angrily ditch Kenny and visit Chef, who tells them about the zombie problem. They visit the morgue, where they discover the bottle of Worcestershire sauce. A horde of zombies attack them there and turn Chef into a zombie (although he still keeps his personality). Stan and Cartman kill dozens of zombies as Kyle calls the hotline number from the Worcestershire sauce bottle. The operator first warns Kyle not to go decapitating

zombies left and right, while Stan and Cartman are using chainsaws to do just that. All the zombies they decapitate are now completely dead and past the point of no return. She then tells Kyle to kill the original zombie. A zombie version of Wendy walks toward Stan to eat him, but he cannot bring himself to kill her. Kyle uses a chainsaw to kill zombie Kenny (causing Kyle to exclaim 'Oh my god! I killed Kenny! ...You bastards!'), returning Wendy, Chef, and the rest of the zombies to normal, although many of them have already been killed by now. Later, Kenny is buried at the South Park cemetery. After the boys are done paying their respects, they leave while making fun of Cartman for his mother being on the cover of a pornography magazine. After they leave the cemetery, Kenny suddenly comes out of his grave having been put back together with medical staples, only to have a statue from another grave fall on him, and a jet crash into the statue.

01x08 - Starvin' Marvin First aired: Nov/19/1997 Writer: Trey Parker, Matt Stone Guest star: Jennifer Howell (Bebe), Jesse Howell (Starving Marvin) After seeing a commercial about starving children in Africa, Cartman, Kenny, Kyle and Stan send money to Sally Struthers' charity organization, the Christian Children's Fund. They do not care about the cause, but want the free sports watch that comes with the sponsorship. However, due to a miscommunication, an Ethiopian boy is delivered to

the boys instead of the watch. Although initially shocked, the four boys befriend him, and Cartman names the boy Starvin' Marvin. Meanwhile, mobs of wild turkeys begin attacking and killing South Park residents. Mad scientist Dr. Mephisto tries to warn Mayor McDaniels that genetically engineered turkeys he had been breeding to feed to the poor have gone crazy and are now attacking humans. Mephisto is instead ignored and ridiculed by McDaniels. The boys take Marvin to an all-you-can-eat buffet, where he is shocked by how much food the townsfolk consume compared to his home country, and by how wasteful Cartman is with his food. Back at school, Mr. Garrison announces the food drive is a failure because students have brought in only a few cans of creamed corn. The boys present Marvin to the class during show and tell, after which Mr. Garrison and Principal Victoria tell the boys they will have to call Red Cross and send Marvin home. Meanwhile, Dr. Mephisto shows Chef that the turkey DNA is growing so rapidly that the turkeys might take over the world if they are not stopped. The FBI arrives to take Marvin back to Ethiopia, but Marvin tricks them into taking Cartman instead. Cartman, who had previously cared little for the impoverished in Africa, is unable to bear the lack of food and poor living conditions there. While praying to God, Cartman says he is sorry he made fun of poor people. He eventually finds a Red Cross shack, where Sally Struthers is hoarding all the food meant for charity. After a brief fight, the Ethiopians take control of the food supply.

Back in South Park, Chef rallies the townspeople to fight the genetically engineered turkeys. A massive battle ensues in which Kenny is killed, but eventually the South Park residents kill all the turkeys and claim victory. The FBI returns Cartman to South Park and takes Marvin home, but not before he brings the bodies of the dead turkeys back to Ethiopia for everyone to eat.

01x09 - Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo First aired: Dec/17/1997 Writer: Matt Stone, Trey Parker Guest star: Jesse Howell (Ike), Jennifer Howell (Bebe) Kyle is playing Joseph of Nazareth in the South Park Elementary School's Christmas nativity play, but he is forced to quit when his mother hears of the play and expresses outrage that her Jewish son is being forced to participate in a Christian production. She demands that the religious elements be taken out of the public school, and threatens to take her case to the mayor. Kyle instead suggests he sing the "Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo" song as a non-religious substitute, but he is rejected because nobody else believes in Mr. Hankey. Kyle leaves the school feeling lonely and outcast because he cannot celebrate Christmas with everyone else. Mayor McDaniels decides that anything offensive to anyone will be removed from the Christmas celebrations, including Santa Claus, wreaths, trees, stars, lights, candy canes and mistletoe. Kyle once

again tries to suggest that they use Mr. Hankey, the living and talking Christmas fecal matter, as a non-religious Christmas icon since he doesn't discriminate against anyone. At home, he is scolded by his parents for believing in Mr. Hankey. However, while Kyle is brushing his teeth, Mr. Hankey actually comes out of the toilet, spreading feces stains everywhere he goes, prompting Kyle's parents to blame Kyle for the mess. Kyle decides he will bring Mr. Hankey to school to prove he is real, but this only causes more problems as Mr. Hankey leaps at Cartman's face as he sings "Kyle's Mom is a Big Fat Bitch" and Kyle is blamed. He is sent to talk to guidance counselor, Mr. Mackey, but Kyle only gets into further trouble when Mr. Hankey takes a bath in Mr. Mackey's coffee. Cartman, Stan and Kenny believe Kyle is insane and check him into a mental institution. Like the whole town, the school Christmas pageant is stripped of all symbols of Christmas, and the children instead present a minimalist song and dance created by composer Philip Glass. The parents, astounded by how awful the pageant has turned out, begin blaming one another for destroying Christmas and a fight breaks out. When Chef finds out where Kyle is, he reveals to the children that Mr. Hankey does actually exist. When all the children start believing, Mr. Hankey finally reveals himself to everyone and scolds them for losing sight of the good things of Christmas and focusing on the bad. The townspeople release Kyle from the asylum and apologize, then they all sing Christmas songs and watch Mr. Hankey fly away with Santa Claus. Cartman, Stan, and Kyle feel that something is still missing. "THE END" then appears, and Kenny is excited and relieved that he has

survived the entire episode without getting killed in spite of being dangerous situations throughout it. During the end credits, Jesus sings "Happy Birthday" to himself alone in his television studio. The episode also features a fake live-action commercial for a do-it-yourself Mr. Hankey kit. In the commercial, a mother and her two children attach accessories to actual stool samples to make their own Mr. Hankey dolls. The commercial alludes at the end that the baby of the family eats her stool rather than making the doll.

01x10 - Damien First aired: Feb/04/1998 Writer: Trey Parker, Matt Stone Guest star: Michael Buffer (Ring Announcer), Jennifer Howell (Bebe) Cartman is excited about his upcoming birthday party and lets everyone invited know what present he expects to receive from each. They encounter a new student named Damien, son of Satan, from the seventh circle of Hell. The other boys mock the "new kid" and, in response, Damien turns Kenny into a duck-billed platypus. Damien informs Jesus that Satan will rise for a final battle with him of good versus evil. South Park residents immediately begin making bets on the fight, which will be shown on pay per view for $49.95. Cartman is angered to learn the event is scheduled for the same time as his party, and the children struggle to choose between the two events.

The entire town bets on Jesus to win the fight, but begin to lose faith when Satan appears for the weigh-in. He is huge and weighs a little over 320 pounds (150 kg), while Jesus weighs a mere 135 pounds (61 kg), and the citizens of South Park begin changing their bets. Jesus confronts the South Park residents about their changed betting slips after learning only one person is still betting on Jesus to win. Distraught, Jesus asks Stan, Kyle and Chef to help him train. Damien gets counseling from Mr. Mackey, who recommends he just try being nice no matter what the other children do, like to the unpopular British child Pip. Damien tries to apologise to the boys for setting fire to the playground and turning Kenny into a duck-billed platypus, stating that he was "doing his father's bidding" and he did not have a choice. The boys however, still continue to act negatively towards Damien. Cartman's birthday party begins, as does the fight. Damien and Pip arrive uninvited to the party, but the children finally accept Damien after he hurls Pip in the air and makes him explode in a shower of fireworks. However, Cartman ends his party early and kicks everyone out after opening Kyle's present to discover that Kyle didn't buy him the present he was asked to get. Meanwhile, Jesus is disheartened by the town's lack of faith in him, and he does not retaliate to Satan's attacks against him, despite Satan's apparent taunting of "hit me!" Chef and the children make it for the end of the fight and offer Jesus some words of encouragement. Inspired, Jesus finally throws a single weak punch. However, Satan then takes a dive and goes down for the count. Afterward, Satan reveals that his plan had, in fact, been to bet on Jesus and then throw the

fight, winning him a lot of money and real estate from the South Park residents. The townspeople are angered by this, until Stan reminds them that Jesus told them not to bet on him. The whole town then asks forgiveness of Jesus, who accepts the apology. Kenny dies when Jimbo identifies him as a rare duck-billed platypus and shoots him. Damien bids goodbye to Stan and Kyle since his dad "is always on the move" he has to leave. Stan and Kyle feel sympathy for Damien and state that "parents can be so cruel." Meanwhile, Cartman has continued his party even after kicking everyone out and eaten all the food himself.

01x11 - Tom's Rhinoplasty First aired: Feb/11/1998 Writer: Trey Parker Guest star: Natasha Henstridge (Ms. Ellen), Jennifer Howell (Bebe), Toddy Walters (Singing Voice (Uncredited)) Valentine's Day approaches, and Wendy suggests to her boyfriend Stan ways to spend time together. However, when their schoolteacher Mr. Garrison decides to get a rhinoplasty, a new substitute arrives named Ms. Ellen (Natasha Henstridge) and all the boys in class find themselves inexplicably enamored with her, including Stan. Wendy becomes incredibly jealous and warns her to stay away from Stan, seemingly oblivious to the fact that Ms. Ellen does not return the affection. Concerned about the children's education, Ms. Ellen reveals she will buy dinner for the winner of a

spelling test. The boys actively try to court Ms. Ellen, but Chef (having beaten them) warns them she is a lesbian and thus only likes other lesbians. The boys do not realise what this means and try to become lesbians in order to attract Ms. Ellen. Meanwhile Mr. Garrison's nose job makes him one of the most attractive men in South Park with his face resembling David Hasselhoff, and he decides to quit teaching and pursue women. Stan wins the dinner but finds out that Ms. Ellen has no intention of making love with him. Wendy however sees them through the window. The next day several Iraqi men burst into the classroom and declare that Ms. Ellen is actually an Iraqi fugitive. As she resists arrest, she inadvertently kills Kenny by impaling him with a sword to his face. The soldiers take her into custody and shoot her into the center of the Sun via a rocket. Mr. Garrison becomes a model and has great success, but he soon finds himself being chased throughout the streets by a large group of women attracted to him. Frightened by all the attention, Mr. Garrison decides to return to his normal looks. Wendy reclaims Stan as her boyfriend. Wendy speaks with the Iraqi men in fluent Arabic and pays them with a wad of American money. Later, Wendy watches joyfully as the rocket blows up in the sun, and Kyle realizes Wendy hired the Iraqis to kill Ms. Ellen. The episode ends with Wendy, declaring "I told her: 'Don't... fuck... with... Wendy... Testaburger!'"

01x12 - Mecha-Streisand First aired: Feb/18/1998 Writer: Philip Stark, Matt Stone, Trey Parker Director: Trey Parker Guest star: Robert Smith (Himself) During a fossil dig, Cartman discovers a mysterious stone triangle, which he promptly throws away in disinterest. Shortly after Kyle picks it up, the archeologist guide identifies the writing on the triangle as Anasazi. Kyle appears on television to discuss the find, making a jealous Cartman want the triangle back. Cartman constantly pesters Kyle until he returns the triangle to him. Meanwhile, Leonard Maltin comes to South Park and asks Chef whether he has seen Barbra Streisand. Maltin, who saw Kyle and the triangle on television, tells Chef the boys are in great danger. Later, Streisand finds the boys at the bus stop and demands the "Triangle of Zinthar", and gets aggravated when they reject her. As they search for Streisand, Maltin tells Chef she is seeking the triangle to complete the ancient relic, the "Diamond of Pantheos", which will allow her to become an evil and dangerous creature that could conquer the world. Later, Streisand dons a disguise and visits the boys again, offering them a monetary reward for the triangle. Stan, Kenny and Kyle are suspicious, but Cartman insists they go along for the money. Streisand takes them to her condo in the mountains, where she chains the boys up and tortures them with her singing voice. Cartman relents and gives up the triangle, which he had hidden in his shoe.

Streisand combines the triangle with the diamond, transforming herself into a giant mechanical dinosaur called Mecha-Streisand, and begins to completely destroy South Park. Maltin and Chef arrive to free the boys, and Maltin asks the boys to call The Cure lead singer Robert Smith for help. Maltin then transforms into a giant robot and battles Mecha-Streisand, but he is quickly defeated. The boys evade fiery debris from the fight, but Kenny is killed when he stops to play tether ball and gets strangled by the rope. Actor Sidney Poitier arrives and turns into a giant turtle with fangs to fight Mecha-Striesand, but he too is easily defeated. After getting a call from the boys, Robert Smith arrives and transforms into a giant moth. After a great battle, Smith punches the Diamond of Pantheos away from Mecha-Streisand, who explodes and dies. The boys split the diamond again to try to prevent anyone else from getting the power, but the episode ends with the boys cowering in the presence of a giant Ike Broflovski.

01x13 - Cartman's Mom is a Dirty Slut (1) First aired: Feb/25/1998 Writer: David Goodman, Trey Parker Director: Trey Parker Guest star: Jay Leno (Kitty), Toddy Walters (Singing Voice at Drunken Barn Dance (Uncredited)) Stan, Kyle and Kenny decide to check on Cartman when he does not show up for school. They discover that he is having a "tea party" with his stuffed animals in his backyard. Their school

counselor Mr. Mackey advices them to videotape Cartman, so he can study him psychologically. Meanwhile, Cartman does not have a father to take to the annual father-and-son dance and asks his mother who he is. His mother explains that she met his father, a Native American named Chief Running Water, at the 12th annual "Drunken Barn Dance". However, Chief Running Water informs him that his mother dumped him for Chef. Chef tells Cartman that his mother preferred Mr. Garrison over him. Mr. Garrison admits that he had slept with Mrs. Cartman, but then argues "but who the hell hasn't!?", to which Mayor McDaniels, Principal Victoria, Jesus and Father Maxi share guilty glances with each other. Dr. Mephisto is willing to perform DNA testing to resolve the issue, but requires $3,000 for the test. Cartman gets depressed, as he does not have the money. In the meantime, Kyle, Stan and Kenny watch America's Stupidest Home Videos, they hear there's a $10,000 grand prize for the stupidest home video. They decide to enter the competition with the video they made of Cartman. Cartman approaches Kyle and Stan (Kenny was run over by a train and killed) with the depressing news about his lack of funds to find out his real father. Stan and Kyle agree that if they win the video contest they will give Cartman the $3,000 needed for the DNA testing. Cartman is overjoyed, but quickly becomes extremely angry after seeing the aired video. Though they do not win the competition, as Stan's grandfather wins with a videotape he made of Kenny's death, they receive a $3,000 runner-up prize instead, which is still enough for the DNA test. Dr. Mephesto calls together Cartman, his mother and all potential fathers (including the 1991

Denver Broncos), when he gets the test results. When he is about to reveal the identity of Cartman's father, a narrator states that the answer will be revealed in the new South Park episode four weeks later, much to Cartman's annoyance.