BREAKING NEWS !!!

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Don't go bacon my heart!

Following their recent breakup, news has broken that Kermit the Frog has brutally murdered Miss Piggy. An
anonymous source reports they heard the couple in a heated argument, early Sunday morning. What follows,
will shock you! Squeals were heard from inside their Beverly Hills home, urging bystanders to alert the
authorities immediately. Due to Kermit's fame status, police initially disregarded reports. That was until a new
photo surfaced on Kermit's Instagram account, @kermitthefrog. The post was a
snapshot of a plate displaying two eggs sunny side up, with a slice of bacon below
them curved down to resemble a frown. It was captioned, "Missing you pig time."
Kermit the Frog is currently in custody and awaiting trail. What led to Miss
Piggy's demise? Was it her flopped acting career? Or was there someone else in
the picture? Tune in next week for our exclusive interview with Kermit himself,
where we'll get all the sizzling details!

Written by: Angie Lopez-Garcia

The Modern Divorce

Not every love story has a happy ending. The once happy couple, Jay and Gloria Pritchett have decided to call it
quits when Gloria found out Jay was raising a dog with another woman! This is the first time we have ever seen
trouble in paradise between the
couple, could this be the end?
This has come to a surprise to
everyone including myself. When
spotted, Jay Pritchett was asked
about the recent split up and all
he had to say was "no comment,
get those cameras out of my face!".
However, an insider close to the
couple says this is not the end to
the relationship.

Written By: Kassandra Torres

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Romance & Drama

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The New Girl in town has stirred some conflict in The Office!

Michael Scott claims that there is a new girl in town, Miss Jessica
Day. While others at the office are pleased to have Miss Day in
their group, Pam Halbert is not... There are rumors that Jim
Halbert just can't keep his eyes off the new girl and neither can
she! Will this cause
conflict in Halbert's
marriage? We sure
hope not! The two
have been married
for 3 years and are
considered America's sweetheart couple. Stay tuned to
see if Jim can keep himself away from the new girl!

Written by: Leyla Varela

The Bat Has Truly Been Broken

After depleting all of his wealth by putting a stop to crime in

Gotham once and for all, sources say that Batman is now
bankrupt and is planning to enter a variety of game shows in
order to regain his wealth all in the hopes to keep up with his
daily expenses. Rumors say that he has already won Who Wants
To Be A Millionaire, as well as Wipeout in its first episode since
its cancellation. Other reports are coming out that he has his eyes
set on Jeopardy and has already beat the longest winning streak
in the show's history. The question on everybody's mind now
remains on where he plans to go next.

Written by Joseph Garcia Perez

Arrested and On Drugs

Did I do that?!

Steve Urkel caused damages upwards of a million dollars at Scranton, Pennsylvania's Dunder
Mifflin Monday afternoon. The Family Matters star’s spastic rampage was reportedly due to a
cheese-fueled binge carried over from the company's Dundie Awards night. Urkel, newly hired at the
paper supplier after being run out of Chicago by neighbor
Carl Winslow over the destruction of Winslow’s home,
clumsily tore through the warehouse. Assistant to the
Regional Manager, Dwight Schrute, was unable to subdue
Urkel with his extensive secretly stored artillery. Angela
Martin of Accounting attempted to shame and ostracize Urkel
into ceasing with no effect. The wreckage finally halted when
warehouse manager Darryl Philbin commanded, “Steve, go
home! Go home! Go home!” to which Urkel contested, “I don’t
have to take this! I’m going home!” Urkel was later arrested at
his residence and is awaiting his pending court date.

Written by Felicia Carvalho

WINNIE THE POOH ADMITTED TO REHAB!!!

A local source has confirmed that Winnie Theodore Pooh, retired children televisions
actor, has been admitted into New Haven Rehab Center for a HONEY ADDICTION. This
Rehab Center is a Hollywood favorite for stars such as Rue Bennett, Charlie Sheen, and
Jessie Pinkman. What could have pushed Mr.Pooh into this horrendous downward
spiral??? Who knows, but our sources say after dealing with abandonment issues from
getting tossed aside by Christopher Robin, he had a nervous breakdown live on his show.
After trashing the set and lighting the treehouse on fire he was detained by police and a
small baggie of our honey was found in his red shirt. His costar Eyeore has this to say
about the devastating situation, “ I always thought his honey problem was under control
but now I don’t even recognize him anymore.” His closest friends staged an intervention.
Seen at the intervention was Piglet, Eyeore, The Bearanstain Bears, Tigger, Owl, Charlie
Brown, Snoopy, Mickey Mouse, and Tom & Jerry. Tune in this Friday at 9pm EST for an
exclusive interview with Winnie hosted by Barbra Walters.
Written By Eileana Varela
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Romance & Drama

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"YOU ARE GOING DOWN!!”

Since the beginning of the pandemic, more and more people have been snapping and showing their “Karen”
ways by using their privilege in a misguided way to create a scene. On Friday, September 2nd Lauren Graham
revealed a side of her we did not see in the hit series Gilmore Girls. Lauren Graham’s character, Lorelai
Gilmore, is a kind, laidback mother who takes all obstacles thrown her
way, however, after events seen today, we can confirm Lauren Graham is
the complete opposite of her fun-loving character. Lauren Graham went
full-on “Karen” mode in Starbucks on Rodeo Drive, Graham was seen
throwing around disgusting insults over an order. Witnesses say Graham
came into the Starbucks with what seemed to be a disguise, a blonde wig,
gray hat, and a black jumpsuit, sources say she seemed “off” or “out of it.”
The Starbucks worker, Jess, who took her order, says that Graham
demanded an extravagant order and began to become hostile when she was
told they were out of brown sugar. Jess says Graham immediately started
throwing the packaged snacks on the floor and even chucked a few at him.
Jess states, “I told her we were out of brown sugar, and she went crazy, she
started throwing snacks on the ground and even chucked a few at me, she
jumped on the island and tried to come behind the counter to ‘fix her own
drink because nobody is competent enough to do it.'” Jess reports that when he told Graham that her behavior
was unacceptable and that she needed to leave, her response was “YOU ARE GOING DOWN!” Sources say she
proceeded to jump behind the counter and began knocking over already made drinks. Graham has yet to speak
on this situation, but we anticipate a rehearsed apology. Do you think Graham’s behavior is warranted over her
favorite drink? Written by: Trinity Baker

Vampire Celebrities?!

Barney Stinson the notorious stud has now become the eternal stud. After a
business trip to Mystic Falls with luggage full of protein bars and protection,
Barney Stinson has returned a VAMPIRE! This suggests that the huge man himself
will be able to approach women for many decades, if not centuries. Therefore, keep
your moms, sisters, and girlfriends locked up because, in his words, “It… is … on
;)”. This is MacLaren’s Pub news, and please have a Legen… wait for it… dary day!

Written By: Josue Alcantar