THE GOSSIP GIRLS
$1.50 September 16, 2022
BOYS VS. GIRLS
PowerPuff Girls Kidnapped by Terrorist Group Called “The Boys”
By: Sienna Souza
Our beloved PowerPuff Girls have
been kidnapped by the infamous terrorist
organization “The Boys”. Off the beach of
Santa Monica, the Powerpuff Girls were
seen being forced into a van. This intel came
from none other than The Deep who stated
the information was passed to him thanks to
his friend Jerry, a dolphin, who had seen the
whole event. The Boys, who have kidnapped
and even murdered multiple supers, have
stated publicly in the past “Supers a super,
no matter what”. Professor Uthonium and
Homelander have since teamed up together
in an attempt to bring the girls back safely.
[The Gossip Girls] caught up with them at
Vaught Tower Laboratory for the exclusive
scoop.
VOL.II. NO.13
“To be frank, if any of those scums harm
even a hair on my Power Puff Girls... they
wouldn't even be able to fathom the things
I'll do to them. Do they realize I created an
evil monkey? Do you think I didn't
personally break open his skull to expose his
brain?! Those mother f..”
-Professor Uthonium
Unfortunately, the professor became
so enraged we were walked out by
HomeLander. Before we left, Homelander
had some inspirational things to say about
this case, “It is such a tragedy with this
kidnapping of these little girls. You know
me, all for girl power! These disgusting
terrorists have no heart. Kidnapping super
children is sickening. Leaving their poor
father in a heartbroken state is just awful to
see. But don't worry girls, this man will
come and save the day! Let's not forget to
thank our police for working just as hard on
this case, you guys are the real heroes. God
bless.” Always an inspiration, if anyone
could help these poor helpless girls it's our
beloved Homelander! We will continue
updates with this case as we receive them.
 THE GOSSIP GIRLS
$1.50
How you doin', Joey??
Turns out, Joey Tribbiani
from Friends is not a
real-life ladies' man! He
has had a secret wife and 3
kids since the beginning of
the show. Apparently, he's
been keeping them out of
the spotlight to ensure their
privacy. When
TGG asked about
his wife and kids,
Joey immediately
ended the
interview after
denying a family.
We got exclusive
photos of them on
a family outing to
San Diego Zoo and
will be posting
them shortly. Keep
checking back in
for updates about
Joey's secret
family!
By: Lyrics Weldon
New Girl in town has
stirred some conflict in
The Office!
Michael Scott claims that
there is a new girl in town,
Miss Jessica Day. While
others at the office are
September 16, 2022
pleased to have Miss Day
in their group, Pam Halbert
is not...There are rumors
that Jim Halbert just can't
keep his eyes off the new
girl and neither can she!
Will this cause conflict in
the Halbert's marriage? We
sure hope not! The two
have been married for 3
years and are considered
America's sweetheart
couple. Stay tuned to see if
Jim can keep himself away
from the new girl!
By: Leyla Varela
VOL.II. NO.13
The Modern Divorce
Not every love story has a
happy ending. The once
happy couple, Jay and
Gloria Pritchett have
decided to call it quits
when Gloria found out Jay
was raising a dog with
another woman! This is the
first time we have
ever seen trouble
in paradise
between the
couple, could this
be the end? This
has come as a
surprise to
everyone
including myself.
When spotted, Jay
Pritchett was
asked about the
recent split up and
all he said to say
was "no comment,
get those cameras
out of my face!".
However, an insider close
to the couple says this is
not the end of the
relationship.
By: Kassandra Torres
 THE GOSSIP GIRLS
$1.50
Lightning McQueen Eats People?!
For years the question of
how cars like Lightning
McQueen himself stay
alive and running in the
Cars Universe. With the
innovative technology of
traveling the multiverse,
we may have just found
the answer. It has been
reported by an anonymous
source that Cars like
Lightning McQueen and
Mater were seen driving to
a suspicious building in
preparation for his next
race. What reporters found
inside that building was
September 16, 2022
shocking! Inside the
building was what's known
as a "Human Mill".
Hundreds of women are
being forced to breed for
the sole purpose of fueling
a car's life span. At the end
of a car's life, they return
to this Human Mill in
order to be fitted with a
new body. Sources suspect
that the cars drain the life
force from these humans in
order to stay alive. This
theory explains the
existence of cars like
Stanly, the founder of
VOL.II. NO.13
Radiator Springs, a popular
stop along route 66
interstate highway. We
here at The Gossip Girls
are shocked and disgusted
by this news. What do you
think? Do you support this
way of life in the CU or
should the
Multidimensional police
force put a stop to this
tragic waste of human
lives?
By: Christine Fulton
 THE GOSSIP GIRLS
$1.50 September 16, 2022 VOL.II. NO.13

The Bat Has Truly Been Broken

After depleting all of his wealth by putting a

stop to crime in Gotham once and for all,
sources say that Batman is now bankrupt and
is planning to enter a variety of game shows
in order to regain his wealth all in the hopes
to keep up with his daily expenses. Rumors
say that he has already won Who Wants To Be
A Millionaire, as well as Wipeout in its first
episode since its cancellation. Other reports
are coming out that he has his eyes set on
Jeopardy and has already beat the longest
winning streak in the show's history. The question on everybody's mind now remains on where
he plans to go next.

By: Joseph Garcia Perez

END OF THE GOLDEN GORDEN ERA??

This past Saturday the beloved Golden Girls Blanche Devereaux, Dorothy Zbornak, Sophia
Petrillo, and Rose Nylund were seen storming out of esteemed chef Gordan Ramsey's Hell's
Kitchen. While the four were bustling out, profanities, mostly from Miss Petrillo who was
unsuccessfully being silenced by her daughter Dorothy, were screamed out about the horrid
cheesecake that was served. As most know, the golden girls are big fans of the dessert dish and
only expect the best. While taking a trip to Las Vegas due to Dorothy winning a lottery of
$10,000, the women decided to try a bit from Ramsey's acclaimed kitchen. The Golden Girls
decided to try out the Cheesecake offered but were disgusted by what they were served. Miss
Devereaux made a comment on the incident, insisting that the head baker must have been
distracted by her looks, "it's the curse of being a devastatingly beautiful woman". Gorden
Ramsey has yet to make a statement about the event but the restaurant has already taken a hit. Is
this the end of the golden era for Ramsey?

By: Hailey Little