Alice in Wonderland

Presentation: Welcome to our very first stage adaptation from the film Alice in Wonderland; a 2010
American dark fantasy film directed by Tim Burton from a screenplay written by Linda Woolverton. We
hope you enjoy a story filled with talking animals, villainous queens and knights, and many more curious
creatures, let’s start.
Narrator: Since childhood, Alice Kingsleigh has been having strange dreams filled with unusual
creatures, but when she’s nearly 20 years old she runs away from a fancy party upon the expectation
of accepting a proposal and finds herself in Underland. There, according to an ancient document, the
Frabjous Day is arriving where it is foretold that Alice will slay the Jabberwocky. However, Alice believes
the whole thing to be a dream.
Scene 1
ALICE: Curiouser and curiouser.
WHITE RABBIT: I told you she's the right Alice.
THE DORMOUSE: I'm not convinced.
WHITE RABBIT: How is that for gratitude? I've been up there for weeks trailing one Alice after the next!
And I was almost eaten by other animals! Can you imagine?
TWEEDLEDEE She doesn't look anything like herself.
THE DORMOUSE: That's because she's the wrong Alice.
TWEEDLEDEE And if she was, she might be.
TWEEDLEDUM But if she isn't, she ain't.
TWEEDLEDEE But if she were so, she would be.
TWEEDLEDUM But she isn't. Nohow.
ALICE How can I be the "wrong Alice" when it's my dream? And who are you, if I may ask.
TWEEDLEDEE I'm Tweedleehe's Tweedledum.
TWEEDLEDUM Contrariwise. I'm Tweedledum he's Tweedledee.
THE DORMOUSE We should consult Absolem.
WHITE RABBIT Exactly. Absolem will know who she is.
TWEEDLEDEE I'll escort you.
TWEEDLEDUM It's not being your turn.
TWEEDLEDEE Leave off!
TWEEDLEDUM Let go!
ALICE Are they always this way?
WHITE RABBIT Family trait. You can both escort her.

ALICE Who is this Absolem?

WHITE RABBIT He's wise. He's absolute.
THE TWEEDLES He's Absolem

THE CATERPILLAR (O.S.) Who are you?

ALICE Absolem?
THE CATERPILLAR You’re not (YURNOT) Absolem. I’m (AIM) Absolem. The question is...who are
YOU?
ALICE Alice.
THE CATERPILLAR We shall see.
ALICE What do you mean by that? I ought to know who I am!
THE CATERPILLAR Yes, you ought. Stupid girl. Unroll (ONROL) the Oraculum.
WHITE RABBIT “The Oraculum: Being a Calendrical Compendium of Underland.”
ALICE It’s a calendar.
THE CATERPILLAR Compendium. It tells of each (ICH) and every day since the Beginning.
WHITE RABBIT Today is Griblig day in the time of the Red Queen.
THE CATERPILLAR Show her the Frabjous day.
TWEEDLEDEE Frabjous being the day you slay the Jabberwocky.
ALICE Sorry? Slay the...what?
TWEEDLEDUM (O.S.) That being you there with the Vorpal sword.
TWEEDLEDEE (O.S.) No other swords can kill the Jabberwocky. Nohow.
TWEEDLEDUM (O.S.) If it ain’t Vorpal, he ain’t dead.
ALICE That’s not me.
THE DORMOUSE I know!
WHITE RABBIT Resolve this for us, Absolem. Is she the right Alice?
HE CATERPILLAR Not Hardly.
Narrator: Alice attempts to wake up, but to no avail. Soon after, the Bandersnatch, led by the Knave
of Hearts, begins to chase them all down. Tweedledee and Tweedledum are plucked from the ground
by the Jubjub bird and taken to the castle of the Red Queen, the reigning tyrant. There the Red Queen
learns of the prophecy of Alice defeating her Jabberwocky. Alice, now alone, meets the Cheshire Cat.
Scene 2
CHESHIRE CAT (O.S.) It looks like you ran afoul of something with wicked claws.
ALICE And I’m still dreaming!
CHESHIRE CAT What did that to you?
ALICE Banner or Bander...
CHESHIRE CAT The Bandersnatch? I’d better have a look.
ALICE What are you doing?
CHESHIRE CAT It needs to be purified by someone with evaporating skills or it will fester and putrefy.
ALICE I’ll be fine as soon as I wake up.
CHESHIRE CAT At least let me bind it for you.
CHESHIRE CAT What do you call yourself?
ALICE Alice.
CHESHIRE CAT The Alice?
ALICE I’m not going into that again!
CHESIRE CAT I never get involved in politics. You’d best be on your way.
ALICE What way? All I want to do is wake up from this dream!
CHESHIRE CAT Fine. I’ll take you to the Hare and the Hatter. But that’s the end of it.
CHESHIRE CAT Coming?
Narrator: Cheshire Cat leads Alice to the Mad Hatter's place, where she encounters the Dormouse
again, as well as the March Hare, but when they hear the Knave of Hearts coming in search of Alice,
the Mad Hatter shrinks Alice and stuffs her in a teapot.

Scene 3
MAD HATTER It’s you. *
THE DORMOUSE No, it’s not. McTwisp brought us the wrong Alice.
MAD HATTER It’s absolutely Alice. You’re * absolutely Alice! I’d know you anywhere. I’d know him
anywhere.
MAD HATTER Well, as you can see we’re still * having tea. It’s all because I was * obliged to kill Time
waiting for your * return (riturn). You’re (YUR) terribly late.
ALICE Time can be funny in dreams.
MAD HATTER Yes yes, of course. But now you are * back, you see, and we need to get on * to the
Frabjous day. I’m (AIM) investigating * things that begin with the letter M. Have you any idea why a
raven is like * a writing desk? *
HATTER/HARE/DORMOUSE Down with the (Withda) Bloody Big Head!
ALICE Sorry?
CHESHIRE CAT “Down with the Bloody Big Head”. Bloody Big Head being the Red Queen.
CHESIRE CAT All this talk of blood and slaying has put me off my tea.
MAD HATTER The entire world is faling to ruin * and poor Chessur’s off his tea.
CHESIRE CAT What happened that day was not my fault!
MAD HATTER You ran out on them to save your own skin!
CHESIRE CAT What’s wrong with you, Tarrant? You used to be the life of the party. You used to do
the best Futterwacken in all of Witzend.
ALICE Futter...?
THE DORMOUSE It’s a dance.
MAD HATTER On the Frabjous day, when the White Queen once again wears the crown, On that day,
I’ll Futterwacken... Vigorously. *
MARCH HARE What? The Knave! Hide her!
MAD HATTER Drink this.
ALICE Oh no...

KNAVE OF HEARTS Well, if it’s not my favorite trio of lunatics.

MARCH HARE You’re all late for tea!
KNAVE OF HEARTS We’re looking for the girl called Alice.
MAD HATTER Speaking of the Queen...here’s a song we sang at her honor.
HARE/HATTER/DORMOUSE Twinkle Twinkle Little Bat! How I wonder where you’re at!
KNAVE OF HEARTS If you’re hiding her, you’ll lose your heads.
MAD HATTER Already lost them.
HARE/HATTER/DORMOUSE Up Above the World you fly, Like a tea tray in the sky.
HARE/HATTER/DORMOUSE Twinkle Twinkle Twinkle Twinkle!
KNAVE OF HEARTS You’re all mad.
Narrator: After they have left, the Hatter walks Alice through the nearby woods, where they come
across the burned ruins of a small village. The Hatter then explains to Alice about how in the time she
was gone, the Red Queen has taken over Wonderland, banishing the White Queen to her own domain,
and taking her vorpal sword.
As they talk, the Knave again approaches, and the Hatter places Alice on his hat, and flings it across a
river, giving himself up to the Knave, who takes him to the Red Queen. Alice manages to find her way
to the Red Queen's castle, to rescue the Hatter. Along with the hat, they find their way there, where
Alice encounters the White Rabbit assisting with a game of croquet with the Red Queen.
Scene 4
RED QUEEN (O.S.) Where’s my ball? Page!
WHITE RABBIT Well! If it isn’t the wrong Alice. What brings you here?
ALICE I’m going to rescue the Hatter.
WHITE RABBIT You’re not rescuing anyone being the size of a gerbil.
ALICE Do you have any of that cake that made me grow before?
WHITE RABBIT Upelkuchen? Actually, I might have some left.
WHITE RABBIT (CONT’D) Not all of it! Too late.
RED QUEEN And WHAT is this?
WHITE RABBIT It’s a “who”, Majesty. This is...um
RED QUEEN Um?
ALICE From Umbradge.
RED QUEEN What happened to your clothes?
ALICE I outgrew them. I´ve been growing a lot lately. I tower over everyone in Umbradge. They laugh
at me. So I’ve come to you, hoping you might understand what it’s like.
RED QUEEN My dear girl. Anyone with a head that large is welcome in my court.
RED QUEEN (CONT’D): SOMEONE FIND HER SOME CLOTHES! USE THE CORTINES IF YOU
MUST BUT CLOTHE THIS ENORMOUS GIRL! You’ll be my new favorite.

}RED QUEEN Where are my Fatboys? You must meet them! Fatboys!
RED QUEEN (CONT’D) There they are! Aren’t they adorable? And they have the oddest way of
speaking. Speak boys. Amuse us.
RED QUEEN (CONT’D) Speak!
TWEEDLEDUM Is that being...?
TWEEDLEDEE No, it isn’t. Not a bit.
TWEEDLEDUM Contrariwise, I believe it is so...
TWEEDLEDEE No! It ain’t so. Nohow!
RED QUEEN I love my Fatboys. Now get out.

KNAVE OF HEARTS And who is this lovely creature?

RED QUEEN Um, my new favorite.
KNAVE OF HEARTS Does she have a name?
RED QUEEN Um.
KNAVE OF HEARTS I believe your name has slipped the Queen’s mind.
RED QUEEN Her name is UM, idiot!
ALICE From Umbradge.
RED QUEEN Any luck with the prisoner?
KNAVE OF HEARTS He’s stubborn.
RED QUEEN You’re too soft. Bring him!

RED QUEEN We know Alice has returned to Underland. Do you know where she is?
MAD HATTER I’ve been considering things that * begin with the letter “m”: moron, mutiny, murder,
malice...
RED QUEEN Were looking for an “A” word now. Where is Alice?
MAD HATTER Who? That wee little boy? I wouldn’t * know. *
RED QUEEN What if I take off your head, will you know then?
RED QUEEN Stop that.
MAD HATTER My, what a regrettably large head you * have. I should very much like to hat * it.
RED QUEEN Hat it?
MAD HATTER Yes, I used to hat the White Queen, * you know, but there wasn’t very much * for me to
work with, poor dear. Her * head is so small.
RED QUEEN It’s tiny, a pimple of a head.
MAD HATTER But this... What I could do with * this, monument, this orb. Nay, this * magnificently
heroic globe! *
RED QUEEN What could you do?
RED QUEEN (CONT’D) Unbind him, Stayne! How can he work if his hands are bound?
Narrator: The Hatter is brought before the Queen and Alice, and is at first intended to be beheaded.
However, the Hatter manages to stall for time, by requesting that he make the Queen a hat for her
enormous head.
Alice soon after finds out that the vorpal sword is on the grounds of the castle, but is locked away in a
chest in the quarters of the Bandersnatch.
After procuring the plucked eye from the Dormouse (who has broken into the castle to free the Hatter),
Alice manages to return the eye to the creature. This allows her to gain access to the sword. Alice goes
to the Hatter's room, and finds the Dormouse there.
Scene 5
THE DORMOUSE Run! Alice!
KNAVE OF HEARTS Alice?
HATTER RUN!
KNAVE OF HEARTS SEIZE HER!
Narrator: Alice manages to escape into the courtyard, where the Bandersnatch helps her escape from
the castle and together they head for the White Queen's castle.
Scene 6
KNAVE OF HEARTS Majesty, Alice has escaped.
KNAVE OF HEARTS On the Bandersnatch.
KNAVE OF HEARTS With the Vorpal Sword.
RED QUEEN How could you let this happen?
KNAVE OF HEARTS I may have underestimated her. But we have her conspirators. The Hatter and a
Dormouse.
RED QUEEN Off with their heads!
Narrator: The Red Queen then orders that the Hatter and the Dormouse be executed the next day.
However, the Cheshire Cat uses his trickery to take on the guise of the Hatter, and allows the Hatter,
Dormouse, the White Rabbit and the Tweedles to escape. They all soon meet up at the White Queen's
castle, where the Queen has used her potions knowledge to shrink Alice to normal size.
Scene 7
WHITE QUEEN Welcome to Marmoreal
WHITE QUEEN The Vorpal Sword is home again. The armor is complete. Now all we need is a
champion.
WHITE QUEEN You’re a little taller than I thought you’d be.
ALICE Blame it on too much Upelkuchen.
WHITE QUEEN Come with me.
ALICE Is the March Hare around?
MARCH HARE You’re late for your soup!
ALICE Could use some salt.
WHITE QUEEN Pishalver. Let me think. Two cups grape juice,, a pinch of wormfat.,a teaspoon
vanilla...urine of the horsefly, buttered finger. My sister preferred to study Dominion Over Living Things.
Tell me, how does she seem to you?
ALICE Perfectly horrid.
WHITE QUEEN I think she may have some kind of growth in there...something pressing on her brain.
...three coins from a dead man’s pocket, two tablespoons of Wishful Thinking...
ALICE You can’t imagine the things that go on in that place.
WHITE QUEEN Oh yes, I can. But when a champion steps forth to slay the Jabberwocky, the people
will rise against her.
WHITE QUEEN (CONT’D) Feel better?
ALICE Much. Thank you.
WHITE QUEEN There’s someone here who would like to speak with you.

ALICE Absolem?
THE CATERPILLAR Who are you?
ALICE I thought we’d settled this. I’m Alice...but not that one
THE CATERPILLAR How do you know?.
ALICE You said so yourself.
THE CATERPILLAR I said you were Not Hardly Alice. But you’re much more her now. In fact, you’re
Almost Alice.
ALICE Even so, I couldn’t slay the Jabberwocky if my life depended on it.
THE CATERPILLAR It will. So I suggest you keep the Vorpal Sword on hand when the Frabjous Day
arrives.
ALICE You seem so real. Sometimes, I forget that this is all a dream.
Narrator: The next day then dawns...the Frabjous day. Almost everyone is willing to take up arms for
the White Queen. However, she hopes that Alice will fulfill the prophecy, but Alice rushes off to the
Queen's garden, still upset over everyone pushing her into this task. It is there she encounters Absolom,
cocooning himself
Scene 8
WHITE RABBIT Who will step forth to be champion for the White Queen?
MAD HATTER That would be I!
CHESHIRE CAT You have very poor evaporating skills. I should be the one.
THE DORMOUSE I will do it
TWEEDLEDUM No, me!.
TWEEDLEDEE No, me!
(Conejo desenrrolla el oraculo jiji)
TWEEDLEDUM No other slayer, nohow.
TWEEDLEDEE If it ain’t Alice, he ain’t dead.
WHITE QUEEN Alice, you cannot live your life to please others. The choice must be yours because
when you step out to face that creature, you will step out alone.

THE CATERPILLAR Nothing was ever accomplished with tears.

ALICE Absolem?
THE CATERPILLAR I’ve come to the end of this life.
ALICE You’re going to die?
THE CATERPILLAR Transform.
ALICE Don’t go. I need your help. I don’t know what to do!
THE CATERPILLAR I can’t help you if you don’t even know who you are, stupid girl.
ALICE I’m not stupid! My name is Alice. I live in London. I have a mother named Helen and a sister
named Margaret. My father was Charles Kingsley. He had a vision that stretched half-way around the
world and nothing ever stopped him. I’m his daughter. I’m Alice Kingsley.
THE CATERPILLAR Alice At Last! You were just as dimwitted the first time you were here. You called
it Wonderland as I recall...
ALICE Wonderland.
ALICE (CONT’D) It wasn’t a dream at all. It was a memory! This place is real! And so are you. And so
is the Hatter.
THE CATERPILLAR And the Jabberwocky. Remember, the Vorpal Sword knows what it wants. All you
have to do is hold on to it.
Narrator: Both the White Queen and the Red Queen meet on a checkerboard field. Both Queens meet
first, with the White Queen asking her sister to not do battle, but the Red Queen refuses to give into the
pacification of her sister's plea. The White Queen brings forth Alice as their 'champion,' as the Red
Queen' summons the Jabberwocky. As Alice faces off with the creature, the rest of the armies go to
war.
Scene 9
WHITE QUEEN Hello, Iracebeth.
RED QUEEN Hello Mirana.
WHITE RABBIT On this the Frabjous Day, the Queens, Red and White shall send forth their champions
to do battle on their behalf.
WHITE QUEEN Oh ‘Racie... We don’t have to fight.
RED QUEEN I know what you’re doing. You think you can blink those pretty little eyes and I’ll melt like
Mum and Daddy did.
WHITE QUEEN Just give me my Crown.
RED QUEEN It’s my crown! I’m the eldest! JABBERWOCKY!
Narrator: Alice plays a mind-game with herself, talking of 6 impossible things, as it is claimed her father
would do before breakfast. In her mind-game, she manages to find the strength to slay the
Jabberwocky. The Red Queen demands that her subjects kill Alice, but as the White Queen's champion
has slayed that of the Red Queen, the Red Queen's subjects will no longer follow her commands.
Scene 10
(El gato le lleva la corona a la reina blanca jiji)
WHITE QUEEN Iracebeth of Crims, your crimes against Underland are worthy of death. But that is
against my vows. Therefore, you are banished to the Outlands. No one is to show you any kindness or
ever speak a word to you. You will have not a friend in the world.
KNAVE OF HEARTS Majesty I hope you bear me no ill will.
WHITE QUEEN Except this one. Ilosovic Stayne you will join Iracebeth in banishment from this day
until the end of Underland.
RED QUEEN At least, we have each other.
KNAVE OF HEARTS Kill me...please.
WHITE QUEEN But I do not owe you a kindness.
RED QUEEN You tried to kill me! YOU TRIED TO KILL ME!
Narrator: After the Red Queen and the Knave are taken away, the White Queen's army rejoices, with
the Hatter doing a Fudderwupping dance, much to the delight of everyone. The White Queen then
collects some of the Jabberwocky's blood, and gives it to Alice.
Scene 11
MAD HATTER You could stay.
ALICE What an idea... a crazy, mad wonderful idea. (CONT’D) But I cannot. There are questions I
have to answer. (CONT’D) I’ll be back again before you know it.
MAD HATTER You won’t remember me.
ALICE Of course I will! How could I forget?
ALICE Hatter, why is a raven the same as a desk?
MAD HATTER I have no idea
MAD HATTER Fairfarren, Alice.
Narrator: The blood of the Jabberwocky allows Alice to return to her world, and she returns to the
Garden Party. Alice then explains to Hamish that she cannot accept his proposal, as well as speaks
her mind to a number of different relatives and acquaintances.
Alice is then made an apprentice to the company, and sets off with a crew to open the shipping route
to China, aboard a ship titled "Wonder". The last thing shown is a bright blue butterfly, none other than
Absolom.
THE END