Session 5:

Communicating With Others

In session 5 you’re going to learn how to communicate with others. You’ll learn how power and
mating drive much of our communication on an unconscious level and powerful techniques for
communication. You’ll also be doing an exercise to build rapport with others.

• Remember: the animal brains are always running in the background of humans. The big systems
that we should keep in mind are the “power and status system” and the “sex and mating system”.

• When two people meet for the first time, the first 30 seconds are usually subtle communications
and tests about who is going to be in control of the relationship, and a hidden dialogue as to
whether or not there is a sexual threat happening.

• When you’re interacting with another person and you want your communication to be successful,
it’s important to open up as many channels as possible:

• Can I trust this other person?

• Do we speak the same language?

• Do we have commonality, common experiences, and common knowledge?

• These all enhance clear communication.

• We humans have a high need to be right and correct. We don’t want to see ourselves as wrong.

• We also need to see ourselves as good and having positive intentions. Acknowledge this in
people you’re interacting with and it will allow them to let their guards down, because you are
building rapport with them.

• The concept of right/wrong or good/bad are just ideas and value judgments. Remember that
from and individual perspective, all people think they are right and trying to do good things.

• Instead of making someone wrong or bad, help them see how a different perspective or intention
would serve them better, and do it without judgment.

• Our value system runs at an unconscious level. When someone shares a personal value and
belief its important to treat that tenderly to help facilitate open and clear communication.

• Don’t argue with beliefs because it will break rapport. Dive into their world, ask questions and try
to understand so you can maintain that communication.

© 2011 “Clear Communication” is a registered trademark of Get Altitude, LLC

• If your voice tone, gestures, facial expressions, and listening are incongruent, you will appear as
someone not to be trusted by the other person on an unconscious level. It’s important to be
present and congruent in communication to build and maintain trust.

• 66% of all human conversation is gossip. People talking behind the backs of others.

• Gossip serves several communication functions:

• It affirms status and hierarchy.

• It build bonds, set standards, and builds social bonds. It’s “social grooming”.

• It creates “WE” space and gives you something to talk about, as well as feeding the animal
brain with sex, status, power, etc.…

• It also creates social values and bonds, to hold someone accountable and in agreement with
social contracts.

• Humans in rapport get their physical, emotional, and mental brains and behavior patterns in sync.
When you establish rapport people are more open to receiving communication from you.

• Key aspects of rapport:

• Match the other person physically in posture, eye contact, body positioning, rhythm of their
breath and blinking. Most of the time when you physically build rapport they will
automatically relax.

• Verbal rapport is tonality, inflection, word choice and phrases. Match the other person’s style
of talking and emphasis on word choice.

• Emotional rapport will follow your body language. Ask questions to see what emotional state
they are in so you can match their emotional state.

• Mental rapport is understanding their self-image, world views, status in the world, what they
are trying to get from you, and what they want from the conversation. Get into their world.

• When someone says something that isn’t matching your ideals or values of the world, instead
of arguing with them, validate them to keep them at ease. You will need to overcome your
own ego and values to do this.

• In order to deepen intimacy and trust you need to confide in the other person. It’s important to
share your emotional state with someone because it is vulnerable and true.

• It’s important to get feedback from the recipient of your communication to ensure that your
message has been delivered. Often times, you’ll need to clarify your message again.

© 2011 “Clear Communication” is a registered trademark of Get Altitude, LLC

• Techniques for communication:

• Use metaphors and analogies. To practice this, take a shape and use it in as many places as
possible in that day. Example: how many different ways can you use a square?

• Master the art of telling a story with timeline and different information. Use stories to
communicate. The underlying format of all great stories is Joseph Campbell’s story of the
hero’s journey.

• If you run into conflict with other people, remember that individual humans are very resilient. We
can go back to life as usual very quickly.

• However, relationships are very delicate and must be treated lightly. When conflict occurs,
facilitate the open experience for communication and find a commonality to lead the relationship
back to a safe space. Ego battles will break trust, build resentment and break the rapport.

• If you’re going to apologize or praise someone, be specific and really connect with that
conversation on a physical, emotional and mental level.

• Collaboration occurs when each person sees the unique gifts that the other person brings to the
relationship.

• EXERCISE:
• Find another person. Build physical, emotional, and logical rapport while staying congruent
and present with the other person. Get into synchrony with them consciously so the portal of
communication will open.

• Extra credit: Once you reach the point of rapport, use a metaphor or story to convey an
important idea.

• Notice how your physical, emotional, and logical systems respond to being in rapport.

© 2011 “Clear Communication” is a registered trademark of Get Altitude, LLC