How to

Strengthen Your
Self-Confidence

by Mica Vaipan
Performance & Wellbeing Coach
For Entrepreneurs, Startup Founders & Teams

 Contents

Objective 1
Define & understand the pillars of self-
confidence

Objective 2
Befriend your Inner Critic

Objective 3
Learn how to practise self-compassion

Objective 4
Explore & practise your
character strengths

Objective 1
Self-confidence is...
A feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities and
judgement.

The 3 pillars that determine your

self-confidence:

1. How you think (mindset)

This includes your awareness of your strengths, core
values and North Star; your ability to display compassion
and gratitude; your ability to focus on the things within
your control and the silver linings in each situation.
 2. How you operate (habits & routines)
This includes prioritising your personal wellbeing, acting
with intentionality, making time for deep work, creating
buffers in your schedule, focusing on the ‘just
manageable’ challenge, and designing short-term
rewards in every activity.

3. How you communicate (relationships)

This includes your ability to listen to what’s happening
within yourself, to listen to others with non-judgemental
curiosity, to accept that we each experience the same
reality differently, to listen for needs over criticism, and
to be present.

Remember...
Self-confidence is feeling of trust in one’s abilities,
qualities and judgement. Do you trust yourself?
Objective 2
Befriend Your Inner Critic

Your Inner Critic is the self-critical voice in your head. It

has a fundamental and critical function – that of
preventing you from making mistakes and motivating you
towards your goals. ⁣

You’ll often want to get rid of your it, ⁣but you see, it’s
never a good idea to reject a part within us. The more we
do so, the harder that part is going to push back.

I⁣nstead, we’re better off acknowledging it, learning how it

can best serve us, and teaching it how to do so.⁣
Questions to ask yourself in
order to overcome self-
criticism:

What is your Inner Critic telling you about yourself,

about others, about the situation, about what others
might think of you?

What might your Inner Critic be worried about in this

situation? For example, might there be any risks to
your health, your reputation or to others?

Given that, what might be the real intention of your

Inner Critic?
Objective 3
Learn how to practise self-
compassion
Self-compassion can help us develop a more ‘consistent’
sense of self-confidence.

Our sense of self-confidence is fuelled by our self-esteem

– our subjective evaluation of whether we’re ‘good’ at
the things that we and the people around us value. The
problem with self-esteem is that it’s quite a black & white
assessment – we’re either ‘good’ or ‘bad’.

How self-compassion differs

“Self-compassion does not try to capture and define
the worth or essence of who we are. It is not a
thought or a label, a judgment or an evaluation.
Instead, self-compassion is a way of relating to the
mystery of who we are.”

Source: “Self-Compassion” by Kristin Neff, PhD

A self-compassionate mindset celebrates the complexity
of being human. It acknowledges the reality that
sometimes we display ‘good’ behaviours, while other
times ‘bad’ behaviours. That “who we are” is not
defined by our transient thoughts or actions. We are not
‘good’ or ‘bad’ merely because of an individual ‘good’
or ‘bad’ behaviour.

The 3 components of self-

compassion

Mindfulness
– that we hold our experience in balanced awareness,
neither ignoring our pain nor exaggerating it.

Common humanity
– feeling connected with others in the experience of
life rather than feeling isolated and alienated by our
suffering.

Self-kindness
– that we be gentle and understanding with ourselves
rather than harshly critical and judgmental.

Source: “Self-Compassion” by Kristin Neff, PhD

Objective 4
Explore & practise your
character strengths
to become more resilient
to feel more energised & perform better
to find greater fulfilment in life

Identify them
Spend ~ 15-20 minutes taking the VIA Institute On
Character’s test: www.viacharacter.org

Once you’ve got your results, identify your top 5

strengths – these are your signature strengths or your
‘superpowers’, the strengths that you practice with most
ease and authenticity.

Explore them
How has this strength played a role in your life’s
defining moments?
How do you practise it on a daily basis towards yourself
and others?
How else could you be using this strength – perhaps in
another life domain or in a way that takes into account its
double-edge?
In Summary
Your self-confidence is about how you think,
how you operate and how you connect with
others & the world around you

Ignoring your Inner Critic makes it more

resentful & violent, so befriending it is key

Self-compassion can help us not only

overcome self-criticism, but also grow as a
result of it

Our top 5 character strengths are our

‘superpowers’, which can help us to grow
and develop into better versions of ourselves

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