Name: Adel Ahmad Samak

Adel_samak@hotmail.com
In the light of the rapid development of E-commerce and the growing number of internet users;
Online shopping has become a common purchasing method around the globe. Currently, many
people prefer to purchase most of their necessities, starting from grocery items down to
electronic devices and appliances via online stores rather than face to face shopping avoiding
wasting time, congestion, finding parking and even weather fluctuations.
Good introduction with clear topic sentence and supporting sentences, however you
did not write the thesis statement.

From my point of view, I perceive that kind of shopping as a positive improvement, especially,
in terms of the facility of selecting goods among competitive prices ending with finalizing the
transaction and the variety of payments ways. It has as well a significant impact, particularly on
the current generation due to the speed of our life style we are living in, in addition to the
effective influence on the economic recovery, in the presence of a great competition among
online vendors.
The whole paragraph is two sentences (RUN-ON sentence). Use full stop (.) or
semicolon (;) or other punctuation marks to divide it.

The diverse merits of online shopping differ from seller to seller, however, it have a similarity in
its benefits; whereas online consumers can do shopping via their own mobile phones wherever
they are or whenever they like, furthermore they always feel convenient and satisfied during
comparing a price of same product on many sellers’ websites, moreover analyzing customers
reviews and recommendations of certain merchandise could consider as one of the greatest
benefits of online shopping which makes us as sure as to go ahead to buy these goods without
any doubt.
The whole paragraph is one sentence. Use full stop (.) or semicolon (;) or other
punctuation marks to divide it.
** The diverse merits of online shopping differ from one seller to another. However, it has a
similarity in its benefits; whereas online consumers can do shopping via their own mobile
phones wherever they are or whenever they like. Furthermore, they always feel convenient and
satisfied during comparing the price of the same product on many sellers’ websites. Moreover,
analyzing customers’ reviews and recommendations of certain merchandise could consider as
one of the greatest benefits of online shopping which help the individuals to buy these goods
without any doubt.
 In spite of the several merits of online shopping, there are some demerits and it could be risky
for some buyer to deal with; such as fraud online sellers, bad reputed or unknown retails, even
though, consumer should take some precautions into consideration in order to shop safely.
There is no consistency between the body paragraphs

In conclusion, shopping online has made a high competition among companies and retailers,
with a positive impression to individuals and governments in regards of increasing the
purchasing value as well as achieving vital challenges in the economic sectors in many
countries.

Evaluation Parameters and Descriptors

Parameter Details Yes No
Task Response Question is fully covered and the essay is relevant to the question
Opinion is provided clearly throughout the essay (if required).
Ideas Ideas are well-developed with examples and supporting details.
One central and well-developed idea in every paragraph.
Cohesion and No over/under use of connectors under
Coherence The right connectors are used
Paragraphs are logically connected.
Lexical Resources There are spelling mistakes that destroy the band.
and Vocabulary There are synonyms and paraphrasing to avoid repetition of words.
All words are suitable to the context and the style is consistent.
Correct use of collocations
Less common vocabulary and advanced words are used.
Correct word formation is used (example: adjective is used correctly)
Grammatical Complex sentences are used Not
Variety enough
Compound sentences are used Not
enough
Passive structure is used
Complex-compound sentences are used.
Simple sentences are used.
There is a variety of tenses
Grammatical There is a good control of punctuation marks.
Accuracy Subject Verb Agreement Mistake.
Tense Shift Mistake.
Passive Voice Mistake.
Article Mistake.
Inaccurate use of adjectives/nouns/adverbs.
Pronoun Reference Mistake.
Preposition Mistake.
Misuse of countable and uncountable.
There are run-on sentences.
Capitalization mistake
 Vague and Arabic-influenced sentence structured are traced.
There are other grammatical mistakes Possessiv
e ‘s
Word Limit There are more than 250 words in the writing task. 320
Number of words does not affect the element of time management.
Overall Feedback, Avoid the excess use of commas and revise punctuation marks.
Comments and The whole essay is just 7 sentences. (run-on)
Suggestions.
Band Range
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