Having a Fine Time, Actually

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/17426102.

Rating: General Audiences

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Category: F/M
Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Relationship: James "Bucky" Barnes/Natasha Romanov
Character: James "Bucky" Barnes, Natasha Romanov (Marvel), Steve Rogers
Additional Tags: Christmas Decorations, Christmas Fluff, Drinking & Talking, Getting to
Know Each Other, Wakanda (Marvel), Bonding, Feelings Realization,
BuckyNat Secret Santa
Language: English
Collections: BuckyNat Secret Santa 2018, Marvel Trumps Hate 2018
Stats: Published: 2019-01-15 Words: 2558

Having a Fine Time, Actually

by Impala_Chick

Summary

Steve and Nat bring Christmas to Bucky's hut in Wakanda. Nat realizes she doesn't really
know Barnes at all, but maybe she'd like to.

Notes

Happy new year! I'm so sorry I'm late! For the prompt: Bucky/Nat trauma bonding and
sharing a broken/bonding drink over Christmas.

Thank you so much to Wynnesome for helping me find direction and shaping this into
something meaningful. Beta'd because of their auction offering at Marvel Trumps Hate!

Steve rapped his knuckles against the side of Barnes’ hut, and Nat stood back to wait. The last
thing she wanted to do was startle the Winter Soldier.

“You’re late!” she heard Barnes call out. Steve smirked and pulled back the front door curtain to
step inside. He beckoned for Nat to follow him, and she complied, walking inside with the two
shopping bags they’d brought with them. She’d met the Winter Soldier a few times, but she’d only
met James Buchanan Barnes once. Steve and Sam and Nat had been there when Barnes was
brought of of cryofreeze, and his eyes had been different. Instead of being vacant and distant,
Barnes had watched her like he recognized her. They hadn’t said anything beyond small talk, that
time. She felt like she didn’t know him at all, not really. She wasn’t afraid of the Winter Soldier,
but she definitely didn’t trust the man. It was almost comical that she was now walking right into
his home, in the middle of a field in Wakanda, on holiday, as if they were old friends.

The room was modestly furnished with a simple bed covered with a dark quilt, a table, and a small
couch against the wall. A very modern looking stove, oven and countertop were up against the
opposite wall, along with a single stool. On the east side of the hut, there was also a big flat screen
that looked like a television. Wakandan tech was only a remote control click away.

“Merry Christmas, Buck.” Steve clapped Barnes on the shoulder and drew him in for a hug. She
wanted to respect whatever boundaries Barnes had created for himself, so she didn’t attempt to
touch him. But when Barnes noticed her, he nodded at her.

“Steve says you’re family, so welcome to my home,” Barnes said with a gentle smile. She huffed a
laugh and shot a look at Steve. She supposed he was the closest thing she had to family. And it
was Steve who had told her it would be fine if she came along, that she should get to know Barnes.
That probably meant something.

“Well, Steve is a bit of a sap,” she teased. Barnes laughed, and his eyes sparkled. Barnes’ calm
demeanor and easy smile put her at ease.

“Softening in his old age, huh?” Barnes said. Steve might have been an easy target, but it was nice
to find common ground with his old friend, especially since she would have thought the only things
they’d have in common would include either murder or weaponry. Nat smiled at him, and Barnes
smiled back. He took one of the bags she was carrying and set it on the ground in order to peer
inside.

“I promised I’d bring Christmas, and we delivered,” Steve said as he started to help Barnes unload
the gifts, food, and decorations they had bought in New York before they got called away to
respond to a SHIELD distress signal. The pair of them were grinning and laughing like kids as they
unpacked, and Nat crossed her arms, bemused. She hadn’t celebrated holidays as a child, so
Christmas didn’t evoke an emotional response from her. But she had to admit, it was fun to see
them enjoying themselves.

“It’s my first Christmas celebration since I was a kid, so everyone is required to participate,”
Barnes said as he caught her eye. His mouth was pressed into a thin line, but his eyes betrayed the
fact that he was teasing. She rolled her eyes, but she uncrossed her arms and reached down to grab
a Santa hat.

“How’s this for participation?” Nat said. She pulled the hat down over her hair, and the thick white
brim was itchy against her forehead. Barnes grinned at her, his hair falling in front of his face as he
started rummaging in the bag again. She felt herself smiling back, grateful that Barnes was
purposefully including her in his and Steve’s Christmas rituals. Barnes pulled out a box of
ornaments and tossed them to Natasha. She caught them easily, and he pointed towards Steve, who
was currently wrestling a five-foot tall plastic tree out of a very tight cardboard box.

“It’s hard for me to put the metal through the tops of the ornaments with one hand. Would you do
me the honor?” Barnes asked as he gestured towards the box in her hands. She opened it and slid
out the plastic tray to look at the six shiny red glass orbs inside. There were metal hooks stacked in
the middle of the tray, so she sat down on the couch to start threading the metal hooks through the
tops of the orbs.

Steve started waxing poetic about Christmas time in 1930’s Brooklyn after he propped the tree up,
and Natasha was unsure how she felt about hearing such intimate details about Steve and Barnes’
childhood. On the one hand, she felt that it was important to listen in, if only to gain more
knowledge about Steve and Barnes. On the other hand, Nat became extremely aware of the fact
that she was an outsider to these two men, who had grown up together and lived in a world Nat
knew next to nothing about.

She pulled out the rest of the ornaments and continued threading the hooks, trying to sink into the
background in order to give them some semblance of privacy. But when she snuck a glance over at
Barnes, he was busying himself by laying out a string of lights, and realized that it was actually a
one-sided conversation. Steve would bring up past experiences, and leave out some details, and ask
Barnes about it. Her guess was, he wasn’t sure what Barnes remembered and what he didn’t.

She was an expert at reading people, and from where she stood, it looked a lot like Steve’s
enthusiasm had run away with him, and like Barnes could use a change of subject. His hair had
fallen over his face again, and his shoulders were hunched. He had the lights laid out by the tree,
but he was just staring up at the plastic branches, lost in thought.

“Alright Steve, I’ve got a bunch of ornaments ready to go. You want to start dinner?”

“Oh, good idea,” Steve said as he headed over to the kitchen table, where he’d left the oven-ready
turkey breast package they’d brought with them.

She walked over to the tree with two trays of ornaments and held them out to Barnes. He reached
over and picked one up, and he nodded at her in thanks. She nodded back, and stood beside him as
they both started trimming the tree together. They settled into a comfortable silence for a few
minutes, and Barnes’ calm demeanor put Nat at ease. She felt herself relaxing and admiring their
handiwork as they moved around the tree.

While Steve had his back turned, busy with the stove, Barnes leaned over to whisper
conspiratorially to Natasha.

“So this probably isn’t your idea of a good time, but it was good of you to come,” Barnes said.

“I’m having a fine time, actually,” she said easily. That was the polite thing to say, but she realized
as she said it that it was true. Barnes huffed a laugh and continued putting up ornaments, and she
appraised him as he carefully chose which branch to hang each one from. She was struck by how
delicately he held the ornaments and by how he kept biting his bottom lip as he focused on his
task. This man was careful and tender, even a little bit of a dork. Not what she had expected.

Steve returned to the tree to help hang ornaments and lights, and Natasha continued her careful
observation of Barnes. He teased Steve about how he was tall enough to put the angel on the top of
the tree now, and pointed out how Steve’s mom loved Christmas. At one point, after his hair kept
falling into his face, he got out a rubber band and clumsily pulled his hair through it with one hand
to make a messy bun. She didn’t offer him help, because she figured he must have done this for
himself before.

Eventually, their oven-made dinner of turkey and mashed potatoes was ready, and they sat down to
eat. Nat couldn’t help but notice how animated Barnes was over dinner. He had a dry, witty sense
of humor and he loved to grin at his own jokes. Nat found that he had a certain magnetism around
him, like she couldn’t help but listen when he was talking.

After dinner, Barnes pulled out two chocolate oranges he had purchased in the capital and
presented them to Steve and Natasha. He also pulled out a bottle of vodka and some orange juice,
and Natasha raised an eyebrow.
“I asked Steve what you liked,” Barnes said with a smile.

“But I know for a fact you boys can’t get drunk on that stuff,” Natasha pointed out.

“That may be true, but it’s Christmas. We should at least share a drink,” Barnes explained as he got
down glasses from a shelf by the sink, one at a time.

Steve twisted open the bottle, and poured the vodka along with a healthy shot of orange juice. They
clinked their glasses together after Steve gave a toast to old and new friends coming together, and
Natasha took a sip. She and Steve were seated on the couch, and Barnes pulled up a stool to sit at
the table, across from her.

She relished the slight burn as she swallowed, and looked up to catch Barnes watching her. He
didn’t turn away, so maybe he intended to get caught. Barnes wasn’t quite smiling, but his eyes
were kind. She didn’t feel that she had to assess him as a threat anymore, but she could see now
that he was assessing her. She felt the air vibrate with a certain intensity that she hadn’t noticed
before.

A generic ringtone broke the stalemate, and that’s when she realized Steve had been talking about
something, because he stopped mid-sentence.

“I, uh. I’m going to have to take this,” Steve said, flustered. He was looking at Barnes, an apology
already written all over his face.

“Stevie, it’s fine. We’ll be here,” Barnes said with a nod. Steve stepped out before he answered,
and Natasha couldn’t be sure she saw which phone he was using. She knew he only carried two
burners with him, including the one whose number he had given to Tony. Nat figured if it was
indeed Tony on the other end of the line, something seriously wrong was happening. But Steve
had looked more embarrassed than anything, so Nat felt comfortable assuming the world wasn’t
ending yet. If Steve needed her, he knew where to find her.

“So, Ms. Romanoff. Tell me more about what it’s like to be an Avenger,” Barnes said as he swirled
his drink around in his glass.

“You thinking about joining up?” She asked. He barked a laugh, but then he paused for a moment
before he answered.

“I’m not sure I want to fight anymore,” he said softly. He looked up at her, his eyes tinged with
something like regret.

“How come?” Nat asked, curious. She guessed that maybe he just wanted to get to know himself
again, or maybe he didn’t think he’d live up to Steve’s expectations. Or maybe he would make up a
lie.

But then she was surprised by his answer. Nat wasn’t often surprised.

“I can’t exactly talk about what it feels like to be brainwashed for so long that my brain is just a
mishmash of memories, some good but most of them bad. I don’t trust what’s up there, so it’s
probably better not to stray too far off the reservation. If I get into a serious confrontation with
someone, what if I can’t control myself? What if I just… hurt them?”

Barnes looked at her as he spoke, his thumb sliding up and down the glass nervously. Nat felt the
silence rest heavily between them, carefully considering how to proceed. He had offered her
something true, something real. She felt inclined to do the same for him.
“Even though they manipulated me and used me, I can’t just write off what I’ve done. I assume the
worst about myself. It makes it easier that way, less gray areas,” Nat explained.

Barnes nodded and carefully took a sip of his drink. He seemed poised to say something else, but
held himself back. Nat waited patiently as they drank. When he next spoke, she liked that Barnes
wasn’t afraid to look at her.

“Did I…” He hesitated. “Did I do anything to you?”

She carefully considered the question. She wasn't exactly sure if he was talking about long ago, in
the Red Room, or if he was talking about more recently, when he had grabbed her throat when he'd
escaped. For her, the Winter Soldier had done all of that, and the Winter Soldier was easily
separated from Barnes. The Winter Soldier was created for destruction, barely even human. But for
Barnes, she figured he would never be able to separate himself entirely from who he had been
forced to be. She wouldn’t insult him by asking him to. She couldn’t separate herself from her past
so easily either.

“Do you remember the Red Room? The Winter Soldier used to visit us,” Natasha admitted.
Natasha decided to go with the simplest version of the story. “Nothing the instructors didn’t
already do to us. It was all training. Once I became a real agent, I didn’t see you again until I was
with SHIELD,” she said. The mission gone wrong, her first run-in with the Winter Soldier as a
SHIELD agent, was a much more difficult story to tell.

Barnes looked regretful, his eyes downcast again as he swirled his drink around his glass. So Nat
cut him off before he could apologize.

“We aren’t so different,” Nat offered as she reached over and squeezed his wrist. “We’ve been
given a second chance. We can use it how we want.” She smiled at him, and he bit his bottom lip,
seemingly nervous. Nat retracted her hand, unsure if it was her or her words that had made him feel
uncomfortable.

“I didn’t mind,” he said, gesturing towards her hand. “It’s just hard to imagine the future,
sometimes,” Barnes said. “I’m already living it, if that makes sense. I mean, the future is
everywhere in Wakanda. I can even order food with the television!” Nat tipped her head forward to
laugh, genuinely delighted by the way Barnes addressed the tension and cracked a joke.

He was grinning like a dork, and Nat was struck by how beautiful his smile was. Here was a man
who carried guilt and regret around with him like a blanket. But he wasn’t afraid to be honest and
vulnerable in front of her. And he wasn’t afraid to be funny, either. He reached up and brushed a
loose tendril of hair from her cheek, and Nat purposefully held his gaze. She felt the intensity from
earlier building again, only this time she recognized it for what it was.

She was starting to like the guy.

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