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 Fuck Better
A Simple Guide to Superior Sex

Conrad J. Ainsley
 Introduction

Sex is just about the best thing in the world. Wars have been fought, technology innovated, and
human progress itself launched and halted over the pursuit of sweet sexual congress. Whether you’re
enjoying it in a relationship or doing your best to scrounge up a lay wherever you can, sex makes our
lives better. We now live in an era with unprecedented access to information, where we can find vast
archives of online data to “hack” every aspects of our lives. And yet, women remain sexually
unsatisfied on a scale that seems unfathomable given the knowledge available to us. Truth is, growing
up as men we aren’t encouraged by our peers to do things like read books on laying better pipe.
We’re not really “taught” how to fuck at all, we’re just expected to pick up on it through experience
and locker room wisdom. But more often than not this approach fails us, to the extent that up to 80%
of women surveyed have faked an orgasm and almost half are routinely dissatisfied with their sex
lives.
This book discusses techniques to have better sex. There is a lot of good information out there
at this point; this book aims to tie useful tips and methods together in a simple, readable format that
will teach the reader how to concretely perform better in the sack. It includes references to science
without diving too deep into technical terms, it has some fun and interesting facts from history
regarding sex, and it frequently uses so-called “blue” language. We won’t often dwell on the
sentimental aspects of sex so frequently leaned on in other sex guides, though we do of course respect
the intimacy and human connection provided by sex. So that’s us, who are you? You are any man
interested in learning how to be better in bed, whether you’re a high school virgin or a seventy year
old geezer who’s been married for forty years. Even if you feel like you’re already the king of
slinging dick I guarantee there’s some useful and fun information you can glean from this book.
​The emphasis of this book is on pleasing a woman, not by buying her flowers and whatnot but by
making her cum hard where other men or yourself have previously failed to do so. The first part
discusses her anatomy to get you familiar with some of the terminology we’ll be using throughout the
book. After that, we discuss “dick stuff”, which primarily covers ways to overcome sexual
performance issues such as anxiety over penis size, erectile dysfunction, and premature ejaculation.
“Getting There” is a brief discussion of good hygiene practices and general behavior to make you
more sexually desirable. I promise I’m not going to recommend you wear platform shoes and ostrich
feather hats like some sort of pickup artist. We then move into discussing concrete foreplay and sex
techniques. After that, a quick section on keeping it healthy in the bedroom, and then an introduction to
the world of sex toys for those who are unfamiliar. This book is very pro sex toy and you should be as
well if you want to maximize your potential in the twisted sheets. We then discuss how to get the most
out of anal expeditions, from external stimulation to full on ass-fucking. The book is capped off with a
section on some useful extras like squirting and bondage play.
The language of the technique sections are often a play-by-play guide from the perspective of
your approach with a new partner, but can just as easily be applied to a long-term relationship. The
history tidbits provide some interesting conversation topics, the science is kept to a bare minimum to
give you the knowledge to understand without feeling like you’re reading a biology textbook.
Information on topics such as menstruation and female birth control is given to increase your
knowledge and make you a better lover and person. The information contained in the various sections
is related, though the specific topic jumps around often. As you read you’ll come to find that open
communication is held dearly as perhaps the essential foundation from which all good sex is built,
and that applies to your pleasure as well as hers.

There’s a lot of conflicting theories over whether or not humans evolved to be monogamous.
Some form of love, whatever you take that to mean, is a central human need that spans cultures and
generations. Whatever your beliefs on love and monogamy, there’s little argument that a long-term
sexual relationship will produce consistently better results than one night stands with various
partners. The tools provided in this book can work in any scenario, but you will have better luck
finding what works for her, or trying more advanced play like squirting and bondage, with a
somewhat regular partner. Part of what makes sex great is the joy of being intimate with another
person; this book doesn’t often linger on the emotional aspects of good sex, but whether you’re in a
committed monogamous relationship or enjoying a fun casual romp with a regular partner, embracing
affection will increase the depth of enjoyment you can gain from sex.

Seeking and receiving consent is the first step in any physical relationship. You’ve likely
noticed the increasing prevalence in the news of coverage devoted to sexual harassment, the “Me
Too” movement, and rape culture. It is essential for any decent man to attempt to sympathize with the
world that women inhabit in our society. The National Sexual Violence Resource Center reports that
one in five women in the US have been raped, while one in three report physical sexual abuse of
some form. 91% of sexual assault/rape victims are female. These reflect only reported incidents of a
type of crime so personal that it often goes unreported. Aside from physical sexual assault, women
constantly deal with a set of behavior from shitty men that make them cautious in their interactions
with the opposite sex. You can’t have good sex without respecting women and the first step to that is
attempting empathy for the circumstances they deal with.
This book isn’t about picking up or dating, it’s about sex, but we will assume a basic respect
for women as human beings and an understanding that women don’t have it as easy as we do, and that
trust, consent, and communication are the primary building blocks of good sex, strong relationships,
and our growth as men. We’re going to assume that obtaining consent is the base of the structure that
the rest of this book works off of. Whether this is the awkward first time “do you want this?” (if in
doubt, just ask) or trying to get your wife of ten years to try anal, no matter how elbow-deep this book
may get we operate based off of the lady being not just ok with our actions, but enthusiastically
affirmative. Final disclaimer: any direction given in this book assumes positive consent and a strong
emphasis on open communication.

Every partner you have will be sexually unique in some way; the goal of this book is to provide
direction towards good sex through common factors based on science, psychology, and human
physiology. Nothing is written here to say this is the cookie cutter guide as if every technique works
the same on every woman, although if you use the information written here you will find a successful
approach. Interpret as a forum of ideas to be attempted, not necessarily as a recipe, and whether that
spans a one night stand or a decades long relationship you will find something that can improve your
stick game. So grab your nuts and let’s dive in.
 Definitions and Diagrams

This section will acquaint you with the basics of her gear to provide you with the appropriate
lingo and the utilitarian information to know what you’re working with. Most of the parts discussed
can be seen on the diagram below. Knowing her body is indispensable to your ability to approach
sexually, and the genitals are often covered very briefly in sex ed classes, with unfortunate results. I
was once involved with a girl who thought women peed out of their vaginas. She was 25.

◆◆◆
 The Mythical Clitoris

Female pleasure: It all comes down to the clit. Women’s sexuality has historically been so
unregarded and unstudied that we’ve only recently started to understand the central role of the clitoris
in sexual pleasure. The human clitoris is the only organ known in the world to function solely for
sexual pleasure. It contains around 8,000 nerve endings and can engage an additional 15,000 or so;
for comparison the head of the penis has about 4,000. The diagram of the full scope of the clitoris
shows that much of it is inside the woman’s vulva, as opposed to the traditional understanding of the
clitoris as only the small head that is visible.
 The clitoral tissue is comparable to that of the penis, as it fills with blood and swells during
arousal. The clitoral hood is equivalent to the foreskin; it’s a small flap of skin that protects the
sensitive glans. When performing cunnlingus or giving her a handy, you may want to gently pull this
flap up (pop the hood) to increase sensation for her. To do so, place your palm on her groin with your
thumb just above her clit and pull up lightly with the thumb, you should see her clit become more
exposed. For our purposes throughout this book, we will use the phrase “clitoris” to refer specifically
to the glans…because I personally think that “glans” sounds a bit medical and that’s that. The external
clitoris can vary greatly in size and is often a body image issue for women who believe theirs may be
too large, a fun contradiction to men’s issues with the size of their equivalent sex organ. To continue
the irony, larger glans are more likely to result in greater ease of orgasm.

As misunderstood as female sexuality remains, at best we have to work off of the prevailing
theories. To this end, our best current understanding is that almost all female sexual pleasure is
derived from the clitoris, whether through direct stimulation of the glans or indirect stimulation of the
iceberg beneath the surface. We’re going to be lovingly discussing our friend the clitoris a lot
throughout this book, but the main points here are:

● Many of those nerve endings are focused in the small glans/head of the clitoris, making it
extremely sensitive. Handle delicately.
● Many women have a specific “spot” or angle on the clit that works best for them; many claim
that the upper right side of the glans is the most typically sensitive spot.
● The clitoral network is responsible for almost all sexual pleasure a woman can experience
(everything is connected).
● In our attempts to make our sexual partners cum, direct stimulation of the clitoris our best
hope. 80% of women require engagement of the glans to orgasm.

Labia

Her two sets of “lips” protect her clitoris and vaginal opening. The labia majora are the outer
folds of the external genitals, while the labia minora are what we most often think of as the pussy lips.
Labia vary widely in size and shape, and are frequently a cause for body image issues in women.
Cosmetic surgeons have remarked that labiaplasty, reduction and reshaping of the labia minora, is
among the fastest growing cosmetic procedures in the world. The labia can be stroked and kissed, and
remember that underneath the skin lies the “wishbone” of the clitoral network.

The Vagina

When people say vagina, they’re most frequently referring to the vulva, which is the proper
term for the outer parts of the female genitalia (labia, clit, vaginal opening). The vagina proper is the
muscular, nerve-lined canal that connects to the uterus and is central in reproduction. Vaginas don’t
get loose from sex so dismiss that notion from your mind. Vaginal muscles are very elastic, and
remain clenched most of the time. During sexual arousal, they ease up to facilitate reproduction and
then tighten again afterwards. Women who have given birth usually take about six months to fully
recover, and those in their thirties or older may struggle to regain the same tautness of vaginal muscle.
You’ll frequently hear about the benefits of Kegel exercises for women. These work by strengthening
the pelvic floor muscles and are often done through simply flexing the same muscles that control the
flow of urination and help lead to better bladder control over time. Many women claim strong pelvic
floor muscles also increase their abilities to enjoy sex. More advanced pelvic floor training
commonly involves the use of a “ben wa ball” or “jade egg”, terms for what is usually a smooth ball
with a string that can be inserted into the vagina and worn throughout the day to strength the vaginal
muscles while also providing subtle stimulation. Weights can be used to increase the resistance.
 The vagina becomes moist due to liquid secreted from the Bartholin’s gland as blood-flow
increases during arousal. The extent that her pussy will get wet can vary on the day and is generally
related to hormones, emotional state, and a variety of physical factors. This fluid is different from
normal vaginal discharge, which is the vagina’s daily method of cleaning itself by flushing out dead
cells and bacteria. That’s what the stains on your girlfriend’s underwear are. Discharge is perfectly
normal, though she may experience occasional changes in the character of her discharge that require
treatment, such as during a yeast or urinary tract infection. Vaginas all smell different; if you enjoy this
scent, pubic hair works well to entrap it and vice versa. If something smells significantly different
than usual with your partner, you should delicately inform her.

The G-Spot

The G-Spot, named after German gynecologist Ernst Grafenberg, is an erotic area located on
the anterior wall of the vagina. The area as depicted in the diagram tends to have a slightly dimpled
or ribbed texture. This is related to urethral sponge in the area that engorges to prevent women from
peeing while aroused (similar to the tissue in your penis that swells during arousal). It can swell to
almost the size of a walnut, so you can sometimes feel a distinct round bulb. The existence of the G-
spot has always incited debate, though most modern researchers agree that there is something to the
concept. Once understood to be a distinct organ that explained orgasm through vaginal penetration
alone, the most modern understanding of the G-spot is that it is a part of or interacts closely with the
clitoral network. For the sake of this book, we will continue to refer to this area specifically as the G-
spot while understanding that it is part of a structure related to pleasure through the clitoris. The G-
spot will be central to our understanding of orgasm through penetration (and our discussion of
squirting) in the chapters to come. There are innumerable other purported erogenous zones such as the
K, U, and P spots, but for the sake of this book we’ll stick with areas that are reliable, useful, and
accessible.
 Unquestionably, some women derive pleasure from an area deeper inside that also lies on the
front wall of the vagina. Frequently referred to as the “A-spot”, the anterior fornix is an erogenous
zone located a few inches deeper than the G-spot, right next to the cervix. You can discover if your
partner enjoys deeper sensation by discussing, then using the G-spot stimulating positions detailed in
this book while aiming deeper. Because of the A-spot's proximity to the cervix, use caution with deep
thrusting. It’s wise to have your partner use a sex toy to let her “map” the area out before going balls
deep.

The Cervix

The cervix is the gatekeeper between the vagina and the uterus. It allows the flow of menstrual
blood out of the uterus and helps to direct sperm from the vagina up into the uterus. It is a narrow
passage comprised of strong muscle that is absolutely not meant to be penetrated or bumped. Much of
the discomfort that women can experience in sex will come from an inexperienced or inconsiderate
partner thrusting too deep and hard into the cervix. The average vagina is between 3 and 6 inches
long. It should be very obvious to you if during sex your dick is hitting up against the cervix, as you’ll
feel resistance and more likely than not your partner will say “not so deep” or “fuck off” or something
to that effect. There is a certain holistic Taoist sexpert who claims that all women are able to
experience deep and “spiritual” orgasms through cervical stimulation; if that interests you and you
have an open-minded partner, look it up and see if you can make it happen. For most of your
encounters, be cautious with thrusting deep (communication as always will help).

Hymen

​Commonly misperceived throughout history as an indication of virginity, the hymen is a membrane

that partially covers the vaginal opening. It can be torn through a variety of physical activities,
frequently through penetrative sex, hence the association with bleeding for the first time. If you’re
reading this and you’re a virgin and she’s a virgin and everything is legal and checks out, don’t freak
out if she does/doesn’t bleed a little the first time.

Perineum

​ he space between the anus and sex organs in men and women. An erogenous zone that can be
T
stroked or massaged.

Ass

What makes us like butts? Female hormones linked to fertility lead to the storage of fat in the
buttocks; in theory, a fat ass signalled fertility and was biologically desirable to potential mates.
Other theories seeking to explain our attraction to the ass have found that men seem to prefer a certain
spine curvature that would have led to better gathering capacities later into pregnancy, an angle that
happens to accentuate the butt.

Nipples/Tits

Humans appear to be among the only species that commonly engage in and enjoy breast
stimulation during sex. The common evolutionary theories suggest that breasts simulate the shape of
buttocks, replicate the storage of fat signalling fertility, and drive biological desire in this way.
Another popular if sort of weird to consider theory is that everyone loves boobs because of
breastfeeding. Whatever your preference in size and shape, breasts and nipples can and should be
incorporated into most healthy sexual diets. Some women can orgasm from breast play alone. A
friend was once asked the age old question, “are you an ass or tit man?” He thought about it for a
second and offered the immortal, “I’m a pussy man”.

The Female Orgasm

If a metaphor helps, you can think of orgasm as climbing a mountain. If a man’s orgasm is to
scale to the peak then slide down to the bottom, a woman’s typically is to summit and then dip
slightly, making it relatively easier to peak again than it was to get there in the first place. Sometimes,
the interval can be as short as a few seconds. The world record for most orgasms per hour by a
woman is 134, measured with laboratory equipment during research. Coming at a rate of one orgasm
every 27 seconds, orgasms such as this tend to feel to women more like a “wave” of constant
cumming than distinct orgasms. Women can also have different types of orgasms that feel different,
whereas all we can do is bust a nut with varying degrees of intensity. Women have reported vaginal,
clitoral, anal, nipple, cervical, G-spot, A-spot, C-spot orgasms; the list goes on and on. Leading up to
orgasm, her skin will become flush, her breathing more rapid. The moment of her release will have
muscles in her vagina, uterus, and anus involuntarily contracting and relaxing. Women orgasm
differently, if in doubt just ask when the action has slowed down a little. With any of the techniques in
this book, you’ll almost always want to keep the rhythm and intensity of your movements consistent
through her orgasm, or risk throwing her off just as she’s reaching her peak.

You may be uniquely concerned about the size and shape of your cock, but she almost
certainly has more body image issues. The media absolutely bombards us with idealized images of
women. Almost every single advertisement or photo shoot you ever see of a woman looking attractive
is not only rigorously angled, lighted, and complemented by extensive makeup sessions, but is
digitally re-touched. It’s little wonder that men and women alike have a perverse notion of what a
“real” woman looks like. Women have stretch marks, pimples, moles, body hair, fat in unwanted
places, all of the same things that men do. The first step you need to take is recognize that the images
you’re accustomed to seeing depicting desirable women are highly fictional. You’re allowed to be
attracted to what you want, but if you need a woman in full makeup with a lasered pubic region and a
bleached asshole to get your dick up you need to grow up.
To that end, respect and be conscious of her potential body image issues. Compliment as
frequently as sincerity allows. Particularly when you get together for the first time, go out of your way
to praise her body. A woman is often particularly insecure about her breasts, belly, and the
appearance and scent of her pussy. Be verbally positive, make sure she knows you find her attractive.
If you don’t, why are you doing this in the first place?

Menstruation Primer
A woman’s menstrual cycle prepares her body for pregnancy. Hormones estrogen and
progesterone cause the eggs in the ovaries to mature so they can be fertilized by sperm. The uterus
develops a thick, spongy, nutrient-rich lining to help nurture an egg should it be fertilized. Halfway
through the menstrual cycle, the ovaries release a mature egg to travel down the fallopian tubes to the
uterus. During ovulation, she is at her highest susceptibility to pregnancy and will also often be very
horny. If the egg is not fertilized, the blood and tissue that grew to line the uterus to support an egg
break down and exit the uterus. Hence, menstruation. Women frequently track their menstrual cycles to
help prevent or encourage pregnancy or simply to be prepared for their periods and use birth control
accordingly. Tampons, pads, and menstrual cups are some of the more common products to absorb
period blood. A fun note in an otherwise medical section, if you hear Caribbeans say “bumbaclot” or
“blood cot” the etymology refers to the cloths women used to stem the flow of menstrual blood before
modern feminine hygiene products became widely available.
​The days surrounding menstruation can be a real pain in the uterus for most women. Mild to
severe discomfort, bloating, and cramping are common. Premenstrual syndrome, PMS, can also have
mental and emotional effects such as mood swings or depression. These are undeniably real and are a
natural if unpleasant part of many women’s menstrual cycle. So when your girlfriend is moody, don’t
be an asshole about it, get her a heating pad, and chocolate seems to help.
Menstruation has been a core tenet of the designation of women as unclean and/or inferior by
patriarchal societies and religions. “Bumbaclot” is fun to hear and say, but the downside is that it’s
born from the Rastafari’s association of menstruation with filth. All major religions find menstruation
to be a form of impurity. Recognizing that life is possible only through the often uncomfortable
process of menstruation, and not being a pussy about it, is one of the fundamental steps to being a
decent man in the world. If you and your partner are comfortable with embracing the red tide, period
sex is just as good as normal sex; it can even help relieve menstrual symptoms for her. Some notes:
● Depending on how heavy her flow is, you may want to lay a towel down.
● Make sure to remove her tampon.
● While it is less likely that she will get pregnant from sex on her period, sperm can live in her
system for up to a week. Wearing a condom cuts down on any risk and makes cleaning up easier.
● You can still give her oral sex on her period, though you will likely want to stay high and
focus on the clitoris. The smell will likely be a bit more...rare.
● My favorite thing I read online today, about period sex: “You can put away the KY during
your period. Blood acts as a natural lubricant.” Ominous.
 Your Anatomy and Dick Stuff

Keep it healthy down there. Make it a part of your routine to check your testacles for lumps at
least weekly in the shower. Keep an eye out for moles or skin tags and make sure to talk to a doctor if
these change in shape or hue over time. The WHO reports that between 60 and 90 percent of men in
the US are circumcised, with similar rates in Australia. In most European countries, circumcision
rates are lower than 20%. With the exception of the US and Australia, circumcision worldwide is
primarily prevalent mostly in Muslim and Jewish communities. The practice gained steam in the US
in the 19th centuries when doctors thought that removing the foreskin could heal everything from
madness to hernias, though rates are decreasing slowly in recent years.

Whether you still have your foreskin or not, your penis is normal. If you do have foreskin,
after childhood it should be easily and painlessly retractable. If this is not the case, work to slowly
and carefully exercise the foreskin to the point that you can retract it painlessly. Use lubrication; if
over the course of several weeks you still can’t pull back your foreskin, speak to a doctor. It’s
important to wash underneath the skin to prevent a host of potential complications. And to wash away
smegma. If you don’t know, smegma is cheesy, stinky buildup of secretions from oil glands in the
genitals. It’s fun to say the word but you definitely don’t want your partner getting a taste (women can
develop smegma buildup in the folds of their labia as well; hygiene is good).

◆◆◆

Semen displacement theory makes a compelling argument as to why the penis is shaped the
way it is, and has pronounced psychological implications to boot. Noting that most primates have
little or no pronounced glans to their penis, some researchers posit that our enlarged heads serve to
literally “scoop” the semen of previous partners out of the vagina with each thrust. The theory
suggests that humans evolved to be polyamorous and that males developed larger glans to help make
their reproductive seed more competitive.

◆◆◆

The most glaringly obvious question that many men have in relation to their bodies and
sexuality is “is my dick big enough?”. Every study that ever comes out (and there’s a lot of these)
finds the average penis size in adult males to be about 5 to 6 inches. Our obsession with the size of
our penises causes untold numbers of men to experience mental and possibly physical anguish and has
resulted in a cottage industry of snake oil salesmen. Around 85% of women report being satisfied
with the size of their partner’s penises, while 45% of men believe they have a small penis.
Gentlemen, the tough break is you are stuck with your gear basically as it is. While there are surgeries
and techniques that can lead to modest length increases, they frequently do so at the expense of penis
function. The best you can do is accept that you have what you have and it’s no reflection on your
masculinity or ability to please a woman; most of the techniques in this book to make your partner
orgasm are highly independent of vaginal penetration to begin with. Here’s a short list of penis
enlargement techniques, none of which are endorsed:

Surgery There’s a bloody history of men seeking penis enlargement through surgery. In the
1990s, cosmetic surgeons often cut the primary suspensory ligament of the penis and then injected it
with fillers to give the appearance of girth. The snipped ligament would often cause the penis to
actually retract into the body or at best lose erectile functionality, and the fillers had a tendency to
travel and you’d end up with a lumpy, misshapen, flaccid, painful dick. There is now one FDA-
approved cosmetic penis enlargement treatment that implants a medical grade silicone sleeve into the
dick. It’s called Penuma, costs about $15,0000, and is currently available only in Beverly Hills. No
other procedure should remotely cross your mind.

Jelqing A popular and potentially harmful technique that involves manually “stretching” the
penis through massage, the idea being that the tissue can be trained to accomodate more blood and
lengthen over time. Penis weighting involves similar stretching theories. Most doctors caution
strongly against these practices, pointing out that stressing the arteries in the penis will more likely
cause damage leading to lack of sensation and erectile dysfunction than it will increase the size and
strength of erections.

Pills, oils, unguents No. Additionally, prescription erectile dysfunction medications such as
Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra often suggest in their marketing that they improve size. What these drugs
do is inhibit the flow of blood away from the penis, allowing one to achieve and maintain an erection
they would normally struggle to acquire. They do not make your dick bigger.

Penis pumps Penis pumps do have a useful function if used correctly, but it’s not
enlargement. Vacuum-style pumps help draw blood to the penis and can help those with erectile
dysfunction, if a cock ring is used after pumping up the erection to constrict blood flow out of the
penis. Most anyone can achieve a rigid, engorged erection using this method. Cock rings are good for
firmer erections in general. Penis pumps do not actually increase penis size over time, but can help
those looking for stronger erections or to temporarily treat ED. Pumps and cock rings shouldn’t be
used every time, as they can actually weaken erections over time. Users have to be careful not to
pump too hard or risk damaging blood vessels.

There are no safe, consistent methods to naturally increase the maximum size of your penis,
but there are a variety of techniques that can help you look bigger, achieve your strongest erections,
and increase blood flow to the penis. And it’s mostly the same boring stuff you already know you
should do to increase your overall health. Improve your nutrition and exercise more. Losing belly fat
will definitely make your penis look bigger, and robust blood flow typical of a healthy body will
increase the strength of your boner. Kegel exercises can work for men as well as woman to strengthen
the pelvic floor muscles that control bladder and bowel function, and may even improve sexual
performance. The easiest way to identify these muscles is to stop urination mid-stream; once isolated,
make it part of your daily routine to do three sets of ten repetitions of flexes. Tighten the muscles and
hold for three seconds, then relax for three. That’s one rep. You can also identify these muscles by
“flexing” an erection. Having stronger erections is great, and think about how cool you’ll be as the
only geezer at the nursing home who doesn’t wear diapers.

The vast majority of men experience difficulty getting/maintaining an erection from time to
time, for a host of possible physical and mental reasons, but if you’re consistently struggling there are
several approaches to get your soldier to battle when called. Many of the techniques for strengthening
the penis are also useful for those combating erectile dysfunction. General good diet with exercise,
not smoking cigarettes, drinking in moderation, getting enough sleep and managing stress levels are
your best support system for good overall health and subsequently strong and attentive boners.
Diabetes, poor heart health, and some medications frequently interfere with erections. If you start
experiencing regular ED, it’s never a bad idea to get a medical check-up to make sure that there aren’t
underlying, more serious issues. Of course, as men age most have greater difficulty maintaining firm
erections; older age is also more likely to come with heart problems that affect blood flow.

There are also psychological and emotional hang-ups. In a study of men experiencing erectile
dysfunction or premature ejaculation, 36% were diagnosed with depression or anxiety disorders. If
you regularly experience ED without physical explanation and believe you may exhibit other
symptoms of a potential mental health issue, ask your doctor about psychological treatment. It’s also
not uncommon for otherwise physically and mentally healthy men to experience prolonged erectile
dysfunction. It may have started with one incident that can snowball into a persistent problem for men
due to the stigma around ED in society, causing anxiety, stress, and low self-esteem that compound the
initial problem. It can be really frustrating and stressful to be caught in a cycle of being unable to
perform when you need to, especially if you’re having no trouble masterbating and there’s no
discernible physical reason for the ED. The suggested approaches to battling this issue are similar to
other methods of combating stress and anxiety, such as meditation and rhythmic breathing. You can
also try to just wait it out and may find that after a week or so you stop focusing so actively on the
issue and are able to perform.

​ hat about boner pills? There are five FDA approved medications to treat erectile dysfunction.
W
Of these, Viagra is the best known. The active compound in Viagra, sildenafil, was first synthesized
by Pfizer in the 1990s in an attempt to develop a medication to treat hypertension and angina. The
compound was to lower blood pressure by dilating blood vessels through the release of nitric oxide
in the system. While it wasn’t so effective in treating these disorders, the test patients did commonly
end up with raging boners. Pfizer repositioned it as an erectile dysfunction drug, it hit the market in
1998, and the little blue pill went on to become the most iconic medication of all time. All other ED
medications use a different active compound to achieve a similar result. They have varying side
effects and can’t be used by some men, such as those with heart issues, but a doctor may decide you
should try to use medication to treat persistent erectile dysfunction.

​ nd then there are over the counter pills. With names like Rhino and Black Mamba, these giant
A
suppository-looking pills can be found at most gas stations and sex shops. They are frequently
recalled for dangerous side effects, most often use completely unproven herbal remedies, and are
expensive to boot. If you’re having persistent ED problems, go to a doctor. If you find it embarrassing
to speak to someone in person, there are now services where you can get diagnosed and receive
prescriptions online. Best to stay away from popping giant, unregulated pills full of who knows what.
 Premature Ejaculation

I​ n his 1948 work Sexual Behavior in the Human Male, Alfred Kinsey noted the average duration
of intercourse before ejactulation to be around 2 minutes. A 2005 study of 500 couples across several
countries found the average to be 5.4 minutes, while a 2008 study of American and Canadian sex
therapists found they believed “desirable length” of intercourse to last from 7 to 13 minutes. Online
sex toy retailer Lovehoney surveyed 4,400 customers in relationships and found that most had sex for
19 minutes, with 10 minutes of foreplay and 9 of intercourse. There’s no right answer for a length that
constitutes good sex, it’s whatever feels good for you and your partner. Don’t put too much pressure
on yourself to perform all night long like an R&B song. If you regularly bust a nut before you want to,
this could be premature ejaculation. It’s experienced by every man at one time or another, but if you
persistently struggle to last two minutes you may consider medical help. Similar to ED, there can be
many physical and psychological issues that lead to PE. More often than not, working to battle your
anxiety surrounding the issue will be your greatest asset.

◆◆◆

Alfred Kinsey was among the first major figures in the modern study of sex. His reports on male
and female sexuality in the late 1940s and early 1950s helped to pave the way toward more liberal
attitudes towards sex in general society, especially in relation to female sexuality. He dismissed
Freud’s claim that clitoral orgasms were “immature”, and his books became controversial bestsellers
that many claim served as precursors to the Sexual Revolution of the 1960s and 1970s. He also had
some really questionable research tactics, such as interviewing pedophiles, mis-representing data,
and observing sexual behavior of research participants for his own gratification.

◆◆◆

I​ an Kerner, author of She Comes First, offers several tips to those that suffer from routine
premature ejaculation, a condition he endured throughout his 20s. He first suggests practicing holding
off on your orgasms through masterbation. The male orgasms consists of two stages: emission, in
which the urethra fills with semen, and ejaculation, where the semen evacuates. Kerner and other
experts recommend practicing orgasming to the point of emission without actually ejaculating; when
used in sex, anyone can try this trick to last longer in bed. If you need to, stop thrusting as the minor
contractions, like a mini orgasm, wash over you. Resume when safe. He also writes that he personally
used SSRIs, a class of antidepressants including Zoloft and Prozac, to help overcome his issues with
premature ejaculation and notes several studies supporting this use of such drugs. He also
recommends a relatively new lidocaine spray product, Promescent. Similar sprays and oils using the
common anesthetic have existed for years, though Promescent does appear to have unusually good
press and may be worth considering. Additionally, consider trying out positions that minimize in and
out stimulation, and focus more on circular stroking motions with your hips or try the CAT position.

With sexual performance issues, keep in mind that most women don’t cum from vaginal
penetration alone and that a good showing in foreplay can more than make up for erection/ejaculation
difficulties. No one wants to struggle with these issues permanently and for many these are short
terms problems. In the meantime, focus on combining good tongue game with educated sex toy use and
you’ll be so distracted by her orgasms you’ll forget that you were supposed to be anxious about your
boner and there you’ll be, ready to roll.

Virgins
All of the techniques in this book can used to good effect by anyone. The average age that both
boys and girls in the US lose their virginity is around 17. If you’re running a little behind don’t worry
about it. I lost my virginity at nineteen, and while I didn’t have any more innate knowledge of the
female body than a 14 year old would have, I did do my fair share of research beforehand. If you’re
reading this, you’re putting yourself in a good starting position. Don’t ever feel pressured to have sex
just because your peers are doing it, it’s your choice and there’s no point in doing it for anything other
than your happiness. But if you’re in your late teens, don’t knock it til you try it. And for the love of
God never, ever, ever get into being an incel just because you’ve had a bumpy start.
◆◆◆

Epididymal hypertension is the result of blood rushing to the nuts during arousal. The excess
blood can even give the testacles a bluish hue, hence the term “blue balls”. If you hook up with
someone and aren’t able to get your rocks off, jerk it out before the aching sets in.
 Getting There

This section will discuss simple behavior that will enable you to get laid more, though this book
isn’t a pick up guide. If you are trying to learn to better pick up girls, use guides like The Game with
caution. The website College Humor posted a video where they went around Hollywood asking
women in the street if a quote regarding women and sex was from The Game or a famous serial killer.
The majority of the answers they received were wrong. Don’t be someone whose dating/sex mantras
are more likely to be regarded as serial killer quotes than pick up techniques.

Make Girl Friends

This is the best step you can take toward getting laid, period. At least aside from hookers. If
you don’t have close female friends, go out of your way to make some (I’d imagine hookers can be
top tier girl buddies). No matter what your interests, you can find girls you enjoy talking to and
spending time with that will enjoy your company as well. There’s no field guide on “how to make
friends”, in this case remember to be nuanced in your approach. Girls, especially stereotypically
pretty ones, are often cautious about opening up to strangers because they’re used to being objectified
or “girlfriendzoned”; don’t put any girl in the position where she has to friendzone you. Once you
make some close female friends, not only will your personality range increase substantially as a
person, but you’ll have access to the best coaches in the game. Whether your friend suggests an article
of clothing, a grooming style, or literally foists a visiting friend of hers onto you, she is the ideal
wingwoman. Girls are awesome.

Hygiene & Grooming

Your personal hygiene is among the easiest and most crucial avenues to making you more
desirable. Good hygiene is also good health, so it’s a win all around. Self awareness is key. Brush
your teeth twice a day for a minute at a time; include a brief tongue brush. Floss if you have the
patience. Keep your fingernails clean and smooth, this is critical for touching her sensitive parts.
Shower on a daily basis and wash thoroughly with soap. Get in on exfoliating with a loofah. Use
lotion to keep your skin moist and stay younger looking. Some people like cologne, some experts
would recommend you allow your pheromones to flourish, or go with the middle path and use a stick
deodorant. If you do spray, keep it subtle. As far as grooming is concerned, the best approach is to
ask your girl friends. Beards had a big surge with the “lumbersexual” trend but seem to be dying
down depending on where you live. Not everyone can/should wear a mustache. Keep hair clean,
whether you wear it short or long is up to you. No bowl cuts or other childish holdovers. If you’re
balding like me, just do whatever the hell works. I keep what I have left short but may try to Bic it
soon.
As with all matters of personal presentation, the ideal for male body hair has changed over time.
There are several schools of thought. Many men think that grooming their body hair makes them a
sissy; I don’t know what’s “soft” about getting laid and having women think you’re attractive. Your
look here really depends on your body type. If you’re somewhere on the spectrum of “average” to
really hairy, keep your chest and gut pubes trimmed. Go with a number 1 or 2 guard on an electric
clipper. If you’re not hairy to begin with, don’t worry about it, though make sure no creepy stragglers
stick around. If you’re up for fully shaving or Nairing your body regularly, go for it, though many can’t
stand the itchy feeling when it grows back and don’t have the patience to regularly keep it clean in the
first place. If you do go fully bare, make sure you have the physique to support it. The general modern
consensus appears to be that groomed chest hair is good, but no one likes back hair. As you age, back
hair becomes more of a bitch to take care of as it sprouts in more and more odd patches. You may be
the unlucky super hairy guy that has a mat back there and needs 40 Year Old Virgin-style waxing from
time to time.
Same rules for pubes. Keep them trimmed and if hair grows up the shaft of your dick, you can
shave it every now and again. If you’ve got a super hairy ass your prospective romantic partners
would likely prefer that trimmed as well just for appearances. Everyone has heard that your penis
looks bigger if you shave your pubes clean but I would suggest avoiding this. The perception of
slightly increased length isn’t worth the daily clean shave essential to keep you from stabbing her
pussy with sharp five o’clock dick shadow every time you fuck. Some women also think it looks
boyish and prepubescent to have a hairless nether region. You can shave just the base to get the same
“enlarging” effect, though if you do so you’ll need to keep it clean regularly. The great thing about
body hair in general is most likely people aren’t going to see it all that often and you can experiment
to your heart’s content. I shaved my chest once long ago when I was somewhat athletic, I didn’t care
for the itchy regrowth and thought it looked bizarre. One more time for those in the back don’t have
fresh scruff on your dick when you’re going to get laid it will be very uncomfortable for her. And for
God’s sake, be careful with anything sharp around your junk!

Style

You can’t go wrong with your personal style as long as you’re happy with it. As you’ll hear
time and again, confidence is one of the primary drivers of attraction. If you like listening to hardcore
music and want to pierce your lip dye your mohawk pink and wear a black shirt with a red Pentagram
and cut off sleeves, go for it. If you like wearing an oxford shirt tucked into khakis with loafers, or
even a full suit every day, have at it. No pleated pants, ever. Clothes that are too tight or too loose are
rarely ideal. Try to avoid peacocking for the sake of peacocking, it’s usually asinine. If you insist on
peacocking, get yourself a pair of poulaines, the Medieval shoes pictured below. The length of the toe
was intended to display the length of the wearer’s dong, and were early results of the myth that foot
and penis size are correlated.

Pursue your interests and habits

Having a personality makes you attractive. These days we are increasingly sedentary and
attached to screens. You can do whatever you want that makes you happy, but take a personal
inventory of the things that matter to you and the things you do on a regular basis. Make sure your
activities and priorities align with who you want to be as a person. Playing Fortnite for five straight
hours or binge watching the Office for the 10th time are fun and fine to do, but try to make sure that’s
not your life on a daily basis. Get outside now and again, find some interests that you enjoy that don’t
involve a screen, and try to exercise somewhat regularly. Make sure you’re living a life that you enjoy
but contains more than the short term rush you get from a heart on Instagram. I would highly
recommend international travel; anyone can make the budget work depending on where you go, and
it’s a good way to have sex with hot Europeans.

Health

It would appear to be easy to engage healthy habits that will ultimately make you better-
looking and better at fucking. The difficulty is in breaking the bad habits we are all prone to. There
are plenty of guides out there offering the “right” approach to nutrition and exercise; find a system that
doesn’t seem like a scam and embrace it. Even light exercise, when done regularly, will have a huge
impact on your fitness. Exercise will have an immediate positive effect on your sex life, from
increased desirability in your appearance to better blood flow to help the dragon awaken and fly
strong. It also makes you feel better about yourself even when it sucks dragging ass to the gym or
pumping out an ab workout when you just worked 8 hours and all you want to do is eat tacos on the
couch. Confidence again is a key to desirability. Healthy exercise, particularly weight lifting, also
boosts testosterone to increase your sex drive. Don’t neglect cardio to keep you railing away during
those long sessions. Sex itself is a pretty decent form of light exercise; maybe you should start
squeezing a dip in the pink pool for active rests between sets.

◆◆◆

Alcohol and hooking up have become thoroughly entwined in our culture because of its ability
to loosen inhibitions. You go to a bar, start drinking, and next thing you know you’re talking to a
random girl that you never would have approached if you weren’t drinking. This can be really cool in
the ideal and uncommon situation where you’re doing something you would actually want to do sober,
like approach a cute girl with confidence. A problem, among myriad others, is that alcohol also
manufactures situations that your compromised judgment will put you in that you wouldn’t normally
want to find yourself. Like hooking up with a girl twice your weight. Or who has a dick.
Alcohol also has direct negative effects on your sex game. Aside from boozy breath and a dry
mouth, a general lack of coordination, and impaired judgment, the hooch messes with your cock. Most
have heard of or experienced “whiskey dick”, when you can’t get it up while drunk. The science
suggests the inability to get an erection while drinking is from a combination of dilated blood vessels,
which fucks with the blood flow in your penis, and a general discombobulation of the nervous system
due to the discoordination alcohol inflicts on the brain. Alcohol is also desensitizing, so in some
situations you may get an erection but not be able to come.
Without excusing the intentional behavior of bad people, alcohol is frequently a factor in
situations where someone feels like they were taken advantage of. There’s a line from the 2005
comedy 40 Year Old Virgin where the character Jay is telling Andy (the virgin in question) that every
man has an instinct to “tackle drunk bitches”. That line probably wouldn’t fly in a movie today, and it
shouldn’t be anyone’s attitude on a bar night. I had no intention of including two references to the
same movie in one chapter it just happened that way. The best approach vis a vis sex on a night out is
to focus on having fun with your friends, network and meet a nice young lady you want to bang, get
her contact info and meet up with her another time. If you do end up in drunken one night stands, make
sure consent is very clearly communicated. And wear protection.
Marijuana doesn’t seem to have a negative impact for most people’s sex lives. Some couples
prefer to get high before sex and find they end up enjoying more intimate and tender relations that
usual. Others find the high distracts them and makes it more difficult to bang out. With laws around
pot generally loosening, a lot more research is being done into the effects of THC on the brain. Some
scientists are suggesting it may increase sex drive and sensation, but no conclusive research is
available at the moment.
A few bullets on other drugs, none of which are endorsed in any way:
● Cocaine has studied aphrodisiac properties and often makes users intensely horny and high
energy but can also result in erectile dysfunction. And is terrible for you.
● Legal and illegal amphetamines, including ADD meds, often lead to ED.
● Hallucinogens have such a wide variety of effects on individuals it’s difficult to make any
concrete assessments.
● Opiates bad.

​In general, your consistently best sex is going to be sober. Trying to funnel potential drunken hook-
ups into sober sex is ultimately the best move, drugs are bad, and sex is best enjoyed with a clear
head.
 Foreplay

Many sex therapists are increasingly moving away from the term “foreplay” in favor of
phrasing that more aptly represents how central non-penetrative activities should be in any romp.
Around 80% of women can’t orgasm from vaginal penetration alone; while there are many techniques
(that we will discuss) to incorporate clitoral stimulation into vaginal sex, it’s essential to start things
off on the right foot. Women do require a bit more of a holistic approach to get the most out of sexual
encounters. Especially when it comes to your first few forays with a new partner, treat the foreplay as
your main course. The tried and true method to starting things off right is to take your time up top and
move south slowly and with care. At every significant point, make sure that she clearly wants you to
continue, especially the first time you hook up.
There is no conclusive explanation for why humans like to kiss. One school of thought
suggests that kissing is a learned behavior, stemming from a time long before Gerber’s when our
ancient ancestors and predecessors would chew food and then deposit it into the mouths of infants.
Yes, like birds, and many many other species. The mouth to mouth intimacy came to denote a more
general affection and has remained as learned behavior passed through generations since. Another
side would be the instinctual argument, which posits that face to face displays of affection are
common across many species and our kissing is similar to, say, nose-rubbing in dogs. The most
widely accepted theory is more biological and posits that the primary motivation for kissing is based
as much on smell as it is taste and touch, in that we experience each others’ pheromones pleasurably
as we lean in for a kiss. Whatever the reason, as long as everyone’s been brushing their teeth kissing
feels good and swapping saliva is a nice lead-in to more intimate activity.
While making out, start to stray downward by tracing your lips along her neck. She may like a
gentle ear kiss or may find it too ticklish. Be gentle and move slow, but don’t dally for too long. When
you’re alone on a bed together, she likely doesn’t want to just kiss for 15 minutes. Don’t leave
hickeys above the collarbone, and not at all unless she’s established that she would enjoy it. Remove
her shirt and move slowly to the breasts, and as with all things moving forward go gently until it’s
been established that she wants things a little rougher.
◆◆◆

Learn how to take a bra off. Most clasp in the back and have one or more sets of eyelets and
hooks. To unclasp with one hand, insert your index or middle finger between the bra and her back and
pull out gently. Pinch the clasp together with your thumb on one side and your index and middle
fingers on the other and while pinching, push your thumb away as if snapping your fingers. If in doubt,
using both hands is easier. Even experienced cocksman can have trouble with complicated bra clasps
in the dark, don’t panic. Take some time to research the basic mechanics of a bra and you’ll be in
better position to unclasp one when the time comes.
◆◆◆
 When it comes to breasts kiss, lick, and suck lightly. The nipples should harden as she
becomes sexually aroused due to the release of the hormone oxytocin. Many women enjoy the feeling
of pressure that some form of sucking produces, and often say they feel that sensation “pulsating” to
her clitoris. Maybe tomorrow night you’ll be clamping clothespins on her nipples and whipping them
but take it easy for now. Kiss up her collarbone. Kiss her upper arms if you feel like it. Women are
made to feel so insecure by all the bullshit media tells them about how they should have 100,000
bucks worth of plastic surgery and be wearing full makeup at all times. It’s a fraught world for
women when it comes to body image, and moving slowly, tenderly, and appreciatively is going to
make her feel comfortable to open up with you. Her body image and self-esteem are often going to be
the primary obstacles to you both enjoying sex as much as you should. Foreplay, including your
interaction leading up to the physical part, is the best way to get her to trust that you want to share an
experience with her and not just use her body without respecting her.
Attempt from the beginning to be reactive to her. This is always difficult to gauge and
especially with a new partner, but you should be able to read her to an extent to see what she seems to
enjoy. If she moans when you lightly nibble her earlobes or kiss her belly, but grows quiet
(uncomfortably?) when you’re sucking her nipples, try to read that and circle back to the things that
produced the marks of enthusiasm. If she doesn’t seem enthusiastic about anything you’re doing,
confirm verbal consent again. If she affirms but remains quiet/still, ask her what she wants. It’s
always going to be awkward the first time, you’ll be better off in the long run with feeling a little
weird trying to communicate up front than if you carry on and then later she tells all her/your buddies
you were shit in bed. By the time you make your move to cross the southern border, she should be
very ready for it.

Migrating South
Take her pants off if you haven’t already. With her panties still on, kiss down her legs, ideally
to the knees and back along the inner thigh. Do this several times. The goal with foreplay in general is
to build up her anticipation and get her raring to go when you finally move for the grail. If you like,
lightly trace your fingers up across her pussy over her panites. Kiss and breath gently around the lines
of her panties. Never shy away from sustaining the teasing that builds her up. Caress and massage her
inner thighs, her butt, her pubic area. Foreplay in some form of the above is almost always going to be
the appropriate play for a first time. This is where the proper technique splits and there’s really no
way to gauge it until you’ve done it. But on the bright side, follow this guide and you’ll probably get a
second or third shot to make sure you nail down the right approach for your specific partner. Some
say that a hot, wet kiss above the panties on the area of her clitoris is the way to start more direct
contact. Some favor the approach of sliding her panties off, kissing around the area a little more,
perhaps even blowing softly on the clitoris as you kiss her inner thighs from side to side.
To actually get your mouth on that pussy, you can go for a variety of techniques. One is to send
it with a big ol’ lick like a dog lapping some soft serve ice cream. Start bottom to top, from just
below the hole of her vagina up and through her clitoris. Dip slightly harder into the vaginal hole and
lighten up on the clit, the latter is going to be an area where you see some of the most diversity
between women on how they like to be approached there. If she responds well to that, do a second
and third and then prepare to focus on the clitoris. Another method is to dance more lightly into direct
contact. Tease her labia with your tongue, run your hands up and down her inner thighs, and cycle
closer towards licking her pussy hole, lips, and clitoris. Every girl varies with how she would
ideally like to be approached but the main point is to move slowly and give her plenty of time to
warm up. She should be impatient to have you start going to town on her.
Start gently with the clitoris. After you first make contact, lick around the area a bit more,
repeating some of your previous motions while expending a bit more emphasis on her clit each time
you come through. If she pulls away at all you’re going too hard, if she pushes her pussy toward you
she likely wants you to go harder at the clit. A tip I read in a book by Jim Belushi (John Belushi’s bum
brother) when I was fourteen espoused the virtue of using the bottom of your tongue. The logic was
that the clitoris, teeming with nerve endings, is sensitive enough to react well to the increased
smoothness of the bottom versus the top of the tongue. To test this you can lick your fingertip both
ways, wash your damn hands first. It’s true that the bottom of the tongue is smoother, but then again
Jim Belushi is almost definitely a total idiot and I’ve never come across this tip again so I’d regard it
with a grain of salt.
You can find a plethora of guides on eating pussy online or in print or from any jackass you
meet outside a bar, but in this case we’ll go with the tried and true. From American Pie’s “tongue
tornado” to side to side to up and down to all manner in between, you can do a lot with that slippery
thing in your jaw to induce orgasm. Want to gauge the effectiveness of a technique on clitoral
stimulation? Look at what’s selling for sex toys. Right now sex toys with an emphasis on a “sucking”
motion are a big hit and growing. And the great thing is this motion is easily performed and doesn’t
fatigue the tongue the way trying to trace the alphabet, constant circular motions, or up down side to
side do. So, suck gently while occasionally flicking the tip of your tongue across and around the clit.
Increase the intensity of your sucking motion gradually, doing your best to gauge her reaction
as always. You may be driving the action, but she is almost always going to give you an indication of
what she likes and dislikes. Women are all different but increased volume/vocality is always a good
sign. Don’t be completely static with your sucking motion, it’s not just a vacuum of pressure. Move
your tongue across her clit as you have it between your lips, or make a sucking motion to pull her clit
toward you and release it rhythmically. Move carefully! As this process carries on and you increase
in intensity, you can wet your finger in your mouth (preferably with lube if handy) and ease it into her.
She should be wet, and if it doesn’t go in easily wet further until it slides in and out without any
resistance. If this goes well try two, and while remaining focused on pleasuring her clitoris attempt to
find her G-spot and start stroking. Always gauge reaction. It depends on your partner, but provided
you’re doing everything correctly she will likely cum within five to ten minutes. This will likely be
accompanied by louder, faster breathing, flushing/warming of her skin, and the undulation of her hips
directing her pussy harder into your mouth/fingers. If you’re lucky she’ll give you verbal confirmation
along the lines of “I’m gonna cum!” Resist the urge to speed up mirroring the increase in her breathing
or vocalizations. Move faster/harder in relatively minute increments, what you’re doing already is
going to get her there. Her moment of release will almost always be accompanied by a jerking of her
body along with the signs mentioned above. Her legs may open and close involuntarily.
◆◆◆
Cunnilingus tip: Go up and give her a kiss with your tongue, let her taste herself on you, if she’s not
into it move on but the majority of the time this is going to serve as positive affirmation that you’re
into her flavor. This is often a stumbling block that the girl is self-conscious about because of all the
cucks out there talking about they don’t like the taste/smell. By the way, if the taste or smell are
notably offensive to you then something may be off and you may want to work more quickly
towards sex or some other form of stimulation.
◆◆◆

The next tactic may be controversial among women but I simply don’t know any better way to
make sure she’s gotten what she needs. Sometimes, it can be difficult to know if she’s right on the
edge of climax or if she’s actively orgasming. Continue your pressure until she closes her legs
definitively or pushes you away, it will be very obvious. The clitoris becomes instantly incredibly
sensitive after she’s reached orgasm and to this day with my current partner of two years I still retain
intensity to make sure I know she’s reached it until she indicates. Don’t continue after she’s pushed
you away.
You may run into difficulty in getting your partner to cum. Some 10-15% of women, due to
various factors, simply have a lot of trouble coming to orgasm. Women vary in the time they take, if it
seems like it’s taking a really long time (fifteen minutes or so...with good technique most will come
within five or less) take a break, kiss her, ask her what she’d like. There are no negative
consequences to communicating.
As you begin to learn a partner, you will find techniques that work better for them. The
sucking technique described is across the board a generally excellent way to get your partner to cum,
but you may find that she prefers more of a “licking” motion that has less constant pressure. There’s a
million variations of this. Rarely will you find someone who appreciates you trying to trace the
alphabet on their clitoris; getting her to orgasm is most often a matter of consistent, rhythmic
stimulation. When sucking her clit, you can also do a suck and release motion and repeat. Fingering
her G-spot is another popular addition to cunnlingus, as is some extent of asshole touching. With your
free hand(s), caress from her labia to her inner thighs, lightly trace over her anus, and rub her
perineum. These areas are all linked to the clitoral networks and are highly sensitive. Blowing is a
good technique, often in the early stages when you’re still teasing her anticipation of more steady
contact. Never blow directly into her vagina, in rare cases this could cause an embolism that could
kill her! You can also try humming or “motorboating” around her clitoris area to simulate a vibrator,
although I would recommend just picking up the real thing.
A quick aside on getting your dick sucked. At some point throughout foreplay and cunnilingus
she will likely want to reciprocate and put your nasty member in her pretty mouth. You should enjoy
this and encourage her and communicate that you’re enjoying it, but remember your end game here.
The goal is to make her cum. You’re a dude. A dude needs a pretty routine motion to get where he
needs to go and the problem that can arise is that if you bust a nut during foreplay, you might be out of
commission for too long to get the job done properly. Allow her to service you but if you feel you’re
getting too close, thank her, push her gently away, and resume your approach. Make sure she feels
confident that she pleased you and, if she didn’t do a great job, you can correct this later. If she’s
hurting you then communicate as subtly as possible you’d like her to change her technique. This book
is primarily about making her cum, but obviously the goal is that everyone should enjoy sex, so if you
love being serviced orally then enjoy it as much as you want.
 After her first orgasm, her clitoris is going to enter a refractory period, the same way that you
can’t bust a nut twice in a row immediately (can you? You lucky son of a bitch!). Happily, her
refractory period is much shorter than yours and we’ll be making love to the clit again sooner than
later, maybe in conjunction with vaginal intercouse. At this point she will ideally be flustered and
ready for penetration. Immediately after her orgasm, hit the pause button and move back to your
original foreplay techniques. Kiss her body and mouth and talk to her a little. Ask if she liked that and
find out what direction she’d like to head in next. She may want to reciprocate by sucking you off, or
at least going at it for a while. She may not want to go any further the first time you hook up.
Hopefully, she’ll want another round of pussy-eating or to jump into penetrative sex. If she’s being
somewhat unclear, obtain explicit consent to continue your foray; you don’t have to be mechanical
about it and say “May I now probe your vaginal depths with my phallus” in a robot voice. Probably
the easiest move here is to pull out your condom, look her in the eyes, and begin to unwrap it. Say
something along the lines of “do you want sex?”; I won’t pretend that I haven’t frequently said “May
I?” like some sort of Victorian butler, sans accent (usually), at various stages of sexual interaction.
 Intercourse​

​American poet Charles Bukowski once wrote that “sexual intercourse is like kicking death in the
ass while singing”. Intercourse gives us an access to physical and personal intimacy that no other
activity can replicate. It satisfies us psychologically and biologically and through its mechanism
allows us to continue as a species. Sex is awesome, and you and your partner deserve to be doing it
the best you can. That’s the point of this book, and this section will break down the most successful
approaches to good intercourse. Let’s start with positions.

Written somewhere in India around the 2nd century AD, the Kama Sutra is an ancient “treatise
on pleasure” that encompasses many different aspects of living the good life. We tend today to think of
it solely as a manual detailing numerous exotic sex positions, although the original text contains this
information in only one chapter out of seven books. Nevertheless, a quick Google search for “Kama
Sutra: will come up with more sex articles with titles like “215 Kama Sutra Positions to Blow his
Mind!” than it will references to other aspects of the text, which could perhaps better be described as
a guide to emotional fulfillment in partnership. The Kama Sutra is worth noting as a very early
example of a text acknowledging the value of women’s sexual pleasure, an ideology that is not often
seen again in the historical record until recently. Misinterpretation aside, the book does contain
descriptions of some 65 sex positions; for our purposes here, we’ll look in detail at only a few and
consider that most others are variants of the basics.

Missionary

​ l’ Reliable gets an unfair rep these days. Anytime someone wants to disparage “vanilla” sex,
O
they always gotta drag missionary into the mud like it’s a boring position that only squares do.
Missionary allows the best face to face contact for effective communication of emotion and affection,
kissing, and you get a great view of her tits and can probably even suck at them on and off. It’s also an
easy and comfortable position for both parties and fulfills the classic male on top dominant-
submissive archetype that most women enjoy during sex. Most sexual encounters will start in this way
as it rather naturally follows foreplay and is one of the best ways to start vaginal sex. For most
women, this position is relatively relaxing for her pelvic floor muscles and is a good way to ease into
sex during an encounter.
​The advantages roll on and on. It puts you firmly in control of the sex, which should be good if
you’re doing things properly. With you doing most of the work, she also gets to focus on her pleasure
and orgasm. This man on top position is also great for light bondage, like tying her hands over her
head or using nipple clamps. An excellent way to get better access to the G-Spot is to tilt her hips
upward by placing a pillow under her ass, which will angle your dick right up into the front wall of
her pussy. While your hands will likely be occupied with propping yourself up (don’t...slouch over on
her) she has easy access to stimulate her clitoris with her hands or a vibrator. And let’s not discount
intimacy. In a one night stand, you’re probably not going to be trying to stare deeply into her eyes
while gyrating away on her with a rose clutched in your teeth. But hopefully most of the sex you’re
having is with somewhat regular partners, and one of the greatest things about sex in general is the
ability to share emotional and physical intimacy and there’s really no more ideal position for this than
missionary. Very few species in the animal kingdom have been observed having sex face-to-face, and
those that do are among the more intelligent (primates, dolphins). There’s nothing wrong with
celebrating our advanced intellect by banging out looking each other square in the face like the
civilized bipeds we are.
​And then there are the extra tools available to the educated man. Time and again we must
acknowledge most women can’t climax from vaginal penetration alone. The pillow under her ass is a
good start to help you toward the G-spot, but many will require direct clitoral stimulation. Once
you’ve fallen into a rhythm with someone and are comfortable bringing something like a vibrator or a
vibrating cock ring into bed these will serve you the best, but before you’ve worked up to that there is
a technique that will help you stimulate her clit during vaginal sex. I’m talking, of course, about
Kittystyle. The coital alignment technique, or CAT, is mostly a fancy designation for “riding high”.
The goal here is to position yourself over her so that your penis is angled “downward” and the base
of your penis/pubic mound is rubbing on her clit. You’ll want to focus less on thrusting and more on
grinding, whether horizontally, vertically, in a circular motion, or a combination. Remember, the outer
third of the vaginal canal is thought to be the most important in sexual stimulation, so even if this
position doesn’t have you going deep you’re still putting in work internally while emphasizing the
clit. CAT has gotten a lot of attention since its initial recognition in the late 1980s, and it’s definitely
worth having in your arsenal. I wouldn’t necessarily dive right into CAT, but gauge your partner and if
she doesn’t seem to be getting there from “normal” missionary, try riding a little high. The best way to
figure out if you should think about some kittystyle the first time you’re with a new girl? Talk about
her sexual preferences in the lead up. If you know she’s a clitoris girl, that will help you from
foreplay all the way to the finish.
​There are many variations of basic missionary that have a host of often conflicting, overlapping
names. Many of them are worth checking out but probably don’t require branding as distinct
positions, others are plain stupid. One popular and worthwhile variation is to put her legs up, whether
they rest on your shoulders or your hands hold up her feet or thighs. This puts you over her less and
gives you a really good view of the action, while also allowing you to thrust deeper. It also allows
you to angle your dick upwards toward her G-spot, and can frequently benefit further from a pillow
under her ass, especially if she’s not the most flexible.

​From Behind
If having sex face-to-face is part what makes us human, doing it from behind harkens back to our
primal nature. The Romans called it coitus more ferarum, Latin for “sex in the manner of wild
beasts”. Wild beast style is depicted in art throughout the ages and as its name suggests it replicates
the mating habits of most species on the planet. Traditionally, the woman crouches on all fours and
spreads her legs, with the man entering her from behind and keeping his legs between hers. For a
tighter fit, she can keep her legs together while you straddle them. The advantages to doggy are
myriad and it should be considered a top position.It allows for some of the deepest penetration and is
also great for angling toward the G-spot. The position demands little of flexibility, strength, and
stamina for either party, and can vary in intensity as you please. It can also free up both of your hands
for a whole host of activities.
 ​ nd where should those free hands wander? First and foremost, to her clitoris. This position is an
A
excellent way to please her clitorally and vaginally at the same time, and can easily lead to blended
orgasms or keep her happy if she’s clit-centric while you both enjoy the penetration. She may opt to
touch her clit herself, as this positioning makes it even easier for her to do so than missionary. As
always, a vibrator is an excellent addition. If you’re comfortable together, you may prefer to have her
work the clitoris so you can use your hands to spank her, rub her asshole, pull her hair, or squeeze her
nipples. While we don’t condone “jackhammering” for the most part, this is a great position to
fucking plow away if you’re both into that. If you want to focus more on the G-spot, you can lean over
her back and prop yourself up with your hands on either side of her, which will serve to angle your
penis downwards into the front wall of her pussy. In general, be mindful of penetrating too deep and
slamming into her cervix, that will shut the festivities down quickly. Potential drawbacks could be
that one of you may feel the position isn’t intimate enough, although most sexual encounters will span
several positions so it’s unlikely this will be a problem. All in all, a great position allowing for deep
penetration, G-spot stimulation, and direct access to the clitoris. Also, if you’re a butt guy it’s really
fun to bounce that donkey as you thrust.
​An easy way to get even deeper penetration and better access to the G-spot is to have your partner
lie flat on her stomach with a pillow under her hips. You then lay on top and control the flow as you
would in the normal position. A smart idea with this technique is to put some lube or massage oil on
her ass and your pubic region, to help you sort of slide around. This can be a huge win if she enjoys
deep penetration and G-spot stimulation. This can also be great to add a level of intimacy, as you’ll
be able to talk dirty into her ear and kiss the side of her face. Another good variant and fun for sex
around the house (or in public you freaks) is to stand up while fucking from behind. You can push her
up against a wall, or bend her over a table or counter as you rail away. These retain the positive
aspects of doggystyle while letting you travel from the bedroom a bit and can be great if you’re
feeling adventurous. Depending on height differences, this could end up being a pretty decent leg
workout as you may have to crouch a bit and do some modified squats if she’s shorter than you.
Spooning sex is great for when you want to just chill out a little and enjoy some intimacy
without sacrificing the ability to work her G-spot and clit. In the spooning position, all you do is
spoon like you’re cuddling and slip your dick in and go from there. If you’d had a big session and
you’re sweating your ass off and need to relax a bit but still want to orgasm, this is a great way to do
it. It’s also really nice for intimate love making as you’re basically mixing sex and cuddling. It’s ideal
for the last position in a set, for morning sex, or when you’re both tired in general. In case I’ve made
the position sound like it’s a bum option for lazy people, be clear that it allows you the same great
access to her G-spot and clitoris as all rear-entry positions, while also giving you an increased
ability to caress the front of her body. It’s also really good for intimate choking.

Saddle Up

​ irl on top is the ideal position to guarantee that she takes the reins on her pleasure. Enjoy a nice,
G
relaxing lay down as she grinds away on you to her satisfaction. Whether she likes penetration or
prefers clit action, being on top allows her to use your body however she wants to get herself there. It
gives you a great view of her bouncing tits and easy access to caress the front of her body. It is very
simply the best way to empower her to take charge of her own orgasm; there are some things to keep
in mind though. Women often need more mental and physical focus than men do to come, and when
she’s doing the work you have to be wary of adding extra distraction by trying to participate more. It’s
a fine line between adding sensation and creating diversion. Communication is always ideal, but if
that’s not working in the moment err on the side of caution. Let her work her own rhythm without
adding too much of your own, though keep your hips rigid enough that she can grind away on your
pole with good resistance. As much as you’d like to honk those titties, limit the wandering of your
hands until you’ve established with your partner how much physical input she wants from you. Once
you do figure it out, you can easily lean up and suck her nipples, touch her all over with your hands,
and even spank her or touch her asshole.
​A popular variation is the reverse cowgirl. In this one, she sits on your d and does the exact same
thing facing away. One potential obstacle to women wanting to climb up top is they may be self-
conscious of their body and feel that they’re drawing extra attention to perceived imperfections by
being on top (rolls and whatnot are going to appear more sitting up than they would laying down).
Facing away relieves some of the body image pressure and gives her more freedom to make whatever
weird orgasm face she wants. It can also, depending on the angle of your erection, be great for hitting
her G-spot and regardless allows her access to her own clit. For you, this situation provides a great
view of her ass and lets you get a close look at your cock sliding in and out. Front-facing or
otherwise, a vibrating cock ring is great for any cowgirl roundup.
​There are some words of caution you should hear. Girl on top positions lead to the most cases of
penile fracturing. Remember, she has no idea what it’s like to have a dick, and it can be easy for her
to get carried away riding your stick and accidently pull out too high then drop her full weight hard on
your cock. I hate to have to bring it up but it’s worth keeping in mind if she’s getting aggressively
bouncy. To help prevent this, and a good way in general to be involved without worrying about
distracting her from orgasm, put your hands on her hips. You don’t have to exert pressure but you’ll
have the option to keep her pulled down to earth if she starts pulling up too high. An offshoot of this
risk is just her general lack of understanding that its not comfortable for you to bend your penis
overly, a consideration she may be particularly unmindful of when she’s trying to angle your dick into
just the right spot. Nine times out of ten you won’t even have to worry about this sort of thing as she’ll
likely be using more of a grinding motion to stimulate her clit than an in and out.

Putting knowledge into practice

After you’ve eaten of her pussy buffet to your heart’s content, get your condom on and
lubricate it (put a few drops inside for you). More likely than not she is going to continue lying on her
back and you’ll sweep right into “missionary”. Insert your cock slowly and don’t push deep on your
first few strokes. Gradually increase until your tempo is comfortable to you and appears to be
pleasing for her. Acknowledge her physical and verbal clues, she might keep saying “harder!” and
you feel like you’re going to have a heart attack. Read your own body and be safe out there. Use
missionary to continue building the face-to-face intimacy established by foreplay, though be careful
not to overemphasize kissing when it may be better for both of you to focus on what’s happening
downstairs. If it’s not physically awkward you can suck or kiss her nipples. Read her cues to the best
of your ability by testing out different speeds, depths, and angles. Be very wary of going too deep in
any position you attempt! A nice painful bump to the cervix for her is a great way to throw cold water
on everything you’ve built towards.
There are several different roads to victory in the missionary position. Her clit has by now
regained its vitality after your tongue massage and may be best approached through the CAT
technique. Alternatively, you can work on angling up towards her G-spot, or simply focus on a
vigorous in and out. Unfortunately, when it comes to vaginal intercourse, this text can only give you
the guidelines. She’s the book you have to read for success here but again remember that many women
have not had success with vaginal orgasm and therefore the CAT is a safe bet, though not always the
right choice. Continue to focus on her as a human being rather than a hole you’re fucking.
Communicating your likes and dislikes in the bedroom beforehand is a good way to get cues on what
paths you should attempt first.
An easy transition is to gently pull out and ask her to flip over (you have to gauge the
appropriate time for this, if she’s digging the missionary and is hitting round two and three maybe
keep it going). Make sure your condom is correctly situated at all times and proceed. To many, “doggy
style” or from behind is the quintessential position that allows you the best access to the tools you
need to make this an enjoyable romp for you both. With this position, you can do a whole host of
angles and intensities with relative ease compared to the occasional planking you do with missionary.
As a major proponent of the G-spot, I would suggest that you attempt an angle toward the front wall of
her vagina. This is, assuming “normal” height differentials, typically easy to achieve. If you want to,
try a nice quarter-strength spank on the meat of her ass cheek and see how she responds. After a little
bit of fun tossing around, it’s time to get down to business and re-engage our friend the clitoris.
If you need to steady yourself use the arm of your weaker hand to prop yourself on the bed and
attempt not to crush her with your weight. Use the fingers of your strong hand, lubed, to gently apply
pressure to her clitoris. With your strokes pushing her up and back, you shouldn’t need to do much
movement with your fingers. A tight up and down matching the rhythm will likely suffice. As we’ve
discussed, the prevailing science suggests that all of her pleasure centers are connected to the clitoris.
At this point you’ll be stimulating several different areas at once and this will likely lead to a happy
conclusion for the both of you. Try this for a few minutes. If you feel yourself getting close to
cumming, but want to hold on, it’s generally helpful to avoid pushing your pubic region directly
against her. This concentrates sensation for you and you’ll be better off, for lack of better terminology,
pushing your gut out and having that take the brunt of the impact rather than your nether regions. This
situating often coincides with stimulating the front wall of her vagina.
Hopefully you will be able to get her to cum a time or two. If your best work seems to be
running you into a dead end then continue your line of communication. “What do you want?” is a
simple and direct way to hit your goal. Your goal, if you haven’t paid any attention to this fucking
book, is to get her to have a good time and an orgasm or five before you bust your pathetic seed into
the limp tip of a rubber. Follow her cues and you will be successful enough to at least have another
attempt, whether it’s tonight or next week, to enjoy another session with her. At the very least you will
learn from your experience what works for you, and what seems to work for your prospective partner.
If you seem to be running into a brick wall with getting her to cum, suggest that she clamber on and
take the reins. She will almost certainly know the best rhythm and tempo to carry her off into the
sunset on your magnificent steed. Don’t get discouraged if you can’t get her there your first couple of
times together, it gets a lot easier to be familiar together after a few rounds and it’s possible her lack
of initial comfort with you is as much an obstacle to her orgasm as any poor technique you’ve
exercised.
Remember, you’re both human bodies. Keep a sense of humor and fun about all of your
encounters. It’s entirely possible that one of your thrusts will push air into her vagina that will escape
in the form of a queef. The slapping together of your sweaty bodies may produce a farting noise like
some people can do with their armpits. Have fun, don’t take yourself too seriously, and make sure to
keep the sex human and positive.
 Most of us men get a little drowsy after coming. The unfortunate impulse to sleep is likely
regulated by the brain’s release of various chemicals on orgasm, specifically a hormone called
prolactin that also appears to control refractory time. One of the biggest complaints women have in
the bedroom is their partners either passing right out or becoming lethargic and inattentive. She
doesn’t want to feel like you just used her as an object, got what you wanted, and now you don’t give
a shit. So even if you did just use her as object got what you wanted and now don’t give a shit, be a
nice guy and a good lover and remain attentive to her. The afterglow of sex where you share some
cuddling and conversation with your lady friend should be really enjoyable, it’s a nice moment of
connection. At least take five minutes after you cum to hang out with her, a little bit of effort will go a
long way toward making her feel like you value her as more than a hole. On the bright side, nightly
sex is a great aid for consistently better sleep.

Churnin’ the Butter & Other Tips

​ ou likely noted the use of several different fucking styles when describing the positions
Y
previous. The ol’ in-out is the motion people typically associate with sex, and it usually works fine as
long as you’re going “in” on the right area. It’s good to mix in more engagement with her walls once
inside to activate more sensation in different parts of her pussy. You can experiment to find what’s
right for you and your partner, but for most positions it’s easy to mix in a little side to side or circular
motion once you’re inside to hit more of her spots. This is especially useful when you’re trying to get
her G-spot singing, as instead of just poking at it as you go in and out you can rub your cock across it
to really get her going. A grinding or screwing motion is also excellent for stimulating the clitoris.
Don’t be boring; your average sexual encounter will likely involve over a hundred different thrusts,
engage as much of her as you can by moving your cock around inside.

​ Don’t jackhammer. It’s not going to make you a popular lay and more often than not it’s going to
put your partner off to the point of no return. Jackhammering is when you get in there and just crack
away with in and outs as fast and hard as you can. There can be a time in many encounters to
absolutely rail your partner, but your go-to move shouldn’t be to just full tempo pound away until you
come. I wish I didn’t have to even note this but it remains a common topic among women discussing
bad sex.

​ ne of the most horrifying things you can do is to accidentally stick your partner in the asshole on
O
an incoming thrust. This type of accidental anal is somewhat common and is a really, really terrible
experience for your partner. To prevent it, be careful not to pull out too far during really vigorous sex.
You can pull out all the way on your thrusts, you can have robust sex, but the two shouldn’t be
combined. That rule of thumb is just as much for your protection as hers; aside from accidental anal
penetration, you could miss holes entirely and hit something more unyielding that could break your
dick.

Do try to vocalize in bed. Men are socially conditioned to believe that expressions such as
moaning are effeminate and it’s difficult to break from these sorts of mental constraints. You don’t
have to moan and whimper like you’re a dog taking it in the ass, but try to give her some vocal
confirmation that you’re enjoying yourself the same way you would want her to. The title of this book
may as well be “Communicate More for Better Sex, Dumbass”. Women tend to like dirty talk, and you
can go for it as much as you’re comfortable. Remember to be positively affirming about her body.

Remember not to continue to pursue direct touch to her clitoris immediately after she orgasms.
During the course of sex, hopefully she’s going to cum several times. If you achieve this through
rubbing her clit with your hand or the CAT position, slack off and let her enjoy vaginal penetration as
she rises through her refractory period.

Everyone seems to have a glamorous vision of steamy, sudsy sex in the shower. The reality is,
it sucks. Just like taking a shower with a partner, one of you is always out of the stream and cold. The
water washes away her natural lubrication, and while you can use silicone lube it’s still a pain in the
ass. It’s also slippery and outright dangerous. And finally, standing up sex can be good but it’s not
usually a position that’s done to completion. You don’t want to find yourself sore, trying not to slip,
humping away doggedly with rasping breaths as you and and your partner alternate turns in the
increasingly cool stream of water half an hour in as the hot water heater dies. It sucks. Bath sex is less
dangerous but has the same problems, plus the hassle of splashing water on the floor. Bathwater is
optimally warm for what, five minutes maximum? Don’t have sex in the ocean, a pool, or a hot tub
unless you both want an infection. Alternatively, take a dip in the pool/ocean/hot tub, have a lovely
bath together, then have some nice“dry” sex. Bathing together is a pleasant intimate activity that you
should enjoy without the hassle of trying to force sex where it doesn’t belong. Real stick-men fart in
the tub.
Sex under the covers in the dark is a poor stand-in. Having a consistent partner can be great
for both people’s self esteem. Over time, work toward being confident enough with yourself to be
naked in front of her and she will follow suit. Eventually, you’ll both be comfortable enough to have
sex with the lights on or in front of a mirror. Mirrors are a fun way for you both to view sex from a
new angle and can add a lot of visual enjoyment.

Different Penis and Vagina Sizes

It’s true what they say in all it’s variations: it’s not the size of the boat, it’s the motion of the
ocean. A three inch erection can please a woman just as effectively as a ten inch can disappoint her;
just as crucially, women’s vaginas do vary in depth and width. Using proper technique, any man can
exhilarate his partner. Always keep in mind that the vast majority of women orgasm primarily from
clitoral stimulation and that your penis is low on the list of factors that help her to achieve such
orgasms.
For shorter penises, rear entry positions and missionary with legs up provide some of the
deepest penetration. If your penis is narrow or she feels “loose”, having her keep her legs closer
together (from behind or missionary with legs together and feet on one shoulder) will tighten the fit.
Remember that the G-spot is most frequently an inch or two into her vagina and most dicks won’t
have trouble getting to it. Again, the outer two inches of the vagina inform the most sensation involved
in sex. Focusing on a grinding motion rather than thrusting will likely benefit you. In general, if you
feel you need to compensate for having a smaller than average penis, work on increasing your skills
with your mouth and hands. Penis size has the least to do with sexual ability.
For abnormally long or girthy dicks, stick to positions that don’t encourage deep penetration
and be mindful of hitting her cervix. One of the primary disadvantages to having a big dick with a
partner who can’t handle it all is the inability to bang your pubic area off of her when you slide all the
way in on thrusts. Instead you may have to at your deepest stroke remain out an inch or so, which will
definitely increase the workload for your core in some positions. The great thing about having a big
dick is that our culture puts a lot of value on it, and you will run into a decent number of “size queens”
out there. For the majority of the women you’ll meet, it remains crucial to emphasize the clitoris.
 Sexual Health

A few quick things to keep in mind:

● 50% of sexually active people will contract an STI by 25.

● About 1 in 8 people in the US have genital herpes.
● HIV is still a thing among hetero and homo sexual communities.
● You’re probably not going to get herpes from a toilet seat.
● Cases of chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis in the US are at record highs.
● You can get/give STIs through oral as well as vaginal and anal sex.

The point here is that you need to take precautions to protect yourself, not to scare you into
never getting laid. Everyone knows condoms just don’t feel the same, but they need to be an
absolutely essential tool in your sexual arsenal with any partner who you do not trust fully. Many STIs
can go unnoticed and without testing your partner may have no idea they’ve contracted something.
Play it safe and wear a condom. If you slip up, get drunk, and don’t wear a condom, get tested soon
after. The rates of STI infection far outpace STI testing. Most insurance covers testing. Some
diseases, like chlamydia and HPV, don’t always have visible symptoms but can have long-term
negative effects including cancer.

Practice safe sex every time! Most commonly this entails rolling a condom on. Condoms are
highly functional at preventing both pregnancy and STIs, with an ideal theoretical 98% success rate.
The “actual” effectiveness is usually considered to be around 82%-85%. This doesn’t mean that if
you follow these instructions and use condoms perfectly that 2-15 out of 100 times you’re going to
knock your partner up; the consensus is that these numbers represent an annual spread, so that over a
year between 2 and 18 percent of women using condoms as birth control every time will get pregnant.
This ranks below birth control pills in effectivity, with the most successful contraceptive aside from
sterilization being IUDs. It’s nice to have a partner who is on some form of birth control, but it’s
always smart to be safe and use protection regardless of the situation unless you’re sure your trusted
partner is using highly effective birth control. Be considerate of the fact that every form of female
birth control has side effects ranging from somewhat annoying to full-blown traumatizing. Be grateful
to your girl for dealing with that so you don’t have any little rascals running around. We won’t discuss
female condoms here, as they are generally regarded as less effective and are rarely used.
One of the oldest documented uses of what we could consider a condom lies in Greek
mythology dated to 3000 BC in the tale of King Minos. You may remember Minos as the father of the
minotaur, but your school’s Greek myths primer probably didn’t go into Minos’ strange condition of
ejaculating poisonous scorpions and snakes, killing his mistresses. His wife Pasiphae is said to have
inserted a goat bladder into her vagina and subsequently survived intercourse with the true Scorpion
King. The Ancient Egyptians used linen sheaths, the Chinese silk, and the Romans animal bladders
with the primary intention of stemming the spread of disease, not realizing the contraceptive qualities
of these early jimmys. Meanwhile, the Japanese utilized the kabuto-gata, rigid sheaths made from
tortoise shell or horn that also served as an early precursors to penis extenders. The European Middle
Ages and Renaissance saw continued and proliferating use of condoms made from animal intestine,
which remained the material of choice until the process of vulcanizing rubber was invented during the
Industrial Revolution. Increased production still didn’t lead to widespread use until the mid 20th
century, and venereal disease remained rampant. In the 1920s, the use of latex for making condoms
became the standard, and along with increased sexual education allowed a decrease in rates of
venereal disease as well as accessible effective birth control in the latter half of the 20th century.
While the condom is now synonymous with contraception, its predecessors throughout history
were often primarily used in disease prevention. In the tale of King Minos, the goat bladder sheath
actually allowed Pasiphae to become pregnant eight times, with the early female condom apparently
passing the semen while catching the scorpions and serpents. Mythology or not this would reflect the
thinking of the Ancient Greeks and Romans for centuries. While ancient condoms did provide some
successful contraception, other methods of birth control were often more varying in their success. The
Ancient Egyptian Ebers and Kahun papyruses from 1550 and 1850 BC respectively both detail
recipes for contraceptive “pastes”, made from such ingredients as honey, acacia leaves, and lint to
form a sort of cervix cover when inserted into the vagina. Acacia gum does in fact have spermicidal
qualities and remains an ingredient in contraceptive gels today. The most famous example of crazy
birth control methods from history is the Egyptian use of a paste made with crocodile dung, which is
not only disgusting but has since been found to have likely increased the probability of pregnancy due
to its effect on pH levels in the body.
Meanwhile, the Old Testament promotes the good ol’ pull out method. We’ll discourage the
use of this technique in a moment, but it was probably the most effective contraception of antiquity.
Meanwhile, the Chinese utilized the similar technique of attempting to control ejactulation
completely, both as a means of birth control and as a way to preserve the man’s Yang, considered the
male life force in Taoism. The Ancient Greeks and Romans used a variety of herbs, cervix plugs, and
oils to varying effectivity. From the Classical period through the Middle Ages, herbs to both prevent
pregnancy and induce abortion in the early stages of pregnancy were commonly used, often effectively
if with the potential for lethal side effects. This knowledge passed through oral tradition and allowed
women to retain some aspect of control over their reproductive agency during the suffocating Church
control in the Middle Ages, which declared any attempt at contraception immoral. In 1484, a papal
bull was issued by Pope Innocent VIII specifically encouraging the hunting of “witches” accused of
promoting the use of abortive and contraceptive techniques.
In the late Renaissance and 18th and 19th centuries, prophylactic barriers such as condoms
and diaphragms came to be recognized as functional birth control. The search for effective birth
control came to be closely tied to feminist movements in the early 20th century as women sought to
take more active control over their reproductive rights. This movement, led by nurse and founder of
Planned Parenthood Margaret Sanger, led to higher rates of contraception use and education, though it
sparked a backlash among conservative groups that continues in various forms today. In the 1960s, the
first birth control pills using a combination of estrogen and progestogen (hormone medications to
eliminate ovulation) became available to the public and gained widespread acceptance. The latest
available report on contraceptive use in the United States from the CDC covers the period of 2006-
2010 and concludes that 62% of women of reproductive age were using some form of female
contraceptive (not condoms), primarily the pill or sterilization with an increase in IUD use. It’s highly
likely that these rates have increased since, with a specific uptick in the use of IUDs and implants (the
most effective contraceptive techniques, along with sterilization). A 2015 UN report found that
contraceptive use is increasing worldwide, albeit with the highest rates of use in the most developed
countries and vice versa.
There are several different materials used in modern condoms, with latex being the most
common. Latex condoms are made from a type of rubber and are flexible, stretchy, and usable in
pregnancy and STI prevention. The advantage to latex is that there are so many different varieties it’s
easy to find the right size/shape, and there are also a lot of fun bells and whistles to make sex more
enjoyable for both of you. Most flavored, numbing, and textured condoms are latex.
You may have seen or heard of lambskin condoms as well, which are made from the intestinal
membranes of young sheep. These are a great alternative for people with latex allergies; if the idea of
wrapping your cock in processed lamb guts grosses you out, keep in mind it beats the hell out of
crocodile dung. You can also use oil-based as well as water-based lube with lambskin condoms.
However, the MAJOR drawback to lambskin is that the material is porous, and while the pores are
tiny enough to prevent the passage of sperm, making them viable for birth control, they are not
effective in preventing the transmission of STIs. Thusly, these should only be used with a trusted
partner as a contraceptive. If you or your partner are allergic to latex and want an effective way to
prevent the passage of both sperm and STIs, try using polyurethane condoms.
​Polyurethane condoms are somewhat new to the scene but are gaining in popularity. Not only are
they a good alternative to latex, but they also transmit heat better which research has indicated
increases sensation for both men and women. They do tend to have a slightly looser fit as the material
(made from thin, clear plastic) is not as elastic as latex, so you may have to take a bit more care to
prevent them from slipping off. Water and oil based lubricants are usually fine. Polyurethane condoms
are at the moment the most expensive condoms.
​Finally, there are polyisoprene condoms. These use synthetic latex to retain many of the properties
of traditional condoms without affecting people with latex allergies. How does synthetic latex not
affect latex allergies? Natural latex is harvested from various types of trees, and much of the
biological components that influence allergies are coexistent plant proteins rather than the latex
polymers themselves. The laboratory “cleanliness” of these condoms makes for a good latex
alternative.
Always find the right size condom for you. Current research indicates that 35% of men require
a smaller than “average” sized condom. To be clear, standard condoms usually fit for erections
between 4 and 7.5 inches. Magnum condoms account for about 20% of the company Trojan’s sales,
but that doesn’t mean 1 in 5 guys has an 8 inch dick. Different sized condoms are often more important
for comfort and effectiveness in regards to girth rather than length. There are various resources online
to find the appropriate condom sizes for you; one site (https://luckybloke.com) has users measure
with a toilet paper roll. The best way to shop for condoms is online, especially if you need a size
deviating from the standard. Not only is buying online discreet, but it’s also the cheapest, followed by
super-stores like Wal-Mart. Sex shops are the most expensive.

The pull out method is tempting for those that want to experience sex without a prophylactic
barrier, but is difficult to use effectively. Planned Parenthood suggests that of 100 women using the
pull out method, four will get pregnant each year IF the withdrawal is perfectly executed. They go on
to say that most likely an average of about 20 of 100 will realistically get knocked up using this
method over the course of a year, as this technique is very easily fallible. Even if you do have
excellent orgasm control, there may be traces of semen or precum that have an offhand chance of
swimming up that river. Withdrawal can not be recommended, though it is somewhat commonly
practiced.

Birth control pills work by emitting naturally-occurring hormones to stop ovulation. They also
thicken cervix mucus to make it more difficult for sperm to get up there in the first place. The pills are
usually designed as a monthly pack, with placebo pills for the week of her period. Intrauterine
devices or IUDs are becoming increasingly popular for their long-term effectiveness (3 to 10 years),
hassle-free advantages, and their high success rates of up to 99%. There are two basic types;
hormonal IUDs function similarly to pills by releasing localized hormones that stop ovulation and
thicken cervix mucus, while copper IUDs thicken mucus and actively kill sperm. IUDs are inserted
past the cervix into the actual uterus. Implants are small rods that are usually inserted into the arm and
release hormones similarly to birth control pills without the hassle of remembering to take a pill each
day or refill prescriptions.
​There are a host of birth control side effects related to the addition of hormones to the body’s
balance. Nausea, acne, headaches, weight gain, mood changes, and other negative effects can occur
due to these hormone fluctuations. Many side effects reduce in severity entirely after several weeks or
months of adopting a new birth control system, though some persist and require women to seek other
methods. Implants can bruise the arm, and IUDs can be incredibly painful on insertion and removal
for some women. So be grateful to any women in your life assuming potential negative effects so that
you don’t end up paying for Plan B, an abortion, or child support on an unwanted kid.
​Plan B and other “morning after” pills are available over the counter at most drug stores and
usually cost about fifty bucks. These pills work by releasing a high dose of hormones that stop the
ovary from releasing an egg. They can have negative side effects and almost always mess with the
woman’s menstrual cycle, and should be used only in the case of an emergency and not in lieu of
traditional contraception methods. If you bust a nut when you were supposed to pull out, do the right
thing and pay for the pill you fuckin’ dingus.
The best way to avoid anyone having an abortion is to use effective contraception, but in the
case that you are the 1 out of 100 that accidentally knocks up your partner each year it may be your
preferred option. Most “medical” abortions using pills are effective up to weeks 7-9 of gestation,
whereas the vacuum-aspiration technique is used up to 15 weeks. After that, abortions are done
surgically. Abortion can be a really difficult process for women with both physical and emotional
side effects. That said, abortion procedures in the developed world are among the safest common
medical procedures and are the only option should a woman want to terminate her pregnancy once
begun. Whatever your beliefs, fears, hopes, remember that it’s her body and the choice is hers to
make. Be supportive and kind if you are ever in this overwhelming and difficult situation.

Porn and Masterbation

I​ t’s difficult to get a grasp on how much porn is actually out there. It seems virtually limitless,
with tens of thousands of new videos and images being uploaded every day. There is no doubt that
hardcore pornography is more accessible than ever before; how much of a problem this poses
depends on who you ask. It’s a complex topic that’s drawing more attention than ever, with crusades
against the evils of porn increasingly common among parents and church groups.
​To some extent human societies have always struggled with embracing sexuality. Everyone has
heard the old adage that masterbation will make you blind. In the 19th and 20th centuries, anti-
masterbation efforts were so extreme they occasionally led to castration of children; circumcision
was first embraced in the US by non-religious groups in part because it was believed to curb
masterbation. In 1905 Freud linked masterbation with addiction. It wasn’t until well into the 20th
century that the medical and psychoanalytic community accepted that masterbation was a natural and
harmless practice. It has remained contentious especially among conservative and religious groups,
which have a history of equating masterbation and other non-reproductive sexual behavior to
immorality and sin.
The general consensus among professional psychologists is that masterbation is a natural
activity that can reduce stress and provide a healthy outlet for sexual stimulation. Similarly, despite
the increase in public concern over the prevalence of pornography, most psychologists agree that porn
cannot be “addictive” and that the issues lie in the way it is used. In response to claims that violent
pornagraphy leads to violent sexual proclivites, many psychologists point out that several studies
seem to indicate that porn use is actually relatively low among sex offenders. Also, countries that
reversed bans on pornography appear to have experienced subsequently lower rates of sex crimes.
These studies make a compelling argument that viewing pornography and masterbating can actually
help to prevent deviant behavior. However, other researchers suggest that routine viewing of porn
does wear away at the brain’s reward system, and rightly point to the existence of increasing groups
of people feeling that porn viewing has become compulsory behavior for them.
Since porn is not “addictive” in the way that nicotine and heroin are, the responsibility lies
very squarely on how the individual approaches it. If your personal porn use is leading you to
increasingly isolate yourself socially, distract you from pursuing real healthy sex, or causing you to
feel out of control over your viewing, it’s time to reassess your relationship with pornography.
Consider speaking to a qualified psychologist, or research some of the growing online communities
dedicated to combating compulsive porn use.
Porn can be harmful in ways other than eliciting compulsive viewing. Porn sex is not real sex,
and can skew the viewer’s perception in a number of negative ways. One is body image. Girls may
think they should look like porn stars and feel pressured so far as to seek breast augmentation or
labiaplasty. Or, boys will feel like they don’t measure up to the norm for penis size when most of the
dicks they see in porn are on the extreme end of the size spectrum. Another very common wrong of the
porn industry tends to be the portrayal of sexual dynamics that encourage disrespectful and even
violent behavior toward women. Even short of rape fantasy videos and other taboo porn, a common
and unfortunate thread portrays female stars as sluts to degrade and can be harmful to the perceptions
of uneducated viewers. Technique is also a problem; porn is just not how real sex works, and anyone
approaching sex like they’ve seen in porn is not only going to disappoint their partner, but could even
hurt them. So enjoy your porn, but take it with a grain of salt.
There is no doubt that the accessibility of porn to children is an issue. Having material that is
intended for sexual use by adults available to children is bad, and the most effective way to combat
this is through the use of filters. That said, there will always be a kid whose parents don’t have
internet filters, just like when you were a kid and someone’s dad always had a stash of Playboys.
Many of the problems potentially posed by porn could be avoided with better sex education, but that’s
not currently in the cards in many countries. If you are a parent it’s important for you to be prepared to
have that terrible, awkward discussion with your child to make sure they understand that pornography
is acting and doesn’t represent real intimacy and sex.
 Sex Toys

Lube should be considered essential to almost all sexual endeavors. Bizarrely, something of a
stigma exists around lube. It is often regarded as a product necessary only for “dried up” older
women or for those with some sort of deficiency that prevents them from creating their own natural
vaginal lubricant. Uninformed men may think that their partner’s inability to get dripping wet is a
reflection of their own failure to turn her on sufficiently. In truth there are many factors that can lead to
some degree of regular or temporary vaginal dryness, ranging from stress or depression, to diet
fluctuations, to a spritely bout of rigorous exercise. Barring any shortness of natural wet, extra
lubrication will never hamper a sexual encounter. Even women are woefully under-educated about
the benefits of lube, so your partner may not be familiar but will almost certainly appreciate the
introduction. Several studies have found that the significant majority of men and women enjoy sex
more when they start regularly using lube.
Water-based lubricant is ubiquitous due to its ability to be used with all types of condoms and
sex toys, as well as its easy clean-up. This lube is becoming even more versatile as manufacturers
create products that balance vaginal pH, come in thicker forms that are better for anal purposes, and
create additional sensations such as warming and tingling. Flavored lubes are almost always water-
based. The everyman of lube products, it’s never a bad idea to have a bottle around. It can be used
safely with sex toys and condoms made from any material and rarely causes adverse reactions. The
primary drawbacks are that water-based lubes are not effective for shower or any other watery sex as
they wash away, and tend to need more than one application throughout the course of a session.
Silicone lube is hypoallergenic and tends to feel more slick than water-based. The increased
silkiness is excellent if you or your partner have sensitive genitals, and silicone also tends to hold up
for longer than a water-based lubricant and therefore require less re-application when you’re in the
midst of throes. Silicone lube is also great for shower sex as water alone won’t wash it away; on the
downside you do need to be more careful about making a mess as silicone lubricant isn’t nearly as
easy to clean up. Another downside is that silicone lube deteriorates silicone toys, causing small
abrasions that allow for the growth of bacteria.
Developments in water and silicone lubricants have made oil-based increasingly irrelevant.
Oil-based lubes tend to be thicker and last for very long periods without requiring reapplication.
However, they aren’t compatible with latex condoms and require a good bit of clean-up. This
category could also include household alternatives like coconut oil, baby oil, and Vaseline. Thinner
oil products can be great for massage due to their long-lasting nature, but you are most likely going to
want to invest in water or silicone for sexual use, and definitely if condoms are involved. When it
comes to latex condoms, we’re not just talking the occasional tiny hole here and there. In lab tests, it
took just one minute’s exposure of commercial latex condoms to mineral oil to result in a 90 percent
decrease in strength. Other types of oils didn’t fare much better. Baby oil caused latex condoms to
break down in a scant five minutes.
So how do you incorporate this stuff? Basically, any time you’re going to penetrate her pussy
(and definitely, obviously, anus) whether using your fingers, dick, or a dildo, get a little lube
involved. Lube is usually going to be air temperature so it’s smart to squirt it into your hand first, rub
it around to warm it, then apply it to your fingers dick dildo whatever. Try using a dime-sized amount
in the palm of your hand to start, if you need more you can always add it. Condoms usually come
lubricated but it’s never a bad idea to add a little extra. Make sure to check that the type of lubricant
and the condom material are compatible. It is highly recommended to add a couple drops of lube
inside the condom or to coat your dick before putting it on. This will greatly increase your sensation
and feel a lot more natural than a sheath of latex.

The Humble Dildo

The word “dildo” first came into circulation around 1400 AD, seemingly a compilation of the
Latin words “dilatare” and “diletto”, meaning “to open wide” and “delight” respectively. I struggle
to think of a better marketing phrase than “the dildo; open wide for delight!” The dildo in some form
or another has been around at least since the Ice Age and most likely since the early days of homo
sapiens and our predecessors, as several species of monkey have been observed crafting makeshift
dildos out of sticks and rocks. The oldest known dildos in existence date from the Paleolithic period
some 30,000 years ago and were discovered in modern Germany. They are made of highly polished
rock or bone, and are explicitly phallic in nature. While archeologist nerds have often attempted to
surmise some application in ritual, many now agree that the artifacts were indeed used for sexual
pleasure. And it’s not a difficult leap; these highly polished stone dicks vary in size and shape, some
with foreskin pulled back, some seemingly with piercings and other decorations.
One of the next notable stops in the history of the dildo is in Ancient Greece. Greece is
regarded as the cradle of Western Civilization, and was also the birthplace of many sexual practices.
Indeed, many modern words related to sex are derived from ancient Greek, such as aphrodisiac,
nymphomania, eroticism, homosexuality, and pederasty. While some of their practices don’t look so
good with a contemporary lens, i.e. older men taking young boys under their wings in often sexual
relationships, the Greeks did have a lot of fun in the sack and approached sex with an openness in
society that we still lack today. One of their more infamous sexual practices was the olisbokollikes,
which was a sort of bread penis. It’s unclear whether or not these breadsticks were used ritually or
sexually, but there is also clear evidence of dildos made from leather and wood. Of course, olive oil
was the lube of choice in Ancient Greece. Lysistrata, a famous comic play from 400 BC, involves a
group of women trying to stop the Peloponnesian War by withholding sex from their husbands. In one
scene, they discuss using dildos to satisfy themselves during the sex strike. The Romans played off of
many of the cultural dynamics of the Greeks and used dildos in ritual and in daily practice.
In the East, artifacts related to sex including bronze dildos and jade butt plugs are prevalent in
archeological digs, especially in the tomb excavations of wealthy royals and aristocrats. These sex
toys played a cultural role in the Han dynasty in China from 206 BC to 220 AD, in conjunction with
their use for sexual pleasure. The Han believed that sex had a significant spiritual aspect in the
balancing of male and female and yin and yang, so these toys were not only for physical pleasure but
spiritual fulfillment as well.
When Christianity spread throughout Western civilization during the Middle Ages, the raging
boner of humanity’s sex drive walked hard into a wall. Surely, Medieval women continued to use
household objects to pleasure themselves, but sexual practice in general was highly regimented by the
Church. The Renaissance saw a resurgence in philosophical liberation in general and to varying
degrees a slackening of the Church’s monopoly on morality in society. Shakespeare refers to a dildo
vendor in The Winter’s Tale in 1623, and around this time nations across Europe moved towards
slightly more liberal sexual attitudes. As the Renaissance progressed in Europe, the Edo period in
Japan saw the widespread proliferation of “shunga”, erotic art. These images often depict the use of
dildos and strap-ons; the origins of tentacle porn can also be traced to this era, with Hokusai’s The
Dream of the Fisherman’s Wife showing two octupuses pleasuring a woman. It’s very strange.
Hokusai is better known for his print, The Great Wave off Kanagawa; I’m all for better sexual
education but I’m perfectly content that we didn’t explore his full catalogue in elementary school art
class.
Dildos continued to be used covertly through the 19th and 20th centuries. In the US in the
1960s, a Grenadan immigrant named Gosnell Duncan was disabled from the waist down when a
vehicle crushed him during his factory shift. Unable to achieve an erection and dissatisfied with
contemporary dildos, which were often made out of rubber and performed rather poorly in reaction to
heat, he went on to create and market the first dildos made of silicone. Throughout the 70s and 80s,
Duncan and several feminism-oriented sex shops helped bring the dildo and sex toys into national
prominence.
Silicone is hypoallergenic, easily cleaned, transfers heat well, and feels more realistic than
any material previously used. Silicone remains the material of choice in dildos today, though you will
also commonly find glass and steel dildos. Cheap dildos may be made of PVC or rubber jelly; do
your research and avoid any sex toy made from these materials, as they contain the softening agent
phthalate that may be a carcinogen and renders the toys bacterially unhygienic.
Merriam-Webster defines the dildo as “an object resembling a penis used for sexual
stimulation”. A polished rock in a cave. A broomstick handle in a Medieval peasant’s hut. A
carved piece of whalebone in the lonely hands of a forlorn mariner’s wife in 19th century Nantucket.
A stamped piece of formed silicone with ribs and bells and whistles. The dildo is among the basic
tools of the modern gentleman to help us on our journey to pleasure our partners and to enjoy
ourselves in the process. For many men, the thought of buying a dildo for our partner is scary. What if
she likes it more than me? What if it’s bigger, longer than me, always there when I can’t provide after
I’ve stuffed myself full of two Big Macs for no reason. Don’t be afraid, the dildo, and sex toys in
general, will only open doors. Here are several good reasons to consider getting a dildo for your next
bedroom foray. Remember to ask your partner if she’s inclined first.
Every dick has a refractory period. If yours doesn’t than you’re a rare breed. An excellent
function of a dildo is to allow you to continue penetration when you’re recovering but she’s still hot
to trot. If you’ve ever wanted a close look as her pussy expands and contracts around your cock,
getting to helm the controls or watch up close as the dildo penetrates her will give you a nice angle
that you don’t normally have access to. Hopefully this view will either help you get your little soldier
back to attention, or the dildo work will take her where she needs to go if you’re ready to call it for
the night. The dildo can also serve as a placeholder for you, allowing your significant other to
experience penetration when you’re out of town.
Dildos are also useful for providing her an additional source of stimulation if you’re focusing
your attention elsewhere. You could use it in lieu of your fingers to supplement while pleasuring her
orally, or to make her feel extra full while you fuck her in the ass. Your partner has possibly imagined
being filled by two men at once, the same way you have dreamed of having two women fighting for
control of your stick shift. It’s not a stretch to imagine that many women enjoy the fantasy of multiple
partners as they so copiously outdo us in their capacity to make love in large quantities. So, short of
tagging in a buddy, a dildo can allow you to simulate a menage a trois. Get one with a suction cup
base that can attach to the wall or floor, and you can fuck her in one hole while she works the other
with the dildo.
Dildos come in a variety of shapes, sizes, and materials. They can be realistic to the point of
having veins and balls, some can even shoot out liquid, or can be non-phallic and even non-human
like some sort of Dr. Seuss creation. Ribbed and beaded dildos can provide additional sensation for
her as they slide in and out, expanding and contracting her pussy with each thrust. Discuss with your
partner before buying or better yet shop together, and make sure to communicate if you have issues
with the size or if you’d prefer to use a non-realistic dildo. Remember, at the end of the day it’s a
lifeless object, so even if you’re a 140 pound lily white nerd and she wants a 10-inch black dildo it’s
probably not indicative of some shortcoming on your part and an object can never replace real human
intimacy. A suction base is often useful in play, as you can mount the dildo to a wall or floor and free
up hands for use in other activities.
Make sure to use an acceptable lube with your sex toys. Silicone dildos cannot be used with
silicone or oil lubricants. Your toy will likely come with instructions for cleaning. In general, most
materials used nowadays can be cleaned with mild soap and water. If using toys between partners,
it’s courteous, morally honest, and maybe even legally wise to disinfect by boiling in water, which
should be fine for most high quality toys. Many companies also make specific sex toy cleaning sprays
which can also be handy. In general, avoid cleaning with perfumed soaps or anything else that
shouldn’t go near her sensitive parts.

Vibrators
Unless you’re in possession of physiology or knowledge unknown to most of mankind, your
penis/tongue/fingers can’t vibrate. There are myriad sizes and shapes of vibrators nowadays, and they
allow women (and us) to go beyond our physical limitations for sheet-twisting orgasms. There is no
better friend to the man seeking to heighten his sex game. Almost any area on a woman’s body that is
susceptible to sexual arousal will quiver at the touch of a decent vibrator. Let’s take a quick look at
how our buzzy friends came to be.
A recent myth that has somehow continued to proliferate widely online and in print is that
ancient Egyptian queen Cleopatra invented the first vibrator by filling a hollow gourd with bees and
shaking it. Cleopatra had a truly Games of Thrones-ian life of royal intrigue, with affairs,
assassinations, and sex (no dragons unfortunately), but the science doesn’t work out for the bee gourd.
Propagandist speculations about Cleopatra’s sexual appetites seeking to discredit her rule have been
widespread since the Roman civil war that led to her death, though this particular myth seemed to
appear first in the 1990s.
​The real development of the first vibrators can likely be traced to the Victorian Era and the
popular medical belief in female “hysteria”. Hysteria was thought to be a series of afflictions suffered
only by women and commonly linked to the female sexual physiology. The “disease” covered
supposed symptoms ranged across a broad spectrum of physical and mental conditions from insomnia
to anxiety to nervousness, and frequently included “deviant” sexual behavior such as high or low sex
drive. The condition of hysteria has been presented in medical texts since the ancient Greek and
Egyptian times, and persisted in the US until the American Psychiatric Association dropped the term
in 1952 (!) Sexual intercourse was almost always the recommended cure for hysteria, and if that
didn’t work physician’s would manually stimulate their patients to the point of orgasm. In extreme
cases, “hysteria” was treated with forced hysterectomy (removal of the uterus). We can now look
back on this condition as the struggle of what has always been a highly patriarchal society to accept
female sexuality.

Anyway, the treatment of hysteria during the Victorian period was essentially to cause the patient
to orgasm through fingering, though the doctors somehow didn’t acknowledge the sexual nature of
these practices...riiiiight. Keep in mind that jerking women off by hand to cure their hysteria occurred
at the same time children were being mutilated in anti-masterbation efforts. Physicians began to
create devices that would relieve their tired hands and help them to “cure” their patients. The first of
these were fearsome-looking hand cranked devices, followed shortly by even more fearsome-looking
coal powered steam engine machines. The development of hand-cranked, steam
 powered, and eventually electric vibrating machines to treat “hysteria” at home continued into
the 1920s, when early porn films started to feature the devices heavily. Once female sexual pleasure
could no longer be hidden behind the veil of medical treatment, “medical” vibrators disappeared
from respectable magazine ads only to be replaced by “massagers” and “weight loss instruments” that
continued the development of the technology.
In the 1960s and 1970s, vibrators began to be marketed more regularly as purely sexual devices.
Today, there’s an infinite variety of vibrators in different shapes, sizes, and functions. They are the
best sex toy for helping your partner achieve better orgasms, and are very easy to incorporate as a
couple. As a general rule, be careful not to start too hot directly on the glans of the clitoris. She will
likely guide much of the direction of the vibrator, but if it’s in your hands (when, say, she’s tied up and
blindfolded) ease in by working your way toward the clit on low intensity. The proper way to use any
particular vibrator depends on your partner and the day, so approach it slowly and patiently. Lube is
always a good idea. The level of contact, the right spot to get her to orgasm, and whether she wants
you to move the head of the vibrator up and down, side to side, or keep it in place over her clitoris
will depend on her. Have fun learning your partner’s likes and dislikes and you will be rewarded by
giving her stronger orgasms. Almost any vibrator is easy to use during sex; in positions like
missionary where you may be propped up on your arms, she can hold the toy where she likes it. If
you’re fucking her from behind, it’s often not difficult for you to hold the toy in place. If in doubt, give
her the reins and focus on fucking her right. Vibrators were often packaged as massagers and many of
the stronger varieties are great for this function, and can also be used to stimulate other parts of her
body like her nipples.
Vibrators either come with electric charging or require separate batteries; you can even get
solar-powered ones if you want to be earth-conscious. Waterproof varieties are great for bathtub and
shower play and also easily cleaned, always look at the accompanying instructions for how to best
clean your toys. Here’s a quick breakdown of different types of vibrators:

The Classic/Bullet The standard, often straight and non-phallic, usually a bit smaller than a
penis would be. These can be used for clitoral stimulation and also penetration, and are relatively
cheap. The spin-off of this would be the bullet, a smaller version of the classic vibrator often shaped
like a large pill. As frequently a part of other apparatus from vibrating underwear to cock rings to
nipple clamps as it is a stand alone, the bullet is a compact, subtle way to add some good vibes in the
bedroom. Usually cheap and therefore easy to introduce in any situation, both types find good use
applied to the clit by a spare hand while you penetrate in doggy, or held by her in any position, or
buzzing away at her nipples during foreplay.
The Rabbit In 1983, sex toy company Vibratex began importing dual-action (vaginal and
clitoral) Japanese vibrators to the US. To circumvent Japanese obscenity laws, the clitoris stimulating
part of the toy was made to look like a variety of animals which eventually became standardized to
the rabbit. In 1998 an episode of Sex and the City featured a rabbit vibrator and demand boomed,
coinciding with the rise in online shopping that led to an overall increase in sex toy sales. The rabbit
style vibrator has remained the queen of sex toys ever since.
The rabbit features a dildo with small “rabbit ear” clit vibrators. They come in a vast array of
sizes, shapes and functions; some are ribbed and have spinning shafts, some have a curved G-spot
seeking head versus a straight build, some are waterproof and at this point I wouldn’t be surprised if
you can get one that plays Keith Sweat while you jerk your lady off. The higher quality builds are
going to cost you upwards of $50, so this is a nice gift for a dedicated fling. If you’re smooth enough
to use a sex toy between multiple women and have them be ok with that, add a quality rabbit to your
arsenal. A rabbit is great for watching her masterbate and can also be used dually when you fuck her
anally, or to focus on the clitoris while you penetrate vaginally.

The Sucker At the time of writing, this style is gaining massively in popularity. These toys use
air waves and pulses to imitate the suction typical of good cunnilingus. These toys are best used for
her masterbation and are completely focused on the clitoris. Difficult to use during intercouse, they
would be best used to get her warmed up with an orgasm or two before the main act or as a gift for
her. We’re seeing the same proliferation of knock-offs as when the rabbit first came onto the stage, for
now I would recommend using one of the primary brands. The cost is around $50 and up for
something decent.

The Wand This style originated with the Hitachi Magic Wand. Originally intended as a
personal massager (many girls’ first vibration experience), it became famous in the 1970s for its
powerful vibrations. Often referred to as the “Cadillac of vibrators” and “mother of all vibrators”,
the wand has some serious juice. Many replications now exist and span from “mini” wands to
increasingly complex variations on the original, with “G-Whiz” and anal and who knows what other
attachments. The original Hitachis and any quality replicas are like the nuclear bomb of clitoral
stimulation on high settings, and definitely will need to be worked up to over the course of a session.
Don’t spring these on anyone without warning. The Hitachi company has since stopped selling these
under the company’s name, but still produce the updated original under a variation of “Original Magic
Wand”. Prices vary, the original Hitachi will set you back at least $50. Excellent for getting her off.

The Egg “Egg” vibrators are smaller, round vibrators similar to ben-wa balls that are meant
to be inserted into the vagina and controlled by remote control. These can be really fun as a tool for
foreplay more effectively than vibrating underwear (hard to situate correctly), whether you’re turning
up the intensity on her from across the table throughout a dinner date or buzzing her at random during
a party. These vary widely in price and can be quite cheap if you just want them for the fun novelty of
turning her on in a public area now and again.

Clips/couples Vibrators These toys are gaining in popularity and usually seek to provide
clitoris and G-spot stimulation, hands free, and also basically makes her vagina vibrate for you during
sex. These things are pretty awesome, the potential pitfall is that after one orgasm she will likely need
to turn the toy off for a little or remove it during her refractory period. Decent quality couples toys
like these often cost in excess of $100, but if you’ve got the money kicking around and it sounds
intriguing they come highly recommended!

The Vibrating Dildo Not much to discuss here. It’s a dildo that vibrates, often very pleasing for
a partner that enjoys penetrative sex and wants to add some buzz to the mix. Realistic or otherwise,
can be great if your partner is really into vaginal penetration and can substitute for a normal dildo in
these circumstances.

Cock Rings The origins of the cock ring are dated to at least ancient China, where men
would supposedly use the eyelid of a goat around their dicks, with the lashes still attached to tickle
their lovers’ clits. Their use continued throughout history, often made of leather or sinew, and now
you can buy silicone ones at Walmart. Cock rings are made from a wide variety of materials, and
typically are either stretchy or rigid. Beginners should start with a non-rigid ring to see if they like it;
most will never venture into the more advanced types which are often used in male pain play and
submission.
​Cock rings can be excellent for a variety of reasons. To use the ring, place it on the base of your
semi-erect penis (use a couple drops of lube to make it more comfortable). Some varieties also
include a seperate ring for around the testacles. Work your way towards an erection, either with your
partner or alone if you want to test it out first. As the penis fills with blood, the constriction of the
ring traps the blood and makes erections more firm. This can be a nice boost of confidence as the
penis will often be harder than normal and may subsequently look bigger. Rings can also be used by
those with ED to maintain erections. Many men also attest that using cock rings can help to delay
orgasm and increase intensity, or even keep your dick hard after cumming.
Vibrating cock rings are an excellent toy to use with a partner and are probably the very
easiest to introduce into any sexual rendezvous. It’s quite easy to buy a cheap vibrating cock ring,
which can cost under ten dollars, and bring one into even a one night stand to increase sensation for
both partners. These usually involve a silicone gel ring with a small bullet vibrator fixated to the top;
ideal for missionary, the bullet can be adjusted as needed for whatever position you desire. As with
all sex toys cock rings vary greatly in function, form, and price, but on the basic end they can be
cheap, highly effective, and provide an easy introduction into the wider sex toy play that will push
your partner’s orgasm count up. You should never wear a cock ring for more than 20-30 minutes at a
time.
 Butt Stuff

Ah, the butthole. Somewhat taboo, regarded as metaphorically and sometimes quite literally
dirty, butt stuff can be a fun way to get your partner where you both want to go. The Journal of Sexual
Medicine reported in 2010 that over 40% of women ages 20-24 have engaged in anal sex, up from
16% in 1992. Interest in this act, once spoken of in hushed tones at the speakeasies of the ‘20s or
among the chamber pots of Victorian balls, has recently spiked. Whether you think it’s due to
increased sexual liberation, the proliferation of the porn industry, or a loosening grasp on morals in
modern society, butt stuff is so hot right now. A quick guide to follow on enjoying the kiss of that tight
brown ring. Keep in mind that anal is a sex act that is very closely linked by many women to
coercion; you don’t want to replicate the jackassery of her drooling porn-addled high school
boyfriend that pushed her to do something she wasn’t ready for.
It will be uncommon for you to encounter a nice young lady who wants you to jump
immediately into buttstuff. This an increase of intimacy and must be respected in that regard. If you
should stumble upon that kind siren who wishes you to engage her brown-eyed susan on night one by
all means oblige, but be aware of the hygienic and physiological guidelines that should accompany all
such endeavors. First and foremost, keep those fingernails well maintained. As we’ve discussed, you
should be clipping and filing those suckers before any potential rendezvous to begin with but it
becomes even more necessary now. No one wants a sharp nail edge digging into the side of their anal
canal. Second, lube. Lube is always a blessed instrument, but in this case absolutely crucial. You
should favor a thicker “gel” type lube for anal interactions; traditionally a silicone base is used, but
the modern water-based gels also stand up to the job well. These will keep the fun rolling for longer
than a thinner lubrication, as the anus produces no natural lubrication like the vagina...nothing savory,
at least.
The anus is full of nerve endings internally and externally that can make play very enjoyable
for her, but it’s not for everyone. Anal play has a lot of stigma attached to it, and if your partner has
never delved before she will likely be apprehensive. Start with seeing if she enjoys external
stimulation. Simply stroke the anus with a finger or two, swiping across it or making circles around it.
The goal is to see if she can learn to relax and enjoy the stimulation while having you focus attention
on a part of her body she normally keeps very private. It’s easy to work anal massage into foreplay
and intercourse if you don’t want to emphasize the anal aspect. Use a spare hand during cunninlingus
to stroke her asshole, or use your thumb during doggy style to put a little pressure on and rub
externally. You may, if your partner has good hygiene and you trust that she’s free of STIs, want to lick
her asshole. Rimming, aka tossing salad, will likely be really enjoyable for her if she responds well
to anal massage.
If she enjoys external stimulation, you may be ready to attempt a little anal fingering. The key,
like all these endeavors, is in her comfort and ability to relax and enjoy herself. As noted a moment
ago, many girls are pushed into anal sex with inexperienced partners and then have bad experiences
that make them think that anal sex hurts. Reassure her that it won’t hurt, that she’s fully in control of
the experience, and that you’ll take it slowly. Lube up; putting a latex glove on will control clean-up
and provide a smooth profile for your knobbly fingers. First, massage her anus externally for a few
minutes to get her to relax and enjoy the sensation. There are a variety of techniques for anal
fingering, here’s a basic outline that will likely work for getting you in there successfully.
Push the top of your well-lubed finger(nail) gently on the upper edge of her asshole and hold
for three seconds, then switch to the bottom. It’s probably smart to start with the pinky, then move up.
Repeat, and as your gentle pressure relaxes her external anal muscles slide your finger slowly in on
each repetition. It will also help her to “flex” and then release her anal muscles around your digit to
help her muscles relax. Verbal feedback from her is essential to make sure she wants to keep going,
and also to help you angle your finger correctly. Once in to the first joint of your finger, try a gentle
“tickling” motion to attempt to relax her internal anal muscles. Your finger should almost be
simulating a slow-moving vibrator. As you massage internally, you should be able to gradually insert
your finger in more. As you go along, you want to encourage your partner to breathe deeply and
relax. If you used your pinky, you may want to switch to your index finger and use the same motions to
prepare her ass for the wider finger. The first time you shouldn’t necessarily shoot for getting your
finger to the hilt, though if she’s enjoying the sensation go right ahead. Once in, you can do a lot of
different stuff, from the ol’ in-out motion, to using your stiff finger to massage the inside walls of her
asshole (like you’d use your dick to churn the butter during sex), or even “vibrate” your finger.
Curling your finger toward her vagina will likely produce good sensations from her G-spot. Start
slowly and increase with speed over time and according to her cues.
Once you’ve established she enjoys anal play from time to time, she may want to dive right in
to anal intercourse or you might end up continuing to work on your fingering techniques until that time
arises. For many girls who enjoy anal stuff it becomes a regular part of their sexual routine. It’s easy
to slip a finger in during cunnilingus, and your thumb is just waiting for the opportunity when her
asshole is staring at you during doggy style. When the time does come for anal sex, exercise a similar
procedure to relax her muscles. You’ll likely want to start with fingering or a toy before moving onto
your penis, which will probably be a bit more girthy. Go very slowly, you may even want to let her
take control of gradually sliding herself back onto you while flexing her anal muscles for easier
accommodation. Once in, keep the channel of communication open to find out what she wants from
your stroke.
Full disclosure, unless she bleached her asshole and got an enema anal isn’t going to be as
“clean” as you may have seen in porn. She poops out of her butt the same way you do. She is going to
want to shit some time before any anal activity regardless. The sensation of anal penetration will
often feel for her like she needs to poop, though any discomfort should be minimized by shitting
beforehand and thorough foreplay on your part to relax her asshole. Wearing a condom will keep the
clean up easy, and the only case in which you shouldn’t be wearing one is if you’re with a trusted
partner. A final word: never switch your fingers or linus directly from the asshole to the vagina. That
can give your partner a nasty infection.

Anal-specific sex toys are an excellent way to start exploring anal options with an
inexperienced partner. The sizes and varieties are a perfect way to work towards her interest in
hosting larger parties, or to exist as a fun and pleasurable addition to vaginal. Always use toys with a
flared base for anal play. This design is typical of anal toys for a reason; stuff can get lost up there,
whereas the vagina has the cervix which won’t let anything past. Thousands of ER visits are made
every year to extract foreign objects from rectums, don’t be a statistic. And always use lube!
Butt plugs are the ideal jumping off point in the world of sticking things in your partner’s (or
your) butt. Plugs are usually made of silicone, glass, or metal, and typically have a cylindrical design
that graduates in width along its length, then ends with a stopper. These are great to use
independently or during sex to help “fill” her and provide additional stimulation. You can spice up the
basic design by getting a vibrating model. Anal beads are a toy that is comprised of a set of spheres
on a string. They usually increase in size the further they go along; the point with these isn’t to provide
constant stimulation, but a rush of pleasure as each bead passes the sphincter. These are commonly
pulled out right as she reaches orgasm to good effect; don’t yank them out too suddenly. Vibrating
beads are also available.
 Extras

Squirting

The topic of squirting arouses a lot of interest and spirited debate. Scientists remain unsure of
all the details today despite Aristotle and ancient Chinese Taoist texts noting it thousands of years
ago. It’s somewhat useful to understand first that there can be a difference between female ejaculation
and squirting. Near the edge of the female urethra lies the invitingly named Skene’s Gland. During
sexual arousal this gland appears to produce a female ejaculate, similar to the male’s prostate (in men
the alkaline liquid produced by the prostate comprises about 30% of your semen). This ejaculate can
be, well, ejaculated during extreme sexual arousal. If you witness it, it will appear to be a small
amount of a milky white substance, somewhat like a thinner semen, that runs rather than sprays from
the urethra.
“Squirting” as we know it is usually a relatively small amount of ejaculate mixed with diluted
urine. Not super appetizing necessarily, but if you’re cool with a little mess it can be a lot of fun. And
don’t feel like your spunk is superior, semen travels through the urethra and typically contains a
decent amount of diluted urine as well. Sex scientists are quick to point out that squirting does not
necessarily accompany orgasm, but it frequently does. Not all women have the capacity to squirt and
reactions from those that do range from the height of enthusiasm to some annoyance. Some women
may squirt every time they have sex, possibly due to weak pelvic floor muscles that struggle to hold it
together during sex. In general most women do not automatically squirt during orgasm but are able to
achieve this form of release through a mostly universal method.
The first part of trying to get a girl to squirt is realizing that it’s completely in her hands. If she
doesn’t learn to relax/push the muscles in her vagina when it feels like she has to pee during this
stimulation, she’s not going to squirt. The best way to make it happen is of course talk to her first to
see if she’s done it, would like to, etc., then have her pee beforehand so she feels more comfortable
relaxing her vaginal muscles during penetration (always a good idea for everyone to pee before a
session anyway). What follows is a general guide to getting her to squirt; as always everyone is
different but this is a good template.
Start by engaging in foreplay as usual. She needs to be aroused, and many women report that it’s
easier to squirt after having a clitoral orgasm or two first. Many respond well to full body massage
that edges toward her genitals as it progresses. Most women have the best luck with squirting by
sitting upward a little with their legs spread, knees up. After you’ve gotten her sufficiently warmed
up, grab some lube and slip your index and middle fingers into her vagina and curl them upward. She
may prefer one or three, she’ll let you know. Find the G-spot as discussed earlier, and start to
stimulate it with your fingers. You can make a repeated “come hither” motion with your two fingers,
though eventually getting her to squirt will likely require a lot of pressure and you’ll be better served
using your whole arm to pull that sucker like a chainsaw cord. Build the pressure gradually, making
sure that she’s into it; I’m always amazed by the resilience of the G-spot area when trying to get her to
squirt, compared to the sensitivity of the clitoris. Be careful not to let your hand slip out and jab her
and it’s more crucial than ever to have your fingernails trimmed here. With your fingers curled
upward, increase the pressure until you’re pulling hard with the pads of your fingertips on her G-spot.
It’s easier if she’s done it before as she can let you know when to pull your fingers out. It
appears that the moment of the actual squirting is most frequently when the G-spot has been highly
aroused and then you take the pressure off by removing your fingers. If she’s not letting you know but
all the signs signify that she’s very into it, try releasing the pressure yourself. If she doesn’t cum, re-
apply for a little then try again. G-spot orgasms like this tend to be gradually building and it shouldn’t
set you back much to pull the cord a little early. Frequently, you can feel/hear the squishy build-up of
liquid as you work her G-spot with your fingers. Watch your face or she may super soak you. Many
women describe the moment of squirting, accompanied by orgasm, as a powerful release and
trembling lack of control. Again, sometimes the squirting isn’t during orgasm but either way if she’s
releasing liquids during sex it’s probably indicative that she’s having a good time.
It may be pee, it may be ejaculate, it’s almost definitely a combination. If you enjoy having
women squirt then this should be your basic guide to getting there. You can also experiment with
different angles; some like to have her bend over and go at it from behind, just make sure to put the
pressure on the G-spot. Others have success with having her “squat” with her legs spread, using her
arms to support herself on the edge of the bed as you use your fingers from the side. Typically in this
position you’ll use your middle and ring fingers. You may find that you have a partner that’s a regular
fountain during any sort of penetration, or one that is unable to do it regardless of how earnestly you
try. If you have success using your fingers and want to try it during sex, utilize any of the positions that
emphasize G-spot stimulation. Of course, there’s a massive variety of sex toys designed with the G-
spot in mind that can also help you get soaked. FYI, the massive geysers of squirt you see in porn are
often achieved by filling the performer’s pussy with water via douche, then rolling the cameras.

BDSM & Kink

The Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy has sold over 150 million books; the movie adaptations have
made over $1 billion at the box office. Amazon UK has sold more hard and electronic copies of the
series than the Harry Potter books. All this despite overwhelming, near universal critical panning of
almost every aspect of the series. In 2014, I was stuck in Bangkok for a week waiting for a flight
home to the US after a period of international travel. I had contracted a nasty eye infection from
extended contact lens use mingled with some weird Philippine bacteria, and had to forego the usual
backpackers’ Bangkok entertainment of getting wasted on Khao San Road, eating fried scorpions, and
over-paying to watch sex workers shoot ping pong balls out of their pussies (they must have intensive
ben-wa weight training regimens). My sensitivity to light was so great that I mostly stayed shuttered
indoors, stepping outside only to replenish my supply of counterfeit books and Ritz cheese sandwich
crackers. During this week, I picked up the first Fifty Shades of Grey, interested in seeing what the
hype was about. I read it all the way through because I had nothing better to do but it had to be the
single worst book I’ve ever read fully and maybe ever opened. The scenes that are designed to
capture the peak of sexual anticipation are replete with references to the narrator’s “inner goddess”,
with orgasms marked by her frequent utterance of “holy cow” or “oh jeez”. So what’s all the fuss
about?
​A lot of things, from coinciding with the initial boom in e-reader use to a self-perpetuating
mythology fueled, in part, by how terrible the books are. They also led to a marked growth of interest
in bondage and BDSM among the female population, and the series sparked a boom in sex toy sales
and even franchised its own line of products. I myself bought a FSOG-branded rabbit vibrator for my
partner because it was the highest rated at the time on the site I use; it’s been great. Surveys about
interest in BDSM vary widely in their conclusions, but it’s safe to conclude that a significant number
of people are into some aspect of this kind of kink.
​So let’s say you want to get some handcuffs for the bedroom. Or nipple clamps or a paddle. Or
hell, you want to learn to do Japanese rope bondage, hogtie the missus in the kitchen, and use her ass
to hold vegetables while you slice them onto a used hibachi grill you got from a Benihanas going out
of business. Communication is obviously the first and most important step. More likely than not this
sort of play requires the sort of trust that is built through a longer relationship with someone, likely at
least someone you have regular casual sex with. Have the conversation with your partner about what
they’d be into and share what you would like; it’s often easiest to pose your fantasies in the form of
asking her if she’d “be interested in xyz”. If you’re going to engage in rougher play, make sure to set
clear boundaries with your partner and you may even want a safe word. The acronym BDSM covers
bondage, dominance, discipline, submission, and sadomasochism. BDSM can apply to an almost
infinite range of sexual activities. It may bring to mind an image of the gimp from Pulp Fiction, but
even something as simple as being lightly physically dominant (by say, pulling her hair or holding her
arms over her head) is a form of bondage. Let’s run through some of the basic forms of BDSM play.
​Women will frequently express a desire to be dominated. This is likely coded into our biology in
response to the physiology of human males being larger and stronger than females. She may want you
to pull her hair lightly, choke, bite, lightly slap/spank or otherwise be rougher with her on occasion
than you may normally be. This could be considered light BDSM, without any accompanying toys or
tools, and is very common and enjoyable if you’re both into it. With all rough play, approach lightly
and increase gradually with constant verbal communication. Again, it’s best to clear what you’d like
to do and see if she’s into it beforehand so you don’t end up doused in cold water when you’re both
getting warmed up. Many women are very aroused by giving over control and allowing themselves to
be vulnerable to you. Never, ever, bring personal or relationship grievances into the bedroom,
especially with rough play.
​When choking, start slow. Gauge her reaction and be sensible. Many women find that slightly
cutting off the air supply increases the intensity of their orgasm. Men do too, hence auto-erotic
asphyxiation and dudes being found hanging from closet racks in hotel rooms with their pants around
their ankles. If you’re into that, be safe and have an exit strategy. Missionary and spooning positions
are the easiest to incorporate choking. A good alternative for doggy style is to pull her head back by
her hair; this also restricts the windpipe and provides a similar effect. Do not apply pressure directly
to the windpipe, but to the sides of her neck. Much of her enjoyment of choking will likely come from
the domination aspect rather than the actual loss of oxygen. Experts recommend that when first getting
into choking, gently apply pressure for a few seconds, then release. Repeat.
​The best way forward with spanking or face/tit slapping or any other way of smacking your
partner is to start soft and let her tell you to increase in intensity, if she’s into it at all. Spanking is
among the most common and culturally prevalent forms of “taboo”, and can easily be introduced into
foreplay and sex. Spanking and other pain infliction play with a lot of complex social and
psychological factors. Along with the potential turn on you both get from humiliation and domination,
physical pain can also cause the brain to release neurotransmitters such as dopamine, serotonin, and
endorphin, which are all linked to pleasure. Spanking specifically also increases blood flow and
sends waves of pleasure/pain stimulation through her genital area. Distribute your spanks across her
lower butt where her ass is the meatiest; stay well below the tailbone, don’t spank her pussy, and in
general use a lighter touch on the backs of her upper thighs and the area just above.
​If you and your partner develop a taste for flagellation, you may want to expand into introducing
some tools into the play. The basics would be a belt, paddle, or whip. These can range in intensity
from so lightweight the full force will deliver less of a blow than a 50% slap from your hand, to some
truly brutal tools that I could never imagine wanting to use on a person. Lighter floggers can be a great
way to introduce a slightly different sensation to the open hand that doesn’t pack a punch. If you dive
deeper into the world of hitting your partner with stuff, or vice versa, safety and communication
remain as always the utmost concern. There’s a massive world of pain play for both sexes that
incorporates things like electric shocks, urethra dilation, and running sharp pinwheels across the skin.
​Light restraint is an easy foray into domination that doesn’t require anything more than a tie, scarf,
or belt. Try tying her hands behind her back, above her head, or to the bed. From there you’ll have
complete control over her through foreplay. Be considerate of her and unless she wants to, don’t put
her into uncomfortable positions. This means restraints that are too tight or, say, doggy-style with her
hands tied behind her back so she can’t use them to support her head and gets a crick in her neck. The
upgrade from household implements is to buy a set of handcuffs, whether they are modeled on police
tools or the more common silk or velcro cuffs often designed for hand or ankle restraints. You can buy
full on restraint systems, harnesses, hog-tie kits, all kinds of stuff. Start with some silk ties, either
designed for the purpose or regular neck ties or scarves, learn to tie a decent clove hitch, and expand
from there.
Ties also make great blindfolds, another staple of basic BDSM, which allows her to become
even more vulnerable to you and also opens the door to a host of role playing and fantasy scenarios.
Robbing your partner of sight forces her to trust you and also makes her focus on her senses. It’s great
for foreplay, especially if you want to sample different sensations that she may enjoy such as feathers,
crops, or kissing and licking places you might not normally pay attention to. A light touch is usually
the most scintillating in these scenarios. Blindfolds are a really easy way to get her into a little role
playing.
​Restraint and blindfolding often lead into other aspects of play. Aside from spanking, nipple
clamping is the most common light BDSM. Again, it’s often easiest to experiment with household
items to make sure you both like it before spending money on proper toys. Standard clothespins are an
excellent introduction to nipple play, followed by a wide variety of clamps and suckers. If she likes
nipple play, vibrating clamps can be especially fun. It should go without saying for any rougher play,
don’t just chomp a pair of clothespins on her unsuspecting nipples. Warm her up with extensive
foreplay, and be specific to the areas you intend on playing with. You can also buy clamps designed
for the clitoris. These are often a bit trickier to use than nipple clamps, as the area is often more
slippery and “active” in subsequent play than her nipples will be. She may find she enjoys the
pressure on her clit similarly to that on her nipples.

​ he world of BDSM, taboo, fetish, and role-playing extends far beyond the scope of this book.
T
There’s a host of resources online to explore any sexual kink, just make sure to practice common-
sense safety and communication. As much as you should maximize your enjoyment of sex, with kink
and other “alternative” sex it’s more important than ever to make sure your partner is on the same
page.
 ​Parting Shots

I wrote this book to provide a simple manual for better sex techniques aimed at men backed
by extensive research that doesn’t beat around the bush. I found that many of the other sex guides are
complicated by an emphasis on sentimental bubbly stuff that is a valuable part of sex but is not what I
felt the need to include in a concise technical guide. There are other sex manuals out there; I read
many of them in putting together this book. Two of the more popular are She Comes First by the
afore-mentioned Ian Kerner, and The Joy of Sex, last updated by Alex Comfort. Kerner’s work
focuses on cunnilingus while promoting a holistic approach to women’s pleasure. It’s definitely worth
a read if you want to continue to expand on eating pussy and understanding of the female
psychological approach to sex. The Joy of Sex, published and updated since 1972, covers a lot more
topics across the infinitely broad subject of human sexuality and is modeled around The Joy of
Cooking, hence chapter titles such as “appetizers” and “desserts”. It is interesting enough, but
contains a lot of flowery language and has some odd suggestions like full body tongue-bathing.

When I was getting into sex at first and seeking as much information as I could find, I wanted
a straightforward guide that offered real instructions on how to have better sex. I hope I've provided
as much here. There are many informative articles referenced in the Notes section. The website for
this book, www.fxxkbetter.com, provides sex toy information and links to other useful resources.
​I hope you enjoyed reading this book and learned a thing or two. At the very least, you’re now
well-prepared if trivia night at the local bar involves a question on ancient Egyptian birth control
methods. Have fun out there; remember to communicate, don’t be afraid to incorporate toys, and don’t
neglect your enjoyment just because this book focuses on hers. Thank you for reading, please contact
me at www.fxxkbetter.com with questions, concerns, and feedback. Steady fucking, my friends.
 Notes
Introduction:
Sexual violence statistics: "Sexual Assault in the United States." National Sexual Violence Resource Center.
https://www.nsvrc.org/statistics.
Women satisfaction rates:
● Donnelly, Laura. "Almost Half of Women Are Dissatisfied with Their Sex Lives." The Telegraph. June 26, 2018.
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2018/06/25/almost-half-women-dissatisfied-sex-lives-55s-least-likely/.
● Alex, Brian. "Sorry, Guys: Up to 80 Percent of Women Admit Faking It." NBCNews.com. June 30, 2010.
http://www.nbcnews.com/id/38006774/ns/health-sexual_health/t/sorry-guys-percent-women-admit-faking-it/#.XDernVxKg2x.

Definitions and Diagrams:

Vagina diagram: Han, Lucy, and Cheryl Wischhover. "Vag-atomy 101: Everything You Need to Know About the Vagina (and Then
Some)." Teen Vogue. April 09, 2018. https://www.teenvogue.com/story/vagina-anatomy-diagrams.
Clitoris diagram: Telfer, Nicole, and Clar McWeeney. What Is the Clitoris? February 21, 2018. https://helloclue.com/articles/cycle-
a-z/what-is-the-clitoris.
Clitoris image: Docher, Marie. "Clitoris." Carrefour Numérique² - Fablab. February 03, 2018. http://carrefour-numerique.cite-
sciences.fr/fablab/wiki/doku.php?id=projets:clitoris#photos_creditmarie_docher.
Nerve endings: Castleman, Michael. "So THAT'S How It Feels..." Psychology Today. July 1, 2012.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-about-sex/201207/so-thats-how-it-feels.
G-Spot diagram: "G-Spot." The Daily Omnivore. December 19, 2015. https://thedailyomnivore.net/2011/03/01/g-spot/.
Cervix orgasms: https://kimanami.com/the-holy-grail-of-the-cervical-orgasm/
Attraction to breasts:- Natalie Wolchover and Stephanie, and Stephanie Pappas. "New Theory on Why Men Love Breasts."
LiveScience. March 17, 2016. https://www.livescience.com/23500-why-men-love-breasts.html.
Attraction to butts: Freeman, Sophie. "Men like Women with CURVED SPINES." Daily Mail Online. March 05, 2015.
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2979043/Why-Kim-Kardashian-s-booty-attractive-Men-prefer-women-curved-spines-
suggests-better-FORAGING-food.html.
Female orgasm: Campbell, B., Hartman, W.E., Fithian, M.A., & Campbell, I. (1975). “Polygraphic survey of the human sexual
response”. Physiologist, 18, 154.
Blood as lube quote: "Sex During Periods." Healthline. https://www.healthline.com/health/womens-health/sex-during-
periods#side-effects.

Your Anatomy and Dick Stuff:

Circumcision rates: "Neonatal and Child Male Circumcision: A Global Review." April 2010.
https://www.who.int/hiv/pub/malecircumcision/neonatal_child_MC_UNAIDS.pdf.
Semen displacement theory: Gallup, G. G., R. L. Burch, and T. J. Mitchell. "Semen Displacement as a Sperm Competition
Strategy : Multiple Mating, Self-semen Displacement, and Timing of In-pair Copulations." Current Neurology and Neuroscience Reports.
September 2006. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/26181472.
Satisfaction with size: MacGill, Markus. "What Is the Average Penis Size?" Medical News Today. July 09, 2018. Accessed
January 10, 2019. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/271647.php.
Average size: Veale, David, Sarah Miles, Sally Bramley, Gordon Muir, and John Hodsoll. "Am I Normal?" The Canadian Journal of
Chemical Engineering. March 02, 2015. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/bju.13010.
Erections and psychological factors: Rajkumar, R. P., and A. K. Kumaran. "Depression and Anxiety in Men with Sexual
Dysfunction: A Retrospective Study." Current Neurology and Neuroscience Reports. July 2015.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25818906.
Premature ejaculation stats:
● Waldinger, M. D., P. Quinn, M. Dilleen, R. Mundayat, D. H. Schweitzer, and M. Boolell. "A Multinational Population Survey
of Intravaginal Ejaculation Latency Time." Current Neurology and Neuroscience Reports. July 2005.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16422843.
● Alfred Kinsey - Kinsey, Alfred C., Wardell B. Pomeroy, and Clyde E. Martin. Sexual Behavior in the Human Male. Bronx,
NY: Ishi Press Int., 2010.
● Corty, E. W., and J. M. Guardiani. "Canadian and American Sex Therapists' Perceptions of Normal and Abnormal
Ejaculatory Latencies: How Long Should Intercourse Last?" Current Neurology and Neuroscience Reports. May 2008.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18331255.
 ● Hackett, Mac. "How Long Sex Lasts for Most Couples." Vice. March 16, 2017.
https://www.vice.com/en_uk/article/aeq4ea/how-long-sex-lasts-for-most-couples.
Ian Kerner on PE: Kerner, Ian. "How to Last Longer In Bed." Men's Health. November 08, 2018.
https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a19532810/4-ways-to-last-longer-in-bed-from-sex-therapist/.

Getting There:
Poulaines: Brundage, James A., and Vern L. Bullough. Handbook of Medieval Sexuality. New York: Garland, 2010.
Picture credit: "Poulaines and Spurs." Manuscript Art. http://jessehurlbut.net/wp/mssart/?p=2430&utm_source=feedly.
Sex is healthy: Robinson, Kara Mayer. "10 Surprising Health Benefits of Sex." WebMD. October 2013.
https://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/guide/sex-and-health#1.

Foreplay:
Women’s orgasm statistics:
● Castleman, Michael. "The Most Important Sexual Statistic." Psychology Today. March 16, 2009.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/all-about-sex/200903/the-most-important-sexual-statistic.
● Herbenick, Debby. "Women's Experiences With Genital Touching, Sexual Pleasure, and Orgasm: Results From a U.S.
Probability Sample of Women Ages 18 to 94." Taylor and Francis Online. August 09, 2017.
https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/0092623X.2017.1346530.
Kissing: Fiore, Kristina. "Why Do People Kiss?" LiveScience. February 02, 2013. https://www.livescience.com/32464-why-do-
people-kiss.html.

Intercourse:
Bukowski quote: Bukowski, Charles. Notes of a Dirty Old Man. San Francisco: City Lights Books, 2010.
Kama Sutra:
● Winters, Riley. "The Kama Sutra: Setting the Record Straight." Ancient Origins. October 23, 2017. https://www.ancient-
origins.net/artifacts-ancient-writings/kama-sutra-setting-record-straight-009018.
● Hardgrove, Anne. "A Brief History of the Kama Sutra." Alternet. July 24, 2012.
https://www.alternet.org/2008/05/a_brief_history_of_the_kama_sutra/.
Coitus more ferarum: Campbell, Robert Jean. Campbells Psychiatric Dictionary. Oxford: Oxford University Press, 2009.
Girl on top risks: Macmillan, Hayley. "7 Sex Acts That Could Actually Break a Penis." Cosmopolitan. September 30, 2016.
https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a3620374/penile-fracture-break-penis-sex-act/.
Men falling asleep: Wenner, Melinda. "Why Do Guys Get Sleepy After Sex?" LiveScience. February 01,
2013.https://www.livescience.com/32445-why-do-guys-get-sleepy-after-sex.html.

Sexual Health:
STD facts: "Statistics." American Sexual Health Association. http://www.ashasexualhealth.org/stdsstis/statistics/.
Use of condoms and contraceptives throughout history:
● OReilly, Andrea. Encyclopedia of Motherhood. Vol. 1. Los Angeles: SAGE, 2010.
● Khan, Fahd, Saheel Mukhtar, Ian Dickinson, and Seshadri Sriprasad. "The Story of the Condom." Indian Journal of Urology.
January/February 2013. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3649591/.
Current rates of contraceptive use:
● Jones, Jo, William Mosher, and Kimberly Daniels. "Current Contraceptive Use in the US." National Health Statistics Report.
October 18, 2012. https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nhsr/nhsr060.pdf.
● "Trends in Contraceptive Use Worldwide." Department of Economic and Social Affairs. 2015.
http://www.un.org/en/development/desa/population/publications/pdf/family/trendsContraceptiveUse2015Report.pdf.
Oil on latex condoms: Voeller, B., A. H. Coulson, G. S. Bernstein, and R. M. Nakamura. "Mineral Oil Lubricants Cause Rapid
Deterioration of Latex Condoms." Current Neurology and Neuroscience Reports. January 1989.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/2535978.
Birth control effectivity: Planned Parenthood. https://www.plannedparenthood.org/.
Porn and masterbation:
● Ley, David. "Common Sense about the Effects of Pornography." Psychology Today. February 03, 2014.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/women-who-stray/201402/common-sense-about-the-effects-pornography.
● Castleman, Michael. "Evidence Mounts: More Porn, LESS Sexual Assault." Psychology Today. January 14, 2016.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-about-sex/201601/evidence-mounts-more-porn-less-sexual-assault.
● Zimbardo, Philip. "Is Porn Good for Us or Bad for Us?" Psychology Today. March 01, 2016.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hero/201603/is-porn-good-us-or-bad-us.
 Sex toys:
Studies on lube: Jozkowski, K. N., D. Herbenick, V. Schick, M. Reece, S. A. Sanders, and J. D. Fortenberry. "Women's
Perceptions about Lubricant Use and Vaginal Wetness during Sexual Activities." Current Neurology and Neuroscience Reports.
February 2013. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23211029.
Dildo history:
● Ruiz, Gisely. "A Photographic History Of The Dildo, One Of Humanity's Most Enduring Tools." All That's Interesting.
February 12, 2018. https://allthatsinteresting.com/history-of-the-dildo.
● King, Elizabeth. "A Brief and Twisted History of Dildos and Vibrators." Complex. May 23, 2016.
https://www.complex.com/life/2016/05/history-dildos-vibrators.
● Lee, Friday. "The Long, Strange History of Sex Toys." Alternet. June 19, 2013. https://www.alternet.org/2013/06/sex-toy/.
Gosnell Duncan: Lieberman, Hallie. "The Long, Fascinating Story of the Dildo." Alternet. July 05, 2015.
https://www.alternet.org/2015/07/long-fascinating-story-dildo/.
Vibrator origins: Lynn, Anna. "The Long, Fascinating History of the Vibrator." Kinkly. September 11, 2015.
https://www.kinkly.com/2/97/passion-play/sex-toys/vibrators-bigger-and-generating-more-buzz-than-ever.
Picture credit, “the Manipulator”: Diaz, Jesus. "The Bizarre History of the Vibrator: From Cleopatra's Angry Bees to Steam-
Powered Dildos." Gizmodo. May 13, 2012. https://gizmodo.com/5909857/the-bizarre-history-of-the-vibrator-from-cleopatras-angry-bees-
to-steam-powered-dildos.
Picture credit, “Pulsocon”:
Schulz, Bill. "From the Vault of the Museum of Sex: Macaura's Pulsocon." The New York Times. August 14, 2014.
https://www.nytimes.com/2015/08/16/nyregion/from-the-vault-of-the-museum-of-sex-macauras-pulsocon.html.
History of the rabbit: Burton, Natasha, and Carina Hsieh. "A Brief History of The Rabbit." Cosmopolitan. November 30, 2017.
https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/a4805/history-of-the-rabbit/.
Cock rings: "The History of Penis Rings | Adam & Eve's Guide to Sex." Adam & Eve. June 09, 2016.
https://www.adameve.com/sex-guides/products/sex-toys/penis-ring-guides/penis-ring-history-65150-1852.aspx.

Butt Stuff:
Number of women who’ve had anal: Benson, L. S., S. L. Martins, and A. K. Whitaker. "Correlates of Heterosexual Anal
Intercourse among Women in the 2006-2010 National Survey of Family Growth." Current Neurology and Neuroscience Reports. August
2015. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/26289541.
Anal and sodomy laws: Engle, Gigi. "Anal Through the Ages." Kinkly.com. November 03, 2017. https://www.kinkly.com/anal-
through-the-ages/2/15827.

Extras:
Fake squirting in porn: Breslaw, Anna. "Sex Talk Realness: Is Squirting Fake?" Cosmopolitan. November 21, 2013.
https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/a5085/squirting-sex-realness/.