Memorandum

Date: 30 August 2022

Subject: Analysis of Previous Writing

This memo contains information about the information you requested regarding analysis of one
of my previous works. The following sections explain my findings on how concise, precise, and
direct my writing is, and any noticeable errors I found.

Be Concise. To be concise means to be brief (of short length) yet comprehensive (containing all
information).

Unnecessary Repetition. I tend to use the name of a person rather than pronouns to be more
precise but it’s repetitive. In this example, I used “the monsters” three times in the same
sentence.

“This empathy the monster has lets us connect with the monster much like how the
monster is connecting with the cottagers.”

Instead, I could use “he” or “it” since it’s established that I’m referring to the monster.

Redundant Words or Phrases. I noticed that I used a lot of redundant words and phrases. In
this excerpt, I wrote “goes looking,”

“After a few years of the monster learning about humanity and continuously being
shunned by them, he goes looking for Frankenstein to tell him his tale and demand that
Frankenstein make him a female companion like himself.”

This phrase can be simplified to “looks” which reduces the amount of redundant words
since both phrases mean the same thing.

Dead Phrases. I don’t use any dead phrases, instead I use transitional phrases to lead from
one idea to another.

“This shows that if the monster didn’t look inhuman, others would not have a problem
with him as a person because his personality is still human.”

I use “this shows” to explain how the previous sentence connects to my claim.

Unnecessary Modifiers. I use some modifiers, but it enhances my sentences due to it being
an academic essay rather than a technical paper.

“This cumulation has left the monster feeling like he has no other option than to have a
companion in another monster like himself—which is the very reason why the monster is
finally confronting Frankenstein after all this time and telling his story.”
 Project 1 / Aurelia Tate Page 2

The use of “very” emphasizes my claim in the sentence.

Be Precise. To be precise means to be exact and accurate. In technical writing, how precise you
need to be is based on the audience.

Appropriate Terminology. This was an academic paper, so I was writing at the terminology
level for my senior English teacher and classmates.

“His brain and body are still human, but because of his physical appearance, he is
outcasted and punished for trying to satiate the same social desires of the humans that
hurt him.”

I didn’t need to use specific words for “brain and body” since the scientific names aren’t
important towards understanding my claim. I used “physical appearance” to separate how
he physically appears to his emotional and mental appearance.

Consistent Terminology. I was consistent in the words I used for things.

“Throughout the novel, the creature is referred to as “the monster” for his frightful
appearance—as his creator, Victor Frankenstein, used a combination of dead human body
parts from multiple people to make the monster’s body.”

I either used “the creature” or “the monster” to refer to the same character but I explained
how they were the same in the introduction so there wasn’t any confusion.

Appropriate Specifics and Details. I used enough specifics and details to explain my
evidence and claims for my audience.

“—cottagers, people he watched and grew to care about—"

I specified “cottagers” since that is what they were called in the novel, so anyone who
read the novel would be able to recognize who I was writing about from that one word. I
also specific how he grew to care about them to explain my next point.

Be Direct. To be direct means to be straightforward and to write straightforward prose.

Mostly Active Verbs. I mostly used active verbs.

“The monster could not control the way he looked or how Frankenstein created him, but
during his life he learned compassion,”

I used “created” as active verb.

Mostly Active Voice. I mostly use active voice, but I use passive voice when it’s appropriate.
 Project 1 / Aurelia Tate Page 3

“Despite the way the monster is perceived by others in the novel, he still exhibits human
qualities since Frankenstein had wanted to create a human.”

Passive voice is appropriate here since the focus is on the monster and not the others that
are perceiving him.

Topic Sentences. All of my paragraphs have topic sentences that give an introduction to what
the paragraph will be about.

“Because the monster’s first few interactions with other people had ended with them
trying to hurt him and expressing that they do not want him around, the monster learned
to keep his desires for social interaction to himself which lead to him isolating himself
from society.”

I introduced the monster’s struggle with people and how it leads to him isolating himself
which is what I discuss in the rest of the paragraph.

Stress Position. I ended the stress position at the appropriate point for my paragraphs and
what I wanted to emphasize.

“The sympathy we feel for the monster lets us reflect on our own behavior and shows
how outcasting others without knowing who they truly are will do more harm than good.”

The last few words “do more harm than good” is a good emphasis point to end on rather
than “reflecting on our own behavior.”

Noticeable Error. Rules that you should follow are ones that matter because not
following them will make your writing unclear and/or cause
confusion.

Run-On Sentences. I have some run-on sentences due to missing a comma.

“The monster is continuously rejected from human society which makes him think he
needs a monster companion like himself in order to be happy.”

I should have a common between “society” and “which” to break apart the sentence.

Conclusion. If you have any questions about my report, let me know.