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One, Two, Three CHARACTERS: THE MOTHER PETEY, her eight-year old son KING MELCHoR, old and wise KING Baltazar, bearded, about 40 KING GAspak, tall and pink-checked, about 20 SCENE: A squalid apartment in Manila, The furniture ts o the table. At the back, against the wall, a closed bigh cab) and right. Window, left. ld. A phone inet. Doors le TIME: The Present PETEY: (Holding a bowl) I'm sick and tired of this Jugao, Mother. MOTHER: Don’t complain, Son, PETEY: Mother, why are we poor? MOTHER: We're Not poor, Petey, we're just insolvent. PETEY: What's the difference? MOTHER: Poor means t temporarily poor. PETEY: Temporary or Not, we're poor just the same. terial MOTHER: Its the way you look xe it, Son. One may be poor Ms but rich in inner Fesources, and one may be rich in mater Ces but poor in spirit, and oe PETEY: You're just trying to confuse me, Mother. We're Poor” are no two ways ab : coal MOTHER: Food is not the most imecn a, thing in life. aso PETEY: To my stomach it is Mothe. 4 The stomach does IMOTHER: But you istote ‘0 have nothing consistently. Insolvent ‘Out it. We haven’t eaten since yes er can whisper to your stomach to cond y one mines My stomach keeps shouting and sc “aming that i ” solid since yesterday, Chasm had, twenty-four hours is not ro me it is, Mother, ER: Tell your stomach to wait a little longer, (patting bis stomach and whisper jute longer, stySmy mother. (To M ait, but I can't! port hing “Tong ti along time to wait, ring) Dear stomact ; ‘h, please: lOTHER) Maybe your stomachean acrifice yourself for your stomach. (Same business) Stomach dear, 'm sacrificing myself fo Fe jut heck if] can wait any longer! a i I've been whispering, Mother, but my stomach keeps answering tack, It mak Be Noises. ‘on, I'm hungry, it, and it waits patiently, But, Mother, you're old and old people don’t need food. Why not? Am I not made of flesh and bone, t00, like you? :Y: My stomach is persistent. It's made of intestines and other glands and it’s young. NOTHER: We've been trying to sell our phone rights for days, so we can buy food. But no answer yet. Are you sure you placed that sign out- side the door? EY: I'm sure, Mother, I wrote: "Telephone rights for sale. Inside." Why haven't we received an offer yet? Do telephones eat? They eat money. How? You've to pay monthly rental, and that’s food for the telephone. Food for the telephone or for the owners? ; : No, Son, the owners don’t cat simple food—they cat delicacies __and sumptuous dishes. And money? Ifyou insist. What makes us poor, Mother? ‘ociety makes us poor, Son. Society? at ocicty is other people. Moy ‘¢ people on the streets? rn maak People everywhere—on the streets, in the BO" S, in the church. too, but I whisper to my stomach Morne Pete Moning Pry Sonne eng ment, in the | n RETRIBUTION AND EIGHT OTHER Stic, “TED bi, PETEY: The church, too? Isn’t the church supposed to be charitayy MOTHER: Only when it’s convenient for her. Most church offic instronghouses and eat rich food. They're deafand blind qa PETEY: How can we make society listen to us? Poo, MOTHER: We can't. We've too much pride to beg. PETEY: Do we have to beg before society will help us? MOTHER: In many ways, yes. Society likes to feel important an scending when helping the unfortunate. It wants Publicity fo, deeds. It wants the poor to humiliate themselves before 5 listen. PETEY: Why is society cruel, Mother? “MOTHER: Because society is deaf. PETEY: Why deaf? MOTHER: Because society hates the poor. PETEY: Hates us? MOTHER: The poor make society uncomfortable. Society's frightened they might become poor also, and poverty is an ugly reminder that someday— PETEY: Is there no way we can make society listen? MOTHER: There's one specific, effective way, but I won't recommendit PETEY: What way, Mother? MOTHER: Well, we could kill them. PETEY: Let's. When do we start? MOTHER: We have no weapons. PETEY: We have a large kitchen knife. MOTHER: That would be messy. PETEY: Why messy? MOTHER: You know, blood and all that sort of thing. PETEY: I'm not afraid of blood. MOTHER: I’m not, cither. But blood attracts the police. PETEY: Like flies to sugar? MOTHER: Something of the sort. The law always acts faster for the rich than for the poor. PETEY: Couldn’t we kill without spilling blood? MOTHER: We sometimes call society bloodless, but if you plunge # tle into it, it will spill blood—dirty, red bloodjust the same. PETEY: Who cares, Mother? Let's kill with impunity, MOTHER: What about our conscience? PETEY: What's that? MOTHER: It’s a little voice inside which says something's right, °° thing’s wrong. conde, Tits Boog Ociety way one, Two, Three peTevt don't ave 2COmIENE.T Gon hear ay " MOTHER: It's a tiny, tiny voice. It just whispers Y VOICE inside pETEY: (Cupping bis ear and tying to lis ) , € the wing no voice, tiny or otherwise. mM listening, but 1h ER: You're lucky, son. My 8 hear MOTHER: KY; son. My conscience keeps noises. PS making noises, small pETEY: Why don’t you spank it? You often g during your siesta. : MOTHER: You can't. It’s invisible PETEY: Ifit's invisible, why bother about iv MOTHER: It doesn’t die. PETEY: Can't you kill it, Mother? MOTHER: Sometimes you can PETEY: Do it then! Kill it! MOTHER: You can kill it an kil it anc! kill it, ut somehow it survives PETEY: That's a most peculiar thing. Who made it? " MOTHER: (Pointing upwards) Up there Is there no way of keeping it quiet? MOTHER: Yes, you can cover it with excuses, with alibis, with rationaliza- tion, and with double-talk, sometimes it will lie still—temporarily. PETEY: I'm glad I don't have a conscience MOTHER: You, too, will get it. Sooner or later, : (Looking upwards) Hey, you there—I don’t want a con: Don'tgive me one. I'm perfectly happy without a conscience. Be of her conscience, Mother can’t kill society. She it will bother her, But I'm willing to kill. So don't you dare give me a conscience. : Will somebody up there listen? PETEY: (Eeeling bis beart with bis band) Weck, Mother. Lthink I'm begin- ning to have a conscience. | feel some slight thumping here, MOTHER: It's because you're hungry—the pangs of hunger. PETEY: No, Mother. This is a different sound. When I'm hungry, my heart goes "Thump—thump—thump.” But this sound says *shh-shh- shh MOTHER: My poor son. That's the whisper of conscicnc® sence PETEY: (Raising bis fist upwards) 1 told youT didn't need a conscience. What are you up there—deaf? MOTHER: Too late. Now you have a conscience. PETEY: (Same business) Why give me 2 conscience? why ne stead? Are you blind—can't you sce us down here?.- a we 100. HOW about my stomach, now I've to worry about my cornsing bis ches!) can I worry about two things at the same time? ¢ Don't bother me, conscience, unless I call you! Pank me when I make noises PET not food in- worryi 74 RETRIBUTION AND EIGHT OTHER 55) [hep py Man, If you're hungry, Son, we still have some Luyag, ‘That dull thing again! Lagao in the morning, Lagao in tye ate, if Roon, fugao in the evening! My stomach wants something diffe f and delicious om MOTHER: The poor can't ask for delicious things. And heaven if you're not satisfied with being poor. PETEY: Who says so? ~ MOTHER: The church says so. PETEY: Then I don’t want to go to heaven unless [ve €aten first, Why 4 bother to go to heaven if our stomachs are empty? People shoutg to heaven only when they're filled up. And I'm hungry, Mother | ‘MOTHER: We have no other food in the house, Son. (Opening the cabinet) Look, nothing in the cabinet. (Sbe closes it.) PETEY: Our next-door neighbor has plenty. MOTHER: That's because he's rich. PETEY: How did he become rich, Mother? Last year that man next door was living in a house made of cardboard and galvanized iron, Now he's rich. Iis house is now a mansion. Did you see how big iti has a swimming pool. How did he become rich so suddenly? MOTHER: He became a congressman, Son. PETEY: What's a congressman? MOTHER: A congressman is clected by the people to serve the people PETEY: Did you help clect him, Mother? MOTHER: Unfortunately, | did. He made so many promises. PETEY: Then let's go and sce him, He's supposed to help the people. We are people. Perhaps he can give us some food, MOTHER: It isn’t that simple, Petey. To be a congressman or 2 Politician—they're the same thing—you've to be pitiless, heartless, and utterly without scruples. You must be willing to sell your honor, your conscience, your shame, your country, your soul, everything You must learn to steal from the government and from other sources. PETEY: I can steal, Mother. I can learn. MOTHER: But if you steal, you'll be Stealing small things and they'll lock you up in jail. Only a congressman or a politician can steal large amounts from the government—and they end up becoming com mencement speakers and being interviewed on ‘TV where they ik about morality, honor, honesty, service, sacrifice. You must also be involved in smuggling, in kickbacks, in logging, in land-grabbing, CO™ gressmen and politicians who steal don't end up in jail. They embraced by society and welcomed by Malacafiang. PETEY: Aren't congressmen human, Mother? MOTI PET YOU can't 9 , one, TW ‘Three R: I'm not sure, . Are they anil In some wi Nobody is sure if they're s then? human, » they're worse thy think—politicians think—most of the LLBs and PhDs—even though they can't s thing, Animals don’t have a conse tk telizenty about any politicians do. And many of dhem are very rl put congressmen and church often. Y religious, You see them in ETEY: (Looking up) You up the: hy did you give me just ike any congress man? Now I'm like them, Idon't wa them. Bites be an animal . . . Mother, what happens to con- : They get elected a Is that bad? R: Worse. They can steal twice as much, Are you bitter, Mother? the only luxury the poor can afford. PE in school told us we should never feel bitter. MOTHER: Naturally, because he’s not poor. So he can preach so glibly. (Loud knocking) Look out the window and sce who that is. (P goes to the window.) PETEY: Who are you?.. . Are you buying th ©. Good-bye, (He goes back to bis mother.) MOTHER: Who was it? PETEY: A man dressed like @ : How is he dressed? Je is wearing a long ro MOTHER: A hippie. | wonder wh Petey. PETEY: It must be the same guy- MOTHER: How do you know? Find ov PETEY: It’s you again. MOTHER: Maybe he's hungry. We still PETEY: A good idea, Mother. Give him all th door. KING MELCHOR comes in.) ee What's tha MER Itold you he’s a hippie. aoe Good day, good woman. MBteles Who are you? ra OR: I'm King Melchor, ru! See animals Anlinals de ollege Braduates, with, nators. ne telephone rights? . . . No? hippie. Wears a beard (00. be and sandals. athe wants. (Knocking. again) Find out, at first. (PETEY goes to the window.) some [uga0- I have . e Iugao lett. (He pens tbe bie. re weal and APT ys dom Jer of Nubia nowady Kings i : He's fooling us, Mother. He's 1° king: \ 76 RETRIBUTION AND EIGHT OTHER. SELECTED Pijyg those ridicul lous things. MOTHER: (Laughing) A king! MELCHOR: I'm one of the three kings. MOTHER: Which kings? MELCHOR: The ones mentioned in the Bible, MOTHER: You mean—the ones at Bethlehem? MELCHOR: Exactly. PETEY: Ifyou're a king, where's your crown? MELCHOR: We left them behind. They're too bothersome, MOTHER: Who's we? MELCHOR: My other two colleagues—Baltazar and Gaspar, MOTHER: Where are they? MELCHOR: They'll be coming along. PETEY: How come you aren't dead? MELCHOR: I'm dead all right. PETEY: Ifyou're dead, how come you can walk and talk? MELCHOR: We're dead but we come back to life every five hundred years, PETEY: Why? MELCHOR: Every five hundred years we're told to come down to earth to pay a visit. MOTHER: What for? MELCHOR: We're supposed to report about present conditions, MOTHER: How did you happen to choose our house? MELCHOR: St. Peter gave us your address, PETEY: Does he know our address? MELCHOR: He knows them all. They're in a large book. PETEY: Millions and millions of addresses in a single book? MELCHOR: They're computerized. We've the latest machines. PETEY: Why us in particular? MELCHOR: When St. Peter tells us to “MOTHER: Just like the Jesuits? MELCHOR: If you want to put it that way. -MOTHER: This is my son Petey. MELCHOR: (Bowing, then touching bis brow, lips and bowing low again) Hello, hello, hello, Petey. PETEY: Do that again. MELCHOR: Which? PETEY: That funny salute. (MELcHOR MELCHOR: You like that? PETEY: It looks quite silly, but I enjoy it, MOTHER: Tell me, your Majesty— BO we ask no questions. We go. repeats it.) one, Two, Three : ! Not j MELCHOR: No, no, no! your majesty. i MOTHER: How come you're alone? aaa Melchor, MELCHOR: Baltazar and Gaspar were with Merete Lost me, but they got lost. MELCHOR: Baltazar took a taxi, and G; y aS] i pees spar said he wanted to trya MOTHER: How did you come? MELCHOR: I walked. MOTHER: From where? MELCHOR: From where we landed. PETEY: You landed by flying saucer? maak We ac deposited on earth. ’: By angels? ‘ MELCHOR: Sort of— PETEY: Are you one of th i i ae ¢ three kings who give away presents on January oe You're right, Petey. eS eeome I didn’t get any presents last January? a : We're busy—millions of orders—millions of kids— ps Don’t kid me, Melchie. ER: Mel PETEY: neice ea bri pee x0 Belen i ring me any presents because I'm poor. You MELCHOR: ¢ Here tn No, no, that’s not true! (Taking out a piece of parchment) perme have all the names of all the good boys. ore a good boy, wasn’t I, Mother? MELeHe Yes, you manage somehow. Petey hat ane) see—mumble—mumble—mumble—mumble—Petcy, wet there's Peter_Pete—Pedro—Pedring—Pietro—Pierre—Petro- neg San't seem to find your name—Petey, Petey—no, no such Perey, Perhaps you were a bad boy. , ate i a you be bad if you're poor? Only the rich can afford to ELCHO| BS. Re 1 eet au check Baltazar’s list. (Knocking) That must DautazaR. Ree BALTAZAR comes in.) Baltazar, why are Y iiLcng au chor, pay the taxi. mt : a "much is it? LCHOR, he river said twenty doll: pe ty dollars. riel gave ME aah we lef dolleel Treating money archsneel CHENG ee Where's your own money? spent it. 7 be him. (PETEY ou so late? ke. 78 RETRIBUTION AND EIGHT OTHER SELECTED Pla YS MELCHOR: On what? BALTAZAR: Never mind. Give me twenty dollars. » MOTHER: Twenty dollars! Where did you get the taxi? BALTAZAR: Near a place they call the Luneta. MOTHER: From the Luneta till here should be only about five fifty centavos. It’s just a few blocks away. PETEY: Give me the money. I'll pay the driver. (He gets the money ang goes out.) BALTAZAR: Too bad we're not allowed to say bad words! I've been aching to utter some choice ones! MELCHOR: What ails you? BALTAZAR: I've a splitting headache. Oh—this—this—this— MELCHOR: Careful with your language, Baltazar! BALTAZAR: —this—this—infernal headache! MELCHOR: (Turning to MOTHER) We're allowed to use that word. -MOTHER: When Petey comes back, I'll ask him to get some aspirin, Please sit down. BALTAZAR: Aspirin? What's that? ‘MOTHER: It's a pill for headaches. BALTAZAR: Pill! Oh no, I'm scared of pills! I'm scared of medicines of any kind! I might die! “MOTHER: But aren't you dead? BALTAZAR: Not at this particular moment. MELCHOR: You sce, good woman, we're allowed to come to life every five hundred years, but then we rest again. MOTHER: How about you, Melchor? Aren't you afraid to die again? MELCHOR: It makes no difference to me, With your garbage I don't mind dying again. Pesos ang -MOTHER: Garbage? MELCHOR: Your city is full of uncollected garbage. Just like in the Mit dle Ages. MOTHER: Middle Ages? 1 BALTAZAR: Yes, woman, the last time we came down on earth was due the Middle Ages. And in five hundred years there has been 9° provement in garbage collection. It was dirty then, it's just # now. Why is your city this dirty? MOTHER: We can’t help it. Our politicians play politics thing—even with garbage. (PETEY comes back.) PETEY: I paid him. BALTAZAR: How much? PETEY: Five pesos and fifty centavos. Gives bim the change) with ever!” 19 R; How did you do iv? peTEy: (Pointing at bis forebead! By being smart, pare, BALTAZAR: My gratitude, kid. 2TEY: Don't Igeta tip? R: What's a tip? nour times you give tips for services. How much? pETEY: It depends on You. BALTAZAR: (Giving bim a, JSifty-centavo piece) Here. PETEY: ‘That's too little. BALTAZAR: How much do you want? PETEY: Not too much, not too little. ‘After all, you must be some aking. BALTAZAR: I’m Baltazar, ruler of Ethiopia. PETEY: Oh, a king too? How many are you? BALTAZAR: Inever learned how to count. But (counting with bis fingers) we are one—two—three. PETEY: About the tip— MOTHER: Petcy! BALTAZAR: (Giving PETEY; One hundred! That's the fifty-centavo piece). BALTAZAR: Keep it— PETEY: No, I can’t. My conscience. BALTAZAR: Ah, so you've a conscience? PETEY: Don't you? BALTAZAR: I had, but it’s dead now. MELCHOR: Baltazar, tell them about the time you made Baby Jesus cry— -MOTHER: You mean—at the time of your visit to Bethlehem? BALTAZAR: It’s a long story. a You made the Little Baby cry, Ball ree (Moaning) Oh, this headache! Fi THER: Petey, get that bottle of aspirin. ETEY: Why? oe Baltazar here has a headach R: By the way, while riding in Motes a good time. What's that? ek (Embarrassed) A good time? .- - mene of welcoming our visitors. “Have a 00 BALTAZAR, 4 woman. The ‘AZAR: I'm sure that’s not what he mean my good woms™™ sort of him a one-hundred peso bill) Take this S too much-take this back @iving bi” tazar? How could you? e. (PETEY goes out.) the taxi, the driver it's metaphorical fe," that's what it asked me if Oh, yc time r =~ *IDUTION AND BIGHT OTHER StLEe yp 80 i driver was snickering and had a most peculiar smile, (PETEy. Cone, back.) Here, Balty— : Not Balty—Baltazar. How many pills? PETEY: Ifit's a strong headache, take the whole bottle. MOTHER: No! Just two pills, Baltazar. (Ie swallows the pills.) PETEY: Melchie, what was that story about the Baby? “MOTHER: Not Melchie—Melchor. PETEY: Tell us, Baltazar, how you made Baby Jesus cry. BALTAZAR: It wasn’t deliberate. When I approached the Baby with my gift I knelt too near him. The moment he saw me, he chortled with glee, grabbed my nose and started tweaking it. With his other hand he pulled my beard. whispered, "It hurts, it hurts, Baby sweet Baby," But he kept pulling my beard more and my nose—I could hardly breathe. Finally, I couldn't stand the pain any longer, so I raised my voice and almost screamed, "Ouch! It hurts!" The Baby got scared and started crying. PETEY: What did his mother do? MOTHER: Shame on you, Baltazar, BALTAZAR: Mary just smiled and whispered, "Naughty, naughty, no, no." And she smiled. MOTHER: And Joseph—did he smile too? BALTAZAR: Joseph never smiled, “MOTHER: Why? Was he a sad person? BALTAZAR: No, but he had a front tooth missing, MELCHOR: Of course, the fact that your complexion was dark frightened the Child. BALTAZAR: But his Father created me—that’s why I’m black! Ah, the ini uity of it all! a HOR ae a yourself down, Baltazar (To the Moruer) Baltazar PETEY: What's black pos ninks about black power. MELCHOR: (Moaning) Oh, my stomach! MOTHER: Something wrong, Melchor? on han a meee ree stomach aches! Oh, oh, ooohh! PETE Ge eet ine bottle of paregorie, : (Hitting MeLCuon lightly on the stomach) Does it pain you het MELCHOR: (Louder moanin, 1 “ g) OOO hi MOTHER: Petey, '8) 00O0—oo—h! Don't hit me! PET Ttold you to get the Paregoric. * The boule with a skull which says poison? _ ‘one, Two, Three BL SHOR: Poison? OTHER: No, that’s iodine water. (PETEY goes out.) . My headache disappeared. Magic! No, not magic, Baltazar. Aspirin cures headaches : Oh, the pain! 2R: Petey, hurry! (PETEY comes in w ‘The large bottle—and get a spoon and some ith the bottle.) PET! MOTHER: Two tablespoons. MELCHOR: (Swallowing a little) PETEY: Bend down, Uncle Melchor, ‘and I'll show you what mother docs when she makes me take it. (MELCHOR bends down, PETEY tightens Jisnose with bis fingers, and forces the, paregoric on bir. MELCHOR ‘ makes awful grimaces.) MELCHOR: Puef Tastes like Satan’s syruP- : PETEY: What's that? + MELCHOR: It's a syrup Satan takes w PETEY: How did you happen to swallow it? MELCHOR: Baltazar here played a joke on me once—when Satan wasn't looking. | PETEY: You want some more: ! MELCHOR: You can keep it al MOTHER: That must be kingnum enters. He bas a bandage arow PETEY: You're late, King. GASPER: I'm Gaspar, ruler of Tarsus. MELCHOR: What happened to you? GASPAR: What a horrible experience! While riding in th driver made us pass by a school. They were having Ww student demonstration. Such a crowd! Srones flying left and right! 1 went down to calm the students—some were tying t0 burn the school. But a policeman saw me and Srared shouting, 00 afer BL dirty hippie!” Suddenly I felt the weight ofa stick on my head. ! kept down and, with my hands crossed, pleat ne policeman hitting me. . MELCHOR: Police brutality! Itexisted even In OOF ume. Rewmenbet we asked a centurion where the Child was? Before ase" | Mom with his sword. , | Gasp, nee Poor Gaspar. How did you B¢ away? | Metco I gave the policeman twenty dollars HOR: Money always works. (PETEY goes ‘A-a-ay! Awful taste! nen he has a cough. 2 11 to yourself. per three. (PETEY op' nd bis forebead; (Knocking is beard.) ens the door. GASPAR and be limps.) jeepney, the hhat they call 3 ded. But th ber when he hit jet me BO de SPAR tind gentl? 82 RETRIBUTION AND EIGHT OTHER SEL CTED Plays touches bim on the arm. Gaspan utters a muffled scream and coy } bis face with bis robe. ae GASPAR: Don't hit me, don’t! | MELCHOR: That wasn't the police, Gaspar, only Petey who wanteq , i greet you. (To Morten) You must forgive Gaspar, but he has alyn” been of a nervous disposition. 8 PETEY: (Showing bim a toy mouse) You want to see my toy? (por it, Gaspar utters another scream and jumps on the chair.) GASPAR: A mouse! A man-eating mouse! (He gasps for breath.) j PETEY: It’s only a toy! Mice don’t eat people! (GasPAR comes down.) GASPAR: I’m all jumpy! I can’t help it! My nerves! MOTHER: Get the small box, Petey. Just the thing to calm his nerves, (PETE runs out.) MELCHOR: What are you giving him, woman? -MOTHER: Tranquilizers—it will calm him down. (PETEY comes back.) Give him two pills. (Gaspar swallows them.) MELCHOR: The woman says it will soothe your nerves. PETEY: Mother makes me take them whenever I make noises. -MOTHER: Petey, keep quiet while Gaspar rests. GASPAR: These pills work like magic. PETEY: Tranquilizers, Gaspar—er—. Uncle Gaspar. BALTAZAR: How come you haven't call me Uncle too? PETEY: I forgot, Uncle Baltazar. GASPAR: Do many people here take them? PETEY: Practically everybody takes them. GASPAR: Even you? PETEY: When the bottle of aspirin is empty and mother has a headache, she makes me take some, so I won't make too much noise. GASPAR: Do you make a lot of noise always? PETEY: Only when I've nothing to do. GASPAR: Quite logical. (A small booklet drops from Gasran’s robes.) MELCHOR: You bought a souvenir, Gaspar? k GASPAR: I don’t know. While passing by a movie house, I stopped !© an at the pictures at the lobby. A boy approached me and whisper "You want to buy bedtime story?" Since I sometimes suffer fro™ somnia, I bought it. it BALTAZAR: It must contain beautiful pictures of the city. (He opens" gasps, throws it to the Mourn. She looks at it, and makes she 5 Of the cross.) Petey, take this to the kitchen and burn it. GASPAR: Burn it? But I haven't seen the pictures yct. MOTHER: They're all out of focus anyhow. (PETEY goes M1 Seeing out, leafs ‘one Two, Three 83 pbrough the pages. He stops, opens bis mouth, and runs yELCHOR: Good woman, do you happen to have some food? moe ‘ ~ fe starv- ing. Bs oN bri MOTHER: Please ae down. I’ll bring you some /ugao. 3 a0: BALTAZAR: Lugaol MOTHER: It's rice boiled with water and salt. MELCHOR: Sounds very nutritious to me. MOTHER: My son doesn’t like it. You see, we've no solid food in the house. (She opens the cabinet.) Nothing, absolutely nothing, GASPAR: Where's your husband? MOTHER: He died a few months ago, may his soul rest in peace. MELCHOR: He must have been a good man. MOTHER: Depending on what you mean by good. BALTAZAR: Did he work? MOTHER: Not since the day we got married. MELCHOR: What did he do? MOTHER: He spent all his ime BALTAZAR: Spent hours in it? MOTHER: Not hours—days. From the moment he woke up he'd dress up and rush to church. He'd hear every Mass said, he'd pray dozens of novenas; he had a vast collections of novenas, even of unknown saints, He'd walk kneeling from the church door to the communion rail. MELCHOR: A holy man! MOTHER: A fanatic rather! You call a man holy who He'd go back to church in the evening. ‘The next morning the story all over again. BALTAZAR, How did he eat? es Ee brought his own fo a : How did you manage then: | MOTHER: My parents left me eae propery and some heavy insurance: A Nothing is left. ASPAR: What an unusual case. MEL M CHOR: How did he dic? OTHER: Th paar WaLtazna found him dead. MOTE R: Inside the church? MER: No, near a disco. (PETEY comes pack) 49 burned it. Mother, what's position number ge? (she goes : (Pinching bis ear) Stay there while I heat inside the church. neglects his family? same od to church and ate there. out.) MELCy HOR: Petey, do you go to schoo!” ae 84 RETRIBUTION AND EIGHT OTHER SEL Ido, And I'm having a hard time solving an Algebra prob, BALTAZAR: Get your book. Perhaps we can help you. Melchor here, expert mathematician. et : Are you, Uncle Melchor? JOR: In my time monarchs used to consult me for the most dif. ficult methematical problems. PETEY: (Opentng the book) Sce if you can solve this, Uncle Melchor MELCHOR: (Reading aloud) "Given the curve with equation xy equ 10, find the intercepts, test the symmetry, and sketch the ae , 2 g graph. PETEY: Can you solve it? MELCHOR: This should be easy. PETEY: Can you or can't you? MELCHOR: Here, Baltazar, will you take a look at this? My eyes are weak BALTAZAR: (Reading) "Given the curve with equation xy equals 10, find the intercepts—" Now, Petey, would you like to hear a story?... Once there was a princess and this princess was very beautiful PETEY: No, I don't care for fairy tales. They're corny. MELCHOR: Would you like to hear how we found the star of Bethlehem? PETEY: No, solve this first. Can't you solve it either, Uncle Baltazar? BALTAZAR: Yes, yes, of course, this is easy, although I never went to college. PETEY: You never went to college and you became a king? How did you do it? BALTAZAR: You sce, in those times kings didn't need college diplomas. All they needed was to be the son of another king PETEY: Oh, political dynasties? . .. Uncle Gaspar, how about you? GASPAR: (Reading) *Given the curve with equation— . . . Very interest ing, very intriguing, very mysterious. PETEY: Why mysterious? Because, Petey, | can’t add two plus two. What's two plus two? Three? You're all ignorant. MELCHOR: We were the wise men, son, they called us the wise men- : Wise men and you can’t solve an Algebra problem? o BALTAZAR: There are more things in heaven and on earth than Y philosophy dreams of, Horatio. PETEY: You copied that from Hamlet, atyour BALTAZAR: My son, how do you happen to know Shakespeare age? m I've his complete works—in comics form. PE one, Twos ThFEE GASPAR: [ must have a complete set. 85 pETEY: How long are you staying? MELCHOR: Not very long. pETEY: Lu are a ae next? ELCHOR: I don’t know. We go where . NEY: What did you find out from yours mets BALTAZAR: The city is—all higgledy-pigaledy. PETEY: What does it mean? ALTAZAR: I mean everything’s in confusi PETEY: Uncle Melchor, are you a doctsy OP U1. MELCHOR: Sometimes they used to address PETEY: Do you use "Dr." before your name? MELCHOR: Oh, no! Using the word doctor you're a physician—is a clear sign of vanity and ; NOMEN (Comesintssveraplaergieen aeg Sit down, (The three kings sit down and eat, Petey stares at them.) PETEY: You like it? MELCHOR: Yes, very delicious, BALTAZAR: Very. GASPAR: I can eat platesful of it. PETEY: Finish it all. MOTHER: Petey, food is food, delicious or not. PETEY: I want to eat delicious food, like the rich do. MELCHOR: My son, I may be a king, but I have a bad stomach, so up there I eat only grapes and honey. GASPAR: Did you know that Herod was allergic to meat and chickens? PETEY: What did he eat then? GASPAR: Sin! (He laughs, but Petey doesn’t smile.) PETEY: What's funny about cating sin? MOTHER: Petey, let them eat without disturbing them. (PETEY goes to the window. PETEY: ie Mother, the congressman is giving @ party. ae are dozens of cars outside the house. And look at that big truck. It says: "Catering." What's catering, Mother? . . MOTHER: ra ordered fom ‘a hotel or from a catering service: MeecHOR: Never tasted anything more delightful. OTHER: Serve yourself all you want. MBLCHOR: Ifyou can spare some, T'd lke to take some of POTHER: Yes, I can put it in a container. ‘TEY: Be sure to give him all, Mother. MOTHER: What shall we eat tonight, Son? me as doctor, before one’s name—unless this with me. a RETRIBUTION AND MELCHOR: Getting something from bis sleeve) Would uu Petey? (He produces a loaf of bread. Petty grabs ttand stare, 0 is, ing it.) ur | PETEY: Wow! Delicious! What is it made of? MELCHOR: It's made of pure wheat, eggs, honcy, cinnamon, various fruits. PETEY: Is this what you cat up there? | MELCHOR: Yes, for breakfast. But, like you, I get tired of it too, 4 PETEY: What about you, Uncle Baltazar? | BALTAZAR: I'm allergic to bread, I eat corn mixed with nectar, | PETEY: And you, Uncle Gaspar? Do you happen to have a loaf hidden?! GASPAR: (Producing another loaf) Yes, of course. This is for your mother. PETEY: The same ingredients as mine? ' GASPAR: No. This one is made of the warmth of the sun, the fragrance of | flowers, the caress of the moon, the tears of an angel— i PETEY: Do angels cry? GASPAR: Yes, they do. PETEY: Why do they cry? GASPAR: Sometimes they get carcless with their duties and get punished. PETEY: How? GASPAR: Let's say they're told to open the sprinkler and let it drizzle. Sometimes the angels chat and chat and fix their hair or arrange their gowns—and when it's supposed to drizzle, they get careless and open the sprinkler too much, and it rains and rains and then it pours and pours, the rivers overflow, and then villages get flooded—they get punished. PETEY: What kind of punishment? GASPAR: They may not be allowed to join the evening choir. Or perhaps they're deprived of their wings for an hour. PETEY: They can't fly? GASPAR: Naturally, and if there’s a special sinner come to heaven they are not there to welcome him. PETEY: I could eat this bread forever. GASPAR: Never say you'd like to do something forever. PETEY: Why not? GASPAR: While you're on this earth nothing is permanent. Everything must perish. - MELCHOR: (Goes to the telephone and picks it up) What's this co™ tion? PETEY: It’s a telephone. | 2 nutmeg, and | wo, Three 87 ‘ones yeLCHOR: what does it do? TEY: You dial some numbers and you can tal] rE OR: It looks like a toy to me. an ther’s selling the rights, be ° pETEY: Mot , because we'r '€ poor. You want to buy it? MELCHOR: Where wl I get the money? ry: Since you're all magi, perhaps reroute the money. pesiebs You could 327 @ few words and MELCHOR: Oh, we're not allowed to do that here. pETEY: Why not, Uncle Melchor? NELCHOR: We might be mistaken for magicians. pETEY: Aren’t you? MELCHOR: No, Petey, learned men. PETEY: If you're learned, problem? MELCHOR: Problems change with the times. PETEY: Can you help Mother? MELCHOR: How? PETEY: Mother is sick with c: MELCHOR: We appreciate eve: mother would be a major miracles. PETEY: Why not? MELCHOR: We want to be liked for ourselves, not for our miracles or be- cause we are kings. PETEY: Do you know St. Peter? MELCHOR: Very well, indeed. We of ybody you want to, they call us magi because we're supposed to be how come you couldn't solve my Algebra throat. Can you cure her? ne for us, but curing your *t allowed to work major ancer of the rything you've do! miracle. We aren fren play chess. PETEY: Call him. Or the Tord. ied with hi St. MELCHOR: Oh no, the Lord is too preoccupied with his work. But : fv o = Jephone doesn’t work. It's PETEY: Give him a ring. . . . Oh, I forgot the te disconnected. We haven't paid our Bills: MELCHOR: (Dials) It works. It’s ringing. ETEY: What numbers did you call? as with H-- ello? 15 MELCHOR. Nota namber-a word which DEBI’ oaary? 7 St. Peter in? . . . Oh, I must call the second SEED er. .: (Dials) Second secretary? I should like t® speak wig MelchO secretary? Thanks. (Dials) Third secretary 5 mur Melchor... What? ... No, tm not te HON opine Be , : Melchor ° who died in the electric chair. I'm ese oP 4 [pUTION AND EIGHT OTHER private secretary? Thanks, (Dials 1 88 RETRI e me j _Melchor speaking... I'l h ld / ine secretary? ... Is Peter in ! ; see rofred tape even in heaven... Hello, Peter? This is Melcnge | yes, we're here on our periodic visit .. . Peter, may I speak with y? | vord? ... Oh, he’s busy—he's busy in hell? .. . Why in hell? o, he's busy preparing the places for the politicians? ... Politicians ag | the same everywhere... Oh, specifically Filipino politicians? . 474 j they all going to hell”... Most of them? . ..What have they done, / Kickback, landgrabbing, smuggling, logging, large allowances? Congressmen and senators are among them?. . . Presidents, too! , In what part of hell are they going... The tenth row?—That’s the lowest part of hell, isn’t i? PETEY: Ask St. Peter if the congressman across the strect has a reserved ‘seat. MELCHOR: Peter, I'm here with a pleasant family and Petey—he's si wants to know if the congressman near their house is going to— What! He is? . .. Peter, this family consists of a poor widow and a son. The mother has cancer of the throat and Petey wants to know if she can be cured... Oh?... She can’t... understand . . . See you, Peter, and be sure to tell the Lord I called. (Hangs up) You heard what Peter said. MOTHER: It doesn’t matter. I'm resigned. i GASPAR: Perhaps I could perform a minor miracle. MOTHER: You can? GASPAR: I’m not sure ifyou’ll like it, but I'll try. (He makes some gestures | and bows bis bead.) There. i PETEY: Where's the miracle? GASPAR: Touch your throat, woman. MOTHER: (Touching it) Well? GASPAR: Is it gone? MOTHER: (Smiling) I don't feel the stone-like protrusion. GASPAR: Now touch your face. MOTHER: (Touching it) I fecl something funny. GASPAR: I transferred the cancer from your throat to the skin. Tewas? mere minor miracle, MOTHER: But that’s no cure! GASPAR: Not a complete cure, but cance jer to cure MOTHER: Shall [thank you forit? offi skin Is cas GASPAR: Don't mention it. 5 PETEY: Hey, she didn’t thank you directly. She was merely askin8 question. ...yes, yes. Is Peter busy? « et yr a c ones" ae 89 R pon't mention it just the same. (MOTHER pours th, sea gine?) ¢ lugs into a ovo: It’s the hour of parting. yeicl d parting is such sweet sorrow. aR: AD paktA ean from Romeo and Juliet, mermwzar: We don't discard carthly things, Petey. We make use of th cm, why don’t you try to say something original? Ne Don't blame us if Shakespeare monopolized all the epi . (To MELCHOR) Here’s the /ugao. le epigrams, pa TAZA MOTHER: a MBLCHOR: ‘Thank you. And the paregoric? MOTHER: Also. BALTAZAR: May I have the aspirin please? R: Take the bottle. GASPAR: Oh, and the tranquilizers—if you could— MOTHER: Bring them with you. GASPAR: Thank you. MOTHER: Now that my sickness has been transferred from my throat to mny face, what do you suggest I do? MELCHOR: That's beyond my capacity to elucidate. PETEY: Big words! MELCHIOR: Farewell, son, we won years from now. PETEY: Will I be here? BALTAZAR: I have my doubts, Petey. PETEY: Will I live long? GASPAR; As long as you wish. PETEY: That's no definite answer. GASPAR: There are no definite answers speculations. MELCHOR: May the angels accompany yOu through life, Petcy. MOTHER: Thank you for the bread. s PETEY: Are you going home? MELCHOR: We are. THTE: Take me with you! MOTHE : Petey! And leave your mother? Cask | orBo. Mee | When the time comes, we shall welc MOTHE: eae more of that bread. low are you going home? M TELCHOR: We have ways. *t sce each other again till five hundred 1 life, boy. There are merely some YOu \ — eee ey 90 RETRIBUTION AND EIGHT Opp, PETEY: Are you flying? Do you have wings? BALTAZAR: Somebody will pick us up. PETEY: Can I watch? GASPAR: You may. MELCHOR: (Taking something from bis breast Ofyoy ness and hospitality, | should like to leave you a Present ke present. Take this diamond. PE (Holding it) Wow! ... Wow!.. What large diamond! inc, “. . Where did you steal it? ay MELCHOR: I didn't steal it. It's from my crown. The s One fell of, kept it, MOTHER: We couldn't take such an expensive thing! PETEY: What shall we do with it? MELCHOR: Sell it. Then you won't be hungry any longer. MOTHER: They'll think we stole it. MELCHOR: They won't. I give you my word as King Melchor, ruler of Nubia— PETEY: And Arabia. MOTHER: How can we thank you? You gave us a glimmer of hope MELCHOR: Keepit in the cabinet. May the angels hover above this house (They leave. Petey runs to the window.) PETEY: They're gone, Mother, they're gone! MOTHER: How? They just left. (She runs to the window.) You're right PETEY: If they were taken by angels, I should like to have seen one MOTHER: Why? PETEY: To find out if they're male or female MOTHER: Now get some rice and I'll cook some lugao. PETEY: Are you out of your mind, Mother? We have bread. MOTHER: Place that diamond in the cabinet. (He opens the cabinet) PETEY: Mother, look! (The cabinet ts filled up with canned goods.) MOTHER: A miracle! Food for a month! PETEY: Just a minor miracle, Mother. Here's something. (He picks up 4 “plece of paper and a bottle.) ; MOTHER: (Opening the paper and reading) “Latest cure for sK2 cancer. Take three pills a day. Skin cancer will disappear in om month, Signed: Melchor, Gaspar, and Baltazar." PETEY: That's major miracle, isn't it, Mother? MOTHER: Lord, I believe, help my unbelief. (Knocking ts beard.) PETEY: Perhaps they forgot something. MOTHER: Open it. (PETEY opens the door.) wants 19 PETEY: The tclephone? . . . Yes, it is for sale, Mother, this man - 91 on 7 ‘Three telephone rights. How much, he asks. , ofHER: t for sale. Tell him it is not for sal (Running tO the cabinet and getting the diamond) Moth lother says is ot for sale. But if y‘ jon’ it is 1 , But if ou wish to buy a diam \d@—t per this incredib! ly Jarge diamond— uy the No, it is no’ EES

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