How I Found My Inner Peace

My name is Ava Shaina S. Nabong, I was born on February 4, 2008, in Quezon

City, Philippines. We are only two siblings in the family, and I am the youngest. My
parents are Jennifer S. Nabong and Romeo J. Nabong II and I have a sister named
Angel Sofia S. Nabong. My mother works as an Office Supervisor in Shang-rila Plaza
Ayala Mall, whereas my father is working in Brunei Darussalam as an Architect. My
sister is currently a college student at the University of the Philippines (UP), majoring in
Journalism. I completed my elementary through Grade 8 in Holy Child Academy,
Quezon City. However, we have recently moved in Marikina City, where I am now
enrolled in Grade 9 at Our Lady of Perpetual Succor College (OLOPSC) Marikina
school. I have been living with my mother, sister, grandma, and aunt ever since we
moved here in Marikina City.

There are a few things that I like and dislike. I love art and I often sketch or
draw, particularly a person's face, fictional characters, or just plain objects. I started
recognizing my talent in Arts when I was 11 and I have been continuing to practice and
improve myself as an artist until I reach my pinnacle. However, this does not necessarily
imply that I will be taking a Fine Arts course. I have made the decision to pursue arts as
my hobby rather than a profession, as I plan to become a veterinarian in the future. I
also absolutely enjoy watching some series and films, especially those in the anime,
horror, and mystery genres. I don't play any instruments, though I want to learn playing
piano someday. My dad taught me how to play chess when I was a kid, and it’s been
the only sport I’m skilled at, and I occasionally play. One of the things I don’t like is
when someone forces me to do something that I don't want to do, it quickly irritates me.
Another thing I honestly dislike is when someone bothers or interrupts me over
something unnecessary while I'm doing something very important. But most of all, I
don’t like when I’m being left out. I hate feeling this way because I know it’s true, and it
really saddens me knowing that whether I’m there or not, nobody gives a care at all. I’m
a very sensitive person, so it’s hard to deal with me, because I take everything to heart,
whether it’s just a joke or not, and I get quite emotional easily.

I don’t tend to talk to people, even though I would like to, and I never initiate to
start the conversation, due to my extreme introversion, social anxiety, and low self-
esteem. Since my preschool days till the present day, I have only had seven friends. I
find it very hard to make friends, because I'm afraid that I will say something
embarrassing or stupid, and I'm afraid that I might be boring to talk to. I always wonder
what people might be thinking about me whenever I go outside and especially whenever
I show my face in the public, since I have a lot of insecurities and I’m afraid of being
judged. Even though I always feel this way, there isn’t much I can do about it. I have no
power to control people's thoughts about me. The only thing I can do is move on and
get on with my life, because it’s not worth it to cry and overthink about others’ thoughts
and opinions about me, given that we are all different and unique, and that’s not
something to be afraid of.
I was also once a high achiever and at the same time an over thinker. When I
was in my elementary period, I wasn't always included in the top 10 ranking. It felt really
depressing because it meant that I'm not considered smart enough, so I made the
decision to be a high honor student when I entered sixth grade. Well, that really
happened. Due to what I had promised myself, I started Grade 6 feeling under a lot of
pressure to do incredibly well in my studies. I consistently obtained a High Honor
Student certificate. I began feeling under greater pressure and stress as my parents,
teachers, and classmates started having high expectations for me. I prioritized my
studies over anything, I wouldn't get enough sleep, eat 3x a day, nor do my hobbies if I
wasn't satisfied with my daily academic performance. That continued up until eight
grade. I lived with those high expectations from myself, my parents, friends, teachers,
and classmates, to the point that I had no time for myself anymore. I was afraid of
making mistakes, I feared failure, I was afraid that I wouldn't be considered smart
enough if I didn't do my best. However, when I switched schools when I entered ninth
grade, I decided to stop putting myself under a lot of pressure with my studies anymore.
Suddenly, I felt free, delighted and the weight of the pressure I had been carrying for so
long has been lifted. At that point, I realized that I should just be me. I should be doing
everything based on only what my body and brain can handle. I shouldn't waste my time
constantly thinking about what others think of me, and instead focus on my own life and
goals. Because at the end of the day, it all depends on me. I’ve come to accept the fact
that I’m not as smart as the others, but I’m smart in my own ways. After all, the most
crucial insight is that nothing will come out as successful if there's no failure. All I could
do is give it my best effort and test myself, and that's enough to be called as an
achievement.

Despite everything I've gone through, I'm still here, breathing perfectly fine, and
I'm continuing my high school journey as an average student who is neither exceptional
nor poor. Every day brings a new surprise. In life, a lot of things occur, and we can’t
explain why most of them happen. However, this does not imply that we should just give
up and let the world decide what is for us, merely because we don’t know how to deal
with it. Keep in mind that our burdens grow heavier the weaker we are. We must keep
going forward because life isn’t always rosy for everyone. And don't always live for
others. It's not necessarily a negative thing to be selfish. When life becomes too hectic,
we must discover happiness within ourselves. We should be enough for ourselves first.
The rest of the world can wait.