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WE GET ALONG LIKE A HOUSE ON FIRE

We Get Along Like A House on Fire.

An original radio drama by

Diya Bagha.
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WE GET ALONG LIKE A HOUSE ON FIRE
WE GET ALONG LIKE A HOUSE ON FIRE.

CAST:

NARRATOR Descriptive voice.

MAYA RODERIGO Youngest arsonist, the
follower.
EUGENE RIVAS Oldest arsonist, the ideas
man.
ELIO HAYES Middle arsonist, the
worrier.
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WE GET ALONG LIKE A HOUSE ON FIRE
WE GET ALONG LIKE A HOUSE ON FIRE.

SCENE ONE: EXT. SIDEWALK – MIDDAY

(NARRATOR, MAYA, EUGENE)

NARRATOR: It had been a long time coming, but

it was finally here. The day Eugene
was re-uniting with the people that
had made his life bearable within the
hell hole of an orphanage. Eugene had
already gone and gotten Elio a few
years ago to stay with him. And today
was Maya’s return into his life.

MUSIC: CHEERFUL AND UPBEAT

SOUND: BIRDS CHIRPING, CARS DRIVING PAST,

BICYCLE BELL RINGING, PEOPLE TALKING,
DOGS BARKING, LAUGHING.

NARRATOR: …The day welcomed the change, sun

shining, a skip in everyone’s step.
Eugene was excited for this, for
everything he had been planning was
finally coming together.

EUGENE: So, Miss Maya, how you feeling? Any

different?

MAYA: It feels nice, (PAUSE) like I feel

free for once. Being back here, I
thought it would be horrible but its
ok.

EUGENE: Yeah, thought so. Now, I’ve only got

a small apartment ok? It’s nothing
special but it’s somewhere other than
there.

MAYA: No, no. I appreciate it all, Eugene.

This is more than enough, thank you,
thank you.

SOUND: CAR DOOR OPENING AND SHUTTING,

ENGINGE TURNS ON, CAR DRIVES AWAY.

SCENE TWO: INT. IN AN APARTMENT – MIDDAY

(ELIO, EUGENE, MAYA)
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WE GET ALONG LIKE A HOUSE ON FIRE
SOUNDS: DOOR OPENING AND CLOSING, KEYS BEING
DROPPED ON THE COUNTER AND BAGS BEING
PUT ON A SOFA.

EUGENE: Elio? You still here?

MAYA: Elio’s here? What kind of weird joke

is that? Since when did I agree to
living with that thing?

EUGENE: Yeah, so what?

MAYA: He’s so-

SOUNDS: FOOTSTEPS GETTING CLOSER.

ELIO: You’re back! What happ- … Oh. It’s

you.

MAYA: Yeah. Don’t get too excited Elio.

(SIGHS) Whatever, I’m still grateful
for you Eugene, even if /he’s/ here.

EUGENE: (COUGHS AWKWARDLY) Right then. Well,

I want you both to get along here. I
didn’t invite you guys to live with
me just so you two could bicker and
fight all the time. I must work in a
few hours as well, so if you want
anything, tell me before then.

MAYA: Right ok, so why did you invite both

of us…

SOUNDS: FOTTSTEPS WALKING AWAY, A DOOR SLAMS

SHUT

ELIO: He’s like that. Although you would

know, wouldn’t you?

MAYA: And what’s that meant to mean?

ELIO: I think we both know what I mean, Mrs

Rivas.

MAYA: Really? You’re just so jealous about

mine and Eugene’s friendship, even
after all these years.

ELIO: Whatever. I’m going outside.

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WE GET ALONG LIKE A HOUSE ON FIRE
SOUNDS: KEYS BEING PICKED UP, FOOTSTEPS
GETTING QUIETER AND A DOOR CLOSING.

MAYA: (SIGHS) So dramatic.

SOUNDS: BAGS BEING PICKED UP AND MAYA WALKING

AWAY.

SCENE THREE: INT. EUGENE’S CAR - MIDDAY

SOUNDS: CAR DRIVING, ENGINE RUNNING, FINGERS

TAPPING AGAINST STEERING WHEEL

MUSIC: BE QUITE AND DRIVE BY DEAFTONES

SCENE FOUR: INT. HARDWARE – EARLY EVENING.

(EUGENE, NARRATOR)

EUGENE: (MUMBLING TO HIMSELF)

SOUNDS: FOOTSTEPS, MUMBLING IN THE BACKGROUND

NARRATOR: Eugene opens up the box, (BOX BEING

RIPPED OPEN) surprised to find their
new supply of lighters (RUMMAGING IN
THE BOX). The next box he opens (BOX
OPENS) is full of gasoline. The idea
that Eugene had been planning for a
while was finally being provided its
equipment. He looks around before
grabbing a nearby plastic bag
(PLASTIC BAG RUSTLING) and starts
dumping stuff into it.

SCENE FIVE: INT. APARTMENT LIVING ROOM – NIGHT TIME.

(NARRATOR, MAYA, EUGENE, ELIO)

NARRATOR: Eugene is sat cross-legged on the

table. Head in the palm of his hand
as he messes with a lighter (LIGHTER
TURNS ON AND FIRE IS HEARD THEN
CLOSED). He’s been patiently waiting
for someone to walk into the room
since he got off his shift.

MAYA: (FOOTSTEPS GET LOUDER) Oh, is this

what living with you is going to be
like on the daily? All these
different presents? (WALKS OVER AND
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WE GET ALONG LIKE A HOUSE ON FIRE
OPENS UP THE PLASTIC BAG) Gasoline
and matches? What the hell are you
on?

EUGENE: Where’s Elio?

MAYA: I don’t know. Can you answer my

question?

EUGENE: When Elio is here as well.

MAYA: Right… Ok.

SOUNDS: DOOR OPENING, KEYS BEING PUT DOWN.

ELIO: (LOUDLY) Hello? Oh. What, uh, what’s

this then?

MAYA: I wish I knew. He’s been like this

since I got here.

ELIO: Eugene?

SOUNDS: PAINFUL SILENCE, ONLY BUZZING OF THE

FRIDGE GOING ON

EUGENE: (SARCASM) Take a wild guess.

MAYA: (ANNOYED) Can you just tell us and

stop being difficult?

EUGENE: But where’s the fun in that? (SMALL

PAUSE AND A SIGH) Ok, fine. I want to
burn down the orphanage.

SOUNDS: EUGENE GETTING OFF THE TABLE.

NARRATOR: Eugene gets off the table, dropping

his arms over the other two’s
shoulders.

EUGENE: We’d be saving so many lives, we

would be heroes.

ELIO: (SHOCKED) Heroes? We’d be criminals!

MAYA: (EAGER) I’m in!

ELIO: Of course, you’re in. How do none of

you care that we’d be criminals,
arsonists, trespassing?
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EUGENE: But we’d stop so many kids from going

through what we did. We’d be saving
so many people, Elio. Cmon, don’t you
want to free people from this
horrible life?

ELIO: (HESITANT) Yeah… I do but, I’m not

sure Eugene. What if we get caught.

EUGENE: We won’t. I promise we won’t.

ELIO: (SIGHS) I guess I’ll help.

SOUNDS: CHEERING, ELIO SIGHING

SCENE SIX: EXT. OUTSIDE ORPHANAGE – MIDNIGHT

(EUGENE, ELIO, MAYA)

SOUND: GAS IN CONTAINERS, SHIFTING ABOUT,

FOOTSTEPS, JACKETS RUSTLING, PLASTIC
BAGS RUSTLING

ELIO: (WHISPERS) I don’t think we should be

doing this Eugene. It’s dangerous.

EUGENE: (WHISPERS) We already here, man.

There’s no point turning back now.

MAYA: Yeah, stop being a baby and just get

on with it.

ELIO: You’re only going along with it

because you like him.

MAYA: (GASPS) I do not! You’re just-

EUGENE: Can both of you shut up? God, I know

you are a bit anxious Elio but we’re
here now. We’ve made it this far
what’s the point in turning back now?

SOUND: LEAVES CRUNCHING, WALKING ON GRAVEL,

WIND BLOWING.

MUSIC: OMINOUS, UNCOMFORTABLE AND EERIE.

ELIO: You’re right. Sorry. I am just,

scared.
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EUGENE: That’s ok. I get that, kid, but
you’ve committed now.

MAYA: Were here now anyways. No escape.

SOUND: EVERYTHING STOPS, WIND BLOWING

MUSIC: OMINOUS, DREADFUL

EUGENE: Right, time to get started.

MAYA: Yeah, let’s go.

SOUND: GAS TANK BEING TAKEN OUT THE PLASTIC

BAGS, LID OPENING, BEING HANDED TO
THE OTHER TWO.

SCENE SEVEN: EXT AND INT. INSIDE AND OUTSIDE ORPHANAGE:

(EUGENE, MAYA, ELIO)

SOUNDS: GAS BEING THROWN, INDISTINCTIVE

YELLING, WOODEN FLOORS CREAKING.

EUGENE: Ready?

MAYA AND ELIO: (SYNCHRONIZED) Yes.

SOUNDS: A MATCH BEING LIT THEN THROWN INTO

THE GAS. A FIRE ERRUPTS.

EUGENE: Is everyone done? Can I light it?

MAYA: (YELLING FORM A DISTANCE) All good

here!

ELIO: (YELLING FROM AFAR) Yep!

SOUNDS: CHEERING, FOOTSTEPS ON GRAVEL.

MUSIC: DRAMATIC, FADES INTO UPBEAT ‘RUN FAST

FOR YOUR MOTHER, FAST FOR YOUR
FATHER’.

SOUNDS: YELLING AND SIRENS ARE HEARD, GETTING

QUIETER AS THEY RUN AWAY, SOUND OF
FOOTSTEPS ON GRAVEL AND PANTING,
CHEERING, LAUGHING.

THE END.