The Brunch Club

The Brunch Club
by Katelyn Beyke
A Full Length Comedy
TOLL FREE: 888.473.8521
PHONE: 319.368.8012
FAX: 319.368.8011
BROOKLYN PUBLISHERS
PO BOX 248
CEDAR RAPIDS, IA 52406
customerservice@brookpub.com
editor@brookpub.com
FREE PERUSAL DOWNLOADS WEEKLY

www.brookpub.com
BRUNCH CLUB
By Katelyn Beyke
Copyright © 2013 by Katelyn Beyke, All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-60003-763-4
CAUTION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that this Work is subject to a
royalty. This Work is fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of
America and all countries with which the United States has reciprocal copyright relations,
whether through bilateral or multilateral treaties or otherwise, and including, but not limited
to, all countries covered by the Pan-American Copyright Convention, the Universal
Copyright Convention and the Berne Convention.
RIGHTS RESERVED: All rights to this Work are strictly reserved, including professional
and amateur stage performance rights. Also reserved are: motion picture, recitation,
rm for l
lecturing, public reading, radio broadcasting, television, video or sound recording, all forms
rfo ot sa
of mechanical or electronic reproduction, such as CD-ROM, CD-I, DVD, information and
storage retrieval systems and photocopying, and the rights of translation into non-English
ce
languages.
pe N ru
PERFORMANCE RIGHTS AND ROYALTY PAYMENTS: All amateur and stock

performance rights to this Work are controlled exclusively by Brooklyn Publishers, LLC.
No amateur or stock production groups or individuals may perform this play without
an
securing license and royalty arrangements in advance from Brooklyn Publishers, LLC.
Pe
Questions concerning other rights should be addressed to Brooklyn Publishers, LLC.

Royalty fees are subject to change without notice. Professional and stock fees will be set
upon application in accordance with your producing circumstances. Any licensing requests
and inquiries relating to amateur and stock (professional) performance rights should be
addressed to Brooklyn Publishers, LLC.
Royalty of the required amount must be paid, whether the play is presented for charity or
profit and whether or not admission is charged.
AUTHOR CREDIT: All groups or individuals receiving permission to produce this play
must give the author(s) credit in any and all advertisement and publicity relating to the
production of this play. The author’s billing must appear directly below the title on a
separate line where no other written matter appears. The name of the author(s) must be at
least 50% as large as the title of the play. No person or entity may receive larger or more
prominent credit than that which is given to the author(s).
PUBLISHER CREDIT: Whenever this play is produced, all programs, advertisements,

flyers or other printed material must include the following notice:
Produced by special arrangement with Brooklyn Publishers, LLC
COPYING: Any unauthorized copying of this Work or excerpts from this Work is strictly
forbidden by law. No part of this Work may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or
transmitted in any form, by any means now known or yet to be invented, including
photocopying or scanning, without prior permission from Brooklyn Publishers, LLC.
BRUNCH CLUB
BRUNCH CLUB
A Full Length Comedy
By Katelyn Beyke
SYNOPSIS: What will happen when you leave six high school seniors alone
in detention? Will they kill each other? Will they turn into flesh-hungry
zombies? Will they unleash plagues upon the world? Will they do all of the
above and more? Four hilarious scenes show the many possible outcomes for
six unsupervised students.
CAST OF CHARACTERS
rm for l(3-12 female, 3-12 male, 1 either; gender flexible)

rfo ot sa
TYNER (m/f) .................................. The teacher in charge of detention
ce
(19 lines)
pe N ru
JENNIFER (f) ................................. A self-obsessed drama queen (212 lines)

MIKE (m)........................................ Jennifer’s boyfriend, a star athlete and
an bully (232 lines)
Pe
JORDAN (m) .................................. A nondescript student who loves

sandwiches (262 lines)
SAUL (m) ....................................... A brainless hippie with a passion for
science-fiction movies (186 lines)
ADA (f) ........................................... A budding journalist with a habit of
sticking her nose in other people’s
business (146 lines)
CHLOE (f) ...................................... A high-strung academic (196 lines)
OPTIONAL CASTING
To increase the size of the cast, multiple actors can be cast for each student
part. Each will play the same character in the different scenes. They should
wear the same costume to enhance continuity between scenes.
DURATION: 75 minutes
2
BY KATELYN BEYKE
LIGHTS
A spotlight is necessary in the last scene. Stage lights should be lowered

between scenes to allow stage to be redressed.
SPECIAL EFFECTS
Scene 3 requires a gunshot. This can be accomplished most simply by

forcefully clapping two pieces of wood together backstage.
SETTING
rm for l
The stage is set as a small, modern classroom. A large desk and chair sit
rfo ot sa
downstage left angled toward the back of the stage. Six student desks and
chairs are arranged across the rest of the stage facing the audience. A door
ce
leads off stage left. Various academic posters can hang on the walls. The set
pe N ru
should be reset to the starting configuration between each scene.

an COSTUMES
Pe
Tyner should be dressed professionally. The students should dress in

comfortable, modern clothing. Jennifer’s clothing should be more stylish than
the others. Mike can wear a letterman jacket.
OPTIONAL DIRECTING
A different student director can be assigned to each scene for greater variation
of tone and style.
OPTIONAL LIGHTING CUES
If desired, each scene can be lit differently to reflect the mood of the scene.
FIRST and LAST: Normal stage lights
ZOMBIE: Low and red
SOAP: Bright white
NOIR: Dark blue
3
BRUNCH CLUB
PROPERTY LIST
 TYNER- Lunch box

 JENNIFER- 2 carryout boxes, 2 sets of chopsticks, a bottle of water
 MIKE- Backpack
 JORDAN- Brown paper lunch bag with a sandwich, remote control,
backpack with 5 pairs of handcuffs
 CHLOE- Lunch box, cell phone
 ADA- lunch box, notebook, pen, cellphone, backpack with a gun
 SAUL- Lunch box with a sandwich, stick of gum, backpack with rope and
a pair of handcuffs
 DESK- Chalk, rope
rm for l
rfo ot sa
STAGE DIRECTIONS EXPLAINED
ce
DOWNSTAGE: Front of stage
pe N ru
UPSTAGE: Back of stage

STAGE LEFT: The left side of the stage from the audience’s perspective
an
STAGE RIGHT: The right side of the stage from the audience’s perspective
Pe
4
BY KATELYN BEYKE
SCENE ONE - BRUNCH CLUB
TYNER: Okay, kids. I left my lunch at home. Do you think you can
keep out of trouble for ten minutes while I go get it?
JENNIFER: Of course, Mr. Tyner.
TYNER: I’m leaving you in charge, Mike. Make sure nobody leaves
the room.
MIKE: Sure thing, Coach.
TYNER exits right. The STUDENTS pull out their lunches. MIKE
crosses to the empty seat beside JENNIFER, slapping the back of
JORDAN’S head as he passes.
rm for l
rfo ot sa
MIKE: What’s for lunch, Yancy?
JORDAN: My last name is Yates.
ce
MIKE: Sure it is, Yancy.
pe N ru
JENNIFER: (Handing MIKE a carryout box and a pair of chopsticks.)

Leave him alone, Mike. My mom made us Pad Thai.
an
MIKE: Little twerp’s not worth my time, anyway. (Grabbing the box
Pe
from HER.) There better be a lime in here.
JORDAN pulls a sandwich from his brown paper lunch bag.
JORDAN: (Disappointed.) Peanut butter. Again.

SAUL: Me, too! Does yours have maple syrup?
JORDAN: No.
SAUL: Mine either. Does anyone have any syrup?
ADA, notebook and pen in hand, sits on the table beside CHLOE.
ADA: So, what are you in for?

CHLOE: Why do you care? This isn’t a movie. We aren’t going to talk
about our feelings and darkest family secrets and leave here as best
friends forever.
ADA: No…I just…
CHLOE: (Cutting her off.) I’m not going to end up with Mike.
MIKE: In your dreams, nerd.
5
BRUNCH CLUB
CHLOE: Yancy isn’t going to write an inspirational essay.

JORDAN: Actually, it’s Yates.
CHLOE: And I’m pretty sure you can’t put on lipstick without using your
hands.
JENNIFER: If anyone here is Molly Ringwald in this little fantasy, it’s
me.
CHLOE: Can you put on lipstick with your chest?
JENNIFER: No.
CHLOE: See? Not a movie, so you can quit trying to bond and eat
your lunch.
ADA: I’m not trying to be your friend. I’m writing an article for the
rm for l
school newspaper about the rise of delinquent behavior in the last
rfo ot sa
weeks of senior year.
CHLOE: Oh. Chloe is spelled c-h-l-o-e.
ce
JENNIFER: What if we don’t want to be part of your little article?
pe N ru
ADA: It’ll be completely anonymous.

SAUL: Anonymous? Anonymous…
an
JORDAN: It means she’s not going to use your name.
Pe
SAUL: I know what it means. I just like the way it feels when I say it.
Anonymous. A…non…y…mous. It kind of tickles.
MIKE: Put the notebook away. We aren’t going to say anything to you.
ADA: I think everyone here can make up their own minds about that.
(To CHLOE.) Do you feel that your misconduct is directly related to
your impending graduation?
MIKE grabs the notebook from her hands.
MIKE: You aren’t writing the article.

ADA: Why do you care?
MIKE: Your article on athletes cheating almost got me suspended last
year. I’m not about to let you write anything else about me.
ADA: It’s not my fault you had a crib sheet.
MIKE: It’s your fault they found out.
ADA: I’m not going to mention your name. Just give me back my
notebook.
MIKE: I’m not taking any chances. Sit down and eat your lunch.
6
BY KATELYN BEYKE
ADA: Ever heard of free speech? You can’t keep me from writing what
I want to.
MIKE: You wanna bet?
JENNIFER: Just give her back the notebook, Mikey.
ADA: Yeah, Mikey. Give me back the notebook.
SAUL: (Giggling.) Mikey…
MIKE: Don’t call me that.
ADA: What should I call you, Michelangelo?
MIKE: How’d you know that?
JORDAN: Your name’s Michelangelo?
JENNIFER: I’m dating a guy named Michelangelo? How
embarrassing.
rm for l
SAUL: Are you a Ninja Turtle?
rfo ot sa
MIKE: Shut up. No one was supposed to know that. How’d you find
out?
ce
ADA: I work in the principal’s office during my free period. I’ve seen
pe N ru
your transcript.
MIKE: If anyone of you dorks say a single word about this, I will kill
you.
an
Pe
ADA: I think it’s going on the front page.

CHLOE: (Pulling out HER phone.) I’ve got to tweet this.
MIKE: Put the phone down.
JORDAN: What are you going to do if she doesn’t—paint her portrait?
MIKE: I told you to shut up.
MIKE grabs JORDAN’S sandwich and throws it at Jordan. JORDAN

ducks, and the sandwich hits ADA in the face.
ADA: Hey—watch out. You hit me in the… (SHE coughs.) My face.

(SHE wheezes.) Throat. My… Peanuts?
ADA collapses to the floor in a fit of coughing. JORDAN and CHLOE

rush to her.
MIKE: What’s wrong with you?

JORDAN: She’s allergic to peanuts.
CHLOE: Where’s her epi-pen? Shouldn’t she have an epi-pen?
JORDAN: Check her backpack.
7
BRUNCH CLUB
MIKE: How was I supposed to know she was allergic?

SAUL: Whoa. She’s turning purple.
JORDAN: Should we sit her up?
CHLOE: Somebody get her some water.
JENNIFER: Distilled or spring?
CHLOE: I don’t know.
JENNIFER: Aren’t you supposed to be some sort of genius?
CHLOE: This has nothing to do with Chemistry.
JORDAN: Spring. Give her spring water.
JENNIFER: I only have distilled.
CHLOE: Then give me that.
rm for l
JENNIFER hands CHLOE a bottle of water. CHLOE tries to give it to
rfo ot sa
ADA, who is now only weakly gasping.
ce
MIKE: I wasn’t even trying to hit her. I was trying to hit Yancy.
pe N ru
JENNIFER: Doesn’t anyone know CPR?

CHLOE: I never took the class.
an
SAUL: I missed that day of Boy Scouts.
Pe
JORDAN: Should we call the police? Someone dial 911.

CHLOE: It’s too late. She’s dead.
MIKE: No. She can’t be.
JENNIFER: Maybe she just passed out or something.
CHLOE: She doesn’t have a pulse.
SAUL: I’ve never seen a dead person before.
JORDAN: You killed her.
MIKE: No. It was an accident.
JORDAN: That doesn’t make her less dead.
MIKE: This isn’t happening.
SAUL: You weren’t lying when you said this wasn’t like a movie.
MIKE: We’ve got to make it like the movie. Everything works out in
the movie. No one dies in that movie. Yancy, start writing. Jen,
get your lipstick. Chloe…
MIKE grabs CHLOE and kisses her.
CHLOE: Hey!
8
BY KATELYN BEYKE
JENNIFER slaps MIKE.
JENNIFER: What are you doing?

MIKE: I’m freaking out. What does it look like I’m doing?
JORDAN: This isn’t the time to panic.
SAUL: I think this is exactly the time to panic.
JORDAN: Sit down and take a deep breath. I’m going to call the cops.
MIKE: No! You can’t. I don’t want to go to jail.
JENNIFER: I’m dating a criminal. How embarrassing.
JORDAN: They aren’t going to arrest you. It was an accident. You
didn’t know she was allergic to peanuts.
MIKE: They won’t know that.
rm for l
CHLOE: Then tell them.
rfo ot sa
MIKE: How do we know they’ll believe me? We were arguing just
before I threw the sandwich. Maybe someone heard us. They’ll
ce
think I did it on purpose. They’ll think I planned it.
pe N ru
JORDAN: I don’t think you’re being rational.

MIKE: They’re going to arrest you, too. It was your sandwich. They’ll
an
think it’s a conspiracy.
Pe
JENNIFER: They better not take me in for questioning. I have

rehearsals tonight.
CHLOE: This is a little more important than drama practice, don’t you
think?
MIKE: Maybe we should leave. If we aren’t here, they won’t know who
to question.
SAUL: They’ll think she threw the sandwich at her own face.
JORDAN: No one’s going anywhere. We need to sit down and wait
for Mr. Tyner. He’ll know what to do.
MIKE: I’m going to get kicked off the team. I’m going to lose my
scholarship. How will I pay for college?
CHLOE: Life’s not worth living if you can’t go to college.
JORDAN: Ada is never going to get a chance to go at all.
JENNIFER: She’s never going to write another article or attend
another class.
SAUL: Or eat another sandwich.
CHLOE: Should we call her family?
JORDAN: I think she lives with her mom. Lived. She lived with her
mom.
9
BRUNCH CLUB
JENNIFER: We should look for her phone. Her mom’s number would
be in that, right?
CHLOE: Where’s her phone?
MIKE: Is it in her bag?
JENNIFER: I didn’t see it in there when I was looking for her epi-pen.
JORDAN: She has a phone, doesn’t she?
CHLOE: I’ve seen her use it to take pictures for the paper.
JENNIFER: If it’s not in her backpack it must be in her…
ALL: Pocket.
JENNIFER: I’m not touching it. You can’t expect me to touch a... a
corpse.
JORDAN: She’s not a corpse. She’s Ada.
rm for l
SAUL: Ada’s corpse. Gross.
rfo ot sa
JENNIFER: I’m not touching her.
CHLOE: Mike’s the one who killed her. He should have to get it.
ce
MIKE: I didn’t kill her. The sandwich killed her.
pe N ru
JORDAN: Well, you’re fine then. They’ll arrest the sandwich.

SAUL: Do they make sandwich handcuffs?
an
JENNIFER: Someone is going to have to get her phone.
Pe
CHLOE: I’m not sure we should touch her. We’ll leave fingerprints.
JORDAN: We’ve already left fingerprints.
MIKE: What if they think we killed her to steal her phone?
JENNIFER: Like I would steal that piece of garbage.
JORDAN: There are easier ways to steal a phone.
SAUL: I stole Principal Mathews’ phone off his desk. He was wicked
mad.
MIKE: Maybe we could use the chopsticks and kind of pinch it out of
her pocket.
JENNIFER: That’s a good idea.
CHLOE: What if you poke her?
MIKE: She isn’t going to care. She’s dead.
JENNIFER: Who’s going to do it?
SAUL: I’ve never used chopsticks. Unless you count putting them in
your mouth so you look like a walrus.
MIKE: You should do it, Jen. You’re the best with chopsticks.
JENNIFER: No way.
CHLOE: I’ll do it. Just give them to me.
10
BY KATELYN BEYKE
CHLOE takes the chopsticks and uses them to pull a cell phone from
ADA’S pocket as the others watch.
JORDAN: Be careful.
JENNIFER: Don’t use too much pressure or they’ll snap.
MIKE: She’s got to use pressure or she’ll never get a grip on it.
JENNIFER: It won’t matter if she grips it if the sticks break.
CHLOE: Would you guys shut up for a minute so I can do this?
CHLOE holds up a phone.
CHLOE: Got it.
rm for l
JENNIFER: Now what?
rfo ot sa
SAUL: We could use it to order a pizza.
JORDAN: We aren’t ordering food. We’re calling her mom.
ce
CHLOE: There’s no one labeled Mom in her contacts.
pe N ru
JENNIFER: What about mother?

SAUL: Or mommy?
an
CHLOE: No and no.
Pe
MIKE: She was in Spanish class, right?

JORDAN: What does that have to do with anything?
MIKE: Look under Madre.
CHLOE: There it is!
JENNIFER: I love a man who can speak a foreign language.
JORDAN: Who’s going to call her?
SAUL: Let me call. I’ve been working on my British accent.
CHLOE: I think we can all agree that Saul will not be the one calling.
JORDAN, JENNIFER and MIKE: Agreed.
SAUL: But I’ve been getting really good. My dad says I sound just like
Harry Potter.
JORDAN: Who knows her the best?
CHLOE: I had a math class with her sophomore year, but we never
talked.
MIKE: I shoved her into a locker last year.
JENNIFER: I think I saw her in the hallway once.
JORDAN: Okay. I’ll call her.
JENNIFER: What are you going to tell her?
MIKE: You aren’t going to tell her it’s my fault.
11
BRUNCH CLUB
SAUL: You could tell her aliens abducted her daughter.

JORDAN: I could tell her the truth.
MIKE: If you tell her the truth, she’s going to call the cops.
JORDAN: I still think that’s what we should be doing.
MIKE: We’re not calling the cops.
CHLOE: The longer we wait, the more suspicious it looks.
MIKE: We’re not calling the cops. How many times do I have to tell
you?
CHLOE: Fine, but we’ve got to call her mom. Just think of the poor
woman waiting at home, thinking that any minute her daughter’s
going to come home safe and sound.
JENNIFER: But she’s really here. Dead.
rm for l
SAUL: And kind of purple.
rfo ot sa
MIKE: Fine. Call her, but don’t say anything about how it happened.
CHLOE: She’s going to ask.
ce
MIKE: You don’t have to answer.
pe N ru
JORDAN: Eventually, we’re going to have to tell someone. Mr.

Tyner’s going to be back in five minutes.
an
MIKE: We need those five minutes to figure this all out.
Pe
CHLOE: Just call her.
JORDAN enters the number and holds the phone to his ear.
JORDAN: It’s ringing.

CHLOE: Maybe she won’t answer and you can leave a voicemail.
SAUL: Ask if her refrigerator’s running.
JORDAN: Hi. Hello Mrs…?
JENNIFER: Brown.
JORDAN: Mrs. Brown. My name Is Jordan. I’m a friend of your
daughter… I’m not sure why she’s never mentioned me… No. She
can’t come to the phone right now. That’s why I’m calling, actually.
Ada. Well. Ada. She… She’s… Um…
CHLOE: Just say it!
JORDAN: She’s in the bathroom.
JORDAN hangs up the phone and throws it across the room.
MIKE: What was that?
12
BY KATELYN BEYKE
JORDAN: I don’t know. I panicked.

JENNIFER: All you had to do was say the word dead.
JORDAN: You try telling someone their only child is dead. It’s not as
easy as it sounds.
MIKE: I always knew you were a wimp, Yancy.
JORDAN: I didn’t see you volunteering.
MIKE: I couldn’t tell her. I didn’t even know her.
SAUL: You knew her well enough to murder her.
MIKE: I didn’t murder her!
SAUL: I was joking. Jeez, where’s your sense of humor?
CHLOE: Maybe we should call her back.
JORDAN: I’m not talking to her again. No way.
rm for l
JENNIFER: You have to. She’s already heard your voice.
rfo ot sa
JORDAN: Why does that matter?
JENNIFER: We don’t want her to figure out who’s here.
ce
JORDAN: Why don’t you just disguise your voice? You’re the actress.
pe N ru
You can make yourself sound like someone else.

JENNIFER: I have phone anxiety. It’s a real thing.
an
Pe
The phone rings.
MIKE: Someone has to answer it.

SAUL: No. Nobody touch it. It might be Ada.
CHLOE: She’s dead, Saul.
SAUL: I’ve seen this in movies. Vengeful spirits call their murderers
and then they stab them to death.
JENNIFER picks up the phone.
JENNIFER: It’s just her mom.

MIKE: Answer it.
JENNIFER: You!
MIKE: You’re holding it.
JENNIFER tosses the phone to MIKE.
JENNIFER: Now you are.

MIKE: That’s not fair.
13
BRUNCH CLUB
JORDAN: Just answer it!
The phone stops ringing.
CHLOE: Too late.

SAUL: It’s cool. She’ll probably call back.
MIKE: I’m turning it off.
JORDAN: I actually agree with you on that.
CHLOE: We probably need to get our story straight before we talk to
anyone.
SAUL: I still think we should tell the cops that she threw the sandwich
at herself. That way, no one gets in trouble…except Ada. But I
rm for l
don’t think she’ll care.
rfo ot sa
JENNIFER: What is wrong with your brain?
SAUL: I got dropped on my head as a baby.
ce
CHLOE: That explains a lot.
pe N ru
JORDAN: All we need to do is tell the cops the truth. Mike threw the
sandwich, but we can all agree it was an accident.
an
MIKE: It was an accident.
Pe
JORDAN: That’s what I said.

MIKE: Okay. Good.
CHLOE: So when Mr. Tyner gets back, we’ll call the cops.
JORDAN: And they’ll call Ada’s mom.
JENNIFER: And I’ll go to my rehearsal.
SAUL: And I’ll go get some maple syrup.
MIKE: I guess that seems like an okay plan.
JORDAN: Now we just have to wait for Mr. Tyner.
CHLOE: He said he’d be back soon, right?
JENNIFER: He better be. It’s creeping me out to stay in the same
room as a dead body.
CHLOE: It’s chemically just the same as a live body. She hasn’t started
to rot yet.
JENNIFER: That’s disgusting.
MIKE: Coach Tyner lives three blocks down. He’ll be back in a few
minutes.
JORDAN: Good. The sooner he gets back, the sooner we can get
this over with.
JENNIFER: Do you think he’ll be mad?
14
BY KATELYN BEYKE
MIKE: He’s not going to be happy.

SAUL: Unless he hated her. Then he might be okay with it.
JORDAN: He’s going to be shocked. He can’t be too mad at us. We
didn’t do anything.
JENNIFER: Other than you, Mike. But he likes you.
CHLOE: Do you think we should move her?
SAUL: Like, make her dance?
CHLOE: No. Away from the door.
JENNIFER: Why?
CHLOE: I wouldn’t want a body to be the first thing I see when I enter
a room. If we move her, we can tell Mr. Tyner before he sees her.
It might lessen the blow.
rm for l
MIKE: Yeah. Ease him into it.
rfo ot sa
JORDAN: You can’t ease someone into the idea that one of their
students is dead. It’s going to be a terrible shock no matter what.
ce
CHLOE: But at least this way, we can have him sit down before he
pe N ru
finds out.
SAUL: I always like to be comfortable when I find out someone is
dead.
an
Pe
CHLOE: There’s not really anywhere we can put her that’s not
immediately visible.
JENNIFER: Put her in a chair.
MIKE: That won’t hide her.
JENNIFER: If we prop her up, we can make it look like she’s sleeping.
SAUL: Very deeply sleeping.
MIKE: We can lay her head on her arms.
CHLOE: We’ll have to make sure her eyes are closed.
SAUL: We should add some drool for realism.
JENNIFER: Gross.
JORDAN: I’m still not sure this is a good plan. The cops usually like
to mark out where the body was found. You know, with chalk.
CHLOE: Yeah. I’ve seen that on TV.
SAUL: There’s plenty of chalk in here. We’re in a classroom.
JENNIFER: Someone else will have to do it. I can’t get chalk on these
pants. They’re Italian.
SAUL: I’ll do it. It’s just like art class, right?
MIKE: What kind of art class did you take?
15
BRUNCH CLUB
SAUL takes a piece of chalk from the desk and marks a line around
ADA.
JORDAN: Make sure you don’t move her.

SAUL: I’m not. Should I mark around her hair, or move it to the side?
JENNIFER: Around.
MIKE: Move it.
JORDAN: I don’t think it matters.
SAUL: Can I draw an extra arm to freak them out? They’ll be all,
“Where’s her other arm?”
JORDAN: Don’t do that.
SAUL: You’re no fun.
rm for l
JENNIFER: You should draw around the sandwich, too.
rfo ot sa
MIKE: We aren’t going to move the sandwich.
SAUL: There. I think that’s my best work yet.
ce
JORDAN: Now we just have to move her.
pe N ru
THEY stare at the body for a moment in horror.

an
Pe
JENNIFER: I can’t help you. I have a weak back.

CHLOE: Yeah, right.
JENNIFER: I can show you my doctor’s note.
JORDAN: If you aren’t going to help, stay out of the way.
MIKE: Saul and I will grab the legs, you two get her arms.
CHLOE: Careful. We don’t want to erase the chalk.
JORDAN: So, we just grab her.
SAUL: I’ve never touched a dead chick before.
MIKE: None of us has.
CHLOE: I have.
JENNIFER: I’m not surprised. I’ve always thought you were
disgusting.
CHLOE: I’m going to be a doctor. They have to touch dead people all
the time. I’m going to have to cut them open, too.
JORDAN: You don’t have to dissect Ada. You have to grab her arm.
CHLOE: Fine.
MIKE: On the count of three?
JORDAN: One.
CHLOE: Two.
16
BY KATELYN BEYKE
SAUL: Red.
MIKE: Three.
THEY each grab one of ADA’s limbs and start to lift. Suddenly, she
wakes up and yells at them.
ADA: Hey! What are you doing? That hurts.
THEY drop HER.
SAUL: She’s a zombie!

CHLOE: She’s alive.
rm for l
MIKE: She’s alive! I didn’t kill her!
rfo ot sa
ADA: Of course you didn’t kill me. You hit me with a sandwich, not a
baseball bat.
ce
JORDAN: But you’re allergic to peanuts.
pe N ru
ADA: No I’m not.

JORDAN: But last week you told Abi Wright you were.
an
ADA: No. I told her I’m narcoleptic. She’s allergic to peanuts.
Pe
SAUL: But you were all gasping and wheezing.

ADA: I was probably just snoring. My mom tells me I do that.
JORDAN: Chloe said you didn’t have a pulse.
CHLOE: I didn’t think she did. I’m not a doctor yet. How should I
know?
JENNIFER: I guess it’s a good thing we didn’t call the cops.
ADA: You didn’t call the cops? But I was dead.
SAUL: No. You were sleeping.
ADA: You thought I was dead, and you weren’t going to tell anyone.
CHLOE: We tried to call your mom.
MIKE: Don’t worry. Yancy was too chicken to actually tell her.
ADA: How long were you going to leave me lying there?
SAUL: Actually, we were going to leave you sitting in that chair.
JENNIFER: But just until Mr. Tyner came back.
17
BRUNCH CLUB
ADA: You guys are lucky I didn’t die for real, because I have a feeling
you would have ended up in jail for tampering with my body.
Seriously, you never touch a dead person. Don’t you watch Law
and Order? And what were you doing throwing that sandwich at me
anyway? If I had been allergic, you’d be in real trouble. You ought
to be more careful what kind of sandwich you throw at people.
MIKE: I’m starting to wish she was allergic to peanuts. At least we
wouldn’t have to listen to her.
ADA: What kind of thing is that to say to someone? That’s incredibly
rude.
JENNIFER: I think it’s rude to let people think you’re dead when you’re
really taking a nap.
rm for l
ADA: I wasn’t napping. I couldn’t help it that Mike knocked me out.
rfo ot sa
MIKE: It was a sandwich!
SAUL: That must have been one hard sandwich.
ce
JORDAN: Maybe we should all calm down and finish our lunches…
pe N ru
or what’s left of them.

ALL: Shut up, Yancy.
an
Pe
TYNER enters carrying a lunch box.
TYNER: Sorry that took so long. Did I miss anything exciting?

JENNIFER: No, Mr. Tyner.
SAUL: Except for the…
MIKE quickly covers SAUL’S mouth with his hand, interrupting him
before he can finish his sentence.
MIKE: Nothing exciting at all, Coach.

CHLOE: We were just finishing our lunches.
TYNER: That’s good. But, somebody should pick up that sandwich.
Someone could slip on that and really hurt themselves.
18
BY KATELYN BEYKE
SCENE TWO - ZOMBIE BRUNCH
the room.
rm for l
rfo ot sa
ce
pe N ru

an
Pe
JORDAN: (Disappointed.) Bologna and cheese.
MIKE grabs the sandwich from JORDAN.
MIKE: I’ll take that. Bologna’s my favorite.

JORDAN: Give that back.
MIKE: I don’t think so. I think I’m hungry enough to eat my lunch and
yours.
JORDAN: You can’t just take my food.
MIKE: Why not? Coach Tyner put me in charge of you. That means
I can take whatever I want from whoever I want.
CHLOE: Whomever.
MIKE: Shut up, nerd. This is none of your business.
JORDAN: I want my sandwich back.
MIKE: Are you sure?
19
BRUNCH CLUB
JORDAN: Yes.
MIKE licks the sandwich.
MIKE: Do you want it back now?

JENNIFER: Really, Mike?
CHLOE: How immature.
JORDAN: No. You can have it.
MIKE: That’s what I thought.
MIKE takes the sandwich and sits by JENNIFER. SAUL brings his
lunch box and sits by MIKE.
rm for l
rfo ot sa
SAUL: You can have half my sandwich if you want. It’s peanut butter,
but I forgot to put on the maple syrup. Does anyone have any maple
ce
syrup?
pe N ru
JORDAN: It’s okay. I wasn’t that hungry anyway.

CHLOE: You shouldn’t let him pick on you like that, Jordan. You’ve
an
let him push you around for four years now. Don’t you think it’s time
Pe
to stand up for yourself? Don’t you think it’s time to be a man, and
show him he doesn’t have the right to treat you like a punching bag?
Don’t you think it’s time…
ADA: I think it’s time for you to keep your nose out of other people’s
business. If Yancy wants to be a wimp, Yancy can be a wimp.
JORDAN: It’s Yates. My name is Yates.
CHLOE: We were having a private conversation, Ada.
ADA: Maybe you shouldn’t have been having it so loudly. (To
JORDAN.) I’m sure you read my article last month on the
importance of the underdog in the high school hierarchy. I think
your situation is a prime example of the necessity of the pathetic
and puny in shaping the character of a more dominant student, like
Mike.
JORDAN: Sorry, Ada. I don’t really read the paper.
SAUL: I like to draw mustaches on all the pictures. Principal Mathews
looks awesome with a fu man chu.
MIKE takes a big bite of the sandwich.
20
BY KATELYN BEYKE
MIKE: What kind of bologna is this, Yancy? It’s disgusting.

JORDAN: I don’t know. I found it in my fridge this morning.
MIKE tosses the sandwich back to JORDAN.
MIKE: You can have it back.

JORDAN: Thanks.
JENNIFER: I told you to stick with the Pad Thai. Bologna has too
many artificial ingredients.
MIKE: So?
JENNIFER: So, they’ll make you break out, and I’m not going to date
a pimple-faced moron.
rm for l
CHLOE: But you’ll date a normal moron.
rfo ot sa
JENNIFER: Sure. As long as he’s cute.
CHLOE: Good to know.
ce
MIKE: I’m not feeling so hot, Jen.
pe N ru
JENNIFER: You’re actually having a pretty good hair day.

MIKE: No. I’m feeling sick.
an
JENNIFER: Than get away from me. I can’t get sick. I have my
Pe
rehearsal tonight.
ADA pulls out a notebook and goes to MIKE.
ADA: Can I ask you a few questions? I’ve been planning an article on
the adverse effects of lunch meat on your health.
MIKE: I think I might barf.
ADA: Excellent. Are you feeling dizzy or lightheaded? Do you feel
like your liver function is at all impaired?
CHLOE: Shut up, Ada. He looks like he’s really ill.
JORDAN: Maybe we should call Mr. Tyner.
MIKE: My stomach is on fire.
SAUL: Serves you right for stealing other people’s food.
CHLOE: I don’t think we have time to call Mr. Tyner. We need to get
him to the hospital. Whose car is closest?
JENNIFER: No way are you putting him in my car. I just had it cleaned.
JORDAN: My mom dropped me off.
SAUL: My hearse is parked in the East lot.
JORDAN: He’s not dead yet.
21
BRUNCH CLUB
CHLOE: Why do you have a hearse?

SAUL: My uncle’s a mortician. He gave me a good deal on it.
JENNIFER: Morbid much?
SAUL: What? It’s got great gas mileage.
ADA: Aren’t you afraid it’s haunted?
CHLOE: There’s no such thing as ghosts.
ADA: If you had read my article last year on the increasing popularity
in the scientific community of the belief of the reality of a spectral
presence in this plane of existence, you’d know that ghosts are
completely plausible.
MIKE groans and falls to the floor.
rm for l
rfo ot sa
JORDAN: This isn’t the best time for that argument, guys. I think he’s
really in trouble.
ce
SAUL: Whoa. He’s turning purple.
pe N ru
JENNIFER: That is not an attractive color on him.

ADA: We need to get him into the hearse. Saul, Jordan help him up.
an
JORDAN: Why us?
Pe
ADA: You’re big, strong men. Well…you’re men.

CHLOE: Not exactly an enlightened point of view.
ADA: Are you implying there’s no physiological difference between
men and women?
CHLOE: I think I’d be just as capable of helping Mike to the car as
Jordan. He doesn’t look like he could help a small, underfed child
let alone a muscular hulk of a man like Mike.
JORDAN: Than help him.
CHLOE: Fine. I will. Come on, Saul.
CHLOE and SAUL approach MIKE to help him stand, but MIKE angrily
lashes out at them and grabs CHLOE.
CHLOE: What are you doing?

MIKE: (Like a zombie.) Hungry.
CHLOE: Get off of me. You’re hurting me.
MIKE: Hungry.
SAUL: I’ve still got a peanut butter sandwich.
MIKE: Hungry. Flesh.
22
BY KATELYN BEYKE
CHLOE: Someone help me. He’s gone insane.

JENNIFER: Get off her, Mike. You know I don’t want you touching
other women. I get jealous.
JORDAN: I think there’s something wrong with him.
ADA: It’s because of the bologna. I can’t reveal my source, but
someone very high up in the world of processed meats told me that
bologna can greatly increase the production of testosterone in
adolescent males.
CHLOE: I don’t care why he’s crazy. Just pull him off me.
MIKE: Hungry. Now.
MIKE bites CHLOE on the neck. She pulls away from him and runs to
rm for l
join the others.
rfo ot sa
CHLOE: He bit me. That lunatic bit me.
ce
JENNIFER: Mike is not a lunatic. Crazy people are so not cool this
pe N ru
year. I wouldn’t date anyone who isn’t cool.

CHLOE: I think I’m bleeding.
an
JORDAN: It doesn’t look too bad. He barely took a chunk out of you.
Pe
As THEY argue, MIKE takes a shambling step toward them.
CHLOE: A chunk? Does the skin around the wound look ragged? Are
there any radiating line of infection?
SAUL: Guys?
ADA: You’re probably going to get salmonella from that. You should
see a doctor.
CHLOE: Salmonella isn’t transferred by bites. I’m more concerned
about rabies.
JORDAN: I thought you only got rabies from dogs or bats or raccoons.
MIKE takes another step toward them, unnoticed by anyone but SAUL.
CHLOE: I need to clean the wound. Does anyone have any alcohol?
JORDAN: Like vodka?
SAUL: Guys?
JENNIFER: What?
SAUL: I think he’s coming toward us.
23
BRUNCH CLUB
JENNIFER: So?
SAUL: He still looks hungry.
MIKE: Braaaaiiiiinnnnssss.
MIKE lunges toward them, and THEY duck behind Tyner’s desk.
JORDAN: He’s a zombie!

CHLOE: That’s not possible. Zombies aren’t real. They aren’t
medically possible.
ADA: He looks pretty real to me.
JENNIFER: I am so breaking up with him. I can’t bring a zombie to
my senior prom. How embarrassing.
rm for l
SAUL: I think he can still see us.
rfo ot sa
MIKE: Hungry. Brains.
ADA: Is he saying brains?
ce
CHLOE: I don’t want him to eat my brain. I need my brain.
pe N ru
SAUL: He’s not moving very fast, so at least he’s not a frenzied rage
zombie.
an
JENNIFER: What?
Pe
SAUL: And he never died, at least not that I saw. So, he’s probably
not undead. That leaves toxic contagion or voodoo curse. I’m
betting contagion.
JORDAN: The bologna?
SAUL: That seems the most logical source of contamination.
JENNIFER: What are you dorks talking about?
JORDAN: We’re trying to figure out what kind of zombie he is.
ADA: Does it matter?
SAUL: If we figure out what kind of zombie he is, we can figure out
how to stop him. If he’s undead, you have to sever the spinal cord.
JORDAN: With voodoo zombies, you have to figure out who put the
curse on them and force them to reverse it.
SAUL: But if it’s toxic, you need to burn them and bury the ashes in
lead.
JENNIFER: You are not burning my boyfriend.
CHLOE: We’re going to have to do something. He’s almost here!
MIKE has shuffled his way to the desk, and is now blindly groping for
the others, only kept from them by the length of the desk.
24
BY KATELYN BEYKE
JENNIFER: What’s he doing?

JORDAN: I think he’s trying to grab us.
ADA: Why doesn’t he go around?
SAUL: This is classic zombie behavior.
JORDAN: Most zombies have severely lowered intelligence. Mike is
too stupid now to walk around the table.
SAUL: He’ll probably keep trying ‘til his legs fall off.
JENNIFER: Don’t say that. Bloody stumps are so unattractive.
JORDAN: I think we’re safe here for now.
SAUL: As long as none of the rest of us is infected. (To JORDAN.)
You didn’t eat any of that sandwich, did you?
rm for l
JORDAN: No. Mike took it from me before I had the chance.
rfo ot sa
CHLOE: Lucky you.
JORDAN: And none of the rest of us ate it.
ce
SAUL: I prefer peanut butter and maple syrup.
pe N ru
ADA: But you touched it.

JORDAN: I don’t think that matters.
an
SAUL: What about Chloe?
Pe
CHLOE: What about me?

JORDAN: You’re right. She was bitten.
CHLOE: Hardly. He barely got a chunk out of me. You said so
yourself.
JORDAN: But he did break the skin.
SAUL: I’d say there’s at least a fifty percent chance of her turning.
CHLOE: What makes you the expert all of the sudden, huh?
SAUL: Video games. And movies. And manga.
JENNIFER: Get her away from me.
ADA: Throw her to Mike so we can make a run for it.
JORDAN: They’re right, Chloe. You need to leave. We’re not safe
with you back here.
CHLOE: I can’t leave. He’s right there.
SAUL: You need to sacrifice yourself for us.
CHLOE: I’m not sacrificing anything. I have a promising career as a
doctor ahead of me. I haven’t even gone to college yet!
JORDAN: If you’re quick enough, you can probably make it to the
door.
25
BRUNCH CLUB
SAUL: Could you throw me my lunch box on the way out? I’m getting
kind of hungry.
CHLOE: Why don’t the rest of you run to the door, and I’ll stay here?
JORDAN: It makes more since for you to risk it since there’s a good
chance you’re doomed anyway.
ADA: He’s right, Chloe. It’s selfish of you to put your life ahead of
ours.
JENNIFER: Yeah. I was voted homecoming queen. I deserve to live.
CHLOE: I’m not going anywhere.
JORDAN: We can always sit it out and wait to see if anything happens.
CHLOE: I like that plan.
SAUL: I don’t think that’s a good idea, man. She’s already looking a
rm for l
little pale.
rfo ot sa
CHLOE: Maybe that’s because you guys are discussing the probability
of my death.
ce
SAUL: Or the process has begun. Do we look delicious? Don’t even
pe N ru
think about eating my feet. I need those to play hacky sack.

CHLOE: I’m not going to eat you. I’m not turning into a zombie.
an
ADA: That’s how it happens in the movies. You get bit. You become
Pe
a zombie.
CHLOE: Movies aren’t real. Zombies aren’t real.
SAUL: Tell that to Mike.
JENNIFER: Wait a minute. What’s going to happen when Mr. Tyner
comes back?
ADA: He won’t know Mike is a zombie. We need to warn him.
CHLOE: Does anyone have their phone?
THEY search their pockets.
JENNIFER: No.
JORDAN: Nope.
SAUL: Cool. Gum!
ADA: I left it in my purse.
JORDAN: We could slip a note under the door.
ADA: Chloe could just wait for him on the other side of the door after
she leaves.
CHLOE: I’m staying here.
SAUL: I guess we’re just going to have to kill him.
26
BY KATELYN BEYKE
JENNIFER: We can’t kill Mr. Tyner.

SAUL: Not Mr. Tyner. Mike.
JENNIFER: Oh. Okay.
ADA: Won’t that be murder?
CHLOE: I think it’s self-defense.
JORDAN: We can’t kill him. There’s a small chance that this is only
temporary. He could be the same old Mike after the chemical wears
off.
ADA: I say kill him anyway. We can’t take any chances.
SAUL: Yeah. In the movies, compassion always leads to bloody death
and destruction.
ADA: Besides, the same old Mike isn’t that great anyway.
rm for l
JENNIFER: Hey!
rfo ot sa
JORDAN: We aren’t going to kill him. But maybe we can tie him up
or something.
ce
CHLOE: Great idea. Do we have any rope?
pe N ru
JENNIFER: I have shoelaces.

ADA: Or we can use the cords from the blinds.
an
Pe
SAUL rummages through a desk drawer and pulls out ten feet of rope.
SAUL: We could use this.

JORDAN: How’d you know that was in there?
ADA: Why was it in there?
SAUL: Tyner confiscated it from me last week. Con...fis…ca…ted.
That’s a funny word.
CHLOE: What were you doing with rope in History class?
SAUL: I was practicing my knots. Duh.
CHLOE: What… Why…
JORDAN: No time, Chloe. We need to find a way to tie Mike up until
we can get someone from the CDC here to pick him up.
JENNIFER: You better tie him to something heavy. He’s the
quarterback, and he’s like…really strong.
SAUL: She’s right.
JORDAN: I think if we can get him to one of the chairs, it should keep
him one place.
ADA: What’s the plan?
27
BRUNCH CLUB
JORDAN: Chloe and Saul will take either end of the rope and
clothesline him.
CHLOE: Why me? Why not you?
JORDAN: You were the one who said I was too weak.
CHLOE: That was before Mike bit me.
JORDAN: Fine. Saul and I will wrap the rope around him and drag
him to the chair. Then you’ll push him in, and Saul will tie him to it.
SAUL: Awesome. I’m getting really good at making a clove hitch.
ADA: Great plan. Excellent. But he’s going to grab you and bite you
and eat you.
JENNIFER: Gross.
JORDAN: It’ll be okay. We’re faster than he is.
rm for l
ADA: What if he’s just pretending to be slow until we do something
rfo ot sa
stupid like try to tie him up.
CHLOE: If he was that smart, he’d walk around the desk instead of
ce
through it.
pe N ru
SAUL: Shhh. He’ll hear you.

JORDAN: The plan’s going to work. It has to. It’s our only chance.
an
CHLOE: Uh-huh.
Pe
JORDAN: I’m eighty-nine percent sure.

SAUL: If he bites anyone, it better be you.
JENNIFER: Ready?
SAUL: I guess.
JORDAN: On three?
SAUL: Make it eight.
ADA: Why?
SAUL: It’s my favorite number.
JORDAN: On eight.
SAUL and JORDAN: One..two..three..four..five..six..seven..eight.
JENNIFER: Go!
SAUL and JORDAN run at MIKE with the rope and then run around
him several times to trap his arms at his sides. They drag him to a chair,
and CHLOE pushes him in. SAUL ties him to the chair.
ADA: Do you think it will hold him?
MIKE struggles, but fails to free himself.
28
BY KATELYN BEYKE
MIKE: (Angrily) Brains.

JORDAN: It’ll hold him for now.
SAUL: While we’re at it, we should tie her up, too.
CHLOE: No way.
ADA: We have to keep ourselves safe.
CHLOE: If I was going to turn, don’t you think I would have by now?
JORDAN: I don’t know.
CHLOE: Mike was a zombie after only five minutes. It’s been much
longer than that since he bit me.
SAUL: It may take longer to spread from person to person than from
sandwich to person or person to sandwich. Or person to lobster.
rm for l
JORDAN: It’ll just be until the CDC gets here.
rfo ot sa
JENNIFER: (To SAUL.) Do you have any more rope?
ce
SAUL pulls another rope from his backpack.
pe N ru
SAUL: Will this be enough?

an
JORDAN: Should be.
Pe
CHLOE: I don’t want to be tied up!

ADA: Just sit down and try not to struggle.
CHLOE stubbornly sits in the chair next to Mike.
CHLOE: Not too tight. If I lose circulation to my hands, it could cause

permanent damage.
JORDAN: Saul?
SAUL: My pleasure.
SAUL ties CHLOE to the chair.
CHLOE: Not so tight.

SAUL: If you’d stop wiggling, this would be easier.
JORDAN: It shouldn’t take too long to get the CDC here.
CHLOE: Do you know this from experience?
JORDAN: It’s how it works in the movies.
CHLOE: You and your stupid movies. Movies aren’t the same as
reality. I could be tied to this chair for days for all you know.
29
BRUNCH CLUB
SAUL: Better not drink anything, then. Zombies don’t get bathroom
breaks.
JENNIFER: We don’t have to stay here with them, do we? I have
better things to do then watch them groaning and drooling.
ADA: Do zombies need baby sitters?
CHLOE: I’m not a zombie.
MIKE: Brains.
JORDAN: We can’t just leave them here. They might escape.
JENNIFER: Shouldn’t the cops do that? They could put them in
handcuffs or cells or something.
SAUL: I don’t think we should get the cops involved. They won’t
believe they’re zombies, and they’ll probably set them free. It
rm for l
happens all the time in the movies.
rfo ot sa
CHLOE: I’m not a zombie.
MIKE: Brains.
ce
ADA: So we sit here and do what?
pe N ru
JORDAN: How am I supposed to know?

ADA: You’re the ones who’ve watched all the movies.
an
SAUL: It never happened like this in any of the movies I saw. I should
Pe
watch more movies.

CHLOE: I think you should untie me.
JENNIFER: Shut up, zombie.
CHLOE: I’m not a…
JENNIFER: (Cutting her off.) We know. Jeez. You’d be a lot less
annoying if you were.
ADA: We’re going to have to feed them eventually, right? I mean,
Chloe won’t be too bad. She’s still normal, but Mike? What do you
feed the undead?
SAUL: Pepperoni and human brain pizza.
JORDAN: Raw meat?
JENNIFER: Gross. He’ll get germs.
CHLOE: What about sushi. It’s raw, but it’s safe.
ADA: Actually, I wrote an article my Freshman year about the hidden
dangers of sushi consumption. It was considered the best exposé
of the year.
JENNIFER: (Sarcastically.) Good for you.
ADA: Are we even sure that he’s hungry?
MIKE: Hungry…Brains…
30
BY KATELYN BEYKE
JENNIFER: Feed him the Pad Thai. He likes my mom’s Pad Thai.
JORDAN: And we can use the chopsticks so we don’t have to get
close to his mouth.
CHLOE: Don’t worry. I’m not hungry.
JENNIFER: It’s Ada’s turn. She hasn’t done anything useful yet.
CHLOE: Because you’ve been so helpful.
ADA: No. She’s right. It’s my turn. Give me the food.
JORDAN: Be careful.
ADA grabs the food. She offers MIKE a piece with the chopsticks, but
he lunges and manages to bite her hand.
rm for l
ADA: Ouch!
rfo ot sa
JORDAN: Did he bite you?
ADA: No.
ce
CHLOE: I can see the blood from here.
pe N ru
JENNIFER: Gross. Stay away from me. These pants are Italian.
JORDAN: I told you to be careful.
an
ADA: Don’t you think I was trying? You didn’t tie him tight enough.
Pe
CHLOE: Speaking of tying, it looks like it’s your turn, Ada.

ADA: Fine. I’m a big girl. I’m not going to argue.
JORDAN: (To SAUL.) Do you have any more rope?
SAUL: I don’t think so.
ADA: Great. I don’t think we need it anyway. I’m fine.
SAUL digs around in his backpack and pulls out a pair of handcuffs.
SAUL: But I do have these handcuffs.

JORDAN: Why do you…?
ADA: (Cutting him off.) I’d rather not know. Go ahead. Get it over
with.
ADA sits in another chair. JORDAN takes the cuffs and secures her to
it.
JORDAN: Is that too tight?

ADA: I can still feel my fingers.
SAUL: Me too!
31
BRUNCH CLUB

JORDAN quickly covers SAUL’S mouth with his hand, interrupting him
before he can finish his sentence.
JORDAN: Nothing exciting at all, Sir.

CHLOE: We were just finishing our lunches.
rm for l
TYNER: That’s good. But you three better get back to your seats like
rfo ot sa
Mike, Chloe, and Ada. They’re being model students right now.
CHLOE and ADA: Thanks, Mr. Tyner.
ce
MIKE: Brains.
pe N ru
an
Pe
32
BY KATELYN BEYKE
SCENE THREE - SOAP OPERA BRUNCH
the room.
crosses to the empty seat beside Jennifer, slapping the back of
Jordan’s head as he passes.
rm for l
rfo ot sa
ce
pe N ru

an
Pe
JORDAN: (Disappointed.) Lobster sandwich?

CHLOE: Some say that’s the food of love.
SAUL: I’m pretty sure peanut butter and maple syrup is the food of
love. Does anyone have any maple syrup?
CHLOE: Maple syrup? How can you talk about maple syrup at a time
like this? My life is over. My reputation is ruined. My name has
been forever sullied by this…detention.
ADA: That’s so like you, Chloe. You always have to make everything
about yourself. You’re always whining about how the world is out
to get you. The world doesn’t care about you. The world doesn’t
give a rat’s fart about you. You aren’t the center of the universe.
You aren’t even the center of the room.
CHLOE slaps ADA.
33
BRUNCH CLUB
CHLOE: How dare you speak to me like that?

JORDAN: She dares because she’s your sister.
CHLOE: What?
ADA: How did you find out?
JORDAN: Two years ago I was on an excavation in South America
when I came across a message in a bottle washed up on the shores
of the Amazon. Imagine my surprise when I realized it was written
by your mother.
CHLOE: My mother?
ADA: My mother.
SAUL: Whose mother?
JORDAN: She admitted to her secret affair with a local superstar-
rm for l
slash-senator, and to their long-lost love child.
rfo ot sa
JENNIFER: You don’t mean…Ada.
ADA: Our mother gave me up to give you a better life. I’ve always
ce
resented you for that. You got to be the golden child while I grew
pe N ru
up an orphan.
CHLOE: You can’t blame me for the actions of our mother.
an
ADA: Can’t I?
Pe
ADA pulls a gun from her backpack.
MIKE: Watch out!

JORDAN: Don’t do this, Ada.
JENNIFER: You’ll ruin your chances for winning the Nobel Prize in
Journalism or whatever. It may be dorky, but it’s what you’ve been
working toward your whole life.
ADA: I buried myself in my work to hide my shame. Now that it’s out
in the open, there’s only one thing I can do… kill Chloe Marshall,
get expensive plastic surgery to look like her, and assume her
identity once and for all.
CHLOE: You can’t kill me. I’m haven’t gone to college yet.
ADA: And now you never will.
ADA shoots CHLOE, who falls melodramatically to the floor clutching

her head.
JORDAN: No!
34
BY KATELYN BEYKE
ADA drops the gun. JORDAN drops to CHLOE’s side and checks her
pulse.
ADA: What have I done?

JENNIFER: You got blood on my pants.
JORDAN: That’s not important right now.
JENNIFER: It’s important to me. They’re Italian.
JORDAN: She’s still got a pulse, but just barely.
ADA: My sister. I didn’t mean to kill her. It was the heat of the moment.
MIKE: There still may be a chance to save her.
SAUL: Control-S?
rm for l
MIKE: A radical complete trans-neuropathy bypass.
rfo ot sa
SAUL: Neur…op…a…thy. Fun word.
JENNIFER: What does it mean?
ce
MIKE: In layman’s terms, it’s an experimental brain transplant surgery.
pe N ru
JENNIFER: But an operation like that would require one of the most
brilliant surgeons of our time.
an
JORDAN: Where are we going to find one on such short notice?
Pe
MIKE: Here.
SAUL: Is he in the closet?
MIKE: No. Me.
JENNIFER: But you’re just a football player. A hot one, but that won’t
help Ada.
MIKE: You’re wrong, darling. I may appear to be a simple football star,
but I’ve been secretly taking medical classes at the local college.
Last week I successfully performed a radical complete trans-
neuropathy bypass in similar conditions.
JORDAN: How convenient.
JENNIFER: But, dearest, why? Why did you devote your life to the
medical arts? They’re so…icky.
MIKE: I did it for you, my sweet.
SAUL: For me?
MIKE: For her.
JENNIFER: For me?
MIKE: Yes, you. To impress your father. I know he doesn’t approve
of me because of the long-standing feud between our families, but
I’m determined to convince him that I’m worthy of you.
35
BRUNCH CLUB
JENNIFER: Of course you are. You always have been.

MIKE: But he doesn’t think so. Maybe if I save this dork’s life, he’ll
change his mind.
JORDAN: You’d better hurry. She doesn’t look so good.
JENNIFER: Won’t you need surgical tools?
MIKE: What do you think is in that backpack?
SAUL picks up the backpack.
SAUL: This backpack?

MIKE: Yes. Hurry. Give it to me.
SAUL: I think not.
rm for l
JENNIFER: If you don’t, Chloe will die!
rfo ot sa
SAUL: Exactly my intention.
ADA: But who would want her dead other than me?
ce
JORDAN: No one, except…
pe N ru
SAUL: That’s right. I’m not really Saul Barker. I’m his evil twin
Lothario Barker.
an
JENNIFER: No!
Pe
SAUL: Yes.
JORDAN: But you’re…
SAUL: Dumber than a bag of cats? All part of my evil scheme to
infiltrate this detention hall and kill Chloe Marshall before she has a
chance to create the vaccine for Giraffe Flu.
JENNIFER: Giraffe flu?
SAUL: A fatal disease I have created to wipe out the human race once
and for all.
ADA: But why? Why would you want to kill all of us?
SAUL: What good has humanity ever done? All we are is destruction
and chaos. It is time for us to fall so that the diplomatic and graceful
chipmunk can inherit the world and rule peacefully for all eternity.
MIKE: No good? There have been plenty of good people. What about
Mother Theresa? What about Ghandi?
SAUL: They may have helped other people, but did they do anything
for the chipmunks?
JENNIFER: I guess not.
36
BY KATELYN BEYKE
SAUL: That’s right. They did nothing. And tonight at precisely twelve
thirty-seven, I will release my hoard of infected rats into the sewers
of every major city in the world, and no one will be safe from the
Giraffe Flu.
ADA: Why Giraffe Flu? Is it made from giraffe DNA or something?
SAUL: No. I just like giraffes.
MIKE: So why not call it something more menacing like Lion Flu or
Dragon Flu.
JENNIFER: Dragons aren’t real.
MIKE: But you have to admit, Dragon Flu sounds a lot more
intimidating than Giraffe Flu.
JORDAN: Then he should call it Manticore Flu. Manticore’s are much
rm for l
scarier than dragons.
rfo ot sa
JENNIFER: I don’t even know what a manti-thingy is.
SAUL: It’s Giraffe Flu! I created it. I get to name it.
ce
ADA: We’re just saying that you might want to rethink the name if you
pe N ru
want to inspire terror in the hearts of little children. I wrote a piece

last year about the names of infectious diseases, and they were all
an
a lot scarier than Giraffe Flu.
Pe
JENNIFER: Giraffe Flu sounds kind of cuddly.

SAUL: It’s not cuddly. It’s insidious. You get these boils all over your
body and then you turn purple and implode. And there’s lots of pus
and other disgusting stuff.
JENNIFER: Gross.
JORDAN: Does your neck get any longer?
SAUL: No.
MIKE: Do you grow those little horns?
SAUL: What horns?
MIKE: You know…like a giraffe.
SAUL: It’s just a name. The actual disease has nothing to do with
giraffes.
ADA: Why twelve thirty-seven?
SAUL: None of this matters. All that matters is that Chloe is the only
person with the knowledge to create a vaccine. That knowledge
dies with her now.
JORDAN: Not if I can help it.
SAUL: And who are you to thwart my plans? A mere high school
student could never dream to be a match for my evil genius.
37
BRUNCH CLUB
JORDAN: Then I guess we’re all lucky I’m no mere high school
student.
JENNIFER: Surely you don’t mean…
JORDAN: Yes. I am actually an international spy sent to your school
to find Lothario and foil his evil schemes.
ADA: We’re saved!
SAUL: Don’t be so sure yet, Ada. I still hold your sister’s life in my
hands.
JORDAN: But what you don’t know is that I have spent the last year
slowly replacing those hands with state-of-the-art robotic hands.
MIKE: Robot hands?
JORDAN: Robot hands.
rm for l
JENNIFER: How will that save us?
rfo ot sa
JORDAN pulls a remote from his pocket.
ce
pe N ru
JORDAN: I have here the remote which controls his robot hands. I
can make them do whatever I want.
SAUL: No!
an
Pe
JORDAN: With one push of this button, I can command his hands to
return the medical instruments to Mike so he can save Chloe.
ADA: Hurry. She doesn’t have long.
SAUL: I’ll never give you the bag. Never!
JORDAN: But your hands will.
JORDAN dramatically pushes a button on the remote. SAUL struggles

against his hands, but ultimately gives the backpack to MIKE.
JENNIFER: Can you save her?

MIKE: I only hope we aren’t too late.
JENNIFER: What can I do to help?
MIKE: Just stand back and watch me work.
JENNIFER, SAUL, JORDAN, and ADA stand around MIKE who is

crouched over CHLOE on the floor, blocking them from the audience.
ADA: Shouldn’t you be doing this in a sterile environment?
38
BY KATELYN BEYKE
SAUL: If you happen to accidentally nick an artery, I wouldn’t hold it

against you.
JORDAN: (Brandishing the remote.) If you say another word, I’ll make
you slap yourself.
JENNIFER: Her brain is so squishy looking.
ADA: Are you sure you’ve done this before?
JENNIFER: Is it supposed to be so squishy looking?
SAUL: Can I poke it?
JORDAN: I can also make you pick your nose in public.
SAUL: Fine. I’ll be quiet.
JENNIFER: I think you should sew her up with hot pink thread. It’s
much prettier than white.
rm for l
rfo ot sa
MIKE stands up.
ce
MIKE: I’ve done what I can.
pe N ru
ADA: Is she going to be okay?

MIKE: It’s too soon to say for sure, but I believe I’ve just worked a
miracle.
an
Pe
ADA: Thank you. Thank you so much.

MIKE: It will take a few minutes for her to wake up. We’ll know for
sure when she does.
JENNIFER: I’m so proud of you, Mike.
MIKE: Let’s hope your father will be, too.
JENNIFER: It won’t matter if he is.
MIKE: What are you saying? He’s the only one keeping us apart, isn’t
he?
JENNIFER: No. It’s not just my father keeping me from marrying you.
It’s also my…fiancé.
MIKE: Your fiancé? I thought you loved me.
JENNIFER: I do. With all my heart I do.
ADA: I just started writing an article about secret engagements. Could
I get a statement from you for it?
JENNIFER: I was forced to accept his proposal. Can’t you see that,
Mike? My father is forcing me to marry him
MIKE: Who? No…I don’t want to know.
SAUL: I want to know.
JORDAN: Shhh. This is none of your business.
39
BRUNCH CLUB
SAUL: Like you aren’t listening to every word.

JORDAN: I may be listening, but at least I’m not interrupting.
JENNIFER: He’s…he’s…Fernando Ramon.
ADA: The Crown Prince of Canada?
JENNIFER: Yes. My father wants to form a secret alliance with
Canada, so he making me to marry the King’s son.
MIKE: How could he make you marry him?
JENNIFER: He’s going to kill you if I don’t. Can’t you see, darling? I
have no choice.
MIKE: Do you love him?
JENNIFER: No. I despise him. I hate him with every bone in my body.
I’ve never actually met him…but I hate him.
rm for l
MIKE: Then we’ll run away together. We’ll go somewhere he’ll never
rfo ot sa
be able to find us.
JENNIFER: Where?
ce
MIKE: Michigan.
pe N ru
JENNIFER: Oh, Mike. You’re so romantic.

MIKE: We’ll leave tonight.
an
Pe
CHLOE stands up.
CHLOE: Oh, will you, now?

ADA: Chloe! You’re alright!
JORDAN: The operation was a success. Good job, Mike.
SAUL: My plans are ruined. The chipmunks will be so disappointed.
CHLOE: Yes. I’ve been saved. I’ve been given a second chance at
life… and a second chance to seek retribution for the murder of my
beloved cousin…Julia.
JORDAN: What does this have to do with Mike and Jennifer?
CHLOE: Everything. He is the murderer!
ADA: No! That’s not possible.
CHLOE: Isn’t it? It was his car that hit her. He is the one who drove
off without stopping. He didn’t even slow down. He is the heartless
dastard who left her on the road to die.
JORDAN: If this is true, I’m going to have to bring you to the police.
SAUL: Maybe we can share a cell.
CHLOE: You’re going to spend the rest of your life rotting in prison.
ADA: But he just saved your life!
40
BY KATELYN BEYKE
CHLOE: One life doesn’t justify another. He may have saved me, but
Julia is still dead, and he’s going to pay for that.
MIKE: Fine. I won’t stand in the way of justice. Take me away.
JENNIFER: No!
MIKE: Don’t say another word, darling. It’s for the best. You can
marry your prince now.
JENNIFER: Never. I’d rather die than marry a Canadian. Canada’s
really lame.
MIKE: Don’t spend a single moment thinking about me. I’ll be fine.
This is what I deserve.
CHLOE: Take him away.
JENNIFER: No! You can’t take him. He’s innocent.
rm for l
MIKE: Don’t say it, Jennifer. Just let the Yancy take me away.
rfo ot sa
JORDAN: My name is Yates. Jordan Yates.
MIKE: Shut up and arrest me, dork.
ce
JENNIFER: No! He didn’t do it.
pe N ru
ADA: Chloe saw Mike’s car. He killed Julia.

JORDAN: He’s a murderer.
an
JENNIFER: No he’s not. I am.
Pe
SAUL: What?
JENNIFER: I was driving the car that day. I’m the one who killed her.
CHLOE: You killed her?
JENNIFER: It was an accident. I swear.
SAUL: Yeah. Like I accidentally created a super-virus.
ADA: And I accidentally shot you.
JENNIFER: I didn’t mean to hit her.
CHLOE: Did you mean to drive off and leave her bleeding in the road?
JENNIFER: No. I was in shock. By the time I came to my senses, I
was miles away.
CHLOE: You could have come back. You could have confessed.
JENNIFER: I’m confessing now. Isn’t that enough?
CHLOE: It could never be enough.
JORDAN: I’ll take her into custody. We’ll see that she comes to
justice.
CHLOE: The only justice for her is death.
CHLOE grabs the gun and points it at JENNIFER. As she shoots,

JORDAN jumps between them and takes the bullet in his shoulder.
41
BRUNCH CLUB
MIKE: Are you okay?

JENNIFER: You saved me! You’re my hero.
CHLOE: I wasn’t aiming at you. I didn’t mean to…why aren’t you
bleeding? You have tons of blood vessels in your shoulders. You
should be bleeding profusely.
SAUL: Watch out. He’s a zombie!
JENNIFER: What?
SAUL: Zombies don’t bleed.
CHLOE: Zombies aren’t real.
SAUL: Then he’s a cyborg.
ADA: Cyborg’s aren’t real either.
rm for l
SAUL: Tell that to my robot hands.
rfo ot sa
JORDAN: I’m not a zombie or a cyborg. I’m wearing a bulletproof
vest.
ce
MIKE: Oh. Then you aren’t really much of a hero, are you?
pe N ru
CHLOE: I don’t know. I think it was very heroic. Do you jump in front
of bullets often?
an
JENNIFER: Why did you save me?
Pe
JORDAN: I told you I’m an international spy. I didn’t tell you which
nation I’m from.
SAUL: Djibouti?
JORDAN: Canada.
ADA: You don’t mean you’re…
JORDAN: That’s right. I’m Fernando Ramon, the crown prince of
Canada.
SAUL: You don’t look very Canadian to me.
JORDAN: But I look Djiboutian?
SAUL: Yeah…well…maybe.
JENNIFER: I’ll never marry you, Fernando Ramon. You can’t make
me!
JORDAN: What makes you think I’d want to after hearing what you
did?
JENNIFER: It wasn’t that bad.
JORDAN: You killed a girl.
JENNIFER: It’s not like she was popular or anything.
MIKE: Are you flirting with Yancy?
JENNIFER: No.
42
BY KATELYN BEYKE
MIKE: You’re trying awfully hard to convince him that you’re innocent.
JENNIFER: Yeah. Well, he’s rich now. That makes him a whole lot
cooler.
MIKE: He’s still a dork.
JENNIFER: But a rich dork. He’s probably got moose-drawn carriages
and igloo palaces.
MIKE: I thought you loved me. I became a doctor for you.
JENNIFER: That’s sweet and all, but he’s a prince.
SAUL: I’m an evil genius.
ADA: Not much of a genius. You didn’t even manage to kill one
person.
SAUL: Not yet.
rm for l
MIKE: Good luck getting me to take you to Michigan now.
rfo ot sa
JENNIFER: Why would I want to go to Michigan when I can go to
Ontario or Prince Edward Island?
ce
ADA: How do you know so much about Canada?
pe N ru
JENNIFER: What? You think I’m not smart enough to know about
Canada. I may not be a nerd like you, but I’m smart enough to know
an
the names of Canada’s fifty states.
Pe
CHLOE: You know, I wouldn’t mind seeing Canada.

JORDAN: It’s a beautiful country.
CHLOE: It must be pretty thrilling to be an international spy.
JORDAN: Yesterday I saved a poodle from a puppy-trafficking gang.
CHLOE: How brave!
JORDAN: It was worth it to see the smile on her little puppy face.
CHLOE: Brave and kind-hearted. You are the perfect man.
JORDAN: If you still feel that way in three years, you should give me
a call.
CHLOE: Three years?
JORDAN pulls a pair of handcuffs from his backpack.
JORDAN: That’s the minimum sentence for attempted murder.

CHLOE: You’re going to arrest me?
JORDAN: I hate to do it, sweetheart. But I’m a man of the law. I have
no choice.
JORDAN cuffs CHLOE’S hands behind her back.
43
BRUNCH CLUB
CHLOE: I understand. Will you visit me in jail?

JORDAN: Sure thing, Dollface. And while I’m there, I’ll stop by to say
hi to your sister.
JORDAN pulls out a second set of cuffs.
ADA: Do you really have to arrest me? Chloe’s fine. You can hardly
even see the scar.
MIKE: Because of my awesome surgery skills which are way cooler
than igloos and mooses.
JENNIFER: Shut up already. I won’t date a whiny man. It’s too
rm for l
embarrassing.
rfo ot sa
JORDAN: Chloe may be fine, but you still brought an unregistered gun
into a public building. I have no choice. I have to take you in.
ce
ADA: I don’t want to go to jail. I know what happens there. I wrote an
pe N ru
article about prison life last year.

JORDAN: You should have thought of that before you shot your sister.
an
Pe
JORDAN cuffs ADA’S hands behind her back.
ADA: (Indicating JENNIFER.) If you arrest me, you’ll have to arrest

her.
JORDAN pulls out two more sets of cuffs.
JORDAN: And her boyfriend, too.

MIKE: I didn’t kill anyone. I didn’t even try to kill anyone.
JORDAN: But you knew that Jennifer had, and you didn’t tell a soul.
MIKE: That’s true.
JORDAN cuffs MIKE’S hands behind his back.
JENNIFER: Will they let me bring my mascara to prison? I’d rather

die than have pale lashes.
JORDAN cuffs JENNIFER’S hands behind her back.
44
BY KATELYN BEYKE
SAUL: So… It’s been really fun hanging out with all of you, but I think
it’s about time for me to be going.
JORDAN pulls a final pair of handcuffs from his backpack.
JORDAN: Not so fast, Lothario. I’ve got a pair for you, too.
SAUL: But metal makes my skin rashy.
JORDAN: Tell that to the judge.
rm for l
rfo ot sa
ce
CHLOE kicks SAUL in the leg to stop him from talking.
pe N ru
CHLOE: Nothing exciting at all, Mr. Tyner.

an
TYNER: Oh, but I’m not the real Mr. Tyner. I’m a clone grown in a top-
Pe
secret, government laboratory from his DNA. The real Mr. Tyner
has been dead for fifteen years.
45
BRUNCH CLUB
SCENE FOUR - BRUNCH NOIR
the room.
rm for l
rfo ot sa
ce
pe N ru

an
Pe
JORDAN reaches into his bag, but finds nothing. He searches the bag.
He turns it upside-down and shakes it. Nothing.
JORDAN: (Frantic.) Where is it? Where’s my sandwich?

CHLOE: What sandwich?
JORDAN: (Almost shouting.) What sandwich? What sandwich?
SAUL: That’s what she asked.
JORDAN: My mother’s world famous tuna salad sandwich. The one
she only makes me once a year. One of you took it.
JENNIFER: Who’d want to take your stupid sandwich?
JORDAN: Someone who knows that it’s won first place in the
International Sandwich Olympics for the last five years.
CHLOE: That rules me out. I had no idea. Good for her, though.
JORDAN: What if you’re just pretending? You could be the one who
took it.
CHLOE: Calm down. I just said I didn’t.
JORDAN: No. I can’t trust you. I can’t trust anyone.
46
BY KATELYN BEYKE
ADA: Take a breath, Yancy.

SAUL: Yeah. Your face is all purple.
ADA: We’ll find your sandwich. It’s got to be in here somewhere.
JORDAN: You’re right. It has to be. And no one’s going to leave the
room until we find it. No one!
The lights go down on the stage. A spot light comes up on center

stage, and MIKE steps into it.
MIKE: (To the audience.) It was a Saturday like any other Saturday.
I was in detention with my best girl, Jennifer. I had picked on some
twerps. And I had just sat down to enjoy a delicious bowl of Pad
rm for l
Thai, when Yancy started freaking out about his sandwich. I knew
rfo ot sa
in that moment what I had to do. I had to help him find that
sandwich, and I had to catch the dirty, rotten thief who took it.
ce
pe N ru
MIKE returns to his original position and the lights go up on the rest of
the CAST.
an
Pe
JORDAN: Which one of you took it?

MIKE: One of them took it, all right. And I’m going to help you find out
who.
JORDAN: Why? You don’t even like me.
MIKE: Maybe I’m a fan of justice. Maybe I had a sandwich stolen from
me once, and I understand your pain. Maybe I’m just bored.
JENNIFER: You’re really going to help him, Mike?
MIKE: Yeah, Toots. I am.
JENNIFER: That’s pretty hot.
CHLOE: I think you guys are being a little overdramatic here. It was
just a sandwich.
JORDAN: My mom’s world famous tuna salad sandwich.
CHLOE: You said that earlier. None of us knew it was famous. I
thought you brought peanut butter like you usually do.
MIKE: Like he usually does, huh?
CHLOE: Yeah.
MIKE: So, you pay attention to Yancy’s sandwich habits.
CHLOE: I’ve noticed that he likes peanut butter. Is that a crime?
47
BRUNCH CLUB
MIKE: No. It’s not a crime to notice. But maybe you didn’t just notice.
Maybe you watched. Watched and waited for the day he brought
that one, extra-special sandwich. A sandwich worth dying for. A
sandwich worth killing for. A sandwich worth sitting through an extra
detention for.
CHLOE: I didn’t do that. I only know he eats peanut butter every day
because Abi Wright can’t sit by him. She’s allergic.
JORDAN: Is that why she won’t sit near me? Huh. I thought she didn’t
like me.
JENNIFER: She doesn’t. But you can blame the peanut butter if you
want.
SAUL: All this talk about peanut butter is making me hungry. Can I
rm for l
eat my sandwich now, or do you need to ask more overdramatic
rfo ot sa
questions?
MIKE: Are you sure you want to eat your sandwich?
ce
SAUL: Yeah. I mean, I forgot the maple syrup, but it should be okay.
pe N ru
MIKE: Are you sure you’re hungry enough to eat it…or are you still full
from eating Yancy’s sandwich?
an
SAUL: I didn’t eat his sandwich. I haven’t eaten any sandwiches. Wait.
Pe
That’s not true. I had a pancake and jelly sandwich for breakfast.
JORDAN: He could be lying. Or maybe he doesn’t even remember
eating it.
SAUL: I think I’d remember if I ate your sandwich.
JENNIFER: You forgot you ate a pancake sandwich.
SAUL: But that was a long time ago. It was like…six hours ago. You
can’t expect me to remember something from six hours ago.
JENNIFER: Jordan’s sandwich was taken only an hour ago.
MIKE: Oh, was it now?
JENNIFER: I guess.
JORDAN: How would you know unless you were the one to take it?
JENNIFER: I don’t know. I was just guessing.
MIKE: Just guessing. It was a pretty specific guess.
JENNIFER: You don’t think I took it, Mike. I’m your girlfriend. Go
interrogate one of those losers.
MIKE: None of those losers knew the exact time the sandwich was
taken, do they?
JENNIFER: I don’t know.
48
BY KATELYN BEYKE
MIKE: How do you know what time it was taken, Jennifer? Did you
take his sandwich?
JENNIFER: I didn’t.
JORDAN: She’s lying. I can see her face twitching.
JENNIFER: I didn’t. I swear I didn’t.
MIKE: Then how do you know when it was taken?
JENNIFER: Because I tried to steal it. When Yancy went to the
bathroom, I grabbed his lunch bag, but when I opened it… the
sandwich was already gone.
JORDAN: You were going to take my sandwich?
JENNIFER: I know. I’m so ashamed. Stealing is so uncool. Can you
ever forgive me, Mike?
rm for l
rfo ot sa
ce
pe N ru
MIKE: (To the audience.) My best girl, a would-be sandwich thief.

How could I have known she could sink so low? But that revelation
an
made me all the more determined to find the real culprit to clear
Pe
Jennifer’s name once and for all. Mainly because I didn’t want to
have to dump her.
the CAST.
MIKE: We know the sandwich has been missing for at least an hour.
JORDAN: A lot can happen in an hour. It’s probably already been
eaten.
MIKE: Don’t lose hope, Yancy. We may still be able to save it.
ADA: Can’t you just ask your mom to make you another one?
JORDAN: She only makes them once a year. Once.
SAUL: Wow. It’ll be like…eight months before you get another one.
CHLOE: Maybe she’d make an exception if you tell her someone took
yours.
JORDAN: She doesn’t make exceptions. My brother dropped his in a
mud puddle once, and she just laughed. She laughed!
ADA: That’s a little harsh.
JORDAN: Wait a minute. I’ve told you that story before.
49
BRUNCH CLUB
ADA: What? No. I’ve never heard it.

JORDAN: Yeah. I told you when you were writing that article about
last year’s Sandwich Olympics.
MIKE: So, you wrote an article, did you?
ADA: No. Jordan has me confused with someone else.
JORDAN: No. I remember it now. You came over to my house and
asked my mom a bunch of questions.
JENNIFER: I read that article. That’s how I knew about the sandwich.
Your picture was next to it. You wrote it.
ADA: Yeah. So what if I did?
MIKE: Maybe after hearing so much about the sandwich, you had to
have one for yourself. You wanted that sandwich, didn’t you, Ada?
rm for l
You wanted that sandwich, and you took it.
rfo ot sa
ADA: No. I didn’t. I swear.
CHLOE: She lied about writing the article. She’s probably lying about
ce
this, too.
pe N ru
ADA: I only lied because I knew if I told you the truth, you’d think it
was me who took it.
an
JORDAN: Yeah. There’s a good reason for that.
Pe
ADA: I knew about the sandwich. Sure. But I didn’t take it. I would
never take it.
MIKE: Why should we believe you?
ADA: Because someone stole my sandwich once.
CHLOE: No!
ADA: Yes. It was second grade. My mom packed my favorite—ham
and cheddar with a thick slice of tomato. I could hardly wait for
lunch. I was so excited, but when I opened my lunch box…it was
gone. Gone I tell you. Gone!
ADA sobs. SAUL puts her arm around her.
SAUL: There. There. You’re all right.

ADA: My favorite sandwich. Someone took it from me.
SAUL: Shh . It’s okay. It’s in sandwich heaven now.
ADA: I could never take your sandwich, Jordan. I know how much it
hurts. I could never do that to you. I could never do that to anyone.
JENNIFER: Wow. Crying in public is so embarrassing.
JORDAN: Did you ever find out who took your sandwich?
50
BY KATELYN BEYKE
ADA: Yeah. I did.

MIKE: I’m not sure that’s relevant. Second grade was a long time ago.
CHLOE: I remember now. Mrs. Thompson found the sandwich-thief
with crumbs all down his shirt. She made him write “I will not steal
sandwiches” on the blackboard a hundred times.
JENNIFER: Who was it?
ADA: It was Mike! Mike stole my sandwich!

MIKE: (To the audience.) There it was, my dirty little secret. How
rm for l
could I criticize my best girl for trying to steal Yancy’s sandwich
rfo ot sa
when I was no better than she was? Worse maybe, because I had
succeeded. But that was ten years ago. Ten long years. And I had
ce
served my time for it. I can still feel the ache in my wrist from writing
pe N ru
on that chalkboard. I can still feel the shame of twenty-two pairs of

eyes staring at me as I wrote.
an
Pe
the CAST.
JORDAN: You took my sandwich?

MIKE: No. I didn’t. I didn’t touch your sandwich.
CHLOE: Once a thief, always a thief.
ADA: It’s kind of fitting. You and Jennifer are both sandwich-stealing
lowlifes.
MIKE: I didn’t take the sandwich. I’m reformed. I served my time. I’ve
never touched another sandwich.
JORDAN: You’re a liar.
MIKE: I’m not lying to you, Yancy.
JORDAN: Am I supposed to believe you? You’ve never shown me
any respect before. You don’t respect me enough to get my name
right. It’s not hard to believe you’d steal from me.
CHLOE: You do pick on him a lot.
SAUL: You pick on everyone a lot.
JENNIFER: It’s because he’s better than all of you. Why do you think
I’m dating him?
51
BRUNCH CLUB
ADA: I’ve actually just finished a piece on bullies and burglary. It had
some great quotes from Principal Mathews. He mentioned you by
name.
MIKE: Sure. I’ll take a dweeb’s pencils or his homework. But I’d never
take his sandwich.
ADA: You took mine.
MIKE: I’m a changed man. I’m sorry I took your sandwich, Ada. But
that was ten years ago. I was a stupid kid. I’d never do something
like that now.
JORDAN: But you did. You took my sandwich.
MIKE: If I took your sandwich, why would I be helping you now?
JORDAN: Maybe you just wanted to throw me off your trail.
rm for l
ADA: Or you wanted to mess with his head.
rfo ot sa
CHLOE: Sounds more likely than you helping him out of the goodness
of your heart.
ce
MIKE: I’ll admit—I’m not helping you because I like you. I still think
pe N ru
you’re a dork.
JORDAN: Thanks.
an
MIKE: I’m helping you to clear my conscience. I thought if I could find
Pe
your sandwich, I wouldn’t feel so bad about taking Ada’s.

ADA: I’ll still feel bad.
MIKE: Shut up, loser. I’m not talking to you.
JENNIFER: You tell her, Mike. I love an assertive man. They’re so
hot.
JORDAN: Okay. If you didn’t take my sandwich, who did? You’re
supposed to be helping me, but I still don’t have my sandwich.
MIKE: If you’d stop blaming everyone for a minute, maybe I could
figure it out.
JORDAN: Fine.
MIKE: Good. Now, let’s get the facts straight. When’s the last time
you saw your sandwich?
JORDAN: Well, I put it in my lunch bag this morning. I checked on it
when I got here to make sure it was still in there.
MIKE: Was it?
JORDAN: Yeah. And I checked on it again when I got back from the
bathroom.
ADA: When was that?
MIKE: I’m supposed to be the one asking questions here.
52
BY KATELYN BEYKE
ADA: Sorry. I like asking questions.

MIKE: Well, don’t.
JORDAN: I went to the bathroom around ten forty-five.
MIKE: Around ten forty-five?
CHLOE: It was ten forty-seven.
MIKE: How do you know the exact minute he went to the bathroom?
CHLOE: Why are you interrogating me? Can’t a girl know when her
classmates go to the restroom? Are you trying to limit my
knowledge now? Are you telling me I’m too observant? You can’t
keep me from knowing things. Knowing things doesn’t make me
guilty.
MIKE: I was just asking.
rm for l
JENNIFER: You’re little outbursts are really lame. I’m glad I’m not
rfo ot sa
smart. Smart people are really dumb.
MIKE: So… the last time you saw your sandwich was ten forty-seven.
ce
JORDAN: Yeah.
pe N ru
ADA: Are you sure it was your sandwich?

SAUL: Or was it a sandwich from an alternate reality?
an
JORDAN: It was my sandwich. I opened it up to check.
Pe
MIKE: So the sandwich was safely in your lunch bag at ten forty-seven,
but by eleven it was gone.
JORDAN: If Jennifer’s telling the truth.
JENNIFER: Hey!
MIKE: Let’s assume for a minute that she is. That leaves a thirteen
minute window for someone to take the sandwich.
CHLOE: Thirteen minutes is a long time.
MIKE: Were you in your seat the whole thirteen minutes?
JORDAN: I think so.
ADA: No, you weren’t. You got up to help Mr. Tyner open his bag of
sour candy.
JORDAN: Oh, yeah. I did.
SAUL: He didn’t even share any with us.
MIKE: Did you leave your lunch bag at your desk?
JORDAN: Of course.
MIKE: Unguarded?
JORDAN: Well, yeah. I guess. But I was just across the room.
MIKE: Just across the room was just far enough for someone to grab
your sandwich.
53
BRUNCH CLUB
JORDAN: Are you saying this is my fault for being helpful?

MIKE: No. I’m saying there was an opportunity. We need to figure
out who took that opportunity.
SAUL: Op…por..tun…ity. That’s a funny word.
MIKE: (Ignoring SAUL.) What was everyone doing while Jordan was
opening the bag of candy?
JENNIFER: I was painting my nails.
MIKE: Let me see.
JENNIFER: You’ve never cared about my nails before.
MIKE: Just let me see them.
JENNIFER holds out her hands. MIKE inspects them.
rm for l
rfo ot sa
MIKE: Candy apple red. Fresh coat. No smudging.
JENNIFER: Of course there’s no smudging. I’ve been painting my
ce
nails since I was three.
pe N ru
MIKE: Check your lunch bag, Yancy. Is there any red?

an
JORDAN checks the bag.
Pe
JORDAN: No. Not a drop.

MIKE: Looks like your alibi holds, Toots.
JENNIFER: I told you I didn’t take your stupid sandwich.
JORDAN: What about you, Mike? What were you doing, huh? Huh?
MIKE: I was blowing spit wads at the back of Ada’s head. Duh.
ADA: Hey!
CHLOE: Yep. There’s a whole bunch of them back there.
ADA: Gross. Get them off me.
SAUL: Make Jennifer do it. It’s her boyfriend’s spit.
JENNIFER: No way. I’m not touching that stuff.
MIKE: Here.
MIKE acts as if picking spit wads out of ADA’S hair.
JENNIFER: How childish can you be? You’re so embarrassing.

JORDAN: Embarrassing, but not necessarily innocent.
MIKE: The spit wads are the proof. I’m innocent.
JORDAN: You could have spat on her at any point in the day.
54
BY KATELYN BEYKE
CHLOE bends down to inspect one of the “spit wads.”
CHLOE: Actually, if you factor in the current air moisture and the drying
time for a spit wad of that size, I’d say that these were definitely spat
at the time in question.
SAUL: Ooh. Do me! When am I going to die? Am I going to be
famous? What am I going to eat for breakfast tomorrow?
CHLOE: I’m not psychic. I was using science.
JENNIFER: Wow. You’re nerdiness actually came in handy.
JORDAN: Okay. Fine. You’re innocent, Mike.
ADA: And so am I. If he was spitting at me, then I couldn’t have been
rm for l
taking your dumb sandwich.
rfo ot sa
MIKE: That leaves Chloe and Saul.
SAUL: I was playing hacky sack.
ce
JORDAN: Do you have any proof of that?
pe N ru
SAUL: Yeah. I hit Jennifer on the back the head.

JENNIFER: That’s right. He almost made me spill my nail polish on
an
my pants. They’re Italian. It would have ruined them.
Pe
MIKE: Saul has an alibi.

JORDAN: That means Chloe must have been the one to take it.
CHLOE: No it doesn’t. I have an alibi, too.
JORDAN: You can’t! Someone had to take it, and it was you.
MIKE: Let her talk, Yancy. What were you doing, Chloe?
CHLOE: I was working on my homework up on the chalkboard.
JENNIFER: But you’re always working on your homework, so that
doesn’t prove anything.
MIKE: Unless someone saw you, it’s not much of an alibi.
SAUL: I saw her.
JORDAN: Are you sure?
SAUL: Yeah. That’s why I hit Jennifer. I was distracted by the bunny
you drew.
CHLOE: I didn’t draw a bunny.
SAUL: Yeah you did. Look. (SAUL points toward the audience.)
CHLOE: That’s a very complex series of equations.
SAUL: Sure. But if you tilt your head and squint, the plus sign is its
nose, the parentheses are his ears, and the multiplication sign is its
cute little tail.
55
BRUNCH CLUB
EVERYONE tilts his or her head and looks toward the audience.
ADA: Yeah. I kind of see it.

JENNIFER: It’s so adorable.
CHLOE: It’s not adorable. It’s intelligent.
ADA: I want to cuddle it.
CHLOE: It’s an equation!
MIKE: I guess you’re innocent.
JORDAN: That’s not possible. Everyone can’t be innocent.
MIKE: There’s one person we didn’t rule out.
JORDAN: Who? Saul was hacky-sacking. Jennifer was painting her
rm for l
nails. You were picking on Ada who was being picked on. And
rfo ot sa
Chloe was drawing bunnies.
CHLOE: They weren’t bunnies!
ce
JORDAN: That’s everyone. There’s no one left.
pe N ru
SAUL: Unless there’s someone invisible in the room. Quick,

everyone—we need to splash paint around the room so we can find
him.
an
Pe
JENNIFER: Don’t you dare. You’ll get paint on my pants and they’re…
ADA: (Cutting her off.) talian. We know.
MIKE: There aren’t any invisible people in here.
SAUL: That you know of.
JORDAN: Then who are you talking about?
MIKE: You.
JENNIFER: Ooh. This is finally getting interesting.
ADA: Would you guys mind if I took a few quotes? This would make
a great article.
JORDAN: Why would I take it? That doesn’t make any sense.
CHLOE: I have to agree with him. I can’t think of a single logical
reason he’d steal his own sandwich.
MIKE: Think about it this way. You’ve got your favorite sandwich. You
have to wait until noon to eat it. You try to resist the temptation, but
it proves to be too much. You take a nibble. Than a bite. You can’t
stop. Pretty soon you’ve eaten the whole thing. When lunch time
rolls around you realize what you’ve done. You’re so embarrassed
at your lack of willpower, you start accusing people of stealing the
very sandwich you just ate.
56
BY KATELYN BEYKE
JENNIFER: That makes sense.

JORDAN: No it doesn’t.
CHLOE: Yeah. It kind of does.
JORDAN: I didn’t eat the sandwich. One of you ate it.
ADA: It’s really rude to go around accusing people when you know
perfectly well there was never a crime to begin with.
JORDAN: There was a crime! Someone took my sandwich. One of
you took my sandwich!
JENNIFER: There he goes again. We didn’t eat your sandwich, Dork.
You ate it.
SAUL: I still think the invisible guy ate it.
CHLOE: Confess.
rm for l
ADA: Just tell us you ate it.
rfo ot sa
JENNIFER: It’s no use lying any more.
JORDAN: I didn’t eat it. I wish I had, but I never had the chance.
ce
ADA: Liar!
pe N ru
CHLOE: If he won’t admit to it, we’ll just have to find our own proof.
(To JORDAN.) Let us smell your breath.
an
JORDAN: No way.
Pe
ADA: Why not? Afraid we’ll smell tuna?

JORDAN: No…I’m just embarrassed.
JENNIFER: Embarrassed that you ate it?
JORDAN: No. I have halitosis.
CHLOE: Let us smell it.
JORDAN: No. Never.
SAUL: Hold him down and smell his breath!
JENNIFER, ADA, CHLOE, and SAUL grab JORDAN and try to force
him to the floor. As he struggles, the lights go down on the stage. A
spot light comes up on center stage, and MIKE steps into it.
MIKE: (To the audience.) The situation was getting grim. Chaos was
taking over. I had to act fast, but before I could, Mr. Tyner appeared.
It was like one of those deuce machines that English teachers are
always talking about.
the cast. TYNER enters carrying a lunch box.
57
BRUNCH CLUB

JORDAN: No Mr. Tyner.
MIKE covers SAUL’S mouth to stop him from talking.
MIKE: Nothing exciting at all, Mr. Tyner.

TYNER: Great. By the way, did someone leave a sandwich in the
hallway? I just stepped on one and got tuna salad all over my new
shoes. And they’re Italian, too.
rm for l SCENE FIVE - FINAL BRUNCH

rfo ot sa
TYNER: Okay, kids. I left my lunch at home… so I’m going to order a
ce
pizza. Does everyone like pepperoni?
pe N ru
Lights Down
an
Pe
END OF PLAY
58
Pe
pe N ru
59
NOTES
rfo ot sa
BY KATELYN BEYKE
rm for l
an
ce
Pe
pe N ru
60
NOTES
rfo ot sa
BRUNCH CLUB
rm for l
an
ce
KATELYN BEYKE
Katelyn has been writing plays since the eighth
grade (or a little over ten years). She started her
theatre career as an actress, but later discovered a
passion for creating the play instead of performing
in it. She tries to use the elements she enjoyed
most as an actress when she writes: sword fighting,
arguments, and characters who are over-the-top
without being two-diminsional. Katelyn currently
lives in Illinois with her husband and daughters.
When she isn’t writing, she spends her time studying
Indian embroidery and reading classic novels.
The Brunch Club
by Katelyn Beyke
Type: Full Length Play
Genre: Comedy
Duration: 75 minutes
Cast: 3-12 females, 3-12 males, 1 either, 7-25 total cast; gender flexible
What will happen when you leave six high school seniors alone in detention? Will
they kill each other? Will they turn into flesh-hungry zombies? Will they unleash
plagues upon the world? Will they do all of the above and more? Four hilarious
scenes show the many possible outcomes for six unsupervised students.
ISBN: 978-1-60003-763-4

The Brunch Club - Script

Uploaded by

Document Information

Copyright

Available Formats

Share this document

Share or Embed Document

Sharing Options

Did you find this document useful?

Is this content inappropriate?

Copyright:

Available Formats

The Brunch Club - Script

Uploaded by

Copyright:

Available Formats

FREE PERUSAL DOWNLOADS WEEKLY

PERFORMANCE RIGHTS AND ROYALTY PAYMENTS: All amateur and stock

Questions concerning other rights should be addressed to Brooklyn Publishers, LLC.

PUBLISHER CREDIT: Whenever this play is produced, all programs, advertisements,

Produced by special arrangement with Brooklyn Publishers, LLC

rm for l(3-12 female, 3-12 male, 1 either; gender flexible)

JENNIFER (f) ................................. A self-obsessed drama queen (212 lines)

JORDAN (m) .................................. A nondescript student who loves

A spotlight is necessary in the last scene. Stage lights should be lowered

Scene 3 requires a gunshot. This can be accomplished most simply by

should be reset to the starting configuration between each scene.

Tyner should be dressed professionally. The students should dress in

OPTIONAL LIGHTING CUES

 TYNER- Lunch box

UPSTAGE: Back of stage

SCENE ONE - BRUNCH CLUB

JENNIFER: (Handing MIKE a carryout box and a pair of chopsticks.)

from HER.) There better be a lime in here.

JORDAN pulls a sandwich from his brown paper lunch bag.

JORDAN: (Disappointed.) Peanut butter. Again.

ADA: So, what are you in for?

CHLOE: Yancy isn’t going to write an inspirational essay.

ADA: It’ll be completely anonymous.

MIKE grabs the notebook from her hands.

MIKE: You aren’t writing the article.

ADA: I think it’s going on the front page.

MIKE grabs JORDAN’S sandwich and throws it at Jordan. JORDAN

ADA: Hey—watch out. You hit me in the… (SHE coughs.) My face.

ADA collapses to the floor in a fit of coughing. JORDAN and CHLOE

MIKE: What’s wrong with you?

MIKE: How was I supposed to know she was allergic?

JENNIFER: Doesn’t anyone know CPR?

JORDAN: Should we call the police? Someone dial 911.

MIKE grabs CHLOE and kisses her.

JENNIFER slaps MIKE.

JENNIFER: What are you doing?

JORDAN: I don’t think you’re being rational.

JENNIFER: They better not take me in for questioning. I have

JORDAN: Well, you’re fine then. They’ll arrest the sandwich.

CHLOE holds up a phone.

CHLOE: Got it.

JENNIFER: What about mother?

MIKE: She was in Spanish class, right?

SAUL: You could tell her aliens abducted her daughter.

JORDAN: Eventually, we’re going to have to tell someone. Mr.

CHLOE: Just call her.

JORDAN: It’s ringing.

JORDAN hangs up the phone and throws it across the room.

MIKE: What was that?

JORDAN: I don’t know. I panicked.

You can make yourself sound like someone else.

The phone rings.

MIKE: Someone has to answer it.

JENNIFER picks up the phone.

JENNIFER: It’s just her mom.

JENNIFER tosses the phone to MIKE.

JENNIFER: Now you are.

JORDAN: Just answer it!

The phone stops ringing.

CHLOE: Too late.

JORDAN: That’s what I said.

MIKE: He’s not going to be happy.

JORDAN: Make sure you don’t move her.