The Wayback Machine - https://web.archive.org/web/20130709181904/http://markmanson.

net:80/self-disc…

Articles
Books
Courses
Forum
Contact

Self Discipline

October 01 2012

Self Discipline
(Read this article as: PDF | ePub)

In 1972, Walter Mischel brought children one by one into a room and gave them marshmallows. The doors
were locked. The windows were unidirectional.

No, Mischel was not a pedophile. He was a psychologist and this would prove to be one of the most famous
experiments of the last century.

Each child was put in a room by themselves and given a single treat. He then told the child that he had to
leave the room, but if the child waited and didn’t eat the marshmallow until he came back, he would reward
them with two marshmallows.
While outside the room, he tracked what the children did. Could they delay gratification and wait for a
greater reward? Or would they indulge their impulses once left unsupervised?

About a third immediately ate the marshmallow as soon as Mischel walked out. Another third waited for a
period of time, but finally gave in and ate it. And then the last third waited the full 15 minutes — no doubt an
eternity for a child with candy in front of them — until Mischel came back and gave them their reward.

At the time, psychologists believed self-discipline and will-power was something that was innate, and
unchangeable, so in this case, it was an afterthought. What Mischel had been more interested in was whether
a child’s age correlated with their ability to delay gratification. It was an experiment in developmental
psychology, not personality.

And sure enough, it did correlate: older children were, on average, able to wait longer before giving into
temptation. This got published. Mischel went on with his career and the children went on with theirs. The
marshmallow experiment was a success, but largely forgotten.

But the Marshmallow Experiment, as it’s now known, was almost lost to the annals of minor significance.
Chances are I wouldn’t be writing about it and you wouldn’t be reading about it if it weren’t for a
coincidence and 20 years of time.
It so happened that the subjects of Mischel’s original experiment consisted of his daughter (then five-years-
old) and her schoolmates, including many of her friends. As the years dragged on and his daughter and her
friends grew up, it became harder and harder for Mischel to ignore the fact that many of the kids who
demonstrated no ability to delay gratification were getting in trouble at school and making poor grades, and
the ones who had showed a perfect display of delayed gratification were scoring high on their SAT’s and
getting admitted to prestigious colleges. He decided to track the children down and see where they had ended
up as young adults.

The follow-up results were seismic and why the experiment continues to be so famous today.

A child’s ability to delay gratification correlated with academic and professional success more than almost
any other measure — more than intelligence, more than standardized testing, more than household income,
religion, personality tests, gender — anything.

Psychologists conducted similar studies and found that people who were able to delay gratification longer
were, on average, physically healthier, socially more popular, academically more successful, financially
more stable, and overall rated their subjective quality of life higher. They produced better SAT scores, went
to better schools, got better jobs, had more stable relationships and suffered from fewer mental illnesses.

A definitive predictor of future success eluded psychologists for close to a century. The measurement of IQ
had originally been invented for this purpose, but failed spectacularly, and other measurements proved just as
faulty. But it appeared Mischel had stumbled upon a reliable predictor on accident.

Do keep in mind these are averages, there are still a lot of factors that determine the quality of one’s life. It
just appears that self-discipline underlies many of them. In fact, many of the problems I’ve addressed on this
site for years — overcoming anxiety, the actions required for happiness, success with women, to name a few
— research shows a correlation in people who have higher degrees of discipline and will power with
successfully handling these.

I would also venture to guess that our current generation lacks self-discipline more than almost any
generation before us. Will power was celebrated as a virtue throughout the Victorian era and prior. And for
most of human history anyone who lacked a modicum of daily discipline would merely starve to death.

Today we are swamped with distractive forces — television, movies, social media, internet, video games,
texting — and most of us have been raised by parents with a “hands off” child-rearing philosophy, you know,
assuming they were around at all.

For our generation, (unless you’re Asian) emphasis has always been put on self-esteem and not self-
discipline.

Instead of engaged and nurtured, we were placed squarely in front of new nannies: cable television or a
Playstation. Instead of being punished for half-assing, we were rewarded for mediocrity. Participation
awards, “A for Effort” and trophies for everyone, even if they lost — these reinforced the belief that we don’t
actually have to earn anything, it’s handed to us.

Without veering too far off into a sociological diatribe about how the (post-)modern generations have really
fucked themselves up, let me distill it thusly: we’re a generation that while rewarded with the greatest
abundance of opportunity and technology in history, we were never forced to earn what we got, and therefore
developed little self-control.

This lack of self-control is bleeding over into our personal and emotional lives. And suddenly one can see
how our generation currently reports all-time highs in anxiety disorders, depression and relationship trouble,
statistics the extra medications fail to erode away.

When I surveyed you, my lovely readers, earlier this year, about what you felt your biggest weakness was,
self-discipline was a common, but not top, answer given.

But on a second glancing through that list, and after the research I’ve done on self-regulation (the fancy
psychological term for will power) lately, it appears most of the top answers ARE symptoms of a lack of self-
discipline — being assertive, standing up for oneself, career advancement, life balance, time management —
and these would all be greatly remedied by a newfound discipline for ourselves, and the removal of that
onerous space between wanting and doing.

But before we dive into how to build self-discipline, I want to establish a couple definitions. I realize these
definitions are arbitrary and don’t reflect psychological doctrine perfectly, but I want to make a couple
distinctions which I believe will be useful for our purposes.

1. Will Power – The ability to perform an action despite a negative emotional state. Or to put it in
layman’s terms: your ability to do something when you don’t want to do it. Will power describes the
short-term burst against internal resistance, that in-the-moment perseverance we’ve all resorted to at
one point or another.
2. Self-Discipline – How close your day-to-day behavior reflects the person you wish to be. This is a
longer-term fidelity to how you envision your ideal self. Self-discipline, beyond simply persevering in
the moment, represents a daily self-directness in all of your actions.

I split these two definitions up because I think most people trip themselves up by confusing them. Will power
requires momentary psychic strength. Self-discipline requires days, weeks or months of daily habit and
conscious control.

What we’ll discover is that the more will power you exert in the short term, the more you can fatigue your
self-discipline in the long-term. So in many ways, ENHANCING your short-term will power will actually
backfire on your long-term discipline depending on how you go about it.

What I mean by that is, if you put all of your effort into short-term perseverance, you are often LESS likely
to develop a life-long control of a certain behavior.

Anyone who’s ever attempted a diet can probably tell you this.

Will Power Must Be Practiced

In 1994, psychologist Roy Baumeister made a startling

discovery. People who were forced to exert will power (in this case, resisting eating cookies placed in front
of them) did worse on puzzles and problem solving tasks than people who indulged themselves. Thinking
that perhaps it was a fluke of particularly hungry people, him and other psychologists ended up reproducing
the results over and over again — people who are forced to exert will power and focus on one task, are worse
at exerting will power and focus on subsequent tasks.

What this means is our will power is finite and can be drained.

We each have a certain fuel tank of will power that we can exert and once we use it all up, we are far more
prone to give up and indulge ourselves in our whims, impulses and base desires.

This phenomenon is referred to in psychology as ego depletion.

Hence why after a hard day’s work, all you want to do is sloth around on the couch and eat ice cream. Or
why after a week of strict dieting it’s so easy to convince yourself that eating an entire pizza isn’t such a big
deal. Or why after studying all day for an exam you feel justified in going out and getting shit-faced on
tequila and exposing yourself in public (…not that this has ever happened, just saying).

This information depresses people. They figure, well, if I only have so much will power, then I may as well
conserve it for really important tasks, like practicing trick jumps in Halo 3 or not smacking my boss in the
face tomorrow when he yells at me.

They figure there’s no point in trying to get that six-pack or start that new business if they barely have
enough will power to make it through their current day-to-day drudgery.

But the good news is will power is like a muscle, it can be exercised and practiced and built up. It can also be
forgotten, weakened and atrophied. Just like going to the gym and building up your body, you can build up
your discipline and will power over a long period of time by setting and accomplishing series of tasks on a
consistent basis.

You can make your fuel tank bigger and bigger by draining it on a consistent basis.

And you can also slow the loss of will power. Studies show that putting yourself into a positive and/or
competitive mood has restorative effects on will power, as does, strangely enough, glycogen (as in eating
sugar or starch).

This is why those catastrophic tasks as an adolescent (homework, flossing) become simple and an
afterthought once you’re older. You’ve built up your ego depletion; your will power muscle is bigger and
stronger. You also, ideally, give more of a crap about yourself and your well-being, so you’re happy, excited
even, to do these things.

It’s also why some people are able to focus and work 12- or 16-hour days, while others struggle to pour
themselves coffee. It’s not that they’re superhuman or genetically enhanced or neurotic, but they’ve built up
their fuel tank to that level. They’ve practiced will power to such an extent over such a long period of time,
blowing through a 12-hour day of productivity becomes the new normal.

This is probably the biggest argument for studying consistently in university. For many of us, we’re able to
loaf through college by staying up all night a couple days before the exam or term paper while screwing
around for weeks on end. That’s how I was, and in some ways I regret it.

But at some point in your life, you will likely run into a situation where you wish you were capable of
working one of these marathon sessions without breaking a sweat; or you’ll wish to be able to work a series
of marathon sessions when necessary — starting your own business, working for a major promotion, sales
pitch to investors, etc.

But to get back to the point: will power is finite, but it can be built and practiced. It’s what happens in the
long-term that gets more complicated.

Self-Discipline is a Series of Positive Habits

Let’s stick with the diet example since that’s something most people have failed at at one point or another.

Most people go about dieting with a “crash” mentality. They pick an arbitrary number — say, lose 15 pounds
in two months — and then they implement whichever form of starvation or asceticism most appeals to them
that season.

Most people approach the whole ordeal from a perspective of will power. I will turn down desserts. I will
skip breakfast. I will force myself to walk three times a week for 30 minutes. Then I’ll lose my 15 pounds
and I’ll be happy.

Even if their ego depletion survives such a crass assault from their vanity, they’ve now depleted all of their
will power in order to reach an arbitrary goal, and not build a lifestyle habit.
What happens? By and large people fail. They don’t make it. Eventually their ego depletion catches up with
them, and the Oreos, Snickers, Pizza Hut, and 2-for-1 margaritas take over.

And even for the few who succeed, their fate is not much better. Statistics show that over 90% of people who
reach their dieting goals eventually gain all of the weight back, and usually add some more, just to be safe.

If you peruse fitness and nutrition magazines and forums, anyone who has successfully lost a lot of weight
(or added a lot of muscle) and maintained it will tell you that it’s not about will power but it’s rather about
integrating the appropriate habits into your daily life. It’s not about the will power to give up certain foods,
but developing the taste for good ones. It’s not about forcing yourself to the gym every week as much as
finding a way to actually look forward to it and enjoy it.

This subject is a little bit close to my heart since I lost between 30 and 35 pounds over the course of a year
between 2009 and 2010.

What ultimately worked for me and most people was not a diet plan or following a specific regimen to the
‘T’, but building a series of healthy life habits. Your will power is exerted to making simple lifestyle changes
that are sustainable rather than drastic shifts that you have no hope of maintaining day after day, year after
year.

Most people exert their will power on temporary fixes rather than life-long habits.

Think about it, a person who gets up every morning, makes their bed, gets all of their work done by noon,
practices an instrument in the afternoon, learns a new language in their spare time, goes to the gym every
other night, and budgets their finances perfectly, calls their mother and feeds the dog — do you really think
they are forcing themselves into making all of these decisions at every moment of every day against a wave
of internal resistance?

Of course not, they would deplete their fuel tank in no time. And even if they worked up their will power
over a long period of time, they’d burn themselves out within a few days.

This is why research has shown over and over again that people who set multiple goals at the same time end
up accomplishing none of them — they burn themselves out before they have time to turn each one into a
habit. What DOES work is focusing on one goal at a time, and building up to it slowly over a long period of
time by implementing habits.

This is not sexy or exciting. This is probably why few people bother doing it. We’re impatient. We’re
undisciplined.

So how does one exert their will power toward healthy habits? Here’s how — and for what it’s worth, I
didn’t magically come up with this. This little four-step process is based on the research of Baumeister and
others, some NLP principles, and then a few of my own touches thrown in based on my years of experience
working with people :

1. Clearly define your goal – Goals should be quantifiable and measurable. For instance, “look sexy in
my new shirt” is not quantifiable or measurable (if you don’t believe me, drink a few beers and then
tell me how you look). Instead, “lose 10 pounds” or “get down to 12% body fat” is distinct and
measurable. But this is a goal that can be achieved without nailing a lifestyle habit. So instead, look at
what will create the proper habit and make THAT your goal. So instead of looking sexy in your shirt,
or getting to 12% body fat, make your goal, “never eat more than 3,000 calories a day and keep my fat
intake below 100g.” Measurable. Quantifiable. And allows lifestyle flexibility to create a lasting habit.
 
2. Monitor your behavior – Possibly the most important and most overlooked step. Most of us are
woefully unaware of what we actually spend our time thinking and doing. In one study, researchers
found that people who kept a diet log and tracked everything they ate each day lost 50% more weight
than people who didn’t. Keep a journal, track your time, keep lists of what you accomplished. If your
goal has to be measurable, then what you do each day should be measurable as well. Otherwise you
have no idea how close you’re getting.
 
 3. Create incentive and accountability – Just as will power replenishes in competitive situations, you
up your chances of achieving a goal by finding ways to give yourself incentive or keep yourself
accountable. This could be something as simple as telling friends and family, to putting money down
on your ability to achieve your goal. Websites such as www.stickk.com where you’re able to bet
money against yourself and others of whether you’ll meet your goal or not are becoming a raging
success.
 
4. Get excited – Everything is easier when you enjoy it and when you’re excited about it. If something is
not fun, find a way to make it fun. Get creative. Turn it into a game. Hate eating vegetables? Challenge
yourself to see how many calories you can get from vegetables each day. Then reward yourself. Set
personal records. If you hate the gym, play a sport. Set affirmations for yourself. Remind yourself why
you’re doing what you’re doing. Every time you screw something up or someone doubts you, get
pissed off and use it as fuel to inspire future success. Instead of getting weighed down by your
emotions, leverage them to your advantage.

Author Jonathan Franzen once said that nothing good could be written on a laptop that had an internet
connection. Your goal should not be the final end product, but creating circumstances which make the end
product inevitable.

Instead of setting a goal of getting 3-hours of work done each night, expend your will power on habits which
will make that 3-hours inevitable — removing distractions, disconnecting internet, setting up rituals.

New behaviors only require will power until they’re ingrained in us, until we no longer have to think about
them. Instead of asking yourself what goal you’d like to reach, go one step further and ask which habits
you’d have to implement in order for that goal to be achievable, and then expend the will power on
implementing those life habits.

63 Comments
Leave a Comment

« Previous 1 2

Reply

aNTONIO

1 month ago

Thanks Mark, great article as usual, as your products are.

One question, I have been playing around with internet marketing for some time and I’ve been stuck in
a paradigm, the same ritual over and over.

Got a great idea, launch a product (Internet marketing niche), get all the buyers on a list but after that,
I’m done. I can’t fight it over, I mean I should send them emails, write content, develop more products
but I end up canceling my hosting account my aweber account..Later on, when I need money, I go
through the same process, and end up in the same spot.

Could this be because of my fear of communicating with my clients (maybe I think that I’m not that
experienced to sell them a product on that subject) ?
Could this be because I live with my parents and I don’t really need that money so much?

I don’t know who to ask, I know you’ve dealt with something similar with this and would be
appreciated if you would answer this.

As a solution, I was thinking at trying this month to focus 30 minutes a day, no matter what, each day,
working on something on the internet marketing. Let’s see where this ends.

Reply

Mark Manson
1 month ago

There’s kind of a broader philosophical question behind this that would make a good post,
something I’ve been thinking about a lot: do you do what you love to make money, or do you
make money so you can do what you love?

People who do the latter often fall into this hamster wheel cycle. All of the work they do is a
means to an end and not actually something they care about or are invested in emotionally.

Reply

Paul

1 month ago

I was thinking this too as I was reading. I was also thinking about how some people are
employed ‘just to get by’ with a job they can at least stomach, and do what they love for
free so they don’t let money color their passion (the key though is that they still do what
they love). Speaking from experience, I’ve turned a passion into what is finally now
becoming a career, and though I love it I have found that the money factor taints it a little.

Reply

ISAAC gRISWOLD-STEINER
1 month ago

Aye, I agree. A few months ago, after getting out of my first year of college I
realized I was absolutely miserable in school. So I took a year off and now I’m in
 India starting a business of my own. When I used to have a hard time sitting down
and working for 12 hours straight, now its easy. I may be working more, but its
much more enjoyable.

Definitely go the route of doing what you enjoy.

- Isaac

“Don’t wait for the light at the end of the tunnel, go down there and light the damn
thing yourself.”

Aphans
1 month ago

Truly foundational and inspirational.

After a lifetime of being told “they don’t call themselves starving artists’ for
nothing”….I decided to engage my gift forgo the expectation of wealth to
follow. I enjoy what I do so much that even the most modest financial gain is
more than a blessing.

Reply

Halo Effect

1 month ago

It definitely seems like you do not have a passion for the job. It reminds me of when I played
online poker for a living. I knew I could make more money in online poker than anywhere else,
and I felt obligated to do my best, yet I did not like it. So I would keep making resolutions, that
from now on I would study X minutes a day, analyze X situations a day, play focused for X
minutes a day. It would never work for long, because my heart wasn’t in it. There was no drive
from within me.

It also seems like you’re sabotaging your own success. You do the opposite of what you should
be doing at times. So there might be more going on than just the lack of passion. Perhaps part of
you believes, for whatever reason, that you should not be making a lot of money. That’s what I
used to have, anyway.

To add to this, I also lived with my parents for the most part when I played online poker. As a
result, I also did not need the money, and the money didn’t feel as “real”. I felt no real
accomplishment. It was just numbers. If you pay for everything yourself and have your own
everything then you may feel more accomplished.

If you build a lifestyle that you love and pay for experiences that enrich your life with your own
money, you will start to see the value in money much more.
Reply

aNTONIO
1 month ago

Also, regarding this article

I’ve found a great book lately on Will Power, The Will Power Instict, has similar concepts that you’ve
shared in the article.

One of the solutions for increasing the will power

-> 5 Minute Meditation Each day increases your will power.

Didn’t went through the whole book, just the beginning from now, but it seems very accurate with a lot
of scientific proof.

Reply

Mark Manson

1 month ago

I plan on doing another post soon on small daily ways one can build up their will power

Reply

carlo
1 month ago

looking forward to that article then! this is a ver good article, there are new concepts
which I need time and repetitions to let them sink in. where can I read more about all the 4
steps? Any recommended books, readings, experiences, courses etc? Thanks
 Reply

Sw
1 month ago

And the other day i was wondering “how come Mark has never written anything about
Willpower yet?”

Reply

AH

1 month ago

The Willpower Instinct is a great book! Definitely worth the read for anyone that got excited by
this article and wants to learn more.

Reply

Sw
1 month ago

Guys, if you want to tackle the “Willpower & Self-Discipline Problem” once and for all, read:

1: Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength

2: The Willpower Instinct: How Self-Control Works, Why It Matters, and What You Can Do To
Get More of It
3: The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business
4: The Power of Full Engagement

and then APPLY the things you read and learned from these books in your life. All these books
are great books with lots of practical advice.

You’ll be amazed by the results and the progress in your lives!

 Reply

Lucas
1 month ago

Now, I just need the self-discipline and the willpower to read them all.

Reply

1 month ago

Check out the website beeminder.com for a great way to stay accountable to your goals.

Reply

Alexander schaeffer
1 month ago

Great article! It´s a good complement to this other article:

http://www.fourhourworkweek.com/blog/2012/08/12/understanding-the-dangers-of-ego-depletion/

Reply

Alvar

1 month ago

I see you’ve read Baumeister’s. It may be worth noting that the self-esteem focus that you mention
above is actually pseudo self-esteem: focusing on building one’s esteem through prizes and external
acceptance instead of through real accomplishments and internal validation.
Reply

TA
1 month ago

There are only 2 pains. Pain of discipline and pain of regret.One step at a time. One day at a time

Reply

Andy

1 month ago

“Author Jonathan Franzen once said that nothing good could be written on a laptop that had an internet
connection.”

Ha ha ha how true! This warrants repitition.

“Author Jonathan Franzen once said that nothing good could be written on a laptop that had an internet
connection.”

Reply

Almog
1 month ago

Simple. Just use Freedom:

http://macfreedom.com/

And cut the internet connection to your laptop for as long as you decide in advance. Seth Godin
and other excellent writers use it.

Reply
 Halo Effect

1 month ago

I see it works for PC too (I figured it was only for Macs!). Going to give this a try.

Reply

Dan

1 month ago

Definitely one of your best articles I’ve read. So many ways to apply this to my life: working out
consistently, social life, etc.

Reply

Jack dean

1 month ago

Holy shit, I’ve recently stopped practicing my trick jumps in Halo 3 (Literally only just, I’m a 50 with
over 100 days of game time). And I’ve been practicing my will power every day, getting as much work
done as possible at school and working out everyday, the thing is I find it really hard to do school work
at home now :/

Reply

Jonnybones

1 month ago

I believe that getting into a good college is more so about circumstances in high school and the type of
high school you go to. Initially I attended a commuter campus and some of the kids I studied with
were bright and disciplined but going to Stanford was just no an option for them due to terrible high
school conditions. Discipline can do little here but looking at the Marshmallow experiment I ask
myself ONE and just ONE question, which kind of kid would I have been?
Reply

Jon Tyler DiPrince

1 month ago

Tony Robbins connects some dots in Awaken the Giant Within between the pain we associate with our
less-favored goals (of all scopes and sizes), and our likelihood of achieving them.

We procrastinate and avoid loathsome tasks because of our emphasis on what we hate about them. Our
avoidance is fueled by a feedback loop of negative emotions. “I don’t want to take out the trash. I hate
it. It’s a chore. I have to touch germ-infested garbage and organic waste. What I’m doing right now or
something I could be doing would be more pleasureful.”

He suggests that advertisers long ago figured out how to drive our purchasing decisions by associating
positive feelings to products their trying to push, and that we can apply the same approach to the work
we need to do.

So instead of despising the trash, we reframe it. “I want to take out the trash. After I’m done, each bin
will be empty and ready for an entire week of input. Empty bins are clean. I can do it in less time than
I did last week. I like a challenge. It’s simple to do. It makes me feel responsible.”

Reply

Jamie

1 month ago

Great article!

You might be interested in the book The Power of Habit. It mentions the two experiments you cited
along with examples from businesses and sports teams. Your article reminded me of it, they’re both
along really similar lines.

Reply

Mark Manson
1 month ago
 I’ve read it. Great book.

Reply

carlo
1 month ago

Jamie, who’s the author of the book?

Reply

Andrew

1 month ago

Charles Duhigg is the author

Reply

Jean
1 month ago

Sincerely hope this is one of a large set of posts about motivational psychology. Still hoping to listen to
one or two podcasts about motivational psychology as well. This is huge value! Great post!

Reply

Besski - The L.D.Lover

1 month ago

Loved the article. It helped realize some stuff that I’ve never thought of before. So it surely hit home
with me.
But in other train of thoughts…
The way I see it, it all comes down to the 3 brains we humans have…the reptilian, the emotional and
the logical brain.
Instant gratification means that we take decisions based on physical and emotional impulses that we
have in the moment. As a result we neglect to rationalize our decisions first.

We are driven by the first two and most potent brains: the reptilian (which is the first brain that has
been developed, and it is the brain that drives us to eat, drink, sleep, have sex etc.) and the emotional
brain (which is responsible for the emotional outcome of various situations…emotions like feeling
appreciated, feeling loved, feeling confident, feeling like a winner, feeling positive emotions in
general).

The fact that these first two brains have been developed first in our evolution, makes them more
influential on our decisions, and makes us use physical desire and emotion to take decisions most of
the times rather than using reason and logic.
So the third brain, the logical one, is the one that has less power in our decision making process, but
it’s the one that usually leads to “better grades in school, better jobs, healthier lifestyles, and more
success in general”. And that’s because when taking our decisions, if we succeed to avoid the first
physical and emotional impulses, minimize them, and use reason to take our decisions then we do
“what it takes to achieve something” rather than what we feel like in that moment.

For example: Students who learned to use logic in their decision making and not desire or emotions,
understand that if they want to pass an exam with a good grade then they have to study “x” number of
hours. And they do study these hours and they do get a good grade because they followed logic, and
not momentary feelings of being too lazy, or wanting to do something more enjoyable.

And yes, will-power comes into play then it comes to using logic over desires and emotions. And I
surely agree that will power can be easily drained if used too often on too many things.

The conclusion to my post therefore would be that: If we want to be more successful in life then we
need to follow logic more often than physical desires or emotional outcomes. If we want more pleasure
in our life we’d want to follow our reptilian brains more, thus do what we desire. And if we want
satisfaction, then we need to follow our emotional brains more often.

So depending on what’s our current goal – success, satisfaction or pleasure, we have to be – logic,
feeling or desire oriented.

You can have them all too, if you manage to balance them all. But if you want to excel at one
(normally success) then you have to take your decisions based on logic more often.

I currently use my “will-power” to develop the new website that I’ve launched a few weeks ago:
http://www.long-distance-lover.com

Reply

Kwjibo
1 month ago

What if the only rewards I can think of are not good, or contrary to the goals I’m trying to set? For
example, say my reward for good eating mon-sat is pigging out on Sunday. Or my reward for financial
discipline is to buy something frivolous.
Would you say that these types of reward lead to a form of subconscious conflict, whereby if the bad
behaviour is a reward, then I’m not properly integrating the good behaviour? They don’t become part
of my identity, so to speak.

I tend to struggle with setting apt rewards for goal achievement, was just wondering what others
thought about this…

Reply

jaiden
1 month ago

What habits did you implement to help your dating life?

Reply

Mark

1 month ago

Going out a lot. Focusing on enjoying myself with a girl instead of some specific technique.
Expressing my sexuality openly.

Basically most of the stuff that made it into the programs.

http://postmasculine.com/programs

Reply

ddr
1 month ago

On the money like always, Mark. Read this book called The Willpower Instinct if you haven’t already.
Reply

Elliott Crane
1 month ago

Thanks Mark, awesome article! I finally understand why I have failed over and over again to actually
follow through with the strict daily schedules I set for myself.
In regards to telling others about your goals, you have to be very careful.
http://www.ted.com/talks/derek_sivers_keep_your_goals_to_yourself.html
(A piece of the transcript) “It goes like this: 163 people across four separate tests — everyone wrote
down their personal goal. Then half of them announced their commitment to this goal to the room, and
half didn’t. Then everyone was given 45 minutes of work that would directly lead them towards their
goal, but they were told that they could stop at any time. Now, those who kept their mouths shut
worked the entire 45 minutes, on average, and when asked afterwards, said that they felt that they had
a long way to go still to achieve their goal. But those who had announced it quit after only 33 minutes,
on average, and when asked afterwards, said that they felt much closer to achieving their goal.

So, if this is true, what can we do? Well, you could resist the temptation to announce your goal. You
can delay the gratification that the social acknowledgement brings, and you can understand that your
mind mistakes the talking for the doing. But if you do need to talk about something, you can state it in
a way that gives you no satisfaction, such as, “I really want to run this marathon, so I need to train five
times a week and kick my ass if I don’t, okay?”"

Cheers!

Reply

Lucas

1 month ago

Hi Mark,

Good stuff. I’m in the middle of what I think is the book that inspired this post “Willpower:
Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength” by Baumeister and Tierney. Your take on it is definitely a
great help to digest all the information in it.

I was wondering if you would be willing to share some of the contents in your libary. Would certainly
like to catch up on some reading.

Thanks!

Reply

Mark
 1 month ago

All of the book reviews posts are a place to start. My library is pretty big these days. Would take
me forever to list everything.

http://postmasculine.com/book-reviews
http://postmasculine.com/book-reviews-ii
http://postmasculine.com/book-reviews-iii
http://postmasculine.com/book-reviews-iv

Reply

Halo Effect
1 month ago

Mark actually does regular book reviews. Here’s the latest one: http://postmasculine.com/book-
reviews-iv

There are links to the previous book reviews in the first paragraph of that post.

Reply

Jay

1 month ago

Can’t help but ask since I have an asian background… can you elaborate on: “For our generation,
(unless you’re Asian) emphasis has always been put on self-esteem and not self-discipline.”

Reply

Chris
1 month ago

Thinking in terms of habits or lifestyles or whatever never motivates me. It actually makes me less
likely to accomplish things. In my opinion it’s importance is way over rated.

There is much more hope in the science of creating and strengthening constructive beliefs, so that your
thought patterns automatically deliver the energy and drive to do what needs to be done without all the
meaningless, almost “self-bureaucratic” toil.
When I started working out, I was HAPPY to be doing it, there was none of this “pain period” shit. I
had clear and powerful motivation from a life experience.

When I started school, I was HAPPY to be doing it. I had my motivation cemented in place, I didn’t
need to toil about creating it or setting goals all the time, I just knew it was what I needed to be doing
and I believe in doing things well.
Alas, starting is so much simpler than following through.

Slowly building habits is okay for flossing your teeth, but for most things in life which mean
something more substantial and require bigger shifts if lifestyle, it just doesn’t cut it.

Reply

einnocent
1 month ago

The New Yorker ran an article on this topic a while back and it is worth a read as well:

http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2009/05/18/090518fa_fact_lehrer

Reply

Geert

1 month ago

“We’re impatient. We’re undisciplined.”

I find that marketeers have a huge responsibility in this. Lose 30 pounds in 3 months, whereas most
realistic fat loss is 1-2 pounds per week! For muscle it’s roughtly 1-2 pounds per month. But hey Tim
Ferris gained 28 pounds in a month. What a joke!

The thing is, if you’re being bombarded with these messages, you just don’t know whether or not these
are true! And these marketeers do an excellent job of making you feel insecure.

The most succesfull change will always be long-term change, which requires a long-term approach.
When I started focusing on one habbit per month, I really started becoming effective.

For a large part these unrealistic expectations are part of our culture as well. Oh I only sleep 4 hours a
night, Oh I once worked 72 hours in a row, Oh you only work 8 eight hours a day? Man I work at least
16 hours. What? 16? Dude I work at least 20 hours…

And it goes on.

Reply

oLiver t
1 month ago

Truly excellent article mark, i am always cautious of advice about self discipline and will power but
this article is well researched and based on empirical knowledge.

I have2 questions. Do you have a reference for the study pertaining to the dieters who kept a food and
exercise log? I am a fitness writer and am aware of this study but have never found it. Second, you are
clearly well read in let’s call it, applicable psychology, what are some good book you’d recommend
that are easy to read but scientific about psychology. . Thanks and keep up the great writing

Reply

Mark Manson

1 month ago

The study was referenced and discussed in the book “Will Power” by Baumeister and Tierney.
I’d check but I don’t have it in front of me.

Speaking of which, it’s a great and accessible psych book to start with. As is “Power of Habit”
which has been mentioned here a few times.

My favorite pop-psych book of all-time is “Stumbling on Happiness” by Dan Gilbert.

“59 Seconds” and “What’s Stopping You?” are great as well and very accessible. Don’t
remember who wrote them as im on my phone and don’t have my books in front of me.

Reply

Mr_Peabody
1 month ago

Thanks Mark,

Right post, right place, right time.

I’ve been revisiting the interaction of internal validation and self discipline while wondering why I’ve
run out of will power to muscle through. Do you have any thoughts on the correlation?

Thanks

Reply

Jacob
1 month ago

Fantastic article Mark. This goes hand in hand with what Leo from ZenHabits is all about –
implementing enjoyable habits over the long term that naturally result in an awesome life.

I enjoyed hearing about the science and psychology behind it and I think this article could be up there
on the Best of PostMasculine list!

Reply

Chris A.

1 month ago

Mark, in your opinion what does it mean to be lazy? Is there a difference between having little will
power and being lazy? Is laziness merely a form of low-energy.

Reply

Mark Manson
1 month ago

Laziness can refer to a lot of thinks. It can be a momentary emotional state (I need to get up and
do some work, but I’m tired and just want to watch baseball). It can also refer to a longer-term
lack of self-discipline (he’s so lazy, all he does is eat junk and play video games every day).
Reply

Walid
1 month ago

this just seems like you read the book “willpower” and posted a summary of it

Reply

Mark Manson

1 month ago

The self-discipline/habit stuff is not in “Will Power”.

What you COULD say is that I took “Will Power,” “Power of Habit,” put them together, applied
some basic NLP concepts and then distilled it into a 3,000-word post… with pedophilia jokes
and all.

Then you’d absolutely be correct.

Reply

Toni
1 month ago

Hey, first I want to thank you for your intellect and ability to explain complicated things in an easy to
understand way and sharing your thoughts with us. And I thank myself for improving my english that I
have the possibility to read your stuff:-)
What I really would love to read would be a post about the most important habits in life in your
opinion. Maybe I am not the only one who is interested in this.
Reply

Skanda
1 month ago

Bro! That makes sense!

Reply

JonnyGibaud

26 weeks ago

Excellent definition of self-discipline. I recently landed on your blog and I’m rarely impressed enough
to add new blogs to my RSS feed. Your’s is definately a welcomed exception, keep up the high quality
writing. 
 
I always walk my clients through the use the power of compound interest in their habitual life to move
from their baseline lifestyle to the lifestyle they are aiming for, over time, so that we remove the goal
destoying effect of ego depletion.

Reply

dsaravel
21 weeks ago

Yes it makes sense but no references? Am I supposed to just believe it?

Reply

Andrew Paul Schettino

19 weeks ago

Mark, I missed this puppy when I got the notification for it via e-mail 10/1/2012. Just found it cleaning
up and deleting old e-mails. Great post. I’ve been a Taoist/Buddhist from birth though I didn’t discover
these philosophies until I was 20 in college and took a Philosophy of Eastern Religions elective course.
I’ve taught Tai Chi classes since 1986. As a first-born second generation Italian-American son, I was
trained in will power and self-discipline from an early age by my persistent and loving parternal
 grandfather, father and mother. Self discipline is probably the most valuable trait I have. I’ve passed it
on to my three now-grown children and step-son, and am continuing with my six grandchildren. I’ve
been living among the working poor here in Montgomery Village, MD since July, 2012 and see with
my own eyes how difficult it is to live with little will power or self discipline. Even trillions of dollars
is social welfare spending will not fix this. I’m living with people who have never seen a functional
human being (besides me), let alone be raised by one…

Reply

777Tauh
13 weeks ago

Very great post.

Exactly what I’ve learned actually when I’ve read the Power of Habits, a book that changed my
perception of how to deal with goals in the long-term. I’ve read also the Power Instinct but I’ve found
it less deep. I used to have a hard time balancing my life and I was trying to set goals like waking up
early, going for a run, etc…, it always failed. After having read the Power of Habits, I started to just
see these things as habits that I had to acquire (so it needs a bit of time) and make enjoyable. Now I
wake up early, I do sport before breakfast, I cook breakfast, I’m one of the earliest to the office and I
work for 2.45h straight. It made me stronger, happier and I can start planning for other projects and
habits.
Very good book. And this post, in the same idea, is total awesome also.

Reply

Ginger

6 weeks ago

Yes, it really got me thinking of my will power and my self-discipline. At the moment it is quite low
and I am glad I read this article because ti got me thinking. At first I felt sad because I know I have let
my self-discipline deteriorate . But thanks to reading this article it got me on track again.

Leave a Comment

Name *

Email *

Website
 Submit Comment

Copyright © 2013 Mark Manson