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 Emotional Attraction
Assessment
You may have heard of IQ, or Intelligence Quotient. There is also an EQ, or
Emotional Quotient, sometimes referred to as Emotional Intelligence. If you look
it up on the Internet, you will find many different definitions and theories about it.
Though we will not attempt to measure your EQ, we provide an idea of what it is.
The editorial review of the book Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman on
www.Amazon.com says, “He defines emotional intelligence in terms of self-
awareness, altruism, personal motivation, empathy, and the ability to love and be
loved by friends, partners, and family members.” In short, it has two areas of
importance: understanding yourself, your feelings, your goals, your behaviors, and
the like understanding others, especially their feelings
From that premise, we ask questions to help you evaluate your emotional
attractiveness.
Use the ten-point scale below to rate where you believe you are in the emotional
area asked about. Score each question based on what you feel emotional
attractiveness is as perceived by your spouse.
Emotional Self-Assessment
Unattractive Attractive
1    2    3    4    5    6    7    8    9    10
1. _____ Where would you put yourself on the attractiveness scale in terms of your
understanding of yourself? (The more others view you as in touch with your own
emotions and inner being, the more attractive you are.)
2. _____ Where would you put yourself on the attractiveness scale in terms of your social
skills and ability to interact with people, especially in making them feel special
and important?
3. _____ Where would you put yourself on the attractiveness scale in terms of your self-
control, even in emotional situations?
4. _____ Where would you put yourself on the attractiveness scale in terms of your ability to
relate to the emotions and feelings of others in a way they know you understand?
5. _____ Where would you put yourself on the attractiveness scale in terms of accepting
others as they are so that they feel safe to be their true selves with you?
6. _____ Where would you put yourself on the attractiveness scale in terms of giving the
person most important to you the confidence that you will protect and stand by
his/her side through thick and thin?
7. _____ Where would you put yourself on the attractiveness scale in terms of your ability to
love fully, without hesitation or reservation?
8. _____ Where would you put yourself on the attractiveness scale in terms of how you
demonstrate love?
9. _____ Where would you put yourself on the attractiveness scale in terms of having fun
and enjoying life with those who are important to you?
10. _____ Consider all the above and rate here where would you put yourself in overall
emotional attractiveness.
TOTAL: _____ out of 100
 Introduction
How do you feel about yourself?

What areas of your life do you wish were different? Why?

What areas of your life are you satisfied with? Why?

 Introduction
What do you hope to gain from this course?

Realistically, how do you wish your life would be different after completing
this course?
 Emotional Attraction
How do you feel about yourself emotionally (can include your personal
emotions or your emotional attraction with others)?

On a scale of 1-10, how emotionally attractive do you feel? Why?

How do you feel in your relationships right now?

 Emotional Attraction
How do you want to feel?

List three ways that you evoke emotions within others they enjoy feeling.

List things you are doing that are not evoking positive emotions in others.

How can you stop doing the things that are not evoking positive
emotions and start doing the things that do evoke positive emotions?
 The Wall
(Being a Safe Place)
What were your takeaways from the teaching about the wall?

How high is your wall towards others?

Has someone hurt you in the past by sharing your bricks or throwing
them back at you? What happened?
 The Wall
(Being a Safe Place)
Can you forgive and learn to trust again?

Who do you feel comfortable enough to share your bricks with, if anyone?

Do the people in your life have a wall around themselves? How can you be a
safe place for them?

What is going to change in your life now that you know this?
 Emotional Attraction Dragons
List 3 people in your life that you evoke positive emotions with you.

What things do they do that make you feel good?

Think of someone who does not evoke positive emotions within you.
What types of things does that person do that you do not like?
 Emotional Attraction Dragons
How do you want people to describe you?

What qualities do you want to have?

Which of the emotional attraction dragons do you need to stop doing?

How will you stop?
 Emotional Attraction Dragons
What is your biggest takeaway from this lesson?

Which of the emotional attraction dragons do you need to stop doing?

How will you stop?

How can you communicate your needs, thoughts and emotions with love?
 Emotional Attraction Knights
What was your biggest takeaway from this lesson?

Which of these emotional attraction knights are you already doing well?

Which ones do you have an opportunity to grow in doing better?

 Emotional Attraction Knights
Who are the people in your life that you need to repair the emotional
attraction with?

How will you use what you have learned so far to do that?
 Intentional Connection with Others
How are you connecting with your loved ones now? How much time are you
spending making eye contact, listening, and paying attention to them?

How can you be more INTENTIONAL in how you connect with your loved ones?

What are 3 things that you can do to connect without screens?

 The Need for Forgiveness
Who in your life do you need to forgive?

What is making it so hard for you to forgive?

 The Need for Forgiveness
How is unforgiveness hurting you or those you love?

How would forgiving change the emotions you feel inside, about
yourself, and how you feel about those around you?
 The Need for Forgiveness
There are 3 steps to decision-based forgiveness:
Decide to assign the other person value
Decide not to take vengeance (Optional)
Decided to restore or create a relationship
Which step are you on right now? What can you do to move to the
next step?

What was your biggest takeaway from this lesson?

 Celebrate
What is your biggest takeaway from Emotional Attraction?

How are you going to implement this takeaway in your daily life?

What do you want to start or stop doing based on what you have learned?
 Celebrate
What habits do you want to create for your emotional attraction?

How do you feel about yourself emotionally now?

On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate your emotional attraction?

 Self-Care
How will you create time for some self-care today? What are you going
to do?

What difficult conversations do you need to make time to have in your

life based on what you learned this week? This could be in regards to
apologizing, forgiving, being a safe place…

How can you give yourself more grace when it comes to the status of
the relationships in your life?
 Connecting With
Your Purpose

BEGIN THE LIFE PLAN

WORKSHEET
*located on the next page*
Life Plan Worksheet
STEP 1: CATALOG
Give yourself ample time to think about these questions.
Write as much as you can under each question
without overthinking.

Adapted from Michaéla C. Schippers and Niklas Ziegler research on Life Crafting.
 Life Plan Worksheet
Values and Passions

What do you like to do?

 Life Plan Worksheet
Values and Passions

What kind of relationships do you want to have?

 Life Plan Worksheet
Values and Passions

What kind of career do you want?

 Life Plan Worksheet
Values and Passions

What lifestyle choices would you like? (your ideal day, types of
vacations, things you do on a day to day basis).
 Life Plan Worksheet
Current Self

What values and qualities do you admire in others?

 Life Plan Worksheet
Current Self

What skills or characteristics would you like to have?

 Life Plan Worksheet
Current Self

What habits of yours do you like? Which do you dislike?

 Life Plan Worksheet
Relationships

Which relationships energize you?

 Life Plan Worksheet
Relationships

Which ones deflate you?

 Life Plan Worksheet
Relationships

What kinds of friends do you need in your life?

 Life Plan Worksheet
Relationships

What is your ideal family life?

 Life Plan Worksheet
Career/Vocation

What is important to you in a job or vocation?

 Life Plan Worksheet
Career/Vocation

What do you like to do?

 Life Plan Worksheet
Career/Vocation

What kind of people do you want to work with?

 Life Plan Worksheet
Ideal Self

How would you describe your BEST POSSIBLE self?

 Life Plan Worksheet
Ideal Self

Your BEST POSSIBLE future? (Assume ANYTHING is possible.)

 Life Plan Worksheet
Ideal Self

On the other hand, if NOTHING changes, then who will you be? What
will your future be like?
 Life Plan Worksheet
STEP 2: CALENDAR
Go back through everything you wrote yesterday and
highlight the parts that are most important to you.
Try and highlight only 10-12 lines, sentences, or thoughts. 

Narrow those 10-12 items down to 6-8 items. 

Turn those 6-8 items into one sentence and write it below.

You’ll see a #___ by each line. Later, you will number your items
in order of importance to you...but not yet.

Underneath each item, explain WHY it is important to you.

Now, go back through and rank in order of importance

 Life Plan Worksheet
MOST IMPORTANT TO ME

#___.
WHY:

#___.      
WHY:
#___.
WHY:
#___.
WHY:
#___.
WHY:
#___.
WHY:
#___.
WHY:
#___.
WHY:
 Life Plan Worksheet
Is the item that you ranked #1 the most important to you right now? If
not, which goal above is the most important? Also, could you combine
some of the items into a better goal for your most important goal right
now?
 Life Plan Worksheet
WHAT IS YOUR MOST IMPORTANT GOAL RIGHT NOW?

WHY IS THIS IMPORTANT TO YOU?

HOW WILL THIS MOVE YOU TOWARDS THE PERSON YOU WANT TO BE?
 Life Plan Worksheet
HOW CAN YOU MAKE THIS GOAL (Specific Measurable Attainable
Relevant Time-Based)?

WHAT DAILY HABIT DO YOU NEED TO HAVE TO ACHIEVE THIS GOAL?

 Life Plan Worksheet
STEP 3: COMMIT
I COMMIT TO

(do this specific thing) (which I will measure in this

way) by  (end date). 
Your goal could be a goal you ACHIEVE (like losing 20 pounds) or
a HABIT you CREATE (like drinking 8 glasses of water a day).

MY ACCOUNTABILITY PARTNER:
 Making a Plan
for Your Future

COMPLETE THE LIFE PLAN

WORKSHEET
 Making a Plan
for Your Future
What did you learn from your life plan worksheet? 

Who are you going to tell about your goals and plans? Will this
person help hold you accountable?
 BONUS:
What's Your Why?
MY PIES GOAL How is it specific? How will I measure it?

It is attainable? Is it relevant? When will I do it by?

(but not too easy) (does it matter to me?)
 BONUS:
What's Your Why?
What will you do each day to move you towards achieving your goal?
EACH DAY I INTEND TO... CHECK EACH DAY COMPLETED...

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What will you do each day to make it easier for you to achieve your goal?
EACH DAY I INTEND TO... CHECK EACH DAY COMPLETED...

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