Amae:

THE CONCEPT OF JAPANESE DEPENDENCE

Amae, which can be roughly translated as “depending on the benevolence of others,”

is “a key concept for understanding Japanese personality structure” (Doi, 1973, p.
17). Amae is vital for getting along with others in Japan and is the basis for
maintaining harmonious relationships in which children depend on their parents,
younger people rely on their elders, grandparents depend on their adult children,
and so on. Although there are a number of definitions of amae, it cannot be directly
translated into English, because there are no words in any of the European
languages that are its direct equivalent (Doi, 1974, p. 148). According to Doi,
amaeru, which is the verb form of the noun amae, means to “depend and presume
upon another ’s benevolence”: “This word has the same root as amae, which means
sweet. Thus, amaeru has a distinct feeling of sweetness and is generally used to
describe a child’s attitude or behavior toward his or her mother. But it can also be
used to describe the relationship between two adults” (ibid., p. 145). Therefore,
amaeru is related to “self-indulgent behavior by an infant of either sex in presuming
on the love of its parents” (ibid.). Definitions of related grammatical constructions
provided by Japanese dictionaries include amayu, the literary form of the verb
amaeru, which is described as “dependency on another ’s affection” (Daigenkai ;
cited in Doi, 1973, p. 167), or “presuming on familiarity in order to ‘make up to’ the
other, or to behave in a self-indulgent manner” (ibid.).
The concept of amae greatly affects all aspects of Japanese life because it is
related to other characteristics of the Japanese way of thinking, such as enryo
(restraint), giri (social obligation), tsumi (sin), haji (shame) (Doi, 1973, pp. 33–48).
Doi refers to three types of human relationships among the Japanese: relationships
in an “inner” circle, those in a kind of middle zone, and those in an “outer” circle:

One’s relatives, with whom no enryo is necessary, are in one’s “inner” circle
but giri-type relationships where enryo is present are the “outer” circle.
Sometimes, however, giri relationships and acquaintanceships are themselves
regarded as “inner” in contrast to the world of tanin with whom one is quite
unconnected, and where there is no need, even, to bring enryo into play. (Ibid.,
 p. 40)

In other words, in the inner circle, amae is at work and there is no enryo, in the
middle zone enryo is present, and in the outer circle, which is the world of
strangers, there is neither amae nor enryo. In general, the Japanese distinguish
strongly between inner and outer, and they have different attitudes toward human
relations in each case. For example, they feel giri (obligation) when others, toward
whom they have enryo (restraint), show kindness to them. However, they do not
express their appreciation as much to people they are close to and with whom they
can amaeru (Sahashi, 1980, p. 49). Another example relates to the Japanese sense of
guilt, which is “most strongly aroused when the individual betrays the trust of
members of his own group” (Doi, 1973, p. 49). With people who are part of the
inner circle, however, the Japanese do not usually have as much of a sense of guilt,
because they are so close that amae gives them confidence in any sin being forgiven
(ibid.).
The roots of amae can be found in the prototype relationship between mother
and child, according to Doi (1973, pp. 7 and 75). Normal infants at the breast have
the desire to be close to their mothers, and at the same time “the desire to be
passively loved, the unwillingness to be separated from the warm mother-child
circle and cast into a world of objective ‘reality’” arises in the infant’s mind. Doi
(ibid., p. 72) suspects that ama, the root form of the word amae, may be related to
the childish word uma-uma, indicating the infant’s request for the breast or food.
The word amae can also be used to describe the relationship between two adults.
Dependency among adults is commonly seen in Japanese society, as in relationships
such as those between husband and wife, teacher and student, and doctor and patient
(ibid., p. 150). However, if the relationship between mother and child is at the root of
amae, it must be an international concept. Why then does the concept of amae seem
to be restricted to Japan? Doi (cited in Sahashi, 1980, p. 95) theorizes that in the
period of the formation of Japanese society, different people had to migrate and live
together on a small island; as a result, the concept of amae may have been important
in order to maintain the solidarity of the group, because the Japanese have been a
people who have stressed group unity since ancient times.
Human relationships in Japan differ from those in the West in many ways and in
particular in terms of the concept of amae. First, the Japanese have difficulty saying
no, in contrast to Westerners, who are able to do so more easily. The reason for this
is that Japanese relationships, which are based on amae, are unstable (Doi; cited in
Sahashi, 1980, p. 79); that is, people hesitate to refuse others for fear of breaking
this bond. Doi insists that Westerners can refuse easily because amae is not at work
in their relationships (ibid., p. 80). Second, when the Japanese want to be close to
someone, they offer a present or treat the other to a meal (ibid., p. 87). As a result,
the other is in their debt in a sense, and a relationship based on amae has been
arranged between them. On the other hand, there are no such implications with
regard to similar customs among Westerners, and those living in Japan can
sometimes be embarrassed by these situations. These examples seem to indicate that
amae is a specifically Japanese trait; nonetheless, Doi (1973, p. 169) claims that “at
the root of amae feelings there seems to lie something instinctively common to all
mankind.” Thus, the concept of amae may also exist in Western societies, but on a
more hidden level.

DISCUSSION ACTIVITIES

Exploring Japanese Culture

1. Do you think that amae is responsible for (or related to) the increasingly serious
problems in Japan of hikikomori (withdrawal from the world) and futōkō (truancy in
schools)? If so, explain how amae promotes these problems.

2. It has been reported that many students who have emotional and social problems
in Japanese schools become better adjusted and successful when they go to the USA
or Australia to study. Why do you think this is so? Discuss this issue in terms of
amae.

3. Japanese companies have traditionally adopted a lifetime employment system,

although this approach has recently been collapsing. Discuss Japanese lifetime
employment as a reflection of amae. As this system is giving way to merit-based
employment, what problems are likely to emerge?

4. Japanese students are often less mature than their counterparts in the West. In what
ways is this the result of the dominance of amae in young people’s upbringing in
Japan?

5. Case Study: Keiko, Haruka, Mayumi, and Ai are best friends and always spend
time together. Today, Keiko suggested going to a concert, and Haruka and Mayumi
agreed. Ai is not very keen on the idea, because she does not particularly like the
band; however, because of a sense of mutual dependence, she feels pressure to
agree.
Question: Should Ai agree to go to the concert? Why, or why not? Discuss this
issue in relation to amae.
Exploring Cross-Cultural Issues
1. Are there any concepts equivalent to amae in other countries? If so, describe
some situations in which these concepts are reflected.

2. Discuss how the concept of amae is related to the prevalence of “parasite singles”
in Japan and the Peter Pan syndrome in Western countries.

3. Human relations in Japan are said to be more “wet” (i.e., emotional) than those in
the West. How is this related to amae?

4. When they travel abroad, many Japanese do not take necessary precautions
against robbery and other crimes. It is sometimes said that this is because of amae
(“Amaeteiru-kara-da”). Do you agree with this opinion? How is amae responsible
for this kind of behavior?

5. Young people in the West generally try to achieve independence from their
parents at a relatively young age, whereas in Japan, many young people remain
dependent until much later in life. Discuss this issue from the perspective of amae.