His lips protruded .

I can see the ghost of a but eventually it faded as he

smile na siya kaya nagsimula na ako sa
continued peeling the mangoes . Kalaunan, hindi ko na tinigilan .
natatapos
pagkain ng manga . Nangasim agad ako pero sa sarap,

Natatakot ako sa topic na ito . I need get away and proceed to my pestering-him
to memorya niya sa lahat ng napag-usapan
plans! Lalo na dahil mukhang matalas ang
kagabi!
para mawala ang usapan .
"Pupunta ka ng planta ngayon?" tanong
ko

"I'll see . If there is a need, maybe ."

"Ayokong pumunta ka roon," I said confidently .

He's done peeling and slicing the mangoes in bite size pieces . Ibinalik niya ang
kutsilyo at nagpunas na ng kamay habang tinitingnan ako . I can sense his amusement
but only in his lips, for his eyes were hooded with mystery .

"Dito ka lang magtrabaho . Sa library ."

"Hmm . Okay, if that's what you want . Anything else?"

"For lunch, I want you to cook our food ."

Ayan, ang dami kong request . Oh, 'di ba?! At may gagawin pa ako mamaya habang
kumakain kami!

"Alright . What do you want me to cook?" he said indulgently .

"Hmm . I want pasta ."

"Okay . I'll cook," deklara niya ng walang kahirap-hirap .

Well, I accept it . Kas- start pa lang ng panggugulo ko kaya baka nasa mood pa ito .
Kalaunan, he'll get tired . I just have to be patient .

I watched him cook Aglio Olio . Kumakain pa ako ng manga habang pinanonood siya
pero
kumakatok na ang mga bulate sa tiyan ko dahil sa amoy ng niluluto niya . Pambihira
naman, o! Sana pala inubos ko iyong bagel kaninang breakfast nang sa ganoon,
mapanindigan ko naman itong madilim kong plano ngayon!

Saktong gutom na gutom na ako nang natapos siya sa pagluluto . Amoy palang, sarap
na
sarap na ako . Sinadya ko pa namang pasta ang irequest dahil hindi naman talaga ako
kakain kaya walang idudulot iyon sa timbang ko! Nakakastress naman 'to!

With a very pretty presentation, he puts the fine dining plate in front of me with
the Aglio Olio in it . He served it with another set of garlic bread . Naupo siya
at
nilagay na rin sa kanyang harap ang kanyang share ng pagkain .

I can almost imagine the worms in my stomach salivating and choking to death
because of how much they want the food in front of me .

"Let's eat . It's not good that you ate too much unripe mangoes before eating
lunch ."

Tumango ako . Pinagpapawisan na ako ng malamig dahil sa gutom pero kailangan kong
panindigan ito .
We started eating . Isang subo lang dapat ang pinlano ko kanina pero dahil sobrang
sarap ng luto niya, naka tatlong malalaking subo muna ako bago nagpatuloy sa plano
.
Tinulak ko ang pinggan at sinapo ang ulo para sa effect .

"What's wrong?"

"Ayoko na ."

I want to act like my stomach is aching . Pero alam kong magtatawag ito ng doktor
kapag nangyari iyon kaya hindi ko gagawin, ' no! Napag- isipan ko ang bagay na ito
kaya wala itong loophole!

"I like something else . I don't want Aglio Olio . . ." I said in an almost
hysterical
tone .

"Okay, then . What do you want to eat now? Maybe I can cook another?" he said
patiently .

Tumayo siya at itinabi ang pinggan ko . Sumulyap ako sa pasta na iyon . Shit! Ang
sarap pa naman noon tapos tinabi niya lang!

Sa paninitig ko sa pinggan na iyon, ni hindi ko namalayan ang pag ikot niya sa

counter at ang paglapit niya sa akin . He snaked his arm around my waist gently and
his palm rested on my stomach . Nanigas kaagad ako dahil sa ginawa niya . Hinaplos
niya ang iilang takas kong buhok at hinawi niya iyon sa aking mukha .

"Do you want to rest in our room? I'll cook you any food you want . Ihahatid ko rin
doon ."

Kinagat ko ang labi ko . My thoughts were so bothering that I got so lost in it .

Ang
sarap naman ng ganito . 'Tsaka masarap din sana ang Aglio Olio na 'yon kaso
magpapaluto ako ng iba .

"No . Manonood ako sa pagluluto mo!" malambing kong sinabi .

"Hmm . But you should rest o baka mapano ka . . ." he whispered .

Halos dumugo na ang labi ko sa kakakagat .

"Uupo lang naman ako rito . I want to watch you cook ."

"Okay . What my baby wants, my baby gets . What do you want me to cook now?"

Uminit ang pisngi ko . Natutunaw ang mga tuhod ko habang nakikinig sa mababa
niyang
boses at sa kanyang mga pangako .

"I want Tinola with a fresh fish in it ."

He chuckled on my ear .

"Whoa . That was very far from pasta . Okay, I'll cook it . Are you very hungry or
can
you wait a bit?"

Para akong hinihele sa biro at masuyo niyang mga salita . Is this some kind of
hypnosis? I'm sure ganito ang mga ginagawa niya sa board members, investors, at
kliyente kaya naman magaling siya . I wonder if he does this to his girls, too .
Angry with the newest thought, agad akong nagising sa pagkakagayuma ng boses niya!

"I'll wait . Magluto ka na," utos ko .

"Okay ."

Binitiwan niya ako para maisagawa na ang bagong lulutuin . Agad naman akong
nangulila sa hawak niya sa akin . I wonder if he' d say yes if I ask him to just
hold
me the whole day . Hay naku, Andra! Wala kang pinagbago pagdating sa lalaking ' yan!
Ang easy-easy mo talaga!

Pinanood ko siyang nagluluto . Minsan, iniisip ko kung sa pagkain ba ako ginugutom

o
sa ibang bagay . The ripples of his biceps made me drink too much water and
lemonade . How can a large, ruthless man be this good in the kitchen . I thought
he'd
be annoyed because he doesn't know how to cook . Ngayon pasta or Tinola seemed easy
for him!
He easily finished to cook a Tinola in front of me . At gaya noong pasta,
nakakatakam din ang amoy noon .

Nagsalin siya ng sabaw sa mas maliliit na mga bowl . Nilagyan niya ng isang buong
isda ang aking pinggan at sinalinan na rin ang aking baso ng tubig . Namamangha ako
habang nanonood sa kanyang ginagawa ang mga iyon .

Tinikman ko kaagad iyon . Gutom ako pero nasisiguro kong maganda nga ang timpla
niya
sa sabaw na ito . Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kanya . He was looking at me with
obvious amusement .

"Feeling better now?" he mused .

Ngumuso ako at marahang tumango, nahihipnotismo sa kanya . Palpak naman 'to!

"Would you allow me to work in the library later?" masuyo niyang tanong sa akin .

Kung sasabihin ko bang ayaw ko, hindi niya gagawin?

"Okay lang . May mga titingnan din ako na pending works . Doon na lang din ako
magtatrabaho ."

I thought evilly of the things I will do . Sana hindi pumalpak!

Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kanya at nakita ko ang nakataas niyang kilay . His smirk
was perilous . I suddenly wonder if he really believes that I'm pregnant with
someone else's child? He must! He believed it last night!

"Any other cravings, Andra?" may bahid ng panunukso iyon .

Umiling ako, medyo naubusan ng ideya para sa ganoon sa araw na iyon . " Bukas
ulit . . ."

He chuckled . Uminit ang pisngi ko . "There's a schedule?"

"Wala na akong kini crave, Jandrik . Pinipilit mo ko?" I said, annoyed .

Umiling siya, pinipigilan ang tawa at nagpatuloy na lang sa pagkain .

Kabanata 22
Kabanata 22

Playtime
After eating our lunch, bumalik na ako sa kuwarto para ihanda ang iilang
kakailanganin sa pagtatrabaho ko mamaya sa library nila . Laptop, check . And the
most important thing for today's mission: cellphone .

Madilim akong ngumisi habang inaayos ang mga iyon sa aming kama . After eating,
nauna na si Kajik sa library dahil may isang importanteng tawag na natanggap na
kailangan niyang daluhan . Kaya pagkatapos kong kumuha ng gamit sa kuwarto namin,
dumiretso na ako sa library .

Like the color schemes and feel of their mansion, their library is in the same
rust-like feels . Matatayog na book shelves ang nasa paligid, mga lumang paintings
na nasisiguro kong mamahalin, mga muwebles na tila nalipasan na ng ilang dekada, at
mga makakapal lamesa . The largest and thickest study table was in the middle . Ang
iilang mas maliit, nasa mga gilid at tingin ko'y ginagawa lang na study table noon
.

Kajik was on the largest table . His eyes darted at me when I entered but he's
still
on the phone, talking to someone relevant . Tahimik at taas noo akong lumapit sa
isang lamesa sa harap niya at nilatag ko na ang mga gamit doon .

My laptop, my cellphone, some notes, and a furry pen . While he' s busy talking to
whoever is on the other line, I started my laptop . Sineryoso ko muna ang trabaho
pansamantala ngayong nasisiguro kong hindi ko maaagaw ang atensyon niya dahil sa
kausap .

I opened my email to see some pending works . Kahit nasa ibang bansa ako noon,
tumutulong naman ako sa administrative works at ang hindi ko nagagawa, didiretso
kay Kajik para siya na ang gagawa . And that's the usual case, actually . I don't
work much so all the pendings are given to him .

So I took a break on my social media accounts because of the many crazy things for
the past year . Noong bumalik ako ng Pilipinas, two weeks ago, I reactivated my
account . Dati pa kaming friends doon sa account na iyon kaya nang muling binalik
ko, andun pa rin siya . I viewed his profile using the laptop . Hindi ko pa kasi
nalalagyan ng App sa cellphone ko dahil karereactivate ko pa lang .

After a few minutes of researching and bugging Heather's messenger, Kajik put his
phone down and started signing and reviewing the documents on his table .

Ako: Heather, how is it going? Prioritize my documents, okay? Reply on my phone .

ASAP . Urgent matter!

I logged out, in preparation for my evil ideas . I opened my email to read some
work
related things bago ako humilig sa aking swivel chair at nag-antay ng ilang sandali
para sa reply ng kaibigan ko .

My phone beeped loudly . Lagi iyong naka silent pero sinet ko kaninang umingay at
mag vibrate para mas epektibo .

Tumikhim ako . Nag-angat ng tingin si Kajik sa akin dahil sa tunog ng cellphone .

When I saw Heather's reply, I sighed dramatically .

Para akong tanga pero ganoon talaga ang nasa plano ko, sumusunod lang talaga ako .

Heather:

Nahihiya akong manghingi ng dokumento sa OB mo . I researched and saw that I can do

it so I just did it instead .
Gustong-gusto kong sumimangot sa nabasa pero pinilit kong ngumiti with matching
kagat labi, kunwari kinikilig, 'di ba?

Ako:

Ano?! Sana tinanong mo! Mabait si Doctor Anasco! Maiintindihan niya 'yon!

I put my phone down and stared at my laptop again . I'm sure Heather will reply
to
me after a few minutes . Lagi iyong nakaantabay sa cellphone niya .

And as expected, Heather replied . My phone beeped loudly again . Nakita ko ang
muling pagsulyap ni Kajik sa akin . Subtly, I smiled shyly at my phone, kunwari
excited sa text . Katext ko kasi ang Daddy ng dinadala ko, Jandrik . Kinikilig ako,
e .

Heather:

I know but think of it . Hindi ka ba naaawa sa doktor mo? Paano kung mabuking ka
at
may written evidence niya na nagsasabing buntis ka nga, pero hindi pala . Kawawa
naman siya! Damay siya!

E 'di paano pala kung tatawag si Kajik kay Doctor Anasco? E 'di buking agad ako,
'di ba?
Medyo iritado na ako pero ngumiti pa rin ako . Kagat labi akong nagtipa ng reply .
Halos dinuduyan ko na ang sarili ko sa swivel chair para lang mas agaw pansin ang
itsura .

Ako:

Then if Jandrik insists on calling my doctor, what will happen?

Sinulyapan ko si Kajik . Kunot ang kanyang noo, malalim ang iniisip, habang
nakatanaw sa akin . Ilang sandali, nag-iwas siya ng tingin . He checked his phone .
Some two or three swipes, he put it down again . Bumalik siya sa kanyang computer,
huminga ng malalim at nagtipa ng kung ano .

Not affected, huh? Let's see .

My phone beeped loudly again . Mabilis kong pinulot iyon . Sumulyap ako kay Kajik
at
nakita ko ang madilim niyang titig pabalik ulit sa akin .

Heather:

Nakausap ko na si Dr . Anasco . Luckily, she said she'll vouch for you if someone
will ask . Hindi ko na siya sinabihan na kailangan pa ng written document dahil
ikapapahamak niya 'yon, kung sakali .

I smiled widely . Mas genuine 'to kasi magandang balita na pagtatakpan ako ni
Doctora Anasco . I chuckled sexily a bit for emphasis bago nagtipa .

Ako:

Good to hear that! Email me a picture of the documents you printed . I wanna see
if
it looks legit .

Humalakhak ako para mabigyang diin ang kasiyahan . Nagkatinginan kami ni Kajik,
naagaw ko ulit ang atensyon niya dahil sa ginawa . Now that he's scowling, I
smiled
sweetly to annoy him more .
"Who are you texting?" he asked .

The victory is mine! Halos isigaw ko iyon . I feel like I've defeated him! Hindi
niya na kayang tingnan akong ngumingiti habang nagtitext kaya nagtatanong na siya .
Seryoso akong bumaling sa aking laptop at seryoso rin siyang sinagot .

"Secret . Sisiraan mo na naman kapag nalaman mo," malamig kong sinabi .

Her brow shot up . The menace in his face showed . Kinabahan ako bigla pero pinilit
kong magrelax para hindi niya mahalata .

Kunot-noo niyang tiningnan ang kanyang cellphone . With protruding lips and
furrowed
eyebrows, he was playing with his lips as he typed something on his phone . Ano
'yan? Gaya-gaya! Baka may tinext din siya dahil naiirita siya sa ginawa ko?

Sino naman kaya? His girls? Millicent?

My phone beeped again . Nagkatinginan kami . His dark eyes looked at me with so
much
intensity . Ang panglaban ko roon ay ang nakakaloko kong ngisi habang pinupulot ang
cellphone, nagyayabang dahil puwedeng isipin ni Kajik ngayon na ka text ko ang ama
ng dinadala ko!

I was smiling as I opened my phone . Huli na nang nakita ko kung sino iyon . It's
not
Heather . It's from an unknown but familiar number!

Unknown Number:

Concentrate on your work . Stop your imaginary textmates .

Hindi ko na kailangan idouble check kung sino 'yan . I slightly memorized his
number . Hindi pala siya nagbago . Hindi tulad ko na nang umalis, iniwan ang lahat
ng
puwedeng dahilan ng communication sa kanya noon .

Nagtipa agad ako ng sagot, medyo galit sa sinabi niya .

Ako:

Why don't you concentrate with your work?

Kinuha agad ni Kajik ang cellphone niya pagkatapos kong magreply . Nagtipa agad
siya . His dark eyes looked very passionate as he gazed on his cellphone .

Jandrik:

How can I if I hear you giggle the whole time?

Ako:

Well, I'm sorry if I cannot help myself . Just go and mind your own concerns .

Nanggigigil pa akong bumaling sa laptop ko . I saw him languidly pick his phone up
.
Mabagal siyang nagtipa ng irereply . His dark eyes were serious and still so
intense . Hindi na niya binalik sa akin ang tingin, dumiretso ulit sa laptop niya
iyon pagkatapos ay binaba ang cellphone .

Kinuha ko agad ang cellphone ko para mabasa ang mensahe niya .

Jandrik:
You are part of my concerns, Mrs . Mercadejas .

Uminit ang pisngi ko nang naalala kung sino si Mrs . Mercadejas! Mabilis akong
nagtipa ng isasagot sa kanya . Pero bago pa ako nakapagreply, may panibagong
mensahe
ulit galing sa kanya!

Jandrik:

I wonder what texts were you reading when you giggled . It reminds me of
something . . .

Nalito na ako kung ano ang sasabihin ko . Pero teka, ano ang naaalala niya sa tawa
ko? Something? Or someone . . .

Ako:

Who? Your girls?!

Kissing his fist as he read my last text message, hindi na ako makapaghintay .
Nakakabinging katahimikan ang meron sa library pero sobrang ingay ng isipan ko . He
sighed cooly and put his phone down . Mabilis na dumating ang reply .

Jandrik:

I don't have girls .

Seryosong iyan lang ang sagot niya? I typed in something in an intense way .

Ako:

Don't make me laugh, you womanizing wolf! I know you!

Jandrik:

You think I have time for other girls?

Teka nga! Bakit napadpad dito ang usapan? Winawala niya yata!

Ako:

Sino ang naaalala mo sa tawa ko, kung ganoon?

Mabagal niyang kinuha ang cellphone . Mabagal din ang pagtipa niya . I was staring
at
him the whole time as he sighed and started little touches on his cellphone . Nang
binaba niya, nag-abang agad ako sa aking cellphone .

I saw his message enter . Hindi ko na pinatagal iyon . Binasa ko na agad, expecting
he won't mention a name or if he will, I know who it's going to be!

Jandrik:

You, baby .

For the first time since we started this, hindi ako agad nakapagtipa ng isasagot .
Hindi ko alam kung anong sasabihin . Uminit ang pisngi ko, lalo na nang nakita ang
pagsulyap niya sa akin . Inawang ko ang bibig ko para makabuntong-hininga ng konti
.
I controlled myself a bit before finally typing a reply .
Ako:

I don't believe you .

Seriously, Andra? Iyan lang ang masasabi mo?

I concentrated on my work instead . Tama na nga 'yang text na 'yan! Ano nga ulit
ang
plano ko kanina at bakit biglaang kami na ang nagti-text ngayon .

The way he lazily reached out to his phone distracted my busy eyes . Umangat ang
gilid ng kanyang labi habang nagbabasa ng text doon . His dark eyes still looked
intense as he watched his phone . Kalaunan, nagtipa na siya .

Kumalabog ang puso ko . My heart ached at the sudden profound booming . Kaya halos
lumundag ang puso ko nang narinig ang pagtunog ng cellphone hudyat ng bagong text .
Takot na akong basahin, for some reason . But still, I managed to get it .

Jandrik:

Your sweet moans and your sexy whispers . . .

I shifted on my seat uncomfortably . Tumikhim din ako para bahagyang matabunan ang
tunay na nararamdaman . I tried so hard to look cold as I typed in my reply .

Ako:

Nagtatrabaho ako . Stop texting me .

Tumikhim akong muli at pinilit na ang sarili na basahin ang iilang pending
projects . Most of what's in my email were the application of the other smaller
company to try and use the expertise of our employees and the technologies of our
shipyards . Muling nag beep ang cellphone ko . Stag beetles are flying inside my
stomach, hindi ko pa nga nababasa ang text niya .

Jandrik:

You are allowed to text me while working . I'll make that part of your job
description . But only me .

The hell?

My mental and emotional parts were tested for the past year . Simula sa matinding
galit ko sa pagkakapilit kay Kajik na makasal, sa nalaman ko tungkol kay Millicent
at sa kanya, at sa pagkamatay ni Daddy . . . lahat ng 'yan nagdulot ng matinding
krisis sa akin at sa buhay ko . Ngayon lang nagsink in sa akin na siya ang pumalit
sa kay Daddy sa kompanya namin .

He's the CEO, President of the Board of the Lopez Shipping Lines, the number one
and largest shipping lines of the whole country now . That's a very big
responsibility! Ngayon ko lang din narealize na sa ilalim niya ako dahil sa kanyang
pagiging CEO . And he can make changes like that, no matter how petty it seems!

Ako:

Very unprofessional . I cannot wait to go back to work .

Umiling ako at muling binalingan ang mga emails . I said yes to some of those who
applied, lalo na iyong kilala ko noon pa .
Jandrik:

You can only work from home . My pregnant wife shouldn't work .

Really? I called him unprofessional and all he cares about is my being back to
work?

Ako:

Call my doctor, then . Ask her if I'm allowed to work .

Sinulyapan ko siya nang binasa niya ang mensaheng iyon . I saw his brow shot up .
Let
me remind you, Jandrik, that it's legit .

Jandrik:

We'll pay her a visit once we're back in Manila . When do you want to go home?

I tried hard to remain stoic again with his question . Uuwi kami ng Manila! I'd
rather stay there than here . Dito, araw- araw kaming maghaharap . Bukod pa sa mas
makakapagtrabaho na nga ako ng maayos pag nasa Manila na kami .

Kailan ko nga ba gustong umuwi?

Teka nga lang . . . bakit parang ang gaan na ng usapan naming dalawa? Bakit biglang
nawala iyong plano kong iritahin siya sa pamamagitan ng pagkukunwaring may katext?
Now, he's taking over my phone and my mind! Nang hindi ko namamalayan .

I need to reset my plans! That's enough annoying for today! Bukas ulit, okay? Dahil
mukhang pumapalpak pa yata ang mga ginagawa ko ng hindi ko namamalayan .

Ako:

By the end of this week at most .

Mabilis akong tumayo dahil hindi ko na yata matatagalan itong ginagawa naming
dalawa rito . My plan backfired and I need to revisit the others in my head . Hindi
ko kayang isipin ang iba pa habang kaharap ko siya rito .

"Continue with your work . I am tired and sleepy, sa kuwarto muna ako," palusot ko
at taas noong naglakad sa harap niya para makadiretso na palabas .

Looking amused and menacing, sinundan niya ako ng tingin ng walang sinasabi .
Nagpatuloy naman ako at wala na ring sinabi .

Dumiretso na ako sa kuwarto namin pagkatapos . I contemplated so hard about my

plans . Pester him, I have previous plans that goes with that! Hindi ko na hihingin
ang ideya ni Heather dahil nasisiguro kong hindi maganda ang sasabihin niya sa mga
plano kong ito .

Madilim akong ngumisi habang kinukuha ang mahiwagang damit sa aking closet . Nasa
kinailaliman iyon, tingin ko, nang inayos hindi inakala ng kasambahay na masusuot
ko iyon . They were wrong . This is part of what I let Heather shop back in Manila
.

With a mixture of bright orange and bright yellow, the ruffled and loose dress
looked so nasty . Ang haba nito'y hanggang tuhod at ang disenyo, mistula mga dahong
tinitigyawat . It's the usual wear of the old manangs in town .

Knowing Jandrik from the very beginning, I know he's got taste . Lahat ng dinala
noon dito sa mansyon, puro magaganda . Fine, petite, and model like women paraded
his list of girlfriends and flings . Marami siyang karanasan at puro sa mga babaeng
walang kapintasan . You can line up those girls and think that it's a pageant!
Ganoon ka rami at ganoon kagaganda .

Now he will puke when he sees his wife . . . his dear wife . . . wearing a daster
in the
premises of his mansion, for sure .

Nagpahinga muna ako buong hapon, kokonting pagtatrabaho habang nasa kama pero sa
huli, hinila ng antok kaya nakatulog . Nang nakita ko na ang paglubog ng araw, it' s
time to take a bath, in preparation for my good night and my daster!

Pagkatapos maligo, sinuot ko na iyon . Isang katok ang natanggap ko at nang

binuksan, kitang kita ko ang pagkasindak ni Petrina sa suot ko . Walang hiya hiyang
pinagmasdan ako ni Petrina mula ulo hanggang paa bago nagsalita .

"Ma'am, kakain na raw po kayo sabi ni Sir Karius," anito .

Ngumiti ako sa kasambahay . "Thanks! Bababa na ako . . ."

Maligaya akong bumaba . That look from their housemaid proves how ugly I look
tonight! I can only imagine Jandrik's about-to-vomit-face the moment he sees me .
Ah! My plans are so impressive! I should get a higher latin honor than him!

I sashayed my way to the dining area where he was seated on the capital . Pagkadaan
ko sa likod niya, mabilis niya akong sinundan ng tingin . Pinagmasdan ko ang unti-
unting pagkunot ng noo niya habang tinitingnan ang suot ko .

Slowly, the side of his lips rose in amusement . His eyes watched me sharply .
Sinadya kong hindi agad maupo para mas makita niya ang suot kong kahindik-hindik .

"Ah! I slept the whole afternoon . I feel good!" I declared before sitting .

Ngumuso siya, may ngiting nakaantabay at napainom siya ng tubig . I smirked at him
and put on some meat on my plate . Masaya ako dahil nararamdaman kong nasusuka na
siya sa suot ko . He'll eventually be turned off . He'll look back on his past
girls
and realize how different I look .
"Let's eat," aniya at sumenyas na sa ibang kasambahay na magsalin ulit ng tubig sa
kanyang baso .

It is that ugly that he's speechless! I evilly smirked inwardly . I knew it .

Buong
pagkain namin, wala na siyang nasabi . Ilang sandali siyang sumusulyap-sulyap sa
damit ko bago nagpapatuloy . Akala niya hindi ko napapansin ang pandidiri niya .

This is effective . Pagkatapos nito, bukas, dadating na ang pinadalang dokumento

ni
Heather tungkol sa pagbubuntis ko . Everything will pile up on his mind and
eventually, he' ll get tired of it all .

Tahimik ang pagkain namin . Mas lalo kong napatunayan na sobrang kahindik-hindik
ang
suot ko nang nakita ang biglang pagtalon ni Frida pagkapasok niya sa dining area at
pagkakita niya sa akin . I smiled widely and continued eating until I'm done .

"May tatapusin lang ako . Kung inaantok ka na, huwag mo na akong hintayin," he said
.

"Okay!" I smirked .

Pero hihintayin kita, Jandrik! Tatakasan mo pa talaga itong itsura ko, ha! Pwes!
Pagkatapos kumain, umakyat na si Kajik sa taas . Naupo naman ako sa bulwagan at
kalaunan, lumabas para magpahangin . After a long while of a silent night in the
province, full of firefly viewing, umakyat na ako sa kuwarto para maghanda sa
pagtulog .

Although I am trying to look hideous, I cannot skip my night routine to put on an

expensive lotion all over my body . Alas nuebe at hindi pa rin pumapasok si Kajik .
Ngumisi ako dahil nasisiguro kong hirap na hirap siyang lunukin ang ayos ko ngayon
.
But my smirk was short-lived for the door opened and it revealed him .

I was on the dresser when he went in .

"I thought you're already asleep ."

"Nakatulog ako kanina kaya hindi pa ako inaantok," I smiled .

Tumango siya . Kitang-kita ko ang panunuri ng kanyang mga mata sa aking katawan
bago
dumiretso sa walk in closet . Kumuha siya ng malinis na tuwalya at dumiretso na
siya
sa banyo . Pinagmasdan ko ang itsura ko sa salamin . The daster is not just loose,
it's oversized . Can he imagine it if I wear this everyday here? Puwede rin sa
kanyang condo . He'll hate it so much!

Pagkatapos niyang maligo, lumabas siya ng walk in closet, wearing only the white
towel around his waist . Paibaba ko siyang sinundan ng tingin habang lumalapit sa
akin o sa dresser para kuhanin ang isang bote ng after-shave get . He smelled so
nice and manly . Napatikhim ako nang naisip na ibobote ko na lang kaya 'yang amoy
niya at singhutin ko araw-araw?

Damn me and my thoughts!

I concentrated on my dark plans . I brushed my hair . Bumalik siya sa closet .

Sinundan ko siya ng tingin . The twin dimples on the end of his thick muscled spine
made me breathe heavily . Sa iilang beses naming mag ganoon, hindi ko nakita ng
husto ang buong siya . Mostly, I was too pleasured or too limp to watch him
thoroughly .

Uminit ang pisngi ko sa natatanaw . My husband is so, so, smoking hot while I' m
hear
wearing the mighty daster!

Lumabas siya ng walk in closet, ngayon naka itim na boxers lang . My eyes drifted
on
the gap of his long powerful and muscled thighs . Then suddenly, he snapped .

"What are you wearing?"

Losing your temper, Jandrik?

Ngumuso ako at madramang tiningnan ang damit .

"My favorite dress . Why?" sabi ko sabay tayo para mas mandiri pa siya .

He chuckled . His eyes twinkled as he looked at me walking towards our bed . Alam
kong ito ang hinahanap kong reaksyon sa kanya pero bakit parang mas naiinsulto ako
kesa sa natutuwa? He eyes me with so much shame and insult that I suddenly feel
ashamed of myself!

Umupo ako sa kama at mabilis na tinabunan ang kalahati ng katawan ko sa maputing

kumot . Kinuha ko ang isang unan at muling nilagay sa gitna naming dalawa to remind
him of our distance .
 Kinabahan ako bigla dahil magtatabi ulit kami sa kama . Pero bukod sa kaba,
naiirita
ako, naiinsulto . He was very amused when he looked at me . His ruthless eyes was
full of insult and menace . Ngumuso siya at pinatay ang ilaw . Only the dimming
side
lights remained but I can still see the cruel expression on his face .

"Nandidiri ka sa damit ko? E 'di mandiri ka! Kumportable ako rito!"

"I did not strike you as someone who likes to wear that, my wife . . ." sa tonong
natatawa na nakakainsulto iyon .

"Now you know . If you can't accept it, then don't! I don't really care, Jandrik!"
I
said defensively . And with a heart ache .

"Your robes are far better," he growled a laughter that made me feel so little!

Damn you, Jandrik! Binabadtrip kita pero ako ang nababadtrip sa'yo!

Sa iritasyon ko, tinalikuran ko siya sa pagkakahiga ko . My plan is doing good but

I
am not happy with this! Nakakainsulto ang mga sinasabi niya!

"Ewan ko sa'yo! Matutulog na ako!"

Natatawa pa rin siya . He grunted as he fell on our bed .

"I can buy you more comfortable robes if you are short of it, Andra ."

Fuck you, you asshole!

Lukot ang mukha ko sa dilim sa sobrang inis sa kanya . Kaya naman, laking gulat ko
nang binaba niya ang unang nakapagitan sa amin at niyakap niya ako patalikod . I
felt his breathing on the back of my head and on my left ear . Naghuramentado agad
ang puso ko pero bukod doon, mas lalo akong nagalit .

"Stop that! Hindi ako natutuwa, Jandrik! Put the pillow back!" I said while trying
to get out of his hold .

Hindi naman nagtatama ang balat namin dahil sa kumot pero bumalot sa akin ang init
ng kanyang katawan . His leg claimed main even over the thick fabric of the
comforter . His arms cuddled my chest in a terrorizing way as he laughed on my ear,
hindi pa natatapos sa panlalait niya sa suot ko .

"Let's buy you a more comfortable lingerie, shall we? I'd rather go poor than see
you wear that thing, baby ."

Gusto kong maiyak! Kung ayaw niya, e 'di huwag! The plan is perfect but I am not
happy!

"E 'di lumayo ka kung nandidiri ka!" sigaw ko at sinubukang pumiglas sa patalikod
niyang yakap sa akin .

He chuckled more . The amusement in his voice made my heart pound loud . Sa sobrang
galaw ko, naramdaman ko ang kamay niyang unti-unting gumapang sa ilalim ng kumot
para huluhin ang pinanghahampas ko . Ipinako niya ang dalawa kong kamay sa kama ng
walang kahirap-hirap . Using only one hand, and with almost no effort!

"Or maybe, I can live with that dress . Very convenient . Easy access," he
whispered
with so much amusement .
Naramdaman ko ang mabalahibo niyang binti sa aking binti . Using his knee, he
moved
the hem of my skirt in a lazy but skillfull manner . I immediately felt naked
underneath . With just my lacy panties on!

"Jandrik, stop it! I'm pregnant!"

"I change my mind, Andra . This dress is fine for me," he whispered .

He rested his waist just behind me . The thick and iron-clad thing was hurting my
back and I immediately knew what it was .

I heard him heavily sigh near my ear, like he's trying to calm down but the heat is
eating him up .

"Mag daster ka pa," mariin niyang sinabi .

Kinagat ko ang labi ko at muling iginiit para maalala niya .

"I'm pregnant, Jandrik! Bawal 'yan sa baby! Lumayo ka nga!" sabi ko .

"Hmm . I'll ask Dr . Anasco about that ."

His lips touched my neck . Tinakasan agad ako ng lakas .

"I missed you . Bad," he whispered breathily .

His member throbbed painfully behind me . Pumikit ako ng mariin . Liquid heat
dropped
on my stomach . Just like that!

"Your playtime away from me is over, Andra ."

He kissed my neck slowly and smoothly .

"Do whatever you want to do now, but you remain chained to me ."

Kabanata 23
Kabanata 23

Worry

Hindi ko alam paano ko natagalan ang gabing iyon . Tulala ako kinabukasan,
pagkagising ko . Pagkatapos ng napakaraming pang-aasar niya, pinakawalan niya rin
ako . Estatwa akong nakatalikod sa kanya, very aware of his power over me .

I just stayed that way for long, long waking hours until I relaxed and finally
drifted to sleep .

Isang bagsak ng likod sa dingding ang ginawa ni Kajik sa akin . It was so rough but
I find it so hot . He lifted me up and pushed me to the concrete wall . Ang
umaatikabong halik niya, sabik na sabik, at hindi makapirmi . He kissed me on my
lips and then down my neck and then back on my lips again .

My legs were wrapped around his waist as he used his body as a leverage to carry
me . Pinipilas ng kanyang mga kamay ang aking kasuotan . Impatiently, he removed my
brassiere and covered my mounds with his large and warm hands . I arched my back at
the sensation he's giving me .

"Jandrik, ah!"
 I craned my neck . Nakapikit ako habang unti-unti siyang yumuko para lang maabot
ang
dibdib ko . He nipped on my nipple gently . It was a punishing move but it made me
crazy . Nagpakawala ako ng mahabang ungol dahil doon . Liquid gushed down on my
panties at the anticipation of his growing massivity, proudly on my sensitive thigh
gap up towards my abdomen .

With one swift and blurry move, he pushed himself inside of me with his own force
.
The anticipation and wanton was too much that his entrance made me convulse . My
powerful release shook my body down to the core .

Nagising ako sa ganoong pakiramdam . My breathing hitched and my pulse was still
very fast . I stayed still for a few moments as my heart slowly relaxed from the
heavy pounding of that intense dream . Pumikit ako nang mariin ng natanto kung ano
nga ang panaginip ko!

I've dreamt of him fucking me! Hindi ito ang unang pagkakataong nanaginip ako ng
ganoon . This happens a lot of times for the past year and each time, I always stay
in bed for almost half of the day, tinatamad bumangon, nagagalit sa panaginip, at
nagsisisi sa buwisit na sub conscious .

Kung wala lang ako sa kanyang kama ngayon, baka ganoon na nga rin ang ginawa ko .
It' s nine in the morning . He' s a morning and active person kaya alam kong nasa
labas lang siya, nangangabayo, naliligo sa dagat, o ' di kaya' y nag jo- jogging .

I hugged the pillow beside me . Kagat ang labi, pinilig ko ang ulo . Nakakahiya na
ganoon ang napanaginipan ko! My moans felt so real . Naisip ko tuloy kung umuungol
ba ako kanina habang tulog! What a shame!

Kung hindi ako babangon ngayon, baka dumami pa ang maisip ko! Bumangon na ako agad
at dumiretso na sa banyo for a cold shower .

I feel so problematic the whole time . Naiinis ako dahil sa panaginip na iyon . I
feel guilty . And each time I touch my skin, it reminded me of how he touched me!
What the hell?

Mabilis lang ang ligo ko dahil doon . At habang namimili ng damit, iniwasan ko ang
daster dahil sa mga sinabi ni Kajik kagabi . Convenient . Easy access . Damn him! I
am
trying my best to piss him off and yet he still liked my hideous dress! Bago pa
iyan, ininsulto muna ako ng matindi just to play with my emotions!

Hindi halatang dress of pregnant women ang damit kong sinuot . It's a powder blue
lacy dress . Pinili ko na instead of those frigging dasters .

Lumabas ako ng walk in closet para pumunta sa dresser at magsuklay ng buhok .

Napatalon ako ng konti nang tumambad sa akin ang hubo't-hubad na katawan ni Kajik,
dripping with sweat, and just his ragged maong pants hanging loosely on his v line
.

Napasinghap ako ng matindi lalo na dahil nagflashback ang nangyari sa amin sa

panaginip ko! The way his eyes watched me intensely and with the hint of mockery
made me feel conscious and guilty . I feel like he knew what I was thinking . Hindi
ko tuloy maitago ang pagkapahiya, pag-iwas ng tingin, at pag diretso sa dresser na
parang robot .

" I thought you' re still asleep, " even his tone made me feel like he' s mocking me .
" Maliligo muna ako . Ipapaakyat ko ang breakfast mo- "

"No!" agap ko dahil hindi ko yata kayang kumain habang naghihintay sa kanyang
naliligo riyan!
Napatingin ako sa kanya . He looked at me with so much amusement, his eyes were
hooded and his sweat is still dripping on his peaks! Mabilis akong nag-iwas ng
tingin . Andra, this is not the time to drool! Puwede ba!?

"I-I mean . . . bababa ako ."

"Hmm . Okay, then ."

Para akong nabunutan ng tinik nang pumasok na siya sa loob ng walk in closet .
Bumuntong hininga ako at binilisan ang mga ginagawa para makaalis na roon . Ayokong
maabutan siyang katatapos lang maligo . The view of him covered only with white
towel will make me faint . Though, I wonder if my dreams give justice to his . . .

What the hell, Andra?!

Mabilis akong bumaba pagkatapos ng kababalaghang naisip . Pinili kong kumain ng

tahimik habang nag-iisip ng puwedeng panggulo sa kanya sa araw na iyon . I have so
many things on my sleeves but I have to think better . Lalo na dahil halos palpak
ang lahat!

"Ma'am, may dumating pong delivery para sa'yo . . ." sabi ni Petrina at hinatid sa
akin ang isang plastic na nasisiguro ko ang laman .

"Thank you, Petrina!" maligaya kong sinabi pagkatanggap .

I smiled darkly looking at Heather's name on it . This is her assignment! Doctor

Anasco's document announcing my pregnancy!

Hindi pa tapos kumain, mabilis ko nang pinunit ang plastic at tiningnan ang
dokumentong nakapaloob . There were labels and numbers in it, which confused me .
Sorry, wala talaga akong alam sa mga medical things kaya dumiretso na ako sa mga
nakasulat na nagpapatunay o nagsasabing nagdadalang tao nga ako!

Nagpatuloy ako sa pagkain, maganda na ang mood dahil sa nabasang balita .

Pagkatapos kumain, dumiretso na ako sa study ni Kajik . Nalaman ko kasing nasa

study
na siya kaya roon ko siya gagambalain sa dokumentong ito .

I made my presence known through a peek of my head from the door . Mabilis siyang
nag-angat ng tingin . I smiled arrogantly at him when he saw me . Buong katawan ko
na
ang pinasok ko sa loob pagkatapos at dire-diretso na ako sa kanyang lamesa .

"This is that document from Dr . Anasco..." sabi ko sabay lapag noong dokumento sa
harap niya .

Hindi naalis ang mga mata niya sa akin ng ilang sandali . Binitiwan ko ang papel at
nakapamaywang na ngumiti sa kanya .

Binasa niya ang papel . Kunot-noo at seryoso niyang binasa lahat ng naroon, tila
ba
naiintindihan ang mga numero at medical terms . Naghihintay ako sa kanyang
reaksyon,
kaso ang bagal .

"Nasa baba, Jandrik . Pregnant," I pointed out .

He slightly crumpled the paper . Nagulat ako roon . Bago pa ako makapagsalita, may
kumatok na sa pintuan ng study . Lumabas si Frida roon at humingi ng dispensa sa
biglaang pagpasok .
"Pasensya na po sa istorbo pero dumating po kasi si Mercedita," panimula niya .

Oh!? Where were they, anyway? I did not think about that much .

"Si Lola?"

Tumayo si Kajik, medyo nararamdaman ko ang tensyon sa kanya . Umiling si Frida .

" Si Mercedita lang po, Sir . Ang bilin po raw ni Senyora, pabalikin muna si
Mercedita rito para tingnan kung totoo bang bumalik na si Ma'am Andra ."

Nag-aalinlangang bumaling si Frida sa akin . Suminghap ako at tumango . Hindi na

ako
nagulat na nalaman ng parents ni Kajik na nakabalik na ako . I bet his parents
disliked me so much for leaving him after the wedding . Kaya hindi ko maintindihan
kung bakit ayaw pa rin tanggapin ni Kajik ang annulment namin .

"Nakiusap po si Mercedita kung puwede po ba raw kayong makitang dalawa," Frida

added .

Tumango si Kajik at umikot na sa lamesa .

"Bababa kami ng asawa ko, Frida . Maghanda ka ng meryenda para sa amin ."

So that was how it all went for the next couple of hours . Sa terasa hinanda ang
meryenda at doon na rin namin nakausap si Mercedita .

I remember their mayordoma as
Nangungulubot na ang mukha ni
niya . Now wearing a deep red
bit curly, and reddish brown,
kape .
someone old and strict . It remained that way .
Mercedita ngunit nanatili pa rin ang mahigpit na aura
daster and a resting bitch face, with hair short, a
taas kilay niya akong tiningnan habang nagtitimpla ng

"Hindi pa dapat ako umuwi rito, Kajik . . ."

Bumaling siya sa katabi kong si Kajik . I can sense her hate for me . She was very
strict when I was a child . Pero hindi ko kailanman naramdaman ang pamimintas sa
kanyang mga mata, ngayon pa lang . Maybe she hated me more now as a woman .

"Pero hindi mapakali ang Senyora sa mga ganap dito . Lalo na at pinahiwatig ni
Lucianna na ayaw mong istorbohin dito ."

"We're fine here, Mercedita . Sana hindi na nag-abala si Lola, pero salamat sa
pag-
aalala . Hindi rin naman kami magtatagal dito . Uuwi rin kami ng Maynila ."

Bumaling si Mercedita sa akin . Her cruel eyes slightly intimidated me . Taas noo
akong ngumiti sa matanda, gaya ng dati . I recognize authority but I was always
unyielding . . . as a child . . . and now as a woman .

"Pasensya na at hindi ako nakatawag kay Senyora at sa mga biyenan ko . Marami kasi
akong ibang iniisip at may ibang sadya rin ako sa pag-uwi ko-"

"Andra..." mahinahong tawag ni Kajik, intimidating me and stopping me from talking

more .

Kitang-kita ko ang mas lalong pagkunot-noo ni Mercedita sa sinabi ko .

"Bukas, uuwi na kami ng Maynila ni Andra . Marami kaming aasikasuhin doon ."

"At ano ang mga ito, Kajik?" matamang tanong ni Mercedita .

"Sa trabaho . Now that she's back, I have yet to teach her some things about her
work ."

No need, Jandrik . That's our company . Pero sige, hinayaan ko siyang magsalita .
Nanatili namang mariin ang titig ni Mercedita sa kay Kajik habang nagsasalita ito .

"Saan ba kayo mamamalagi? Sa Batangas o sa Maynila?" tanong ni Mercedita .

"Depende po sa trabaho . But we will travel together ."

"Hm . Mabuti ."

Pagilid akong binalingan ni Mercedita . I can sense her growing hate for me kaya
hindi na ako nangulit pa .

" Hindi maganda sa mag- asawang nawawalay sa isa' t - isa . Lalo na sa inyong isang taon
mahigit na nagkalayo . Hindi rin puwedeng dahilan ang pighati sa pagkamatay ng
pamilya, para iwan ang asawa ."

Oh . Some shade for me . Ngumuso ako at uminom na lang ng juice .

"Hindi na po kailangang isipin pa iyon . What's important now is my wife's back

with
me ."

The awkwardness of the situation is too much . Mabuti na lang at pagkatapos ng

ilang
sandali, nagreklamo na si Mercedita na masakit ang ulo dahil sa mahabang byahe .
Tinawag ang iilang kasambahay para alalayan siya . Tumayo ako at tumulong na rin .
She watched me sideways and I saw how her eyes went from my face down to my body .

Hinatid siya sa kanyang kuwarto . Kajik was eventually lost because of some
phone calls and work while I remained busy planning so many things for our move
to
Manila .

"Heather, uuwi kami ng Maynila!" balita ko sa kanya .

"Okay," walang buhay niyang sinabi . "Nandito na rin nga pala ang pinsan mong
si Cresia ."

"Whoa! Really?!" gulat kong sinabi .

"Oo . Nakalimutan kong sabihin sa'yo ."

Kumunot ang noo ko . She's close to our family but with my mother on vacation, my
father gone, and with me abroad, paano niya nalaman ang whereabouts ng pinsan kong
taga Iloilo? Well, Cresia's life may be private for her own good but onlookers
can't help but fish out information about her . Minsan ko nang nabasa sa isang
pahina sa newspaper ang kung anu-anong detalye tungkol sa kanya, hindi malabong
ganoon din ang nabasa ni Heather/

It's not surprising . After our wedding, ilang linggo rin akong lamang ng balita sa
tabloid na nag-eexpose ng mga lihim at pribadong buhay ng mga tulad ko . I even
read
one issue on a famous intrigue site, reason why I had to shut down my Facebook
account . Dumarami ang gustong ibenta ang kasagutan ko, dumarami ang nang-iintriga
.

"That's good . Pagbalik ko, we can hang out with her!" sabi ko .

"I'm not interested in bars, Andra," aniya bilang pangontra sa pagyayaya ko .

Parang hindi ko narinig ang sinabi niya nang ngumisi ako sa napakaraming plano sa
utak ko .

I packed almost the whole afternoon . Marami rin kasi akong dala, lahat pa na
unpack
nina Frida at Petrina kaya naman nahirapan akong ibalik ang lahat sa parehong ayos
.
Hapon nang tapos na akong mag-impake at binisita ko muli si Kajik sa kanyang study
para lang magulo siya .

My head take a peek at the room . I saw him on his phone, nakatayong hinihilot ang
sentido, mukhang may problema . When he saw me, umayos siya at nagpaalam na kaagad
sa kausap, sinabing titingnan niya bukas pagkadating namin sa Manila .

"Hello!" I said as I waved my fingers at him .

Nagtaas siya ng kilay, it was like he knew what I am up to . I pouted . Hinawakan

ko
ang tiyan ko para may effect bago lumapit at nagsalita .

"Tapos ka na ba? Maghahanap sana ako ng strawberry sa labas kaso nahihilo ako . .
."

He sighed . A cruel smile played on his lips . Hindi ba siya naniniwala sa akin? I
need to level up my acting!

Sinapo ko ang noo ko at pinikit ang mga mata .

" Itutulog ko na lang sana kaso, takam na takam ako, Jandrik . Baka magtampo si baby
kapag hindi ako nakakain ngayon . . ."

Halos mapatalon ako nang hinawakan niya ang tiyan ko . His touch was so gentle, as
if he was protecting a new life in me . Umikot siya at niyakap ako patalikod habang
nakahawak pa rin sa tiyan ko .

"Jandrik," I called para kumalma ako .

"Uh-huh . Our baby wants strawberry, huh? Can't wait till tomorrow? I can send our
men to the city for it," he whispered .

Shit! Don't get carried away, Andra!

Umiling ako . "Gusto ko ngayon, Jandrik . I want strawberry . I want you to get
it!"

He chuckled . Hindi ko alam bakit mistulang natutuwa pa siya sa demands ko!

Iniirita
ko siya!

"Okay, then . Daddy will get it . Magbibihis lang ako ."

Tumango ako . Binitiwan niya rin ako ng dahan-dahan . Akala ko aalis na agad siya
pero hinawakan niya pa ang kamay ko at iginiya palabas ng study .

"You wait in our room and rest while I go and search for your craving, okay?"

Parang bata akong tumango, naniniwala sa sinabi niya . Kaya naman, nagbihis lang
siya ng bagong t-shirt, he tucked me in bed, and then he left . I heard his four by
four grinding on the gravel as he left the estate . The comfort of the bed made me
forget about so many things . Masyado ko palang pinagod ang sarili ko sa iniisip at
sa pag-iimpake .

Nagising na lang ako sa huni ng panggabing mga ibon at mananap . Dumilat ako at
nakitang madilim na sa labas at ang wall lamps na lang ang umiilaw sa buong silid .
I turned the lights on to see what time is it . It's 6:58 in the evening .
Napabalikwas agad ako . Napasarap yata ang tulog ko, ah!

Bumaba na agad ako . I wonder if Kajik's home? If he is, maybe he did not wake me
up
because he thinks I am resting?

May pagkain na sa hapag . Nakita ko ang plato ni Kajik, hindi pa kumakain . Naupo
ako
sa tabi noon at luminga-linga para sa kasambahay . Nobody was there and I am
starving . Kumuha ako ng salad at sumubo . Pagkatapos ng isang subo, nagtawag na ako
.

"Frida? Frida . . ." I called .

Mabilis na lumabas si Frida galing ng kitchen .

"Po?"

"Si Jandrik?" I asked .

"Ay, hindi pa po nakakauwi, Ma'am . Umalis kaninang hapon ."

"Oh?"

Mabilis kong kinuha ang cellphone ko para makita kung may mensahe niya ba roon .
Nakita kong wala kaya mabilis akong nagtipa .

Ako:

Where are you?

Seems like a ridiculous question when it was I who sent him to find me a
strawberry .

Jandrik:

I'm in Kalibo . I forgot to bring my charger . I'll be home soon .

Kinabahan agad ako . Hindi ko alam kung tama bang tanungin siya kung nakahanap na?
O
kung mas gusto kong bawiin ang craving na ito? Pero nag effort na siya . Mas masama
ako kung babawiin ko ngayong nag-effort na siya! Pero hindi ba eto naman talaga ang
punto ko: ang maging masama sa kanya . So he'll get mad . . . and leave me .

" May gana ka pang kumain, hija, habang ang asawa mo, hindi pa nakakauwi, " malamig
na boses ni Mercedita ang narinig ko .

Napabaling ako sa kanya .

"Ngayon ko lang po nalaman na hindi pa siya nakakauwi . . ."

"Hm . . ." she mocked as she looked at Frida . "Sabihin mo kay Ronnie na mag-utos
ng
trabahante para ipahanap si Kajik ."

"Sige po ."

Tumikhim ako . I know I am at fault but we should all calm down .

"Nasa Kalibo lang po siya . Katitext niya lang sa akin ."

"At anong gagawin niya sa Kalibo?" she shot back at me .

Kinabahan agad ako . Nagdalawang-isip akong magsabi na ako ang dahilan . Hindi man
maganda ang impresyon ni Mercedita sa akin noon, mas lumala pa yata ngayon! At kung
dadagdagan ko pa nitong sagot ko, sigurado akong mas magagalit pa siya!

"Ang bilin niya sa akin, may hahanapin lang siya . Ano naman kaya? Hindi ko maisip
kung ano maaari iyon at kung tungkol sa trabaho, siguro naman maipagpapaliban niya
bukas dahil hapon na iyon ."

Nanuyo ang lalamunan ko . Yumuko ako at tiningnan muli ang cellphone . There was no
text from him .

"Ikaw ba ang nag-utos sa kanya na maghanap ng kung ano?"

"Opo, pero hindi ko naman inasahan na-"

She grunted angrily at my answer . Ayaw nang makinig sa idudugtong ko . " Hindi nag-
iisip . Palibhasa walang pakealam! "

She then walked out of that room . Naghahanap na agad ng mauutusan sa paghahanap
kay
Kajik . Ilang sandali akong hindi gumalaw, medyo guilty, takot, at galit sa sarili
.

Hindi ko alam kung anong tinutunganga ko sa dining table . Hindi na ako kumain at
lalong wala na akong gana . I tried texting and calling Kajik again but he's out of
coverage area . I am not sure if he's dead batt or just really around an out of
coverage area .

Tumayo ako at dumiretso na sa bulwagan . Tahimik doon pero sa labas, naririnig ko

ang mga usap-usapan ng mga tauhan, at mga hula nila tungkol sa pag-alis ni Kajik .
Eight thirty, naroon pa rin ako . Pumasok si Mercedita at pagilid lamang akong
pinagmasdan .

Suminghap ako . I want to say something but words don't come out easily when you're
in this situation . Dumiretso rin siya sa kusina at marami pang ibang bilin sa mga
kasambahay .

I figured that I want to watch his possible arrival . Kung nasa kabilang terasa
ako,
mas makikita ko siya roon . I spent an hour there, waiting for him, amidst the
mosquitoes and other flying insects .

Kinalma ko ang sarili ko . Hindi pa rin kasi siya nagti text kaya inabala ko ang
sarili sa pagligo muna . Maybe after taking a bath, he will be home?

Ten thirty and there's just no sign of Jandrik . Pakiramdam ko, aatakehin ako sa
puso dahil sa napakaraming bagay na naiisip . But if he was in Kalibo when he
texted
me three hours or so ago, nakabalik na dapat siya ngayon dito . Unless kung hindi
pa
siya nakahanap ng strawberry at nagsikap pa siya sa ibang bayan?

My heart hurt so much from the worry I am feeling . Hindi na ako mapakali at hindi
na rin mapirmi . I just want him back safe! Right now!

Kahit anong dungaw ko sa bintana, hindi na ako makuntento sa panonood at

paghihintay na lang sa kanya . Lumabas ako ng kuwarto para sa baba na sana
maghintay, o kung posible man, baka puwedeng tumulong sa paghahanap . That is if
it's effective!
" Dios ko! Yang batang ' yan talaga! Tulog na siguro at walang pakealam sa asawa! " I
heard Mercedita's cry and some of the maid's murmurs .

"Kinukumpirma pa po nina Mang Ronnie kung sino ang sakay ng bumulusok na four by
four sa bangin malapit sa Tangalan," narinig ko si Petrina . "Kung galing siyang
Kalibo, baka nga-"

"Petrina! Huwag kang magsalita ng ganyan!" agap ni Mercedita .

Namilog ang mga mata ko sa narinig . May nadisgrasyang four by four sa daanan
pabalik dito galing Kalibo?! Iilan ba ang may ganoong sasakyan sa bayang ito? Hindi
naman siguro ganoon karami!

Sa takot at kaba, bumalik ako sa kuwarto para kunin ang cellphone . Nanginginig
akong nagdial ng number ni Kajik . Kahit pa pareho lang namang operator ang
naririnig ko, paulit-ulit ko pa rin iyong ginawa out of desperation .

I flooded him texts .

Ako:

Please call . Are you okay?

Ako:

Nag-aalala ako, Jandrik!

Ako:

Please call when you have signal!

Tumayo ako at pinilit ang sariling lumabas . I can hear the murmurring of the
housemaids . Their speculations as to why he's still not home o kung ano ang
hinahanap niya at bakit lumabas kahit mag gagabi na .

"Hindi naman ganoon si Sir, hindi ba?" sabi ng isa .

"Oo nga! Baka may inutos si Ma'am Andra?"

"Naku! Nakakatakot! Hindi pa ba nakukumpirma kung sinong sakay noong nahulog sa

bangin?"

"Papunta pa lang sina Ronnie roon!"

"Kaya mas gusto ko si Miss Milly, riyan kay Ma'am . . . Mas mabait iyon ."

"Pahamak talaga ang batang ito!" Mercedita lamented . "Kaya nga sinasabi kong
maling
desisyon itong pagpapakasal nila!"

Alam ko kung sino ang tinutukoy nila but right now, I don't care . Bumaba ako .
Nang
namataan nila ako, natahimik agad ang lahat .

"Hindi pa rin po siya nagrereply," sabi ko nang bumaling si Mercedita sa akin .

Kitang-kita ko ang pagtiim ng panga ni Mercedita sa iritasyon sa akin . I deserved

her anger . I am also very worried and angry with myself! Nagsisisi na ako ngayon
na
ginawa ko iyon! Hindi ko naman alam na mahirap palang maghanap dito ng strawberry
at hahantong pa sa ganito!

" Matulog ka na roon sa kuwarto mo, hija, at mukhang naistorbo ka pa namin, "
Mercedita mocked .

"Maghihintay po ako kay Jandrik-"

" Ma' am! Ma' am! " isang sigaw ng mga lalaking trabahante galing sa labas ng bahay ang
narinig namin .

My heart sank at that panicky screams . Napahawak ako sa aking dibdib habang
nilingon ang bukana ng bulwagan, pilit na hinahanda ang sarili sa bagong balita .

"Nandito na si Sir Kajik!" the man announced .

"Dios ko! Buti na lang!" sigaw ni Mercedita .

Mabilis silang tumakbo sa labas, natataranta sa balitang narinig, while I cannot

move from where I was standing . Relief flowed within me, kasama ang matinding kaba
na hindi nawala dahil sa antisipasyon!

It was my fault! I'm just lucky he's safe! If he wasn't, I don't know what will I
do!

Namamanhid ang buong katawan ko . Sinubukan kong humakbang pero wala akong
naramdaman . Tears trickled down my cheeks but I couldn't feel what it was all
about . Pain, fear, relief, I don't know . . .

Pinalis ko ang mga luha sa aking mga mata . I need to clear this up . I have to go
out and see him . Welcome him, at least . Imbes na mawala ang mga luha ko, mas lalo
lang akong lumuha . I cursed my unending tears and wished for more time para bago
ako makalabas dito, hindi na kita na lumuha ako ng ganito!

Pinilit ko ang sariling umayos . Shock, then, flooded within me when I saw them
entering the living room . Hindi ako makapagsalita . Hindi rin makareact ng kahit
ano . Kajik entered the room, walang galos at kahit ano . He looked normal,
vigorous,
even, with a paper bag on hand .

Tahimik ang lahat ng kasambahay . Kitang-kita ko ang tensyon sa mga mata nila ng
tingnan nila ako . I can sense the hate, even . Matapang akong ngumiti, hindi
halata
ang matinding pag-aalala at mga luhang iniyak kanina .

"K-Kumain ka na?" I asked, sounding so cool and composed .

Hindi ako makatingin ng diretso kay Kajik . But I caught him watching me longingly
.

"Hindi pa . . ."

"Naku! Ganoon ba, hijo! Kung ganoon, diretso na tayo sa dining area!" si Mercedita
na agad pinagalaw ang mga nanonood na kasambahay .

Napalunok ako . Hindi ko alam ano ang sasabihin .

"Ayusin n'yo ang mga kubyertos . Kakain ang sir ninyo . Dios ko! Anong oras na,
hijo!
Saan ka ba kasi galing at bakit ka pa umalis ng dis oras! "

Kinagat ko ang labi ko . I feel so guilty . Yumuko ako .

"Sa sobrang pag-aalala ko, nasabi ko kay Senyora ang pag-alis mo . Hindi ka
macontact at may disgrasya pa sa malapit!"

Nanliit ako lalo sa narinig . I can only imagine what his parents were thinking .
Kung lubusan na nga ang pag- aalala ko, paano pa sila? Seeing him right now, in
front of me, made me feel like it was almost surreal .

Humakbang siya palapit sa akin . Napa-angat ako ng tingin at nakita ang seryoso
 niyang mga mata na diretso sa akin . Dire-diretso ang lakad niya hanggang sa
hawakan
niya ang kamay ko .

"Paki akyat na lang po ng pagkain . Gusto ko nang magpahinga, kasama ang asawa ko
."

Like a robot, umakyat ako kasama siya, halos estatwa, manhid, at walang masabi .

Kabanata 24
Kabanata 24

Game Over

I watched him went out of the walk in closet, his phone on his ear . He' s talking
to
someone, probably his mom . Tahimik akong nakaupo sa kama, nakatabon ang comforter
sa kalahati ng katawan, habang sinundan ng tingin si Kajik .

"I'm fine, don't worry about me," he said .

Lumapit siya sa round table, kung nasaan ang hinatid na hapunan para sa kanya .

Kanina, umakyat kami rito ng tahimik . Wala akong masabi . The shock in me was too
much . I did not dare speak about anything .

Dumiretso siya sa banyo kaya ako ang tumanggap ng hapunan niya sa nanginginig na
mga kamay . Inayos ko iyon sa round table at hinintay na ang paglabas niya . The
shock in me flooded . Nanikip ang dibdib ko habang naghihintay sa kanyang lumabas .

Sa tila napakahabang panahon na iyon, marami akong naisip .

"I just bought something near Kalibo, Lola, that's all . . ." paliwanag ni Kajik .

Nakatayo siyang tumusok ng ulam at sumubo habang pinapakinggan ang hinaing siguro
ni Senyora sa kabilang linya . After that call, another one came in .

"Papa," he said in his usual fast intonation .

Nagpatuloy siya sa pagkain habang nakatayo . Seryoso niyang kinakausap ang kanyang
ama habang pinagmamasdan ko siyang nakatalikod sa akin .

I bent my knees and hugged them tightly, despite the thick comforter in between .
I
feel so damn guilty . Gaya ng nararamdaman ko noon, noong bata pa lang ako . This
feeling brought nostalgia to me and now it's reminding me of the many circumstances
where I felt this way .

The days where I get mad at someone mean to me, most of the time his girls . I
fight
back and end up being blamed for defending myself, hurting someone else, and in the
end . . . I'll feel guilty . Bakit, sila, hindi ba sila nagsisisi na sinaktan nila
ako?
Bakit, ako, laging nagsisisi na nanakit ako dahil lang nasaktan? Why am I always
the one reflecting? Saying sorry to my actions that were only caused by the pain
other people gave me?

Hindi ko maintindihan .

Noong nasaktan ako ng ibang tao, nagsisi ba silang sinaktan nila ako?

I wonder if it is better to just forget about everything, start anew, and just
forgive . But there is no way in hell I am going to be just like those other women
who forgave after their men cheated . I will stand strong, defend my dignity, make
my pain a weapon, because that is how I am . Forgetting about it is less than me .

They had no mercy for me . Why will I have it for them?

They did not feel guilty for hurting me, so why should I feel guilty for hurting
them back?

Through the years, I only had my Mommy and Daddy . They believed in me . They
understood my pain . Now, I only have my Mom, who' s still mourning for my Dad' s
death . Which makes me, right now, the only person who can understand my own pain .
. .
no one else .

"Sige po," si Kajik, ending his phone conversation with his father after a long
conversation .
Uminom siya ng tubig . Kinabahan agad ako . Akala ko may tatawag pa sa kanya pero
nakita kong wala na . I saw him turning his phone off before turning towards the
bathroom again . He gracefully strode towards the bathroom again .

Kanina, habang nasa loob siya ng banyo, nagkakabuhol na ang isipan ko . I wanted to
give in, out of guilt . To tell him how much I am worried and that he didn' t need
to
exactly get me what I want, lalo na kung delikado naman pala . But as tears
trickled
down my cheeks, I remember how it all was .

Bakit sa huli, ako ang nagsisisi?

Bakit ang iba, nananakit, pero hindi naman kailanman nagsisi? They were even happy
that they caused so much pain . They were satisfied! They were celebrating!

He went out of the bathroom after a few minutes . He put some things on the dresser
before he finally turned to the bed .

Madilim sa kuwarto . The dimmed lights casted dramatic shadows on the lines of his
face and his naked muscled body . Mistula siyang eksena sa isang pelikula na
pinaghirapang maachieve, para lang makuha ang tamang timpla ng mga ilaw sa likod ng
isang matipuno at guwapong bida .

Sa pagmumuni-muni kanina, muntik na akong bumigay dahil sa takot at guilt na

naramdaman pero nakabawi agad ako . Now that I saw him this way, unti-unti na naman
akong nahihila sa kawalan ng atraksyon . That maybe, I should just give up and love
him harder .

But as usual, I woke up to my senses again . Nakabawi .

"T-Tapos ka nang kumain? M-Matutulog na ako," I declared out of fear but still
trying to sound so tough .

Sinubukan kong mahiga . Inayos ko ang comforter para maibaba ko pa sa kama ang mga
paa pero hindi ki nagawa . Naupo siya sa gilid ng kama, umuga agad ito . Bago ko pa
maangat ng mabuti ang comforter, ipinako niya na ito sa kama gamit ang mga kamay .
He put his hands on my sides, pinning the comforter in its place and at the same
time, stopping me from moving much .

"You did not eat the strawberries I got you," he said slowly and huskily .

Hindi ako makatingin ng diretso sa kanya . Iyon lang ang paraan para tumapang ako
.

"Hindi ko na pala gusto 'yon . I want the father of my child to get it instead of
you," I said it like a weapon .

He sighed in a controlled but heavy way . Kumalabog ang puso ko at halos manginig
ako sa kaba . Hindi ako makatingin ng diretso sa kanya . My view is only of his
muscled biceps firmly tensing with incredible force .

"I am the father of your child," he said .

Umiling ako, nagtatapang-tapangan .

Guilt flooded in me . My heart ached at that . I was very worried for him . I cared
for him so much . But I can't let those feelings take over my senses . I need to
straighten up and remember why I am doing this . So I can do it again .

" No, you' re not! You' re just trying hard to be . You are a womanizer and you win
this game always . Women beg you to stay with them, you don' t , that' s why your ego
is hurt because your marriage is failing . Kaya kahit anong mangyari, ayaw mong
maghiwalay tayo, 'di ba?"

He groaned . Tumingala siya, walang puwersa at halos relaxed . I don't get why he
looks and feels relaxed even after the words I said . Bumaba muli ang tingin niya,
his eyes twinkled . Namumungay ang mga ito .

"You are being difficult ."

Namilog ang mga mata ko at napaangat ng tingin sa kanya . "That's why you should
say
yes to annulment! I cheated on you! I am attracted to another man a-and . . ."

Hindi ko matuloy-tuloy ang sinasabi ko . He's looking at me cockily, with no

bitterness in his eyes, just pure arrogance and mockery! Pakiramdam ko, alam na
alam niya ang lahat ng nangyari for the past year .

Ikinakahiya ko ang lahat ng iyon . Before we got married, I tried an affair with
Byron . Halik pa lang, wala na akong maramdamang kahit ano . He saw us kissing,
kaya
nasisiguro kong alam niyang kaya ko nga siyang pagtaksilan ng higit pa roon .

I claim to have fucked other men or at least the man who made me pregnant pero sa
titig niya ngayon, parang nanliliit ako . It's like he knew that I was lying . He
knew that I could not even kiss another man just because I could not feel the
powerful passion he could easily light in me .

"And?" he asked languidly .

"And! I fucked other man! Hindi lang ikaw ang may karapatang mang kama ng ibang
babae habang tayong dalawa!"

I finally saw how my words affected him . Sa dami ng sinabi ko, ngayon ko pa lang
siya nakitaan ng reaksyon . He looked a bit shaken . Ano? Akala mo, hindi ko alam
ang
ginagawa mo sa likod ko? I know!

Now, I remember how you spent the whole night in that condo! And it was your condo!
Under your name! At siya ang nakatira! Ano? Pinapatira mo sa condo mo, akala mo
hindi ko malalaman?
" Yes! You think I don' t know a thing! You motherfucker! I am not a bit guilty for
cheating on you and for whatever is happening right now because you cheated on me
first!" I spat .

I can see the shock in his eyes slowly fading . Umawang ang labi niya . His tongue
slowly licked his lower lip as he watched me venting on him . Sa iritasyon ko sa
kalmado niyang itsura, I pushed him away from me . I cannot take our distance to
each other!
Tumaas lamang ang kilay niya, hindi man lang natinag sa tulak kokaya hinampas ko
ang dibdib niya . His rock hard naked chest made my palms ache .

"I cheated on you, do you hear me?" I said it again, convincing myself and
convincing him .

Ngumuso siya, madilim pa ring nakatitig sa akin . Imbes na lumayo, gaya ng gusto
kong mangyari, he leaned closer to me . His eyes grew darker . Kasing dilim ng gabi,
kasing lamig ng ihip ng hangin .

"Can we go back first on your claim of me cheating on you?" he said breathily and
calmly .

"Bakit pa? Para saan pa? I don't need to talk about it any-"

Umusod siya lalo palapit sa akin . I can feel his breathing on my cheek at kung
hindi ko iiwas ang mukha ko, mahahalikan niya na ako .

"How can a man so in love with you cheat, huh?" aniya at hinuli ang mukha ko .

His breathing caressed my cheek again . Hindi na ako nagsalita . Nagpupuyos man ang
damdamin at marami mang gustong paratang sa kanya, hindi ko ginawa dahil sa lapit
namin ngayon . I don't want to talk while his lips were just an inch away from mine
.

"Is that why you turned stone cold to me after the tragedy? And all this time I
thought you just chickened out because although we were in a relationship, you knew
you were too young for something as serious as marriage..." he said huskily .

Nagtagis ang bagang ko . Ayaw ko sanang magsalita dahil sa naunang dahilan pero
nakakatrigger ang mga pinagsasabi niya .

"Don't act so clean, Jandrik! Alam mo sa sarili mong nambabae ka! O baka naman,
ako
'yong babae mo at iyong ibinahay mo, siya ang tunay mong gustong pakasalan!"

His eyes widened a bit and I saw his jaw clenched . Ano? Akala mo hindi ko alam?
Matagal ko nang alam na gago ka! At hindi ako magpapakatanga, gaano man kita ka
mahal!
Mabilis kong binawi ang tingin ko sa kanya . Sinundan niyang muli ito . At kung
hindi
ako nagkakamali, sinusundan din ng labi niya ang labi ko . He doesn't let it be
apart for inches or more . It annoyed me so much, but at the same time, it made my
breathing hitch .

"So . . . you thought I cheated on you ."

"You cheated on me! Hindi 'yan sa isipan ko lang! That is the truth!" I declared .
"It was your condo unit! It's got your name in it . Now do not deny it, you liar!"
I
fired back without hesitation .

Namumungay ang mga mata niyang nakatitig sa akin . His lips were a bit apart . He
looked intoxicated . Hindi ako sigurado kung dahil ba sa madramang ilaw o ano .

"Yes, it's my condo unit," he said huskily .

See?! I knew it!

Parang pinipiga ang puso ko sa inis . Noon pa ako naniniwala na tama ang mga
hinala
ko pero iba pa rin talaga ang marinig mismo sa kanya ang mga ito!

"It was given to me by my father years ago after graduating senior high, for
college . But I didn't use it because I studied in Costa Leona ."

Oh? Pero sa gabing iyon, ginamit mo? Ninyo? Ni Millicent!

He licked his lips . He was watching mine tremble a bit, for the angry words I
want
to say . Hindi ko nga lang magawa . I am so nervous . No matter how much I try to be
bold, my heart is pounding so hard that it hurts .

"Their empire was falling . Almost all of their properties were recalled . My
parents
wanted to help them by giving them a place to stay . I refused to let them stay in
our house, or even in Batangas, because for sure it will turn my baby off . "

Umirap ako, alam na alam ang ibig niyang sabihin pero pinipilit na hindi iyon
totoo!
"Hmm . Now, I get it . . ." he said in a serious and firm tone . "You stalked me
that
day and saw me enter the tower . Did you wait until I' m out of it or you paid men
to
stay and wait for me?"

Hindi ako nagsalita . Hindi ko alam paano niya agad napagtagpi-tagpi ang lahat
gayong wala pa naman akong sinasabi! He can just assume that I know she's staying
in his condo! Pero itong naisip niya, sobrang lapit sa totoong nangyari! O eto nga
talaga ang nangyari!

"Oh . . . Malalaman ko kung nag-antay ka nga . Hindi siguro . You paid men to wait
for
it..." he said it like he was slowly trying to solve a mystery .

Kinagat ko ang labi ko .

"Aalis na sana ako nang nalaman kong naihatid na ang mga magulang ko rito, through
Cessna and they visited the Pastranas in my condo unit . I went there . We were all
there, not just me . We tried to help, but I certainly did not sleep with her ."

Ayokong maniwala! I blocked out everything that could probably change my mind . Sa
haba ng panahong galit ako, alam kong may dahilan ang lahat ng ito!

"I cheated on you . That's all that matters now . Let's just get this over with!"
diretsahan kong sinabi bago pa magbago ang isip ko .

Nagtaas siya ng kilay . His eyes were now filled with mockery and insults, gaya ng
lagi niyang tingin sa akin . The one that can always intimidate me . Kahit anong
tapang ko . . .

"Really? With whom?" he sneered .

"Wala ka na sabing pakealam!"

"Was he good in bed, though?" mas mapang-uyam niya pang sinabi .

This bastard! I am not even sure if he's trying to insult my other man to lift
himself up!

"Oo! Mas magaling pa sa'yo!"

 He leered at me . The kind of glare that would always make me shut up . His
intensity
reminded me how I am just as soft as silk against his body of steel . Umigting ang
kanyang panga . Wala nang kahit anong pang-iinsulto o pang-uuyam sa kanyang mga
mata . Ang tanging naroon, nakikita ko, galit at silakbo ng kung ano .

His hand pulled a handful of my hair . Nagulat ako sa ginawa niya . But my
anticipation was such a traitor for I couldn't help my moan when he kissed me hard
.

"Let's see if you've learned then," he whispered with controlled anger .

Hinawakan niya ang tiyan ko . His hand felt so gentle on my stomach that I
immediately arched my back . Hindi ko alam paanong ganito ang reaksyon ko sa kanya
.
Tila matagal ko nang inaasam ang lahat ng ginagawa niya, matagal na akong nag-
aabang, kaya ngayong ganito na, wala na akong pakealam kung ano ang sabihin niya .

I equalled his burning kisses with mine . I am not sure if I want to prove to him
that I really did learn or it was my hunger desperately showing in the guise of
other things .

Binawi niya ang halik niya . Nakaawang pa ang labi ko, uhaw pa roon, nang umatras
siya . His dark eyes looked at me with mockery .

"You learned nothing, Andra," he whispered in an insulting way .

It was as if he declared how a bad kisser I was . Na kahit may ibang lalaki ako at
dumami man ang karanasan, tila wala akong natutunan! He should know because he's a
womanizer himself! He's done this so many times with so many other girls that he
can now tell! Damn him!

"Still a beginner," he whispered .

Kinagat ko ang labi ko .

"You told me you'll eventually get tired of my love makings . . . do you remember
that? Hm?" mariin niyang sinabi at pinatakan ako ng matamis at marahang halik .

Hindi ako makapagsalita . When he stopped, I tried to kiss him again . He smirked
at
my reaction . Damn!

"How are you so sure?"

He sneered at me . Pagkatapos, unti-unti siyang lumapit para sa isa pang halik .

His hot kisses made me dizzy . His arms held me tighter on the small of my back as
his other hand was still on my nape, raking my hair and pulling it gently so I
could open my mouth better for the entrance of his territorial tongue .

Hindi ko ulit alam kung dahil ba sa pride iyon o talagang nasasabik ako, pero
lumuhod ako sa harap niya . I convinced myself that it's because I want to let him
see that I did learn new things . But . . . maybe, no . It was my primal instincts .
It
was the long controlled desire . It was the endless nights of wet dreams about him,
fucking me like mad man . . . or making love to me gently like a knight to his
woman . . . hindi ko alam alin .
I felt the flesh in between my legs throbbing uncontrollably just because of the
idea that we're doing it . I felt the hot liquid pooling on my stomach down, like
desire and passion materializing .

He grunted . Marahas niyang binaba ang mga binti ko at nilagay sa posisyong gusto
niya . He wants me to strangle his strong hips with my legs . I did not think about
that but he pushed me to do it . I felt him behind the soft cottony material of his
shorts . I felt him grow . He was huge but as he kissed my neck, mas lalo siyang
lumalaki!

His large hand looked beastly when he tried to remove the ribbons of my spagetti
straps . Tinitingnan ko pa lang siyang nagsisikap na maging marahan sa paghuhubad
sa
akin, nawawalan na ako ng lakas!

His lips immediately found its way to my soft mounds . He suckled on it and
grunted
like a wild animal, finally finding his food after a long time of famine .

"Ah!" I said so violently forgetting what I should do!

I gripped on his hair, frustrated that I couldn't hold on to anything . My sanity

flew out of the window . Hindi ko alam kung kailan nangyari basta ngayon, wala na
akong ibang naiisip kundi ang kanyang halik .

The hard tip of his maleness is poking in my entrance . With clothes in between
them, they could not do anything more than touch and feel each other .

Damn it! I want him inside me! I want all of him inside of me! I am seriously out
of my mind but please, just this time, I want him in me!

He branded my mouth with his taste again as his fingers pinched and played with my
peaks alternately . He's as hard as a steel now . I felt him against my stomach .

His other hand slowly crept on my naked stomach down to my panties . Natigil ako
sa
paghalik . He stopped too, and watch my expression . He watched my eyes turned
sleepy
as his finger caressed my folds .

He chuckled . Slowly, his finger delve once . Napaigtad ako at napapikit . Uminit
ang
pisngi ko, ang batok, at ang dibdib nang naramdaman ang ebidensya ng pananabik . I
felt his finger soak in my wetness . He tried it again and I felt how I throbbed
with his touch .

"You have no other man," he whispered . "Admit it ."

He pinched my sensitive nub . Napakapit ako sa kanyang braso . The pleasure was so
intense that I am immediately at the edge .

"Swear it!" he commanded .

Kinagat ko ang labi ko . Sumampa na ako sa kanyang dibdib .

"You will have no other man, Andra," he said it like a curse .

His fingers were doing so many things in me . It was like he's pushing me to the
edge and each time I am at the edge, he dives it in me for a stop . Then he does it
again, forcing me to pleasure until he stops again . Damn you, Jandrik!

"I am the only man who can sate you," he whispered confidently .

Frustrated with what he's doing, inangat ko ang sarili ko . My night dress slowly
fell down . Too intoxicated by the desire I'm feeling, I positioned my flesh on his
tip . He growled, tila naputol ang litid sa ginawa kong iyon . I want to be cocky
and
tell him that I learned but the passion was too much . . . too raw . . . I couldn't
even
think straight .
He removed his shorts swiftly . For the first time in my life, and in our
relationship, I saw him right before my eyes, naked and bare . He's huge, long, and
thick . Napalunok ako . I couldn't remember how we fit!

Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kanya . Nakatayo na siya ngayon, galing sa paghuhubad ng

shorts . His eyes were hooded . The yellow dimmed light was reflected on it . He
looked lik a cruel beast ready to devour a wicked prey .

Hindi ko alam kung nagsisisi ba ako na ginawa ko iyon o naeexcite na ganito siya
ngayon . His long powerful legs were spread apart . I thought he' s going to crawl
back to me but I was wrong . Without effort, he lifted me up . Napatili ako ng konti
.
But then he felt so sure and so confident of what he was doing that my fear faded
eventually .

Inangat niya ang kanang paa niya at nilapag sa kama . He used his powerful leg and
knees as leverage and support . He put my left leg on him and slowly, he entered me
.
I closed my eyes at the feel of pleasured pain .

"Ah, Jandrik!"

Napakapit ako sa kanya habang hinihintay siyang matapos . I felt his arm wrap
around
my legs and found his way to my sensitive nub! I moaned so loud when he accompanied
his entrance with some slow caressing stroke of his finger on it .

I was moaning mindlessly as he entered me to the hilt . And when he filled me

tightly, I convulsed involuntarily as my powerful release shook my entire body .

Hawak ang baywang ko, mabilis niya akong inangat-baba, to pleasure himself . I was
still too dizzy with my own climax when he started his rhythm . He controlled me so
much and I let him do whatever he wants to do .

His arms corded . His neck and chest blushed . And then I realize that this is not
just about lust, or about me being so infatuated for the man that he is - the hard
man who knows what he wants, and finds a way to get it . . . this is something else!

Muli akong nawala sa titig niya nang naramdaman ang unti-unting pagbabalik ng
nararamdaman ko . Slowly, the fire is building up once more . Slowly, my throbbing
flesh is once more pushed at its limits!

"Jandrik!" I said in a tone I have never used before .

As if on cue, and as if triggered by my erotic call of his name . He pulled

himself
out of me . Kinagat ko ang labi ko, takot na baka pinaparusahan niya ako . Alam
niya
kung ano ang nararamdaman ko kaya tinitigil niya ito ngayon!

But I was wrong! Umatras siya, dala ako . He put my feet down on the floor . Kung
hindi niya ako hawak, talagang napahiga na ako sa sahig . He supported my weight as
he swiftly made me turn around .

The way he made me move sent shivers down my spine . Damn! He knows what he wants
and he really gets it! Damn him!

He placed his hand on the small of my back while his other hand was on my stomach,
snaked around me for support . I know what he wants to do!

I saw our image on the mirror accross the room . Nakatalikod ako sa kanya at
siya'y
madilim na nakatingin sa akin as he entered me from the back, both standing and
naked!
I let out a long moan as he entered me in both pain and pleasure . . . but more on
pleasure . . . I'm sure of that . Because after two pumps, I was already climaxing
with
the longest and my most explosive climax ever .

Bumilis ang kanyang ginagawa . I was too busy with my own to even feel the
harshness
of his fast and hard movements . I was too busy with my own throbbing explosions
until I felt him spill in me hotly .

Our heavy breathing filled the room . Kung hindi niya ako hawak, kanina pa ako
napahiga sa kama at nahimatay . Niyakap niya ako galing sa likod at hinagkan ang
aking leeg . He kissed my ear, too .

"Game over, Andra . No more thoughts of annulment . I am fixing this marriage," he

whispered without letting me go .

Kabanata 25
Kabanata 25

Patch

The warm water embraced my skin as he put me down the tub . I am sore . At kung
hindi
niya ako inangat kanina, babagsak na ako sa kama . I kept my arms around his neck,
never wanting to let him go after that intense makings . Nakaliliyo ang lahat ng
nangyari . Kung hindi pa ako baliw sa kanya noon, ngayon masasabi kong wala na
talaga sa akin ang kaisipan ko .

"I'll wash you," he whispered and chuckled when he noticed that I did not want to
let go of him .

Unti-unti, I untangled my arms and dropped it on my chest . Although he has seen

me
naked many times, I am still uncomfortable of him watching me under the bright
lights of the bathroom .

Uminit ang pisngi ko nang natantong hindi lang ako ang hubad . Kajik was
confidently
strutting with his member still erect! Nag-iwas ako ng tingin, kagat ang labi . The
tub was large, it can accommodate us both but he's too tall, he needed to bend his
knees to fit . Nasa tabi ko na siya . The bubbled warm water overflowed when he
submerged himself on it .

He snaked his arm around my waist . His other hand combed my hair with his fingers
and put it on my left shoulders . Pagkatapos noon, dahan-dahan niyang binasa ang
balikat ko ng mainit na tubig . The warm water did wonders to my soreness . I feel
relaxed and sleepy, sated and very satisfied .

I bent my knees when I felt his struggle to fit his legs on the tub . Tumigil siya
sa pagbasa sa aking balikat . His hand disappeared on the water until I felt him on
my thigh . Ngumuso ako, kinakabahan at muling nagigising . I felt his lightly touch
my soreness . I shut my legs remembering what happened earlier . . . Nakakahiya!
Halatang halata na . . .

I closed my eyes and leaned on him slightly when I felt his finger sensually
touched me . Kinagat ko ang labi ko .

"Don't worry, I know you're sore . I'm just making you feel better," he whispered
.

Damn! And here I thought he's not yet sated after that . Well, if he wasn't, it's
understandable . A year and more of being estranged to one another, I am surprised
he's this calm now . I am very satisfied but I am still so uncontrollably excited
for him .

Tumigil siya sa ginagawa at ngayon, ang tiyan ko naman ang hinahaplos . Yumuko ako
at hinayaan ang mukha sa kanyang malapad na dibdib . He sighed heavily .

"I missed you," he whispered .

Marahan kong hinawakan ang kanyang braso . I don't know what's the right thing to
do . I have no clue . But feeling him, having him, feels so right . There were no
evidence to his explanations but there were no evidences to my "facts" as well .
Patas lang .

I stand by my principles but I can give this another shot until I prove that our
words were true .

" I cheated on you, " I whispered gently not to make him hate me, but to make him
understand what is it that's bugging me right now .

I did not have sex with any other man while I was away . I did not even kiss
another
man! But I know while we were in a relationship, a year ago, I kissed Byron out of
frustration . I consider that as cheating . I did not kiss him accidentally . I
kissed
him with an evil motive . I kissed him to fight back . I kissed him voluntarily and
that's enough for the word cheat .

"Liar," he whispered confidently . "I had you followed ."

Wait . . .

What?

Nilingon ko siya . I want to get mad at him . At inamin niya pa talaga? Sa isang
taon
na iyon? Kaya ba lagi niya akong natutunton sa kung saan ako nagpupupunta? This
stalker! Damn him! If I was just too energetic to fight him right now, I would have
done it!

He looked at me cockily, proud of his territorial move! Damn you, Jandrik!

"Not that! I kissed Byron, don't you remember!?" I said in a very sensual way .

Nagbago ang titig niya sa akin . I can see the anger in the darkness of his eyes .
Umiwas siya ng tingin . His narrow nose and clenched jaw made him look very
aristocratic . He looked snobbish, like my usual description of him .

Bumagsak ang mga mata ko sa tubig . Sana pala hindi ko na lang iyon pinaalala . As
I
was miserably watching the water, he pushed my chin with his finger and kissed me
thoroughly . His tongue claimed all the corners of my mouth . The way he hungrily
suckled my lips made me almost forget what was happening! Mabilis akong nag-apoy,
ngunit nang naramdaman niya iyon, mabilis din niyang binawi ang halik .

His nose traced my cheek lightly . I am still panting from his sudden intense kiss
.
I am now dizzy and crazy again .

"Oh, that's what you meant . Then, I guess you're right . You cheated on me," he
whispered in a smooth but angry voice .

Ngumuso ako, ayaw nang dagdagan pa ang paniguradong galit niya .

"I know you're just desperate to find pleasure with someone else . You're
frustrated
because nobody could turn you on but me, huh?" he whispered in a confident way .

Unti-unting gumapang sa akin ang hiya . Hindi ko alam kung bakit .

" Ako lang, Andra . Kahit anong gawin mo, sa akin ka lang makakaramdam ng ganito, "
he
said it like it's a powerful curse for me .

He chuckled when he felt my fear .

"Don't worry, I'll decide how you can pay me back ."

I shivered at how erotic his tone was . Unti-unti kong muling naramdaman ang
kanyang
kamay sa aking hita . I unconsciously let my cheek lean on his lips, walang lakas
dahil sa ginagawa niya . It made me so dizzy . I felt the heat on my stomach slowly
rising . I don' t think I am sated yet . O baka may ginigising siyang panibagong
kasabikan sa akin . Baka nga iyon .

"What are y-you doing?"

"I'm just massaging you so you'd feel better," he chuckled .

Gusto kong magprotesta pero 'di ko ginawa . Imbes, itinago ko na lang muli ang
aking
mukha sa kanyang leeg .

" Don' t hide from me now, Andra . I already know what you look like when pleasured .
I ' ve seen it again on your reflection a while ago . "

Hinampas ko ang kanyang braso . Uminit ang pisngi ko sa kahihiyan nang maalala ang
ayos namin kanina! I must admit it . His move shocked me . I thought he's getting
back at me for insulting his sexual prowess, or for telling him I cheated on him,
or for the statement I told him a year ago . . . "Ayokong isang ulam lang ang
matikman
sa buong buhay ko kaya hayaan mo ako sa mga gusto kong gawin!"

I remember how I felt like shit after that . Pero tinibayan ko ang loob ko dahil
sa
galit ko .

So I was wrong . He did it because he probably knew how I will feel . O baka rin sa
naunang dahilang inisip ko . It doesn't matter to me now . Well . . . I cannot deny
what
I felt when he did that, alright! Damn!

Hindi ko alam kung paano ko natagalan ang kahihiyang nararamdaman ko sa gabing

iyon . I have long known that he' s the kind who can insult me to the core, make fun
of me, and still bother me ruthlessly . Gaya ngayon . The things he made me feel
tonight was just so overwhelming and it scared me . I might be wrong . I might fall
again on the same trap . I might get hurt again . I'm scared .

He gently tucked me in with a promising kiss on the forehead . The smirk he gave me
equalled the choreographed hate I fired back on him with my eyes .

"Uuwi na tayong Maynila bukas ."

Tumango ako . My angry face is still on . He smirked and kissed the tip of my nose
.

"I'll go to work!" I insisted .

Inangat niya ang isang kilay, naghahamon ang kanyang mga mata .
"What about our baby?" mapang-uyam niyang wika .
Ngumuso ako at binagsak ang tingin sa comforter .

"Well, I decide on the load of your work so . . ."

Hinalikan niyang muli ang tungki ng ilong ko . Alam kong ngayon niya lang nalaman
ang totoo . Kung sana man patutungo itong nangyari sa amin simula ngayon, gusto
kong
magdahan- dahan muna . I was to rash years ago, that' s why I fell so hard and got
hurt so hard, too . I am wiser now . There's no need to make everything fast . I
have
all the time I need .
Hindi na nagdaan ang maraming minuto, hinila na ako ng antok . I felt at peace . I
don't remember feeling this peaceful in a long while . Kahit na marami pa rin akong
tanong sa kung paano ito muling sisimulan ang lahat . Kung tama ba itong gagawin ko
.
O kung tama bang magtiwala .

Kinabukasan, hindi na pinatagal ni Kajik ang araw . We woke up and had our
breakfast
when he informed me that we are leaving in an hour . Mabuti na lang at nakapag
impake na ako .

"Kajik, hijo, sigurado ka ba? Sa sobrang pag-aalala ni Senyora, uuwi iyon ngayon,"
si Mercedita .
Nilingon ko si Kajik . Abala siya mga utos sa mga magdadala ng gamit namin . I was
also busy thinking about my life in Manila, married to him . Yes! I am married to
him! Isang taon na pero parang ngayon lang nagsisink in sa akin lahat! And I've
never lived with him in Manila as his wife . Hindi ako nagtatagal ni isang araw
roon
simula noong nagpakasal kami . Ngayon pa lang, kung sakali .

"Nag-usap na po kami ni Lola ."

" Naku, huwag mong igaya si Senyora kay Uriel at Lucianna, hijo . Alam mong kahit
anong sabihin mo, mag- aalala ng husto ang Lola mo sa' yo- "

Natigilan si Mercedita nang bumaling si Kajik sa kanya . Looking so sure of his

decision, he nodded at her before claiming my hand . Kitang-kita ko ang pagbaba ng
tingin ni Mercedita sa kamay naming dalawa . I also sensed her hatred towards our
intertwined hands .

"I'll call her again later . Huwag n'yo na po kaming alalahanin ."

I informed Heather about our arrival . Hindi ko nga lang alam paano sabihin sa
kanya
ang tungkol sa nangyari . Thinking about it makes my face heat profusely and
Jandrik
is very good at noticing my awkward moments . Kaya iniiwasan ko muna sa ngayon .
Besides, I don't want to look too excited about all of this . Maybe that would jinx
all of it . Lagi ko kasing pinapangunahan ang lahat .

The way we went out of the airport with Kajik so serious and stoic, oblivious to
some who recognized him even from afar . With our hands still intertwined, nilingon
niya lang ako nang tumigil siya sa harap ng itim na SUV sa harap namin, complete
with his men in uniform .

"Do you have anything you want to get in your house?" he asked, pagkapasok ko sa
sasakyan .

Nag-iisip pa ako . Walang tao sa amin dahil nagtatravel si Mommy . If we visit our
house in Forbes, we'll just get my clothes . I have enough clothes here and if I am
short, I am just going to buy more .
"Ipapakuha na lang natin . We're heading immediately to our condo tower," he
announced .

It was not hard to agree with him . I am kind of exhausted even with the short
travel time . Isa pa, gusto ko ring maghanda para sa pagbabalik trabaho ko .
Tumango
na lamang ako . The car's door was now wide open at hinihintay na lang akong
pumasok . Nagkatinginan kami ni Kajik . I saw how he was staring at me with a
menacing look . Ngumuso ako dahil ayan na naman siya . It's like something is funny
about me that he cannot maintain a straight and serious face .

Pumasok na ako sa loob, trying to maintain my poise despite his leer . I find it
hard to even just swallow or breathe when he sat beside me . Nang nilingon ko siya,
mabilis kong binawi ang tingin ko dahil napansin ko ang titig niya sa akin .
Tumikhim ako para maibsan ang tensyon .

"I scheduled an important meeting this afternoon . Mabilis lang ako . You can just
wait in our condo ."

Umiling agad ako . If it's even possible, I want to see the office now . Pero kung
aayusin ko pa ang mga gamit ko at wala siyang planong pumunta, hindi na rin ako
mamimilit . Pero dahil pupunta siya, ayaw kong magpaiwan doon . Kahit pa gusto ko
sanang tingnan kung maayos ba ang lahat ng muwebles doon, o mag imbestiga kung
habang wala ba ako, may pinapapunta siyang ibang babae .

"Hindi na . I want to check my office since it's been a long time . I want to get
acquainted again ."

Ilang sandali niya akong tinitigan bago tumango .

Ayon sa pagsasaliksik ni Heather noon, habang nasa ibang bansa ako, ang condo ni
Kajik ay nasa isa sa pinakamalaki at prestihiyosong tower sa Taguig . Medyo malayo
iyon sa opisina namin pero hindi naman ako nagrereklamo . Maybe he chose it here
because MERC is near and before Daddy died, he planned on making an excecutive-only
office in the building where MERC is located .

Sa pinakahuling palapag kami ng tower na iyon nagpunta . That's very unlike his
first condo, the one the Pastrana used . Bukod sa halatang mamahalin at makabago
ang
tower sa mga buton pa lang, alam ko ring tatlong palapag at may swimming pool iyon
.
I've lived in condos and hotels while abroad but I have never been to a three-story
unit with an infinity pool .

Agad gumala ang mga mata ko sa unit niya pagkapasok namin . The landing is very
contemporary . Shades of gray, white, black, and green were very usual and his
geometric and very manly chandelier hung on the high ceiling of his living room .
Hindi patay ang ilaw ng wall lights, dimmed lang kahit walang tao . Wala nga ba o
may kasambahay siya? Ayon sa pag mamanman noon, mag-isa siya rito .

Nauna ako sa pagpasok . I can hear his footsteps behind me, languidly walking,
probably watching me in awe with his penthouse unit . Well, in this case . . .
ours . Mine .

Sa ilang buwan kong pagliliwaliw, paulit-ulit kong naisip kung paanong alam ni
Millicent na may condo si Kajik at ako, nanatiling walang kaalam-alam . Ako na
girlfriend niya . I pushed it in my mind, that maybe she knew because she was the
real woman bound to marry him . Of course she knew him better . Of course she knew
more things about him . It hurt so much, alright . Lalo na na iniisip kong
pinayagan
niyang tumira ito roon sa unit niya, at ako, hindi . To fuck, we go to exclusive
and
fancy hotels or maybe their home in Forbes . While she's enjoying and owning a part
of him . . . and under his name .
Ngayon, heto ako nakatayo sa nakapangalan ding pag-aari niya . Mas malaki at mas
maganda . He bought this through his own money, and not a gift from his parents .

"Our room is on the second floor," sabi niya .

I noticed the sound of water . That must be the pool . In front of his living room
is
a gray curtain . I heard a beep at awtomatikong nagsigalawan ang kurtina, nahahati
.
That's when I saw the all glass wall of the living room .

"What's on the third floor, then?" medyo maarte kong tanong para hindi halata ang
pagkakamangha .

"Gym, office, and some rooms ."

Tumango ako at tiningala ang pangalawang palapag . The staircase is also

contemporary, with square glasses as bannisters . Hindi engrande gaya ng mga bahay
nila at mga bahay namin pero sosyal at malinis gaya ng theme ng buong penthouse .
Very manly .

"If you want anything changed, just tell me so . I have an interior designer, we
can
contact her if you want ."

Her .

Sinulyapan ko siya . Nakita kong nakahalukipkip siya at may bahid paring panunukso
sa mga mata kahit pa hindi ko naman pinapahalata ang mga side comments ko .

"This is fine with me," sabi ko sa isang maarte ulit na boses .

He nodded .

"You don't have to arrange your things . I'll ask someone to do that . Just rest
while I arrange my schedule ."

Umiling ako . " I ' ll just freshen up and change clothes so I can be ready once
you' re
done ."

He agreed but with lips protruded like something is really funny . Nauna siyang
umakyat sa pangalawang palapag . Sumunod naman ako habang pinapansin na ang unang
palapag ay isang malaking kicthen, dining area, at living room lang . May dalawang
pintuan na hula ko'y bathroom at maid's quarter . The second floor's largest room
is
our room . Pumasok ako at gaya ng disenyo at mga kulay sa baba, ganoon din ang
naroon doon .

He held out the door for me . Pinagmasdan niya akong pumasok sa malaking kwarto . A
king size bed with an all white sheets, a walk in closet that looked larger than
his closet back in Costa Leona and a bathroom . I approve of all of this, iyon lang
ang naisip ko . I turned around swiftly . Nanatili siya sa pintuan, hawak ang door
handle, nakatitig sa akin na tila ba iginiya niya ako sa isang patibong . The way
his eyes grew darker and with lips twisted in a seductive way . Nanuyo ang
lalamunan
ko . I suddenly felt like I'm in some predator's lair . The way he looked at me
made
me feel like I'm not going to get away from all of these .

"I'll just contact the office . Just tell me when you're ready so we can go ."

Tumango ako . Sinarado niya ang pintuan at nang nawala na siya sa paningin ko,
mabilis akong lumapit sa bintana . Dinungaw ko ang unang palapag at nakita ko ang
swimming pool . Suminghap ako at kinalma ang sarili . I wonder why he chose this
large penthouse when he's living alone?
I took a brisk half shower to freshen up . Nagbihis na rin ako at muling nag-ayos .
I
opened my closet and saw some of my clothes in there . And I meant the clothes I
supposedly have in our house in Forbes! Ngumuso ako, ayaw ipahalata sa sarili ang
pagkakagulat . Did he transfer my clothes noong nasa Costa Leona na ako o noon pa
ang mga ito nandito?

I chose a maroon long sleeved dress with a turtle neck ribboned collar, isa sa mga
pinamili ko noon na kasama siya . I also alerted Heather about my coming today .
Hindi na nagtagal, lumabas na ako sa kuwarto . Kajik was already preparing our
ordered meal . I caught him surveying my clothes bago binawi ang tingin at
nagyayang
kumain ng tanghalian . Ngumuso siya, may tinatagong ngiti na ayaw ko nang pansinin
dahil mas lalo lang akong kakabahan .

We were both busy with what's coming for us . Heather asked so many questions while
Kajik is bombarded with his secretary's inquiries . Bumaba na kami sa tower at
nagtungo na sa basement parking . Kumalabog ang puso ko . Huli kong minessage si
Mommy tungkol sa pagbabalik ko ng trabaho at sa ngayon, hindi pa siya nagrereply .

We stopped on a dark and sleek Aston Martin that automatically opened at his
bidding . Walang pag- aalinlangan niya akong hinatid sa shotgun' s seat . I know he' s
sucessful in his field but all of these is kind of shocking to me, still . Tumikhim
ako at pumasok na roon . My mind got automatically filled with cloudy thoughts . Sa
lahat ng ito, madaling madali siyang makakahanap ng ibang babae . Well, actually
even without his posessions, he's pretty good at pursuing ladies . Damn it! Heto na
naman ako! I should calm down and act maturely .

"I will end the meeting fast . Don't stress yourself too much," paalam niya sa
akin
bago kami lumabas ng sasakyan .

The familiar scene of the large orange and white colored cranes and many other
steel-made equipments, smell of grease, and the sound of the chains was very
nostalgic . Tunay ngang mahabang panahon ang iginugol ko sa pag-alis dahil alaala
na
lang sa akin ang mga damdaming ganito . I suddenly miss my father who's sudden
death
shocked me so much that I'd rather deny it than face it .

Hindi na ako nagreklamo . Bukod pa sa naging abala ako sa mga pagbati ng mga staff
na matagal ko nang hindi nakita, naging abala rin ako sa pagchi-check ng mga
pinagbago ng buong opisina . It looked sleek and clean now . Minimalist ang
muwebles
sa tanggapan at repainted ang mga dingding ng puti . The offices looked good, too .
Kaya habang binabalitaan ako ng ibang kilala ko nang staff, hindi ako halos
makapagconcentrate sa katitingin sa mga pagbabago sa paligid .

Humilig ako sa aking swivel chair . Heather was already in front of me . Medyo
nilubayan kami ng isa sa mga secretaries slash bodyguard ni Jandrik . Iniwan niya
kasi iyon sa akin noong tinawag na siya dahil start na raw ng meeting at nandoon na
ang mga important people .

"Dapat hindi na muna kayo nagtrabaho . Kadarating n'yo lang," Heather said .

"Oo nga, e . But I think it's important," sabi ko sabay hinga ng malalim .

Heather's brow shot up . "You can use your pregnant card you know . I'm sure your
husband will move mountains for it ."

Ngumuso ako . Hindi na tuloy ako makatingin sa kanya . Hindi ko alam paano ko
sasabihin na medyo umayos na ang lahat .
"I arranged all the possible questions he'll have . Inayos ko na rin si Doctora at
willing naman siya na magpanggap para sa' yo . . . " nagpatuloy si Heather tungkol
muna
sa kabaliwan ko, alam niyang iyon ang concern ko . . . well . . . noon .

Sinulyapan ko lang siya gamit ang seryosong mga mata habang patuloy siya sa
pagsasalita .

"I have her prepare a fake ultrasound and all sorts of things . Actually, nagtataka
ako kasi hindi siya nagyaya ng pirmahan sa kontratang magtuturo sa'yo in case na
pumutok ang balitang nagsisinungaling lang siya . She should, you know . Makukulong
siya o 'di kaya'y matatanggalan ng lisensya kapag malaman na nagsisinungaling siya
para sa'yo ."

Kumunot ang noo niya nang nakita na titig lamang ako . Like a bullet, she swiftly
got whatever's on my mind .

"Bakit? Hindi mo na kailangan ang pagsisinungaling niya?"

Hindi ako nagsalita . Huminga lang ako ng malalim .

"Oh no . . . no . . ." she smirked . "Don't tell me, Mrs . Mercadejas . You patched
things
up with your husband?"

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin . I rolled my eyes . Hindi ko gustong aminin . Nakakahiya,

lalo
na sa babaeng ito . Her smirk got wider and creepier . The kind I only see in
horror
movies and from some tormented soul trying to get her revenge . Kulang nalang itim
sa ngipin at dugo sa damit .

"Paano?"

Uminit ang pisngi ko sa tanong na iyon . Kinagat ko ang labi ko . Siya naman ang
umikot ang mata ngayon at umiling, parang disappointed na naman sa akin .

"Hay naku-"

I cut her off so she'd stop her rants . "Anong meron doon sa meeting . I'm bored
here . Sasali na lang ako roon ."

She knew I cut her off so she'd stop ranting about my failure to have a firm
decision . Umiling lamang siya at ngumisi . Hindi ako makatingin ng diretso sa
kanya .

" Pa advance ' yong three- month salary ko . May bibilhin akong gadget, " she smirked
and continued with her files to see if I can go to my husband's meeting .

"Fine," sagot ko na mas lalong nagpangiti sa kanya .

Kabanata 26
Kabanata 26

Mature

I realized that I could not work . Marami ang nangungumusta sa akin at masaya sa
pagbabalik ko at iyon ang kumain ng oras ko bago ako napasok sa aking opisina
kanina . Pastries, flowers, and more poured in my office from each department as
welcome gifts for me . Imbes na magconcentrate sa mga pending works, iyon ang
pinagtuonan ko ng pansin .

And while I was in my office, I want to join the meeting . Especially that Heather
told me even the meeting room got renovated and with the same feels of the offices
.

"I'll inform his secretary of your joining the meeting ."

Tumayo na ako ng walang pag-aalinlangan at dumiretso sa labas . Sumunod naman si

Heather sa akin . I did not react on her statement because I don't think there is a
need to ask his secretary if I can join it . I can . I am his wife . This is our
company .

Paglabas ko at nakasalubong ang iilang empleyado, bumati sila muli sa akin kahit
pa
tango lang ang nagawa ko at tipid na ngiti . I opened the door of the meeting
room' s
door at hindi na nagulat sa datnang seryosong usapan sa iilang hindi ko kilalang
mga tao . There were three women and three men . Isa sa mga babae at ang dalawa sa
mga lalaki ay may edad na samantalang ang natitira, kung hindi mas bata ng konti
kay Kajik, kasing edad niya siguro .

Kajik was not surprised on my sudden arrival . Nakita kong lumipat lang ang kanyang
mata sa pintuan nang dumating ako . His lips curved a bit when his secretary
acknowledged me .

"Mrs . Constanciandra Mercadejas will join us in the session ."

The three older men and women stood up to shake my hand . Sumunod naman ang
natitirang mas batang naroon . Tipid akong ngumiti . Ipinakilala ni Kajik sa akin
ang
mga naroon .

"Sorry for the disruption . Continue, please," I said as I sat down near Kajik
who's
eyes looked at me a bit too sensual for a meeting this serious .

Tumikhim ang babaeng nakatayo sa at nag pipresinta ng kung ano sa gitna . I

secretly
scanned the people in the room . Ang kaedad na babae ni Kajik sa harap ko ay
nakatitig ng husto sa akin . Call me judgemental but I can sense something on the
girl in front of me . The way she looked at me, trying to intimidate and with
gestures too bold . Hindi ko nga lang naalala ang mga pangalan ng mga pinakilala
kanina .
Ngayon ko lang din nakilala ang iilang bagong pinagkatiwalaan ng kompanya . For
some
reason, all of the higher ups of the company withdrew or resigned after the
Pastrana Tragedy kaya natural na hindi ko na masyadong kilala ang mga naroon .

Meanwhile, the other older man looked friendly to me . Hindi ko ma pinpoint kung
ilang taon na ito . Maybe years older than Jandrik? Almost forty, I guess? I am not
sure . I smiled back at him because he had been watching me the whole time kahit pa
nagpapahayag ata ang babaeng empleyado niya sa gitna .

Lumipat ang mga mata ko sa babaeng nasa gitna . She's fair, just a bit older than
me, and looking more innocent . I can smell her fear . She' s trembling a bit habang
inilalahad ang tulong na kailangan galing sa aming kompanya sa kompanya nilang
nangangailangan ng repair at bagong malalaking barko para sa deep sea fishing .

Namula siya nang natuon ang tingin sa gitna . Alam ko kaagad kung kanino siya
nakatingin at kung bakit matinding nerbyos ang nararamdaman niya ngayon .

"A-And that is my proposed design for the vessels our c-company needs, Mr .
Mercadejas ."

I sighed . My brow shot up . Muli akong sumulyap sa isa pang babaeng nakatitig sa
akin na parang nangmamaliit . Nilingon niya ang babaeng nasa harap .
"The soft copies will be sent to our department and will be reviewed," she
answered . "It will be a subject to our study and research . But good job on the
designs . Right, Mr . Mercadejas?" she turned to Jandrik .

Napatingin din ako sa kay Kajik na galing pa sa akin ang titig bago bumaling sa
pabidang babae sa harap ko .

"RIght," he said it like he's not really paying attention to anything .

"Now that the Lopez Lines' past head of Naval architecture is here, I want to hear
your side about the design, Andra," ngumiti ang lalaking kanina pa nakatitig sa
akin .

The younger man shifted on his seat and just suddenly became more attentive . I
flicked on the papers in front of me bago bumaling sa nininerbyos na babae sa
harap, medyo titig kay Jandrik, tila nanghihingi ng tulong .

Hay . All my life, I am so used to girls who transparently give away their
feelings
and attraction towards this man . Miyembro pa nga ako noon . We have the aggressive
girls who assert their opinions and themselves, gaya ng babaeng kaharap ko .
Mayroon
ding mahinhin at mahiyain gaya nitong nakatayo sa harap . Nilingon ko si Kajik,
tinitingnan kung alam ba niya ang obvious na obvious na nararamdaman ng dalawang
babaeng ito . Nakita kong mariin at madilim siyang nakatitig sa kausap kong may-ari
ng kompanya .

"It is impossible to see all the flaws of the design just by my five-minute stay
of
this session but I must commend the stability analysis, it's done very neatly . . ."
napatingin ako sa babae na nag-aalinlangan pang ngumiti sa akin .

Tumango ang lalaki at ngumiting muli sa akin .

"Pag-aaralan ko ito at tingnan ko kung may masasabi ba ako ."

Ngayon, sa babaeng nasa harapan ko naman ako napatingin . I saw her open her mouth
wanting to say a word but she shut it and turned to Jandrik who's watching me
carefully .

"As expected with the mogul's daughter . I am your father's apprentice, only I was
raised and trained in Cebu that was why we did not meet years ago," anito .

"Oh! Good to hear that, Mr . . ." I searched for any label in front of him but did
not
struggle or panic because I could not find one .

"Just call me Billy," inunahan niya na ako . "I'm a friend of your family so it's
natural that we should be friends, too ."

Tipid akong ngumiti sa kanya . I know that our companions are too silent right now
kaya alam ko rin kung ano maaari ang mga iniisip nila . I heard Kajik's shift on
his
seat .

" Really? So you know my father really well, then, Billy? " medyo nagulat kong
sinabi .

"Yes, of course . He trained me . He was a very good teacher . I can share more of
our
experiences together, Andra ."

Malapad akong ngumiti . I miss my father so much that even bits of his experiences
mean so much to me .
"Sure! I am very interested!"

Kajik interrupted . "As much as I want you to chat with my wife, Mr . Mallari, I
still have a board meeting schedule in Taguig . My wife's coming with me so I have
to conclude this meeting and will update you more once my team's analysis is done
."

"Oh . Right . Sorry," medyo awkward na tumayo si Billy .

Sinenyasan niya ang batang empleyado . Nasulyapan ko ang madalas na mapanuyang

titig
ni Kajik, hindi sinasadyang binaling sa mahinhin na babae dahilan ng pagkakaasiwa
at mtinding kaba nito . Natalisod pa sa sobra sigurong kaba . Tumayo ang mga
empleyado ng kompanya . Maging ang agresibong babae sa harap ko ngayon, medyo
naging
polite na sa akin . She held out her hand .

" Nice to meet you, Mrs . Mercadejas . I look forward to working with you in the
assessment of the new vessels, " aniya, maamo na ngayon . Hindi ko alam kung bakit
kanina'y mukhang aawayin niya ako at ngayon para na siyang tupa .

Kinamayan ko siya at nginitian pabalik . Ngumisi ako sa kanya at nakita ko kaagad

ang kaba niya . You like my husband, huh? I don' t need any more evidence for that .
I've been with girls who liked him and I certainly know how they act just to get
him . Ako pa lang ang pinakamagaling . Because I got him for real .

Tumayo si Kajik at kinamayan na ang iilang panauhing nandoon . I even heard the
older woman greeting him for having me in that meeting .

" Nice to meet you, too . I ' ll just decide to approve or disapprove your works .
Besides, I think you' re here cuz you' re good at it? Am I right? "

I sound chill . I am trying to chill even when my other self is probably holding a
pitchfork right now . Mas lalo ko lang nakumpirma na bukod sa trabaho, may ibang
sadya pa siya rito . She couldn' t look straight and I can sense her fear .

"Am I right?" I prompted . "Well, kung hindi . We can always find a replacement . .
."

"Uh, sure, po..." pahabol niyang may pag-aalinlangan pa rin .

"Nice to see you again, hija! Noong nalaman ko na nakabalik ka na, I am so happy
for the company," ang matandang ginang naman ang lumapit sa akin ngayon at binati
ako .

Sinundan ko ng tingin ang empleyado ni Kajik at nakitang seryoso siyang kinausap

bago umalis . My eyes darted at the presenter who still looked hopeful for Kajik's
reactions na hindi naman dumating dahil abala siya sa pag-eentertain ng ibang ka
meeting .

I kept my opinions to myself . Lalo na dahil pagkatapos ng meeting na iyon,

kinailangan agad naming tumulak pa Taguig para sa isa pang meeting sa kompanya
naman ngayon ng mga Mercadejas . Pinagbigyan niya lamang ito dahil gaya ng naunang
meeting, saglit lang daw .

"By the way, Ma'am, nagtanong si Cresia sa akin kung andito ka na ba raw sa Manila
.
Sinagot ko naman at gusto niya raw makipagkita," si Heather na nag-aaddress lang sa
akin ng ganoon kung maraming tao o ' di kaya' y nanunukso sa akin .

Tumango ako at kinuha na ang cellphone para maitext ang pinsan . I am not in the
mood to go out tonight but I can't say no to Lucresia .

"Saan daw?" tanong ko .

"She said maybe a night out so . . . I guess, a bar? Pero hindi niya sinabi kung
saan," ani Heather in a monotone like her usual nerd and numb self .

Napatingin ako sa cellphone ko . Walang mensahe galing sa pinsan ko pero meron sa

kaibigan kong si Klaus .

Klaus:

I'll be with Cresia later . Pumunta ka . Bring your friend .

Notice the last sentence . Nagtaas ako ng isang kilay . Sinong kaibigan ang isasama
ko? Kajik isn't my friend and I'm sure he's the last thing Klaus wants me to bring
.

Nilingon ko si Heather at nakitang medyo abala sa kung anu-anong sinusulat sa

notebook niya . Kaaayos ko lang sa accounts nito para sa pustahan namin . Ang
swerte
no? She must be so happy and at peace with the extra money I got her and a peaceful
night later, with pajamas and socks on and a face mask . Suwerte!

"Sasama ka mamaya," diretsahang sinabi ko .

Mabilis siyang nag-angat ng tingin, gulat, at kung hindi ako nagkakamali . . .

kabado .

"Andra, you know I don't do those things ."

Hinawi ko ang buhok ko .

"I am not yet sure if I'll bring Jandrik so for him to be at peace, you must go
with me ."
" He will be at peace, Cresia' s there! Your cousins will be there, too, for sure! "
giit ni Heather sa paraang medyo natataranta .

Ano bang meron at bakit parang natataranta siya sa anyaya ko sa kanya?

"Cresia is just another version of me . Jandrik won't be fooled to trust her like
that." I smirked and she knew she won't get away from that .

Wala siyang nasabi na . Lalo na dahil hindi na kami nagtagal ni Kajik doon at
tumulak na kami sa Taguig .

We went to the offices of MERC . It's more corporate than our office in Lopez
Shipping Lines pero nakita ko kung paano binabago iyon ni Kajik para magmukhang
ganito rin ang interior ng buong opisina .

Unlike our office, mas maraming atensyon ang natuon sa amin dito . Siguro dahil sa
amin, madalas ako roon, dito, ngayon pa lang ako nakatungtong . Employees of
different ranks watched us as we walk through the corridors of their offices . Ang
iba'y titig na titig sa kamay ni Kajik na nasa baywang ko .

Naupo ako sa kanilang conference room, sa tabi ni Kajik . Ipinakilala niya ako sa
lahat ng nandoon at binati kami ng ilang minuto . When their serious meeting
started, I saw a message from Cresia . At kahit na text ako nang text sa meeting
nila, hindi nakakatakas sa akin ang mga empleyadong nakatingin sa akin na tila ba
palaisipan ako .

Unlike our employees back in our company, mas agresibo ang mga empleyado ritong
halatang may pagtingin kay Jandrik . Maybe because they knew I don't have the power
over them . This is MERC and this is their family's company, I cannot fire anyone
I
dislike kaya mas confident kung magpapahalatang nanglalandi .

" I closed the deal with this year' s top project, Karius, kaya I don' t think there
is a need to review of this client . Bukod pa sa magandang kompanya ito, " a woman
in
her late twenties glanced at me .

With her hair in a clean bun, a black spaghetti strapped top and a loose slacks,
isa siya sa mga tinutukoy kong medyo agresibo kung maka banat kay Kajik . I wonder
if Ali went out of this company because his wife is jealous with all of these board
members who can't help but drool on the Mercadejas men .

Nakatingin lamang si Kajik sa mga papel sa harap niya, nag-iisip ng isasagot sa

babaeng nanghahamon at lowkey nagbubuhat ng bangko .

" I think Karius is right, Bettina . We should think about it . A wise businessman
will always think through things kahit pa may kasiguraduhan at malayo sa pagbagsak
ang mga desisyon," now the fairer and more soft spoken girl said, mukhang mabait
pero tuwing tumitingin sa akin, agad nag-iiwas, guilty sa kung ano .

I rolled my eyes and played with my phone . This is ridiculous . All this time, I
stayed abroad and let him work here along with these girls . Nanlalandi nga ng
harap- harapang nandito ang asawa, paano pa kaya kung wala ako, ' di ba?

"I will think about it . My secretary will schedule another meeting for my decision
.
I need a study for this," ani Kajik sa katabing lalaki na mukhang empleyado rin
doon .

The endless contradicting statements of the girls in that board bored me .

Meanwhile, I heard his secretary whisper about Mr . Mercadejas' call in Kajik's
office .

"Sabi po ni Sir Ali na tumulak daw po ang kapatid ninyo rito para sana sa
pagkikita
ninyo mamaya ."

Kajik shifted on his seat . "I'll just call them when I'm free," suplado niyang
sagot doon .

So our hectic day ended . Tahimik kaming umuwi sa aming condo, hindi kalayuan sa
building ng MERC . Ayokong isipin ang lahat ng napansin ko sa mga meeting na
dinaluhan pero hindi ko na naiwasan nang nasa elevator na kami at hawak niya na
naman ako sa baywang, ang isang kamay ay hinahaplos ang tiyan ko patungo sa
tagiliran . His nose rested on my head while we're waiting for the lift to land .

"Hmm . I noticed something in both your offices ."

Akala ko ba chill, Andra? Anong nangyari at bakit hindi mo talaga mapigilan ang
bibig mo? Kailangan mo talagang umapila? Wala namang ginagawang masama 'yang asawa
mo, ah!?

"What?" he drawled lazily .

Maraming malalanding babae na kabilang sa board mo o 'di kaya'y kliyente na walang

hiya-hiya kang inaakit .

"Your women employees want to please you too much," I rephrased it so I won't sound
like a psycho wife .

Umatras siya ng konti para tingnan akong mabuti . A small sexy smile slowly came
about . I pouted . My face heated with his menacing move .
"They must please me . I'm their boss," panunukso niya .

I glared at him when I realized that his first sentence sounds so green . I can
now
vividly imagine him on his swivel chair with any one of those girls kneeling and
"pleasing" him! The elevator beeped and without a word, I went out of it and out of
his hold .
Sa inis, dire- diretso ang lakad ko . Kinakalma ko ang sarili ko . Kumusta naman ang
pagiging mature, Andra? Kaya pa? I need to understand that his employees are his
employees . It's work . I can say something weird even when I felt something weird
just so I'd make him feel that I understand everything . Pero dahil pinipigilan ko
ang sarili kong magpahayag ng opinyon, mas lalo tuloy akong naiinis .

"May lakad ako kasama ang mga pinsan ko . Isasama ko si Heather kaya magiging
maayos
din ako . It won' t take long, " I said while climbing upstairs .

Mabilis din akong dumiretso sa aming kuwarto habang tahimik siyang sumusunod .

"Saan ang lakad? Anong oras?" he asked .

Dumiretso na rin ako sa walk in closet bago siya sinagot at sinaraduhan .

"Probaby just around here, in some bar ."

Ilang saglit akong tumunganga sa shower, kinakalma ang sarili . Pinapalakpakan ang
sarili sa konting achievement dahil hindi masyadong naging agresibo sa walang
dahilan .

Nang natapos, lumabas na ako para kumuha ng fresh underwear . I realized that my
lotion is on the side table . Hindi ko pala iyon nailagay rito sa loob . I quickly
covered myself with a silky robe . Nilagay ko rin ang susuotin kong damit, naka
ready sa labas bago in-unlock ang pintuan .

Ang unang tumambad sa akin paglabas ko ay si Kajik na tanging maputi at maliit na

tuwalya lang ang nakatabon sa baywang . He showered, too . Maybe on his other room .
Hindi pa nagbibihis ng kahit ano, madilim na nakatingin sa akin .

"I'll come with you," he declared confidently .

In some other day, because I was pissed a while ago, I would say no to piss him off
and to take my revenge . Pero dahil nagpapakamature ako ngayon, tinatanggap na OA
lang ako mag-isip, hindi na ako kumibo . Hahayaan ko siya sa gusto niyang mangyari
.

Dumaan ako sa harap niya para makuha ang lotion ko . Sinundan niya ako ng tingin .
Sumulyap ako ng konti at nakita ko ang paninimbang ng tingin niya sa akin . I acted
like nothing happened . Pabalik na sana ako sa walk in closet nang hinuli niya ang
palapulsuhan ko at napabalik ako sa banda niya .

Slowly, he took the lotion out of my hand . Nilapag niya iyon sa tabi at dalawang
kamay na ang hawak sa akin .

"What?" I asked, trying hard not to lash out on him .

Ngumuso siya but he could not hide his smile .

"We'll talk about your issues or we won't go out tonight," aniya .

"What issues?" tanong kong medyo padabog na .

Nagtaas siya ng kilay . My tone gave me away . Damn it, Andra! I rolled my eyes .
Nanatili siyang nakatingala sa akin dahil nakatayo ako sa harapan niya .

Ilang sandali kaming nagtitigan . Even with the ghost of a smile, I can sense that
he's serious with his rule . Hindi nga yata kami lalabas ngayong gabi kapag hindi
ako nagsalita . Para makapag-usap kami, sinubukan kong maupo sa tabi niya pero
hinila niya ako, ayaw na magkaroon kami ng konting espasyo .

"I'll just sit, Jandrik . If you want us to talk, then let me sit!" I said .

He made me sit, alright . But on his lap!

"There," he whispered and combed the hair above my ear with his fingers . "You're
on
your place . What is it?"

Kinagat ko ang labi ko . My heart pounded aggressively . Pilit ko pa tuloy inisip

kung ano nga ba ulit ang problema ko .

"I'm trying hard to be mature and not think about all those women in your board .
That' s why I don' t want to talk about it. . . " sa maliit at malambing na boses kong
sinabi .

"Uh-huh?" he said as he sniffed on my hair .

I licked my lower lip . I'm busy trying to put the words together while he's busy
with his slight kisses on my neck .

" Those girls like you . They are trying to impress you . Baka naman habang wala ako,
wala ngang nangyari sa inyo noong ex fiancee mo pero meron naman sa ibang
empleyado?"

He chuckled like my arguments are funny .

"Nilalandi ka nila, akala mo trabaho lang . I can imagine them kneeling in front of
you . . . doing . . ."

He stopped kissing me . Nilingon ko siya dahil naramdaman kong apektado siya sa

sinabi ko . Apektado nga . A matter of fact, I can feel it on my legs . I can see it
in his eyes . The darkness, the raw passion, and the sudden flames in its pitch
black mystery .

He swallowed hard that his Adam's apple were noticeable . Slowly, his member grew .
Kinagat ko ang labi ko .

"I can imagine myself..." he said huskily and very languidly .

Napahawak ako sa kanyang tuhod nang naramdaman ang kanyang kamay na hinahawi ang
sedang suot .

"Going to my Executive Assistant's office tomorrow, kneeling in front of her swivel

chair, pleasuring her until I taste her sweetness . . . instead ."

Parang matatadtad ang labi ko sa kakakagat habang iniimagine din iyon . Pumikit ako
ng mariin .

"I'll suck all your sweetness until I feel you convulse, Andra ."

Nasisiguro kong kasing pula na ng kamatis ang mukha ko ngayon . Humilig ako sa
kanyang leeg, lalo na nang naramadaman ko ang kanyang daliri sa aking hita .

"Hindi iyan ang p-pinag-uusapan natin, Jandrik . . ."

" I don' t like those girls . I am not interested with them, if that' s what you mean
.
Sige nga, ako naman . You' re interested with your uncle? "

Uncle? What the hell is he talking about?

Kitang-kita ko ang pagtataas niya ng kilay, confident na alam talaga ang sinasabi
niya .

" You declared it in my face . You' re very " interested" , " he said with emphasis on
the last word .

Ah! Si Billy, iyong family friend daw yata namin .

"Well, he knows my father!" sabi ko .

"More than that, that man is still single and almost forty . You really think it's
just about his experiences with your father's teachings? I bet not . The bastard
probably think we're still pushing your damn annulment," he said it with so much
passion .

"H-Huh?"

"The next thing you know, he'll shower you expensive gifts like his sugar baby with
friendship as an excuse . "

"Sugar baby? What the hell are you talking about?"

Suplado niya akong binalingan bago hinalikang muli ang aking leeg . Sinubukan ko
siyang tingnan pero pinipilit niya ang posisyon ko . I sighed and then smirked .
For
some reason, gumaan ang pakiramdam ko .

"I remember someone who made me his sugar baby ."

He sighed and turned to me darkly, with an annoyed and handsome expression . I

smirked more .
"A bit older than me . . . he showered me expensive gifts, too . Hindi bababa ng
isang
milyon ang mga halaga ng mga regalo niya noong bata pa ako . And he takes me to
places, all expense paid, even using his yacht ."

He groaned and continued kissing me on my neck .

"He fucked me on his yacht . . ."

"Tsss . Shut it, Andra!" his thumb flew gently on my lips .

I chuckled because he's annoyed now .

"All of it was making love . I have not fucked you yet," he said sensually

Parang bumuhos ang init sa katawan ko . Sabay-sabay ang lahat lalo na sa paraan ng
pagkakasabi niya . Slowly, he unclasped my bra .

"Okay then . Making love . But when is the fucking, Jandrik?" hamon ko .
He grunted . I watched his eyes increased in darkness . I felt myself fall more and
more for his darkness and ruthlessness . Nakakatakot mahulog sa kanya . Nakakatakot
pero wala na akong nagawa .

He lifted me up and removed my panties .

"I'll reserve that on our other special occassions," he whispered .

He claimed my lips and covered my breast with his hand . Meanwhile, the other hand
lifted me a bit . He position the head of his member on my soaking entrance . Ang
huling narinig ko bago ako nawala sa aking sarili ay ang aking malambing na sigaw
.

Kabanata 27
Kabanata 27

Speculations

Sated and sore, I reached out for his phone on the side table . Hindi ko
nakakalimutang may lakad kami ngayon kahit pa nakadagan na siya sa akin ngayon,
walang planong umangat at gumalaw .

After our heated love making, he whispered begging me not to go to that party .
That
we can do it some other time . He wants to stay for the night . Ganoon din naman
ang
gusto ko, kung hindi lang siguro ako umo-o kay Klaus at Cresia, tapos inabala ko pa
si Heather na magkikita na lamang kami sa Seda to eat our dinner, baka nga tuluyan
na akong nakumbinsi ni Kajik na huwag nang umalis .

Kanina pang nagva-vibrate ang cellphone niya at kanina niya pa rin ito
binabalewala . Now that I've seen who's bugging him, mas lalo lang akong naging
determinado sa pag-alis .

Ali:

We will wait for you tonight . If you can't come with us for dinner, then after
dinner .

"May lakad kayo nina Ali?" I asked .

"Wala," he said in a muffled voice against my shoulder blades .

Umirap ako at tinapik na siya . Kung hindi ko 'to pangungunahan, mamumuti ang mga
mata ng mga nag-aantay sa amin, hindi kami makakarating .

"Jandrik, come on, let's move . Ali and Zamiel is waiting for you . Isa pa,
inistorbo
ko si Heather . Ayaw pa naman noon umalis ng bahay, napilitan lang dahil inutusan
ko ."

"Then she'll be glad to go home and stay for the night," he reasoned out .

Hinihila na ako ng utak kong pumanig sa logical argument ni Kajik . Kung hindi ko
lang naiimagine si Cresia na nanggagambala sa akin sa mga susunod na araw, at ang
guilt na mararamdaman ko dahil hindi ko pinasipot si Kajik sa usapan nila ni Ali at
Zamiel, baka nga nagpahulog na ako sa kumunoy ng kama kasama siya .

"Come on, we need to get up, Jandrik!"

Hindi ko alam kung paano ko siya tuluyang nakumbinsi na umalis na nga kami .
Natagalan talaga kami . Napag-antay ko nga si Heather sa restaurant at pinag-order
pa dahil lang sa tagal naming dalawa .

Heather's serious eyes darted to us when we arrived . Hindi pa kami maayos na

nagkakausap tungkol sa bagay na ito kaya naramdaman ko pa rin ang pagkakagulat niya
nang nakitang kasama ko si Kajik sa lakad namin . She cleared her throat, wanting
to
laugh at me . . . kung hindi ko lang napansin ang ayos niya .

"We're going to an exclusive superclub, Heather," I said a matter-of-factly .

Nagtaas siya ng kilay at tumango . She did not do this on purpose dahil ganito
naman
talaga siya manamit: simple, pang opisina .

May kakilalang mga tao si Kajik kaya naroon ang pansin niya sa ibang lamesa habang
nagbibigay ako ng komentaryo sa suot ng kaibigan .

I am wearing a simple sheer black and sexy back dress . May slit sa gilid halos
hanggang hita . Pinanood ako ni Jandrik kanina habang nag-aayos ng buhok sa harap
ng
dresser . His eyes were fixed on that long slit . I sensed his untold thoughts but
he
did not say no to it . Ngayon, heto ang kaibigan ko na naka white longsleeves with
ruffles on her chest and a black long pencil cut skirt .

" Ano ' yan? May meeting ba? " I said, watching her with disgust on my face to prove a
point .

Napatingin siya sa damit niya . Hindi siya makapaniwalang hindi ko nagustuhan ang
ayos niya .

"This is my best dress," she said .

I smiled sadly at her . " Hindi ako nagkulang pasweldo sa' yo ha at lalong sana
hinalungkat mo ang mga magazine tungkol sa mga damit ko tuwing may event para may
fashion guru ka!"

"This is fine, Andra ."

" No, it' s not! Well, anyway, we just have to eat our dinner fast so we can head to
the mall beside this hotel," sabi ko habang tinitingnan ang menu .

Hinatid na ang inorder at nagsimula na kami sa pagkain . I wanted to leave Jandrik

alone on the hotel's restaurant para magkape siya o ano man, nang hindi siya ma
bored sa gagawin namin ni Heather, but he doesn't like that idea .

Kunot-noo niyang kinikwestyun ang rason ko .

"Hindi naman kami magtatagal . You can just sit here and wait for us," I said .

Nasa likod ng upuan ko ang kanyang kamay at ang mga tuhod, halos kinukulong ang
aking mga binti . He tilted his head like he did not understand .

"Then, I'll go with you . Hindi naman pala kayo magtatagal ."

"Jandrik, we're shopping . It'll bored you to death," sabi ko .

"No, it won't . I'll come with you," he said .

Sumighap ako at bumaling kay Heather . Heather's poker face told me that she wants
to laugh . Kaya imbes na gawin niya iyon, uminom na lamang siya ng tubig .
Sure, Jandrik won' t be bored the whole time, huh . Paano ba naman kasi, habang
naglalakad kami, hawak ang kamay ko . Hindi naman sa nagrereklamo pero
pinagtitinginan kami ng mga tao . And there's something in the way he holds my
waist . . . too sensual to look at in public na kahit si Heather halos masamid nang
nakita iyon .

"I like it," sabi ko pagkalabas ni Heather sa fitting room .

Hindi mahirap pilian ng damit ang kaibigan ko . She's years older than me but we're
almost of the same height . Ang pinagkaiba lang ay ang pangangatawan . Her body is
full grown and mature, meanwhile . . . ayoko nang ielaborate ang akin . That has
always
been my only one insecurity .

Lagpas na rin sa balikat ang itim at straight niyang buhok . Medyo maganda rin ang
make up skills ko kaya ako na ang bahala sa kolorete sa kanyang mukha .

While waiting for Heather, halos mabali na ang mga ulo ng nakatinging saleslady at
iilang customer sa amin ni Kajik . We were sitting on a sofa, while he's playing
with my fingers silently . Uminit ang pisngi ko sa kahihiyan pero I acted like it's
all natural for me .

Lumabas na si Heather at naabutan niya kaming ganoon ang ayos . I stood up . I can
sense the mockery in her poker face .

"Let's do your make up," maarte kong sinabi, binabalewala ang kanyang panunukso .

"Pati 'yan?!" gulantang niyang reaksyon .

Revenge is sweet, Heather .

Because it' s not my face, I ' ve overdone the make up . Masaya talagang mag make up,
lalo na kung all out . Smokey eyes and red lips, buti na lang pala simpleng black
dress lang ang pinasuot ko sa kanya .

" This is too much, Andra . Kahit ikaw, mukhang natural nga lang ang make up! " she
groaned .

I smirked . "This is smokey eyes, too, just in brown . Yours is darker, kaya
feeling
mo, too much . Sige na, Heather . That's fine . Hindi ka naman araw-araw nagbabar
kaya
hindi rin araw- araw na may make up kang ganyan! "

It's nine thirty in the evening when we left the mall premises and went to the
superclub . Marami akong nabisita abroad na mga ganito, pero hindi ko rin
nagustuhang mag hang out lagi roon . Paano ba naman, may makita lang akong pinoy,
nasa mga chismis sites na ako sa internet kinabukasan . Lopez heiress drunk on a
super club, Hong Kong - oh those headlines . It was only two shots but "drunk" is a
powerful word kaya iyon ang gagamitin .

Sa bukana pa lang ng bar, marami nang nakakakilala sa akin . . . sa amin . Jandrik

was
greeted with some group of men and women . Tuwing bumabaling sa akin, nakikitaan ko
ng paglayo at paghuhusga .

"Hi Andra! Long time no see!" bati ng isang family friend namin sabay beso

. Sumulyap siya kay Kajik sa likod ko, kausap ang isa pang lalaking

kakilala .

"Hello!"
"You got back with your husband?" she whispered a bit .
I smiled . "Hindi naman kami naghiwalay ."

"Oh . . . So . . . you met with your in laws?" she asked .

Bumagsak ang mga mata niya sa aking tiyan . Ngumuso ang aking kausap bago binalik
ang mga mata sa akin .

"Nope . We really just got here so . . . maybe . . ."

"Oh! Enjoy the night, then?" naramdaman ko ang awkwardness sa kanya .

Nakipagbeso ito ulit at nagpaalam na . Nagpatuloy kami papasok sa club hanggang sa

nasalubong namin si Rem, isa sa mga pinsan ko .

"Andra! Good to see you again!" bati nito bago bumaling kay Kajik at bumati na rin
.

"Rem, nasaan sila?" tanong ko .

Nilingon ko si Kajik . Nakita kong nakatuon na ang mga mata niya sa lamesang hindi
kalayuan . Sa dami ng tao roon, nakita ko pa rin kung sino ang nasa mesang iyon .
Dalawang pares ng mag- asawa ang naroon . Ali, with his wife . Zamiel, with his wife
.
As much as I want to greet their table, Rem was too excited to guide me to my
cousin' s table .

"Halika, puntahan natin!" anyaya ni Rem sabay akbay sa akin .

"You go to your cousin and brother . Pupuntahan ko na lang kayo mamaya," sabi ko
ngunit bago pa natapos, inilayo na ako ni Rem doon .

Heather came with me as usual . Nasa likod namin dahilan ng dalawang ulit na sulyap
ni Rem doon . Nakita ko ang pagkakagulat sa pinsan nang nakita ang ayos ni Heather
.
I smirked .

"Andra!" tilian at yakapan ang iginawad sa akin ng mga pinsan ko .

Tumayo si Cresia galing sa pagkakaupo sa tabi ni Klaus at mabilis na rin akong

niyakap . Nagtawanan kami . Ngayon pa lang ako na excite sa pagdating namin .

"You look good! Where's your husband?" tanong ni Cresia .

My tall, beautiful, and fashionista cousin immediately got my sign . Bumaling siya
sa hindi kalayuang lamesa at doon, nakita niya si Kajik . He's sitting with Ali and
Zamiel, together with their wives . Kajik's dark eyes remained on me . Cresia
giggled .

"Oh! May reunion pala ang mga Mercadejas, ah . Mamaya ka na dun! Dito ka muna!"
deklara ni Cresia .

Kumustahan kahit saan . Hindi pa nga ako nakakaupo, marami nang tanong para sa akin
.
Klaus greeted me as well . Ginawaran ko siyang ng masamang tingin para sa kung
anong
namamagitan sa kanila nitong pinsan ko pero seryosong itsura lang ang ibinalik niya
sa akin .
Nagtilian ang lahat sa likod ko dahilan ng pagbaling ko sa kung anong meron doon .
Nabunggo ni Heather ang isang waiter na may dalang tray ng mga baso . Nabasag ang
iilan doon at muntik na ring madapa si Heather sa may mga bubog kung hindi lang
naagapan ng isang matangkad at misteryosong lalaki sa harap namin .
Lahat ng nandito sa aming table, kilala ko, pero ang lalaking iyon, hindi .

"Heather, are you okay?" Mabilis akong dumalo sa kaibigan .

Wala namang nangyari sa kanya o sa damit niya pero kitang kita ko ang kaba . She
was
breathing fast and almost paper white . Bumaling siya sa lalaking nakatayo sa tabi
niya, hawak ang kanyang braso, at marahan siyang inaayos sa pagtayo .

"A-Ayos lang ako," sagot ni Heather sa akin .

"Let me," a low baritone from that mysterious man .

Inayos niya ang damit ni Heather at pinatayo siya ng maayos .

"Thank you," Heather said briefly .

Nanliit ang mga mata ko nang napansin ang titigan ng dalawa . The mysterious man
looked at my friend darkly, hindi ako sigurado kung ganoon ba talaga siya makatitig
o dahil may kung ano . Meanwhile, Heather can' t look at the man straight!
Magkakilala ba ang dalawang ito at bakit parang may nararamdaman akong intensity?

Nagtitigan ang dalawa . Kulang na lang mag slow motion sa paligid . O slow motion
na
ata para sa akin .

Ngingisi na sana ako kung hindi lang ako napatabi dahil sa mabilis at medyo malakas
na galaw ng taong nasa gilid ko . Ni hindi ko nakilala kung sino iyong lalaking
galing sa gilid ko na humawak sa siko ng kaibigan ko at kinaladkad siya paalis
doon, palayo sa misteryosong lalaki sa harap ko .

Sa kabilang gilid ko naman, si Cresia na padabog maglakad patungo sa lalaki .

"DIdn't I tell you to hide?" she asked, furiously .

"Tss . I helped your friend," the man said .

"Hindi mo na kailangang gawin iyon . You just have to hide but-"

Bago pa nagpatuloy ang pinsan ko, umalis na iyong lalaki at nawala sa dagat ng
napakaraming tao .

Wait lang . My brain can only accommodate one information at a time . Was that
Klaus?
Siya ba iyong humigit sa kay Heather palayo sa crowd? At sino naman itong kausap ni
Lucresia? That can't be her bodyguard! He's too hot to be one!

"Anong nangyari, Cres?" extra kong tanong nang bumalik siyang badtrip .

Isang lagok ng inumin sa lamesa at padabog na naupo ang kaibigan ko sa kanyang

upuan . Tahimik akong lumapit habang binubulungan ng iilan pang pinsan kung sino
iyon .

" Her bodyguard, Andra . His name is Gino, " makahulugang humalakhak ang isa ko pang
pinsan bago nagyayang sumayaw .

"No, we have some catching up . Kayo muna," sabi ko .

Lumapit ako kay Cresia . Kay Cresia na parang bulkan na ano mang oras, sasabog sa
galit . Takot pa nga akong maupo sa tabi niya at baka masanggi ko lang, raratratin
na ako nito ng galit .
"Annoying man! Scene stealer!" she declared .

Am I missing something? May ginawa bang masama iyong bodyguard niya? Wala naman ah!
In fact, he saved Heather! Muntik nang na- fall ang best friend ko . Kung wala iyong
si Gino, baka nadapa na iyon si Heather at nasugatan pa sa mga bubog? Pinaghirapan
ko pa naman ang ayos noon .

More importantly, why did Klaus drag her out of the scene?

What the hell is happening here?

"Nagkatitigan si Heather at iyong bodyguard mo," sabay siko ko kay Cresia . "I
smell
lovelife cooking for my best friend ."

Humagikhik ako . Kung hindi lang ako binalingan ng matatalim na titig ni Cresia,
mas
lalo pa akong nag ngising-aso .

"Hindi sila bagay! Walang pakiramdam iyong si Gino!" aniya .

"Talaga? Ba't parang may naramdaman akong sparks?" I said innocently .

"Sabing wala nga, Andra! Kulit mo!" galit niyang sinabi .

"Ano bang problema mo, Lucresia? Wala namang ginagawang masama iyong si Gino, ah .
He saved Heather-"

"Na hindi na naman kailangan, 'di ba? May pahawak hawak pa siya sa baywang!"

I heard a tik-tok in my brain . I don't want to believe it .

"Don't tell me you like your bodyguard-"

"Of course not!" agap niya .

"Well, I won't blame you . He's handsome and a hunk ."

Matalim akong tinitigan ng pinsan ko . Ngumisi ako sa kanya .

"You like him?"

Umirap ako at ipinakita ang singsing ko . "I'm married and very much happy with my
husband ."

Hindi ko man gustong magbago ang usapan, binago naman ni Cresia iyon sa
pamamagitan
nang pangungumusta sa akin . All my attempts to bring the topic back were futile .
She was just very determined to forget about his bodyguard . But . . . wait a minute
.

"Bakit umalis si Klaus at kinaladkad niya si Heather?" tanong ko, out of nowhere .

"Ask your friend," her angry tone was there again .

"Ano ba talagang kinagagalit mo Cresia?"

Umirap siya at ibinigay na ang buong atensyon sa akin . Akala ko sasagutin niya na
ako ng seryoso ngayon, nagkamali ako .

"Nagkita na ba kayo ni Tita Grethel?" she asked, seriously .

"Nope . Well, we talk a lot over the phone . She's still on a vacation and I don't
want to disturb her so much so . . ."
Seryoso ang tingin ni Cresia sa akin . Hindi ako sigurado kung iniiba niya lang
talaga ang usapan o ano .

"But we planned on meeting this weekend . Bakit?"

Kinagat ni Cresia ang kanyang labi at lumagok ulit ng isa pang inumin .

"Well, I know this should be kept a secret from you . Sabi ni Daddy, ayaw niya
nang
idagdag pa ito sa alalahanin mo . We know you went away because you're recovering
from the loss and from the sudden marriage but . . ."

Kinabahan ako sa tono ni Cresia . Hindi ito nagseseryoso kung hindi importante .

"Though, I think you know it already . Sinabi na ba ni Kajik sa'yo?"

"What is it? Hindi ko alam ."

She sighed . Mas lalo lang akong kinabahan sa pag-aalinlangan niya .

Sinuri niya muna ang paligid at lumapit ng konti sa akin para bumulong .

"The MV Dona Analia tragedy of last year linked your Dad to the tragedy, according
to the investigation ."

Napakurap-kurap ako . I know my father . That's bullshit .

"Bullcrap," tanging sagot ko .

Tumango si Cresia . "I know Tito Franco won't do it for business . Hindi niya na
kailangang gawin iyon para lang maging number one sa bansa . Alam natin iyon, hindi
dahil kapamilya niya kami, pero dahil kilala ko si Tito bilang tao ."

Tumawa ako . " That' s ridiculous! It was very obvious, Cresia . Tumulak ang barko
kahit overload at may bagyo dahil tagilid ang kompanya nila . They thought they'd
get away ."

Tumango-tango si Cresia sa akin habang nanginginig na ako sa galit dahil sa

akusasyong iyon para sa ama ko .

"My father is dead and yet they are all creating evil speculations of him? Wala ba
silang respeto sa taong patay na?"

Suminghap si Cresia at tiningnan ako .

"Tatlong linggo pa lang simula nang natapos ang imbestigasyon . Sumuko ang head ng
Coast Guard, binayaran daw ni Tito Franco para bigyan ng go signal ang MV Dona
Analia, and to overload it ."

Namilog ang mga mata ko .

"You know what? That's bullshit! I get why Jandrik never mentioned it to me . . .
because it' s all bullshit! "

"I know . I'm just concerned with Tita Grethel . When the authorities came to her
for
questions, she refused at umalis . Inaakusahan siyang tumatakas, Andra ."

"What!? These people are out of their minds, Cresia!" sabi ko . "Kung totoo 'yan,
bakit pa kailangang gawin iyon ni Daddy? Palubog ang mga Pastrana noon . Hindi niya
na kailangang gumawa ng paraan para mas lalo silang lumubog . And especially not
sinking their flagship!"

Kinagat ni Cresia ang kanyang labi .

"Give me a damn good reason why my father should do that! Certainly not for
business! He can prosper without cheating, you know that well, Cres!"

"To ensure your marriage with the Mercadejas heir..." she said firmly .

Mabilis na ang paghinga ko . Wala akong masabi sa ginawang rason .

"That's the speculations . Gusto mo raw . . . makasal . . . kay Kajik, Andra . And
everyone
knows your father will . . . do everything . . . anything for you ."

Umiling ako . Natatawa ako . Hindi dahil nakakatuwa kundi dahil mababaliw na yata
ako
sa mga bintang ng mga tao .

"We will marry anyway . There's no need for the cheating . . ." I said that half-
heartedly because I remember how my family was almost begging for my marriage to
him .

"Sinabi ko sa'yo 'to dahil baka sa mga susunod na araw, marami ang magtatanong .
Especially now that everyone knows you' re back in Manila . . . back with your
powerful
husband ."

Tumawa ako at kinalma ang sarili . Bakit ako kakabahan kung nasisiguro kong hindi
totoo ang mga paratang nila? Hindi totoo iyon . Naniniwala ako kay Daddy .
Kakausapin
ko si Mommy tungkol dito .

"Well . . ." Tumawa na rin si Cresia at uminom . "Almost everyone turned their
backs on
our family because of that rumor . Everyone is even rooting for that Millicent
Pastrana ."

"Asan na pala 'yon?" panunuya ko . "I don't see her around . Too broken hearted?"

Naghalakhakan kami ni Cresia . Umiling siya sa akin, hindi makapaniwala sa reaksyon

ko .

"I heard they are still operating . Small barges lang and boats but their company
is
thriving for some reason . May bumili siguro sa stocks nila . Hindi ko alam ."

"They are just bitter," I said confidently .

"Some of our family friends turned their backs on us and sided with the Pastranas,
you know . Usap-usapan nga kung gaano ka kawalang hiyang asawa ."

Nagtaas ako ng kilay . I know of that rumors but I never thought it's this vivid .

"Anong sabi?"

"Na marami ka raw kabit . Galit daw ang in laws mo sa'yo dahil doon . They even
said
that you got pregnant by your other man . Ridiculous rumors . "

"Ridiculous, indeed ."

 Tumawa na lamang ako pero natunganga ng ilang sandali sa dami ng nalaman galing
kay
Cresia . Nakabawi naman ako agad . We talked about some other things . Nilingon ko
si
Kajik sa lamesa nila . He's watching me darkly after drinking a dark liquor .

"Hmmm . Hinihintay ka ba niyang lumapit? Kanina pa 'yan titig na titig sa'yo .

Takot
na mawala ka sa paningin niya," panunuya ni Cresia .

"He's like a wolf watching his prey . I wonder if he's always that way in bars
noon,
when he sees a prey?" I said .

Cresia groaned . "Wolf? More like . . . a puppy waiting for his master, Andra .
Puntahan
mo na sa lamesa nila at kung hindi, baka 'di niyan makayanan, pumunta 'yan dito ."

I smirked at my cousin . Tama siya . Also, I want to stay beside him . Kahit na
hindi
ko pinapaniwalaan ang mga sabi-sabi, medyo nagulat at naapektuhan ako roon .

"Excuse me, then . . ." I said to her and then to my cousins .

Dumiretso na ako sa lamesa nila, natitigilan lang tuwing may kilalang dadaan at
babati . I exchanged greetings to everyone . I took pictures, too, reason why
things
slipped on my mind for fleeting moments .

"Andra!" Zamiel stood up and greeted me .

He hugged me tight . Tumayo na rin si Ali at ganoon din ang ginawa sa akin . I
hugged
them both, remembering the years ago of looking up to them like my older brothers .
Nasa likod na si Kajik katabi ang dalawang babaeng nagpapatibok sa puso ng mga
lalaking yakap ko .

"This is Thraia, Andra, my wife," Ali said habang ipinapakita ang isang magandang
babae .

Hindi kalayuan ang edad namin . Maganda si Thraia, mahinhin, at palakaibigan ang
ngiti . She held out her hand . Tinanggap ko . I firmly shook it .

"Nice to meet you," she said shyly .

"Nice to meet you, too ."

"Ace, this is Andra, Kajik's wife," sabay pakilala naman sa akin ni Zamiel sa isa
pang magandang babae, ang kanyang asawa .

"Hi! It's good to finally meet you," sabi nito nang inilipat ko ang kamay sa kanya
.

Ngumiti ako . "Pasensya na . I know you should be resting but here you are all out
late at night ."

"It's okay . We wanted to meet you . Ako talaga ang nagpilit kay Zamiel na pumunta
rito para ma meet ka," sabi ni Ace .

Zamiel smirked and kissed his wife .

"I also wanted to meet you, Andra . It's been a long time . . ."

Pagkatapos ng mga maikling introduction, iginiya na ako ni Jandrik pabalik sa

kanilang sofa . Naupo na kami roon . Nag- usap ang tatlong lalaki at miminsan, may
sinasabi rin ang kanilang mga asawa . Nanatili naman akong tahimik, observing them
all a bit since it's my first time to get introduced . Malapit na si Ace at Thraia
.
They share jokes, they laugh at their husbands, and they converse with them .

It was a comfortable group . Akala ko magtatanong sila tungkol sa marriage namin

ni
Kajik, o 'di kaya sa naging problema noong nagdaang taon, sa pag-alis ko, pero
wala . Mabuti na lang . That made me so comfortable .

"I adviced her to stay but she insisted," ani Thraia nang napag-usapan namin ang
nakakatandang ginang ng mga Mercadejas .

Sumulyap si Thraia sa akin . Ngumiti ako at binagsak ang tingin sa mga baso sa
harapan .

"She might be worried about us," sabi ko nang naalalang muli ang mga natuklasan
kong sinabi ni Cresia kanina .

"She is worried," si Ace naman ngayon .

"She shouldn't be . . ." sabi ni Kajik sabay pagbago ng yakap sa akin . Mas lalo
itong
humigpit .

Nakita ko ang palihim na tikhim ni Ace habang nakatitig sa nakapalupot na braso ng

kanyang brother-in-law . Bumulong pa siya kay Zamiel, dahilan ng pagbaling ni
Zamiel
sa amin .

"I know how to fix my own problems," Kajik said and kissed me on my cheek . "Hindi
na dapat pinapakealaman pa ."

Ali chuckled . "Pero kilala mo si Lola, Karius ." He then sipped on his whiskey and
renewed his hold on Thraia's hands like he means something .

Kajik sighed and hugged me tighter .

Kabanata 28
Kabanata 28

Innocent

Weirdly, the night was peaceful for me . Hindi ko na nahagilap si Heather pero
nakareceive ako ng text galing sa kanya na ayos lang daw siya at huwag nang
alalahanin .

Ako:

Are you with Klaus?

She did not reply after that . Meanwhile, my cousin is not in the mood for the rest
of the night . She remained on her seat . Noong lalapitan ko na sana, her friends
and
most of our cousins flocked beside her so I did not bother . Isa pa, napasarap din
ang kwentuhan ng mga Mercadejas, nakisali na lamang ako .

I was too exhausted when we got home . Jandrik even held me tightly papasok sa
kuwarto dahil antok na antok na ako . Then I slept immediately when I felt the
comfort of bed, and his warmth beside me .

Nakailang singhap na ako sa opisina habang iniisip ang lahat ng nalaman galing kay
Cresia kagabi . It did not linger much the first hours in the morning but now that
I'm idle, it's creeping in my head .

Simula na ng pagiging abala ni Kajik . Juggling the two companies is not easy . At
dahil kababalik lang, doble ang trabahong meron siya kaya hindi ko na gaanong
ginagambala, nagtatrabaho na lang ako ng akin dito sa aking opisina .

My door opened . Iniluwa nito si Heather na late katakataka ang pagiging late .
She' s
always efficient, never late, just today . Naiintindihan ko naman . I ' m not blaming
her . Ako ang nagdala sa kanya roon .

"Sorry, I'm late," she said .

Nilapag niya ang iilang papel sa aking lamesa . Umamba pa siyang aalis agad pero
hindi ako papayag, s 'yempre .

"Dito ka muna..." sabi ko sabay hilig sa swivel chair .

Bumalik siya sa kinatatayuan niya at nag-angat ng tingin sa akin . Her usual blank
face looked at me in a boring manner . Nag ngising-aso ako at mabilis siyang umirap
.

"Kung tungkol sa trabaho, hindi ako aalis pero kung iba ang iniisip mo-" Umamba
ulit siyang aalis pero s'yempre, hindi ko ulit pinayagan .

"I have questions about a very sensitive matter pero bago iyon . . ."

Tumayo ako at naglakad patungo sa harap ng aking malapad na lamesa . Humalukipkip

ako at ngumisi muli . Umirap siya .

"Klaus dragged you out of that bar, saan kayo pumunta?"

"Sa labas," she answered coldly halos makalimutan ko na may malisya .

"Tapos?"

"Sa labas lang ."

Ngumuso ako . Wala akong makukuha na impormasyon sa babaeng ' to . She' s not like me
who cares to articulate almost every experiences I have on her .

"Talaga?" I smirked .

"Bakit? Saan pa ba kami puwedeng pumunta bukod sa labas?" she said sarcastically .

"Paano ka umuwi, kung ganoon-"

"Hinatid niya ako," she said coldly .

I poked her stomach and laughed . She remained serious and unbothered . After all
these years, hindi ko naisip na posibleng may mamuo rito kay Heather at kay Klaus .
I did not pay much attention of them before . Ni hindi ko gaanong naiisip kung may
love life ba itong si Heather . Pakiramdam ko, buong buhay niya sa pamilya ko lang
nakatuon .

"And . . . you know Gino? Cresia's bodyguard?

Kanina habang nag-iisip ako, I crossed out that idea . Iniisip ko sobrang hot lang
noong si Gino na pati itong si Heather ay nagulantang at medyo kinabahan sa ginawa
nito . So I concluded that the Heather-Gino scene was nothing and it's Klaus all
along .

"W-Well..." napakurap-kurap ang kaibigan ko .

Kumunot ang noo ko at nakita ang pamumula ng kanyang mukha . In my whole twenty
three years of living and knowing Heather, hindi ko siya kailanman nakitang namula
ng ganito . Pakiramdam ko isang bakal siyang biglaang nalukot dahil sa tanong na
iyon .

"K-Kilala ko siya, matagal na ."

Nakita ko kung paano niya inayos ang sariling ekspresyon para lang magmukhang
normal . But her stutters and her red face were such a give away .

"Talaga? Paano mo nakilala?"

"Kaibigan ng mga magulang ko ang pamilya niya . Madalas kami sa probinsya nila
noon
k-kaya . . ." oh, the stutters .

"Kaya?"

"Kaya ganoon," simple niyang sinabi .

"Bakit parang gulat ka noong nagkita kayo ulit?"

"We have not seen each other for years since . . . he got busy with work so . . ."

Namula ulit ng husto si Heather . Ngayon ko lang talaga napansin ang side na ito sa
kanya . I've known her as a cold and mysterious girl . Right now, I see the walls
fall down . I can't believe it .

"You like him?" diretsahan kong sinabi .

" He' s just like a brother to me, Andra, " bigla siyang natauhan sa tanong ko pero
bakit may kakaiba akong nararamdaman tungkol doon .

"I feel like you like him ."

She sighed and looked at me in her usual cold and annoying way . She shifted her
weight bago biglaang iniba ang usapan .

"Ano iyong sensitibo mong itatanong sa akin?"

Ngumisi ako, hindi pa natatapos sa pang-iintriga sa kanya . Marami pa sana akong

itatanong pero naunahan niya na ako .

"Your mother called me, by the way . Nangumusta . Hindi ba kayo nagkakatawagan?"

Napawi ang ngiti ko nang nagbalik ang isipan sa problemang kanina pa nananatili sa
utak ko . Kumalas ang halukipkip ko at bumalik na ako sa swivel chair . Lumapit si
Heather at nagtaas ng kilay sa akin .

"Kagabi may nasabi si Cresia sa akin tungkol sa nangyari noong nagdaang taon . . ."
seryoso kong wika .

Tumango si Heather, kita ang interes at antisipasyon .

"Sinabi niya na nagpaimbestiga ang mga Pastrana sa nangyaring trahedya noong MV

Dona Analia . May witness daw na nagsabing may kinalaman si Daddy sa paglubog nito
."

Napaawang ang labi ni Heather . I know her too well na sa simpleng ekspresyon
niya,
alam kong may alam siya . She looked shocked but wasn't that shocked at all .
Nanatili akong tahimik, inaasahan ang dugtong niya .
"May paratang na na ganoon bago pa namatay ang Daddy mo ."

Namilog ang mga mata ko . "What? That may have stressed him out dahilan ng
pagkalubha ng karamdaman niya!"

"Pinaiimbestigahan pa lang noon . Ano daw ba ang nangyari ngayon? Tapos na ang
imbestigasyon? At sino ang witness, Andra?" she looked clueless but not as clueless
as me, yesterday .

"Tapos na raw ang imbestigasyon at ayon doon, talagang may kinalaman si Daddy .
It's
the head of Coast Guard, the one who allowed the MV Dona Analia to sail that night!
He's the witness ."

"Bakit hindi pa pumuputok ang balitang iyan, kung ganoon?" taranta niyang tanong .

"Hindi ko alam, Heather . Sabi ni Cresia, usap-usapan na ng lahat . Anytime now,

this
news might explode ."

"Ano ang gagawin mo?"

"Talk to my lawyer and file a defamation case against them ."

"Andra, bakit hindi ka muna mag conduct ng sarili mong imbestigasyon tungkol doon
para malaman mo ang totoo . "

"Walang kasalanan si Daddy, Heather . Bitter lang ang mga iyan kaya ginagawa nila
ito . They all think that our company will fall just because of that accusation!"

"Nakausap mo na ba ang Mommy mo tungkol diyan? I remember when the media asked her
about that, she left, Andra and did not say a word . Kaya mas marami rin ang
nagdududa noon ."

" Maybe Mom thinks it' s all just a ridiculous accusation . Hindi pa namin napag-
uusapan ito at kung pag- uusapan man, gusto kong sa personal . "

Nagkatinginan kami ni Heather . Siguro, natahimik lang ako sa usaping iyon nang
binista ako ni Tito Arturo, isang beses sa opisina sa sumunod na linggo .

"Tito, nakarating po sa akin ang balita tungkol sa paratang ng mga Pastrana kay
Daddy ."

We first talked about the developments of the lines . He was very pleased with
Jandrik's performance . Kahit pa busy rin sa MERC, maayos din ang ginagawa niya sa
amig kompanya . He praised how efficient my husband is and I'm so proud when I
smiled at him and affirmed his competence .

" Huwag mo nang alalahanin iyon, hija . Those are lies . Ang mabuti pa, isipin mo na
lang ang trabaho ninyong mag- asawa . "

Nagpabuti iyon sa pakiramdam ko . Si Tito Arthur na mismo ang nagsabi na pawang

kasinungalingan ang lahat ng iyon, kaya bakit pa ako matatakot, hindi ba?

Nagkausap na rin kami ni Mommy, pero hindi ang patungkol sa isyu na iyon . Bukod sa
gusto ko siyang makausap ng harap-harapan kapag iyon, ayaw ko rin siyang ma stress
.

"Kailan ka po ba uuwi rito, Mommy?" I asked one breaktime in the office .

Sa dalawang linggo namin dito, alam ko na madalas ang mga gagawin . There are
times
when Jandrik needs to go to MERC for meetings . Ilang beses niya akong sinama sa
unang linggo namin dito pero sa huli lagi kong sinasabi na puwede naman akong
magpaiwan .

One time, he had a meeting that lasted until 7pm . Pinasundo niya na lang ako sa
SUV
namin . It was fine . I understand . Ayaw niyang mangyari iyon pero hindi naman big
deal sa akin iyon . He' s working very hard and I don' t see any problem with that .
Ang mahalaga, nagkikita kami sa bahay pag-uwi .

Isa ang araw na ito sa ganoon . Nine in the morning, nagpaalam na siya na sa MERC
muna . He' ll be back after lunch so, I ' m just here waiting while talking to my Mom
.

"Hindi na muna, Andra," she said in a bit tensed manner .

Ganoon lagi ang reaksyon niya kapag nagtatanong ako .

"Ano bang interesting diyan sa mansyon at ayaw mong umuwi na muna, Mommy? I was
gone for a year . We have not seen each other for two months! I miss you!"

Tumawa lamang si Mommy .

Sa kanyang likod ay ang hardin ng isa sa maliliit na mansion namin sa isang liblib
na probinsya ng Panay .

"We will see, in time . I just want to rest, hija . The city is stressing me out
."

Tumango ako at hindi na lang siya kinulit . I am a bit sensitive with that . I
know
how it feels to be stressed . . . to want to leave everything and get away . Kaya
naiintindihan ko si Mommy .

"By the way . . ."

Kumunot ang noo ni Mommy .

"Are you pregnant?" diretsahan niyang sinabi .

Halos masamid ako sa tanong niyang iyon . Sa lahat ng puwede niyang itanong, hindi
ko inaasahan iyan .

"No, I'm not! Bakit po?"

She sighed .

"I heard something about you just yesterday, sa Tita mo . She did not believe it,
too, but she asked me . Buntis ka raw nang umuwi rito galing ibang bansa . Hindi ko
alam saan niya nakuha ito, hija, pero pinagdasal kong hindi totoo . Isa pa, wala ka
namang nabanggit sa akin . "

Tumawa ako . "I'm not pregnant, Mommy ."

"Then how did this news come about?"

Nagkibit ako ng balikat . "I don't know but don't believe them ."

May biglang kumatok sa aking pintuan . Mabilis na rin akong nagpaalam kay Mommy at
tiningnan na ang oras . Lunch break is done . I should get back to work .

"Sige na po, Mommy . I'll call again later or tomorrow," sabi ko .

Kapapatay ko lang sa tawag nang pumasok si Heather sa aking opisina .

"Andyan na si Mr . Mercadejas ."

Tumango ako . Binilin ko sa kanya na sabihin sa akin kapag nakarating na ito .

Tumayo
ako at tumango . Dumiretso na ako sa kanyang opisina . I opened his door without
knocking at naabutan siyang nakaupo sa kanyang swivel chair, nakatingin sa
computer, looking busy but still immaculately handsome .

I smiled at him . Parang dejavu lang ito sa mga pinaggagagawa ko noon .

"Hi!" I waved at him with my usual wave .

He smirked . Gumalaw ang swivel chair at umambang tatayo pero hindi ko na siya
hinayaang tumayo . I walked towards him and stopped only when I got nearer .

Hinagilap niya ang kamay ko .

"Kumain ka na?" he asked me while slightly pulling me down on his lap .

I bit my lower lip . He rose from the back rest a bit at kinulong agad ako sa
kanyang bisig .

"Oo . Ikaw?"

"I'm done with lunch, too, but I'm still hungry..." bulong niyang hindi ko
maseryoso .

I chuckled . Tinalunton ng kanyang ilong ang aking leeg, gaya ng madalas niyang
ginagawa . Pakiramdam ko tuloy, nagiging hobby niya na ito .

"Tumigil ka, ha . Marami ka pang trabaho ."

He smirked evilly .

"I can do all of that after ."

Mas lalo lang akong tumawa at dumikit sa kanya . Kaya hindi ko masyadong binibisita
ito, e . Maraming naiisip na kababalaghan . Marupok pa naman ako .

"Ayoko nang maulit iyong nangyari last Friday! But at least that was at night!
Wala
na masyadong tao . Ngayon, tanghali pa!" sabi ko .

He chuckled sexily . "Well, then . . . later?"

Umiling ako at hinalikan na lamang siya . He sighed and watched me carefully before
he kissed my lips again . Ilang sandali kaming tahimik at nagkatitigan lamang sa
ayos na iyon nang bigla siyang nagsalita .

"Marry me again ."

Namilog ang mga mata ko . Napawi ang ngiti ko, hindi dahil hindi ako natutuwa,
kundi
dahil unti-unti kong natanto na seryoso na ang lahat ng ito .

"I want a grand wedding," he said .

Ngumuso ako . "Simula nang dumating tayo, hindi ko pa nga nakakausap ang mga
magulang mo . O kahit si Senyora na lang . . . tapos . . ."

He looked away and nodded . Malalim ang iniisip niya . Pinagmasdan ko lamang siya .
"We'll set a schedule this weekend ."

"Talaga?"

Kinabahan agad ako at medyo excited . I know it's been a rough year . Maaaring may
tampo nga ang mga magulang ni Kajik sa akin . Handa naman ako sa reaksyon nila at
magiging honest ako sa lahat .

"Yes, we will ."

Suminghap siya pagkatapos at bumaling sa kanyang laptop . Napatingin din ako roon
at
nakita ko ang isang email galing sa pinakasikat na developer sa Asia .

"We have a trip soon for MERC ."

"We have?" napatanong ako lalo na nang nakitang siya lang naman ang imbitado at
weekdays pa .

"Yes . Isasama kita ."

Bumunghalit ako ng tawa dahil doon . This man really can't go to his businesses
without making sure that I'm around, huh?

"Huwag na . Dito na lang ako . Who will check on the company?"

"We will . While abroad . Puwede naman iyon ."

Umirap ako . "You're over reacting, Jandrik . Kahit na ganito ako, hindi naman ako
ganyan ka clingy para sumama kahit saan ka magpunta ."

Matalim niya ang tinitigan . His lips protruded a bit .

"Then, I'm the clingy one . . ." he whispered .

Hindi ko inasahan iyon . I smirked . He still looked offended with my statement .

"Hmm..." I said while tracing his shoulders with my fingers . "Isang taon akong
umalis at iniwan itong kompanya . It's time that I take over whenever you have
other
things to do, Jandrik . Ilang araw lang naman 'yan ."

Ang usapan naming iyon ay nagtagal pa dahil gusto niyang isama ako roon . Mabuti
na
lang at sa huli, napapayag ko naman siya .

Ganoon ang eksena namin sa trabaho sa mga nagdaan pang araw . At hindi ko
maipagkakaila kung gaano ako excited na mag weekend para makita ko ulit ang pamilya
ni Kajik .

The brunch will be in their house at Forbes . Hindi ko pa alam kung sinong mga
naroon pero siguradong naroon si Tito Uriel at Tita Lucianna . Well, in this came,
Mama at Papa . I cringe a bit thinking about calling them that way pero sa huli,
tinatawanan ko na lang ang aking sarili .

Katatapos ko lang mag review ng na disapprove na disenyo sa barko nang natantog

alas sais na pala ng gabi . Nagplano pa naman ako na ipagluto si Kajik sa gabing
ito
pero mukhang papalpak na naman dahil ginabi na ako . Oorder na lang siguro ako
ngayon para hindi na matagalan .

Jandrik:
Are you done? I'm almost done .

Ako:

Huwag mo na akong sunduin, matatraffic ka lang . Anyway, the SUV is here . Uuwi na
ako .

Hinagilap ko na ang mga gamit ko at pinatay na ang mga ilaw . Heather was also
ready
to go now . Ihahatid muna ako sa Taguig noong SUV bago siya uuwi sa Forbes .

"Heather, please contact the tower's kitchen for our dinner ."

"Yup . Tapos na," aniya .

Tumango ako .

"By the way, I heard that some sneaky writers were on the basement, waiting for
you
to come out for an ambush interview . Sa lobby na lang tayo maghintay at
palalabasin
ko ang SUV kapag nandoon na tayo ."

"Oh?"

First time ito na medyo naabala si Heather na gawin iyon dahil lang sa mga writers
na tinutukoy . These are writers of Tabloids, internet chismis sites, and legit
lifestyle magazines . Hindi naman kami naabutan noong nakaraan . Ngayon, mukhang
marami na talaga ang determinado .

"Hindi ko muna pinapunta ang SUV doon at baka sundan pa iyon at marealize nila ang
ginawa kong panlilinlang," dugtong ni Heather .

Tumango ako . I'm a bit pleased with her advanced thinking . Nasa lobby na kami
nang
tinawagan niya ang driver para iinform na handa na kaming umalis . Kaya lang,
habang
nakatayo at naghihintay, hindi na talaga naiwasan nang may kaswal na lumapit at
kilala ko pa sa industriya . Hindi ako nakatanggi nang nagsimula ang mga tanong ng
isang kaibigang nagtatrabaho na ata ngayon sa isang magazine .

"Hi, Andra, can I ask you a few questions? Saglit lang ito, promise ."

Wala siyang dalang kahit anong pang record pero nasisiguro akong meron, kung saan
.

"Uh . . . Okay . . ." wala na akong nasabi .

Heather only looked at us, also afraid to say something to a respected woman who
came to us .

"Welcome back nga pala . The galas and social gatherings of the some
philanthropists
are not as interesting anymore when you went away ."

"Thanks . . ." I said, confidently .

"I just want to ask if the rumors are true . Are you pregnant?"

Narinig ko ang singhap ni Heather sa gilid ko .

"Usap-usapan kasi na umuwi ka raw dahil buntis ka . Totoo ba 'yon?"

"Of course, not . That's not true." Diretsahan kong sagot .
Narealize ko ngayon na mas mabuti pa lang ientertain ito nang sa ganoon ay malaman
nila ang side ko . Nang malaman nila ang totoo . Bumaling ako sa babae at buong
atensyon at wala nang pag aalinlangan ang ibibigay ngayon .

"Hmm . Okay . Got it . How about the news of your father's involvement with the MV
Dona Analia's tragedy last year, is it true that he's involved?"

"Hindi rin . That's not true . My father is an honorable and great man . He can
never
do that to all those innocent people ."

"Bakit ayaw sagutin ni Senator Lopez at ni Grethel Lopez ang tanong na ito, kung
ganoon?"

"Because it's all nonsense . I could stop and ignore your questions too but I want
to step up and say the truth . It's not true!" sigurado kong sinabi .

"Pero base sa imbestigasyon, sinabi na talagang nagbayad si Mr . Franco Lopez para

isabotahe ang pinakamalaking barko ng mga Pastrana . They have witnesses ."

"Paninira lang ito sa inosenteng taong wala na ngayon . I say it's all just
bitterness ."
"Millicent Pastrana issued a word just this weekend about it . She said that your
father wanted you to be happy, and marry Mr . Mercadejas . "

Tumawa ako . "Hindi totoo 'yan . Kung talagang totoo, bakit hindi niya ako harapin?
Puro paninira lang at walang gawa . It's all bitterness ."

"If this be true, and you made a mistake, then can you walk away and admit that
your marriage was a fraud? " hamon iyon na unti- unting nagpairita sa akin . " It' s
included in Ms . Pastrana's statement, Mrs . Mercadejas ."

Kung tatanggi ako, para lang din iyang inamin kong hindi ako sigurado sa paniniwala
ko na inosente si Daddy!

"And if I prove her wrong, she'll shut the hell up and go back to the slums where
she belongs?"

Ngumisi ang kausap ko at tumango na lamang sa sagot ko .

"Okay . Thank you sa pagpapaunlak sa interview na ito . . ."

Saktong dumating na rin ang SUV . Hindi na ako nagpaalam . Dumiretso na ako papasok
doon . Nang umandar, 'tsaka pa ako tinanong ni Heather sa ginawa .

"Bakit mo pa sinagot iyon?"

"Hindi titigil ang mga iyon kung hindi nakuha sa akin ang mga sagot, Heather . I
realized it's better that way so the rumors will be gone!"

Bumuntong-hininga siya .

"Isa pa, hayaan mo na . Titigil din sa paninira ang mga iyan . Makikita mo ."

"Paano kung totoo pala ang paratang ni Millicent, Andra? I don't think she'll come
this far for lies ."

"Do you doubt my father's credibility, Heather?" hamon ko sabay baling sa kanya .
"I just don't doubt his flawless love and spoiling for you . That's all ."

Kinabahan agad ako . I believe in my father but her judgement means so much to me .
I
have to talk to Kajik about this . I want to see his judgement about my father' s
involvement .
It was a hard topic for me . Hindi ko inasahan na halos hindi ko kayang simulan ang
usapan na iyon, kahit nasa hapag na kami at kumakain na ng hapunan . We just talked
about our schedule for tomorrow when I tried to insert that topic . Iyon nga lang,
hindi ko alam kung paano .

Natapos na lang ang pagkain . Nakapagligpit na lang kami at lahat na, hindi ko pa
rin nasisimulan .
Until I decided that I should not open it up anymore . Dapat ang inaalala ko muna
ay
ang bukas .

Jandrik's arm snaked around me . Nakatalikod ako sa kanya sa kama habang nakahiga
kaming dalawa . Kahihiga niya lang at ganoon na agad ang kanyang ayos . It's dark .
We
decided to sleep early in preparation for tomorrow but I don't think he's going to
do that now .

"What's wrong?" he whispered against my ear .

Parang may humawak na mainit na kamay sa aking puso sa tanong na iyon . Hindi ako
nagpahalata sa kanya na may bumabagabag sa akin the whole time pero ngayon, ganito
ang tanong niya . Tears formed in my eyes and my heart hurt a little .

"What's bothering you?" he whispered again .

Kinagat ko ang labi ko .

"We're married now . No secrets, Andra ."

Bumuntong-hininga ako at hinagilap ang lakas ng loob para sabihin sa kanya ang nasa
isip .

"Narinig ko ang mga paratang kay Daddy tungkol sa trahedya ng MV Dona Analia . . ."
panimula ko .

He and hugged me tighter .

sighed

"Ang sabi . . . binayaran niya raw ang opisyal sa Coast Guard para hayaan ang barko
na
umalis kahit may bagyo at overloaded pa . The officer stepped up as witness . Do
you
think it's true?"

His hold of me got a little tighter now . Kinabahan lalo ako .

"I had my own investigating team for that," he said .

Nagulat ako dahilan ng pagkalas ko sa kanya at pagharap . The dim lights far from
us
illuminated our faces . He looked sad but determined .

"Pinaimbestigahan mo si Daddy?" medyo galit kong sinabi . "Pinagdududahan mo

siya?"
I cannot believe he did that! But then . . . I cannot blame him . Nadala lang ako
sa
bugso ng aking damdamin .

Sinubukan niyang hawakan ang kamay ko . Binawi ko iyon, ayaw pahawak sa lalaking
pinagdududahan ang mahal kong ama . When he realized my reaction, he held on to my
waist, pulled me . . . to lock me up on him .

"Akala ko ba nirerespeto mo siya?! Na naniniwala ka na-"

"My father in law is in question, Andra . I believe in him but I cannot battle all
those negative statements if I don't have my facts!"

Naiiyak ako habang tinitingnan ang galit at determinasyon niya .

"Walang matibay na ebidensya bukod sa mga witness . And those witness are just too
many and their words too stable and accurate para hindi pagdudahang totoo ."

"Hindi magagawa ni Daddy iyon, Jandrik!" giit ko .

He pulled me closer and hugged me tight . Nagpumiglas ako habang bumubuhos ang
aking
mga luha . Hindi ako naniniwala pero kung siya ang nagdududa sa ama ko, unti-unting
nayayanig ang paniniwala ko .

"Hindi niya magagawa 'yon! Ang daming inosenteng namatay! Hindi kaya ni Daddy
'yan!" I cried .

"Shhh . It's not yet over . I'll investigate over and over again if I must to prove
that it's not true, okay?"

Sa nanginginig na balikat, umiiyak ako at nagtago sa kanyang dibdib habang siya'y

tinatahan ako at hinahalikan . Buong gabi .

Kabanata 29
Kabanata 29

Hurt

Hindi ko alam kung kabado ba ako o masyado lang talagang excited sa sumunod na
araw . Ang pighati kagabi, parang malayong alaala na lang kinabukasan . We will have
brunch today with Kajik's family .

Nakakahiyang isipin na sa loob ng isang taong pagiging mag-asawa namin, ngayon ko

pa lang makakasama ang aking mga in laws . Kung nagtatampo man sila, maiintindihan
ko iyon . I am just hoping that they realize it was also hard for me .

I sighed heavily when Kajik parked the car in front of their mansion . Gumagapang
na
ang matinding kaba sa akin . Lumabas kami ng sasakyan at hinagilap niya kaagad ang
kamay ko bago kami iginiya ng iilang kasambahay sa tanggapan ng kanilang mansion .

The contemporary-designed mansion looked the same, except for the furniture . It
is well kept and tidy . At halos walang kasambahay na umaaligid, iba sa mansyon
nila sa Costa Leona .

Pumasok na kami sa malaking dining area nila . The long rectangular glass table
reflected the three waiting hosts around it . Napalunok ako nang natantong narito
rin si Senyora Domitilla .

Tahimik . Kung hindi lang lumapit si Kajik sa nakatatanda, nagmano at humalik,

walang gagalaw sa kanila . Sinundan ko ang ginawa niya . Ngumiti ako, nagmano, at
humalik sa kanila . Their stares were cold, lalong lalo na kay Senyora, pero
nasanay
na ako roon .
Nang nakaharap ko na ang Mama at Papa ni Kajik, mas lalo lang akong kinabahan .
Especially when Tita Lucianna immediately removed her hand from my hold - or I'm
just over reacting? Hindi ko alam .

Naupo ako sa tabi ni Jandrik, sa harap namin, ang kanyang mga magulang . Tita
Lucianna did not look at me . Inabala nito ang sarili sa pagtingin sa mga nilalapag
na pagkain .

"Mabuti at naisipan ninyong dumalaw," panimula ni Senyora Domitilla .

I smiled and looked at Kajik . I took a peak at Tita Lucianna's face pero
nanatiling
ganoon ang ekspresyon nito .

"This is Andra's idea . I was too busy with work to think about this ."

Tumikhim si Tita Lucianna, napatingin sa akin, at tipid na ngumiti . Bumuntong-

hininga ako at sinuklian na rin siya ng ngiti . Kabadong kabado ako kanina pero
ngayong napatingin at nakangiti na siya sa akin, medyo gumaan na ang pakiramdam ko
.

"Hm," si Senyora Domitilla sabay inom ng tubig .

"Hindi ba't kasali ka sa meeting mamaya, hijo?" si Tita Lucianna .

"Opo . Sinadya kong gabi na ang meeting para hindi po kami magmadali ngayon ."

Tumango si Tita Lucianna at bumaling sa akin . She smiled again .

"Pinagluto ka ng paborito mong ulam," anito sa akin .

Mas lalo lang akong nabunutan ng tinik . She' s friendly with me . I know my parents
already explained why I went out of the country after the wedding . They all took
it
calmly . Pero alam ko rin na kailangan kong mag paliwanag sa nagawa ko . Though,
this
certainly is not the right time to do it . I want it all to be chill and calm .

"Talaga po? Thank you, Tita," I smiled excitedly .

"Tita?" nagtaas ng kilay si Tita Lucianna sa akin .

Muntikan ko nang nasapo ang ulo ko nang huli ko nang naisip na hindi nga pala
dapat
ganoon .

"Mama, Andra," Kajik corrected me .

"Mama," I echoed .

Nilingon ko si Senyora Domitilla na nag-iwas ng tingin sa akin . I sensed sarcasm .

It's making me uncomfortable but I understand why she feels that way . Maybe in
time, I will slowly earn their trust again .

"Let's eat, then," anyaya ni Tita Lucianna - Mama sa amin .

Surprisingly, the brunch went smooth . Everyone was casual . Although, I sensed
indifference from Senyora, naiintindihan ko naman iyon . Light lang ang pinag-
usapan
at madalas tungkol sa negosyo .

We stayed in the afternoon for desserts and tea . Hindi napag-usapan ang tungkol sa
pag- alis ko at hindi na rin naging komplikado ang kahit ano . Though, I am not sure
if Mama is holding back because Jandrik is with us or what . Kasi kung ako ang
nasa
kalagayan niya, magtatanong ako at kaklaruhin ko ang lahat ng rumors .

I kissed Mama and Papa goodbye . Mataas ang tinging tumango lamang si Senyora sa
akin at pilit na ngumiti pagkaalis namin . Kajik kissed my forehead when we got to
his Aston Martin . Then, I sighed .

"Kinabahan ako ron," pag-amin ko . "Akala ko pagagalitan ako ni Tita Lucianna o ni

Senyora ."

"She won't . . ." he said in a baritone . "Our problems are ours . We're married ."

Ngumiti ako sa kanya at tumango . Isasama niya ako ngayon sa opisina nila . I asked
him not to let me join their meeting anymore so I can rest in his office, he
agreed . Pero hindi ko inakala na hindi pala ako makakapagpahinga sa Sabadong ito .

He kissed me goodbye when his secretaries fetched him in his office for the
meeting
just a couple of floors down that hall . Bago siya umalis, may pinakiusap ako sa
kanya .

"Nagti-text si Cresia . Something is bothering her . Can I let her come here?"

"Of course . . ." he said . Medyo nanliit ang kanyang mga mata . "If you're going
to
leave and go somewhere, tell me ."

"Okay ."

Umalis na siya at 'di kalaunan, niluwa na ng pintuan ng opisina ang pinsan ko .

"What is it?" panimulang bati ko sa kanya .

Wearing a short cream dress, beige kiler heels, and a sparkling clutch, she graced
the room smoothly, siguradong sigurado sa gagawin .

"How was the brunch with your in laws?" tanong niya .

"Good," sagot ko kahit alam kong wala siyang pakealam sa nangyayari sa buhay ko .

"Good . Then, you'll be sane to come with me today ."

"Saan? Shopping?"

Naglakad siya patungo sa kulay grey na sofa sa harap ng malapad na lamesa ni

Jandrik . Tumayo ako at humalukipkip . Her artificially done blonde highlights and
mermaid curls spiraled down her shoulders and chest .

"We're going undercover," aniya .

"Huh?"

Napatingin ako sa salamin sa kaliwang bahagi ng opisina at tinitigang mabuti ang

suot ko . I'm wearing a boat necklined and longsleeved dress and killer high heels,
sadya para sa brunch kanina kaya medyo pormal tapos ito ang gusto ni Cresia na
gawin naming dalawa?

"Na ganito ang ayos natin?"

"Are you going or not?" seryoso niyang sinabi .

Of course not! Napakurap-kurap ako .

"Sino ba ang susundan natin?"

"It's Gino . It's his day off today ."

"He has a day off?"

"Once or twice a month . Depende kung hihingi siya . Today, he asked for a two
days
off so . . . I smell something fishy ."

Umirap ako . Hindi ako makapaniwala .

"Anong pakealam mo kung gustong magpahinga noong tao? 'Tsaka, bakit natin siya
susundan? "

"As if you don't stalk, Andra ."

"Well, as a matter of fact, I don't, Cresia!" mayabang kong sinabi .

Umirap siya . "Pero pinamamanmanan mo sa mga tao ."

Ngumuso ako . Nagkatinginan kami ni Cresia . Tumayo siya at inayos ang dalang
clutch .

"Do you know where Heather is?"

"In Forbes, like usual? Sabado at wala siyang trabaho," sabi ko .

"You really think your secretary doesn't have her own life, huh?" ani Cresia sa
malamig na boses .

"Are you insinuating that Heather and Gino are together?"

Napaisip ako . Oo nga, no? Ano ba ang mga pinagkakaabalahan ni Heather bukod sa
pag-
aayos ng schedule ko? May buhay kaya siya sa labas ng mga Lopez? Am I that selfish
to only think about myself after all these years .

"Ah! Kung ayaw mo, ako na lang . . ." ani Cresia at umambang aalis na .

"W-Wait! Sige . Sasama na nga ako!"

Kung hindi ka nga lang chismosa, Andra!

So to sum it all up, sumama ako sa kanya . Mabuti na lang, hindi naman kalayuan sa
opisina ni Kajik ang pupuntahan . It's only a couple of blocks away from their
office . Sa isang engrandeng hotel at restaurant kami nagpunta . Strutting around
the
five star hotel in stilletos, I don't think we really are properly dressed for
stalking .

"Para hindi halata na may sinusundan, tama lang ang damit natin, Andra!" sabi ng
pinsan .

"Oh well . It's good that this is a grand hotel . We blend in!" sabi ko sabay
tingin
tingin sa mga nakikitang waiter para sa menu .

"According to my sources, dito ang usapan nilang magkita before five o'clock . They
will have dinner here . "

Magtatanong na sana ako kung saan niya nakuha ang mga impormasyon . Pinilig ko na
lang ang ulo ko at pinagkibit na lamang siya ng balikat . Desperate times and
desperate measures, huh?

"So . . . you like him?" tanong ko nang naupo na kami sa isang round table at
nagbabasa na ako ng menu .

"Well . . . Not exactly . . . but . . . uh . . . I was once attracted with him ."

"Bullshit," I said calmly . ""Once" feels like a very far away time . Tingin ko
hanggang ngayon, gusto mo pa siya ."

Uminom siya ng tubig at umiling na lamang sa tanong ko . Hindi ko na rin pinilit na

sagutin ako . It runs in the blood, actually .

I ordered a blueberry cheese cake and a tea . She ordered a cocktail drink .

"Bakit ba ako ang sinasama mo? Where's your best friend?" I asked .

"I don't know . Honeymoon, may be?"

"Oh . . ." I smirked .

Balisa siya . Kung saan saan nakatingin habang ako, kalmado at naghihintay sa
masarap na order . It's funny to see her this way . She's not usually like this .

Nilapag sa harap ko ang cheese cake . Nagpasalamat ako at nagsimula na sa pagkain .

It melts in my mouth and I like it so much . I am enjoying this . It's not bad at
all! Buti sumama ako! Speaking of, hindi ko pa natitext si Jandrik .

Ako:

Hi! I went out with Cresia . Just in a near hotel and restaurant . Call when you' re
done with your meeting .

Jandrik:

Which hotel? What are you both doing there?

Ngumisi ako . Should I be honest? To spare the dignity of my cousin, I must not
inform him of our real motive!

Ako:

Just eating a snack . I'm eating a blueberry cheesecake .

"Shit!"

Without poise, Cresia covered her face with the large menu book . Sumubo pa ako ng
isa at nilingon ang pintuan ng entrance . I saw Gino gracing the hall . Iginiya
siya
ng isang waitress patungo sa isang pandalawahang lamesa .

Malayo kami sa lamesa niya . Medyo marami rin tao sa gitna ng lamesa namin at
lamesa
nila kaya hindi na ako magtataka kung hindi man kami makita .

"Hmm . He's here . . ." as I continue eating the cheese cake .

Nanatiling nakatabon ang menu sa mukha ni Cresia . It remained that way for
minutes
until she tried to take a peek and saw Heather' s arrival . Napayuko ako ng konti,
takot na baka ako naman ang mamukhaan .
"I cannot believe it! It's really true! She's meeting him . She's meeting him!"
maingay kong sinabi .

Hindi ko na napansin kung nag-isang oras ba kami roon . Masyado akong hindi
makapaniwala at naaaliw nang nakita si Heather na may kausap na lalaki . She had
always been serious but I've never seen her this serious and intense before . I
have
not seen her this way, honestly .

Tahimik ang kanilang pag-uusap . Isang beses ko lang nakitang ngumiti ang aking
kaibigan . Yumuko siya at namula . Meanwhile, Gino looked at her seriously when he
made her smile . Now, I'm suddenly curious what they were talking about .

"Ano kayang pinag-uusapan nila?" si Cresia .

We saw how they called the waiter for the bill . Mabilis kaming nagtayuan ni Cresia
para makaalis na roon at mag-antay na lamang kung saan sila sunod pupunta . Lumabas
kami at nag-antay sa kabilang bloke, hindi kalayuan sa pintuan ng restaurant .

I was the only one who noticed the people staring weirdly at us . Cresia was busy
thinking that she ignored my opinions .

"Uuwi na siguro sila . Umalis na tayo?" anyaya ko .

Inignora niya iyon . Nagpatuloy kami . Nang nakitang naglalakad lakad na ang
dalawa,
sumunod kami pero sobrang layo ang distansya, hindi namin marinig ang mga sinasabi
.
It took us good thirty minutes of walking around BGC, stalking them . They stopped
in between the familiar strip of clubs, bars, and, night restaurants .

"Magnanight out?" I voiced out my opinion when we neared them .

Nagtatako kami sa kabilang bahagi ng establisyimentong tinigilan ng dalawa . I

heard
Heather's sigh and chuckle . Napakurap-kurap ako at sinubukang sumilip . Cresia
rested her back and her head on the establishment's rough wall . Hindi na niya
sinilip .

"Naririnig ko sila," I stated the obvious .

Ang ingay ng magagandang sasakyan na nagpaparking malapit ay hindi naging hadlang

sa mga narinig ko galing sa dalawa .

"This is not my thing but if you like it, then I'll come with you," ani Heather .

"No . . . I-I just thought you like it since . . . nagpunta ka noong nakaraan dito
."

Heather chuckled . "No . Si Andra ang nagyaya sa akin na pumunta ."

"They are talking about me!" I panicked happily and crazily .

Walang response galing kay Cresia . Nilingon ko ang pinsan at nakita ko na namumula
ang kanyang mga mata at ang luha, nangingilid na . Napawi ang ngiti ko . Parang
pinipiga ang puso ko .

"Oh . . . Then, should we go somewhere else?" Gino chuckled .

"Hmm . Okay . Coffee?"

Nanatili ang tingin ko kay Cresia . Napanood ko ang pagkakahulog ng mga luha sa
kanyang mga mata . My heart hurt for whatever reason . A familiar pain stabbed
through my heart . Something that I've felt before . . .
Nilingon ko si Gino at Heather . Nakita kong nauna na sa paglalakad si Heather
nang
hawakan ni Gino ang kamay niya . Mas lalo lang nanlaki ang mga mata ko . Thank God,
Cresia did not see it . Well, she's already crying now but this will hurt her more!

"I could not get over it..." he said in a husky voice .

I am not sure what they were talking about . Is it a metaphor or did we miss
something but the way he said it . . . it feels so real, raw, and emotional . Unti-
unting lumingon si Heather kay Gino . Innocent eyes darted towards the darkly
handsome man in front of him .

"I could not get over us, either..." she smiled bitterly .

Shit . Nanginginig na ang balikat ni Cresia ngayon . Sa lamig ng gabi, mas lalo
akong
nanlamig habang tinitingnan ang dalawang hawak ang mga kamay, naglalakad palayo .

Tahimik na umiyak ang aking pinsan . I looked at her sadly, trying to lighten up
the
mood .

"Sundan pa ba natin?" sabi ko kahit na pagod na ako .

Umiling siya at mas lalong humagulhol .

Niyakap ko siya ng mahigpit . I feel her pain so much that I couldn' t help but cry
with her .

"Ang sabi niya, ayaw niya sa babaeng nagba-bar, nagnanight out . . . tulad ko .
Bakit
ang dali niyang niyaya si Heather ng ganoon?" she whispered through shivering lips
.

Kinagat ko ang labi ko at tinahan siya . Hinagod ko ang kanyang likod .

"Andra?" a low familiar voice made me jump .

Napalingon ako at nakita si Byron, my ex . I've not seen him in a while now .

"Byron, you're here!" gulat kong sinabi .

Litong tumingin si Byron sa kasama kong si Cresia . Kumalas si Cresia sa yakap ko

at
kumawala . Umamba siyang aalis at iiwan ako .

"Saan ka pupunta?"

"Baka hinahanap ka na ni Kajik . Magpapainit lang ako saglit," aniya .

"Saan?" tanong ko pero iniwan niya na ako .

I looked at Byron apologetically . I would gladly talk to him but I'm just quite
occupied now .

"Andra!" Byron called .

"Next time, Byron . I have a problem here . . ." sabi ko .

"Wait . . ." he laughed .

Sinundan ko si Cresia sa isang club . Sumunod na rin si Byron sa akin, makulit na

nakikipag- usap .
" I was just about to come in this club . I never thought I' d see you again and
here!" ani Byron habang sumusunod ako sa pinsan kong wala na sa sarili .

Kumuha siya ng isang standing table . Umorder kaagad ng napakaraming shots . Then,
I
knew I couldn't leave her here!
"Hi Andra!" sobrang daming bumati sa akin, mga kakilala, kaibigan, at marami pang
iba .

Ni hindi ko na napansin ang mga tingin nila . I only smiled and waved as I watch
my
cousin drink so much and cry, as well .

"What's wrong with your cousin?" Byron asked .

Hindi ko alam kung bakit nandito pa ang lalaking ito . Sana umalis na lang siya . I
don't hate him but this is really a bad time to be this nosy .

"It's private, Byron . Ba't ka nga pala nandito?" I said without looking at him .

"Well, I already told you..." marami siyang dinugtong pero sa ingay, hindi ko
narinig .

"Huh?"

"I told you I want to come here . It's good that we saw each other!" aniya nang
lumapit sa tainga ko at bumulong .

Masaya talaga sanang makipag-usap kung hindi lang inom nang inom itong si Cresia .
I
was to preoccupied watching her every shot while Byron is talking to me .

"Tama na, Cres," sabi ko .

Umiling siya at nalukot ang mukha sa iniinom .

"I cannot believe him . I cannot believe this!" she ranted .

"Andra!" someone from the crowd called me .

Napabaling tuloy ako . Hindi ko halos makilala si Harper, iyong ex boyfriend ko
noong highschool . He went abroad for years and this is the first time we saw each
other again .

"Hi! Oh my! Good to see you again!" sabi ko sa saya at agad ding namroblema .

Bakit ba sa panahong abala ako sila dumadating o nagpapakita?

"Nice to see you again . Wow . I missed you!" He hugged me tight .

"Oh, eto nga pala si Byron, kaibigan ko . Si Cresia, pinsan ko . Are you alone?"

"No, I'm with friends . . ."

"Friends? Anyone I know?" nangingiti kong sinabi .

Kumunot ang noo niya at bahagyang hindi naging kumportable sa isasagot . "Uh,
Elliot . . . Isn't he your ex boyfriend? He's with us on our table ."

"Oh!"
Wait . Byron is here . Harper is here . Elliot is somewhere here . Meanwhile,
Cresia's
a mess . Some kind of reunion, huh?

Natatawa ako sa mga iniisip ko . Hindi ko inakalang sa harap ko mamamataan si

Klaus
na tila ba may hinahanap sa dagat ng mga tao . Nasapo ko ang noo ko nang nakita
ito .

It was such an awkward situation to be in but I was thriving . Palipat-lipat ako ng

tingin kay Cresia na ngayon kasama si Klaus, kay Harper, kay Byron, at namataan ko
pa si Elliot sa malayong lamesa, nakatingin sa amin at nagpaplano pang lumapit . Sa
dami ng kumakausap sa akin, I suddenly feel so strained . I don't know where to
look
or who to hear out . Kung hindi kasi sabay, sunod- sunod nila akong kinakausap . It
made me a little bit dizzy, along with the lights .

Nasapo ko ang noo ko .

"Are you alright?" medyo natigil si Byron sa pagkukuwento nang nakita ang reaksyon
ko .

Tumango ako . Nakapikit pa rin at sapo ang sentido . My eyes hurt a little .

"My head aches, that's all," tanging nasabi ko .

I'm wondering if I have been too stressed that day . Hindi naman kami sobrang maaga
gumising kanina para sa brunch . I had non stop interactions with people though
baka
nga napagod ako kasasama kay Cresia kanina . I should go home now . Hindi ko pa
alam
kung tapos na ba si Kajik sa kanyang meeting .

Slowly, Byron pulled me closer to him out of concern . I am not feeling well and I
needed to lean on to just about anything . A good backrest will do . I rested back
but that did not keep Byron from pulling me slightly towards him .

"Maybe because of the strobe lights?" he concluded but his voice sounds strained .

Nabigla rin ako sa bahagyang pagtahimik ni Harper . Naramdaman ko rin ang pagkalas
ni Byron sa hawak niya sa akin . For a moment, I felt a strong urge to open my eyes
because a vigorous energy in front of me is too overwhelming . Kasabay ng pag-angat
ko ng tingin, ang pag alalay sa akin ng kung sino ang nasa harap .

Jandrik' s dark expression shocked me . He looked weary, and irate . Isang tingin sa
mga kasama ko, mabilis na tumayo si Byron .

"Kajik," Harper tapped my husband's shoulders .

Kajik turned to him . I can sense Harper trying to explain the situation pero
hindi
na niya pinagsimula man lang .

" We' re leaving . Say goodbye to your cousin, " wika niya at nilingon si Cresia na
medyo wala na sa sarili .

Gusto ko nang umuwi dahil masama na ang pakiramdam ko pero nag-aalala ako para sa
pinsan ko . When I turned to Klaus, he was already standing and watching Kajik with
equally dark expresion bago sa akin .

"Ako na ang bahala sa pinsan mo," si Klaus .

"Sorry . I'll text and call her later and tomorrow ."
"Don't worry ."
 I trust Klaus . Kahit na casanova ang isang iyon, alam kong mapagkakatiwalaan
siyang
tao .

Pagbaling ko kay Kajik, hindi na siya nagdalawang isip pa . Hinila niya na ako
palabas doon sa bar at diniretso na ako sa sasakyan .

"I was so tired and dizzy from the strobe lights . Grabe kasi ang lakad namin ni
Cresia," I explained when we were inside his car .

Kumunot ang noo niya habang pinapaandar ang engine . He looked darkly handsome
whenever he' s not in the mood . I should be scared because I know he' s rough when
he' s angry but I can' t help but adore him more now .

"Sumakit ang ulo ko . Iyon ang naabutan mo . I'm sorry," aniya .

His jaw strained . I saw his arm firmly holding on the steering wheel before
muttering in a gentle voice . He slightly maneuvered my chair automatically para
bahagya akong nakahiga roon .

"Then, rest a bit," he said hoarsely .

I wanted to tell him more or explain more about the situation kaso nakakatakam ang
offer niya . My head is still throbbing and my eyes could not even accept the
streetlights, for some reason . Kailangan na yata akong magpacheck up sa mata .
Baka
senyales na ito na medyo lumalabo na .

" Okay . Just wake me up when we' re at home, " I said quietly and I was immediately
gone .

Kabanata 30
Kabanata 30

Alone

I woke up from a deep sleep . Dumilat ako at nakita ang pamilyar na cove lighting
ng
kuwarto namin ni Kajik sa kanyang penthouse . My head is not throbbing anymore but
my eyes are sleepy .

Bumangon ako at napansin ang nakatapis na puting roba sa akin . I paused for a
moment trying to remember what happened . I sighed after .

Nakatulog ako sa byahe . Hindi iyon ganoon kalayong byahe kaya nasisiguro kong
kalahati ng tulog ko, sa kamang ito na naganap . Kajik probably carried me here .
The
thought of his strong arms enduring my weight effortlessly made me grin .

But wait . . . where is he?

Pumunta ako ng banyo, inaakalang naliligo lang siya dahil may naririnig ding tubig
kung saan, pero wala siya roon . I freshened up as I realize that he may be in the
pool .

Tama ako . Dumungaw ako sa bintanang nakatunghay sa pool ng unang palapag ng

penthouse . I saw him there swimming like an angry shark cutting through the waters
.
Despite the lack of proper lighting in the night, I saw how his shoulders move
through it over and over again . I smirked .
Inayos ko ang roba at nagmadali na sa pagbaba . My heart hammered when I came
closer
to his all sudden rough movements on the infinity pool . What a sight . Kung ganito
ang tanawin ko araw-araw, gabi-gabi, wala na akong hihilingin pang iba .

Tumigil ako sa hamba ng malawak na glass door na ngayon ay bukas . Humalukipkip ako
.
Hinilig ko ng patagilid ang aking ulo sa hamba habang pinagmamasdan ang aking
asawa .

He stopped when he noticed me . I saw his jaw clenching . Ngumuso ako at lumapit na
.
Umahon siya at dumiretso sa malapit na lamesa para kunin ang kanyang tuwalya . His
black shorts hugged his long powerful thighs . His wet hair was brushed by the
waters .

"Not yet sleepy?" panimula ko sabay hawak sa kanyang mamasa masang braso .

He swallowed hard and tilted his head darkly while lowering his gaze on me .
Ngumuso
ako .

"Just letting off steam," he said in his usual baritone .

I sensed it . Marami siyang iniisip . Kanina ko pa napansin sa sasakyan, bago ako

hinila ng antok . I wonder if it' s about what happened in that bar? Sa bagay,
nakita
niya ako na nakikipag-usap sa mga lalaking iyon .

"I'm sorry . Are you mad at me?" malambing kong sinabi .

He sighed heavily . Umiwas ang tingin niya saglit at nang bumalik sa akin ang mga
mata, pumalupot ang kamay niya sa maliit kong baywang .

"A bit . . ." he whispered as his eyes lowered more on my lips .

"I'm sorry . Hindi ko naman alam na nandoon sila, Jandrik . Sinasamahan ko lang
si Cresia ."

Sinubukan kong hawakan ang kanyang pisngi ngunit iniwas niya iyon . Binitiwan niya
ako at sumimsim siya sa nakalapag na baso ng tubig sa lamesa .

Ah! Napahawak ako sa aking dibdib sa gulat sa ginawa niyang simpleng rejection . I
know I am at fault . At siguro, masama talaga ang pakiramdam niya kay Byron . Well,
looking back, I kissed that man while we were together . Kahit pa sabihing
nagkakalabuan na kami roon at hindi ko naman nagustuhan ang nangyari .

I smirked . I cannot take his rejection seriously . Lalo nangayon bumaling siya at
naninimbang sa gulat ko . Nagtatampo siya at gusto niyang magalit pero hindi niya
naman kayang i-reject ako completely .

"Let's go upstairs and prepare for bed," he commanded coldly .

Ngumuso ako at umiling, defying his arrogance and command .

"Mauna ka na . Dito na muna ako at mag-iisip," I said without looking at him and
with a dramatic hurt expression .

"Mag-iisip ng ano?" he asked with a brow propped up .

I can sense his amusement and his obvious judgement of my drama . Alam kong alam
niya ang ginagawa ko pero hindi siya ganoon kagalit para iwan ako rito at tuluyang
hindi pakealaman ang mga desisyon ko .

"I don't know . Things . . ."

Kinalas ko ang roba ko at unti-unting bumaba sa swimming pool namin . The water is
a
bit warm, so good and relaxing . Akala ko lalamigin ako pero titiisin ko dapat
dahil
naiinggit akong tingnan siya kanina rito .

"Go on . . . Aakyat din ako mamaya," hamon ko sa kanya nang nasa pool na .

He was watching me darkly from where he was standing . Natuyo na siya ng konti
nang
pinunasan niya ang sarili . Nararamdaman ko ang pagdadalawang-isip niya sa pag-alis
ngayon .

"I'll just let off steam, too . . ." I said smoothly .

He groaned . Magaspang niyang tinapon ang tuwalya sa malapit na upuan . Sa tamang

ayos, he plunged on the pool . Kahit na inasahan ko na iyon, nagulat pa rin ako sa
ginawa niya . I saw his shadow on the water looming in front of me . Kinabahan ako
at
tumili . Umatras ako at nang nasa dulo na ng pool, umahon siya sa harap ko .

Kinagat ko ang labi ko . Water dripped on his hair down his face . Mabilis na
humawak
ang mga kamay niya sa magkabilang dingding ng swimming pool para maikulong ako
roon . He then tilted his head, enough to almost kiss me . Kung hindi lang
umiigting
ang panga niya sa iritasyon at galit .

"You really know how to use your power over me, huh?" he whispered .

Ngumuso ako at supladang iniwas ang tingin sa kanya .

"Ano? Galit ka naman sa akin, e . Dito na lang muna ako, kung ganoon . . ." I was
pouting as I said those words .

" Yes, I am angry . You can' t expect me to be okay watching you being held by that
stupid bastard ."

"I know . It's my fault, alright . I said I'm sorry . . ." sabi ko nang 'di pa rin
siya
tinitingnan .

"It's still clearly etched on my mind, Andra ."

Alam ko kung ano ang tinutukoy niya . Kunot noo ko siyang binalingan .

"Kaya nga . Sana hinayaan mo na lang ako rito, kung ganoon . Umakyat ka na sana
para
hindi ka na magalit ng ganito ."

"That's not how marriage works," mariin, padabog, at baritono ang pagkakasabi niya
ng bawat isang salita .

Kinagat ko ang labi ko at tiningnan ang madilim, malungkot, at galit niyang mga
mata . The darkly beautiful Karius Jandrik Mercadejas, out of reach like the moon .
. .
I smiled inwardly when I remember that he is really my husband . He is no longer
out
of reach . He is mine .

"We get mad at each other but we won't run away . We will have space just enough
to
reach for each other when we're done thinking," seryoso niyang sinabi .
Huminga ako ng malalim at bumaling sa kanya .

"Do you understand what I'm saying, Andra?"

Tumango ako .
"I'm sorry . Forgive me, please, Jandrik," malambing kong sinabi .

He breathed heavily and watched me begging . Umiigting ang kanyang panga habang
hinahalughog ang bawat sulok ng aking mukha .

"Forgive me . . ." namutawi sa aking labi .

His nose flared . Nilapit niya ang mukha sa akin . Ikiniling niya sa aking kaliwa
ang
kanyang ulo at hinalikan ako ng marahan sa baba ng aking tainga .

"Let me think about it," he said evilly as he unclasped the lock of my bra .
Bayolente niya iyong tinanggal bago ako nawala sa aking sarili .

He will be gone for days or a week, depende sa magiging resulta ng sadya niya roon
.
Hindi siya kumbinsido o excited man lang sa pag-alis . He worries so much for me
that he even suggested to hire someone to cook for me or loom after me .
Tinanggihan
ko iyon . I may be brat but I am not that helpless to not survive living alone .
Natuto na rin akong magluto ng konti kaya mabubuhay naman ako .

Kinatok ko siya sa kanyang opisina bago dumiretso sa pagpasok . Immediately,

nilagay
niya sa drawer niya ang hawak na puting folder at tumayo siya para halikan ako .
I'm
gonna miss him so bad but I am not going to tell him that . Kasi tuwing sinasabi ko
iyon, mabilis siyang nagdedesisyon na isasama na lang ako abroad .

"Tapos ka na bang mag impake?" tanong ko .

"Yeah . I will call you everyday . You need to call me, too ."

Tumango ako . "Of course, I will ."

Dahil paalis siya, busy ang trabaho ko . Hindi tuloy ako makatyempo sa
pakikipagkwentuhan kay Heather . She looked serious and very focused on work . I
don't know how to strike a conversation without disrupting our schedule .

Noong Linggo, I texted Cresia to see how she was . She claimed that she's fine,
though .

Ako:

I can ask Heather about it tomorrow .

Cresia:

DON'T! I can handle myself . Besides, sa narinig pa lang natin kahapon,

naiintindihan ko na . I don't need anymore explanations about it .

Ako:

Are you sure?

But I will ask Heather anyway . It was a bright Tuesday morning, unang araw sa
trabaho na wala si Kajik . When he arrived late last night, we video called until
dawn . Ayan tuloy, medyo antok pa ako ngayon . Andami pa namang trabaho .

I yawned, early in the morning . Nakatitig si Heather sa akin habang inaayos ang
pinapagawa ko sa kanya . Kanina pa siya bumabaling sa akin tuwing humihikab ako . I
know that she's busy doing things, I am, too . But I think I need to loosen up a
bit
o baka bumagsak ako rito sa antok .
"Heather, I have a question," I said .

Tumigil siya sa pagtitig sa laptop . I swinged on my swivel chair to relax a bit .

I
don't want to sound critical but I think I did, sa paunang sinabi ko .

"Hmm . Ilang araw ko na itong naisip, pero ngayon ko lang naalala . . ."

Kailangan kong magkunwari . Hindi niya alam na sinundan namin sila at kung malaman
niya, maaaring magalit siya sa akin . Concern ako kay Cresia . Ayaw kong masaktan
ang
pinsan ko pero kaibigan ko rin si Heather . Lalong ayaw ko rin siyang masaktan .
Hindi ko pa siya nakitang nagkaroon ng interes sa love life niya, kailanman, kaya
ngayong pakiramdam ko, meron, hahayaan ko siya . . . susuportahan .

"Are you friends with Cresia's bodyguard? Si Gino?"

Tumikhim si Heather . I can sense her fear for whatever reason . Hindi siya madalas
nakikitaan ng ekspresyon pero ngayon, kitang-kita ko . She's vulnerable .
Namamangha
ako .

"S-Sinong nagpapatanong?" she stammered .

"Ako lang . I'm curious," I said without hesitation .

"Are you sure?"

"Yes ."

"Yes, I'm friends with Gino," namamalat niyang sagot .

Mabilis siyang nagpatuloy sa ginagawa samantalang nanatili ang mga mata ko sa

kanya, not content with her simple answer .

"May namamagitan ba sa inyong dalawa?" tanong ko ulit .

Her wide eyes darted towards me . The way her lips parted in fear answered my
question . Meron, obviously . Hindi niya na kailangang sagutin pa iyon .

"S-Sinong nagpapatanong? S-Si Cresia ba?"

I sighed . Mahirap pala ang sitwasyon ko . Pareho kong mahal si Cresia at Heather,
walang nakalalamang . Ayokong magsinungaling kay Heather at ayaw ko ring may
tinatago sa kanya, regardless if it is Cresia's issue or not .

"Cresia likes Gino," hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili ko .

I looked at Heather apologetically . She deserves to know what I'm thinking .

Besides, I trust her with my life so I can trust her with this .

"Don't tell anyone . Kahit si Gino . I'm just telling you this so I won't have
secrets from you ."

Suminghap si Heather . Nanatiling namamangha at takot ang kanyang ekspresyon .

" She claims that she doesn' t like him anymore but I know my cousin all to well . I
know you, too, Heather . I don't-"

"Walang namamagitan sa amin ni Gino," she said simply .

I don't want to meddle with her life . Idudugtong ko pa sana pero hindi na ako
natapos . Nakakagulat na sagot . Alam kong meron . Nasisiguro ko iyon sa ekspresyon
niya pa lang . Pero ngayong sinabi niyang wala, hindi ko na alam . I'm not sure if
I'm a good judge of truths and lies .

"Paki sabi kay Cresia . . ." marahan niyang wika at yumuko .

Hindi ako nakapagsalita . Nang nag-angat siya ng tingin sa akin, nagtitigan kaming
dalawa .

"Kaibigan ko lang si Gino . Walang kung ano man sa amin . . ."

Ayaw kong maniwala . It doesn't show . Is there a reason why she would deny it? I
wonder .

"Saan kayo nagkakilala?"

"Sa probinsya ni Lola Ana ."

Mabilis niyang niligpit ang mga gamit niya . Marami pa sana akong tanong pero I
took
the hint . She did not want me to ask any more questions . Nilapag niya sa harap ko
ang iilang dokumento .

"I'll email you this if I'm done . I'll just take a break ."

"Oh . Okay . . ." tumango ako at hinayaan na siya sa gusto niyang mangyari .

Maybe she's not ready to share anything yet . Or maybe there's just nothing going
on . Whatever it is, I shouldn't force it out of her .

Naubos ang oras ko sa opisina dahil sa dami ng ginagawa . At nang nag-alas singko,
akala ko makakauwi na ako pero nagkamali ako . Heather alerted me that Tito Arturo
and Tito Reynaldo are both coming to my office . Hindi ko alam kung ano maaari ang
dahilan pero iniisip kong baka nangangamusta lang sa akin ngayong wala si Jandrik
dito .

"Pasok po kayo, Tito..." anyaya ko sa dalawang matanda ko nang mga tiyuhin .

Daddy was their Kuya . Malayo ang agwat ng edad kaya respetadong respetado si Daddy
ng dalawa . Daddy' s siblings were always loyal and respectful to him . And to his
family . Ganoon din naman si Daddy sa kanila .

Sa mukha pa lang nila, nararamdaman ko na ang tensyon . Kinabahan agad ako . Tito
Arturo is now with politics, reason why Cresia should have a tight security given
her lifestyle . Meanwhile, Tito Reynaldo is managing our lands in Iloilo, kaya
naman
laking gulat ko na nandito siya kasama ni Tito Arturo .

"Andra, nagkausap na ba kayo ng Mommy mo?" diretsahang tanong ni Tito Arturo

dahilan ng matinding kaba ko .

"Opo ."

"I mean regarding the MV Dona Analia tragedy?"

"Hindi pa po . Bakit?" kunot noo kong tingin sa kanila .

Tito Arturo is behind the sofa . Si Tito Reynaldo naman, nakaupo roon sa isang
hindi
mapakaling ayos . They both groaned and sighed .
"What's the matter?"

"The Pastranas are threatening to finally air their investigation ."

Natulala ako ng ilang saglit . Napakurap . Gustong matawa .

" Then let them air it . Tingnan natin kung sino ang mapapahiya . Jandrik is
investigating about it, anyway . "

Nagkatinginan ang mga tiyuhin ko . I can sense the conclusion on their eyes . Nang
bumaling sa akin ay muling bumuntong-hininga .

"Do not trust your husband much, Andra . I am telling you," si Tito Reynaldo .

"Po?" nagtaas ako ng kilay .

"His investigations led to your father being guilty of it ."

Hindi ako gumalaw . I know that but . . . do I really know that? He said
iimbestigahan
niya pa ng mabuti .

"Hindi ba totoo naman talaga na hindi ikaw ang pakakasal dapat sa Mercadejas na
iyon?" patuloy ni Tito Reynaldo .

"Yes . But . . ." I sighed . "Tito, that's impossible . Jandrik loves me . Isang taon
akong nawala tapos tinanggap niya pa rin po ako kahit na ganoon-"

"Isn't it weird that he accepted you even with your cheating issues abroad?"

Hindi na ako nagtaka na alam nina Tito iyon . Marami ang nakakaalam . Marami ang
nag
assume . Kahit hindi naman totoo .

"He knows that I didn't do it ."

"How are we sure that he's sticking for it? That man is a very good businessman,
hija . Merciless, actually . Hindi natin alam kung may ibang pakay ba siya sa
pagsasama ninyong ito . Especially that he's with the Pastranas . He sheltered them
before the tragedy . Their family is known to be a loyal friend of the Pastranas .
Bukod pa sa tingin ko'y hindi makakatagal ang pagkalalaki niya sa ginawa mong
kataksilan, " si Tito Reynaldo .

I chuckled nervously and my Titos .

"Those are just speculations . I know my husband more, Tito ."

"You don't know that . He is known to be a ruthless businessman, hija . He won so

many deals for the MERC, and doesn't play fair ."

"Paano mo po 'yan na sabi, Tito Ren? Kilala ko po si Jandrik ."

"A colleague of mine said that, Andra . The then mayor of Batangas, Senator Medel
said it himself . He closed all the CALABARZON projects through befriending his
daughter . After the closing of the many deals, inichepwera ang anak niyang babae
ng
lalaking iyan," si Tito Arturo .

Namilog ang mga mata ko . I completely remember this but I've never heard of that
story! Cara was that girl! She was the city mayor's daughter back then . I remember
how close they've grown for a time and then I also remember how he rejected her!
" At marami pang iba na hindi mo alam . He' s the deadliest of the Mercadejas heirs,
hija, merciless, strategic, and wise . Hindi tayo puwedeng malinlang nito . Hija,
no
right man could ever accept again an estranged wife who cheated . Only a man with
dark plans could ever forgive that, for the mean time, at least . "

Umiling ako . "Nag-usap na po kami tungkol sa issue ng pag-alis ko, Tito . Maayos
po
kami ni Jandrik," giit ko .

"A man with other plans would always try to convince his victim otherwise . Or
else,
his plans won' t be actualized . "

Tumayo si Tito Reynaldo, tumatango sa sinabi ni Tito Arturo . Tinapik ako sa

balikat
ni Tito Ren at umiling .

"You are a Lopez . Do not be fooled . Huwag ka ring padalos dalos . Investigate, if
you must . And alone, without your husband . Do not convince yourself that you
cannot
survive without him . Do not be a fool for love, Andra ."

"Brace for the news of your Franco's scandal . Fortune favors the bold . You can be
bold, alone . . ."

That was the parting words of my Titos bago sila umalis . Hindi ako naniniwala .
That's ridiculous .
Gusto kong ikuwento iyon kay Kajik . Gusto kong sabihin sa kanya lahat lahat ng
sinabi ng dalawa kong tiyuhin . Nasa gitna na ako ng pag-uusap naming dalawa nang
pinigilan ko ang sarili ko .

"And?" he probed .

I smiled at our video call . " Kinamusta lang nila ako . Nag- aalala siguro sila
dahil
wala ka ."

He was busy doing things in his laptop pero nang sagutin ko siya, nanatili ang mga
mata niya sa akin . My heart is suddenly filled with darkness . I wonder if he was
curious innocently or he was curious because he's scared I'd find out . Naguilty
ako . I should trust him . He's my husband . I loved him . Even before .

"And what did you tell them?"

"That I can do it without you..." marahan at namamalat kong sagot .

"I miss you," he said .

And . . . my Titos were right . Early in the morning the next day, the reporters are
out . Apparently, the news already broke out somewhere but not on the Philippine
Television . Hindi ako makapagtrabaho ng maayos dahil marami ang mga tanong galing
sa iba' t - ibang kompanya na affiliate sa amin .

"Is it true?"

"No, it's not," sagot ko lagi .

They don't want their reputation be tainted just because of an evil affiliate,
kami
iyon . Kababa ko pa lang ng telepono at pabalik- balik na ang lakad ko sa opisina .
Nakatanaw si Heather sa akin, nag-aalala sa stress na nararamdaman ko .
"You should call Kajik," she suggested .
Umiling ako . "I can manage this . Ilang araw pa lang siyang wala, tatawag na
kaagad
ako . . ."

Hindi niya na dinugtungan iyon . Ilang beses pa akong sumagot ng tawag .

"Mrs . Mercadejas, the police will come to you soon and bring you the results of
their investigations, surely, you have plans to fight back?"

"I have . Natawagan ko na po ang family lawyer namin . Tito Arturo will help, too
."

" That' s good news . I cannot believe your father left this problem for the company
.
Hindi ba puwedeng bayaran mo na lang ang charges, hija, nang matapos na ang
hinihingi ng mga Pastrana? Pay the insurance of all the people who died and the
damages of- "

"Paying everything will prove them that my father was guilty! Hindi ko gagawin
iyon
para lang tumahimik sila . Ilalaban ko po ito!" I said heatedly .

" Well, if you say so . Dapat nagpaimbestiga ka na kung ganoon . Counter their
attacks
and disprove whatever they have as evidences!"

"Yes, I will po ."

Nasapo ko ang noo ko pagkatapos ng tawag . Huminga ako ng malalim .

"Mr . Mercadejas's family is concerned, Andra . Tumawag sila sa akin kanina . They
want to talk to you over lunch . To help you, I suppose," si Heather .

Napabaling ako kay Heather . Napasinghap ako . Hindi ko alam kung masaya bang
balita
iyon o ikakakaba ko .

"Who called?"

"Senyora Domitilla ."

"Sino raw ang naroon sa lunch?" kabado kong tanong .

"Why? How was your meeting with them last weekend, by the way? Okay lang ba? Did
they think ill of you?" she asked worriedly .

Napakurap-kurap ako . "No . It was fine ."

"How about sarcasm?" she was analyzing .

"I don't know . I think it was fine ."

Tumango siya . "His mother will be there too, Lucianna Mercadejas ."

Napabaling ako sa kawalan . Kinagat ko ang labi ko bago binalik kay Heather .

"I have to ask you to do some things ."

"What is it?"
"Get Tito Arturo's security team and ask them to investigate on the Pastrana's
movements . Ano ang kanilang mga ebidensya . Bakit hindi pa nila pinapalabas sa TV .
Ano ang kailangan nila ."
"Okay, got it ."
"Also . . ."

Nag-angat muli ng tingin si Heather .

"Check on where they got their money to still operate ."

She continued to write it on her notes .

"Check if any of the Mercadejas are helping them ."

"Siguradong wala, Andra . You are a Mercadejas now . Surely, they won't do that ."

Pagod akong bumaling kay Heather .

I hope so . . . I really hope so . . .

Kabanata 31
Kabanata 31

Backfired

Kabado ako . Hindi ko ipinapakita iyon sa aking mukha . Mas lalo akong
panghihinaan
ng loob kapag nakikita ng mga tao ang kaba ko . And this is not the time to
falter . . . not the time to be weak .
Mag-isa akong pumasok sa restaurant sa baba ng isang hotel . It was a bit far from
our office kaya mas lalo akong nagmadali . I don't want to be late . I know they
are
not yet that okay with me . Tutulungan lang nila ako ngayon dahil s'yempre, asawa
ako ni Kajik . I did many things in the past, it' s understandble if they are still
trying to be okay with me .

Huminga ako ng malalim nang nakita sa isang pang-apatang lamesa ang likod ng
matandang Mercadejas . She was alone but her security were boldly standing on the
corners of the restaurant .

Nagtuloy-tuloy ang lakad ko nang iginiya ng waitress sa natatanaw na lamesa .

Senyora Domitilla did not even turn her head to see my arrival . Just her eyes .
Sinundan niya ako ng tingin nang umikot ako sa lamesa at sinubukang magmano at
halikan siya . She did not protest but I sensed that she was not welcoming as well
.

"Si Mama po?" panimula ko at iginala ang mga mata sa paligid . "I was told by my
secretary that she's going to be here ."

"Oh, she will," she said coldly .

I nodded . Lumapit ang waiter sa amin at mabilis na nilapag . She preordered our
appetizer . I don' t mind, though . Uminom ako ng tubig at natanaw ang sarkastikong
titig ni Senyora Domitilla sa akin .

"Eat first," she said .

Bumaba ang tingin niya sa katawan ko . Maybe she's just concerned with my eating
habits . I smiled and started eating a bit . She did it, too, with occassional
watchful eyes towards me .

"How are you without my grandson?"

"Uh, I'm doing well naman, po ."

"That's good," she said a bit meaningfully .

Itinabi ko ang kubyertos . Bigla akong nawalan ng gana . I can sense something else
with her expression and words toward me . She smirked . Naramdaman kong alam niya
na
ang iniisip ko . I was too caught off guard to shield my own expressions .

"I mean..." dugtong niya, hindi nawawala ang katakatakang ngiti sa mukha . "You
should get used to it, you know ."

Now, this is not good . What is it? Tumikhim ako . I shifted on my seat .

"Do you know that your father ordered men to sabotage the MV Dona Analia last
year?"

Napaawang ang labi ko . Hindi ko alam kung ano ang sasabihin ko . She seemed so
sure
about it .
"Of course, you know . You're just trying to conceal it . Kung aaminin mo nga naman,
malalaman ng lahat na nagawa lang iyon para sa' yo . "

I have grown to love the Mercadejas family . After all, we were also our close
friends . I used to live in their mansion some time every summer . Who could forget
that, right? Kaya nasisiguro kong may kahit konting malasakit si Senyora sa pamilya
ko, sa ama ko .

"I don't know what you are talking about, Senyora," tanging nasabi ko .

She laughed slowly . Hindi ko makuha ang humor doon . I know what she' s trying to
say
but I am hoping against hope that this is not what it is .

"Your father triggered the downfall of the Pastrana's lines, not for power, but to
earn our trust . Hindi lang mga tao ang lumubog kasam ang barkong iyon . We lost
some
of our assets, too . Hindi lang nagreklamo dahil hindi naman kami kasing problemado
ng mga Pastrana sa mga oras na iyon ."

Kinagat ko ang dila ko . I don't want to talk back . I want to hear what she has to
say . Tito Arturo and Tito Reynaldo were right . Dapat nagpa imbestiga ako . Even
though I'm sure my Dad could not do it, I need to disprove their accusations with
my own investigation .

"Earn our trust so if he offered my grandson a fiancee, and that is you, he would
not hesitate to take you . Because your company was the then hero of the tragedy .
The saviour . Ganoon ang gustong mangyari ng Daddy mo, hindi ba? "

"Hindi ko po alam ang mga sinasabi n'yo-"

"Don't deny it! One of your past stockholder said your father wanted to make your
commands come true! And that is to marry Kajik, my grandson ."

Tuloy-tuloy ang sinabi ni Senyora na hindi ako makatiyempo .

" Bata ka pa lang, nararamdaman ko nang may paghanga ka sa apo ko . Your family is a
friend, pero may hangganan ang pagkakaibigan kung ganitong kataksilan ang nagawa ."

"My Daddy did not do it!" giit ko .

My blood boiled . I have high respect and regard for the Mercadejas matriarch but I
can't stay quiet and let her make my dad look bad .

"You tricked my grandson into marrying you . Hindi kataka-taka kung bakit agaran
ang
desisyon . Walang respeto sa trahedya . Natatakot na baka magbago ang isipan kung
sakaling malaman namin ang totoo, hindi ba?"

"That's not true, Senyora-"

"Didn't you order Karius ton marry you immediately? The dead bodies from MV Dona
Analia were not yet recovered and yet you want a wedding immediately . Sige, sino
ang nagmadali noon? "

Hindi ako nakapagsalita . Looking back, it was my command to be wed immediately .

"Hindi po iyan ang dahilan ko ."

"Ah! Sino ba ang aaminin sa kasalanang iyon? I'm sure not you . . ." she said with
sarcasm .

Namamangha pa ako habang pinagmamasdan si Senyora Domitilla . I cannot believe what

she told me .

"You're scared that my grandson will have grounds for annulment or divorce? Even
without this investigation, oh, he will have grounds against you . You desperate
evil child! "

That hurt . So much that I expected . Sa paraan ng pag titig niya sa akin,
naramdaman
ko ang matinding galit . Inipon at inalagaang mabuti . Naramdaman ko kung gaano
niya
gustong apakan ang pagkatao ko .

Ang respeto ko para sa kanya ang nagpigil sa akin na magsalita ng masama . Andra,
she's just judging what happened based on her known facts . Hindi niya talaga alam
ang totoo .

"Senyora, I know of my faults . I take the responsibility-"

"Including the tragedy, then?"

"The tragedy was not my father's work . Hindi ko alam kung sino ang may kasalanan
doon pero hindi ang ama ko . I like Jandrik so bad and my Dad would undulge but he
will never go that far to give me what I want . "

"Walang magnanakaw na aamin . Hinding hindi mo iyon aaminin . I am not here to make
you say it to me . I am here so you will know that we know about your plans ."

Tinikom ko ang bibig ko . Namumuo ang mga luha sa gilid ng aking mga mata . Parang
tinutusok at binubugbog ang puso ko .

Pinagmasdan niya ako, may pangmamaliit sa mga mata .

"Hindi kami malinis na mga tao, pero hindi kami nagsakripisyo ng mga buhay para
lang makuha ang aming gusto . Hindi ganid katulad n'yo!"

"Hindi po talaga iyon magagawa ni Daddy, Senyora . Lalong hindi para lang sa
kagustuhan kong makasal kay Jandrik ."

"Paano mo nasisikmura pa ang pagsisinungaling? Are you that desperate to get my

grandson that cannot, for once, have honor and tell the truth?"
"B-Because it's not true! I know my father-"

"And I know the facts," she cut me off . "Why didn't you let the tragedy pass
before
you wed my grandson? Nagmamadali?"

"Inaamin ko pong nagmadali ako noon, pero hindi sa dahilang sinabi ninyo ."

"This is why I prefer Millicent Pastrana over you . You are young and already evil
.
Kung hindi lang malaki ang utang na loob namin sa pamilya ninyo, hindi na nangyari
pa iyon . We were always loyal to our friends, so we expect our friends to be good
to us, too ."

"My Dad had been good to you . Wala po siyang kasalanan..." pumiyok ang boses ko
sa
pag giit noon .

Nakita ko ang pagpasok ni Mama sa restaurant . With a beige formal dress and an
updo, her eyes darted coldly towards me . Nagmamakaawang mga mata ang iginawad ko
sa
kanya . Maybe she will defend me from Senyora Domilla's words .

Magpapatuloy pa sana ako sa pagsasalita pero hinintay ko ang pagsama ni Mama sa

lamesa . I was like a starving little animal finally finding food . Atat na atat
akong makarating si Mama sa lamesa . She kissed Senyora Domitilla's cheeck . The
older woman's eyes did not leave me, like she's flaunting the appearance of an
ally .

"Mama," sabi ko sabay tayo na rin .

I reached for her cheek . She did not move when I kissed her . Pait ang kumalat sa
aking sistema lalo na nang nakita ang pag-iwas ng tingin ni Mama sa akin at ang
pag-upo niya roon, documents on hand .

"Aren't you disgusted, Lucianna? Didn't you doubt of her first?" si Senyora .

Namilog ang mga mata ko . Bakit nga ba ako magtataka kung nakapag-usap na sila ni
Mama tungkol sa akin? They were both probably conspiring against me! How stupid of
me to think that I could gain Mama's sympathy .

"I know the investigations led to a negative conclusion about my Daddy but . . .
Please believe me, po . I know my Dad and he won't do that . I will investigate
about
it-"
" Hindi mo na kailangang magpa imbestiga, Andra . Nagawa na ni Kajik . Nagawa na rin
ng mga Pastrana . Everything is now concluded, even without your investigation . At
baka kapag ikaw ang nag imbestiga, ganoon din ang makukuha mong konklusyon . Unless
of course if you are part of it so you try hard to conceal . I think you really are
part of it, though?" si Senyora .

To be fair, gusto ko na sanang sabihin na sige, mag iimbestiga ako without favoring
any side . Kahit pa kay Daddy . Aayusin ko ang imbestigasyon hanggang sa malaman ko
ang totoo . I love my Dad but if these people are accusing him of that with
conviction, then maybe I should look into it without bias .

"I'm not, Senyora . Totoong gusto kong mapangasawa si Jandrik noon, pero hindi ko
po
gagawin iyon para lang doon ."

Tita Lucianna shifted on her seat . Nagtaas ang isang kilay . For the last time, I
begged her with my eyes . I pleaded . . . help me, please . I am your son's wife!
"Pero nangyari na," si Senyora ulit .

" Don' t worry, Mama . I think my youngest knows what to do . Both Ali and Zamiel
ended
up with their choice of woman . It is obvious that my son is not content with his
relationship . If he was, he would not invest on the Pastranas to help ."

My breathing hitched . My heart hurt to the core . Hindi ko alam kung totoo ba ang
mga narinig ko o kung sinasaktan lang nila ako ng husto dahil sa galit . I was too
stunned that I cannot say anything .

Senyora Domitilla's cruel smile was directed at me . Para bang ipinapakita niya na
gustong-gusto niya ang nakitang reaksyon galing sa akin .

"I remember him insisting that he should not marry that fast yet . I was surprised
na hindi niya itinigil ang kasal . Sa bagay, if the family is this manipulative ."

Nanginig ang labi ko sa mga narinig galing kay Senyora Domitilla at Mama . Ang mga
luha ko'y kasalukuyang nagbabara sa paningin ko .

I remember that years ago . Noong narinig ko ang pagtanggi niya sa kay Daddy nang
alukin siyang pakasalan ako . Iyon ang naging dahilan kung bakit ako lubusang
nagalit at nagdesisyon na sirain ang kung ano mang relasyon nila ni Millicent . It
was what pushed me to really marry him fast .

So . . . it's true? He didn't really want to marry me . Wala lang siyang nagawa,
ganoon
ba?

Sa bagay . . . hindi ko ba naintindihan kung ano iyong mga sinabi niya sa akin
noong
bata pa ako? I am too young . He doesn't like me that way . I will like someone
else .

How many times do I have to get rejected before I'd understand?

"I'm sorry, Andra . I really liked you before but now I know what you are," si Mama
.

Bumuhos ang luha ko . I felt her guilt pero hindi rin nagtagal iyon . Hindi ko na
makita ang mga ekspresyon nila sa dami ng iniluha ko . . . tuloy-tuloy . . . parang
gripo .

She pushed some documents in front of me .

"Ilang araw lang sa pag uwi mo sa Costa Leona, buntis ka na . I cannot imagine my
son fathering your child . You were estranged for so long, it's impossible!" she
spat .

Napahikbi ako at napailing .

"Hindi po . . . Hindi po . . . Hindi po totoo 'yon . I-I was just playing . . . I

lied-"

" Playing with who? With your boys? And yes, you lied . You' re a liar! " she fired
back .

I watched my world fall apart so fast I could not even breathe in the process .

"You got pregnant by the men you have abroad . Umuwi ka para makulong mo ang anak
ko
sa isang responsibilidad na hindi naman talaga sa kanya!"
"I am not pregnant, Tita . Please, I . . . that's not true!" natataranta kong
sinabi .

She smirked . "You cannot fool me and tell me that you got pregnant after a month
and weeks with my son . You got pregnant before you came here! Iyon ang nasa
dokumento ng doktor mo . "

"My, Lucianna! It's good thing you visited her family doctor! It's all over the
household . . . sa mga kasambahay, kina Petrina, at Frida . . . sa lahat! Buti at
napatunayan mo talaga-"

"I paid Doctor Anasco to lie for me!" I said almost hysterically, wanting so bad
to
revert my backfired plans from the past!

"Shut up!" umalingawngaw ang sigaw ni Senyora Domitilla sa akin .

Lumapit ang isang kasamahan nilang nurse . Mabilis ang hininga ng matanda at
namumula ang mukha . Tita Lucianna immediately held her hand to calm her down .
Kinagat ko ang labi ko . Nanlilisik ang mga mata ng matanda at alam kong sobra-
sobra
ang galit niya sa akin .

"You know my grandson wants to get away from you kaya ginagawa mo ang lahat para
hindi siya makawala! You are already pregnant but you will tell him that it is his
child so he won' t go away! You know he' s a responsible and honorable man, he won' t
leave even if he doesn't love you!" sigaw ni Senyora .

Marami pa akong gustong sabihin . The words on my mind were choked on my tears .

Gusto kong lumaban pero nanghihina ako . I also don't want to say anything bad,
kahit pa nag-uusok na rin ako sa galit . These are the people I respected so much
my
entire life . I don't want to cause any physical harm against them . . .

"Hindi po totoo 'yon . Please, hear me out..." I pleaded calmly while crying hard
.

"You want to trick my son because you want him so bad," marahan pero may galit na
wika ni Tita Lucianna .

"Patawag po kay Jandrik . K-Kausapin po natin siya . . ."

"Para ano? Para magmakaawa ka?" si Senyora .

"If you still have honor left with you, leave my son alone . You don't deserve him
from the very beginning . You're just a desperate brat who will cheat just to get
what she wants ."

Tita Lucianna's words were dripping like acid . Bumuhos pa lalo ang mga luha ko .

Naunang tumayo si Tita Lucianna . I can sense Senyora Domitilla's hesitation .

Gusto
niya pa akong kausapin pero dahil tumayo na ang nauna, napilitan siyang ganoon din
.

"He's probably plotting how to bring you and your family down now . He can always
site adultery for the separation . Lalo na dahil buntis ka sa ibang lalaki-"

"I am not pregnant, please . . ." I cried .

"Our security will wait and arrest you once you try to leave the country again and
run for it . Subukan mong takasan ito . They will crowd the ports, as well . You
can't
use your power against the law, regardless if you're a powerful Lopez . You're not
a
Mercadejas! More so, your child!" mariing sinabi ni Senyora Domitilla .
Para akong sinaksak sa puso dahil sa sinabi niya . And the way Tita Lucianna looked
at me, belittling me, disgusted with me, made me feel so bad physically . Umalis na
sila roon ng walang pag-aalinlangan . Pinalis ko ang mga luha ko . I am aware of
the
eyes on me, curious looks, and conclusions but I am too weak to pull myself
together .

Sa nangangatog na mga tuhod, nilandas ko ang ilang blokeng layo ng restaurant na

iyon patungo sa tower ng penthouse ni Kajik . In trembling hands, I dialed my
mother' s number . I wanted so much to cry to her but I know what I should do right
now . Dapat noon ko pa ito ginawa pero sa sobrang paniniwala ko sa pamilya ko,
pakiramdam ko hindi na kailangan .

"Mommy . . ." nawasak ang boses ko sa unang salitang nasabi ko .

"Andra . . . a-are you alright?" natataranta niyang tanong .

"My, I have a question . Please, answer me truthfully . . ." hindi ko na naitago

ang
pagod at pag-aalala sa boses ko .

I opened the penthouse's door and stormed the master's bedroom to rest .

"What happened, Andra? Are you okay? A-And, what question?"

"May kinalaman ba si Daddy sa paglubog ng MV Dona Analia?" diretsahan kong tanong

.

Hindi sumagot si Mommy . Ni paghinga, wala akong narinig galing sa kanya . Pag-
aalala
o taranta na kanina'y mabilis niyang sabi, wala na ngayon . My heart pounded so
hard
at the realization . Kung walang kinalaman si Daddy, bakit hindi makasagot agad si
Mommy .

"Answer me, Mommy!?" I pleaded and almost shouted at her .

"A-Andra . . ." pagmamakaawa niya .

Shit!

"Is this why you are staying in Iloilo? You're scared! Kasi totoo, hindi ba?!" I
screamed that my voice got strained .

Umiiyak na si Mommy sa kabilang linya, walang masabi sa biglaang tanong ko . Parang

pinipiga ang puso ko habang naririnig ang natitirang magulang ko . She's crying .
My
Mommy is crying . And of all the people in the world, she's the only person who
will
never ever dessert me .

"Mommy..." mas marahan kong pakiusap . "Please, answer me . . ."

"Hija . . ."

"I want to know! Tell me! Did he do it! And for what? For me!?"

Tanging ang mga hikbi lang ni Mommy ang narinig ko . Tears stung my eyes and the
hurt I' m feeling is just the worst of all . Humalukay sa aking tiyan ang kaba .
This
is why they were very sure of it . This is why Senyora Domitilla and Tita Lucianna
were so sure of it all . . Because it's true!
" Pupuntahan kita . Now, don' t you ever deny your daughter of the truth! I deserve
to
know!" I said .

She cried more . Napagtanto ko roon na masyadong emosyonal si Mommy . Marami na ang
nangyari sa nagdaang buwan simula noong namatay si Daddy pero hindi ko naisip na
para sa kanya, sariwa pa ang lahat . Ngayon ko lang naisip na talagang napakasariwa
pa pala talaga ng pagkawala niya .
I feel like he's just somewhere far from me . Gaya noong umalis ako, na hindi ko
sila nakikita saan man ako magpunta . It's that kind of feeling . Because I'm used
to
not seeing them everyday . Pero si Mommy, sigurado akong nangungulila siya ng husto
hanggang ngayon . Hanggang ngayon .

Kumuha ako ng isang bag at mabilis na pinuno iyon ng mga damit . While I am at it,
my mind is busy calculating the things I will do, mingled with the things I heard
from the Mercadejas' women .

They are crowding the ports and the airports . At kahit anong pakiusap kong
sabihing
uuwi lang ako para makausap ang Mommy, nasisiguro kong mahihirapan pa rin ako!

My heart hammered at my next move . I dialed Jandrik's number knowing that he's
probably starting all the meetings and conferences now after his next long flight
yesterday from Singapore to his destination . Gusto kong mahiya sa pagtawag ko pero
emergency ito at kailangan ko siyang makausap .

I wanted him to answer my call but I also expected that he won' t . Sa dami ng
ginagawa niya, hindi niya na ako masasagot pa .

I ignored all the negative things his mother and grandmother told me . I am
doubting
so much but I chose to ignore it . Pangatlong tawag ko, hindi pa rin pumasok kaya
si
Heather na lang ang tinawagan ko, pansamantala .

Nilagay ko ang cellphone ko sa tainga at nang narinig na si Heather na pormal at

may pag-aalala sa boses sa kabilang linya, tumuwid ako sa pagkakatayo .

"Heather . . ." I said without the trace of tears .

Ang mga salitang narinig kanina, hindi pa rin umaalis sa aking isipan . Para itong
mga bulong na nagtutulak sa aking maiyak ng husto pero nagpakatatag ako .

"I need a ship," I said .

"Y-You have many ships, Andra . Private?"

"Not from my lines . I need the one who can take me to Roxas . Uuwi ako ng Iloilo,
Heather," sabi ko . "Kailangan kong kausapin si Mommy ."

"N-Not from your lines? W-Well, sige . Maghahanap ako . Batangas . Is it okay?" she
asked .

"Yes, please ."

Puputulin ko na sana ang tawag . I was about to cancel it nang narinig ang
natatarantang boses ni Heather .

"Andra!" she called .

I put the phone back o my ear .

"Yes . . ."

Naririnig ko ang bilis ng paghinga niya . Hindi siya agad nagsalita pero alam kong
may importante siyang sasabihin .

"What is it?" I asked .

"A-About what you . . . uh . . . asked me to do ."

Namilog ang mga mata ko nang naalala ang mga pinagawa ko sa kanya .

"Nacontact mo na si Tito Arturo?" I asked .

"Yes . But . . . uh . . ."

I am growing impatient this time . Nahihilo na ako sa paliguy-ligoy niya .

"Tungkol sa pinapahanap mong . . . ano . . . kung may Mercadejas bang tumutulong

sa mga Pastrana ."

Nabuhay ako sa sinabi niya . Ngayon, mas nasisiguro ko na meron . It could be

Senyora
Domitilla . Sa galit niya sa akin kanina, although very acceptable, I can imagine
her helping the Pastranas because they care for them so much .

"Is it Senyora? Tita Lucianna?"

"No . . ." namamaos na sagot ni Heather .

Nanuyo ang lalamunan ko . Then . . . who? Ali? Zamiel? Tito Uriel? Tito Anton?

"Si Sir Kajik, Andra . . ." it was almost a whisper .

Hindi ako nakapagsalita sa gulat . I did not prepare myself to hear that .

Pagkatapos ng lahat ng narinig ko galing sa kay Senyora at kay Mama . . . I smiled

bitterly at the way I call his mother .

Humikbi ako nang natanto kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng lahat ng ito .

If in my dreams this will all be alright in the end, paano ko pakikisamahan ang
pamilyang nanakit at nang insulto sa akin? WIll this be okay, anyway? It was my
fault why I was judged but can an exchange of hurtful things eventually be
forgiven . May kasalanan ako, nasaktan ko sila, nasaktan din nila ako ng husto . . .
may pag-asa pa bang maging maayos ito? May pag-asa bang ituring ko pa rin silang
pamilya ng walang hinanakit?

And that's just ridiculous, Andra . That only exists in your dreams because right
now, everything is crumbling down .

Jandrik is helping the Pastranas, gaya ng sinabi ni Senyora at Tita Lucianna . I

did
not even know that . Why would he keep it from me? Unless may iba siyang motibo
gaya
ng . . . pagpapaalis sa akin? Pagtutulungan nilang paalisin ako?

Kasuhan ako ng adultery . . . wow . . . that's very easy . It had been going on and
on for
months now . The news about me were filled with my non existent partners abroad .
At
kung suwerte nga naman, lalabas pa ang dokumentong nagsasabing buntis nga ako! Damn
it!

Gusto kong matawa at maghisterya . The irony of it all .

"She's in Paris right now, I'm sorry . N-Nag hanap din ako ng detalye gaya ng utos
mo . Nasa Paris din siya gaya ni Kajik," bigong sinabi ni Heather .

"Oh..." iyon lang ang nasabi ko .

"Andra, I-I'm sorry . Ayaw ko na sanang sabihin 'to sa'yo p-pero . . . utos mo 'to
. . ."
naiiyak na sinabi ni Heather .

Bumuhos ang luha ko ng wala ng tigil . Para akong pinapatay .

"Then . . ." I said like a whisper . The calm before the storm . "I want to know .
. ."

Huminga ako ng malalim . Hindi ko na kayang kumalma . I screamed at my phone so

hard
that I think my throat is going to be ripped apart .

"Is that really a convention of their subsidiary company? O front lang ang
dahilang iyon para doon sila mag plano kung paano ako pabagsakin!? Ha?! Sabihin mo
sa akin, Heather!"

"Andra . . . Please, calm down . Where are you? Pupuntahan kita!" she said it like
a
promise .

Hindi na ako nakapagsalita . Pinalis ko ang mga luha ko .

I am tired . I am so tired . Physically, emotionally, and mentally . I am drained .

I have been so angry and hateful for so long . Ganoon na naman ngayon?

Hindi na ba matatapos ang galit ko? Hindi na ba matatapos ang sakit?

"Find me a ship to R-Roxas . . . please . . ."

"Alright . Immediately, Andra," pilit na inayos ni Heather ang kanyang boses .

Suminghap ako at pumikit . Nahihilo ako sa sobrang daming iniisip . My stomach is

not
in a good condition . I can almost feel it twisting . I could throw up but I didn't
.
I tried hard to be alright .

" Ipapasundo kita kung nasaan ka . I will call your family' s cars in Iloilo, too .
It's alright, Andra . Okay?" pilit niya akong kinukumbinsi pero alam ko . . . hindi
.

Kabanata 32
Kabanata 32

Responsibility

Jandrik is in Paris for a meeting with their subsidiary company . His stay in
Singapore was shortlived and only for a brief meeting with other prospects . That's
what I know . I want to believe that he is in Paris for an important meeting, lalo
na at niyaya niya akong sumama sa kanya . Pero bakit andoon din si Millicent? Alam
ba niya na tatanggi ako at magpapaiwan dito kaya sila nagtagpo ni Millicent doon?

That hurt a lot that even my body just can' t take it . I am feeling a little bit
sick just thinking about it .

Mabuti na ring ganito . . . ang umalis na muna . To seek for the truth from my own
mother and to be away from all of the things that can hurt me - his family . Ang
pamilyang itinuring kong akin na rin . Ang pamilyang nasaktan ko at sinaktan ako .
Gusto kong magalit sa kanila pero alam kong wala akong karapatan dahil may
kasalanan din ako . It was my fault from the very beginning . All my lies backfired
.
All of my plans from my grief and anger multiplied .
"Are you alright?" Billy Mallari, a family friend who I once met on a company
meeting just a few weeks ago is Heather's contact .

Nilingon ko siya . Yakap-yakap ko ang mga braso ko habang nakatanaw sa malawak na

tanawin ng dagat at sinasalubong ang mabining hangin dahil sa mabilis na takbo ng
barko patungong Roxas .

"I'm fine . Thank you, Billy," I sincerely said .

He smiled at me . I sensed concern in the way he looked at me, may iba pa sa tingin
niya sa akin pero iniwasan ko na ang mga mata niya . I am not ready to deal with
any
other problem other than what I already have now .

Ibinalik ko ang mga mata ko sa dagat . The sound of the wild waves crashing on the
boat made me feel at peace .

"Pasensya na at naabala pa kita . I think all of our ships will be guarded .

Iniisip
nilang tatakas ako, when I just want to go back to Iloilo to talk to my Mom ."

He sighed heavily .

Hindi na sekreto ang lahat ng pangyayari . Sa loob lang ng ilang oras, kumalat na
ang balita kahit pa hindi naman isinapubliko . Kumalat ito sa napakaraming sosyo at
kakilala sa parehong larangan .

Luckily, Heather found someone who can be trusted enough . Nang nag-offer si Billy
na tulungan ako, hindi na ako nag-alinlangan pa . He has several ships sailing from
Batangas port to Masbate, and some points in Visayas including Roxas .

"You can always talk to the media and explain, Andra . I have a few trusted friends
from the media who are all respectful and true . They won' t be rude . "

Umiling ako . "Wala akong masasabi sa media bukod pa sa pagtatanggol kay Daddy . I
was not here when the tragedy happened and I have no facts for it . I will talk to
my Mom to know what is it all about . Doon na ako magdedesisyon sa sasabihin ko sa
media . Doon na rin ako haharap sa mga tao ."

"Yeah, you're right . You should do that first," he said it like a sweet whisper .

Suminghap ako . The salty air and the cold breeze attacked my face and hair .
Nakakalma ako ng dagat at nang papalubog na araw . Mumunting bituin ang nagpapakita
sa malinaw na langit at ang bilugang buwan, nakatunghay sa lahat ng nangyayari sa
baba .

"You want to eat? We can eat in the cafe . Maraming pagpipilian, bukod doon,
puwede
rin akong magpaluto sa kusinero . . ." he went on and on with his offer but I only
shook my head .

"I have no appetite, I'm sorry . Siguro dahil sa dami ng iniisip . Thank you for
the
offer but for now, I only want to think ."

"Oh, well then . I shall leave you here," he said, sounding a bit hopeful that I
won't let him .

Hindi ako umiling o tumango man lang . Hinayaan ko siyang makiramdam sa gusto kong
mangyari . It is so rude . I should be nicer . I should entertain him a bit . . .
bilang
kortesia na lang sa pagmamagandang loob .

"Just call me when you need me . My cabin's just near yours . You can ask the crew
for your other concerns, too . Ipapadala ko na rin ang pagkain sa iyong cabin . You
may not be hungry now but maybe you will be later ."

Nilingon ko siya at nginitian .

"Thank you," napapaos kong sagot . "So much, Billy . I really appreciate this ."

Some still moments passed before he finally left me alone . Tears pooled down my
eyes when I realized how much it hurt thinking about everything . Ayoko nang mag-
isip dahil ayoko nang masaktan .

Pinalis ko ang mga luhang lumandas sa aking pisngi at tinapangan ang pagharap sa
dilim, tanging ang ilaw ng buwan ang tanglaw para makita ang marahang hampas ng
dagat .

Long ago, I adored Jandrik irrationally . I could not pinpoint what's in him that
made me so drawn at a very young age . Ali, Zamiel, Ivo were as good looking and as
Mercadejas as he is, pero hindi ko alam bakit siya ang napili ng bata kong puso .

Ganoon naman talaga, 'di ba? Hindi mo alam bakit mo nagugustuhan ang taong gusto
mo . Hindi mo alam kung ano ba talaga ang minahal mo sa kanya . But little by
little,
I understand now what is it that I adore so much about him .
While I can control Ivo, Ali, and Zamiel . . . while I can wrap them around my hand
and make them answer all my biddings, make them spoil me, Jandrik could not .
Karius
Jandrik Mercadejas cannot be tamed, even by the spoiled and loved little girl all
of the Mercadejas boys keep . He is as feral as the wind, as fierce as the sun, and
as wild as the waves . I cannot keep him .

There is no way to tame the waves . It does not bow down to anything or anyone .
The
only thing a woman like me can do to love it is to go with it . To tolerate
whatever
it wants to do . Iyan ang naging gawain ko nitong mga nagdaang taon . To watch him
go
and do the things he wanted, even though I hated it . To see him in danger, even
though it pained me so much . And now, to let him go with whatever he wants to do,
even if it will hurt me bad .

This is the kind of love he needs, I'm sure of it . Naging mabuti at masunurin ako
sa lahat ng iyon pero ngayon, napapatanong ako . Kaya ko bang tumagal? Kaya ko bang
hayaan siyang ganoon buong buhay ko, para lang mahalin siya sa paraang dapat siyang
mahalin? Because I know it is the kind of love he needs, the freeing one . . . the
tolerating . . . the enduring .

While I am sure I can provide for that in a different circumstance, right now I
don't think I can . I am so weak and so drained . I want to rest . Maybe in time, I
can love him again that way . But for today, my knees are trembling and weak, my
eyes are crying, and my heart is so badly hurt .

Inangat ko ang tingin ko sa buwang kumikinang . It's been a while since the last
time I appreciated the beauty of the mysterious moon . It is silently watching
everything, like a god in the night sky . I smiled through my tears . I exhaled
calmly .

"I wish to turn back time . To the time when the only thing I adore is the moon up
above," I whispered .

But then . . . when was that time, anyway? I remember an unnamed feeling I had for
Jandrik on my youngest memories . Kaya kailan iyong panahong hindi ko siya minahal
gayong bata pa ako, ganoon na ang nararamdaman ko .

I laughed to myself bitterly . Maybe . . . one day .

Hindi ko alam kung gaano ako katagal nakatayo sa harap ng madilim na dagat .
Parang
mga kristal ang along may repleksyon ng sinag galing sa buwan . It's going to be a
long fifteen-hour sail to Roxas, and I wished it would last longer than it should .
Parang mas gusto ko rito .

At kung hindi lang lalong sumama ang pakiramdam ko dahil sa marahang uga ng barko,
siguro' y nagtagal pa ako roon . I am very nauseous . Matagal na talagang hindi ako
nakasakay ng barko ng ganito ka layo ang byahe, kaya siguro nasusuka ako ng husto
.

Bumalik ako sa aking kuwarto at gaya ng sabi ni Billy, naroon na nga ang aking
hapunan . I tried to eat a bit but it only made me more nauseous . Uminom na lamang
ako ng tubig at umidlip nang sa ganoon, umayos ng konti ang pakiramdam ko .

It was a very long and peaceful sleep interrupted only by my sickness . Alas sais
nang nagising ako . Bungad ng araw ay ang pagtakbo sa banyo ng cabin para magsuka
kahit wala namang laman ang tiyan . Maybe the waves last night were too much that
my
body could not take it . Nahihilo ako dahil sa pag- uga ng barko kaya heto at
sukang-
suka .

Alam kong malapit nang dumating . Inayos ko ang gamit ko, naligo at nagbihis ng
bagong damit . I am not hungry but I know I need to eat, lalo na dahil kagabi,
hindi
ko nagalaw ang pagkain ko .

Dala-dala ang tray ng pagkain ko kagabi, dumiretso ako sa cafe . Unang nakita ko
roon ay si Billy na kumakain na rin ng kanyang almusal . I got my own food after
puting my dinner out . Naupo ako sa lamesa ni Billy dahil medyo marami nang nakaupo
sa ibang mesa, para mag- almusal .

"Did you sleep well?" he asked .

"Yeah . Medyo masakit lang ang ulo ko dahil sa pag-uga ng barko ."

Tumango siya ngunit nagtagal ang mga mata sa akin . "That's weird . The sea was
calm
all throughout the sail ."

Ngumiti ako . "Matagal na akong hindi nakasakay kaya . . ." I shrugged .

He nodded .

Gaya ng inayos ni Heather, sinundo nga ako ng dalawang itim na SUV namin sa Roxas
pagbaba ko ng barko . Nagpasalamat ulit ako kay Billy . I will forever be indebted
to
him because of this . Hindi ko na nga lang pinatagal dahil hindi pa rin mabuti ang
pakiramdam ko .

The driver offered to get me home in the city para sana mas malapit sa magagandang
ospital pero tumanggi ako .

" Diretso na lang po sa Badiangan . Kailangan kong makausap si Mommy, " utos ko sa
driver .

My Mommy is staying in one of my grandfather's estate . Pamana ng aking Lolo iyon

gaya ng marami niyang pamana sa apat na lalaking anak . This estate with a farm is
not exactly my Dad's estate but because the youngest of the Lopezes abandoned it a
long time ago, kustodiya na rin ni Daddy iyon habang hindi pa ito nagdedesisyong
bumalik .
Inisip ko pa kung bakit hindi tumuloy si Mommy sa mansion namin sa Iloilo, o 'di
kaya'y sa ancestral house namin . Pinili niya yatang sa tagong lugar gaya ng
mansyong ito . Masakit isiping dahil iyon alam niya ang totoo . That my Dad really
did it to the Pastranas and the people who died in that tragedy .

Mahabang byahe sa walang katao-taong probinsya . Halos isang kilometrong gubat pa

muna bago ang isa muling bahay . Lumiko ang mga sasakyan sa pamilyar na daan
patungo
sa mansyon .

I opened the car windows and heard the calm falling of the leaves from the trees
at
ang marahas na pagdaan ng aming sasakyan sa kalsadang iyon . Sa malayo tanaw ko na
ang mansyong umayos naman ng konti sa huli kong tingin dito .

Sa huling mga balita ko sa mansyon, hindi na ito naalagaan . Well, only the
insides
of the mansion was restored but the vines crawled around the concrete walls outside
of it . Marami na ring ligaw na damo sa hardin nito at ang mga estatwang dwende at
fountain, kinakain na rin ng mga baging .

Pagbaba ko ng sasakyan, narinig ko kaagad ang malulutong na pagkadurog ng mga

tuyong dahon . Some parts of the garden was already cleaned up, meanwhile, the
fountain and the statues were still covered with vines . Ang mga Orchid, Ylang-
ylang, Plumara, Dama, at iba pa ay namumukadkad kung saan- saan .

Ang pabilog na portico sa gitna ng puting mansyon at ang nakayakap na balkonahe

nito sa unang palapag ay nagpangiti sa akin . It reminds me so much of the many
memories I have when we still used to visit this estate back when I was young .

"Andra!" Mommy's voice echoed .

Nakita ko siya sa portico, nagmamadaling lumabas ng mansyon, at mabilis pang

bumaba
sa sementong lakaran para lang umabot sa akin . Sinalubong ko siya ng pagod na
ngiti
at yakap .

"Mommy," I hugged her .

"Noong nalaman ko kay Heather na papunta ka rito, nag-alala ako ng husto, hija ."

I sighed and looked at her .

Marahan niya akong hinila papasok sa loob ng matanda ngunit magara pa ring mansyon
.
Our coat of arms was engraved on the bannisters of the porch with its iconic family
motto: Fortes Fortuna Adiuvat .

Fortune Favors the Brave .

I always think that it's in our blood . Kaya iyan na rin ang naging palatandaan ng
aming pamilya . All of us are brave, bold, and headstrong .

Iginiya ako ni Mommy sa mga puting upuan at lamesa sa portico . Iilang hindi
naaayos
na orchid doon ang tiningala ko . Mahilig si Mommy sa halaman kaya siguro ito ang
pinagkakaabalahan niya habang narito .

"Ah . Pasensya ka na . Hindi ko kayang mag-isang ayusin ang lahat ng mga halaman,
gustuhin ko man pero napakalawak ng hardin na 'to ."

Nagsalin ng tsokolate ang kasambahay sa aking tasa . Naglapag na rin ng tsaa,

tubig,
croissant, at kung anu-ano pang agahan sa aming hapag .
 I sipped on my hot chocolate . Its warmth soothed me a bit but I suddenly feel a
bit
dizzy and nauseous again so I stopped .
"Nagmamadali po akong umuwi dahil gusto kong malaman ang totoo, galing sa'yo, at
harap-harapan ."

Alam kong nakakalungkot isipin na ang muling pagkikita namin ni Mommy ay sa

ganitong sirkumstansya pa . It should have been pretty catch ups and laughters but
it's not . Napawi ang ngiti ni Mommy at nag-iwas siya ng tingin sa akin .

Tinabunan ko ng palad ko ang kamay niya .

"I'm sorry my question is very direct . Alam ko pong miss na miss n'yo na ako . I
missed you too, so much, Mommy . I know I've been gone for a quite long time ."

Umiling si Mommy at tiningnan ako, puno ng pag- aalala ang mga mata . " It' s okay,
hija . Naiintindihan ko na umalis ka dahil hindi mo na maintindihan ang lahat . I
would rather have you soul searching and thinking about yourself than have you here
unwillingly ."

Kinagat ko ang labi ko . She sighed and held my hand, too . Nararamdaman ko ang
pag-
alinlangan niyang magsalita pero sa huli, hindi na nakayanan .

"Umalis ako ng Maynila pagkatapos ng imbestigasyon dahil hindi ko kayang harapin

ang media sa mga tanong nila sa akin . "

Tumango ako at natantong may pinagmanahan ang pagiging buwag ko . Brave in other
things, but afraid of the truth .

"Your father wanted you to marry the man you desire, Andra . He knows that his
health is slowly deteriorating, hindi man namin sinabi sa'yo ."

My jaw dropped at that . Tears stung my eyes when I remember my strong father,
always there to save the day . . . to spoil me with anything .

"He wanted you to marry immediately . To settle you down before he dies, he said . .
."
napaos ang boses ni Mommy roon .

Bumuhos kaagad ang mga luha ko . Pinalis ko kaagad iyon . I don't want Mommy to
stop
talking about all of these .

"Ang mga Mercadejas, hija, hindi tumatalikod sa usapan . Although the Pastranas
were
failing big time, their youngest is still promised to the heiress . Alam kong alam
mo 'yan . Iyon ang dahilan kung bakit iyon nagawa ng Daddy mo ."

"That's not fair!" sabi ko .

"I know . . . but . . . your Dad was desperate to see you settle down . Lalo na dahil
habang tumatagal, lalong humihina ang puso niya, ayon sa doktor . His operation
went
well for a few weeks but eventually..." umiling si Mommy .

Pumikit ako ng mariin . While I was busy dealing with my pain, my Dad was secretly
dealing with his .

"His plans were first innocent . Siraan ang mga Pastrana . To pay the media and
make
them all look bad, lose their credebility, and anger the Mercadejas family . He was
successful, alright . Nasira niya ang pangalan ng mga Pastrana pero kapalit noon
marami ang namatay ."

"He . . . did . . . that . . ." I slowly said .

Unti-unti kong natatanggap habang kausap ko noon si Mommy sa cellphone pero iba pa
rin pala pag harap-harapang inamin sa akin .

"He only wanted the media to ruin them through a news that will say that their
flagship sailed through a very strong typhoon ."

Nasapo ko ang noo ko .

"Hija, hindi ko kayang aminin iyon sa media . Alam kong hindi sila maniniwala kung
sabihin kong hindi intensyon ng ama mo na mangyari iyon ."

"But damn it, Mommy! It already happened! Marami ang namatay dahil sa trahedya!"

"I know, hija..." naiiyak na sinabi ni Mommy . "I convinced your Dad about it but
you know him . Kami lang ang nakakaalam, bukod sa mga taong binayaran niya . "

"Did he also pay for the ship to be overloaded?" mariin kong tanong .

Umiling si Mommy . "Hindi! All of the Pastrana ships were sailing overloaded
because
they are losing so much ."

Hindi ko alam kung pampalubag loob ba ang malamang hindi naman pala siya ang gumawa
noon, pero siya pa rin naman ang nagbayad sa coast guard para hayaan itong umalis
sa ganoong panahon .

"As if that changes anything . He is still at fault ."

Malungkot na tumango si Mommy .

I do not regret defending Daddy . I do not regret fighting for his name . Kahit pa
mali ako . Kahit pa ngayon, narealize ko na kaya niya ngang gawin iyon . . . para sa
akin .
If I were to talk to the media and the Pastranas, I will accept my mistakes . I
will
apologize and accept the consequences . Hindi ko na napigilan ang mga luha ko .
Wala
na akong mababago pa . Hindi ko kayang magalit pa kay Daddy . It's all over . It was
his fault . But he' s gone and as his daughter, it is now my responsibility .

"I will conduct my own investigation and if it is thoroughly done and will arrive
on the same thing, I will accept defeat and apologize . Haharapin ko ang
responsibilidad na iniwan ni Daddy . Sinadya niya man o hindi, ginusto niya man o
hindi ."
Suminghap si Mommy at umiling . "Let your Titos do it, hija . Hindi ba nag
papaimbestiga na si Arturo ."

"Tito Arturo's name will be at stake if he will get involved . At si Tito Reynaldo
naman . . . Mommy, ayokong ibigay sa kanila ang responsibilidad na kaya ko namang
gampanan ."

Nag-isip saglit si Mommy bago nakaisip ng panibagong solusyon .

"What about Karius, hija? I'm sure he can do something about this ."

Pagod akong bumuntong hininga . "Look, Mommy . This is our family's problem . I
have
to solve this alone . Huwag na nating idamay ang mga taong wala namang kinalaman sa
problema ."

"But hija . . . he is your husband!"

Naghanap ako ng maaaring sabihin para hindi niya mapansin ang nangyayari pero huli
na ako .

"No . . . No . . . No . . . Don't tell me that you are not in a good relationship

with him,
like the rumors, Andra?"

Umirap ako at umiling na lamang .

"Andra, are the rumors true?" she probed in a demanding tone .

Pagod akong bumaling sa kanya . Hindi na katakataka na alam niya ang tungkol sa
nangyayari sa aming relasyon . It' s not entirely a secret . Plus with Jandrik' s
family involved, for sure their nosy close friends know everything .

"Are you pregnant with another man's child?"

"What?" nagulat ako roon . "No, Mommy!"

"Matagal ko na 'tong tinatanong sa'yo . Hija, it is bad to be other man when you
are
already married!" she said hysterically .

"I did not bed another man, Mommy!" halos natataranta kong sinabi .

She looked at me with disbelief . Eventually, she nodded calmly .

"I'm sorry . I'm just really bothered . I heard of the rumors . It was seconded by
Dr .
Anasco's statements but I believe in your more, hija . What happened?"

Hindi ko alam kung panahon ba ito para sabihin sa kanya ang lahat . I have a lot in
mind and I wish to block this out . This is not important . My relationship with
Jandrik iks just not my priority anymore .

"Nagkamali po ako sa ibang dahilan . But I'm not pregnant . I also did not have any
physical or emotional affair with another man, Mommy . Just believe me, please?"

She nodded miserably . She looked so concerned and so caring .

"Then why can't you let your husband help us?" marahan niyang tanong .

Tinitigan ko lang si Mommy . Sa tinginan pa lang namin, may nahinuha na siya .

"He's a Meradejas, Andra . They care for the Pastranas but I don't think Karius
will
abandon you just for his family's preference ."

His family's preference? Paano namin malalaman iyon, e pinilit ko nga siyang
pakasalan ako, 'di ba? Ayaw niya nga, e . Narinig ko 'yon . He doesn't want to
marry
me . He ws only pressured to do it! The Pastranas are not his family's preference!
It was his preference, too!

"Do you really think that he wanted to marry me? And not the Pastrana girl,
Mommy?"
tanong ko .

" Darling, you know him . He can certainly bend the rules of his family given his
intelligence . If he did not want to marry you at all, he could've done many things
to prevent it!" giit niya .

Bumuntong- hininga ulit ako . I ' m a little bit dizzy again . I feel like vomit was
already in the back of my throat .
" Huwag na lang tayong umasa, Mommy . I would rather think only of how I would do it
than rely on others ."

She sighed heavily . Tinitigan niya ako ng mabuti . Hindi na ako makapag-isip ng
mabuti dahil sa nararamdaman . Bago ko madugtungan ang sasabihin ko, tumayo na ako
at tumakbo sa pinakamalapit na bathroom dahil hindi ko na kaya .

"Andra!" umalingawngaw ang nag-aalalang tawag ni Mommy sa akin .

Hindi ko na siya nalingon pa . Muntik na akong hindi makaabot sa sink! I threw up

.
Akala ko magiging maayos ang pakiramdam ko pagkatapos magsuka, lumala lang pala
iyon . After vomiting, I vomited over and over again .

"Andra!" tawag ulit ni Mommy, nasa likod ko na .

Natataranta na rin ang mga kasambahay sa likod niya . Someone called for hot
water,
towelettes, and some tablets for an illness .

"Anak, are you fine?"

Sinikop ni Mommy ang buhok ko habang abala ako sa pagduduwal . Kahit wala nang
maisusuka pa, nagsusuka pa rin . I feel so tired it's awful .

Naghugas ako ng kamay habang kinukuha ni Mommy ang mainit na labakara at pinunas
sa
leeg at pisngi ko . Kinuha ko iyon at pinunas naman sa kamay ko . Inayos ni Mommy
ang
aking buhok .

Napatingin ako sa aking repleksyon sa salamin . I saw Mom's wide eyes as she
looked
at me .

"Andra . . ." she said warningly .

"Ang dami kong iniisip . Kanina pa 'to sa barko, maalon kasi . . ." sabi ko .

"I don't like your colouring," she noted in a grim tone .

"Maputla lang ako dahil nga hindi maganda ang pakiramdam ko, Mommy ."

Gumilid ang kanyang mukha at magalang na pinaalis na muna ang nanonood na mga
kasambahay, nag-aalala sa kalagayan ko . Nang kaming dalawa na lang ang naroon,
naghugas ulit ako ng kamay at naghilamos habang tinititigan niya ako sa salamin .

"I believe your statements . You did not have any other man ."

Uminit ang pisngi ko . I am close with my Mom but somewhere in my teenage years,
like most of the mother-daughter relationships, we fell apart . I am not that open
with her . . . especially in some censored topics . Alam kong doon ito patungo .

"But . . . you did it with your husband," hindi iyon tanong .

"Mommy, don't be ridiculous..." iyon lamang ang nasabi ko .

I take birth control pills way back to regulate my period . But after my wedding
with Jandrik, I stopped when I noticed that it's been regular even without it .
Hindi ko na namalayan na ilang buwan na pala akong tumigil mag take noon . Ngayon
ko
lang naisip . Damn it!

Mas lalong nawalan ng kulay ang aking mukha nang natantong maaaring . . .
Umiling ako nang natanto rin ang isa pang katotohanan . Unti-unting bumuhos ang
aking mga luha .

"Hindi puwede 'to . . . Hindi puwede . . ."

Patuloy ang pag-iling ko . I opened the faucet at naghilamos muli .

"Andra, I'll call a chemist to see if . . . I'll also call a doctor . . ." hindi
matapos
tapos ni Mommy ang sinasabi niya .

Patuloy pa rin ang pag-iling ko at ang pagbuhos ng mga luha hanggang sa humikbi na
ako . Mommy hugged me so tight . Her warmth embraced me but the coldness from
within
did not leave .
"I lied and told Jandrik I was pregnant months ago, noong umuwi ako, para . . . para
iwan niya ako! The rumors started there! I lied and told him I had an affair with
another man, Mommy! Pero hindi ko 'yon ginawa!" I cried more .

Hinagod ni Mommy ang likod ko . Mas lalo lang akong umiyak ngayong naalala ko ang
lahat ng mga sinabi ko sa mga Mercadejas . I am not pregnant! I did not cheat!

"I paid Dr . Anasco to lie for me and it all backfired! Walang naniwala sa akin na
hindi ako buntis! At ngayon, paano silang maniniwala pa sa akin kung . . . buntis
nga
ako!" I said in hysterics .

"Shh . . . Andra, calm down . I will contact a chemist and a family doctor . You
will
rest . I will call Reynaldo and Arturo, immediately ."

What have I fucking done!? Damn it!

Nanghina ako at unti-unting na guilty dahil sa bayolente kong reaksyon . Paano kung
totoo na buntis ako? Paano kung totoong may dinadala nga ako . It is Jandrik' s
child . . . and right now I cannot forgive my reaction . If it is true, if I am
carrying my child, then I will gladly embrace him or her . It ws not his or her
fault . And he or she will never know hate from me . . . or from any other person .

"Mommy, I have so many things to d-do . . ." I stated the obvious .

Umiyak ako sa balikat ng aking ina . For a few still moments from her, I felt at
peace . Tahimik siya ng ilang minuto habang hinahagod ako . Tahimik siya at nag-
iisip
ng napakahabang panahon bago tuluyang nagdesisyon .

"I have not been a good mother to you for the past year, Andra . I'm sorry . Lahat
ng
responsibilidad mo, dapat akin din, pero hinayaan kitang ayusin ang lahat ng ito ."

"I am not a child anymore! I can do it myself! It is not your responsibility

alone!" giit ko dahil pakiramdam ko, alam ko ang ibig niyang sabihin .

"I know you can do it . But if my hunch is right and you are expecting, Andra, I
cannot let you go and face all of these . "

"Hindi po, Mommy-" she cut me off .

"You cannot decide for yourself . If you are truly pregnant, your pride or your
resposibilities does not matter at all . Your priority is your child, Andra ."

Unti-unti akong nanlamig . Hindi pa nakukumpirma . Kailangan ko pang kumpirmahin .

Kinabahan ako ng husto dahil alam ko . . . sa kalooblooban ko . . . na malaki ang
tsansang . . . totoo nga ito .
I am pregnant . As much as I want to defend my family, to take all the
responsibilities, my Mommy is right . My priority is my child . . .

Kabanata 33
Kabanata 33

Entry

I stared blankly at the large french doors and windows of my room, watching the
green leaves of trees dancing through the wind . Ang mga sinasabi ng doktor ay
hindi
ko na gaanong narinig pagkatapos makumpirma ang kanina pang sinasabi ni Mommy .

"You are almost seven weeks pregnant," she told me .

Binigyan ako ng maraming payo, mga aasahan, at marami pang abiso tungkol sa
pagbubuntis . I literally did not hear any of it . The doctor understood that she
turned to my Mom for her explanations .

I am pregnant!

Naguilty agad ako dahil ang una kong naisip nang narinig ko si Mommy na nagsabing
maaaring buntis ako ay kaba at pagkabigo . I admit it . I felt disappointed for a
moment because this is not the right time to be pregnant! I still have to convince
everyone that I did not cheat . That I am not pregnant . I only lied . Pero ngayon,
heto at hindi ko na magagawa pa iyon . I cannot take it back anymore, not that
it matters to them . I don't think they will ever be convinced that I was loyal
to
Jandrik .

Kasalanan ko rin naman iyon . Kung sa simula hindi ako nagpadala sa galit ko at
hindi na rin ginawa iyon, wala sana akong problema ngayon .

But then what do I know about it, anyway? Hindi ko na mauulit pa ang panahong iyon,
kung saan sobra sobra ang galit ko kaya ko nagawa iyon . I cannot feel that same
intensity of pain again and see if I will make the same decisions . I don't think
it
is fair to judge myself way back, the pain was too much to handle that I had to
lash out and do the things that I did .

Walang patutunguhan ang pagsisisi . At kung mayroon man akong puwedeng baguhin,
iyon
ay ang mga desisyon ko ngayon .

I want to be the one to face the all of the problems of our company . Gusto kong
ako
ang kumausap sa mga Pastrana, sa mga naging biktima . Ngayon pa lang, iniisip ko na
kung paano ko gagawin iyon . I will have a press conference stating the
investigation, I will apologize, and then I will ensure that there will be funds
for the victims . I will also be willing to pay for the damages the Pastranas will
demand .

"The symptoms vary from person to person so we really can't predict what she will
experience, Mrs . Lopez," sabi ng doktor .

"I know, Doctora . I'm just a bit worried because noong ako, I think I experienced
all the worst condition a pregnant woman can have . Nahihimatay ako sa kalagitnaan
ng kahit anong ginagawa, I am very exhausted, I vomit nonstop almost every day,
kaya rin ako nagpahinga lang sa first trimester ." Mommy smiled at the gentle
doctor . "I wonder if there's a possibility na ganoon din siya ."
"There's a big chance, Mrs . Lopez . So I suggest na at least for the first
trimester, let her rest . Completely ."

It is true, though . Pagbaba ko para sa hapunan, nahihilo na naman ako . Kung

hindi
ko lang pinilit ang sarili kong umayos at umupo bago pa nagdilim ang paningin ko,
baka nga nabuwal na ako sa kinatatayuan dahil sa pagkakahimatay .

"Your Titos will come here tomorrow . Dapat ngayong gabi as I know Reynaldo is
already in Iloilo, but I told them you need to rest a bit from your long journey
earlier today, " si Mommy .

Tumango ako at walang ganang ginalaw ang pagkain .

"Andra, sobrang putla mo . Hindi ko gusto 'to . I know it's normal but I just
can't
bear watch you looking this weak ."

I smiled . Maybe I should put color on my face para naman hindi ko matakot si
Mommy
sa itsura kong ganito .

"Maybe I just need to rest, Mommy . Baka pagtulog ko po mamaya, aayos na ang
pakiramdam at kulay ko ."

She looked problematic when she nodded . Unti-unting sumilay ang ngiti sa kanyang
labi .

"There's a reason why your father did not give you a sibling . And that is
because
he can't bear to watch me deal with the worst during pregnancy . Sana lang, hindi
naman gaya ng naranasan ko ang mararanasan mo ngayon ."

"Hindi naman siguro, Mommy ."

She sighed .

Hindi ko maalala kung kailan ako huling inalagaan ng husto ni Mommy . Nang
tumungtong ako ng teenage years, hindi na ako masyadong nagkakasakit o ano pa man
.
Hindi rin naman ako nangangailangan masyado ng kahit anong pag-aaruga because as a
teen, I was very independent, strong, and healthy .

Tonight, she combed my hair with her fingers as I lay on my bed with my eyes
closed .

"Are you happy?" nanginig ang boses ni Mommy sa tanong na iyon .

Alam kong iniisip niya na gaya ng unang reaksyon ko, sobra sobra pa rin ang
disappointment ko ngayon . Hindi niya alam na pinagsisisihan ko iyon .

"Yes," I said breathily .

Her movements stopped a bit then continued afterwards .

"Hindi ko alam kung ano ang pinag- awayan n' yo ni Kajik, Andra . I have always
favored him and that's not because I know you love him from the very beginning .
That's because I see an honorable man in him ."
I sighed . Kahit na 'di na sabihin 'to ni Mommy, alam kong ganoon nga ang
nararamdaman niya .

"He may be very cruel in business, gaya ng mga naririnig ko, pero alam ko at
nakikita ko na totoo ang pagpapahalaga niya sa'yo ."
"I don't really know about that, Mommy ."

Hindi na nagsalita si Mommy .

"Sometimes we only see the good in the people we want . We fail and refuse to see
their dark sides ."
Naalala ko si Daddy . But Daddy is different, I defended . He's family . He's my
father . He loves me unconditionally . Meanwhile, I am the one loving Jandrik so
much . Not the other way around .

"He's in Paris for a convention with their subsidiary company," sabi ko . "That's
all fine until I heard Millicent Pastrana is in Paris as well ."

"Andra . . . don't conclude things that way-"

"Bumili siya ng napakalaking stocks sa Philippine Islands Ferries Corporation,

springing the company to life again ."

Huminga na lamang ng malalim si Mommy . I know I gave her a reason to doubt Jandrik
but this is the truth, this time .

"Bago kami kinasal, narinig ko noon na ayaw niyang pakasal sa akin . 'Ayaw ko pong
pakasal kay Andra. ' , I still remember that statement very clearly up to this day .
I
only blocked them out because I want him so much ."

Nagpatuloy lamang si Mommy sa paghagod sa buhok ko .

"Right now it is not hard to imagine that he's doing all of these to recover the
Pastranas . Dagdag pa ang kalokokahan ko noon . He can file a case against me and
there will be enough evidences for it ."

Naisip ko na maaaring totoo nga ang ginawa niya noon kay Cara . He can play with
other people's feelings just so he can close a deal . I haven't witness him in
action on board meetings and client deals but he won't be called a progidy if he's
not that cruel .

"Besides, his grandma and mother already concluded that I committed adultery, that
I am no good for him . . ." Napabuntong hininga ako nang naalala ko iyon .

"They did?" medyo gulat na tanong ni Mommy .

Dumilat ako . "Kahapon bago ako nagdesisyong tumulak dito, they invited me for
lunch . They said some hurtful words but I don' t blame them . Ako ang nagpakalat
noong mga kasinungalingan ko kaya sa akin din lahat ng sisi para-"

"They did, Andra?!" medyo pagalit nang sinabi ni Mommy ngayon .

Nilingon ko siya . I can see the passionate anger from my mother's eyes kahit pa
medyo madilim na . Kitang- kita ko ang pagkakaalarma niya . Kitang- kita ko na hindi
niya gusto ang takbo ng lahat .

"Anong mga sinabi nila sa'yo?" tumataas na ang boses ni Mommy .

"Mom, does it even matter now?"

"Hindi ka nila puwedeng pagsabihan ng ganyan, Andra! Hindi nga ako nanghihimasok
sa
inyo ni Kajik, sila pa kaya?!"
Now, I think I triggered her . She's not like the Lopez women . She's very soft
spoken and mild, but she won't be a Lopez's woman if she was a doormat .

"How dare them day anything bad to you! You are pregnant, por dios! If you will be
stressed, delikado pa iyon!" she wailed angrily .

"Mommy, understand, please . Kung ikaw ba sila at marinig mong nanglalaki ang
daughter-in-law mo, plus there's an evidence from the family doctor that she's
pregnant, would you be happy? "

Nakaawang ang bibig ni Mommy pero hindi lumalabas ang mga salita . Napakurap-kurap
siya . I smiled a bit because I know she will do the same . . . I will do the same .
I
will secretly sneak into my daughter-in-law's schedule and give the whore what she
deserves!

"But you did not cheat!" giit ni Mommy .

"Do they know that?"

"If they lett you explain it well . For sure, they did not listen, did they?"

"They were angry . You can't expect them to just listen," I defended .

"I do not care, Andra . You are my daughter and they can't do that to you!" she
said
fiercely .

She ranted all throughout the night . Hinayaan ko na lang . Somehow, her rants
soothed me so much . Ni hindi ko na namalayan na nakatulog na ako . I drifted of in
a
dreamless sleep . Then I woke up early in the morning, the sun is up on my french
windows and I can hear the soft baritone of male voices mixed with my Mom's .

Unti-unti akong bumangon at natanaw na sa balkonahe ng aking silid, naroon ang

dalawang matatanda kong tiyuhin kasama si Mommy na nakaupo sa puting silya, nagta-
tsaa at halos pabulong ang mga wika .

"Reynaldo, I do not agree with your idea . I do not care anymore of what that
family
will think of us! I do not need them . We do not need them . . ." she hissed .

"I agree with Grethel, Reynaldo," si Tito Arturo iyon .

"Siya na mismo ang nagsabi na hindi ganoon ang iniisip ni Zamiel, Grethel . And we
need them to understand Andra, lalo na sa kalagayan ng pamangkin ko ngayon ."

"We don't kiss the ass of those people, Reynaldo," si Tito Arturo ulit .

"We won' t . This is for Andra' s sake . We can' t let her be misunderstood just
because
of our pride . . ."

Hindi ko alam ang pinag-uusapan nila . Napabaling si Mommy sa banda ko at mabilis

siyang tumayo at pumasok para alalayan ako . Kinuha niya ang tray sa lamesa at
inayos ang breakfast-in-bed table .

Pagbaba pa lang ng mga mata ko sa pagkain, mabilis nang umikot ang tiyan ko .
Halos
hawiin ko ang tray sa lamesa makatayo lang ako at makatakbo sa banyo para magsuka
.

"Grethel, call the doctor," umalingawngaw ang boses ni Tito Reynaldo .

Samantalang si Tito Arturo, nagtawag na ng kasambahay para alisin ang pagkain na
hinatid sa aking silid .

"You two are over reacting . This is a normal state, for goodness' sake!" si Mommy
at sinundan na ako sa banyo .

I could not stop throwing up . Naiiyak na ako sa sakit ng tiyan at sa frustration

na
tumigil na . Lumuluha ang mga mata ko habang nagduduwal . Walang sinusuka pero
hindi
matigil-tigil . Nahihilo at nagdidilim ang paningin habang nahahapong nakasandal sa
baldosa .

Damn it! I think I'm dying!

"Andra, anak . . . nagpakuha ako ng mainit na tubig . May gusto ka bang kainin?" si
Mommy sa malamyos na boses .

Umiling ako at naghintay na bumuti ang pakiramdam bago naghilamos at naghugas ng

kamay . Lumabas ako, nagmano sa mga tiyuhing namumutla at bakas ang takot para sa
akin .

"You cannot handle the company and the issues in this state," banta ni Tito Arturo
.

Alam na alam niyang igigiit ko na ako na ang mag-aayos sa kompanya at sa lahat ng

mga isyu nito . Bukod sa ayaw kong abalahin pa sila, responsibilidad ko iyon bilang
tagapagmana nito . Ayaw ko ring isipin ng mga Pastrana na umatras ako nang nalaman
ang totoo dahil sa kahihiyan .

If I don' t handle it, they will think that I got scared and all . Lalong sasama ang
tingin nila sa akin . Walang kuwenta at walang paninindigan .

Pero iisipin ko pa ba iyon? I am pregnant . I am expecting a baby . I do not care

if
they all think ill of me as long as I get to keep my baby safe . And as long as I
get to feel sane, too .

Tumango ako, bigo . Tito Arturo sighed heavily then turned to Tito Reynaldo bilang
pagmamayabang na nakumbinsi niya ako roon .

Nasa harap ko ang dalawang tiyuhin habang si Mommy, inaayos ang isang baso ng
mainit na tubig at crackers kasama ang tatlong garapon ng iba't-ibang spread, kung
sakaling gustuhin kong lagyan ang kakainin .

"I will do it," Mommy said bravely .

Hindi nakapagsalita ang dalawa kong tiyuhin habang tinitingnan si Mommy .

"Tutulong kami," sabi ni Tito Reynaldo . "Kukumbinsihin ko rin si Renato ."

"I will ask for your help if I need it . Hindi ko gustong maabala ang negosyo mo
rito sa Iloilo, Reynaldo . At sa'yo, Arturo, ayaw kong madungisan ang pangalan mo
dahil lang sa isyu ni Franco ."

"Tss . I already have my statements about it and I do not care much about what
other
people will say . I genuinely care for the country but if they judge me just
because
of this issue, it will not be my loss ."

"Even so . . . This is Franco's problems and for sure he won't be pleased having his
brothers solve it for him when I am still very much alive and capable ."

Taas noong tumayo si Mommy at binalingan ang mga tiyuhin ko .

"Don't worry . I will ask for your help, I'm sure I will need it, anyway . Pero ako
ang haharap sa lahat ng isyu na ibabato . I will explain my side and like what my
daughter said, we will provide for the insurance of the victims and the damages it
caused the Pastranas . Kung mayroon pa silang hihingin, ibibigay ko kung kaya
naman ."

Tumango si Tito Arturo at bumaling sa akin . I probably look awful because he

looked
worried .

"Are you okay with that, Andra?"

"Gustuhin ko mang ako ang manguna, Tito, mas mahalaga sa akin ang kalagayan ko
ngayon . . ." I said in a very womanly tone .

"Then what are your plans for your husband?" si Tito Reynaldo naman .

"There will be no plans about it," mariing sinabi ni Tito Arturo .

Maybe my Mom filled them with anger, kung hindi man, sila na mismo ang nakaalam na
hindi nga maganda ang tingin ng pamilya ni Jandrik sa akin .

"You are not in a good state to face a stressful situation . You made it alone and
apart for the past year, anyway . I am positive you can do it again, this time .
Lalo
na at nagdadalang-tao ka, Andra ."

"Well then . . . If this is your plan, walang magsasabi sa kalagayan niya," si Tito
Reynaldo naman . " If they all accused her of something she didn' t do, they do not
deserve to know ."

"We are not some mediocre family line who will kiss the asses of their family for
power . We are powerful alone, without them . Kaya bakit mo pa kakailanganin sila? "
Tito Arturo sounding like my Daddy .

Ngumuso ako at nilagay na lamang ang tingin sa pagkain sa harap .

"You cannot expect them to give up easily . Kung sakaling determinado, gaya ng
alam
ko, maaaring pupunta iyon dito and will put pressure on us just to talk to Andra
."

"She will not face him..." Mommy said languidly . "As much as I want Karius, I want
my daughter safely tucked without stress from his family . . . or from him ."

"Paano mo iyan masasabi kung nasa Maynila ka at inaasikaso ang kompanya habang si
Andra, narito?"

"I will double her guards . They won't last . Believe me, Reynaldo ."

Tito Reynaldo sighed and nodded .

" I will send some men, too, then . At kapag nalaman ko, ako ang personal na
kakausap
sa kanya ." Bumaling si Tito Reynaldo sa akin . "Kung ayaw mo siyang kausapin muna,
may gusto ka bang sabihin ko sa kanya, Andra?"

My heart hurt a little . Sa sakit na naramdaman ko nitong nakaraang araw galing kay
Kajik, hindi ko pa rin maipagkakaila na mangungulila ako sa kanya ng husto . My
heart physically hurt for an incredibly long moment .

"Just tell him we'll talk once I'm ready . Just let me be for the mean time . . .
Thank
you, Tito ."
" Okay then . Don' t hesitate to call us when you need us . We will visit again once
everything cools down . "

"Cresia is insisting to come with me today, too . Hindi niya pa nga alam na buntis
ka . Kapag nalaman noon, she' ll probably raise hell just to come here so maybe I
will not tell her just yet . For the mean time, at least, " si Tito Arturo .

Tumango ako at ngumiti na . Ngayon ko lang na appreciate ng husto ang tibay ng

pamilya namin . Alam kong mali ang ginawa ni Daddy at madali para sa kanyang mga
kapatid na talikuran kami ni Mommy at hayaang salbahin ang aming mga sarili pero
imbes, kulang na lang ipagtanggol nila kami kahit sa maling mga desisyon . I know
that's a bad thing, alright, but their value for family love is just that great .

"I have my bags packed and my speeches are ready for the presscons I will
schedule," si Mommy . "Sasabay na ako sa inyo mamaya pagtulak ninyong Iloilo ."

Tumango si Tito Arturo . "I will have my chopper ready, then ."

"Mommy..." nag-aalala kong sinabi .

She smiled at me peacefully . " Don' t worry about me, Andra . Matagal ko na dapat na
ginawa ito . But I did not have the drive to do it . Right now, my grandmother
instincts are pushing me to do it ."

Humalakhak si Mommy at hinalikan na ang aking noo . Pumikit ako at dinama iyon .

"Gusto ko rin sanang ipadala rito si Heather para sa'yo pero kailangan ko rin ang
tulong niya . Karius for sure will be in the meetings, we will talk for sure, too,
kaya mabuti na lang talagang ako na ang gumawa ng lahat ng ito ."

" Yeah, he surely will . I heard he' s just landed in Manila earlier today, " si Tito
Reynaldo .

Kumalabog ang puso ko roon . Don't worry, Andra, he can't touch you here . His
family's insults will never reach you here . Hindi habang pinoprotektahan ako ng
buong pamilya ko . I briefly thanked the Heavens for a faithful and fierce family .

"Mabubuti at tahimik ang mga kaambahay na narito . They will be enough to attend
to
your needs . I will hire a nurse and an oncall doctor who will see you everyday ."

"Kailangan ba 'yon, Mommy?" halos natatawa kong sinabi .

"Ganoon ba kalala, Grethel?!" halos natatarantang sinabi ni Tito Arturo .

"Hindi naman . Just making sure . Wala ako rito at gusto kong panatag ako pag uwi
ng
Forbes, Arturo! "

Napabuntong hininga ang dalawang lalaki .

"I'm sorry by the way for the view . Ako lang ang nagti-tiyagang umayos sa hardin
kaya habang wala ako, kukuha na rin ako ng mag- aalaga . Elias said he has a good
worker, I ' ll just call later once it is settled . "

Tumango ako . Sa buong iyon, naroon ang aking mga tiyuhin at si Mommy naman,
inaayos
ang mga gamit . Bumaba ako nang tanghali dahil nabagot ako sa kuwarto . Kumalma
naman
ang pagsusuka ko at ang pagkakahilo kaya ako bumaba .

Naabutan ko sa portiko ang dalawang tiyuhin, si Tito Arturo may kausap sa

cellphone .
"Just remain vigilant . Those are probably the Mercadejas's men . Ang bilis din
nilang nalaman na nandito, ah?"

Nang namataan ako, humina ang boses ni Tito Arturo at mabilis ding tinapos ang
tawag .

"You should have stayed in your room, hija ."

I smiled . "Nakakabagot po, Tito, kaya ako bumaba ."

Humalukipkip ako . Nagkatinginan kaming dalawa . Tito Reynaldo sighed heavily . He

knew the questions in my eyes .

"Napapalibutan ang buong farm ng tauhan namin . They are asked to fire if the
Mercadejas' s force an entrance . "

Napasinghap ako sa bayolenteng aksyon na iyon . Kitang-kita ko ang iritasyon sa

mukha ni Tito Arturo nang nagkatinginan ang dalawa . Halatang ayaw niyang sabihin
iyon sa akin .

"Only if they force an entry . That's trespassing ."

"Ano namang makukuha nila rito . . . Siguro nag-aalala lang sila na nagtatago kami
at
hindi namin haharapin ang mga paratang . Pag-alis ni Mommy ngayon, at kapag nalaman
nilang may presscon na gagawin, siguro naman aatras na sila . I don't want it to
result into violence, Tito . We're at fault ."

"I understand, hija . Ako na ang bahala . Huwag mo nang isipin pa ito . Magpahinga
ka
na lang ."

Dumaan pa ang ilang oras, naririnig ko na dumadami na raw ang mga taong
nakapaligid . Hindi naman pinipilit pumasok pero nagmamanman umano . So Momy decided
to release a statement of the schedules of her presscon . She invited the
Pastranas,
the involved parties and witnesses, investigators, and the family of the victims .

That should do it, I think . They will now stop trying to enter our property .
Besides, I think Tito Arturo is very good at intimidating them dahil hindi na ako
nakarinig na nagdagdag pa ang mga Mercadejas ng tauhan sa labas .

Isang halik galing kay Mommy ang natanggap ko sa hinagdanang portiko . Her hair is
in a french twist . She's now sporting an all black women suit with an expensive
handbag for her things . Nasa limousine na ang kanyang maleta . Malaking perlas ang
nasa tainga, pinapalibutan ng pilak, and her lips are the only one in a bright
color of red .

"You look hideous, darling," she whispered .

I smiled because she still can joke around even in this situation . Pabalik niya ng
Maynila, she will become a leader . I know she will do good . Ilang taon siyang
nanatili sa anino ni Daddy dahil alam kong ayaw rin ni Daddy na akuin ni Mommy ang
responsibilidad na ito, pero alam kong kayang kaya niya ito .

"Alam kong mahirap maghanap ng kakainin pero huwag kang mag alinlangang magpabili
sa gusto mo . You need to eat . You're skin and bones . Hindi nakakatulong na
maputla
ka rin sa kakaduwal . Please, when we videocall each other, don't give me a heart
attack and look better, okay?"

Tumawa ulit ako .

"Okay, Mommy . Mag-aayos po ako kapag tatawag ka ."

"Good . I will monitor your doctor and your nurses ."

Bumaling siya sa likod ko kung nasaan ang tatlong kasambahay na siyang magiging
kasama ko rito sa mansyon . May binilin siya sa mga ito bago ako hinalikang muli at
pumasok na sa itim na sasakyan .

Nanatili ako sa portico, buong araw . Umaalis lang tuwing nagsusuka at hinahayaang
mawala ang pagkahilo sa pamamagitan ng pag-upo sa isang silya .

This is going to be my day from now on until nine months . Tinanggap ko iyon .
Though, very boring, I'd rather have it than feel so stressed and endanger my
child .

My child .

I smiled thinking about him or her . He or she will be very loved by my whole
family . Unti-unting pumait ang ngiti ko tuwing naiisip ang pamilya ni Kajik .

Will they ask for a DNA test? The thought of it made me sick .

Bakit pa? Dahil nagdududa nga sila? Kung anak niya 'to? Oo, kasalanan ko . Pero
ayaw
kong insultuhin ang bata . Kung nagdududa sila, hindi ko kailangan ng tulong nila
sa
pagpapalaki sa anak ko . I have all the means to raise him like a king . I do not
need their money or their name . We have our own!

I have my Titos, they will be a great father figure .

Bumuhos ang luha ko nang naisip ulit si Kajik . He will be a wonderful father . He
even wanted to become one noong niloko ko siyang buntis ako sa ibang lalaki . He
had
been very lenient, gentle, and caring towards me . Pero totoo naman kaya iyon? Or
just a show to draw me to him?

Inalis ko iyon sa isipan ko dahil mas lalo lang akong naiiyak . Ang sabi pa naman,
kung anong nararamdaman ko, nararamdaman din ng aking anak .

Tumawag si Mommy noong nag gabi . Nasa Forbes na siya at naghahanda sa mga meeting
kinabukasan . She did not update me of anything relevant, maybe so I will avoid
stress, pero hindi ko na naiwasang magtanong .

"Mom, umalis naa po ba ang mga tauhan ng mga Mercadejas dito?"

"Oh . . . that . Uh, I have yet to ask Arturo later . I'll call you tomorrow pero for
sure . . . wala na ."

Maaga akong natulog sa gabing iyon . Nagising na lamang sa pagsusuka ulit . My

goodness, is this a never ending cycle of hell?

Dumungaw ako sa balkonahe at nakita ang iilang armadong lalaki sa tarangkahan .

Wala
ang mga ito roon kahapon . They are our men but why are they there and visible now?

"Manang," tawag ko nang hindi na napigilan sa agahan .

"Po?" ang matandang kasambahay na nag-ayos sa aking agahan ang natanong ko .

"Bakit po nariyan ang mga tauhan ni Tito Arturo sa gate?"

"Ah . . . Ma'am, bantay lang po yata ."

"Bakit? Andyan pa rin ba ang mga . . . tauhan ng Mercadejas?"

" Opo . Yata . Ang alam ko, medyo dumami rin kaya dinagdagan nina Sir Arturo ang mga
tao ."

"Ah . Sige po, salamat ."

Dumaan ulit ang isang araw . Sa umaga, dinungaw ko ulit ang bintana pagkatapos
magsuka . Nanatili ang mga tao roon sa gate kaya siguro nariyan pa nga ang mga
tauhan .

The investigation will be completed and after that my Mother will now hold her
presscon . Nasa TV na rin ang usap-usapang inuungkat muli ang kaso sa paglubog ng
MV
Dona Analia pero wala pang sinasabing involved kami roon .

Sa sumunod muling araw, naroon pa rin ang mga tauhan kaya sigurado akong hindi pa
rin umaalis ang mga tauhan ng mga Mercadejas . That day, I threw up the whole day!
Nahimatay pa ako nang sinubukan kong maglakad lakad para lang malibang!

Tawag ng mga Tiyuhin at Tiyahin, ni Mommy, at pagbisita ng doktor ang nagpa abala
sa akin sa buong araw na iyon . It's all normal, according to her . My gosh .

The next day, wala nang tao sa tarangkahan . It is my fourth day here at pagsusuka
pa rin ang unang bungad ng araw ko .

I always wonder if Kajik is still working . Nobody is mentioning his name . I don't
ask, too . Iyan tuloy, gusto kong mag tanong ngayon . Pero bakit pa? I should avoid
that topic, right? That' s stress .

I should think more of my health and my baby's health than my feelings . Bakit nga
ba hindi natatapos ang pakiramdam na ito?

"Manang . . ." tawag ko sa tanghalian .

"Po?"

"Nawala po ang mga tauhan ni Tito Arturo," I pointed out .

"Ah . Umalis na raw ho ang mga tauhan ng mga Mercadejas . Kokonti na lang at nasa
paligid pa rin naman ang mga tao ni Sir Arturo kaya huwag kang mag- alala, Ma' am . "

Oh . That was fast . Just three days and they're done chasing me here .

Parang nabigo ako . Nakakahiyang aminin pero nabigo nga ako . All this time I
thought
they are all after me dahil nanatili sila kahit na umalis na si Mommy . Iniisip ko,
hindi si Mommy o ang pananagutan namin sa mga Pastrana ang habol nila kundi ako .
Ako . Ako ang habol ni Jandrik .

Now, I'm wrong .

They only want answers . They only want us to accept our responsibility . Now that
my
Mommy is finally accepting it, they're done here . It's not for me . It's not about
me .

Pinalis ko ang luhang lumandas sa aking mga mata . Iniwas ko ang tingin ko sa
matandang kasambahay na naroon . Kitang-kita ko ang pag-aalala sa mukha ng matanda
kaya ngumiti ako . She opened her mouth to speak . . . something . . . anything
maybe to
create a better atmosphere . . . to probably cheer me up .

" M - Malilinisan at maaayos na po ang hardin siguro, Ma' am . Kaya gaganda na ang
tanawin mo galing sa silid . "

Ngumiti ako . "Nakahanap na ba ng hardinero ang Mommy?" napapaos kong tanong para
na
rin hindi biguin ang matanda sa kanyang pagsubok na aliwin ako .

"Opo . Mamayang gabi ang dating kaya baka bukas . . . magsisimula na iyon ."

Tumango ako, nawalan na ng sasabihin o idudugtong .

Kabanata 34
Kabanata 34

Worse

I cried myself to sleep hugging my pillow tight that night . Hindi maganda ang
pakiramdam ko at marami pang bumabagabag sa isipan ko .

My child will never know a complete family and that's okay . He or she won't be
loved by Jandrik's family, but that's okay . They will accuse my child of being
someone else's child, and I have to be okay about it . I have to be strong for all
their judgement .

Kay dali kong gawing galit ang lahat ng nararamdaman kong ito noon pero sa ngayon,
hindi ko na magawa . May kasalanan ako kaya hindi ko masumbatan ang nangyayari sa
akin . Isa pa, pagod na akong magalit . Pagod na akong maghiganti . My life will
only
be in chaos if I take my anger and turn everything into revenge . That is not the
life that I want for my child . If having a better and peaceful life means giving
up
and swallowing my pride, then I will . All for the sake of my child .

Nagising ako sa isang mapayapang umaga . Ngunit ilang sandali pa lang ng

pagkakadilat ko, nahilo na kaagad ako . Gusto kong bumalik sa pagtulog pero
naduduwal na naman ako kaya dumiretso akong muli sa banyo para magsuka .

Naluluha na ang aking mga mata sa sobra-sobrang pagsusuka . Ilang araw na akong
ganito pero feeling ko mas lalong lumalala habang tumatagal . I will never get used
to this!
Nagtagal ako ng sobra sa banyo . Nang umayos ang pakiramdam, sa sobrang pagpapawis,
naligo na lang din ako at nag-ayos doon . It's still very early that when I went
out
of the bathroom, it's still six thirty in the morning .

Pinapatuyo ang buhok habang palapit sa bintana . Nakasanayan ko nang dumungaw roon
para tingnan kung nariyan pa ba ang mga tauhan ni Tito Arturo kahit na kahapon pa
lang, wala na . Wala na nga roon . Umalis na nga kasi ang mga tauhan ng mga
Mercadejas, tumigil na sa pag-aabang dahil nasa Maynila na si Mommy .

I sighed . My eyes caught a movement somewhere along the thick bushes and vines .
Isang lalaking nakatalikod sa akin ang naroon . Tumigil ako sa pagpapatuyo ng buhok
at hinawi ng konti ang puti at nanganganinag na kurtina sa kuwarto .

The man's physique is a bit familiar . He's tall, lean, and muscular . He is
topless,
wearing only a pair of rough-looking blue jeans . Hindi na kailangang isipin pa
kung
sino ang pumasok sa isipan ko nang nakita ang lalaki . No man could ever make me
take a second look but him .
Ang kaibahan lang nila sa lalaking ito ay ang ayos . He was always in his best
corporate and formal attire, meanwhile the man out here looks dirty . Not in a
green
sense . I stopped thinking and my face heated profusely . Slightly in the green
sense, actually . His lean and muscular body is ripping with enough muscles to
describe him as manly . The way his back curved and the twin dimples at the end of
his spine made my lips protrude . At ang putik sa kanyang maong, imbes na
magpapangit sa buong itsura, mas lalo pang nagpadagdag sa kalahatan .

What the hell is happening to me?

Mamaya paglihian ko pa ito, ha?

He looks dirty . Period . Madungis at hindi sa berdeng paraan, okay? I convinced

myself that since my thoughts are really going nowhere now .

His hair is damp, galing sa pawis . Medyo may kahabaan din ang itim at wala sa ayos
na buhok . May kokonting putik sa siko at kamay . If only he'd face me a bit .
Pumikit
ako ng mariin at pinilig ang ulo ko para pigilan ang linya ng pag-iisip . I
remember
what the doctor said just a few days ago noong binisita ako pagkatapos mahimatay .

"You may feel overly emotional . Parte iyan ng pagbubuntis . And also, your sex
drive
may be heightened ."

Uminit ang pisngi ko sa sinabi .

" Pero depende pa rin iyon sa nagbubunits . I ' m just telling you that all of those
will be normal . Don't be too bothered and enjoy the changes this pregnancy will
make you experience ."

Mabilis akong umalis sa bintana at dumiretso na sa kama . I should not think too
much . I will get exhausted if I did .

Gaya ng madalas, hinahatid sa kuwarto ko ang agahan . Tanghalian ako bababa, kung
kailan madalas bumubuti ang pakiramdam ko .

I stared at Mommy's phone while the housemaid is arranging my meal on a round table
near the window . Simula nang dumating ako rito, hindi ko na ulit nabuhay ang
cellphone ko . Parte ng abiso ng mga tiyuhin ko na gamitin lang ang personal na
linya ni Mommy, huwag na ang sa akin, at baka tawagan pa ako ng mga Mercadejas .

Mommy usually call early in the morning, gaya sa oras na ito kaya nang tumunog ang
cellphone, alam kong siya na kaagad iyon .

"Good morning, Andra . How are you today?" bungad niya .

"I'm fine, Mommy . Magbi-breakfast pa lang . How about you?" I asked .

Pinagmasdan ko ang paglalagay ng spread noong kasambahay sa aking crackers . The

salad looks yummy but I know what will happen next . Isang subo ko nito, okay na
ako . Kung dadagdagan ko pa, masusuka na ako . Everything is making me hungry but I
still vomit them all out of my system .

"Any cravings for today? We can let them buy whatever you want," she said ignoring
my sincere question .

"Hmm . Ewan ko, Mommy . Kumusta po? Kumain na ba kayo? You're not answering my
question, Mommy ."
"Oh, dear! I'm sorry . I'm more worried about you . Yes, kumain na ako ng breakfast
.
I'm on the way to another board meeting now . The investigation will conclude very
soon . . ." tumigil siya sa pagsasalita .

"Tapos? Kumusta po?"

"Huwag mo nang alalahanin, okay? Let me handle it ."

I can sense something else . May munti8k na siyang masabi pero hindi niya gustong
sabihin . Ano naman kaya iyon? I wonder if Jandrik is in her board meeting?

Sinapo ko ang noo ko at pumikit nang narinig ang pagliko ng topic niya .

"By the way, andiyan na ba ang hardinero? My first order for Elias is to clear the
unwanted wild bushes in front of the view of your room bago ang buong bakuran .
Kumusta naman? "

"Uh, ayos na po . Konti na lang ang baging noong dumungaw ako kanina ."

"Hm . Don't fool me . Can't be that fast . I only hired one!"

Umikot ang mga mata ko at bumaling sa mas batang kasambahay . Nanatili siya sa
loob,
reminds me of Heather but this one probably won't fire sarcasms at me .

"Why don't you ask the housemaid if you won't believe me?"

Bago pa makaapila si Mommy, I turned the loudspeaker on .

"Ate, are the vines in the view of my window all cleared up? Mommy wants to know
."

Sumulyap ng konti ang kasambahay sa bintana at tumango sa akin . Nakita niya ang
cellphone na inilalapit ko sa kanya bago siya nagsalita .

"Opo, Madame . Medyo malinis na po ang tanawin galing sa kuwarto niya ."

"Oh? That's good . But I do hope Elias hired only one gardener? Kapag marami,
hindi
ako napapanatag at baka pa espiya o ano man 'yan ."

"Isa lang po, Ma-dame . Medyo masipag lang po . Kahit kadarating lang kagabi, maaga
agad nagbungkal kaninang madaling araw ."

I pouted and imagined the back of that man holding a large shovel and putting some
unwanted shrubs and vines on the wheel barrow . It made me smile a bit . I don' t
know
why i find it funny .

"Ganoon ba? Mabuti naman kung ganoon nga . Anyway, Andra, don't think too much
about
the company . I can handle it . I'll be with Heather later for the meeting . Don't
try
to call her and bug her about this, cuz I will know . Isa pa, walang sasabihin iyon
dahil nag-aalala ng husto sa kalagayan mo ."

I sighed . Inunahan na ako sa sunod kong plano . Dapat tatawag ako kay Heather para
mangumusta pero parang malabo na ngayon .

"Yes, Mommy ."

"Magpahinga ka na lang diyan, okay?"

"Okay ."
After the call, I ate a bit of my food until I' m dizzy . Niligpit na agad iyon at
gumapang na lang ako sa kama para makatulog ulit bago pa may maisuka . Inabot pa ng
ilang minuto bago ko napilit ang sariling bumigay sa antok but it was an exhausting
sleep .

Padarag akong diniin sa malamig na baldosa ng banyo . My boobs got a bit shocked
because of the sudden coldness of the tiled wall on my skin . Napanood ko ang
maliliit na daliring pinako ng malalaking daliri niya . I soft and long moan tore
up
my throat when I felt him thrust so deep and hard behind me .

My legs shivered so bad when I felt myself on the brink of something so great .
Halik na punong puno ng pagnanasa at kamunduhan ang iginawad niya sa aking leeg
pababa sa aking likod bago ako muling itinulak sa kawalan .

"Jandrik!" I moaned out loud when I felt myself pulsate so hard and wild!

"You moan this way and yet dare to leave me again, huh?" he said taunting me a bit
.

Hinanghina akong sumandal sa kanya habang dinadama ang sariling kamunduhan .

Binitiwan niya ang kamay ko at inilipat ang hawak sa aking baywang, positioning me
the way he want it to so he could continue thrusting until he's finished!

Naramdaman ko ang panibagong sensasyon, overlapping the first one that I had when
he pushed me again and again .

Dumilat ako sa parehong umaga pero ibang oras lamang at sariwang sariwa pa ang
nararamdaman sa panaginip na iyon . I cursed softly and immediately put my thighs
together . I felt the remnants of that wild explosion in me, right now, while I am
awake! It is so real na kung wala ako sa sarili baka aakalain ko nang totoo ang
nangyaring iyon!

Bumangon ako . Uminit ang aking pisngi nang naalala ang kabuuan ng panaginip . I
hope
I forget all about it . Damn it!

Sa ilang sandaling pagkakaupo sa kama, mabilis agad akong nahilo . Nagsuka ako sa
banyo at nang medyo bumuti ang pakiramdam, nag-ayos ng konti bago nagdesisyong
lumabas .

It's almost eleven . Siguro nagluluto na ng tanghalian si Manang . Wala akong gana
pero pakiramdam ko may gusto akong kainin . Hindi ko lang alam kung ano iyon .

Hinihilot ang sentido, bumaba ako sa hagdanan . I am wearing a white sheer

longsleeves night dress with a furry bed slippers Pinasadahan ko ng tingin ang
buong tanggapan at wala akong naririnig na kahit ano bukod sa vintage record
player .

This mansion is old . Hindi na naayos pa ang electrical wirings at iba pang disenyo
kaya ultimo ang stereo ay ganoon . I even heard Tito Arturo complaining about the
house's poor security system . Walang alarm kung may intruder, wala ring installed
CCTV . Ayaw ding ipaayos ni Mommy dahil baka hindi iyon magustuhan ni Tito Renato .
Ayan tuloy, mga tauhan talaga ang pinagbantay ni Tito Arturo . Wala pa naman akong
maipipintas sa mga tauhan ni Tito . They are all very efficient and loyal to our
family . Hindi iyan mababayaran kahit triplehin pa ng mga Mercadejas .

Bukod sa tugtugin, nakarinig ako ng pag-irit ng bakal galing sa labas . Marahan

akong lumapit sa portico at sa malayo, natanaw ang kanina pa nagtatrabaho na
hardinero .

He put the wheel barrow down . He squatted gracefully and with force, pinaghahablot
ang mga ligaw na damo sa parteng iyon ng bakuran .

I tilted my head as I watch him on his back . Kumalabog ang puso ko .

Jandrik will never be that dirty . I can't seem to remember a time when he was that
sweaty and tanned for working labor work that hard . Bakit ko ba iniisip iyon? I
should stop comparing him to almost everyone, alright .

Then I heard soft laughs from the two younger housemaids we have . Namataan ko sila
galing sa backdoor . Nagtutulakan ang dalawang hija, nagtatawanan, nagkakahiyaan .
Ngumuso ako . The hardworking man is oblivious of the girls' shyness and eagerness
to come near him .

Nilingon niya ang mga ito . I squinted a bit . Hindi naman sira ang mga mata ko
pero
sa layo, hindi ko makita ng lubusan ang itsura ng lalaki in side view . He looks
familiar .

One of the girls said something nervously . Sa layo rin, hindi ko marinig ng husto
kung ano iyon . In a baritone so low, the man answered, too . Hindi ko rin alam ano
iyon .

Bumalik siya sa pagtatrabaho nang hindi man lang nilingon muli ang mga kasambahay
na naghagikhikan . Mabilis umalis pareho ang mga babae at nagtutulukan, halatang
binibigyang malisya ang nangyari o utos siguro sa kanila ni Manang .

Ano kaya 'yon? Kakain na raw ng tanghalian? Tinawag ba siya? Hindi ko nakakasabay
ang mga kasambahay . May sarili silang kusina at hapagkainan sa likod ng mansion,
kung nasaan naroon din ang quarters nila .

Nagtiim-bagang ako at unti-unting bumaba sa puting hagdanan ng portico . Ni hindi

ko
na namalayan na nilabas ko ang kulay kremang pambahay na tsinelas . It' s too late .
Nakaapak na ako sa medyo maputik at madamong bakuran namin .

I don't really know what I am up to but with a slight glimpse of the man in side
view a while ago, my heart is beating so loud that I can' t seem to stop . I want to
see him clearly . For some reason .

Mas lalong bumilis ang pintig ng puso ko habang naglalakad . I am halfway to him
and
if he faces me right now, I'd definitely see him clearly! Gumilid ang kanyang
mukha . Natigilan ako sa sobrang kaba .

His jaw was defined . I saw it move slightly in a clenched manner . His eyes were
dark and brooding . Nakaawang ang kanyang labi . His nose flaring from the heat and
hardwork . Kaya niya akong lingunin pero hindi niya ginawa . Tumigil siya sa
trabaho
buong sandaling paggilid ng kanyang mukha .

He noticed me . I'm sure of it .

Unti-unti niyang binalik ang tingin sa ginagawa at nagpatuloy sa pagpapala ng lupa
.
Nilagay niya ang pinalang lupa sa wheel barrow . Paulit-ulit niya iyong ginagawa,
with muscles more defined each time he shoves the soil up .

Gumilid din ang paglalakad ko, gustong dumistansya ng konti para lang makita ang
hardinero ng hindi sobrang lapit . He stopped for a while . I can sense that he
knows
what I am doing . Sa huli, he resumed what he's doing . I saw how his arms gripped
forcefully on the shovel . Parang galit pa yata siya dahil sa paglapit ko rito .

"H-Hi! I'm Andra . Y-You are?" kabado kong tanong .

Menacing and dark, he looked at me with the same brooding eyes . I swallowed hard
and my eyes widened when I realized and understand what I am feeling .

"J-Jandrik!?" marahan kong sinabi .

His brow shot up . Ramdam na ramdam ko ang galit na hinaluan ng pagsusumamo sa mga
mata . His lips twisted and before anyone of us could say another word, isang tawag
galing sa matandang kasambahay ang narinig ko .

"Ma'am Andra, handa na ang iyong tanghalian . Hinanap kita buong bahay, buti na
lang
at naisipan kong dumungaw at baka kanina pa ako nagtawag ng tauhan ni Sir Arturo
para mapahanap ka sa buong lupain," nagmamadaling lumapit ang matanda sa aming
dalawa .

My eyes are glued on him . His ruthless and defiant eyes are on me, too .

"Hija," the old woman called again .

My heart thundered so bad . Bakit siya narito? He tricked the security and
disguised
himself as a labor worker!

Inalalayan ako ng matandang manang at sa dami ng tanong, sa pagkakahilo na rin,

hinayaan ko siyang alalayan ako paalis doon .

"Ayos ka lang, hija?" she asked slowly as we walked back to the mansion .

Hindi ako makasagot . Masyado akong maraming iniisip at ang damdamin ko ay mabilis
na tinatago .

What just happened?

I saw Jandrik on our frontyard! Nagbubungkal ng lupa and on an attire he doesn't

usually wear! What the hell?

Nasa harap na ako ng hapag at isa-isa kong nililingon ang mga nagsasalin ng tubig
at nag-aayos ng pagkaing naroon . They looked innocent . Walang alam sa nangyayari
sa
kalooblooban ko . Walang pagdududa sa kahit anong nangyayari rito sa mansion .

Sa bagay, hindi pa nila kailanman nakikita si Kajik . Nanatili sila rito bilang
caretaker at nasisiguro kong puwedeng pangalan lang ang alam nila sa asawa ko, wala
nang iba!

"Kumain ka na," the old woman urged me innocently, walang pagdududa sa aking
reaksyon> Sanay na wala akong gana lagi kaya hindi na inalintana ang mood .

Sumubo ako at dahan-dahang nginuya ang pagkain habang naiisip ang lahat . Bakit
nandito siya?

Should I call my Titos and tell them? Should I call the security?

Naalala ko ang paghahamon at kadiliman sa itsura niya kanina . I don't think he'll
back down if ever the security knew about him . He'd fight, I'm sure! Oh my gosh!
At
hindi maganda ang bilin ni Tito Arturo sa mga security! He asked them to fire! And
knowing Jandrik, he'd probably die first than show any kind of weakness! Damn it!

Ayokong mamatay ang ama ng anak ko!

Well, I wanted us to be separated or divorced but . . . at least he'll be alive by

then!
"Aakyat na po muna ako," sabi ko sa matanda pagkatapos ng ilang subo ng pagkain .

Nahihilo na naman ako pero bukod doon, mas gusto kong mapag-isa para matawagan na
si Heather . Sa lahat ng puwedeng hingan ko ng impormasyon, siya lang ang
nasisiguro
kong makukumbinsi ko na magsabi .

"Heather," I said at her first hello .

Hinawi ko ang kurtina ng bintana sa aking kuwarto . Nakikita kong nagtatrabaho pa

rin si Kajik sa hardin, walang humpay at halos nasusunog na ang balat!

"Andra!" natataranta niyang sinabi . "Are you allowed to call me?"

"Heather, where are you? Still in that meeting?"

"H-Huh? Tapos na . M-Medyo mabilis natapos . Bakit?"

"Sinu-sino ang nasa meeting? Andon ba si Jandrik?"

"A-Andra . . . Uh . . . Uhmm . . ."

I knew it! She's not allowed to say anything to me .

" Look, Andra . Alam ko ang kalagayan mo ngayon . Hindi lang ito dahil bilin sa akin
ng Mommy mo o ni Tito Arturo, ako rin, nag-aalala sa'yo kaya mas gugustuhin kong
walang sabihin para wala ka nang isipin pa . Kaya ' to ng Mommy mo at ng mga Tito
mo-"

"Bakit sila lang? Where's Jandrik?" mariin kong sinabi kahit alam ko na ang sagot
.

"Uh . . . Andra, I'm really sorry . Let's just not talk about him-"

"Heather, tell me!" utos ko .

Hindi siya nagsalita . Naririnig ko ang mabilis niyang hininga . I can imagine her
very stressed and confused because of my pressuring questions .

"I am not asking you as your boss . I am asking as your friend . I want to know
where
is he? What happened to him? Their company? Or his family . . ."

"Andra..." she pleaded .

I am growing and growing impatient by the minute . Heather is very trustworthy na

nasisiguro kong talagang hindi niya sasabihin sa akin, hindi dahil utos 'yon, dahil
para sa aking kapakanan .

"Magkaibigan tayo, Andra . Pero mas gugustuhin kong isipin mong masama akong
kaibigan kesa sa ipahamak pa kita . I know you're pregnant and in a very delicate
one . I don't want you stressed with anything . . ." naiiyak niyang sinabi .

"I am your friend too so I will tell you what I know now, Heather . He's here in
our
Badiangan mansion, disguised as our gardener! Huwag mong sabihin kahit kanino at
baka mapahamak pa siya . But I want to know why is he here? Bakit wala siya riyan- "

"Oh my god!" she hyperventilated .

Mabilis na rin ang hininga ko . Paulit-ulit niyang sinabi iyon, halatang sobrng
gulat at taranta . Kinalma ko ang sarili ko . Naupo ako dahil nahihilo .
Ilang sandali pa bago siya tuluyang nagsalita, medyo naiiyak at nag-aalinlangan pa
rin .
"A few days ago he was here, calm and collected . He was declared CEO of Philippine
Islands Ferries Corporation ."

"What?"

"Then he stepped down on the MERC, leaving the chief position empty . A-Ang dumalo
kanina sa meeting ay si Uriel Mercadejas at Ali Mercadejas . A-And . . . I saw his
mother enter your Mom' s office a while ago . They are still talking right now . "

Kinagat ko ang labi ko .

"All the new deals and accounts the MERC has are lossing their faith on the
company
noong dineklara na bumaba siya sa puwesto . They are threatening withdrawals of
deals ."

Shit . Their company is in chaos!

"Kagagaling lang niya sa Paris, ah-"

"Yes, all their transactions were halted because he stepped down as CEO ."

Umikot ang tingin ko . Ayaw kong magsisi si Heather sa lahat ng sinabi niya kaya
hindi ko na inamin pa .

"Thank you . Please keep my secrets, Heather . I'll call again soon ."

"Andra, I'm worried about you-"

Pinutol ko na ang tawag at dumiretso na ako sa banyo dahil naduduwal na naman ako .
The vomitting exhausted me . Kaya naman itinulog ko na lang iyon tanghali hanggang
hapon . Hindi na ako nakapag- isip ng mabuti . My tiredness won' t let me think about
anything .

Dumilat ako sa isang payapang hapon . Hindi na gaanong maaraw kaya hula ko palubog
na iyon . Para akong sinabuyan ng malamig na tubig sa pagkakaahon sa kama nang
naisip ang nangyari .

Kajik is here! As our gardener! Was that a dream? Or not? No, it's true!

Pabalikwas akong bumaba sa kama para tingnan ang hardin ngunit wala siya roon .
Nasisiguro kong totoong siya iyong nakita ko! Kaya asan siya? Did they find out
that it's him?

"Manang?" nagmamadali akong bumaba sa hagdanan .

Luminga-linga ako at nang nakita ang pagmamadali rin ni Manang na sumungaw sa

pintuan, dumiretso na ako sa kusina kung nasaan siya .

"Oh, anong nangyari? May problema ba?" she asked worriedly .

I craned my neck to look out of the kitchen's window pero wala pa rin akong nakita
.
Nilingon ko si Manang, nag-aabang siya sa sasabihin ko .

"'Yong hardinero p-po?"

"Uh . . . Wala ba diyan?" sinubukan niya ring tingnan ang bintana .

I sighed at that answer . He wasn't thrown out or killed! Nataranta ako roon, ah?

" Baka nasa likod o ' di kaya nagpahinga saglit . Hindi nagpapahinga iyon sa
katatrabaho, e . Bakit?"

Mabilis akong umiling . That's just embarassing . Why should I care that much for
our
gardener?

"Wala lang po . . ."

Bumuntong-hininga si Manang at naupo na sa silya . Pinagpatuloy niya ang

nililistang
kung ano .

"May pinaglilihian ka bang pagkain? Mamamalengke ako bukas at kung may gusto ka,
sabihin mo lang ."

"W-Wala naman po ."

After a few blank moments, unti-unti na akong naglakad patungo sa walang taong
sala . Nagpatuloy ako hanggang sa portico . Hindi na ako lumabas pa . Humawak na
lang
sa bilugang haligi ng portico habang pinagmamasdan si Kajik na nagtatabas ng baging
at ligaw na damo sa malayo .

Bakit ba talaga siya nandito? Tumalikod siya sa kanilang kompanya, hindi ba? Pero
bumili siya ng stocks sa mga Pastrana . Does he want a divorce? Bakit pa siya
maghahardinero kung iyon nga ang sadya niya? May iba ba siyang dahilan? Ano naman
kaya?

Tumayo siya at lumingon sa banda ko . I almost got choked by my own stupid heart .
Sa
sobrang lakas ng kalabog nito, umabot na hanggang lalamunan ko! The way he looked
at me sharply made me gasp . His jaw clenched and the same old fear and excitement
for him surfaced .

Nagalit ako . Nagalit sa aking sarili dahil hanggang ngayon, marami na ang
nangyari,
ganoon pa rin ako - tanga . Para sa kanya . Nagalit ako . Sa kanya . Dahil ganoon pa
rin siya, pagkatapos ng mahabang panahon . Still undecided and mysterious . He
didn' t
want to marry me, he said, but he married me anyway . He gets the stocks of
Millicent' s company, and he' s here anyway .

Hindi ko na namalayan na sa galit ko, lumapit na ako sa kanya . I bit back all the
hurtful words that are formulating in my mind and replaced it with more sensible
ones .

"Bakit ka narito?" sa nanginginig na labi ay tinanong ko siya .

He sighed heavily . I can sense the extreme control he needs not to lash out .
Humakbang siya palapit sa akin at hindi ko alam na magpapasalamat pa ako na
maggagabi na, hindi kami kita dahil sa kawalan ng ilaw sa parteng iyon .

Umatras ako, never minding the rocky terrain .

"Umalis ka na at isusumbong kita sa pamilya ko!" banta ko . "Kapag nalaman nila na

nandito ka, alam mo ba ang mangyayari sa'yo!?"

Agresibo ako kahit na umaatras . Umaatras ako dahil humahakbang siya palapit sa
akin . The strong scent of musk and his manly whiff made me shudder . All my senses
got awakened dahil lang sa lapit naming dalawa, hindi ko alam bakit ganito .
"Trespassers will be shot, do you know that?" hindi pa rin ako natatapos hanggang
muntik na akong madapa patalikod, kung hindi lang sa punong naroon!

Kasabay ng pagbagsak ko sa malaking puno ng Molave, ang siyang pagsubok kong

pagtulak sa kanya . Sinamantala niya ang nangyari para mas lalo akong malapitan
pero
imbes na maitulak ko siya, naipako niya pa ang kamay ko sa puno! I paused a bit
when I remember that friging dream . Damn it!

Ang isang kamay niya'y nakahawak sa palapulsuhan ko . Damang dama ko ang paghihila
niya at pagpipigil na rin . Hindi ko maintindihan . It was like as if he wanted to
drag me out of here but he's stopping himself from doing it . Mataman ko siyang
tiningnan . Sa dilim, kita ko ang kanyang mga mata . His eyes are bloodshot, mad,
and
frustrated .

"Then tell them and let them shoot me," he growled lowly .

Kinagat ko ang labi ko . Gusto kong sumigaw pero alam ko rin na hindi ko iyon
magagawa . I cannot sell him to them . I can't do it . I can't .

Bahagya niya pa ring hinihila ang kamay ko . The dirt on his hand spread on mine .

"I should be the one asking you why you're here!" he said indignantly .

Galit ako sa kanya ngayo pero habang tinititigan ko ang mga mata niya, mas lalo
kong natatanto na mas galit siya . Sobrang galit siya . I could never fathom how he
can still control the way he's holding me with the resentment I saw in his eyes .

"Dapat lang na iwan kita . You deserve it . You're a lying and cheating husband!" I
spat mercilessly .

Pumikit siya at bahagyang umiling sa sarili bago dumilat . Hindi ko alam kung
naglalaro ba ang ilaw o talagang kumikislap ang mga mata niya . I saw how his eyes
gently caressed my face . . . my lips . Mas lalong humigpit ang hawak niya sa aking
palapulsuhan . His frustration is dripping so much, that mine felt like nothing
compared to his .

"I'm sorry," he said calmly . "I was busy with the conference . It was my turn to
speak so I couldn't answer your call . . ."

"Talaga? Or you were busy talking and dealing with your ex fiancee?"

Nanatili ang mga mata niya sa akin . Kung nagulat man siya, hindi ko iyon nahalata
.
He only paused and watch me let it out .

"I did not deal with Millicent . I did not meet her . She wanted to meet me in
Paris
but I didn't because I know it will upset you!"

Fuck!

" Oh talaga? Inisip mo ba ' yan noong binili mo ang stocks nila? It will upset me so
you shouldn't help their family?! Huh?" galit kong sinabi . "That I don't care if
you are friends with her family!"

Pumikit siya at bumuntong hininga . " Baby. . . " he pleaded to stop me from bursting
out . Too late, though .

"I do not care if you are loyal! If you care for them! I do not care, Jandrik! Oo
at selfish na ako! Pero iyon ang totoo!"
 Tinulak ko siya para sana makawala kahit na alam kong hawak niya ako, walang
paraan
para makawala sa kanya . Hinding- hindi niya ako bibitiwan . He used his right leg
to
block my left leg from running away . Skillfully, ipinatong niya ang paa ko sa
malaking ugat ng puno . Bahagya niyang idiniin ang kanyang katawan sa akin jarring
me to immobility .

"Let's talk, please . Don't run away from me ."

Tinulak ko siya pero hindi siya natinag . I pushed and punched his iron-clad chest
even though it did nothing to him .

"I bought stocks from the Pastranas para hindi ka na kumuha ng pera sa kompanya
n'yo . I will sacrifice my stocks and pay for the damages and the victims . I could
not disprove their accusations, Andra," he said calmly .

"W-What?!" Hindi ako gulat tungkol kay Daddy dahil alam ko na iyon . Gulat ako sa
dahilan niya .

"In exchange, I asked them to delay the revelation and wait until I stand as CEO .
Hindi ko sinabi sa'yo dahil sinusubukan ko pang maghanap ng ebidensyang magsasabing
hindi totoo ang paratang nila sa Daddy mo . "

"Y-You . . . You fooled them!?"

Sa lahat ng puwede niyang gawin sa mga Pastrana, ito ang pinakanakakagulat . Hindi
ko kailanman naisip na kaya niyang gawin iyon . Mas kaya ko pang isipin na
tumutulong siya dahil nagmamagandang loob ang kanyang pamilya .

But this time . . . he is indirectly telling me that he fooled them . He made them
believe that he genuinely want their company to prosper .

He watched me with gentle eyes . Ngayon, nasisiguro ko na luha ang kumikislap sa

kanyang mga mata .

"You . . . fooled them?"

"I will give the remains of their ships and other assets to your Lines . It will
end
their empire . . . completely," he said ruthlessly .

My jaw dropped at that . Hindi ko alam ang sasabihin ko . Binitiwan niya ang kamay
ko . His eyes drifted on my lips and then he looked away . Ramdam ko ang kanyang
pagkabigo .

"Guess what, baby?" he whispered languidly .

Kinagat ko ang labi ko .

"I am fucking worse than your father when it comes to you ."

Kabanata 35
Kabanata 35

Stupid

Hinabol ako ng nag-uumapaw na damdamin . Kasabayan pa nito ang pagkahilo at ang

unti-unting pagbaliktad ng sikmura . Ang tanging nagawa ko ay ang tumakbo palayo
sa
kanya, not because I don't want to face him but because I have yet to think all of
these through . At least after I calm myself down .

Mahabang mga minuto ang iginugol ko sa loob ng banyo dahil sa pagsusuka . At kahit
wala nang maisuka, hindi pa rin ako makatayo dahil sa sobrang pagkahilo .

Sa dami ng pinproseso ng utak ko pagkatapos marinig ang lahat ng mga sinabi ni

Kajik, isa lang ang nasisiguro ko ngayon . Hindi nagbabago ang desisyon kong huwag
ipaalam na buntis ako . Not because I am following the orders of my family, but
because I want to protect my child .

He fooled the Pastranas . He made them trust him wholeheartedly only to fail them
eventually . Kung totoo ang sinabi niya, it will be very bad for his family . I
don't
think they knew about his plan . Hindi ganoon ang magiging reaksyon ni Senyora at
ni
Tita Lucianna sa akin kung alam nila .

Wala akong makukuhang impormasyon kay Mommy . Hindi nila pinapaalam sa akin ang
kahit ano at si Heather naman, limitado lang din ang alam .

I feel bad for everything . I feel bad for immediately accusing Jandrik of
cheating
on me when his actions were reasonable . I feel bad for the Pastranas . Naagrabyado
sila ni Daddy at ngayon, Jandrik is determined to ruin them . . . kung hindi pa sila
sirang- sira na ngayon . I feel bad for the victims of my father' s mistakes . I feel
bad for Jandrik' s family . He broke their trust and he left them .

Para ano?

Para pumunta rito sa akin at maging hardinero? No . Maybe to explain it to me and

there's just no other way to talk to me but do this .

Is it wise to keep my situation a secret? I can' t decide yet . Gusto kong pag-
isipan
pa ito ng mabuti . Telling Jandrik about it will put everything in chaos, not that
it is not in chaos right now .

Mahimbing ang naging tulog ko sa gabing iyon pagkatapos ipadala na lang ang hapunan
sa silid . Kinaumagahan, gaya ng nakaraan, bumati ulit ang pagduduwal pagkagising
ko . Nag-ayos at nagbihis nang bumuti ang pakiramdam bago dumungaw sa bintana .

I saw him again on our garden, removing some unwanted shrubs . Naisip ko kagabi na
baka magdesisyon na siyang bumalik pagkatapos magpaliwanag kahapon pero nagkamali
ako .

Nahihilo pa ako pero sinikap kong makababa at nang sa ganoon sa baba na rin makain
ang agahan . Nasalubong ko ang isa sa mga kasambahay na paakyat, kasama ang aking
pagkain .

"Pa lagay na lang sa portico . Doon na ako kakain," I asked, a bit nervous .

"Sige po," sagot ng kasambahay .

Nauna pa siyang bumaba sa akin . Marahan ang bawat lakad ko patungo sa portico .
Nilalapag ng kasambahay ang mga kubyertos at pagkain ko sa bilugang lamesa habang
nakahawak ako sa hamba ng pintuan kakatingin sa hardinero sa malayo .

Ngumuso ako para itago ang wala sa lugar na ngiti . Last night, I felt like a huge
and heavy thing has been lifted out of my heart . Kung hindi lang ako pagod o
masama
ang pakiramdam, inilaan ko na ang buong gabi sa pag-iisip ng husto .
Jandrik's bloodshot and teary eyes pokes my heart everytime I think about it .
Bata
pa ako, ako ang palaging umiiyak, galit, at frustrated sa harap niya . Never in my
wildest dreams would I ever think of him that way, just for me . Nagalit at
nafrustrate siya noong binalikan ko siya at binalitaang buntis ako pero hindi
kasing madamdamin at malamyos sa nakita ko sa mga mata niya kagabi .

Maybe I am so much in love that I think his eyes reflected it? Maybe I am only
assuming that he's being so gentle to me because of his feelings . . . hindi ko alam
.
Basta masaya ako sa nakita ko sa kanya kagabi . Hindi ako matahimik, kababalik sa
itsura niya .

A man so wild and brutal like him holding me gently as his eyes speak of deep
sorrow and hopeful love . A smile touched my lips . Naupo ako sa silya .

"Umalis po si Manang . Kung may kailangan ka, Ma'am, kami na lang po ang tawagin
n'yo," the younger househelp said .

"Tatawagin ko na lang kayo sa kusina o sa kuwarto kung may kailangan ako," sabi ko
urging her to leave me alone .

"Sige po ."

Mag-isa nga ako roon . Jandrik is on my view doing his usual labor things .

He grew up in a province but for some reason, hindi ko kailanman na picture-out na

kaya niyang marumihan ng ganito . Tumigil ako sa pag-inom ng tubig nang biglaang
may
naalala .

It slipped off my mind because of all the things he told me last night . Galit si
Tita Lucianna at Senyora sa akin . I wonder if he was allowed to come here? Or do
they even know at all na nandito siya at ganito ang ginagawa niya? I bet not . They
would never let him come near me . The lying, cheating, whore of a wife . I smiled
bitterly . Nilapag ko ang tubig .

Nagtama ang tingin namin nang nagsimula na siyang maglakad habang tulak ang wheel
barrow . Topless, sweaty, and dirty in the early morning, he still looked graceful
.
Umayos ako sa pagkakaupo ko at pormal na nag-ayos ng crackers . Sumulyap ako ng
konti sa kanya at nakita kong diretso ang mariin niyang tingin sa akin habang
dumadaan sa tanawin ko .

Tumikhim ako at bahagyang naging uneasy . His jaw clenched and then he looked away
.
Diretso na ang tingin niya ngayon sa dinadaanan . Lumagkit naman ang mga mata ko sa
kanya, hindi kayang lubayan siya hanggang sa nawala sa harap .

I slouched and sighed .

What is his plan? To stay here and just do that? I don't understand .

Hindi ko na alam kung oras na ba ang lumipas pero naka ilang balik na siya sa
likod
at naka ilang bungkal na siya ng lupa, hindi pa rin ako tapos sa pagkain ko .
Muling
nagpakita ang kasambahay sa pag-aakalang tapos na ako Pinaligpit ko na lang ang
ibang pagkain pero nanatili pa rin ako sa portico, nanonood sa kay Jandrik .

Damn it! I am not sure if it's the hormones or I am just this way in very
beginning .

Watching him sweating and sun burned fuels me . Para akong uhaw at ang tanawin
niya
ang tubig ko . This is surely just because of the hormones . Of course, dapat hindi
halata!
Kaya kapag bumabaling siya sa akin minsan, nagtataas ako ng kilay at nag-iiwas ng
tingin para kunwari maarte at walang pakealam sa kanya .

Alas nuebe ng umaga, naroon pa rin ako sa portico . Such a miracle, huh . I
shouldn't
be there but I can't help it . I watched him sweat and sigh . At kung hindi lang
ako
ma pride, kanina pa ako naglalaway rito . He turned his head to me and I
immediately
choked on my freaking heart . What the hell?

Tumikhim ulit ako para istorbohin ang sarili . Look how different we are . I' m
wearing my white sheer dress robe, clean and very comfortable . Meanwhile, Jandrik
is all dirty and sweaty .

"Ma'am, pasensya na po . . ."

Halos napatalon ako sa biglaang tawag ng kasambahay . Gusto kong magalit sa pang
iistorbo pero 'di ko nagawa kasi naunahan niya ako sa sasabihin .

"Tumawag kasi si Madame at tinatanong kung ayos ka lang ba kasi 'di mo raw
sinasagot ang tawag ."

"Ah, ganoon ba . Sige . . . Aakyat na ako at tatawag na ."

Tumayo ako at binalingan si Kajik na nakatitig na sa akin . Kahit sa malayo, nakita

ko ang pag- angat ng kanyang kilay . Taas noo akong bumaling sa kasambahay at ' di na
siya muling nilingon nang umalis para matawagan si Mommy .

"What happened? Bakit 'di ka sumasagot . My goodness, Andra . I'm so worried!"

"I'm sorry, Mommy . I'm fine, po . Uh . . . Nasa baba lang the whole time . Hindi ko
naalala ang cellphone . "

"Well, I'm happy that you are finally busy with something but please don't forget
that I will call, Andra . Wala nga akong problema rito pero ikaw naman ang
pinoproblema ko diyan . "

Napakurap-kurap ako sa sinabi niya .

"Everything's fine, Mommy?"

"Uh . . . Hmm . . . Tsk . Don't ask, Andra! Ayaw kong mastress ka ."

"Bakit? Sabi mo wala namang problema, paano ako masstress?"

"May gagawin pa ako . Text me when you need anything, okay?"

Like usual, wala ngang impormasyon galing kay Mommy . Heather seems fine, too .
Hindi
ko nga lang alam kung dahil ba iyon muli siyang tumahimik o talagang ayos nga lang
ang kompanya .

Alas onse nang natanaw ko ang nagtutulakang dalawang kasambahay sa likod pa lang
ng
mansion . Gigil akong bumaba at sumugod galing sa kusina para lang maabutan ang
dalawa .

"Anong ginagawa ninyo?" I asked .

Nagulat ang dalawa at bumaling sa akin . Nilapitan nila ako . I know exactly what
they are trying to do but . . . I can do it!

"Uh, nahihiya po kasi kaming magsabi sa hardinero, Ma'am, na nakahanda na ang

tanghalian niya ."

Namumula ang dalawa at nahihiya ring umamin sa akin . Pinasadahan ko ng tingin ang
likod ng bahay kung nasaan ang quarters nila . I ' ve never been there but I know
that
they have their own dining area .

"Ganun ba? Ako na ang magsasabi ."

Nagtanguan ang dalawa sa akin at mabilis na lumapit para pumasok na sa mansion .

"Kakain na rin ako ng tanghalian ko . Maghanda na kayo . 'Tsaka, huwag kayong

umalis
sa dining area at baka may ilan pa akong utos . Mamaya na kayo kumain," utos ko .

"Opo, Ma'am . Walang problema ."

Nag-unahan na ang dalawang pumasok . Sinundan ko sila ng tingin at nang nakita na

abala na sa pag-aayos ng lamesa para sa akin, naglakad na ako palapit kay Jandrik .
Bumaling siya sa banda ko at nagtagal na ang tingin niya sa akin . Taas noo akong
lumapit, sinisiguradong maarte at pormal .

Nang nasa tamang distansya na, humarap siya sa akin kaya tumigil ako sa paglalakad
.
His eyes roamed on my body shamelessly before settling on my eyes again . I coughed
fakely .

"Handa na ang tanghalian mo," sabi ko .

Nagpunas siya ng pawis sa leeg at sa kamay, hindi natanggal ang tingin niya sa
akin . Something about his light stare made me think it has malice . Umawang ang
bibig niya at humakbang ng dalawang beses . Agad akong nasakal sa pagsambulat ng
puso ko .

"Tapusin ko lang 'to ."

He then turned to the wheel barrow . His eyes fell down on my body again then
lazily
drifted unto the what he's doing .

God knows how much I want to say so many things pero hindi ko ginawa . Hindi ko
kaya . Kaya sinayang ko ang pagkakataong iyon na magsalita . Mukha rin naman kasing
wala siyang planong magsalita .

"Okay," sabi ko at umalis na agad ng hindi na siya tinitingnan .

I ate my lunch in a very bad disposition . Isang malaking effort na hindi ko

damayin
ang mga kasambahay . Imbes na mag alburoto pa lalo, nagpahinga na lang ako sa
kuwarto at pinalipas ang nararamdaman .

It's all just hormones, I thought . Pero paggising ko pagkatapos ng mahabang

siesta,
ganoon pa rin ang nararamdaman . I am very frustrated . Dumungaw ako sa bintana at
nakitang nagtatrabaho pa rin siya na parang walang bumabagabag sa kanya habang ako
rito, marami nang iniisip .

Bumaba ako at muling tumambay sa portico, iyon nga lang wala na siya sa tanawin .
Siguro nagpahinga sa kanilang quarters . Iyon ang inisip ko hanggang sa nakita ko
ang mga kasambahay na naglalapag ng merienda sa harap ko . Ang merienda niya kaya?

"Nag merienda na ang hardinero?" tanong ko .

 "Uh, ihahatid pa lang po namin, Ma'am." Tinuro ng kasambahay ang harap .
"Hinihintay
din namin diyan ."
Mabilis akong mag-isip ng solusyon .

"Pakilinisan ang silid ko . I want my sheets and pillows changed," I said without
hesitation . "Ako na ang maghahatid ng merienda hardinero ."
ng
ko . Nag-antay ako sa portico ng
Umo-o naman ang dalawa at dumiretso na sa kuwarto pero wala pa rin si Kajik kaya
ilang minuto, nasa harap ko na ang merienda niya,
naisipan kong pumunta sa likod ng bahay, sa kanilang quarters .

He wasn't there, though . Or maybe he's inside his room but I'm just too high up, I
won' t go that far in search of him . Dumaan na lang ako roon at umikot sa mansion,
dala-dala ang platitong may croissant at iba pang tinapay . Muli akong halos
masamid
sa puso ko nang tumalon ito dahil sa nakita doon .

Nakaupo si Kajik sa isa sa mga tirang katawan ng pinutol na kahoy ilang taon na
ang
lumipas . Nagpapahinga at may mug sa isang bariles na katabi . He didn' t look
surprised when he saw me . Bakit? Inaasahan niyang hahanapin ko siya?

Taas noo muli akong naglakad ng patuloy, never minding him, pretending that I'm
just strolling around our mansion . Except that I am holding a bunch of bread for
him! Ano ' yon, namamasyal na may dalang pandesal? Tumuwid siya sa pagkakaupo . I
cannot lie like this so I looked at him .
"Busy ang mga kasambahay k-kaya ako na ang nagdala ng merienda," alibi ko medyo
palyado pa .

He nodded cooly . Sinulyapan niya ang bariles . I took that as a hint to put the
snack there . Sa nangangatog na binti, lumapit ako sa kanya at nilapag na sa
bariles
ang platito . He crouched . Pagilid niyang tiningnan ang katawan ko . It made me
uneasy a bit . Hindi pa halata ang tiyan ko pero sa paraan ng pag titig niya,
pakiramdam ko mabubuking ako .

Sa kaba ko, hindi ko na pinatagal pa . Aalis na sana ako pero bago ko nagawa,
mariin
niya akong hinawakan at hinila sa kanya . His knees were far apart that my legs
immediately fit perfectly on the gaps of his thigh .

"A-Ano ba!?" I protested when I felt how forceful his hand on my wrist was .

Mabilis niyang niluwagan ang hawak pero sa paraan paring hindi ako makakawala .
Nakita ko ang dumi sa aking palapulsuhan, galing sa kanyang kamay . Kinagat ko ang
labi ko .

Niyakap niya ako ng nakatayo . His head in between my breasts . The way he did it
sent shivers down my spine . Binaon niya ang kanyang mukha sa aking dibdib, ang
kamay niya dinudumihang bahagya ang puti kong bestida .

"Jandrik, you're dirty!" I exclaimed .

He sighed and took a peek on his hand . Nakita niya ang konting dumi sa damit ko .
Kinuha niya ang tuwalyang ginawang pamunas at muling marahang pinunasan ang kamay
nang hindi ako pinapakawalan . His arm was still wrapped around me, refusing to let
me go even just for a while .

Tiim ang bagang niya habang nagpupunas . My heart hurt a little at the way he
languidly tried so hard to remove the dirt on his hand . Something about it made my
tears pool in my eyes . Hindi ko alam kung bakit .

Kinagat ko ang labi ko . Mabilis na pinalis ang takas na luha sa mga mata .
"U-Umuwi ka na sa inyo . A-Ano pang ginagawa mo rito?"

Maybe he's worried . I admit it . I concluded without his explanations at ginawang

rason ang pagbubuntis para takbuhan ulit ang problema ko sa kanya . Gusto kong
paniwalaan ang lahat ng sinabi niya kagabi at sa kauna-unahang pagkakataon, aaminin
kong naniniwala ako sa kanya . Kahit pa nakakatakot .

"Y-You should make peace with the Pastranas . My family can handle the mistakes of
my father . Hindi mo na kailangang gawin pa ito sa mga Pastrana para lang sa akin . "

Hindi siya nagsalita . Nagdudugtong na ang kanyang makapal na kilay habang patuloy
pa rin na nagpupunas sa dumi sa kanyang kamay .

"Jandrik, you're wasting your time here . What's your plan? Maging hardinero?"

Nag-angat siya ng tingin sa akin . Mataman niya akong tinitigan, may kasiguraduhan
ang mga mata .

"If that's what it takes to see you, then, I'm staying here," sa baritonong boses
niya iyon sinabi .

It just doesn' t fit, alright . I cannot believe him . Gusto kong matawa sa aming
sitwasyon .

"Kaya na 'tong ayusin ng pamilya ko, Jandrik ."

"I get to do that, Andra . I am your husband!" he growled angrily .

I bit my lower lip . He's getting angrier by the minute .

"Nobody fixes your problems but me!"

"Pero . . . paano ang-"

"I did not promise them anything but a better state of their company . They let me
buy all the stocks for it . And yes, I can make it better, pero sa kompanya mo!
That
is my solution for our problem, Andra . "

Resonable iyon, naiintindihan ko . Binili niya ang buong kompanya . He can now do
whatever he wants to do with the companies assets . He can sell some ships to pay
for the victims and the damages . The remaining assets will then go to our company
.
Damn it! How ruthless and clever that it's scary .

I sighed .

"What about your family? Hindi ko gusto ang mga Pastrana, pero may kasalanan kami
at tama ang pamilya mo sa pagtatanggol sa kanila-"

"Doesn't matter now-"

"Doesn't matter because you left the MERC, already? Jandrik, I know what's going
on
with your company! Huwag mong sabihin na para lang matutukan ang problema ko,
iniwan mo at ginawan mo naman ng problema ang kompanya n'yo?!"

Hindi siya nagsalita . Walang pakealam niyang tinapon ang tuwalya at muli akong
niyakap . Ibinaon ang mukha sa aking dibdib at dinidiinan ang aking mga binti,
kahit
iyon ayaw pakawalan . I know now that he doesn' t want to talk about this .
"You can't do that!"

"I already did," he murmurred aggressively .

It sent shivers down my spine . I know he' s this crass and I' m not sure why my
heart
is pounding when he' s at it .

"I thought you're the best businessman among all the Mercadejas . They said you're
a
business prodigy . Anong nangyari ngayon?"

"Then, I'm stupid," he growled .

The fuck?

I can't believe I want to laugh at his answer .

Ayokong mapunta kami sa usapang may kinalaman sa kanyang Lola at kay Tita Lucianna
.
Malala na nga ito, palalalain ko lang kapag ginawa ko iyon . I'd rather keep it a
secret .

"So, what's your plan?"

Humigpit ang yakap niya sa akin . I don't mind now if he puts dirt on my white robe
or my skin . I don't mind now, damn it! Nilapag ko ang aking mga kamay sa kanyang
balikat . The thick muscles and his humid skin made my fingers tingle . Nanghina
ang
tuhod ko . I missed him so badly . Damn, I missed him so!

"Let's just run away," he whispered after a long, long while .

Huminga ako ng malalim . Hindi ko na naiwasan ang pagngiti . Hopeful that I'll say
yes to his proposition, he turned to look at me . Ngumuso ako para pigilan ang
ngiti . Seryoso siya sa anyaya sa akin at hindi ako makapaniwalang nababaliw na ako
.
Gusto ko iyon . Gustong-gusto .

My family can forgive me with whatever I want to do so that will be okay with me .
Pero paano naman siya, ' di ba? I don' t think they can ever forgive him if we just
suddenly disappear . Isa pa, my Mom would wail and weep all day if we did that .

Pinakawalan ko ang marahang halakhak .

"Saan naman tayo?" tanong ko .

"I know a place where we can live simply but peacefully . . . and together ."

Mas lalo akong natawa .

I can picture out us living a common life . Sa totoo lang, kahit anong buhay, basta
kasama siya, ayos na sa akin . Pero . . . ayokong ganito . He will run away from his
family . That will forever bruise his relationship with them . I can't let him do
that .

"Tapos? Anong magiging trabaho mo?" marahan kong tanong .

I tilted my head with so much worship on his handsome and determined darkness .

"I can find work . Anything ."

"Hardinero?" I taunted .
"Anything," he said, seriously .

"I've been rich all my life, Jandrik . I'm not used to the poor life," I wailed
dramatically .

He licked his lower lip, still determined to convince me to it .

"We won't be poor . I promise you that! I'll work hard enough to provide for you
."

Ngayon, may naalala akong parehong sitwasyon nito noong bata pa lang ako . He'd
provide for me . Anything for me .

Sa huli, umiling ako . Malungkot dahil gusto ko rin naman ang gusto niyang mangyari
.
If only we can do that right now . I would live in a cave as long as I'm with him .

"No . . ." I said .

Umigting ang kanyang panga . He swallowed hard . Tinitingala pa rin ako kahit na
hindi na sumang-ayon sa gusto niya .

"Sinabi sa akin ni Mama ang lahat ng nasabi niya sa'yo ."

Natigilan ako roon sa gulat . Hindi ko inasahan ito . Is this why he wanted to
leave
his family? Why he left the MERC? Still . . . for me .

"I understand their sentiments . Kasalanan ko . I dug my own grave through lying
about my pregnancy . . ."

But now . . . I'm pregnant for real! The irony .

"As they are not supposed to intrude on our marriage ."

" Hindi maiiwasan iyon . They are your family and they care for you . They can' t let
you fall in a cruel trap . . . Siguro akala nila na naloloko kita at baka panagutan
mo
pa ang anak ng . . . ibang lalaki ."

"Ibang lalaki," ulit niya sa pagalit na at sarkastikong tono .

Dumaan ang galit at iritasyon sa kanyang mga mata ng bahagya . Napaisip tuloy ako
kung ano iyon . Magtatanong na sana ako pero narinig ko ang boses ng matandang
Manang, naghahanap sa akin .

"Ma'am Andra? Andra?"

Namilog ang mga mata ko . Nataranta at mabilis na sinubukang kumawala . But then
his
legs jailed me more and his arm snared around me tightly .

"Jandrik, come on! Mag-uusap na lang ulit tayo . Kailangan mong umuwi sa Manila ."

"No . I'd rather be a gardener here . You're not leaving my sight again ."

"Ts!"

Kumawala ako sa kanya dahil palapit nang palapit ang boses ni Manang .

"Andra?"

"Then, I'll come with you! Damn it!"

Hindi siya nagsalita . Mabilis akong umatras dahil sigurado akong andyan na si
Manang . Tumayo si Kajik at may tiningnan na sa likod ko . Mabilis din akong
bumaling
sa matanda .

"Oh . Andito ka lang pala . Kanina pa kita hinahanap!" ang matanda sabay tingin kay
Kajik .

"A-Ah . . . Opo . Namasyal lang . . . At . . . nakipag-usap s-sa . . . hardinero ."

Ngumiti ang matanda . "Tumawag si Ma'am Grethel . Hindi mo raw sinasagot ang tawag
niya ."

"Ah, opo . Sige po, aakyat na ako ."

Bumaling ako kay Kajik . Nanonood ang matanda sa amin kaya imbes na magpaalam, I
coldly walked away without a word .

Kabanata 36
Kabanata 36

Shocked

"Darling, according to your Tito Reynaldo, wala na raw tauhan ang mga Mercadejas sa
palibot ng mansion . Though, we cannot let our guards down . They may be somewhere
there, disguised as civilians," si Mommy .

Disguised as a gardener . Hindi tauhan, it's their boss actually .

"So I guess it is safe for you to maybe go out?"

"Saan naman po ako pupunta? Lilipat ako ng mansion?"

"Ikaw ang bahala pero ang tinutukoy ko, umalis kahit saglit at magpacheck up sa
ospital in the VIP section so we can at least have an ultrasound of the child! See
if my grandchild is healthy ."

Hindi ko iyon naisip! My baby bump is not yet visible . Hindi ko naisip na puwede
na
akong magpatingin ng ganoon . Bumilis ang pintig ng puso ko habang naiisip iyon . I
can see my child that's growing inside me . I am suddenly so excited for it .

"Pero puwede ring patagalin mo pa ng konti para hindi ka mastress . Ang sabi naman
ng doktor, 7 weeks is still very small . Baka sa susunod na linggo, mas klaro na .
I
wanna hear the baby's heartbeat . See if he or she is healthy ."

Ngumiti ako sa sinabi ni Mommy . Halata sa boses niya na excited talaga siya para
rito .

"Sige po, pag-iisipan ko ."

Sinadya ko ring gabi nang tumawag kay Heather . Nasisiguro kong hindi na siya abala
.
I can sense her hesitation to reveal everything to me but she still did anyway .

"Ayos ka lang ba diyan?" she asked worriedly .

"I'm fine ."

"Andra, hindi ka ba nasstress na . . . nandyan . . . siya?" lumiit ang boses niya sa

huling mga kataga .

"No, I'm not stressed . I'm relieved . Nagkausap na kami ."

"Ayos lang 'yan sa'yo? Hindi ba umalis ka para iwasan siya?" she asked .

"Umalis ako para pumunta kay Mommy at magtanong tungkol sa isyu, Heather .
Nagkataon
lang na nalaman ko na buntis ako at nagdesisyon na rin na huwag na munang umalis
dito . I did not really think of running away from him but kind of wanted the idea
dahil sa mga nasabi ng pamilya niya sa akin . "

"Everyone here thinks you ran away from him . Kahit ang mga Mercadejas . And they
said he's in pursuit of you kaya siya wala sa lahat ng meetings at hindi na umuuwi
sa kanila o sa penthouse ninyo ."

I sighed .

"Are you sure you're really okay?"

"Yeah . Kumusta nga pala ang kompanya nila?"

Hindi agad nakasagot si Heather . She's hesitant . Agad kong nakuha na siguro, may
problema kaya siya hindi agad nakasagot .

"Their largest recent client withdrew . Marami ring ibang transactions na hindi na
nagpatuloy . Mataas ang kumpyansa nila kay Kajik kaya nong nawala, nawalan na rin
ng
tiwala ."

"But surely, Ali or Zamiel can do it," sabi ko .

"Ali mentioned that he really needs Kajik in the company ."

Hindi ko na nabilang kung pang ilang buntong-hininga ko na ito .

"Niyaya niya akong umalis na lang at lumayo ."

"W-What? And? Anong sinabi mo?"

I chuckled at her shocked reaction . "I want to be with him but . . ."

"Andra, you're pregnant!" she exclaimed .

"Surely, provincial hospitals can cater a pregnant woman's needs?"

"A-Andra!" natataranta niyang saway .

Tumawa pa lalo ako . "But I won't do it, Heather, don't worry . I tried to tell him
to go back to Manila but he wouldn't . Kaya susubukan ko siyang kumbinsihin na
sasama naman ako ."

"Paano ang mga tiyuhin mo? Anong sasabihin mo sa kanila?"

"I can convince my Titos easily . Mommy will be easy, too ."

"But they will be shocked!"

"Ako na ang bahala roon . It's Jandrik that I need to convince . He has no more
interest to go back ."
"Siguro nga, tama ka . Hindi siya bababa at magdedeklara ng ganoon sa posisyon niya
kung babalik pa siya ."

"Heather . . ." I heard a low and cool baritone in her background .

"Andra, I need to go now," kalmanteng sinabi ni Heather .

"Wait . . . you're not at home?"

"Uh, oo . I have a . . . meeting ."

"Meeting?" I smirked . "I heard a man's voice . Meeting or date?"

"Andra . . ."

"Hmm . You don't have to be so uptight . I'm not your boss . I'm your friend ."

She sighed . I can almost hear her smile . I chuckled .

"Bye . I'll call again once I decide . Enjoy your date, Heather ."

Pagkatapos ng dinner, hinihila na agad ako ng antok . Sinubukan kong lumabas sa

balkonahe, baka sakaling makita ko si Kajik pero hindi rin ako nagtagal . The urge
to sleep is just too much that I can' t keep my eyes open .

Kinaumagahan, gaya ng palagi, dumiretso ulit ako sa banyo para magsuka . Mahabang
pagsusuka at pagkahilo kaya hinatid na lang sa kuwarto ang aking almusal .

Sumusulyap sulyap ako sa labas at nakikita kong patuloy pa rin sa pag-aayos si

Kajik . Nagkakarga ng mga paso at naglilipat ng iilang dating ligaw na mga
magagandang bulaklak at halaman doon .

Now I have been more conscious with my look simula noong nalaman kong siya ang
hardinero . I can't help but put color on my face a bit . Natural looking, but
better
than nothing . At habang nag- aayos, naiisip ko ang pinilit niya kahapon . Aalis daw
kami, iiwan ang lahat . I gave him a hard time but I know I would never think twice
.
Sasama ako, kahit saan niya gusto .

I smiled .

Mabubuhay ako, kahit saan at kahit sa anong sirkumstansya, basta kasama ko siya .

But then the reality just won't let us do that . I want that kind of life with him
but I know better . We will be happy but we won't be completely happy in time if we
left our families that way . Kahit pa sabihin niyang magiging masaya siya basta
magkasama kaming dalawa, it's still different to be together and have your family
altogether . Mas masaya pa rin iyon . Mas mahalaga pa rin iyon .

Nang bumuti na ang pakiramdam ko, bumaba na ako . Ipinahatid ko ang meryenda ko sa
portico pero tingin ko, hindi ko kayang magtagal doon nang nanonood lang sa kanya .

Hindi kalaunan, bumaba na ako sa portico . Naglakad ako patungo sa kanya,

nakasilong
sa lilim ng malaking puno ng molave habang inaayos ang mga halamang mistulang
dingding ng hardin .

Nilingon niya ako habang palapit sa kanya . He stopped a bit but chose to continue
with what he's doing . Tumikhim ako . Kabado na naman ako .

"S-So . . ."
I'm trying my best to strike a better conversation . Nakatitig na siya sa akin at
nagsisimula na naman akong maasiwa dahil sa tingin niya . I lifted an uprooted
plant
a bit at nilagay ko sa loob ng isang sako, kunwari tumutulong . He closed the
distance between us . Kinuha ang natitirang mga ligaw na dami at nilagay sa loob ng
sako para wala na akong magawa .

"Napag-isipan mo na ba ang sinabi ko?"

Pinagmasdan ko siyang nag-aayos . Hindi niya ako nilingon . Oh, I know this .

"Kailangan mong bumalik ."

Nagpatuloy pa rin siya . His jaw clenched . Naririnig niya ako pero ayaw niyang
magpaapekto .

"Jandrik, please..." malambing kong sinabi .

Hindi niya pa rin ako pinapansin . Nilapitan ko na, kahit pa kabado . Abalang abala
siya . Lalagpasan lang ako dahil sa mga ginagawa kaya para mapirmi siya, hinawakan
ko ang kanyang braso .

"Jandrik," I called softly .

He sighed heavily and stopped . I put my hand on his damp chest gently . Tiningala
ko
siya . Dinudungaw niya ako, nagngangalit ang panga at mariin ang mga mata .

"I will be here . . . waiting for you . I won't run away ."

"You ran away from me so many times . That's just so hard to believe ."

Malungkot kong tinagilid ang ulo . I understand him . It's my fault from the very
beginning .

"I didn't run away from you . Umuwi ako rito para malaman ko ang totoo galing kay
Mommy ."

"And why are you hiding now with a very strong security? You can't push me away
again, Andra ."

" Pinoprotektahan lang naman ako ng mga Tito ko, " malambing kong sinabi . " You won' t
worry about me cuz I have security . "

"You can't make me leave you," aniya mabilis na kumawala sa hawak ko dahil matibay
ang paninindigan .

"Please," I pleaded .

Inisnaban niya ako at nagpatuloy sa ginagawa . Sinundan ko siya at hinawakan na ang

magaspang at maruming kamay . Natigil siya sa ginagawa . Hinila ko siya at sa
sobrang
rahan, alam kong imposible siyang magpatianod . Pero sumunod ang katawan niya, even
when I did not use much force . I smiled softly at that because I know that he
wants
to be pulled, too .

I pulled him on the tree . Nakatalikod ako sa puno na nakaharap sa mansion para
kung
sakaling dumungaw ang mga kasambahay, hindi kita ang intimate na interaksyon naming
dalawa .
"Please . We're married, anyway . Can't escape from you anymore," I pleaded softly
.
Umigting ang panga niya . Mas lalong nagdilim ang kanyang tingin, taliwas sa rahan
ng hawak niya sa akin . Ang isang kamay ay nakatuko agad sa puno para hindi ako
makaalis doon . I let him do his possessive moves at me .

"I am your wife, bali-baliktarin man ang mundo . . ."

My trembling hands landed on his chest . Marahan kong pinaglakbay ang mga daliri
sa
matigas niyang dibdib . Bumagsak ang mga mata niya roon at umawang ang kanyang labi
.
He then licked his lower lip and swallowed hard .

"And this is not like before . I know better now ."

"No," hirap niyang giit .

"I left you a year ago because I'm confused and angry . I want revenge . Padalos
dalos ako nun ."

"Hindi ako aalis dito, Andra," matibay niyang paninindigan .

Unti-unti akong tumingkayad . I can't pull him down because he's shirtless kaya ako
na lang ang nagsikap na umangat para mahalikan siya, kahit sa pisngi . I kissed him
gently and heartfelt . Bahagya niyang iniwas ang mukha, clenching his jaw grimly,
and trying so hard to get away from my vines .

"You can't make me do it," he said huskily .

Nararamdaman ko ang unti-unting pagkakatibag ng paninindigan niya . Ngumiti ako .

Hindi siya makatingin sa akin . A man this wild and cruel, just a few soft caresses
of my fingers and he's panting on my knees .

"Hindi ako aalis kung nasaan ka . Before I left for Paris, I asked you to come
with
me . Pagbalik ko, wala ka na sa kama ko . So, no, my wife . You are not leaving my
fucking sight again . "

"Hindi nga ako aalis, 'di ba? I promise you ."

"No," he growled and shook his head .

Bumuntong-hininga ako . I know now that I could never convince him . This is a
battle
between his assurance of keeping me and fixing his family problems . Pinipili niya
ang masiguradong nandyan ako! At sigurado siya sa napili niya .

"Then, I'll come with you ."

Umiling siya .

"Jandrik, we won't be completely happy if we are not going to fix this, even if we
have each other ."

"I'll make sure we will be completely happy ."

Pagod akong bumuntong hininga . Kitang-kita ko ang kasiguraduhan at determinasyon

sa
kanyang mukha . Unti-unti kong hinawakan ang kanyang pisngi, marahan at malamyos .
He
calmed a bit . The lines in his face and his darkness lessened .

"I want to do this," sabi ko .

Hindi na siya nagsalita o umapila .
"Mahirap na isipin sa ngayon dahil alam kong galit ang pamilya mo sa akin, pero
dapat lang iyon sa akin . Marami akong kasinungalingan at masasamang ginawa ."

"Even so . . ." he reasoned out like usual .

"Please . . ." I whispered . "I want our usual life . The one with you leading your
family's company and ours . The one going to the office with you and watching the
Manila City lights in our penthouse at night . I want that," namamaos kong sinabi
.

Hindi siya nagsalita . Kitang-kita ko ang pagpipigil niya . Ang mabining hangin
galing sa mga bukirin ay umihip sa gitna naming dalawa . The silence of that place
resounded and I' ve never felt that at peace for so many years . Ngayon lang .
Ngayong
pareho kaming nakatitig sa isa't-isa, maayos ang mga puso, walang galit na
tinatanim .

"Ikaw? What do you want for our life, Jandrik?"

"I only want you," he said gently .

Parang may kumurot sa puso ko . I expected him to enumerate so many things to do . .

.
so many extreme things while living far from the city and far from our families . I
never thought that he'd answer me that .

Nangilid ang mga luha sa aking mga mata .

"You have me, already ."

Hindi siya nagsalita . Nanatili siyang nakatitig .

" I am your Mrs Constanciandra Mercadejas . Can we have what I want now, then? " I
said luring him to finally say yes to me .

Nasisiguro ko na kung sasabihin ko sa kanyang babalik kami ng Manila para

magkaayos
sila ng pamilya niya, hindi ko na naman siya makukumbinsi . Maybe he wants to
protect me from his family's opinions of our marriage kaya ganoon . Kaya ngayon, if
I tell him that I want that life, I am very sure he'd be defeated .

Hindi pa rin siya nagsasalita pero alam kong hindi na siya makakatanggi ngayon .

"Baby, please, I want it . . ." I whispered .

Mataman niya akong tinitigan . The darkness of his glare is for sure because of my
sudden use of his endearment .

"Please . . ."

Hindi pa rin siya kumibo . I felt like I jarred him to immobility because of the
way
I called him .
"Say . . . we can go back by Monday," I suggested merrily . "Magpapaalam pa ako na
aalis dito . . . kasama ang hardinero? Or maybe . . . I'll tell my family that you're
actually here . But that will hurt the egos of my Titos . You broke in to their
security- "

Tumalon sa lalamunan ko ang aking puso nang mas lalo pa siyang lumapit . My skin
tingled at the closeness of our bodies . Heat pooled within me and I'm lost for
words .
"You really know how to wrap me around your fingers, huh," he tilted his head and
whispered on my ear .

Napalunok ako . Green thoughts of him suddenly taking me here . . . right now . . .
in
broad daylight is screaming inside my head . Hiningal ako kaiisip pa lang na
iaangat
niya ako at isasampa sa puno . He'd then push himself inside me without warning or
preliminaries .

My goodness! I am so green! The doctor was right! I am so, so . . . damn it . . .

horny!

Pero ni hindi ko natanong kung okay lang ba iyon! At isa pa! Ayokong isipin ni
Kajik na wala akong pinagbago sa kanya! I am a woman with a very intact dignity .
Hindi ako nagpahalata . Tumikhim ako at kunwaring normal lang kahit na nakaliliyo
na
ang lapit niya sa akin .

At gaga! Hindi n'yo puwedeng gawin ang pantasya mo dahil makikita kayo! Imagine if
the househelps report it to Manang . Manang would probably faint! Or if they report
it to my Mommy or Titos .

"Oh my goodness! Andra is fucking the gardener!"

No . That sounds like me . Take two:

"Dios mio! Nakipag anuhan si Andra sa hardinero, Madame Grethel!"

Imagine the disaster it will create!

"You're blushing very bad," bulong niya na nagpigil sa mga iniisip kong kamunduhan
.

Napakurap-kurap ako . Tumuwid ako lalo sa pagkakatayo . Dignity, you pregnant

woman!
Pick up your scattered dignity!

"Uh . . . it's just hot..." palusot ko na medyo pangit pa rin pakinggan .

Umangat ang gilid ng kanyang labi . The menace on his face was very evident .

"Is that your room?"

Tinuro niya ang kuwarto ko . Halos mabilaukan na ako sa excitement! Ayan na, Andra!
Nagtatanong na siya! Aakyat na ' yan sa balkonahe mo mamayang gabi . Pero, shit,
nagsusuka pa naman ako ng gabi at laging hilo! Paano iyon! Wala ako sa mood!

"Yes!" I said breathily . "B-But you can't go inside, Jandrik! May mga spot na
nakaharap sa bahay . Kapag aakyatin mo 'yan, malalaman agad . Lalo na mamayang
gabi!"

He smirked evilly . He cocked his head to the other side .

"Sinong may sabing aakyatin ko 'yan? I am just asking if that's your room," he
taunted .

The hell? Mali pa ako! Mas lalong nag- init ang pisngi ko . Tinulak ko siya sa
kahihiyan . Gustong-gusto kong kumawala o mag martsa palayo . He's at it again .
He's
embarassing me so much again, gaya ng dati .

" Where are you going? You can' t leave now . I want to know what' s on your mind and
why do you think I' m coming to you tonight . "
"Nothing, okay!" giit ko agad para masalba ang sariling kamunduhan .
Oh how quickly the mood changed .

Hindi ko alam kung sinadya niya pa iyon pero dumaan ang daliri niya sa aking
dibdib . It hit my hard peaks at hindi ko na naiwasan ang pag-ungol . He chuckled
at
my crazy reaction .

"Missed me so much, baby?" tukso niya .

Bahagya ko siyang tinulak pero walang lakas ang mga kamay ko . Alam niya iyon dahil
inulit niya ang ginawa, darkness is etched on his expression .

"I don't get how you plan to get away from this," he murmurred .

"Jandrik . . ."

I want to cry . Damn it! I don't know why I am now on the edge! Sa ganoon ka
daling
panahon at sa ganoon ka simpleng pangyayari!

Sa kadulu-duluhan at sa lapit ng nararamdaman, tumigil siya at mabilis na naupos at

hindi na natuloy iyon . Dumilat ako, nanghihina, hinihingal, at frustrated . The
darkness of his smile made me fall a little bit deeper . Hindi ko alam kung bakit .
Wala na yatang katapusan ang pagkakahulog ko sa kanya .

He licked his lowerlip . I can sense that it was hard for him, too .

"No, I won't go to your room tonight," mariin niyang sinabi .

"Ayos lang . Hindi ko naman gusto . . ." sabi ko nang 'di siya tinitingnan at para
masalba ulit ang sarili .

He smirked again . "We'll go back to Manila on my terms . We'll fix our marriage on
my terms ."

Kinagat ko ang labi ko . Sobrang laking effort na itanggi ang gusto ko pero
kailangan . Isa pa, hindi ko naman din alam kung safe ba ang ganoon . I just don't
know if Jandrik is controlling himself to punish me or what but it's okay .

Iyon nga lang, nang kumalma ako, agad akong nahilo . I pretended that Mommy maybe
calling me para makatakas na sa kanya at makabalik sa mansion .

Habang nagsusuka ako, umiiyak ako . Negative thoughts about being unwanted or
unloved surfaced . It was very exhausting . Nakatulog tuloy ako sa kama at hapon na
nagising . Nandoon na ang pagkain ko at naalala ang kahibangang iniyakan kanina .

My goodness what sorcery is this!? Umiyak ako kasi feeling ko unwanted ako ni
Jandrik just because he did not push me to my own pleasure! This is definitely the
fucking pregnancy hormones kicking in! I'm sure of it!

Kuntento naman ako sa mga sumunod na pangyayari at araw . Nakatanaw sa kanya sa

malayo, pinagnanasahan siya ng husto . At kapag nagkaoras at nakalapit siya, he'd
smirk with that same menacing face .

Taas noo akong tumutuwid sa pagkakatayo kapag dumadaan siya sa aking harapan . Sa
itsura niya pa lang, nanunukso na siya na naglalaway na naman ako sa knaya .

"I am not a slave to my libido, Jandrik," pauna kong sabi para hindi niya na ako
tuksuhin .

He shook his head in disappointment and disbelief . Lalo siyang ngumisi .

"Who said that you're a slave to your libido, my princess? Nobody accused you of
that ."

He chuckled . Uminit ang pisngi ko at nilapitan na siya para itulak . Binitiwan

niya
ang wheel barrow na may mga paso para mahawakan ang kamay ko at mapigilan ako sa
pagsusuntok sa dibdib niya .

" Ma' am Andra, p - pangatlong tawag na po ni Madame Grethel . Nautusan po ako ni

Manang
na tawagin ka," istorbong sinabi ng kasambahay .

Tumigil ako sa pakikipagtuksuhan kay Kajik at tumango na sa kasambahay . Sumulyap

siya kay Kajik bago sa akin pagkatapos ay umalis na rin kasama ko . I have been
very
comfortable that I forgot about the housemaids .

"Mommy, yes?" salubong ko sa tawag ni Mommy .

"Andra, dear . . . natagalan ka na naman ."

"Sorry . I'm just . . ."

"It's alright . Nakausap ko si Manang at nasabi niya nga'ng medyo napapalapit ang
loob mo sa hardinero, totoo ba ito?"

The fuck!?

Nasapo ko ang noo ko .

" He' s a man and the way they described him over the phone, he' s good- looking and
manly ."

"Ah, Mommy . Katuwaan lang po . I'm bored ."

"Well, I have nothing against it but and . . . our housemaids are disciplined
enough .
Hindi lalabas ang mga sabi-sabi kung sakaling may magduda na naman na may ibang
lalaki ka . Pero . . . Andra, your moods and feelings are vulnerable while you're
pregnant . I'm afraid you're going to develop . . . something towards our gardener .
That will be very complicated ."

Pumikit ako ng mariin .

Sa nagdaang mga araw rito namin ni Kajik, masaya ako at kuntento na . I know it
can't go on like this . I have to stick to my plan and face the problems ahead .
Hindi siya pupunta ng wala ako kaya sasamahan ko siya . Sa lalong madaling panahon
.
Lalo na dahil alam ko na bukas ang magiging paunang presscon ni Mommy tungkol sa
lahat ng ito .

"Mom, I want to go to Manila ."

Ito na siguro ang tamang panahon para sabihin sa kanya ito .

"Oh my . . . Oh my goodness . Oh my God!" paulit-ulit niyang sinabi sa problematic

na
tono .

Hinintay ko ang may kabuluhang sasabihin niya pero nagpatuloy pa ang litanya ng
parehong linya .

"Oh my, Andra! Do not tell me that you are running away because you are falling in
love with that hardinero, madre mia! This is a disaster!"
"Mommy, no! Ano ka ba?"

"Oh . That's . . . well . . . good to hear . Wait, you're changing the topic . I am
very
concerned with your behaviour towards that gardener . Nasabi ni Manang na namataan
niya kayong magkahawak kamay . Are you changing the topic for that purpose,
Constanciandra?"

Umirap ako dahil tuloy-tuloy ang mga pinagsasabi at paratang ni Mommy .

" I just want to inform you that I may be leaving for Manila tomorrow . So don' t be
shocked when we see each other, okay?"

"Okay . Bakit nga?"

Suminghap ako, naghahanda sa rason pero naunahan na ako ni Mommy .

"Bakit mo nga ba iniilagan ang tanong ko tungkol sa hardinero? Something is very

fishy here . You have an affair with our gardener?!"

"No, Mommy! Oh God . . . Can you please let me talk first?"

"Fine! I'm just worried . Isa pa, anong gagawin mo rito sa Manila . 3D Ultrasound?
That's in Iloilo, darling . No need to do it here in Manila . 'Tsaka nahihilo at
nagsusuka ka pa . . ."

Mahaba pa ang litanya niya at marami pa siyang sinabi . Hindi yata ako
pagsasalitain
nito kaya pinutol ko na .

"Si Jandrik ang hardinero natin dito, Mommy ."

" . . . baka lumala lang 'yang paglilihi mo rito sa Manila . And your husband, I
don't
know where he is but if your hunch is right, he may be with the Pastranas ."

"Mommy, ang sabi ko, nandito si Jandrik . Siya ang hardinero natin!" ulit ko .

"Wha . . . What did you say?" unti-unting sumabog ang boses ni Mommy . "Ano,
Andra?!"

There . I finally said it . Or I finally got heard .

"He disguised himself as the gardener . Nagkausap na kami at nagkasundo na bumalik

ng Manila to fix things . He doesn't know I'm pregnant yet . Naghahanap pa ako ng
tiempo na-"

"What the hell, Andra! And you did not tell me! Your Titos will die of heart attack
if they will know about this! "

She went on and on again with her rant . Sinapo ko ang noo ko at hinayaan siya sa
mga sinabi . At least I said it, though .

Kabanata 37
Kabanata 37

Start

"You are kidding me, Andra . Gusto mong ma stroke ako!" Mommy accused me when she
finally realize that what I am saying is all impossible .
Pagod akong umirap habang nagpapatuloy siya, not allowing me to say anything yet .

"The security your Titos have are loyal to our family . Doblehin, triplehin, at
ano
pa man ng mga Mercadejas iyan, hinding-hindi nila kayang bayaran ang dignidad ng
ating . . . Wait . . . Elias! Our Iloilo mansion gardener might be . No . . . No . . .
No . . . he
can' t be . You' re just kidding me . Trying it out if you will be allowed to
reconcile
with him ."

Suminghap siya .

"O baka naman talagang nagugustuhan mo 'yang hardinero d'yan at palusot mo lang na
si Karius ang nariyan para pagtakpan ang nararamdaman mo!" she declared .

Umirap ulit ako . Hindi ko alam kung maooffend ba ako sa dami ng walang kuwentang
paratang niya sa akin .

"Mommy, I don't know how he got here but this is really true . Jandrik is our
gardener . I am not lying to you just to hide my interest with a random gardener
."

Hindi siya nagsalita ng ilang sandali .

"W-Well, you got a point . Never saw you liking another person other than him
. But . . ."

"Huwag mo munang banggitin kina Tito Reynaldo at Tito Arturo ." Natawa ako . "I can
already imagine them firing their men . I have yet to ask Jandrik how he got away
with all the security . Though, hindi naman siya pamilyar siguro sa mga kasambahay
rito sa Iloilo . He's never visited here plus he's wearing very different attires
compared to his internet pictures ."

"That makes sense . . . Hmm ."

"At hindi ko pa rin nababanggit na buntis ako . I am not yet sure how to tell him
."

"W-Why would you tell him? Magkakabalikan na kayo? Okay na kayo? By the way, I
haven't told you but . . . their company slightly on the rocks these past few days .
And I received a letter with his signature in it . It was a weird offer so I think
it's not from him ."

"Ano po ba ang offer?"

Humagalpak si Mommy pero ramdam na ramdam ko nerbyos ni Mommy .

"About him giving his major stocks from the Philippine Islands Ferries Corporation
on our company ."

Natawa ulit si Mommy . Pinipilit para masabing hindi totoo ang naiisip niya .

"But that's impossible . I know he bought the stocks from Chester pero I don't
think
he'll go that far . They are his family' s friend . He was allowed to buy the
largest
portion of their stocks because they believed he can manage the company well .
Hindi
nila inaasahang he' d even offer to merge it to our company . It' s ridiculous .
Maybe
someone forged his signature ."
Pumikit ako ng mariin dahil alam kong kay Jandrik nga iyon . Ito ang plano niya .
He's doing it mercilessly . Without hesitations .

"I sent the letter to Arturo . He's checking it now ."

"We'll go there so you can talk to Jandrik directly about it ."

Natigil si Mommy sa mga sinabi .

"I'm sure it was his ."

"Impossible . His family will get mad at him for it! Pero noong nakausap ko si
Lucianna, hindi naman . . ." she trailed off .

"Uuwi ako riyan, Mommy . Kasama si Jandrik . Tutulong ako sa pag-aayos sa lahat ."

"What? No! You're pregnant!"

"I think I can do it . Uuwi na lang ako kapag hindi ko kaya . Hindi ba bukas ang
magiging presscon mo, Mommy? Who will be there?"

"How did you know? You can't come to the presscon! We will have a very intense
closed door meeting afterwards . Hindi ka puwede roon!"

"I will just listen, okay? Hindi po ako magsasalita o kahit tatayo para hindi na
ako mapagod . I have to be there . I don't think Jandrik has interest in fixing
anything other than our company's problems ."

He only wants us to run away and start a simple life . Hindi ko na dinugtong iyon
dahil nasisiguro ko na ang mga histerya ni Mommy .

Mahaba pa ang usapan namin ni Mommy tungkol doon . She's still hesitant in letting
me come there, kahit pa indirectly niyang inaamin na malaking tulong kung sakaling
totoong tutulong si Jandrik bukas .

"You can't keep this a secret to your Titos, Andra . I can't pay their men . They
are
very loyal ." She sighed . "The least I can do is to tell all of them that you will
be travelling with our gardener . I just hope they won't be bothered by the sound
of
it ."
"Thank you, Mommy . Hindi ko naman po ito ililihim . Sasabihin ko rin po kapag
nabigyan ng pagkakataon sa maayos na sirkumstansya ."

I was right . The whole night I felt so nauseous . Nagkulong ulit ako sa kuwarto,
nagsusuka paminsan minsan . Nagpahinga ako at nagdesisyon na para bukas . I don' t
need to inform Jandrik . Alam niya na na iyon talaga ang plano ko .

I woke up to vomit the next morning . It was not as intense as those crazy days
pero
nahihilo pa rin ako . Bumaba agad ako, nilalabanan ang nararamdaman para lang
makausap si Jandrik ng alas sais ng umaga .

"Nagkausap na kami ni Mommy . I'll get ready now . You should, too ."

"And she allowed you to come with me?" tanong niya na para bang hindi siya
makapaniwala .

Siguro, iniisip niya na sirang-sira siya sa pamilya ko . Na ayaw nilang lahat sa

kanya . Siguro nga ganoon pero para lang iyon sa kapakanan ko . Without prejudice, I
know what my Mom thinks of him . She only disliked him for me pero ang totoo hindi
niya kayang itago ang pagkakamangha at pagtitiwala sa kanya .

"Yes . She's still in the process to get us our plane tickets . Tito Reynaldo used
the chopper last night kaya . . ."
Tumayo si Jandrik . His massivity dried my throat .

"I will have our chopper ready . No need for plane tickets ."

Oh . Unti-unting sumilay ang ngiti sa aking labi . Akala ko mag-aaway ulit kami
tungkol dito . Kahit pa sinabi niya naman sa akin kahapon na tutulak na nga kami,
tingin ko makikipag-away pa rin siya sa akin kung sakaling tototohanin ko na .

He caressed my cheek the cupped my chin . Malamyos ko siyang tiningala .

"You promised me we'll do it on my terms . No funny business anymore this time . Or

I'll never give in like this again ."

Tumango ako at mas lalong lumapad ang ngisi .

"I'm only doing this for you ."

And I'm doing this for you, too . Ang pinakagusto kong gawin mo pagbalik natin, ang
pagkakalinawan ninyo ng pamilya mo . Kahit ikaw na lang . Kahit kayo na lang . Hindi
bale nang kung ano ang tingin nila sa akin . Hindi bale nang sakin . Ang importante
kayo . Ang importante rin . . . alam mo ang totoo .

My eyes drifted on his body . My face heated . Kita niya ang pagnanasang dumaan sa
mga mata ko nang natitigan ko siya . I pursed my lips and shamelessly smirked .

" I don' t know which one I want now . The CEO or the gardener, " malambing kong
sinabi .

Tumaas ang gilid ng kanyang labi pero nanatili ang kaseryosohan sa kanyang mukha .

"You can have the gardener if you'd only agree with my proposition," he whispered
breathily .

Hindi pa rin siya natatapos sa pangungumbinsi sa akin na umalis kaming dalawa . Ang
dali niyang pagdesisyonan . Kung wala akong ibang iniisip, pumayag na ako . I can
already imagine our simple life . A life that may not be abundant, but enough, and
complete .

"But I want the CEO back, too . I like hanging around the office ."

Tinaas ko ang isang kilay ko .

"Maybe I can have both? Dadagdagan ko ang mga halaman malapit sa swimming pool ng
penthouse . Maybe that'd bring out your gardener side once we're back ."

He smirked and pulled me closer to him .

" Go and pack now, then, kung ayaw mong makita ng mga kasambahay n' yo paano ka
hinalikan ng hamak ninyong hardinero," he said suggestively .

Napasinghap ako at napabaling sa kung saan maaari nakatingin ang mga kasambahay .
Namataan ko sila sa malayo na mabilis na nagpatuloy sa pagwawalis ng mga dahon .
Oh,
damn! Sana kay Mommy lang sila mag report ng ganoon . Huwag na nilang sabihin sa
mga
Tito ko!
"Magbibihis lang ako . Wala akong dadalhing gamit," sabi ko at umalis na, conscious
sa titig ng mga kasambahay .
Inutos na ni Mommy ang pag-alis ko ng mansyon kasama ang "hardinero" . I can't
maintain a straight face noog sinabi ni Manang sa akin iyon . Ramdam na ramdam ko
ang pag-iingat niya .

" Handa na ang sasakyan sa baba . Handa na rin ang hardinero . May nasabi siyang
lugar
kung saan ang punta ninyo . Walang sinabi si Ma-dame Grethel kaya sa'yo sana ako
magtatanong, Andra ."

"Sa kung ano po ang sinabi ng hardinero, doon po kami pupunta ."

" Ganoon ba? " Tumango siya, parang kinukumbinsi ang sarili . " Sige, iuutos ko sa
driver ."

Took my usual vitamins, crackers, water, milk, and tried to feel okay for the
whole
day . Nagsuka na rin ako pagkatapos naming nag-usap ni Jandrik at medyo mabuti na
ang pakiramdam ngayon .

I'm wearing a blush pink button down long-sleeved dress . Ang polo nito ay
saradong-
sarado hanggang leeg at may two-inches, same colored belt . The baby bump is not
yet
visible but I am a bit conscious . I paired it with an open toe beige heels and a
red lipstick so I won't look pale . I slightly curled the ends of my hair bago
inayos sa high ponytail . I am expecting us to immediately work after we land in
Manila .

Jandrik is already waiting outside wearing his white t-shirt and a light blue faded
jeans with a dark brown boots . Sa paraan ng pagligid ng mga mata niya sa akin,
mabilis na nag-init ang aking pisngi .

Pinapanood kami ng dalawang kasambahay at ni Manang habang pababa ako sa portico

para pumunta sa nag-aabang na SUV .

"Mag-ingat kayo sa byahe, Ma'am," sabi ni Manang sabay gilid ng tingin sa kay
Kajik
na nasa tabi ng sasakyan .

"Thank you po ."

Hindi na natanggal ang nagdududang tingin ng matanda sa kay Kajik . Tahimik naman
ang dalawang kasambahay na nanonood sa amin . Jandrik held out his hand politely
for
me . Nilagay ko ang aking kamay roon at pumasok na sa SUV .

"Thank you so much for the hospitality," si Jandrik nang balingan ang tatlo .

Nangiti si Manang at tumango .

" Walang anuman . Mag- ingat kayo ni Ma' am, " medyo nagdadalawang- isip ulit na sambit
ni Manang .

Jandrik nodded curtly . I smirked . Manang is still confused about the role of our
gardener pero hindi pa rin ito nagtanong .

Tumulak na kami paalis ng mansyon . Unti-unti nang gumapang ang ligalig sa akin .
Marami akong kinatatakutan sa pagbalik namin pero nangangako akong hindi ko
pababayaan ang sarili ko .

Naghihintay ang chopper sa isang secluded area hindi kalayuan sa mismong paliparan
ng syudad . Pagkapasok namin, hindi na nagtagal at lumipad na ito sa ere . Nahilo
ako . Hindi ko alam kung dahil ba iyon sa pagbubuntis o dahil lang sa pagsakay .
Mabuti na lang, hindi pa nakabababa ang chopper, nawala na ang pagkahilo ko .
After all of these, I promise I am going to visit my OB . Excited akong marinig ang
heartbeat ng anak ko . Excited ako na makita kung paano siya gumalaw . Excited
akong
malaman ang mga susunod pang ieexpect ko . The thought of it made me smile .

Kaya naman ang makitang naroon ang dalawa kong tiyuhin sa helipad ng isa sa mga
tower ng condominium ni Jandrik, hindi na ako nawindang . I am that happy and
excited that the sight of my two mighty Titos did not bother me .

Napapaligiran sila ng mga tauhan . Hindi ko nga lang alam kung kanila ba iyon o kay
Jandrik . Nalaman ko lang na kay Jandrik nang bumaba kaming dalawa sa helicopter at
isang senyas niya lang, lumayo ang mga ito .

Mayabang na umaliwalas ang mukha ni Tito Arturo nang napansin ang pag-alis ng mga
tauhan . Diretso naman ang madilim na tingin ni Tito Reynaldo sa akin . With poise
and confidence, I walked towards my Titos . Pareho silang dalawa ngayon na
nakatitig
sa nasa likod ko, si Jandrik .

Nagmano ako sa dalawa . Si Tito Arturo ang hindi na nakatiis .

"I was told that my niece ran away from the mansion with the gardener . Do you
know
how hard it is for me to not have a heart attack, Andra?"

Seryoso si Tito Arturo nang sinabi niya iyon pero hindi ko na napigilan ang
paghalakhak .

"Alam ba ito ng Mommy mo o pati rin siya?" si Tito Reynaldo na hindi na natanggal
ang madilim na titig kay Jandrik sa likod ko .

Hindi na mahirap isipin kung bakit sila nandito . Maybe my mother told them about
my
arrival . S ' yempre magtatanong ang dalawa kung sino ang kasama ko . Kahit hindi
sagutin ni Mommy ang dalawa, masasagot naman iyan ng mga kasambahay o ng mga
tauhan . Tracing the chopper, they knew where it' s going to land . They probably
fought their way out to come here, and the Mercadejas's men did not allow themto
bring security .

Parang may humawak sa puso ko nang naisip kung gaano katapang ng dalawa kong
tiyuhin para umakyat dito nang walang bantay . Hindi nila alam ang totoong
nangyayari kaya baka naisip din nila na puwede silang lapastanganin ng mga ito .

"I wonder about the gardener they were talking about . Where is he?" si Tito
Reynaldo na sa tono pa lang mukhang marami nang sisisantehin sa Iloilo .

"Tito, can we talk about this later? This is a very long day ."

"For us . Not for you," makahulugang sinabi ni Tito Arturo .

Umiling ako at sa mga mata, alam niya kaagad kung ano ang ibig kong sabihin .

Hindi ko alam kung bakit pareho silang bumuntong-hininga . They both looked
relieved
that I did not yet inform Jandrik that I am pregnant . Tito Arturo smirked evilly
on
my husband from behind . Hindi ko alam para saan iyon pero naramdaman ko ang
pagmamayabang na may alam siyang hindi alam nito .

"Oh well, you're right! This is a long day indeed, right, Reynaldo?" maligaya na
ang tono ni Tito Arturo ngayon .

"Nagsisimula na ang presscon . I suggest you don't go in there dahil maraming

media ."
Gustuhin ko mang pumunta, mas iniisip ko ang kalagayan ko . I am not going to risk
it . I will not face the media who will surely attack me with unecessary questions
just to bother me .

"I'm afraid you're right, Tito ."

"Mag-antay ka na lang sa closed door meeting ."

"Jandrik . . ." nilingon ko siya sa likod . Kasama niya ang mga tauhan, kausap at
mukhang may mga bilin . "Will you go to the presscon for me?"

Madilim niya akong tiningnan . Ilang sandali pa bago siya tumango .

"I will wait in the meeting room ."

"Alright," namamaos niyang sinabi .

Ramdam ko na ayaw niya pa rin akong pakawalan kahit sa ganoong paraan . I can
sense
how painful it is for him to go there without me . Hindi dahil gusto niya ng
suporta
ko, kundi dahil talagang ayaw niya lang akong mawala sa paningin niya .

"We can't waste time, Andra . Bumaba na tayo ."

Sa building ng mga Mercadejas ginanap ang presscon . Either Jandrik offered or the
Pastranas wanted it to be there, I don' t mind the reason . Sa backdoor ako pinadaan
.
Kahit may iilan ngang nakakita sa akin, hindi pa rin ako nalapitan .

Nagpaalam ang dalawang tiyuhin ko na mauuna na sa Presscon . Meanwhile, Jandrik

insisted that he's going to escort me to the meeting room .

Binuksan ko ang pintuan at nakita ang mahabang oval shaped table and the swivel
chairs around . It is obviously made for meetings as big as maybe what will happen
later . Hindi pa tuluyang nakapasok, I turned around to look at him .

"I am fine here . You have to go now," sabi ko .

Nakikita ko sa mga mata niya ang mabalasik na pagtanggi, hindi niya lang masabi
kasi nagkasundo na kami .

"I will wait till the presscon is done . Manonood ako sa TV . I know there's going
to
be a live broadcast . Do you want me to come with you?"

Ayaw ko na sanang itanong iyon pero nararamdaman ko talaga ang paghihirap niya .
Akala ko ipipilit niya iyon pero umiling siya at yumuko .

"No . You'll stay here and wait for me . That's what you promised me," he said .

Tumango ako at ngumiti .

Hindi na siya nagsalita o nagpaalam . Unti-unti na lang siyang umatras at nagsarado

ng pintuan . Bumuntong-hininga ako nang umalis siya at naiwang mag-isa sa malapad
na
silid na iyon .

I opened the television and saw that my Mom is already speaking, beside her our
lawyer . Tahimik ang lahat at ayon sa nakalagay sa baba ng screen, tapos nang
magsalita ang head ng investigation . My Dad is found guilty for paying the office
to let the ship go even with a strong typhoon .

"I know this is not enough for the victims but in behalf of my husband, I am very
sorry for the loss." Mommy paused and closed her eyes .

Nararamdaman ko na marami siyang gustong sabihin pero hindi niya na tinuloy . My

heart hurt so much . Nangilid kaagad ang luha ko .

"Our lawyer is here to enumerate what the company is planning to provide for the
victims of the MV Dona Analia and the Philippine Islands Ferries Corporation ."

Someone interrupted Mommy . Nakita ko ang bahagyang pagka stress niya nang
natantong
may magtatanong sa kalagitnaan ng speech . By the looks of it, it's like an open
forum . Maraming media at may iilan din sa kakilala namin sa parehong larangan .

"Mrs . Lopez, alam n'yo po ba ang ginawa ng asawa n'yo? Why did he hide it when he
can openly tell everyone that he's guilty? He's supposed to be honorable, according
to the description of your friends ."

May mahinang bulung-bulungan pero hindi naman nakakaeskandalo para mapigilan si

Mommy sa pagsasalita .

"I do not know my husband's plans at all . When the issue resurfaced, slowly I've
come to realize that some might be right . You see, though Franco wasn't very
healthy, he's not as weak, too . It was a shock to us all when he died very
abruptly . Kapag naaalala ko ang mga huling buwan niya, naaalala ko na may mga
pagkakataong . . ." she stopped .

Naiiyak si Mommy pero pinipigilan niya . Matagumpay siya roon pero ako, hindi .
Bumuhos ulit ang luha ko .

"Pagkakataong nararamdaman kong may pinagsisisihan siya . This is not to lift my

husband's name up but I sensed how guilty he was before he died . But it still did
not change the fact that he was the author of the capsizing of the MV Dona Analia .
I will humbly accept the responsibility and will offer our company's services to
pay for my husband's negligence and greed . That's all ."

"Does your daughter know that this is her father's doings before the
investigation?"

My Mom looked confused . Napalakad ako patungo sa TV . Naramdaman ko ang iritasyon

sa
mukha ni Mommy . Pumikit siya at ilang sandali pa bago nagsalita .

"My daughter is out of this . She had no clue at all . When you loomat her past
interviews before the investigations, she strongly believed that this is not her
father's work," mariin at matigas niyang sagot .

Hindi na niya hinintay na may karagdagang tanong pa . Ibinigay niya na ang

entablado
sa katabing lawyer at inakyat na siya ng dalawa kong tiyuhin .

Nagsimula na ang pagsasabi sa tulong at serbisyo ng aming kompanya sa pamilya ng

mga biktima . Permanenteng pagkasibak sa puwesto ang para sa lahat ng nabayaran ni
Daddy . Approximately three hundred thousand pesos will be given to each families
of the victims . The Maritime Industry could not suspend our vessels, though, dahil
hindi naman barko namin ang lumubog kundi ang sa mga Pastrana . Sinuspende na noon
ang vessels ng mga Pastrana dahil sa imbestigasyon tungkol sa pagiging overload ng
mga ito . The grounding was lifted up after a few months . They complied with the
government's requirements, kagagawan iyon ni Jandrik . It was the reason why they
are slowly and steadily operating again .

I went to the bathroom to freshen up . Hindi naman ako nahihilo at nasusuka .

Mabuti
na lang at mukhang ayos naman ang pakiramdam . Kumain ako ng konti ng crackers for
lunch at uminom na rin ng tubig . Paghahanda iyon sa meeting .

Naupo ako sa dulong silya . Natapos na ang live sa TV pero alam kong inaayos pa
siguro nila ngayon sa hall . There will be casual interviews and it will delay them
.

Parang sasabog ang dibdib ko sa kaba kauupo roon at kahihintay sa kanila . It was
past thirty minutes nang natapos ang live sa TV nang bumukas ang pintuan . Ang
unang
pumasok sa silid ay si Mommy . She's escorted by Heather, three family lawyers and
my Titos .

"Andra!" si Mommy sabay salubong sa akin .

Tumayo ako at niyakap si Mommy .

"I saw the live stream on the TV . You did great, Mommy . I'm proud of you," sabi
ko .

"Thank you, hija . It was stressing me out . Makulit din ang interviews after .
Thank
God for our lawyers! " she smiled .

Naupo na ang mga kasamang panauhin . I heard Tito Arturo telling Tito Reynaldo
that
the Pastranas wanted them out of the meeting . Nag-alala agad ako pero dahil nakita
nila ang reaksyon ko, nilihim agad nila kung ano ang nangyayari . Damn, everyone
wants me to be in the shadows of everything just because of my state!

Nakakainis tuloy! Gusto kong sabihin sa kanila na kahit medyo mahirap ang
pagbubuntis ko, hindi naman ako maselan! But it' s too late .

"Let them!" I heard Tito Arturo said in a very angry tone . "It's about time nang
magkaliwanagan na ."

"Anong meron?" si Heather ang nilingon ko na nakatayo sa likod ko .

She stared at me in a weary expression bago umiling . "Don't worry about it ."

Even her! Damn it!

Pinanood ko ang pagpasok ni Uriel Mercadejas, my father-in-law . . . or maybe not .
They are probably all disgusted of me . Tumayo ako para magmano sana, kahit pa alam
kong baka hindi sila papayag na gawin ko iyon .

"Stay where you are," utos ni Tito Arturo sa akin .

Aapila na sana ako pero nakita ko ang mga sumunod kay Tito Uriel . Anton,
Annaliese,
Domitilla, and Lucianna Mercadejas came with them . Wow! This is a complete cast of
them all! Pumasok na rin si Chester Pastrana, may kasamang lawyer, dalawa pang
lalaking kasing tanda bago si Millicent .

She was all the same, tumangkad lang . She's paper white with a jet black hair in
large dramatic and choreographed curls . She's wearing a black tube top dress and a
sexy stilletos . Her lips were baby pink that made her look younger than her real
age . Ang galit sa titig niya sa akin, hindi ko maipagkakaila .

Sumulyap ako kay Lucianna na kanina pa nakatitig din sa akin with an expression I
couldn't understand . She looks miserable and almost sorrowful . Nang inilipat ko
naman ang mga mata kay Senyora Domitilla, nakita ko ang pag-atras at ang
pagpapakumbaba . Inilipat ko na lang ang mga mata ko sa nilapag na baso ng tubig ni
Heather sa harap .
Nasa tabi ko si Mommy at sa kabila naman si Tito Arturo . I wonder where would
Jandrik sit . Nakita kong may kinausap si Tita Lucianna at binakante ang katabing
upuan niya . Pagkatapos, nahanap ulit ni Tita ang mga mata ko . I then looked away,
scared .

"I will mediate and facilitate this meeting . Good day, everyone," si Tito Anton .

Tito Arturo groaned and shifted on his seat . Sumulyap si Tito Anton sa kanya bago
muling nagsalita .

"My family is indirectly involved with this so it is only right that we are here
."

"A mediator should not be in favor of anyone for him to work fairly," ani
Tito Arturo .

"I am not in favor of anyone here, Arturo," si Tito Anton .

Hindi na nagsalita si Tito Arturo . Uminom na lang siya ng tubig at inignora na ang
lahat ng tumitig sa kanya .

Huling pumasok si Kajik . He's dashing on his formal suit, nakapagbihis na .

Sinuyod
ng kanyang mga mata ang buong silid at tumigil sa akin . Tumuwid ako sa pagkakaupo
.
He started walking towards me and then he realize there's no seat available .

"Here, son!" Lucianna Mercadejas called softly .

"Karius," mababang baritonong tawag ni Tito Uriel .

Tita Lucianna showed it to him . Ang silya ay katabi ng silya ni Tito Reynaldo .
Kung
hindi ako nagkakamali, she showed off that he's seated right next to my family .
Jandrik took that and immediately started walking past the chairs of the Pastranas
and our lawyers . Akala ko didiretso siya sa upuang para sa kanya pero nakita ko
ang
tingin ng lahat sa likod ko .

Bumalot ang katahimikan bago ko narinig ang tanong ni Kajik sa akin .

"Did you eat lunch yet?" he whispered .

Sandamakmak na mura ang bumulusok sa aking utak . My face heated profoundly .

"Y-Yes," sagot ko .

"Good," he whispered bago siya nagpatuloy at naupo na sa tabi ni Tita Lucianna .

Tahimik . Wala ni isang nangahas magsalita . Nang naupo siya, siya lang ang bumasag
noon .

"Let's start, Tito Anton," he said in a cold baritone .

Kabanata 38
Kabanata 38

Baby

There was an awkward silence bago tumikhim si Tito Anton at nagsimula . Nang
bumaling ang lahat sa kanya, 'tsaka ako nagkaroon ng lakas ng loob na tumingin kay
Jandrik . My breathing hitched when I saw him staring darkly at me . Mabilis akong
umiwas lalo na nang nakitang nakatingin narin si Lucianna sa akin bago bumaling sa
anak .

"There is no other way to deal with our problems but to clarify and accept our
differences . The Pastranas are a friend to our family and I sympathize with what
they have been through ."

Sumulyap ako kay Millicent at nakita ko ang mariin niyang titig sa akin . Umirap
siya at kay Tito Anton na tumingin bago tumango, agreeing to his words .

"Franco was also a dear family friend but this time, I must say that he did
something that will bring dishonor to his name . Alam nating lahat ang buong
nangyari at napatunayan na ito so I expect the Lopezes to accept that ."

"Yes, we accept it, Anton," si Mommy .

"We offered our help to the Pastranas, pero sana huwag ninyong masamain ang aming
ginawa-"

" Hindi namin minamasama iyon, " si Tito Arturo naman ngayon . " It is only natural to
help a friend . We would do that to our friends, too . Don't worry about it ."

Tumango si Tito Anton . "We condemn what Franco did, and that's the truth ."

Nag-antay siya ng magsasalita sa amin pero wala . I know my family are not proud
of
what Daddy did but they just could not admit it out loud and in front of the many
.

" My family condemns what he did, too, Tito . I never thought he was capable of
doing
such a thing, kahit pa sabihing hindi naman niya naisip na lumala ng ganoon, it was
still his fault . We are not proud of that ."

Hinawakan ni Mommy ang kamay ko . It was a gentle reminder for me not to speak
anymore . Hindi ko lang talaga maatim na titigan kami nila ng ganoon at nakikitang
ni isa sa amin walang tumatanggap sa kasalanan .

"He had time to accept and humbly surrender but he didn't . I see my father as an
honorable man but this time, he disappointed us . "

"Hindi ba, ikaw rin naman? You did not accept it at first, that your father was at
fault! You even defended him!" si Millicent .
"My daughter didn't know a thing about it before the investigations!" si Mommy na
hindi na ako hinintay na magsalita .

Kitang-kita ko ang pangingilid ng mga luha ni Millicent . Her father was now
worried
of her, pati ang mga katabi, pero hindi nila ito napigilan .

"Paanong hindi? She wished to get married to Kajik and her father only gave her
what she wanted!" tumaas na ang kanyang boses .

"Millicent, it was my decision and not Tito Franco's decision," si Kajik ang
pumutol sa kanya .

" Hindi ba, Senyora? Tita? Kajik was just told to follow! " kitang- kita ko ang
pagmamakaawa niya sa dalawang tinawag .

Umawang ang bibig ni Senyora pero walang lumabas na mga salita . Si Tita Lucianna
naman ay kabadong bumaling sa anak .

"I wouldn't follow anything I didn't want, Millicent . I already told you that the
marriage may seem arranged but to me it wasn't . I was her long time boyfriend
before we got engaged . "

Bumuhos ang luha ni Millicent .

"Karius!" umalingawngaw ang sigaw ni Chester Pastrana sa buong silid .

Bumuntong-hininga si Kajik at humilig na sa silya, relaxing a bit .

"Chester, I think it is best for Milly to just rest for a bit," Tita Lucianna
suggested .

" No, Tita! I have to be here! " giit ni Millicent bago siya matalim na tumitig sa
akin .

"Son, please, calm down," I heard Tita Lucianna .

Hindi ko na nasundan pa ang sumunod dahil pagalit akong tinuro ni Millicent .

"Mag-usap tayong dalawa, babae sa babae, Andra! You were obsessed with Karius even
then, when you were young!"

The hell?

Naalala ko iyong paratang niya sa akin . Totoo iyon pero hindi niya na dapat pang
sinasali iyon sa usapan . What is this all about? To humiliate me?

"You were a spoiled brat! Your father spoiled you so much na kahit ang
pagpapakasal, ipinilit niya!"

I heard Kajik's groan . May sinabi si Tita Lucianna sa kanya .

"And what did you do after that? You left and had so many affairs with other men
that you got pregnant! "

Narinig ko ang mga bulung-bulungan galing sa iilang naroon . Nobody dared to say
anything while Kajik was already at the edge, pinipigilan lang ni Tita Lucianna .

"Millicent, dear . . . Ah..." natawa si Senyora pero nagtuloy-tuloy si Milly .

" Umuwi ka lang dito para panagutan ni Kajik ang dinadala mo, ' di ba? ! And like your
father, you have no honor! " she moaned .

Kumunot ang noo ko . Sobrang lakas ng pintig ng puso ko at unti-unti na akong

nagagalit pero pinipilit ko ang pagkalma . Mommy was already opening her mouth to
stop Millicent but I stopped her .

"You promised it in your interviews na aamin kang kasinungalingan ang pagpapakasal

mo and then you will walk away kung mapapatunayang totoo ang paratang sa ama mo .
Saan ka ngayon? Nandito ulit? Can' t stand with honor, can you? "

Pumikit ako ng mariin . Naalala ko nga ang interview na iyon . I was so confident
with my father that I said those words easily .

"You have no right to challenge my niece," si Tito Arturo .

"Millicent, dear, Andra is not pregnant and she did not have any other man . What
we
thought was all wrong . We know that now," si Senyora Domitilla sa kalmadong boses
.
Shit!

Why the sudden change of air from his family? At ngayon pa talaga na totoo nang
buntis ako!

"I have all the right to challenge! I was the victim here! You all denied me and
my
family of our right!" she screamed so loud na wala nang nangahas na magsalita .

Kajik shifted on his seat . His mother is trying to murmur some things to him .

" Calm down, Millicent . Please . Anton, I want to discuss the fate of my company
with
Karius," si Chester na pilit na iniiba ang usapan .

He tried to let his daughter sit . Dahil sa pag-iyak, napaupo na lang din si
Millicent . Tumayo ang kanyang ama at nagpatuloy sa mga tanong niya .

" You sold all your stocks to my son . How is that your company now? " si Tito Uriel
sa isang madilim at masamang boses .

Kitang-kita ko ang pagkabigla sa mukha ni Chester Pastrana sa sinabi ni Tito Uriel

.

"I'm sorry, Chester . That's the rule of business . It was a sell-off of both your
assets and shares to my son ."

"But it was so the company can overcome the crisis!" sabay baling ni Chester
Pastrana kay Kajik .

"Yes, I will make it overcome the crisis, Tito . However, the tragedy defaced the
company's name, and even if we rebrand it, the people will never forget
immediately . My plan is to make it a subsidiary company of the Lopez's lines,
that's both rebranding and reorganization ."

Jandrik's ruthless eyes never faltered or weakened . Habang nagsasalita siya at

habang unti-unting nadidismaya si Chester Pastrana, hindi siya nagdalawang-isip na
sabihin ang totoo niyang plano .

" That can' t be! My board! Their shares! They won' t allow this, Karius! " his voice
boomed .

Tumikhim si Tito Anton . Nagkatinginan silang dalawa ni Tito Uriel . The way Tito
Uriel looked at his brother, it was as if he was so proud of something .

"I'm afraid their shares will drop and the company will lose so much if I do that .
That' s the truth, Tito Chester . This is my personal business opinion . "

Nanlilisik sa galit ang mga mata ni Chester Pastrana . Meanwhile, Millicent wailed
and moaned beside him .
"I respect you and your daughter the way my family respected you for years . I
bought your stocks on the highest bid to help, and it is technically mine now but I
would gladly let you choose the fate of the company you built with only two
options . One, accept the way I handle the decisions of the board, and that is to
make the company an offshoot of the Lopez' s . Two, try and make it work all alone
even with a very predictable failing doom ."

Yumuko si Chester at umiling .

"I'm afraid that I must say Kajik is right . Even with a simple analysis, I can
say
that the company will not do good anymore unless his option," si Tito Anton .
"Besides that, I'm sorry to say this but your opinion just doesn't count anymore
the moment you lost your share in it ."

"Chester, I'm really sorry," si Senyora Domitilla . "It seems to me that it is lost
completely kung ipipilit pa . "

Natahimik silang lahat . Ramdam na ramdam ko ang pagsuko ni Chester Pastrana .

Maybe
he realized that what they were right . He looked so disappointed and defeated, but
not Millicent . Siya ang tumayo ngayon, with tears streaming down her cheeks and
pointing out at me .

" Bakit hindi n' yo pagsalitain ' yan! This is all because of you! You' re pregnant
from your many affairs with other man, aren't you! You manipulative bitch! "

"That's enough, Millicent!" Kajik's voice boomed .

Natahimik si Millicent dahil doon . Pumikit ako ng mariin . Hinagod na ni Heather

ang
likod ko at bumulong na sa kalagitnaan ng panggagalaiti .

"Andra, let's go," si Heather .

"Enough, Milly, darling, you can be sued if you keep on insisting that! Andra is
not pregnant and she did not have any affair with other men!" si Senyora Domitilla
naman .

"At bakit ayaw niyang magsalita . You are hiding behind your family's name! Just
because you married a Mercadejas doesn't excuse you from all of your wrong doings,
Andra! Napatunayan ko na na tama ang hinala namin, ano pang hinihintay mo, ha!?"

"Heather, please escort Andra outside," si Mommy .

"This is a personal matter . Not anymore supposedly included to this meeting," si

Tito Anton, pinapakalma ang tensyon .

I want so bad to explain my side but I didn't . Ayokong magsalita pa lalo na

ngayong
kitang-kita ko ang poot kay Millicent . Tumayo ako at umambang umalalay si Heather
.
I waved at her to say I' m fine . Nakuha niya iyon at nagsimula na lang na maglakad,
nauna sa akin para protektahan ako .

"Where are you going? Tumatakas ka?!"

Tumigil ako pagkatapos ng ilang hakbang . Heather told me to continue walking but I
can't help it anymore . Maybe to say some things won' t hurt .

"Ayaw mong magsalita kasi alam mong tama ako . Ayaw mong magsalita kasi totoo ang
mga sinabi ko . You said you' re going to walk away if I proved it right and I did!
But what? Andito ka pa rin!?"

"That is not for you to decide," Kajik drawled lazily and calmly .

"Let my daughter go in peace and out of this meeting!" Mommy declared .

Isang bulong ang ginawa ni Kajik sa lalaking sekretarya niya at dumiretso na sa

akin . Sumenyas ako para tumigil iyon . If I don' t explain myself now, this meeting
will end without closure . I can do that . I can just leave and let them all think
about it for the rest of their lives pero alam ko ang pakiramdam nang hindi alam
ang totoo . We are at fault and the least I can do for them now is to clear things
up .
"Yes . . ." I let it trail off .

Tumahimik ang lahat . I saw Jandrik still pushed his secretary to come near me in
a
very subtle order with his finger . Nagpatuloy ako .

"I already liked Jandrik back when I was younger . My Mommy and Daddy knew . I am
spoiled rotten by my Dad and he' d do anything to make me happy . "

"See? Inamin mo rin!" Millicent interrupted .

"I am very sure that he orchestrated the ruining of your company for that specific
reason, not to kill, but just to ruin your name . And maybe, I married your fiancee
because my father manipulated everything ."

"That's not true! I could always find a way to get away with the marriage if I did
not like it!" mababa at malakas ang boses ni Kajik nang sinabi niya ito .

I ignored him . This is not for my gratification or security . This is the

acknowledgement of every damn fault me and my family had in the past .

"He wanted to give me what I want kahit pa magagalit ako dahil ipinilit niya ."

"Magagalit dahil pinilit? That's impossible! You would be happy for it-"

"Pinakasalan ko siya dahil galit ako! Inakala kong ipinilit nga! Do you think I'd
run away the next day of our wedding if I was happy?!" nangingilid na rin ang mga
luha ko pero mas naunahan ng galit at paninibugho .

Natahimik ang lahat . Tumayo si Kajik at alam kong hindi ko na siya mapipigilan .
Bago pa siya makalapit, pinagpatuloy ko na .

"I wasn't happy! I want an annulment . I came back for it . Iyon ang gusto kong
gawin
kahit pa tama ka, mahal ko siya . I did so many wrong things so I could get away
from this false marriage . Wala akong pakealam kung sabihin ninyo na wala akong
kuwentang asawa, because it's true anyway . I am a scandalous and disgraceful wife
.
A vain and ruined woman ."
Bumaling ako sa mga Mercadejas . Naramdaman ko ang literal na pagdidilim ng
paningin . Umalon ang pakiramdam ko at sa isang iglap, nasusuka ako ng husto .

"This isn't sarcasm, this is the truth . And I accept it . Hindi rin ako
nagpapaawa,
it's not in our blood . So . . . take what's yours, I'll pay for all the damage
we've
done, just let me walk away from this meeting in peace ."

Hindi ko na maramdaman ang binti ko habang tinatapos ang sinabi . Nagdilim pa lalo
ang paningin ko nang humakbang ako hanggang sa wala na akong makita .

I woke up . Hindi pa tuluyang nadidilat ang mga mata, inalala ko na anong nangyari
.

I blacked out and . . . did I faint!?

Shit!

Dumilat ako at nakita kaagad ang bulungan ni Mommy, Tito Arturo, and Tito Reynaldo
.
May distansya sila sa akin at sa sobrang hina ng mga boses, hindi ko alam ano ang
pinag-uusapan .
Kinabahan ako . Inisip ko kung may masakit ba sa katawan ko . Kung bumagsak nga
ako,
meron dapat! Gumalaw ako at napatunayang bukod sa ulo, wala namang masakit sa akin
.

"A-Andra, my goodness, hija!"

Dumalo agad si Mommy sa akin nang natanaw ang paggalaw ko . Sumunod ang dalawa kong
tiyuhin . Hinawakan agad ni Mommy ang kamay ko .

If I am not mistaken, sa meeting ako nahimatay! They all saw it . Nagpatuloy ba

ang
meeting?

Nasa loob ako ng isang puting silid . Sa lamig, uri ng kama, at itsura, alam kong
ospital iyon . Sinugod ako sa ospital! Gaano ba kalala ang bagsak ko?

"Mommy, I fainted! Is my baby o-okay?!" natataranta kong sinabi .

Tumango si Mommy ng paulit-ulit habang magiliw na hinahagod ang kamay ko . "Yes,

yes, hija . The baby is okay . Don't worry, alright? Rest ."

Huminga ako ng malalim . Pumikit ako at sinapo agad ang noo . Sa lahat pa talaga ng
lugar na puwede akong magkaganoon, doon pa talaga sa harap nila . Nanlamig ako nang
natantong puwede nilang malaman na buntis nga ako! Hindi ko naman talaga ililihim
ito pero hindi rin ako nakapaghanda na sabihin sa kanila iyon!

Maybe they think I'm just sick . Kaya nga nagpatuloy pa rin ang meeting, 'di ba?

"How's the meeting?" I asked huskily .

Tahimik ang mga tiyuhin ko sa likod . They both look pale for some reason .

"The meeting ended," si Tito Reynaldo .

"Oh . Ilang oras pala bago ako nagising?"

"Oras? Not an hour yet, Andra! The meeting ended immediately when you fainted ."

"Ganoon po ba? But . . . then . . . where's Jandrik?"

Baka maraming inasikaso?

Hindi agad nakapagsalita si Mommy . Binalingan niya muna ang dalawa kong tiyuhin .
Magsasalita na sana ulit si Mommy pero hindi niya matuloy-tuloy ang sasabihin .

"W-Well, we did not let him in . Might be bad for you," si Tito Arturo .

"Oh! No, I'm fine, Tito ."

"Then, we'll let them in . . ."

"We tried to deny your state but . . . hija, nakapagtanong ako kanina sa doktor nong
isinugod ka . Hindi ko na naisip kung may nakikinig ba kaya nalaman din ni Kajik
ang
kalagayan mo ."

Great!

" I was so worried that I immediately said, ' Doc, my daughter fainted and she' s
pregnant! Please do everything to make sure that she and the baby is okay!' And
then he heard it, Andra!" Mommy wailed at her recalling of the event .

Pumikit ako ng mariin . Okay lang naman na malaman niya iyon pero hindi ko lang
alam
kung tama bang tiempo iyon . Hindi pa talaga ako ang nagsabi! Nalaman niya na lang
kasi nahimatay ako!

"And I was like . . . 'No, no, it's not true . I'm just kidding . She's not
pregnant!'
But he wouldn't believe me!"

Shit!? She tried to deny it? Of course, he wouldn't believe it!

"Tinulungan pa ako ni Arturo na ideny iyon, but he just won't believe it!"

I groaned . "Sana inamin n'yo na lang ."

It was my fault but that was an emergency .

"Baka kasi ayaw mong malaman niya," Tito Reynaldo said .

I know . They did well, though . I smiled weakly at them . They were worried but
they
smiled back .

"Thank you po," sabi ko .

Umilag ng tingin si Tito Arturo sa akin . Umatras naman si Tito Reynaldo at iniwas
din ang mukha . Namumuo naman ang panibagong luha sa mga mata ni Mommy .

"You were brave in accepting our faults, hija . Dapat kami ang magpasalamat sa'yo
."

Payapa akong ngumiti at binalingan ang dalawa tiyuhin ko na hanggang sa huli, ayaw
magpakita ng kahinaan .

"Are you really fine? How are you feeling? Hindi ka naman bumagsak . Kajik was
just
right on time pagkasalo sa'yo . Plus his secretary was there kaya hindi ka
bumagsak ."

"I'm feeling fine, Mommy . Just like my normal fainting spells whenever I have one
back in Iloilo . Ayos lang po ako ."

" That' s good . Pinagpapahinga ka ng doktor . She will meet you once you' re well
rested to finally perform an ultrasound . Are you excited?"

Tumango ako .

"Gusto ko sanang sumama pero . . . hmm . . . you have your husband now ."

Tipid at pagod akong ngumiti . For a moment in that meeting, I wanted so back to
push Jandrik away . I am so tired of hearing how I only snatched him from someone
else's hold . I'm so tired of the accusations . Ayokong magising ang anak ko sa
mundong tila nilimos lang namin ang pagmamahal ng kanyang ama . Ayokong maisip niya
na gumawa lang ako ng paraan para makumpleto kami . . . that we were not really the
first choice, they only settled .

"Anyway, you should rest . If you need anything, just call-"

"Mom, si Jandrik po . Maybe we should talk . Papasukin n'yo na lang po muna siya ."

Tumango si Mommy bago tumayo at kinausap ang aking mga tiyuhin . Sumulyap sila sa
akin . I gave them an assuring smile before they finally decided to open the room's
door . Sa labas, maraming tao . Nagulat ako nang nakita ko ang kulay ng damit ni
Senyora Domitilla . She tried to take a peek inside . Nagkatinginan kami . Sumunod
ang
ibang naroon pero natabunan na ng anino ni Jandrik iyon .
 Kinabahan agad ako . Sa paraan ng pagtingin niya sa akin, nasisiguro kong hindi
niya
nagustuhan ang nangyari . Lumabas na si Mommy at naiwan na kaming dalawa sa loob .
Sinarado niya ang pintuan .

I tried to sit . His jaw clenched . Kahit nakaya ko namang umupo, inalalayan niya
pa
rin ako .

"Thank you," namamalat ang boses ko .

Akala ko galit ang unang sasabihin niya pero nagkamali ako . Naupo siya sa upuang
nasa tabi ng kama .

"How are you feeling?" he asked .

"I'm fine . It was a normal fainting spell ."

"Normal?" he asked .

Hindi ako nagsalita . Pinasadahan niya ng tingin ang katawan ko na para bang
babasaging kristal ito . Nag- iwas ako ng tingin at kinalma ang sarili . My heart is
beating crazily and I'm sure my nervousness is all over my face .

"I'm sorry, I didn't tell you . I think it's a bad t-timing ."

"How is our baby a bad timing, Andra?" mariin ngunit pilit na kinalma ang boses .

Nagulat ako sa sinabi niya . Alam kong alam niya na hindi ako kailanman nagkaroon
ng
ibang relasyon, pisikal man o emosyonal sa ibang lalaki . Hindi ko nga lang alam na
may parte pala sa aking iniisip na hindi siya naniniwala sa sariling alam .

"Our b-baby . . ." nabasag ang boses ko .

Pinilit kong huwag umiyak pero bumuhos na ang mga luha ko . It's a disaster that I
even tried to hide my tears from him . Tumayo siya at agad na niyakap ako . He
helped
me wipe away my tears . Sa sobrang labo ng mga mata ko dahil sa luha, hindi ko alam
kung luha rin ba ang nakikita ko sa kanyang mga mata .

"I thought you'd deny it . If you will, hindi rin naman kita masisisi . I've been a
bad wife . I made you believe that I had many affairs with other men . You wouldn' t
know that-"

"I fucking know it! I told you, I had you followed!" he said angrily .

"Eh, bakit? Lagi bang nakasunod 'yong binayaran mo-"

"You really think I can sleep soundly, without knowing where you are and what
you're doing? And most especially when you're angry at me? Hindi kita hahayaang
magliwaliw nang hindi ko alam, Andra . Tandaan mo 'yan ."

Bumuhos pa ang luha ko . Pinalis ko iyon . Tumulong naman siya .

" This is the only thing you' ve successfully hidden from me . And I' m not a bit
happy
about what you did," mababa at halos pabulong niyang sinabi .

"I'm sorry..." pinigilan ko ang paghikbi .

"What are you planning to do, huh?" maingat niyang tanong, nagdududa sa lahat ng
ginawa ko .
Umiling ako dahil hindi ko pa kayang magsalita . Parang kinukurot ang puso ko .

"Hide it from me? Run away?" he enumerated .

"No!" pilit akong nagsalita . "Sasabihin ko naman sa'yo, e . Hindi ko alam paano
."

"Kailan mo nalaman? Is that why you ran away?"

Umiling ulit ako . "Sa Iloilo ko na nalaman 'to . Uuwi naman talaga ako dahil
kakausapin ko dapat si Mommy . K-Kaso, buntis pala ako and . . . uhm . . ."

Hindi ko matuloy-tuloy ang sasabihin ko . Natatakot ako .

"And? Come on . Explain it," he said mercilessly . Anger is at the edge of his
tongue, but his touch on my hand and cheek were gentle .

"Jandrik!" my eyes widened nang may naalala . "T-The opinion of Senyora Domitilla
of
me changed back in the meeting . Ngayon, nagbago ba ulit dahil buntis pala ako? Ano
nang iniisip niya? Hindi ba nasa labas siya? How about your Mom?"

"The hell I care about what they all say, Andra . Is that it? Damn it! You left
me!
You almost got away just because you're scared of what they'll say?"

"H-Hindi naman..." bawi ko dahil ramdam ko ang nag-aalab niyang galit para sa
kanila .

"Nagsisisi na sila sa lahat ng sinabi nila at sa lahat ng mga masamang inisip nila
sayo . If that happens again, I could never bring myself to forgive them ."

"Jandrik, that's your family," malambing na ang tono ko .

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin sa kanya . Nilapit niya ang kanyang mukha at hinuli ang
tingin ko . His anger, passion, and gentleness made my face heat and my heart pound
.
Ngumuso ako para itago ang masuyo at excited na ngiti . Gaya noong bata pa ako,
gaya
ng dati, his anger makes me so damn excited .

"From now on, you should only think about me . And our baby," he whispered .

"But you should be okay with your family," marahan kong sinabi sabay angat ng
tingin sa kanya . "Kahit ikaw na lang ."

Marahan kong hinaplos ang kanyang pisngi . Umigting ang kanyang panga . Hindi siya
nakapagsalita . Hindi siya nakapag protesta sa sinabi ko . He' s trying so hard not
to
give in even when I can feel him melting with my touch .

"You have to talk to them, Jandrik ."

"No, you can't make me leave you," he hoarsely . "We're not done talking ."
said
have to stay still and rest ."
"Can't talk much anymore," I pretended .
"I anywhere else ."

"Then I'll be with you . I don't want to

go

"But you have to . Just a bit . Nasa labas lang naman sila, 'di ba? Kausapin mo,
Jandrik..." I said breathily .

"No, I won't fall for your lusty voice, anymore ."

Bumagsak ang mata niya sa aking tiyan . He caressed it smoothly and gently .

"I'm busy with my two babies ."

Ngumuso ako . Nang hindi na naiwasan ang ngiti, kinagat ko na lang ang labi ko .

"Then, while I sleep?"

Umiling siya . He swallowed hard . "I'll watch you fall asleep ."

" I can' t sleep when you' re watching. . . " nagtaas ako ng kilay at makahulugang
ngumisi . "I'll be too bothered to sleep ."

Pilit siyang nagagalit pero ramdam kong tuluyan ko na siyang nasuyo . Kung hindi
lang dahil sa kumatok, mukhang alam ko na ang susunod na dapat mangyari . Tumayo
siya at binuksan ang pintuan . I saw Tita Lucianna . Sumulyap ito sa akin sa nag-
aalalang mukha bago nagsalita .

"The doctor's here, son," she said .

Kabanata 39
Kabanata 39

Heart

Kabado ako . Hindi rin ako makapagsalita dahil tinatapangan ko ang buong proseso
.
This is my first ultrasound in 8 weeks of my pregnancy . Kajik held my hand in the
whole process at siya na mismo ang nagtatanong sa doktor ng kung anu-ano dahil
hindi ako masyadong makapagsalita sa kaba .

It was an emotional scene for me . . . for us . Nang ipakita ng doktor sa screen

ang
isang maliit at irregularly shaped fetus, parang kinurot ang puso ko . I realized
that there's much more important things in life than what I believed essential in
the past years . It is family, love, and change .

Dumiin ang hawak ni Jandrik sa kamay ko nang pinarinig sa amin ang heartbeat ng
aming anak . Imbes na tumingin sa screen, hindi natanggal ang mga mata ko sa kanya
.
He looked so amazed and emotional as he watched on the screen . Bumaling siya sa
akin, nakangiti, at ginawaran ako ng halik sa noo .

"Thank you," he whispered . "I love you . I love you . . ."

Pumikit siya at hinilig ang mukha sa aking pisngi habang tahimik na dinadama at
dinidinig ang bawat pintig ng puso ng aming anak .

It was an overall emotional and happy experience . Hindi ko na gaano naintindihan

ang mga explanation ng doktor tungkol sa itsura ng nasa screen at kung anu-anong
mga parte iyon . Si Kajik an ang nakinig at nagtanong para sa aming dalawa .

"You're good to go . Just don't stress yourself too much . Huwag kang mag-alala,
usually the vomiting will stop after the first trimester ."

"Okay, doctora," sabi ko habang tumatango .

"Your sex drive will also return by then," dagdag niya sabay ngiti kay Kajik .

Napakurap-kurap ako . Kajik said his thanks and asked other concerns pero
nanatili
ang isipan ko sa huling nasabi . Am I not supposed to like sex during the first
trimester? Well . . . whatever .

Una kong nakita paglabas namin ay ang mabilis na pag alerto ni Tita Lucianna .
Tumayo si Senyora sa silyang inupuan at muling umawang ang labi para sa sasabihin
pero hindi rin natuloy . Kajik covered me with his body, not allowing anyone of
them
to even get a glimpse of me .

"She will rest . We'll have to go home," he announced .

Naroon na rin si Mommy at hinalikan ako . Siya lang ang nangahas na lumapit sa amin
sa dami nila roon .

"Rest well, darling . Let me handle everything from here, okay? I bet it is better
for you to return to Iloilo, at least for the first trimester, hija ."

"Pag-uusapan po namin ni Andra 'yan pag uwi ."

"Mabuti, Kajik," taas noo na bumaling si Mommy sa kay Kajik .

I feel awkward . Jandrik still looked at her with respect but I'm sure he's
reminded
of my her lies .

"Maiiwan na kami ni Lucianna at marami pa kaming pag-uusapan ."

I tried to see Jandrik's mother but it was only a quick look dahil mabilis na ring
natabunan muli ng katawan .

"Uuwi na po kami, kung ganoon ."

Palabas ng ospital, marami ang gumugulo sa isipan ko . Sa meeting na nangyari, kita

na kung ano talaga ang magiging resulta . Chester Pastrana will let Jandrik do
whatever he wants with the company, hindi lang dahil alam niyang wala na siyang
karapatan doon, kundi alam niya rin na tama ang sinabi nito . Kung gusto niyang
hindi masayang ang matagal niya nang pinaghirapan, he will have to watch his
company merge with ours .

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang iniisip ng mga kilala namin o kung ano man ang
pinublish
ng mga lifestyle magazines tungkol sa amin . Hahayaan ko na muna iyon at iisipin na
lang muna ang aking kalusugan . But then . . . something is bothering me . Something
that I can't seem to put aside even with my state .

SUV ang sumundo sa amin sa ospital . Iginiya ako ni Kajik sa loob, pagkatapos
pumasok na rin siya . I glanced at the hospital's door pero wala naman doon sina
Mommy o ' di kaya sina Tita Lucianna . I wonder if the doctor gave them a chance to
watch or hear the recorded ultrasound of our baby?

"Jandrik," tawag ko habang pinapalupot niya ang kanyang braso sa aking baywang at
hinahalikan ng paunti-unti sa sentido .

"Hmm?"

"I want to talk to your parents . . . and Senyora Domitilla ."

"We'll do that some other time . You have to rest ."

Ngumuso ako . "You know, it was a normal thing when pregnant . Ayos na ako ngayon
so
don't worry too much . I can handle just a bit of talk ."
Tinitigan niya ako . The hard lines etched on his face told me that he's not taking
it lightly .

"I want peaceful days the next days, Jandrik . One hectic and hard day is better
than unresolved things the next days . Please?" malambing kong sinabi .

"Can't this wait, Andra?" he said in a very concerned voice .

"No," I insisted .

Umigting ang panga niya . Unti-unting sumilay ang tipid na ngiti sa aking labi .

" Come on . It' s just your parents and your grandma . We can have a peaceful dinner
at
home ."

Hindi siya nagsalita . I can sense how badly he wants to stand his ground now that
he knows I'm pregnant .

"I want to wake up tomorrow with no things unsaid to them . I appreciate the way
they fought for my dignity back in that meeting . So please . . ."

Kumapit ako sa kanyang braso . Hindi pa rin siya nagsalita pero kinuha niya ang
cellphone niya at agad na nilagay sa tainga . I smirked .

"Pakisabi kay Mama na puwede silang bumisita mamaya, kung gusto nila ."

Hinilig ko ang ulo ko sa kanyang braso at pinikit na ang mga mata . Hindi ko pa man
sila nakakausap, payapa na ang puso ko .

For the rest of the afternoon, I slept in our room peacefully . Ayaw namang umalis
ni Kajik sa kuwarto, kahit para magluto lang, kaya umorder na lang siya ng pagkain
para sa aming dinner . I woke up feeling so nauseous . Hindi pa nakakatulong na
mukhang kabado si Kajik nang nakita ang paghilot ko sa ulo ko at pag pikit ko sa
mga mata ko pagkabangon .

"How are you feeling? A-Are you okay?" he asked, a bit alarmed .

Tinaas ko lang ang kamay ko at hinanap na ang tsinelas . Inalalayan niya ako .
Hindi
ata siya umidlip man lang habang tulog ako . Gising na gising siya nang gumising
ako .

Binitiwan ko siya at dumiretso na sa banyo para magsuka . Mabilis siyang nasa

pintuan agad . Naghanap siya ng tuwalya at nagsalin ng tubig sa baso . I flushed
out
my vomit . Mabilis naman akong guminhawa, hindi gaya ng mga nakaraan . Hindi niya
alam kung alin ang unang iooffer, ang tuwalya ba o tubig, and he looked so
flabbergasted .

I smiled . Kinuha ko ang tuwalya at pinunas sa mumunting mga pawis na namuo dahil
sa
pagsusuka .

"W-We should call the doctor," mabilis siyang umambang aalis para kuhanin ang
cellphone niya .

Tumawa ako at hinila siya pabalik . Malakas siya pero nang naramdaman ang gusto
kong
mangyari, nilingon niya ako .

"It's not funny, Andra ."

"This is normal, Jandrik! Oh gosh, you are so cute and crazy ."
"Shut it! It's not funny!" aniya sabay palupot ng braso sa akin at protective na
hinawakan ako paalis ng banyo .

" We can' t call the doctor all the time . She will only laugh at you for being so
ridiculously over protective . I'm fine! I'm fine now!" sabi ko .

Kinuha ko ang tubig sa marbled sink ng bathroom at ininom para ipakita sa kanyang
ayos na nga ako . He is now extremely serious and darkly handsome as he watched me
helplessly .

Bago ako makapagsalita ulit, nag buzz ang doorbell . Napabaling ako sa orasan at
nakitang alas singko y media na ng hapon .

"Is that your family?" tanong ko .

"Maybe ."

"Oh my! I should get ready . Mag-aayos muna ako . Buksan mo na!"

Kitang- kita sa kanya na nalilito pa siya kung iiwan niya ba ako roon o hindi . I
pushed him out of the bathroom . He looked like a helpless beast . I tried not to
laugh .

"Maliligo ako kaya sige na!" sabi ko sabay sarado ng pintuan .

Naligo ako, nagbihis, at nag-ayos . Alam kong mapusyaw ako kaya nilagyan ko ng
konting kolorete ang mukha para maging presentable naman . I smiled at my
reflection
on the mirror . I am ready to face them, pero kinakabahan ako .

Lumabas ako ng banyo at nakitang naroon na si Kajik . Wearing his gray cotton
shorts
and a white t- shirt, his dark eyes looked at me worriedly . I smiled to assure him
.

I'm wearing one of my sheer and silky creamy robes . There's a ribbon on my chest
hanging loosely, at ang cuffs ay hanggang palapulsuhan . They are very comfortable
so I wear them even though I will look like a ghost .

"Are they here?" I asked .

He held out his hand for me . Nakaupo siya sa aming kama, both legs so wide apart
.
Tinanggap ko ang kamay niya at agad akong hinila patungo sa gitna ng kanyang mga
hita . His head rested on my chest immediately . Kinagat ko ang labi ko at unti-
unting nagrelax .

"Jandrik," I whispered .

"Yes, they're here . Nasa baba na . You sure you want to do this?" he murmurred
against my chest bago nag-angat ng tingin .

Bagay na bagay sa kanya ang posisyon na ito . Nakadungaw ako at tinatanaw siyang
yakap ako . He looks like a helpless large boy hugging his momma . Images of a
little
boy, darkly handsome, innocent, and crying, while hugging me tugged my heart .

"Yes, I want to do this," napapaos kong sinabi .

Pagkatapos ng ilang sandali, tumayo na siya at nagyaya na akong lumabas na kami .

Naroon nga ang kanyang parents . Uriel Mercadejas was the first one to spot us on
the stairs landing . Naglakad siya patungo roon at tumulong na sa paggiya sa akin
pababa . I smiled at him bago nagmano .

"How are you feeling, hija?"

"I'm fine, po . Thank you ."

Bumaling siya kay Kajik . They were both silent but I can sense a silent
communication between the two . Apat silang nag-aantay doon sa baba . Bukod kasi
kay
Lucianna Mercadejas at Senyora, may dala rin silang kasambahay .

The eight seater rectangular table is full of food . Iyon siguro ang mga inorder ni
Kajik . All of it looked delicious and healthy . Inangat ni Senyora Domitilla ang
isang naiibang lalagyanan galing sa lamesa . Nakangiti na siya habang dala iyon .

"Andra, I'm glad you're fine," si Tita Lucianna ang unang lumapit sa akin .

I smiled . "Thank you, po ."

Kahit hinayaan na ako ni Kajik at kausap niya na si Tito Uriel, nakatingin pa rin
siya sa amin . Nagmano ako kay Tita Lucianna .

"I-I'm really sorry, hija . F-For all the things I've said to you . I deeply
regret
it ."
Tipid lang akong ngumiti . I have a lot of things in mind and I will tell them
about
it, eventually .

"Andra, hija!" medyo awkward ang maligayang tawag ni Senyora Domitilla sa akin
habang dala ang pagkain .

Palapit ito, mas naamoy ko kung ano iyon . It' s lasagna but all I can smell is
grease for some reason .

"I bought you this healthy lasagna!" Bebeso na sana siya sa akin pero naduwal ako
sa amoy ng dala niya .

Lumayo ako . Nanlaki ang mga mata ni Tita Lucianna . Mabilis na dumalo si Kajik sa
akin nang nakita ang pag takip ko sa ilong at bibig .

"Mama!" naaalarmang sigaw ni Tita Lucianna .

Senyora Domitilla looked so scared and confused . Tiningnan niya ang dala tapos ako
.
Umiling ako kay Kajik at sinusubukang umayos pero nang naamoy ko ulit, naduwal ulit
ako pero ramdam ko naman na hindi ako masusuka, for some reason .

"I think she doesn't like the smell of your lasagna, Mama," si Tito Uriel .

"Oh shit!" malutong niyang sinabi . "Lydia! Get this out of here, you!"

Mabilis na kinuha ng kasambahay iyon at kumaripas na palabas ng unit . Nangalkal

ng
kung ano sa bag niya si Senyora at nang nakuha ang isang transparent and flowered
perfume bottle, she sprayed it on the air . Binalik niya sa loob ang perfume at
pinaypayan agad ang inisprayhang ere .

Lumapit si Tita Lucianna sa amin, nag-aalala .

"S-Sorry for that! It's gone now ." Senyora smiled but turned pale afterwards .

"Bumalik na muna tayo sa kuwarto?" anyaya ni Kajik .

Umiling ako . "Sa pool na lang kami . Open air will make me feel better ."

Iyon nga ang ginawa ni Kajik . Nasa loob sila ni Tito Uriel habang kami naman,
hinayaan niya roon . Tumulong si Tita Lucianna sa paglalagay ng bowl of salad sa
aming lamesa . Si Senyora naman, naupo na roon, awkwardly smiling at me, trying
hard
to start a conversation .
Hindi ko tiningnan si Senyora . I don't want this to be just suddenly an okay
situation in between us . I want to explain and to acknowledge my faults and to
hear
how sorry they are for how they judged me . Hindi puwedeng biglaang okay na lang
kami, at parehong kalilimutan ang nangyari sa nakaraan . I want closure on this
topic . I want it all clear .

Nang naupo na si Tita Lucianna, nagpasya akong magsimula na . Magsasalita na rin

sana si Senyora ng ibang topic pero naunahan ko siya .

"Hindi ko po alam kung nasabi ni Jandrik na ako po ang nag imbita sa inyo rito o
hindi ."

"Oh!" exaheradang reaksyon ni Senyora .

"Yes, I know . He mentioned it . And I'm happy to be here, hija . I have so many
things to tell you, " si Tita Lucianna .

I smiled for a bit bago nagpatuloy . Malinaw ang kaibahan ng dalawang ginang sa
harap ko . Nag-aalala at seryoso ang itsura ni Tita Lucianna habang si Senyora,
nagkukunwaring masaya at nasobrahan sa ngiti .

"I have things to tell you, too, Tita ."

"But we can talk about all of these when you're-"

"No, I'm fine . I just look fragile because of the pregnancy, but really, I'm fine
."

Hindi na nagsalita si Tita Lucianna . Hinayaan niya na ako sa mga sasabihin .

"Una po sa lahat, thank you for being kind to me when I was young ."

Maybe the hormones are doing it to me, pero kasisimula ko pa lang, nangingilid na
ang luha ko .

"I really appreciate it but I think I've taken it for granted when I've decided to
leave Jandrik after our wedding ."

"No, hija, I understand that now!" giit ni Tita Lucianna .

"Kahihiyan po ang ibinigay ko sa inyo at sa inyong anak ." Umiling ako dahil hindi
ako naniniwalang naiintindihan niya .

" Hija, yes, you're right . I was mad at you for leaving my son behind but not
because we want to save our face, but because of what I saw in him the day you left
him . I saw desperation and frustration ."

Nagulat ako . I thought she's just going to be all soft and gentle to me . I did
not
expect this but somehow, I want this . I want to hear her . I want to know her
thoughts without her inhibitions .

"Hindi ganoon si Kajik . Among all of them, he kept his cool all the while . Even
when his grandfather rejected his plea for freedom to marry whoever he wants to,
hindi siya kailanman nawalan ng kumpyansa na magagawa niya iyon kalaunan . He was
so
unlike his brother and Ali who both got frustrated . He was just calm and cool,
until that day . Until you left him . He was not himself . I got angry at you for
that ."

Kinagat ko ang labi ko . Yumuko ako .

"Lucianna, what are you . . ." hindi natuloy ni Senyora dahil nagpatuloy si Tita .

"Later on, I tried to understand your situation . Maybe you did not like my son so
you went your way . Plus, I saw him feeling better and better everyday . Umayos ang
pakiramdam ko sa'yo, hija . Not until I heard so many rumors about you ."

"I have loved Jandrik so much since I was young . Only him . Hindi ko alam kung
paano
ko kayo mapapaniwala pero iyon ang totoo . I had my share of wildness . I had
boyfriends but I have never loved or even liked them the way I fiercely adored
Jandrik . I went away because I thought he was only forced to marry me . "

Umangat ang gilid ng labi ni Tita Lucianna . "Did you tell him that?"

Umiling ako . "Narinig kong nag-uusap sila noon ni Daddy . Tumanggi siya noon kaya
hindi ko alam kung bakit natuloy pa rin . I got angry and bitter so I pursued the
marriage, and then left, to purposely annoy Jandrik . To get even . "

"You should tell him that," hamon ni Tita Lucianna .

"I will," napapaos kong sagot .

"I thought it was true, the rumors . Kasi mahirap hindi paniwalaan kung simula pa
lang, iyon na ang inisip ko . That you never loved him . You rebelled because your
father pushed you to marry him . I felt sorry for my son that believing in the
worst
of you was easy ."

Tumango ako dahil totoong naiintindihan ko ang sinabi niya . Kung ako rin ang nasa
posisyon niya, mas malala pa ang gagawin ko .

"I did my own research and found that you're pregnant, from Dr . Anasco . It wasn't
true, I know that now, but that day, it was the truth that I believed in . Kung
ikukumpara pa kung kailan ka maaaring nabuntis, nakikita kong hindi iyon 'yong pag-
uwi mo . You were still abroad when that happened so it made me more furious .
Pagkatapos ng pag-uusap natin sa restaurant, 'tsaka ko naisip na binibisita ka niya
abroad . I will never know but it could be a possibility! You could be pregnant at
it can be his child . But I remember you insisting that you' re not so I got
confused ."

I nodded again . Naiintindihan ko ang lahat . Even without her explanations .

"So I called my son . And that's when everything happened ."

Magsasalita na sana ako pero naunahan ako ni Senyora .

"And about what we said, hija, na we liked Millicent over you ."

Ngumiti ako at umiling . I don't want to hear it . It's okay for people to like
other
people and dislike me . It's all just preference and it's okay pero hinayaan ko si
Senyora .

"You were so young, we could not entertain any thought of you marrying my grandson
.
And you have a strong and wild personality, which we think cannot exist with
Karius' stronger and untameable attitude . All this time I thought someone meek and
lenient is good for him ."

"Who he loves is who's good for him," I said .

Tumango si Senyora . Wala na siyang nadagdag pa . Ngumiti si Tita Lucianna sa akin .

Nagpatuloy ako .

"Umalis po ako noon na may dalang galit sa dibdib dahil sa nangyari . Dinagdagan
pa
ng trahedya at pagkamatay ni Daddy, I only saw my pain and it fueled me to get
angrier each day . Tita-"

"Mama, Andra . Please..." she pleaded .

Nag-angat ako ng tingin kay Tita Lucianna . Nangilid ang luha ko . Pumatak ang isa
.
Hindi ko pinunasan iyon . Umamba si Tita Lucianna na aaluin ako .

"No, please . Jandrik will worry and we won't be finished," agap ko .

She smiled at may luha na ring pumatak sa kanyang mga mata . Nagkunwari akong ayos
pa, o hindi umiiyak para hindi mapansin ng nasisiguro kong nakatitig na Kajik sa
amin . I smiled widely .

"M-Mama, I never had any affair with other men," nabasag ang boses ko . "I only
lied . I went home because I want to finally end it with him . I know he wouldn't
say
yes to my annulment offers-"

"No . . ." Tita Lucianna whispered .

"So I lied and told him that I'm pregnant . That I had an affair with someone .
Nag-
away kami . Nalaman niya ang totoo nang hindi ko alam . He indulged me with all my
crazy antics and it amazes me how he stayed even after what I did . I don't deserve
him ."

Umiling si Tita Lucianna . Yumuko si Senyora at nagpahid na rin ng mga luhang

lumandas sa kanyang mga mata .

"An angry and evil heart doesn't deserve a pure and enduring love, but I'm taking
it . I'm taking it because I love him and I'm determined to give him back all the
love he gave me ."

" You' re not angry anymore, Andra . And your heart is definitely not evil . Or we
wouldn't be talking here crying for all the wrong things we all did in the past,"
Tita Lucianna cried and hugged me .

Hindi ko na napigilan ang mga luha ko . At gaya ng hula ko, dumiretso nga si Kajik
sa amin sa pag- aalala . We only laughed at him through the tears .

"What's happening?" he asked .

"Oh, Karius! We're just catching up!" si Tita Lucianna .

Nanatili ang mga mata ni Kajik sa akin . Huminga ako ng malalim, napalis na ang
mga
luha at umayos na lang ako . I smiled widely .

"Maselan ang first trimester mo . I would understand if you two decide to get out
of
Manila and just relax . I would understand and even encourage that Kajik will not
come back to MERC for the mean time . . . at least," si Tita Lucianna .
Umiling ako . "No . . ."

Binalingan ko si Kajik . Nakatingin na siya sa kanyang Mama . Sumunod na si Tito

Uriel sa kanyang tabi .

"He will come back to work and lead again," sabi ko .

Gusto ko ang ideyang umalis kami at magrelax pero alam kong mahihirapan sila . It's
not hard to stay here and adore everything . I am happy anywhere we are as long as
I
have him, anyway . I am relaxed as long as everything is going fine . As long as
we' re together .

Umayos si Tita Lucianna sa pagkakaupo . Yumuko si Kajik sa likod ng upuan ko at

niyakap ako galing sa likod .

"Is that what you really want? Hmm?" he whispered .

Ngumiti si Tita Lucianna habang pinapanood kami .

"You're going back to lead MERC . You'll lead Lopez Lines, too . I will not work
regularly . I'll stay home," I dropped the orders confidently .

"Then, I'll stay home, too," he whispered .

Ngisi at iling ang ginawa ni Tita Lucianna . Imbes na makinig gaya ni Senyora
Domitilla, kumuha na lang siya ng pagkain sa harap .

"No, you won't . But you'll come home to me every night," sabi ko .

Kajik smiled . I kissed his cheek . Uminit ang pisngi ko at matagal nang natantong
nasa harap nga pala kami ng mga magulang niya . Tito Uriel announced that he's now
hungry and we should eat our dinner .

Patayo na sana kami nang tumunog ang buzz ng unit . Mabilis na binuksan ni Lydia
ang
pintuan . Pumasok na kami sa loob para makita kung sino ang mga naroon . Mommy' s
head
peeked . She waved at me guiltily . And then pretended that she' s lost or in the
wrong penthouse unit .

"Mommy?"

"Oh, Andra! Ikaw pala 'yan?" she pretended .

I rolled my eyes at her .

Akala ko siya lang pero sumungaw din ang ulo ni Tito Arturo, Tito Reynaldo, at
Cresia roon, like eggs suddenly appearing on the door frame .

"Hi, Pregnant Andra! Napadaan lang kami d'yan sa labas kaya naisipan naming dumaan
na rin dito," si Cresia .

Huminga ako ng malalim at ngumisi na lang . Excuses . Hindi magkakasamang dadaan

ang
mga Lopez, 'no!

"Come in!" I said before turning in to see Kajik's family .

Nauna na si Kajik doon, pinapapasok ang mga panauhing mas marami pa pala kung
titingnan mo galing sa pintuan . Papa Uriel is smirking at his old friends, my
Titos . Senyora Domitilla looked nervous . And . . . Mama Lucianna smiled at me with
an
assurance that it's okay to have my family with us . In fact, sinamahan niya pa ako
sa paglapit sa pinto para batiin si Mommy at ang mga kasama .

Sa dagat ng maraming bisita, Kajik found my waist and held me tightly .

"Can't wait for them to all go home," he whispered devilishly .

Nag-init ang aking puso . This life isn't perfect but my heart is happy . I think
that's all that matters .

Kabanata 40
Thank you so much for reading all the way here . This is the only way I can
express
some things and I appreciate your effort to hear it . I hope you enjoyed the
journey
of my two wildest characters . See you soon!

— -
Kabanata 40

Wild

Naging maingay sa tawanan pagkatapos ng mga emosyonal na usapan sa pamilya ko at

pamilya ni Kajik . They talked about their deals with the Pastranas and the legal
actions that were settled in another closed door meeting they did not tell me . Mas
detalyadong naihayag ang mga pinataw na parusa sa mga taga gobyernong nagkasala .
Mayroon ding kaso ang mga Pastrana nang naungkat ang kanilang mga dating
pagkakamali gaya ng pag-ooverload ng maraming bumabyaheng barko .

The whole situation about us is awkward . I don't think everything is already in

place . My Titos are not that cool with all of these yet . Though, I know
eventually
it will be okay . It will just take time and acceptance in both families .

Nararamdaman kong gusto nilang lahat na magtagal doon . Lalo na si Cresia,

nagpaparinig kung gaano ka spacious at ganda ng interior ng penthouse ni Jandrik .

"I've never seen anything like this, Andra! I should visit often!" aniya, hindi
ako
sigurado kung totoo o palusot lang . Eitherway, I would love to have her here .

Kaso, nagpasya rin ang lahat na maagang umalis . It' s not even nine yet and I' m
still all hyped up when they all decided to go so I can rest early .

"Thank you, Tito," I said, because Tito Arturo was the last one who went out of
the
penthouse .

Ngumiti siya . Nararamdaman ko ang pagiging emosyonal, na inagapan naman .

"I realized I would like Cresia to marry soon, too . Tingin mo?" he joked .

Nagkibit ako ng balikat nang may naalala .

"Pero sa lalaking gusto niya, of course ."

My mind flew back to what I was thinking a while ago . The man she wants . . . who
wants someone else . The thought of it made my head ache . I cannot decide . Pero
ang
kaisipang magpapakasal si Cresia sa lalaking mahal niya, parang masarap pakinggan .
Hindi ko lang alam kung paano .
"Maybe, Tito . . ." I laughed .

" Maybe I should rehire that man back . He doesn' t want to work with us anymore but
I
can pay whatever his price is . Kausapin ko na lang si Heather tungkol dito . Maybe
she can do something about it . . . to bring that man back to work, huh?" his
expression darkened .

Kumunot ang noo ko . Bago pa ako makapagtanong kung ano ang ibig niyang sabihin,
niyakap niya na ako at tinapik .

"Take care of yourself," he said .

Pumasok si Kajik galling sa labas, pagkatapos ihatid ang kanyang pamilya . Tito
Arturo turned to him . Ito naman ngayon ang kinausap niya .

I sighed . Akala ko noong nakaraan, kuntento na ako sa katahimikan na hatid ng

mansion namin sa Iloilo . I thought I'd be happy in that kind of peace . Away from
everyone, even without the love of my life . But now I realized, there' s a happier
place and situation than that peaceful surrounding, it's here in this chaotic city
and with the many complicated people .

Tiningala ko ang malaking buwan . It's a full moon . It reminds me of my childhood

back when I wait and count the days until it shows up . Hindi ko namalayan ang
paglapit ko sa pool habang tinatanaw ang buwan sa manilaw-nilaw nitong baga .

I sat on the edge of the pool . Binaba ko ang dalawang paa, walang pakealam sa
pagkabasa ng puting roba . Lumuntang ito at unti-unting lumubog na para bang usok
sa
ilalim ng malinaw na tubig . The warmth of the pool water comforted my tired feet
and legs . I breathed slowly .

I heard his footsteps behind . He sighed heavily before walking towards the pool,
towards me . Hindi ko na siya nilingon . I expected him . Nanatili ang mga mata ko
sa
buwan .

"Finally, some peace and quiet with my wife," he whispered .

He positioned himself behind me . Ginaya niya ang paghulog ng mga paa ko sa pool at
sa gitna ng kanyang hita, ako, nakaupong tahimik . His left hand protectively held
on to my stomach, while his other hand fell on my thigh predatorily . I shivered at
that . His face is on my right shoulder . Kung mayroon mang pagsasabuhay ng
salitang
pag-aari, ito iyon .

"Hmm..." nagpahiwatig siya ng pagtataka sa katahimikan at iniisip ko .

I sighed .

"What's on my baby's mind?" kalmado niyang tanong .

Ngumuso ako . Ang isang kamay niya hinahagod na ang hita ko . The sheer cloth of my
robe feels so rough against my smooth thigh .

"I'm just wondering . . ." I trailed off, hindi alam kung paano sisimulan ang
napakaraming iniisip .

Determinado akong sabihin ang lahat ng naisip ko . Gusto ko . Kaso, ang hirap, lalo
na kapag sa kanya . I feel embarrassed, uneasy, and uncomfortable . I shouldn't .
But
his wildness is too much that I don't think I'll ever get used to it .
"Days before we got engaged..." I said while tracing the soft and light hair on
his
hard and veined forearm .

"Yes?" he mumbled on my ear .

I shivered . His warm breath on my ear and neck is tickling me .

"I heard you and my father talking ."

Hindi na ako nakakapagconcentrate sa sinasabi dahil hinagilap na ng kanyang kamay

ang aking mga daliri . He brushed my thumb with his in lazy and sweet strokes .

"Narinig kong tumanggi ka sa offer ni Daddy na p-pakasalan ako ."

His lazy stroke stopped for a while, then resumed .

Kinagat ko ang labi ko . Naramdaman ko ang pagtuwid niya sa pagkakaupo . I feel

like
it's making him think too much so I continued .

"You said that you didn't want to marry me . My father mentioned that you might
love
Millicent, and it' s keeping you from marrying me . "

He stiffened more . Tumigil na rin ang paghagod niya sa daliri ko . Kinabahan agad
ako . Nagsisisi na ako ngayon na binanggit ko pa ito . I can just forget about it .
Leave the past behind .

"S-So . . . Umatras ako at umalis . I did not hear the end of it but I kind of-"

"Kind of what?" he demanded .

"Kind of thought you didn't really like me . Maybe you only used me to-"

"Used you?" he echoed angrily .

"I don't know," I panicked . "I just thought . . . w-well . . ." hindi ko maorganisa
ang
lahat ng sasabihin ko .

Nararamdaman ko ang unti-unting pag-uusbong ng galit niya .

"So . . . I concluded . . . and I planned to marry you to make you both suffer . . .
and . . .
I ' ll just leave after because I couldn' t take- "

"That was why you had your kissing escapades with your bastard boytoys-" tumaas
ang
boses niya kaya inunahan ko na siya .

"Hindi mo ako masisisi! Bata pa lang ako, inuulit-ulit mo sa akin na may iba pa
akong magugustuhan! Isa pa, pinagtatanggol mo siya noon ng husto, ano sa tingin moa
ng maiisip ko sa konting narinig ko lang?"

His grip tightened on me . Hindi ako nakagalaw . Even the way his knees parted
tightened around me .

"Why, you're just fourteen while I'm twenty one? Did you want me to tell you then
that I liked you back? And what did you say after that, anyway? Na makakalimutan mo
rin ako kalaunan!"

My jaw dropped at his sudden calm but fierce outburst . Nakakagulat . Pati ang
pagkakaalala niya sa edad namin noon . I don't even remember how young I was when I
confessed my feelings that fateful night .
" Well, that' s what a fourteen- year- old- girl do with their crushes, right? Forget
them eventually! "

"But were you successful, anyway? Hmm?" pangungutya niya na may halong yabang .

Inangat niya ang kamay niya at muling hinaplos ang aking tiyan . Uminit ang pisngi
ko . Nanghina ako . Hindi ko mapigilan ang aking ngiti . Gusto ko siyang kalabanin .
. .
pero ang hirap .

"You showed up in our Forbes house years after that, how could I forget you then?
You did not give me a chance!"

He smirked .
Umangat ang isang kamay niya at tinulak palapit sa kanyang mukha ang aking baba .
Ngumuso ako . Hindi pa siya tapos .

"So you ran away because you thought I'm using you? For what, Andra? For my own
pleasure? For business-"

"For everything . Duh!? Puwedeng business, puwedeng . . . p-pleasure na rin-"

He groaned in a frustrated way . " I wasn' t ! Damn, why the fuck didn' t you tell me
about it immediately!? You made me fucking believe that I'm being like your bastard
exes! Damn it!" he cursed too much na hindi ko na napigilan ang matawa .

Muli niyang hinigpitan ang hawak sa akin . Tinikom ko ang bibig ko dahil alam kong
naiinis siya lalo dahil tinatawanan ko siya . I just can't help it . I know it's a
wrong and bad thing back then, but right now, it's all funny .

"You sweet witch . . ." he complained . "You told me I'm being too clingy . That
you're
sick of me!"

Napawi ang tawa ko . I bit my lower lip . Nalungkot ako bigla nang inisip kung ano
maaari ang mga tumakbo sa isipan niya sa panahong iyon .

"I fucking thought you're tired of me ."

"I'm sorry," I managed to croak .

Hindi siya nagsalita . Mas lalo kong nakumpirma na hindi nga ito naging masayang
alaala sa kanya . Kung hindi man malungkot, siguro mas malala pang emosyon .

"I distanced myself . I made sure you get more share of freedom every damn time .
It
was not a bad thing, though . I know that now ."

Nilingon ko siya . Seryoso siyang nakatitig sa akin .

"I'm sorry . I got scared . I don't wanna get hurt in the end . . ." sabi ko sa
maliit
na boses . "And the memories of my childhood came back along with my doubts . . .
so . . ."

My eyes fell down on his hand gripping on mine . I sighed guiltily .

"You always choose Millicent . You always leave me-"

He groaned on my cheek to stop my words .

"Hmm . No . In fact, you always choose the other girls ."

Naalala ko lahat ng mga tagpo, at hindi lang isang beses niyang pinagtanggol ang
ibang babae . Hindi lang isang beses niya akong napagalitan . I pouted jokingly for
emphasis, pero seryoso ako sa sinabi ko .

"That's because my naughty baby is spoiled rotten by everyone," he murmured on my

cheek .

"But not by you," I said sadly .

"Because you were naughty ."

"No, I'm not! I was a good girl! A sweet good girl!" I said wanting to turn back
time and make him see . Impress him or something .

Hinawakan ko ng mahigpit ang braso niya, wanting so much to convince him that I
was
really a sweet good girl . That he just didn' t give me a chance . He only thought
the
worst of me all the time . Marahan ngunit magulo niyang inayos ang takas kong
buhok,
his eyes twinkled with fondness I've always wanted to watch . Hindi ko tuloy
matanggal ang mata ko sa kanya .

"You didn't see it . Si Ali, Ivo, at Zamiel lang nakakakita na sweet nga ako . . .
na
mabait ako ."

"No," he said, a bit bothered that I mentioned some other names . "I know . I know
you better ."

"You don't!" giit ko .

"What do you think will happen if I gave in to your sweetness back then, huh?"

"Then, we'll be good friends . You'll like me . . . You'll . . . eventually . . .

you know ."
Uminit ang pisngi ko nang muling naging berde ang laman nito . "Maybe we'll . . .
you
know ."

"Then it was a good idea to just ignore your sweetness . Baby, we'll make
everything
too fast . I'm not very patient when it comes to waiting for you ."

Sumakit ang puso ko . Parang lumulutang ito . Hindi ako makahinga . Hindi ko
maintindihan .

"And yes, I did not give you a chance to forget me because you need to be watched
."

"What?!" Hindi ko naiintindihan ang sinabi niya .

"You were a lusty teen . I can't just sit there and hear your mother's lament
about
how wild you were with your boyfriends ."

"Lusty teen!?" gulantang kong sinabi .

Kumunot ang noo ko . Excuse me! I was a very reserved girl as a teen! Siya lang
naman itong laging nakakatibag sa kainosentihan ko eh . I smirked internally .

"You have the nerve to be so shocked, Andra!?" he raised his voice a bit .
"I was not!"

"If I leave you alone, you'd be mobbed by your boys . And your head will turn to
them, while I'm out of your sight!" he said a bit perplexed .
 "I was not, Jandrik! Guni-guni mo lang 'yon, 'no! Ikaw lang naman talaga ginusto
ko
nun!"

"Ganun ba? Sige nga, bakit hindi ako ang una mong halik, huh?"

Napakurap-kurap ako . Gumilid ako para mas lalo ko siyang maharap . Mas lalong
humigpit ang hawak niya sa aking baywang para maiwasan ang pagkahulog ko sa pool .
Humawak ako sa magkabilang hita niya para mas lalo siyang malingon .

"Stop complaining! You were my first and only!"

He smiled menacingly . Ramdam ko ang iritasyon .

"That's not my fault . E 'di sana sinabi mo para malaman ko at para ikaw lang ang
pinaglaanan ko ng atensyon! I was too busy finding the "man" you were talking
about . You said, I'll find someone else better than you! So I looked!"

He hugged me, forcing me to face the pool instead of him . Nilagay niya ang kanyang
mukha sa aking balikat . Gusto ko pa siyang tingnan pero hindi ko alam bakit parang
sinasadya niya na ganito, para hindi ko siya makita .

"You don't know . . ." he said slowly .

Hindi ko maintindihan iyon . Nag-isip ako sa kung ano maaari ang ibig niyang
sabihin
pero bago ako nakaisip, nagsalita na siya .

"So you left me because you heard me say no to your father, huh?" he said calmly
this time .

Hindi na ako sumagot .

"I didn't want you to think that I'm marrying you for business so I told your Dad
that we have to marry only because we both wanted to . To give me more time so I
can
convince you to marry me . But . . . Tito Franco didn't want it that way . . ."

Bumuntong-hininga ako nang naalala si Daddy . Daddy and his all powerful pride .
And
that's how he got here so I cannot blame him . Pumikit ako ng mariin .

"Maybe Dad wants to . . . break the Pastranas heart more," nasabi ko ang isang
napakasamang bagay .

I know my father all too well . I know he's that way . I just didn't think he can
afford to kill so many people . O baka iniisip niyang hindi niya naman iyon
sinasadya? Eitherway, he's gone and I love him so much . My love for him
encompasses
the many, many faults and wrong things about him .

"Maybe . . ." Jandrik whispered .

"Ba't ka pumayag, kung ganoon? Kung ganun ang tingin mo sa ginagawa ni Daddy
noon?"

"Because I want you in any way, Andra . I want to marry you . I don't care how
it's
done . I just want you," he said .

Parang may humawak sa puso ko sa sinabi niya . Naaalala ko ang lahat ng mg

pagdududa
ko noon . Ngayon, hindi na ako makapaniwala na pinagdudahan ko siya ng ganoon .
"You're cruel," I whispered .
"I'm sorry, baby," iyon lang ang nasabi niya .

For a long moment of silence, I watched the moon while Jandrik continued breathing
on my neck . His hand remained busy with my fingers . Madalas din ang malalambot
niyang halik sa aking leeg .

" W - What if my Dad didn' t make you do it, though? What will you do? Ikakasal ka kay
Millicent, 'di ba?"

"I will find a way for us . Nagawan ko ng paraan na hindi ako makasal sa iba sa
panahong gusto ng mga magulang ko, kaya makakagawa ako ng paraan na makasal sa'yo .
I know I can do it .

I smiled thinking of that kind of situation . Ano kaya talaga ang gagawin niya
kung
sakaling ganoon? I remember him turning his back on their company just to be a
gardener and see a glimpse of me . The thought of him doing so many other unlikely
things just to be with me scared and excited me at the same time .

"Paano mo sinabi sa parents mo, kung ganoon? I know your family is friends with
Tito Chester . Hindi n'yo matatanggihan 'yon . Lalo na ikaw . Your father seems to
have so many high expectations for you ."

"I asked for time to grow professionally . My father will never stop me from doing
that ."

Tumango ako, naiisip kung paano niya kinumbinsi ng husto si Senyora at si Tita
Lucianna sa rason niyang iyon . I know he has his ways to do it . Hindi ko na
kayang
pagdudahan ang abilidad niya sa ganyan ngayong alam ko na kung anong mga kaya
niyang gawin . He can easily give an intelligent reason . His family will be easily
convinced .

"And . . . I'd learn how to operate your company better than Tito Franco so I could
convince him I' m the best suited husband for you . I ' ll soon convince my father
that
I'll marry the woman I love, if he will" he said smoothly . "That was my plan for
us, Andra ."

Hindi nga lang nasunod . My Daddy had his own plans . I suddenly wonder what will
happen if my Dad didn't have plans . Will we really happen? Will his family allow
him?

"Paano kung 'di pumayag ang pamilya mo sa naging plano mo?"

"Papayag sila," he said with the confidence of a businessman in his deals .

Nilingon ko siya . Nagtaas ako ng kilay . Diretso at seryoso ang tingin niya sa
akin
na para bang siguradong-sigurado siya na mapapapayag niya ang mga magulang niya .
Na
kung hindi man, gagawa at gagawa siya ng paraan para mangyari kaming dalawa .

Hinaplos niya ang aking pisngi . Marahan niyang tinalunton ang aking panga hanggang
sa aking baba . Bumaba ang tingin niya sa aking labi at nagtagal doon . His mouth
opened a bit .

"I've always been in love with you," he said huskily .

Napaawang din ang labi ko, hindi makapaniwala sa naririnig . I should've known .

" It was tormenting to see you grow up away from me, but it' s the only way to love,
Andra . To let you go and let you choose . To just wait and hope so bad that in the
end, after all the good things you've seen and experience, you'd still choose me .
. .
you'll still come back to me ."

Nanuyo ang lalamunan ko . Napakurap-kurap ako at mabilis na nangilid ang aking mga
luha . Hindi ko alam kung dahil sa saya o dahil lang sa pregnancy hormones ko .

"Kaya nang nalaman at naramdaman kong gusto mo ako, hindi na ako nag-aksaya ng
panahon . I'll pin you down where I want you ."

"I want you," agap ko .

Maybe he'll pin me down on him . . . because I want him . That's where I want to be .
He
claimed my wrist . His grip was just enough . Hindi ganoon ka higpit, hindi rin
ganoon ka hina . Tama lang para sa akin .

"I want you so bad," I whispered . "I am in love with you so much . . . for so
long,"
my voice broke at the emotions I cannot seem to contain .

He kissed my cheek a bit .

"Pin me down on you, please . . ." I begged .

"I already did," he said cockily, touching lightly our wedding ring . "Mrs .
Mercadejas ."

Hinaplos niyang muli ang tiyan ko . His light touch made me dizzy and euphoric . I'm
so damn smitten . I am so, so damn smitten by this wild, wild man . He's like the
waves in the ocean, rough and untamed . He cannot be controlled .

"And I'll do everything to keep you ."

I smiled sweetly, remembering our days in Iloilo .

"Gaya ng . . . pagiging hardinero?"

He smirked at that . Hindi siya kumibo . His eyes twinkling as he watched me

closely .

"Sorry for hiding . It wasn't my plan but my pregnancy is a headache . I get dizzy
all the time . My morning sickness isn't just in the morning, it's all day . And . .
.
uhm. . . " medyo nahiya ako dahil titig na titig siya at ang dami- dami kong naiisip .
" Nahihimatay din ako madalas . "

"I was told by the doctor . I know what to expect so no more hiding this time ."

My eyes widened remembering all the other things to expect .

"Including the increase of my s-sex drive?" nahihiya kong sinabi .

Umangat ang gilid ng kanyang labi . Mas lalo akong kinabahan sa paraan ng
pagtingin
niya sa akin . The hand on my tummy slowly rose up on my chest . My breathing
hitched . I stiffened at the anticipation of his touch on me .

"How do you suppose to provide for that if you stayed in Iloilo without me, huh?"

I flushed so bad . Hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili kong sabihin sa kanya ang
nangyari noon sa akin .

"I don't know . Just let myself dream of it? I dream a bit . . . so . . ." I said
softly .
"Dream of what?" he asked calmly, pinapahaba lang ang usapan habang hinahaplos ako
sa marahan at nakakaakit na paraan .

"Dream of us . . . y-you know . . . doing . . ."

He chuckled softly .

"Tell me what I did to you in those dreams ."

"Huh? Para saan?"

Sobrang init na ng pisngi ko, hindi ko na siya matingnan ng diretso habang siya'y
malagkit at katawa-tawa ang tingin sa akin .

"Marami 'yon . I-Iba-iba . A-Ang iba, 'di ko na maalala . Basta pagkagising ko . .

."
hindi ko matuloy-tuloy .

"So you have wet dreams of me . . ." he said cockily .

Ngayon lang ako nakaramdam kung gaano ka nakakahiya na sinabi ko pa sa kanya pati
ang parting ito ng pagdadalang tao ko! He's my husband but I don't think I should
be sharing things like these . I am embarrassed .

"Maybe you should've asked your gardener to do you, I would gladly oblige,
Andra.. ." he said in a sexy and dizzying tone .

His fingers found a way to my peak . I arched my back responding to his touch all
too fast . I half-heartedly pushed his arm away from me, embarrassed but wanting it
at the same time .

"Jandrik . . ." I warned him softly .

Hindi ko natanong sa doctor kung puwede ba ito . My first priority now is the
baby's
safety . But then, I can't help it if he's this way .

"You make me so happy, Andra . You made me the happiest when I learned that we're
having a baby for real ."

Halos mapunit na ang labi ko sa anticipation . His other hand is on my inner

thigh,
teasing me that all I think about is it .

"So I'll keep you pleasured and happy all the damn time" he whispered breathily .

"I 'm reserved, Jandrik . In contrast to your accusations, " I pointed out again,
hindi pa nakalilimutan ang nasabi niya kanina .

"Oh really?" paghahamon at kiliting bulong niya sa aking tainga .

Long ago, I could never understand how I liked him so when he was the wildest
among
the Mercadejas boys . Later on, I realized that I liked him because he was exactly
that . He was a wild wave, cannot be tamed, always unruly . He was not meant to be
controlled . He was meant to be freed . He was meant to be wild . And the only way
to
love him is to let him go . . . the only way to rule the waves is to ride with it .
To
free it and be free with it .
I married him without vows, for revenge, and with anger . He married me for real .
He
married me knowing and accepting my weaknesses and flaws . He married me
sacrificing
his wildness to love me the way he only knows how . So now . . . in front of the
moon,
and with all my heart . . . I vow to love him the way I love the waves . I'll love
his
wildness . I'll love his strengths, weaknesses, and without condition . No matter
if
it's a difficult time .
I'll love him - my husband who's dangerous, yet beautiful . . . wild, yet gentle .
My
first love . My only love .

"Stop it . I'm not as lusty as you think!" I said half-heartedly, trying to play
with him .
I playfully pushed his hand away from me . Gently, kumawala ako sa kanyang marahang
pagkakahawak . Maingat akong tumalon ako sa swimming pool .

Hindi pa ako nakakalingon sa kanya, nawala na rin siya sa kinauupuan namin .

Bumagsak na rin siya sa pool . I tried to get away, screaming a bit, out of
excitement and fun . But it's all too late . He got a hold of my waist . Gently, he
pulled me and carried me up on the edge of the pool again . He made me sit on it
again . His eye level is on my chest, his eyes fiery with desire and passion . I
can't stop smiling widely .

"Wait! Wait!" pigil ko . "Hindi pa natin alam k-kung puwede!" giit ko kahit na
nasisiguro kong pagbabawalan naman kami kung hindi nga .

Wala siyang kibo . Nanatili ang nag-aalab na titig niya sa akin . My face and body
heated, even with the cold wind brushing against my wet body . He parted my legs
wide enough and without hesitation he pulled my panties off me . My eyes widened .
Before I could protest, his lips attacked mine, with hunger that's almost burning .
I moaned . Sobrang bilis ang pagkalat ng alab sa aking sistema . I can' t even stop
myself from pulling him closer, wanting more of those hungry hot kisses .

Our connection is electrifying . He gives, and I take . I give, and he takes . . .

then
he's back giving me something more intense .

Walang kahirap-hirap niyang hinila pababa ang aking damit . My right shoulder is
now
showing skin . Bumagsak na ang kanang balikat ng roba . His large hot hand covered
my
breast . He kissed my neck so gently, sucking and teasing some spots . I arched my
back and shut my eyes, feeling everything .

A little blow on my peak before he suckled it made me moan so hard . He did that
alternately . I was biting my lower lip hard when I heard him whisper .

"Part your legs wider, I want your sweetness ."

Nakaliliyo iyon . His passionate eyes watched me wildly before he pulled me closer
to the edge . He crouched a bit and I felt him there .

Ngayong nasa kama na kami, sa isang tahimik at mainit na gabi, I can't help but
blush thinking about what we did earlier . I've never felt this sated but one touch
and blow near my neck, I'm slowly heating again . Damn it!

His legs covered mine in a predatory manner . He pulled me closer that his
breathing
caressed and tickled my neck and ear . I ' ve never been this happy that it' s almost
tangible .

"Jandrik," I called .

"Baby," bulong niya sa napapaos na boses .

Huminga ako ng malalim . Hindi ko pa nga nasasabi ang iniisip ko, nangingilid na
ang
luha ko . Hinawakan ko ang kamay niya . He rose a bit, worried .
" I only forced myself to marry you then, but I was in love with you . I did not
force myself to fall in love with you . I just did ."

"I know, baby . Come here . . ." he hugged me tighter .

"From here on, I will choose you, through the good times and the bad . I will
choose
you no matter what ."

He sighed heavily and kissed my tears .

"And I will love you, always . . . unconditionally, my wife . Your wildness and
complexities . I will adore you along with the proof of our love," he said as he
touched my stomach . . . our baby .

I smiled and closed my eyes . And he whispered sweet, sweet words until I fell
asleep on his arms .

Wakas
This is the Epilogue . Ito po ang huling update ng story na ito . Thank you for
reading the wildest couple of the series yet . May you enjoy the words of my
conclusion for it . Thank you for this opportunity . ps.I did not proofread .

---

Wakas

She's got a crush on me . That's what I know from the very beginning .

"Kajik!" I heard Ali's serious tone behind me .

Nagpatuloy ako sa pag susuklay sa kabayo, hindi nililingon ang pinsan . Sa tono
niya
pa lang, alam ko na kung ano ang pinunta niya rito .

"What did you do?" Ivo joined him . Hindi na ako magugulat kung pati si Kuya,
nariyan din, kasama ng tatlong palapit sa kuwadra .

And I was right, they were joined by my brother who violently came in front of me,
stopping me from doing my own thing . Tumigil ako at bumuntong hininga bago pagalit
na binalingan ang tatlong sumugod .

"She was at fault so-" I reasoned .

"Kahit na! Kajik, bata pa si Andra!" si Kuya .

"Alam mo namang ganoon na talaga siya, 'di ba?" si Ali .

I narrowed my eyes to watch him say it . I can't believe it . Pinagso-sorry ko lang

si Andra dahil may kasalanan siya, ngayon parang ako pa ang masama . Na kailangan
ko
siyang intindihin dahil ganoon na talaga siya . No . If she' s wrong, someone has to
tell her for her own sake . At sa sitwasyong ito, na lahat yata pinapanigan siya sa
kahit anong gusto niya, ako ang magpapaalala sa kanya .

"She's just a kid, Karius . Hindi ka ba naaawa? Umiyak siya kanina, ah?" si Ivo
naman .
"I only asked her to say sorry because it's true . . . she's at fault!"

"Kahit na! Hinayaan mo na lang sana siya!" si Kuya Zamiel naman .

I can' t believe this . Everyone is smitten . They are all fucking hypnotized by
that
girl . And I refuse to be one of them . She'll go spoiled and it will show once she
grows up!

" Damn you! Lagi ka lang suplado at galit sa kay Andra! " si Kuya ulit na halos
kuwelyuhan na ako sa galit .

I turned to him, equally fuming mad .

"I was just trying to correct her! All of you are just so damn smitten with her
that you try not to hurt her feelings kahit pa mali na ang mga ginagawa niya!"

" You should have let it pass, Kajik . Puwede namang hayaan na si Andra sa gusto
niyang gawin! "

"You know she has a slight crush on you! Ikaw pa itong suplado sa kanya!"

My eyes narrowed at Kuya Zamiel's statement about Andra's feelings for me . Alam
ko
iyon . Matagal na nilang sinasabi sa akin iyon . What do they all expect me to do,
anyway? I don't know .

Ganoon ang laging nangyayari tuwing napagsasabihan ko si Andra . She's very

childlike . She likes to play with nature . Her feelings are almost always crystal
clear in her eyes and actions . Hindi lang minsan ko siyang napapansin na nakatitig
sa akin . Sinusubukan mang magtago, nahuhuli ko pa rin kapag babalik ang tingin .
Mamumula kapag nahuli at magkukunwaring abala sa kung anu-anong bagay .

I chose not to be involved with her . She's very young . She doesn't understand so
many things and she's very spoiled by everyone . Hindi lang ng pamilya niya, pati
na
rin ng pamilya ko . Even my parents spoil her with things and favors . I am not
even
sure if she appreciates it .

"Humahanga sa'yo ang bata! Umiiyak tuloy dahil sa mga pinaggagagawa mo! May gusto
'yon sa'yo, ngayon, sinagad mo na ata! Hindi na iyon babalik dito!"

I looked away from all of them when I remember what he meant by that .

"Nahimatay si Millicent! Her asthma was just suddenly that severe because of what
Andra did . An apology is needed, at least!" giit ko .

Millicent is who I am going to marry, eventually . I don't have any strong

preference dahil maaga akong namulat na madali lang ang mga babae . Sometimes, they
are like magnet . I am not sure if it' s because of the money, the fame, or whatever
positive thing I possess . Serious relationships turned me off because of that .
Isa
pa, I am more interested with the challenges at school and business than having a
relationships .

The thought of a serious relationship just doesn't interest me at all . Kaya hindi
ako sumasang-ayon sa gusto ng mga magulang kong magpakasal ng maaga . But I can't
just push Millicent away . She' s a nice girl . She' s very reserved, very unlike the
girls who pursue me for other things .

I suddenly remember what we talked about last night, when I chased her down after
the incident .
A flushed and crying Andra on a dark night, alone in an abandoned mansion, not
scared of ghosts or anything . Panay ang punas niya sa kanyang luha . Pagod at
namumungay ang mga mata niya, hindi nakatingin sa akin nang inilarawan ang
nararamdaman niya para sa akin .

"I don't hate you like what you think . Hindi ako lumalapit sa'yo, hindi dahil
hindi
kita gusto, pero dahil . . . Kinakabahan ako lagi . I tremble when you're around . My
h-
heart is b- beating so loud that I can' t contain it . Kaya imbes na harapin k- ka,
mas
gusto kong hindi . Even when I always get excited thinking about you ."

My eyes widened . Slowly, the sides of my mouth lifted forming a wicked smile .
Hindi
ko alam kung bakit naaliw ako bigla sa buong sinabi niya . I feel ecstatic for some
reason . It is not because her confession boosted my confidence . I have had a fair
share of confessions from girls of all ages back when I was in high school and
college, but I didn' t feel anything . I couldn' t even force a smile if I hear them
say it . Etong kay Andra, hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili ko .

I expected it but I never thought hearing it is another brand new feeling .

"You're only fourteen," I said slowly, hoping for a miracle . Someone speed up the
time or something .

" Alam ko! A - And you' re old! " pagalit niyang sinabi, halos itulak ang kamay kong
nagnanakaw ng pagpahid sa luhang lumalandas sa kanyang pisngi .

My mind shot back to what she meant by that . She knows about our age difference .
I
thought she forgot about it because she was that infatuated, pero hindi .

She' s a confident girl, I am sure she' ll grow to be a confident and beautiful lady
.
Boys will mob her, tumanda lang ng konti . Kapag tumigil na siya sa paglalaro . She
will then realize that she's just infatuated of me . I will be too old for her
kapag
natauhan siya . She will start noticing boys her age and she will entertain them
with utmost interest .
The thought of it bothered me . . . angered me to an extent . . . pero alam kong
ganoon
ang mangyayari . Hindi siya tahimik at mahiyaing babae . She's sociable and sweet .

"You will find someone else . In time," I said in a hoarse voice . Still wanting a
miracle .

"I know that, too!" agap niya .

Nagulat pa ako . She's not only confident, she's also practical . Kaya ba niya
sinasabi sa akin ito para tumigil na siya sa naiisip niyang kahibangan? To close
the doors?

Damn, this girl right here knows how to do it .

"As if I won' t grow up! I 'm just fourteen now, pero ilang taon na lang, eighteen na
ako! " kitang- kita sa mga mata niya ang pag- asa .

My heart hurt a little for her . Ano ang ibig niyang sabihin doon? Na puwede ko
rin
naman siyang pakasalan pagka eighteen niya? Alam niya ba ang sinasabi niya?

Damn, I ' m not even ready to marry anyone yet now that I' m already twenty one . She
thinks she'll be ready by eighteen? Ang dami pang puwedeng mangyari bago siya
umabot sa edad na iyon! At ano ' to? Tumatawad pa talaga siya! That' s what you get
from too much romantic movies and fairytales! I can assure her I'd be damn ready
once she's eighteen, but will she be? Will she still like me, in the first place .
The fuck why is my mind too advanced?

" Fuck, eighteen is still young to marry, too! At isa pa, malayo pa iyon!
Makakahanap ka pa ng ibang lalaking gugustuhin! You will find someone you'll like
more than this!"
She nodded wearily, accepting defeat . Mabigat sa pakiramdam ang pinag-uusapan
namin . Lalo na kapag tinitingnan ko siyang tila nawalan na ng pag-asa ng tuluyan
dahil sa mga nasabi ko . Hindi ko babawiin iyon . That is what I should do right now
.
It's rational and just . Kahit pa habang humatak ang katahimikan, unti-unti ring
gusto kong bawiin ang lahat ng sinabi .

I tried to be lighter . She responded positively and innocently until we're out of
the abandoned mansion .

"You have a bad taste for girls," she said .

Iyon ang naging baon ko sa mga sumunod na taon na hindi na siya bumisita sa amin .
Everytime I have casual encounters with girls in the club or anywhere else, I can
hear her words in my ear . I have a bad taste for girls . Umiinom na lang ako para
makalimutan ang bulong na iyon .

Ali, Ivo, and Zamiel all blamed me for it . They said she' s embarrassed .
Napagalitan
ko kasi sa huling punta niya rito .

Mas lalong nakumpirma nang bumisita nga ang pamilya ni Andra sa bahay namin sa
Alabang, nang hindi siya kasama . Her mother's reason was that she was busy with
school .

"Nalulungkot ako na hindi na nakabisita si Andra sa mansion . I miss having her

there, playing . I watch her play with some bugs before and I can't help but dream
of a daughter, Grethel," si Mama pagkalapag ng mga tsaa sa harap .

It's early in the morning and I'm having my breakfast near our pool . Kuya Zamiel
is
swimming with Ali and they are both laughing about something nonsense .

" Ay naku! Kung bibisita naman iyon sa inyo, Cian, hindi na iyon maglalaro! How I
sometimes wish she remains that fun little girl but right now, I'm concerned with
her suitors ." Uminom ng tsaa si Tita Grethel .

Kumunot ang noo ko . Bumagal ang pag-aayos ko ng sandwich dahil sa pagbaling

kay Tita .

Tumikhim si Mama . "But I'm sure she knows that she's too young for it, right? I
mean, mahinhin naman si Andra at mukhang hindi masyadong nakikisalamuha sa mga
lalaki?" medyo kuryosong tanong ni Mama .

"Oh no! You think so?" si Tita Grethel na hindi ako sigurado kung nagmamayabang ba
o natatakot para sa anak . "My God, Lucianna . She knows how to entertain boys so
well . Siguro dahil na rin she grew up around boys . Ayan tuloy, she's fond of them
."

I tried to ignore it and think about something else but her mother's voice is just
too loud and too dramatic to be ignored .

"My goodness! The notes we receive from her school's prefect about the fuss she
made with multiple boys . Nagsusuntukan pa at siya ang dahilan!"

"Kung sa bagay, Andra's body and face is all perfect like an international model .
I'm surprised she isn't scouted by anyone ."
 "Maraming offers pero she's just not into things like that . May interes sa
business
ng pamilya, more than anything else ."

That' s nice to hear . I ' ll probably be more disturbed if she entered on things like
that .

"You should just set her up with one of your competitors or partners, Grethel .
That
way you won't worry that she'll fall infatuated with someone you do not like ."

Why is my Mama giving her ideas like that? Matalim akong tumitig sa kanya kahit na
'di naman sa akin nakatingin .

Tumawa si Tita Grethel . "Hindi na . Hindi kasi nakaugalian . Sino naman ang
irereto
namin sa kanya? I don't think her father would ever find anyone he thinks deserving
of her ."

Sumulyap si Mama sa akin . Nagkatinginan kaming dalawa .

"I'm just saying that my daughter is very playful with boys . Tsk . One time, the
driver told me that she kissed her boyfriend goodbye before getting inside of our
car . And that was when she was just fifteen, Lucianna . I remember watching
cartoons
when I was her age, and not holding hands or french kissing men ."

French kissing men? Asan sa kuwento niya na ginagawa ni Andra iyon? Uminit ang
dibdib at leeg ko sa hindi malamang rason . Umahon ang matinding galit sa akin .

"Maybe you should ground her, Tita," I suggested .

"Karius, that's too much . . ." si Mama .

I smirked to hide my anger and seriousness .

"Mas lalo lang 'yon magrerebelde kapag ganoon kaya hinahayaan na lang namin .
Anyway, she has good grades in school ."

"She might fail some subjects if she starts being too crazy over a boy," I said
reasonably .

"Ah! I will know when she'll go crazy over a boy . For now, I think she's all just
play . " Humalakhak si Tita Grethel . " Curious of intimacy and her body' s reactions .
We' re a very modern family so I understand . "

Kunot-noong natigil ang pagkain ko . Fuck?! Nakatitig ako kay Tita Grethel . Hindi
ako makapaniwala sa sinabi niya . Ano ang ibig niyang sabihin? That it's okay for
Andra to just explore that way?

Hindi naman talaga ako kasama dapat sa mga bibisita sa mga Lopez nang lumipat kami
.
Pero dahil gusto ko, napasama ako sa pagpunta sa kanila .

My eyes narrowed when I saw her grace the grounds of their backyard garden .
Maiksing palda, puting blusa na hindi nakabutones sa taas para magpakita ng konting
balat . Her hair was disheveled a bit . Mahaba at straight pero medyo magulo dahil
siguro sa hindi sinasadyang pagpasada ng mga daliri . Her slim figure was now more
obvious because she got taller . And her soft facial features, like before, will
always give her feelings away .

Kung hindi lang ako nababadtrip sa duda ko sa kanyang leeg, nagawa ko nang ngumiti
sa tuwa . I still have that effect on her . But . . . that's the last thing I'll
think
about now that I think the rashes I saw on her neck were hickeys! Damn her!

Ang sarap sarap mang insulto sa matinding galit na naramdaman ko .

"Umaasta kang mumurahin para magkaroon ka ng karanasan?" I spat absently, angry at

her for some unknown reason .

Nilingon niya ako . I got the attention that I wanted . She's trying to ignore me
so
I said those words . Mas gusto kong magalit siya para magtalo pa kami pero ngumiti
lang siya, hindi pilit .

"Look . It's not as if you did not have a phase like this . I grew up watching you
play with girls,"

Maybe she's right . It's my fault . At kung bakit ganito na lang ako ka galit,
hindi
ko alam . It's all just brotherly affection, I convinced myself . I'm sure pareho
kami ng nararamdaman nina Ali, Zamiel, at Ivo sa kanya . I should check, huh?

"Why don't you just marry your fiancee?" hamon ni Kuya Zamiel sa isa sa mga gabing
bored kami .

Kaaalis lang ng mga kakilala naming babae . Naistorbo kami ng mga isang oras kaya
ngayong umalis na, nagpatuloy sa pinag-usapan kaninang wala pa ang mga iyon .

"I want to study more," sabi ko nang 'di sila tinitingnan .

My eyes wandered in the sea of people inside the bar . Maingay sa dancefloor at
sobrang daming sumasayaw . Mabuti na lang at nasa isang secluded place kaming
tatlo,
away from the crowd and almost in peace . Paminsan-minsang may kumakaway kay Kuya
pero hindi niya na pinapalapit . Pare-pareho kaming nakikihalubilo . Pare-pareho
ring
maaga namulat sa buhay na ganito . Ang aga tuloy naming napagod at nawalan ng
interes .

"You can study even when you're married . . ." Kuya Zamiel suggested .

"Kayo? Ba't 'di kayo nagpakasal? Mas nauna dapat kayo sa akin, 'di ba?" I fired
back .

These people think I'm so evil for refusing the family's expectations . Sila nga
itong mga nauna pa sa akin na hindi naman nagpakasal .

"I have a reason . It's a traumatic experience," medyo pabirong sabi ni Kuya .

"Ikaw, Ali? Hindi ka tumatanggi pero pag andyan na, 'tsaka ka aatras?"

"I find it hard to say no to my mother and to Lola, Kajik . Ikaw lang yata ang
kayang tumanggi ng harap-harapan," sagot ni Ali .

"Why don't we all just have fun, instead? We're all single so why are we here
drinking scotch and talk like we're in our forties?" Si Kuya sabay tawa .

I agreed to lighten up the mood . Masyado kaming seryoso at sana business na lang
ang pinag-usapan, hindi babae . Kaya nga kami nandito para makatakas sa pahirapang
pagtulog, hindi ba?

"But wait, Karius . . ." si Ali na ngayon ay may seryosong tingin sa akin . "I can
understand Zamiel for not marrying Daniella . You both know why I'm not marrying
Lynea . Millicent seems a nice and prim woman . And I don' t hear you speak of any
woman's name so I guess you have no prospect yet? Kaya . . . bakit?"
Hindi ako kumportable sa tanong iyon . Kuya Zamiel smirked . Inubos niya ang isang
shot . Tinapik ko ang akin bago sumagot .

"What's the rush? I'm still young to marry . Hindi pa ako handang magkapamilya,"
sagot ko .

"Ikaw ba o siya?" si Kuya .

I stiffened . I don't know why I feel so guilty kahit na hindi ko naman alam ang
mga
sinasabi niya . Humagalpak siya sa malademonyong tawa . Hinuhuli lang yata ako
nito!

"I don't know what you're talking about," sagot ko .

He winked on someone very seductive . Umiling ako at nilagok na lang ang inumin .
Nagsalubong ang kilay ni Ali at binalingan ako . Ilang sandali pa bago may
kakaibang
tanong .

"Your cargos to Romblon is shipped by Lopez Lines, tama ba ako?" tanong niya .

I relaxed a bit . I know where this is heading at wala akong pakealam sa mga
pinagdududahan nila .

"Ba't hindi ang PIFC ang pinagawa mo?"

"Ships too small for the cargos," sagot ko . "A rising company can't afford
uneccessary expenses so there must be an alternative ."

Ali nodded .

"Tito Franco gave him a better price ."

Ali smirked . "That's because Andra is fond of you ."

I shifted uncomfortably on my seat . No comment .

" Nope, " si Kuya . " I got so pissed when I saw Andra with her boyfriend just days
ago ."

He got pissed so this is all normal . Just brotherly concern . I said to myself .
But
wait . . . what did he say? Andra with her boyfriend?

"Saan?" tanong ko .

" Nadaanan ko lang sa isang cafe malapit sa escuelahan nila! " si Kuya . " The boy is
making advances like holding her hand and-"

"She said she broke up with her boyfriend!" napalakas ang boses ko roon .

"Baka naman, manliligaw lang 'yong nakita mo, Zamiel?" si Ali .

"Hindi ko lang alam . But . . . well . . . she's growing up . Ang sabi nga ni Tita
Grethel,
she's kind of curious with things like that ."

"It's normal to be curious especially in her age ."

"Sana bumaba ka at pinagsabihan mo!" medyo pagalit kong nasabi sa gitna ng usapan
nila ni Ali .
"Oo nga, e..." nag-iisip si Kuya sa sinabi ko .

"Just let her be . She's slowly maturing . She needs to experience ."

"Oo rin," Kuya Zamiel agreed with Ali .

"Even so! Does she have to deal with perverts for her to grow? Hindi niya kailangan
ng boyfriend para magmature!" I said immediately .

Natahimik ang dalawa, pinag-iisipan ang mga sinabi ko . Uminom ng shot si Ali at
pagkababa ng kanyang baso, tinitigan niya ako .

"Paano kung iyon ang gusto niya?"

E 'di makekealam ako . Iyon ang isasagot ko dapat pero hindi ko na sinabi .

Andra, as a child, was not entirely prim . She' s very playful, naughty, and
outspoken . She speaks her mind and if she doesn' t , it shows in her facial
expression . That' s why Andra as a teenager was a pain in the ass . She' s like an
ocean with never ending violent waves . A sea that' s never calm . Hindi ka pa nga
nakakahinga, hinahampas ka na ulit . Hindi ka pa nga nakakaahon, nilulunod ka na
ulit .

And unfortunately, Constanciandra Lopez in her twenties . . . will eventually kill

me .

I regret that I told her she'd find someone else to love back when she was younger
.
Sana hindi na lang ako nagkaroon ng sakit ng ulo . Sana pinaasa ko na lang siya .
But
that' s a selfish move! She was too young, then . I didn' t know she' d continue to be
attracted with me . I didn't know that I'll slowly grow so possessive of her .

Nagkaroon siya ng iilang boyfriend but I successfully guided her by telling her
that those bastards are not good for her . The more we got closer, the more it
became clearer to me how I can still affect her . At habang tumatagal, paunti-unti
ko ring napapansin ang aking sarili .

I tried to suppress it . I tried to hide it . I tried to divert it . I did

everything
just to forget about it .

I came back to her life because I am disturbed by her mother's stories about her .
I ' m worried . Nahulog nga siya sa bitag ng pagbabalik ko pero hindi ko alam, ganoon
din pala ako sa kanya .

Pinagmasdan ko siya, pababa kami sa yate . Katatapos lang namin magtalo tungkol sa
katawagan niyang ex kanina . She still explores but she's making me feel like she
wants me . Minsan . . . hindi ko alam kung ano ba talaga ang ibig niyang sabihin .

Want me for what?

Want me for the experience I can give her? Or want me just because I am me? Because
she likes me?

If I was denying my attraction towards her back when she was a teenager, ngayon
hindi na . Hindi ko na kaya . My concern for her grew . Minsan, naiisip ko, it was
right there all along . She was just too young and I was just too busy with so many
things . The "concern" I had for her slowly evolved into something more raw and
precise .

"He's too clingy and annoying . I thought he was this mature man since he's
already
working and all . . ." she shrugged after explaining why she broke up with her
recent
ex .

Nanlamig ako sa sinabi niya . Nagtagal iyon sa isipan ko kaya naman wala ako sa
sarili ngayong pababa na kami .

"You still look so grumpy . You're getting older and older, Kuya," she teased .

Hinaplos niya ang panga ko . Mabilis kong iniwas ang mukha ko sa kanya . She
chuckled
sexily . My lips are now in a grim line .

"Ang highblood mo . Next time, magdadala ako ng pam blood pressure para i check
kung
okay ka pa ba . . . You think?" her head tilted .

Kumislap ang magaganda niyang mga mata . Her lips protruded sexily and now I am
deeply bothered .

"Oh . . . I know a way to calm your nerves . . ." she made her sexy voice a lot
softer .

Umiling ako at nag-iwas ng tingin sa kanya . Alam ko na naman saan patungo 'to .
Gusto kong ngumisi pero pinigilan ko ang sarili ko .

"Jandrik, are you mad at me? I think I can pay for whatever's making you mad," she
offered .

Why the fucking hell is this so unfair?!

"Shut up, Andra ."

She laughed . "I'm serious, you know . I am the one who made you mad, right? Kaya
ako
na rin ang magpapakalma at magpapasaya sa'yo ."

Binalingan ko siya . I could not hide the intensity of my stare at her . Hindi ako
magpapadala sa kanya . . . or at least hindi ako magpapahalata na nadadala ako sa
kanya .

"I'll do anything to make you happy and calm again . Just release your stress on
me, Jandrik ."

Fuck!

"'Yan din ba ang sinasabi mo sa ex mo kapag galit siya?" pagalit kong sinabi .

Her eyes narrowed and her lips stretched wider for a cheshire smile . Umiwas ako ng
tingin .

"Of course, not! Hindi kahit kanino, Jandrik . Sa kay concern Kuya lang na
seloso . . ." she whispered .

I shivered . Alam niyang nagseselos ako . Who cares now, anyway . I don't .
Nagseselos
nga ako at dapat alam niya na ngayon 'yan . So the next time, she'll think of me
before doing anything worldly .

"My intentions are not brotherly, Andra . Stop calling me that ."

Ngumuso siya . I can almost hear her cool "Oh . . ." but I don't think she knew what
I
meant .

"But you're years and years older than me, Jandrik . Hindi ba na point out mo 'yan
noon sa akin-"
"I'm not! I'm still twenty six-"

"You will be twenty seven soon while I'm only twenty now and till the end of this
year," aniya . "And your intentions aren't brotherly? Then your intention is?"

Nagtiim-bagang ako . Bago pa ako makapagsalita ulit, tumakbo na siya palapit sa

hotel . I smiled evilly . Alam ko ano ang itinakbo niya palapit sa hotel . Tumingala
ako at pumikit ng mariin saglit bago nagpatuloy sa paglalakad .

Itanan ko na lang kaya 'to? Damn!

I got away with my family's orders to marry someone I don't like . Kahit pa ang
dami-daming palusot ni Lola .

"Karius, Millicent is very, very womanly and prim . Mahinhin siya at maganda pa .
Matalino! And I can see that you care for her so why are you not marrying her
yet?"

"I don't marry just because of that, Lola . Besides, I want to study more ."

Minsan naiisip kong nagpapaawa na ang lahat para lang mangyari iyon . But I always
get away . I don't want to look desperate in the eyes of Tito Franco kaya ayaw ko
ring mag sabi na puwede niyang ipakasal si Andra sa akin . Hell, I won' t do that .
Kahit pa alam kong gusto naman ako ni Andra . Baka mamaya, infatuated lang ang
isang
ito . Kapag nalaman niyang desperado kong hiningi ang kamay niya, baka mawala pa
ang
atraksyon niya sa akin .

"My daughter is in love with you . A man as smart like you probably knows it by
now," si Tito Franco nang napag-isa kami, isang araw sa shipyard .

Pinag-aaralan ko ang pagpapatakbo ng kompanya nila . I am also taking Marine

Engineering in few modular sessions only so I will be fully equipped with it .
Nagulat ako sa sinabi niya . The words he used were too heavy that I am not
entirely
sure if it is true .

"She's attracted, Tito," sagot ko dahil hindi ako sigurado kung in love nga si
Andra sa akin .
"Is that a rejection from you, Karius? You correct my word because you don't want
me to get serious about Andra's feelings?"

Shit!

"Hindi po . Hindi lang ako sigurado kung tama ba ang gamit ng salita dahil hindi
pa
naman ako sigurado kung totoo nga . . . na . . . mahal niya ako ."

Tumawa si Tito Franco at umupo sa kanyang upuan . Tinanggal niya ang salamin at
hinilot ang mga mata bago bumuntong hininga .

"Men like you usually older women . I mean older than my daughter, am I right?"

Nagtiim-bagang ako . Hindi ko alam kung paano ko aaminin sa kanya na hindi .

"Hindi talaga ako payag sa tradisyon ng pamilya n'yo . No offense," he said . "I
want
Andra to explore . I want her to know more people . I want her to choose whoever
she
wants to marry . I will have no say in it ."
Nagkatinginan kami ni Tito Franco .
"Kung hindi ko lang talaga alam kung kaninong pangalan ang isasagot niya kapag
tinanong ko siya noon, at hanggang ngayon . . . I'm sad for my daughter, Kajik ."

I licked my lower lip . My mind got haywired from all the calculations I am making
.
Kinakalma ko na lang ang sarili ko .

Just get her . Just get her in a relationship and from there, we can plan more .
Kung
tutuusin, puwedeng magpatulong kay Tito Franco pero hindi ko gagawin iyon .

"Suppose the Pastranas fail, will your family still make you marry the heiress?"

"Personally, I won't . I'll do everything not to-"

"I mean, Karius . . . Your family will still push it, kahit na ayaw mo?"

Hindi ulit ako nakasagot . Ayaw kong sumagot dahil ang totoo, ipipilit pa rin ako
ng
pamilya ko . Ali tried to get away but Lola is still at it .

"I doubt it . This is still for business, right? Not entirely loyalty . If they are
rat poor, Domitilla wouldn't want that woman associated with you ."

"Maayos naman po ang mga Pastrana," I defended . I can't pretend to be okay with
his
statements about them .

"Oh..." nagtaas ng kilay si Tito Franco, parang may ibang iniisip .

"Hindi ko po gustong magpakasal at susuwayin ko ang utos sa akin sa paraang alam

ko . I know eventually I will make them understand . The Pastranas are nice people .
Millicent is a good person . Ganoon din si Tito Chester ."

He smiled marking a stop to our conversation . Hindi ko alam na iyon pala ang
naiisip niya noon . Na mahal ko si Millicent .

"The Pastranas failed! Ba't ka pa tumatanggi sa pagpapakasal kay Andra? Because

you
love that girl, Karius?! Is that it? I thought you're the business prodigy of your
generation, what happened? ! "

"Hindi po sa ganoon, Tito . Ayaw ko pong pakasal kay Andra-" I said calmly but he
cut me off .

"My daughter wants to marry you, Karius!" he said as he closed the door of his
office .

My jaw clenched at that . I know now what he can do for Andra . I would marry her
with all of me but isn't this a bad timing for it? Is he trying to slap the failure
on the Pastranas face?

"Tito, the tragedy is still very fresh . I don't think Andra would like to get
married at times like this . Isa pa, ayaw ko pong isipin ni Andra na papakasalan ko
siya dahil sa negosyo ."

Tumawa si Tito Franco so I told him more .

"I am in a relationship with your daughter, Tito . I don't love anyone else . . .
only
her . I want to marry her . I just think that this is not a good time . Isa pa,
iisipin ni Andra na pakakasalan ko siya para sa negosyo . Dahil lang pumalpak ang
mga Pastrana kaya sa inyo naman ako . Ayaw kong isipin niya ang ganoon . This has
nothing to do with your business . This is about me . . . and her ."
I had no idea what was on her mind . Why she' s suddenly cold . Why I caught her
kissing another man while we were in a relationship . Kita ko mang pilit iyon,
hindi
ko pa rin kaya . To hear her say that she's tired of me is the end of me, too .

Am I too clingy? Am I caging her too much? Is she sick of me?

I have never fallen in love with anyone before her . It destroyed me . So much .

"Uuwi si Andra, Kajik . I support my daughter in everything but I hope you two fix
things, " si Tita Grethel .

Tito Franco died months after my wedding with Andra . Bago pa sinabi ni Tita
Grethel
na uuwi si Andra, I was already looking forward to it . She' ll come home to me! I
know she's just coming home for her father's funeral but . . . she's still coming
home!
Pero nang nakita ko siyang galit at nasasaktan, hindi ko kayang ipagkait sa kanya
ang kalayaan . Maybe I'll just continue what I'm doing . My father-in-law died .
She's
very broken . As much as I want to be with her while she's healing, she chose to
get
rid of me . Siguro, mas mapapanatag siya kung wala ako . Siguro . . . hindi niya
naman
talaga ako mahal . It was all just infatuation . It's all just a phase . Now she's
here trapped in my shadows . . . because she said yes to our marriage .

"I am not a bit happy with what's going on with your wife, son," si Mama na ganito
lagi ang sinasabi kapag nagkikita kami .

"Ayaw kong pakealaman ninyo ang buhay ko, lalo na sa amin ni Andra, Mama ."

"Alam ko iyon . . ."

Pinasadahan niya ng tingin ang opisina . Alas diez na ng gabi at galing silang
party
ni Papa . While he' s out for a call, she took that opportunity to strike a
conversation like this .
"But, son, this is not healthy, the way you work . You should be home now,
sleeping ."

"I like working ."

"I don't believe you . Magaling ka na sa trabaho noon, pero hindi ka naman ganito
kalala . You're trying to forget your nights without your wife . Pilitin mong iuwi
rito, Karius ."

"Hindi ko pipilitin si Andra, Mama . I am not a clingy husband," I said,

convincing
myself so bad .

" Iyan ba ang sinabi niya sa' yo kaya mo siya hinahayaan ngayon, anak? " Mama' s going
critical .

Bumuntong-hininga ako at humilig sa swivel chair . Kinalas ko ang mga unang buton
sa
longsleeves ko . I stretched out my neck a bit before massaging my temples .

It haunted me so much, every night . All alone in our supposed penthouse . I bought
a
big one for us and for the family we will make . I am very ready for us . She's not,
for me .
Sa tuwing hindi ako makatulog, dinadalaw ko lahat ng ginawa ko . Saan ako nagkamali
.
Did I bore her? Am I too insensitive . Maybe . I've hurt her back when she was young
.
Pero anong gusto niyang gawin ko noon? I will cage her if I wanted her this way
when she was young! I will possess her too much!

Did I bore her? I gritted my teeth at the thought . Hindi ko kayang mangumpara pero
bago siya, hindi ako kailanman naging boring sa kama . Fuck! ! ! Maybe she wants
someone else to fuck her in a dirtier way? Damn it! Fuck!

Sa huli, hindi ako nakakatulog hanggang hindi ako nalalasing .

Tanaw ko ang buong syudad sa isang tahimik na gabi habang umiinom ng alak, kaiisip
sa kanya . Umigting muli ang bagang ko .

Huwag na huwag kang magkakamaling umuwi kung ayaw mong matali ng husto sa akin, I
whispered to the cold wind silently .

"If she wants divorce, might as well give her, son . Baka talagang napilitan lang
si-"

"I don't want a divorce! We will fix this! I will wait for her! She will come
back!" I fired without hesitation .
Ang pag-asang nagpapatanga sa akin sa bawat nagdadaang araw . Ang balita galing sa
mga binayaran kong taga sunod, wala naman daw ibang lalaki, pero laging nagkakaroon
ng picture na may kasamang kung sinu-sino . I wonder if the men I paid are fooling
me so I'll keep paying them?

Oh Lord, I will lose my mind if this goes on and on!

Kaya minsan . . . personal ko siyang binibisita . Kung hindi lang laging halata ang
mga
pagpapanggap niya, baka sapilitan ko na siyang sinakay sa eroplano nang makauwi!

But a man with no assurance and with a wife this wild can't be confident . Lalo na
kapag harap-harapan siyang umamin na nabuntis siya ng ibang lalaki! I saw the
glimmering fear in her eyes when I lashed out because of my anger . My pent up
frustration and insecurity killed me . Hindi ako agad nakapag-isip . Huli na nang
natanto kong nagpapanggap lang siya . Naniniwala akong nagpapanggap lang siya .

Si Klaus ba? O ' yong kahalikan niyang ex na si Byron? Iyon lang naman ang kasama
niya madalas sa ibang bansa . I was told that she's disgusted with any one of them
coming to her suite or apartment so it's impossible . I'd know where she is, too .
All her cards are connected with mine . Some of it are even mine! Iyon lang ang
nagawa ko noong umuwi siya rito . Convert her every damn document into Mrs
Constanciandra Mercadejas . . . married to me .

Kaya naman, when she slipped away again from me the second time, I was so hot and
wild . I can't stop myself!

"Kajik, calm down," si Ali sa meeting ng pamilya .

Kagagaling ko lang sa opisina ng mga Lopez . I talked to Andra's mom and she
wouldn' t say a thing .

"Hayaan mo na lang ang anak ko, Kajik ."

"Mama, she's my wife . I want to know where she is and why can't I contact her? Is
she in Iloilo?"
"I don't know," she denied . "Maybe in some other place . N-Not Iloilo . Maybe in .
. .
Batanes or so . . ."
Anong gagawin ni Andra sa Batanes? Nasa Iloilo 'yan . Her Mom is just bluffing and
trying to shake my mind . It's all obvious . She's lying! Damn!

"I'm sorry, hijo . I'm just so scared for you! I checked with Doctora Anasco and
she
said it's true . That she's pregnant-"

"It's not! I paid her doctor to lie for her, Mama!" hindi ko na napigilan ang
pagsabog ko .

She's hiding in Iloilo . It's all heavily guarded . They will fire if there is an
attempt to force enter the premises . Anong nangyayari at bakit ganoon na lang
katindi?

"Karius . . ." Umiiyak na si Lola .

I don't want to be harsh to them . Lalo na kay Lola na may history ng heart attack
.
I ' m trying to calm down . Imbes na magsalita, kinimkim ko na lang lahat ng
sasabihin
ko .

"I'm very sorry . I thought she cheated . Hindi ko alam na hindi naman pala .
Nasabi
nga noong sekretarya niyang si Heather sa akin na hindi kailanman si Andra
nagkaganoon ."

"But son, why did you ask her doctor to lie for her?" Mama asked, confused .

"I told you not to be too nosy with my life! Lalo na kay Andra, hindi ba? Sinabi
ko
sa inyong ako na ang bahala sa problemang hinaharap ko . I dealt with it my way and
you have no business what I'm doing with it!"

"I-I'm sorry, Jandrik . I'm really . . ."

Hindi ko na pinatapos ang meeting . Umalis na ako roon at diretso na ang isipan sa
mga gagawin ko para makalapit sa kanya sa Iloilo . I am desperate . If they shot me,
then I'll fight . If I die, then be it . Simple .

It was as if something very precious is taken away from me . I noticed how I am

growing more driven now more than ever . Pang ilang paglayo niya na ito . Kung noon,
hinayaan ko siya . Ngayon, hindi .

Umahon ako sa dagat ng Costa Leona . My fast heart beating is from a long, long
swim
into the depths of the sea . It's ten in the morning and the weather is gloomy .
Tag-
ulan na at kahit ganitong oras, hindi na maaraw . Mamaya, uulan na ng napakalakas
at
buong araw kami sa mansyon .

I asked for a vacation with her . I can see how bored she is in our penthouse .
Gusto
niya tuloy na magtrabaho para lang hindi ma bore . But she's on her second
trimester
and I don't want her to work . Medyo takot pa ako dahil matindi ang mga unang buwan
niya .

Pouting and wiping her tears away, I saw my wife sitting on the sand of the shore
.
I smirked . Nakakaawa pero hindi ko mapigilan ang pagngiti .

For a year or so, I have been so frustrated of you . I have been so insecure about
us . I almost lost my mind thinking about us . Each night, my last thoughts are
always about the coming days where the wild Constanciandra Lopez will be too
obsessed with me to even stray .

Now, she's right in front of me . . . where she belongs . With her chains .
"Ohh . . . What's wrong, baby?" I said softly .

I'm falling for her more and more . Lalo na na ganito siya . Obsessed with me too
much, eh?

"Why is my baby crying?" I said, palapit pa lang galing sa dagat .

Every morning, she cries everytime wala ako sa tabi niya . Hindi ko alam kung
dahil
ba sa pagbubuntis niya o ano . Sa araw na ito, hindi ko na napigilang iwan siya sa
kama . She's sleeping very soundly and I woke up very early . Hindi na ako
makatulog
ulit dahil kung anu-ano na namang pumapasok sa isipan kong gagawin sa kanya .

I went out for a swim . Just ten minutes then I'll be back in our room . Limang
minuto pa nga lang akong lumalangoy, heto na siya, nasa tabing-dagat na, umiiyak .
Kung anu-ano na naman sigurong iniisip . Na iiwan ko siya o magkakaroon ako ng iba
.
Naaaliw ako minsan pero tuwing naaalala ko kung ano ang naramdaman ko noon, hindi
na ako natutuwa .

"I am your boyfriend, Andra! I will be your husband soon! Alam mo ba ang ibig
sabihin noon? You will exclusively date only me!" I growled .

I have never been so hurt my entire life . Girls were very easy to handle . She
isn't . I caught her kissing another man while we are in a relationship . That's
cheating!

"Then let's break up so I can date other boys! Bata pa ako at kulang pa sa
experience kaya huwag mo akong pagbawalan ng ganito!"

Experience! Halos matawa ako . Isinantabi ko muna ang ego ko na nanghihingi ng

hustisya sa ginawa niya .

What experience is she talking about? I provided every little thing for her lust,
if that' s what she' s talking about! Damn you, woman! Hindi ko rin siya
pinagkakaitan sa kaibigan man o sa lugar na pupuntahan!

"Ayokong isang ulam lang ang matikman sa buong buhay ko kaya hayaan mo ako sa mga
gusto kong gawin! And stop being possessive! You are turning into the man I hate
the most!"

Pumikit ako ng mariin at yumuko . It was like a slap for me . Inisip ko kung saan
ako
nagkulang . Why is she hating me? Am I too possessive? Maybe I am . Kasi ba't ako
nandito kung hindi ako possessive? Pero kung hinayaan ko siya . . .

"Then if you still want to fucking explore, why don't we delay the wedding and
have
it your way? What was the fucking rush?" I fired back angrily .

Kung ayaw niyang pakasal sa' kin, puwede naming patagalin pa 'to . Fuck! I could
break up with her and leave her alone if she wants to! Babalik na lang ako kapag
natauhan ka ulit! Kung 'yon talaga ang gusto mo .

"Sige! Delay it! I'll marry someone else if you do that!" hamon ko .

There .

"We'll marry in three days, then . Start packing your bags ."

Watching her weep dramatically now suddenly hurt me . But unlike what she made me
feel before, I know she won' t ever be broken . I know because I won' t ever break
her . I may have scarred her young, wild heart, but I will spend my whole life
covering it with so much love that she'll forget it .

She scowled at me . Inirapan niya ako at muling pinalis ang luhang lumandas sa
pisngi . Tumulong ako pero suplada niyang iniwas ang mukha . I am now sitting
behind
her, jailing her legs with mine . Almost squishing her but not too much because her
belly is already swelling . Payat na payat ang kanyang braso . Siguro epekto pa ng
sobra sobra niyang paglilihi .

I preyed on her . Making sure that she's not getting away even if she uses her
whole
damn force . Inayos ko ang buhok niya kahit na suplada pa rin at halos irapan na
ako .

"I went out a bit for a swim . You were in deep sleep . Hindi ko alam na magigising
ka agad . I timed myself just ten minutes . See?" ipinakita ko ang relo ko .

Bumaling siya roon . Nakita ang seven minutes na timer pero binalewala pa rin .

An obsessed Andra is fine with me . I smirked and hugged her a bit .

"I'm sorry, my princess . What do you want for breakfast?"

Wala akong pakealam kung nababasa ko siya sa yakap ko . Ang tubig sa buhok ko,
unti-
unting pumatak sa kanyang balikat .

Pumapatak pa rin ang mga luha niya . Koting hikbi pa . So beautiful and
heartwarming .

"Kawawa naman . . ." I teased .

She pouted more .

" I had a bad dream . And then I woke up without you by my side, " she whispered
miserably .

"I'm sorry . I won't do it again, okay?"

"Sana ginising mo na lang ako kung nasobrahan ako sa pagtulog," she ranted .

"I don't want to wake you up when I was the reason why you stayed up late last
night ."

I smirked at the memory . She pouted again but I can see her forcing herself to do
that . Namamanaag ang mapaglarong ngiti . She' s just hiding it .

"I couldn't sleep again when I woke up early this morning . Kung hindi ako
lumabas,
baka nagising nga kita dahil kung anu-ano na naman ang naiisip ko habang tinatanaw
kang tulog ."

She's still pouting . Pulang pula ang kanyang ilong at pisngi . Bumaling siya sa
akin
at pinipigilan pa rin ang ngiti sa pamamagitan ng pagnguso .

"E 'di sana ginising mo ako..." hindi niya na napigilan ang unti-unting pag ngisi
.

"But you're tired," I whispered .

"I'm not," she whispered back .

Damn!
"Later, then . When we get back, okay?"
She grinned wickedly .

"Then . . . baby . . ." she called .

I shivered . Mas lalo ko pang inilapit ang mukha ko sa kanyang pisngi . I let my
lips
slide on her neck for some feathery kisses .

"Can I swim for a bit, too?"

"You should eat breakfast first," sabi ko .

"Ipababa mo na lang dito ang breakfast, please . Pagod na akong umakyat, e ."

"Hmm . Okay ."

"I'm wearing a two piece," she giggled .

Oh . Great! Hindi ako nagsalita . Knowing and watching her do normal things while
very pregnant with our son makes me so irrationally turned on . Now she'll do it
again!

"Maliligo na ako . I love you..." she said while trying to get away from me .

I held her tight with complete force so she won't get away from me just yet . I
can't let her I love yous pass . Hindi siya madalas na nagsasabi noon . Alam ko .
Pinapansin ko ang bawat araw na nababanggit niya iyon . So every time she says it,
I
will treasure it so much .

"I'm in love with you, too, Andra," I whispered .

Huminga siya ng malalim at bumaling sa akin . Namumula pa rin ang mukha niya
galing
sa pag-iyak kanina . Oh her mood swings . If she was demanding back when she's
pretending that she' s pregnant, mas lalo pa ngayon . Puro sa akin lahat . And I
want
her that way . . . always .

I removed a long necklace on me . After our church wedding, she confessed how she
thinks I am a wild wave she could never tame . That she's learned to just ride with
whatever I want or do . That she' s freeing me of her hold . That she' s accepted
that
she can never rule me .

"Mali ka," I whispered and put my necklace on her .

It's a long gold necklace with a small and flawed circle as pendant, the moon .

"You can tame me, Andra . You can rule me..." I whispered breathily .

Sa nanlalaking mga mata, tiningnan niya ang sinuot kong necklace . The shining
full
moon its prowess is beautiful in its small figurine .

"You are my moon," napapaos kong sinabi . "You rule me . Completely ."

Nangingislap sa luha ang mga matang bumaling sa akin . Mapungay ko siyang tiningnan
.
She hooked her arms on my neck and I let her get me . I let her hug me . I let her
own me .
 "Oh, Jandrik . I am still falling so hard in love with you," sa nangininig na
boses,
sinabi niya iyon bago ako ginawaran ng halik .
 She's right . To love is to set her free, and to be free with her . To love is to
do
everything . . . with her . To love is to live and accept the flaws of life . . .
only . . .
with her .
Ruling the Wild Waves ( Costa Leona # 7 )
By jonaxx

Ruling the Wild Waves (Costa Leona Series #7)

This is a work of fiction . Names, characters, businesses, places, events and

incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a
fictitious manner . Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual
events is purely coincidental .

Do not distribute, publish, transmit, modify, display or create derivative works

from or exploit the contents of this story in any way . Please obtain permission .

WARNING: THIS STORY WILL CONTAIN THEMES NOT SUITABLE FOR READERS BELOW 18.
READER'S
DISCRETION IS ADVICED!

*read at your own risk

Simula
Simula

"Hindi halata na martyr ka," sabay pasada ng tingin ni Klaus sa aking katawan .

Umirap lamang ako at kinuha ang tuwalya na para sa akin . Nakalatag ang pagkain at
inumin sa sa aming lamesa at may karagdagang cocktails pang hinatid .

I wiped away all the trickling drops of water on my hair and my body . Kaaahon ko
lang sa swimming pool at pakiramdam ko, hindi parin sapat ang lahat ng ginawa ko
nitong mga nakaraang linggo para makapagmuni-muni ng husto .

Klaus tried to put his hand on my thigh . Mabilis kong tinampal iyon at matalim
siyang tinitigan . He smirked . Bumaling ako sa umahon ding si Byron galing sa
swimming pool . I sipped on my margarita as I watch Byron walk dramatically towards
us . May paghawak sa kulay brown na buhok at pa kagat-labi pa ito .

Iilang babae ang manghang-mangha habang tinitingnan ang aking kaibigan habang
naglalakad ito patungo sa amin . Pinulot ko ang bathrobe at itinapis sa aking
katawan bago naupo at muling binalik kay Byron ang mga mata . May kausap na ito
ngayon .

Kinuha ko ang isa pang cocktail na inorder ko kanina . I sipped on it while

watching
all the other people on the swimming pool .

Kadarating ko lang galing ibang bansa . I went there alone to think about so many
things . Bigla lang kaming nagkita Klaus sa hotel . He said he' s doing business
around that city . Nagkataon ding sabay ang uwi namin . When he asked where I' m
going, I told him about my staycation in this hotel . Nang dumating kami rito,
nakita rin naming dalawa si Byron, for some reason . Can you believe it?

"Excuse me, Ma'am, this is the-"

Bago pa nagpatuloy ang waiter ay nilapag ko na ang isang itim na card sa ipinakita
niyang bill . Sinulyapan ko iyon at mapait na natanaw muli kung kanino iyon .

Karius Jandrik Mercadejas .

"Uh, let me pay for it," sabay ngisi ni Klaus sa akin .

I have my own cards but for some reason, iyon ang nadala ko rito sa rooftop pool .

Nanatili ang mga mata ko sa kanya, nanliliit at puno ng pagdududa .

"No, thanks . I can pay for my orders," mataman kong sinabi .

" Well, may order din ako diyan . Don' t tell me you' ll pay for it using your
husband's account? " he said .

Isang tingin ko lang sa waiter ay tumango agad sa akin ito, hindi na hinintay ang
pag pepresinta ni Klaus ng kanyang sariling pera o anuman . Bumaling muli ako sa
swimming pool .

Humagalpak si Klaus . Nagtagis naman ang bagang ko . He's so annoying . Well, hindi
naman talaga ako annoyed sa kanya ever since . Ngayon lang dahil gusto ko ng
mapayapang byahe pero nandito pa talaga ang dalawang ito, kasama ko .

"Hay nako, Andra!" ani Klaus at bago pa siya mamuna ulit ay diretsahan ko nang
tinanong .

"You got the information about me from Lucresia, right?" sabay baling ko kay Klaus
.

Nangingiti parin ito sa akin, hindi makapaniwala sa kung ano .

Klaus is one of my closest friend . Also, nanunubok na manliligaw noon pa man .

Meanwhile, Byron is also another close friend I met in college . Bago ako ikasal,
siya rin ang huli kong naging " boyfriend" . Hindi ko nga lang alam tama ba ang
paggamit ng salitang iyon .

"Sinabi niya sa'yo?" tanong ni Klaus .

Ibinalik ko ang mga mata ko sa kanya .

He's handsome . Maputi siya at namumula lamang kapag naiinitan . Maganda at makisig
ang kanyang pangangatawan . Downturned eyes, thin lips, fine nose, and a very
boyish
fashion sense . Nga lang, ngayon ay naka shorts lang, bagay sa kung nasaan kami .

Byron on the other hand is also handsome but with a different complexion than
Klaus . Katamtamang kulay, gaya ng madalas kong gusto . Makisig ang katawan,
matangkad, at mukhang suplado . Though, he' s very much alike Klaus, too . He' s
boyish
and playful .

"Hindi na kailangan sabihin ni Cresia sa akin 'to," tanging nasabi ko .

"Well, would you rather be alone with your trip?" aniya .

"Yes, I'd rather be, Klaus," mataman kong sinabi .

"Ouch!" he joked, hindi man lang ako ngumiti .

Walang naging magandang epekto ang pagkikita at madalas naming pagsasama sa trip na
iyon . Minsan, hinihintay niya ako sa lobby ng hotel para makipag- usap . Though, I
am
sure that his business thing in that city was true, alam kong mas nagtagal siya sa
dapat niyang schedule dahil naroon ako .

"Sigurado ka na ba talaga sa desisyon mong iyan?" he asked .

Hindi na ako nagsalita . Tumitig na lamang ako sa swimming pool . Tumayo si Klaus
nang nakitang nakalapit na si Byron at naupo na sa lounger na nasa tabi ko .

The awkward staredown started . Unang bumitiw si Klaus at ngumisi lamang sa akin
bago nagsimulang maglakad naman ngayon patungo sa pool . Pinagmasdan ko ang kanyang
medyo namumulang likod galing doon . Umiling ako at binaba ang iniinom na cocktail
.

Byron laughed mockingly .

"Still hitting on you, huh?" he asked .

Hindi ko alam paano ko napagsama ang dalawang ito gayong pareho nilang hindi gusto
ang isa't-isa . I did not even ask them to join me here . They both assumed they
are
welcome .

"He's my friend, Byron," sabi ko bilang paliwanag .

"Ilang beses ko na 'yang narinig sa'yo . . ." medyo naging tensyunado ang tono ni
Byron sa sinabing iyon .

It's true . Kahit paano, inaamin ko, Klaus had been one of my truest friends . I
find
it hard to have true friends in this society that' s full of show . Noon pa man .

"At magkasama pa kayo bago rito, huh?"

Binalingan niya ako . Hindi matanggal ang pagdududa sa kanyang mukha .

"Coincidentally," sabi ko .

"Ano kayang masasabi ng asawa mo kapag nalaman niya ito?"

Hindi na ako sumagot . Lalo na nang bumaling ang waiter para sundin ang protocol
nila sa pagbabayad . Nang umalis ito ay 'tsaka nagdugtong si Byron .

"Or are you planning to quickly end your fixed relationship with him and be with
whoever is your flavor of the moment, Andra?"

"None of your business, Byron ."

Ilang sandali niya akong tinitigan, napapawi na ang ngiti . Hindi ko gustong
malaman
nino man ang mga pangyayari sa buhay ko . Marami man ang kuryoso, wala parin silang
makukuha kahit pa malapit sa akin . Probably, the person with more knowledge about
my life, aside from my family, is just Klaus . And that' s all because we' ve been
friends ever since and I trust him .

"You know I'm thinking, you are very unhappy with your marriage . And your husband
is, too . Kasi kung masaya kayong dalawa, paano ka niya hinahayaang magliwaliw ng
ganito, kasama pa ang ibang lalaki? "

I sighed . I don't want to talk more about this . Mabilis magulo ang isipan ko at
gusto kong isiping ang desisyon ko noong nakaraan ay huli at pinal na .

Tumayo ako at kinuha ang sun glasses at sinuot . I entangled my long straight hair
using my fingers .

"Pakisabi kay Klaus na nauna na ako sa inyo . Marami akong aasikasuhin," tanging
nasabi ko bago tuluyang lumayo roon .

"Andra! Andra!" Byron called a bit .

Hindi ko na siya nilingon pa . Nagpatuloy na lang ako sa paglalakad papasok sa
hotel . May iilang kilala ang bumati sa akin . Ilang beses akong natigil dahil sa
pagtangkang makipag-usap .

"Stop it! She's a married woman," bulungan malapit sa pool ang narinig ko
pagkatapos ng tampal sa dibdib ng isang babae sa isang nakatitig na lalaki .

I combed my hair to the right at sumulyap sa nagbulungan . Nakita ko ang

pagkakahiya
ng babae at ang nanatiling titig at awang na bibig ng lalaki . He looked stunned .
Huminga ako at binalik ang mga mata sa daraanan .

"She's too young to be," I heard the man say that to the girl .

I licked my lips . Pinagbuksan ako ng pintuan ng security guard at tuluyan nang

nakaapak sa karpetadong sahig ng hotel nang biglang may humawak sa aking braso .

"Excuse me, have we met before?" the man asked .

Siya iyong isa sa nakatitig sa akin sa pool kanina . I smiled at his generic
introduction .

"I don't think so . . ."

"You're familiar to me . I think we're schoolmates back in college?"

May pagsingkit pa ng kanyang mata, tila ba totoo naman . Though, I know it may be
true but he' s just using this to make a move .

"Andra . You are?" naglahad ako ng kamay .

"Miko," he said and shook my hand firmly . "Staycation? How many days?"

I smiled . "Just until today ."

"Then, can I get your number so we can . . . you know . . . see each other again if
. . .
we're free, of course ."

Hm . Cheap shot but passable .

Kinuha ko ang ballpen sa isang lamesa, pati na rin iyong notepad para ilagay ang
numero ko . Back when I was still single, kung nagugwapuhan ako, ganito ang
ginagawa
ko . Kapag naman hindi ko gusto, I get his number instead and assure him that I' ll
call .

Ngayon, I'm not really interested but given the direction of my decision, this
won't be bad .

Binigay ko sa kanya ang papel . His hand touched my fingers sensually . I smiled at
him . He gave me another sensual look .

"Got to go ."

"See you soon, Andra . . ." he said like we've established a connection after that
.

Nagpatuloy ako sa paglalakad . Iilan pang nakatingin sa akin doon sa restaurant .

At
kung hindi lang siguro nakita na may sumalubong sa aking babae, baka ganoon na rin
ang ginawa ng mga ito .
" Good to see you again, Mrs . Mercadejas, " sabi ng aking assistant slash
maidservant .

Nilagpasan ko siya . "Watch your mouth, Heather ."

She smirked . Sumunod na rin sa akin patungo sa aking suite .

Si Heather ay anak ng aming mayordoma . Pinag-aral ng pamilya habang tumutulong sa

pag- aalaga sa akin . She' s just a few years older than me, as tall, with a short
hair, and a pleasant face . I like her because she usually doesn't talk a lot .
Pero
kung magsasalita siya, madalas may punto .

"Nakabili ka?" tanong ko .

"Oo . Dala ko . . ." aniya .

"Good ."

Pinindot ko ang buton ng elevator at pumasok kaming dalawa . Two boys my age or
older were with us inside the lift . Diretso ang tingin ko nang nakapasok na kami
ngunit ang dalawang lalaki ay halos magtulakan katitingin sa akin . They both
looked
so troubled and misbehaved .

Sa repleksyon namin sa harap, kitang-kita ko ang sama ng tingin ni Heather sa mga

lalaki . She looked very annoyed, like her usual self .

Nang nasa tamang palapag na ay lumabas na ako . Sumunod si Heather at tuloy-tuloy

na
kami sa aking kwarto .

"Hindi ka pa ba nasasanay sa mga ganyan?" tanong ko ng wala sa sarili .

"Hindi . Sa'yo naman nangyayari, hindi sa akin," sagot niya .

Umirap ako at binuksan na ang pinakamalaking suite sa magarbong hotel na iyon . I

heard Heather's disappointing sigh . Pinasadahan niya ng tingin ang napakalaking
kwarto ko . Iilang kama ang naroon kahit na mag- isa lamang ako .

Kinuha ko ang paperbag na dala niya at binuksan na para makita kung tama ba ang
binili niya .

"This is too much, Heather!" gulantang kong sinabi nang nakita ang malaki-laking
damit .

She smiled mockingly at me . "Marami akong binili dahil baka magkamali pa ako ."

Matalim ko siyang tinitigan bago muling tiningnan ang iba pa . Hinagis ko ang
unang
dalawang hindi ko nagustuhan hanggang sa nakakita ng isang kulay puti at mapuntas
na damit . I smiled merrily, satisfied at that one piece of clothing .

Nagkatinginan kaming dalawa . She shook her head . I can almost hear her unspoken
sarcasms . Ngumisi lamang ako at dinala na ang damit sa en suite para makaligo,
makapagbihis, at maka check out na ako sa hotel na ito, para sa flight namin pauwi
ng Costa Leona .

Pagkatapos kong maligo at magbihis, tinitigan ko ang sarili ko sa salamin habang

suot na ang puting bestida . I smirked at my self, thinking about it . Ganito
siguro
ang magiging itsura ko, kung sakali . But with a truer swelling of the stomach, I
guess?
Lumabas ako ng en suite para makapag-ayos na ng mga gamit . Nakatingin agad ang
nagkakapeng si Heather sa akin . Naramdaman ko kaagad na alam niya ang gagawin ko
sa
araw na iyon .

Kaharap ang dresser ay nagsimula na ako sa mas metikulosa kong paglalagay ng make
up . I can see her serious eyes behind me, watching my every move . She' s not
usually
talkative only in special occassions . Kaya nasisiguro ko ngayon na hindi niya na
kayang pigilan ang sariling magsalita .

"Alam ko kung ano ang gagawin mo," she said . "Hindi ito gagana ."

I groaned and rolled my eyes again .

"Just watch and let's see if that cruel man can take it, then? Gusto mo ipusta mo
ang isang buwan mong sweldo?" sabay baling ko sa kanya pagkatapos maglagay ng
mascara sa pilikmata .

Her dead eyes looked at me with no humor or any challenge at all .

"Kung tama ako, tatlong buwang sweldo para sa isang buwan," she said .

Napawi ang ngiti ko . I'm not very good in school, kumpara sa babaeng ito . My
judgement never failed me, or maybe it did? A few times . . . ewan ko . Nakalimutan
ko
na . At mahalaga rin sa kanya ang pera kaya kung ganito siya ka sigurado,
nakakatakot tuloy .

"Wala kang sahod ng tatlong buwan kung ako ang mananalo?" hamon ko .

"Deal," she said without hesitating and sipped on her coffee .

Nagkibit ako ng balikat at nagpatuloy na sa pag-aayos . Pagkatapos kong mag-ayos ay

dire-diretso na kami . Pinakuha ko ang maleta ko sa ibang tauhan at imbes na
ipahatid sa condo ay dinala ko patungong airport .

Wearing my big sun glasses, I strutted towards the boarding gate with Heather
behind me . At hindi pa nag-iisang oras ay tumapak na ako sa mainit na isla ng
Panay .

Pinasadahan ko ng mga daliri ang aking buhok . Napatingin ang nag-aantay na driver
sa aking suot at tahimik na sinalubong na lang ako ng bati at pagbubukas ng pintuan
sa sasakyan .

For a few weeks, I have memorized what I am going to say to Karius Jandrik, my
husband, and soon, my ex-husband . I smiled at the thought . Pero unti-unting
napalitan ng galit ang aking ngiti .

Hindi parin talaga ako napapayapa hanggang ngayon .

I want so bad to forget at move on from all of these but I can't seem to get past
it . Maybe, I just need to remove him on my system . The first step I want to take
is
this . Ilang beses ko na itong nalahad sa kanya at ilang beses ding nauwi sa wala
ang lahat! This time, I'll make sure it will work . This time, I'm sure he'll lose
his mind .
Isang mainit na hapon ang sumalubong sa akin sa Costa Leona . The scent of the
salty
air told me that it's a perfect time to swim and enjoy the sun . But for me, I know
what time is it .

Isang malaki at nostalgic na mansyon ang nakita ko pagkalabas ng sasakyan . I

remember my childhood, how much energy I had, and how, back then, I was full of
nothing but hope . Imagine what life did to me now, with this mindset .

"Huwag mo munang ipasok ang gamit ko sa kwarto," sabi ko kay Heather .

"So, dito lang ito?" tanong niya .

Umiling ako . "Ibaba mo at hindi ako magpapatulong ng sasakyan nila ."

"May sasakyan kang pinadala rito?" medyo may bahid ng duda ang tinig niya .

Hindi ko na sinagot at dire diretso na ako sa mansyon .

It's an old but still elegant and grand mansion . Ang bulwagan nito'y nagsusumigaw
ng karangyaan, nasaksihan ko ang dami ng party na naganap dito simula pa pagkabata
ko . Nasaksihan ko kung gaano sila mag-aksaya ng pera para lamang maipakita sa
lahat
ang estado ng buhay nila . Not that we were never like that with my family, but
they
were just too much .

Ang kisame'y may illusyon ng mga anghel . They look at you like they are all going
to condemn you for your sins . Tinanggal ko ang sun glasses ko . Ang hilerang
kasambahay sa baba ng napakalaki at engrandeng staircase ay halos magturo sa akin
sa kung saan ako dapat pumunta .

"Sa study raw po kayo, sabi ni S-Sir Kajik, Ma'am ."

"Thank you," sabi ko at dumiretso na sa nasabi .

May naghihintay ring kasambahay sa pintuan ng study . Pinagbuksan ako pagkatapos

tingnan ang damit ko . Tuloy-tuloy ang pasok ko .

Pagkapasok ko pa lang ay halos mahilo na ako . The way his eyes smothered me with
an
intense gaze galing sa mukha at pababa sa suot ko, hindi pa nakuntento ay bumaba pa
sa kinakailangang pansinin .

The man looked darker than the last time we met . He grew older, hindi ko alam
kung
anong mga problema niya at tila siya tumanda pa ng husto sa dapat . Maybe it' s
because he feels deprived? I doubt it . Hindi niya naman sinisikil ang sarili sa
kahit ano, hindi ba?

The thought of it disgusted me so much that I can throw up here and now . Nilapag
ko
sa kanyang lamesa ang maliit na bag na dala . Hindi na rin ako nag-abalang maupo
para mas makita niya ng maayos ang ayos ko .

" Let' s file an annulment, " sabi ko, mas pormal at mas seryoso sa huli kong
paghahamon .

He sighed . Humilig siya sa kanyang swivel chair at inangat na lamang ang madilim
na
mga mata sa akin . I want so bad to point to my stomach but that would be too bold
.
Hindi siya maniniwala .

The coldness of his stare seeped through my bone down to my marrow . I can sense
his
anger rising up and that's how I want it .

"Hindi ka ba nagsasawa kahahamon niyan?" he said, smiling but with no humor .

He's very different from all the boys and men I met . Something about him feels
forbidden . Alalang alala ko pa noong unang-unang lapat ng mga mata ko sa kanya .
Hindi ko maipagkakaila, hanggang ngayon, walang nagbago sa pananaw ko sa kanya .
Kung meron man, mas humigit pa .

And the thought that he's my husband now is always haunting me .

"I will never get tired of asking you that . I am very much unhappy with this
marriage . I think we both agree to that . I don' t understand why you' re still
doing
this ."

His dark eyes gazed at me with a sheen of anger, napasinghap ako .

"My father is dead . Your parents are just basically waiting for this to happen to
us ."

"Our businesses-"

Ang putang inang ito! Iyan lang talaga ang iniisip! Alam na alam kung ano ang
pinakaayaw ko!

Hinampas ko ang lamesa niya para matigilan siya at makinig sa akin .

"Our businesses will stay the same even without each other, iyon lang ba ang
inaalala mo?" sigaw ko na umalingawngaw sa buong opisina .

It echoed somewhere that I'm sure someone else heard it .

"Our empire can rise because it is strong and yours can, too . Get another
company
to ship your god damned products, marami ang willing para sa Mercadejas kaya hindi
ko maintindihan kung bakit pinoproblema mo ito!"

Tumayo siya at mabilis kong naramdaman ang malubhang takot . I cannot take him
when
he's close to me, lalo na kapag ganitong galit siya!

His short textured and faded hairstyle suited his heart shape face and angled jaw
.
Ang kanyang malalalim na mga mata at makapal na kilay ay mas nakakakaba at
nakakatakot tingnan lalo na kapag galit . His narrow nose and thin sensual lips
shifted the beat of my stupid heart . Ang kanyang kulay abong t-shirt, madilim na
maong, at dark brown high cut boots ay halos humapit sa hubog ng matipuno niyang
katawan .

There's fire in pacific ocean! my mind shouted in a very luscious and treacherous
way .

Shut up, Andra! Hate this man, you fool! Sa dami ng nangyari, tanga ka parin!?

"Try and talk it out with me or your next shipping will be shipped in another
island . I will sell all your products to another company and make sure to fuck
all
your transactions until you ruin your credibility!" sigaw ko para pigilan ang
pagtatraydor .

He stepped once and I almost choked because of my fast beating heart . Inangat ko
ang kamay ko para pigilan pa siya sa paglapit, hinahanda ang aking huling alas .

" Oh, really? Why don' t you try and stop threatening me? " he said, smiling but with
no traces of humor .

Parang may sunog sa kalooblooban ko . Inaaksyunan ng dalawang bombero lang . Hindi

kinakaya dahil sa laki ng apoy . Wala pang tubig na lumalabas sa mga hose .
I know why he feels a lot different than all the boys I met before . He's not
only
years and years older than me, but he's also a full blast alpha . He knows what he
wants and he finds his way to get it .

He's very masculine and I'm not sure if that's just because of his physical size .
I
just know that it is also carved in his authority and self assurance . The way he
crossed his arms and the way he moved his jaw screamed of his all male prowess that
made me feel a little bit insecure with myself . Hindi ko alam kung bakit .

" Hindi mo na kailangang sabihin iyon! " sabi ko habang umaatras . " Dahil gagawin ko
talaga iyon sa'yo!"

He advanced again making me more threatened that I had to say it before I forget
it!

"We need to end this marriage!"

He only leered .

"Karius, I'm pregnant!" I screamed with all my heart .

Natigil siya . Hindi nagpakita ng gulat sa mga mata pero sa pagkakatigil niya, alam
ko . Binaba niya ang tingin sa aking suot at natanto kong ngayon pa lang ata niya
naisip na kaya ako may suot na ganito ay dahil buntis ako . Kung ganoon, ano ang
inisip niya kanina nang una akong pasadahan ng tingin pagkapasok?

Nanuyo ang lalamunan ko . Somehow, the urge to ask that question is too much .

"I-I'm pregnant, okay?!" ulit ko, ngayon mas takot na .

His face darkened more . Nakita ko ang mabilis na pag-aapoy ng mga mata niya .

"Don't lie to me," malamig niyang sambit .

"It's true!" sabi ko at tila tama ang pag-amba ng mga luha ko .

Tumulo ito na parang gripo . My heart ached at the shock on his face . . . the loss
. . .
the disappointment .

Dahil alam naming dalawa na sa loob ng pagsasama namin bilang mag-asawa, walang
nangyaring kahit ano . Alam niya na kung totoo man ito, sobra sobra na ang
kalapastanganang ginawa ko sa kanilang pamilya . . . lalo na sa kanya .

"This is not true!" he growled like a wild animal angry and threatening .

Halos napatalon ako sa sobrang takot . Umatras ako habang umiiyak at pumikit ng
mariin para hindi makita ang nakakatakot na galit niya .

A loud pound made me jump again . Dumilat ako at nakita ang nayuping shelf dahil
sa
suntok o ano mang ginawa niya . Nahawakan niya ang isang babasagin at sa isang
iglap
ay lumipad sa malayong dingding at nabasag . Ang mga sirang piraso ay nagkalat sa
sahig . Narinig ko agad ang katok sa pintuan .

He turned to me with blood shot, frustrated, and angry eyes .

"Alin sa mga lalaki mo, kung ganoon?" he said .

Hindi ako nakapagsalita . Alam kong maiinsulto at magagalit siya pero hindi ko
inasahan na ganito ka lala . I thought he'd push me out of here and demand to never
see me again . Now I'm shocked that it's like this .
"Who will I fucking kill, Andra!?" nanggagalaiti niyang sinabi .

Umiling ako at muling umatras .

"I n-need space . W-We'll talk again tomorrow . C-Can I use the guestroom-"

"No!" aniya .

"Jandrik, please . I-I'm pregnant and-"

"Sleep in our fucking room, then!"

Umahon ang galit ko sa kanya . Galit at iritasyon . Pareho . Dahil hindi ko

maintindihan kung bakit ganito siya . All my life, I know he doesn't love me and
will never love me . All my life, I know he's in love with someone else . He's just
doing his duty . To marry me according to his parents . Sunod-sunuran sa pamilya .

Ayaw ko ng ipinapakita niyang kaonting concern kahit na may galit . Siguro dahil
iniisip niyang buntis ako? But what will harm a pregnant woman if I sleep in
another room?

"I want to sleep away from you! Sa guestroom ako-"

"Subukan mo, kung ganoon . You will not be allowed to!"

Sa takot na naramdaman ko ay pinili kong talikuran siya at dire diretso sa pintuan

.

"We're not yet done talking!" mataman niyang sinabi .

" And I said we' ll talk again tomorrow! I am fucking tired now! And I am going to
sleep in your guestroom, kung hindi mag chicheck in ako sa pinakamalapit na hotel!"

Walang pag-aalinlangan kong binuksan ang pintuan at sinarado ng padabog . The

housemaids are cleaning the paintings and figurines on the hallways though I am
sure they heard it all .

Nilapitan ko ang madalas kong kwarto roon at sinubukang buksan iyon . Sarado kaya
hinampas ko ang pinto at nilingon ang isang malapit na kasambahay .

"Paki bukas ng guestroom ."

Kitang kita ko ang takot ng babae at biglang yumuko . Hindi na kailangang sabihin
kung ano talaga ang utos ng amo sa kanya .

Nilagpasan ko ang lahat . Pati ang tumatawag at namimigil . Wala akong pinansin
kahit
pa kilala at naging malapit na ang iilang kasambahay roon sa akin .

At kahit may iilang sasakyan sa garahe nila, hindi ko pinagtangkaang gamitin . I

will find myself a hotel where I can sleep tonight . Kinabukasan ay tatawag na ako
sa aking lawyer para makabyahe na siya rito at masimulan na ang gusto ko .

"Sorry po, Mrs . Mercadejas, p-pero, fully booked kami," sabi ng receptionist sa
The
Coast, isang malapit na five star hotel sa mansion ng mga Mercadejas .

Nagtagis ang bagang ko . Sa lahat ng oras na ma fully booked ang napakalaking

hotel
na ito, ngayon pa? And it' s not even summer or weekend! Is this true? Hindi
makatingin ang receptionist sa akin . Hindi ako natutuwa na nag arkila lamang kami
ni Heather ng tricycle patungo rito dahil lang ayaw kong sumakay sa sasakyan ng
mga
Mercadejas!

"Check it again . That's impossible . It's not summer or weekend ."

Sinulyapan ko ang looban at nakitang hindi naman gaanong puno .

"Wala po talagang available ."

" Okay . Thank you, " sabi ko at tinalikuran na sila roon para maghanap ng kahit
mumurahing inn na lang .

Tahimik si Heather buong byahe patungo sa isang mumurahing inn . Tahimik din niyang
dinala sa likod ang bagahe .

"Pasensya na, Ma'am . Puno po kami ngayon," sabay kamot ng ulo noong lalaking nasa
tanggapan ng halos bahay lang na inn .

"Ganoon po ba . Sige, salamat!"

Kahit doon, puno?

I tried again with another cheap inn and can you believe it? It's also full! Anong
meron sa Costa Leona ngayon at parang punuan ang mga inn nila!

"Heather?" kalmado kong sinabi nang nakitang wala na ang tricycle sa labas ng pang
apat na inn na pinuntahan namin .

Napalitan ito ng isang pamilyar na sasakyan, a familiar driver is leaning on the

door, too . Kitang-kita ko ang takot sa itsura ni Manong nang namataan ko siya .

"Nasaan ang tricycle?" marahan kong tanong .

" Andito lang iyon, Ma' am . Nawala, " sabay turo ni Heather sa kinaroroonan ng
tricycle kanina .

The moon can be seen above, kahit pa hindi pa bumababa ng husto ang araw . Mariin
akong pumikit at frustrated na ginulo ang buhok . PInara ko ang isang palapit na
tricycle at iyon ang sinakyan namin sa panglima at mukhang panghuli naming inn na
pupuntahan bago ako magdesisyong maglatag ng kumot sa tabing dagat para makatulog
.

"Meron, Ma'am! Kayo ang unang customer namin ngayon," sabi ng matandang lalaki .

I sighed . Just when I thought that that man told everyone in this town to betray
me . Ngumiti ako at agad na bumunot ng pera . Doble, triple, o kahit magkano pa
basta
makatulog lang ako ng hindi sa tabi ng Mercadejas na iyon!

Isang bata ang bumulong sa matandang tagapangalaga ng bahay bakasyunan . Pagkatapos

ng ilang sandali ay kumunot ang noo ni Manong at nagkunwaring hindi mabasa ang
nakalagay sa notebook . I tried to look at the notebook too but he put it away from
me with an angry look .

"Wala na pala, Ma'am . Pasensya na," bawi niya .

"Ano!?" halos manggalaiti kong sinabi . "Anong wala na po? Kasasabi n'yo lang na
kami ang unang customer, ah!!!"

"Pasensya na talaga, eh, mali pala 'yon ."

"Anong mali? Baka naman binayaran kayo na ganituhin ako? Magkano ang binayad?!
Kaya
kong higitan 'yan!"

Before I could raise hell in that stupid place, Heather pulled me away from there .
Madilim na sa labas . Pagod na ako . At ang tanging sasakyang nakikita ko ay ang
van
ng mga Mercadejas .

Fuck you, Karius Jandrik . Fuck you to hell!

Kabanata 1
Kabanata 1

Passionately

I don't understand my strange fascination for a particular heavenly body, the moon
.
I marvel so much on its mystery and secrets that sometimes, I get lost thinking
about it .

Everytime I stare at it, I always admire it more and more . How patient it is,
trying to be with the Earth and lighting its darkest hours many times every month .
Hindi ito kailanman napagod nagdaan man ang milyong taon . Nanatili ito kahit pa
hindi ko alam kung may dulot ba iyon sa kanya . Kahit pa halos hindi naman ito
mapansin .

I stared at it the whole drive to our usual destination during summer, sometimes,
before leaving for a vacation abroad . Iilang tuyo at walang dahong sanga ang
nagdaan, sinusubukang tabunan ang ganda ng buwan pero hindi ito nagtatagumpay .
It's
still the same mysterious and alluring moon .

My family run so many diversified business . Isa sa mga negosyong silang

magkakapatid ni Daddy ang talagang nagtayo ay ang Lopez Shipping Lines . And ever
since before I can remember, we were always invited to party and stay for a bit in
a mansion a few hours drive from our ancestral house in Iloilo .

Ayon kay Daddy, mahalaga ang koneksyon niya sa mga Mercadejas dahil isa sila sa
pinaka indemand na supplier sa construction field . I am still fourteen but the
jargons of their world are already familiar to me .

Hindi man kami ang natatanging Shipping Lines nila, plano ni Dad na makuha ng buo
ang lahat ng transaksyon ng mga Mercadejas . Only, we have a problem . No matter
how
much we claim to be the number one Shipyard and Line, we aren' t . Yet .

"Mommy, totoo ba ang sinabi ni Kuya Arthur tungkol sa pamilyang Mercadejas?" sa

wakas ay nagkaroon ako ng lakas ng loob na itanong iyon .

I am a bit embarrassed for asking about it but I just can't get it off my mind .

"Na ano?"

"That . . . they believe in fixed marriage?"

I honestly don' t remember the first time I met them . I just know it was in a
family
party in Manila . I was too young that I remember wearing a lacey sleeping dress
robe and hugging my favorite teddy bear .

Four 1 4 - 1 5 years old boys lined up in front of me . Yorrick Von Mercadejas; the
youngest son of Senyora Domitilla Mercadejas; matangkad at mukhang mabait .
Antonius
Lienzo Mercadejas; the only son of Anton and Annaliese; the boy with darker
features than the first . Zarrick Amiel Mercadejas; son of Uriel and Lucianna; the
boy with the combination of the first two . And lastly, the youngest and the most
mysterious, like the moon, Mercadejas of all: Karius Jandrik Mercadejas .

I remember shaking hands with the first three boys . And I also remember hiding
behind my father when the last boy was presented to me .

Hawak ang slacks ni Daddy, tinago ko ang sarili ko sa huling lalaking dapat kong
pakisamahan .

Karius Jandrik Mercadejas was not the mixed of the first three . He was different .
He' s dark, intense, and more ruthless .

He has also the most trivial expression among them, tila walang pakealam at
pinipilit lamang ang sarili na makipagkilala . Nilipat niya ang mga mata sa akin at
naglahad ng kamay . A smile never touched his lips, unlike the first three boys who
politely smiled at me, acknowledging my presence .

"Nice to meet you . . ." anito sa boses na mas mababa pa sa naunang mga lalaki .

I hid more when I realize that he' s just really a bit too much for me . At tila
walang pakealam ay bumaling na ito sa kasama at nagpatuloy sa kung anong pinag-
uusapan .

"Andra, come on . Say hello to your kuya..." malambing na sinabi ni Daddy .

Umiling ako ngunit nanatili ang mga mata ko sa huling lalaki . Nagtawanan ang mga
matatanda na, hindi na inisip pa kung may ibang dahilan ba ako sa hindi pagtanggap
sa huling lalaki . Maybe it's too much socialization for today or just the boy was
really too much for me? Hindi ko alam .

Ngunit simula sa araw na iyon, sa iilan pa naming interaksyon, I always, always

have a special thing for the youngest and the most cruel-looking Mercadejas .

"Andra!" Ali called me habang nakasakay ako sa kabayo at kadarating niya lang
galing Maynila .

"Kuya!" sigaw ko, I was no longer that little girl in her dress robe and teddy
bear
anymore .

Marami ang nagbago pagdaan ng panahon . Pero may isang hindi . . .

Mabilisan akong bumaba sa kabayo . Muntik nang atakihin sa puso si Manong nang
nakita ang pagkukumahog ko na tumakbo kay Ali at mayakap siya . Nakita kong lumabas
din sa sasakyan si Zamiel .

Ali hugged me tight .

"Patpatin ka parin," asar ni Zamiel pagkatapos ay kinurot ang ilong ko .

Pagalit ko siyang tiningnan at bahagyang inabot para matampal pero sa huli ay

tumawa na lang ako . Laging pang- aasar niya sa akin iyon .

"Ten na ako, 'no! Tumangkad ako!" pagmamayabang ko .

"Oo, pero patpatin parin!" dagdag pa ni Ivo .

I pouted at him . He smiled at me and spread his arms widely to welcome a hug .
Ibinigay ko iyon sa kanya at mahigpit niya naman akong niyakap .
"Kailan ka lang dumating?" si Ali .

"Kanina lang!" sagot ko .

These were the boys introduced to me years back when I was still very little . I
don't remember much about that night, just that particular moment when I met them .
At gaya ng dati, pareho parin ang opinyon ko sa kanila .

Karius Jandrik Mercadejas went out of the car . Huli . At nang nagtama ang tingin
namin ay umatras lamang ako sa mga lalaki at kung saan saan na natuon ang balisang
mga mata .

Nasulyapan ko ang pagbaling ni Zamiel sa kapatid . Ngumuso siya bago muling

tumingin
sa akin . Meanwhile, Ali smiled and patted my head . Si Ivo naman ay kinausap na
ang
huling bumaba . Hindi na ako naghintay na mapansin pa ni Zamiel ang nangyari .
Tumakbo na ako palayo sa kanila at bumalik na sa naghihintay na kabayo .

My heart pounded wildly . Maybe it was because of the sudden run . Bago ako
makasampa
sa kabayo ay bumaling muli ako sa kinatatayuan nila . Ivo was already laughing
about
whatever they are talking about .

Nanatili ang titig ko kay Karius Jandrik or Kajik as he is usually called by those
who are close to him . Unti- unting tumaas ang kanyang kilay . A slow, alluring
smile
touched his lips that made me cough a bit .

Inangat ko ang sarili ko para makasampa sa kabayo . Binalik ko ang tingin sa kanila
at nakita kong ganoon parin ang ekspresyon nito . Kunot- noo ko siyang pinagmasdan .
I
wonder why I dislik him so much . I feel like . . . he's a huge ball of energy that
I
cannot just simply touch .

Isang sulyap sa akin ay parang umangat ang kaba ko . Parang lumipad ang puso
hanggang sa lalamunan na kinailangan ko pang tumikhim at maniubrahin ang kabayo
palayo roon at taliwas sa banda nila .

Muli kong sinulyapan pagkatapos ng ilang sandali at nakita kong wala na ang mga
lalaki roon .

Weird, I thought .

It's been years and years, and yet, there's one particular Mercadejas I just don't
like . I couldn' t get a long with him . I tried that before at para akong
sinisilaban
sa kaba . I want to try again this year . To get close to him and get over whatever
this is .

"Ganoon talaga, Andra . Ako nga, may classmate akong 'di ko gusto kahit wala naman
siyang ginagawang masama," si Cresia ang nagpaliwanag sa akin noon sa sitwasyon ko
.

Lucresia Lopez is one of my cousins . Malapit kami, kahit pa magkaiba kami ng

paaralan . At madalas kaming mag kwentuhan tungkol sa mga ganitong bagay .

"Talaga? Ayaw ko siyang kausap . Hindi ko alam kung natatakot ako o kinakabahan .
Basta ayaw ko lang . Pinagpapawisan nga ako kapag kaming dalawa lang . Minsan, I
pray
hard the earth would swallow me whole whenever we have eye contact ."
 "Ako, hindi . Gusto ko siya ang kainin ng lupa, hindi ako . Naiinis kasi ako sa
kanya
sa walang dahilan ."

Tumango lamang ako . Maybe, iba-iba 'yan kada tao? This is how I react to the
person
I hate the most for no apparent reason .

I'm not a very good person . They say I'm bratty, epekto ng pagiging only child .
Pero ayaw ko namang may inaalagaan akong ganitong klaseng damdamin para sa isang
taong wala namang ginawang masama sa akin .

I want to make an effort and finally get past whatever this is . Kaya naman, nang
tagawin na kami para sa tanghalian, parang tambol sa bilis at lakas ang pintig ng
aking puso .

Tuwing kami lang, ako ang laging nasa kabisera . Ali is on my right while on my
left
is Ivo . Sa tabi naman ng dalawa ay ang magkapatid namang Zamiel at Karius Jandrik
.

Usually, I only come here and spend two or three days here . Five, the most . Sa
mga
party rito at sa Manila na lang kami muling nagkikita . Kaya naman, marami silang
mga tanong lagi sa akin kapag nagkikita na kami .

"Malapit ka nang mag highschool . Baka mamaya maraming nanliligaw sa'yo, huh?"
si Ivo .

Tumawa ako . "Wala no! Bata pa ako! Wala 'yan sa isip ko ."

"Sabihin mo kapag meron at pagpractisan ko muna sa suntukan," asar naman ni Zamiel

.

Tumawa ulit ako at nagpatuloy pa sa kwentuhan sa kanila . Well, except of course . .

.
him . Kapag nagsasalita siya o nag-uusap sila, lagi akong natatameme . Natatahimik
at
kumakain na lang ng pagpatuloy .

Pinalabas ang cake bilang aming panghimagas . Inayawan ko ito dahil busog na busog
na ako sa kinain . Ali tried to gave me a slice that I declined .

"Kaya ka patpatin, e . Kajik, bigyan mo nga si Andra ng isa . . ." utos ni Ivo
dahil
naroon sa harap ni Karius Jandrik ang cake .

Gusto kong pigilan iyon . My mouth dropped open to reject it pero tumayo na si
Karius Jandrik at kumuha ng isang slice . Mabilis niyang nilapag sa aking pinggan .
Nagtama ang mga mata namin ng ilang saglit . Mabilis kong binagsak iyon sa cake
habang nabibingi sa sobrang lakas ng kalabog ng puso ko .

Ano ba naman 'to? Akala ko ba . . .

"T-Thank you," tanging nasabi ko dahil hindi na gustong bawiin pa iyon .

"You're welcome..." he drawled lazily and sipped on his water .

Nagpatuloy ulit sila sa biruan na parang walang nangyari . Unti-unti kong inangat
ang tingin sa kay Karius Jandrik na nakisali na sa biruan . Kinuha ko na lang ang
tinidor at nagsimula nang kumain sa chocolate cake na binigay .

"Nakakainis kasi itong si Kajik, e . Sabing kaedad ko 'yong si Winona!" si Ivo .

"I did not do anything-"

His words were drowned by the boys' cheer . Tumawa na lamang siya at umiling .

"She basically invited herself here-"

Muling nawala ang boses niya sa asaran ng mga lalaki .
" Oh don' t worry . We won' t disturb you two . Mamaya pa ang dating nina Sophia,
hindi
ba, Ali?"

Tumango si Ali kay Zamiel .

"Boys..." narinig ko ang boses ng istriktang mayordoma nilang si Mercedita .

"Nakakalimutan ninyong nakikinig si Andra ."

Ngumiti na lang ako at ipinagkibit balikat iyon . " That' s okay . I don' t understand
the half of it, anyway ."

Kinurot ni Ivo ang aking pisngi .

"Sorry, Andra . Anong gagawin mo ngayong hapon?" he asked me, diverting the topic
.

Bata pa ako pero alam ko kung ano ang pinag-uusapan nila . Pupunta yata rito ang
mga
girlfriend nila . Winona, whoever that is, will be here earlier, and she is Kajik' s
girlfriend . At gaya ng sagot ko kay Ivo, nangabayo lang ako pagkatapos kumain .
Lalo
na dahil dumilim ang panahon, mukhang uulan pa yata gaya ng nagdaang araw .

Masaya akong nangabayo sa kanilang malawak na bakuran nang nakita ko ang inasahang
bisita . Winona is a pretty girl . She's paper while fair, iba sa kulay kong
mistulang mapusyaw na tan . Her body structure is also very different . She's got a
body like an hourglass with a long and very dark hair .

Sa bulwagan, nakita ko ang pagsundo sa kanya ni Kajik . Kunot-noo kong sinundan

nang
tingin nang nawala sila sa hagdanang bato .

I maneuvred the horse, then . Pumunta sa halamanan bago bumaba at lumapit pa sa mga
santan para makita kung anong ginagawa nila sa tabing dagat .

Nagtawag ako ng tagapangalaga ng kabayo para isoli iyon dahil abala na ako sa
pagsingit sa mga santan para makadausdos pababa . Mas klaro kasi ang pangyayari
kapag ganoon .

I saw them talking intimately . I saw the girl's hand on Kajik's thigh . Nakita ko
rin ang muntikan nang paghahalikan kung hindi lang lumayo ang lalaki!

Aba't ganoon ba talaga? Desperado masyado ang babaeng ito, ah? Nilayuan na,
nanghahalik parin! Ayaw naman pala sa kanya, bakit nagpapatuloy siya?

Halos bumagsak ako sa pagtatago nang nakita ang bulong ni Kajik sa kanya . Lalo na
nang bumaling ang babae sa kinaroroonan ko!

Mabilis akong tumakbo paakyat sa stone stairs . Sa bilis ay muntik na akong nadapa,
kung hindi ko lang naituko ang kamay sa putikan ay ganoon na nga ang nangyari sa
akin! My heart stilled for a few moments until I realized I can't just stop! I need
to see what that stupid girl will do!

Muli, bumaba ako sa hinagdanang bato, kung saan ako muntikan nang nakita kanina .
They resumed their scene now . Only with Winona's hand hooked on Kajik's nape! Muli
kong nakita ang pag-ilag ni Kajik . May sinabi ito bago bumaling ulit si Winona sa
kinaroroonan ko .
This time, hindi na ako nakapagtago pa . Nakita niya akong nakatingin sa kanila
kaya
naman mabilis muli ang takbo ko paakyat . Tumigil lang sa dingding ng mansyon para
habulin ang hininga . That was close!
Nang nakabawi ay muli sana akong bababa para matingnan kung nagpatuloy parin ba
kahit na nakita nilang may nanonood pero natigilan ako nang nakita kung sino ang
naroon .

Winona is crossing her arms while looking at me with a ridiculous expression .

"What are you doing?" medyo iritado niyang sinabi .

Umiling lamang ako sa sobrang kaba .

"Nang iistorbo kang bata ka, ah . Mabuti pa, matulog ka na lang sa kwarto mo at
nang
tumangkad at magkalaman ka naman ng konti! Dungis mo . . ." she said .

I have never been humiliated that way my entire life . Siguro dahil bata pa ako at
puro mga bata rin ang nakakasalamuha . Siguro, dahil sa estado . Pero ngayong may
matanda akong kaharap, confident sa sarili, at mulat na sa buhay, kayang kaya na
akong ganituhin!

My blood boiled so much that I did not even think about what I'm going to do next
.

"Madungis pala, huh!?"

Madungis lang ako kasi pinapanood ko ang kababalaghang nangyayari sa baba! At

tingnan natin kung sino ang mas madungis kung ipahid ko itong mga palad kong puno
ng putik sa'yo!

Walang pagdadalawang-isip kong ipinahid sa kay Winona ang mga kamay ko . Nagmarka
ito sa maputi niyang spaghetti strap . Hindi pa nakuntento ay inabot ko pa ang
balikat niya para markahan din noon hanggang sa malinis ang aking palad .

"What the?" she said with so much anger .

"Anong nangyayari rito?" Kajik's voice behind her echoed .

Para akong naestatwa roon . Lalo na nang nakita ang suplado niyang mukha . Lalo pa
noong nakita ko ang gulat niya sa nangyari kay Winona . At mas lalo pa nang itinuro
na ako ni Winona .

"Ang batang ito! Dinumihan ang suot ko, Kajik!"

Bago pa ako makapagpaliwanag sa sarili ay naunahan na ako ng matinding kaba .

"Ano ang ginawa mo?" he inquired coldly even when it was already explained .

Pakiramdam ko, hinihintay niyang umamin ako . Pakiramdam ko, gusto niyang mapahiya
pa lalo ako kaya imbes na umamin, sa kaba ko'y naunahan na ako ng napakaraming
depensa .

"Masama ang ginagawa ninyong dalawa! Isusumbong ko kayo kay Senyora!"

"Hoy, anong masama? Ano ngayon kung mag-usap at maghalikan kami? Natural lang
iyon-"

"I'm not talking to you, you skank!"

"Andra!" umugong ang mababang boses ni Kajik dahilan ng pag-atras ko sa kaba at

pangangatog ng binti ko .

At bago pa niya ako mapagbuhatan ng kamay sa sobrang pag-aalab ng galit, tumakbo

na
ako palayo sa kanila, umiiyak sa frustration .
And, well . . . It surely won't go very well when you're a ten year-old in that
mansion .
Buhos na buhos ang luha ko habang pinapagsabihan ni Mommy at Daddy sa upuan ng
bulwagan . Sa pagtakbo ko kanina ay dumating sila kasama ang pamilya rin ng
Mercadejas . In short, naabutan nila kami sa ganoong ayos at sitwasyon .

" Andra, hindi lang ikaw ang bisita rito . Syempre, may ibang bisita rin sila kaya
dapat galangin mo," mahinahong sinabi ni Mommy .

Tumango ako .

Hindi ako umiiyak dahil guilty ako sa ginawa . Umiiyak ako dahil hindi pa ako
nakakabawi sa naramdamang takot . I feel like he'll hurt me . I feel like it's only
a
matter of seconds, he'd hurt me angrily . The fear I had for him is too much . The
intensity is too much that I couldn't bear make any eye contact with him again .

Naging pahirapan sa akin ang dinner pero dahil marami naman kami at iba na ang
usapan, lumipas ito na parang wala lang .

I spent the rest of the night crying alone in my room . Kaya naman, tinanghali ako
sa paggising kinabukasan . Ito ang huli naming araw rito . Nahiya si Mommy sa
nangyari kahapon kaya minabuti niyang gawing huli ito .

Wearing only my pajamas, bumaba ako sa dining area . Gutom na ako . Siguradong wala
nang tao ngayon dahil alas diez na . Si Mommy at Daddy parehong maraming inasikaso
.
The boys will be out like usual and their parents on their plant .

Kaya naman, laking gulat ko nang nakita kung sino ang nakaupo sa kabisera . Alone,
Kajik is drinking his coffee slowly . Balak kong umatras at bumalik na lamang sa
kwarto kung hindi lang ako tinawag ni Mercedita .

"Andra, tinanghali ka . Kumain ka na . Lika! Sabayan mo si Kajik ."

Bumaling si Kajik sa akin . Hindi ko na sinulyapan ang itsura niya . Takot na ako
na
ganito ang sitwasyon, wala akong planong takutin pa lalo ang sarili . Dahan-dahan
akong naupo sa kanang upuan sa kabisera .

Mercedita poured a juice on my glass . Suminghap ako at binaba lamang ang tingin
sa
pagkain .

"S-Si Kuya Ivo, p-po?" kahit alam kong wala na, umasa akong baka bababa rin ito .

"Nasa planta ."

"K-Kuya Ali?"

"Pareho," matamang sinabi ni Mercedita habang inaayos ang pagkain sa aking pinggan
.

"Kuya Zamiel?"

"Nasa mga Riego ."

Kinagat ko ang labi ko at binagsak na lamang ang tingin sa pagkain . Walang pag- asa
.
Kakain na lang ako ng mabilis nang matapos na ito . Kaso, ang kalam ng sikmura
kanina ay nawala . Bigla akong nawalan ng gana .
Sinundan ko ng tingin si Mercedita na para bang kaya kong pigilan ang pag-alis
niya . Sa huli, wala rin . She disappeared through the kitchen and I' m left with no
one but him!

"Kumain ka na," Kajik said after a long while .

"Busog pa ako..." maagap kong sagot .

"Busog? You just woke up from a long sleep," paalala niya .

"Wala akong gana ."

Sumulyap ako sa kanya . He looked like in trouble . Like solving a hard puzzle
while
looking at me . Nakita ko rin na kape lang naman talaga ang nasa kanya . Hindi siya
kumakain .

"You still have to eat or you'll starve later ."

"Hihintayin ko na lang sila para may kasama ako," sabi ko, tinutukoy ang mga mas
paborito kong Mercadejas .

He sighed heavily at that . Nakita ko ang pagkuha niya ng pinggan sa tabing upuan .
Nilagay niya iyon sa kanya .

"I'm done with breakfast that's why I'm drinking my coffee, pero sige, sasabayan
kita . Will you eat, then? Hmm?"

His brow shot up a bit . Sa pagkamangha ko ay bahagya akong tumitig sa kanya . Nang
narealize ang nangyari ay mabilis kong iniwas ang tingin ko at ngumuso .

"O-Okay . . ."

"Okay ."

Kumuha siya ng iilang ulam sa pinggan sa harap at nilagay sa kanya . He started

eating little by little . Ganoon din ako, tahimik lang .

At sa pagsulyap-sulyap ko sa kanya, mas lalo akong namamangha . I don't exactly

know
how to properly turn things into words but . . . the whole time I had breakfast with
him, I was nervous as hell .

' Tsaka lang ako nakahinga ng maayos nang nakapasok na ako mag- isa sa kwarto .
' Tsaka
lang kumalma ang puso ko pagkatapos ng ilang sandaling pagpapahinga .

Whatever it is, I don't really know . What I know is that my opinion did not
change .

Kinawayan ko ang tatlong naunang Mercadejas nang paalis na ang aming sasakyan .
They
said they' ll miss me . Pero nang napabaling na ako sa huli, binaba ko ang kamay ko
ng unti-unti, ayaw kumaway sa kanya . And my heart starting to pound violently
against my ribcage .

Inangat ko ang bintana ng sasakyan at huminga na ng malalim para makalma ulit ang
sarili . The three boys withdrew when they saw how I shut the window up . Pero
nanatili ang tingin ni Kajik sa akin na tila ba nakikita niya akong nakatitig sa
kanya .

Hindi ako gumalaw hanggang sa tuluyan na kaming tumulak . At ilang sandali pa bago
ulit ako nakahinga ng payapa simula nang titigan niya ako .

Nothing changed even after our small conversation, alone . Looking back, that is .
Now that I'm fourteen, I now can name what it is . Why I'm nervous . Why I
passionately hate him . Why I feel like I couldn' t take his intensity . And why I' m
brutally angry . . .

"Oh yes, Andra," sagot ni Mommy sa tanong ko kanina tungkol sa fixed marriage .

"Kung ganoon, may ka fixed marriage na si Ali? Si Ivo? Si Zamiel?"

"I think so . Ali, for sure . Zamiel, I know there is . Ivo . . . Hmm . For sure .
Bakit?"

"S-Si . . . Kajik, Mom? Meron din?"

"I have no updates about it but probably ."

Napawi ang ngiti ko .

"But last time, I heard they are still searching ."

"Oh!"

Kabanata 2
Kabanata 2

Kasal

Iilang party pa ang dinaluhan ko kasama ng mga lalaking Mercadejas . For all of
those parties, I was always close to the other three, but never the particular one
.

I am seen laughing with Ivo Mercadejas . I ' m seen hugging and talking with Ali .
And
seen fighting and playing with Zamiel . Never with Kajik . In any circumstances .

Noon iyon, noong hindi ko pa maintindihan kung bakit ganoon na lamang ako kapag
nariyan siya . I feel uncomfortable . I'm uneasy . I can't move normally and somehow
I'm more conscious with my actions .

Yumuko ako sa halamanan nang nakita ang isang napakalaking ipis na naglalakad-
lakad
sa gumamela . Kagabi pa kami dumating dito sa isang party na isa sa pinaka
engrandeng nadaluhan ko sa loob ng ilang taon na pag bisita .

Aalis din kami agad nina Mommy at Daddy pagkatapos ng sadya nila rito pero habang
hindi pa tapos, gaya ng dati, nagliliwaliw ulit ako sa bakuran ng mga Mercadejas .
Kanina ko pa paulit-ulit na inisip ang nangyari kagabi, kung saan marami ang nag-
isip na parte ako ng pamilya nila dahil sa dalas ng pagsama ko sa mga picture ng
apat na lalaki .

Ngayon lang natanggal sa isipan ko iyon .

"Andra!?" tawag ni Mercedita .

"Opo!" sabi ko na agad natutop ang bibig dahil nagulat ang malaking ipis sa bigla
kong pagsasalita .

" Huwag na huwag kang lalabas, ah! Malalagot ka ulit! " aniya, tinutukoy ang pagpunta
ko sa kalsada kaninang umaga .

Hindi na ako sumagot para hindi na muling maistorbo ang naglalakad na ipis .
Actually, it's not really the usual cockroach that I see . Mukhang mas makapal ang
balat nito at itim na itim . Mas nakakatakot din itong tingnan kumpara sa normal na
ipis . Hindi ako sigurado kung sipit ba ang nasa ulo nito o hindi . Ito ang unang
pagkakataong nakakita ako ng ganitong klaseng insekto .

With each move, I tried to move sideways, too . Ayaw kong mawala ang paningin ko
sa
kakaibang nilikhang ito .

Kaya naman, muntik na akong mabuwal nang nakita ang isang kamay na pumatong sa
bulaklak . Diretsong nag lakad ang ipis sa kamay na iyon at napalapit iyon sa akin
.
Napaatras ako at kung hindi lang nabalanse ay totoong natumba na ako!

Karius Jandrik watched the insect climbed on his hand and then to his palms . My
heart pounded fast, not sure which was making me nervous . Inilapit niya sa akin
ang
kanyang kamay kung saan naroon ang ipis . Agad akong umatras at ngumiwi, mabilis na
nag-alab ang galit sa ginagawa nitong pang-aasar sa akin .

Bago pa ako makapagprotesta ay nagsalita na siya .

"Where did you find this?" he asked .

"D'yan lang!" iritado kong sinabi .

Imbes na mas lalo pa akong magalit ay nagsalita na siya .

"This is kind of rare especially in broad daylight ."

"Rare? That's a cockroach! That's everywhere!"

Siguro, sa pagkakataranta at takot ko, hindi pa agad rumehistro sa akin kung sino
ang kausap ko . But when the sides of his lips rose and his brow shot up, I
realized
that I' m talking to my least favorite Mercadejas . Or so, what I thought, then .

"This is a stag beetle . Hindi ipis," aniya .

Inilapit niya iyon sa akin . Umatras ako at muling hinila ang kaisipan, ang
kaibahan
niya sa tatlong paborito kong Mercadejas . Ayaw ko sa kanya dahil hindi siya " kuya"
.
And the thought of calling him that gives me goosebumps . He's older than me,
alright . But I just don't think I should call him that!

"Ayoko niyan! Kakagatin ako!" sigaw ko nang nilapit niya pa lalo sa akin ang ipis
.

He chuckled . Binawi niya ang kamay niya at agad din naman akong nakabawi sa bastos
kong pakikitungo .

"It won't hurt you . They feed on wood and fruits, not on humans ."

Halos hindi rumehistro ang sinabi niya sa akin bukod sa unang pangungusap .
Masyado
akong mangha sa katitig sa kanya . Then I realized, maybe I did not really like him
the first time because he has the most playful and cruel aura among the Mercadejas
.

Halos pare pareho naman silang lahat ng itsura . Ivo had some coldness in his aura
but everytime he smiles, it all fades away . Ali is intense, too, but he' s very
friendly . Zamiel looks very ruthless but he' s sociable . Kajik, however, looks
 playful but just with other things or people . There's that feel from him na tila
ba
nagsasabi na hindi ako kasali . O . . . hindi ka mapapansin . He looks cruel and
ruthless when he turns to the people he doesn' t like or he' s not close to . At isa
ako sa taong iyon . Hindi niya ako close kaya hindi ako kasali . Hindi ako kasali
sa
ngingitian at kakausapin niya .
Somehow, this bold move from him made me excited . Excited to finally enter his
world . To be one of those people he feels associated with . Hindi isang outsider
na
iisnaban kung sakali .

Inangat ko ang nanginginig kong kamay . I saw his lips curve more at my bold move
.
Pinilit ko ang sarili kong makibagay . I have to show him that I'm up for it . That
he shouldn' t include me on the snob- list .

Lumipat ang tingin ko sa kanya . His sardonic eyes made me nervous . Pakiramdam ko,
ano mang oras ay pagkakaisahan niya ako . Pakiramdam ko, aawayin at aasarin niya
ako . Pakiramdam ko, may binabalak siyang masama . Or it' s just the intensity of
his
eyes? And just because of my prejudices through the years?

But then I held on to the faith that nothing will ever happen to me if I don't risk
on uncertain things . . . This is a small example of that but at that time, it was
the
world to me .

Lumipat ang saligubang sa aking kamay . Bawat yapak ng maraming paa nito ay
nakakakiliti . Noong una, muntik ko nang alisin sa kamay ko iyon but then I
remember
why I'm doing it .

"See?" he said confidently nang nakita ang insekto sa aking kamay .

"Kajik!" sigaw ni Zamiel galing sa kuwadra .

Kajik turned a bit to see where the voice came from . Habang ang tingin ko naman ay
nanatili sa kanya, imbes doon sa ipis na nasa aking kamay .

"Let's go!" dagdag ni Zamiel .

"Alright!" he shouted back at his brother .

Bumaba ang tingin niya sa akin . Nagtagal ito ng ilang segundo bago ko naramdaman
ang pag-init ng aking pisngi . He chuckled a bit bago tuluyang umalis para puntahan
na si Zamiel . Sinundan ko siya ng tingin, hindi namamalayan ang naglalakad na
insekto sa aking kamay .

He seems nice but what is making me uneasy and nervous when it comes to him, I just
don't know .

Binalik ko ang saligubang sa halamanan . Bago ko pa naibalik iyon, nakakita ako ng

isang mas maliit pa . Sa pagkakamangha ay hindi ko napigilang ubusin ang oras ko sa
panonood lamang sa kanilang ginagawa .

Nakakatakot at nakakadiri silang tingnan pero parang nag-iba ang pananaw ko sa

kanila simula nang mahawakan gaya ng turo sa akin ni Kajik . I smirked at that when
I realized he'd be thrilled to see four bettles here! Ang sabi niya rare lamang ito
kaya naman sinikap kong kuhanin ang apat at pagapangin sa aking kamay .

Hindi ko na alam kung ilang oras ang ginugol ko kakapanood sa buhay ng mga
saligubang basta't ang alam ko, nakabalik na ang mga Mercadejas sa kung saan sila
galing . Narinig ko ang mga yapak ng kabayong papasok kanina at ang tawanan nila .

Quickly, I walked towards the wide front yard to see the group . Nakababa na sa
kabayo si Ivo at Zamiel . Inaayos na ni Zamiel ang lubid habang nakikipag-usap kay
Ali . Ali and Kajik were not yet out of their horse . At kung tama ang pagkakarinig
ko, may mga babae rin silang kasama .
Nagsimula akong maglakad patungo sa kanila . Naririnig ko ang hagikhikan ng mga
babae, siguro nasa pintuan papasok na ng mansion . Hindi ko na inisip pa iyon .
Sanay
na yata ako na ganito sila palagi .

"Uy, Andra, ano 'yan?" masuyong tawag ni Ivo sa akin .

I smiled crookedly . " Stag beetle, " mayabang kong sagot sabay sulyap sa kay Kajik
na
nasa kabayo pa .

He taught me about it . Somehow, gusto kong makita niyang masaya ako sa itinuro
niya .

"Ang dami niyan, ah? Hindi ka ba natatakot na baka makagat 'yan?" now it's Zamiel
.

I turned to him and jokingly handed two beetle on my right hand .

"Hindi naman sila nangangagat!" sabi ko .

Muli ay sinulyapan ko si Kajik na mabilis na bumaba sa pagkakasampa sa kabayong

sinakyan . My heart beated loudly at the anticipation that he will come near me and
praise me for finding not one, not two, but four stag beetles!!!

I am expecting him to do something . Kumalabog na ng husto ang puso ko sa kaba .

Lalo
na nang nakita ko ang kunot-noo niyang titig sa akin at pag-ambang lalapit habang
nakatingin sa mga dala ko .

Before he could step closer, though, someone hugged him from the back . Napawi ang
ngiti ko nang nakita ang pagbaling niya sa babaeng nasa likod . Lalo na nang
nagtawanan ang ilan pang nasa malayo . Maging sina Ali, Ivo, at Zamiel ay bumaling
sa kanila at lumapit na rin doon .

"We're excited to do it! Tara na!" sabi ng isang babae na hindi ko kita .

"Oo nga! I'm really good at that . I can't wait!" sabi naman noong babaeng yumakap
kay Kajik .

Nanatili ang mga mata ko sa babaeng iyon . She's pretty . Hanggang balikat lamang
ang
kanyang buhok at may side bangs pa, ang labi ay artipisyal na pula at ang pisngi,
ganoon din . Ang kulay abong spaghetti strap at high waist shorts ay mas lalong
nagpatingkad sa ganda ng babae .

"Dito ka muna, Andra . Tatawagin ka lang kapag tapos nang magluto ng cookies ang
mga
ate, huh?" si Ivo na halos hindi ko narinig dahil sa tinitingnan ko .

Kahit na tinalikuran na nila ako, tumango ako ng wala sa sarili at pinagmasdan na

lamang ang mga insektong nasa aking kamay .

I stared at it for a few more minutes . Dahan-dahan kong pinapaikot ang kamay ko
kapag gumagapang ang mga insekto sa likod ng palad, and vice versa . Naupo ako sa
isang upuang kahoy sa kuwadra habang bigong pinagmamasdan ang mga insekto .

Medyo masama ang loob ko sa nangyari pero naiintindihan ko naman . There are more
important things than finding four stag beetles at once .

Napaangat ako ng tingin nang nakita ang isang pamilyar na babaeng lumabas sa
bulwagan . Balisa siya na tila may hinahanap sa damuhan . Agad kong nakita na siya
pala iyong yumakap kanina kay Kajik . Siya ang girlfriend nito ngayon . I wonder,
though, what happened to the girl last year?
Nang napalapit na siya sa akin sa paghahanap ng kung ano mang bagay, kinausap niya
na ako .

"My wallet got lost . Have you seen it?" she asked .

Umiling ako habang patuloy paring pinapagapang ang mga saligubang sa aking mga
kamay .

"Talaga? O baka naman itinago mo?"

Marahas siyang lumapit . Napatayo ako sa gulat at para na rin protektahan ang
sarili . She tried to get a hold of me and search on my pockets pero mabilis ako
kaya nakalayo ako sa kanya .

"Titingnan ko lang naman kung nasa bulsa mo ba!" she reasoned out .

She' s really pretty . She' s very fair like Snow White . Samahan pa ng pulang labi,
mistula na talaga siyang prinsesa sa fairytale na iyon . Kung hindi lang sana siya
galit ngayon at kung hindi niya lang ako pinagbibintangan, maiintindihan ko kung
bakit gusto siya ni Kajik .

"Wala nga sa'kin!" sabi ko lang but then she advanced again, wanting to get a
hold
of me and check my pockets .

By instinct, inangat ko ang kamay ko para sana maitulak siya pero sumigaw siya sa
takot dahil sa mga insektong naroon .

"Ano ba 'yan! Ipis!" iritado niyang histerya .

Sa walang pag-aalinlangan, sinagi niya ang dalawang insekto sa aking mga kamay at
tumili siya sa pandidiri .

"Eww!" she screamed .

Ang isang saligubang ay nakalipad at ang isa'y nasa lupa . Nang nakita niya iyon
sa
harap niya, she then stomp her foot on it a couple of times more to ensure its
cruel death!
Sa gulat ko'y nalaglag ang panga ko . Pure horror washed over me as I looked at
the
beetle wrecked on the ground .

"Ayan! Patingin nga sabi ng-"

Bago pa niya maipagpatuloy ay sinugod ko na siya . Sa takot niya sa mga insekto

sa
kanang kamay ko ay tumili muli siya at napaatras hanggang sa nadapa siya patalikod
sa isang palangganang maruming tubig .

"Shit!" she screamed angrily .

Nakaligo siya ng maruming tubig . At mas narumihan pa siya nang hinilamos niya
ang
palad para makakita . Sinadya ko ang pag tawa para lang makita niyang nasiyahan
ako
sa karma niya .

"Iyan ang bagay sa'yo! You're evil! You killed an innocent insect and you're
assuming that I stole whatever you lost!" I said .

Hawak ang kanyang paa, mukhang may iniinda siyang sakit . Kalaunan ay umiyak siya
.
"Aray! Ang sakit ng paa ko!" she cried .
Galit na galit ako sa ginawa niya pero nang nakita ko ang totoong sakit sa kanyang
paa ay bahagya akong naguilty . Umatras ako at napalunok . Bago pa ako makapag-isip
na tulungan siya ay narinig ko na ang kaguluhan .

"Anisa, are you okay?" isang babae ang sumigaw .

Napaatras pa lalo ako nang nakita ang pagdalo ni Kajik sa babae . Naroon na rin si
Zamiel na lumapit . But Kajik was the one who tried to help the girl . Kumapit ito
sa
kanya para matulungan ang sariling tumayo .

Kajik's accusing eyes turned to me . Ang ipinukol niyang titig sa akin ay

nakakatakot . Siguro ay dahil na rin guilty ako sa nangyari . I feel like it' s
really
my fault and that I deserve his anger .

"Tinulak ako ng batang 'yan dito-"

"Hindi totoo 'yan! Pinatay niya ang isang beetle kanina! Umatras siya nang
ipinakita ko-"

"Enough, Andra!" Kajik shouted at me .

Napapikit ako sa lakas at takot pero hindi ko kayang hayaan ang sariling kawawain
ng ganoon . I have to defend myself somehow .

"Kajik, I think I sprained my ankle dahil sa sinadyang pagtulak ng batang 'yan-"

"Hindi kita tinulak!"

And yes, I admit that I want to push her but it's true, I just didn't .

"Umatras ka kaya-"

"I said, enough!" si Kajik .

I turned to him . My heart is aching so bad that my tears are forming . Hinawakan
ako
ni Zamiel para iatras doon pero hindi ako nagpatinag .

"Andra, come on . . ."

" Hindi ko sinadya ang nangyaring ' to! Even when she killed a beetle, I did not even
lay a finger on her- "

"Shut up! I heard you laugh at her!"

Bumuhos ang luha ko sa frustration at iritasyon .

"Now, instead of defending yourself, why don't you accept your fault and
apologize,
instead?" pagalit na sinabi ni Kajik .

Alam kong tama siya pero sa paghikbi ko ngayon at sa pagbuhos ng luha, I don't
think I can say sorry . Hinintay niya ang pagso-sorry ko pero talagang hindi ko
kaya . My tears are violently falling and my breathing is too abnormal that I can't
even utter a word .

"Tsss..." Umiling siya at marahang sinalok ang babae sa kanyang bisig .

Yumuko ako at pinunasan ang aking mga luha .

"Anong nangyari?" narinig ko ang boses ni Ali .

"She sprained her ankle," sagot ni Kajik .

The moment of silence told me that they immediately understood what happened . Lalo
na nang tingnan ako ni Ali bago pumasok si Kajik sa bulwagan, karga ang girlfriend
.

Hindi ako natigil sa pag-iyak at paghikbi . Kahit pa noong dalhin ako ni Ali at ni
Zamiel sa sala, binantayan habang ang mga girlfriend, si Ivo, at Kajik ay ginagamot
iyong si Anisa .

Nakaupo ako . Si Ali ay nakaluhod sa gilid ko habang pinupunasan ang luha ko . Si

Zamiel naman ay nakatayo sa kabilang gilid ko habang tinatahan ako .

"That's okay, Andra . Don't worry too much about it, okay? It was an accident . .
."

Kinagat ko ang labi ko at muli pang bumuhos ang luha . Ilang minuto na kami roon at
hindi parin ako makalmante . 'Tsaka ko lang pinigilan ang hikbi nang nakitang
pababa
si Kajik sa engrandeng hagdanan .

Inangat ko ang tingin ko sa kanya . Madilim ang tingin niya sa akin, naiintindihan
ko iyon . Kaya naman, sinikap kong magsalita kahit pa nanginginig ang boses .

"S-Sorry ."

Natigilan siya sa sinabi ko . Yumuko ako at muling bumuhos ang mga luha .

"Kay Anisa ka mag sorry, huwag sa akin," malamig niyang sinabi .

Ngumiwi ako at galit siyang tiningnan . I'm sorry, alright . I'm sorry for what
happened! Pero hindi ko iyon ginawa! May kasalanan man ako, meron din siya . She
has
to say sorry to me first before I say sorry to her! Which, I doubt that girl would
even do so I am not saying sorry whatever happens!

Kumawala ako sa dalawang Mercadejas at tumakbo na ako palabas ng mansion sa sobrang

sama ng loob . I feel so bad and I can't stop crying .

It was so bad that my parents had to say sorry for me . Nagkulong ako sa kwarto at
dinalhan man ng dinner, hindi ako kumain . Nakatingala ako sa buwan, namumugto at
mahapdi ang mga mata .

"Andra," Mommy called pagkatapos ko siyang papasukin .

Narinig ko ang pag galaw niya sa tray na nakapatong sa lamesa . I heard her sigh,
too .

"Anak, hindi ka kumain?"

Hindi ako sumagot . Nanatili ako sa bintana .

" Kailangan mong kumain, hija . Hindi ka pwedeng matulog ng gutom, " banayad na
sinabi
ni Mommy .

Kinagat ko ang labi ko . Fresh tears rolled down my cheeks .

"Gusto kong umuwi ng Iloilo, Mommy . Ayaw ko rito," mapait kong sinabi .

"Pero . . . gabi na, hija . . ."

Binalingan ko si Mommy . When she saw my tears, she nodded . Tumayo siya galing sa
pagkakaupo sa kama .

"Kakausapin ko ang Daddy mo . Mag-impake ka na, kung ganoon ."

Looking back at all those funny memories of me and my unknown feelings, I grinned
.

Sa iilan pang taon na nagdaan, at iilan pang pagkikita, unti-unti kong

napangalanan
ang nararamdaman tuwing nariyan siya .

"You did not stop your brother, Karius?" Tito Uriel's voice echoed .

Sa malimit kong muling pagpunta sa kanila, hindi maiiwasang marinig ko ang iilang
maliliit na problema sa pamilya nila .

"I don't think I should-"

"Ikaw ang mas magaling magdesisyon sa mga ganitong bagay, Karius Jandrik! But
instead, dumagdag ka pa!" his father scolded him .

Isang araw, napaaway ang apat na Mercadejas . I don' t know the whole story about it
.
Dumating ako rito na ganito na at hindi na naabutan pa ang itsura ng iba pero
naririnig ko ang galit na atake ni Tito Uriel sa anak .

Karius Jandrik Mercadejas is the youngest and most intelligent Mercadejas . Kaya
naman sa kanilang apat, siya ang inaasahang tumayong taga desisyon kapag ang
tatlo'y pinapangunahan ng galit . It was his responsibility to stop the other
three,
according to his father . And by the way Kajik answered his father, I sensed his
anger and bitterness for the burden it's giving him .

And silently, I watched the four of them grow . Silently, I watch him closely . He
smirks and laughs playfully while his eyes are hard and stern .

Umihip ang mabining hanging-amihan habang nasa veranda ako, pinapanood ang
katuwaan
ng mga lalaking Mercadejas at mga kaibigan nila . My long hair danced slowly like
the wind . Pumangalumbaba ako .

"Matataas ang grades niyan lagi . Hindi nga lang napapansin masyado ni Sir Uriel
dahil sa nakakatandang kapatid," si Frida, ang isa sa mga kasambahay ng mga
Mercadejas .

Sa dalas ko rito, hindi lang si Mercedita ang binibigyan ko ng sakit ng ulo . All
of
their housemaids and handmaiden tried me . Kung hindi man napapagalitan dahil sa
mga
ginagawa ko, napapahamak naman sa ibang paraan .

"Bakit? Anong mayroon kay Kuya Zamiel?"

"Hmm . Maraming ibang pinagkakaabalahan at walang interes sa negosyo nila . Alam mo

namang mahalaga ang magagawa ng panganay, hindi ba? Panganay ka, hindi ba?"

Nilingon ko ang si Frida . She' s just a few years older than the boys . Maraming
alam
dahil matagal na rin dito .

"Opo . Pero nag-iisang anak kaya walang kahati sa atensyon ."

Frida laughed slightly at that . Natigilan ako nang nakita ang pag-angat ng tingin
ni Kajik sa veranda . Iniwas ko agad ang mga mata ko . We never got along very well
because of my then unnamed feelings .
And he doesn't seem to care if we ever get along or not .

Sinarado ko ang pintuan ng aming sasakyan . I am wearing a champagne-colored dress

for pa party the Mercadejas is throwing in their mansion right now .

"Bakit mo naitanong, hija?" si Daddy, nagtataka sa interes ko sa paraan ng pagpili

ng mga Mercadejas sa kanilang mapapangasawa .

"Wala lang, Daddy ." I smiled .

Pero hindi yata kuntento si Daddy sa sagot ko .

"Madalas nilang pinagkakasundo ang mga anak nila, bata pa lang," ani Mommy .
"Pero personally, I don't believe in fixed marriages . They don't work . What you
think, Andra?"

" I don' t know, Mommy . But if they' ve been doing this for generations then why did
it work?"

Ngumiti si Mommy, kilalang kilala ako . "Bakit, Andra? I know you're Karius
Jandrik
is not very friendly with you . Do not tell me you interested?"

Maagap akong umiling bilang pagtanggi dahil sa kahihiyan . Tumawa si Daddy .

"But you're very young, Andra! You can't think of that now . You're still
fourteen!"

Umiling ulit ako . "Hindi nga, Dad . I'm just wondering about it . And Mommy is
right,
he is not very friendly with me, why would I want it?"

Pumasok kami na magaan ang kaisipan sa party na iyon . My parents were greeted by
many and I tailed them impatiently . I want so bad to go in front and see the
Mercadejas boys again . Lalo na ngayon, nakapag-ayos ako at mahigit isang taon ding
hindi sila nakita!
Unti-unti kaming nalapit sa harap at sa bawat hakbang, isa-isa ko ring nakita ang
mga Mercadejas . First, I saw Zamiel . I hugged him tight . And then Ali and Ivo,
parehong binati at kinamusta ako .

Hindi man hinanap ng salita, hinanap ng mga mata ko ang huling Mercadejas . I saw
him laughing with a girl . Hindi pamilyar sa akin ang babaeng kausap niya pero sa
anyo nito, alam kong ganoon nga ang tipo niyang babae .

Body like an hourglass, fair white, jet black hair . The girl is wearing a midnight
blue dress .

"What can you say, Andra?" si Ivo sa kalmadong boses .

Binalingan ko siya at tinaasan ng kilay . Nakita kong nakatingin din siya kay Kajik
.

"About what?"

"The girl Kajik's with?" si Ivo . "Mukhang nakapagdesisyon na si Mama at

si Lucianna ."

Napawi ang namanaag na ngiti sa aking labi . Napalitan ito ng pagkakatikom .

"What do you mean? S-Sino?"

"That girl will marry Karius Jandrik in time, Andra ."

"H-Huh!?" natataranta kong sinabi at ibinalik ang tingin sa babae at kay Kajik .

Bago pa ako masagot nino man ay narinig ko na ang pagpapakilala ng mga matatandang
Mercadejas sa may-ari ng nangungunang Shipping Lines sa buong bansa ngayon .

" Since you' re both working on the same field, I guess you know each other? Mr . and
Mrs . Lopez, this is Chester Pastrana, CEO of Philippine Islands Ferries
Corporation ."

Tumango si Mommy at Daddy at nagpakilala na rin sa sarili . Kinabahan ako bigla .

Nakita ko ang pagkunot ng noo ni Daddy at pagbaling ni Mommy sa akin .

"Th-The girl Jandrik's with is the daughter of . . . th-that man, Ali?" sabi ko sa
katabi kong nanonood din sa pagpapakilala .

"Yes, Andra ."

Si Zamiel naman ngayon ang nilingon ko .

"I-Ipapakasal sila? P-Pwede ba 'yon? K-Kailan?"

Ngumiti si Zamiel sa akin . "In time, probably . Pwedeng pwede, Andra . Kung pareho
nilang gusto, hindi ba?"

My heart sank at the news . Muli ay binalik ko ang tingin kay Kajik at sa babaeng
kausap . Nakita ko ang paghihiwalay nila dahil may kumausap kay Kajik . Bumuntong
hininga ang babae at naglakad na patungo sa ama . The man then introduced his
daughter to everyone . Binalik ko ang tingin kay Kajik . He is looking at the girl
intensely, using his cold, dark eyes .

Huminga ako ng malalim at natantong ang unang sabak ko sa mundo ng batang pag-ibig
ay bigo .

Kabanata 3
Kabanata 3

Shallow

It was understandable . She was years older than me, almost the same age with Kajik
.
And her father's company was the then top shipping lines in the Philippines .
Nobody
would doubt the decision . Kung meron man, tanging ang mga inggit at nadehado
lamang
sa sitwasyong iyon gaya ko . . . at ng mga magulang ko .

Hindi ko alam saan nanggaling ang nararamdaman ko . Maging ako ay nagulat nang mas
ginusto kong magpadilim sa veranda, sa ilalim ng malaking buwan, habang unti-unting
pumapatak ang luha ko .

I don't understand it . Gusto kong pisikal na saktan ang sarili ko sa kabaliwang

nararamdaman . I am a fourteen years old girl without any knowledge of love and the
likes . Yes, maybe after all those years of my prejudices, distance, and
awkwardness
towards him means something else . Maybe I was that way because I am feeling
something intense for him .

Hindi ko inakala na kaya akong paluhain ng nararamdamang iyon . I smiled bitterly .

I
have cried so many tears for it, actually - sa mga panahong nagagalit ako sa kanya,
nafufrustrate ako, at iilan pang enkwentro sa mga masasama niyang babae . Pero
hindi
sa paraang ganito at sa dahilang ganito .

"Andra?" my mother's gentle voice came .

Mabilis kong pinalis ang mga luha ko . It' s so silly of me to cry like this for a
petty thing .

Hinagod ni Mommy ang aking balikat at likod . Kinabahan ako na baka nariyan si
Daddy
sa tabi niya .

Mommy was always concerned of my opinions and ideas pero sa gitna nila ni Daddy,
mas grabe si Daddy kaya ayaw kong makita niyang may isang bagay na nagdudulot sa
akin ng ganitong damdamin .

"N-Nagpahangin lang ako, Mom . Ang ganda rin kasi ng buwan," sabi ko .

Nilagay ni Mommy ang kanyang baba sa aking ulo at marahan akong niyakap galing sa
likod .

"Oh, you silly girl . You can't lie to me after all these years," anito .

Kumalma ako at tumitig na lamang sa kalmadong dagat na may repleksyon ng malaking

buwan sa madilim ma langit .

"You like one particular Mercadejas, right?" she asked .

Hindi ako sumagot . Ayokong aminin ito noon pero ngayon mas lalo itong nagiging
klaro .

Simula noong nasaksihan kong nagkakagusto na ang mga kaklase kong babae, at iilang
lalaki na ang nagpahiwatig sa akin, natanto ko na may isang tao lang ang nagdudulot
sa akin ng pareho sa mga nararamdaman nila . I thought that those "heart beats"
were
only true in books . Those butterfly in my stomach and crazy heart ache were just
fictional . Matagal kong natanto na matagal ko na rin palang nararamdaman iyon sa
iisang tao lamang .

"You can't lie to me . You are my daughter ."

"Mom, please don't tell Daddy . Naiintindihan ko naman po ang nangyayari . I'm
still
too young for anything like that . "

"You're right, dear," she whispered . "Though I heard your Dad talking with your
Tito Uriel, hindi pa naman sigurado ang lahat ."

"Even so . They are used to that, right? That's their tradition, not ours . You
won't
make me marry someone just for-"

"Oh, if you want it so, dear, you know your father can do anything for you!"

Nilingon ko si Mommy pero sa huli ay umiling ako . This doesn't favor me at all at
ayaw kong ipilit ang kahit anong tingin ko'y hindi naman pabor sa akin simula't
sapul .

"Lilipas din ito," tanging nasabi ko .

Besides, I am still very young to decide on things that will take time . Baka
magsisi ako sa huli . Baka paghanga lang talaga itong nararamdaman ko . Baka
pagdaan
ng ilang taon, wala lang ito .
After a few still moments with my Mom, we finally decided to go downstairs and join
the crowd . Taas noo akong naglakad sa gitna ng maraming tao at sa iilang
pagpapakilala . But of course, my eyes would always wonder to where it is curious
.

"Ikaw pala ang kinikwento nilang bata na sobrang malapit sa kanila," the girl said
with friendly eyes .

I stared at her blankly, taking her features all in . She's pretty like a Disney
princess . She's very fair, at kung pagtatabihin ang braso namin ay mistulang
naninilaw ako dahil sa pusyaw niya . Her body is screaming of maturity from her
chest down to her buttocks . Hapit na hapit ang kanyang damit . I mentally
calculated
her age and I think she's probably around seventeen or eighteen .

"Millicent Pastrana . You can call me Ate Milly," she said while stretching her
hands for me .

KItang kita ko ang pagkunot ng noo ni Ali sa pangyayari . Kajik is beside the girl
but he's busy talking to Ivo . Si Zamiel naman ay tumikhim nang nakita ang tagal ng
pagtanggap ko sa kamay .

I smiled and stretched my arms to shake her hand, too .

"Andra," tanging nasabi ko .

"Dito ka ba lagi nagbabakasyon kapag summer? Sana maging malapit tayo," gumawad
ulit siya ng palakaibigang ngiti pero may kung ano akong nakikita sa mga mata niya
.

Binawi ko ang kamay ko at muling pilit siyang nginitian .

"No . Just two or three days depending on my mood ."

"Oh? Buti at naging close ka nila? Ilang taon ka nang bumibisita rito?"

"Pumupunta rin kami sa bahay nila sa Manila, Milly," si Zamiel nagdagdag ng sagot
.

"Since I was five years old or so ."

Mukhang tapos na ang usapan nina Ivo at Kajik . Kajik's dark, brooding eyes
immediately went to me .

"Excuse me..." sabi ko at hindi na idinetalye pa kung bakit ko gustong umalis .

I heard my parents talk about our business . My father is desperate but his pride
won't allow him to beg for consideration . Galit si Dad dahil mas pinili parin ng
mga Mercadejas ang pinakamalaking Shipping Lines sa Pilipinas . He said we were
loyal to them for years and yet they still preferred the one with a huge name!

"Hindi pa naman sigurado iyon, Franco," si Mommy . "The fact that they are still
trying to think about binding their son with the heiress means they are not sure
about it ."

"Kahit na! Kung iniisip nila na may posibilidad, ibig sabihin hindi man lang nila
tayo naisip," si Daddy sa isang baritonong boses .

"Well, our daughter is very young-"

"I am not saying that we need to offer Andra, Grethel! Anong kinalaman ng anak
natin sa business na ito? I just want the deal . I don' t need to offer my daughter
to ensure it! And yes, you're right! Our daughter is very young pero kahit na
matanda siya ngayon at handa namang magpakasal, hindi ko pipilitin si Andra na
gawin iyon para lang sa business . "

"But..." huminga ng malalim si Mommy . "I know what you're saying . I just can't
help
but think about their traditions as family, Franco . Kung tingin nila iyon ang
dapat- "

"No way ."

I slept with a heavy heart . I did not cry again that night even though my heart
is
slightly aching . Ang bata kong puso na kapapangalan lamang sa nararamdaman ay agad
nakadama ng hagupit ng sakit nito . Hindi pa nga nasisiyahan o lumalim, nasaktan
agad .

I woke up early in the morning with a peaceful and light heart . Gusto kong isipin
na dahil iyon naipalabas ko na ang nararamdaman ko kagabi .

Isang katok ang narinig ko sa pintuan .

"Andra! Mag agahan ka na, hija . Hindi mo na naman naabutan ang pag-alis ng Mommy
at
Daddy mo!" si Mercedita ang narinig ko .

"Opo! Babangon na!"

Usually, bumababa ako wearing only my sleepwear . Pero ngayon, mas conscious na ako
.
Naligo muna ako at nag-ayos bago tuluyang bumaba . Kaya naman, kumakain na ang
grupo
pagkababa ko .

Beside Kajik is Milly, his probable fiancee . Nag-angat ng tingin ang mga
Mercadejas
sa akin nang naglakad na ako patungo sa dining area . Pilit ko namang iniwas ang
tingin ko sa kanila at naupo na sa kabisera .

"Good morning, Andra!" si Ivo . "Did you have a good sleep ."

"Morning . Yeah . . ." sagot ko .

"What are you going to do today?" si Ali naman ngayon .

"I'll just stay in my room a bit . Mamayang hapon na siguro ako lalabas ."

"Gusto mo bang sumama sa amin? This afternoon, we'll swim with some of our
friends, " si Zamiel naman ngayon .

Umiling ako . "No, I'm fine . I'm used to just roaming around the mansion ."

Nag-angat ako ng tingin kay Kajik . He looked at me with serious curved lips but
with eyes almost malicious and slightly smirking . Kung hindi lang may nakakasilaw
na ngiti sa tabi nito ay hindi na natanggal ang tingin ko sa kanya . Milly is
smiling beside him . Nakatingin ito sa akin .

"Matamlay ka yata ngayon, Andra," si Ivo .

Nakita ko agad ang mariing titig ni Ali sa kanya . Kunot-noong binalikan ni Ivo si
Ali . Tumikhim si Zamiel .

"Oo nga . Namumugto ang mga mata mo . Kagabi ko pa 'yan napansin," si Milly naman
ngayon sa isang maligayang boses .
I panicked at that . Ni hindi ko napansin iyon kanina habang nag-aayos ako . Ganoon
 ba kagrabe ang itsura ko . Uminit ang pisngi ko nang natantong baka may alam ang
mga
ito sa nararamdaman ko! Lalo na dahil lahat ng kapahamakan ko rito sa mansyon at
mga pag-aaway namin ni Kajik, madalas may involved na babae!

"Ah! Maybe Andra wants to have her vacation abroad instead of here . Did you cry to
your parents for that, Andra? " pag- iiba ni Zamiel sa usapan .

Hindi ko alam kung tatango ba ako o ano pero gusto kong pagtakpan ang totoong
rason
ko .

"Oh! May mga times talaga na hindi nasusunod ang gusto mo kaya hayaan mo na," Milly
said gently . "Maybe your parents have their reasons like . . . busy with business
or
not enough money ."

Tumango tango ang mga lalaking Mercadejas, medyo bilib sa sinabi ni Millicent .
Kajik looked at her with dark eyes and curved lips .

"When I was younger, I used to get mad at my Dad for not giving me the things that
I want . Pero kalaunan, narealize ko na lahat ng bigay niya sa akin, pinaghihirapan
niya kaya dapat na iappreciate ko na lang iyon . May iba na hindi napagbibigyan
kahit sa kakailanganin nila ."

Ali nodded and seconded her .

Marahas kong hiniwa ang omelet at sinubo iyon . Ang buong atensyon nila ay nasa
kanya na at iilang papuri rin ang natanggap nito .

I want to regulate my feelings so bad but for once I also want to let my emotions
out, kahit sa utak man lang .

BIDA BIDA KA!

Nobody is asking about your life! Biglang naging tungkol sa'yo 'to!

Fine! To be fair, she did nothing wrong! Masyado lang talaga akong naiinggit at
naiirita sa kanya . At ang puno't dulo nito ay ang nararamdaman ko para sa katabi
niya!

"Frida, tapos na ako," sabi ko at kahit na nakatingin ang mga lalaking Mercadejas
sa akin, nagtataka sa pormal at medyo ibang pakikitungo, hindi parin ako nahiyang
umalis doon .
Nagkulong ako sa kwarto . Nilibang ko na lamang ang sarili ko sa iPad at sa
pagsubok
na makagawa ng disenyo ng isang bapor, gaya ng madalas kong ginagawa sa Iloilo man
o Manila .
My parents raised me strategically . At a young age, I was introduced to our
shipyards . I was trained so well by our companies' engineers . Bata pa lang ako,
parehong interes at skill ang nakuha ko sa Naval architecture and engineering . My
parents want me to single-handedly lead our lines in the future .

Ginugol ko ang oras ko roon . At nang napagod ay nakatulog dahilan ng pag-akyat

muli
ni Mercedita sa tanghalian ko dahil pasado ala una na nang nabuksan ko ang pinto ng
kwarto .

After eating, I continued designing . But the gloomy weather outside is calling me
.
Alas tres pa at natatabunan na ang araw ng mga ulap . Dumungaw ako sa bintana at
naririnig ko ang tawanan ng mga kaibigan ng mga Mercadejas sa malayong tabing
dagat .
The mansion is sitting on a rock cliff . The only way to go down the shore is the
stone stairs decorated with flowers like bougainvilleas and hibiscus . Nakatunghay
ang likod ng mansyon, kung nasaan ang pinakamalawak na veranda ng bahay sa asul na
dagat ng Costa Leona . It's a very lovely home with a mysterious feels in it .

Sa wakas ay nahikayat ko ang sarili kong bumaba at mag enjoy na lang sa lilim ng
mga ulap .

The familiar copper-made swing and chains made me smile . I sashayed my way to the
swing when I realize the many Stag Beetles on the flowers .

Naalala ko ang nangyari ilang taon na ang lumipas . Pagkatapos ng away na iyon,
naging mas mabuti ang tungo ni Kajik sa akin . Naging mas maayos din ang tungo ko
sa
kanya .

I remember one time last year when every Mercadejas was out and we were both left
alone the mansion . Sa kahihiyan ko, hindi ko na gustong lumabas ng kwarto . Lalo
na't tinutukso ako ni Frida na naghihintay na si Kajik para makapag breakfast na
kami .

"Andra, ang Kuya Karius mo, gutom na . Ang tagal mong lumabas ."

"Edi sabihin mo, Frida, mauna na siya kasi naliligo pa ako!" sigaw ko galing sa
loob .

"Hihintayin ka nga raw! 'Tong batang 'to! Tatawagin ko si Mercedita, siya na ang
kukumbinsi sa' yo! "

Marahas kong kinamot ang buhok ko sa iritasyon .

"Eh, huwag na! Sabihin mo na lang kay Mercedita na busy pa ako! Mauna na 'yon sa
pagkain!"

Wala nang Frida na sumagot sa akin kaya naman mas lalo akong nagpanic . For sure
she'll tell Kajik about it . Why I'm not leaving my room . At papanhik pa rito si
Mercedita para pilitin akong lumabas .

Ilang sandali pa ang lumipas bago ko narinig ang katok sa aking pintuan . Sa
iritasyon ko ay buong puso ang sigaw ko agad .

"Sabing sabihin mo naliligo pa ako at mauna na siyang kumain, e!!!"

"Oh, you brat . Really? I can't hear the shower," Kajik's low voice echoed .

Isang kamay pa muna ang natutop ko sa aking bibig at sinundan agad ng isa pa .
Parang sasabog ang puso ko sa kaba! Siya ang kumatok! Siya ang nasa likod ng
pintuan!

What the hell, Frida?!

"Open up, Andra!"

Kumalabog ang pintuan sa may taas . Nararamdaman kong naroon ang kamay niya .

"B-B-Bababa rin ako! D-Doon ka na lang mag-antay!" sabi ko .

Nakita ko ang mukha ko sa dresser . I am very, very red . My heart is hammering so

fast and I feel like my chest is going to burst because of it .
"I brought our food here . Dito na lang tayo kakain ."

"W-What?!"

"Open up, fast, Andra! I have things to do!" he reprimanded .

Sa kaba ko at sa takot na magalit siya sa akin, mabilis kong pinagbuksan ang

pintuan . His brooding aura made me gasp a bit . Para makabawi ako ay 'di ko na
siya
tiningnan . Pinasadahan ko ng daliri ang basa kong buhok at sinikop patungo sa
kanang balikat ko . Dumiretso na ako sa pangdalawahang round table sa aking silid
.

Naupo ako sa silya at sumunod naman siya sa akin, nilalapag ang tray ng pagkain
doon .

Naupo siya roon sa tapat ko . His legs spread apart and his huge frame a bit
intimidating . Nanatili ang mga mata ko sa tray . Inayos niya ang aming pagkain at
nilagay ang tray sa malapit na decorative table .

"Pwede namang m-mauna ka nang kumain," sabi ko .

"What was your reason again why you won't eat with me downstairs?"

Sa kahihiyan ay napaangat ako ng tingin sa kanya . He's smirking malisciously at me

.
At nasisiguro kong mas lalo pa akong pinamulahan! Gusto kong kainin na lang ako ng
lupa sa kahihiyan .

"Next time, give me a better and more convincing reason . Eat your breakfast, Andra
.
You look younger than your age with you small frame . Patpatin nga ."

Sinimangutan ko siya . I stared at him defiantly while he only smirked evilly .

" Well, that' s because I' m still young! Wait and see till I grow up! " may pagpipigil
na iyon dahil kung hindi, mas grabe pa yata ang masasabi ko .

"How will you grow when you skip meals just because you hate me?"

Namilog ang mga mata ko . He continued eating habang ako naman ay natigilan na sa
sinabi niya . My face slowly heated once again . At may kung ano sa sikmura kong
tuluyan nang nagpawala sa kakarampot na naramdamang gutom .

"I-I don't hate you..." nag-aalangan kong sinabi .

I so wanted to disappear at that moment . I feel like it's too uncomfortable but I
don't want him to think that way . Na kinamumuhian ko siya . Ayokong isipin niyang
ganoon .

"But you prefer eating with just either Ali, Ivo, or Kuya Zamiel, right?"

"B-But . . . I don't hate you..." sabi ko at unti-unting inangat ang tingin sa

kanya .

His serious, dark eyes looked so forlorn . O baka guniguni ko lang iyon dahil nang
ibaba niya ang mga mata sa pagkain ay muli ko naramdaman ang lamig .

This time around, I thought it will be a better year . Better than the last ones .
Kaya naman lubusan ang paninibugho ko sa nalaman kagabi . Although, we aren't sure
yet that they are going to be promised to each other, unti-unti ko nang natatanggap
iyon .
 I am very young . We don' t believe in marriages in name even for the business . And
I
don't think I can handle it kung ako ang totoong nasa kalagayang ganoon .

It's okay, at the end of the day .

I scooped three Stag beetles on my right hand . Nakangiti ko silang hinayaang

gumapang sa kamay ko . Kung hindi lang ako tinuruan ni Kajik na ayos lang ang
nakakatakot na mistulang ipis na mga insektong ito, hindi ako maglalakas loob
ngayon na hawakan sila .

"Andra! What are you doing?" I heard the familiar girly voice behind me .

Umirap agad ako bago bumaling sa paparating . Alam ko agad kung sino iyon . Milly
is
smiling genuinely at me ngunit unting napawi ang ngiti nang nakita kung ano ang
hawak ko . I get it, alright . Girls dislike any creature looking like a cockroach
.

"Looking for beetles," I said without hesitation .

She smiled at medyo umatras . Kitang kita ang takot sa kanyang itsura . Dati na
siyang maputla pero ngayon ay mas gumrabe ang kaputlaan niya .

Umirap ulit ako . I find it so ridiculous . I know na normal lang ang matakot sa
ganito pero hindi ko naman siya tinatakot . Ni hindi ko na nga inilapit sa kanya, e
.

"You k-know what? I only want to be friends with you," she said when she noticed
how I rolled my eyes defiantly at her presence . "Pero nararamdaman ko na ayaw mo
sa
akin ."

Glad you know it .

" We just met and you don' t even know me that much yet . Maybe you have a reason
bakit tila mainit ang dugo mo sa akin?"

"Nope . I'm just really like this to people I'm not close with," sabi ko habang
pinaglalaruan ang mga ipis .

She smiled sadly at me . Inayos niya ang sinturon ng roba niya . Nakikita ko ang
kulay itim na bikini sa ilalim nito at basang-basa siya . Kasama nga siya sa mga
kaibigan ng mga Mercadejas doon sa ibaba .

Humakbang siya palapit sa akin . Kunot-noo ko siyang binalingan muli, bahagya akong
umatras . Kung hindi kasi ako aatras, baka mas matakot siya sa dala ko .

"Or maybe you really have your specific reason, right?"

Anong ibig niyang sabihin .

"You know, I heard you talk to your Mom last night about you wanting something ."

Namilog ang mga mata ko! Halos napaigtad ako nang natanto kung ano ang tinutukoy
niya . For sure it's our talk last night, under the moonlight!

"W-What?"

She smiled sadly, almost looking concerned for me .

"But you do realize that you are still very young for-"

Bago siya natapos ay dalawang salagubang galing sa aking kamay ang lumipad sa
kanyang mukha! She screamed so loud that I panicked . Lalo na nang nakita ko ang
pamumutla niya at ang biglaang pagkakabuwal sa kinatatayuan!

"Oh my!" I screamed, too .

Para siyang nalaglag na spaghetti sa tinidor noong humilata sa lupa, may

salagubang
na naglalakad sa ilong at labi .

"Hey!" I called and tried to kick her foot .

Akala ko noong una, OA lang siya pero nang wala talagang response from her, nag
panic na ako!

"Help!" I screamed . "Frida!"

Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko . Tinanggal ko na lang ang mga salagubang sa kanyang
mukha at sinubukan siyang gisingin . I heard her inhale deeply . Para akong
nabunutan
ng tinik agad pero halos wala parin siyang malay! She groaned weakly .

"Gumising ka!" sabi ko pero bago pa siya nagbukas ng mga mata ay nakita ko na ang
pagdagsa ng grupo ng mga Mercadejas .

When they saw what happened, they all jog towards me . Si Kajik ang naunang dumalo
.

"Bigla na lang siyang hinimatay! Lumipad kasi iyong Stag Beetle sa mukha niya at
natakot- "

"I can't breathe, Kajik . . ." she said, trying to stand up .

Tinulungan siya ni Kajik at ni Ivo . Kinagat ko ang labi ko at tumayo na rin para
sundan kung ano man ang gagawin . Kajik turned to me darkly again . At parang
naalala
ko noon na ganito talaga siya lagi . He always assume that I'm at fault whenever
there's a situation like this!
Dinaluhan ako ni Zamiel at Ali . Magsasalita na sana ako para protektahan ang
sarili
pero naunahan ako ng nanghihinang si Millicent .

"That girl, I-I just confronted her about what I-I told you..." hirap na sinabi ni
Milly .

Mas lalo akong kinabahan . What she told him? She told him what? Iyong pinag-usapan
namin ni Mommy?

"But she threw those filthy insects a-at me ."

"A-Ano? Lumipad lang sila patungo sa'yo!" giit ko .

"I g-guess I cannot p-please someone who hates me, just because she wants to marry
you . Maybe she w-wants to ruin-"

Parang nanlamig ang mukha ko sa sinabi ni Milly . Both Ali and Zamiel looked at me
with shocked expression . Mabilis akong dinaluhan ni Zamiel, tila ba agad nakabawi
dahil alam niya na ang tungkol dito .

Kajik turned to me darkly . Sa kahihiyan ko at sa iritasyon sa paratang sa akin ay

hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili .

"I told you I did not do anything to her! Nandito lang ako at tumitingin sa mga
beetle tapos bigla siyang pumunta rito!"
Kajik scooped milly up his arms . Matabang ko silang tinitigan sa gitna ng pag-
aalburuto ko . The view is not helping me to stop whatever I'm thinking .

"Andra!" Kajik stopped my statements pero sa iritasyon ko, hindi na kaya .

Dagdagan pa ng kaalaman na nasabi ni Milly sa lahat ang tungkol sa pinag-usapan

namin ni Mommy kagabi . Nasabi niya na gusto kong pakasal kay Kajik!

"What? Are you going to accuse me again of bullying your girl? I explained my side
at kung hindi mo 'yon tatanggapin dahil pipiliin mo ang sinasabi niya, well, I
guess you're right! I hate you! I preferred Ali, Zamiel, and Ivo over you because
you always think the worst of me!"

His eyes never changed . The coldness and darkness of it is still a mystery to me
.

"Andra!" pigil ni Ali .

" At sige! Oo! Nalungkot ako noong nalamang ikakasal ka raw sa kanya! But that' s the
end of it! I won' t do anything to ruin whatever you want . I ' m very young anyway .
You two are old . Bagay kayo! Kaya stop accusing of ruining things that are still
shallow to me!"

"Andra..." masuyong tawag ni Zamiel para pigilan ako .

To my anger and desperate desire to get away, I pushed both Ali and Zamiel aside,
with all my might . . . and ran as fast as I can out of the Mercadejas estate .
Hindi
na inalintana na palubog na ang araw at hindi ko alam saan talaga ako tutungo .

Kabanata 4
Kabanata 4

Like

Hinihingal sa parehong pag-iyak at pagtakbo, hindi ko tuloy halos kita ang

dinadaanan ko . Dire-diretso lang ang takbo ko sa isang mistulang gubat na may mas
maninipis na puno at lupang kung hindi batuhan ay halos buhangin naman ang kita .

The sky is colored orange, pink, and then almost lilac . Unti- unti nang inaagaw ang
liwanag nito ng dilim . almost at the end of the bumpy road, I saw a crossroad .
And
highway, ang isa'y pababa sa hindi kitang patutunguhan
One road is leading to .
the

Pinalis ko ang luha ko at nakitang bukod sa daanang iyon ay may isa pang pwedeng
puntahan . Isang kinakalawang na matayog at malaking gate ang nakita ko .

Unti-unti akong bumagal sa pagtakbo nang nakita ang bakod nitong napapalupot ng
makapal na baging . Desperate for a place to go, tinulak ko ang makalumang
kinakalawang na gate at pumasok na ako sa loob .

Tinulak kong muli ito para masarado bago pinalis ang bagong luha sa aking pisngi .

Medyo huminahon ako nang nakita ang isang lumang mansyon . Halos hindi naalagaan
ang
paligid nito kaya mukhang abandonado . Malaki ang bakuran na nalalatagan ng
hanggang
tuhod o lagpas na talahib . May iilan ding niyog sa paligid at ang bunga nito, nasa
lupa, nahulog lang na walang kumukuha .
Suminghot ako at naglakad sa natatanging linya roon na walang talahib . Patungo ito
sa nakapalibot na veranda sa unang palapag ng bahay .

The house is abandoned . At kung susuriing mabuti, makikita kung gaano ka masikot
ang pagkakagawa ng kahit dingding lamang ng bahay na iyon . The wooden columns were
carved with swooshing lines, that of a vine .

Sa ibang pagkakataon, hindi ako lalapit sa bahay na ito sa takot . Baka magaya ako
sa pinapanood kong palabas kung saan napapadpad ang bida sa isang lumang bahay at
sa huli malalaman niyang may multo roon . Pero dahil sa paninibugho ko, naisip kong
mayroon mang multong magpakita ngayon, baka naitulak o nasuntok ko na .

Umihip ang hangin . Isang kurtina ng iilang hanay ng kabibi ang umagaw sa aking
pansin dahil sa tunog nito kasabay ng hangin . Suminghot ulit ako at tinitigan ang
sumasayaw na kurtina ng kabibi . Sa huli, iniwas ko ang tingin ko roon at
nagpatuloy
sa paglalakad patungo sa tapat nitong tabing dagat .

Maliwanag pa ng konti sa tabing dagat dahil sa mumunting ilaw galing sa palubog na

araw . Sa kaliwang bahagi ko naman, nakikita ko ang mga ilaw galing sa isang
napakalaking resort dito .

Naupo ako sa buhangin at niyakap na lamang ang aking tuhod . My heart is still
aching from it all . Nakakahiya pang isipin na sinabi iyon ni Milly sa harap ng
lahat! I don't know what she heard or how she interpreted my conversation with my
mother but she knows too much about it .

O baka naman, alam talaga ng lahat simula pa lang?

Inisip ko ang palaging reaksyon ni Ali at ni Zamiel . Ang palaging tangka nilang
pagtakpan ako . Though how about Kajik's coldness towards me? Hindi kaya ganoon
siya
dahil alam niya o nararamdaman niya na may kung ano sa tungo ko sa kanya?

Nilibing ko ang paa ko sa buhangin at mas lalong niyakap ang tuhod . Gabi na pero
parang may liwanag akong natatanaw .

Sunod na balik ng mga mata ko sa dagat, nakita ko ang napakalaking buwan .

Pangalawang araw mula noong full moon kagabi . And somehow, I always loved the
second day more than the full moon itself . Sa pangalawang araw, pakiramdam ko, mas
malaki ang buwan . Pakiramdam ko, mas maliwanag, mas kita, at mas mahiwaga .

The sound of the waves crashing on the shore made me shiver . I imagine my parents
worried right now but I just don't want to show myself yet .

Mas humigpit ang yakap ko sa aking tuhod .

"There is no way to undo things now," sabi ko sa sarili ko .

And it's because of that girl! How dare she tell everyone about it!? Kung alam niya
ang bagay na iyon, anong karapatan niyang sabihin iyon . My feelings are mine! Why
can't she just leave it alone!?

Umiling ako .

I can' t hate her! Baka dahil lang ito sa inggit ko . Baka naiinis ako sa kanya
dahil
sa kalagayan niya!

"Andra?!" I heard a voice .

Napaangat ako ng tingin .

Sa malayo ang tinig . Kasunod noon ay ang mga kaskas ng kabayo . Kumalabog ang puso
ko nang natantong hinahanap na talaga yata ako .

"Andra!" sigaw ulit ng isang lalaking boses, probably Ivo .

Mapapahamak ko sila, sigurado ako . I know my Daddy at kung magpapatuloy ito, baka
hindi niya mapatawad ang apat sa iisipin niyang kapabayaan sa akin . Kahit pa ako
naman talaga ang tumakbo at umalis doon .

Bumuntong hininga ako . Kahit anong subok kong tumayo at bumalik doon, hindi ko
magawa . I want to stay here for a while .

Pumangalumbaba ako at tinitigan muli ang halos kulay dilaw na buwan .

"You are even prettier here in Costa Leona, huh? Maybe because the place is darker
compared to the city? "

Ilang sandali akong tumitig sa buwan at may naalala . Bumuntong-hininga ulit ako .
Hindi pa tuluyang nakakabawi sa mga iniisip, nakita ko ang pag-ilaw ng buhangin at
paghulma ng anino ko .

Napasinghap ako at napatingin sa likod . Walking towards me, leaving a wall light
on, is a silhouette of a man . Hindi na nagsegundo nang nalaman ko kung sino iyon .
Hindi man nailawan ang mukha, naramdaman ko na sa kilos na mistulang pusa sa
katahimikan, at sa malaking anino at istilo ng buhok .

Paano niya ako nahanap dito? Sinarado ko ang matayog na gate . Kasama niya ba sina
Ivo, Zamiel, at Ali?

I glared at him for a moment . Slowly, I turned away . Nilagay ko ang baba ko sa
tuhod at ngumuso na lamang habang pinaglalaruan ang buhangin sa aking kamay .

"Uuwi rin ako . Pakisabi na lang kay Mommy at Daddy," sabi ko .

"They're not home yet," aniya sa baritono at malamig na boses .

Tiningnan ko siya sa gilid ng aking mga mata . Mas lalo akong ngumuso at unti-unti
ang pag- init ng aking pisngi . He' s standing beside me at kahit konti lang ang
ilaw,
nakikinita ko ang galaw niya .

" Kung nandito ka para pagsabihan ako sa ginawa ko sa girlfriend mo, umuwi ka na . I
can understand my actions better on my own . I don't need anyone telling me about
it ."
Inasahan ko ang mas agresibo niyang sasabihin pero nagkamali ako . Naupo siya sa
tabi ko . Kinabahan tuloy ako . Humigpit ang yakap ko sa sarili ko . Halos pigilan
ko
ang paghinga ko .

"Really, huh?" he said almost playfully .

Kumunot pa lalo ang noo ko . Naalala ko kung paano sinabi ni Milly kanina ang lahat
tungkol sa narinig niya . Pumikit ako ng mariin at ibinaon ang mukha sa aking tuhod
.

"Really, yes!" iritado kong sinabi at binalingan siya .

The look on his face is really intimidating . Iyan iyong madalas kong makita sa
kanya . Tila ba natatawa kahit na mukha namang seryoso . It's like he's trying to
stifle a laugh from something stupid so he won't offend anyone . Ngayon sa akin
siya
ganito . Ano kayang nakakatawa at kailangan niyang pigilan ang sarili niya?
 "Alam kong hindi maganda ang nangyari sa kanya . Obviously . But that's not my
fault .
I did not stalk her around or throw beetles at her just to bully her! Siya ang
pumunta sa akin at nakipag- usap! Ugh! " sa iritasyon ko ay tumigil ako . "Forget it!
Based on experience, I know you won't listen to me!"

Sinulyapan ko siya . Ngayon ay nanatiling kunot ang kanyang noo, seryoso at

nananantya . Naninimbang siya sa lahat ng sinasabi ko . Gumulo tuloy sa akin kung
ano
ang talagang iniisip niya sa sinabi ko .

Then the thought of what Millicent said again flashed on my mind . Nakakahiya! She
said I want to marry Kajik!

"Si Ivo na lang ang ipasundo mo sa akin . O 'di kaya si Ali at Zamiel-"

"Since when did you drop the "Kuya" on their names?" agap niya, hindi man lang
nagreact sa sinabi ko kanina .

"Uh, none of your business?" I said sarcastically .

He sighed heavily at that . Muli kong binaon ang aking mukha sa aking tuhod .
Naghihintay ako na tumayo siya at umalis para daluhan ang girlfriend niya .
Girlfriend niya, the bitterness crept within me .

Bakit niya pa kasi ako nahanap dito? Sana si Ali o si Ivo o si Zamiel na lang ang
nakahanap sa akin . Bakit sa lahat, siya pa talaga!?

"I'm sorry," he said .

Umihip ang hangin dahilan ng pagtindi ng lagaslas ng mga dahon sa paligid . The
chilling night winds of Costa Leona sent shivers down my spine . Natigilan ako,
lalo
na sa sinabi niya .

For the first time in my life, sa dami dami ng mga pag-aaway naming dalawa, ito
ang
unang pagkakataon na narinig ko siyang humingi ng paumanhin . I never thought this
word existed in his vocabulary .

"Wow! Hindi ko alam na marunong ka pala niyan," mahinahon kong sinabi .

Mapait akong ngumiti sa sarili . Umangat ako ng tingin at kasabay noon ang
pagsalubong ko sa maalat na hangin galing sa dagat . I watched the moon touch the
thick clouds, tila gustong magtago sa likod nito .

"You always think of the worst of me, too, then?"

Hindi ako sumagot sa sinabi niya . Hindi ako sigurado diyan . Kasi bakit kahit
ganoon
nga, may kung ano paring tumutulak sa akin sa pagkakagusto ko sa kanya . After all
these years of distance, I still know deep within me that I like him . In a
different way, that is .

"Ilang babae ang pinaalis ko sa bahay dahil ayaw mo o nakakaaway mo?"

Kinagat ko ang labi ko . Umirap ako at hindi siya nilingon . Totoo man iyon pero
ayaw
ko nang isipin pa .

"Totoo ba ang sinabi ni Millicent?" malamig niyang tanong .

 Naramdaman ko ang unti-unting pagguho ng puso ko . Why did I think that these
things
were fiction in the first place? Pakiramdam ko, pinaparanas sa akin ito ngayon
dahil kinwestyun ko iyon .

I want so bad to save myself from anything but I've read it somewhere na ang
tanging paraan para makalimot ng isang taong gusto mo ay ang sabihin sa kanya ang
nararamdaman mo . Hindi ka lang makakalimot . You will have no regrets, too . And
with
all that's happened, I don't think I can deny it now .

Nilingon ko siya . Nanghihina ako lalo na nang nakita ang kaseryosohan ng mga mata
niya . I can feel his distance . I can feel the barrier he's building in between us
.
Ayos lang . Naiintindihan ko . I am like a sister to them . I've been with them for
years . Maybe, he just doesn't want to hurt me . Maybe he's shielding me from pain
.

"Sinabi mo kanina, I only see the worst of you . M-Maybe, yes, b-but I don't
understand how despite it, I like you . . ."

Shit . I cannot control my own voice . Nanatili ang madilim niyang ekspresyon . His
lips pursed a bit . Mas lalong bumilis at lumakas ang hampas ng puso ko .

"I like you differently than Ivo, Ali, and Zamiel . I like you . . . not like a
brother . . . but . . . o-of . . ." I sighed, not wanting to say it .

Lumunok ako at natantong nagbabara ang lalamunan ko . Konti na lang at bubuhos

nang
muli ang luha ko .

" I don' t hate you like what you think . Hindi ako lumalapit sa' yo, hindi dahil
hindi
kita gusto, pero dahil . . ." napaos ako kaya imbes na dugtungan ay hinawakan ko na
lang ang puso ko .

My eyes wandered in the darkness as I continued . Hindi ako makatitig sa kanya ng

maayos dahil natatakot ako . . . sa kanya . . . at sa pwedeng sabihin niya .

"Kinakabahan ako lagi . I tremble when you're around . My h-heart is b-beating so

loud that I can't contain it . Kaya imbes na harapin k-ka, mas gusto kong hindi .
Even when I always get excited thinking about you ."

Pumatak ang luha ko . Mabilis kong pinalis iyon at tumayo na dahil hindi ko na
gusto
ang ganito . It's enough that I told him what I'm feeling . Hindi na kailangan pang
ipakita sa kanya na lumuluha ako para sa kanya .

Aalis na sana ako . Humakbang na ako palayo pero hinawakan niya ang palapulsuhan ko
.

"We're not done yet," he said .

Binawi ko ang kamay ko pero sa higpit ng hawak niya'y hindi ako makagalaw man lang
.
Suminghap ako at imbes na magprotesta ay nagpatianod ako nang hilahin niya pababa
.

Naupo ako at diretso ang tingin sa buhangin . Hindi kayang tingnan siya pabalik
kahit na nakatitig siya sa akin .

Kinagat ko ang labi ko . Patuloy parin ang pagluha ko kaya agad kong pinalis iyon
.
He tried to catch a tear once pero iniwas ko ang mukha ko . My heart is violently
beating against my chest that I can't breathe properly .

Bakit ganoon? Sinabi ko sa kanya iyon para makalimot pero ngayon, ba't parang . . .
lumalala pa yata ako?

"You're only fourteen," he said .

"Alam ko!" pagalit kong sinabi . "A-And you're old!"

Hindi siya nagsalita . Unti-unti ko tuloy siyang tiningnan at nakita ko ang
iritasyon sa mga mata niya . Iniwas kong muli ang tingin ko .

"You will find someone else . In time ."

Alam ko! And I also know that he's rejecting me subtly . Ayaw niya akong masaktan
ng
husto . Naaawa siya sa akin kaya ganito na lang ang mga sinasabi niya .

"I know that, too!"

He sighed heavily again .

"Then why did you decide about something that will last for a lifetime when you
know-"

" As if I won' t grow up! I ' m just fourteen now pero ilang taon na lang, eighteen na
ako! " tawad ko kahit kanina pa lang ay gusto ko nang sumuko .

"Fuck, eighteen is still young to marry, too! At isa pa, malayo pa iyon .
Makakahanap ka pa ng ibang lalaking gugustuhin!"

To save face from my last attempt, I nodded painfully . Alam kong kahit paano ay
ayaw niyang masaktan ako . Na sinusubukan niyang ipaintindi sa akin na mababaw lang
ito . Mas pipiliin niya iyon kesa diretsahan akong sabihan na ayaw niya sa akin . Na
hindi niya ako gusto .

"You will find someone you'll like more than this ."

Tumango ulit ako . Naaawa ako sa aking sarili pero alam ko ring tama siya . He's
always rational, anyway .

Looking back, on those incident I had with his girls . . . si Winona, iyong nilagyan
ko ng putik . Sinadya ko iyon . Inistorbo ko sila . Sinadya kong pahiran siya ng
putik . Natural lang na magalit sa akin ang may bahay . He got angry but in the end,
he told Winona to leave that afternoon . That I'm just a child at dapat hindi niya
na ako pinatulan .

Ang sumunod ay iyong kay Anisa . Totoong hindi ko siya itinulak pero tinakot ko
siya
ng salagubang . I laughed at her misfortune . And Kajik heard it, it' s only right
for
him to ask me to say sorry . In the end, I didn't . In the end, she was thrown out,
too .

At ngayon, huli, kay Millicent . He got angry with my attitude but he never asked
me
to say sorry . Maybe because he knew, I did not do anything wrong .

Deep inside, I know he acted rationally . My bitterness is just too much that I
only
see the worst of it all .

"Your age, probably . . ." he chuckled a bit .

Tumango ulit ako . Tama siya .

"P-Pag eighteen ko ba, kasal ka na?" tanong ko nang hindi siya tinitingnan .

"I'm not sure, though . Maybe . . ." he said the last word slowly .

Muli akong tumango at naintindihan ang lahat . A young girl like me can't meddle
with the lives of adults like that . Makakalimutan ko rin ang lahat ng ito . It's
not
as if it ran that deep in me, anyway . Karerealize ko lang naman din na gusto ko
siya . Kayang-kaya kong kalimutan 'yan .

"Si Millicent b-ba?" nanginig ang boses ko .

Ngayon, diretso ko na siyang natingnan . Walang takot dahil alam kong wala na
akong
tinatago . But then my heart is still violently booming .

"I'm not sure ."

Natawa ako ng bahagya . "You don' t have to shield me . Hindi ako pinaglilihiman ng
parents ko . I know it's for the business ."

His eyes looked at me intensely . I can almost feel something else pero isinantabi
ko na iyon . Minsan kasi, nararamdaman natin ang mga bagay na gusto nating
maramdaman .

"Do you like her?" tanong ko .

"Isang buwan pa lang kaming magkakilala ."

Kinagat ko ang labi ko at tumango muli . I want to keep on nodding to put emphasis
on my understanding of the whole situation .

Tayo . . . ilang taon nang magkakilala . Diba dapat . . . lamang ako?

I smiled bitterly, then .

"Umuwi na tayo, kung ganoon . Baka nandoon na si Mommy at Daddy . Pagalitan na

naman
ako ."

Tumayo ako . Tiningala niya ako . Ramdam na ramdam ko ang paninimbang sa titig niya
.
Dinungaw ko siya dahil nanatili siyang nakaupo roon .

Nilinis ko ang mukha ko . Iniisip kong baka natatakot siyang umuwi dahil umiiyak
ako . Baka mapagalitan siya .

"I'll admit that it's my fault . Don't worry," sabi ko .

Ilang sandali pa muna bago siya pagod na tumayo . He immediately towered over me .
Bago pa mas lumakas ang kabog ng puso ko't tinalikuran ko na siya at nagpatiuna na
sa paglalakad .

"You have a bad taste for girls," I murmurred just enough for him to get offended
.

Hindi siya nagsalita . Naglalakad lang siya sunod sa akin . The thought of him
looking at my back is making me nervous . Sana kalaunan mawala rin lahat itong mga
hindi ko kailangang damdamin .

"I guess so . . ." he murmurred to when we reached the gate of that old mansion .

There were all other extra feelings when he tried to put me on his horse .
Hinawakan
niya ang baywang ko at isinampa sa kabayong dala . Nag anticipate din ako sa
pagsampa niya kaya naman mas lalo pa akong kinabahan pero sa huli, nagkatinginan
kami . He then looked away and started walking while pulling the horse's rope .

Para akong sinampal sa nangyari . Parang pinaparamdam talaga sa akin na huwag na

akong umasa sa kahit ano .
He's right . I am still young . I have many opportunities ahead of me . I might like
someone else . And I hope so much for that .

"Andra! Saan ka galing?" nagpapanic na salubong ni Mommy sa akin .

Kadarating lang ng ibang Mercadejas pagkatapos akong pinahanap sa halos lahat ng

tauhan . Mukhang nagkakagulo na sa bulwagan . Naroon ang Daddy ni Millicent, siya
naman wala . Naroon, kumpleto ang mga katulong . Naroon din si Tita Lucianna at si
Tito Uriel nang dumating kami .

Daddy looked pissed . Tumayo siya galing sa pagkakaupo ngunit alam kong hindi sa
akin direkta ang galit niyang iyon .

"Pasensya na po . Tumakbo po ako dahil may kasalanan-"

"It's my fault, Tito . I scolded her so she ran away," si Kajik sa aking likod .

Napalingon agad ako sa kanya . I saw him look at my daddy valiantly . Naunang
magtigil si Daddy nang bumaling sa akin .

" Is it true, Kajik, na siya ang nagtapon noong mga ipis kay Milly? " Millicent' s Dad
inquired peacefully, then .

"It's also my fault, Tito Chester," si Kajik sa matandang Pastrana .

"H-Huh?"

I saw the distaste on his face when he glanced at me . Ilang sandali ay mas
naramdaman ko ang tensyon sa kay Daddy at sa kay Chester Pastrana, two of the most
powerful in their field, in one house .

"She's still in her room, now . Nahimatay ulit," anito .

"I'm sorry, Tito ."

"Chester, I assure you she will not be left unattended," sabi naman ni Tito Uriel
.

Kinagat ko ang labi ko . Magsasalita na sana ako pero naunahan na ako ni Daddy .

"I know the wickedness of my daughter, Karius . Thank you for protecting her but
for
the peace of all, and as our business is also done here, we will leave tonight . I
assure you all that she will learn her lesson . If there are any complications with
your daughter, " sabay baling ni Daddy kay Chester Pastrana . " Please, contact us
immediately ."

"Franco," pigil ni Uriel .

My Daddy only tapped his shoulder as a sign of finality . Hinagkan naman ni Mommy
si
Tita Lucianna para magpaalam bago naglahad ng kamay sa akin .

Hindi ko na nilingon ang kahit sino man sa kanila . Tumakbo ako patungo kay Mommy
at
sumunod na sa kwarto para makuha na ang aming mga gamit at makaalis na roon .

That was, I think, the worst event we had in that mansion . Siguro dahil bukod sa
nangyari sa amin, may tensyon ding ayaw si Daddy roon . Our business was involved .
Rason din siguro kung bakit sa sumunod na taon, hindi na kami bumisita pang muli
roon . Sa Iloilo na lang kami at kahit ilang oras pa ang ibabyahe ni Mommy at
Daddy,
pinagsisikapan nilang kayanin para lang hindi na muling pumunta sa mga Mercadejas .
Hindi ko namalayan na iyon ang naging dahilan ng maraming maraming pagbabago ko .
Just a year ago, I still walk around without combing my hair or checking my face .
I
don't even care about my nails or what I'm wearing . Ibang-iba na sa kalagayan ko
ngayon .

"Andra," a cold voice called me .

Nasa isang classroom ako, kahalikan ang pangatlong boyfriend ko sa taong iyon .
Tinulak ko saglit si Harper at nilingon ang nakatayong si Heather sa hamba ng
pintuan . And like usual, she looked at me with cold eyes .

"What?" tanong ko .

Kahit pumapasok kami sa parehong exclusive school, ibang-iba ang uniporme namin .
Sa
kanya ay kulang na lang pati paa matabunan, ang sa akin naman ay halos kita ang
tuhod .

Pangatlong tawag niya na ito sa akin . Sinubukan akong halikan ulit ni Harper sa
pisngi pero tinulak ko siyang muli para maghintay sa sasabihin ni Heather . Hindi
naman kasi siya ganito palagi . At isa pa, kayang mag-antay ng driver namin kung
iniutos ko .
" Kailangan na talaga nating umuwi . Tumawag na si Tito Franco . Nakarating na ang
mga
bisita ninyo sa bahay ."

Umirap ako at tumayo na . Inayos ko ang necktie ko at binalingan si Harper . I

kissed
him one more time .
"Bukas ulit?" he asked .

"Sure!"

He smirked . Tinalikuran ko naman siya .

" Kapag nakita ko ulit iyong Klaus na ' yon na pumuporma sa' yo, susuntukin ko na
talaga 'yon-"

"Shut it, Harper . I said we're just close friends and that's it," banta ko .
"Suntukin mo at hihiwalayan kita ."

Kitang-kita ko ang pagkakagulat niya . Dumiretso na lang ako sa paglalakad, kasunod

si Heather, tahimik lang .

Si Heather ay anak ng aming mayordoma . She's very brilliant kaya naman pinasubok
ni
Daddy ng scholarship sa school ko . Natanggap siya agad at kung may ibang fee man,
si Daddy na rin ang nagbabayad . Gustong gusto ko kasi si Heather at isa pa, kahit
hindi inuutusan ay nagsisilbi siya para sa pamilya .

Nang nakalayo na roon at napunta na malapit sa parking lot ay dumalas na ang pag
baling ko kay Heather .

"Nakakainis si Harper . Sobrang basagulero . Klaus is nice," I ranted .

Her eyes drifted on my necktie . Gaya ng dati, tahimik parin siya at nakikinig
lang
sa mga sinasabi ko .

"Plus, his ex is very aggresive . You know how much I hate dealing with those girls
.
I ' ve had enough. . . " I said thinking about my many experiences with other girls .
Nakatitig pa rin si Heather sa necktie ko . Bumagsak tuloy ang tingin ko roon at
nakitang medyo magulo iyon at may iilang butones pang hindi naaayos .

"What? That's okay! Pauwi na rin naman tayo and it's not as if I'll wear this
uniform for dinner? Magbibihis din ako sa bahay kaya kahit na hubarin ko 'to
ngayon, ayos na!" paliwanag ko .

Inangat niya ang mapanuring mata sa akin .

"Ikaw ang bahala," aniya at nauna nang sumakay sa aming SUV .

Umirap ako at ginaya ang sinabi niya sa ere .

"You're just very conservative, Heather . Ang mabuti pa, ayusan kita para magbago
naman ang nerdy image mo . Magaling na ako sa mga damit at make up ngayon-"

"No, thanks . Concern lang talaga ako sa damit at neck tie mo . Dapat mong ayusin
iyan ."

Tumawa ako . "Kahapon ganito rin, ah? Hindi mo naman ako sinita . Maybe it's your
period that's why you're so grumpy ."

I smiled crazily while she's serious . Nagkatinginan kaming dalawa .

"Bahala ka . Basta sinabi ko sa'yo," tanging sinabi niya .

Para asarin siya, tinanggal ko ang pangatlong butones ng uniform ko at ipinakita sa

kanya .

"Does this offend you, Heather?" tukso ko .

She sighed and shook her head .

I laughed crazily again at my serious friend . Nothing bad will ever happen to me
.
Don't worry .

Kabanata 5
Kabanata 5

Break Up

Ang sabi nila, one way to get over your feelings for someone is to tell them about
it . I did exactly that years ago . Somehow, it gave me closure . Ang malaman na
hindi
kami pareho ng nararamdaman at ang pag-asa niyang makakahanap ako ng iba,
nagpapanatag sa akin kahit paano .

I cannot say that I've really forgotten him now but I just feel like thinking about
it is a dead end to me . Ilang taon na lang o baka sa taong ito, ikakasal na siya .
Isipin ko man siya, wala na rin akong magagawa .

Pinanghawakan ko ang sinabi niya na makakahanap ako ng iba . And especially

besides,
this world doesn't revolve mainly on things like that . We have other issues to
think of . I have other things to face, like my studies and the responsibilities I
will soon take over . Kaya naman, natanto ko rin na ang parteng iyon sa buhay ko,
pwedeng gawing libangan - a comic relief for a life that's full of expectations and
responsibilities .
Tutal . . . ang tanging seryosong naramdaman ko, hindi naman nasuklian .

Indeed, it entertained me a bit . Boys are funny and predictable . Isa pa, I like
hanging out with them more than girls . Siguro dahil na rin sapat na sa akin si
Heather, and sometimes when Cresia visits at home, I have enough girl to girl
interaction .

Lumabas na ako agad sa sasakyan pagkapark pa lamang nito sa tapat ng aming bahay .
Our house here in Manila may be not as grand as our houses in Iloilo but it is
still grand, anyway .

The 10-bedroom classic-contemporary house was built just as my Daddy's bidding .

Bukod kasi sa narito ang main office ng kompanya sa Manila, madalas din siya sa
pinakamalaki at pinakabagong shipyard namin sa Batangas . Because of that, hindi na
katakataka na rito ako sa Manila mag-aral, gustuhin ko man sa Iloilo .

Bungad ang naglalakihang salaming bintana na nagbigay ng napapanahong anyo ng

bahay, hindi mo aakalaing sa loob nito ay puno ng naglalakihang muwebles, halos
antigo, kahit maging ang mga chandelier nito .

Nalalatagan ang bakuran ng properly-trimmed grass and some shrubs in their huge
aesthetic pots . Didiretso na sana ako papasok sa malaking glass door namin nang
narinig ko ang tawanan sa kanang bahagi ng bakuran, kung nasaan ang aming swimming
pool .

"Magbihis ka muna," ani Heather, medyo nag-aalala ang tinig .

Hindi na ako nagpaapekto sa kaibigan . Dumiretso na ako sa pool side para bumati
kay
Mommy at Daddy bago umakyat ng kwarto . Nakangiti pa ako nang naglalakad patungo
roon . Nakita kong naglalapag ng inumin ang iilan naming housemaids nang namataan
ako ni Mommy . She raised her hand to call me kaya mas bumilis ang lakad ko .

Nang bumaling sa kung sinu-sino ang kausap nila sa lamesa ay halos matigilan ako .
The smile faded on my lips and I suddenly want to sprint to our back door just to
get away from it all!

In front of my Mommy and Daddy are Tito Uriel, Tita Lucianna, and their youngest
son, Karius Jandrik . Instantly, my heart started its usual intense booming . Lalo
na
nang tiningnan ako ng pangatlo sa paraang nagpapakaba lagi sa akin . Those thick
brows were a bit wrinkled and his lips in a grim line as he shifted on his seat .

I stupidly stared at him and the changes I noticed . Ilang sandali pa bago ako
nakabawi . Halos slow motion ang lakad ko at ang pintig ng puso ko .

"Dear Andra," Mommy called at doon ko natantong hindi ko na naisip na lumapit sa

parents ko para humalik o bumati dahil abala ako sa pagtitig sa kanya .

"M-Mommy . . ."

Maagap kong nilapitan si Mommy at hinalikan na . Ganoon din si Daddy, but he's
busy
talking to Tito Uriel .

"Andra, you matured! Parang kailan lang, naglalaro ka pa sa amin!" puna ni

Tita Lucianna .

I smiled and kissed Tita Lucianna, too . Nagmano naman ako kay Tito Uriel .

"Thank you, po," sabi ko .

"Hay naku, Lucianna . I was wondering when she'll stop playing like a child just a
year ago and now I regret it!" si Mommy na nagsisimula na naman sa kanyang madalas
na linya .

"Mom! Stop it . It's embarrassing!"

Sinulyapan ko si Kajik sa tabi ni Tita Lucianna . His eyes remained dark . Bumagsak
na iyon sa aking dibdib . I'm torn between greeting him and running off . Pero
dahil
nasa akin ang atensyon ni Mommy at Tita Lucianna, I guess it would cause a scene if
I ran off without greeting Kajik .

"H-Hello! Nice to see you," sabi ko .

His eyes stayed on my chest for a while . Mas lalong kumunot ang noo niya . Kung
hindi ako nagkakamali, ang bumalatay sa mukha niya ang pagkakasuya sa kung ano .
Medyo matagal kong naisip kung bakit at nang nalaman ko, bumagsak naman ang tingin
niya sa aking skirt .

"M-Mommy, magbibihis lang ako," agap ko sabay hawak sa damit .

Nasisiguro kong nakatunghay ang balat ng aking dibdib, hindi lang napansin ng mga
matatanda dahil abala sa pakikisama .

Tumango lamang si Mommy at hinayaan akong umalis doon . To my horror, I heard

Kajik
excusing himself! To my curiosity, nilingon ko ang grupo at nakitang naglalakad na
si Kajik sunod sa akin!

Mas lalo kong binilisan ang lakad ko . Sa nanginginig namang kamay ay unti-unti
kong
inayos ang butones ng damit . Sa gilid ng aking mga mata, nakita ko si Heather na
naka pagbihis na ng pambahay at tahimik na pinapanood ang kagustuhan kong makaakyat
na sa hagdanan namin .

I can sense her want to say something but she noticed what's going on . Alam ko
dahil dumikit ang kanyang mga mata sa likod ko!

Halos napabuntong hininga ako nang nakaapak na sa unang baitan ng hagdanan nang
isang mainit na kamay ang sumakop sa braso ko .

"Not so fast, Andra," malamig niyang sinabi at pinaharap ako .

My hands trembled . Hindi ko pa nabubutones ang pang huling butones dahil sa kaba
ko . His eyes darted on it . His dark eyes narrowed and wore a slick of anger that
made me breathe with difficulty .

Marahas niyang hinatak ang kamay ko, para siguro matanggal iyon doon at mas makita
kung ano ang tinatago . Dahil mariin ang hawak ko sa blusa, maging ito ay marahas
ding nahila . Three or four buttons flew in the air briskly . Nanlalaki ang mga
mata
ko sa insulto sa ginawa niya .

"What are you hiding?" he said bluntly .

At kung hindi pa matinding galit ang naramdaman ko sa pwersa niya, mas matinding
poot naman ang nakikita ko sa mga mata niya .

"What the?" I protested .

At kahit nakapatong na ako sa unang baitan ng hagdan at siya, hindi, mas matangkad
parin siya sa akin .
"Kiss marks, really, Andra?" he said with annoyance so pure .

The fuck?

I tried to look at my chest to see if there were any of what he's talking about
pero wala naman akong makita! But then Harper kissed me on my neck kanina, hindi
kaya?

"M-Magbibihis lang ako," sabi ko at tinalikuran si Kajik .

Ilang hakbang agad sa hagdanan ang nakain ng aking mga paa pero agad din siyang
humakbang doon para abutan ako . Hinawakan niyang muli ang braso ko para mapaharap
.

"Is that what you do now? You play things like that with boys?" he said
malisciously .

"I-I don't play! I have a boyfriend, alright?" I said guiltily .

Sa titig niya at sa paglapit niya sa baitan ko, nararamdaman ko na wala siyang ni

konting pakealam sa huling sinabi ko . I smiled bitterly . Bakit siya magkakaroon
ng
pakialam, hindi ba?

"You are still very young for anything like that!" he growled aggressively .

Deeply insulted and feeling hurt, hindi ko na nakayanan pa ang sarili . Bukod sa
muli niyang pinamukha sa akin iyan, pakiramdam ko, muli niya akong tinanggihan .
Imbes na ipakita ang tunay na nararamdaman ko, pinigilan ko ang sarili ko . I have
done enough years ago . It' s time to rebuild my lost pride, the one I don' t usually
give up kung hindi lang para sa kanya .

" Well, not bad for an experience, huh? " I tried to smile sweetly kahit na kabado na
ako sa malisyoso niyang tanong .

"Experience? So, ganyan na ang asta mo ngayon?" he said looking a bit agitated

I smiled calmly . Dahil sa mga sinabi ko at sa pagsubok kong maging mas maayos,
nakalma naman ako . I know that he's just being "brotherly" and "protective" of me
.

"Magbibihis lang ako," ulit ko at tinalikuran na siya .

I heard him groan like a hurt animal . Ngumuso ako at bago pa siya malingon muli ay
nagsalita na .

"So you're doing this for experience?" bawi niya, mas lalong nagiging buo at
mababa
ang boses . "Umaasta kang mumurahin para magkaroon ng karanasan?"

Umirap ako at nilingon muli siya . Dapat akong magalit sa sinabi niya . Mumurahin
daw
ako! But then, I saw him so darkly angry na imbes na magalit, nagulat pa ako! How
attractive can he be looking like a ruthless, hard man? And I think my strange
expression made him angrier .

"Look . It's not as if you did not have a phase like this . I grew up watching you
play with girls," nangingiti kong sinabi .

Suminghap siya at tumingala . His brow creased and he shut his eyes tightly,
pinipigilan pang magalit lalo .

"Bihis lang ako," panghuling paalam ko at dumiretso na sa kwarto .

Pagkasarado ko ng pintuan sa kwarto ay roon ko lang mas lalong naramdaman ang
hagupit ng pintig ng puso ko . I don' t know if it' s the sudden sprint or something
else but . . . for a few foolish moment, a smile crept on my lips .

Somehow, his frustrated image on our staircase made me shut my eyes tightly a bit
.

"Andra, he's not for you," I reminded myself before finally moving .

Sinarado ko na rin ang pintuan ng banyo . At ilang sandali pa akong tumunganga sa

harap ng malaking salamin bago tuluyang tinitigan ang sarili . There's a kissmark
on
my neck . Hindi ko kita iyon kanina dahil kailangan pa ng salamin .

I groaned and shook my head . Really, Harper? Humanda ka bukas! Hihiwalayan kita!

Ilang sandali kong tinabunan ang mukha ng mga palad sa pag-iisip sa nangyayari .
And
while I was silent in front of the mirror, my heart is noisily booming like a
defective percussion instrument . Tinanggap ko na ang katotohanang hindi siya para
sa akin pero siguro nga, hindi ko maiiwasang kabahan ng ganito . He was my
childhood
crush . . . He's older than me and somehow my choices today have slightly been
anchored on my experiences with him . . . or simply . . . him .

Tinitigan ko ang itsura ko sa salamin habang unti-unting naghuhubad ng damit . Gaya

ng dati, I am still very slender . My bones are showing from the collarbones at
kahit sa balikat . Ang pusyaw ng yellowish-tan kong kulay ay bumagay sa buhok kong
madilim ng ilang kaunti lamang doon .

My almond eyes are very symmetrical . Kahit ang kilay, ang ilong, ang mapusyaw na
labi, at ang guwang sa pisngi ay proporsyunado rin . Wala akong reklamo sa aking
mukha . I was often praised for having a " perfect face" and they always say I am
perfect for high fashion modelling, pero isa lang ang insekyuridad ko . My body did
not grow much unlike the girls I know my age . At hindi miminsan kong hiniling na
sana bukod sa edad ko, kasabay rin ng pag mature nito ang katawan ko .

Though, nobody ever tried to make fun of it . I just always think of Jandrik's
girls
and can't help but compare myself to them!

See? My weird attraction for him developed a deep-rooted insecurity in me .

Naligo ako at nagbihis na . Pinili ko ang isang damit na turtle neck para maitago
iyon . I have to remind myself to rant on Heather for not pointing it out . Niyaya
niya man akong magbihis, ' di niya naman sinabi kung anong meron! ? Ugh! Forget it!
There's no point in blaming someone else now . Kasalanan ko rin at hinayaan kong
mangyari iyon .

Isang itim na turtle neck dress ang suot ko palabas ng kwarto . Hindi na rin ako
nagulat nang nakita si Heather sa sala, at matamang nakatingin sa akin .

"Hindi ko inasahan ang eksenang natunghayan ko kanina . Akala ko ba ayaw niya

sa'yo?" she said without emotion .

Umirap ako . "Ayaw nga! Kaya nga ininsulto ako, 'di ba? Didn't you hear all our
shouting? "

"Hmmmm . . ." she said like she doubts that .

Umiling na lamang ako at nagpatuloy na sa paglalakad patungo sa aming poolside .

Dumilim na . Doon yata nila plano kumain kaya doon na rin ang tungo ko . Kajik was
already seated in front of the chair for me . He still looks so darkly pissed .
Tumikhim lamang ako sa kaonting takot na maramdaman ng parents namin na nag-aaway
na naman kami .
Hindi ako makatingin ng diretso sa kanya . Pero nang sulyapan ko siya ng isang
beses, I found him staring darkly at my neck . Nang inangat niya ang tingin sa akin
ay iniwas ko naman ang mga mata ko . He sipped on his water and I sipped on mine,
too . Kahit na turtle neck ang suot ko, sinubukan ko paring ayusin iyon na para
bang
nakikita niya parin ang kiss mark .

"Andra, they bought a home here in our village, kaya napabisita rito," si Mommy .

Tumango ako at ngumiti kay Tito Uriel at Tita Lucianna .

"You should go there some time, hija . Bumisita ka kahit wala kami para magkaroon
naman ng buhay ang malaking bahay na iyon . "

Ngumiti ako . "I will try, Tita ."

They bought a house here?! Though, I don't think they would hang around their
house . Sa pagkakaalam ko, busy silang mga tao . Hindi nga namamalagi sa Costa
Leona,
rito pa kaya? But the thought that we're somehow neighbors excited me .

Tito Uriel is sipping on his wine while our housemaids started the courses for
dinner . Muli akong tumingin kay Kajik at naabutan ko ulit ang mariing titig niya .
Agad nawala nang nagsimula si Tito sa pagsasalita .

"I am very disappointed with what happened to Zamiel ."

Kunot-noo akong nakinig doon . Bakit? Ano ang nangyari kay Zamiel?

"I feel bad about it, too . Pasensya na at hindi kami nakapunta sa party na iyon
dahil abala rin kami sa trabaho," si Daddy .

"Kahihiyan iyon sa amin . I am disappointed with the Zalduas . Although, Matilda

said
wala siyang kinalaman doon at humingi rin ng tawad ang anak niya, kahihiyan paring
maituturing ang nangyari ."

What happened?

" True, " Tita Lucianna said . " And what' s worse, Zamiel is not interested to marry
the real Daniella Zaldua anymore . I guess it' s ego but I understand my son .
Napahiya rin siya . Hindi ganoon ka dali iyon ."

"But if he marries the real Daniella Zaldua, mawawala sana ang usaping ito . That
would have been a better choice, you think, Franco?"

Umiinom ng wine si Daddy at tahimik ngunit seryosong nakikinig sa usapin .

"I am not sure with things like that, Uriel . It's safe to say that we cannot
relate?" Daddy chuckled forcefully .

"Hmm . Bakit ba kasi kayo naloko noong pekeng Daniella? You should do a background
check next time, " si Mommy naman ngayon .

"Well, for Karius, I don't think I will have any hard time . . ." si Tito Uriel .

Napakurap-kurap ako at napatingin sa lalaking nasa harap ko . His brow creased

habang nakikinig sa sinasabi ni Tito Uriel .

"He's the most reasonable among them . He knows the importance of marriages like
these . He knows it will boost our company . Hindi siya tulad ni Zamiel na umaatras
sa mga ganitong klaseng bagay . "

Mapait kong binagsak ang mga mata sa aking pagkain .

"Oh, Karius must be very pressured since his brother's engagement was a fail," si
Mommy .

Tumawa si Tita Lucianna . " Well, he' s always efficient with almost anything . Both
Ali and Ivo usually rely on him when they're busy and he's always effective . Kaya
nasisiguro ko na kahit sa pagpapakasal o pag-aasawa, ganoon din siya .

Nilingon ni Tita Lucianna si Kajik at makahulugang nginitian . His expression

remained brooding though . Uminom ako ng tubig at nagsimula na lang kumain habang
pinag-uusapan ang tungkol doon .

"Although, palilipasin muna namin ang nangyari kay Zamiel bago muling mag pahayag
ng engagement ni Karius . "

Oh holy hell . Do I need to hear this?

"I hope it finally goes out well, then," si Mommy na sa pag-inom ng tubig ay
sumulyap sa akin, siguro naalala ang nararamdaman ko noon .

"There will be no problem with this . Karius is the more responsible among the four
of them . Masunurin, matalino, at malawak ang pang unawa . I'm sure he can handle
this ."
The conversation the whole dinner continued that way . Nahahalinhinan lang ng side
topics pero sa huli bumabalik parin sa nalalapit na engagement .

Lalong tumatabang ang opinyon ko habang tumatagal na nakikinig doon . I feel like
Kajik is really that hard to reach . Our worlds are almost touching but it will
remain that way . . . just almost . Kahit anong gawin ko . Kahit pilitin ko .

I sighed and smiled bitterly at that . Walang bago roon . Sanay na ako .

"Come with us, Andra," yaya ni Mommy pagkatapos naming kumain at papasok sila sa
loob para masuri ang isang bahagi ng bahay na karerenovate lang .

Umiling ako at tiningnan ang panghimagas na hindi ko pa nagagalaw .

" Susunod na lang po ako, " mahinahon kong sinabi bago nag- angat ng tingin kay Kajik
.
Akala ko tatayo siya at susunod pero nanatili siya sa harap ko .

Nagkatinginan kaming dalawa . Ang dilim ng kanyang mga mata ay mas lalong nadepina
sa kadiliman ng gabi at sa iilang ilaw na tanging nagliliwanag para sa amin . From
where we are sitting, I can hear the laughs and the voices of our parents getting
along very well inside the large house .

I sighed after a long while thinking of something that made me a bit curious, bukod
sa engagement niya na nasisiguro kong hindi ko itatanong .

"So . . . Zamiel's fiancee or . . . fake fiancee ran away?" I asked .

He nodded stifly, remnants of his anger is still showing .

"Is he fine, though?" tanong ko .

"He's doing well," sagot niya .

I made a face and nodded, too . Halos makarinig na ako ng crickets sa paligid sa
katahimikan namin . He's just looking at me intensely like I did something wrong
and
he's thinking about punishing me or something else .

I tried to make a funny face but his eyes remained leery and maliscious .

"What time do you go to school?" he asked .

"Uh, six thirty?"

"I'll pick you up and send you to school tomorrow ."

My eyes widened . He'll pick me up? Marami akong gustong itanong pero naunahan na
ako ng kaba ko .

"I have things to do on our warehouse on Batangas . Bago ako tutulak, ihahatid
muna
kita sa escuelahan mo ."

"Pero . . . may driver kami . And . . ."

Kinakabahan ako! Nakaugalian pa naman ni Harper na hintayin ako bago pumasok!

Kailangan ko siyang sabihan na huwag nang maghintay sa akin doon . Well, siguro
hihiwalayan ko na lang siya mamaya through a phone call to assure that he won't be
there tomorrow!

Wait nga lang . . . bakit ko iyon gagawin? I assured Kajik I would find someone
else
I'd like . He assured me, I would, too . Bakit ko pagtatakpan ang katotohanang iyon,
kung sakali?

"It's reasonable . I need to go to Batangas that early, too, at madadaanan ang

school mo ."

" Okay, " medyo may pag- aalinlangan kong sinabi . " Batangas? We have our new shipyard
there . Doon ka na ba magtatrabaho madalas? "

"Maybe . . ."

I smirked . Madalas pa naman akong sumama kay Daddy roon kapag weekend . Mukhang
mas
lalong mapapadalas ngayon, ah?

"Where in Batangas?" I asked .

"Our warehouse is just near the port ."

Lumapad ang ngisi ko lalo . Near the port! Ganoon din ang aming shipyard,
s'yempre!

Fine! Alam kong wala akong pag- asa . Bukod sa naipangako siya sa iba, alam ko rin
na
gusto niya si Millicent . Hindi naman siguro masama ang humanga parin, hindi ba?

"D'you have a boyfriend?" he suddenly asked .

Wala na!

You fool! You can say yes, alright? Not like you'll please him if you lie! Pero
hihiwalayan ko na si Harper bukas kaya parang wala na rin, 'di ba?
"Hmm . Meron?"
Umangat ang gilid ng kanyang labi but I sensed the lack of humor for that small
smile . His maliscious eyes told me that it is all just sarcasm . Hindi siya
natutuwa, imbes ay nagagalit pa .

"You're not sure?" he said slowly for the emphasis of each word .

Uminom ako ng tubig para maiwasan ang kaba .

"What do you do during your free time with him?"

"We talk," simple kong sinabi .

"Talk?" he said while looking at my neck .

I shifted on my seat . Inangat ko ng konti ang kuwelyo ng turtle neck ko para bang
kahit meron nito, kita niya parin ang kinaiinisan niyang tanawin .

"Fine . Nagkatuwaan lang kami sa classroom na walang tao . Nag-usap kami . . . and .
. ."

Sumulyap ako sa kanya . Naghihintay siya sa idudugtong ko ngunit sa titig niya pa

lang, lalo lang akong naiilang . He looked at me in a very maliscious way, almost
screaming many of my sins! Hindi ko na nakayanan ang kahihiyan ng pang aakusa ng
mga mata niya . Uminit ang pisngi ko .

"And?"

"A-And . . . W-Well . . ."

He should know what's next to that pero gusto niya pa yatang ako na ang dumugtong
noon!

"Cheap moves from a boy, eh?" he said, smirking without humor .

Kinagat ko ang labi ko . Alam ko ang ibig niyang sabihin . Pero hihiwalayan ko na
nga, 'di ba? Bago ko masabi iyon ay naunahan niya na ako .

"Break up with your boyfriend . He's not good for you," napapaos niyang sinabi .

I know, right?

"He's not the right man for you ."

Huminga ako ng malalim at sa huli, tumango . Sunod-sunuran? Hindi . Alam ko ring

hindi si Harper iyon . Pero . . . siguro . . . talagang sunud-sunuran?

Kabanata 6
Kabanata 6

Feelings

Kuryosong tingin ang iginawad ni Heather sa akin habang pumapasok sa loob ng SUV
ni
Kajik . Ngumiti ako at dumiretso na sa front seat . He is still talking to my
father,
though . Sa nahagip ko kanina, mukhang business naman ang pinag-uusapan .

Sumarado na rin ang pintuan ng likod, kung nasaan si Heather . Nag request kasi
ako
na huwag na kaming ihatid sa school dahil susunduin kami ni Kajik .
Nilingon ko siya at nginitian . She only gave me her blank look, kahit na ganoon,
alam ko ang iniisip niya .

"I broke up with Harper last night . You think mag-aantay siya sa parking
pagkadating natin?" medyo nag-aalala kong sinabi .

"Ano ngayon kung oo?" she fired back mercilessly .

Umagang umaga, naiirita agad ako sa kanyang pahapyaw na sarcasm at mind games .
Ganito siya lagi kaya minsan, hindi ko na siya kinakausap kung ayaw kong ma
realtalk . Tutal, hindi naman siya nagsasalita kung walang nantitrigger sa kanya .

"Jandrik doesn't want Harper as my boyfriend . He thinks he's a bad influence kaya
ayun . Baka makita siya ni Jandrik . . ."

"Ano ngayon kung makita siya ni Mr . Mercadejas? Hindi ba wala siyang dapat na
kontrol sa kung ano man ang desisyon mo?"

Napawi ang pag-aalala ko sa mga sinasabi ni Heather . Masamang tingin ang ipinukol
ko sa kanya bago inayos ang seatbelts at tumahimik . Umikot na at pumasok si Kajik
sa sasakyan .

Umayos ako sa pagkakaupo . Nahagip ko ang sulyap niya sa aking palda . Ngayong
nakaupo, mas lalo itong umiksing tingnan . Halos nakahantad na ang aking hita dahil
sa iksi noon . Inayos ko tuloy dahil naramdaman ko sa tingin niya ag disgusto .

"Uuwi ka ba ng Manila agad?" tanong ko para mawala ang naunang distraction .

He started the engine lazily bago ako sinagot .

"Hindi . Marami pa akong kailangang gawin doon ."

"Oh . . . Then, you'll be there, too, till the weekend?"

"Yes . Maybe ."

I smiled inwardly at that . Just as I had expected . Narinig ko kay Daddy na siya
nga
ang mamamahala sa mga operasyon sa warehouse nila roon . I don't usually go to our
shipyard but I guess I have new reasons now .

He glanced at me . Nagtagal ang tingin niya sa aking labi . Then with an

inexplainable annoyance, he looked straight ahead .

"Baka sumama ako kay Daddy sa weekend . I heard our shipyard is just near your
warehouse ."

He sighed heavily .

Bukod pa sa sinabing narinig, marami pa akong nalaman kagabi pagkauwi ng mga

Mercadejas sa kanila . I heard Ali Mercadejas will assume the highest rank of their
company, MERC, the leading supplier of building materials like cement and all .
Meanwhile, Zamiel and Kajik are both starting a rotomoulding company and a high end
furniture company . Ayon kay Daddy, kahit na ganoon, Kajik is still under Ali' s
company . Hindi pumayag si Ali na umalis siya roon dahil kakailanganin nito ang
tulong lalo na sa operasyong katulad na lamang ng pag eexport at iba pa .

While Ali cannot try and convince Zamiel to stay in the company because he is
desperate to build his own, Kajik made it all look easy to operate three companies
at a time, kahit pa noong nag-aaral pa ito .

" Salamat sa paghatid, Mr . Mercadejas . Mauna na ako, " si Heather nang nakapagpark
na
ang sasakyan ni Kajik .

Huminga ako ng malalim nang nakita ang labas na wala namang nag-aantay na Harper .
Bukod sa hindi niya makikilala ang SUV na sinasakyan ko, paniguradong masama ang
loob noon sa pakikipaghiwalay ko kagabi .

Dahan-dahan kong tinanggal ang seatbelts ko . Bumukas na ang pintuan ni Heather at

lumabas na siya roon . Nilingon ko si Kajik na sinusuyod ang iilang abalang
estudyante sa paligid bago bumaling sa akin . His brows furrowed for a moment . I
opened the door at mabilis ding tumayo bago siya nilingon .

Naabutan ko siyang nakatingin na naman sa palda ko, medyo suplado at may halong
iritasyon pa ang itsura .

"Your skirt is too short . Is that even allowed to look like that?" he asked .

Dinungaw ko iyon . Ngumuso ako bago nag-angat muli ng tingin sa kanya .

"I guess so . Hindi naman ako sinisita at isa pa, I like it this way . . . it's
comfortable," I said .

He opened his mouth for a brief while . Napansin ko ang pagdaan ng kung ano sa
kanyang ekspresyon pero panandalian lang iyon . His eyes immediately darkened,
shutting every little emotion I could read from his eyes out . Ginawa ko iyong
senyales para isarado na ang pinto . Isa pa, I don' t want Harper to spot me here
from somewhere . Baka pa lumapit at makita pa ni Kajik iyon .

The window opened while the engine roared . I licked my lower lip, the booming of
my
heart is excruciatingly painful against my chest .

"Your boyfriend?" he asked with the same dark expression .

Umiling ako . "Hiniwalayan ko na ."

He nodded . A bit of satisfaction was etched on his dark face .

Without formalities of goodbye, sinarado niya na ang bintana at pinaandar niya na

ang sasakyan, paalis ng campus .

Naramdaman ko ang pag-alis ni Heather sa likod ko . Hinayaan ko na siya dahil

nanatili akong nakatitig sa itim na SUV na paunti-unting nawawala sa aking
paningin .

"Who's that?" Klaus' familiar voice echoed behind me .

Hindi ko na kailangang tingnan siya para kumpirmahing siya nga iyon . Natulala na
lang ako sa malayong gate ng escuelahan, kung saan nawala ang itim na sasakyan ni
Kajik .

"New car?" Klaus asked .

"Nope," sabi ko bago natauhan at nilingon na si Klaus .

Klaus is a pretty curly-haired play boy . Mestizo siya at hindi ko magawang

magkagusto kahit pa noon pa man, nagpapahiwatig na ng interes . And I must admit, I
kind of developed a good kind of platonic relationship between us . Or at least
for
me .

"Anyway, guess what? Your boyfriend . . . I mean now ex boyfriend almost killed me!
He
thinks you' re cheating with me, Andra . Hindi ko alam ' yon, ah? We haven' t even
kissed..." pagmamaktol niya, umagang umaga habang sinusundan ako sa paglalakad .

Nararamdaman kong pinagtitinginan kami ng ilang estudyante sa campus . Now, I have

an explanation for all their weird stares at me .

"We have not, Klaus, dahil hindi naman tayo . 'Tsaka, hayaan mo na si Harper-"

Kasasabi ko lang noon ay nakita ko na kaagad si Harper na palapit sa amin, kasama

pa ang tropa niya, kitang- kita ang galit . Umirap ako at umiwas na agad sa daanan .
Akala ko makakatakas na ako pero ilang hakbang pa lang ay narinig ko na ang tili
dahil sa pagkakasuntok ni Harper kay Klaus .

Imbes na tumakas, hindi ko naman maiwan si Klaus . I turned to him . Nakaupo na

siya
sa lupa, hawak ang namumulang panga habang si Harper ay galit . Sinusubukan nitong
iangat si Klaus gamit ang kuwelyo para masuntok ulit .

"What the hell, Harper?" I shouted at him habang pumapagitna .

Si Heather ay mabilis na dumalo . Tumayo rin si Klaus sa galit ay halos maitulak pa

ako para lang makasuntok pabalik . Pinaikutan kami ng usiserong mga classmates at
schoolmates, ang iba't nagpipigil kay Klaus ang iba naman ay kay Harper .

"Iyan ba ang ipinalit mo sa akin, Andra?" sabay turo niya kay Klaus .

Yesterday, I told him I want to break up with him . Na hindi ko gusto ang ginawa
niya sa leeg ko, He find my reason shallow kaya mas lalo kaming nag-away . Binabaan
ko siya ng ilang beses pero nanggugulo parin . Ang tanging pwede kong irason sa
kanya na nasisiguro kong titigilan niya ako, kahit pansamantala, sa gabing iyon ay
ang sabihing may iba akong gusto .

"Ano ngayon, ha?" agresibong sinubukan ni Klaus na suntukin si Harper .

Bahagyang sumakit ang ulo ko sa kaguluhan . Lalo na nang tumili ang mga nanonood .

Hindi si Klaus ang iniisip ko nang sabihin ko kay Harper na may iba akong gusto .
Pero ngayong tila inaamin ni Klaus na siya nga iyon, ang hirap hirap nang
ipaliwanag na hindi lalo na sa ganitong sitwasyon!

"Will you please stop it, Harper? Why can't you just accept my decision-"

"What is this commotion all about?" I heard the voice of our prefect somewhere .

Mariin akong pumikit nang natanto kung saan hahantong ang kaguluhang ito . Gusto
kong subukan ang swerte ko at isiping may paraan pa para makawala pero sa huli ay
natanto kong wala na talaga .

"Oh for Pete's sake, Miss Lopez? Two boys fighting again?!"

Dumilat ako para makita ang itsura ng aming prefect . Behind her spectacles, she's
very dismayed by my, yet again, issue with boys .

Hindi pa ako nakakatungtong sa classroom, nasa prefect's office na ako . At hindi

pa
nag-iisang oras doon, naroon na si Daddy kasama ang kanyang sekretarya, inaayos ang
kung anong atraso ko patungkol na naman sa mga lalaki, gaya ng dati .
"Thank you, Mr . Lopez . Hindi namin kayo ipapatawag kung hindi importante . We were
just alarmed by the number of the same cases she had for this school year," anang
Prefect nang pinayagan na akong pumasok sa opisina .

Sumulyap si Daddy sa akin . I smiled cutely at him . Lumalim lalo ang gitla ng
kanyang noo bago muling bumaling sa aming prefect .

"She's a brilliant student . Maganda ang grades so far but she's always involved
in
this kind of issues . I'm afraid it might ruin her studies and career when time
comes . . ."

"I'm sorry for my daughter's behavior, Mrs . Rafal . Expect I will find a solution
at
home . Thank you for being patient," si Daddy pagkatapos ay tumayo na .

Tumayo rin ang aming Prefect at nagkamayan na ang dalawa . Lumipat ang tingin ni
Mrs . Rafal sa akin at dismayado muli akong inilingan . Nang lumabas kami, hinanda
ko
na ang sarili ko sa mga pwede niyang sabihin sa akin tungkol sa nangyari .

" I have plenty of works to do today, Andra . Please, stay out of trouble, " ani
Daddy
at hinalikan na lamang ako sa noo .

Tumango ako, hindi sigurado kung talaga bang naiintindihan ang sinabi ni Daddy .

"Listen, hija, hindi laro ang bagay na iyan . I know you're too young to
understand
the seriousness of it but I hope one day you realize that you shouldn't play with
other people' s feelings . "

Umiling ako . "I'm sorry, Daddy . These boys are killing me . . ."

Pagod na bumuntong-hininga si Daddy sa akin at sa huli ay tinapik ang balikat ko .

"Feelings fade, Andra . Don't make it fade faster by entertaining boys . Be

patient..." makahulugang sinabi ni Daddy .

Bahagya kong naramdaman na naiintindihan ko ang ibig sabihin ni Daddy . Pero nang
sumeryosong muli ang kanyang mga mata ay nakalimutan ko kaagad kung ano maaari ang
ibig niyang sabihin .

"I have to go now . Go back to your classroom and behave ."

I sighed at that . My father is too busy to reprimand me more . At masaya ako roon,
lalo na dahil sa pagkakataong ito, wala naman talaga akong kasalanan . These boys
are going to kill me eventually .

"Hi, Andra!" bati ng isang senior namin nang dumaan ako sa kanilang classroom .

I smiled at him pero nagpatuloy rin sa paglalakad . Huli na nang lingunin siya at
naisip kung ano kaya ang pakiramdam na makarelasyon ang isang lalaking may ilang
taon ang agwat sa akin . Of course, I know where that curiosity came from . Sa huli,
nagpatuloy ako sa paglalakad . . . I let that thoight slip off, at least for that
stupid messy day . Next time ko na iyon iisipin . . . kapag bored na ulit ako .

"Pinagalitan ka?" salubong ni Heather sa akin pagkaupo ko sa aking silya .

Nilingon ako ng iilang kaibigan, gusto rin yatang magtanong pero dahil may teacher
sa harap ay hindi ginagawa . Si Heather lang na katabi ko ang kayang gawin iyon .

Umiling ako . I know it won't shock her . She sighed .

"Heather..." tawag ko nang muling binisita ng isang iniisip kanina . "What do you
think of Nate?"

Sinimangutan ako ni Heather . Hindi ko alam kung dahil ba may iba na naman akong
iniisip o dahil hindi niya kilala ang tinutukoy ko .

"Iyong senior na gwapo at magaling mag basketball? You think he'll make a fine
boyfriend?" I smirked at her now bored expression .

Inaamin ko, simula nang nalaman ko na naroon nga si Kajik sa warehouse nila, wala
na akong inisip na iba kundi ang weekend ng bawat linggo ko . I convinced myself
that I am doing it all just for the fun of it, and nothing serious . Weekdays, I
let
boys court me at school . I get entertained a lot by their funny jokes and
ridiculously cool vibes . And for the weekends, I go with my father in Batangas .

Tiningnan ko ang buwan na unti-unting nawawala dahil sa liwanag ng paparating na

araw . Kulay asul ang langit, hindi pa umaangat ang haring araw pero naaaninag na
ang paligid dahil sa hudyat ng umaga .

Nothing will ever be stay, not the night . . . nor the morning . . . not the moon .
. . or
the sun . Everything fades . . . eventually .

Slowly, I realized that maybe . . . this world is full of fleeting feelings .

Happiness
fades when you meet an unfortunate event . Sadness lightens up when you are
showered
with blessings . And maybe . . . love is a fleeting feeling, too . Fictional . It is
not
eternal . It ends . . . and the only question is when . Gaya ng sabi ni Daddy, I just
have to be patient . I don't need to try hard to forget . In fact, I can enjoy the
feeling while it lasts .

Ipinatong ko ang kanang paa ko sa kaliwang paa . Ramdam na ramdam ko ang lamig
doon
habang nakapatong sa isang palapag ng kulay abong trailer . Nakatungtong ito sa
isang talampas, natutunghayan ko sa harap ang mangasul-ngasul na dagat ng Batangas
.
On my left are the tons and tons of warehouses and the port . On my right is our
largest and most active shipyard in the country .

Amoy ng pinaghalong alat ng dagat, kalawang, usok, langis, at nasusunog na goma

ang
umatake sa aking diwa . Ganito palagi kapag narito ako . Although I have developed
a
passion for ships, I disliked the dirty work . Pero ngayon, ang pinagmamasdan kong
naglalakihang tore ng mga asero, cranes, at mga dambuhalang tambak ng mga trailer
sa malayo ay unti-unti kong na aappreciate .

Tumayo ako sa trailer na kinauupuan at tumingkayad nang nakita ang unang sinag ng
araw sa araw na iyon . Birds flocked above me as the sound of the ship's horn
thundered loudly, announcing its arrival or departure .

Kadarating lang namin ng pamilya ko rito kaninang madaling araw . Pinili ni Mommy
at
Daddy na matulog muna sa loob ng aming dalawang palapag na bahay hindi kalayuan sa
opisina ng shipyard, habang ako'y pinili na hintayin ang pagsikat ng araw .

Binisita kong muli ng tingin ang kaliwa ko nang napansin ang grupo ng mga lalaki
palabas sa isa sa mga warehouse ng MERC . Kahit sa malayo, tanaw ko ang lalaking
dahilan kung bakit nagkaroon ako ng interes na sumama rito .
 Without care, I jumped from the trailer where I was and started my half-run
towards
the large gates of our property . Binuksan ko iyon at halos patakbong dumausdos
patungo sa malawak at patag na konkretong daan sa harap ng warehouse na iyon .

Lumipat ang mga mata ni Kajik sa akin kahit pa may kausap siya . I smiled weakly
and
waved at him . He did not smile back or whatever . Instead, he turned to the man
he's
talking to and said something briefly . Tumango ang tatlong kausap nito bago
tuluyang umalis at iwan siya .

Lumapad lalo ang ngisi ko at nilapitan siya . Tiningala niya ang nakaangat na
talampas, kung saan ako galing .

" Hi! Good morning! Sumama ako kay Mommy at Daddy sa shipyard namin, " balita ko sa
kanya sa maliit na boses .

Tumango siya . "Kailan lang kayo dumating?"

"Kaninang madaling araw . Uh . . ."

Nilingon ko ang warehouse sa likod niya . I understand that his office might be
somewhere there but I can't imagine him sleeping in that place . O may kwarto ba sa
opisina niya?

"Diyan ka ba sa warehouse na 'yan natutulog?" I asked .

He nodded . "Minsan sa resort o hotel . Depende sa trabaho ."

Ngumuso ako . Tama nga ang hinala ko . I admired him a little bit more now that I
realized that he's not living a grand life in here .

"Paano ang pagkain mo?"

"I have a little kitchen in my office where I can cook . Sometimes, I order food-"

"Sa amin ka na mag-almusal ngayon! Matutuwa si Mommy at Daddy for sure . . ."

For a moment, I thought he'd reject me . Nanuyo agad ang lalamunan ko pero kalaunan
ay tumango siya . Lalong lumapad ang ngiti ko at nagpatiuna na sa paglalakad
patungo
sa aming gate .

" Andra, where have you been? Hindi ka na natulog, " naririnig kong tawag ni Mommy sa
akin habang nilalatag na ang iilang pagkain sa hapag ng bilugang mesa namin sa
labas .

Hindi ko na kailangang magpaliwanag nang nakita ni Mommy kung sino ang kasama ko sa
likod . Nagkatinginan silang dalawa ni Daddy . A silent communication ran through in
between them bago nila binalik ang tingin sa amin at sa lalaking nasa likod ko .

"Karius, hijo..." Tumayo si Daddy at sinalubong na si Kajik .

I smiled and looked at them get along well . Nang nalingunan si Mommy ay namataan
ko
ang malungkot niyang tingin sa akin .

"Good morning, Tita, Tito . . . I was shocked to see Andra in front of the
warehouse .
Nasabi niyang nandito nga kayo para sa weekend ."

" Oh, we always come here on weekends, hijo . Andra doesn' t want to go with us much
because of her usual activities pero ngayon, sumama na siya ."

Ngumiti si Kajik at bumaling sa akin . His lips twisted a bit and I can't help but
blush profusely .

"Come . Let's have breakfast together . I hope you're not very busy even on your
weekends? " si Daddy .
"Not really, Tito . But I still work on Saturdays ."

Daddy laughed . "Ah . . . That's natural for a businessman . I just hope you're not
going to tell me that even on Sundays, hijo? "

"On Sundays, too, actually . Pero mas madalas ko pong inuubos ang oras ko sa ibang
nakahihiligang bagay tuwing Linggo ."

"Oh . That's good . I hope for hobbies?" makahulugang ngumisi si Daddy .

"Of course, hobbies, Tito . Maraming pwede gawin kapag nandito sa lugar na ito ."

The conversation went on and on . Kuntento na ako sa pakikinig ng mga sinasabi ni

Kajik kay Daddy . Kahit na hindi kami nag-uusap, parang nakikilala ko siya lalo
dahil sa mga kwentuhan nila .

I ' ve known ever since that he' s very active like the rest of the Mercadejas' boys .
Pero hindi ko inakala na ganito ka grabe ang mga activities at adventures na
nakakahiligan ng isang katulad niya . He can motocross . He knows mixed martial arts
.
He likes trekking and swimming, in fact he's join triathlons before . He's visited
and skid on the famous Zermatt and some other places . Marami pang iba!

I am not very sporty . I spend most of my time drawing and hanging out with my
friends on our usual spots . Kaya mas lalo akong nahiyang sumama sa usapan ngayong
natanto kong halos hindi pala siya makatigil sa pagkilos . He's very, very active .
And that's an understatement . That probably explains his well cut, lean body .

Natapos ang isang oras ng breakfast sa isang iglap . Sobrang dismayado ako nang
may
tumawag kay Kajik sa cellphone at nalaman nitong may maliit na problema kaya
kailangan niyang bumalik sa warehouse .

Sinamantala ko na lamang iyon para makaligo at makapagbihis ng mas magandang damit

.
Wearing a floral sweetheart dress and flats with ribbons on it, sinuklay ko ang
mamasa-masang buhok habang binoblowdry ito . I remember Heather doing the job back
home . Hindi nga lang sumama dahil hindi naman talaga kami madalas sumama ni Mommy
rito sa shipyard .

I finished my look with a small tint on my lips . Lumabas na ako ng kwarto . Our
sleek gray and modern house looked so bare . Wala masyadong muwebles bukod pa sa
mga
appliances sa kusina nito . Hindi na nag-abalang lagyan ng Mommy at Daddy dahil
hindi naman kami laging naroon .

"Andra, saan ka pupunta?" tanong ni Mommy nang naabutan ang pagmamadali ko .

Nakitaan ko ng bahagyang pagkakagulat ang mukha niya nang natanaw akong mabuti . I
smiled at her .

"Sa warehouse po . May titingnan lang . . ." sabi ko .

Nagtagal ang tingin ni Mommy sa akin . Hindi na rin niya ako tinanong pa ng kahit
ano kaya nagpatuloy na ako . Gaya ng pagbaba ko kanina nang nakita si Kajik, ganoon
din ang pagbaba ko ngayon .

The mighty sun is already up and reigning . Alas nuebe na ng umaga at tanaw galing
sa talampas ang abalang daungan sa malayo . Abala rin ang warehouse sa
sangkaterbang
hinahakot na mga sako ng semento patungo sa maraming nag-aabang na lantsa at barko
.

Iniwasan ko ang mga tractor na may tambak na saku-sakong simento sa harap bago
tuluyang nakapasok sa bukana ng warehouse na pinanggalingan ni Kajik kaninang
umaga .

My jaw dropped when I saw the tons of piled sacks of cement on the side . Sa laki
ng
warehouse, kahit nakabukas ang ilaw, madilim parin iyon . Sa kaliwang bahagi nito
ay
isang de-aircon na mga silid . I quickly understood that it may be Kajik's office
and such .

Men of all ages, their laborers, looked at me . Iilan ang naringgan kong sumasaway
sa mas nakababatang mga trabahante .

" Magtrabaho na kayo . Anak ' yan ni Franco Lopez! " sabi ng isang matanda nang
tumigil
ang isang tractor sa harap ko, medyo nagulat ang driver sa prisensya ko .

Without any questions to the people or the men around, I ran towards the offices .
Abala kaya iilang mga tao ang labas masok doon . Sa paglabas ng isang matandang
babae, namataan ko ang seryosong pakikipag-usap ni Kajik sa iilang lalaki sa harap
.

The door closed again so I couldn't see him anymore . Nang may umambang papasok, I
craned my neck and I saw him again explaining some things carefully to his men .
Lumapit ako at sumaradong muli ang pintuan .

May lumabas ulit . I craned my neck and walk towards the door . His eyes eventually
captured mine in a brief moment, dahil sumaradong muli ang awtomatikong pintuan . I
sighed and walked closer towards the door . May pumasok at sa huling pagkakataong
pag-angat ko ng tingin ay nakita kong nakatitig na siya sa akin, hindi na
nagsasalita sa kausap, at nakahilig na sa swivel chair na inuupuan .

Uminit ang pisngi ko pero hinagilap ko ang lahat ng lakas ng loob . IIlang
trabahante ang kuryoso ang tingin sa akin pero hindi ko na inabalang tingnan dahil
mas concerned ako sa pagpasok sa loob ng opisina .

The door opened again . Akala ko may lalabas na trabahanteng muli pero nagkamali
ako . Kajik's cold eyes bore into me . Natigil ako sa paglapit . He's very tall and
intimidating . His dark hair had a luxurious slick on it . On his forehead, there' s
a
thin point of hair in between it, making its heart shape known . His tan skin
highlighted his hard cheekbones . Puting longsleeves ang bumalot sa kanyang malapad
na balikat . Itim namang maong ang yumayakap sa matikas niyang binti .

My mouth ran dry when I realized I was staring too much at his prowess that I could
not even move . His eyes lazily ran towards whoever was behind me . His lips
twisted
in a mocking smile pero kung hindi ako nagkakamali ay nakitaan ko ng iritasyon ang
mga mata niya .

"Get back to work!" he fired at them .

"Y-Yes, sir!"

Hinila niya ang palapulsuhan ko dahilan ng pagkakapasok ko sa kanyang opisina . He

then closed the door behind me . Nagpatianod ako sa hila niya patungo sa malayong
lamesa . Tahimik kaming pinagmamasdan ng iilang may edad nang trabahante na kausap
niya, kani kanina lang .

He let go of me when I was already beside his table . Naupo siyang muli sa swivel
chair at sinubukang magpatuloy sa ginagawa . Sa gulat ay nanatili akong nakatayo
roon, like a flowervase trying to please everyone with my presence .

Ang mga kausap niya'y nakatingin sa akin, halos wala sa kanya ang atensyon . Kung
hindi lang nahimigan ang lamig ng kanyang boses ay hindi na nito makukuha ang
atensyon nila .
Tumayong muli si Kajik . All his height made them look at him out of fear and
intimidation . Akala ko ay pagagalitan niya ang mga kausap na trabahante pero imbes
ay nilingon niya ako .

"Sit on my chair, Andra . I'll just finish my work first . . ." he said .

His words were marked with finality even I couldn't question . Tumango ako at
lumapit na sa malaking upuan niya . Umupo ako roon samantalang lumayo siya para
makatalikod ang mga kausap . Mabilis niyang tinapos ang usapan hanggang sa ang mga
matatandang babae na lamang na may dalang papeles ang natira .

Standing in front of me, he signed the papers without clamor and dismissed them
peacefully, too hanggang sa halos kaming dalawa na lang ang naiwan doon . With him
standing in front of me like a slave to his master . . .

"What are you doing here?" he asked .

"Just checking," walang pag-aalinlangan kong sinabi .

Nakita ko ang bahagyang pagbabago ng kanyang ekspresyon pero saglit lamang iyon .

"I'm so bored in our house . Isa pa, paniguradong nasa shipyard na si Mommy at
Daddy
ngayon . Tiningnan ko lang kung anong tinatrabaho mo . "

"Men here don't usually see a girl like you roaming around the warehouse . Next
time
you decide to come here, you tell me so, Andra!" he said it with an unreasonable
impatience .

"Fine . I'm sorry!" medyo mayabang kong sinabi . "I was just bored . I went
straight
here without thinking about it . Wala naman talaga sa plano 'to . . ."

Ginalaw ko ang swivel chair at pinasadahan ng tingin ang buong silid . There was
another door which probably leads to the comfort room . And there's a spiral
staircase leading to the next floor of this boxed trailer type complex . Siguro ay
naroon ang kanyang kwarto at kusina?

Nagkatinginan kaming dalawa . Muling may kumatok sa opisina at pumasok . He turned

to
the group of men who informed him of the success of shipments and all . Seryoso
niyang sinagot ang mga iyon .

Pumangalumbaba ako sa kanyang malapad na lamesa habang tinititigan siyang abala sa

kanila . Unti-unting sumilay ang ngiti sa aking labi . He looks so passionate and
engrossed with what he's doing . I wonder how it feels to be the one he's
passionate
with, huh?

Sumulyap siya sa akin . Agad akong umayos . Uminit ang pisngi ko nang natantong
masyado siguro akong mukhang baliw sa katititig at pagkakamangha sa kanya .

He sighed heavily and continued talking . When it's the men's turn to talk, I saw
Kajik's lips twist in a slow smile . Ngumuso ako . He then leered at me with
malicious eyes . Mabilis kong iniwas ang aking tingin, medyo nagulat sa sobra-
sobrang pagkakasindak ng puso ko sa simpleng galaw na iyon .

"Saan ka pupunta bukas?" tanong ko, kuryoso kung alin sa hobbies niya ang mananaig
bukas .

"I'll motocross with some of my friends," he said .

"Pwede bang sumama?" agap ko .

He shook his head slightly, watching me carefully .

I pouted . Bumagsak ang tingin ko sa kulay kayumanggi niyang lamesa bago nagkaroon
ng ideya .

"Manonood lang ako!"

Umiling parin siya . His lips slightly curve, supressing a sure smile .

"Bakit hindi?"

"Kids aren't allowed there, Andra ."

I immediately flared at his words . Nakita ko ang amusement sa kanyang itsura nang
nakita ang galit ko .

" I ' m not a kid anymore! And also, I can dress like a woman, Jandrik! Then nobody
will notice that I' m sixteen! "

"You're still fifteen," he said matter of factly .

"Oh, I will be sixteen! I can dress up like a woman! Kaya isama mo na ako! I want
to see how it goes-"

"No ."

"Bakit hindi?" pilit ko . "I said I can dress like a woman!"

"Mas lalong hindi," he said with finality I'm sure I couldn't break .

Ngumuso ako at sinimangutan siya . Tinalikuran niya ako at may iilang dokumento na
nilapitan sa kabilang lamesa . I sighed .

If I come here often, Sabado lang pala talaga kami magkikita dahil sa Linggo,
abala
siya sa mga gagawin niya at hindi niya ako isasama . But that's okay, right?

"Anong oras kang uuwi bukas kung ganoon?" tanong ko .

"I don't know . Probably night ."

Kinagat ko ang labi ko . Nasisiguro kong bumalik na kaming Maynila nun, maghahanda
nang muli sa klase ko kinabukasan ng Lunes .

"Nakauwi na kami niyan," malungkot kong sinabi .

With furrowed brows, he turned to me . His jaw clenched repeatedly . I sighed sadly
at the thought that I only really have one day a week to visit and be with him
here .

"Gigising na lang ako ng maaga bukas . Baka makita kitang umalis . . ." wala sa
sarili
kong sinabi .

Kabanata 7
Kabanata 7
Won

I was content to have that small glimpse of him every week . At sa hindi minsan
pang
pagkakaabala ni Daddy dahilan ng hindi namin pagpunta roon, bored ako sa bahay,
wala nang ibang gustong gawin kundi pumunta roon .

Kajik was a busy person . May ilan ding pagkakataon na naroon ako pero wala siya .
Malalaman ko na lang na he's abroad or somewhere else .

"Nasaan po si Jandrik?" I asked a usual woman in her 40s, na madalas magdala ng

report sa opisina kapag naroon ako .

I saw his desk clean and lonely . Ganoon kapag wala siya kaya nasisiguro kong wala
siya ngayon .

"Ah . Ang alam ko po umuwi sa kanila ."

Nabuhayan ako ng loob doon . Sa kanila? I almost forgot that they have many homes
.
Ang tanging naisip ko lang ay ang bahay nila sa village namin na minsan ko nang
napuntahan .

"S-Sa Manila po ba?" I asked .

"Ah . Sa Costa Leona ba iyon," medyo nag-aalinlangang sinabi ng babae .

Nawala agad ang excitement ko nang narealize na naroon siya .

"Next week po kaya, nandito ulit siya?"

"Hindi ko alam, Ma'am, eh . Ang sabi'y baka magbakasyon saglit sa fiancee niya ."

After a year of blocking out the truth in my mind, it found its way back into me .
I
sighed and nodded .

"Salamat po ."

Hindi na ako nagulat sa sinabi ng empleyado . From the very beginning, I know he' s
tied that way . I am just indulging myself even when I know what the results will
be .

Hindi ko na namalayan kung ilang
pagbisita ko sa shipyard para sa
passed and my habits remained the
when I'm at school busy with my
linggo, buwan, ang nagdaan simula noong unang
ibang dahilan . I just realized that a year has
same . It doesn' t bother me much . At least not
studies and have many friends who can entertain me
.

Wearing an orange silky terno of a ruffled dress and a short shorts, umakyat ako
sa
trailer sa harap ng bahay namin sa Batangas . It says "Maersk" on it and it's been
there for quite a while . Hindi ko alam kung bakit pero ipinagpapasalamat ko iyon
dahil mas malinaw ang tanawin sa pagsikat ng araw kapag tungtong ako roon .

Ang amoy ng kalawang, dagat, at usok ng goma ay nagkakahalu-halo na sa aking ilong

.
Sometimes, when I visit the Manila Port and smell the scent, it will always remind
me of Batangas Port . Scents have a way to remind you of things, huh?

Hindi ako nakabisita noong nakaraang linggo rito dahil pinilit ako ni Mommy at
Daddy na icelebrate ang aking birthday sa bahay kasama ang mga kaibigan ko . Plus,
the weekend before that, Kajik was not here kaya medyo boring iyon .
"Bakit ka pa kasi umalis? We could have the whole day together, Andra . . ." si
Nate
sa kabilang linya .

Umagang-umaga, ganito ang ibubungad niya sa akin . Alam niya naman laging abala ako
kapag Saturday at Sunday . Sinabi ko rin sa kanyang hindi ko patatawarin ang
Sabadong iyon kaya hindi ko alam bakit ganito lamang siya ngayon .

Nate is my longest running boyfriend . So far, ilang buwan na kami . Siguro, dahil
iyon sa edad . He's older than me so I assume that he's also more mature . Nga lang,
lately, he's been so clingy that I think the "mature" magic is wearing off .

"We always see each other at school, Nate-"

"Kahit na . I was planning for our date, Andra!"

I sighed . "I'm sorry, okay? I'll make it up to you . Alam mo namang kapag Sabado,
'di ba?"

"Then, don't go out of your house there . Stay put . Huwag kang gagala!" he
demanded .

Kumunot ang noo ko . Not wanting to destroy the beauty and serenity of the rising
sun in front me, I agreed para hindi na humaba pa ang usapan .

"Fine . I won't . Sige na . I have to go . Matulog ka na ulit at tumawag ka na lang

mamaya ."

"Bye . I love you," he inserted the three words .

"Love you, too . . ." I said out of habit .

Binaba ko ang cellphone ko at inenjoy ang ilang saglit ng katahimikan pagkatapos

ng
maingay na tawag ni Nate .

Tumingkayad ako at nakita ang unang sikat ng araw sa umagang iyon . I yawned as the
cold night breeze touched my face and moved my hair .

"Good morning," bulong ko sa sarili ko habang nakaupo sa itaas ng trailer .

"Mornin," a baritone echoed behind me .

Maagap kong nilingon para kumpirmahin ang pamilyar na boses na narinig . Nang
nakita
kong sino iyon ay mabilis na sumilay ang ngiti sa aking labi, nawala lahat ng kahit
anong gumugulo sa utak .

"Jandrik!" I exclaimed, a bit excited .

Napatayo ako roon at mabilis na bumaba sa trailer . I saw his face darkened a bit
.
Mabilis niyang hinawakan ang kamay ko nang nakita ang pagbaba . I chuckled . Umayos
ako sa pagkakatayo nang nasa lupa na at muli siyang tiningala . His hair got
dishiveled because of the blowing wind, pero hindi iyon naging hadlang sa kanyang
tikas . Imbes, mas lalo siyang nagmukhang galing sa magazine dahil doon .

He's wearing an all black leather jacket, a white inner shirt, a gray maong, and a
black boots . Napawi agad ang ngiti ko nang natantong hindi siya nagja-jacket kapag
sa opisina lang o sa warehouse nila . 'Tsaka ko lang siya nakikitang ganyan kapag
may lakad gaya ng trekking, aakyat ng bundok, pupuntang Anilao para mag dive,
motocross, o 'di kaya'y iba pang outdoor activities na madalas niyang ginagawa .

"Your Mom and Dad?" he asked .

"Uh . . . Nasa shipyard na si Daddy . Si Mommy nasa Manila, hindi na sumama ."

Tumango siya . Bukod sa bumagabag na sa akin ang pag-alis niya kahit na Sabado,
hindi ko palalagpasin ang pagkakataong ito na tanungin siya kung bakit wala siya sa
birthday ko gayong invited naman sila .

"Wala ka sa birthday ko . . ." sabi ko .

"I was busy . . ." he simply said .

Afraid that he might bring up my hated reason for his absence . Tumango na lang ako
at eksaheradang ngumisi . Kung busy man siya dahil kay Milly, ayaw ko nang malaman
iyon .

"That's okay . My friends were there, anyway . . ." kumbinsi ko sa sarili ko .

He looked at me with soulful eyes . His irises were as dark and as mysterious as
the
night . I would pay just so I could understand his secrets . . .

"Hmm . You won't stay for today, right?" sabi ko at nasa kanyang damit na ulit ang
atensyon .

He nodded . Mapait akong tumango, tinatanggap na muli, pagkatapos ng ilang linggo,

hindi ko ulit siya makakasalamuha .

"I need to talk to your Dad before we go out . . ." he said .

Ilang sandali ko iyon pinroseso bago tuluyang natanggap . Nakita niya ang gulat sa
reaksyon ko . His protruding lips twitched and his dark eyes lightened a bit,

"Isasama mo ako?!"
For the first time in history, isasama niya ako sa kung alin man sa hobbies niya
ang gagawin . Kumabog ang puso ko sa excitement . Well, at least not for the
activity, but the thought that we are going to be together that day!

"If you want to . That's my present for your sixteenth birthday . . ." he said .

I jumped excitedly bago tuluyang tumakbo .

"Daddy is in the shipyard! Magbibihis lang ako! Hintayin mo 'ko, ha?" sabi ko at
kumaripas na ng takbo patungo sa aming bahay .

Pagkarating ko sa bahay, hindi na ako nagpaliguy-ligoy pa . Naligo at nagbihis ako

ng tamang damit . I remember the last time I asked him if I could go with him . Ang
sabi niya, bawal sa mga bata . Mabuti na lang at sa ilang beses kong balik dito,
marami akong damit na nadala na hindi naman nagagamit .

Although, I regret that it's a short black dress, it's still better than my shorts
and all . Imbes naman na sling bag, kumuha ako ng isang hand bag at iyon ang
pinaglagyan ko ng mga gamit na dadalhin .

Nakalimutan kong itanong sa kanya kung saan kami patungo, pero saan man iyon, ready
akong sumama!

I let my hair down and I put on light make up just so I could look a bit older .
Kung hindi lang dahil sa katawan ko, mukha na akong over eighteen . I put a bit of
light lipstick on my lips, some accessories, and a girly shoes, I ' m done .
Nagmamadali akong bumaba sa aming hagdanan . I can now hear my Daddy and Kajik
talking on our dining area . Pababa na ako ng hagdanan nang tumingala si Daddy . He
looked happy but serious at the same time . I smiled at him widely bago bumaling sa
kay Kajik na ngayon, tinatapos ang pagkain, tumayo para salubungin ako .

"Well, then, mag-ingat kayo . Don't let her ride your bike alone, hijo . She may
look
active but she's not very sporty ."

"Daddy!" nahihiya kong saway sa aking ama .

"No problem, Tito," agap ni Kajik bago ako binalingan .

His lips pursed for a moment . Nagtagal ang mga mata niya sa akin bago ako niyayang
umalis .

He's doing motocross today, for sure, ayon sa bilin ni Daddy . Napatingin ako sa
suot kong damit at ngayon ko lang natanto na mali yata iyon . I won't ride his bike
anyway but then if there's a chance to, pwede sana kung hindi lang ganito ang damit
ko .

Kajik opened the SUV' s door for me . Pumasok ako at mabilis na nag- ayos ng seatbelt
.
Umikot siya at pumasok na rin doon at pinaandar na ang sasakyan .

"Malayo ba iyon?" I asked .

"It's an hour drive from here," he said .

Tumango ako at hinanda na ang sarili sa mahabang byahe patungo sa kung saan siya
madalas na nagmomotocross .

I fired him a few questions about his hobbies . Sumagot naman siya ng maayos .

"Marami ba kayo ng mga kaibigan mong pumupunta roon?" tanong ko .

"Sometimes, yes ."

"You know, Kuya Arthur, my cousin, he does motocross, too ."

"Oh, he will be there later ."

" Really? That' s great, then! May kilala akong iba! For sure his friends will be
there too, right?"

His brows furrowed at that . Matalim siyang nakatingin sa daanan habang nagmamaneho
.

"Hindi ko alam kung kasama niya ang ilang kaibigan niya . Kami lang ang naroon ."

"Oh..." medyo dismayado kong tono .

He glanced at me once . I glanced back at him pero hindi na nagpang-abot ang

tinginan naming dalawa .

"Why? You like someone from Arthur's group of friends?"

Umiling ako . "Wala naman . Hmmm . Well, I kind of think older boys are hot ."

Nilingon ko si Kajik at nakita na medyo lumalim ang gitla sa kanyang noo sa sinabi
ko .
"I'm years older than Arthur..." he said matter of factly .

"Yeah . Well, I've had a boyfriend who is a year older than me . Mature naman sa
una
pero kalaunan, naging clingy kaya hiniwalayan ko . "

Matalim niya akong binalingan . I smiled proudly at him .

"Boys like that are not good for you . Those boys not the right man for you," he
said .
Gusto ko sanang ibahagi rin na ganoon din ang boyfriend kong si Nate ngayon pero
hindi ko na tinuloy . Naalala ko kasi ang usapan namin ni Nate kanina na bawal daw
akong umalis ng bahay . Nasagot ko pa naman iyon ng 'oo' . Now, I'm screwed!

Ilang sandali pa bago ko nakalimutan ang kaisipang iyon . Tahimik buong byahe si
Kajik . He was too serious watching the road . Tila marami siyang malalim na
iniisip
kaya hindi ko na inistorbo at nakinig na lamang ako ng music .

He parked his SUV in a large muddy terrain, kung nasaan may iilang SUV ring
nakaparada . Isang maliit na tent ang nakita ko sa ' di kalayuan ng parking lot na
iyon . Iginala ko ang mga mata ko sa kabuuan ng lugar . Iilang maliliit na burol
ang
nakita ko sa paligid . May iilan ding marka ng gulong ng malalaking motor doon .

"Where's your bike?" I asked Kajik before he opened the door of his side .

Kinalas ko ang seatbelts at lumabas na rin ng sasakyan . Pagkalingon ko kay Kajik,

nakita kong may iilang lalaki na siyang kausap . Hindi kalaunan, may dumating ng
isang itim na motor, sa magandang pangngalan, at makintab pang katawan . There's
the
answer .

Binigay ng nakasakay na lalaki roon kay Kajik ang helmet na nakasampay lamang sa
manibela . Bumaba ang lalaki at umambang ibibigay na ang motor kay Kajik pero
umiling siya at bumaling sa akin .

"Ihahatid ko lang siya sa tent . Babalik din ako . . ." he said before he turned to
me .

Nagpiyesta ang mga mata ko sa dami ng motor doon . Marami ring manonood na sa tent
nakaupo, pormal ngunit mistulang panatiko dahil may dala-dalang flaglets ng kung
anu-anong brand ng motor dito .

"Karius!" three girls giggled when we passed by them .

Naabutan ko ang pagtango ni Kajik sa bumating mga babae .

"Good luck, Kajik!"

"Thanks, Michelle . . ." he said .

Makahulugang tumitig sa kanya ang babae . They did not even look at me or notice me
.
Ngumuso ako at nagpatuloy lamang sa paglalakad . Iniisip kaya ng mga ito na kapatid
ako ni Kajik? O ' di kaya ay nakababatang pinsan? Am I that young to be considered
as someone who . . . nevermind . He's engaged . Nobody will ever think otherwise .

Iginiya ako ni Kajik sa harapang upuan .

"Stay here, okay? You will be given water and snacks, or whatever you want to eat
while watching . Huwag kang aalis or I'll never bring you to these places again ."
Tumango ako, parang masunuring bata .
"Good . I'll just get my bike and change a bit ."

Pinagmasdan ko ang pag-alis niya . Pati ang pagbati niya sa iilang babaeng naroon,
mukhang kilala niya . Nagtagal ang tingin ko sa mga babaeng kakilala niya . Hindi
ko
nakakalimutan ang kanyang reputasyon sa mga babae . He's a notorious playboy that
even when I tell my Manilena friends about him, they all have the same opinion .

"Naging fling 'yan ni Ate!" mayabang na sinabi ni Sasha nang una kong banggitin si
Kajik sa aming grupo noon .

"I know that guy," Calla, the most silent girl in our group said . "Isn't he the
running for Summa in the Business Management school in La Salle?"

"Really? That playboy is intelligent?" manghang sinabi ng isa ko pang kaibigan .

" Kung alam ko lang! E , friends sila ng kuya ko! Kung sana lumapit lapit ako sa
kanya at nagpacute ."

"Don't try," Calla said . "My cousin tried to confess in front of him . Tinawanan
lang nun . Men like him won't take girls like us seriously . . ."

Galing sa pagbabasa, malayo sa grupo namin, napalingon si Heather sa akin noon .

Sa
mga kaibigan ko, siya lang ang nakakaalam sa sekreto ko . My first silly rejection
from that same person .

Kinagat ko ang labi ko nang maalala iyon . A notorious playboy, with standards,
yes,
that' s him . He can have anyone he wants but he will choose the better of the lot .
Hot models, matalino, mature, ganoon siyang pumili, ayon sa nakalap kong
impormasyon sa loob ng ilang taon .

I wonder if he changed his ways even after his engagement with Millicent Pastrana?

Hindi kalaunan, nakita ko na ang paglilinya ng maraming mga motor sa starting line,
hindi kalayuan .

Sa pagkakaintindi ko, iikot lamang sila sa lupaing ito . The small hills, muddy
roads, and swamps are their obstacles . Hindi ko na nalaman pa kung ilang ikot ang
gagawin nila dahil masyado na akong kabado nang narinig ang maingay na throttle ng
mga motor .

I swept the lot and saw my cousin's large red bike . Nasisiguro kong si Kuya Arthur
iyon . Beside him, even with full headgear and a different jacket, naaalala ko ang
brand at itsura ng kanyang motor . Kajik is just beside Kuya Arthur, throttling his
bike, getting ready for it .

Kinabahan ako lalo nang nakita ang maraming mga obstacle sa dadaanan niya . Hindi
ako mapakali . At nang iputok ang hudyat ng pagsisimula, bahagya akong napatili!

Holding my booming chest, I half-heartedly watched him ride the bike swiftly . Sa
bawat liko, tumitilamsik ang putik sa kung saan-saan . Nakita ko ang pag-akyat ng
kanyang motor sa isang maliit na burol . Para akong mahihimatay nang nakita siyang
halos lumipad doon!

Natutop ko ang bibig ko . My mouth ran dry when I saw how fast he maneuvered his
bike with precision like that of a wolf in his very familiar territory . The crowd
cheered . I don't even know if he's leading . All I care about is his safety . I
cannot cheer for him very much dahil napangungunahan na ako ng kaba sa bawat
obstacle .
The highest hill made me close my eyes and pray for his safe landing . Nang dumilat
ako at nakita na maayos siya at maayos na minamaniobra ang motor patungo sa mas
maputik na bahagi ay napasinghap na lamang ako .

It went on and on . I don't exactly remember how many laps were there dahil sobra
sobra ang kaba ko . Hindi ako sigurado kung nag enjoy ba ako o yayayain ko na
siyang
umuwi dahil ayaw kong delikado ang ginagawa niya .

Natapos ang lahat ng medyo nanginginig at nanlalamig ako . Everyone cheered for
Kajik . He won, alright, but I am not yet in the mood to finally celebrate it .

Sa malayo, nakita ko ang kamayan ng mga kalahok . Nakita ko ang kwentuhan nila ni
Kuya Arthur . Bumaling silang dalawa sa kung nasaan ako . Kumaway si Kuya Arthur
pero
hindi ako nakagalaw .

After a few moments, Kajik is now walking towards me . Mas lalo tuloy akong
kinabahan . Hindi ako mapakali . Pinaghalong galit at pag-aalala ang aking
naramdaman .

Wearing his motocross suit, hands with gloves, and helmet on his side, hindi pa
nawawala sa isip ko ang ilang minutong kaba na naramdaman kanina . Hindi ako nag
enjoy, sa totoo lang . Hindi ko gusto ang nakita ko .

Girls flocked towards him . Natigil siya dahil sa mga bati ng mga babae, at
inaamin
kong ayaw ko man, ipinagpasalamat ko ang pagkakaantala niya dahil hindi ako
sigurado kung kaya ko siyang harapin ngayon .

May sinabi siya sa mga bumati sa kanya, pagkatapos ay dumiretso na ulit sa akin .
His black silky hair was a bit disheveled making the point of his heart-shaped
forehead known .

Hindi ako makangiti sa kanya . In fact, I can't stop myself from looking at him
grimly . He noticed that . From his dark and mysterious expression, unti- unting
napalitan iyon . His eyes hardened with venom, taunting my silly worry . His lips
pursed naughtily, trying hard to supress the smile .

"I won," aniya sa tonong nanunukso .

I could not help my glare at all . Sinubukan kong tumango pero nanatili ang galit
sa
aking mga mata, my heart tearing up because of the bottled worry .

"Can't you congratulate me, at least?" he said playfully .

Sa hindi na napigilang galit ay hinampas ko ang kanyang dibdib . He smiled

mercilessly . Hinagilap niya ang aking siko para mapigil ako sa paghampas sa
kanyang
dibdib . Biting his lower lip, amused, he pulled me closer to him .

"Bakit hindi mo sinabing delikado pala 'to!?"

"I thought you knew . You said your Kuya Arthur-"

"But I have not seen it this way, Jandrik! This is my first time in the race!"

Hinampas ko ulit siya . Nag-iinit ang gilid ng aking mga mata, umaamba ang
nakakahiyang luha . He tilted his head languidly and tried to pull me closer again
.
Bumuhos na ang mga luha ko dahilan ng mabilisan kong pagyuko .
He groaned and pulled me closer by the elbow . Pinalis ko ang mga luha sa aking
mga
mata . He tried to wipe some of it off my face, too . Iniwas ko ang mukha ko sa
kanya, pouting, and a bit irritated .

" Masasanay ka rin . Starting today, I am going to bring you when I' m going out for
my hobbies- "

"Hindi ako sasama rito . Huwag mo na lang akong isama!" I said stubbornly and
half-
heartedly .

Half-heartedly because although I don't want to see him hurt that way, I also can't
bear not knowing if he was hurt or not . Nakakalito!

He sighed heavily . Kinagat ko ang labi ko at unti-unting inangat ang tingin sa

takot na pagalitan niya ako . He might regret making me come here and watch .

" I have many other hobbies . Maybe I' ll spend more time on something else, then? Is
that what you want?" he asked gently .

Iniwas kong muli ang tingin ko sa kanya . Wala akong masabi . Kung hindi lang kami
inistorbo ng pinsan kong si Kuya Arthur at ng mga kasama niya, siguro ay may
dinugtong na si Kajik .

"Andra, what are you whining about?"

"Hi, Andra!" a familiar voice of Kuya Arthur's friend greeted .

"Congrats, Kajik!"

Iniwas ko ang mukha ko sa banda ng pinsan ko . Ayokong makita niya akong ganito .
I
am not in the mood . Kajik immediately covered me with the expanse of his chest .

"Congrats, Karius! Tara, let's celebrate like usual! Bring my spoiled cousin . . ."
he
chuckled playfully . " Anong nangyari riyan at bakit busangot? "

"Nothing, Arthur . I guess for today, I celebrate it my way . Kayo na lang muna at
may ibang lakad pa kami ni Andra ."

"Oh . . ."

Silence filled the air for a few moments bago nagsalita ang pinsan ko .

"Okay, then . See you around . Andra, send my regards to your Mom and Dad ."

I nodded kahit na alam kong hindi niya ako kita dahil nakatabon ang katawan ni
Kajik sa akin .

"Sana sumama na lang tayo," sabi ko nang bahagya nang nakabawi sa naramdamang kaba
kanina .
Medyo guilty ako dahil hindi na tuloy siya makapagcelebrate . It's supposed to be a
happy moment for him . He did well but because of my worry, he couldn't share his
happiness with his friends .

Craning sideways to see my cousin and his racer friends walk away, mas lalo akong
naguilty . Masaya sila . Kung wala ako, kasama sana si Kajik doon . Kajik's frame
shadowed me again .

"Sumama na tayo," kumbinsi ko sabay angat ng tingin .

Kajik scowled . His silky dark lashes rested low enough just so his eyes could
watch
me carefully . Then he shook his head slowly, with a mark of decisiveness .

"No . We're celebrating my win the way I want it, Andra ."

"P-Pero . . ."

Bago pa ako makapagsalita ay hinawakan niya na ang palapulsuhan ko at hinila na sa

salungat na direksyon, patungo sa parking lot, kung nasaan ang kanyang SUV .

Kabanata 8
Kabanata 8

Lost

"I'm sorry, alright?" medyo iritado ko nang sinabi .

Kanina pa ako paulit-ulit na humihingi ng tawad kay Nate . Alam ko namang may
karapatan siyang magalit . Nakaligtaan kong magpaalam tungkol sa lakad na ito .

Pagkatapos naming mag-order ng tanghalian, nagpaalam si Kajik na magba-bathroom

lang siya saglit . Kaya naman sinagot ko ang tawag dahil kampante akong wala si
Kajik sa harap pero ngayong tumatagal na ang usapan at pakiramdam ko, babalik na si
Kajik anytime now, gusto ko nang ibaba ang tawag .

"I just told you, Andra . Don't tell me nakalimutan mo!?"

"Sorry, Nate . Come on! I'm just having fun! Bawal na ba akong lumabas ngayon na
hindi ka kasama?"

"Napag-usapan na natin 'to, Andra!" he said sounding so angry .

"We'll talk about it again, okay? Pagkauwi ko . . ." sabi ko, ata na tapusin ang
usapan para hindi na maabutan pa ni Kajik .

"Siguraduhin mo lang na hindi ka nanlalalaki riyan!" he said firmly .

"Yeah, yeah..." atat kong agap .

"I love you . . ." medyo kalmado niyang sinabi .

" Love you, too, " mas kalmado ko ring sinabi pagkatapos ay binaba na ang tawag,
nagpapasalamat na hindi na kami naabutan pa ni Kajik .

Hindi pa ako nakakabuntong-hininga ay malamig at baritonong boses na ang narinig

ko
galing sa aking likod .

"Who are you talking to?"

Mabilis ang paglingon ko . Hindi ko rin maitago ang bahagyang kaba sa puso ko .
Lumakas ang pintig nito pero agad kong napakalma nang paulit-ulit na inisip na okay
lang ito . Bakit ako matatakot? Bakit ko itatago? We both know what we are . For
all
I know, he's just treating me like a kid sister dahil bukod sa malayo ang agwat
naming dalawa, halos sabay na rin kaming lumaki .

Ako lang naman itong simula pa lang, may malisya nang iniisip .

"My b-boyfriend . . ." Gosh, why am I stammering like an idiot .

 Kajik's cold eyes pierced through me like a dagger made of ice . Naupo siya sa
harap
ko habang tinititigan ako . I cannot fully look at him . Nababalisa ako . Kahit
anong
ulit kong isipin na wala lang ito, hindi ko kayang itatak sa isipan ko na wala nga
lang!

"You have a boyfriend . . ." he said slowly .

I glanced at him once more . Hindi lang galit ang nakita ko sa kanyang mga mata .
The
way his thick black brows met and his lips pursed, naramdaman ko ang malisya sa
titig niya sa akin . Like he's accusing me of doing so many wanton things with my
boyfriend . Pinamulahan ako ng mukha sa titig niyang iyon .

"You're just sixteen, Andra . . ." aniya, ngayon nahimigan ko na ang lubusang
pangmamaliit sa edad ko .

" Ilang taon ka ba noong nagsimula kang mag girlfriend? This is just normal! " I
insisted drily . "It's not as if I'll marry Nate in no time!" Uminom ako ng tubig,
acting confident when my confidence is slowly crumbling because of his intense
malicious stares .

"Nate, huh?"

Ngumuso ako, hindi na makatingin ng diretso kay Kajik .

"So what's your goal in having Nate . . ." he said Nate's name nastily . " . . . as
your
boyfriend kung hindi mo iniisip na pakasalan siya?"

Bakit? Kapag ba may girlfriend siya noo, iniisip niyang pakakasalan niya ang mga
iyon? Of course for sure he's thinking he's too young for marriage! Teka nga, may
naging girlfriend ba siya o puro laro lang ang mga iyon?

"Well..." napakurap-kurap ako habang iniisip kung ano nga ba ang role ni Nate . "C-
Companionship? And . . . uh . . . experi-"

"Experience, huh?" he said it so gently that I can almost feel him supressing his
anger .

Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kanya . Ngumuso ako at ngumisi na lamang para ibsan ang
kabang nararamdaman .

"I know you're just protective of me . You feel like I'm your little sister . Don't
worry about me, Kuya," panunuya ang tono ko sa huling salita .

He shifted on his seat . His eyes were so dark and hooded now, like he's completely
shutting himself down para hindi ko mabasa kung ano ang iniisip niya . Well, anong
bago roon? Ganito naman siya lagi .

"Stop that, Andra . I'm not your Kuya," he said firmly .

I smirked cutely at him . Nilagay ko ang takas na buhok sa likod ng aking tainga .

"You told your boyfriend you love him . And you're telling me that you have no
plans
on marrying him? " he said coldly .

Nilapag na ng waiter ang mga order namin . Bumagsak na ang mga mata ko sa mga
pagkain . I don' t get why we are sticking to this topic until now? May pagkain na,
oh!?
"I'm hungry, Jandrik . . . Mamaya na natin 'to pag-usapan, puwede ba?" nanunuyo kong
sinabi .

Mas lalo lang nagdilim ang mga mata niya . He looked at me with ridiculously
annoyed
expression, and extremely hot, too . I groaned inwardly at that . I cannot help but
admire him even in the midst of these .

"I did not strike you as an old school person . You say I love you to your
boyfriend
at times, kasi bakit mo siya naging boyfriend kung hindi, ' di ba? That' s so
normal- "

"Iyan ba ang natutunan mo sa sinasabi mong experience? Taking everything lightly

at
that . . ."

Unti-unti akong pumormal nang nahimigan ang hindi nagbibirong galit sa kanyang
tono . I pouted again and looked at the food . I gave him my puppy eyes .
Pumangalumbaba ako at muling tiningnan ang pagkain .

"Are you listening to me, Andra?"

"Yeah . . . W-Well-"

"Break up with your bastard boyfriend!" sabi niya ng walang pag-aalinlangan .

Hindi ko na mabilang kung ilang beses niya akong hinahamon ng ganito . I know he' s
just protective of me . Kahit na sabihin niyang hindi, alam kong gaya ni Zamiel,
Ali, at Ivo, nag- aalala siya para sa akin . Not in the way I want him to worry for
me, but in the way he can only give me . I'm fine with that . Matagal ko nang
tanggap
ang lahat ng iyon .

"He's no good for you," ulit niya .

"Oo na . . . Makikipaghiwalay na ako..." mahinahon kong sinabi . "On Monday-"

"I want it now . . ." mataman niyang sinabi .

Nagkatinginan kaming dalawa . The look on his fiery eyes told me that he's not
taking anything for an answer . At hindi kami magpapatuloy sa ginagawa namin kung
hindi ko iyon gagawin ngayon, sa harap niya .

I smiled cutely again and took my phone out . Nanatili ang malamig na titig niya sa
akin, expecting my immediate control over the situation . Sa huli, pinindot ko ang
numero ni Nate at harap-harapang kinausap tungkol sa paghihiwalay naming dalawa .

That was not the first time I did it . Palagi, kapag nabubuking ako ni Kajik na may
boyfriend, we end up fighting . Ilang beses kong sinubukang sabihin sa kanya na
normal lang iyon, but he always find a way to make me understand how unworthy the
other person is, dahilan ng mabilisang pakikipagbreak ko roon .

I did not bother to overthink anything . Gaya ng sinabi ko, alam ko kung ano ako
sa
buhay ng mga Mercadejas .

For the past two years, ganoon ang nangyari . Minsan, wala si Kajik sa warehouse,
nasa Romblon, Costa Leona, o 'di kaya'y abroad . Minsan, ako ang wala . He'll be
there while I'm in either Iloilo, Manila, or abroad especially during summer and
Christmas . Kapag naman nagpapang-abot kami sa Batangas, he would always take me
with him . And even when my parents knew, he would always ask their permission to
bring me wherever he goes .
"I'll do anything for you, Andra," Daddy whispered .

I hugged him tightly pagkatapos ng ilang minutong fireworks na iginawad para sa

pang labing walong kaarawan ko . I was tired looking at my friends' debuts . I want
a
different kind of debut for me, and because our empire is slowly rising, my father
can afford to take all my friends with us abroad for a simple but expensive and
elegant dinner and wine on the top of the highest building in Paris .

"Thank you, Daddy!" sabay yakap ko sa kanya .

"Happy birthday . I love you ."

"I love you, too!"

Niyakap ko silang dalawa ni Mommy . I thanked them for a smooth life . A life with
no
problems, a life with everything I need and want, a life where we are all happy .
Our business empire is booming . Hindi ko alam paano iyon ginawa ni Daddy pero
naging mabilis ang pag- angat ng aming kompanya . I don' t even know if the
Pastrana' s
doing well, too . I just know that almost all of the major deals were snatched by
my
Daddy for whatever reason .

"I will give you anything, Andra . I will give you the world, if you want it,"
Daddy
said with certainty .

I smiled crookedly at him . "I have the world with you and Mommy, Dad ."

Tuwing kaarawan ko, simula pa noong nagkamalay ako, ganoon ang laging sinasabi ni
Daddy sa akin . He assures me that he can give me everything until I'm content .
Luckily, with my life now, I can say that there is no one more content than I am .

Wearing a blush pink dress and a creamy Valentino, I smiled at my friends who are
just behind us, drinking their share of wine and sporting their best suits and
dresses . Pinalupot ni Daddy ang kanyang braso sa aking baywang at makahulugan
akong
tiningnan .

"How about a boyfriend, hija?" tanong ni Daddy sa akin .

Hindi na lingid sa kaalaman ni Mommy at Daddy ang tungkol sa napakarami kong

naging
boyfriend . Hindi ko alam kung paano nila nalalaman iyon kahit na hindi naman ako
nag kukwento, pero hindi ko naman inililihim sa kanila . My Daddy would always tell
me not to overdo it so much because I am still very young . That was exactly my
point so I do not take anything seriously .

"Wala po, Daddy," sabi ko sabay masamang tingin sa kanya .

"How about Klaus, hija? I can see that you are very close to him?" si Mommy sabay
baling sa kinaroroonan ni Klaus, napapalibutan ng babae kong kaibigan .

I rolled my eyes at that . "Dati na kaming close niyan, Mommy . If I had wanted him
to be my boyfriend, dapat matagal na! "

"Kaya nga, nagtataka kami ng Daddy mo hija . What's the deal and why is he
different
to you?"

I laughed at that . I cannot believe it . Sa ilang beses kong pagpapalit ng

boyfriend, sobrang sanay na si Mommy at Daddy na ang relasyon namin ni Klaus,
kakaiba para sa kanila .

"Because I like him as my friend?" sabi ko .

Daddy watched me darkly behind his spectacles . Nararamdaman ko ang pananantya niya
gaya ng dati niya pang ginagawa sa akin . I smiled at him again to assure him that
what I' m saying is true .

"Then, sino ba talaga ang napupusuan mo, hija?" si Daddy .

Tumawa ulit ako . "Kailangan ba meron, Dad? Wala as of the moment . I'll just
update
you once we go back in the Philippines and my school starts!"

Umiling si Daddy at ngumisi ngunit nararamdaman ko parin ang pagdududa sa kanyang

mga mata .

Hinalikan ko ang aking mga magulang bilang pagpapaalam bago mag entertain muli ng
mga kaibigan . They both let me go and I started talking to all of my friends who
are there for my eighteenth birthday .

Simula noong nag college ako, medyo naging abala na dahil sa kursong kinuha . With
all the pressure and responsibilities on my shoulder, I don't have to wait for my
Daddy's words to motivate me in doing better . Alam ko na sa sarili ko na dapat
akong magsikap dahil ako ang magmamana ng Lopez Shipping Lines .

It's not easy, I tell you . First year in college when I realized that all my
skills
from my strategic upbringing means nothing at school . School is mostly theoretical
.
All I have are skills from my experiences . At ibang-iba iyon sa theories na
nababasa ko sa Naval Engineering and Architecture .

Mahirap, pero alam ko na rito talaga ako patungo kaya wala akong ibang choice
kundi
ang salubungin ang paghihirap para lang matuto .

Needless to say, I spent the first year of my college life struggling to connect my
skills to the new theories I heard from the lessons . Hindi ko tuloy bilang kung
ilang Sabado ang sinakripisyo ko sa escuelahan, kinaligtaan ang nakasanayang gawain
noong highschool . Dinagdagan pa ng dalawang buwang bakasyon ko pagkatapos noong
unang taon sa kolehiyo hanggang sa kaarawan ko, para lang makapagrelax galing sa
stressful na taong iyon .

Umuwi kami ng Pilipinas five days after my birthday . Some of my friends

immediately
went home for their family gatherings but most of them stayed and toured with me .
Kaya naman, nang sa wakas nakauwi na kami nina Mommy at Daddy sa bahay namin sa
Maynila, hindi inasahan ni Daddy ang pagsama ko sa kanya sa Batangas Port .

"I thought you'll spend more time with your friends?" nagtatakang sinabi ni Daddy
sa akin nang nakita ang pagbibihis ko, madaling araw .

Sa likod ko naroon si Heather, dala ang gamit naming dalawa sa iisang bag .
Kahapon,
habang nasa airplane kami, nasabi ko na sa kay Heather ang planong ito . I ' ll bring
her to Batangas, like usual . She helps Mommy prepare the food for us at kapag wala
si Kajik, kaming dalawa ang nagkakatuwaan (o para sa akin dahil lagi naman siyang
mukhang hindi natutuwa) .

"I'm done doing that back in Paris-"

"Pero hindi kayo masyadong magkikita na kapag nagsimula na ang school mo, Andra ."

I smiled . "Sige na, Daddy . I want to go to Batangas . It's been a while . I can't
remember going this year, actually ."
Daddy sighed heavily . Sa huli ay tumango at sinenyasan na si Heather na ilagay na
ang aming gamit sa loob ng sasakyan .

Madaling araw kami tumulak sa Batangas, gaya ng dati . And just like before, too,
the excitement I have is too much that I couldn't sleep even when the drive is long
and boring .

Pasikat ang araw nang dumating kami roon . Sa taas ng trailer, pinagmasdan ko ang
unti-unting nawawalang buwan, as the sun outshines its little dimming light .

"Andra, breakfast," si Heather sa likod ko .

Tumango ako bago bumaling sa likod . My eyes went straight to the MERC warehouses
.
Nang nakitang walang movement doon kahit sa mga equipments, bumaba na ako at nauna
nang naglakad sa nakatanaw na Heather sa akin .

We ate our breakfast early . Mabilis ang pagkain ko, gaya ng dati . Hindi na rin
kailangang magtanong ni Mommy at Daddy sa gagawin ko dahil alam na nila kung ano
iyon .

I opened the gates separating the cliff towards the warehouses and the port .
Nakitaan ko ng mga tao roon sa warehouse pero alam kong kahit na abala sila,
maaaring wala si Kajik doon .

Wearing a powder blue colored summer dress and a flesh colored peep toe sandals, I
get past through the huge door of the warehouse . Amoy alikabok, kalawang, at
tubig-
dagat ang naghahalo kung saan saan ngunit nasanay na ako sa lahat . Iilang
empleyado, gaya ng dati, ang bumabaling sa akin, natitigilan sa ginagawa, pero
diretso ang lakad ko sa kaliwang bahagi, kung nasaan ang opisina ni Kajik .

Nag-antay ako kung may lalabas galing doon para matanaw kung naroon nga ba siya .
At
nang mayroong bumukas ng pinto, namataan ko na walang tao sa kanyang swivel chair .
I sighed heavily, like all the other days when he's not around .

"Si Mr . Mercadejas po ba ang hanap ninyo, Ma'am?" tanong ng isang matandang

lalaki
sa aking likod .

Nilingon ko siya at tumango ako . I smiled, knowing that I'll be disappointed once
again .

"Nasa barko po siya, may inasikaso sa shipping," anito .

Nabuhayan agad ako ng loob doon! Nandito siya! Wala lang sa opisina niya!

"Thank you, po! Pupuntahan ko!"

The huge Pastrana Ferry in colors green and red filled my view . Hindi na bago
iyon
dahil noon pa man, nakadeal na ng mga Mercadejas ang Philippine Islands Ferries
Corporation . Sanay na akong makita ang barko ng mga Pastrana rito .

The cold morning wind blew violently . I laughed when my skirt danced with it,
almost blown away . Hinawakan ko iyon para pumirmi ngunit mas lalo lang rumahas ang
hangin . Tumungtong ako sa bridge na nagdudugtong sa barko at sa lupa at patuloy na
maingat na naglalakad .

Rumahan ang hangin at inayos ko na lang ang buhok ko, at ang damit ko . Sa malayo
pa
lang, tanaw ko na si Kajik, kausap ang iilang empleyado ng mga Mercadejas .

Nagpiyesta kaagad ang mga mata ko sa natatanaw ko . It's been almost five months
since we last saw each other . That was January and today is almost June . Ngayong
nakita ko ulit siya, parang bagong-bago ang pagkakamangha ko .

Darkly handsome, nakapamaywang siya, seryosong kausap ang mga tauhan . Wearing his
white longsleeve folded till his arms, a sleek black silky slacks, and a brown
formal shoes . I bet he went straight here after a long business meeting in
Manila?

Thick brows furrowed, eyes sharp on his employee, and mouth in a grim line, he
stood there looking very authoritative and brilliant . Standing in all his six foot
or so height, massive body of someone highly active, with the smooth spread of thin
black hair on his arms, mistula siyang hindi totoo sa sobrang kakisigan at
kaguwapuhan . The first two or three buttons of his crisp white sleeveless was
unbuttoned revealing a hint of his tanned chest, carpetted with thin hair .

He's a breathtaking sight in the morning . I smiled at my unfathomable attaction .

Gaga ka talaga, Andra!

His eyes moved calmly from his employee to his left and then stopped towards me .
Kung hindi lang ako magaling sa pagtatago ng nararamdaman, baka kanina pa ako
natunaw o nabuwal sa kinatatayuan ko .

I smiled at him and waved cutely . Like usual, he did not smile back . He only
stared
at me with piercing ruthless eyes . Nagpatuloy ako sa marahang paglalakad at
ngayong
nakatingin na siya, para akong nililipad ng hangin sa sobrang gaan ng nararamdaman
.

I admit it . Sa dinami dami ng nakasalamuha kong lalaki, naging boyfriend, at iba

pa, siya lang talaga ang nakakapagparamdam sa akin ng ganito .

He talked smoothly . His lips curved while talking but his dark eyes remained on me
.
I realized he's dismissing his men dahil sabay sabay itong tumango at umalis sa
harapan niya .

The slow motion of the sudden lock of our eyes stayed for a while but when he
moved
towards me, nagising agad ako sa pansamantalang saya sa pag-iisip na hinihintay ako
ng gwapong kaharap .

"Hi!" sabi ko nang nakalapit siya .

His hands disappeared to his pockets but his forearm revealed the dark matting of
thin hair and the firm outline of veins . Habang palapit ako sa kanya, mas lalo
kong
nararamdaman ang height difference naming dalawa, and the way I am too thin
compared to his expanse .

"You just got home from your vacation . I thought you won't come here ."

I smiled shyly . Maging ang baba at lalim ng boses niya, miss na miss ko na . Hindi
ko tuloy mapigilan ang paghuhuramentado ng puso ko .

"I had to . Pagsimula ulit ng school, baka busy ulit ako . At kapag hindi ako
busy,
baka ikaw naman ang busy . So while I have time, I came here . . ."

Masyado yatang naparami ang sinabi ko . Iniwas ko ang tingin ko . I sound like I
missed him so much . . . that I'm concerned if we'll see each other again!

Marahang umihip ang hangin galing sa dagat . The ship's horn from the port echoed
.
 It silenced us both . Noon ko lang din natanto na medyo abala nga sa warehouse nila
.
Maraming producto ang nilalagay sa barko . Hindi na ako magtataka kung kahit na
nandito siya, abala parin siya sa trabaho .

"You have things to do here?" he asked .

"Uh, w-wala . Pasyal lang . Hmmm . If you're very busy, I can just go to our
shipyard
and visit my parents, too ."

"Let's go diving, then? I'm not busy ."

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko at paulit-ulit agad na tumango sa anyaya niya . Lagi kasi
kaming ganito kapag nagkikita . He fulfilled his promise when he told me that he'll
bring me to his hobbies . Nakaakyat na ako ng bundok, hindi nga lang sobrang layo
nun, dahil sa kanya . And during his dives, I usually snorkel near the shore .
Marunong man akong lumangoy, hindi ako sigurado kung kaya ko bang mag scuba .

And many other extreme activities for the past years . . .

"Saan ka pupunta?" tanong ni Heather nang namataan akong nagmamadaling magligpit ng

gamit sa isa pang mas maliit na bag .

"Mag s-scuba diving si Jandrik . Sasama ako . . ." sabi ko ng wala sa sarili .

"Nagpaalam ka na?"

"He's in our shipyard right now, asking my mom and dad's permission! Lagi naman
pumapayag ang mga iyon . In fact, he does not need to ask anymore but he insists
."

Sumusunod si Heather sa akin habang nag-aayos ako ng gamit . Sunblock, lipstick,

hair serum, at marami pang iba ang nilagay ko sa aking bag .

"Is he now engaged with the Pastrana heiress?" Heather breaking the truth like a
whirlwind .

"I don't know," I said cooly .

I don' t intend to know whatever is going on in that part of Kajik' s life . At kung
totoo man, I have long, long accepted it . It cannot hurt me that much anymore .

"If he will be or he is, then-"

Huminga ako ng malalim at nilindon si Heather .

"Then, fine?" dugtong ko . "Alam ko na 'yon, Heather . It's not like I want to
marry
Jandrik for myself . This is just friendship . And he's treating me like his
younger
sister ."

"Pero umaasa ka?" she said brutally .

"No," agap ko . "He loves Millicent . I've known it since and I'm done moping for
it .
So don't worry anymore ."

Iyon ang lagi kong iniisip . And I think I successfully convinced myself that it is
really that way .

Gaya ng dati, pinayagan ako ni Mommy at Daddy na sumama kay Kajik sa Anilao .
Anilao
is not very far from the port, compared to our other escapades before kaya ilang
minuto lang, nakarating na agad kami .

Madalas na kaming lumalabas na kaming dalawa lang, without his many friends . Isa
ito sa labas na iyon na kaming dalawa nga lang . Only that, when we both got to the
resort, nalaman naming may iilang kilala siyang mag da-diving din sa parehong araw
at oras na iyon .
 Holding my snorkel gear, nagkatinginan kami ni Kajik . Ngumuso ako at mukhang
nabasa
niya agad ang nasa isipan ko .

"You want to scuba?"

"I'm not sure if I can do it yet?"

" We' ll take the beginners route and I will help you . Isa pa, maraming guide para
tulungan ka," he said .

I am not a very active or risky person . Gaya noon, nandidiri pa ako sa mukhang
ipis
na stag beetle, but there's something about Kajik that's made me risk on scary and
uncertain things .

Binaba ko ang snorkel gear at marahang tumango sa kanya . His lips curved in a
slow
sexy smile bago binalingan ang isang guide at inanunsyo na isasama ako sa scuba
diving .

For some reason, hindi ako natatakot kahit na first time ko . Maybe it's the
thought
that we will be together, the thought that he'll be with me, I feel better . He's
always brilliant with his hobbies . Champion sa motocross, magaling ang survival
skills sa mountaineering, magaling sa swimming; oh I've seen him swim like a shark
cutting through the water, at maraming marami pang iba .

Kalahating oras ang ginugol ko para sa orientation sa kung ano ang gagawin sa
equipment, paano lumutang, paanong bumaba (maglalagay ng weights), paano tanggalin
ang bubbles sa mask, at marami pang iba . Kajik patiently listened and waited until
I memorized it all .
"Are you scared?" he asked when we were already on the speedboat going to the deep
blue waters and reefs of Anilao's prized spot .

Umiling ako at matapang na nilingon si Kajik .

Tumaas ang isang kilay niya . He smirked cockily at me . I can sense that he
doesn't
believe how I'm not scared when I am not as brave as him .

"Don't be . You have me . . ." he said slowly as he licked his red lips .

Tumango ako at napalunok . He watched me carefully . Bumaling ako sa sobrang dilim

nang dagat . Lalo na nang naramdaman ang paghina ng andar ng sinasakyan namin,
hudyat na nasa diving spot na kami .

"I'll go down first so I can catch and hold you ."

Nanatili ang mga mata ko sa nakakatakot at madilim na dagat . Unti-unti kong

nararamdaman ang panlalamig . Even with the full gear from head to toe, the tank
behind me, the sudden rush of fear is taking over all of my senses .

"Andra," Kajik shook me a bit nang namataan na titig na titig ako sa dagat .

Nilingon ko siya . His soulful dark eyes looked at me seriously .

"Don't panic, okay? Nothing bad will happen to you . I'll be there so you will be
safe," he reminded me .

Tumango ako at medyo naibsan ang takot .

Here is Karius Jandrik Mercadejas, the only person who can push me to the limits of
my fears . He's dived the famous Tubbataha and all the other more advanced spots .
He
promised me he will save me so I will put my faith on him .

"I got you, okay?"

"Okay . . ." sa wakas ay naisatinig ko .

Kasabay ni Kajik na bumaba ang iilang guides . Ang sunod ay ibang bagong divers at
sa huli, tatlo kaming sabay na bababa sa dagat . Kajik, along with our guide was
still on the surface, waiting for me to finally do it .

Mabilis kong napaubaya ang kaba ko . I did not give myself time to think or to be
scared . I just did it . And I'm so glad I did . Hawak ni Kajik ang kamay ko habang
unti-unti kaming bumababa sa madilim ngunit napakagandang tanawin sa ilalim ng
dagat .

The first few minutes of checking and adjusting, medyo takot pa ako . Hindi ako
makalangoy ng maayos sa takot sa dilim at sa hindi alam . Kajik constantly held my
hand as we slowly visited the reefs, one by one .

Nakakita ako ng napakaraming mga isda sa iba't-ibang kulay at anyo . Nakakita rin
ng
sabay-sabay na lumalangoy na isda at tuluyan nang nawala ang kaba ko dahil
nangibabaw ang tuwa .

The guide took us to a larger reef, at doon ko nakita ang mas maraming divers na
gaya ko ay siguro baguhan din .

Marami kami at napapalibutan na ako ng mga guide . And when my mask got bubbles, I
slowly pinched it, finally remembering all the drills we had from the orientation .
Nawala ako sa dami ng magagandang reef at iilang kakaibang isda . Tinuturo ko pa sa
guide iyong mga nakikita ko at ang iilang baguhang divers ay namamangha rin sa
lahat ng tinuturo ko .

I am so proud of myself, needless to say . I conquered yet again another extreme

thing for me . Ilang minuto siguro ang lumipas nang natanto kong nawawala si Kajik
sa tabi ko o sa tanawin ko .
Ilang minuto na lang din, magtatapos na kami kaya naman panay ang senyas ko sa
guides tungkol sa kanya . They did not understand much of what I'm saying so I had
to pinch something on my left para umangat ako . They took that hint and the two
guides rose with me . Nang nasa surface na, doon ko lang natanto ang kaba ko .
Inangat ko ang mask ko para makapagsalita ng maayos .

"Kuya, si Jandrik po, hindi ko mahanap!" sabi ko .

"Ganoon ba? Nakasunod lang iyon kanina, ah?" sabi noong guide .

Walang pag-aalinlangan, I manuevered my gears properly so I can go down, once again

to the reef and check if Kajik is anywhere there!

I navigated myself from one reef to another, sinasantabi ang takot at umaasa sa
mga
divers na naroon sa paligid . He's very easy to spot . He's massive even on his all
black suit and I've memorized his hair kaya nasisiguro ko na wala nga siya roon!

Sumenyas ang guide sa akin para sabihing wala rin siya sa pinuntahan niya .
Kabadong
kabado na ako . It's very bad to panic while diving but I cannot help myself! Muli
kong sinuyod ang reef na puno ng divers hanggang sa napadpad ako sa halos wala nang
tao at mas malalim pang spot . The two guides are just behind me at kung hindi pa
ako inunahan ng isa ay mas lalo pang lumalim ang paglangoy ko .

He told me that our time is almost up . Na pababa na ang oxygen ng tanks namin at
by
now, kailangan na naming umahon . That thought calmed me . Kung saan man si Kajik
ngayon, nasisiguro kong gaya namin, paubos na rin ang oxygen sa kanyang tank kaya
iaangat na siya mamaya! Tutal, marunong at magaling naman siya sa diving, hindi ba?
He can't be mistaken! Lalo na dahil for beginners ang spot na ito!

Umangat na ako kasama ang dalawang guide . Naroon na rin ang ibang kasabayan namin
sa kanilang mga bangka . Tinulungan ako ng guide namin na umangat at nang natanggal
na ang equipment sa akin, sinuyod ko na ang surface para makita kung may umangat
din bang Kajik doon .

"Kuya, wala pa p-po si Jandrik!" kabado kong sinabi .

"Madalas pong mag free dive si Mr . Mercadejas, Ma'am," alu ng isang guide sa akin
.

"P-Po? E, hindi ba pareho lang kami ng tank? Mag-iisang oras na at siguardong

paubos na rin ang oxygen nun!" sabi ko .

"Yun nga rin po, e . . ." the guide said in a worried tone now .

At dahil nag-aalala na rin ang guide, kumalabog na rin ng gusto ang puso ko .
Pakiramdam ko mas kabado at nagpapanic pa ako ngayon kesa sa kaninang unang baba ko
sa ilalim ng dagat!

"Paano po 'yon? Can w-we dive again and search for him?!" sabi ko .

"Antayin na lang po natin, Ma'am," sabi noong isa .

The fuck?

Tumayo ako at hindi na inalintana ang lamig . Hinarap ko ang dalawang lalaking mid-
thirties at payat na guide namin . Hindi ako makapaniwalang ganoon lang ang
isasagot
nila sa akin!
" Kuya, nawawala po si Jandrik! We can' t just wait! For all we know he got lost or
some shark bit him!" nagpapanic kong deklara .

"Propesyunal diver po si Mr . Merc-"

"I don't care! He disappeared! And it is past one hour! Wala nang oxygen ang tank
niya kaya imposibleng ayos pa siya!"

I went on and on hysterically . Wala nang nasabi ang mga guide sa akin at tutok na
lang sila sa dagat . The other boats are already going back to the shore, it
escalated my fear!

" Ano pang hinihintay ninyo! ? It' s almost half an hour past the tank' s life! " sigaw
ko na siyang nagpakuha ng equipment sa guide, sa wakas ay ngayon lang natauhan na
kailangan nang hanapin si Kajik .

Staring at the deep and dark blue waters, I shiver at the thought of him lost in
that place . . . and while guiding me . Hot tears rolled down my cheek . Kahit takot
ay
nilingon ko ang mga guide para sabihin . . .

"Sasama po a-ako . . ." humagulhol ako .

"Okay na po, Ma'am . Kami na lang ang maghahanap-"

"Sasama po ako!" sigaw ko kahit na alam na magiging pabigat lang ako . Bukod sa
nagpapanic na, hindi pa ako magaling dito kaya baka sumakit lang lalo ang ulo nila
sa paghahanap .

But I can't stay and wait for him . I want to find him myself!

Nagkatinginan ang mga guide . Humahagulhol na ako, hindi ko na kayang pigilan ang
mga luha habang iniisip na nawawala siya . . . nawawala lang . . . hindi ko kayang
isipin
ang higit pa roon!

I positioned myself wrongly . Binaba ko ang mga paa ko sa dagat at naupo sa edge
ng
speed boat .

"Equipment po, please, Kuya, sasama ako..." frustrated kong sinabi .

Nanginginig na ako sa maingay na pag-iyak . Tinabunan ko ang mukha ko ng mga kamay

para lang pigilan ang mga hikbi . Kailangan kong kumalma kung gusto kong sumama .

Along with my heavy inhale, isang mainit na kamay ang humawak sa paa ko . Sa gulat
ay tumili ako at lumayo only to see Karius Jandrik's devilish smile, disheveled
textured and faded hair wet from the ocean water, and eyes glistening with extreme
pleasure .

Imbes na matuwa sa pag-ahon niya, bumalatay sa puso ko ang iritasyon at galit lalo
na sa ngising nakapaloob sa kanyang gwapong mukha . He made me worry so much I
would
die and suddenly he's all smiles when he shows up!?

I kicked his hand off my foot . Sa gulat ay nagawa ko iyon . I saw him a bit
shocked
but amused at the same time . Tumawa ang mga guide at binaba na ang equipments .

"Sir, sinasabi na nga ba . Nasanay na kami sa'yo . Si Ma'am kasi natakot . . ."
sabi ng
guide sa nakakatuwang boses .

Anger flared in me like a hot burning fire . Padabog kong tinulak ang mga equipment
at marahas kong hinablot ang tuwalya para maitapis sa nanginginig kong katawan
kahit na may suit .

Kajik climbed on the speedboat and the engine roared, aalis na kami roon .

"Nakakita kasi ako ng mas malalim at mas maganda . It was my first time there so I
checked it . . ." Kajik explained to the guides .

Pagkatapos noon ay nilingon niya ako, the amusement on his face did not leave .
Kakakalma lang ay iniwas ko ang tingin ko sa kanya at binuksan ang isang mineral
water para makainom, to rehydrate from all my wasted tears because of him .

"Kaya nga po . Sanay na kami sa'yo, Sir," sabi noong isa .

Lumapit si Kajik sa mga tuwalya at kumuha ng kanya . He unzipped his suit and let
the top fall on his waist revealing his full muscled massive chest . Lalo kong
iniwas ang tingin sa kanya at nang lumapit sa aking inuupuan at naupo, tumayo ako
at iniwan siya roon .

"Andra, wait . . ." he chuckled .

Damn him! May gana pa siyang tumawa? I was almost mourning for him! I was very
worried! Sinasabi ko na nga bang ayaw kong ganito! Hindi ito ang unang pagkakataon!
I saw him bitten by so many leech in our hike, tumaob sa jetski dahil masyadong
wild magpatakbo, at marami pang iba! At ilang beses na akong umiyak para rito and
this is the fucking worst and he just . . . what? Smile? Chuckle like that?

Hinuli niya ang kamay ko at hinila patalikod .

"Baby . . ." suyo niya .

Mabilis at marahas kong binawi ang kamay ko na pakiramdam ko, nasaktan ko siya sa
mga kuko ko but I' m not sorry . Kumuha ako ng isa pang tuwalya roon at sinaksak sa
dibdib niya . I saw him close his eyes cooly, anticipating my outburst and letting
me hurt him that way .

I marched away from him . Tinanggal niya ang tuwalya sa kanyang mukha at dibdib at
nilagay lang sa kung saan, then he stalked me wherever I went .

"Andra . . ." panunuyo pa rin ang tono niya .

Nag lowtide kaya sa malayo kami binaba . Hindi na ako naghintay ng senyas at
tumalon
na ako sa dagat . Hanggang tuhod ang tubig sa binabaan namin pero kung
makapagmartsa
ako, parang walang tubig doon .

"Hey . . ." he called as he stalked behind me .

Padabog akong nagmartsa sa tubig hanggang sa muli niyang nahawakan ang aking kamay
at mariing hinila . I pulled my hand back but his hold was too firm . Hinarap ko
siya, ngayon, sa galit ay namumuo muli ang luha ko .

"You selfish asshole! I was so worried!" sigaw ko .

Biting his lower lip and supressing his devilish smile, he looked at me like a
puppy dog saying sorry to his master .

Buong lakas kong hinampas ang kanyang dibdib . Lumagapak ang kamao ko roon pero
hindi man lang natinag . Imbes, ako pa yata ang nasaktan! Nakita kong pumula ang
mga
daliri ko pagkatapos ng suntok .

His eyes lazily traced my fist . He knows I got hurt!

" Thirty minutes, really! ? Ubos na ang oxygen noon at may gana ka pang tumawa,
huh!?"

I punched him again with my other fist nang nakawala iyon sa kamay niya . Parang
hindi yata siya nakikinig at ang concentration niya ay nasa paghuli ng mga kamao
ko . He watched my fingers carefully as I try to get it from him .

"I was so fucking worried! I was crying and I wanted to dive again just to search
for you!" sigaw ko sa kanya, nangingilid na ang mga luha .

Umangat muli ang gilid ng kanyang labi . Then he twisted his lips just to hide his
amusement .

"I'm sorry..." he said and pulled me closer by the elbow .

Siniko ko ang kamay niya para mapakawalan ako . Pero huling-huli niya na ang mga
kilos ko na hindi na ako makawala pa .

"I thought I lost you! Damn you! Fuck you, Jandrik!" paulit-ulit kong sinabi .

His lips pursed more and his eyes blazed with amusement that frustrated me so much
.
He pulled me to him, locking my frame . Hinampas ko siya para manlaban nang
natantong hindi ako makakawala .

"I'm sorry," he said slowly .

Hinampas ko ulit siya at sa huli, nang hindi na nakayanan ang mga luha ay tinabunan
ko na lang ang mukha ko . My slim shoulders rocked repeatedly because of my cries .

"Hey," he whispered habang inaayos ang nagkakagulo kong buhok .

He held on to the small of my back and his other hand gently stroked my face .

"Forgive me, please . . . I won't do it again ."

"Liar! You a-always do this to me! You think it's funny!?"

He groaned painfully and then sighed heavily .

"You won't lose me . You'll never lose me, Andra . Please . . . I'm sorry . . ."

Hindi na ako nagsalita . Sa galit ko ay tinanggal ko ang mga kamay ko para lang
maipakita sa kanya ang protesta ng mga mata ko . I glared angrily at him habang
nakadungaw siya sa akin, slightly amused, defeated, and with gentle dark eyes .

Sa nanginginig na labi, marami akong gustong sabihin pero hindi ko na isatinig .

His eyes slowly drifted on my cold lips . He sighed painfully and his eyes
remained
there . . .

From my jaw, his right hand gently stroked my cheek until his thumb touched my
shivering lower lip . That moment silenced my frustration and anger . But I can
almost hear his frustration for something, too .

"Takot na takot ako!" sabi ko .

His eyes did not leave my lips . Sa panibagong luha, muli kong tinabunan ang mukha
ko . Kasabay noon ang pag angat niya sa akin . He lifted me up on his arms, folding
my legs for his forearm and also holding me behind my back for support .

Hinilig ko ang mukha ko sa kanyang dibdib at patuloy na tinabunan iyon .

"I'm sorry," he whispered .

My body rocked again, remembering the dark blue ocean, and him lost somewhere very
far from me .

Kabanata 9
Kabanata 9

No Good

I fear for so many things in this life . For the past months, I have conquered some
of it and it feels good . But I know, I am far, far from conquering everything .

"Hindi ba close kayo ng mga Mercadejas, Andra?" my cousin Cresia asked while we
were video calling .
It's a Saturday morning, isa sa mga Sabadong dapat, sumama ako kay Daddy sa
Batangas pero hindi ko na naman nagawa dahil may pinagkakaabalahan sa school . Now,
I cannot turn my phone down from my cousin Lucresia's call because of the topic
kaya ni loudspeaker ko na lang habang nagsusuklay ng buhok .

"Why? What is it?"

"You know, this enemy of mine is bragging about her great relationship and flirting
with a Mercadejas . Naiirita ako ."

Umirap ako . Naiisip ko pa lang kung sino sa mga Mercadejas ang tinutukoy,
nahihirapan na ako . Nasa tatlo lang iyon: Zamiel, Ivo, or Ali . Not Kajik, of
course . He's always busy . He doesn't have much time to go out anymore .

Noon, oo . I've seen him flirt and deal with girls first hand but right now, nah-
uh!

"Just because they saw each other on a trip somewhere on the glaciers of Austria,
close na kaagad sila?"

"Sinong kaibigan ba iyan?" medyo naalarma kong tanong .

I remember one time they were gone for a trip in Europe . Could it be . . .

"Ah, you don't know her . I just hate that she's bragging! She's the daughter of a
town mayor in Batangas . "

Naibaba ko ang suklay sa sinabi ni Cresia . Slowly, I walked towards my phone to

see
her properly . Nakahiga siya sa kanyang kama, with sleepy eyes, and long full bangs
disheveled, shocked to see me on screen and full alert .

"Cara?" I asked .

"Oo . Si Cara . How do you know her?" medyo gulat namang tanong ni Cresia sa akin
.

"Yes . I've seen her on the port once . Sino bang Mercadejas daw ang nagustuhan
niya?" medyo kunot na ang noo ko habang nakatitig sa screen .

" Kajik Mercadejas . The youngest, is it? Nakakairita lang si Cara . Umuuwi iyon
dito
sa Iloilo kapag wala sa Batangas iyong si Kajik at kapag naroon, kapit na kapit
naman doon ."

"Really?" medyo seryoso kong sinabi .

I have not visited for two weeks and then there's a rumor like this?

"He's already engaged with someone, Cresia," sabi ko .

Tumawa si Cresia . " Ah, you know these men who are so- called engaged, Andra . So
what
if they are engaged, anyway? They can play with anyone . Pero ewan ko rin dito kay
Cara at baka nag fe-feeling lang din ang isang ito ."

Tumango ako kay Cresia but my mind is already made up for that day . I will finish
everything today and I will bring all my assignments and other unfinished things
with me in Batangas to check! Oo, dahil hindi na ako mapakali . Hindi ko kayang
maghintay ng sunod na Sabado para lang malaman galing kay Kajik kung totoo ba iyon
.

Gritting my teeth, I watched the scenery disappear before my eyes . Unti-unting

napapalitan ang mga nakikita sa labas dahil sa bilis ng patakbo ng aming sasakyan
.
Good thing my Mommy and Daddy approved of it immediately .

Binagsak ni Heather ang binabasang libro . Nilingon niya ako .

"May problema ba? Bakit ka nagmamadali papuntang Batangas?" she asked .

"Nagkwento si Cresia sa akin kaninang umaga . Sinabi raw ng kilala niya na lagi
siya
sa port at kasama si Jandrik . I just wanna check ."

"Hmm . . ."

Nilingon ko si Heather at nakita ang pag-angat muli ng kanyang libro para magbasa
.
Wala siyang kibo pero alam kong maraming tumatakbo sa isipan niya .

I spared that night . Sa bagay, late na kami dumating at bukod sa pagod na ako,
siguradong tulog na si Kajik noon . Unfortunately, I woke up a bit later than
usual!
Kaya naman, nagmamadali ako sa pagligo at pagbibihis . Pati sa pagbaba para kumain,
nagmadali ako .

"Hindi ka na ginising ng Mommy mo dahil alam niyang pagod ka sa byahe kagabi,"

Heather said while putting my breakfast on the table .

Tumango ako at sinubo agad ang toast . She looked at me with serious eyes like the
usual . Nagtaas ako ng kilay para magtanong kung anong meron .

"Nagmamadali ka para makababa sa warehouse ng mga Mercadejas," it was a statement

and not a question .

"Of course! I'll check if that girl is really with him all the time!" sabi ko nang
walang pag-aalinlangan .

Kumunot ang noo niya at bahagyang humilig sa lamesa . She smirked .

"You really are so crazy for him, huh?"

Napakurap-kurap ako roon . "Of course not! I'm just checking! Besides, he's
engaged
to someone else!"
Iyon lagi ang pambawi ko kapag inaasar ako ni Heather . Hindi niya na rin ako
kinukulit pagkatapos kong sabihin iyon .

Pagkatapos kumain, magtoothbrush, at muling mag-ayos, tumulak na ako patungong

warehouse . Wearing a checkered powder blue dress and a thin white sneakers,
mabilis
ang bawat pagbaba ko sa konkretong hagdanan, pababa ng malawak na espasyo ng apat
na naglalakihang warehouse ng mga Mercadejas katabi lamang ng daungan .

The sun is covered with thin clouds, blocking its rays heavily, and making the day
gloomy . Maganda ang araw pero patuloy ang pagiging abala ng mga trabahante sa
saku-
sakong semento na ikakarga sa lantsa, shipping at all points in Visayas and
Mindanao .

Nasanay na ang mga trabahante sa akin ngunit may iilan paring natitigilan tuwing
nariyan ako . Maybe because they are not really used to seeing someone else other
than their co- workers .

I craned my neck to see if Kajik is on his desk nang may lumabas na empleyado
galing sa kanyang opisina . Namataan ko kaagad si Kajik sa kanyang swivel chair,
may
kausap na babae sa harap niya, nakatalikod sa akin .
I am not mistaken! I've known Cara and I've seen her around here months ago when
the good Mayor got invited in the opening of the new warehouse for another company
by the Mercadejas boys . Papasok na sana ako sa loob ng opisina ngunit napansin ko
na wala nang ibang tao roon .

Ang konting siwang sa pintuan gawa ng pagsalo ko galing sa pagkakasarado ng

lumabas
na empleyado ay sapat na para marinig ko kung ano ang pinag-uusapan sa loob .
Slowly, I pushed the springed door forward using my index finger . I want to go in
but I'm also curious about something . . .

"Thanks for understanding . Gusto ko lang talagang kausapin ka na tayong dalawa

lang, " Cara said in a dramatic tone .

"Hmm . . ."

Kahit hindi ko kita ang itsura nila, naiimagine ko ang itsura ni Kajik . Lalo na
nang nahimigan ko ang pagtayo nito .

"Sure . What is it, Cara?" Kajik asked .

" It' s been three months since I first came here and saw you again . Simula rin
noon,
madalas na akong mamasyal dito, hindi ba?"

Cara is years older than me . Siguro, kasing edad ni Millicent Pastrana . She
graduated a long time ago but because she's rich and all that, she can do whatever
she wants to do with her life, including stalking Kajik!

"I-I just want you to know that . . ." her voice turned melodic .

Hindi ko na namamalayan ang init at iritasyong naramdaman ko . Gustong gusto kong

itulak ang pintuan at istorbohin ang dalawa pero napigilan ko ang sarili ko .

"I like you, Kajik . And I won't come out here like this if I did not feel that I
am
special to you as well . I think I am in love with you . . ." she said in a very
womanly tone .

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko . I am at the edge of pushing this damn door and storm in
of
the room to stop whatever it is pero bago ko pa magawa ay nakuha kaagad ni Cara ang
simpatya ko .

Kajik's groan made me tremble a bit . Hindi man kita, naramdaman ko ang pagyuko
niya
at ang paglapit pa sa kung nasaan si Cara . My heart is beating loudly at the
thought that he might like Cara back, gaya ng inaasahan nito . Though, he's
probably
already engaged, that won't stop him to have an open relationship with someone
else, or even a consented physical relationship, right?

"It seems like you misunderstood my concern for you, Cara," he said bluntly .

Iyon ang nagpapigil sa mainit kong dugo . Halos napaatras ako roon .

"I am already promised to someone . . ."

"B-But . . . Kajik, I'm willing to at least try us!" giit ni Cara sa isang
desperadang
tono .

Bumuntong-hininga si Kajik . "Also, you are too young for me . I don't think I can
consider that kind of relationship with you ."
Ilang segundo akong nanigas habang nakatayo roon sa labas . Ilang segundo ko ring
narinig ang walang kibuan ng dalawa sa loob . At bago ko pa unti-unting ibalik ang
dating ayos ng pintuan sa pagkakasara, narinig ko na ang singhap ni Cara at ang
paniguradong pag-iyak niya .

Very slowly, I turned around and started walking away . Unti-unti rin ang pagbangon
ng kaba sa aking puso . Sa hindi malamang rason, kinabahan ako . Sa hindi malamang
rason, nanlamig ako .

Palabas na ng malaking bukana ng warehouse ay narinig ko ang mga mabibilis na yapak

ng pagtakbo . Naungusan ako ni Cara . Naglalakad lang ako at siya, dire- diretso ang
takbo palabas, with soft sobs along with her .

It took me a few minutes of thinking and watching before I finally decided to walk
towards her . Tanaw ang naglalakihang lantsa at cranes sa harap, iniyak lahat ni
Cara ang bigong nararamdaman . Personally, I do not like her much but the way she
confessed and got rejected made me reminisce what happened years ago .

I was very young, then, nang sinabi ni Kajik sa akin na makakahanap pa ako ng
ibang
mamahalin . He may be right but that hurt so much that time . Hindi ko
maipagkakaila
na bahagya kong ipinagpapasalamat ngayon na matagal na akong sumubok . That I am
not
anymore going to do that right now because he already rejected me so .

Umihip ang pang-umagang hangin . Pinaghalong lamig at init ng habagat . Tinitingnan

ko si Cara sa kanyang suot na isang puting shorts, itim na loose sleeveless with an
inner tube top, her hair falling in spirals to her shoulders, and standing inches
taller than me .

"You are too young for me," Kajik's voice echoed in my head .

Cara is years older than me and yet she's too young for him, huh? Ano na ako,
hindi
ba?

Dalawang hakbang na lang, hindi ko nilapitan si Cara . Nanatili ako sa kanyang

likod, holding my hand behind me, trying to literally get a hold of myself . Her
sobs echoed a bit . Nanginginig ang kanyang balikat dahil sa pag-iyak .

"Cara," I said when I couldn't help myself .

Hindi na siya nagulat . Tumigil lang siya saglit at bumaling sa akin . She wiped
away
her tears .

"You confessed?"

Humakbang ako ng isang beses . Nilingon niya ako, kunot ang noo at medyo nagulat
na
ngayon sa tanong ko .

"You heard us?" medyo gulat niyang tanong .

Hindi ko na sinagot . My want to eliminate anyone who can probably take my place
made me desperate . Hinaluan lamang ng simpatya ko sa kanya dahil nakaramdam na rin
ako ng ganoon para sa parehong tao noon .

"Don't get your hopes up too much . Kung kilala mo siya-"

" Alam ko! Kung narinig mo, narinig mo rin sana ang sinabi niya sa akin, hindi ba?
'Tsaka huwag ka ngang makealam, bata ka . Pareho kayo ng pinsan mong si Cresia,
pakealamera!" she said and ran away .
At hindi iyon ang una o huling pagkakakita ko ng isang babaeng natanggihan ni
Kajik .

Gamit ang puting sapatos ay sinipa-sipa ko ang isang bato sa gitna ng kontretong
daanan . Hindi agad ako nakagalaw o nakabalik sa warehouse dahil sa dami ng iniisip
.
Ilang minuto akong nagtagal doon kaiiisip sa nangyari kanina sa kay Kajik at Cara
sa loob .

I thought that those physical fears I have were the worst, now I realized that
there are worse things than that .

"I thought you're not coming because you're busy with school?" isang baritonong
boses ang narinig ko sa likod .

Napatalon ako sa gulat at bumaling doon . Hirap pa akong ngumiti at mag relax
pagkatapos ng mahabang pag-iisip . He was already talking with his employees and
when he spoke, most of them left to carry out his orders like usual .

"Wala na namang school kapag Sunday, e," sabi ko .

He tilted his head and his eyes viciously caressed me with faint humor .

Wearing a crisp white longsleeves, dark blue maong pants, and a brown topsider, he
eyed me grimly . Hindi ako makatingin ng diretso sa kanya dahil sa kaba sa nangyari
kanina at sa kaba para sa aking sarili .

"Wala ka ba talagang gagawin?"

Maagap akong umiling . He closed the distance between us and I can feel my fear
materializing in between us, creating a very high wall . Afraid that my fears will
get in the way, I pushed myself to relax and play .

"Wala nga!" I pouted .

"Then let's go somewhere," anyaya niya na siyang tuluyang nagpalimot sa akin sa

nasaksihan at narinig ko kanina .

"Where? I can't be out for long . Baka umuwi na kami mamayang gabi . May pasok pa
ako
bukas ."

Nag-isip siya ng ilang sandali . I thought he'd suggest we go out next time .

"Sa malapit na resort na lang . We won't go scuba anymore ."

Galing sa pagkakanguso, unti-unting sumilay ang ngiti sa aking labi . Unti-unti

rin
akong tumango . He smirked devilishly and like usual, headed to our shipyard to ask
my parents about it .

Hindi na natagalan pa, nasa kalsada na kami, patungo sa isang magandang resort,
hindi kalayuan doon . For today, we won't do anything extreme . Nagulat nga ako, e .
We will just go swimming and that's all . Kaya lang, pagkapasok pa lang sa resort
at
pagkakita pa lang namin sa jet ski na matuling tumatakbo sa karagatan, mabilis
kaming naengganyo .

"Are you going to ride a Jet Ski?" tanong ko, dahil madalas sumasakay ako kapag
naggaganoon siya . "I think I can now . . ."

Binalingan ko ang kalakhan ng karagatan at ang iilang villa at boardwalk na tanaw

ko galing sa kinatatayuan namin . At sa mas malayong dako roon, isang Jet Ski ang
humahataw .
"You sure?" he chuckled .

Busangot ko siyang binalingan . Alam niyang madalas akong duwag pero sa ilang taon
yata naming pagsusubok sa mga nakakatakot na bagay, lumakas na rin naman ang loob
ko .

"Yes, I am sure! You'll see . I know how to Jet Ski now! I tried it the last time,
remember?"

Gaya ng dati, kahit hindi naman kami rito matutulog, kumuha parin si Kajik ng villa
para paglagyan ng gamit o pahingahan namin . My thoughts are always filled with
malice every time we go inside our villa and drop our things .

Hindi ko mapigilan ang pagsulyap sa kanya at tuwing nagtatama ang aming tingin,
kabado ako lagi . Mabilis akong nag-iiwas sa takot na may mabasa siya sa aking
isipan .

Tumunog ang cellphone niya dahilan ng biglaan niyang pagkakaabala . I put my things
down on the bed at kumuha ng isusuot . Naririnig ko agad ang seryoso niyang tono
kausap pa yata ang pinsan sa kabilang linya .

"Yes, Ali . Nag overtime na, kanina . By now, the cargo is on the way . . ."

Sumulyap muli ako kay Kajik na ngayon ay tinatanaw ang karagatan sa bintana,
nakapamaywang ang isang kamay habang ang isa, hawak ang cellphone sa tainga . I
smirked and closed the door .

So workaholic, huh?

Tiningnan ko sa salamin ang isang kulay puting bandeau two piece . Sa iilang beses
naming paglabas, usually swimming, I normally wear just rashguard and such .
Ngayon,
I think I am now ready to wear things like these .

Lumabas ako ng bathroom na may puting v neck t-shirt at acid washed short pants na
.
Nakita kong nakayuko na si Kajik sa kanyang Macbook habang kausap parin siguro si
Ali sa cellphone . Sa kanyang Macbook ay iilang files na mayroong graph sa madilim
na background .

Gusto ko sanang sabihing ikumusta niya ako kay Ali pero dahil mukhang seryoso
siya,
hindi ko na inabala . Naghintay ako ng ilang minuto pero walang bakas na matatapos
na ang usapan nila anytime soon .

"I already told him that, but I think it's okay for now . In time, it will all
change . Ako na ang bahala ."

Slowly, I tiptoed my way to the door . Hindi na kasi ako makapaghintay kay Kajik
kaya umamba na akong lalabas .

"Where are you going?" he asked .

Napabaling ako sa kanya . Nakita kong tumuwid na siya sa pagkakatayo at nakababa

ng
konti ang cellphone . Alam kong nariyan pa rin si Ali sa kabilang linya .

"May titingnan lang ako . Continue your talk with Ali . Send my regards . . ." I
winked
at him .

His brows furrowed and I saw him put his phone back on his ear .
"Ali, can you just call back-"

Hindi ko na hinintay pang matapos ang usapan nila . Lumabas na ako at nagsimulang
tinahak ang gawa sa kahoy na boardwalk . Hindi natatanggal ang tingin ko sa grupo
ng
mga lalaking pinaglalaruan ang isang Jet Ski . The other two were still on the
boardwalk while one of them is riding the Jet Ski behind the resort's employee .

"Hindi ka parin marunong! Kahit anong gawin mo, Ken!"

Nagulat ako nang nakita kung sino ang isa sa dalawang lalaking maingay na
kinakantyawan ang nakasakay sa Jet Ski .

"Klaus, you're so cocky . Why? Do you know how to ride that thing?"

Napabaling ang aking kaibigan . Now reddish, ang mestizong si Klaus ay nagulat sa
presensya ko sa lugar . I crossed my arms . Smiling, he immediately went to me .

"Andra, you're here! Kailan pa? Kahapon pa kami at pauwi na ngayon, ngayon lang
tayo nagkita!"

Nakita ko ang unti-unting pagbabalik ng Jet Ski sa paanan ng dulo ng board walk,
kung nasaan kami .

"Ngayon lang . Uuwi rin mamaya," sabi ko hindi nawawala ang tingin sa Jet Ski .

Klaus is with his cousins . Hindi ko nga lang matandaan ang mga pangalan ng kasama
niya pero sa mukha, kilala ko sila bilang mga pinsan ni Klaus .

"You know how to ride that?" tanong ko nang nakita ang isa niyang pinsan na paakyat
na sa amin, galing sa Jet Ski .

"Nope . I tried it once but I can't seem to get a hang of it yet . Baka next time
.
Bakit? Marunong ka?

Bumaba rin ang empleyado ng resort na siyang nagmaneho noon . Nang nakita ako,
dahil
sa dalas ko rito, agad ding nakilala .

"Magandang umaga, Miss Lopez . Gusto mo po bang mag Jet Ski?"

"Sige, Manong! Ano, Klaus? Gusto mong umangkas?" sabay baling ko sa kaibigan .

I saw a glint of menace on his eyes . Tumango agad siya . Tinulak siya ng katabing
lalaking pinsan at bahagya kong narinig ang biruang pagtatalo .

"Klaus, ako na lang muna, oh ."

"Shut up, Malcolm," Klaus said in and shove his cousin out of his way .

Mabilis kong tinanggal ang t-shirt ko . Narinig ko ang sipol ng isa niyang pinsan .
I
smirked and tried to see his other cousin pero nang nagtama ang aming tingin ay
namula siya at mabilis na nagtago sa kay Malcolm .

Klaus appeared in front of me bago pa lang ako matawa sa reaksyon ng mga pinsan
niyang payat at kasing edad ko lang .

"Are you sure you know this, Andra?" Klaus asked .

"Are you scared? Chickening out? Let your other cousins ride, then ."
"Oh . . . no way ." He smirked and I smirked back .

"Sige, po..." sabi ko sa empleyado at bumaba na sa hinagdanang kahoy .

Kumapit agad ako sa gilid at hinawakan ang manibela ng Jet Ski . The adrenaline in
the anticipation of riding it is kicking in . Inayos ko ang posisyon ko at hindi na
nagtagal, umangkas na rin si Klaus sa likod ko .

"Klaus! Ako ang susunod!" sabi ng kanyang pinsan .

"Uuwi na raw tayo, 'di ba?" Klaus fired back .

"Kahit isang minuto lang!" sigaw pabalik ng natatawang pinsan niya .

Nakangisi akong umiling . Hindi pa nakakakapit si Klaus sa akin ay pinaandar ko na

.
Klaus laughed hard at my mischief . Tumawa na rin ako pero nagpatuloy sa mabilis na
pagpapaandar ng Jet Ski .

"Whoa!" sigaw ni Klaus .

Mas lalo tuloy akong ginanahan at binilisan pa ang takbo . I cannot believe that I
am good at this now! Marunong na talaga ako, hindi gaya ng huli kong subok!

Nagtatawanan kami ni Klaus na ilang sandali pa bago ko natanto na nakahawak pala

siya sa baywang ko . My naked waist is filled with his hand . I don't think he's
thinking about it, too . Siguro kung wala kami sa nakakatakot na sitwasyon, iyon
lang ang magiging laman ng isipan niya .

Niliko ko ang Jet Ski kaya mas lalo yatang kinabahan si Klaus . Mabilis kasi ang
pagkakaliko ko . Nang tuluyan nang nakaliko, ' tsaka muling nagdiwang si Klaus .

"Isasakay ko ang isa mo pang pinsan, Klaus..." pagkasabi ko noon, napansin ko sa

boardwalk na may dumagdag sa lupon nila .

When I left, it was just Klaus' two cousins and the resort employee . Ngayon,
someone in large frame and a very tall height is with them . Kinagat ko ang labi ko
nang nakita kung sino iyon . Sinusundan ni Kajik ng tingin ang bilis ng patakbo ko
sa Jet Ski . Imbes na pahatawin pa iyon, mas gusto kong magyabang kay Kajik .

"Tapos na?" reklamo ni Klaus nang naramdaman ang paghina ng takbo ng Jet Ski at
ang
paglapit ko sa boardwalk .

"Palit kayo ng pinsan mo," sabi ko ng wala sa sarili .

Hindi na nagsalita si Klaus . Nagulat ako nang ' di siya nang- asar pero nalaman ko
rin agad nang nagsalita siya .

"Oh . So you're with your crush, huh?" Siguro, natanaw si Kajik sa boardwalk,
kasama
ng mga pinsan ni Klaus .

Tumawa ako . "Shut up, Klaus ."

"Kaya pala . . ."

Binagalan ko lalo ang Jet Ski nang nakalapit na kami . Nanatili ang mga mata ko
kay Kajik habang siya naman ay sa likod ko nakatitig . His jaw clenched when his
eyes
drifted on my stomach . Bago pa ako makapagsalita, inunahan na ng isang pinsan
ni Klaus .
" Klaus! Tara na raw . They checked out already! Come on! " sabi noong isa sabay
tingin sa akin .

"Ako muna!" sabi naman ng isang pinsan ni Klaus .

Tumawa si Klaus at bumaba na . "Narinig mo ang sinabi . Uuwi na tayo!"

Umiling ako sa sinabi ng kaibigan . "Ang daya mo, Klaus . Kahit si Ken na lang!"

I saw Kajik shift his stance . Umakyat na si Klaus at binati si Kajik . Kajik
nodded
coldly and immediately, he filled the wooden steps with his, dahilan ng pagtigil ng
mga pinsan ni Klaus sa asaran . The move told us that they are not going down and
riding the Jet Ski with me anymore dahil may isa nang nauna .

" Bye, Andra! See you in Manila! Uuwi na kami! " si Klaus na makahulugan na ang
tingin sa akin .

"Bye! Next time na lang! Isasakay ko kayo!"

Sinundan ko ng tingin ang tatlong lalaki na palayo roon bago bumaling sa supladong
si Kajik . Slightly controling my lips to avoid smiling, I tilted my head to the
other side . I can almost hear him judging me in his head . His annoyed and
malicious
expression told me so . . .

"I know how to Jet Ski very well now!" sabi ko para mawala iyong mapanghusga niyang
tingin sa akin ngayon .

"Your friends?" he asked, ignoring my declaration .

"Si Klaus, iyong matalik kong kaibigan . He's with his cousins . I'm not friends
with
his cousins but I don't think they are bad people . . . At . . . nagkataon lang na
nakita
ko . . . sila rito ."

He nodded but his eyes were still full of accusation . Of course, I am under no
illusion that he's mad because he's jealous! Dream on, Andra .

"Magpapasikat sana ako sa'yo . . ." I smirked .

Mabilis na napawi ang galit sa mga mata niya . Dahan-dahan, naging walang laman ang
kunot ng noo niya . Parang pinipilit niya na lang na magalit .

"Iaangkas ko sana sila isa-isa para makita mo..." dugtong ko .

Muling dumaan ang galit saglit sa mga mata niya pero nawala muli nang humakbang
siya pababa pa . Napalunok ako nang nakitang hinigit niya ng walang kahirap-hirap
ang Jet Ski na sinasakyan ko para makaangkas siya .

"There's no waste in that, though . Show me how good you are, then . . ." he said
as he
stepped on my Jet Ski and positioned himself behind me .

Nang naupo siya, naramdaman ko agad ang pag- uga ng Jet Ski . I felt him hot behind
me that I could not fire any words back . Masyado akong nagulat sa bigla niyang
pag-
angkas!

Kanina pa ako naka top lang ng bandeau pero ngayon lang ako naging ganoon ka
conscious . RIght now, the only thing I have in mind is to wear my t-shirt again
and
I don't know why .
Kajik's chest filled my back . His hairy legs touched mine, jarring me to the end
of
the vehicle, like a tyrant .

I let out a cool exhale as I felt his shoulder above mine .

"Since when did you learn to wear things like these?" he asked behind me .

His breathing is touching my left ear at naramdaman ko na ang epekto niya sa

paghawak ko pa lang ng manibela at sa bahagyang panginginig ng kamay! I gripped on
it the way I tried to silently grip on my sanity .

"U-Uh . . . sa bahay nag gaganito ako . Sa pool namin-"

"Sa labas, hindi ba?" maagap niyang tanong .

Umiling ako . "This is my first time ."

"Hmmm . Good," he whispered sensually on my ear .

Napasinghap ako nang naramdaman ang paglapat ng kamay niya sa aking baywang,
Kanina, nakakapit naman si Klaus sa akin pero halos wala lang iyon . Ngayong siya
na, tumindig ang balahibo ko at para akong kinakapos ng hininga .

"But that boy hugged you like this," he said slowly .

Mas lalo niyang inangkin iyon . He snaked both his arms around me . This is
definitely not how Klaus hold me a while ago! He as scared as fuck but he's not
holding me this way!

"Hindi, ah..." mahinahon kong nasabi, nawawalan ng lakas .

"Hmmm . I saw it..." paratang niya at pinagpahinga ang baba sa kaliwa kong balikat
.

Kinagat ko ang labi ko . Now, how to move? I don't know . My stomach is full of
flying Stag Bettles and my head is fuzzy . Sa sobrang kaba ko, pakiramdam ko
naririnig niya ang hampas ng aking puso .

"He was holding you really tight ."

Umiling ako, hindi na makahinga sa kakaibang nararamdaman . His feet oppressed

mine,
imprisoning it on the vehicles cold skin .

"Hindi 'yon ganito . M-Mas . . . mahigpit 'yang sa'yo ."

"Those boys like you, Andra . Pumuporma ba iyon sa'yo?"

Umiling agad ako, hindi na makapagsalita dahil sa talon ng puso ko, bumara pa yata
sa lalamunan ko .

"You sure, though? They like you very much . . ."

" Ts . Hindi nga. . . " medyo malambing kong nasabi habang nakatitig sa manibela, hindi
parin umaandar ang Jet Ski pero lumalayo kami sa boardwalk dahil sa marahang hila
ng alon .

"Do you like any one of them?"

"No..." napapaos kong sinabi .

"They are still no good for you," he said coldly .

Hindi na ako dumugtong . Nanatili akong tulala, dinadama ang lahat ng kakaibang
nararamdaman na siya lang ang puwedeng pumukaw sa akin .

Will he ever like someone for me, anyway? It' s been years and years and years . . .
wala pa ni isang manliligaw o boyfriend ko na nagustuhan niya . Kahit minsan o
madalas, pangalan lang ang naririnig niya sa boyfriend ko, mabilis siyang
magpalagay na hindi ang lalaking iyon nababagay para sa akin .

"Will you ever like someone for me?" I asked with so much curiosity .

"No," he whispered sensually .

Kinagat ko ang labi ko at tumingala . Pumikit ako, problemado na ganoon ang sagot
niya .

"From now on, nobody will touch you this way but me . Hindi ko gustong nakita kita
kaninang sakay ang batang iyon . Hindi na mauulit pa iyon, Andra," he said with
finality .

Suminghap ako at unti-unting tumango . Bago pa niya madagdagan ang nararamdaman ko,
pinaandar ko na ang Jet Ski sa bilis na gusto ko .

Kabanata 10
Kabanata 10

Boyfriend

Malaki ang ngisi ko pagkabalik namin sa port . Papalubog na ang araw at handa na
ang
aming sasakyan sa labas lamang ng bahay bilang hudyat na tama lang ang dating namin
ni Kajik .

I opened and closed his car's door . Ganoon din siya at agad na dumiretso sa likod
para kunin ang aming bag . I smiled widely at Heather who's just standing beside
our
SUV . Sa likod niya, lumabas si Mommy at Daddy kausap ang iilang head ng aming
shipyard .

"Oh, nandito na pala si Andra at Karius, Daddy," si Mommy .

Mabilis akong tumakbo kay Mommy at humalik . Ganoon din kay Daddy na medyo abala
parin sa pakikipag-usap sa supervisor at iilang engineers ng shipyard .

"Kumusta ang trip ninyo?" Mommy asked Kajik .

Nanatili ang ngiti ko habang tinitingnan ang usapan nila ni Mommy . Nadistract nga
lang ako dahil nakatitig sa akin ang katabi kong si Heather . I smiled cutely at
her
again but she did not flinch a bit .

Kinausap ni Daddy si Kajik, gaya ng madalas nitong gawin pagkatapos ng lakad namin
.
Nagkabiruan sila at saglit na napunta sa usapan tungkol sa negosyo . Later on, nang
dumilim na, nagpaalam na si Daddy para sa amin dahil aalis na .

Heather was already busy arranging our things while my parents tried to talk again
to the remaining employees . Napag-isa kami ni Kajik kaya pinaalalahanan ko na siya
sa napag-usapan namin kanina .

"I'll try to come here next week . You promised you'd take me to Sombrero Island!"
sabi ko kay Kajik .

He smirked . "Only when you're done with all your school works . That should be
your
priority for now . Anyway, we can go anywhere you want when you're done with
school ."

Mas lalo pang lumapad ang ngisi ko . His words are full of promise that I cannot
wait for it .

"Really?"

He nodded indulgently at me .

"But don't you ever pull that stunt again on me!" pagalit kong sinabi nang maalala
ang pinakamalalang iyak ko dahil sa mga biro niya .

He smirked devilishly . He promised, alright . He did not do it again but I am very

certain that he can do it again in another way . Kahit hindi habang nag sscuba kami
.

Nanatiling nakaplaster sa aking labi ang ngiti . Kahit pa noong nasa loob na kami
ng
SUV at umaalis na iyon . Ni hindi ko na namalayan ang kanina pang nakatitig na si
Heather sa akin . Ilang minuto na akong nakangisi nang natantong nakatitig ang
katabi ko sa akin .

"What?" medyo nangingiti ko paring tanong sa kanya .

"Hindi ba engaged na siya?"

Panira talaga ang isang ito .

"Alam ko no! You don't have to remind me of that all the time, Heather . This is
just friendship, alright?" medyo iritado ko agad na sinabi .

Paano ba naman kasi . I was very happy the whole day and suddenly she's here
throwing so many negative vibes on me .

"Hindi iyan ang ibig kong sabihin . I did not ask you that to remind you of it
. I asked you that because I want to clarify if he really is engaged with
someone,
Andra ."

Nanatili ang nagkakasalubong kong kilay nang harapin si Heather . I did not get her
point, really . Ang tanging naiisip ko ay pinapaalala niya sa akin na hindi ako
dapat nagiging malapit sa isang taong naipangako na sa iba . I feel like it's an
attack to my happiness . Temporary but yes, happiness . Anyway, wala namang
kasayahang tunay na nagtatagal sa mahabang panahon . Whatever we feel fades in time
.

"Maybe . I don't really want to know more about it, Heather ."

"Four years ago, sinabi mo sa akin na sa susunod ng taong iyon, ipapahayag na ang
engagement ni Kajik sa piniling mapapangasawa nito . It's been three years since .
Your family should have been invited if there ever was an engagement, right? Bakit
parang wala? "

Hindi ko gusto pang isipin iyon pero ayaw ko ring sabihing mali si Heather . She's
got a point, alright . I was sixteen when I heard his parents say that he will be
engaged the next year . Dapat seventeen ako noong naengaged siya . Now, I am
nineteen
and it seems that I have not heard anything from the Mercadejas .
Were they now scared because of what happened to Zamiel? O baka naman . . . wala
na?
Mali .

Ayaw kong umasa . Obvious na . The ships who carry the MERCs cargos are the
Pastrana
Ferries . He rejected Cara because he is "promised" to someone else . Hindi ko na
kailangang ianalyze ang kahit ano para mag conclude na patuloy parin ang engagement
nila .
Ipinagkibit ko na lamang ng balikat ang mga sinabi ni Heather . Hinilig ko ang ulo
ko sa back rest .

"Inaantok ako, Heather . Stop over analyzing everything ."

"He is very fond of you," agap ni Heather .

Nakapikit na ang mga mata ko ngayon ngunit hindi parin tumitigil si Heather .

"One time while you were busy months ago, he asked me if you were with us . Nang
sinabi kong wala, umalis siya patungong Romblon . Kapag nariyan ka-"

"Oh, don't hold on to that too much . Klaus is also fond of me but if there's
another girl in front of him, he temporarily forgets about his attraction ."

"Hmmm . . ."

Nararamdaman kong hindi parin titigil si Heather sa mga naiisip niya kaya hinding-
hindi na ako dumilat pa hanggang sa tuluyan na ngang nakatulog .

Amoy ng kalawang, tubig-alat, langis, at usok ang umatake sa ilong ko pagkalabas ng

van nang nasa Shipyard kami ng Manila Port para mabisita ko si Mommy at Daddy at
tuluyang makapagpaalam sa kanila bago tumulak patungong Batangas .

I have been very busy with school that today is one of those fateful weekends that
I can enjoy peacefully without thinking about ship costings and machining expenses
.
Hindi pa ako nakakapasok sa opisina, naririnig ko na ang tawanan ni Daddy at ang
mga kasama niya roon sa loob .

"See? You've reached the top, Franco! Walang wala ang mga Pastrana . For the past
years, hindi na nadagdagan ang dami ng barko nila!"

Tumawa si Daddy . "Well . I can't really say I've reached the top when on my cargo
ships, I still have not closed the largest deal any shipping lines can have . Nasa
kanila parin ang pinakamalaking kompanya, Arturo ."

"I'm sure you have plans for the Mercadejas, Franco . Huwag mo nang ilihim iyan ."

Tumawa si Daddy . Tinulak ko ang pintuan at nagmano na sa Tito ko at sa iilang

relative at family friends na naroon sa meeting nila .

For the past years, somehow, my Daddy earned so much to create and buy so many new
vessels . In fact, kahit ako nakapag disenyo na ng dalawang barko sa tulong ng mga
inhinyero ni Daddy . Also, I have lead three redesigning and renewing of old
vessels
and it was all successful .
Still, my experiences in the family business does not necessarily mean success also
in school . They always say I have all the advantage for being the daughter of a
shipping line mogul . I have all the resources . Maybe they are right but I did not
take my education lightly to agree with all their opinions of me .
"You take care, alright?" si Daddy .

"Sure, Dad ."

" Bakit? Saan ba patungo ang pamangkin kong ito? Maluwag ka rito, Franco, ah? Cresia
has been very envious of your liberal lifestyle, hija," si Tito Arturo .

I smiled sheepishly . "Bakit ba kasi hindi siya lumuluwas dito so she can
experience
all of it, too?"

Although most of my friends are in larger universities, I still find a way to talk
and be with them . Iyon siguro ang kinaiinggitan ni Cresia . Though, I'm sure
she'll
be going here in Manila around this year since malapit nang gumraduate ang isang
iyon .

For that weekend, Kajik promised that we will sail to Puerto Galera gamit ang
kanilang yate . It's only a night in that beach but I've never been there so I'm
excited . Bukod pa roon, isang gabi . . . kasama siya!

I smirked silently inside our SUV thinking of a night with him . Hehe .

"Sana ay may narinig kang magandang balita galing sa Daddy mo at hindi ka

nakangisi
riyan dahil sa sunod na mangyayari..." si Heather na inakala kong nagbabasa ng
libro pero nakatitig pala sa akin .

"Will you please just shut up and read your book, Heather?"

Tuluyan niya nang binaba ang kanyang aklat . Nagkatinginan kaming dalawa . Sasama
lamang siya dahil simula noong nagtapos siya, may pinamamahalaan na rin siya sa
aming kumpanya . Her short straight hair is tucked behind her ears . Her doe eyes
looked at me straight with her usual expressionless self .

Walang nagbago sa akin sa nagdaan pang buwan . I still sometimes have a boyfriend
secretly at kapag nalalaman ni Kajik, nahihiwalayan ko . Minsan, ako na mismo ang
nakikipaghiwalay kapag masyado na akong napapagod .

But I must say, isang lalaki lang talaga ang nakakapagparamdam sa akin ng
paghuhuramentado ng puso at abot langit na saya . And for years, my attraction
towards him slowly changed . Galing sa paghanga noong bata pa ako, ngayong dalaga
na, nahalinhinan na ng kung anu- ano . I tried to find those feelings with other
men,
reason why I always try and have a relationship with many men, to find that feeling
with them . Lagi nga lang akong bigo .

"Hmm . Let me guess . Iniisip mo ang unang gabi ninyong dalawa, hindi ba-"

"Ano!?" I said furiously because she's very accurate .

Ngumuso siya . "The twenty-year-old Andra is not very modest anymore . Huwag mong
sabihin sa akin na mas nagnasa ka ba sa mga naging boyfriend mo kumpara sa
makakasama mo mamayang gabi ."

Pinilit kong magalit pero sumisilay ang ngiti sa aking labi .

"Hoy, Heather! Kahit na ganito ako . Marami akong naging boyfriend, conservative
akong tao no!"

She rolled her eyes at me, tila hindi naniniwala . I shifted my body to her para
mas
makapag explain lalo .
"You've seen me kiss boys, alright-"

"More than that, actually-"

"Virgin pa 'ko, 'no! Loko 'to!" sabay hampas ko sa hita niya .

"I don't doubt that but will you remain to be? With your thoughts about him in your
overnight stay later?"

Uminit ang pisngi ko at sa gigil ay hinawakan ko iyon . Pumikit ako ng mariin para
pigilan ang isipan sa makamundong pagnanasa!

Iisang kama lang kami ni Kajik . I will wear my see through night dress and he' s
trying to watch the Television . Nang nakita ko, pinatay niya ang T.V . at hinila
na
ako pabagsak sa kanya . The rest is all a blur because I cannot imagine much
anymore! Baka sasabog ako sa kahihiyan!

"Hindi ako nag-iisip ng masama no! Conservative ako! Hindi halata pero kung yayain
niya ako, tatanggihan ko siya!" sabi ko .

Muling umirap si Heather at bumaling na sa kalsada, ignoring my defense!

"Hindi ka naniniwala? Tatanggihan ko naman talaga siya! He's engaged!"

"He isn't . No news about it . No ring on the Pastrana heiress's finger ."

"So? Kung hindi, tatanggi parin ako!" I said with lesser conviction now .

Now she's laughing beside me .

"Yes, don't worry, Heather! You are my walking diary! You will immediately know
kung kinain ko ang mga sinabi ko ngayon sa'yo! Akala mo ha! Ang liit ng tingin mo
sakin ha! Conservative ako no!"
Patuloy ang depensa ko sa sarili ko buong byahe . Alam niya kasi na sobra sobra ang
pagiging matinik ni Kajik sa babae . Hindi lang ilang beses naming nakita ang
dumadayo pa talaga sa Batangas para lang makipag harutan kay Kajik . Cara was not
the first or the last . She was just one of the very many girls who tried to hang
around him despite the place .

"Usap-usapan pa naman sa shipyard na umiyak iyong si Iza na nakikipaglapit sa kanya

noong nakaraan . The governor' s grand daughter? "

Umirap ako . Hindi rin iyan ang unang umiyak sa kay Kajik . Nabasted siguro . Ako
nga
noon, umiyak din, e ! At kahit na matagal na iyon, nasisiguro ko ring hindi ako ang
unang umiyak dahil tinanggihan niya .

"That's so cliche when it comes to him . I know his reasons all the time . You are
too young for me . Etcetera," patuloy ko . "Iiyak kang talaga because he will make
you feel so insecure . Ipapadama niya sa'yo na gusgusing bata ka pa na sinusubok
ang
isang tulad niyang hot and bothering adult alpha male! Sinong hindi iiyak? Bukod sa
nainsulto ka pa, mararamdaman mo pang hindi ka sapat!"

"Based on experience?"

"Of course based on experience! Isn't it obvious?" sarkastiko kong sinabi

kay Heather .

"Ba't 'di mo subukan ngayon-"

"Hell! No way! I will die first before trying again, Heather . Tapos na ang
panahon
ko noon at kuntento na ako sa turing niya sa akin ngayon! Ayaw ko nang mag back to
square one at iiyak lang ako tapos magpapakalayu-layo!"

Hindi na ako natapos sa pag-eexplain sa mga actions ko kay Heather . I am

surprised
that she did not sleep the whole time of my rants . She just looked at me savagely
.

Malapad ang ngiti ko pagkarating sa shipyard . Nakita ko kaagad kasi ang nag-aabang
na SUV roon . Nasisigurado kong naroon na si Kajik!

"Ready?" he asked when we saw each other .

Dashing in his white v neck t-shirt, blue maong pants and black boots, s'yempre
hindi na ako makakatanggi sa tanong . Kinuha niya ang bag na dala ko at dinala na
sa
loob ng SUV .

"Ingat ka, Mr . Mercadejas..." pabirong bulong ni Heather habang pinagmamasdan

kaming nag-aayos .

Sinimangutan ko si Heather pero agad ding dinapuan ng katatawanan dahil medyo

guilty nga ako .

Hindi nagtagal ang byahe dahil talagang hinatid lang kami sa port kung saan
dumaong
ang kanilang yate .

The eighty feet white mega cabin cruiser is floating majestically amongst the
smaller cruisers behind it . I remember the first time I heard my father talk about
it . Sa amin nila ito nabili dahil mahilig talaga si Daddy sa mga ganito . It was
our
best cabin cruiser that time and I don't know how the Mercadejas' convinced my
Daddy to sell it to them .

May tatlong palapag ang yate . Sa unang palapag, naroon ang mga rooms at iba pang
amenities . Sa pangalawang palapag matatagpuan ang crew at ang captain . The third
is
nothing but a roof deck intended if you want to chill while sailing .

Hindi na nagtagal, lumayag na rin ito . I watched the crystal clear blue ocean and
the sky ahead of us . Hindi matanggal ang ngiti sa labi ko . Kajik is still talking
to the crew on the second floor while I am already on the third, all set for the
weekend escapade . Kung hindi lang tumunog ang cellphone ko sa isang tawag .

"Hello?" I said lazily .

"You are not replying to me, Andra! I said let's meet today and fix things up!"
Elliot, my recent ex said .

"Elliot, I already told you that we're done!"

"Sino ba ang pinalit mo? Ang Klaus na iyon?"

Oh my! I am so tired of hearing Klaus' name on almost every break up!

"Oh please, fine . Let's just talk next time . Huwag mo muna akong guluhin ngayon,
okay?"

Binabaan ko ng tawag si Elliot pero muli siyang tumawag! I'm on vacation at ngayon
niya pa talaga napiling manggulo?
"I said stop it already! We'll talk, alright?"
"Bakit hindi ngayon? Pupuntahan kita sa inyo kung napapagod kang lumabas!"

"Dahil wala ako sa amin, Elliot!"

"E 'di pupuntahan kita kung nasaan ka?"

"I don't want you here . Just please, let's talk when I go back!"

Muli kong binaba ang tawag . Suminghap ako at mauupo na sana . I turned only to see
Kajik watching me from behind with curious and vicious eyes .

Nagtagal ang mga mata niya sa akin at pagkatapos, bumaba sa suot ko . I ' m wearing a
cropped off-shoulder top and a bohemian long flowy pajama . His eyes drifted on my
stomach . The way his expressive eyes is smothering me with stares like that,
kinailangan kong umupo para madistract siya at matigil ang nagsisimulang kalabog ng
puso ko .

Nag-iisip na ako ng ibang pag-uusapan nang biglang tumunog muli ang aking cellphone
dahil sa tawag ni Elliot . Nagkatinginan kami ni Kajik . Slowly and smoothly, naupo
na rin siya sa tabi ko habang pinapatay ko ang incoming call na iyon .

"Boyfriend?" he said it with a hint of disgust .

"Ex-"

"Kailan kayo naging mag boyfriend, kung ganoon?" It bothered him so much that he
shifted on his seat and leaned a bit closer to me, interested .

"Month ago-"

"You did not tell me again ."

"Because you always say that my boyfriends are no good for me?"

"Because it's true," he pursed his lips a bit, distracting me always .

Hindi ko alam kung anong meron pero kapag talaga nagsasalita siya, nahihirapan
kong
ipirmi ang mga mata ko . Laging bumababa sa labi niya . His eyes are attractive,
alright . But all of his features seem very, very hard that I think the only tender
part of him is his lips .

"Anyway, wala na kami, Kuya-"

" Stop that, Andra! " pigil niya sa asar ko whenever he' s trying to be protective of
me .

I smiled mockingly at him, trying to trigger his misplaced anger .

"Why did you break up?"

What an essential question, Karius Jandrik . Iniisip ko pa kung parte ba iyong

tanong na iyon sa pagiging protective niya o may iba pang dahilan?

"Because he's too clingy and annoying? I thought he was this mature man since he's
already working and all . . ." I drawled .

Umigting ang kanyang panga habang nakikinig sa akin . His half hidden eyes were as
black as the midnight . Kung hindi lang matingkad ang kulay ng background sa likod
niya, maiisip kong isa itong photoshoot sa isang magazine na nag fi-feature ng hot
brooding models .

"Recently, I think I'm fine not trying anymore relationships . Busy ako sa
school-"

"You just thought about that recently, huh? You've been busy with school and your
company for years pero ngayon mo palang naisipan na tigilan iyan?"

"Iba ngayon . Mas busy na ako kaya mas lalong wala akong panahon para sa mga
boyfriend ."

Nanatili ang seryosong tingin niya sa akin . He's almost reprimanding me to do

something he could not say . I smiled cutely at him again . He sighed at nag-iwas
siya ng tingin ng ilang sandali bago binalik ulit sa akin ang mga mata .

Bago pa ako makapagsalita ulit, tumunog ang cellphone ko . Nakita ko kung sino ang
tumatawag . Si Elliot na naman . Nagkatinginan kami ni Kajik . His raven black eyes
heatedly challenged me . Dinaan ko na lang sa ngiti iyon .

He spread out his large hand in front of me . Nagkibit ako ng balikat at binagsak
sa
malaking palad niya ang aking cellphone .

"Hello?" his low baritone made me smile again .

He paused . Siguro ay kung anu-anong kahibangan ang pinaratang ni Elliot ngayong

boses panlalaki ang narinig na sumagot .

"This is Karius Jandrik Mercadejas, her boyfriend . . ."

Namilog ang mga mata ko sa sinabi niya . Napawi ang ngiti ko! Hindi dahil hindi
ako
natutuwa kundi dahil hindi ako makapaniwala na sinabi niya iyon kay Elliot!

"Jandrik!" agap ko .

"Stop calling her . You're disturbing us ."

Then Kajik put the phone down . Nilahad ko ang kamay ko para makuha iyon pero hindi
niya nilapag sa aking palad . Imbes, nilagay niya sa kanyang bulsa .

"We're on a vacation . Stop communicating with your boys ."

"T-That's not what I meant! Elliot Ledesma is on my social circle . You told him
your name! Agad na kakalat iyon ."

"I don't care ."

"P-Pero-"

"Let's stop talking about this nonsense, Andra . I'll call a crew for drinks . You
want anything?" he shifted the topic smoothly .

Ilang sandali ko siyang tinitigan pero sa huli, ipinagkibit-balikat ko na lang

iyon . Kapag kumalat iyon at malaman ng mga Pastrana o ng mga Mercadejas, at least
the news did not come from me . Si Kajik ang nagsabi noon .

Slowly, sumilay ang ngiti sa aking labi at malisyoso siyang tiningnan . Boyfriend,
huh? Oh what a music to my ears! Ang sarap . Ang saya saya!

Kahit kunwari lang at bunga lang ng kanyang pagiging protective sa akin .

"Margarita?" sabi ko, hindi pa natatanggal ang mapang-akit na ngiti .

"Fruit shake, then?"

Napawi ang ngiti ko dahil alam kong sinadya niyang ibahin ang sinabi ko .

"Hey! I already drink alcoholic drinks, Jandrik!"

Now it's his turn to smirk on me . Gamit ang intercom, sinabi niya na kung ano ang
kailangan namin sa taas .

Umiling ako at inirapan na lamang siya .

"You're so controlling," I said without thinking .

Nang napatingin ako sa kanya, his dark hooded eyes were already watching me
closely . Nananantya ang kanyang tingin at kung hindi ako nagkakamali, may galit
paring halo .

"Margarita . . ." he said silently on the intercom .

I smiled widely at that . I am so lucky that he's now indulging me like this . Try
ko
nga sa ibang paraan naman?

"Matrimonial bed ang kunin mo, ha? Not the two queen size?" I said maliciously .

He licked his lower lip slowly . Tumingala siya gaya ng madalas niyang ginagawa
kapag nauubos ang pasensya niya sa akin .

"Sanay kasi akong may katabi kapag natutulog ."

"Bakit sinong katabi mo sa inyo?" he shot back immediately, a bit irritated and
alert .

"My teddy bear, Jandrik . Kaya dapat, pagkatulog natin mamayang gabi, may katabi
rin
ako . . ."

He looked at me intensely . Although he looked angry, the humor in his eyes would
always escape and tell on his real thoughts . He bit his lower lip and got his
drink
from the crew's tray pagkadating doon .

"Please?" panunuya ko .

"No . We'll get two rooms," he said huskily .

He downed the whiskey at one go, parang may pinoproblemang kung ano . When his eyes
shot back at me, his gaze became more intense .

Tatawad pa sana ako, nagbibiro pero half meant . Kaya lang . . . naalala ko . He
saved
me from Elliot and risked his name . He doesn't want any more damage so he'll get
two rooms for us tonight . Hindi ako ang girlfriend niya at lalong hindi ako ang
pinagkasundo sa kanya .

"Two rooms, Andra," he said it again, convincing me .

"Alright!" sabi ko at kinuha na ang margarita at ininom

Kabanata 11
Kabanata 11

Experience

"Fully booked po ba kayo?" salubong ko sa reception, palihim na pinipilit ang

argumento kanina .

Baka kasi isang room na lang ang natitira . Judging from the way we docked and the
semi crowded large bar I saw, pwede rin kasi . Although, the beautiful white beach
is not crowded enough to justify a full house hotel, sinubukan ko parin .

"We still have available rooms, Ma'am . Hindi po ba kayo nagpareserve?" she said .

A warm hand firmly clasped on my wrist . awalan agad ako ng pag-asa dahil alam ko
kung sino iyon . Napatingin ako sa likod ko . Nakataas ang isang kilay, with that
ridiculously handsome dark controlling expression, he gave me a grim look before
settling with the receptionist . I smiled cutely for forgiveness but he ignored it
.

"Oh! Mr . Mercadejas!"

Hindi na ako nagulat sa pagkakakilanlan ng receptionist sa kanya . The woman looked

panicky when she saw him . I immediately heard the two large rooms he reserved for
us . Ngumuso ako at binalingan ang aking palapulsuhan na angkin ng kanyang kamay .
Veins of his arms protruded as his hand firmly snaked on my writst . Uminit ang
pisngi ko . Binitiwan niya lamang ito nang may sinulat sa iilang dokumento .

Kumawala na rin ako at iginala ang mga mata sa labas noong hall . Galing sa
tanggapan, ang tanaw ko sa labas ay ang infinity pool at ang karagatan . Down that
infinity pool is the white shoreline of the whole beach .

Kapag naman nasa pool ka, matatanaw mo sa likod ng mga post modern design villas
and hotel buildings ang iilang naglalakihang bulubundukin ng Oriental Mindoro .

Hindi kalaunan, hinatid na kami ng kanilang iilang empleyado sa aming room . Our
room is just adjacent to one another but there is no door in between, ibig sabihin,
talagang separate room ang dalawa .

"Hay naku! Nag-aaksaya ng pera!" sabi ko nang nasa loob na ako ng malaking silid
na
iyon .

Pangdalawahan kasi o kahit pangmarahiman . Alam ko namang hindi inaalala ang pera
pero . . . may iba lang talaga akong rason .

I shook my head to stop thinking about it . Pinananaig ang mas rasyonal na parte
sa
aking utak at sa huli, tinawanan na lang ang aking sarili . Naghanda na lamang ako
sa gagawin namin sa araw na iyon .

We had to stay for the night not just for vacation but also because Kajik knew the
many diving spots in Puerto Galera . Tatlo ang pupuntahan namin ngayon . Kahit pa
naubos niya na yata ito, sasamahan niya ako sa iilang pang beginners lang na dive .

Putting my hair in a high ponytail and making my face's bone structure show,
natagalan ako sa pag-aayos kaya hindi na ako nagulat na wala na si Kajik sa kanyang
silid nang kinatok ko . Tingin ko, nakababa na ito sa restaurant at hinihintay na
lamang ako .

I was right, although not entirely . I thought he'd be alone! Umirap ako nang
nakita
kung sino ang kasama niya sa pang-apatang lamesa .

Maputi, makinis, at makurba ang katawan - gaya ng madalas na nagkakagusto sa kanya

at nagugustuhan niya . Mirae Moreno, a model slash hotelier, is on Kajik's table
with him . Gusto kong umungol sa frustration dahil isa siya sa napakaraming
nachichismis na may kung ano kay Kajik . Especially that among all the Mercadejas
boys, he's the one almost always in Manila for business and somehow studies .

Ayon sa tsismis, at dahil medyo open book ang katauhan ni Mirae dahil siya ay
model, unang nakita ni Mirae si Kajik sa isang party . Since then, in all the other
sexy interviews, she will always find a way to include Kajik's name whenever asked
.

"Who do you want to have sex with at this very moment?"

Naaalala ko ang tanong na iyan isang araw na nacurious ako at napadpad sa Youtube .
Isang DJ ang nagtanong sa kanya noon para sa isang late night but streamed live
radio show . She answered in a sexy laugh .

"Hmm . He's no showbiz . He's a businessman ."

"Who? Do we know him?"

"Kajik ."

Humiyaw ang host at ang mga co-host niya, alam kaagad kung sino ang tinutukoy nito
.

"Something about him makes me really . . . you know . . ." she said, shifting on her
seat .

"Hungry?" they joked .

"Horny?"

Umingay ulit . I remember finishing the video with gritted teeth . Why is this girl
here, anyway? Are they seeing each other?

Natanaw ako ni Kajik at hindi na muling umiwas ang tingin niya sa akin kahit na
noong nakalapit na ako . As a result, Mirae looked at me, too .

"Mirae, this is Andra . . ." si Kajik at tumayo na agad .

"Oh! I know her . She's Arthur's cousin, right?" she said and smiled at me .

Palakaibigang ngiti naman ang iginawad ni Mirae sa akin . I cannot smile back at
her
that way, though . Isnag beses ko lang siyang sinulyapan bago ibinalik ang tingin
kay Kajik . In an amused expression, naabutan ko si Kajik na nakatitig sa akin bago
nagpaalam sa kay Mirae .

"We have to go now . We have things to do," ani Kajik .

"Yeah . . . See you later, then . . ." sabi ni Mirae at tumuwid sa pagkakaupo .

Tahimik kaming umalis sa harap ng babae . Ginugulo na ako ng mga katanungan ko pero
'tsaka ko lang siya tinanong nang sumakay na kami sa speedboat at nag-aayos na ng
damit pang Scuba .

Nakatitig ako sa kanya habang tinitingnan niya ang kanyang relo, trying to set it
on something . When he looked at me, he immediately went to me and did the same for
the watch he gave me for my 18th birthday - a limited edition 500 fathoms French
branded watch for diving .

" May kasunduan kayo na magkita kayo rito? " sabi ko agad, hindi pa nakakaget over sa
presensya ng babaeng iyon dito .

Obviously oblivious of what I am talking about, napatingin siya sa akin .

"What?"

"'Yong babaeng 'yon," sabi ko .

"Who?"

Nakakairita . Ganito siya palagi, e . Kapag naaabutan kong may babaeng umaaligid,
lagi kong tinatanong at ganito siya!

"Mirae!" halos sigaw ko .

He sighed .

"She owns the resort . Hindi kami nagkasundo na magkita rito ."

"But you still booked us here even when you know that the resort owner is Mirae
Moreno . . ." medyo tumaas ang boses ko .

He swallowed painfully . I saw his adam's apple move . Inawang niya ang kanyang
labi .
The smooth matting of his dark stubble highlighted the way his jaw clenched
repeatedly .

"I thought she's in Manila ."

Tumawa ako . Hindi dahil nakakatawa pero dahil hindi ako naniniwala . Slowly, acid
dripped within me . Maybe, he's just using me as front . Walang malisya ako dahil
bata pa kumpara sa kanya, and he' s engaged, I am a family friend . Nobody will
suspect about me .

"That girl likes you so much, Jandrik . . ." kinakalma ko ang sarili ko .

Kalmado naman ang naging boses ko pero ang paraan ng pagbawi ko sa aking kamay
galing sa kanyang pagkakahawak ay medyo marahas .

"This is the best resort here . And I don't care if she likes me or not . Stop
your
dirty mind, Andra," he said .

Umirap ako at bumaling sa kanya . He just doesn' t care at all . Nag- aayos lamang
siya
ng suit at nakatitig sa horizon . I gave the argument up . Kahit pa bumagabag parin
sa akin ang katotohanang naroon ang babaeng iyon .

Sino ba ako para makealam sa gusto niyang mangyari, hindi ba?

I think it helps that I am very good at accepting inevitable things . Mabilis kong
natatanggap ang mga bagay bagay lalo na sa usaping ito, kaya naman hindi na ako
nangulit pa . Meanwhile, Kajik looks at me like I'm some puzzle that needs a
solving .

Hindi na ako nagsalita pero nang dumaan ako sa harapan niya, hindi niya na
napigilan at hinigit niya na ako at pinaupo sa gilid niya .

"Hmm?" I said looking straight at his eyes .

Naninimbang ang titig niya sa akin . The way his indignant dark eyes bore into me
made me shiver . I hate that I really find his ruthlessness and hostility
unfathomably sexy . Nababaliw na talaga yata ako .

"Are you really that bothered?" he said sounding as if he'd do anything just for
it
to be fine .
I pursed my lips . Nakalimutan kaagad ang bumabagabag dahil abala na ako ngayon sa
paninitig sa kanyang madilim na ekspresyon . He groaned when he read what I'm
thinking about in my eyes .

"I promise she won't bother us later, okay?" he assured me .

Parang kuting, tumango ako ng walang pag-aalinlangan . Tumayo lamang ako nang
inanunsyo na ang pagdating namin sa unang pupuntahang artificial reef . It's a
shipwreck 4 0 feet below . This is going to be my first time diving into a
shipwreck,
although it was sunk purposely, I still am very excited to see it . Not bad for my
first time, huh?

Like usual, si Kajik ang unang bababa bago ako . Witnessing his massivity in front
of me, properly hugged by the black scuba suit . I can't help but smirk . The
expanse
of his wide shoulder and the way his muscles firmly traced by the suit made my
mouth ran dry . Ngumuso ako nang naglakbay ang mga mata ko sa kanyang baywang
pababa .

His eyes darted on me, darkening a bit and with a hint of accusation . His
perpetual
scowl and sometimes sarcastic smile always get me . Ngumuso pa lalo ako ngunit
hindi
ko mapigilan ang ngisi .

"Don't make me wait," he said abruptly before finally falling of the sea .

Ngayon, pinakawalan ko na ang ngiti . Namboboso na yata ako sa kanya! Ano ba

'yan! Nakakainis!

Hindi nagtagal, bumaba na rin ako, salo ni Kajik . And just a few more minutes, we
were already holding hands watching the sunken ships that turned into artificial
reefs . Marami akong nakitang mga isda at kung anu- ano pa . I am really getting
addicted with a life like this with him .
May pagkakataon ding pinapaangat niya na ako sa mga guide . Ngayon, nagpapaalam na
siya kapag aalis at may pupuntahan pang ibang reef sa mas malalim na parte . And I
would wait on the speedboat, a bit worried, but not as scared anymore .

"Napaka adventurous talaga nitong si Mr . Mercadejas, Ma'am 'no?" sabi ng guide sa

akin . Probably bored with the waiting .

"Opo . Mahilig talaga siya sa mga ganito at extreme sports din ." I smiled, feeling
proud at my oh-so-active . . . uh . . . friend?

Habang tinitignan ang lawak ng karagatan, naghihintay sa pag-ahon ni Kajik, lalo

kong natanto na gaya ng alon, he' s turbulent and unrestrained . He can' t be
controlled . He's like a wild animal you can only see, touch, but not command and
hold . That's what made him different from all the other boys I tried to love .

Mabilis talagang magdaan ang panahon kapag masaya ka o nag-eenjoy ka . Hindi na

namin namalayan na natapos na ang tatlong pupuntahan at ang langit ay nagkukulay
rosas na, hudyat ng palubog na araw .
Nakatayo ako sa speedboat habang tinititigan ang pagbaba ng araw . I am also trying
to tie my damp hair para hindi na sumabog pa dahil sa malakas na hangin . The sun' s
last powerful ray reached me until it was gone . Only the remaining orange tint of
it is on the sky . Nang tumingala ako, nakita ko kaagad ang manipis na buwan .

I turned to Kajik to see if he was watching the moon too . Naabutan ko nga lang
siyang mariing nakatitig sa aking katawan at unti-unting inaangat ang tingin sa
aking mukha .

"What do you want for dinner?" he asked in a serious tone .

Napaisip tuloy ako kung ano ang gusto kong kainin . I enumerated what I'd like to
eat and before I could think more, nakabalik na kami sa hotel .

Ang sabi ni Kajik, kakatukin niya lang ako kapag tapos na siya para sabay na kaming
bumaba at kumain . Naligo ako at nagbihis ng bagong damit .

Wearing a short maong shorts and a white spaghetti strap cropped top, muli kong
inangat ang aking buhok in a high ponytail . I like my hair this way . It
highlights
the perfect bone structure of my face .

Paulit-ulit kong tiningnang mabuti ang aking mukha sa salamin . I tiptoed a bit to
see the outline of my body . I gained curves a bit at twenty . Pero walang wala
parin
sa mga babae ni Kajik na palagi'y akala mo modelo ng panlalaking magazine . I am
still very slender, though a bit heavy on the hips but all in all, still slender .

Medyo matagal, ah?

Nang matapos ako, napag- isip- isip kong ako na lang ang kakatok kay Kajik . Tutal,
tapos na rin naman ako . But just as I pulled my door open and went out to go to
the
adjacent room, siya pang pagkakakita ko sa pagpasok ni Mirae sa kwartong iyon!

The door got shot off and I heard the double lock click! Nalaglag ang panga ko sa
nakita . Ilang sandali akong natulala roon .

Anong ginagawa ni Mirae sa kwarto ni Kajik? At bakit hinayaan ni Kajik na pumasok

ito roon?

Am I right all along?

That maybe, I am here as a harmless cover up for one of his sexcapades? Hindi na
iba sa akin ito . I ' ve seen him play with so many damn girls but not in my nose
like
this!
Heated anger consumed me pero kalaunan, tinanggap ko rin . Pinilit na tanggapin, at
least .

I am in no place to get angry if it really is happening . Si Millicent ang dapat

na
magalit pero wala siya rito, walang pakealam o malaki ang tiwala kay Kajik?
Eitherway, I shouldn' t care anymore . I should go on with my life .

Bitterness crept within me, but I pushed it away like what I always do .

Sinarado ko ang pintuan ko at naglakad na diretso pababa ng palapag na iyon . I

cannot wait until they're done with what they're doing . Ha! Kaya mauuna na ako sa
restaurant!

I walked past the more formal restaurant and immediately went to the more crowded
club near it . Nagulat ako dahil marami naman palang guest ang hotel na ito . The
music is also very relazing in that club so I settled in the bar counter dahil mag-
isa naman ako .

House and Trance music played, perfect for a laid back night near the beach .
Hindi
na ako nagdalawang isip na umorder ng vodka habang dinadama ang tunog doon .

Whenever my thoughts drift to what I saw a while ago, I would always sing to the
trance music so I'd forget it and cover it up . I'm pro at this, alright!

Nang dumating ang pangalawang vodka ko, hindi ko na pinainit pa ang lamesa at
nilagok ko na agad iyon . I found myself having a very good conversation with a man
a bit older than me and his companion, a foreigner who's just twenty years old . I
lost count how many vodkas did I order in a very short span of time .

"Oh, I've been to Boracay!" sabi ko dahil hindi na kami masyadong nagkakarinigan .

"Are you going there anytime this month, though?" tanong ng foreigner, medyo
namumula na ang mukha .

Tumango ako kahit hindi, wala na yata sa sarili . "Sure, sure! When are you going
anyway?"

Mukhang mabilis ang tama ng vodka sa akin, ah . Lalo na ngayong hindi pa ako
naghahapunan!

Bago ako masagot ng kausap, para siyang natigilan ng ilang sandali kakatingin sa
likod ko . Nakangisi pa ako nang bumaling sa kung sinong artista ang tinitingnan
nila . Kasabay ng paglingon ko ay isang paghawak sa aking braso ng kung sino .

Karius Jandrik Mercadejas is scowling at them before he dropped his eyes at me .

Sumagi sa isipan ko na tapos na siguro ang "pagkikita" nilang dalawa noong si
Mirae . Pero imbes na isatinig, muli ko iyong sinantabi para lang positibo ang
maipahayag ko sa kanya .

"Hello! Nakababa ka na pala! Gutom ka na?" maligaya kong sinabi .

Habang nagsasalita ako, hinigit niya ako palayo roon . Nang nakalayo ng tuluyan,
' tsaka ko lang napansin ang pag- alis namin sa bar .

"What the? Wait lang, Jandrik! Hindi ko pa naiinom 'yong inorder ko-"

May sinabi siya sa waiter na nakasalubong . Hindi ko nakuha lahat pero alam kong
tungkol iyon sa pagkaing inorder na iparoom service na lang . Hindi niya na ako
binigyan ng pagkakataong umapila at hinila niya na ako patungo sa pangalawang
palapag, kung nasaan ang aming suite .

"Hey! I ate a bagel and I'm full so I'm fine if I don't eat my dinner anymore .
Hindi pa ako nakakapagbayad sa bar! Baka sabihin ng bartender na tinakbuhan ko
'yong bill ko? I can pay for it! I brought cash at kung hindi kaya, I have a card!"
ang dami-dami kong sinabi at kung anu-ano iyon .

Natigil lang ako sa mga sinasabi ko nang pinaupo na ako ni Kajik sa aking kama .
The
glaring anger in his eyes did not escape my irrational and drunk thoughts . Then I
realize what is really happening here . He just dragged me out of that bar while I
was talking to those two entertaining boys! Napaka KJ rin ng isang ito, ah!?

I glared back at him . Kung galit siya, galit din ako . Pero teka nga, anong
ikinagagalit niya?
Nabutas ang supot na pinaglagyan ko ng galit ko kanina . Parang sumabog na lobo ang
naramdaman nang natantong wala siyang karapatang gawin iyon sa akin! Ano? Tapos na
ba ang pagkikita nila ni Mirae at kailangan na ulit ako para pagtakpan silang
dalawa?!

"Why did you drag me here?" my voice is inevitably raised already .

"I kept knocking on your suite the whole time! Bumaba ako sa restaurant at bumalik
ulit dito kahahanap sa'yo-"

"Oh bakit? Dahil tapos na kayo ni Mirae kaya hinahanap mo na ako? Noong nahanap mo
sana ako, hinayaan mo na lang ako roon! Don' t worry- "

"The fuck are you talking about, Constanciandra?!" he growled .

Napakurap-kurap ako . Ang matinding galit ay bahagyang naibsan dahil sa mas marahas
niyang salubong sa akin . Bakit ba ako nagpapaapekto sa tono niya? Tumayo ako,
wanting to prove a point by probably tower over him pero bigo ako . Pagkatayo ko,
mas nagmukha lang akong bata . My eye level reached only his shoulders and his
massive expanse is too dominating . Lalo na noong humakbang siya palapit sa akin .

Kaya para madepensahan ang sarili ko, I shot back through the only weapon I know:
words .

"I saw her enter your room! You did not really look for me! You spent some time
with her, probably fucked her in your suite! Dahilan kung bakit ayaw mong nasa
isang kwarto tayong dalawa kasi may plano ka nang ganito, hindi ba? And what am I?
A cover up!? Kasama ko naman si Andra kaya walang problema, ganoon?"

His cold eyes remained heated as he looked at me frantically thinking aloud .

"I saw her interview and she talks about you so much . Kulang na lang tumulo ang
laway niya o pumikit siya while humping on the chair she's on!"

The darkness of his eyes told me that I am pushing his buttons and getting under
his skin now .

"Where did you learn all of that?!" malamig niyang sambit .

"Because it's true! That woman is crazy for you! Probably the reason why you want
us on separate rooms . Sana sinagad mo at nilayo mo ang kwarto ko sa inyo, baka
kasi
marinig ko pa kayo? " I said without filter . " I don' t want your moans to play
inside
my head over and over again!"

Tila napigtas ang kanyang pasensya . Kanina pa siya nanonood na mukhang namamangha
sa mga sinasabi ko . Nang naramdaman niya ang pagsubok kong malayo, mabilis niyang
hinigit ang palapulsuhan ko .

I tried to pull my wrist but I bounced back to his lean and full muscled chest .
The
impact did not move him . Not even an inch, I do not affect him at all! Uminit ang
pisngi ko nang napansin ang mabilis niyang pag-upo sa kama, dala-dala ako .

"Hey!" sabay pagpupumiglas ko .

I wriggled and tried to stand up but his force is too much .

"Look what all of those experiences taught you, huh?" he whispered on my ear .

Tumigil ako sa pagpupumiglas . Nakakuyom ang aking mga kamao at siya'y hawak ang
mga
 ito, pinipigilan ako sa pagsuntok, sapak, at pananakit sa kanya . His face is just
a
few inches on my right kaya konting baling ko lang, pwede ko na siyang sigawan ng
husto!
" Oo at bakit hindi ba? Akala mo hindi ko alam ang mga bagay na ito? ! S ' yempre alam
ko na! Hindi na ako bata! I know what kind of man you are! I've seen it first hand,
you can't fool me!"

"Really?" he said, a bit amused .

"Really! You womanizing wolf, waiting for a prey who's willing to be!"

He groaned . Tumingala siya, frustrated at all my real talks . His adam' s apple
moved
when he swallowed very hard . Sobrang saya ko dahil apektado siya sa mga sinasabi
ko . Ibig sabihin, tama nga iyon!

"Ano? Alam ko-"

Bago pa ako makapagpatuloy, he pulled me closer to him . His tender lips touched
mine in an instant . The kiss was very brief . Ni hindi na nito nahintay ang
mabilisang paglakas ng pintig ng puso ko . Mataman niya akong tinitigan . I was too
shocked to react . . . too angry and frustrated to say something .

"I did not fuck that woman . She entered my room without consent . She has access
on
keycards," aniya sa kalmadong boses habang ang mga mata'y nakapirmi sa aking labi,
tila sumasamba at nagpapaalipin dito .

"And you expect me to believe you-"

"I am not a slave to my libido, Andra, if that's what you are talking about ."

Napalunok ako . My mouth ran dry when I realized that he may be right .

"She's gone now, alright?

"That woman is crazy for you! Huwag mong sabihin sa akin na hindi ka niya
sinubukan? Ano pa ang dahilan kung bakit ka niya pinasok sa kwarto mo, kung
ganoon?"

He groaned again like a wild animal . I can sense that he will avoid the topic
kaya
pinagpatuloy ko .

"Hindi mo sasagutin? Bakit? Pinagtatakpan mo siya!?"

"Alright, then . She tried but I rejected her so she's gone . You can check the
CCTV
and see if I can fuck her within her thirty seconds stay in my room . . ."

He pursed his lips a bit . Napapansin kong hindi talaga siya sa mga mata ko
nakatitig kundi sa aking labi . Ngumuso ako at nag-iwas na lamang ng tingin .

"Now, I found you flirting with two men in that bar while drinking liquor . . ." he
said darkly .

"Oh? Bakit? Ano ngayon? For experience lang naman-"

"Experience . . ." he said it with a hint of disgust . Para bang matagal na niyang
kinaiiritahan ang katagang iyan at ngayong sinasabi ko, mas lalo siyang naiirita .
"I'm twenty . I'm an adult . I decide what I want to do with my life and the paths
I
 want to take . I don't want to be ignorant in that part of my life so I
experience-"

"Experience, huh?" mas mariin niyang sinabi muli ang salita .

His forearm on my chest got slowly buried . Ang kamay na iyon lamang ang gamit niya
para hawakan ang aking mga kamay . His other hand slowly slipped on my thigh . The
feel of his hard fingers caressing the sensitive part of my inner thigh made me so
weak .

He tilted his head to gain full access to my half opened mouth . Sa pangalawang
halik na iyon, nagawa ko nang pumikit dahil sa pamumungay ng mga mata . His hungry
kisses melted on my mouth like chocolate . His tongue twirled skillfully that I
don't remember being kissed this way by any of all the boys I had before!

His other hand on my thigh slowly caressed my throbbing gap, even with the thick
clothes I have, napaigtad ako . A low moan escaped on my lips, something that I
have
never done before! I shut my knees imprisoning his hand inbetween it at abot-abot
ang tahip ng puso ko .

I'm a little but dizzy and I am very sure that it's not the alcohol . Kajik is
intoxicating me . I tried to look at him but all I think about is his moist red
half
opened lips, the slight harshness of his breathing and his hypnotising eyes .
Nasisiguro kong kaya siya Suma Cum Laude at magaling sa negosyo dahil sa mga mata
niya . He can seduce anyone just by watching them!

Umiling ako . Hindi ko maisatinig ang nasa isipan .

"You cannot fucking experience random boys . . ." he whispered on me .

The way he talked dirty sent shivers down my spine . Umiling ulit ako, sa wakas
mukhang kaya nang magsalita .

" S - So what if I want to, huh? " hindi ko sinasadya pero sobrang lambing at
nanghihina na ang boses ko nang sabihin ko iyon .

"You won't ."

"Y-You can't stop me . . ."

He hissed . "Then I will fucking provide for your damn curiosity!"

"H-Huh?"

Para akong sinisilaban sa sinabi niya . I want to think rationally . Maybe I'm
drunk .
Maybe I'm crazy . But somehow, the thought of it made me completely insane!

"P-Paano ang . . . Hindi b-ba . . ."

Walanghiya ka, Andra! At talagang hindi ka tumanggi! Your only concern is his
involvement with the Pastrana heiress!? Ganoon ka ba talaga ka desperada?

"Oh, I will find a way . Don't worry about it . I will find a way for us . . ." he
whispered sensually on my ear .

Kinagat ko ang labi ko, tuluyang nahulog sa kumunoy na inalagaan ko ng ilang taon .
Sa bitag na ako na mismo ang gumawa . At sa pag- ibig na sa totoo lang, hindi para
sa
akin .
Kabanata 12
Kabanata 12

Secret

Hindi ako makapaniwala sa narinig ko sa kanya . Kung hindi lang dumating ang
pagkain, malamang, mas marami pa akong naisip .

Nakaupo kami ngayon sa pandalawahang round table sa kwarto ko . The yellow lights
were a bit dimmed, providing the right amount of warm accent for Karius Jandrik to
look more magnificent in his simple white shirt .

Nakailang subo pa lang ako sa kinakain ko . Mas madalas yata ang kuryosong
pagsulyap
ko sa kanya kesa sa pagkain . Tuwing tumitingin naman siya sa akin, lagi kong
iniiwas ang aking mga mata at inaabala ang sarili sa asparagus soup sa harap .

I remember every bit of what happened a while ago . The brief kiss, his touch, the
slow and tender kisses after it, and the way he made me feel . My heart ached at
the
sudden intensity of its beating . I have never felt this way before, even towards
him . Mas lumala pa yata ako ngayon kumpara sa dati .

"Dito ka ba matutulog?" I said without looking at him .

"I have many things to do for MERC later . I might work before I go to sleep ."

Iyon na yata ang pinakamahabang titig ko sa kanya simula ng nangyari kanina . Bawat
kibot ng labi niya, kung anu- ano na lang ang naiisip ko . He pursed his lips when
he
realized that I am watching him too much .

"Pero dito ka matutulog?" ulit ko sa tanong .

He sighed heavily, tila ba may pinoproblema siyang kung ano . Maybe I know what' s
his problem and why he considers it his problem .

"Yes . . ." he simply said .

"Then I should way until you-"

"No . You should go to sleep first . Matatagalan pa ako, maaga pa tayo bukas ."

Ngumuso ako at unti-unting binagsak ang mga mata sa pagkain .

Kalaunan, ganoon nga ang nangyari . Dinala niya sa kwarto ko ang kanyang trabaho .
Habang nakahiga naman ako sa kama, nag-iisip . Nakatulugan ko na lang ang
katahimikan at ang madalas na tipa niya sa kanyang Macbook, o ' di kaya' y tawag ni
Ali .

Nakatulugan ko ang pag-iisip sa huling sinabi niya . "I will find a way for us . .
."

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang ibig sabihin noon . Parehong positibo at negatibo ang
naiisip ko . . . at pareho ko ring isinantabi ang mga iyon . Usually, it is the
overthinking that kills everything . Whatever he means by that, I will eventually
accept it .

At mas gugustuhin kong ibaon sa utak ko ang maaaring negatibong rason noon nang sa
ganun, hindi ako umasa pa . I ' ve lived this life that way and nothing will change
now . He will find a way for us to happen, despite his engagement to someone else .
Kinaumagahan pagkatapos ng mahabang gabing iyon, we silently ate our breakfast at
the hotel's restaurant . We casually talked about the site we are going to visit
today before finally saying good bye to Puerto Galera .

Sa isang natitirang diving spot sa itinerary namin, iyon 'yong mas malalim at
tingin ko, mas mahirap . That was why Kajik was extra careful with me that he'd
always make sure we're together wherever we go .

It's a dark place eighty meters deep . But the fear is worth the risk once you see
the beautiful and colorful reefs . I saw snappers and seahorses along the way .
Pawikan din at stingray dahilan kung bakit tuwang-tuwa ako, halos malimutan na ang
kaba .

I am in awe of the pink and red large corals I saw . Though I am a bit scared of
occassional resting sharks found in that area sometimes, it is still all worth it
.

Worth it, alam ko . Dahil iyon ang bukambibig ko noong nag lunch kami at naghanda
na
para sa pag-alis sa Puerto Galera . I giddily waved at the island habang tumutulak
palayo ang yate roon .

"We only visited four sites but it' s not bad for a two day stay, right? " sabi ko ng
wala sa sarili .

Nasa pangatlong palapag kami ng yate . Nasa likod ko si Kajik, kanina pa tahimik
habang pinagmamasdan ako . He's sitting on the foamed bench while I was standing,
watching Puerto Galera disappear a bit .

"Right?" ulit ko nang napansin ang pagiging seryoso niya, mukhang hindi narinig
ang
pamumuri ko sa pinaghirapan niyang planuhin na trip .

Umupo na ako sa tabi niya . Wearing a short acid washed shorts and a knitted sexy
spaghetti top, which he disapproved of, I leaned a bit towards him for a
confirmation .

"Yeah," he drawled lazily .

Wearing light gray v neck plain t-shirt and a simple black jersey shorts, with an
athletic hard muscle built and six foot or so inches intimidating height, I never
fail to notice how still graceful and smooth he moved . Tuwing nakakalapit ako ng
ganito, mas lalo kong nararamdaman kung gaano kaliit ang katawan ko kumpara sa
kanya, and for some reason, I am irrationally attracted to it all .

I leaned a bit more that my right hand in between our knees touched his hairy legs
.
I am invading his personal space .

"We'll go back there, right? And next time, sana isang room na lang ang kunin
mo . . ."

HIs brows furrowed . Mapang- uri kaagad ang tingin niya sa akin . His sensual lips
protruded . I smiled cutely and reminded him of the other reason for it .

"Para maka save ka!" sabi ko .

He's not pleased . In fact, wala siyang reaksyon sa maganda kong rason .

"'Tsaka, tingnan mo . Walang kwenta ang kwartong kinuha mo dahil sa akin ka naman
natulog . . ." I said cockily .

Nanatili siyang nakatitig . Masyadong disiplinado sa lahat ng bagay na hindi

mapatulan ang panunuya ko sa kanya .

" Iyon nga lang, hindi na nasundan ' yong halik because you' re such a busy man, " biro
ko para maasar pa siya . "But it's okay . . ."

Bago ko pa madugtungan ang sasabihin ko, hinawakan niya na agad ang baba ko . He
tilted his head and claimed my lips with his tender kiss . Uminit ang pisngi ko sa
ginawa niya . I know for sure that even when I joke this way, I am not entirely
aggressive .

"Why do you like tormenting me so much?" he whispered after the kiss .

Bumagsak ang mata ko sa kamay niyang nasa gilid na agad ng tuhod ko . Mas lalong
nadepina ang init ng pisngi ko . Hindi ko na tuloy siya matitigan, kahit anong
pilit
kong buuin ang loob ko at maging matapang .

Hindi ako sumagot . I let out a long silent sigh . Slowly, he pulled my knees up .
He
made my feet rest on the other side of him at umusod siya para mas mapalapit sa
akin . My mouth ran dry at that sudden bold move . Ang kanyang kaliwang braso ay
mabilis na nagpahinga sa backrest ng inuupuan namin, inaangkin ang personal space
ko sa bandang iyon .

"What is it that you really want, huh?" he whispered on my cheek .

Kinagat ko ang labi ko . Ilang sandali akong nanatiling tahimik habang ang kanyang
matangos na ilong ay malambot sa aking pisngi . Nang sa wakas, medyo nakabawi at
nagkaroon ng lakas na mag-angat ng tingin, naabutan ko siyang masuyong nakatitig sa
aking mga mata .

His tongue ran down his reddish lips . Nanuyo ang lalamunan ko katititig doon .

He crouched and tilted his head again . Para akong nahilo sa nakaliliyong baga na
naramdaman nang muli ay hinalikan niya ako sa paraang tanging kanya lang . He
awakened senses in me that I didn't know it even existed .

"Is this what you want?" he said in between kisses . "No more looking for another
man ."

Tumigil siya at muling dinilaan ang labi . His eyes were still on my lips .
Namumungay na ang mga mata ko . All my nerve endings were now alert and giving in .
The darkness of my sanity is slowly looming in my head . And I have never been so
wrapped up with kisses to forget about my rational thoughts, ngayon lang .

There is really something about him . . . his kisses . I don't know what it is . I
just
know that it is different from all the boys I've been with . Imposibleng siya lang
ang ganito! Hindi maaari iyon . In time, I will find another man like him who can
kiss me this way . . . and make me feel it .

I leaned forward and captured his mouth for a quick kiss . I licked my lips to
taste
the sweetness in it, from him . Ilang sandali akong nag-isip at nang hindi
nakuntento ay muli siyang nilapitan para sa halik .

Like a driftwood catching fire, when he kissed me wantonly, nagliyab ako . And that
was effortless on his place . I can feel that he was just kissing me normally while
I am shivering deep inside . Liquid heat pulsated on the gap of my thighs .

Tumigil ako . He tried to catch my lips again . Iniwas ko ang labi sa kanya pero
sinundan niya iyon . His lips rested on my cheek . He knows that I'm thinking right
now and he's giving me time .
 Pagkatapos ng ilang sandaling pag-iisip, muli ko siyang hinalikan . He got back
with
wilder and hotter kisses that I cannot seem to contain! Ni hindi ko namalayan na
hinihila ko na ang kanyang damit dahil sa pananabik sa kanyang halik .

I want so bad to convince myself that it's all just nothing . That I have an ex
who
made me feel that way when we kissed pero habang tumatagal, lalong lumalabo iyon .
Wala ni isang pumantay o kahit malapit ng katiting sa kanya . He is really
different
from them all .

I stopped kissing him . Mabilis ang pintig ng puso ko at kinakapos na sa hininga

dahil sa nag- aalab niyang halik . He groaned when I chose to stop again . His nose
rested again on my cheek, waiting for the next but I am very aware of his
frustration .

"What are you doing?" he said huskily with a steely undertone .

"Thinking . . ." I said in a very womanly tone so foreign to me .

"Thinking about what?" he said slightly reaching his lips and touching mine .

I am tempted to kiss him again but I also want to answer his question . Pinatakan
ko
siya ng halik bago nagsalita .

"Who can kiss me the way you're kissing me," I said slowly .

He groaned in frustration . His grip on my thigh tightened . I can hear his heavy
breathing .

"You're thinking of your fucking boys again, huh?" he said dangerously . But I am
not a bit scared .
His sensual voice made me forget what he's talking about . Wala talaga yatang
pumantay . Kung may papantay ba, o kahit malapit lang, hindi ko alam .

"You're thinking about them while you're kissing me, Andra?" he said with
vengeance
in the air .
Namumungay ang mga mata at parang robot na bumabalik ulit, sabik sa kanyang halik,
muli kong hinanap ang labi niya . This time, he kissed me thoroughly that I
completely forgot where we were .

My pulse leapt at the malice his grip is giving me . Lalo na nang naramdaman ko ang
paghaplos nito sa aking hanggang tiyan at baywang . His biceps corded powerfully
when he tried to rake my hair above the nape to get a hold of my slowly diminishing
strength .

Namumungay ang mga mata pero nakita ko kung paano siya nanggigil . Even when his
muscles exuded strength, the way he held me screams tenderness . I could not
believe
that a man like him so blatantly virile could hold me softly .

In the midst of the heat of my desire, he stopped kissing me . It tormented me so

much that I tried to reach for his lips . Ipinagdamot niya sa akin iyon . His lips
is
on a grim line when he nudged my face and kissed my cheek instead .

Nagpakawala siya ng napakahaba at mabigat na hininga habang kapit na kapit ako sa

 kanya, hindi naiintindihan ang panibagong nakakaaliping nararamdaman . I want so
bad
to kiss him I would cry if he won't . Kumapit ako ng mahigpit sa kanya,
nagpapahiwatig ng kagustuhan .
"Please, Jandrik . . ." I whispered .

I can sense how much it affected him but his grip on me was steely . He kissed my
ear and then down my neck in slow, burning kisses .

I gave him more access to it . I craned a bit, shutting my eyes, and trying to find
my sanity . Naiwan ko yata sa Puerto Galera iyon!

"Hmmm . . ." he said calmly .

He ran his nose up my neck like a hunter confirming the presence of his prey .
When
his lips reached my neck, he whispered slowly .

"No more boyfriends from now on ."

"H-Huh?" I managed to blurt out even when I am very weak from his kisses .

"I will be..." he said breathily .

Too weak to curse at the joy I'm feeling, I fired back with the question I have
always wanted to ask .

"H-How about your girlfriend?"

"Hmm?" he said sensually .

"Your g-girlfriend . . ." ulit ko . "Dalawa na kami?"

"Why? Did you magically multiply?" he chuckled .

I managed to wrinkle my brow at him . He looked at me with passionate and sleepy

eyes, and a sexy grin that reminds me of bed . What the hell?

He then sighed when he realized that my question was serious .

"It's only you, baby ."

Parang isang panaginip ang nangyari sa weekend na iyon . As much as I want to

remember reality, mahirap talagang kalaban ang matagal nang hangad . It gives you
an
excuse to indulge yourself and risk for a moment of happiness . Especially that I
know for a fact that happiness doesn' t last . If it doesn' t last, why bother
thinking about its length? Kung pwedeng maging masaya ngayon, pwes, hahayaan ko ang
sarili kong maging masaya .

Para akong nililipad ng hangin habang naglalakad palabas ng SUV ni Kajik

pagkatapos
ng byahe . Heather is on our porch waiting for me, watching me closely while I
guiltily look at Kajik when he got our bags out of the back seat .

Sinubukan kong kunin ang duffel bag kong dala ni Kajik pero iminuwestra nito na
siya na ang bahala . I smiled shyly and continued walking towards Heather who
looked
nothing but an intrigued owl .

Masyadong nakatitig si Heather sa akin at dahil sobrang guilty ako, hindi ko

matagalan ang tinginan . Tumikhim ako para kunwari naubo lang . Heather mimicked my
guilty cough bago bumaling kay Kajik at ngumiti .

"Thanks for taking care of Andra, Mr . Mercadejas ."

"You're welcome, Heather . Ako na ang bahalang tumawag kay Tito Franco tungkol sa
pagdating namin . Anong oras ba ang uwi n'yo?" si Kajik .

"Ngayon din po . Pinahanda ko na ang SUV, Sir . Hinihintay lang si Andra ."

"Oh . Okay, then . . ."

Kajik turned to me . I guess this is very inevitable . Lalo na nang lapitan ako
nito
at bulungan . Sinundan ng mga mata ni Heather ang bawat galaw namin .

"I'll text and call you from now on . No texting of other boys," he whispered .

Ngumuso ako at hindi na nakapagkumpirma dahil masyadong bothered sa mariing titig

ni Heather sa aming harap . Hindi niya nga ako tinantanan dahil nang mapag-isa na
lang kami sa SUV, pumarada agad ang mga tanong niya .

"Did you do it?" she asked bluntly .

" Ano! ? " maingay ko agad na sigaw, guilty kahit hindi naman talaga . Wala namang
nangyari .

"Tss . . ." Umiling siya, pinapakita ang disappointment sa akin .

"Hindi 'no!" bawi ko kaagad .

"Bakit guilty ka, kung ganoon? Muntikan?" she dropped it like she was there!

Sa sobrang gulat ko sa tanong niya, umiwas na lang ako sa kanyang titig at taas
noo
na tumingin sa kalsada .

"Ayaw ko 'tong pag-usapan!"

"Himala ah? Sige . . . Kunwari, wala talaga kaya huwag na nating pag-usapan ."

Umirap ako at tumigil na sa pakikipag- usap niya . I think the more I keep it a
secret from Heather, the more she's confirmed in somewhere in her brilliant mind
that it's true! Hindi ko alam kung paano niya nagagawa iyon .

Sa byahe, kahit nakapikit siya nang tumunog ang cellphone ko sa mensahe ni Kajik,
may kumento kaagad siya .

"Ayan na . . ." she hissed while her eyes were shut .

Jandrik:

Text me when you're home, please .

Ako:

Bakit ngayon mo lang naisipang mag text ng ganito? Noon pa 'yang number ko r'yan
ah? :-*

"Easy girl . Bilis nagreply," side comment ni Heather .

"I'm not!" I said guiltily again, thinking about what happened in the hotel .

"Ohh . . . Something juicy . . ."

"Shut up, Heather! Matulog ka na nga lang!" iritado kong sinabi nang nakita ko ang
ngisi niya kahit nakapikit naman ang mga mata .

Jandrik:

I don't text much . Only for business . :-*

Humagikhik ako sa emoji . Nababaliw na yata ako! Ano ba ' yan! Heather purred, her
only violent reaction kaya tumigil ako sa paghagikhik .

Ako:

Even your ex girlfriends?

Jandrik:

I don't have ex girlfriends . And I don't text girls much .

Oo! Wala kasi fling lang ang meron siya, hindi ba? Nanliliit ang mga mata,
nagtipa
ulit ako ng message . Medyo nagtatampo

Ako:

Then it's okay if you don't text me .

Jandrik:

Why? Busy texting with other boys?

Hindi ko pa nga nasesend ang reply ko, tumunog na ang cellphone ko sa tawag niya .
It's very heartwarming to see his name on my screen, after so many years of seeing
it call me only for important reasons . Ngayon, tinatawagan niya lang ako ng
walang
rason . O may importante ba?

"Why don't you want me to text you?" salubong niya sa tawag .

"Hmm . Because you're not used to it?"

"I'll get used to it . You should get used to texting just me, too ."

Kinagat ko ang pang-ibabang labi at pumikit ng mariin sa kilig na naramdaman .

I have lived a free and happy life for twenty years but I have never felt this
happy before, even when I am very busy with school .

Iniisip ko na baka kaya sinasabi niyang wala siyang girlfriend dahil hindi naman
talaga sila noong babaeng pinangako sa kanya . I have long accepted that he liked
Millicent but a part of me, that I am trying to kill right now, thinks that maybe
he did not really want to be engaged with her?

Binuksan ko ang pintuan sa study ni Daddy dahil ipinatawag niya raw ako . Galing
pa
akong school, suot pa ang aking uniporme . The marine white uniform complete with
black rectangular bars on my shoulder, buckled belt, and a plain black pencil cut
skirt hugged my frame tightly like I am made for it .

"Daddy . . ." sabi ko .

My old man looked so tired . He removed the spectacles and put it down on his
large
wooden desk . Hindi na ako nag-alinlangan sa paglapit at paghalik sa kanyang noo .
"You asked for me?" I asked .

Tumango si Daddy at hinalikan na rin ako . "Yes ."

Naupo ako sa sofa sa harap lamang ng kanyang lamesa . Tumayo naman siya at lumapit
para makapag-usap kami ng maayos .

"You're on your last year in college, hija . Are you sure about this?" he asked .

Natawa ako roon . All my life, I've trained for this . How can I not be sure of
Naval Architecture?

"Oo naman po . Bakit po?"

" I ' m just checking . Kasi kung ang mommy mo ang papipiliin, she' d rather want you
to
become a model and the like ."

Tumawa ulit ako sa sinabi ni Daddy . "I like working for our company, Daddy . Don't
worry about it ."

"That's great . Hindi mo alam kung gaano ako natutuwa na mahal mo ang kompanyang
'to ."

Something about my father's concern tonight scared me . Hindi ko nga lang alam
kung
bakit o ano iyon .

" This field is cruel, hija . You won' t be successful if you won' t reach the top so
I
did everything to be on it . Sana maintindihan mo . . ." he said .

Kumunot ang noo ko . I know that our lines have exceeded the Pastrana's for
whatever
reason . Hindi na muling nagdagdag ang mga Pastrana ng barko sa taong ito habang
kami'y patuloy na namamayagpag . The only reason why we are still not on top is the
biggest deal, which are the Mercadejas' deal .

" Naiintindihan ko, Daddy . Ganoon naman talaga sa business . You' ll do everything
just so you'd be successful ."

Ilang sandali akong tinitigan ni Daddy bago siya bumuntong-hininga .

Nakita ko ang biglaang pagbabago ng itsura ni Daddy . The wrinkles beside his eyes
got highlighted . For some reason, he looked older than usual . Malaki ang nadagdag
sa edad niya, ngayon ko lang natanto, simula nang unti-unting naging successful ang
kompanya .

"Nabunutan ako ng tinik . At least now I know you'd understand it eventually ."

That was a weird conversation with Daddy . Pero siguro, nagworry lang siya dahil
gagraduate na ako at magsisimula nang mamahala kasama siya . He thinks I need the
guidance and whatnot .

"Have you been telling everyone that I am your boyfriend now, Andra? Sana sinabi mo
sa akin para na inform naman ako..." salubong iyon ni Klaus sa akin isang Sabado
ilang buwan na lang bago graduation .

Sa lahat-lahat ng araw na puwedeng bumisita siya rito, ngayon niya pa talaga

naisipan?

"What the hell are you doing here, Klaus?"

Kunot noo niya akong binalingan, parang ako pa ang may sala .

"I'm here because I'm bored . Last night, muntik na akong suntukin noong si Drake
na
manliligaw mo raw dahil akala niya ako ang boyfriend mo . You've been telling
people
that you have a boyfriend?!" he said as he strode in our house casually like
everything is normal .

Hinigit ko ang kanyang palapulsuhan at ibinalik sa pintuan namin .

"Klaus! This is not the time to come here . I will be off to Batangas today and
I-"

"Huh? Ang sabi ng kasambahay n'yo kung nand'yan ka sa umaga ng Sabado, hindi ka na
pupuntang Batangas . You're here now so I don't think you will go-"

"Damn it!" sabi ko sabay baling sa narinig kong footsteps sa likod .

Nakita ko si Heather . Nang nakita niya ang ayos namin ni Klaus, walang hiya siyang
umatras at unti-unting umalis .

"Heather!" tawag ko .

"What's your problem?" tanong ni Klaus at pinagsalikop pa ang mga kamay namin
galing sa pagkakahawak ko sa kanya, a natural move from a shameless casanova like
him .

"Klaus!" sabay bawi ko sa kamay ko .

Bago ko pa mabawi ng tuluyan ay siya namang pagpasok ng SUV ni Kajik sa aming gate
.
I immediately panicked!

Madalas na kaming lumabas ngayon . Nagkataong nasa Manila siya kaya sinabi niyang
susunduin niya ako at sabay na kami patungong Batangas para sa isang trip, patungo
naman ngayon sa Negros .

" Heather! Please, ikaw na ang bahala kay Klaus! " sabi ko ngunit nang tingnan muli
ang kaibigan, nawawala na ito, tinatakasan ang responsibilidad na binibigay sa
kanya .

Kajik opened the driver's seats door . His domineering eyes immediately directed at
the boy who's holding my hand . At dahil hindi naman tantong gago si Klaus, nang
nakitang may ibang tao, binitiwan niya ang kamay ko .

I sighed, a bit relieved at it . Our usual activities remained the same . We

finished
all the diving activities in Puerto Galera sa loob ng ilang buwan, kaya naman
ngayon long weekend, sa ibang lugar kami .

"Hello! I'm ready," I said hastily so he'd forget about what he saw .

Lumapit ako sa kanya sa tamang distansya . Bumaba ang tingin niya sa akin ngunit
hindi yata kontento sa layo namin kaya pinulupot niya ang kanyang braso sa aking
baywang . He pulled me closer to him and boldly crouched to kiss my lips!

Narinig ko ang matinding ubo ni Klaus sa likod . Uminit ang pisngi ko dahil hindi
kami madalas nagpapakita ng ganito . I am worried for him but he initiated it so I
think it is okay?

"Klaus, kumain ka muna..." naririnig ko si Heather galing sa loob ng aming bahay .

"Just you wait . . . I have-" his voice was drowned and I can imagine how Heather
handled him with utter annoyance . "May boyfriend si Andra? And he's-"

Isang lagapak ng mga kubyertos at natahimik si Klaus . I bit my lower lip at that
awkward encounter . I tried to hop inside his car so we could go but I bounced back
to Kajik's front when he pulled me .

Umigting ang kanyang panga . Mariin ang pagkakatitig niya sa akin . Kinabahan agad
ako .

"You kept us a secret from your friends?" he said, nanliliit ang mga mata .

Kinagat ko ang labi ko .

"And what's he doing here? Does he visit you everyday?"

Umiling ako . "Ngayon lang . A-And . . . I thought we're keeping this a secret?"

Kabanata 13
Kabanata 13

Touch

Nakatingin ako sa kanya habang siya ay nagmamaneho . Seryoso siyang nakatingin sa

kalsada at kapag nakakawala sa traffic, sobrang bilis magpatakbo . Hindi niya pa
ako
kinakausap simula pa kanina .

"Uh, maganda ba dun?" tanong ko kahit na nasisiguro kong maganda nga ang pupuntahan
namin . I' m just trying to start a conversation with him .

Nanatili ang mga mata niya sa kalsada . His jaw clenched repeatedly telling me
that
he's really not happy with what happened . Huminga ako ng malalim at ngumiti,
sinubukan ulit .

"I'm excited!" sabi ko . "I don't think we would ever finish all of the sites even
if we go out often . . ."

Halos makarinig ako ng crickets sa sasakyan nang nakitang wala paring kibo si
Kajik . Ngumuso ako at nanatiling nakatitig sa kanya . It was his cold, menacing,
and
malicious expression that first made me feel differently for him ages ago .
Differently, meaning I loathed him for that . Right now, it' s that same look that
could kick me helplessly in an infinite depth . Now, the thing I hated the most
back
when I was young, is the thing that could spark my womanly desires .

"Sasama ako sa advanced site?" tanong ko dahil nasisiguro kong hindi niya ako
papayagan . Mapipilitan siyang magsalita .

Naghintay ako ng ilang sandali . Ngunit sa huli, napawi na lang ang ngiti ko, hindi
niya parin ako pinapansin! I pouted and still continued talking like nothing
happened .

" Feeling ko, kaya ko na naman . Ano bang makikita sa advanced site ng Verde Island?
Ayoko nang mag- antay sa bangka habang nag dadive ka pa, e . "

I did not stop talking even when I am just probably interacting with crickets . Ni
hindi ko na namalayan ang pagtulog ko ilang saglit ang lumipas . Nagising na lamang
nang tumigil ang sasakyan sa port at lumabas na si Kajik para kunin ang mga gamit
namin .
Kinusot ko ang mga mata ko at kinalas na ang seatbelts . Humikab ako at lumabas na
sa sasakyan . Binati agad ako ng isa sa mga crew . Nakita ko rin si Kajik na
binibigay ang aming mga bagahe sa isang tauhan habang may kausap sa cellphone .

Nagpatuloy ako sa paglalakad . Naisip kong lapitan siya pero, yuck, bagong gising
ako at mas gusto kong mag freshen up at magbihis muna bago kami tumulak . Kaya
naman, dumiretso na ako sa naghihintay na yate . But when he looked my way while on
his phone, I beamed cutely at him and waved my fingers .

He continued talking . Nanatili ring matalim at malamig ang kanyang titig .

Humalakhak ako at dumiretso na sa loob ng yate .

Siguro naman, hindi niya hahayaang ganito kami buong bakasyon, hindi ba? Sayang
naman kung oo . At isa pa, I decided with logic, anyway . I thought we're keeping
this crazy relationship a secret . Lalo na't iba naman ang pinagmulan nito .

I shrugged everything off and started washing my face in preparation for the long
sail . For this short vacation, puputahan namin ang Verde Island at uubusin ang
kaonting dive sites doon hanggang mamayang hapon . Doon na rin kami sa isla kakain
ng tanghalian . But our night will be spent on a nice resort somewhere in Anilao .

Habang nagbibihis ng mas kumportableng damit, naisip ko kung isang room lang ba ang
kinuha ni Kajik o gaya ng dati, dalawa parin? Well, usually, he comes to my room
very often to cuddle and kiss . Pero kung dalawa nga ang kinuha niya, hindi na ako
magugulat doon .

The yacht started sailing off . Pagkatapos kong i-ponytail ang mahabang buhok,
lumabas na ako sa kwarto at dumaan na sa pangalawang palapag, kung nasaan ang crew
.
Kajik was there talking to the crew . Nagkatinginan ulit kaming dalawa habang
nagsasalita siya, I smiled cutely but his cold stare never faltered .

Umakyat na ako sa view deck at hinayaan nang atakehin ng matinding hangin ang aking
mukha . The weather is very nice . The thin clouds covered the rays of the sun in
some places .

Noong una, tuwang tuwa pa ako sa kapapanood sa view pero kalaunan, narealize kong
ito ang pinakamatagal na akyat ni Kajik sa viewdeck . Sinasadya niya ba ito o
talagang interesante lang ang pinag uusapan nila ng kapitan?

Pinindot ko ang intercom sa gilid ng rectangular bench .

"Good day, can I have some margarita, please?" sabi ko .

Maybe he'd interfere like what he always do? Aakyat na iyon ngayon at pagagalitan
ako . Tapos na ang cold treatment! Yey!

After three minutes, umakyat ang isang crew dala ang tray na may isang basong pink
margarita . Ngumuso ako at natantong talagang nagtatampo siya?

"Thank you," sabi ko .

"Anything else, Ma'am?"

"Wala na ."

I sipped on my margarita while thinking of other food or drinks to order . Ang

totoo, baka lang maisipan niyang umakyat na . 'Yong byahe pa naman ang madalas kong
hinihintay . I like kissing him on the bed but I like kissing him here, too . I
smiled .

Pinindot ko ulit ang intercom nang may naisip na iorder .

"I'd like some Aglio Olio, please?" sabi ko .

Labing limang minuto bago na serve ang pagkaing iyon . Hindi ako gutom pero nabigo
ako dahil hindi parin umaakyat si Kajik . Nakikinita ko pa na naman ang Isla Verde
at nasisiguro kong ilang minuto na lang, dadaung na kami!

For the first time, he won't be here in the viewing deck with me!

I smirked at my other idea . Pinindot kong muli ang intercom .

"Hello . Gusto ko po kay Jandrik . Pwede po bang ipakyat siya rito?" sabi ko .

Kahit maingay ang hampas ng alon, nahimigan ko parin ang bahagyang pagkakagulat ng
taga sagot ng tawag . Nangapa siya ng mga salita hanggang sa narinig ko ang mababa
at pamilyar na boses ni Kajik .

"He's not available," he said in a tone full of sarcasm .

Napasinghap ako . My heart leapt even with that kind of answer . Umangat ang gilid
sa
aking labi at hindi ko na napigilan ang malaking ngisi . I chuckled a bit . Kinalma
ko ang sarili ko para lang masubukan ulit ang intercom .

"Hello! I'd like my boyfriend up here, please," I said, biting my lower lip to keep
myself from smiling .

"Why? Do you have a boyfriend, anyway?"

I knew it! Siya na ang sumagot ngayon! And his voice is dangerously malicious now!

"Yes, I have . His name is Jandrik . But if he insists that he's not my boyfriend,
then maybe I should get another instead?" panunuya ko .

Narinig ko ang pagkaputol ng linya . I smirked . Kinuha ko ang aking margarita, and
slowly, I sipped on it . After a few seconds, his prowess covered my view with his
body and perpetual scowl . Pilit kong itinago ang kagalakan ko para hindi siya
lalong mainis pero hindi ko yata kaya iyon .

Umusod ako ng konti para ipahiwatig ang dapat na pagtabi niya sa akin . Tumabi nga
siya at mukhang hindi nakuntento sa ibinigay kong espasyo, hindi niya na binigyan
man lang ng kaonting lugar sa gitna naming dalawa . He leaned forward while I
rested
my back on the backrest of the bench . Ang kanyang kaliwang kamay ay nasa likod ko,
nang-aangkin, at ang isa, agad na nahagilap ang aking tuhod .

Umiigting ang kanyang panga at ang mga mata, nanatiling matalim para sa akin .

"What did you say?" his voice was steely .

Ngumuso ako at bumagsak ang tingin sa aking iniinom . "Sinabi ko lang 'yon kasi
hindi mo ako pinapansin simula pa kanina sa byahe ."

Kinuha niya sa kamay ko ang margarita at nilapag sa lamesa . Napatingin ako sa

kanya
dahil wala nang patutunguhan ang mga mata ko kundi sa mga mata niyang gusto ko,
pero hindi ko matitigan .

"Bakit andun ang lalaking iyon sa bahay ninyo?" simula niya .

"You have questions naman pala . Why didn't you come here earlier so we can talk
about it?" malambing kong sinabi .

His jaw clenched more and his eyes were sharper, too . Nagkatinginan kaming dalawa
.
The way he looked at me told me that he' s not going to answer that question . He' s
waiting for me to answer his .

"He visited . . ." me . . . pero 'di ko idadagdag .

"Visited? Manliligaw, kung ganoon?" he said with pure annoyance .

Umirap ako dahil lagi na lang talagang si Klaus ang pinagbibintangan ng lahat . How
can I explain that what I'm feeling for that guy is just platonic and nothing more?

"Hindi . We're just friends! Nagkataon lang iyon . Believe me, he doesn't come to
our
house often . Kaya nagulat nga ako na naroon siya ."

Shining in his eyes is anger that was never shaken . Kunot-noo kong hinarap siya .

"Really? Last week, I saw him outside your house ."

Huh? Hindi naman pumunta si Klaus last week sa bahay, ah? Busy iyon sa trabaho at
lalong hindi ko siya maeentertain dahil mas abala ako sa requirements for
graduation!

"Hindi siya pumunta last week," sabi ko . "Hindi nga tayo nagkita kahit umuwi ka sa
bahay n'yo kasi busy ako, 'di ba? Tapos mag eentertain pa ako ng iba?"

"And you kept us a secret . How will your boys stop bugging you if you do that,
huh?"

"Sinabi ko naman, ah . Hindi ko nga lang nasabi kung sino . . ."

"Kung ganoon, sino ang iniisip nilang boyfriend mo kung wala kang pinapangalanan?
That bastard, then? "

Uh? Bastard equals Klaus?

"Klaus is a friend . . ." I said again .

Ngumuso ako dahil nararamdaman kong hindi parin natatapos ang galit niya, and I
don' t think it will be over soon . HInawakan ko ang braso niya . His eyes darted on
my thin fingers . Slightly, I tapped on his arm making it my piano .

"Come on, Jandrik . Are we going to fight the whole vacation?"

Gamit ang kaliwang kamay, hinilot niya ang kanyang sentido at pumikit siya ng
mariin . He swallowed hard, too .

" I don' t know what you' re talking about . Klaus did not go to our house last week,
unless you want to brand me as a liar?" malambing kong sinabi .

"But I saw him outside your house!" giit niya .

"Maybe you're just mistaken, then? Walang dahilan para bumisita siya last week . At
bumisita lang siya kanina dahil may nasabi siyang napaaway yata siya dahil akala ni
Drake na si Klaus ang boyfriend ko ."
"Who's Drake?" he said, huskily .

"Hmm . Manliligaw ko ."

He sighed heavily . Tumuwid siya sa pagkakaupo . He stared at me with utter

disbelief .

"But he's basted . I told him I have a boyfriend . Kaya akala niya si Klaus iyon,
kaya 'yon ang nangyari kagabi, ayon kay Klaus ."

He sighed heavily again . Akala ko magbabago ang opinyon niya sa sunod kong
eksplenasyon pero pareho parin naman .

"Any other names, Andra?" he said in a controled tone .

Uminit ang pisngi ko at bahagyang nag-isip . I heard him groan and I realize, I am
making this worse!

"Wala na!" agap ko .

Tumayo siya . Bigo ko siyang tiningala . I gave him a sad puppy look .

" We' ll talk more about this when we' re in the hotel . Get your gears ready, " he
said
sternly .

"Okay . . ." Kuya, panunuya ko sana pero baka madagdagan pa ang galit niya kaya
huwag
na lang .

Ceasefire! Iyon muna habang nasa dagat kami at tinatanaw ang napakaraming isda sa
iba't-ibang kulay . This site sits near to the sites we've been to, and it's easily
the most beautiful dive of them all . Naisip ko tuloy kung sinadya ba ni Kajik na
huwag namin agad itong puntahan, 'tsaka na kapag halos napuntahan na namin ang
lahat, para magulat ako .

Striped sea snake, sponges, octopus, sea horse, and many more .

We were accompanied by Jim, Kajik's German friend who loves diving and other
extreme sports . He settled down in Isla Verde with his Filipina wife . Doon kami
sa
kanila kumain ng tanghalian at doon na rin nagpalipas ng oras bago tumulak para sa
susunod na dive .

According to Jim, Isla Verde is one of his most favorite diving spots, as well .
The
variation of the marine life you see in just a small spot is amazing . It is
something you don't see all the time, even when you scuba often .

Sa hapon, dalawang diving spot at mabilis na naupos ang oras . Sitting in the
middle
of the calm sea, the yacht was alone in witnessing the dark orange rays of the sun
as it slowly sank down .

Sa tatlong spots na napuntahan namin at sa mumunting interaksyon-teknikal, akala

ko
ayos na kami ni Kajik . He was removing his suit as I watch the sinking sun when I
praised the beauty of the place .

"Ang ganda! Ang saya saya ko rito!" sabi ko . "It's an amazing dive! I wonder if
Tubbataha is as wonderful?" sabi ko, nakatingin parin sa dagat .

"We'll go there some time," he said .

Napabaling ako sa kanya at mas lalong ngumisi . He finally responded to my random
rant! Okay na kami!

Nang nagkatinginan, he eyed me with a scowl that I realized he's really not done
with it all . I sighed . Lumapit ako sa kanya . He's completely topless now . His
overwhelming muscled chest is resting and crouching a bit while he's sitting on the
bench . His legs were so far apart na kahit hindi na ako lumapit pa sa kanya,
tumatama parin iyon sa tuhod ko .

"Galit ka pa ba?" tanong ko .

"We will talk about this over dinner," he said, almost dismissing me .

Suplado nito! Mas lalo akong lumapit sa kanya . The way his brows meet for a scowl,
the way his jaw clench along with his stubble, and the way he move like a big cat -
beastly but graceful, will always get me . Kahit ngayon . Hanggang ngayon .

Umihip ang panggabing hangin . Natatanaw ko parin siya dahil sa kahel na ilaw sa
langit . It is giving him an eternally hot look . Like a model properly lit by
lights
around him . He's picture perfect of an active, aggressive, unpredictable, and
ruthless man . . . so much like the waves of the sea - unruled and cannot be tamed .

"I love you," malamig na boses ko ang umalingawngaw .

His jaw clenched and his hawk like eyes darted on me . This is the only way to
make
him stop the anger .

"Love you, Jandrik," sabi ko ulit sabay ngiti .

Nagkatinginan kami . The wind blew my hair sideways . It made me chuckle . Panira
kasi
ang hangin sa moment na iyon . So to make sure he heard what I said . . .

"I love you," sabi ko ulit .

He was silent the whole moment . Umawang ang kanyang labi ng ilang beses,
pakiramdam
ko may gustong sabihin, pero ilang beses ding binawi ng kunot ang noo at mas galit
pa kesa kanina .

"You're still mad?" sabi ko nang napansin ang ekspresyon niya .

His angry eyes darted at me again . He looked problematic and frustrated . He

swallowed hard . He looked at me that way for so long . I smiled cutely at him and
tried to stay close . Hindi siya umilag . Nang nilapag ko ang kamay ko sa kanyang
hita, bumagsak ang mga mata niya roon ngunit hindi rin naman ako sinaway .

"Don't be angry at me anymore, please?"

"You said that just so I stop my anger, Andra?" napapaos niyang sinabi .

Kinagat ko ang labi ko, hindi alam kung o- oo ba o hindi . Tumitig lamang ako sa
kanya . He swallowed hard and sighed heavily .

Dumaong na ang yate at tahimik na kaming bumaba patungo sa isang mas maliit na
bangka, para mas makalapit sa natatanaw naming hotel . Napag-alaman ko sa
sumalubong
na hotel manager na dalawa nga ang kinuhang room .

Iginiya kami roon at binigyan na ng keycard . His is the first room while mine is
on
the other side . Dire-diretso ang lakad ko at nang namataan ang room niya, nilingon
ko siya para sana makapagpaalam na . Hindi pa nakakahakbang lagpas sa pintuan ng
kanyang kwarto, bigla niya akong hinawakan ng mahigpit sa palapulsuhan .
 He swiped the keycard of the hotel suite and pulled me inside with him . Nagulat
ako
sa ginawa niya pero kalaunan, naintindihan ko rin .

" Dito ko na ipapadala ang dinner natin . We won' t go out tonight, anymore, " he said
as he dragged the curtain to see the infinity pool just outside our room .

"Okay . . ." sabi ko, medyo nagulat .

Dito rin ba ako matutulog? Imbes na isatinig iyon, pinigilan ko ang sarili ko .
Besides, he went inside the suite's bathroom . Habang naghihintay na matapos naman
siya, naligo naman ako sa infinity pool, tanaw ang mga bituin . I craned my neck
around to find any sign of the moon but it' s not visible . Not visible . Dahil alam
kong nariyan parin iyan, kahit umaga, o gabing hindi ito kita, nariyan 'yan .
Maybe, New Moon?

After his bath, he ordered food for us on the phone . Pumasok naman ako sa bathroom
to wash off any signs of salt, sand, and the sea in it . Pagkatapos maligo, I
stared
at the clothes I brought for tonight .

Kung alam ko lang na rito ako maliligo sa kwarto niya, e ' di sana mas sexy iyong
dinala ko 'di ba? Pinilig ko ang ulo ko . Andra, get a hold of yourself! Damn it!

I chuckled . Dinampot ko ang kulay puting longsleeves na nightdress . It has a

ribbon
on the waist, deep v neck, and short lacy skirt . It' s comfortable pero kung alam
ko
lang na rito talaga ako, mas bold pa sana ang dinala ko! Maybe a red spaghetti
lingerie or a sheer pink night dress?

Hindi ako prepared!

Lumabas ako ng bathroom . Naabutan kong may katawagan si Kajik sa kanyang cellphone
.
He looked my way with a brow up . Iniligid niya ang mga mata hanggang sa aking
paanan . Nag- iwas agad siya ng tingin at hindi na pinatagal ang tawag . He dragged
a
chair beside the two seater round table .

"Sit," he said commandingly, after putting the phone down .

Ngumuso ako . Imbes, naupo naman ako sa kama, hindi roon . I don't like going near
him especially now that he's still angry . He looked more problematic now .
Umigting
ang kanyang panga at pumikit ng mariin bago pinabayaan ang silya at naglakad
palapit sa akin .

Umupo siya sa kama, sa harap ko . His intimidating frame made me gasp . I realized
my
move was very useless .

"Galit ka pa rin?" I asked when he looked at me with his cold eyes .

"Any other boys who expressed ill intentions for you?" he asked coldly .

Napakunot ang noo ko sa tanong na iyon . Ill intentions?

"Ill intentions?" I echoed . "Wala ."

Nanatili ang titig niya sa akin, tila may pagdududa .

"Kung nagtatanong ka kung may manliligaw pa bang iba, wala na ulit sa ngayon, kasi
binasted ko si Drake . Klaus is not a suitor . He's a friend . You can't blame the
boys around, they usually see me with a boyfriend, naninibagong wala nitong
nakaraan ."
"Ganyan ka kadalas magkaboyfriend noon?" he said slowly .

"It's all for fun, come on . . ." sabi ko, making it light now that he's slowly
remembering why he's angry . "Experience-"

"Experience!" he said it again like it's a disgusting thing .

Ngumuso ako at natantong mas lalo ko yata siyang ginagalit sa mga sinasabi ko .
Nang
nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kanya, nakita ko ang umaatikabong galit sa kanyang mga
mata . But then, slowly another fiery thing exceed the anger in it . Umawang ang
labi
ko at tumuwid ako sa pagkakaupo . Nahihirapan ako kaya inangat ko ang mga paa ko at
tinungtong sa kama .

"I'll go to Manila every now and then from now on, until you graduate ."

"Business?" I asked slowly .

"Business," napapaos niyang sagot, walang pag-aalinlangan .

Tumango ako at muli siyang naabutan na nakatitig sa aking leeg pababa . He licked
his lower lip and brought his eyes back on me .

"Do you have any graduation party with your friends?" he asked as his hand slowly
snaked around my waist .

Umiling ako . "Wala naman kaming usapan ."

"You tell me beforehand, para makabyahe agad ako pabalik ng Manila ."

"Huh? Bakit naman?" gulantang kong tanong .

Bago ko pa marinig ang isasagot niya, pinatakan niya na ako ng mababaw na halik sa
aking labi . The smell of cool mint and his usual manly scent filled me, consumed
me . . . Nakalimutan ko agad ang tanong ko . Now, I regret wearing this stupid
virginal
night dress!

"Babantayan ang akin," he whispered on my neck .

His kisses sent shivers down my spine . Ni hindi ko namalayan ang marahan niyang
pagpalis sa manipis na tela sa aking dibdib . I immediately anticipated on his
electrifying touch . When his thumb reeled on my top, I arched my back without
restraint .
He closed my lips with his . Bawat halik at angkin sa aking labi, para akong
nahihilo . I have never been so drunk in my life but I think it feels exactly this
way . He is intoxicating!

Using his thumb and index finger, he teased my other peak . I stopped kissing him
for a moan . He licked his lower lip . Tinitigan niya ako habang namumungay ang mga
mata, struggling to keep my sanity intact . But also . . . not wanting him to stop
doing it .

Slowly, his left hand reached for the gap between my thighs . One swipe against
the
suddenly rough clothing made me pant .

Sa iilang pagkakataon kaming ganito, we stop just there in between the clothing,
when my skin is hypersensitive . But today, he exceeded that! Damn it!
"Ah!" I whispered .

Binagsak ko ang ulo ko sa kanyang balikat nang naramdaman ko ang walang kahirap-
hirap niyang pagdama sa akin . In between my thighs is a wet pool of need and
desire
that when he touched a spot, I was immediately convulsing, moaning, and gripping
him hard so I won' t shake too much .

Kinagat ko ang labi ko nang mabilis na nakaramdamn ng kahihiyan! His finger was
soaked and wet from that! It's horrifying! Lalo na nang narinig ko ang pirmi niyang
hininga, kumpara sa naghihingalo kong paghingal! At lalong lalo na nang humalakhak
siya bago ako pinatakan ng halik sa pisngi! Ibinaon ko ang mga mata ko sa kanyang
balikat, sa kahihiyan . I don' t think I am insane enough to bear looking at him
after that intense . . . what? The hell!
Uminit ang pisngi ko . Ang buong katawan ko . Hindi ako sigurado kung ganoon ba
talaga iyon o dahil iyon sa kahihiyan . It' s so unfair that he can do this to me
while I cannot do it to him!

"Now you don't need anyone else," he said .

Unti-unti akong dumilat . Sa mapupungay na mga mata, nakikita ko ang hugis sa

kanyang itim na boxers . Halos napasinghap ako . His maleness is very evident! Just
when I thought that he affects only me, and I don't affect him, I proved myself
wrong! Hindi gaya kanina, bahagyang naibsan ang kahihiyan ko .

Inangat ko ang tingin ko sa kanya . His cruel eyes watched me as bit my lower lip
.
My hand below slowly tried to reach for his thigh and probably touch it, to prove
that I really am right! Pero bago umabot ang kamay ko roon, isang mariing hawak sa
palapulsuhan ang ibinigay niya .

I groaned . He really is so unfair!

"Not so fast, baby . It's still damn early ."

Walang lakas kong binagsak ang mukha ko ulit sa kanyang balikat . He chuckled .
Pinagsalikop niya ang mga kamay namin . Ang kamay na nahuli niya, at ang kamay ng
nanghuli .

"You're so unfair," I manage to blurt out after the trance .

"No, you are," he said in a firm tone .

Walang lakas, pinikit ko na lamang ang mga mata ko .

"Never say those three words again for reasons lesser than what it means, Andra,"
he said .

Nanghihina at nababaliw para sa kanya, sinakop na ang isipan ko ng pagnanasa .

"I hate hearing it that way from you," he whispered seriously .

"Hmm . . ." I moaned and tried to take a sneakpeek on his boxers again .

"Are you listening to me, you insatiable witch?" he chuckled .

Kinagat ko ang labi ko nang natantong alam niya ang ginagawa ko .

"Oo . . . I am completely listening," I said and tried to smell his rock hard chest
.
"Say it only when you mean it," he said .

Kabanata 14
Kabanata 14

Lost

He promised to take me farther south, in better diving spots . Although, he's a

bit
hesitant, pero alam paninindigan niya ang kanyang pangako sa kanya . Thus, today,
after a small graduation party from my friends, he will be here to pick me up .

"Congratulations, Andra!" bati ni Cresia sa akin .

When she heard that we will go out for the weekend to celebrate, hindi niya na
pinalagpas ang pagkakataon . Lumuwas na talaga siya rito kasama ang iilang pinsan
namin .

"Thank you!" I said while saying "no" to the tequila .

"Wow, that's new!" si Rem nang nakita ang pag-ayaw ko sa inumin .

Nagtawanan sila . I smiled cockily .

"Aalis ako mamayang madaling araw . I don't want to get drunk ."

"Well, you certainly won't get drunk just by a single shot, for sure?" panunuya ni
Cresia sa akin .
Umirap ako at uminom na lamang ng isa, gaya ng sinabi nila . Nagkatuwaan naman
kaming lahat . Hindi lang naman kasi ako ang gumraduate, we have friends here who
graduated as well, celebrating with us .

I wanted to invite Klaus but I know Kajik is coming to pick me up tonight . Ayaw
kong mag-away kami ng kahit konti bago tumulak sa bakasyon . Mabuti na lang, wala
na
ulit namilit pa sa akin . My cousins are all social people . Nobody is reserved or
quiet sa aming lahat na mabilis na nawalan ng tao ang lamesa, naiwan ako .

The tall, smoking hot Cresia found two boy toys on the dancefloor . She waved at
me
at iminuwestra ang pangalawa sa dalawang lalaki at tinuro ako . Tumawa lamang ako
at
umiling na lamang . I spotted the two handsome men dancing with her . They were
good-
looking, alright . Pero ngayon, habang tumatagal, it' s clearer to me why I cannot
be
attracted with just about anyone anywhere .

Jandrik:

I'm in the club . Are you done?

Napalinga-linga ako sa kinauupuan kong sofa . He's here! It's eleven in the
evening
at kung ang party ang pag-uusapan, maaga pa ito para umalis pero pagkatapos kong
mabasa ang text niya, gusto ko na agad mag- aya na umalis na kami .

We will set sail to Occidental Mindoro from Batangas port, to one of his favorite
diving spot, Apo Reef . Iyon ang regalo niya sa akin sa graduation ko . I am
excited,
for the dive, and for the experience with him .
Wanting so much to find him, tumayo ako at sinubukan nang pumunta sa dancefloor .
Wearing a printed black tube top skimpy dress and a strappy heels, with my hair up
in a high ponytail, I searched the dancefloor . Hindi pa nag-iisang minuto, may
naramdaman na akong humawak sa braso ko .

Laking gulat ko nang nakita kung sino iyon . Ali smirked at me . Mabilis ko siyang
niyakap . We've seen each other a lot of times but we seldom interact because of
the
hectic social life . Ngayon lang ata kami nagkatapat ng ganito ka lapit .

"Kuya Ali!" sabi ko, hindi nalilimutan ang tawag ko sa mga Mercadejas noon, but
sometimes forget the formalities .

"You're with your cousins?" he asked .

"Yes . 'Bout you?"

"With mine, too . Wanna go to our table?" he said smoothly .

Mabilis akong tumango dahil nasisiguro kong nandoon din si Kajik sa kung nasaan
siya .

"This way ."

Hindi niya pa itinuturo kung saan banda ang lamesa nila, nahagip na ng paningin ko
iyon . The large sofa is full of mature sexy girls along with the two other
Mercadejas in it . Two girls hovered beside Zamiel . May dalawa pang babae na
sinusubukang makipag-usap sa nasa gitnang si Karius Jandrik Mercadejas . He was
ignoring the other two especially when he saw us . Nakita ko ang pagbagsak ng mga
mata niya sa aking baywang, kung saan hinahawakan ni Ali .

I waved my fingers at him but his scowl remained . Bumaling siya kay Ali at mariin
itong tinitigan . Ali chuckled . Bumaling din ako sa katabing umaalalay pero habang
palapit kami sa sofa na iyon, mas lalo niya lang hinihigpitan ang hawak sa akin .

"Andra!" Zamiel's low voice echoed .

Mabilis niyang naiwan ang mga babaeng kausap at sinalubong ako . Tumawa ako at
niyakap siya . Ali did not remove his hand on my waist . Muli niyang inayos iyon
nang
bumitiw ako .
"Zamiel! I missed you all!" sabi ko, pinagpipiyesta ang mga mata sa nakikita sa
harap ko .

"You've grown, Andra!" Zamiel said watching me in awe .

Tumawa ako . "Should I take that as a compliment?"

Bago pa kami makapagpatuloy sa pinag-uusapan ay lumitaw bigla si Kajik sa grupo .

He
was firmly staring at Ali who's holding me so tight . Zamiel noticed it that he
hugged me again, this time a bit longer and tighter .

"I missed you!" Zamiel said .

I smiled widely . Nanatili ang talim ng tingin ni Kajik sa amin . Nang binitiwan
ako
ni Zamiel, I saw him smirk at Kajik . Ali was still holding me close when Kajik
stepped in between us announcing our exit .

"Huh?" Zamiel said in a shocked tone .

"We have to go or we'll be very late," Kajik reasoned out .

Tumango ako nang natantong maaaring tama nga siya .

"Where are you two going? Isa pa, minsan na nga lang namin makita si Andra, aalis
na agad kayo?"

Napalitan ng kamay ni Kajik ang kamay ni Ali kanina . He then whispered to me .

"Let's go and leave . We'll be late," he said .

"Excuse us," sabi ko sa kanila . "Next time, then?"

He gave me a chance to say goodbye to my cousins but it's a short one . Isa pa,
wala
na sa sarili ang mga pinsan ko at abala na sa pakikipag socialize kaya hinayaan ko
na . His SUV was waiting beside the valet . For sure, he already picked my things
up
before he went here kaya diretso na kami sa Batangas .

"I was so shocked when I saw Ali in the dancefloor! Nagkikita naman kami pero iba
pa rin ang makita siyang malapitan! Also, Zamiel! Oh, how I miss Ivo, " sabi ko ng
dire-diretso, hindi pa nakakarecover sa pagkakakita ko sa mga Mercadejas doon .

Kajik, like usual, is scowling as he drove past the traffic lights of the Metro . I
cannot contain my feels while he is angry about something? So much for trying hard
not to create a bad atmosphere between us!

"Who are those girls with you, by the way?" I said to change the subject .

"Zamiel and Ali's girls," he said in a low voice .

"There were four of them . Walang sa'yo?"

He glanced at me with an annoyed eyes . He pulled the gearstick and stared at the
road with annoyance . Napansin ko ang pag- igting ng kanyang braso . He' s wearing a
white longsleeves button down . Nakatupi ito hanggang braso at sa pagliko niya sa
sasakyan, mas nadedepina ang ugat doon .

"What do you mean by that?" his voice was now hoarse .

"H-Huh?" medyo distracted na dahil sa kanyang braso .

"We're in a relationship and you're asking me if I was entertaining a girl, Andra

.
Do you expect me to just ask you cooly, too, if I see you hanging out with another
man?"

Napakurap-kurap ako sa tanong niya . He clenched his jaw so tight that I saw his
face move . He moved the car swiftly to the other side of the road and clicked the
triangle button when he stopped . Kinabahan agad ako . Uh- oh, wrong question, Andra!

Napalunok ako lalo na nang hinarap niya ako, eyes cold, and expression dark .

"Let's make it all clear, Andra, do you expect me to just cooly watch you flirt
with boys?"

"No," agap ko sabay iling .

"Good . . ." he trailed off, wanting to tell me more but he didn't .

Wanting so bad to make this trip smooth, I touched his fingers on the gear stick
lightly . Bumagsak ang tingin niya roon . I felt him stiffen . Nag-iwas siya ng
tingin
sa akin .
"I'm sorry . I didn't mean that . May iba ka pa bang ikinagagalit?" malambing kong
tanong .

His arm stiffened more . Nanatili ang mga mata niya sa kalsada at naramdaman ko,
kahit hindi niya sabihin, na may iba pa nga siyang kinaiinisan .

"Hey," I said slowly and touched his jaw .

Unti-unti siyang tumingin sa akin . Ang suplado ko, ang guwapo talaga!

"What else?" I asked again .

Umiling siya . I clicked the seatbelts to unlock and leaned closer to him .
Hinalikan
ko ang kanyang labi ng isang marahan na halik .

"What is it?" I asked again .

He was already staring down at my lips, with cruel eyes, and hard expression .
Imbes
na sagutin ang tanong ko, he tilted his head and kissed me thoroughly . His
intoxicating kisses melted in my mouth, ngunit mabilis ding nagbago ang tempo ng
mga halik niya . Gaya ng dati, tuwing hinahalikan niya ako .

This is why I will never probably forget him . Even if I tried .

I tried to stop my moan but I couldn't . Naipako niya na ako sa aking upuan nang
pinilit niya ang sariling tumigil sa mga halik . He stared at my lips longingly .

"You dislike clingy boyfriends, right?" he said slowly .

Kinagat ko ang labi ko . Maaaring nasabi ko iyon sa kanya noon, pero kung siya ang
ganoon, hindi ko na alam . I ' d probably die from excitement! He cursed softly and
his eyes drifted on what I am wearing .

"And possessive ones . . ." he whispered gently .

"Hmm . . ." I kissed him lightly, hindi na makahagilap ng lakas .

Now, I am not sure if I dislike clingy and possessive boyfriend . Well, kung siya,
hindi . If he wants to keep me with all the chains, then damn it, sure!

"Did you drink?" he asked, maybe he tasted it on my lips .

"A little bit," amin ko .

"Rest . We'll have a long day tomorrow ."

Wala akong masabi sa kabiguang naramdaman ko nang tumuwid siya sa pagkakaupo at

pag-ayos niya sa aking seatbelts . Dikit na dikit ako sa aking upuan nang iwan niya
ako roon at nagsimula nang magdrive ulit . I want to reach for him and just kiss
him
all night . Damn! Parang habang tumatagal, lalo yata akong nababaliw sa kanya .

Tahimik na buong byahe . My mind is infested of so many shameful things that I

chose
to shut the hell up . Kalaunan, nang masyado nang madilim at tahimik ang kalsada,
dinalaw rin ako ng antok, nagising na lamang nang madaling araw para sa pagpasok
namin sa yate .

This is the first time we will ride the yacht at night . Ngunit dahil sa pagod ko,
pagbibihis lang ang nagawa ko, bagsak agad ako sa tulog .
Kinaumagahan, nagising ako ng may breakfast in bed na, mag-isa sa silid na iyon .
The yacht is not that big to have another large suite . Wala nang ibang kuwarto sa
palapag na ito . Sa pangalawang palapag natutulog ang mga crew kung nasaan ang
maliliit na cabin para sa kanila . Do not tell me that Kajik did not sleep, or if
he
did, he slept in the cabin, just so we won' t sleep together?

What happened? Trying to be honorable when I saw him years ago womanize? I smirked
at the thought . Or maybe, trying to be honorable in the eyes of my Daddy?

Naalala ko noong nagpaalam siya roon .

"Will you be staying in a hotel?" Daddy asked him with a serious look on his face
.

I can sense my father's indifference towards him . Naiintindihan ko . We all know

he's engaged and to be that close to me, Daddy is just trying to protect me .

"Like usual, Tito," Kajik said in a low, serious voice .

"Well, so far you did not fail me..." sabay lagay ng eyeglass ni Daddy sa kanyang
mga mata .

He checked something on his iPad . I don't know what it was but I think Kajik knows
.
Hindi niya nga lang sinabi kung ano iyon noong nagtanong ako paglabas namin .

"Fine," Daddy concluded and then put his spectacles down on his table .

Hindi kailanman nagtanong si Daddy tungkol sa relasyon namin ni Kajik . Takot din
akong magsalita, kahit kay Mommy . I think they think we're just friends . I don't
want to tell them otherwise dahil baka pigilan nila ako . Even when I know both Ali
and Zamiel refused the girl promised to them, I can't risk to try that with Kajik .
Not when I know he is trying hard to be a good son to his family, handed so many
responsibilities, and still in ties with the Pastrana lines .

I wonder if he's trying to get rid of it o sunod sunuran siya sa kanyang pamilya
dahil lang sa kanilang lahat, siya ang pinakamaaasahan?

Armed with a double major in Finance and Business Administration, two schools, and
two Summa Cum Laude in college, I wonder if he'll ever get rid of the expectations
of him? Hindi ko na inisip iyon .

Wearing a white long dress, I started walking towards him and I realized that the
engine stopped and we're in front of an island surrounded with crystal clear blue
waters and white sandy beach . Sinubukan kong tingnan kung may malapit bang isla
pero hindi ko kita ni anino ng kahit isa .

"Is that Apo Island?" I asked Kajik nang nakalapit na ako sa kanya .

"Yes," he said as he watched me move .

Nagkatinginan kaming dalawa . I smiled but his scowl remained . I realized he may
not
be over yesterday .

Lumapit ako sa kanya at tiningnan galing doon sa kinatatayuan ang view . Then
slowly, I peeked at his reaction . His hand slowly snaked on my waist . Ngumuso ako
at may naalala . Ali's hand is on that same place last night . Could he be?

Bumaling ako kay Kajik, amazed by what I'm thinking, but not convinced enough .
Lalo
na ngayong diretso ang tingin niya, mukhang disiplinado at mukhang hindi naman
seloso!
" Get your gears ready . We' ll dive in a few minutes, when the guide arrives, " he
said .

"Galit ka pa ba?" I inserted when he tried to get out of it .

Matalim ang tingin niya ngunit mariin naman ang kanyang iling . His lips protruded
a
bit .

"No, you're still mad," I said .

"Tss . Get ready now, Andra," pigil niya sa akin .

I pouted . He looked as if he'll try to make me okay . Nangiti ako dahil naramdaman
ko ang pagbalik niya sa akin nang nakitang malungkot ako . But then my smirk
convinced him to continue walking out .

"I'm not mad, anymore . Now, get ready ."

Bakit ba ayaw niyang aminin? Maybe I can do something about it if he tells me?
Well, whatever . There is no way to know but to wait .

Naghanda na ako ng gears . But before we dive, we were told to drop by the island
to
see its beauty . Iyon nga ang ginawa namin sa umaga . The remote island is
approximately 20 or so hectares filled with mangroves and limestones . The sand is
as creamy as the sand in Costa Leona .

We had an early lunch in there with some of Kajik's diving friends, government
officials, and guides . Natagalan lamang kami sa pag-uusap nila at sa pag-iimbita
na
bumisita sa Busuanga lalo na nang nakitang may yate kami . Hapon na tuloy nang
tumulak na kami para masimulan ang diving .

It's only one dive, I think . Dahil kahit saan ka pumunta sa paligid ng isla,
mayaman ito sa reefs . It was my first time to see fishes immediately from the drop
off . Normally, bababa pa ng konti bago makakita ng yamang dagat pero roon,
kabababa
ko pa lang at kasisimula pa lang ng kaba, nawala na kaagad dahil sa mga isdang
nakita .

Actually, I was also horrified . Larger fishes were seen, something that I
normally
don't see whenever we scuba dive . But then eventually, I got used to it . I did
not
even have to hold Kajik' s hand so I' d feel fine .

Tuwang tuwa ako sa iba't-ibang isda na nakita at sa napakaraming colorful na coral

reefs . I saw cuttle fishes, nudibranks, and eels everywhere . Kahit saan ako
lumingon, meron . May pawikan and even Manta Ray!

Para akong nakawala sa paglangoy . Lalo na nang nakita ang isang kumpol ng batang
tuna, sabay sabay na lumalangoy . Sinabayan ko sila pero sa bilis ng mga ito,
mistula akong pagong .

Medyo alam ko kung paano magtipid sa oxygen at wala pang dive na inapply ko iyon,
ito pa lang ang kauna-unahang pagkakataon na gagawin ko iyon . That's how awed I am
with the dive!

I tried to go deeper and deeper . I saw the guide's shadow . Marami kami kaya
hindi
na ako kinabahan . Imbes, mas inspirado pa akong bumaba pa at mag explore .
Kinabahan ako ng konti nang nakakita ako ng kakaibang isda . I've never seen this
kind of fish before . It's protruding lower lip and a round thing in the head
reminded me of a fish pet back in Iloilo . Halos mawalan din ako ng hininga nang
nakakita ng grupo ng dolphins sa kung saan .

I felt like a Disney princess when they interacted with me by swimming around and
finally swimming up to jump from where I am . Maliliit na baracuda ang dumaan sa
gilid ko, parang masayang masaya sa bisitang meron sila .

I glanced at my wrist watch and I rejoiced when I realized that I lasted for one
hour and twenty minutes without using all my oxygen! This is an achievement! Now I
think I have time to go back?

Doon ko lang narealize na medyo nalayo ako . Ang inakala kong mga anino kanina,
barracuda palang malalaki! O ' di kaya dolphins! I think I' m lost! Limang minuto
akong naghanap at kinabahan . My oxygen is now low and I still can't find any signs
of other divers . When I lost all hope, I gave up and controlled my bouyancy
through
the machine .
Nagpatianod na lamang ako hanggang sa umangat ako sa ibabaw ng dagat . When
finally,
I resurfaced, luminga linga ako . Kita ko ang bangka sa malayo at ang yate sa ibang
parte . Ganoon ka layo ang nilangoy ko!

I swim my way to it, stopping sometimes, but never giving up . Imbes na sa bangka,
sa yate ako pumunta, kung saan ako mas malapit . Huminga ako ng malalim nang
nakahawak sa yate . Mabilis na dumalo ang crew sa akin .

"Ma'am? Si Mr . Mercadejas, po?" tanong sa akin .

"Baka nasa bangka . Nawala ako, e," sabi ko at tinulungan nila akong umangat .

Binagsak ko ang aking gear . Tiningnan ko ang bangka at natanto kong wala pang tao
roon bukod sa iilang divers na nakasabay namin . Medyo malayo pero kita naman na
wala pa si Kajik doon .

Nanginginig ako sa lamig nang umihip ang hangin . Kaya kinuha ko ang tuwalya at
tinapis sa sarili . Gusto ko sanang maligo na at magbihis pero hinihintay kong
umahon si Kajik . Nang inabot ng ilang minuto, wala akong nakita . Naupo na muna
ako
at nagkape nang mainitan .

It was past four when I realized that it was too much dive for Kajik! Umangat ako
at muling tiningnan ang bangka at nakitang kokonti na lang ang naroon, iyong
turista na lang galing Busuanga . Pati ang guides wala na .

"Puwede po bang lapitan ang bangka?" tanong ko sa kapitan nang may naisip .

I know that we are anchored here but I wanna see what's happening in there .

"Puwede naman po . Bakit, Ma'am?" tanong ng kapitan .

Muli kong tiningnan ang bangka . I saw some divers appearing . Tumayo ako at
tinitigan ang bangka nila, naghihintay kay Kajik .

Umingay ang radyo at narinig ko ang pinag-usapan .

"Hindi pa nakakaangat si Mr . Mercadejas kahahanap sa girlfriend niya . Nawala

namin
mga 1430... May diver ba sa inyo para matulungan?"

Napabaling ang kapitan sa akin . Natigilan ako habang tinititigan din ito . Oh my
gosh?
"Uh, pagkaangat po ni Mr . Mercadejas, pakisabi na nandito si Ma'am Andra ."

"Huh? Andyan 'yong girlfriend niya? Kanina pa kami naghahanap!"

Kinagat ko ang labi ko . Nasapo ko ang ulo ko . Why did I not think about it?

"Sige po . Sasabihin namin kapag umahon siya," sabi sa kabilang linya .

"Shit!" mura ko nang narealize ang nangyayari .

Kabado agad ako . Takot . At kung anu-ano pa . Paano kung mapahamak siya kahahanap
sa
akin? He will be desperately looking for me while I sit here and wait?

I picked my gear up and thought about our extra tanks . Nilingon ko ang kapitan .

"Bababa ako para mahanap si Jandrik," sabi ko .

"Naku, Ma'am . Mas mabuting huwag na lang muna . Hintayin natin si Sir . Bumababa na
ang araw at mas grabe ang current ngayon ."

"Pero . . ."

I sighed and covered my eyes . Parang langit nang narinig ko ang deklarasyon ng
isang crew .

"May umangat na grupo . Andyan na yata si Sir, Ma'am!"

Immediately, I turned to the stairs for the roofdeck to see him immediately .
Iginala ko ang mga mata ko at parang may nawalang nakadagan sa akin nang nakitang
naroon na nga siya!

"Oh my gosh!" paulit-ulit kong sinabi, kinakalma ang sarili galing sa kaba .

When the boats rushed to near the yacht and the one he's in went nearer, bumaba na
ako . Papalubog na ang araw at kitang- kita ang pagod ng lahat . Ngunit natawa parin
sila nang nakita ako sa yate, walang gasgas o ano man .

"I'm sorry," agap ko nang nakita ang mga guides .

"Okay lang, Ma'am . Ang importante ayos ka . Inanod ka ba? Buti nandito ka lang pala
.
Akala namin, nawala ka. .. " sigaw ng isang guide .

Hindi na ako makadugtong . Lalo na nang umakyat na si Kajik sa yate . He looked so

forlorn, angry, and worried at the same time . Buong atensyon ko nasa kanya agad .
He's out of the tank but he's still in full gear .

"I-I'm sorry," sabi ko nang sinalubong siya .

He did not talk . Ang tanging nagawa niya ay ang yakapin ako ng sobrang higpit .
Hindi ko alam kung bakit kahit na nararamdaman ko ang galit at takot niya, natawa
parin ako .

"Sorry . . . natuwa ako masyado . . ." sabi ko while he's squeezing me very tight .

I let him hug me that way . I don't care if I get hurt by it too much . I let him
hugged me so tight and for so long until he's done .

"Sorry," ulit ko .
Binagsak niya ang mga gamit sa gilid namin . He coldly stared at me for a few
moments . Not again! Pakiramdam ko, lagi ko lang talaga siyang ginagalit!

"You're cold . Go to our room dry yourself," he said .

I want to say he's cold, too . Kaso lang, bumaling siya sa mga guide .

" Maraming salamat po sa tulong . Pasensya na sa abala," I heard him say it until I
shut the room's door and started removing my gear .

Nakakahiya! Hindi ko naman alam na ganoon ang nangyari . I had a hint but I never
thought it was that worst! I finished a brisk shower . Masyado akong kabado para
maenjoy iyon . After that, I went out of the room to see Kajik . The yacht is
already
sailing and the sun is slowly setting down now .

Nang namataan niya ang pag-akyat ko sa pangalawang palapag, tumayo siya . He did
not
look at me a bit .

"I'm so-"

"Eat," sabay pa kaming nagsalita pero mas natapos niya ang sinabi .

He glanced at me before he finally go down to our room . Siguro para maligo na rin
at mag-ayos . Naupo ako roon at sinubukang kumain sa pagkaing nakahanda, pero
kalaunan natanto kong mali .

I wonder if he now regrets giving me chance to be with him? I wonder if he'll ever
bring me again to a vacation like this? Galit siya sa akin . Hindi galit tulad
kahapon, kundi galit na alam kong tatatak . He was worried shit that I was lost and
yet I think of it lightly!?

Tumayo ako at unti-unting bumaba sa kuwarto namin .

Kabanata 15
Kabanata 15

Hobby

Nakaupo ako sa kama habang naririnig ang pagpatak ng tubig galing sa shower . I
seriously don't know how to talk to him right now but I will try . Ramdam ko ang
frustration niya kanina, hindi niya lang sinabi iyon . I ' m afraid that he couldn' t
say how angry he was because he's at his limits .

The bathroom's door opened . Napasinghap ako, maraming salita ang tumakas at muling
nablanko ang utak sa sasabihin . Wearing only a short towel that covered only his
hips down his thigh, mas lalong nawalan ako ng sasabihin . My mouth ran dry at the
sight of him almost naked .

I know he's athletic . I felt and saw his body sometimes but I've never thought
he's
this robust! With all the muscles in their right places, ripping in each part of
his body, kahit ang paglunok, mahirap sa akin dahil sa natatanaw ko . I have been
so
bold and funny in showing him my shallow attraction but this time, I could not joke
around anymore .

May rason kung bakit halos pare-pareho ang gusto niya sa isang babae . May rason
kung bakit halos pareho ang hubog ng katawan, tangkad, at disposisyon ng mga
babaeng nakita kong dumaan sa kanya . A girl like me, very slender, with no notable
curve, and a bit shorter than all of his other women could not possibly have him!

Pinisil ko ang mga daliri ko, nararamdaman ang pagkakamali ng aking desisyon
ngayon . But there is no turning back anymore as I don't think he will forgive me
even after this vacation ends . There is just no turning back anymore especially
now
that I am already wearing a wine red lacy and sheer lingerie!

His steel cold eyes drifted towards my body . I saw him clench his jaw hard and
then
turned to the cabinets . Dahil walang pribadong walk in closet, nakikita ko ang
pagkuha niya ng naka hanger na t-shirt at ang pares nitong shorts .

Tumayo ako, nangangatog pero determinado . Slowly, I walked towards him . I can
sense
his awareness but he continued what he was doing .

"I'm sorry," sabi ko .

Sa nanginginig na kamay, inabot ko ang braso niya . My fingers touched his hard
biceps and I saw him glance at it a bit . He swallowed .

"Jandrik, hindi ko sinasadya 'yon ."

I tiptoed just so I could reach his lips . I gave him a quick peck since that is
the
only thing I can do now . He's six feet or so massive body is standing grimly .
Hindi
ko kayang laliman ang halik na iginawad ko dahil sa ayos namin .

"Forgive me, please . Sorry for worrying you..." malambing kong sinabi .

"I was so worried I'd lost you! I looked for you desperately and it was
excruciatingly painful to think that I lost you!" he said fluently like a cruel
animal succumbing to his anger .

I am serious, alright . Ngunit dahil sa pag-iisip na gaya lamang ito noong ako
naman
ang sinadya niyang iwan habang nagdadive, napangisi ako . I was crying the whole
time I waited for him . Now he did not cry for me, but he looked for me desperately
.
A taste of his own medicine .

"I'm sorry, alright?" malamibing kong sinabi para ibsan ang galit niya lalo na
noong nakitang nangiti pa ako .

"And what's funny?" he said, agitated now .

Umiling ako at umatras . Mabilis akong nagseryoso lalo na nang naramdaman ang
nagbabadyang iritasyon niya sa akin .

I reached for his firm arms again . Pinasada ko ang aking mga daliri sa kanyang
mabalahibong bisig at tumigil nang nasa braso niya . I pulled his arms down so I
can
reach for his tender lips .

"Sorry na, please . . ." sabi ko nang naramdaman na napaka unresponsive niya .

Come to think of it, I have never been rejected by anyone my entire life . Siya
lang
talaga ang nakakagawa sa akin nito . Boys pursue me . Gusto ko man o hindi,
naliligawan ako . Siya lang, sa lahat, ang tumanggi at halos walang reaksyon sa
akin .
Suddenly, I wonder if I am just challenged?

I tiptoed again for a kiss . I saw the hint of burning passion in his eyes laced
with anger and force . Sa pagtingkayad, bahagyang dumikit ang katawan ko sa mamasa-
masang latag ng maninipis na buhok sa kanyang dibdib . The way my fingers feel so
small and tender towards his rock hard chest made me tremble and shiver .

"Forgive me, Jandrik," sabi ko at unti-unti siyang hinila patungo sa kama .

Unfortunately, he's large and potent that I won't be able to force pull him towards
the large bed that easily . Lalong lalo na kung talagang matibay ang kanyang
desisyon na huwag akong patulan sa kalokohan ko, gaya ngayon .

Nabitiwan ko na lang ang kamay niya nang naupo ako sa kama dahil hindi siya
nagpahila sa akin . I pouted and did my puppy eyes .

Umigting ang kanyang panga at humakbang palapit sa kama . My eyes widened thinking
that he'll come to me! I was duck sitting on bed and I rose a bit in anticipation
pero nabigo agad nang nakita siyang kumuha ng t-shirt, naupo sa kama at naglahad ng
kamay . Hindi niya man sabihin, alam kong gusto niya akong bihisan .

"Forgive me?" sabi ko sabay ngiti at bigay ng kamay sa kanya para magawa niya na
ang gusto .

He remained serious, without any hint of humor or forgiveness for me .

Umangat ako ng konti, desperado na mapatawad niya .

"Please?" malambing kong sinabi .

A rogue wave hit the yacht causing the slow rocking to suddenly slam . Aatras na
sana ako pero dahil sa biglaang hampas na iyon at bahagyang pagtagilid ng yate,
nabuwal ako sa kinauupuan ko!

Fluent curses came of his mouth when I hung on his shoulders for support . My
chest
got squished on his chest at sa totoo lang, hindi ko sinasadya ang nangyari!
Genuinely embarrassed and suddenly very aware of how stupid I probably look now
with these clothes, mabilis akong lumayo sa kanya para umayos .

Isang hampas lang naman iyon ng alon at umayos na kaagad ang paglayag . But as I
tried to leave him and push him away, he got a hold of my wrist tightly and pulled
me back in his arms! His other hand was holding my right thigh pulling it closer
towards him .

I was about to protest when he kissed me hungrily . My heart pounded so hard

against
my chest, gaya ng madalas na nangyayari kapag naghahalikan kami . The provocative
stroke of his tongue to my lower lip and the curling inside my mouth spilled the
bursting lava within me .

Nakaliliyo ang kanyang halik . At lalo pa ang kanyang hawak sa akin palapulsuhan,
pirmi at marahas na para bang akala niya'y tatakbo ako kahit hindi .

I heard the soft tearing of my sheer spaghetti top . Skillfully, ni hindi ko

namalayan na natanggal niya na ang aking bra . His rough thumb grazed over my
nipple . Volts of electricity scattered in the air, snapping around us in flying
sparks . Napaliyad ako lalo pa nang bumaba ang kanyang halik sa aking leeg .

With sleepy eyes, I tried hard to see him . Crouching his tanned and massive hard
body like predator enjoying the reward of the hunt, he devoured my skin with
yearning . He looked like a huge starved animal, lalo na nang mabagsik niyang
isinantabi ang aking damit .
Trying to stop myself from falling back to bed while he's kissing me down my chest,
tinuko ko ang aking mga kamay sa kama, kahit pa nanghihina na . I want so bad to
watch him make me crazy but my eyes are shutting down . Pinigilan kong pumikit
ngunit nang nakita ko ang ginagawa, mas lalo lang tumindi ang kagustuhang pumikit
at madama .

His tongue circled my nipple and moistened it once before he covered it and suckled
it . His right hand played with the other expertly . He knows how to fuck my brains
off! Damn it!

Nagsisi agad ako! Hindi ko nga siya makalimutan noon, lalo pa ngayon!

His mouth alternately sucked my breast while his right hand was holding me in the
back for support . His other hand crawled beneath my lacy panties and tenderly
caressed my folds .

Napahawak ako sa braso niya at bahagyang naangat ang sarili . He pinched it

tenderly . Halos dumugo ang labi ko sa nararamdamang pagpipigil . He stopped
kissing
my breasts and is now back on my lips, kaya lang, sa dami ng nararamdaman ko, hindi
na ako makapagconcentrate sa kahit ano .

"This is your way to say sorry, huh?" he whispered on my while his finger seeked
entrance, slowly caressing its way in .

"Hmm?" I moaned .

Hindi ko na kayang mag-isip pa ng isasagot sa kanya . I was feeling so much that I

couldn't think straight . My entrance tightened around his fingers and the
electrifying sensations I am feeling heightened more!

"Kung ganoon, sa akin ka lang magkakasala . . ." he whispered .

Napaungol ako ng malakas nang bitiwan niya ako . He tormented me so much by leaving
me while I am at the edge .

Dumilat ako para tingnan kung anong nangyayari . I was shocked to the core when I
saw him spread my feet wider apart with his potent hands as he positioned himself
in between the gap of my thighs . He kissed me there through my lacy panties!
Kinagat ko ang labi ko, gustong-gusto ko siyang pigilan sa kahihiyan pero mas
nangingibabaw ang nararamdamang elektrisidad!

He teased my folds with his lips . He groaned when he heard me moan . Ramdam na
ramdam ko ang pagkakasagad niya nang walang kahirap-hirap niyang pinunit ang aking
underwear at agad akong hinalikan doon .

"Jandrik!" my tone curled like a woman in so much pleasure .

Kinagat ko ang labi ko para pigilan ang muling pagpapakawala ng tinig na iyon .
His
soft and hot mouth teasing and kissing my folds made me pant and squirm . When his
tongue flicked inside me, he groaned and kissed me harder down there, tila ba sabik
na sabik at gustong-gusto .

I let out a long moan when my body jumped to the edge and convulsed so hard as I
reached my climax . Umusod ako para makawala sa kanyang halik . I am so ashamed of
the liquified desire on me that I had to pull away from him only to be ruthlessly
held in place by his strong hands so he could lick me thoroughly .

"No..." I said half heartedly so .

Para akong nababaliw . Hinang-hina ako habang hinahalikan niya sa aking tiyan
paangat muli sa aking dibdib . Hindi ko na nakayanang hawakan ang aking sarili . I
pushed my body back on bed, with limbs so tired from it all and senses so
hypersensitive .

"This is even fucking better than all my fantasies about you," he whispered .

He kissed my neck tenderly, he caressed my breasts tenderly until I was panting

ang
gasping for more . For the renewed ecstacy he is giving me again!

"Fuck!" he cursed when his hand reached for my, yet again, wet and hungry folds .

Sa kahihiyan, iniwas ko ang tingin ko sa kanya at kinagat ang labi . Hindi ko naman
inililihim ang atraksyon para sa kanya pero sobra naman yata na katatapos ko lang,
sabik na agad!

"Baby, you are so turned on," he chuckled .

I let out a soft moan of protest to save face . He chuckled more and then he kissed
me ruthlessly . I whimpered . The strong possessive stroke of his tongue made me
writhe .
His hand was like a master, skillfully removing the only thing between us now, his
towel . Nang dumagan siya sa akin, napasinghap ako nang naramdaman siya . Hovering
on
my abdomen was his ferociously turned on masculinity .

He kissed me so thoroughly that I feel like I am in a trance - sa gitna ng pagdilat

at pagpikit . He stopped kissing and I watched his eyes in its darkest colour of
desire, powerful lust, and urgency . He groaned and swore as he guided himself on
my
entrance . I felt him on it, foreign, large, hard, and potent .

Parang bumuhos sa aking sistema ang nangyayari . The incredible primitive hunger
burned any inhibition and logic in me . I want him so bad . All of him . His
superior
all-male body, his control of everything, his dominating attitude, and his
seductively handsome face . I want him to fuck me like I am all his . And I will do
any of his bidding just so I' d get it!

Gosh! Anong kaibahan ko sa lahat ng babaeng walang kahiyaang nagnanasa sa kanya?

Hindi ko alam . Basta ngayon, eto ang nararamdaman ko!

"Oh, Jandrik," I whispered while he is trying to be gentle with the entrance .

Heated moisture draw out in me while his maleness intruded . I shuddered and
tightened my arms around him .

"What is it, baby?" he whispered teasingly .

I was almost convulsing and rocking his member because of the anticipation .

"What do you want now, hmm?" he said in an erotic tone .

I grinded against him and pushed myself just so I could get him . He groaned when
slowly, the enormous pressure pushed into me . I tightened at the foreign intruder
at natigilan ako nang naramdaman ang sakit .

The pain was so sharp that my face contorted . Sweat immediately formed on my
forehead as he slowly filled me to the hilt . Desire faded, napangunahan ng sakit
at
kaba .
"Ah!" I said, gritting my teeth .

"It' s alright . Just don't move, okay?" he whispered as he caressed the hair on my
cheek .

He grunted at the penetration . One more long and agonising stroke and then he
filled me fully . I panicked and sobbed .

"Shh . . ." he whispered sensually .

He stayed that way for a moment, caressing my hair and my cheek . Slowly, my body
adjusted for it pero hindi ko maipagkakaila ang sakit nito . Dahan-dahan akong
dumilat . Nadatnan ko ang sobrang dilim niyang mga mata, darkened with straining
craving, lust, and ecstacy . I wonder if my eyes looked the same .

Ngumuso ako . He was so pretty to look at - like the mysterious night you know
nothing about but still . . . love . Like the moon, unreachable, but still wish for
.

He crouched and claimed my lips with the need that was reflected in his eyes .
Naramdaman ko ang sobra-sobrang pagpipigil niya na gumalaw . He was throbbing so
hard inside of me, wanting so bad to slam deeper and thust hard .

I admit it . I want him to do that to me, kahit masakit . I want him to take full
control but I know he' s driven by his logic . I tried to move para maramdaman siya
.
There was pain but I felt something else .

"Baby," he stopped the kisses when he felt me move over and over again .

"Ah!" I said from the pain and somehow, pleasure .

"Stop it, Andra!" he commanded .

His command sent shivers down my spine . Dumilat ako at tiningnan ang galit niyang
mga mata habang pinipilit ko ang bawat pag galaw . Nakaawang ang kanyang bibig,
lips
moist and red with our kisses, he looked at me with his hard-earned control . . . sa
huli, his hard-earned control splintered like a broken porcelain .

"I said . . . Damn it!"

I saw him hold my waist, not to stop me from moving, but to hold me in place while
he cursed savagely and pushed himself inside me explosively .

I clenched my hand on his arm as I figure out the pain and the pleasure while he
drove me insanely fast and wild .

Dumilat ako . I saw him ruthlessly thrusting against me . Kagat-labi niyang

tinutulak
ako, each thrust more intense than the other . His chest reddened and his neck
corded . He grunted like an animal driven by instinct and only that .

He was rocking me so hard that I think the crew noticed us!

He drove me so hard that nothing else mattered to me but his thrusts . The mere
sight of him made me moan loud . The mere sight of him controlling me and driving
me
to insanity made my nerves convulse and shatter into another splitting climax!

And like a skillful master, he knew I was about to come . He drove in deeper and
deeper! I saw him close his eyes with urgency and need . I saw him push his head
back as he throbbed inside of me . Liquid heat mixed with mine filled me . Tuloy-
tuloy ang hingal ko hanggang sa unti-unting inanod na ng panandaliang kawalang
malay .

I woke up a few minutes after it . Alam ko dahil sa labas, nakikita ko na ang pag-
aagaw ng dilim sa apoy ng langit . The yacht's engine is incredibly loud, iyon ang
una kong naisip . Siguro naman hindi ako narinig?

I felt clean . Inangat ko ang nakatabon na kumot at nakita kong may puting t-shirt
na ako ni Kajik . His leg and arm were sprawled all over me possessively . Nilingon
ko siya at nakitang nakapikit ito .

Slowly, I removed his hand on my stomach para makabangon . Parang wala pa ako sa
sarili . Matagal pa nang narealize na may nangyari sa amin!!! Ngumuso ako at nahiya
sa sariling pag-iisip . I have no shame . I admitted how much I like him . . . I
desire
him .

I moved his leg para makawala ako . Iniisip kong dalhan na lang siya ng hapunan
dito
gaya ng ginawa niya sa agahan ko kaninang umaga pero bago pa ako makawala, narinig
ko na siya .

"Where are you going?" he said .

He was immediately up, too . Mabilis na lumipat ang kanyang kaliwang paa sa
kaliwang
side ko, pinipigilan ang pagtakas ko sa kama . His naked chest was against my back
now . His shoulders were claiming me from behind in another possessive stance .
Bago
ko pa matanggal ang kumot namin, inangkin na rin ng kanyang mga braso ang aking
braso .

"K-Kukuha lang ako ng hapunan-"

"No," he commanded .

Ngumuso ako . Okay . Madali naman akong kausap, basta ikaw . I am dizzy with joy
for
some reason especially when his grip of me tightened . His head found its way on my
shoulder . He was crouching a bit just so he'd fit on my slim and small body . He's
like a predator and I'm the caught prey .

"Hindi ka ba gutom?" tanong ko .

"No," he whispered and kissed my ear .

"Matulog ka na ulit, kung ganoon . I'll just ring the crew for our food, para 'di
na
tayo umakyat ."

"I was not asleep," he said .

Pinapanood ko ang kanyang mga daliring inaangkin ang bawat isa ng sa akin . His
large and tanned fingers looked so hard compared to mine . The mere sight of it
made
me heated again . Damn it, Andra! What the fuck is wrong with you? Slave to your
libido?
"Tubig?" tanong ko sabay subok ulit na kumawala sa kanya kahit na alam kong walang
pag-asa .

"You don't go anywhere else after that . You're trying to escape," he accused me .

Hindi ko alam bakit masaya ako kahit na kung anu-ano ang naiisip niya .
"I'm not!" giit ko . "At bakit ako tatakas? Paano naman, e nasa gitna tayo ng
dagat?"
He sighed heavily and hugged me tighter again .

"I'll get you pregnant," he said it firmly .

Ngumuso ako . Tinanggap ko iyon bilang kamalian sa parte niya . Wala naman siyang
dapat ipangamba, e .

"Don't worry . I take pills to maintain my period so . . ."

He groaned and renewed the hug again . I feel like a really large alpha caught me
and will never let me go . Nanatili kaming ganoon ng ilang sandali bago ako muling
nag attempt na kumawala . He did not let me move even an inch from him .

"I was so scared I'd lost you," his voice was hoarse with force .

Huminga ako ng malalim . Parang may mainit na kamay ang humawak sa aking puso sa
sinabi niya .

"No more diving for us . We'll find another hobby," he said .

"Ha?! No, Jandrik!" sabi ko at pilit siyang nilingon .

"I don't think I can do it again after that . Fuck!" he cursed violently .

He pushed my legs closer creating a nest in our bed with him protecting the center
of his world, me .

"I already love diving because of you . How dare you say we'll stop doing it!"

He looked at me with eyes still dark with so much desire and passion . Ngumuso ako
nang natantong ang kanina ko pa nararamdamang sakit sa aking likod ay . . . siya .
Oh . . . well . . . maybe, we have a new hobby?

"And I am in love with you more than anything else . I won't risk it!" he said it
so
shockingly fast that I almost did not think about it!

Saglit ko lang siyang tinitigan . Lalo na dahil mabilis niyang ibinaon ang mukha
niya sa aking leeg para umiwas sa mga mata ko .

"Well, then . . . I think we have a new hobby from now on?" I said slowly,
pinapadaan
ang mga daliri sa maninipis na balahibo sa kanyang binti .

I think he know what our new hobby is .

Kabanata 16
Kabanata 16

Emergency

"Sabay na tayo babalik sa Batangas, okay?" he said .

Kadarating lang namin sa bahay . Kadidiskarga lang ng mga gamit, tumulong pa si

Heather doon sa pagdala ng mga gamit ko . Though with a hint of investigation, I
sensed it when she looked at me with curious eyes .

"Baka matagalan pa ako? Hindi ako agad babalik doon para magtrabaho . I have to
prepare for my exams and I still have to try and work in our Manila shipyard," sabi
ko .

Though I like his idea, I also know how hectic his work is . He is not only
helping
MERC, he is also building two other companies with Zamiel . Crazy right? Kaya hindi
ko maimagine na magtatagal siya kahihintay sa akin dito na wala namang
kasiguraduhan kung kailan ako magsisimula sa shipyard namin sa Batangas .

"I can wait," he said .

I smirked, thinking about how happy I am for this choice . Nagpaalam din siya agad
pagkatapos noon . Gusto niyang kausapin si Daddy pero wala siya sa bahay kaya sabi
niya, tatawagan niya na lang daw para sabihing nakabalik na kami .

I am staring at our window dreamily looking at his SUV parting from our premises .

"Hmm . . ." makahulugang tukso ni Heather sa likod ko .

Ngumuso ako at sinundan siya ng tingin . Her eyes looked at me in their usual doe
and all- seeing way . Nanliit ito at agad ako nag- iwas ng tingin . I blushed
profusely
as I watched the road outside our window kung saan nawala na ang sasakyan ni Kajik
.

"I won't ask," Heather said .

I am not on my usual self today . Dati, kahit halik lang ng bago kong boyfriend
kinikwento ko sa kanya agad ng walang pag-aalinlangan . Ngayon, gusto ko pero hindi
ko alam kung paano magsisimula .

Hanging by the window, hugging my knees with my chin on it, nakahalukipkip si

Heather habang pinagmamasdan akong ganoon ang ayos . Kanina ko pa siya tinawag
dahil
gusto ko ng kausap pero sa huli, hindi ko masabi .

She sighed when she realized that I won't talk no matter how much I want to share
it to her .

"Huhulaan ko ba o maghihintay ako na sasabihin mo?" she said .

Nasa loob kami ng kwarto ko ngayon . Kanina, nagliligpit siya ng gamit ko .

Magpapaalam na sana siya, kung 'di ko lang siya tinawag at sinabihang huwag munang
umalis dahil may kwento ako .

"Let me guess . . . may nangyari?" she said in her usual monotone .

Unti-unti akong nag-angat ng tingin . I don't know why I feel suddenly overwhelmed
.
Para bang buong byahe kong kinimkim ang matinding kasiyahan, ngayon hindi ko na
kaya pang itago . Para bang kanina pa ako punong-puno at nang sinabi iyon ni
Heather, para akong kinalabit para magsalita .

"Heather!" tawag ko sabay tayo at yakap sa kaibigan .

The overflowing warmth I am feeling right now is just too much . For a moment, I
even thought I was hugging Kajik! Nababaliw na talaga ako! Bumitiw ako para tabunan
ang mukha ng mga palad habang umiiling, hindi maitago ang matinding kasiyahan .

"I got lost while we went to Scuba in Apo Reef! He was so angry and worried! I
tried to apoligize and then we kissed and then we . . ." hindi ko masabi ng diretso
.
Sobrang init na ng mukha ko!
Hindi siya nagsalita kaya unti-unti ulit akong nag-angat ng tingin pagkatapos ng
ilang sandali . Nakikita ko ang nagbabadyang ngiti sa kanya pero hindi naman
ipinapakita ng lubusan .

"May nangyari sa amin!" sabay tili ko at yugyog sa katawan ng kaibigan kong halos
walang reaksyon, gaya ng dati .

"Akala ko ba conservative ka?" natatawang aniya .

"Of course, I am!" uminit ang pisngi ko .

Pinigilan kong huwag tumili at pumikit ng mariin ngunit kay hirap, lalo na nang
naaalala ko lahat ng nangyari .

"But it's so hard to stop myself . . . you know how hot he is . . ." nahihiya akong
umamin .
Umiiling si Heather . Nakikita ko na natatawa siya pero pinipigilan lamang ang
sariling bumunghalit . Kinagat ko ang labi ko at ngumuso na .

"Anong plano mo ngayon?" kalmado niya namang tanong .

Nagkibit ako ng balikat . "Huwag mong banggitin ito kahit kanino, please?"

"Hindi ko kailanman sinabi kahit kanino ang ano mang sekreto . Even your first
kiss
and other escapades, I have kept them for years ."

Ngumiti ako dahil alam kong kung sa ibang kaibigan ko ito sinabi, nasisiguro kong
mabilis ang pagkalat nito . It' s only Heather that I trust this much . Not just
because she is an employee, but because she is a dear friend to me, no matter if I
think I annoy her very much sometimes .

"This is not like those kisses, Heather! At paulit-ulit kong sinabi sa'yo na hindi
ko makita ang dahilan ng iba para hindi mapigilan ang sarili sa parteng ito, ngayon
ko lang naintindihan ang lahat . "

She looked at me with her usual indifferent self .

I smiled longingly and shamelessly .

"The two nights we were together were the happiest nights of my life!"

Pahisterya akong tumawa habang inaalala ang nangyari pagdating namin sa isang
magarang hotel sa Batangas, kung saan kami tumuloy pagkatapos ng paglalayag . We
planned on scuba diving the next day after that but we didn' t . Hindi ko alam kung
dahil ba iyon sa ayaw niya na ngang gawin ang bagay na iyon o dahil may iba na
kaming pinagkakaabalahan buong araw sa hotel room!

I continued gushing on her until my parents arrived from work . Wala na akong
mahihiling pa sa mga panahong ito . I have a complete happy family, friends, and
also . . . him .

Days went by fast . Madalas ako sa Manila shipyard namin para magsanay habang
nagrereview na rin para sa aking board exams . I do not need much to have my
license, according to my Daddy, pero gusto kong magkaroon . Mas maganda paring
meron
ako noon for credibility that I am legit practicing my course .

Nanliliit ang mga mata ni Heather habang tinitingnan akong nag-aayos ng damit . I
am
waiting for Kajik to come out of my father's office . I told my father that I will
shop again today and Kajik will accompany me . Pumayag naman . Hindi ko rin
inasahang
pupunta si Kajik dito at personal na sunduin ako o magpaalam ng ganito . I just
thought we'd meet somewhere in Dusit Thani and what not pero nagulat ako nang
sinabi niyang susunduin niya ako .

Just when Heather informed me that he's arrived, nasa opisina na agad siya ni
Daddy . Kaya heto ako sa labas, nag- aantay na matapos sila . Pagkatapos nitong
pagpapaalam, tutulak na agad si Mommy at Daddy sa Batangas para sa trabaho nila
roon .

Wearing a vintage dark yellow longsleeves and high collar dress with a black
belt,
a Christian Louboutin black shoes, and also a black leather sling bag, I waited
patiently behind the door with Heather in front of me . Huminga siya ng malalim,
hindi na nakayanan .

"Is it a movie date or shopping?" she asked .

"Pwede kahit ano," I smiled .

Pinasadahan niya ng tingin ang damit ko .

"Is that a gift from him?" Heather asked coldly .

Ngumisi ako dahil napansin niya . Nahulaan pa . Umikot ako at tiningnan ang aking
suot . Kajik gave this to me after my first day of work in our shipyard . Paano ba
naman kasi, wala pala ako masyadong damit na pormal at pangtrabaho kaya ang sinuot
ko sa trabaho ay isang long spaghetti strapped dress . I have no dress code so it
should be okay pero mas maganda nga sanang medyo pormal ang suotin ko . He gave me
five pieces that I wore to work until yesterday, ang panglima, ngayon ko sinoot .

"Bakit? Maganda ba? Magaling pumili, 'di ba?"

"Magaling nga," she said while shaking her head .

Magtatanong sana ako kung may problema ba pero bumukas ang pintuan ng opisina ni
Daddy at lumabas na si Kajik .

"Done?" salubong ko .

His eyes drifted on my dress once before he nodded, tila ba inaprubahan muna ang
suot ko bago kami umalis . Ngumisi ako at kinawayan na si Heather gamit ang mga
daliri sabay kindat . Umiling lamang ang kaibigan at hinayaan na kaming umalis .

So for that day, we went to stroll in Greenbelt for my clothes . Lahat ng

nagugustuhan ko, puro spaghetti strap o ' di kaya, tube top .

"That's not very formal," Kajik said when I showed him a dress that's so pretty .

I know he's right . Dapat ang mga binibili ko, iyong medyo pormal, pero hindi ko
lang maiwasang humanga sa mga damit na ganito .

"I know . It's just so pretty," I said while looking at the dress sadly .

He sighed . "We can buy that but don't wear that to work . 'Tsaka na kapag may
lakad
o bakasyon tayong dalawa . "

Nag-isip ako bago ngumisi sa kanya . He smirked darkly at me, too . He's so
understanding!

"Sige, bibilhin ko ito!" deklara ko .

Lahat ng pantrabahong binili ko ay seryoso tingnan . Kung hindi man blusa, dress
naman na turtle neck at longsleeves gaya nitong suot ko ngayon . That's what Kajik
usually approves at kalaunan, natuto na rin ako na ganoon ang piliin . Bukod sa
damit, namili na rin ako ng mga sapatos . For the shoes, he doesn't have any
particular favorite kaya malaya akong namili .

"Is this all, Miss Lopez?" tanong ng nag assist sa akin .

"Yes, thank you," sabi ko .

"I'll just process it, po . You may wait in the sofa ."

Tumango ako at bumaling na sa sofa na tinutukoy . Kanina pa ako umiikot sa store

na
ito at ito na siguro ang huling pupuntahan namin . Iyon ang masasabi ko lalo na
ngayong nakita ko si Kajik doon sa sofa, nakaupo at nakapikit ang mga mata kasama
ang napakaraming paperbag na dala .

Madilim ang kanyang ekspresyon kahit nakapikit . His high cheekbones darkened his
face along with the lashes resting and his thick silky eyebrows screaming patience
for a long, tireful day of shopping in the mall . Ngumiti ako at naupo sa tabi
niya .

Kaonting uga lang ng sofa ay dumilat na agad siya . I pursed my lips when his hand
immediately snaked around me .

"What did you buy?" he asked .

"Tapos na . Nakapili na ako . You're tired and hungry for sure . It's a long drive
home and traffic . Gusto mo maghotel na lang tayo?" I asked .

His bloodshot eyes glared at me for a moment . He then chuckled . He pulled me

closer
to him .

"Hmm . That's a good idea-"

Ngumisi ako at agad na tumuwid sa pagkakaupo .

"But no, you're going home tonight ."

"Jandrik, wala naman si Mommy at Daddy sa bahay!" giit ko .

Naexcite na ako, e! Antagal na naming hindi nakapagbakasyon!

Tumuwid siya sa pagkakaupo . His legs are so wide apart and his hair was put in
place with one comb of it using his fingers . May pumasok na tatlong babae na agad
bumaling sa kanya . I saw the other one whisper to the other two while Kajik is too
busy licking his lips and glaring at me .

" We will, alright? But when the rush hour is over . Doon na lang tayo mag dinner at
magpahinga saglit bago umuwi! " giit ko .

Naningkit ang madidilim niyang mga mata sa akin bilang hindi pagsang-ayon pero sa
huli ay ngumuso siya para magpigil ng ngiti . Umiling siya .

"No," he said with a hoarse voice .

" Tapos na po, Miss Lopez, " sabi noong nag assist sa akin habang dala ang tatlo pang
malalaking paperbag .
 Kukunin ko na sana pero naunahan ako ni Kajik . I saw the girl jump in delight a
bit
when Kajik accidentally touched her hand . I saw her blush and smile so wide .
That' s
his effect! And he did not even notice . Tumayo lamang siya at magalang na
nagpasalamat .

"O-Oh! You're welcome, S-Sir..." nauutal na sinabi noong babae, medyo nagpapanic
nang nagkatinginan sila ni Kajik .

Ngumuso ako . Sumulyap ang babae sa akin, medyo kabado bago mabilis na umalis .
Ngumisi ako at umirap . Nilingon ako ni Kajik at agad na muling inangkin ang aking
baywang .

"Let's find a restaurant," sabi niya sa akin .

I pouted at him . He sighed .

" Fine, then . Are you that hungry? I can cook for you at home but you' re going home
before ten, okay?"

Ngumisi ako at mabilis na tumango bilang pagsang-ayon .

His lips pursed sexily too . His eyes burned darkly and I'm sure it was desire
that
sparked in it bago siya nag-iwas ng tingin at inabala ang sarili sa mga dadalhin .

Pakiramdam ko, ako na ang pinakaswerteng babae sa buong mundo . I have everything
in
place . Although, this part is a bit blurry to me, I am still so happy for it .

"Masarap magluto, understanding, guwapo, matalino . . . kaya ka nagugustuhan ng

marami, e . . ." sabi ko sa kanya .

Pagkarating namin sa kanila, I found out that their house had only two housemaids
and many security guards . Walang Mercadejas doon kundi siya at kung hindi niya ako
hinihintay na mag Batangas, maaaring mga kasambahay at security guards lang din ang
nandoon .

After eating our sumptuous dinner, we kissed in the kitchen which led us
eventually
in his room . And right now, tangled in the white sheets of his bed . I tried to
get
up but like usual nahuli niya ako .

His hand found its way to my naked stomach . He caressed it gently bago pinalupot
iyon, parang baging sa aking katawan, ayaw akong pakawalan .

"The girls were talking about you . Kahit iyong nag-aassist kanina roon, nahawakan
lang ang kamay mo, parang mahihimatay na . "

"Hmm, what are you talking about?" he said huskily .

His other hand traced my underboob . Napapikit ako at napahilig sa kanyang dibdib
.
Damn! Katatapos lang namin, and here I am insatiable as ever!

Nakalimutan ko ang sinabi ko kanina dahil sa ginagawa niya . Damn you, Kajik . You
are a devil!

I moved a bit para sana harapin siya . I am sore . This is not our first time pero
gaya ng mga nauna, masakit pa rin . Kaya bago ko siya maharap, tumigil ako sa gilid
at humilig na lamang sa kanyang dibdib .
"I'm sore . I can't move much . Maybe I'll stay for the night?" I said naughtily .
He chuckled on my ear . "Uh-huh? Any other excuse, my princess?"

Kinagat ko ang labi ko . Pakiramdam ko basa niya lahat ng galaw ko . Kahit pa na

totoo naman talaga ang mga sinasabi ko!

"It's true, Jandrik . I'm hurt . Pwede namang maaga nalang tayo gumising bukas para
makauwi na ako ."
"Magrereklamo ka lang ulit ng masakit . You think I'll let you sleep in peace
tonight when you' re in my bed, huh? "

Ngumisi ako at bumaling sa kanya . The longing and desire in his eyes reflected
mine . "Iyon naman pala . Why do you want me to go home then?"

He cursed loud . The way he said it made my heart pound .

"Hindi nga ako makakapaglakad, Jandrik . Nahihirapan ako..." malambing kong sambit
.

"I'll carry you back to your house if I need to ."

I pouted cutely . He kissed my cheek and then the side of my lips . He chuckled at
my
reaction .

"Aw, my baby is sad," panunuya niya . "Come here . . . we still have thirty
minutes,
though" he whispered and lifted my legs and parted them .

Uminit ang pisngi ko nang natanto ang kakaiba kong posisyon sa harap niya . While
he's just sitting there languidly, I am spread so wide for him!

Madilim man, nakikita ko ang pagngisi niya at ang pagkagat niya sa kanyang pang-
ibabang labi . Hindi ako makatingin ng diretso sa kanya . How can he control me
like
this . How can I be so crazily submissive only when it comes to him?

He kissed me softly at first pero gaya ng dati, hindi nagtatagal ang marahan at
matamis naming mga halik . It will eventually burn us and make us go hungry . His
tongue twirled in mine . Mabilis akong nawala sa aking sarili .

His hand kneaded and molded my twin peaks . Eventually, his right hand left me
there
and his lips kissed me hungrily down my neck . Napatingala ako habang nakapikit,
matinding pag-iinit ang nararamdaman .

Kinagat ko ang labi ko nang naramdaman ang kanyang kamay sa akin . His hand is
like
my master urging me to reach a point where I can no longer get a hold of myself .
And when I was panting and moaning crazily, he entered me with full force that my
cries were drowned by the intensity of his plunge .

Sa huli, sinunod niya nga ang sinabi niya . If he needs to drag me out of his room,
I ' m sure he will . He carried me back to his car five minutes before ten at hindi
pa
nag-aalas diez, naroon na ako sa aming gate, pouting with puppy eyes, pero
nagpapaalam na sa kanya .

For a few months, my world revolved around him . I passed the board, made a few
innovations in our Manila shipyard and I am so content with everything .

"Ma'am Andra," Heather addressed me formally while we are in our Manila shipyard
office .
Umirap ako at binalingan siya . She is working for the company, too, like me . She
seems to like it . Hindi lang dahil may utang na loob siya sa mga magulang ko,
pero
personal niya na rin yatang nagustuhan ang pagtatrabaho roon .

"Have you heard the news?" she asked me, early in the morning .

"About what?" tanong ko, medyo naguguluhan .

Nakita ko sa itsura niya ang pag-aalala at kuryusidad . Kinuha niya ang remote
control at mabilis na binuhay ang TV sa opisina ko . I put my phone down after
replying to a message from Kajik .

Laman ng balita sa TV ang paglubog ng isa sa pinakamalaking barko ng Philippine

Islands Ferries Corporation! Lumubog ang MV Dona Analia sa kalagitnaan ng byahe
nito dahil umano sa napakaraming pasahero at masamang lagay ng panahon! The ship
was Batangas bound from Romblon and have a total passenger 2365, overload!

Nalaglag ang panga ko habang pinapakinggan ang sinasabi ni Chester Pastrana habang
iniinterview ng media!

My heart is beating so loud and fast . Kakaibang takot at kilabot ang naramdaman ko
lalo na dahil nagbibilang na ng mga patay ngayon!

"I don't know why our flagship was allowed to travel and I also don't know why it
is overloaded . . ." malungkot na sinabi ng matandang Pastrana .

I have not seen him for years . Ngayon lang ulit at sa telebisyon pa . The lines in
his forehead told me that he aged so much for the past years . The way his voice
shook when he spoke told me that he's also shocked with what happened!

Napatingin muli ako sa cellphone at muling binasa ang mensahe ni Kajik kanina .
Slowly, it dawned on me . May kinalaman kaya ang mabilisan niyang pag-uwi sa
Costa Leona?

Jandrik:

I have an emergency at home . I might need to go home to Costa Leona today . We'll
talk about it when I land, okay?

Nanuyo ang lalamunan ko . Ang bilang ng naitalang patay sa ngayon ay inabot na sa

dalawang daan mahigit . Almost thousand plus ang missing at bilang lang sa kamay
ang
naitalang buhay!

"Oh my gosh!" tanging nasabi ko .

Kalaban man sa industriya ng pamilya ko ang mga Pastrana, hindi ko pa rin hiniling
na mangyari ito sa kanila o kahit kanino man! It's a horrifying incident . One that
traumatized me a bit . . . made me realize what's at stake if I fail on my job and
on
this business!
" And I heard, sobrang laki ng utang nila, Andra . Alam kong kalaban na kompanya
ninyo ito pero nakakalungkot na nangyayari ito ."

Tumango ako kay Heather . "I know . Though I want this company to prosper, I don't
want to see anyone suffer this way, Heather ."

"Overload sila ng mahigit tatlong daang tao . Pinayagan pang maglayag kahit Signal
Number three sa malapit na isla . Walang umaamin kung sino ang nagpayag, hindi rin
ma trace dahil maging ang kapitan, patay ."

Mas lalo lang akong kinabahan sa sinabi ni Heather .

 "I am not a bit happy for this, Andra . But I think their company is falling . . .
kung
hindi man, bumagsak na ."

Sinapo ko ang noo ko at kinalma ang sarili . Nakakatakot . This industry is not all
happiness and profit . We are also responsible to the many lives we will risk once
one of us fuck up! This is a wake up call for us . A lesson . And I feel for the
Pastranas without question .

Kabanata 17
Kabanata 17

Marriage

Our offices and shipyards continued like nothing happened . Well, to us, nothing
really happened . But to me, I feel like we need to do something about it . Hindi
ko
nga lang alam kung anong mga paraan ang pwedeng gawin .

Ako:

Where are you? Nasa airport ka na ba?

Jandrik:

Yes, I'll leave now .

Mabilis kong tinago ang cellphone ko sa drawer at tumayo . Kanina pa nakatingin si

Heather sa akin, hinihintay ang maaaring gawin ko .

"Si Daddy?" tanong ko .

"He's in a meeting ."

"Sa conference hall?" I asked .

Umiling si Heather . "Sa Makati, Ma'am ."

"Puntahan natin," sabi ko .

Heather nodded immediately . It was so obvious that she also want me to do

something
about it . Kahit pa nasisiguro kong sasabihin lamang ni Daddy na wala kaming dapat
gawin sa nangyari sa mga Pastrana . I just want to know if everything is alright
with them or we can do something about it .

Tahimik kaming dalawa ni Heather sa byahe patungong Makati . Walang laman ang
isipan
ko kundi ang paglubog ng barkong iyon . While in traffic, I even asked the driver
to
turn the TV on so I have updates . Hanggang ngayon, bilang lang sa mga daliri ang
narescue, halos isa lang ang nadagdag sa unang balita kanina . Thousands are
missing
and all of the channels are broadcasting it .

Pagkalabas ko ng sasakyan, mabilis akong dumiretso sa loob ng lobby kung nasaan si

Daddy . Heather was behind me calling my Dad's secretary and informing them that I
want an urgent brief meeting with him .

"Okay po . Paakyat na si Miss Lopez sa office . Thanks!" she said as we enter the
elevator .
Nilingon ko siya . Heather looked tensed, too .

"Tapos na raw ang meeting . Paalis na ang ilang board members at clients .
Hihintayin
ka ng Daddy mo sa opisinang iyon ."

"Thank you, Heather ."

Within minutes, I was already in front of my father who looked at me with a smile
and nothing more . I wonder if he knew? He must! We are in the same industry after
all!

Humalik ako sa kanya at agad na hinarap siya, seryoso .

"Dad, I'm sure you've heard about the capsizing of MV Dona Analia," sabi ko .

Naupo siya sa swivel chair . Marami pang swivel chair na pwede kong upuan doon
pero
masyado akong tensyunado para maupo . Nanatili akong nakatayo .

He breathe slowly . Hinaplos niya ang baba na para bang naninimbang muna siya sa
akin bago nagsalita .

"What about it?" he asked grimly .

Nagulat ako . Pansamantala kong naisip na bakit nga ba ako ganito ka tensyunado? I
disliked Millicent . I know she is bound to marry Kajik, or at least that's what I
know before . Hindi ko lang alam kung totoo pa rin ito ngayon . But as a human who
cares more about those people in tragedy, I cannot let my shallow dislike towards
Millicent take over my judgement .

"May magagawa po ba tayo para sa kanila? I'm just worried ."

"Why will you be? It's not our ship, Andra ."

I know my Dad is a very cruel businessman but I think this is ceasefire for the
business .
"Paano kung sa atin po mangyari iyon? Hindi ba mas maganda kung dadamayan tayo ng
mga kalaban natin? Kahit sa gitna lang po ng trahedya at pag nakabangon-"

"It will not happen to us, Andra . If you are good at it and you are wise, nothing
bad will happen," my Dad cut me off .

"We can't tell, Daddy! Paano kung nagkaproblema? The engine malfunctioned or
whatever? Hindi natin alam, Daddy . And besides that, thousands dead? For sure
lahat
ng shipping lines ngayon, nakikiramay at tumutulong na sa mga Pastrana! Paano po
tayo? We should extend our help, we are the next largest shipping lines-"

"We are the number one in the country now, Andra . Th Philippine Islands Ferries
Corporation is dead . It died along with the MV Dona Analia . It is not our fault
so
why do we suddenly take the responsibility? It was Chester's responsibility to
check on his ships, he didn' t ! We are trying hard to monitor ours . He should have
done the same thing, but he didn' t . Kaya bakit natin kukunin ang responsibilidad
na
iyon?"

"Hindi ko po sinasabing kukunin natin ang responsibilidad . I just want to help,

Daddy ."

"I have helped Chester so many times, Andra . You just did not know!"
Nagulat ako sa sinabi ni Daddy . Nakita niya rin iyon kaya nagpatuloy siya .

"Nagpautang ako dahil nahihirapan na siya sa kompanya . Hindi niya pa ako

nababayaran ni kahit piso hanggang ngayon . Speaking of, siguro naman ito na ang
tamang panahon para maningil ako-"

"Daddy!" napalakas ang boses ko sa sinabi niya .

Kung kailan nahihirapan ang kabilang kompanya, 'tsaka siya maniningil ng utang?

"For sure they will sell their ships, Andra, to pay for the thousands who died or
will die! Magpapalabas siya ng pera kaya baka naman puwede ring pati tayo, bayaran
niya na ."

"The debts can wait, Daddy! Huwag na tayong dumagdag pa!"

"This is business, hija..." marahang sinabi ni Daddy . "In business, man eats man .
There will be no mercy . In fact, mas naging maluwang pa nga ako sa mga Pastrana
dahil pinahiram ko ng pera . I should have let them rot in the beginning for them
to
fall faster, but I didn't . And it's because of you . For you ."

Nakaawang ang labi ko, handang magsalita pero hindi ginawa dahil nakakagulat ang
huling sinabi ni Daddy . For me? How am I involved here, I don't know!

Daddy was at the edge of his seat when he said that . Nang nakita ang pagkakagulat
ko, humilig siya sa backrest ng upuan at bahagyang kinalma ang sarili . He removed
his spectacles and put in on the table . Hinilot niya rin ang kanyang sentido at
mas
lalong nadepina ang katandaan niya, hindi ko napansin iyon, ngayon lang .

I know Daddy is a workaholic . In fact, naka ilang beses na siyang balik sa

ospital
dahil sa heart condition niya nitong mga nakaraang taon, dahil sa sobra-sobrang
pagtatrabaho . Pero ngayon ko lang nakita ang pagbabago sa kanyang anyo, he looked
years older than his age!

"If I did not help Chester out with his debts in exchange of his future son-in-
law's attention to you, you won't be spending so much of your time with Karius for
the past years ."

Anong kinalaman noon dito? My Daddy is bluffing! I don't believe it? What is it
again? What does he mean again?

Sa dami ng pumasok sa aking isipan, at sa dami ng gusto kong sabihin, wala akong
nagawa kundi ang tumahimik na lang .

"You like Karius, don't you?" he said bluntly .

I swallowed hard . Slowly, my principles rose . Whatever Daddy was talking about,
it's all nothing! For sure!

"And you know he's promised to someone else-"

"If he was, e 'di paanong hanggang ngayon, hindi pa sila kasal!?"

"Because I said so, Andra!" he cut me off for that . "Dapat matagal na silang
kasal
noong anak ni Chester . Since Chester is in debt to me, I can almost control him
and
stop him from doing that! "

Kumalabog ang puso ko . Gusto kong pabulaanan ang lahat ng sinabi ni Daddy pero
alam
ko na kaya niya ngang gawin ito . I know my Dad . I know how cruel he can be in
the
 business . I know how cruel he can be for the things that his only girl wants! Now
I
wish this is not true!

"The most important thing for me, Andra, is your happiness, hija . . ." malamyos na
boses ni Daddy .

Tumayo siya at inabot ako para yakapin pero nanghina ako . Sa dami ng iniisip ko,
hindi ko na maproseso ang kahit ano .

"Now, I just wish the Kajik will stop caring much for them and say yes to my next
deal with him ."

"N-Next deal?"

Kinakabahan na ako . Kajik will stop caring much for them? Why? What was he doing?

"He cares too much for Chester's daughter . Probably why he agreed to stop the
engagement, para hindi ko ipahamak ang mga utang ni Chester . He was willing to get
along with you and . . ."

Tuminding ang balahibo ko sa mga sinabi ni Daddy . Mabilis ko siyang tinulak dahil
sa narinig .

"Jandrik wasn't forced to get along with me, Daddy!"

Gulantang akong tiningnan ni Daddy . Ang matinding galit na pinapahayag ko ngayon

ay
mula sa takot na totoo ang sinasabi niya .

"He likes me!" giit ko .

Ilang sandali pang nanatili si Daddy na gulat sa huli, bumuntong hininga siyang
muli at ngumiti . Inabot niyang muli ang mga siko ko, nanunuyo .

"Yes, of course, hija . . ." pampalubag loob na tono iyon . "But we'll see if he
really
is doing it for you or just for the business ones he's back here in Manila . If he
agrees to my deal with him, then maybe, you are right . "

"What deal is it, Daddy? Ako na mismo ang magtatanong sa kanya kung papayag ba
siya! I can ask him now!" sabi ko .

"Where is he right now anyway?"

Nanginginig ang labi kong sumagot . "Pauwi ng Costa Leona!"

"Really?" Daddy said with a doubtful voice .

"Kasasabi niya lang po sa akin na uuwi siya! Well, I won't be surprised if he goes
home because of the tragedy! He cares for the people!"

My Daddy smirked evilly . Parang pinipiga ang puso ko . Lason ang kumalat sa utak
at
sistema ko habang pinagmamasdan ang ama kong may pagdududa sa taong mahal ko .

" Ah, it doesn' t matter now, does it, hija? For sure since the Pastranas are
falling, their engagement was off for years, nasisiguro kong papayag na talaga siya
sa matagal ko nang hinihiling . The deal is sure ."

"What deal are you talking about, Daddy?" my voice was now strained .

"To marry you, of course . Ngayong wala na ang kompanya ng mga Pastrana, hindi na
mahirap sa mga Mercadejas ang desisyong ito ."

Namilog ang mga mata ko . I have never thought about marrying someone, alright!
Pero
kung kasal ang usapan, isang tao lang ang nasisiguro kong papayagan kong matali sa
akin! I am not used to my family fixing any marriage but I am very sure it is not
impossible!

"Sana lang ay pumayag na talaga si Kajik at tigilan niya na ang kahibangan para sa
babaeng Pastrana . Love will not do anything good for their business especially now
that it's failing ."

"Love?!" I fired back at my Dad . "He doesn't love Millicent, Daddy! Ako ang mahal
niya! Papayag ' yong pakasal sa akin kahit pa hindi tungkol sa business! He' ll say
yes, for sure! So I don' t know what you are talking about! "

Mabilis kong tinalikuran si Daddy sa takot ng marinig pa ang maraming lason galing
sa kanyang bibig . Hindi ko kayang marinig na sabihing kasinungalingan lang ang
lahat ng iyon .

"Hija . . ." Daddy called but I continued walking out of the hall .

Pagkalabas, mabilis akong naglakad patungo sa elevator . Heather was immediately

behind me, hindi alam ang lahat ng pagtatalo namin ni Daddy sa loob . Hindi niya
rin
alam kung anong kaguluhan ang nasa isipan ko ngayon .

If Kajik was asked to get along with me, for sure along the way he got carried
away . He liked me for real . He got along with me for real! Iyon ang paulit-ulit
kong inisip kahit pa nasasaktan ako kapag naiisip na inutusan lang siyang makisama
sa akin!
I don't care if he was only asked to get along with me! Ang importante, we got
along for real! Ulit ko sa utak ko kahit na masakit pa rin .

Inutusan nga siya . Kasi kahit noong nasa mansyon kami, ilang taon ako roon, hindi
kami kailanman nagkasundo! It was a miracle that we suddenly got along along the
way, right? Inutusan nga siya . And my father won' t lie to me like that no matter
how cruel he is!
Bumuhos ang luha ko habang nakaupo sa SUV namin . Kanina pa nagtatanong ang driver
kay Heather kung saan ang tungo namin at dahil kita naman ni Heather ang ayos ko,
hindi siya nangahas na magtanong .

Okay lang, Andra . Nagustuhan ka niya kahit na pinilit siya noong una! Paulit ulit
kong kinumbinsi ang sarili ko but my pride just won't take it .

"Heather, call Rommel, I have things to do for him," I said as I wipe away the
tears on my cheeks .

Kinuha ko ang isang notebook at nagsimulang mag sulat doon ng lahat ng gusto kong
ipagawa sa head ng security team ng mga Lopez .

"Okay ."

A few seconds later, Heather was on the phone talking to Rommel . Nagsusulat ako
ng
pangalan ni Kajik sa notebook at ang mga tanong .

Karius Jandrik Mercadejas

Where is he right now?

When was the last time he met Millicent Pastrana?

Where is Millicent Pastrana?

Nag-aantay na si Heather na matapos akong magsulat bago niya tinanong ang nasa
kabilang linya . Hindi siya nagulat sa sinulat ko pero nararamdaman kong may
sariling opinyon siya roon, ayaw lang sabihin dahil sa kalagayan ko .

"Where is Karius Jandrik Mercadejas . May access po ba kayo sa security team

nila?"

"Heather, I don't want anyone to know that I am asking for this ."

"Don't access their security team . Alamin n'yo na lang po muna ng palihim . Si
Millicent Pastrana rin po sana at kung kailan sila huling nagkita ni Mr .
Mercadejas ."

Tiningnan ko ang cellphone ko at muling binasa ang huling mensahe ni Kajik . He

just
told me that he's going home to Costa Leona . He should be there after a couple of
hourse, at most!

"Balik na po tayo sa opisina, Kuya," utos ko sa driver, sa wakas .

Tumulak naman agad ang driver . It's a gloomy Wednesday morning and the streets
are
flooded with so many cars, lalo na rito sa Makati, kaya naiintindihan ko ang
matinding traffic . But then, Rommel' s reports took only thirty minutes . We
immediately received a call back .

"Hello, po . Okay po . . ."

Mabilis na nagsulat si Heather ng mga detalye sa nakalap na impormasyon ng security

team namin .

"Makati? Nasa Makati po kami ngayon . . . Saan po?" si Heather sabay palinga-linga
na
para bang malapit lang ang kung saan .

Napalinga rin ako sa paligid .

"Sigurado po ba kayo?"

Napatingin si Heather sa akin . She looked at me with fear in her eyes .

"You are not sure?" baling ni Heather sa katawagan . "Okay ."

Muli siyang nagsulat ng iilan pang detalye bago niya binaba ang cellphone . I did
not expect that call to be that brief but I am sure Heather can explain it to me .
Hindi naman ito titigil kung hindi satisfied sa impormasyon .

"Ayon kay Rommel, the Mercadejas SUV left Forbes early this morning and was last
spotted near Rockwell, entering a condominium ."

"Jandrik is leaving for Costa Leona . There must be a mistake . Maybe someone else
was driving the car!"

"Hindi rin sila sure, Andra . Pero isang SUV lang ang lumabas sa bahay nila sa araw
na ito, iyon lang ."

Kinabahan ako lalo, hindi alam kung bakit . What is wrong with Jandrik hanging
around in Makati? Nothing, right? Natural lamang iyon dahil nasisiguro kong may
mga
pag-aari silang condo units sa lugar . Ilang beses ko na ring nakita ang sasakyan
niya rito kahit noon pa noong sa Batangas lang kami nagkikita .

Maybe it's in the blood . Maybe, I inherited my father's will and cleverness . Iyon
lang ang nagtulak sa akin para makasigurado kahit na matibay naman ang paniniwala
ko . . . dapat .

"What condominium is it?" I asked .

When Heather mentioned the name of the condominium where Jandrik went, agad akong
nakahinga ng malalim . Diyan nakatira si Klaus! Maybe it's the condo unit of Zamiel
or Ali? I don't know .

"I'll call Klaus . Heather, ask Rommel to check all the Mercadejas' condo units in
Metro Manila . Kuya, make U-turn . We'll go to that condo," sabi ko sa driver bago
nilagay ang cellphone sa tainga .

Isang hikab ang iginawad ni Klaus bilang pagsalubong sa tawag ko .

"Miss me, Andra?" he chuckled .

"Klaus, where are you?" I asked, ignoring his joke .

"Condo . Bakit?"

"Papunta ako sa condo mo ngayon . I have a few questions ."

"Whoa! You sound so serious . Anong nangyari?"

"Do you know any neighbor you have? Someone I know, perhaps?"

"Hmm?"

Mahirap iexplain kay Klaus kung bakit ganito ang mga tanungan ko . Lalo na dahil
nasa mood siya ng panunuya at panunukso .

"Kakain muna ako at maliligo, puwede ba? Are you coming over to my unit?" Tumawa
ulit si Klaus, may malisya sa tinig .

"No, Klaus . I need you to answer my questions right now . Do you know anyone in
your
neighborhood?"

"Bakit ba, Andra? Sino ba ang hinahanap mo?" he asked .

"May Mercadejas ba sa condominium mo?" diretsahan ko nang tanong .

"Whoa! Hmm . You do know that this condo has several units, right?" patawa niya na
namang sinabi .

"Excuse me, Andra, tapos na ang tawag ni Rommel," si Heather .

Tinanguan ko si Heather pero hindi muna tinantanan si Klaus .

"Wait . . . You're with?" Klaus sounded serious now .

"Any Mercadejas in your tower, Klaus?" ulit ko sa tanong .

"Well, hindi ko kilala lahat ng nandito, Andra . Maraming nakatira rito, most are
well off and some are even in showbusiness . . . but . . . hmm . . . if there was a
Mercadejas here, I would probably know . Bakit?"

Kinagat ni Heather ang kanyang labi habang tinitingnan ang listahang sinulat niya
kanina habang katawagan si Rommel .

"Sigurado kang wala?" tanong ko .

"Look, Andra . I know Zamiel and I know where he lives . Ali is I'm sure in BGC,
too .
Unless may ibang unit sila na nandito pero hindi nila pinupuntahan, then I don't
hell know ."

Huminga ako ng malalim, unti-unti nng nabunutan ng tinik .

"But . . . oh, I think you know Millicent Pastrana? She lives here," aniya . "Just
on
my top floor ."

Shit .

Naglahad ako ng kamay sa notebook ni Heather at pinasadahan ng tingin ang mga condo
units na pag-aari ng mga Mercadejas .

"Thanks, K-Klaus," sabi ko at mabilis nang binaba ang cellphone .

Ang condo ni Ali Mercadejas at ni Zamiel Mercadejas, parehong nasa BGC . Ivo has a
condo unit in Makati but not on Klaus' condominium . And Kajik's condo is exactly
on
the top floor of Klaus' unit!

Kasasabi lang ni Klaus na roon nakatira si Millicent, ah? Sigurado ba siya? The
hell is going on? Why is she living in Kajik's condo unit?

Sa nanginginig na kamay, binaba ko ang listahan at muling dinial ang numero ni

Klaus para makasiguro .

"Hello, Andra?"

"Klaus, please, tell me honestly . Huwag mo akong lokohin . Talaga bang sigurado ka
na riyan nakatira si Millicent Pastrana?"

He sighed . "Andra, rito nga! Nakakasabay ko sa elevator madalas . She's alone here,
I know . Hindi masyadong lumalabas pero nasisiguro kong dito siya nakatira-"

"I researched at nakita kong walang registered na Millicent Pastrana sa condo

tower
ninyo!" giit ko .

"I don't know? Baka sa kanyang Dad nakapangalan?" inosenteng sabi ni Klaus . "Wait?
What's so important about this? Do you want me to help you more? What about
Millicent Pastrana, Andra?"

"Klaus, it's just Kajik Mercadejas' unit on the top floor! Imposibleng kay
Millicent Pastrana ' yon! "

Ilang sandaling natigilan si Klaus . Sapo ang aking noo ay pumikit ako at hinintay
na magmilagro ang tinawagang kaibigan . I hope he tells me that he's just bluffing
because right now, I am slowly formulating so many ideas in my head .

Kajik Mercadejas has a condo unit in Makati, specifically the top floor of this
tower . Nakatira roon si Millicent Pastrana, his known fiancee! Ano pa ba ang pwede
kong isipin doon?
"Please don't tell me you're getting serious with that man, Andra," seryosong
sinabi ni Klaus .

Mas lalong parang nilukot ang puso ko sa tono ng kaibigan . Siguro napagtagpi
tagpi
na ngayon ni Klaus, kung bakit ako nagtatanong ng ganito .

" Look, where are you? Pupuntahan kita . Hintayin mo ako . Maliligo at magbibihis
lang
ako ."

Nasa labas kami ng condo tower ni Klaus, parang tanga na naghihintay sa pwedeng
mangyari . Buong araw akong nagmukhang tanga roon, kahihintay na lumabas ang SUV ni
Kajik kahit pa ilang beses nang nasabi ni Klaus sa akin na naroon nga sa basement
parking nila . I want to prove it wrong but as the time passed by, I got hurt
more!

"Andra, kumain ka na," si Heather .

Bumili si Klaus ng pagkain para sa amin . Para kaming tanga roon, naghihintay na
lumabas ang SUV ni Kajik . Alas nuebe na ng gabi at mukhang wala paring plano na
lumabas ito roon .
"Pabantayan na lang natin 'to kina Rommel, Andra . Umuwi na tayo . Magpahinga ka
na,"
si Heather muli sa tabi ko .

"Look, Andra," si Klaus naman ngayon ang nasa kabilang gilid ko . "Surely, you
know
how his brother and cousin does it . They are notorious for their bachelor-playboy
nature, bakit ka pa nagugulat ng ganito? "

"Shut up, Klaus! You don't know that," si Heather .

"Tss . Ikaw ang walang alam, Heather . I know how it works-"

"Of course, because you're a playboy yourself . Ang sabihin mo, naninira ka lang
sa
kapwa mo!"

"I am not! I care for Andra kaya sinasabi ko ito . . ."

Hinayaan ko silang magtalo habang sinilip ang cellphone ko sa isang hindi ko

binuksang mensahe kanina .

Jandrik:

Hindi ako tumuloy . I had to fix some things . Are you home?

Lumabo ang paningin ko sa nagbabadyang mga luha . I don't know if it was my pride,
my anger, or both that destroyed me . I just know that it was what I had left in
that moment .

"Umuwi na tayo," sabi ko habang iniisip na roon siya magpapalipas ng gabi .

Shock flooded in me that I couldn't get anything done for the next day . I replied
normally to Kajik's texts pero naging matumal din kalaunan, nasisiguro kong naging
abala na siya sa maraming bagay . Ganoon din naman ako . Reporters flocked in our
shipyard, wanting so much to interview my Daddy . Pinaunlakan ni Daddy kaya naman
naging abala ang buong opisina to accommodate everyone while I monitored the usual
day in the office while my Dad was busy .

Ang lahat ng takot, galit, at gulo sa utak ko, ibinuhos kong lahat sa trabaho . Ni
hindi ko na namalayan na mabilis kong natapos ang lahat ng dapat tatapusin ni
Daddy .
Bringing all the documents and files, tired, and wanting so much to talk to my
father, personal kong tinungo ang opisina niya para dalhin ang mga iyon . The
unlocked doors told me that maybe some media men were still there, not done with
the interviews . Aalis na sana ako pero narinig ko ang pag-alingawngaw ng sigaw ni
Daddy .

"The Pastranas failed! Ba't ka pa tumatanggi sa pagpapakasal kay Andra? Because

you
love that girl, Karius?! Is that it? I thought you're the business prodigy of your
generation, what happened? ! "

I stopped midstep . Bumaling ako sa pintuan, nanlalaki ang mga mata .

"Hindi po sa ganoon, Tito . Ayaw ko pong pakasal kay Andra-"

"My daughter wants to marry you, Karius-"

The door was shut before I could hear the whole rant of my father . Kajik is
inside
his office . They are talking about the deal . . . our marriage . And he is . . .
rejecting
it!?

Lutang ako pabalik sa aking opisina, hindi makaiyak dahil sa nag-aalab na galit
para sa lahat . Tinitigan ko ang lamesa ko ng ilang minuto . . . oras . . . bago
tumayo at
nagdesisyon .

I am not a girl who can handle so many feelings at once . I am a carefree woman
who
never knew pain more than a simple childish rejection . I am not martyr to let
anyone hurt me that way, and without my sweet revenge . No .

If Kajik doesn't want to marry me . If it is true that he really loves that

Pastrana
woman . If it is true he got along with me because of my father's command . If
that all lies, then . . .
it is true that these are
din ako .
Dahil nasaktan, mananakit

Kabanata 18
Kabanata 18

Wedding

He lied to me . Iyon lang ang tanging pumapasok sa utak ko sa haba ng araw na iyon
.
What made you think that you were different, Andra? Pareho ka lang sa sandamakmak
na nagkakagusto sa Mercadejas na iyan!

Kajik is intelligent . Ginamit niya nga ang utak niya kahit sa parteng ito . And
there is no doubt that he is living up to his family's expectations of him .

At s'yempre, tama naman siya, hindi ba? I did not present myself as someone who is
serious with relationships . Maybe he got that idea because of me - because he
knows
and thinks that I am not into commitment so all of these will be easy in the end .

He provided my curiosity, that's all! And he was very willing to do it, kasi sino
ba ang tatanggi sa ganoon? With a man like him who's notorious for being a playboy,
it was just casual fuck! Bukod pa sa nagustuhan niya, makakatulong pa ako sa
pamilya ng mapapangasawa niya! Bakit hindi ko nga ba ito naisip? No . . . I knew it
from the very beginning, I just did not want to admit it .
Mapapangasawa niya? My eyes burned thinking about that word . My heart crumpled
thinking about him marrying someone else .

Masakit . Nakakalungkot . But above all of those negative emotions, I choose anger
to
save face . I choose it because I am not the type of girl who will let others see
my
own downfall .

"Anong iniisip mo?" si Heather, kanina pa tahimik habang tinititigan ako .

Binalita niya sa akin kanina na dumating ang mga Mercadejas at ngayon may closed
door meeting sa isa sa mga conference hall namin . Kajik also asked to talk to me
but I was sick and crying . Pinasabi ko kay Heather na 'tsaka na kami mag- uusap
noon . Hindi na rin siya namilit pa dahil ipinatawag siya sa meeting na iyon .

Tumayo ako at naglakad patungo sa bintana kung saan tanaw ang kalakhan ng Pantalang
Maynila . My head is full of darkness and wrath . Hindi ko matandaan kung kailan
ako
nagalit ng ganito ka bayolente at tindi . This is the first time I've been this
angry and the only way to get over it is to release it somewhere else .

We heard a knock on the door . Sumilip si Heather doon, hindi ko na narinig ang
pinag-usapan pero parang alam ko na kung anong meron .

"Ma'am Andra, pinapatawag ka ni Sir sa conference hall ."

Hindi na ako naghintay pa ng ilang sandali . Mabilis na akong naglakad palabas ng

opisina, dire-diretso sa silid kung nasaan ang closed door meeting ng mga
Mercadejas at ni Mommy at Daddy .

Hindi na ako nagulat sa ayos nila roon sa loob . Kajik is standing beside his
parents who were seriously sitting on their swivel chairs . Nagmano ako sa kay Mr .
and Mrs . Mercadejas . Kajik slowly walked towards me but I immediately walked away
to my parents . Tensyunado kaya tahimik . Ni hindi magawang bumati ng dalawang
nakatatandang Mercadejas sa akin .

Pinaupo ako ni Mommy sa gitna nila ni Daddy . Napansin ko ang titig ni Tita
Lucianna
sa akin, naninimbang . Kajik, on the other hand, is watching me closely as I turn
away from his eyes .

"Andra, hija . . ." my Daddy started calmly .

Bumaling ako sa kanya at seryosong nakinig sa kanyang sasabihin .

"I think we once talked about this, I am just not sure of your opinion about it ."

Tumango ako at hindi na nagsalita para makapagpatuloy pa si Daddy .

" Franco, I think Andra is still very young . She' s just twenty one, " concern na
sinabi ni Tita Lucianna .

"She will be twenty two soon, and you won't even realize it," sabi ni Daddy .

"Ano pong meron, Dad?" tanong ko kahit may ideya na ako .

Huminga ng malalim si Daddy . Hinawakan naman ni Mommy ang aking kamay bilang
suporta . Kitang-kita ko ang paninimbang ng matatandang Mercadejas sa harap habang
si Kajik ay seryoso paring nakatitig sa akin .

"Can I talk to Andra for a while before we proceed?" tanong ni Kajik nang hindi na
napigilan .
Nagtaas ako ng kilay . Now I wonder if what I'm thinking was right . Alam ko ba
talaga kung para saan ang meeting na ito o may iba pang dahilan?

"No, we proceed now . We'll talk after the meeting," mataman kong sinabi .

Halos dumilim ang tingin niya sa akin . His dark silky brows were almost in a thick
line .

"Now, everyone knows that the Pastrana Lines failed . Hindi pa tapos ang
imbestigasyon at hindi pa nahahanap lahat ng katawan sa lumubog na barko pero we
can now conclude that their company is finished," Daddy declared .

Umiling si Tita Lucianna at tumango naman si Tito Uriel sa kay Daddy .

"Andra knows that Kajik was bound to marry Millicent Pastrana years ago, for the
business, kahit pa. . . " tumawa si Daddy pero walang humor doon . " Sinusubukan kong
kunin din ang deal na iyon ."

"Franco, it was not just a business deal to the family . It was principle and
friendship," putol ni Tito Uriel .

"Ah . I know how it feels to stand by promises . But let's face it now, business-
wise, wala na ang mga Pastrana, and marriage is forfeited ."

My heart pounded when I realized that I was right all along . Lumapit si Kajik sa
lamesa, both his hands got lost on his side pockets . He looked tensed . Siguro
kabado sa idedeklara ni Daddy ngayon . Tatanggi, walang duda .

"Now, I know this isn't new to you . Ilang taon ko rin itong sinasabing deal . If
I
am not mistaken, you'll take it now . Let our company be your number one shipping
line of choice, and my daughter, marries your son, Kajik Mercadejas ."

Shit! Sobrang hirap na magmukhang hindi apektado pagkatapos noon . Did you hear
it,
Andra? You're getting fucking married to Karius Jandrik Mercadejas! I can't believe
that after all the hurt, I still get that funny feeling . Akala ko wala akong
mararamdaman pero heto at tangang medyo namangha pa!

Kitang-kita ko ang pag-aabang ni Tita Lucianna ng gulat sa aking mukha . Nang

nakitang hindi ako nagulat, bumuntong hininga siya .

"I have no objections unless my son does not want it . Or Andra?" si Tita Lucianna
.
" However, I wonder if it' s a great time for that now . The tragedy is still very
fresh . What do you think, Karius?"

Nag-angat ako ng tingin kay Kajik . His eyes were so dark and gloomy . Hindi ko
alam
kung nananantya ba siya o nagdadasal na tumanggi ako sa lahat ng ito . Bakit ako
tatanggi? Kasi may ibang plano ka, ' di ba? You want so bad to get married to that
woman but you want to keep your business, too . Kaya palihim mo siyang tinatago sa
condo mo! Binabahay mo ang babaeng iyon habang tayo!

"I want to hear Andra's opinion," he said calmly .

Ngayon, nasa akin ang lahat ng kanilang tingin . Ilang sandali pa bago ako
nakabawi
at nakapagsalita .

"I'll marry Jandrik for the business," I said coldly .

Ngumisi si Daddy at bumaling kay Kajik na ngayon ay tensyunado parin, nakatitig sa

akin . Hindi ko siya matingnan ng diretso . Nararamdaman ko ang galit niya .

" Okay, then . We' ll have the engagement party maybe a month from now and we' ll
start
the preparations-"

"Engagement party?" I cut him off .

Tumaas ang kilay ko . Umigting naman ang panga niya habang tinititigan ako .

Para saan pa ang engagement party? Para matagalan ang kasal? Baka sakaling umayaw
ako? Baka makatakas pa siya kasama ang querida niyang binabahay niya naman pala?
Para makabawi pa ang mga Pastrana galing sa pagkakalugmok? Iyon ba ang sadya niya
at pinapatagal niya pa ito?

" I don' t need an engagement party . If we are going to get married, I want it done
soon," sabi ko .

Suminghap si Tito Uriel, tila hindi masyado nagustuhan ang sinabi ko . Napabaling
ako sa kanya .

"Hija, I'm wondering if it is right to get married very soon while the Pastranas
are in this kind of tragedy? " si Tito Uriel .

Para akong binatukan sa sinabi ni Tito pero sa matindi kong galit, hindi ko yata
mapipigilan ang sarili kong opinyon . Mabuti na lang at naunahan ako ni Kajik .

"If Andra wants to get married soon, we are getting married soon," he said huskily
.

Nagtama ang paningin naming dalawa pero saglit lang dahil nagsalita rin si Mommy .

" Hijo, Andra, tama ang Tito Uriel n' yo . We can' t celebrate when the Pastranas are
this way . Lalo na dahil malapit ang mga Mercadejas sa kanila, " si Mommy .

Napatingin si Kajik sa akin . I can sense his pleading . Bakit? Para ba umatras
ako?
Para patagalin pa? Palugit? Para may chance pang kumawala? No!

If you two love each other so much that you'd do anything for it, well, I am here
to ruin it for the both of you! Kung hindi naman din pala ako sasaya, sisiguraduhin
ko ring hindi kayo sasaya . I won' t wait until I clear my mind to decide! I will do
it right now, while I am very angry .

"How soon do you want it, Andra? We can plan for it for a month," malamyos na
sinabi ni Kajik .

"A month?"

Tingnan mo nga naman ito . Talagang itinutulak na aabutin pa kami ng isang buwan!
Sinong niloloko mo?

"I want it done as soon as possible . Maybe in two weeks, the documents will be
available and then we can marry," malamig kong sinabi na tila ba hindi kasal ang
pinag- uusapan .

"Two weeks?!" si Tito Uriel ang nagulat .

Tumango lamang si Kajik sa akin . Bumuntong hininga si Mommy .

"Hija, what about your wedding gown? The wedding preparations . Hindi pwedeng two
weeks lang ."
"I want a civil wedding," mataman kong sinabi na nagpasinghap sa mga matatanda .

"It would be better if we have a church wedding," sabi ni Kajik .

"I am not marrying you for anything but the business, Jandrik!"

"Andra!" Mommy said, upset with my behaviour .

Umigting ang panga ni Kajik habang tinitingnan akong agresibo .

"Andra, what do you mean by that?" naguguluhang tanong ni Daddy .

Damn! Ni hindi ko na napigilan ang bibig ko!

"It only means that I want to marry Jandrik within two weeks . Earlier is better .
Later than that, huwag na lang po," matapang kong hamon .

"We'll get married in two weeks, then," hamon din ni Kajik sa akin .

Nagkatinginan kami . I think my eyes reflected the anger on his . Pinilit kong
huwag
matakot sa mga mata niyang matagal nang intimidating . Pinilit kong maging
matapang,
inaalala ang galit .

"I will work on our documents . I will send an events organizer to your office
tomorrow . We' re getting married in Costa Leona . Decide on the other details, "
mahinahon niyang sinabi .

"Okay ." Matapang ko siyang tiningnan .

Siya naman ang nag-iwas ng tingin ngayon para kay Daddy .

"Tito, may we both excuse ourselves from this meeting . I want to talk to my
fiancee
alone ."

Tumikhim ako . Tumingin si Daddy sa akin bago sumang-ayon kay Kajik .

"Huwag kayong magtagal . We have so many things to talk about, Kajik, and you have
a
flight back to Costa Leona ."

Gusto kong igiit na wala naman kaming dapat pang pag-usapan pa pero mas gusto ko
ring makausap siya . Nang sa ganoon, malaman niya ang tunay kong desisyon sa lahat
ng ito .

Tumayo ako . Hinintay niya akong makatayo at makapaglakad . Nauna na ako patungo sa
pintuan bago siya muling nagpaalam sa kanilang lahat . Nang lumabas ako, dire-
diretso ang lakad ko palayo .

"Andra . . ." he called .

Umirap ako at nakapag-isip na kung paano ko tatapusin ang araw na ito . I will go
to
a bar and spend the rest of my night there . There is no room for tears at night .
I
am too tough for that .

"Andra," he called again habang hinahawakan ang siko ko .

Mabilis kong iniwas ang siko ko sa kamay niya at agad siyang hinarap .
"What is it?" I asked defensively .
Kumunot ang noo niya .

"What's wrong? What's upsetting you?" kalmado niyang tanong .

"Nothing is upsetting me, Jandrik ."

He sighed . He watched me closely, agad akong nag-iwas ng tingin . Sinubukan kong

maglakad palayo muli sa kanya pero para akong spring na bumalik sa harapan niya
nang hinawakan niya ako ng mahigpit .

"What the? Stop being so clingy, Jandrik!"

Mabilis niyang binitiwan ang braso ko . He looked frustrated but he kept his cool
.

"I thought you're different from my other boyfriends but you're just the same," I
spat mercilessly . "I have things to do, kaya puwede ba?"

"Uh, Mr . Mercadejas, Sir Ivo's secretary called . Nasa airport na raw si Sir . . ."
a
secretary interrupted .

Pumikit si Kajik ng mariin . Sa huli ay tumango siya at bumaling sa babae .

"Please tell his secretary that I can't be there on time . Try and contact
the Cessna ."

"And Sir, Mr . Lopez is asking for your attendance in the meeting ."

Umirap ako .

"Finish everything . We'll talk about the wedding details after," mataman kong
sinabi bago siya iniwan doon .

It was a very fast week for me . Mabuti na rin dahil hindi ko yata kakayanin kung
babagal pa ang panahon . Thoughts haunted me at night that I do not dare go home
without dropping by a bar to drink and get lost .

"Andra, tama na..." sabi ni Heather pagkatapos kong makalimang shot ng tequila .

I smiled at her .

"I am not yet drunk, Heather, chill!" giit ko sa kanya sa isang malakas na boses
dahil masyadong maingay roon .

Tahimik siyang nakaupo sa sofa . Ilang araw na siyang sumasama sa akin sa bar at
lagi ko rin siyang pinapauwi . This is not her thing . I don't think she's here to
have fun . She's here because she's worried for me .
Tumayo ako at agad niya ulit na hinawakan ang braso ko, pinipigilang magpunta sa
dancefloor .

"Remember what happened last night?" she said fiercely .

Kagabi kasi, nalasing ako at nagsayaw sa dancefloor . I was dancing with this
cute
expat bachelor when an older man went between us . He barked at the cute guy .
Muntikan nang magkagulo . I don' t even know that man! Nang umalis ang kasayawan
ko,
umalis din ang lalaki at hindi ko na nakita kung nasaan . Weirdo!

"Byron is on that dancefloor . Matagal ko nang crush 'yon noong college, kagabi
nanligaw siya sa akin . Sinagot ko agad," sabi ko ngunit muli akong hinila ng
kaibigan .

"Andra, what about Kajik?" nag-aalala niyang sinabi .

Ngumisi lang ako sa aking kaibigan at tinanggal ang kamay niya sa aking braso para
makawala .

What about him? Nothing! I don't care!

Siya lang ba ang may karapatang magkaroon ng ibang babae? Of course not! If I am
not enough for him, well, he is not enough for me, too! We are getting married for
business only . Puwedeng hindi ko rin tanggapin iyon pero tatanggapin ko, masaktan
ko lang silang dalawa ng queridang ibinabahay niya .

They are not going to get married because we are . I will take the little
happiness
away from them . Maniningil ako . At mahal .

Another older man in his jeans and black shirt was watching me dance with Byron .
Kahit hindi pa nakukumpirma ang kahit ano, hinila ko na si Byron paalis doon sa
dancefloor bago pa kami malapitan ng matanda para mag eskandalo ulit .

" What' s wrong? " Byron asked me when I led him to the parking lot, laughing at my
crazy self .

Tumawa rin siya . Nilingon ko si Byron at hinanap ko sa akin ang damdaming madalas
kong maramdaman kay Kajik . Guwapo si Byron . His red lips and height would make
any
girl melt . Ilang beses na siyang na offeran ng maraming scout sa showbiz pero lagi
siyang tumatanggi dahil mas interesado siya sa business . He modeled before,
though,
just for a friend . He's smoking hot with his very boyish fashion sense .

Mapupungay ang kanyang mga mata at ang kutis ay hindi nalalayo sa kay Kajik,
golden
tan and smooth . Smooth . Tumikhim ako, pinipilit na mamangha roon . He's very
boyish
for my taste . Too boyish . I want someone rough and manly . . . gaya ni . . .

The fuck am I thinking about? Pumikit ako ng mariin . Byron closed in on my waist
.
His hand snaked on it . He pushed me towards the door of his car and he kissed me
sweetly .

Pumikit ako at naghintay . Hindi puwedeng sa iisang tao lang ako makakaramdam ng
ganoong klaseng init!

"Want to go somewhere else now, Andra?" he whispered .

Pinilit kong ngumiti . Walang bahid ng kaba sa nararamdaman ko pero gising na

gising
ang utak kong nagsusumigaw na huwag . Huwag dahil hindi mo naman talaga gusto .
Wala
kang nararamdaman . Pagsisisihan mo 'yan . Pagsisisihan, hindi ko 'to pagsisisihan!

"Puwede but can't we just kiss more? Ayoko sa dancefloor . There's a weirdo who
keeps on bugging me ."

Kumunot ang noo ni Byron . I hooked my arm on his shoulder and tried to kiss him
again . He kissed me back instantly . Humalakhak ako . His hand reached for my chest
and that's when I realize that it's not funny . I feel fucking nothing . I wonder
if
it's the tequila or I am motherfucking cursed!
How can I not feel anything for anyone other than that man?! Nilagay ko ba siya
masyado sa isang pedestal? Na walang makakapantay o higit sa kanya?
Mas lalo lang akong nainis at nagalit .

Here I am trying my best to like someone else while he was effortlessly fucking
someone else all night? This is so unfair!

Gusto ko na siyang kalimutan agad pero paano iyon, magpapakasal na kami!

I felt Byron's hand on my bare chest creeping towards my valley . Itutulak ko na

sana siya at yayayain siyang bumalik kami sa loob ng bar pero naunahan na ako ng
isang matinding hila palayo .

Jandrik with a bloodshot eyes and mad strength pulled me out of Byron's hold .
Para
akong nahimatay sa gulat at takot sa bigla niyang presensya roon . I feel so damn
guilty! Hindi ko alam kung bakit nagui-guilty pa rin ako! Dapat hindi na!

Ilang araw lang kaming hindi nagkita, nanibago na agad ako sa kanya . He's so
tall,
taller than Byron . He' s more massive, too . His rough hold made me forget about
the
smoothness of Byron's touch . May oras pa akong mamangha kahit na matindi na ang
galit ko sa kanya . Mas lalo lang tuloy akong nagalit sa aking sarili .

"Ano ba?!" sabi ko sabay layo kay Kajik .

He towered over Byron immediately, announcing his claim . At ang estupidong si

Byron, takot at walang imik na tumakbo palayo kahit na hindi niya alam kung anong
meron sa amin ni Kajik .

Kuyom ang kamao, humakbang palayo si Kajik . Iniisip pa yatang habulin ang
kahalikan
ko . The burning anger in his eyes made me tremble a bit . Nararamdaman ko na
nagtitimpi lang siya at kapag maputol ang litid niya, nasisiguro kong hindi maganda
ang kahahantungan ni Byron .

"W-Why are you here?" tanong ko para makuha ang atensyon niya .

"Why are you here?!" he turned to me with so much violence that I shivered more!

Innate na yata na kahit ganito, para parin akong baliw para sa kanya .

Hindi ako martyr pero inaalipin ako ng sarili kong damdamin . Hindi ko matatanggap
iyon . The only thing I could do to stray from it is to release my angst .

"I want to have fun . Ano ngayon?"

Matalim ang titig niya sa akin . Nararamdaman ko ang matinding pagpipigil .

"Have fun? You were kissing another man, Andra!"

"Ano? Pagbabawalan mo ako? Hindi porque't magpapakasal na tayo, puwede mo na akong

pagbawalan sa gusto ko! I want to have fun and I will have fun! "

Pumikit siya ng mariin at kinalma ang sarili . He sighed and slowly reached for my
elbow . Nangilid ang luha ko pero mas pinairal ko ang galit .

"Baby, come here let's go home . Let's talk about this at home-"

"You can't dictate me, Jandrik! Fiancee lang kita!"

I saw hurt in his eyes pero guni guni ko lang yata iyon dahil agad namang nawala .

"I am your boyfriend, Andra! I will be your husband soon! Alam mo ba ang ibig
sabihin noon? You will exclusively date only me!"

" Then let' s break up so I can date other boys! Bata pa ako at kulang pa sa
experience kaya huwag mo akong pagbawalan ng ganito!"

He echoed the word experience, slightly mocking a laugh . Umiling siya at

pinagmasdan ako sa nakakainsultong tingin . Gusto kong maiyak at bawiin ang lahat
ng
sinabi ko . Nararamdaman kong unti-unting bumababa ang tingin niya sa akin pero
nagpatuloy ako . I don't fucking care!

"Ayokong isang ulam lang ang matikman sa buong buhay ko kaya hayaan mo ako sa mga
gusto kong gawin! And stop being possessive! You are turning into the man I hate
the most!"
Pumikit siya ng mariin at yumuko . I can feel his overflowing patience pero
pinigilan ko ang linya ng isipan .

"Then if you still want to fucking explore, why don't we delay the wedding and
have
it your way? What was the fucking rush?" mababang boses niyang sinabi .

"Sige! Delay it! I'll marry someone else if you do that!" hamon ko .

Eyes burning so hot and dark pierced through me . Umigting ang kanyang panga at
naramdaman ko ang nakakatakot na pagkalma niya .

"We'll marry in three days, then . Start packing your bags ."

"Three days!" gulantang kong sinabi .

Mas lalong nag-init ang titig niya sa akin . Pagkatapos ay tinalikuran niya ako .
Susunod na sana ako sa kanyang SUV pero nagulat ako nang may sinenyas siya sa likod
ko . Kajik looked at me with his usual intense and snobbish dark eyes . Disgust,
anger, and dismay filled his eyes . Bahagyang uminit ang puso ko sa hapding
naramdaman . Pakiramdam ko sobra ko siyang binigo . He did not say it but I cheated
on him!

Ayos lang, Andra! Siya rin naman, e! May binabahay siyang iba! Ayos lang! Bawi ko
.

"Get in your car," he said coldly at me .

Galit akong nagmartsa sa sasakyan namin . Heather was already there, silent and
serious . Padarag akong naupo at taas noong tumingin sa labas na parang walang
nangyari kahit na unti-unti nang kinakain ng sakit ang puso ko .

He was disappointed of me . He didn't even want me on his car . He was disgusted!

Bumuhos ang mga luha ko kalagitnaan ng byahe . At inalagaan ko ang galit na iyon
para makatagal ng ilang araw hanggang sa aming kasal! He did not back out like what
I expected of him! He did not even try to delay anything! Or made an excuse! He
pushed through no matter how bad our relationship was!

Determined to piss him off, I know what to do while on this marriage . I know how
this will go down for me .

Boring ka text si Byron pero pinipilit kong magkaroon ng topic para lang makita ni
Kajik na abala ako . He knew what I was doing but he did not say a word . I can
feel
his anger overflowing but he was not possessive .

"Handa na ang mga bulaklak sa labas . Check it if that's enough for you," he said
calmly .

I smiled wickedly at a boring text to prove a point . Hindi ko na siya muling

nilingon hanggang sa umalis siya .

Byron:

Nasa gym ako ngayon . Ikaw?

Kajik walked away in a serious but controlled way . Umirap ako sa cellphone ko at
hindi na nireplyan ang katext . Pagkatapos, tumayo ako at dumiretso na sa labas
para
makita ang latag ng maraming lamesa at ang napakaraming imported na bulaklak, sunod
sa gusto ko .

Hindi ako umatras . Pakiramdam ko, kapag umatras ako, matutuwa sila . Baka iyon
lang
ang hinihintay nila bago tuluyang magpakalayu-layo . And I will not give them that
satisfaction . I will ruin whatever plans they have in mind .

Tahimik na nakatayo si Heather sa gilid ko . Minuto na lang ang hinihintay at

bababa
na ako sa bulwagan para magkapirmahan na at makasal na kami . There is no ceremony
like what I want . Just the simple signing of everything and then a party .

"Andra . . ." tawag ni Heather nang naramdaman ang tensyon sa akin . "Maybe you
should
stop and think about this first . "

Tumayo ako at muling pinasadahan ng buhok . My long straight hair flowed naturally
.
Isang cream at simpleng Vera Wang ang suot ko . Lace cradled my neck down my cuffs
.
The semi serpentina skirt hung freely that each time I stepped, it looked like a
dry ice smoke .

My make up was all natural, except for my smokey eyes, like how I want it .

"I already thought about it, Heather ."

"Alam mong hindi ka na makakawala kapag ginawa mo ito, 'di ba?"

I smirked at her remark . Iyan nga ang gagawin ko . I will marry him now and I will
make it hell for him . Wala akong pakealam kung isinakripisyo ko ang pangalan ko
para lang makapaghiganti . Anyway, we can annul it in time . I just want to
excercise
my power while I can .

"Hindi ba?" I asked her .

She nodded without hesitation and with so much certainty that sent shivers down my
spine .

" Nag- aantay na siya sa' yo, kanina pa sa bulwagan . Tingin ko gustong- gusto niya
ring
makasal sa' yo . I don' t think that that man will free you if you wed him, Andra .
He's on it with his chains ."

Suminghap ako sa sinabi ni Heather .

"Let's see, Heather ."

Kabanata 19
Kabanata 19
Chains

I made everything as technical as possible . Hindi ko gustong mabahiran ng kahit

anong sentimental thing ang kasal namin . Even when my own Mommy suggested that we
made vows for the videos . I removed the videographer, instead . I don' t want any
moving mementos for this .

Pababa sa engrandeng hagdanan ng mansion, nakatitig ang lahat sa akin . I feel

like
everyone is holding their breaths as they watch me walk down the grand staircase .

Sa baba, naghihintay si Kajik . Dashing in his dark
.
His hair was textured and faded that it highlighted
cleanly shaven yet somehow I find him more ruthless
because of the outline of his jaw . He looked at me
menace and lined with mockery .
suite and vest with a gray tie
his heart shaped face . He was
looking than ever, maybe
darkly with eyes filled with

Binagsak ko ang mga mata ko sa hagdanan . Hindi ko kayang tingnan ang mga mata
niyang ganoon . Nararamdaman ko ang pangmamaliit at pang-iinsulto . I can feel how
lowly he thinks of me now . Iyon naman talaga ang gusto kong mangyari pero hindi ko
alam bakit bigong bigo ang pakiramdam ko ngayon .

Silently, we signed all the documents that were needed . Lagi ko siyang
sinusulyapan, tinitingnan kung may kinaligtaan ba o 'di kaya gusto bang umatras
pero hindi . He did not even read anything . He signed them all immediately with
the
sharp strokes of his signature .

Everyone knew that we are going to get married for business but they all just
assumed that romance will soon flourish somehow . Kaya naman, hindi ko na napigilan
nang pumalakpak ang lahat at nagdeklara ang huwes .

"Shall we proceed to the most anticipated part?" he said . "Congratulations, Mr .

and
Mrs . Mercadejas . You are now husband and wife . You may now kiss the bride ."

Everyone clapped and cheered . Kumalabog agad ang puso ko . Kahit anong plano ko at
mando ko sa mangyayari, may isa parin talagang nakaligtaan ko! Dapat pinasabi ko
kay Heather na huwag nang gawin ang parteng ito! Well, I never knew this is a damn
part of the legal ceremony!

Darkly handsome and domineering, Kajik opened the veil . Napaatras ako ng konti,
gustong gusto nang tumakbo pero ayaw namang ipahiya ang sarili .

Alam ng lahat kung gaano ako ka-brat pero ayaw kong maging headlines na hindi ko
kayang halikan si Kajik . Baka mabasa pa ni Millicent iyon at maisip pa niya kung
gaano ako kaapektado . I stood my ground as he slowly uncovered me .

Napansin niya yata ang pag-atras ko kanina kaya bumaba ang kamay niya sa aking
baywang at marahas akong tinulak palapit sa kanyang katawan . I cannot deny my
reluctance kahit pa sinusubukan kong sumabay sa nangyayari! And then he's there,
intensely watching me like a wolf to his prey - wanting bad to devour me even when
I don't want it .

I lifted my chin a bit dahil iyon lang ang kaya ko sa pagpapanggap na ayos lang
ang
lahat ng ito . Hindi na siya nagpaliguy- ligoy pa . He immediately tilted his head
and
kissed me . The way he angled his head was his way to make sure that I open my
mouth
so he could enter and claim me .
Uminit ang pisngi ko at para akong sasabog sa kahihiyan sa paraan ng paghalik niya
sa akin sa harap ng napakaraming tao . It was a punishing kiss but by the way the
crowd cheered and sighed, it looked as if we were burning with so much passion in
front of them!
Napahawak ako sa kanyang braso . I was a very long and thorough kiss . My insides
whipped and my legs melted . At ang paraan ng pagtapos niya ng halik ay kinagalit
ko . He finished it without proper ending . He was on fire so much that when he
stopped kissing me, I was still opening my mouth and lost!

Bumaling siya sa mga bisita, ngumiti, at nagpasalamat habang hindi pa ako

nakakabawi . Sinadya niyang bitinin iyon para mapahiya ako! Mabilis akong lumayo sa
kanya, parang tangang inaayos pa ang sarili habang siya'y parang walang nangyari .
Nakisalamuha agad sa maraming bisita .

Damn you, Jandrik!

Mabilis akong umalis sa kanyang tabi, nagkunwaring makikisalamuha sa ibang bisita .

Hinayaan ko siya na makisalamuha na mag-isa sa pinili niyang puntahan .

"Hija, you look so beautiful!" si Senyora Domitilla sabay beso sa akin .

"Thank you, po ."

On her table, si Ivo lamang at Zamiel ang naroon . I was told that Ali is busy
with
something that was why he could not come .

Ivo kissed my cheek and greeted me calmly . I smiked at him . Ganoon din si Zamiel
sa
akin .

"You should start calling me Lola right now . . ." sabay halakhak ng matanda .

She's wearing a very classic cream mild filipiniana attire that reminds me of
historical elegance and oppulence . Samantalang ang dalawang Mercadejas naman ay
naka coat and tie, standing massively beside me .

"Okay po, Lola," I smiled .

"I never thought that Kajik will be the first one to marry, hija . I always
thought
that Zamiel would ."
Nagkatinginan kami ni Zamiel . Ngumisi siya sa akin . His handsome face was
shadowed
by something else .

"Well, I really am proud if this marriage . Excuse me, may mga bisita akong
kakausapin . Enjoy yourselves . And Andra, marami pa ang nasa hardin . Baka gusto mo
rin silang bisitahin ."

"Sige po, Lola . Pagkatapos ko po rito ."

Hinintay kong makaalis si Senyora Domitilla bago bumaling sa dalawang Mercadejas

sa
harap .

"Are you happy?" Ivo asked with a smile .

Tiningnan ko lamang siya . One look and he knew what I meant .

"This is so sudden, Andra . I never thought this would push through just this
month, " si Zamiel naman .

"It's all just papers, Zamiel ."

"What do you mean by that, Andra? Hindi ka ba masaya sa nangyayari? Kung ganoon,
why didn' t you stop this? " medyo nag- aalalang sinabi ni Ivo .

"You mean you do not like this?"

My eyes wandered . Hindi ko man sinadya at nasa malayong parte man siya ng salu-
salu, nagtama parin ang mga mata namin . He looked at me with dimly . Iniwas ko
agad
ang tingin ko sa kanya .

"Marami pa akong ibang gustong gawin," sabi ko, palusot dahil mahirap iexplain
kung
bakit .
Binalik ko ang mga mata ko sa kay Kajik at nakita kong mariin parin siyang
nakatitig sa akin . His stare send shivers down my spine . My legs melted again and
my heart pounded . As if on cue, he looked away and smiled darkly at the girl he' s
talking to . At hindi na siya muling bumaling sa akin .

Damn it!

Hindi ko alam kung paano ko natagalan iyon na sa bawat punta ko sa malayong lamesa
sa kanya, paminsan- minsan akong sumusulyap . He never looked at me back . Para
akong
tangang nagmamataas pero sa huli, binabalingan naman siya! And meanwhile, he's done
nothing but smile to all our guests . I even saw him manage to flirt with the
others!

Lumabas ako sa hardin para ikutin ang iilan pang bisita at para na rin makawala sa
pagtitig ko sa kanya . Eventually, he also went out and socialized with our guest
.

Mas lalo lang akong naiirita tuwing nirerequest ang picture naming dalawa dahilan
ng pagkakalapit namin at mga paghawak niya sa akin .

"Ay naku! You two are not very stressed after this simple wedding! Should we
expect
a baby Mercadejas soon?" sabay tawa ng isa sa mga Tita ko .

What the hell? Of course, not!

Mabilis akong hinawakan ni Kajik sa likod .

"We hope so," he answered .

Nagpapalpitate ang ngiti ko sa mga bisita . I have planned everything all along and
I know what I will do before this day ends .

"Right, Andra?" he turned to me with his dark menacing eyes .

Kaya kong makipagplastikan pero hindi sa panahong ito . I want to inform him and
pester him with my plans .

"I will leave alone tonight," sabi ko .

Nagkatitigan kami . The women are laughing and talking about us . They praised us
for
being such a lovely and sweet couple kahit na nakatayo lang naman kami rito at
nagtititigang puno ng tensyon .

"Are you going to stop me?" hamon ko dahil sa itsura niya palang, mukhang
titiradurin niya ang eroplano huwag lang akong umalis .

"No," then he turned to the other guest to smile .

Damn you! Dapat lang na hindi mo ako pigilan!

Iniwan ko siya roon . Now that my husband said yes, sino pa bang makakapigil sa
akin? Wala na, 'di ba? Unless of course if I back out from my plans which I won't!

Nilapitan ko si Mommy at Daddy . Gaya ng plano ko, sasabihin ko sa kanila iyon

pagkatapos kong magpaalam kay Kajik . Actually, hindi iyon pagpapaalam kasi kung
pinigilan niya ako, aalis pa rin ako . Pero dahil hindi niya ako pipigilan, aalis
na
talaga ako? Damn it! Do I even make sense in my head?

Nilingon ko si Mommy at Daddy na sumunod sa akin patungo sa isa sa mga guest rooms
ng mansyon .

"I will leave tonight ."

Kunot noo na si Mommy, kitang-kita ang pag-ayaw . Si Daddy naman, naninimbang pa

sa
kung anong gagawin ko .

" Andra, sana ay pinag- usapan n' yo muna ni Kajik iyan . I know honeymoon is
important
but the companies are rewiring . Even your father does not approve of an escapade-"

"No, this is not honeymoon, Mommy! Ako lang po ang aalis, hindi kasama si Jandrik
.
I don't care what he does for the company and his, I just want to go ."

" Anak, bakit? " banayad at malambing na tanong ni Mommy . " Perhaps Manila? You took
a
break from work because of this wedding . . ."

"I want to clear my mind and go somewhere else alone ."

"Why? Because you think you are too young to be married like this? Pero hindi ba
ikaw naman ang-"

"Grethel, hayaan mo na ang anak natin . Andra, where will you go and I wonder if
your husband has approved of this?"

Nagtagis ang bagang ko nang naalala ang walang kahirap-hirap na "Oo" galing doon
. Nakakainis!

"He approved of it! It's okay with him!" Halos magsumbong ako .

"My God, your husband is spoiling you too much . Franco..." sabay baling kay Daddy
.

"Hija, I believe your husband's judgement . Their companies are rewiring now and
with Ali gone, inaasahan si ni Ivo . Bukod doon, his own company is also adjusting
.
And I will have to teach him how our shipyard goes dahil ngayong kasal na kayo,
sino pa ba ang kaakibat mong mamamahala nito, kundi siya, hindi ba? So if your
husband lets you travel alone, maybe he means good . Kaya wala akong problema rito
."

"What? Hija, you shouldn't go! Your husband needs you now more than anything!
Napakaraming responsibilidad ang inaatupag niyang napangasawa mo, dadagdag ka lang
sa sakit ng ulo niya kung aalis ka pa!"

Great! My Daddy is supporting whatever I want to do because he believes in the

judgement of my husband . My mother doesn't want me to go so I can support my
husband! This is so great! My parents turned into his lap dogs in just one sign of
a document!
"Aalis pa rin ako . Payagan man ako o hindi, aalis ako!" I said angrily .
Nakakainis! Hindi ko alam kung saan ako naiinis pero naiinis ako . I already packed
but some things weren't packed yet kaya minabuti kong ipagpatuloy na lang iyong
pag-iimpake sa harap ni Mommy at Daddy .

"Saan ka ba pupunta, hija?" si Mommy .

Hindi ako sumagot at nagpatuloy na lang .

"Isama mo na lang si Heather..." dagdag nito .

Isasama ko nga si Heather sa Manila but after that, I will travel alone . I want to
forget . I want to renew . More than how I want to pester Kajik with a non- existing
wife, I want to indulge myself . Nitong mga nakaraang taon, lahat ng pag-alis ko at
ang paglabas ko, laging kasama siya . All my precious memories are with him and I
don' t think I can ever escape that . So this time, I am going to dedicate it to
myself . I won't look back and think about him whenever I think about this anymore
.
I will think about myself and how much I had fun .

"Andra . . ."

Lilingon na sana ko kay Mommy kaso may nahagip akong kung ano sa bintana . From
where I was standing, I saw something through the window . Silently standing on the
far edge lined shrubs from the gates is a woman . Nagtatago ito sa halamanan habang
nakatanaw sa maraming bisita ng hardin .

"Andra, pag-isipan mong mabuti ito..." si Mommy ulit .

I ignored my Mom just to get to the window and take a look at whoever it is bago
pa
medyo dumilim, hudyat ng paglubog ng araw .

Kumulo ang dugo ko nang natanto kung sino iyon . Kahit ganito kalayo at kahit ilang
taon ko na siyang hindi nakikita sa personal, naaalala ko parin siya . Millicent
Pastrana was almost gaping as she tried to watch the crowd and hide from the
shrubs!

Hinawi ko ang kurtina para mas lalong matanaw pa ang babaeng iyon . Pinangunahan
ng
pagiging ganid, pagmamataas, at nag-uumapaw na sakit, hindi ko na napigilan ang
sarili ko . Pahampas kong ibinalik sa dati ang kurtina at walang imik na lumabas ng
kwarto despite the pleading of my Mommy .

I could not find Kajik on the see of people . Hindi kaya naghahanda iyon sa palihim
na pagkikita nila nitong babaeng ito? While walking fast, I thought of them meeting
somewhere . Kaya ba hindi ako pinigilan ni Kajik? Dahil may ibang plano naman
talaga
siya at mas makakabuti pa ang pag-alis ko?

Biglang ayaw ko nang umalis pero paninindigan ko ang sinabi ko sa kanya . Bago nga
lang iyon, sisirain ko silang dalawa .

I went to the gates while everyone was busy laughing and socializing . Mabilis na
nagtago si Millicent sa mga halaman nang nakitang may taong palabas sa matayog na
aserong tarangkahan .

Like a model on for her explosive catwalk, I confidently strutted towards her .
Then
she emerged when she realized that she can't hide anymore . Namilog ang mga mata ko
nang natantong ang kapal talaga ng mukha ng isang ito .

It made me a bit happy that she looked devastated . Maputla siya at mukhang ilang
araw nang nag- iiiyak .
"Anong ginagawa mo rito?" sabi ko .

"You bitch! You knew he was for me and yet you used your power to get him!?"

Gusto kong maawa sa kanya pero dahil sa mga salitang ginamit niya, hindi ko magawa
.
Imbes, mas lalo pa akong nagalit . Inunahan ng pagiging ganid .

"Oh? It is my fault now that you cannot keep your company intact? Kung inayos n'yo
lang sana ang kompanya n'yo, e 'di dapat sa'yo pa rin siya . Well, we can't be sure
about that, though . Puwedeng akin pa rin. . . " malambing kong sinabi ang huling
pangungusap .

Nangingilid ang luha niya habang tinitingnan akong puno ng galit ang mga mata .

"You whore! Huwag kang mag malinis! Kayo ang dahilan kung bakit nagkaganito kami!
You did it all so you can get to him! Akala mo siguro sa' yong sa' yo na siya? Hindi!
He will keep me as his mistress because you can never sate him! Ako ang gusto
niyang pakasalan pero alipin siya ng pamilya niya, so he has no choice but to marry
you only for business but he will come back to me-"

Nagpapatuloy siya pero nagdidilim na ang paningin ko dahil sa lahat ng mga sinabi
niya . I hate her so much now more than ever! Umiiyak siya pero ang mga salitang
sinabi, sobrang talim . Hindi ko tuloy alam kung totoo ba iyan o niloloko niya ang
sarili niya .

But then my anger was too much and my evidences too strong that I couldn't easily
dishonor her words . He married me for business but he will come to her because I
am
not enough! Ganoon 'yon, 'di ba? Kaya ba ibinahay niya ang babaeng ito? Para
mapuntahan niya kailan niya man gusto?

"And you are so proud to be a mistress, huh? Anyway, I don't mind . I have men
lining up, begging to take his place at night . Patas lang kaming dalawa . Ikaw ang
lugi, kinakama ka lang, hindi pinapanagutan at hindi binibigyan ng pangalan kasi
'yan lang naman ang bagay sa'yo ."

"Shut up! He will annul you! Hindi kayo magtatagal," she said desperately .

I smiled even when I am shaken . E 'di i annul niya! Hindi na ako makapaghintay!

"Good, then . Meanwhile, I'm gonna enjoy all the privileges of being a Mercadejas
.
As you sulk in your broke ass cave because you can't be presentable and classy
enough to be his wife! "

Sinamahan ko pa iyon ng halakhak . She looked so defeated, wala nang masabi at

naiiyak na lang .

"Diyan ka lang, I'm gonna call the guards so they can shoo you away ."

Hindi ko pa natatapos ang sasabihin, nanginginig na siyang umatras hanggang sa

tuluyan nang umalis . Tumakbo siya palayo at sa malayo rin, nakita kong sinundo
siya
ng isang sasakyan .

Ilang sandali akong nagpakasasa sa naramdamang tagumpay pero sa huli, nagising din
sa katotohanan .

"Andra, anong ginagawa mo rito?" si Heather nang natagpuan ako sa labas,

nakatingin
sa kawalan .

Papalubog na ang araw . Kailangan ko nang umalis bago pa magbago ang isip ko at
pangunahan ng kung anu-ano .

Bumalik ako sa mansyon para kunin ang gamit at makapagbihis na pang-alis . The
visitors are still there . Wala pang umaalis at abala ba si Kajik sa pakikisalamuha
.
Hindi ko alam kung natunugan niya ba ang tahimik kong pag-alis at sadyang hinayaan
niya ako o wala na siyang pakealam sa ano man ang gusto kong gawin .

That same night, I left Manila to travel alone because I cannot take it anymore .
And honestly, hindi ako nagsisisi sa ginawa ko . Traveling alone was a freeing
experience . Doon ko lang natanto kung gaano ako nagkulang sa aking sarili . I let
my
world revolve around a man . Ultimo pagdidiscubre ko sa ibang bagay, inasa ko pa sa
kanya . As if I cannot live without him when I am so alive right now when he' s gone
.

"Heather," I said like a detective scared to be heard .

It was a fine sunny day in Milan . I was sipping a coffee while talking to Heather
through a videocall . Isang buwan na simula nang umalis ako sa amin at dalawang
syudad na ang napuntahan ko .

"Andra, sana umuwi ka na," lagi naman niya itong sinasabi . "Magulo rito . May
problema sa kompanya ng mga Mercadejas, Mr . Mercadejas needs you . Isa pa, your
Dad
is working more now that the Pastranas stopped all of their ships from sailing ."

Umirap ako dahil paulit-ulit na lang itong sinasabi ni Heather . Na sobrang busy
ni
Kajik dahil may problema sa MERC, may bago na naman silang kompanyang tinatayo, at
tumutulong pa kay Daddy sa negosyo dahil sa dami ng problema sa kompanya namin .

Ali and Zamiel are both good in business, but Kajik won't be called the business
prodigy among them if he's not better . Kaya hindi niya ako kailangan para lang
malagpasan ang kung ano mang pinoproblema niya sa mga kompanyang iyan .

"Heather, the thing I asked you . . ." sabi ko sabay simsim ulit sa kape .

She sighed and got some papers . "He bought a penthouse in BGC and that is where
he
is usually in when he's in Manila ."

Oh bakit, Jandrik? Gumastos ka pa . Nahiya ka pa . Sa Makati ka na lang tumira

habang
wala ako, 'di ba?

"Madalas siya sa Romblon at Costa Leona, kung wala sa Batangas o Manila . Bakit
hindi ka na lang umuwi para ikaw na ang magbantay sa mga ginagawa niya?" she said
looking annoyed with the unprofessional things I made her do .

"Wala akong pakealam sa mga nangyayari sa kanya ."

"Wala kang pakealam . Sure!" she smirked mockingly .

"I'm just checking if he's really doing it behind my back!"

"And if he is, wala kang pakealam," sarkastikong sinabi ni Heather .

I made a face . Tatapusin ko na sana ang tawag pero may pahabol siya .

"By the way, Klaus is bugging me . He wants to know where you are . Sasabihin ko
ba?"

"Ako na ang tatawag doon next time . I'll leave Milan tomorrow, anyway ."
 That was my life . Heather was my insider for all the things I want to know,
negosyo
man o sa kay Kajik . While I am going places to satisfy my mind and to keep it
from
thinking of other devastating things like home . . .

Another month and another location later, Kajik found me in Geneva . I did not know
how he found me there gayong ang nakakaalam lang sa kung nasaan na ako, exactly
where I am, is Heather . Heather may be working for our family but I know she
treats
me more than an employer, maybe a friend, or sister . Hindi magagawang bayaran ni
Kajik ang kaibigan ko para lang malaman kung nasaan ako .

Reading a newspaper just two round tables away from where I was having breakfast,
Kajik sat with a fresh white longsleeves shirt . Dalawang subo pa lang ako sa
kinakaing toast ay nawalan na ako ng gana .

Why is he here!? Imposibleng bigla na lang kaming nagkita rito! Sinusundan yata
niya ako! Nasisiguro ko iyon!

Nanggigigil akong tumayo at nagtungo sa kanya . The golden blue carpet was shining
against the morning sun . Kahit na ako lang naman iyong patungo sa kanya, hindi man
lang siya nag- angat ng tingin . Hindi nakuryoso sa palapit!

"Why are you here?" I asked to get his attention .

The manly aura I have tried to forget so much the past few weeks made me tremble a
bit . Sa sobra-sobra kong pagsubok na makalimot sa kanya, naninibago tuloy ako
kahit
sa dating niya . Now this feels like the old Andra gushing about Jandrik's
features!

Binaba niya ang local newspaper at nag-angat ng tingin sa akin na parang walang
nangyari .

"I have business here," he said, not even shocked that we saw each other .

"Business o sinusundan mo ako?"

He looked at me with ridiculously hot eyes . My goodness, Andra! Kinalimutan mo pa
kasi ang mga mata niyan, iyan tuloy windang ka ngayon? Sana paulit-ulit mong
tinatak sa utak mo 'yan nang sa ganoon, masanay ka at hindi ka kabahan ng ganito
kapag tinitigan ka na!

"Sinusundan mo ako rito! You can't just let me go and have fun, can you? You're a
possessive wolf who can't let me do the things that I want ."

"I let you travel alone like what you want-"

"Then let me go and let me have fun with the people I want . Hindi ikaw iyon kaya
huwag kang pasulpot-sulpot dito sa harap ko dahil hindi kita kailangan!"

He bit his lower lip and shamelessly eyed my body . Mabilis na nag-init ang pisngi
ko . Ayan! Kinalimutan mo kasi ang epekto ng lalaking ' yan! Dapat kasi gabi gabi mo
'yang iniisip para hindi ka na magulantang ng ganito!

"I am with Klaus!" Liar! "He keeps me company so I won't be lonely kaya huwag ka
nang mag espiya riyan . Hindi kita kailangan dito!"

"You are with Klaus, huh?" he said darkly like he knew that I was lying .

Well, bukas agad, papupuntahin ko ' yong lalaking ' yon dito para hindi ko na
kailangang magsinungaling!

"Let me check your room then ." he said languidly, like something is funny .
Kinabahan ako lalo . I cannot imagine being with this man in a tight space . Okay,
malaki ang kwartong kinuha ko rito sa Hotel des Bergues pero masikip 'yan para sa
babaerong lalaking ito!

"And if you find him in my room? What will you do? Kasuhan mo ako ng adultery? Go
ahead!"

His lips pursed . Habang nanggagalaiti na ako rito, kalmadong kalmado siya . Hindi
ko
alam kung bakit .

"Why don't you file an annulment instead while you're at it?"

His hand moved towards my wrist . He grasped it tightly . At sa talambuhay ko hindi

pa ako nakaramdam ng matinding kaba gaya nito . The restaurant felt like and
electric field with us in the middle! Mabilis kong nabawi ang kamay ko and I saw
the shock in his face as well .

Sa kaba ko, hindi ko na napigilan ang mga salita .

"Don't you ever see me again while I am traveling! Prepare your documents if you
want an annulment . Because, honestly, I regret marrying you! Kahit pa para naman
sa
negosyo! File a case against me! I will be happier that way . Babalik ako ng
Pilipinas kung ginawa mo 'yon!"

And yes I did it . He doesn't usually last for more than two days in a place where
I
am . Siguro dahil sa negosyo . He's also not in total pursuit or anything, he's
just
there, reading or conversing with another person or businessman or friend! Hindi
lang kasi sa Geneva iyon nangyari, nang bumalik ako sa Milan, nandon ulit siya .

Luckily, Klaus was with me the next day . I saw Kajik's dark eyes glaring at us .
I
made sure it appeared to him that I am with Klaus in my hotel kahit na sa totoo
lang, nakangiti lang naman ako kay Klaus kapag nariyan si Kajik . At pinapalayas ko
kapag wala na!

It was that way for the first four months until the fifth, when I received a
wrecking news . Kung wasak man ako simula nang ikasal kami, mas lalo pa ngayon .

Bakit hindi ako nakinig kay Heather nang ilang beses niya akong sinabihan na
umuwi?

Bakit hindi ko pinagbigyan si Mommy nang umiiyak siya sa telepono kakukumbinsi sa

akin na umuwi?

Bakit hinayaan ko ang mga tawa ni Daddy na magtulak sa akin sa ginagawa kong ito?

Hindi ko alam ang sagot but one thing is for sure now . After this, I am leaving
again to find myself . To know what I should do . And to finally figure out how to
overcome my grief .

My Daddy died of heart attack . It was a shocking death . My Mommy knew that Daddy
has a heart condition pero alam ko kung gaano katigas ang ulo ni Daddy na hindi
iyon papayag na magpahinga sa trabaho .

I blamed myself for not being there . But then Kajik was there to do all my
father' s
work kahit na palubog din ang MERC for some reason . Umuwi ako sa araw ng mismong
libing, hindi ako makausap ng matino, at hindi ko rin kayang makiharap sa ibang
tao .
"I want you to stay but I know your father would tell me otherwise . I will be
waiting for you, hija," parang sinaksak ang puso ko nang narinig ko ito kay Mommy
.
"I'm sorry, Mommy ."

Nag-iyakan kami ni Mommy sa kwarto pagkatapos ng libing ni Daddy . Kajik was with
us
the whole time . He did not try to annoy me or whatsoever . He indulged me with
whatever I want to do . Kahit na ang muling pag- alis .

"Tingin ko, ganito po ako ngayon dahil sa desisyon ko noon," inamin ko .

"But, Andra, that was your father's wish for you because you wanted it . Karius
sacrificed a lot too for you and your father, hindi mo dapat sinasayang ang
desisyong iyon ."

For whatever reason, my Mommy's sentiment gave a bitter taste in me . Gusto ito ni
Daddy dahil gusto ko . Pumayag si Kajik dahil iyon ang gusto ni Daddy . Then, Dad,
if
I say I don' t want it anymore, will you set me free?

I left again so I could answer that question alone . Hindi man inaya na ang kahit
na
sinong kaibigan, saan man ako mapunta, madalas kong nakikita ang iilan . Madalas
din
si Klaus, especially when I let Heather have her vacation and fly with me anywhere
I want bringing the new cards which Jandrik provided . Constanciandra L .
Mercadejas,
in black and gold cards . Karius Jandrik Mercadejas, in the same colors .

He did not visit me again wherever I was . Or at least I did not see him . He was
now
the CEO of Lopez Shipping Lines, nag-aayos sa MERC, at may mga bagong kompanya pa .
He was a busy cruel man who did not care about his pseudo and estranged wife .
Wasak
ako at hindi ko magawang magsaya kahit na ganoon . I feel guilty and I don't know
how to start again .

"Jandrik, I want to file an annulment," sabi ko halos isang taon na simula nang
ikasal kami at sa tawag lamang sa cellphone .

Hindi ko alam kung bakit malambing at tunog babaeng babae ang boses ko nang
kinausap ko siya . Para pang tambol ang puso ko habang naghihintay na magsalita
siya . Para akong tanga, hindi mapakali habang pinagmamasdan ni Heather ang pabalik
balik kong lakad dito sa suite ko sa isang hotel dito sa Hong Kong .

"I am unhappy with this marriage . I am tired of it ."

Ilang beses ko na itong nasabi sa kay Kajik, ngayon nga lang sa cellphone . Ilang
beses niya rin akong tinanggihan .

"Come home to me, then . . ." he said it like a promise to break up with me if I do
that .

His low husky voice is doing wonders to my heart .

But I'm not that stupid to believe him! Naka ilang hamon na ako sa kanyang kasuhan
niya ako ng adultery nang nahuli kami ni Klaus na magkasama sa hotel pero hindi
niya naman ginawa!

"Then we'll file an annulment?" tanong ko, malambing pa rin ang boses, mukhang
hindi annulment ang habol .

Come on, Andra!

"I love someone else now . I want to marry him," subok ko .

Suminghap si Heather, bilang pag alma . Ito ang huling araw niya rito sa Hong Kong
at siya ang nagtulak sa akin para tawagan si Kajik kanina .

"The one I'm always with during my trips ."

Hindi agad nagsalita si Kajik sa kabilang linya . Mas lalo lang akong kinabahan .

But one thing is for sure now, if my Daddy were alive and I would honestly confess
to him, he would find a way to get me out of this . At iyon ang gagawin ko pagkauwi
ko .

"I want an annulment ."

"I don't . I've given you enough time to do your exploring . I'll give you two
weeks
to go home, or I' ll get you home with your chains on my bed, " he said and cut the
line .

Parang lumipad ang kaluluwa ko . Hindi ako makabawi sa sobrang kaba .

Kabanata 20
Kabanata 20

Pregnant

Nakatunghay ako sa napakalaking mansyon sa harap, bigo at pagod sa halos buong

araw
na paghahanap ng matutuluyan . Meanwhile, Heather is commanding the maids to take
my
things out of the van and arrange it in the room like she knew what I need .

Nilamok na kami kanina, palubog ang araw, sinusubukan pang tumawag sa Iloilo para
kumuha ng sasakyan . Hindi rin naman makakaabot iyon sa tamang oras at ang tanging
masasakyan lang sa harap ay ang van ng mga Mercadejas . I know exactly where it
will
take me once I get in . So here I am . . . in front of the mansion .

Suminghap ako at labag sa sariling pumasok sa bulwagan, wala nang magagawa . Puwede
akong matulog sa tabing dagat, maglatag ng kumot, pero lalamukin lang ako roon at
lalamigin . So what if I sleep in his room, anyway? He thinks I' m pregnant with
another man's child, he won't even touch me because he will be so disgusted .

Hilera ng mga paintings ng kanila at ng mga ninuno sa dingding, tumingala ako sa

engrandeng hagdanan para lang matanaw ang pag-aabang ni Kajik sa barandilya roon .
Bending a little, nakatuko ang mga bisig sa handrail at nakatanaw sa mga kasambahay
na biglaang naging abala sa mga binababang gamit ko .

Nagkatinginan kaming dalawa . Hee languidly stood after a long relaxed position on
the bannister . After that, he started to walk down the stairs in a cruelly
handsome
and graceful moves habang inaayos niya ang lupi sa kanyang longsleeves na parang
walang nangyari .

For months, I tried so hard to forget him . I did not see him again after that
faithful day of my Daddy's burial . Ginawa ko iyong oportunidad upang kalimutan
siya
ng buong buo . Hindi ko inisip ang mga mata niya, hindi ko inisip ang mga labi
niya,
hindi ko inisip ang epekto niya sa akin kapag malapit siya, nagtagumpay ako .
Nakalimutan ko na ng buong buo ang pakiramdam kapag nariyan siya . Ngayon, hindi ko
nga lang alam kung tama ba ang ginawa kong iyon,

Right now, the feeling of having him standing in front of me with all his attention
on me made me tremble . The way his dark eyes caressed all the corners of my body,
the way his lips pursed, and the way he gracefully crossed his arms when he
stopped
just meters in front of me made me breathless!

Akala ko tama ang ginawa kong paglimot sa kanya, ngayon na realize kong mukhang isa
itong napakalaking pagkakamali! Superlative!

I have completely forgotten how darkly handsome he is . I have completely

forgetten
how soft I look and feel like whenever I go near his steel-hard and tall stature! I
have completely forgotten his roughness and ruthlessness because I surrounded
myself with boys who were tough-looking but smooth, not even hard enough to be
compared to him . Those dark eyes, black silky eyebrows, expressive eyelashes,
narrow and defined nose, hard and clenched jaw, brooding muscles, and that grimace
.

Nakalimutan ko ang dalawang magkasalungat na damdaming lagi niyang ipinupukaw sa

akin - pananabik at takot .

"D-Did you pay for the hotels and inns to deny me a room?" I fired at him bago ko
pa makalimutan ang galit ko dahil sa pagkakamangha .

He pursed his lips . His eyes as dark as the cold winter nights . I find him very
mysterious and intriguing years ago, today, I find him more of it . Like there is a
depth I cannot seem to fathom within him . Parang mas lumayo ang loob ko, pero
hindi
ba iyon naman ang gusto kong mangyari?

"I have no time for this argument," he said ignoring my question .

Tinalikuran niya ako at dumiretso na sa kanilang dining area . Mabilis agad akong
sumunod . Bakit ayaw niyang pag-usapan? I know he did it . He just didn't want me
to
find out that he really did it!

Well, bago pa ako nagdesisyon na sumama sa van ng mga Mercadejas, may plan B na
ako
sa aking utak . Dito nga ako matutulog at kung gusto niyang sa tabi niya, pwes,
tatabi ako sa kanya!

Bakit nga ba ako takot? Dahil sa banta niya sa akin? Now, he can't chain me to his
bed because I am pregnant! In fact, I don' t think he wants me near his bed now .
Baka hindi lang nag sink in sa utak niya kanina iyong sinabi ko kaya nasabi niya na
rin iyon .

Ngayon, nasisiguro kong kung hindi siya magpupuyat katatrabaho para lang hindi ako
matabihan, siya na mismo ang matutulog sa ibang kwarto huwag lang masagi ng braso
niya ang braso ko sa iisang kama! Nasisiguro ko iyon!

Naupo siya sa kabisera ng parihabang hardwood dining table sa dining area nila . It
feels nostalgic to be here but I pushed that thought at the back of my mind . Naupo
na kaagad ako sa inilahad na upuan ni Frida sa akin .

Tahimik ang mga kasambahay na nakatanaw sa amin . Sila lang ang naroon . Ayon kay
Heather, nasa Maynila si Senyora Domitilla, si Tito Uriel, at si Tita Lucianna .
Ali
is in Manila, Ivo is abroad, and Zamiel is in Romblon . Both Ali and Zamiel got
married, and I was not there to witness it because I was not here for a year and
some months .

Taas noo akong tumingin sa mga pagkaing naroon . He' s alone in the mansion . I was
told that he filed a vacation leave but is working in front of his computer . I
assume that he filed that leave in preparation of his plan to forcefully get me
back here, gaya ng banta niya . Hindi ko na hinintay pa iyon dahil matapang ako at
kaya kong humarap sa kanya pagkatapos ng taon .
"If you do not allow me to sleep in your guest rooms, then I am sleeping in your
room," matapang kong sinabi habang ginagalaw ang pagkain sa aking pinggan .

Ibinalik ko ang tingin ko sa kanya at nakita kong tahimik siyang nakatanaw lang .
He
was not even trying to understand or read my mind . He was now calm, yet very dark
and mysterious .

Wala namang reaction kaya dinagdagan ko pa .

"I want to go back to Manila as soon as possible for my legal counsel is there
. Also, I will resume my post as the Executive Secretary of the Lopez Shipping
Lines ."

Ayaw niyang maghiwalay kaming dalawa at kahit na pilitin ko siya ngayon, nasisiguro
kong wala akong magagawa . So instead of forever offering him an annulment, I will
make him want to break up with me! My dark plans are going very well, huh?

"Hmm . Are you sure?" he said hoarsely and erotically .

Napatikhim ako ng konti sa tono niyang medyo mababa . Ano ba? Hindi ko ba ito
naalala? Bakit windang na windang ako sa simpelng sinabi o tinanong niya?

"Yes, I am . Bakit hindi?" I said coldly .

He shifted on his seat . His lips twisted sexily with a ghost of a smile .

"I don't want to cause any trouble for my wife . . ."

I heard a bit of sighs from the maidservants around . Kung nandito si Heather,
baka
nasamid na iyon . Napatingin ako sa kina Frida at Petrina na siyang nagpatiuna sa
mga singhap at nang natanaw ang matalim na tingin ko, unti-unti silang nagsialisan
o 'di kaya'y nagkunwaring magsalin ng juice .

"Cause trouble? Why will I be in trouble for working?"

Napapikit ako sa disappointment sa sarili nang natanto kung bakit niya nasabi ito!
I forgot!!! I am pregnant nga pala!

Tumaas ang isang kilay niya .

"I won't let you work with your current state . What kind of husband am I if I let
my wife do that?"

Shit! Kinagat ko ang labi ko .

"I am pregnant..." marahan kong sinabi, mas kinukumbinsi ang sarili kesa sa kanya
.

Nakitaan ko ng iritasyon sa mga mata ni Kajik pagkatapos kong sabihin iyon pero
agad ding nawala .

"But that doesn't mean that I can't work ."

"I want a statement from your doctor . Hindi ako mapapanatag na pagtrabahuin ka,
kung hindi ka pinapayagan ng doktor mo ."

Nanuyo ang lalamunan ko . Napainom tuloy ako ng tubig dahil hindi ko inaasahan ito!
I was not prepared! I thought he'd immediately take the bait and break up with me
just by saying " I ' m pregnant" ! Hindi ko na inisip pa na maghahanap siya ng
katibayan!
Goodness, how stupid can I be?

"What's the name of your doctor, I will call for an appointment ."

"My doctor is in Manila, Jandrik . You can't get an appointment while we are here
kaya kailangan nating mag Maynila ."

"I can arrange him a flight immediately or maybe the Cessna can get him," I can
sense the taunting but I was busy thinking of a way out .

"Bakit hindi tayo na lang ang pumunta ng Manila para hindi na siya maabala pa?"

" We will pay your doctor generously, I ' m sure she won' t think it' s a big problem if
we did that ."

Damn it! Paano ba ito?

"Forget it . Tutal, mukhang wala ka pa namang planong bumalik, hindi pa ako

makakapagtrabaho sa Manila, 'tsaka na lang kapag nandoon na tayo ."

Lusot, Andra!

"Hmm . But then, I want to know how will it be for the next few months . I will
need
to talk to your doctor, Andra," he shifted confidently on his chair .

Balisa na ako sa mga tanong niya . Bakit ba kasi hindi ko ito naisip? Asan ba si
Heather at baka mas magaling siyang sumagot sa mga ganito?

"Ah . . ." Sinapo ko ang ulo ko para sa effect na sumasakit iyon . "I can't remember
the name but I will send it to you later once I go around my files . "

"Shall we call Heather?" he said .

Kumalabog pa lalo ang puso ko . Para akong nasa hotseat nito!

"I still want to eat my dinner, Jandrik . Can we do this some other time? Isa pa,
don't bother too much, I can take care of myself and someone will bother for it,
not you," pahapyaw kong paalala sa kanya na hindi siya ang ama ng dinadala ko .

Ngumuso siya at natahimik . Tahimik kaming kumain habang palabuy-laboy ang mga
kasambahay kaaayos ng mga pagkain . I removed all the fatty food in my plate and
ate
only a little since I am very concerned with my diet . Kapag hindi ako nakakapag
cardio, hindi ako masyadong kumakain ng marami, lalo na ang mga carbs .

Kajik sighed . Napabaling ako sa kanya at nakita kong tinatanaw niya ang ginagawa
kong pagbabawas sa aking pinggan .

"What are you doing?" his eyebrow shot up .

"My diet today does not include carbs," wala sa sarili kong sinabi .

Mas lalong tumaas ang kanyang kilay . Umigting ang kanyang panga at nakita ko kung
paano niya kinalma ang sarili ng ilang sandali bago nagsalita .

"I wonder if you consulted a doctor for that ."

Malay ko ba! First time kong mabuntis o magpanggap na buntis kaya malay ko kung
anong ginagawa ko kinakain ng mga buntis! Ni hindi ako nagresearch! Iyan na lang
ang ipapagawa ko kay Heather mamaya .
"Of course, I did . In fact, it was the doctor who confirmed my pregnancy ."

Oh, ha! Legit 'yan, Jandrik . Huwag ka nang umangal diyan!

"Can I see the file for it? I'm sure there is because he confirmed you pregnant ."

Shit! May ganoon ba? Ano 'yon? Isang dokumento? Isang page lang ba 'yan? O marami?
Magpapagawa ako dapat para mas kapanipaniwala!

"Well, it's in M-Manila . . . Don't worry, I will ask Heather, kapag nakabalik na
siyang Manila na isend niya ' yon dito para makita mo na totoo ang sinasabi ko . "

Magpapagaya ako ng dokumentong iyan . Ipapaprint ko 'yan kay Heather at ipapasend

ko
rito! Bukas agad, lilipad si Heather pa Manila para sa misyong iyan!

"Alright then . But you know, there are lots of OBs in the local provincial
hospital
here, kahit sa Kalibo, at Caticlan . I can ask them to come here and check on you
for my peace of mind ."

Ano? Hindi ba matatapos ito?

"Huwag na . . . I get dizzy thinking about tests and doctors . I just want to rest
for
the mean time ."

Umangat ang gilid ng kanyang labi at nag-iwas ng tingin sa akin . He nodded in

agreement . Napabuntong-hininga ako . Ganun pa man, bumubundol parin ang kaba sa
puso
ko dahil sa mga tanungan niya .

Plan B: How to make Jandrik want to break up with me . Ang mga sumusunod ay
alinman
sa dapat kong gawin para lang ma trigger siyang hiwalayan ako .

1 . ) Dahil siya ay playboy, takot siya sa responsibilidad pang pamilya . He will

never understand the responsibilities of being a soon to be father, let alone with
a child who's not his own . Bangungot na dapat sa kanya ang katotohanang ito kaya
siya stressed ngayon at naghahanap ng doktor . Check .

2.) Pester him with so many different cravings . He can't deal with that .

3.) Mood swings . He can't deal with that .

At habang ginagawa ko ang planong ito, puwede na ring simulan ang Plan C . If all
else fail:

4.) Mag espiya para mapatunayan na nambababae siya .

5.) Threaten to file a case against him if he doesn't agree to annulment .

"How many weeks is it?" he asked in the middle of my dark thoughts .

Napakurap-kurap ako dahil kahit iyon, hindi ko naisip! Tonta!

"Uh, three weeks or four? I'm not quite sure," I said a bit confidently .

Bumagsak ang mga mata niya sa aking damit na pambuntis ngunit bagay lang sa may
malalaki nang tiyan!

"I wore this in preparation," I said defensively .

Ngumuso siya at nagpatuloy muli sa pagkain . Bumuntong-hininga ako at napainom ng
tubig sa kaba .

It's been a while since I experienced what it feels like to be in a province, lalo
na rito sa Pilipinas . Everything is just nostalgic to me, not just because the
mansion reminds me of my childhood, but also the night sky looks so clear and
promising .

Kajik's large and spacious room won't be that large kapag pumasok na siya rito
mamaya kaya hinayaan ko ang sarili kong magsawa sa tanawin ng malaking buwan sa
langit, kasabayan ang mga butuin .

I was watching the moon on their terrace when I heard Kajik went out of the room
after his shower . Pumasok siya sa study, gaya ng inaasahan ko . Sigurado akong
magdamag siyang magtatrabaho ngayon . Pumasok ako nang nasigurong wala na siya rito
at ngayon, dito ipinagpatuloy ang pagtanaw sa buwan .

Funny how when I was away, when I look at the moon, it reminded me so much of him
.
The mysterious, unreachable, dark, magnetic, and beautiful heavenly body . It can' t
be seen the every night but it is there, hiding in the shadows .

Mapait akong ngumiti at binitiwan ang bintana para iwan ang tanaw na buwan . Hindi
mo tatanawin, Andra, ang hindi puwedeng maging sa' yo . Maiinggit ka lang . I
thought
bitterly as I closed the door of the large bathroom on his walk in closet .

I then wonder if this will all go okay . Hihiwalayan niya ako at magagalit siya sa
akin habangbuhay . I cheated on him, that's what he will think . Maybe I did, right
.
Noong kami pa, I had an affair with Byron . Ngayong kami na ang mag- asawa, I
traveled with so many other boys to cover him up . I did not emotionally cheat on
him, but physically and mentally, maybe I did . Sapat na iyon para iwan niya ako .
Dahil ako, iiwan ko siya dahil din doon .

Umahon ako sa bathtub at nagpunas na . Come to think of it, we never had a proper
first night after wedding . Ngayon lang ata kami magtatabi simula nang naging mag-
asawa kami . Magtatabi nga ba? Magtatrabaho naman siya . Well, what do I expect?
Nababaliw na ba ako?

I did not use the bathrobe for I will immediately change into my night dress .
Tapis
lamang ang isang puti at maiksing tuwalya, lumabas ako sa banyo at nakapasok agad
sa walk in closet . Nakita kong naka arrange na roon ang aking mga damit . I pulled
out a fresh lacy white panties .

Yumuko ako para maipasok ang kanang paa ko . Hindi pa nakakagalaw para sa kaliwa ay
nagtama ang tingin namin ni Kajik . He's on our bed watching me closely while I put
my panties on! Muntikan na akong nabuwal sa ayos ko!

Uminit ang pisngi ko . The way he looked at me intensely sent shivers down my spine
.
I don't want him to see how much he affects me kaya nagtapang tapangan akong
nagpatuloy sa marahang pag angat ng panty ko sa aking hita . Tinalikuran ko siya at
nang natapos ay taas noo at dahan-dahang sinarado ang sliding door ng walk in
closet .

Nang nasarado ko na, pumikit agad ako ng mariin at sinapo ang mukha ng palad . What
the hell! Have you seen his eyes burn as he watched me put my panties on?

Lalagnatin yata ako ngayon!

And guess what, Andra . I have news for you! That topless man under those white
sheets is your fucking husband!
Wait lang . Husband!

Wait lang! Mag-asawa kami!!!

Bakit parang ngayon lang nagsink-in sa akin ito? Ayan! Sobra kasing ang paglimot!
Ultimo mga mata niya kinalimutan mo kaya ngayon, nangangatog ka sa matinding dagok
na ito!

I am Constanciandra L . Mercadejas, wife of the business magnate Karius Jandrik

Mercadejas, CEO and President of Lopez Shipping Lines, CEO of the still number one
leading supplier of cement and aggregates, MERC, and current Director of ZAM, Inc .
He' s on my bed, tangled in sheets, at my bidding . Except that, he's in love with
someone else .

Ang tagal kong nag-isip ng susuotin ko . The sexy night dress or the white
longsleeve night dress? Baka akala niya pa inaakit ko siya . I pulled out the sheer
but hideous creamy longsleeve night dress . Nang tingnan ko ang sarili ko sa
salamin, with an uncombed but straight hair, yellowish skin, pale lips, and this
dress, mistula akong nagmumulto . He won' t think that I am trying him with this one
.

Binuksan ko ang sliding door at walang imik na tinungo ang kama . Hindi ko
maipagkakaila ang pangangatog ng mga paa . My mind is clouded with the thought that
it' s our first night .

Napabaling ako sa kanya at nakita ko ang pagsunod niya ng tingin sa akin . His
massive chest is showing dahil nakaupo naman siya sa side niya sa kama . His
abdomen
down is covered with the white sheets . His peaking chest is carpetted with thin
dark hair and there were two or three prominent veins on his biceps down his hairy
forearm .

Tumikhim ako nang narealize na mabilis agad ang pintig ng puso ko . It's not "old
habits die hard" I think it is "old habits don't die at all!" . O talagang dahil
ito
sa paglimot ko sa kanya! Dapat kasi, paulit-ulit kong tinitigan ang mukha niya
habang nasa ibang bansa ako para magsawa naman ako!

Unti-unti akong umupo sa kama, bahagyang kinikiliti na naman ng mga salagubang ang
tiyan ko sa simpleng pag-upo lang doon . Ni hindi nga kami magdidikit kahit pa
malaki siya dahil malaki rin naman itong kama niya .

"Hindi ka magtatrabaho magdamag?" I asked coldly .

"I'm done with my works today," he said .

Ah okay .

Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kanya at his intense eyes is glistening of something

darker than mystery . Mabilis akong nag-iwas ng tingin, kinuha ang isang unan sa
akin at agad na pinagitnaan kaming dalawa .

"Hindi tayo puwedeng magdikit, kahit konti . I'm sensitive . Baka mapano ako . . ."
palusot ko .

"Let's talk," he said ignoring my statements .

Ignoring him too, humiga ako sa kumportableng kama at tinabunan ng kumot ang
sarili
ko hanggang leeg .

"Did your 'love' let you come back to me alone?" he said put emphasis and disgust
in the highlighted word . It annoyed me .

"Yes . He's not clingy," I said making sure of the shade .

"Why don't you drop and name, let's see if that boy is . . . hmmm . . ."

" It' s none of your business, Jandrik . If you are so upset, why don' t you just say
yes to the annulment?" hamon ko .

"I will never grant you that . Just inform him that you won't be together cuz I
will
father your child, akin man o hindi ."

Namilog ang mga mata ko . Napabaling ako sa kanya sa sobrang pagkakataranta!

Napaahon din ako sa pagkakahiga ko . He was just sitting there, satisfied with what
he said, especially now that he saw my reaction .

"You can't!"
He looked at me calmly but with the hint of menace in his eyes . He's bluntly
showing how much he's liking this .

Umangat ang gilid ng kanyang labi . His sexy and threatening smile made me swallow
hard . Kinabahan tuloy ako ng sobra-sobra .

" It seems like your new boytoy is stupid enough to let you come to me, Andra . He
thinks he'll get you back, huh," he said .

Sa kaba at iritasyon ko, hindi ko na napigilan ang panggigigil . Siguro dahil

guilty
ako at takot na malaman niya ang totoo, kinuha ko ang unan at inatake ko siya gamit
iyon . The smirk on his lips widened . Mas lalo kong naramdaman ang pagiging
mapanganib niya .

He caught both my wrist as I tried to slam the pillow on his chest . By instinct, I
turned around in the hopes to outsmart his move . Binitiwan niya ako pero mabilisan
ding nahawakan muli, patalikod ngayon . We're in the middle of our large bed,
tangled with the sheets and angry at each other .

"Who is it, then? Tell me, hmm? I wanna see if he's existing . . ."

What the hell?

Nagpupumiglas akong kumawala sa kanya kahit pa marahan lang naman ang kanyang
pagkakahawak! Ganoon ba siya kalakas na hindi niya na kailangan pa ng effort para
mahawakan ako ng hindi nakakawala? Paano na lang kung diinan niya ang hawak sa
akin, hindi na ako makakagalaw man lang! Fuck!

" What the hell are you talking about? I said I' m pregnant! I said I' m pregnant,
Jandrik! Bitiwan mo ako! " taranta kong sinabi .

"Hmm . Okay, you are pregnant ."

Ipinagapang niya ang kanyang kamay sa aking tiyan . Para akong sinilaban sa ginawa
niya . Natigil ako sa pagpupumiglas at pumikit na lamang ng mariin, paulit-ulit na
dinasal na sana wala siyang epekto sa akin .

"I'm gonna be a daddy, then? Hmm . . ." He chuckled on my ear .

Kinagat ko ang labi ko .

"Pananagutan kita . No need to go back to your stupid bastard boy," he said huskily
.

Kabanata 21
Kabanata 21

Crave

Hindi ko alam paano ko nalagpasan ang unang gabi naming iyon .

Matindi ang kalabog ng puso ko sa nangyari . Kaya naman noong nakawala ako sa
kanya,
mabilis kong nilagay ang unan sa gitna namin, tinalikuran ko siya at pilit kong
pinikit ang mga mata ko .

I heard him sigh in a relaxed manner . I can sense the mockery . Bago pa siya
makapagsabi ng ibang bagay na mas lalong magpapakaba sa akin, inunahan ko na siya
.

"Inaantok na ako . Matutulog na ako!"

I shut my eyes tight . He never questioned me again, I'm not sure if he's buying
his
time or what . Basta't hinayaan niya lang ako ng ganoon . And maybe it was because
of
the exhausting day, mabilis akong nahila ng antok .

Unti-unti kong dinilat ang mga mata ko at natanaw ang isang maliwanag na silid .
The
windows are now open and the air conditioning is off . The warm morning wind was
now
blowing the sheer white curtains freely . I shifted my body a bit to confirm that I
am now alone in the room .

Habang nakahiga ako roon, naririnig ko ang bawat yapak ng kabayo sa baba nito .
Ngumuso ako at nilingon ang antigong relo sa kuwarto . It's past nine in the
morning . Ang tagal kong nagising, ah . Bumagsak ang mga mata ko sa bilugang lamesa
sa hindi kalayuan at nakita ko ang isang tray ng pagkain .

I heard the loud galloping of the horse again . I heard its neigh after a few
moments and then another drift of its gallops . Pagod akong bumangon, pikit pa ang
mga mata .

Ano nga ulit ang gagawin ko sa araw na ito? Oh yes, ask Heather some things, send
Heather back to Manila para magawa niya ang kailangan ko .

I need a doctor . Kailangan kong magbayad para pekein ang pagbubuntis ko at marami
pang iba . Will it be easier if I get our family doctor? Maybe . They were always
loyal to us . Isa pa, matagal ko nang OB ang isa sa mga family doctors namin . Siya
pa nga ang nagreseta sa akin ng pills para regular ang mens ko noon .

Unti-unti akong bumangon . The sheer creamy night dress I am wearing made me feel
like a ghost in some old room . Ngumuso ako at pinasadahan ng tingin ang kuwarto ni
Kajik . I have never stayed here before . The dominant color of the room were red,
brown, and black . Halos lahat ng bagay doon, gaya ng buong mansion, antigo,
mamahalin, at classic . It was also larger than all the guest rooms I stayed in
since I was young .

Hinawi ko ang kurtina at nakita ko sa baba ang pabalik-balik na pangangabayo ni

Kajik . His intense crouching whenever he urges the horse to power up the galloping
is very apparent when you look at how firmly chiseled his back muscles were .
He's topless and sweating . Sa angulo ko rito, kitang-kita ko ng buo ang kanyang
likod tuwing binibilisan ang takbo . When he reaches the end of their estate, he'd
skillfully maneuvre the horse to drift . Pagkaliko ng kabayo, mabilis agad na
tatakbo pabalik sa pinanggalingan, and so on . He looked like a mad master scheming
the laps for his horse until he stopped . The horse neighed .

Napaatras ako sa takot na makita niya akong nakatanaw sa kanya . My heart beated
loud at the sight of him powerfully commanding a beast . Niliko niya ang kabayo at
nawala siya sa paningin ko nang tahakin ang harap ng mansion na hindi kita sa
kinaroroonan kong silid .

Kajik's room is facing the steel swing and the many flowers ahead . Marami ring
puno
sa tanawin nito, naaalala ko tuloy nang wala sa sarili kong tinakbo ang daang iyan
hanggang sa mapadpad sa isang abandonadong mansion, hindi kalayuan .

Narinig ko ulit ang yapak ng kabayo . I turned to my right and saw the pristine
waters of Costa Leona . The maginificent and untouched shore looks priceless . I
cannot stop thinking how this mansion is so lucky to be in front of this majestic
view . Nahahapo akong suminghap nang nakita si Kajik sa tabing dagat, sakay sa
kabayong kanina pa pinaglalaruan .

Kinagat ko ang labi ko . The darkness on his eyes hooded with his thick silky
brows,
the cruel angle of his jaw, and his tender lips looked so attractive as he tried to
calmly let the horse walk at the edge of the shore, almost touching the waves .

Bumuntong hininga ako at lumabas ng kuwarto sa kagustuhang matanaw pa siya lalo .

Nasa pasilyo si Petrina at Frida, mga kasambahay na nakilala ko noon .

"M-Ma'am, magandang umaga po! Saan po kayo pupunta?" bati ni Petrina, medyo takot
.

They all strike my family as proud and bold . Noon pa man, ramdam ko na ang takot
nila sa mga magulang ko at sa akin . There is just nothing to worry about . Hindi
naman kami malulupit kaya hindi ko alam bakit ganito lamang sila .

"Paki tawag si Heather . Gusto ko siyang makausap . Salamat," sabi ko at tahimik na

tinahak ang pasilyo patungo sa balkonaheng nakatunghay sa dagat .

Along with Heather is my tray of breakfast . Ininit muli ang asparagus soup, the
bagel and the garlic bread looked tasty . Habang nakatanaw ako sa lalaking
mistulang
nasa isang shooting ng kung anong madramang pelikula, tumikhim si Heather bilang
pagpapaalam na naroon siya .

Umirap ako at suminghap .

"I have a problem," sabi ko .

"Hmm . Okay . My three-month salary, perhaps?" she grinned .

I glared at her . Umirap siya at humalukipkip .

"Nagtatanong siya ng maraming teknikal na bagay, Heather ."

"As expected ."

"I did not expect that!" agap ko . "I thought we'd break up after I broke the news
to him ."

Muli siyang umirap . Her doe eyes looked almost bored . She tucked her short hair
behind her ear .

"Kaya nga sinabi ko sa'yo na hindi ito gagana, hindi ba?"

"I don't believe that . This will work with the proper planning and evidences ."

"False evidences? Andra, may I remind you that your husband got the highest latin
honor when he was in college? And he' s double major, too . Nang gumraduate sa MBA,
ganoon din . And he's learning Naval Engineering, meaning mukhang matindi ang plano
niya para sa kompanya mo . By now, alam niya na sigurong hindi ito totoo ."

" Nawala ako ng isang taon at ilang buwan, Heather . Malay niya ba sa mga
pinaggagagawa ko . He can't prove that with logic alone . Nasisiguro ko iyon ."

Bumuntong-hininga si Heather . She looked so annoyed but I know that deep within
her, she loves me so dearly that she can't just let me do these things alone .

"Sige, anong kailangan kong gawin ."

"I need you to talk to my OB and convince her to give me a false document telling
that I'm pregnant . I will pay very generously!"

"Okay . . ." sabi niya, mukhang hindi kumbinsido . "Ano pa?"

"If she won't agree, just tell her that when someone asks her about it, sabihin na
lang na confidential . Kasi ikaw ang gagawa ng dokumentong iyon para may maipakita
ako kay Jandrik na katibayan na buntis ako . "

"He'll start bringing all the best OBs here in Panay Island, Andra . I am quite
surprised na hindi niya pa ginagawa iyon ngayon ."

"I convinced him not to by acting as if I'm tired, Heather . Kaya ako na ang bahala
sa mga iyan ."

Ngumuso si Heather, ngayon natatawa naman .

"Pack your bags, you're leaving later for that . Isa pa, I will work from here .
Send
me the pending things on my table ."

"Okay ." Tumango siya, natatawa pa rin .

Hindi ko na iaasa sa kanya ang iba pang mga katanungan gaya ng mga karaniwang mood
ng mga buntis dahil kaya ko namang iresearch iyon sa internet . In fact, may plano
na ako ngayon sa kung anong gagawin ko!

"Just send it to me . I need it to look very legit, okay? And think about the
loopholes of this plan, agapan mo ' yon kung may maisip ka . Sabihin mo agad sa
akin ."
Tumango siya . She then excused herself for it habang nanatili naman ang mga mata
ko
sa tanawin .

Bumaba si Kajik sa kabayo . Itinali niya iyon sa isang puno ng niyog, hindi kita
dahil sa batuhan . Ilang sandali, naglalakad na siya patungo sa dagat, with his
maong pants gone, only with his short black boxers .

I sipped on my milk as I watch him stride to the sea . Tumikhim ako at ilang
sandaling nag-isip kung pagbalik ba riyan dito, pupunta sa planta nila para sa
trabaho o maghapon siyang magpapalabuy-laboy riyan sa dagat .

Tinalikuran ko siya at sa pasilyo, natanaw ang dalawang kasambahay sa malayo,

nagwawalis ng kung anong alikabok sa sahig pero nakatanaw naman sa akin . Nang
nakitang nakatingin ako, mabilis na nag-iwas .

Naglakad ako papasok sa pasilyo . Maliligo at magbibihis muna ako para sa araw na
ito .

"Frida, anong madalas na schedule ni Jandrik kapag nandito siya?" I asked .

"Uh, gigising siya ng maaga . Nagjo-jogging sa dalampasigan, tapos nangangabayo .

Pagka alas nuebe, pumupuntang planta at maghapon siya roon . Sa gabi, nasa library
naman siya ."

Tumango ako .

"Pero . . . tingin ko, hindi siya pupuntang planta ngayon kasi lagpas alas nuebe na
at
nandito ka ."

"Salamat," I said after hearing about his usual schedule here .

Hindi ako naniniwala sa huling sinabi ni Frida . Nasisiguro kong ang lalaking iyon,
pupunta ng planta para magtrabaho . He's workaholic, that's why he got into that
position . Pinalitan ni Ivo si Ali sa MERC noon at mabilis ang pagbagsak ng
kompanya
nila . Kung wala si Kajik na nakabantay, siguradong lubog na sila ngayon . Ivo,
then
gave the company back to Ali after a few months when he realized it was not for
him . Ali refused dahilan ng pagkakapasa ng kompanya sa kay Kajik ngayon .

Even if he's on vacation, I am sure he'd somehow find a way to work .

Naligo ako at nagbihis ng isang medyo loose na spaghetti top dress . Bumaba ako
para
sabihin na kay Heather ang mga pinal na kailangan and then I send her away
afterwards because her flight will be three hours from now .

Ginapangan ako bigla ng kaba . Mahirap pa naman ang buhay kapag wala si Heather .
Well, puwede ko naman siyang pabalikin kung kailan ko gusto . ' Tsaka, importante
rin
kasi ang misyon niya .

Nilingon ko ang bulwagan nang tuluyan nang nawala ang sinakyan ni Heather .
Namataan
ko agad si Petrina at Frida na nag-aantay sa kung ano mang iuutos o gagawin ko .
Our
family is seriously more modern the the Mercadejas' . Kahit na ganito dapat si
Heather sa akin noon, ayaw ko namang may sunod nang sunod sa lahat ng gagawin ko .
Hindi na makatarungan iyon . This family is medieval .

"Si Jandrik?" tanong ko sabay taas ng kilay .

"Nasa dagat pa rin, Ma'am ."

Nagtagis ang bagang ko . Nakakainip, ha! Kanina pag gising ko, andun na siya .
Malapit nang mag lunch, ah? 'Tsaka lang ba siya uuwi rito kapag tanghalian na?

Well, buntis naman ako kaya puwede akong mag request ng mga kakaibang bagay .

Tumikhim ako at sinapo ang aking ulo . Hinilot ko ang aking sentido with matching
pikit ng mga mata bago nagsalita .

"Call him . I'm not feeling well ."

"Sige po!"
Naglakad na ako patungo sa kanilang engrandeng sofa . Naupo ako roon at hinilig
ang
likod s backrest noon . This large mansion without the people would be very boring
.
Kailan kaya maiisipan ni Kajik na umuwi kaming Manila? Ilang linggo ba ang inilaan
niya para kunin ako sa kung nasaan ako? Hay!

Ilang sandali ang lumipas, wala pa ring Jandrik sa harap ko .

"Petrina!?" tawag ko .

"Opo!"

"Si Jandrik?"

"Ma'am, naligo lang po saglit . Sasabihin ko ulit na tinatawag na siya ."

Lumipas ulit ang ilan pang sandali . Dumilat ako nang narinig ang mga yapak .
Inangat
ko ang ulo ko at nakita ang mamasa masa niyang katawan . His hair was wet so it
looked kind of longer than usual . Wearing a new maong pants and a black v-neck t-
shirt, he was drying the tips of his hair with a white towel .

Ngumuso ako, nag-iwas ng tingin sa kanya . Lalo na dahil walang pag-aalinlangan

siyang lumapit sa kinauupuan ko . He even sat just beside me . The smell of musk,
aftershave, and mint made me suddenly sensitive . Strange how it feels so familiar
and foreign at the same time . Inaatake ako ng mga kinalimutan kong bagay sa kanya,
kaya ngayon namamangha ako muli na parang unang beses ko pa iyong napansin .

"Sorry . I took a brisk shower before coming here . You're not feeling well?" he
said
in a firm and serious tone .

Today is the start of pestering him with just about anything under the sun .
Eventually, he will return me to my real baby-daddy because he can't stand a
pregnant woman . I can feel it .

"May puno ng manga sa tapat ng kuwadra," I said .

His lips protruded and his eyes darkened . I can sense the menace and some bit of
humore he tried to conceal .

"I'm craving for green mangoes," I said .

Tumango siya . "Papaakyatin ko si Mang Ronnie at ang ibang tauhan sa puno ."

Umiling ako . Smiling evilly inside my head, I then uttered, " Gusto ko ikaw ang
umakyat ."

Nagulat ako dahil hindi siya nagulat . Nakatingin lang siya sa akin na tila wala
akong sinabing masama . He nodded immediately and without hesitation! Akala ko
tatanggi siya at ipipilit niya na marami silang tauhan at puwedeng sila na ang
gagawa!

"How many do you want, then?" he asked in an indulgent voice .

Tumikhim ako at nag-isip .

"Marami..." tanging nasabi ko dahil hindi ako makaisip ng tamang bilang .

Tumango siya at tumayo na . Kinabahan tuloy ako . Hindi ko kayang manatili sa

bulwagan at maghintay ng mga nakuha niyang manga .

"You can stay here and wait," he offered .

Umiling ako . "Titingnan ko ang pagkuha mo ."

Hindi niya naman ako inawat sa gusto kong mangyari . Nagpaalam siya sa
tagapangalaga
ng kabayo na aakyat siya sa puno ng mangga . May hagdanan naman sila pero hindi
iyon
sapat para makarating sa kung saan maraming bunga .

Inutos noong tagapangalaga ang pagkuha ng basket sa mga kasambahay . Mabilis naman
na nagdala si Frida at Petrina ng mga basket .

"Sir Kajik, ako na lang po ang aakyat," offer ng mas maliit at mas batang
tagapangalaga ng kabayo .

Kajik removed his shirt . Sa likod ko ay singhapan ng nanonood na mga kasambahay .

Nilingon ko sila at mariing tiningnan . Napatutop ang ilan ng labi at hindi na ako
matingnan ng diretso . Pagsisisantehin ko kayo r'yan, e . Now, I wonder how many
times did they drool over Kajik's firm muscles and hard body? Habang wala ako, iyon
ba ang pinagkakaabalahan nila?

"Gusto ng asawa ko na ako ang aakyat, kaya ako na," he announced .

I heard the soft murmurs from the housemaids . Hindi ko na iyon nilingon pa at
nagpatuloy na lang ako sa panonood kay Kajik nang nagsimula nang umakyat sa puno ng
manga .

Each time he reached for a bark, his back formed ripples of hard muscles . Nanuyo
ang lalamunan ko kapapanood sa kanyang umaakyat na ganoon . His forearm's veins
showed more when he forcefully pulled himself up .

Ngumuso ako nang natantong wala na ako sa sarili . He looked safe so I wasn't very
concerned with that . I was more concerned of his steel-like muscles, proven each
time he gracefully pulls up .

Mabilis ang galaw niya nang pinagpipitas ang iilang magkakatabing manga . In my
opinion, tama na iyon pero para kay Kajik, kulang pa . He moved to his left to get
more of it until he was satisfied .
So much for pestering him, huh? Parang sa sobrang pagkamangha ko, natameme na lang
ako . Mabuti pa ang mga kasambahay, nagsisipulot pa ng mga manggang nakuha niya .
Ako? Nakatunganga at nakangangang nakatingin sa kanya .

Nang namataan ang iilang natunganga ring kasambahay, mabilis akong nag anunsyo .

"Ayun pa, oh! Petrina, Frida! Pulutin n'yo!" utos ko .

Ganid ka, Andra!

He then slowly went down the tree . Kinabahan ako lalo na nang nakitang medyo
mahirap iyon . Lumapit ako sa puno pero bago pa ako maka apila, patalon siyang
nakababa sa puno . He clapped once to remove dust particles on his palms . Mabilis
namang nagbigay ng puting tuwalya si Frida .

"Eto po, Sir," sabi niya sa marahang boses .

My eyes violently drifted to Frida's friendly smile . Paano ba mansisante ng mga

kasambahay na matagal na? Kung binigay niya sana sakin 'yong tuwalya para ako na
ang magbigay kay Kajik, okay sana, ' di ba? Ang daming pabida sa mundong ito!

Sa iritasyon ko, hindi ko na namalayan na naroon na si Kajik sa harap ko . He

snaked
his arm around my waist . Iginiya niya sa akin ang pagbabalik sa mansyon .
"Let's go now . I'm gonna peel those mangoes for you, okay?"

Nanatili ang iritasyon ko . Tumango ako pero tahimik na tinalikuran ang mga tauhan
at sumunod na kay Kajik sa kusina .

May kung anu-ano siyang inutos sa mga kasambahay dahilan ng pagkawala nila sa
kusina . Naupo ako sa highchair at pumangalumbaba sa counter top habang hinihintay
siyang mambalat ng manga .

Now with his t-shirt, we were left alone by the housemaids . Iyon kaya ang inutos
niya? Na iwan kaming dalawa rito?

"You did not eat much of your breakfast, I heard," aniya habang kinukuha ang
peeler
at ang hinugasang manga .

"Busog na ako . Konti lang naman ang kinakain ko," sabi ko .

" Are you sure? This isn' t good for you if you' re hungry, Andra, " he said pertaining
to the unripe mangoes .

Sumimangot ako . He equalled my disappointment, too . Ngumuso ako dahil alam kong
hindi siya papayag na kumain ako nito kapag gutom ako .

"Konti lang ang kakainin ko . 'Tsaka busog nga ako sa breakfast . Inubos ko 'yong
garlic bread ."

He started peeling it . Ngayon, seryoso siyang nagbabalat ng manga . Pumangalumbaba

ako at tinatanaw siyang seryoso . His seriousness reminded me of the way he was
passionately working back in Batangas Port . Ilang beses ko siyang natanaw na
seryoso sa kanyang ginagawa at pareho ang opinyon ko roon . He's very attractive
whenever he's this passionate . Trabaho man o pagbabalat ng mangga!

"Malapit na naman tayong mag lunch . Kakain ako ng marami," I assured him .

"You sent Heather back to Manila?" tanong niya habang nagbabalat .

"Yes . Since ayaw mong bumalik na sa trabaho, I will ask her to send the pending
things on my table . She will monitor some of my works, too ."

Nang sumulyap siya sa akin nakita ko ang paninimbang sa kanyang mga mata pero
nawala rin naman agad iyon . Nanatili ang titig ko sa kanya, nakakamanghang tingnan
na nandito siya sa harap ko, alipin sa lahat ng gusto ko . I wonder if he'll do
everything I want him to do just because I'm pregnant?

"Did you ask her the name of your OB before she left?"

Shit!

"Hindi na kailangan . It's just my family doctor . My OB..." confident kong sinabi
nang naalala ko ang desisyon ko kanina .

He stopped . Nanliliit ang kanyang mga matang tiningnan ako .

"And you can't remember the name yesterday?"

The fuck?!

"Well . . ." Nagkibit ako ng balikat . "I was just exhausted so I kind o-of forgot
."