Secrets and lies script

By: Lucas Shaw and Alina Sirbu

Inspired by Harold Pinter

A spotlight appears in the Centre of the table of a and lingers there for 5 seconds
(foreshadowing the 5/4 thing)
The lights come up to reveal a small but nice apartment
The spouses enter through stage left wife first with bags of groceries
They are in the middle of a conversation as the conversation begins to be audible
for the audience.

Husband:
So, what’s the plan for food again?

The husband begins to sit on their sofa and watch the TV

Wife:
I told you, the plan for food is we are gonna ask what he wants when he gets here.

Wife begins to unpack their groceries

Husband:
Yeah, well you know what he’s like, he’s gonna say “I'm fine with whatever” and then
we are gonna have to decide anyway so we might as well have the conversation now

Wife:
yeah, I suppose so…

The wife begins to think about all the possible things they can eat.
 Wife:
Uh… how about pizza?

Husband:
Sure, pizza sounds fine, I still wish you were cooking, you know he would love your
spaghetti bolognaise

The wife stops packing as she admires her husband for a second before just looking
at him. The husband continues to watch TV. The wife sighs in disappointment.

Wife:
I know but I'm just so tired tonight, I just want a nice dinner with an old friend

Husband:
Well still it’s a shame. Oh fuck, babe sorry I forgot the drinks downstairs could
you grab them for me.

The wife sighs as she nodded slowly

Wife:
Alright, fine.

The wife exits through stage left.

The husband takes out his phone

A projection of what is on his phone is appeared behind him, it is shown that he is

on Instagram looking at photos of other women

The husband looks interested, aroused and has a look as if to say, “should I?”

Husband:
Fuck it
 On the projection behind the Husband, it shows the audience his Instagram
notifications, the audience see that a couple of the women he followed also followed
him back and liked his first three posts.

The Wife makes a return with a six pack of beer along with two bottles of wine and a
bottle of vodka

Wife:
Hey

The Husband almost immediately puts his phone away trying not to look suspicious as
the projection of the screen disappears behind him.

Husband:
Hey

The husband gets up, looks around the apartment as he walks to the kitchen area to
talk to the wife

Husband:
Are you sure the place is presentable enough for dinner?

Wife:
Well, I don’t know. When I brought up the idea of tidying yesterday you said it was
fine

Husband:
No, I said I was too tired to start cleaning

Wife:
Well.... we could....
 Husband:
Actually... you know it's fine I'll go put up those stupid paper flags things to
distract him

The husband grabs the bunting from a box under their bed and starts putting it
around the kitchen

This makes the wife look worried, but she brushes it off and proceeds to set the
table for 3

There are 2 identical plates and cups that she puts at the head and left side of the
table, and a different plate and cup next the right side of the table

The doorbell rings halfway through the husband putting up the flags and decides to
just leave them hanging

Husband:
Shit he’s early

Wife:
Guess he can't have changed that much

The husband answers the door

When the husband is greeted by the guest, he is super excited

Husband:
Hey

Guest:
Hi guys

Husband:
 Come here

The husband pulls him into a “man hug” which takes the guest by surprise

Spotlight shines on the guest

The wife greets him with a gentle French style kiss on the cheek

The guest is slightly taken aback but overall likes the greeting

Spotlight returns to normal stage lighting

Wife:
Well come sit, tell us everything

They move to the living room where he sits between the husband and wife

Husband:
Yeah, like did that computer shit ever go anywhere

Guest:
uh yeah it did I'm now a software engineer for Microsoft, so you know, as you
said, computer shit. I'm in town on a business trip, nice table

Wife:
Oh thank you, software engineer? that must pay well

Guest:
I do alright for myself money wise

Wife:
That’s so cool, what about outside of work? Any momentous love affairs?
 Guest:
Nah not really, I'm, uh, I'm a single pringle ready to mingle

Neither the husband nor the wife laughs at first but once they register that he’s
trying to be funny both chuckle

The guest looks embarrassed

Wife:
(Puts her hand on his thigh) Well, I'm sure it's any day now

Guest smiles awkwardly and nods

Husband promptly changes the subject

Husband:
My laptop has been acting up recently. Would you be able to look at it sometime

Guest:
Yeah sure, not now though I've had a whole day of meetings and computer stuff and
I'd rather not have to look at another pixel

Husband:
Ah alright that’s fine

wife:
Well, we should probably order food before places close

Guest:
Good idea

Husband:
 Yeah So, what are you in the mood for?

Guest:
(Taken aback) Oh, you want me too.... oh, ok well I’m fine with whatever

The husband looks at the wife to say “I told you so”

Guest:
You know just as long as it’s not too heavy, I'm trying to lose weight at the moment

Wife:
Really? Why, you look great?

Guest:
Yeah, it’s just I’ve started a little yoga just to help with back problems cause I’m
hunched over a computer screen all day and it’s just got me thinking more about my
health and what I put in my body and all that pretentious shit

Wife:
Well, I think you look fine as you are

Husband:
Jeez you never talk to me that way

Wife:
Well, you know how much I like how you look

The husband-and-wife kiss which makes the guest uncomfortable

Wife:
Oh well how about the pizza place that just opened, I've heard they’ve got vegan
options is that alright?
 Guest:
Pizza, Yeah, that sounds great

Husband:
(To the wife) and you want the usual?

Wife:
Yes please

The husband walks to the kitchen to call the pizza place and order

The guest:
So, what have you been doing?

The wife:
Accounting

The guest is taken aback

-The guest:
Oh? Cool, yeah, I mean you were always good at math's

The wife:
(chuckles) Yeah, it's not the most exciting thing in the world but someone has to
pay the bills

The guest:
(Gesturing to the husband) Oh, does he not?

The wife:
No, no not at the moment, but hes a little insecure about it so I don’t bring it

Guest:
Oh, ok cool

Awkward silence

Guest:
So, I'm assuming the dance thing didn’t take off

Wife:
No I....

(Husband returns from the kitchen)

Husband:
What are we talking about?

Guest:
Well, I was just asking about her dance thing

Husband:
Yeah, she gave that up a while ago, although back in the day she was very...
flexible. (Winks to guest)

Guest softly chuckles

Wife looks uncomfortable

Husband:
But yeah, it was a pipe dream right honey
 In a disappointing/longing tone

Wife:
Yeah... I suppose

Guest:
Well, I don’t know but that one show in saddler wells you were in was amazing, like
I'm not a dance expert or anything but that one spinney jumpy thing....

Wife:
Pirouette

Guest:
Right the pirouette was stunning, you could consider going to some classes just for
fun. You have a real gift

Wife:
Well…

(Wife looks to husband)

Husband:
I don’t really think she has time for that with her job and all that

Guest:
Well, what do you do for work?

(Wife looks at guest but guest doesn’t break his gaze with the husband)

Husband:
I am currently writing a memoir, I’ve been working on it for a couple of months, but
material hasn’t been flowing that great.
 Guest:
Oh, so your writing must have come a long way since GCSE English

Husband:
I know I'm not the most skilled punctually, I just felt this calling, you know as
Edgar Allan poe said “I’m writing my story so that others might see fragments of
themselves.”

Guest:
(He says under his breath) Lena Waithe

Husband:
What?

Guest:
The quote, it's from Lena Waithe not Edgar Allan poe

Husband:
No, I think it's...

Guest:
No, it's definitely Lena Waithe

Husband:
Oh

Awkward silence

The wife and guest attempt to say something simultaneously

Guest:
 So, when....

Wife:
Well have....

Guest:
Oh sorry, you can go if you...

Wife:
No, you go

Guest:
you sure?

Wife nods

Guest:
I was just going to ask when you moved in here

Husband:
We've been here for a week and a half

Guest:
Ok cool, so recently

Wife:
I was gonna ask if you have been up to anything recently, but I already asked that

Guest:
Nope just, computers you know
 All 3 chuckle

Small chuckle dies down to awkward silence that lasts at least 5 seconds

Husband:
So, when do you think the pizza will get here

Stage lights go down

(Dinner party with friends playlist starts playing starts playing)
(Spotlight opens on the 3 of them around the table laughing at a story)

guest:
Oh god that one smart kid that was younger than everyone, what was his name again

Husband:

Well its interesting, Remember he was Russian (pause) and he was called Boris and
everybody called him Boris as far as I was aware that was his name (inhale), until I
started dating (pause) her uhm, in lower sixth and I called him Boris and we talked
about Boris one day and she said, (pause) “you know hes not called Boris” (laughs)
and I said, oh no he is (laughs), and she said “nono hes called Timothee”.

Guest:
(laughs) what!

Wife:

Yeah so (small pause) Boris was actually called Timothee,(pause) Timothee was a
genius and his dad (pause) had come over to teach in queens, hence why he was in
Ireland and not in Russia uhm, he was (pause) several years younger than the rest of
the year because he was a genius and also completely obnoxious (everyone laughs),
and then (pause) kids being kids hes Russian therefor he got Boris, so much so that
at least once when a teacher was annoyed with him he called him Boris

Guest:
 God how did I not remember that

Wife:
Yeah, like you do not remember that week he wore a name tag saying “Timothee” to get
people to stop but everyone just started wearing name tags that also said Timothee

guest:
Oooooohhhhh that was why people did that

Husband:
(chuckles) so good, God what is Boris up too these days

Wife:
Last I heard he was studying to be a nurse

Husband:
Jesus really, God this day and age is ridiculous why would he try for male nurse.
You know this generation doesn’t even have the pride to strive for something better

Guest:
Something better?

Husband:
Yeah... you know like doctor or surgeon

Guest:
Wait... are you concerned about the fact hes a nurse or that hes a..... male nurse

Husband:
Jesus don’t tell me your one of new woke police out there
 Guest:
no, I was just thinking it’s a bit strange that you’re questioning others drive in
life when your... you know... not even 30 and writing a memoir

Husband:
(defensively) I...

Husband and guest don’t break eye contact

Dancing in the moonlight starts playing

Wife:
(Cuts him off)
(Turns to guest) God do you remember this song!

Guest:
Oh, shit yeah, I loved this song

Wife:
Do you remember we had that one sleep over and we played it on repeat

Husband:
I do, it was the most annoying night of my life

Guest:
Yeah, I think that rings a bell, hey did you know top loader now refuses to play
this song live because it’s the only song people know them for and it’s a cover

Wife:
Oh, that’s a shame, but I get that. well, are you done with (gesture to his plate)
 Guest:
Oh yes

Wife:
Ok let's clear the table to play a game? Honey, can you help me with the dishes

The husband, wife and guest all stand

The husband begins to put his plate and glass into the kitchen area

The wife reaches for both hers and the guest's plate

Guest:
Oh, I can....

Wife:
No, you're our guest you sit.

Guest:
It's really not a problem...

Wife:
Please I insist

The guest nods and goes to message someone on his phone

The wife brings hers and the guest plate and cup into the kitchen where she has a
hushed conversation with the husband

Wife:
Can you please not with the rants tonight

Husband:
What, he started it if he...

Wife:
(sharply) ah ah ah, I don’t wanna hear it you....

Guest:
(Yells whilst looking down at his phone) hey how about we play some poker

Wife:
Absolutely that sound's lovely

Husband:
Yep, great

Husband throws a deck of cards to the guest

Husband:
You get it ready

The guest starts shuffling the cards

Wife:
 Look I have been looking forward to this for ages now and I will not have you
ruining it with another one of your rants

Husband:
Look I'm gonna speak however I want in my own home its him that’s

Wife:
Oh, drop it you...

Guest:
(Yelling over) Do you wanna play for money cause we could make it a drinking game if
you like

Husband:
You mean like you lose you take a shot

Guest:
Yeah, kind of but more like you bet a sip of beer then you raise with a shot of
vodka and all who lose have to take the different drinks that have been bet

The wife shakes her head and starts to say something

Wife:
I.... (the full sentence is I don’t know)

Husband:
Fuck yeah! That sounds like fun

Guest:
Perfect I'd feel bad takin your money anyway
 Wife:
I really don’t think....

Husband:
Don’t get all hysterical, it'll be fun

The husband starts to walk over to the table

Wife:
Hey we’re not done with the dishes

Husband doesn’t even turn his head to look at the wife

Husband:
Eh, you can deal with it later come on, bring the drink

Guest:
Oh, and a pen and pad to track what drinks we’ve bet

The wife looks hesitant but walks over with the drinks

Guest:
Alright so stand Texas hold em up?

Husband:
yep
 Wife:
(worriedly) alright

Guest:
Ok so remember you only have to drink whatever you have bet before the end of the
hand, and just so you don’t fold to avoid drinking anything let's say the Anty is a
sip of beer, sound good?

Husband and wife nod

Guest starts dealing

Husband:
I can't wait to see you both wasted out of your minds

Wife:
(sheepishly) well you're going to be waiting awhile

Guest:
Woah, yeah that’s the spirit, ok (to the wife) the bet is with you

Wife:
Uhm. A drink of wine

Husband:
call:

Guest:
Call, ok (to the wife) how many you want

Wife:
three please

The wife gives 3 cards back and the guest gives 3 cards to the wife
 The guest turns to the husband

Husband:
1

The husband gives one back and the guest gives 1 to the husband
The guest gives 2 back to the deck and takes 2 for his hand

Guest:
ok (to the wife) bet is again with you

Wife:
(Looks to her cards) fold (she then takes a sip of beer then a drink of wine)

Husband:
Aw that’s no fun

Guest:
If a player wishes to fold that is their right, so what do u bet:

Husband:
Shot of vodka

Guest:
(Looks at his cards and considers it) call, whatcha got

Husband:
Pair of queens

Guest:
 Dammit, pair of 4’s

Husband:
Ha, I knew you were still unlucky

Guest:
And don’t I know it (he takes sip of beer, a drink of wine, and a shot of vodka that
he doesn’t react too)

Guest shuffles then starts dealing again

Husband:
Wait so I don’t get anything from that

Guest:
Yeah, that’s the point there is no winning there is just, not losing

Wife:
That’s kinda depressing

Guest:
nonono its fun just gives it a bit, ok bets with you try going a bit bigger this
time

Wife:
Ok well (looks at her cards) a big drink of beer

Husband:
That’s better, ok call

Guest:
call, (looks to wife) how many you want
 Wife:
2 please

The wife gives 2 cards back and the guest gives 2 cards to the wife

Guest turns to the husband

Husband:
3

The husband gives 3 cards back and the guest gives 3 cards to the husband

The gives one back to the deck and gives himself 1

Guest:
Alright (turns to the wife)

Wife:
(Exams her cards) shot of vodka

Husband:
ok (takes a pause and examines his cards) ok I think you're bluffing, call

Guest:
Ok I fold (drinks a sip of beer then a big drink of beer)

Husband:
Pair of tens and threes

Wife:
 (smiles) oh wow, pair of jacks and fours

Husband:
Fuck dammit!

Guest:
That is a cool coincidence Tho

Husband groans and takes his sip of beer, big drink of beer and shot of vodka that
he reacts too

Guest shuffles then deals

Husband:
Alright that was a Flook

Wife and guest simultaneously:

Sure, it was

Both look at each other and smile

Guest:
Alright yet again, bet is with you

Wife:
Ok, a big ol’ drink of beer
 Husband:
Call

Guest:
Call, and I raise you another drink of beer

Wife:
Call

Husband:
Call

Guest:
(Turns to wife) what would you like

Wife:
1 please

(The wife gives 1 card back and the guest gives 1 card to the wife)

(Guest turns to husband)

Husband:
1

(The husband gives 1 card back and the guest gives 1 card to the husband)

(The guest puts 1 from his hand back into the deck and takes one for himself)
 Guest:
(Turns to wife) alright

Wife:
Shot of vodka

Husband:
Ooooo, call

Guest:
Call and I raise you another shot of vodka

Wife:
(Looks worried but confidently looks at her cards) call

Husband:
Sure, I'm not a pussy, call

Guest:
Full house

Husband:
Shit, I thought you were bluffing, 3 nines

Wife:
Pair of aces
 Guest:
Woah that was a lucky hand for all of us, unfortunately not lucky enough now drink
up

(The wife and husband drink their 2 drinks of beer and 2 shots of vodka)

(Guest starts shuffling)

Guest:
Alright how about one more round than the sweat (he starts dealing)

Husband:
(Slurring his words) yep sounds good

Wife:
Honey are you alrigh.....

Guest:
hes fine ok (turns to wife) bets with you

Wife:
Ok uh, sip of beer

Husband:
Pussy, raise a shot of vodka

Wife:
Honey...
 Guest:
Nono it’s a poker-player right to bet what his, I call

Wife:
Fold

Guest:
(Turns to husband) how many do you want

Husband:
(Examines cards) 2

(The husband gives 2 cards back and the guest gives 2 cards to the husband)

(The guest doesn’t take any for himself)

Husband:
Woah you didn’t take any for yourself

Guest:
Don’t need it, ok bets with you

Husband:
(Looks suspiciously at the guest) Shot of vodka

Guest:
call and I raise you another shot of vodka

Husband:
 (Looks at his cards) fuck (pause) fold

Guest:
(smiles)

Husband:
What did you have

Guest:
What?

Husband:
your hand, what was it

Guest:
I'm not gonna tell you that

Husband:
no come on, just tell me

Guest:
Fuck no, you have to pay to see it

Husband:
(Reaches for the guest's cards) I just want to...
 Guest:
(Shuffles his cards into the deck)

Husband:
You fucking bastard you have always been like this you....

Wife:
(stands) stop!

(The stage goes quiet except for the background music)

Wife:
(Turns to the husband) can I speak to you in the other room

(Husband and wife sit on stools either side of the window facing each other)
(Projection of the husband and wife's profiles in silhouette is projected on the
window)
You can see they are fighting and muffled argument plays)
(The guest sits and messages on his phone for 5 seconds then proceeds to wander
around the apartment unfazed by the fight)
(After a while the husband storms off the screen and the husband on the chair faces
forward)
(The projection on the screen fades away and the wife gets up and walks over to the
guest)
(The guest suddenly starts to look sympathetic)
(The wife and the guest look at each other)

Wife:
I'm sorry for....

(The guest hugs her for 5 seconds)

 (They move over to the sofa and sit beside each other)

Wife:
I know we haven't talked about what happened a few years ago, I can't begin to
understand what you went through and... and I'm Sor....

Guest:
We don’t need to do this. Just Don’t

(silence)

Guest:
I tried calling you, a few times actually I guess you were busy with him but, I
found out that the dial tone sound is in 5/4

Wife:
What?

Guest:
5/4 the time signature you know musically, 5 beats in a bar

(Wife looks confused)

It's like (mimicking the phone dial tone) eh, Eh, 3, 4, 5, eh,
Eh, 3, 4, 5. Try it, call me and listen for yourself

(Wife calls the guest)

(Guests phone goes off and his ringtone is dancing in the moonlight by top loader)
 Guest:
Shit sorry, I thought it was silent sorry. (Awkwardly attempts to Put it on silent
and eventually succeeds) ok try again

(The wife calls the guest again and the dial tone starts playing)

(After the first bar of the dial tone a drum beat starts to rise and plays along to
the beat of the dial tone which gradually gets louder)

(The guest and the wife lock eye)

(The guest looks back to where the husband is sitting)
(The guest looks back at the wife)
(The guest leans in for a kiss)
(The wife considers it but then draws away)

Wife:
I can't... I'm sorry
(She quickly attempts to leave)
(The guest grabs her arm)

Guest:
No please

(The wife shakes him off and continues to head towards her stool

Wife:
I'm sorry

Guest:
 No PLEASE.

(Drum beat ends but the dial tone continues for one more bar)

(The wife sits looking forward)

(The husband looks off stage)

Guest:
(Sighs as if hes dropping a character)
(The guest takes off his jacket and glasses and rolls his sleeves up)
(He pours himself a shot of vodka and takes it)
(He takes out his phone and calls someone)

Guest:
hey, everything go to plan (pause) great, see you soon

(The guest starts drinking wine from the bottle)

(The doorbell rings and the guest answer it)

Guest:
That’ll be for me

(The guest picks up a duffle bag with a bowling ball shape object inside)

(The guest sets the duffle bag on the table)

(The guest looks at it then walks over to it and smiles)

 Guest:
Now she’ll understand. I had a pair of threes by the way

Stage cuts to black

After 3 seconds a spotlight opens on the husband's severed head lying on the table