Studies show that if you have an avoidant attachment, you tend to be less happy and less

satisfied in your relationships

Leaving a trail of broken hearts. Seeing need as a weakness.
Devoid to meaningful connection.

Repress rather than express emotions.

Word recognition task studies, they struggled to pick up on words like love, happiness, care.
But when they were distracted their ability to repress lessened.

Avoidance are quick to think negatively about their partners, seeing them as needy and
overly dependant, but ignore their own needs and fears about relationships. They despise
others for being needy and are themselves immune to those needs. It is the defensive style
that makes them seem that way. Faced with a stressful life event, avoidance are quick to
break down, they then appear and behave like people with anxious attachement style.

You connect with your partner, but always maintain some mental distance and an escape
route.

Deactivating behaviour: any behaviour that’s used to squelch intimacy. Suppressing your
attachment system:

 ‘im not ready to commit’

 Feeling suffocated.
 Focusing on small imperfections from your partner: way they talk, eat and allowing it
to get in the way of romantic feelings
 Pinning after an ex.
 Flirting with others.
 Not saying ‘I love you’
 Pulling away when things are going well
 Keeping secrets and leaving things foggy

You have this false notion of self reliance. You count on other people for work.
Studies show the belief of self reliance is associated with reduced degree of comfort and
intimacy. By overrating self reliance, you diminish the ability to get support from other
people, thus cutting yourself off from an important life line.
You ignore the needs of your partner and focus only on your own needs, prevents you from
enjoying being part of something bigger than yourself.

Time and distance, the threat of intimacy is gone, you no longer feel the need to suppress
your true feelings.
Partner that is crushed ad protests but this only strengthns your conviction that she or he is
not the one.
How can you change?
Avoidant attachement style assume that the reason why they’re unable to commit to a
relationship has little to do with themselves and a lot to do with external circumstances.
They rarely search inside themselves

 LEARN TO IDENTIFY DEACTIVATING STRAITEGIES. DON’T ACT ON YOUR IMPULSE. –

because its your attachement systems way of making you step back. Remind yourself
that you need intimacy despite your discomfort with it.
 De-emphases self reliance and focus on mutual support. When your partner feels
that they have a secure base to fall back on and when you don’t feel the need to
distance yourself, you’ll both be able to look outward and do your own thing. You;ll
become more independent and your partner will be less needy.
 Make a relationship gratitude list. Objective should be to notice your partners
positive actions

Typically, despite differing intimacy needs, the anxious partner usually has to make the
compromise by accepting the rules imposed by the avoidant partner. Avoidance tend to
become more hostile and distant after arguments progress.

Priming for security: Find a secure attachement style couple and a secure way of dealing
with their partner.
Summerise the characteristics that you want to adopt, and this becomes your inspiring role
model.

The hearts of the people are like containers. The best container is the one with greater
capacity.
The 1st part of ishfaq: having sympathy for your actions.
2nd part: having a deeper insight into the management of time.
Time is used as an expression to utilise every moment of his time is association with Allah.
Detach themselves from dunya, and driving your focus towards allah.