Running head: RESEARCH PAPER 1

Research Paper: Communication Differences Between Men and Women

Melissa Torres

California State University, Fullerton

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Society is always changing. Every generation is different and affects the way society

works in a different way. Things that are common today were most likely not common fifty

years ago. Although many things have changed over time, there is one thing that hasn’t really

changed: sex differences. There are so many sex differences in many aspects of life, but

especially when it comes to expressing one’s emotions and showing emotional support to others.

Men are less likely to express their feelings than women because of sociocultural factors and

both men and women perceive emotional support in different ways.

There are two different types of socialization accounts that explain why there is such a

big sex difference in communication and support of emotion, which are the different cultures

account and the skill specialization account. (Kunkel, 1999) The first account, the different

cultures account, basically states that sex differences in emotional support and behavior reflect

what are seen as masculine and feminine cultures. (Kunkel, 1999) Since sex differences come

from different cultures, then that would lead to fundamental differences in the interpersonal

relationships of men and women. There would be differences in what women and men seek in

relationships, differences in how men and women develop relationships and differences in how

men and women handle relationship issues.

The different cultures account explains that the different socialization practices directed

at boys and girls leads to the articulation of two distinct cultures. (Kunkel, 1999) Since men and

women are socialized into different emotional worlds, they tend to develop different ways of

dealing with emotional experiences. It influences the ways in which they perceive and evaluate

behaviors such as comforting. It was found that men preferred talking to their same-sex friends

about both relationship and task problems, while women preferred talking to their same-sex
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friends about relationship problems and to men about task problems. (Kunkel, 1999) It was

shown that both men and women were satisfied with the type of comfort same-sex peers provide.

Since men and women grow up in different cultures, the way they perceive emotional

comfort differs and can lead to misunderstandings. Typically, men and women talk about

troubling situations, feelings or both, but there is a huge contrast in how they do it and the way

they comfort one another. Women often perceive men’s comforting efforts as dismissive, while

men are only trying to provide support in a respectful manner. (Kunkel, 1999) On the other hand,

men often perceive the emotional support provided by women as demeaning, when in reality

women are trying to express sympathy. (Kunkel, 1999)

The second account, the skill specialization account, basically states that men and women

belong to the same culture, but the social distribution of knowledge lead women to be more

skillful in some areas, such as providing emotional support, while men are more skillful in other

areas, such as persuading and informing. (Kunkel, 1999) The differences in socialization results

in the development of emotional support skills in girls, but discourages these abilities among

boys. In time of stress, both men and women would prefer turning to women for comfort.

Research has shown that men may have skill deficits in communicative behaviors related to

expressing and managing emotions. (Kunkel, 1999) Since women are more able to create

feelings of intimacy and closeness, interaction with them results in reduced levels of loneliness

and an enhanced sense of support. (Kunkel, 1999)

Evidence has been provided stating that men and women perceive and utilize

interpersonal relationships in a very different way. Women tend to engage in intimate, emotional,

and self-disclosing relationships. Men, on the other hand, engage in task- or activity-oriented

social interactions that are basically nonintimate. (Rosenthal, 1986) A study using a small sample
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of college students showed that women spent more time than men interacting with members of

their social networks and more time sharing feelings during a period of “environmentally

induced stress.” (Rosenthal, 1986) Another study using a sample of college students found that

women with low social support appeared to be less happy and more introverted than women with

high social support. On the other hand, the relationships for men were not as strong. (Rosenthal,

1986)

In a study conducted by scientists Stokes and Wilson, it was reported that women tend to

receive more emotional support than men. (Rosenthal, 1986) In a more recent study, it was

suggested that one’s sex role orientation, rather than gender alone, may be a very important

variable. (Rosenthal, 1986) With that in mind, would be possible for an individual to

demonstrate both instrumental behaviors, like men, and expressive behaviors, like women, at the

same time? The scientist Bem has been one of the first to suggest that this is possible and that

these individuals belong in a third category named androgynous. (Rosenthal, 1986) These

androgynous individuals have shown higher self-esteem than sex-typed individuals.

Not only do men and women differ in the way they communicate emotion verbally, but

also in the way they communicate physically. Physically interacting with one another, such as

touching is a rich medium of social exchange. Through it, individuals form strong attachments

and cooperative alliances. They also negotiate status differences, they soothe and calm, and they

express sexual and romantic interest. (Hertenstien, 2011) Given that touch is a major part of

social life, it is highly gendered form of human communication. Some research indicates that

touch communicates the hedonic tone of emotion predominantly, that is warmth or distress

(Hertenstien, 2011)
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In the study conducted by Hertenstein, it was found that women are more likely than men

to perceive touch from opposite-gender strangers as unpleasant and an invasion of privacy. The

more women perceive a touch as sexual from a male stranger, the less they perceive the touch as

warm and friendly. (Hertenstein, 2011) The more men perceive a touch from a female stranger as

sexual, the more they perceive it as warm and friendly. This demonstrates that even when both

genders have the same intention with their touch, they are perceived very differently by the

opposite sex.

According to both evolutionary and social role accounts, gender differences occur in the

communication of sympathy and anger between humans via touch. Evolutionary accounts

assume that women disproportionately take on the care-taking demands of raising offspring.

Social role accounts demonstrate that central socialization practices, such as parental discourse,

amplify the place of sympathy in women’s psyche. (Hertenstein, 2011) Both accounts suggest

that women should be more likely to experience and express sympathy. As adults, it was found

that women reported expressing more sympathy than men.

Evolutionary accounts state that men are more are likely to engage in confrontational

encounters to rise in hierarchies and gain access to mates, and so are more likely to experience

and express anger. Social role accounts assume that anger is a gendered emotion, one more fitted

with the stereotypical roles associated with men. (Hertenstein, 2011) It revolves around self-

assertion, competition and status. As adults, it has been found that men consistently report

experiencing and expressing more anger than women. It begins with the separation of culture, as

it was found that mothers talk more about most emotions to their young daughters than their

young sons. It’s a way to socialize girls in the ways of care-taking, while they talk more with

their boys about anger. (Hertenstein, 2011)

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Sex differences will always be a huge part of our lives and I don’t believe sex differences

will be eliminated any time soon. It has severely affected the way men and women communicate

and the way they emotionally support each other. Society and culture has a big influence on sex

differences, guiding men and women to grow up in different environments and directing them to

the things that would make them “socially normal.” We have only barely begun destroying these

social influences on men and women and we have a very long road ahead of us.
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Works Cited

Rosenthal, K. R., Gesten, E. L., & Shiffman, S. (1986). Gender and sex role differences in the

perception of social support. Sex Roles,14(9-10), 481-499. doi:10.1007/bf00287449

Kunkel, A. W., & Burleson, B. R. (1999). Assessing explanations for sex differences in

emotional support a test of the different cultures and skill specialization

accounts. Human Communication Research,25(3), 307-340. doi:10.1111/j.1468-

2958.1999.tb00448.x

Hertenstein, M. J. (2011). Gender and the communication of emotion via touch. Sex

Roles,64(1-2), 70-80. doi:https://doi.org/10.1007/s11199-010-9842-y