My life will never be the same!

Carlos Vieira

My name is Cátia. I am just 15 years old and I attend 9th grade at Secondary
School Carlos Alberto Gonçalves, in Picos. I live in Achada Igreja with my
mother, my two brothers and my stepfather. My father doesn’t live with us,
because he divorced my mother and he has another family now. So, I
seldom see him.
Since when I was a child, I dreamed to be a journalist and that’s why, I used
to study to be the best student. However, when I was in 8 th grade, I knew a
handsome boy named Patrick who attended 10th grade. The first time I saw
him, I felt something very special and I still remember our first words:
Patrick: Hey, can you tell me your name?
Me: Why do you want to know my name?
Patrick: Just to see if your name is as beautiful as you.
Me: Hmm ok! My name is Cátia but neither my name, nor me are beautiful.
Patrick was simply lovely with that talk, but I couldn’t show him that it
touched me because I was just 14 years old and my mother used to tell me
that it was too early to have a boyfriend.
Two weeks later, I met Patrick at school again and he told me that he was in
love with me. I didn’t know what to say because he was so handsome and
cute. I knew that it was very early to have a boyfriend but heart was not
saying the same thing. So, I decided to tell my best friend Lavinia about
what was going on.
Me: Do you know Patrick from 10th grade?
Lavinia: Who are you talking about?
Me: The one from 10th A1.
Lavinia: Oh!! I know him. Are you talking about the most handsome boy in
this schoo?
Me: Yes. He is in love with me but I am not sure if I can date him. Maybe, it
is too early to have a boyfriend.
Lavinia: Are you kidding me? I had my first boyfriend when I was 12 years
old and it was the best thing I did in my life.
Me: I know, but mommy said I have to wait until finishing my high school
studies.
Lavinia: Are you still listening to your mother? Your mommy has lived her
life, and if you listen to her, you will not live yours. You better date Patrick,
because if you don’t date him other girls will do it and you will never find
such a handsome boyfriend like him.
With my best friend`s advice, I decided to say yes to Patrick. It was
fantastic when I met him at first time. Our first kiss was just like those I
used to see in soap operas. Patrick was simply the best boyfriend in the
world, but suddenly he started talking about sex. At the beginning, I found
that normal but then I realized that Patrick really wanted to have sex with
me.
Patrick: Baby, we have been dating for 2 months and you know I love you,
right!? Have you ever thought about having sex with me?
Me: Yes, but it is very early to have sex. You know that I have never had sex
before and we have been dating for only 2 months. It is not that much.
Patrick: I know my baby, but all of our friends are having sex, and if you
really love me you will let me be your first.
Me: I don’t know if I am ready. I am only 14.
Patrick: The age doesn’t matter. Your best friend Lavinia had her first time
when she was 12 years old, and it is ok with her.
Me: Ok my love. I will think about it.
It was very hard for me! My boyfriend wanted to have sex but I was not
ready yet. Therefore, I felt that if I didn’t have sex he would leave me. What
a dilemma!
After many weeks trying to decide what I should do, my boyfriend was
always pressuring and claiming an urgent decision. I still remember the day
he told me that he was fed up with kissing only. In other words he wanted
to tell me that if I didn’t want to have sex with him, he would find someone
who wanted.
Finally, it was Patrick’s birthday and he invited me to his party. I didn’t
want to go at first because the party was at night and I knew my mother
wouldn’t let me sleep over. I decided to create a plan in order to go, so I
asked my best friend Lavinia to talk to my mother, saying that her parents
were in another city taking care of her grandmother who was sick, and so
she didn’t want to stay alone. It was a lie, but it was a great plan!
Of course Lavinia convinced my mommy and I was so excited to go to my
love’s birthday party.
The day has finally come! I put my best dress and I went to the party. It was
fantastic and amazing and Patrick was so happy because I was there with
him. When the party finished he asked me for his birthday present:
Patrick: Where is my present?
Me: You know I am a student and I’m always broken.
Patrick: I know, but what I want is not expensive. It is priceless, indeed.
Me: What do you mean with priceless?
Patrick: I want to say that what I want, no money can buy, because in fact
the present I most want is you.
Me: I want you too, but you know…
Patrick: I know…that I want you with me this night. Let’s make this day
special and unique.
I didn’t want at beginning, but then he convinced me with his kindness and
sweet words. It was very special. However, I felt a bit strange because he
didn’t want to use condoms. I asked him once to use it but he said that it
wasn’t necessary because it was my first time and so, I wouldn’t get
pregnant. Of course I trusted him because I had no experience.
Putting this issue aside, everything was wonderful and perfect. It was
simply the most important night in my life.
After that historic moment, my life changed and I was happier and happier.
My first boyfriend became my husband and of course we had to create more
opportunities for us to be together. I simply put my Physical Education
classes out of my schedule because I had more important and pleasurable
things to do with my love.
Suddenly, I started feeling some changes in my body and more specifically
in my breast, but I didn’t pay much attention because I thought that it was
related to my first sexual experience. Moreover, 4 weeks later I realized that
I was late. My period hadn’t come yet. -What was going on? It was a
frequent question, asked to myself.
I was very worried but I didn’t know what to do, so I decided to talk to my
mommy.
Me: Mommy, I think I am sick because I am three weeks late and something
is wrong with me.
Mommy: You what? What have you been doing my daughter?
Me: Nothing mommy. I don’t know! Maybe, I am sick!
Mommy: Ok! No problem. I trust you but we will go to the hospital
tomorrow anyway.
Me: You will see that there is nothing wrong with me.
Mommy: I hope so, my daughter. I hope so.
I was afraid because every time I think about the hospital, I think about
diseases. However I was eager to hear the doctor’s diagnosis.
On the following morning, we were there! The first thing the doctor asked
me were things related to my sexual activity. And so, I had to tell him the
truth in order to know what my disease was. After many questions about
period, sex, condoms and boyfriend, the doctor asked me to do a quick test
in the bathroom. I didn’t know what the test was about but I did it without
thinking twice. When I brought the result, he simply said: YOU ARE NOT
SICK. YOU ARE PREGNANT!
I didn’t know what happened with my mind but the only sentence I could
say, was: -My mommy will kill me!
Then, I left the hospital without saying anything to anyone. I went straight
to my bedroom and I cried for hours and hours until my mother knocked the
door and said:
-Since you are already a woman, let us have an adult conversation! Let us
have a face to face talk!
No words! I couldn’t open neither my mouth nor the door! But she replied:
-Why did you do it with your life?
My mommy spent almost an hour talking to me and asking easy questions,
but difficult to be answered by me. With all these problems I forgot to tell
my boyfriend. He was the only one that could make me feel better at that
moment. After many times trying to reach him, he finally answered. When I
told him that I was pregnant, he didn’t show any sign of surprise:
Me: Hey! I don’t know what happened but I am pregnant and I am lost. My
mommy is really upset with me.
Patrick: I don’t know too, but the only time we didn’t protect was the first...
Me: …and you told me that I wouldn’t be pregnant. Why did you to do that?
Patrick: Because I thought that you wouldn’t get pregnant!
Me: You are very irresponsible. How could I trust you? What will you do
to support me and our baby?
Patrick: I will do my best to help you but you cannot stay here with me. My
parents will not let you live here because I am too young to have a wife.
Moreover, I don’t have a job to support you.
Me: What? I don’t know what to tell you. You are a monster. I hate you!
Patrick: I am just telling you the reality. There is nothing I can do now.
Me: You know what? I don’t want to talk to you anymore! Forget we had
something one day! Forget everything I told you today!
I didn’t know what to do with my life. I was lost in my problems. Difficult
days were those. I couldn’t notice the difference between nights and days
because problems were stronger than sleeping.
When I told my mother about Patrick and everything he told me, my
mommy said something that I will never forget: - I will not put you out of
my house because you are my daughter and I don’t want to see you
suffering out there, but put this in your mind: I will never trust you
anymore, I will never help you anymore and I will never see you as a friend
like I used to. You have lost all my respect and considerations. I have never
felt so disappointed!
At that moment I realized that I had lost my mother! I realized that my life
had changed for worse and for better, because by one side, I had lost my
mommy’s love and by other side I would have my baby in few months.
Now, I am 8 months pregnant but I am still a 15 years old teen who
sometimes play with dolls and watch cartoons. I am almost a child, but I
will have another child in my arms very soon. I don’t know if I am ready
for this, but I am sure about one thing: My life changed completely!
My mommy rarely talks to me, my father disappeared from my life when he
discovered I was expecting a baby and my baby’s father is a strange for me.
My dream to be a journalist simply died because I have just dropped out the
school. Everything went down in my life and I have learned a big lesson:
Everything in life has its right time!
CARLOS VIEIRA, in Short Stories