Montfort Secondary School

English Language and Literature Department

Read, Watch and Write Programme

Theme: Family

Topic: Human qualities and values

When was the last time you spent quality time with your family? Did you know that
Singaporeans are not spending enough time with their families? However, some may say
the quality of time spent is more important than the quantity. It doesn’t have to be
complicated or extravagant. Sometimes, having a meal together weekly is more than
enough. How do you spend quality time with your family?

Read the articles on the next few pages.

Watch the following videos:

1. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-prhLTeSGV4
2. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z6xH4z19OtM
3. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c5tuaUFyQrE

Answer the following questions:

1. What kinds of problems might occur on family days out?

2. Some people say, ‘Because life today is so hectic, it is important for all families to
spend more quality time together.’ How far would you agree with this view?

3. Describe your ideal family outing.

 Montfort Secondary School
English Language and Literature Department
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Article 1

Time with family: Quality counts more than

quantity, say counsellors

Communicate openly to bond and build trust, experts urge

Families enjoying themselves at a Mid-Autumn Festival event. Sociologist Tan Ern Ser
says younger children may need more attention, both in terms of quality and quantity,
while teens may not need as much "quantity time". ST PHOTO: KUA CHEE SIONG

Priscilla Goy
PUBLISHED

SEP 13, 2014, 8:09 AM SGT

Counsellors and sociologists say Singaporeans are not spending enough time
with their families, echoing the findings of a recent survey on the subject.
However, they stressed that it is the quality of the time spent together - and
not the quantity - that is vital.

Non-profit group Families for Life quizzed 872 people, mostly parents, and
found 47 per cent were dissatisfied with the amount of family time they had.
The survey, released last week as part of the Families for Life celebrations, also
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discovered that four out of 10 have up to six hours of quality family time a
week.

Experts told The Straits Times that there is no optimal period that should be
spent together. They said that quality time can be achieved through a variety
of means but should ultimately make people feel closer to their loves ones.

Sociologist Tan Ern Ser added: "It depends on the needs of family members,
which are partly related to age. Younger children may need more attention,
both in terms of quality and quantity. Teenagers may not need as much
'quantity time'."

Sembawang Family Service Centre executive director Ho Sau Kuen said: "I'd
encourage families to communicate openly. It's not just about talking, but
people must listen well too."

Such communication "should go beyond just asking functional questions like,

'Have you done your homework?'", said Ms Agnes Goh, parenting strategist at
Focus on the Family Singapore.

However, Mrs Chang-Goh Song Eng, head of Reach Counselling, said speaking
less could also be good at times for family members who may prefer having
"their own space".

Dr Cecilia Soong, head of the counselling programme at SIM University,

agreed about the need to appreciate the needs of loved ones.

"I remember when I was counselling a married couple - the wife hated fishing
because she hates the sun, but she would go along with her husband. He, on
the other hand, would sleep through a classical concert, but he would still
accompany his wife to a performance."

She added: "The quantity of time is important. But I don't think we can
stipulate the amount everyone should spend with one's family."
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Families hard-pressed to make time in their busy schedules are encouraged to

make the most of what little time they have, the experts agreed, with quality
family time ultimately resulting in close bonds and the building of trust.

Business manager Anil Mohan, 44, whose parents and two brothers live
overseas, keeps in touch with them three times a week via Skype and also calls
them almost every day. "For my parents, if they find a long lag between phone
calls, they'll be concerned and ask why," he said. "Perhaps older people like the
regularity of conversations."

Spending regular quality time with families will be the message at the two-day
Families for Life carnival at Singapore Sports Hub, which starts today.

goyshiyi@sph.com.sg
 Montfort Secondary School
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Article 2

The Dream Trip: Tasmania with My 53-

Year-Old Mother
by Justin Vanderstraaten, January 19,
2020

Images courtesy of Felicia.

There are many ways Singaporeans practice filial piety. For example: giving
their parents a portion of their income every month, taking over the household
finances, or by doing the chores.

Last year, 26-year-old Felicia Lim, decided to show her parents her gratitude
by taking them on an overseas holiday—an opportunity to re-connect while
escaping from the hum-drum of their daily routines.

This story is a retelling of Felicia’s experiences of learning how to take a step

back, prioritising her mother’s needs/preferences over her own, and the
outcome of this trip on their relationship afterwards.

I’m going to come right out and say it: as a newly-minted working adult who
doesn’t earn that much yet, I don’t give my parents an allowance.
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I try to make up for this by expressing my love and appreciation for my

parents through deeds. Like doing the week’s grocery shopping when I pass
the supermarket. Or by washing and refuelling the family car. Last year, I
finally saved enough to bring my 53-year-old mother on an overseas trip—in
my opinion, one of the milestones of adulthood and filial piety. It was
something I’ve wanted to do since I started working.

While much has been said of the love-hate relationship most of us have with
family holidays, the potential bickering didn’t worry me one bit.

Almost as soon as she turned the big 5-0, Mum started talking to my brother
and I about being more independent. Day in and day out, she’d remind us that
she wasn’t getting any younger, emphasising how important it was for us to
start preparing for a time when we couldn’t rely on her or Dad anymore.

This was my chance to show her that she had nothing to worry about. Her little
girl had grown up and was mature enough to take care of the family, not to
mention responsible enough to ensure our safety.

Besides, it was about time I showed mum how grateful I was for the years’
worth of care and money she’d spent on me. So I decided to step up, planning
(with my younger brother’s help) and paying for the family holiday.

As you’d expect, the experience wasn’t always pleasant. But it was definitely
worth it.
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Every December for as long as I can remember, Mum takes my brother and I
someplace new. I loved these annual trips because I never had to worry about
a thing. Mum handled it all.

I only realised how big this responsibility was when it was my turn to plan the
family holiday. When you’re a kid, you just do what your parents tell you.
You’re too young to know the level of detail required in planning so you’re
spared the hassle of searching for flights, accommodation, transport options,
and so on. You don’t even know what the word “itinerary” means, let alone the
hours of research necessary to create one.

Over time, we get so used to relying on our parents that we take them for
granted. Leaving everything to them becomes second nature, and we remain
blissfully unaware of how much trouble they go through just to ensure their
children get the best—whether in terms of holidays or otherwise.

We eventually get some sense of it when we go on trips with friends or a

partner. But even then, we don’t really understand a parent’s perspective. I
had to get used to thinking outside of myself. This trip wasn’t about me after
all, it was about mum.

This made something as basic as picking a destination a lot harder than it

should have been. There were only a handful of places mum hadn’t yet visited,
and it was only after some intense questioning of her travel history that I
settled on a relatively less explored destination: Tasmania.

Despite my tight budget, I managed to find us cheap flights to Tasmania on

the Scoot website—we just had to fly on Scoot to Melbourne, and connect to
Tasmania’s Hobart Airport on Virgin Australia.

However, when it came to our itinerary, I learnt the number one rule of
bringing your parents on a trip: never let them know it’s your treat. The
second they know you’re paying is also the second you lose the freedom of
choice.

Parents being parents, they want us to minimise spending whenever possible.

Mum was so used to putting us first that even though the trip was supposed to
be about her and what she’d enjoy, interesting but more costly activities were
shunned in favour of cheaper alternatives; a nice hotel playing second fiddle to
the much simpler hostel.

“Aiyo, no need so expensive!” Mum practically screamed when I showed her

my choices.

I knew she meant well, but I just wanted to repay her for everything she’d
done for me by giving her the most enjoyable trip possible. After all, she hasn’t
spared any expense on me over the years (piano lessons, cameras, laptops, etc)
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so why should I when it was my turn to give her something she deserved? Sick
of the constant back and forth, we reached a compromise: Mum would pay me
for her flight while I’d cover everything else on top of planning the trip.

I knew how much of a workaholic mum is, and that she’d pack the kitchen sink
if she could. I wanted to make sure her journey was as fuss-free and
comfortable as possible, so I upgraded her to ScootPlus with a 30kg baggage
allowance so she could pack more stuff, and with a 15kg cabin bag allowance,
she could bring her ginormous laptop and stay connected to work thanks to
the 30MB wifi included in the booking. Well, at least until we landed. That was
our deal.

Anyway, everything went a lot smoother after that. Mum “let go” and left us to
sort everything out so long as we promised to at least try to keep costs low.
Before we knew it, we were off escaping our ordinary lives.

There comes a point in every child’s life when we realise we don’t actually
know our parents. To us, they’ve only ever been “Mum” and “Dad”—roles they
assume that showcase only one side of who they are. It’s strangely easy to
forget our parents are individuals with their own personalities and life
experiences.

To discover what your parents are really like, take them on a trip you’ve
planned to help them step out of their comfort zones. Don’t worry about
signing them up for outrageous activities. Just put them in situations they
might not otherwise find themselves in.
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Admittedly, I only found this out when the three of us went hiking in Freycinet
National Park. About an hour into our ascent, Mum let slip that her knees had
begun to ache, making my brother and I extremely worried. But Mum would
have none of it when we immediately suggested going back down. In fact, she
never complained, only humbly requesting we walk slightly slower.

It might not sound like much, but that afternoon, I got to see how tough she
was. Mind you, this was a woman who had a complicated relationship with
perspiration, preferring to spend her days in the comfort of air-conditioning.
And yet here she was, a grin on her sweaty face, determined to get to the peak
despite her breathlessness and wobbly legs.

Seeing how happy she was as she took in the stunning view, I realised that
there was so much more to the woman I called my mother than her penchant
for window shopping or nagging. Only now was I uncovering this side of her.

Which brings me to my next point. When you’re the one paying for and in
charge of the family holiday, the relationship dynamic between your parents
and you changes. In place of their little boy/girl, they’ll see an adult who’s
capable of undertaking such a mammoth task. In other words, they’ll treat you
like an equal.

During the entirety of our trip, not once did mum try to override any of my
decisions like she usually does. She had been in my position many times
before, and understood the stress of planning a family holiday. Having her
trust my judgement completely was great. It made me feel like we were two
friends on an adventure together.

This helped me open up to her on another level. I let her into my private space
because I saw her as a woman who had the experience to teach me a thing
about life. She became a friend first; a mother, second.

Whenever there were pockets of quiet time, I shared my troubles without the
fear of being judged or scolded. She too opened up about struggles I never
knew she faced, telling me about problems she had at work and her worries
about the future.

Being able to talk openly like that was lovely. Throughout the year, we had
both been so busy with our own lives that we hardly ever had a proper
conversation. There was always a more urgent matter that demanded
immediate attention, or there were other distractions that got in the way.
Sometimes, we were just too tired, choosing quiet time in our rooms over
striking up a conversation.

Far away from our busy lives, however, we got to escape our mundane day-to-
day responsibilities. We wiped the slate clean and had the time to
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communicate and bond properly. It was honestly something our relationship

had sorely lacked up until that point.

I’m happy to say our mother-daughter relationship has only gotten stronger
since our trip.

It’s amazing to think that it all began with taking her on a trip together. I
would never have dreamed that a semi-broke millennial like me would be able
to go on a journey not just to Tasmania, but also to the very core of my
relationship with my mother. But there, in a foreign land, I was able to connect
with, and understand her on a whole new level. We’ve grown much closer and
have made it a point to make time for each other so we can keep working on
our relationship.

I know others might say you don’t have to bring your parents on an overseas
trip to forge this kind of bond with them but I disagree. When you are
planning and paying for a family holiday, you’re the one in charge, and you
truly understand what it means to be responsible for your family.

You approach even the tiniest, smallest detail from their point of view,
understanding the fear, anxiety, and selflessness our parents deal with and
display on a daily basis. You get a glimpse of what it’s like being a parent, and
as soon as you do, you learn how to be a better daughter/son.

That, to me at least, is what being filial is all about.

 Montfort Secondary School
English Language and Literature Department
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Article 3

Families in Singapore make plans to dine

out in larger groups on first day of relaxed
rules

Mrs Veronica Ong (second from right) having dinner with her family at TungLok
Signatures on March 29, 2022. ST PHOTO: DESMOND FOO

Adeline Tan
UPDATED

MAR 30, 2022, 6:10 AM SGT

SINGAPORE - When she heard that larger gatherings would be allowed from
Tuesday (March 29), Mrs Veronica Ong quickly made plans to eat out with her
family and friends.

The last time the 72-year-old ate in a restaurant with a group of more than five
people at the same table was about a year ago, and she was afraid curbs may
be reintroduced.

“In case the tables turn, and we won’t be able to gather and eat out. These
days, you never know what will happen.
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“I hope the Government can give us some bonding time with our families and
friends,” said Mrs Ong, who will be having dinner at TungLok Signatures in
Clarke Quay on Tuesday night with nine other people, including family
members and some friends.

The retiree said: “Eating at home is different, the ambience is different. It’s
great to eat out at the same table together.

“When you split tables, it is hard to enjoy the food because you have to order a
small portion and you have to order the same dishes for each table.”

From Tuesday, groups of up to 10 fully vaccinated people will be allowed to

dine in at food and beverage (F&B) establishments, including hawker centres
and coffee shops, where vaccination-differentiated safe management measures
checks have been implemented.

Operators that do not have such checks can seat smaller groups of up to five
fully vaccinated people, but random spot checks will be conducted to ensure
that people are abiding by the rules.

The Straits Times checked out eateries in Paya Lebar, Eunos, Ang Mo Kio,
Bishan, and the central business district at lunch time, and found that 90 per
cent of the diners were in groups of five or smaller.

Those in larger groups of more than five were mainly colleagues or family
members.

Ms Irene Wong, who is in her 50s, was having lunch at shopping mall Paya
Lebar Quarter with two of her friends.

She said she is not intending to make plans for outings in larger groups for
now, preferring to play it safe instead.

“We’re still very conscious as the virus is still circulating within my family,
maybe we’ll have more big group outings when the situation is better,” she
explained.
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Diners at a restaurant in PLQ Mall on March 29, 2022. ST PHOTO: FELINE

LIM

The number of daily cases in Singapore and those hospitalised had risen
compared to Sunday though the Covid-19 week-on-week infection
ratio remained below one for the 27th straight day,

Ms Nancy Teresa Ann, 38, who works in the healthcare sector, said as much as
she wants to, she is hesitant to take off her mask when outdoors or to dine in
with groups of more than five people.

“With the Omicron variant still present and cases still being fairly high, I’d like
to still follow the same rules that were set in place before,” added Ms Ann, who
lives with just her husband.

Student Isaac Chia is excited and nervous about plans to eat at steamboat
restaurant Haidilao with his family of seven over the weekend.

Although they are from the same household, they had to sit at different tables
in the past.

“It’s been quite a while since our family has eaten out together (at the same
table). My only concern is that this change would be short-lived, I hope that
this is not the case,” said the 18- year-old.