Nonviolent Communication – Marshall Rosenberg

Observation
Simply say what we observe. When we combine observation with evaluation, people
are apt to hear criticism. The first component of NVC is the separation of observation from
evaluation.

Observation mixed with evaluation Observation separate from evaluation

Doug procrastinates. Doug only studies for exams the night
before.
She won’t get her work in. She said she won’t get her work in.
Jim is a poor student. Jim hasn’t scored better than a C on his
spelling.

Feeling
Identifying / naming our feeling when we observe this action or occurrence
Some feelings when needs are not fulfilled
Scared, Frightened, fearful, afraid
Impatient, anguished, disturbed, stressed
Concerned, distressed, worried, tired,
anxious
Confused, nervous, puzzled, reluctant,
hesitant
Angry, upset, annoyed, irritated, furious
Indifferent, lonely, distant, passive
Ashamed, embarrassed, guilty
Overwhelmed, shocked, surprised
Sad, hurt, sensitive, vulnerable
Discouraged, frustrated, disappointed,
uncomfortable, unhappy
Helpless, Hopeless
Envious, Jealous
Some feelings when needs are fulfilled
Optimistic, excited, energetic, eager
Hopeful, confident, positive, trustful
Encouraged, inspired, stimulated
Interested, intrigued, curious
Amazed, surprised, delighted
Calm, comfortable, cool, relaxed
Peaceful, carefree, composed
Fulfilled, pleased, relieved, satisfied
Happy, joyous, radiant
Touched, moved
Thankful, gratified, grateful, glad
Tender, sensitive, warm

Needs
State what needs are associated with the feelings we identified: “I feel as I do because
I need ____.”

1
 Some basic needs we all share
Autonomy: Choosing plans for fulfilling
one’s dreams, goals, values.
Choice, freedom, independence, space,
spontaneity.
Integrity: Authenticity, honesty,
presence.
Meaning: Celebration of life and
dreams fulfilled.
Clarity, competence, consciousness,
contribution, creativity,
efficacy, effectiveness, growth, hope,
learning, purpose, self expression,
stimulation, understanding.
communication, closeness, community,
companionship,
compassion, consideration, consistency,
empathy, inclusion,
intimacy, love, mutuality, nurturing,
respect/self-respect, security,
stability, support, to know and be
known, to understand and be
understood, trust, warmth.
Physical Well-being: Air, food,
movement, exercise, rest, sleep, sexual
expression,
safety, shelter, touch, water.

Connection: Acceptance, affection, Play/ Spiritual Communion: Joy,

appreciation, belonging, cooperation, humor, beauty, harmony, inspiration,
order, peace.
Sobriety Maintenance Needs:

Request
Statement of what you feel you need.
Example: teacher says, “When I see papers all over the floor I feel irritated because I
need more order in our classroom. Would you be willing to pick up the papers and either
throw them away or put them in your desks?”

COMPLAINT: You are always late for meetings.

REQUEST: I would appreciate it if you can be on time for meetings.

COMPLAINT: I can never trust you.

REQUEST: I’ve heard a couple of times that you have spoken to others about me. My request
is that you come to me first if you are upset about something.

COMPLAINT: You’re driving too fast.

REQUEST: My request is that you slow down to 50 mph, because I am uncomfortable with how
fast you are driving.

COMPLAINT: You are very inconsiderate person.

REQUEST: Would you please let me finish speaking before you begin to respond.