HADTOPROTECTHER

I
ntr
oduct
ion
.
ForweeksnowI '
venot icedmyf athersneaki ng
outoft hebedroom heshar eswi t
hmymot her
andgoi ngintomy16y earol dsister'
sbedroom
atni ghtwhenwear eal lsupposedt obe
sleepi ng.Of t
ent i
mesIt ossandt urnwith
hear tache&angerasIheart hesof t&muf fled
sobsofmysi ster.Ithinkourmot herknows
aboutt hisbutfeel s"power less",myf at
heri s
thesol ebreadwi nnerathomewi thouthim we
aregoi ngtosuf ferbutIam st ruggli
ngtokeep
thisinmuchl onger .I
'vebeent hi
nkingof
repor tinghimt ot hepol iceorev eninforming
social wor kersbutwhatwoul dbecomeofmy
sister&mot her?Thei rfuture&wel lbei
ng?
Whowi
ll
lookaf
tert
hem, ImeanI
'
m st
il
ltr
ying
t
omakeendsmeet.Cur
rentl
ydoi
ngmyfir
st
yearinuni versityandnowt hisrecentdi scovery,
i
tpai nsmet ot hinkofwhatmysi stermustbe
goingt hroughhowt hiswholet hingmustbe
maki ngherf eel andhowpower lessshemust
bebutwhowoul dbelieveme?I 'm atroubl ed
teenmy self
,drinkandgooutr egularly
,al ways
beent hepr oblem chil
dathomebutnowI 'min
universityIhadt ochangemyway sinordert o
getaccept ed&f ormyf athertopaymyf ees.
Nowt his!Aaahf uckman, f
uckt hatbast ard!
"Trii
ii
ii
i!
"Thatwast heloudsoundofmyalarm,
I
hadn'tevengottenanysl eepanditwas
mor ni
ngalready.Thisthi
ngwi t
hmydad&
sist
erwasr eall
yweighingheav yonme , I
switchedmyal arm offandgotoutofbedt
oget
readyfortheday .
Af
termyshowerIwentbackt omyr oom and
mybedhadalreadybeenmade,that'
smy
motherf
oryou.Sheisagreatmotherbel
ieve
me,I'
mjustf
ail
ingtounderst
andhowshecan' t
protectheronl
ydaught
er.Isnappedoutofmy
thoughtsandcarri
edongetti
ngready.Woremy
navychinoshorts,
whit
eT-shir
tandwhite
Reeboksneakers.
"
Zwel
i
!!"-mymom shout
ed.
Me: "
I'
m comi
ngma!"Iqui
cklysprayedsome
col
onandwentdownstai
rsforbreakfast
.
Ever
y onehadal
readyt
akent
hei
rsi
tsj
ust
wait
ingforme.
Me:
"Goodmor
ning"
Fat
her:
"You'
rel
atef
orbr
eakf
astagai
n"
Me:
"Myapol
ogi
esf
ather
"
Hi
m: "
Wearenotgoi
ngt obehel
dbackbyy
ou
ev
erymor
ning,
under
stand?"
Me:
"Yessi
r"hel
ookedatmot
her
Him: "
Passmet hesalt
"shequi
ckl
ypassedhim
thesal
tandhesprinkl
editonhi
seggs.Il
ooked
atmysister
,shehadlostsomuchweightand
ev
enhadbagsunderherey
esf
rom t
hel
ackof
sl
eep.
Me:"Babi
"shel
ookedupatmeandf
akeda
smi
l
e
Her:
"Bhut
i"
Me:"Youdon'
tlookwell
,maybeIshoul
dtake
yout
othedoctorIonl
yhaveoneclasst
oday"
Her:
"Nobhut
iI'
mfi
ne"
Me:
"Youar
enotf
ineBabal
wa,
aft
erf
ir
st.
..
"
"
Zwel
i
banzi
!"Myf
atherr
oar
ed.
Me:
"Shei
snotwel
l
!"
Hi
m: "
Shesai
dshei
sfi
nenoweaty
ourdamn
br
eakf
ast
!"
Mot
her:
"Babapl
easecal
m down"
Hi
m: "Vuy
inotnow"Ist
oodupf
rom t
het
abl
e
"
SitdownZweli
banzi
"
Me:
"I'
vel
ostmyappet
it
e"Il
ookedatBabal
wa
whowasn' teat
ing"Got
akeyourbagBabisowe
canleave"shecli
mbedoffherchai
randheaded
tothelounge.
Itookmybackpack&carkey st
henwewentt o
thecar,Icoul
dhearbabashout
ingatmaf or
getti
nginvolv
edi
ntheargumentjustnow.I'
m
start
ingtohatet
hatman.
BythewayIam Zweli
banzi
Kumkani
Booi
,aged
20.Taket
hisj
ourneywit
hme
I
nser
t1
∆
Ont hewayt oBabalwa'sschoolshewasqui et
l
ooki ngoutthewindow, well
she'salwaysbeen
ofaqui etnatur
ebutIwi shshecouldopenup
tomesot hatIcanhelpher.HellI
'm str
uggli
ng
totacklethi
ssituat
ionmy sel
f!Thisisway
biggerthanmebutseei ngast heoneper son
whoshoul dbepr ot
ecti
ngBabi istheone
hurti
nghert hemostandourmot herisn'
tdoing
anyt
hingaboutit
,it'
supt omet oactandspar
k
somechange.Hel pmysi st
erbeforet
his
damagesherpsy chologicalheal
thmor et
han
anyt
hingbecausethat '
shardt orepai
r.
Ist
oppedi
nfr
ontofherschool
.
Me:
"Babi
"shel
ookedmyway
Her:
"Bhutwami
"
Me: "YouknowI '
m hereforyouify
ouneed
anythi
ngright
?Imeanany t
hingBabal
wa,Idon't
carehowbi gyouthi
nkitis.Iwantyoutofi
nd
ref
ugei nme"shenodded" Doy ouwanttotel
l
mesomet hing?"Shelookedawaynervousl
y&
shookherhead.
Ir
eachedoutf
orherhandandshej
umped.
Me: "I
'
m sorry"shebrokedownt here&t henl
ike
she'
sbeenwai tingtoleti
tallout
,Iwrappedmy
armsaroundherasIcomf ortedher"I
'
m sorry
Babi,
Iknowwhathe' sdoi
ngbutIneedy out o
tel
lmeev er
ythinginorderformet ohelp
pl
ease"sheshookherhead"
PleaseBabi
"
Shepul
l
edoutoft
hehugandwi
pedhert
ear
s.
Her:
*sni
ff
s*"
Noonewi
l
lbel
i
eveme"
Me:
"Ibel
i
evey
ouBabal
wa"
Her:"
Bhuti
youcan'
thel
pme"sheopenedt
he
door"
Thankyouf
orther
ide"
Me:
"Babal
waI
'
m st
il
ltal
ki
ngt
oyou"
Her:"
I'
m goi
ngtobel
atef
orschool
Zwe"she
cl
osedthedoor
.
Iopenedmywindowandhel
doutherlunch
money ,
shecameandtooki
tthenwal
kedaway
.
Sigh, howam Isupposedt ohelpsomeonewho
refusest oopenupt ome?Asi fthi
swhole
sit
uat ionisn'
tdiff
icul
talready!Imeanmeev en
thinkingofgoi ngagainstmyf athercoul
dhav e
medeni edmebymywhol efami l
yforshaming
myf ather
, t
hiswholethingisjustcompl i
cat
ed.
Notaseasyasmej ustgoingt othepoli
ce,I
'l
l
needpr oof
.Whati fBabalwadeci
desnott
otell
thetrut
handpr otectshim?That'
swhyIneed
hertoopenupt ome, t
hatisthef
ir
stst
eptous
fi
xingthissi
tuat
ionandget ti
nghel
p.
Thebel lrangdist
urbi
ngmef r
om mythoughts,
I
start
edt hecar&dr ov
eofftopickupmy
gi
r l
fr
iend.WhenIgott her
eshewasalready
outsidelookingannoyed.
Igotof
fthecarandmademywayt
oher
,she
di
dn'tl
ookimpressedatal
l
.
Me: "
I'
m sorrybaby
,Ihadaf
ightwit
hdadthi
s
morni
ngandal sohadsomeissueswit
hBabi
butI
'm sor
ry"shehandedmealunchbox
Her:
"Ipackedy
oubr
eakf
astbuti
tscol
dnow"
Me: "
BabyI'm sorr
y"Ihuggedherandkissed
herneckrepeatedl
y&shegav ein,Il
ookedat
herandshewassmi l
ing"Morni
ngmyqueen"
Her:
"Mor
ningKumkani
"
Me: "Mhmmm l oveitwhenyoucallme
Kumkani"Iwinkedatherandshegi ggl
ed
"Thankyouforbreakfast
"shepeckedmylips
Her:
"You'
rewel
come.Let
'sgo"
Me:
"Apr
operki
ssbef
orewegof
ir
st"Ipout
ed
Her:"Myparent
saresti
llhomebaby "Ipul
led
herbehi
ndthewallwheretheycoul
dn'tseeus
andshepull
edmei nt
oadeephungr ykiss,it
l
astedforawhil
ethenshepulledoutand
l
ookedatmesmi li
ng."
Iloveyou"
Me: "Il
oveyoumor eI
mi"Ipeckedherli
psthen
heldherhandaswewal kedtothecar
.Iopened
thedoorforherandaft
ershegotinIshutt
he
doorandIwentov ert
omysi de.
AssoonasIst art
edthecarsheconnect edthe
auxtohercell
phoneandpl ay
edhermusi cbutI
didn'
tmi
ndcausewemor eorlesshadthe
samemusict astebutt
odayshepl ayedasong
thatr
eal
lytouchedme" Sade_Pear l
s",i
tmov ed
meandIguessshenoticedcauseIfelther
t
ouchonmyshoulder.Ilookedatherasshe
l
ookedatmewithconcer nedey
es
Her:"
Youokay?"Inodded"
Babe.
..
"It
ookher
handandki
ssedit
Me: "
I'
m okaybabyj
ustt
hesonghi
tsome
ner
ves"
Her:
"Wannat
alkabouti
t?"
Me: *smi
les*"I'
m goodbaby"Istoppedatar
ed
l
ightandquicklyst
oleakissthenplacedmy
handonherhi ghsqueezi
ngit"I'
mfine"
Her:
"Okay
,doy
ouhav
epr
act
icet
oday
?"
Ipl
ay edr ugbyfortheschool sfir
stteam,
somet hingIwasr eall
ypassi onateaboutand
want edtodopr ofessionall
ybutbabasai dIfi
rst
needt ogetadegr eebef orehecanconsi derme
doingitf ul
l-
ti
mepr ofessionall
yandbecauseI
couldn'tdoitwithoutfinancialai
d,hereIam
doingmyf ir
styearinant hr
opology.Alotof
peoplehav easkedmewhatexact lyis
anthropologywel li
tisacompar ativest udyof
cult
uralandhumanl i
fethatoffi
ciallybecame
anacademi cdisciplineduri
ngt he20t hcent ur
y
andwhatI '
l
l basicall
ybedoi ngisgoi ngi nto
societi
esandst udy i
nghowt heyliveby
becomi ngonewi tht hecommuni t
y .ButI 'm not
yetcertainifthat'swhatIwantt omaj ori n
becauseI '
m af ami lymanandwi t
hbei ngan
anthropologistI'
llbeawayf rom homeal otso
myt womaj orsatt hemomentar eant hropol ogy
&neur o-psychology ,I'
l
ldecideint hef i
nal year
ofmyB/ Adegr ee.
Backt
onowt
hough! Idi
dki
ndagetcar
ri
ed
awayt
her
edi
dn'
tI .
Me: "
Yeahwehavepr
act
icebabe,
prepar
ingf
or
nextweek'
smat
ch"
Her:
"Ohokay
,I'
l
luberhomet
hen"
Me:
"Needmoney
?"
Her:"
Stil
lhavemyal l
owanceandbesi
desy ou
promi
sedtot akeBabi&Itothemovi
es,Ithi
nk
sheneedsit.Shedidsayshewant
stotalkto
meaboutsomet hing"
Wehadjustar
ri
vedincampussoIpar
kedt
he
carandl
ookedather
.
Me:
"Aboutwhat
?"
Her:
"Shedi
dn'
tsayKumkani
"
Me:"
Whatev
eryouguysdiscussdon'tdi
scuss
i
twi
thany
bodyelsebutme,underst
and?"
Her:
"Excuseme?
"
Me:
"Imi
nam doy
ouunder
standme?
"
Her:"
Yesgeez !Whenhav eIev erspreadgossi
p
Kumkani?Idon' tknowwhati supwi thyouthi
s
morni
ngbutst opbei ngagr umpi fyounot
goi
ngt otal
kt omeaboutwhat 'sbotheri
ngyou"
shegrabbedherbackpackf rom thebackseat
andopenedt hedoor ,Iqui
cklyheldherhand
andsheshootmeanev
ill
ook.Okayshe'
sbei
ng
ser
ious.
Her:
"LetmegoBanzi
"
Me: "Baby
..
."Shel
ookedatmyhandthatwas
hol
dinghersthenbackatmeandIl
etgo.
Her:
"Seey
ouaf
tercl
ass.
"
Shewalkedoutandcl
osedthedoor
,ev
ery
thi
ng
i
sjustgoingsourf
ormetoday.
Any wayaftermyf i
rstclassIquickl
ywenttothe
studentcentreandboughtpi zzasli
ces,
coldri
nks&Manhat tansourbeans,quickl
y
war medtheeggs&baconI mihadmademe
thi
smor ningthenwentt oourspot.WhenIgot
thereshewassi tt
ingonherl aptopwithher
earphonesconnect ed.Shelookedupandsaw
met henpul l
edthem off&smi ledatme.
Her:"Hey
"shestoodupandpeckedmyl ips
bef
oresit
ti
ngonthetabl
e,Isatnextt
oherand
gavehert
hefoodIhadbought."I
'
m sorr
yabout
t
hismorni
ngbaby,
shoul
dn'
thav
ewal
kedaway
f
rom y
ouli
kethat
"
Me: "
It
sokay,
I'
m al
sosor
ryf
ort
aki
ngmy
i
ssuesoutonyou"
Her:
"Wantt
otal
kaboutwhat
'
sbot
her
ingy
ou?
"
Me:
"Notnowbaby
"
Her:"Okaythen,wheny ou'reready
"Inodded
andpeckedherf orehead.Ilov
ehersomuch
butI
'm notreadytoshar ewhat '
sgoingonat
homewi thher,notunti
lBabi i
scomf ort
abl
e
wit
htell
ingmewhat '
sgoi ngon.
Me: "
Let'
seat"shenoddedandqui ckl
y
switchedherlaptopoffbefor
ewei ndulgedi
n
ourfood,shewasn' tt
hetypethatwasshyt o
eatinfrontofherboyfri
endshewasf ree
aroundme.
GodIl ovet
hisgir
l,wi
ththemessedupshit
that'
shappeningi
nmyl if
eri
ghtnowshei st
he
onlythingt
hatseemst obegoi
ngrightf
orme
andnowewer en'
thi
ghschoolsweetheart
s.We
metatOri
entat
ionandsincet
henwehav ebeen
stuckt
oget
herli
keglue.
•
Thisisj
ustanint
roduct
iontoourmain
charact
ersl
if
e,pl
easetell
mewhaty ouguy
s
thi
nk
I
nser
t2
∆
AftersupperBabal wainsistedt hatwewat ch
mov ies, i
twasFr idayni
ghtsoshecoul dst ayup
l
ate.Wewer egoi ngt owat cht hemov i
esinmy
room si nceIhada2si tt
ercouchandt vthereit
wasconv enient,Iwantedt ouset his
oppor t
uni tytot al
kt oheragai ncauseI 'mtired
ofthewayt hingsar egoingi nthishouse.If eel
suffocat ed&uncomf or
table, Ican'tkeepon
pretendingev erythingi
sokayandsi tatthe
samet ablewi tht hatsi
ckmanIcal lafather.I
despi
seev
erymi
nut
eofi
t!
!I'
m angr
y!Fumi
ng!
!
Fuckman!
Not
hingIhatemorethanhav
ingtoplayhappy
f
amil
ywiththatbast
ardofafat
her.
"Zwe..
"Babalwacal
ledout
,shehadabowlof
popcorninheronehandandherfl
eecebl
anket
i
nt heother
.
Myfacesof
tenedupandshesmil
ed,whydi
dhe
hav
etodothistoher
.Ihat
ehim!Cal
m down
Kumkani
.
It
ookadeepbr
eat
hout
.
Me:"Comeandsi
t,I
'
mlooki
ngf
oramov
ief
or
ust
owatch"
Her:
"Amovie?"Shesatnextt
ome"
Thought
wearewat
chingmovies!
"
Me: *chuckl
es*"OkaywhateveryouwantBabi"
shesmi l
edandcov er
edherselfwit
hherblanket
thenplacedthebowlofpopcornonherlap.
Her:
"Let
'swat
chaSci
-Fi
mov
ief
ir
st"
Me:
*smi
l
es*"
Youal
readyknowi
t"
If
inal
l
yfoundamovieforust
owatchand
pr
essedplayt
henl
eanedbackont
hecouch.
Me:
"Howwasschool
?"
Her:
"Itwasokay
"
Me:
"Yousur
e?"
Her:
"Bhutissshh!Themovi
e"If
akedasmi
l
e
t
henshi
ftedmyf ocustot
hetvscreen.
Shewasn' tokay,doesn'tmat
terhowhar dshe
tr
iedtoputupaf rontshewasal r
eadybr oken.
Ourfather*chuckles*thatni
ggar eal
l
ydi da
numberonherbutnotany more.Iam ti
redof
hi
sdisgust i
ngbullshit
.
Itr
iedbyallmeanstoconcentr
ateonthemov ie,
hal
fwaythroughitmybedroom dooropened.
BabiandIshif
tedourfocusfr
om thetvscreen
tothedoorandtherehestood.Babal
wa
secr
etl
yhel
dont
omyhandt
ight
.
Him:"I
t'
slat
eVuy
elwa"hewasr
efer
ri
ngt
o
Babal
wa
Me:
"It
'sFr
idayni
ght
"
Hi
m: "
Vuy
elwa"shel
ookedatmewi
thbeggi
ng
ey
es
Me: "
Dadit
'sFri
daycanyoujustl
etusbe
pl
ease"hestoodst
il
lforawhil
ethenfi
nal
l
ysai
d
"
okay
"andwal
kedout
.Pat
het
icr
eal
l
y,Ihat
e
t
hatman
Assoonashel
eftBabi
letoutal
oudsi
gh.
Me: "
It
'sokay
"shenodded"
hewon'
tst
op
Babal
wa"
Her:
"Iknow"
Me:
"Letmehel
pyouBabi
"sheshookherhead
Her:"
Itwil
lrui
nev
ery
thi
ng,
mamawon'
tbeabl
e
t
otakeit"
Me:
"Babal
wa.
..
"
Her:
"Youhavet
ofini
shy
ourst
udi
es,
ifhegoes
t
ojai
ltheny
ourdr
eamswill
godownthedr
ain"
Me:
"Babal
wa!
"
Her:*chuckl
es*"I
tjusthadtobeme,
hehasa
wif
e.Iknowshe'ssickbutthi
s..
."
Me:
"Wai
twhatdoy
oumeanmamai
ssi
ck?
"
Her:
"Youdi
dnotknow?
"
Me:
"KnowwhatBabal
wa?
"
Her:"Mamasuf f
ersfr
om depr
essi
onand
anxi
ety,
Ithoughtyouknew"
Me: "
Whatt
hehel
l
?Whydon'
tIknowabout
t
his"
Her:"
Shewasdi agnosedwheny
ouwer
ein
boar
dingschool
"
Me:
"Ar
eyoushi
tt
ingonmer
ightnow?
"
Her:
"It
houghty
ouknewZwe"
Me: "
I'
m sur
ehecausedi
t,t
hatsi
ck
psy
chopath!
"
Idon'tknowwhatcameov ermethenextt
hingI
knowt hebowlofpopcor
nisonthefl
oorandI
chargedfort
hedoor.
"Zwel
i
!"Shehalfshout
edt
henr
anf
ort
hedoor
andstoodi
nfrontofit
.
Her:"
Youaregoi
ngtogetmei
ntr
oubl
eZwe
pl
easecal
m down"
Me:
"He'sbr
eaki
ngyouguy
sandy
ouexpect
met
ojustsi
t&watch!
"
Her:"
shhh!Zweplease"herfacewaswetwith
t
ears,
sheputherhandov erhermouth"
please"
Ipull
edherintomyar msandshesi lent
lycri
ed,
sodidI .Thi sismor efuckedupthanI
thought
,itswaybiggerthanmebutI 'm not
goingtothrowinthetowelnoway .Ineedtodo
something.
Me: "
I'
m sorr
y"shenodded"Youcansleepher
e
today"shelookedatmewi t
hasmi l
ethen
quickl
ysqueezedme
Her:"Thanky
ou"Iki
ssedt
hecrownofherhead,
pul
ledoutoft
hehugandwipedhert
earsthen
shewipedminesmil
i
ng.
Idon'
tknowhowshemanagedt
owi
th
ever
ythi
ngthat
'sgoi
ngon.
Il
etherhavethebedwhileIsleptonthecouch,
Iwantedhert
of eel
comfortable.AssoonasI
hear
dhersnoringIfel
li
ntoadeepsl umbertoo.
"
Zwel
i
"someoneshookme.
Me:
"Mh.
hm"
"
Natashai
sdownstai
rswit
hLubanzi
,wakeup"
i
twasmymom.Il ookedather
Me:
"I'
m comi
ng"shest
oodt
her
ewai
ti
ngf
or
met
ostandup"Mama"
Her:
"5mi
nut
esZwe"
Me:
"Okay
"
Sheopenedthecurtainsandwindowst hen
walkedoutofmyroom.Iwasnowal one,I
draggedmysel
ftot hebathr
oom.Iqui ckl
y
brushedmyteeththenshowered, whenIwas
donewithever
ythi
ngIwor emybl ack
sweatpant
sandabl ackT-
shi
rtthenmademy
waydownstair
s.
"I
nhereZweli!
"Sheshoutedfrom t
hel ounge
andImademywayt her
e, y
oucouldheart he
l
aughteranditwasbecauseofNat asha
probabl
ytel
li
ngma&Babi abouthownaught y
Lubanzii
s.
Lubanzii
sour2yearol
dson,wehadhi
m whil
e
wewer esti
l
linhi
ghschool
.Notpr
oudoft
his
butheismyson.
"
Mor
ning"Isai
dassoonasIent
ered.
Ma:
"Isai
d5mi
nut
esZwel
i
"
Me:
"Iknowmaei
shsor
ry"Il
ookedatNat
asha
andwi
nked"
hey
,sor
ryf
orkeepi
ngy
ouwai
ti
ng"
Her:
"it
'sokay
"
Me:"
howareyou?
"Il
ookedar
oundt
hel
ounge
"
wher
eishe?
"
Her:
"I'
mfine,
hei
sasleepinBabalwa'
sroom"
mastoodupandl
eftsodidBabi.
Isatont
hecouchacr
ossher
s.
Me:"Thoughty
ouwer
eonl
ybr
ingi
nghi
m next
weekTash"
Her:"IknowbutIhaveaninter
viewMonday
morni
ng, I'
dli
ketopr
eparefori
tandyouknowI
can'
tdot hatwit
hBanzi
around"
Me:
"Int
erv
iew?
"
Her:"Justpart
-t
imewor
k,weneedt
ost
art
savi
ngf orJuni
or"
Me:
"Okay
,wher
ear
ehi
sthi
ngs?
"
Her:
"Ev
ery
thi
ngi
sinBabal
wa'
sroom"Inodded
"
Ishoul
dgetgoi
ng"
Me:"Okay
"Ist
oodup" l
etmewalkyouout"she
st
oodup,t
ookherhandbagandf
ixedher
self.
"
Ma,
Tashi
sleav
ing!
"Ishout
ed
Sheappear
edf
rom t
heki
tchendoor
frame.
Her:"Saf
etr
ipbaby
,thanky
ouf
orbr
ingi
ngJr
over
"
Natasha:
* smil
es*"
Noproblem ma,
ifhegi
ves
youanyproblemsyoucancall
me"
Me:
"Icanhandl
emysonNat
asha"
Her:
*cl
ear
sthr
oat
*"By
ema"
Wewal
kedout
.
Her:
"You'
l
lnev
erst
op"
Me:"Nott
hisagai
n,youcamet odr
ophim of
f.
I
t'
sdonenowy oucanleav
e,Idon'
twantt
of i
ght
wi
thyou"
Her:
*si
ghs*"
Imi
ssy
ouZwel
i
,Imi
ssus"
Me: "
Tash"wewerenowstandi
ngbyt
hegat
e,
herdr
iverwaswai
ti
ngout
side.
Her:
"Zwel
iyouknowhowmuchIl
ovey
ou,
why
ar
eyoupuni
shingme?
"
Me:"Punishi
ngy
ou?You'
ret
heonewhoended
usNatasha!"
Her:
"Because!
!Becauseyouweren'
tmaki
ng
ti
meforusZweli
,all
youcaredaboutwasBanzi
andr
ugbybutImissy oubabypl
ease"
Me:
"I'
vemov
edon"
Her:"
Doyouloveher
?"Inodded"
mor
ethan
me?"Shest
art
edgett
ingtear
y
Me: "
Tashaplease"Ihatedseei
nghercr y
,tr
uth
i
sIlovedheryesmor ethanIminam evenbut
wecouldneverworkout.Wef oughttoomuch,
wewer et
oxicforeachotherandIdon'tneed
t
hatnotwitheveryt
hinggoingonathome.
Me:
"Comeher
e"Ipul
l
edheri
ntoahug"
Ihat
e
seei
ngyoucr
y"Ikissedt
hetopofherheadand
i
nhaledt
hescentofherhai
r.Af
terawhil
eshe
cal
meddownandwesatont hepavement.
Me: "Youknowwhywear en'
ttogetherri
ght
?"
Shenodded" Sowhydoyouwantust ogoback
ther
e?Alwaysunhappyandarguing"
Her:"I
twi
l
lbedif
fer
entZwel
i
,I'
l
lchange"I
shookmyhead
Me: "You'r
eper fectjustt
hewayy ouare,but
youandIwer en'tmeanttobe.Ilov eyouy esbut
togetherwewer en'
thappyTash"Isi ghed
"Maybei nfuturewecant ryagainbutr i
ghtnow
l
etsfocusonr aisi
ngoursonokay ?"Shenodded,
Istoodup." Goodl uckony ouri
ntervi
ewon
Monday "
Her:"Thanks"shecouldn'
tl
ookatme,shehad
hereyesont hefl
oorandwasbusyfi
ddli
ngwit
h
herfi
ngers
Me:
"You'
l
lletmeknowwheny
ouwantt
ofet
ch
Banzi
"
"
yeah"shesai
dinal
owt
one.
Isighedthenwalkedint
otheyar
dandclosed
thegate.Assoonassheheardthegateclose
sheletital
loutandithadmefuckedupbutI
wasdoi ngthi
sforher,f
orust
obehappynot
miserablel
ikewewer ewhenweweretogether
.
•
•
NATASHA
∆
IloveZwelisomuch, Iknowhel ovesmet oo.I
guessmyi nsecuriti
esmi xedwithhisanger
i
ssueswer etoxicandwer ethereasonwhyour
relati
onshi
pended.Iwi shhehadbeenmor e
pat i
entwit
hme, Iwasj ustscaredthathewould
fi
ndsomeoneel sewhowasbet t
erthanme
afterIhadJunior.Il
ostal l
myconf idence,
he
tr
iedassur
ingmethatnogirlst
oodachance
andonlyIhadthekeytohi
sheartbuti
twas
hardconsi
deri
ngallt
hatat
tenti
onhegotfr
om
gi
rls.
Zwel ii
saspor tyguy ,
he'shandsomeandhasa
vibetohim girlslovethatnottomentionhis
familybeingweal thybutIsawmor ethant hat
.
Hei scari
ng, veryprotect
iveandlovi
ng
partner .Al way smadesur eIknewhow
specialIwasandt hatwasalway shonestbut
histemper ! OhLor dZwel ihasabadt emper,
hehasnev erhitmenobuthi stemperisbad!
Irememberhowhet oreupmybedr oom
becauseofapi ctureIhadpostedonI nstagram,
wellIwasinabi kiniandhehatedt hef actthatI
hadexposedmybodyf orever
y onet osee.What
angeredhim evenmor ewerethecomment s
madebysomeoft heguysundert hatcertai
n
pict
ure,Zwel
i notonlyhasabadt emperbuti sa
veryjeal
ousandcont r
oll
i
ngpar tnerbutst i
llI
l
ovedhim.Hewasdomi nantandIfoundthat
v
eryatt
racti
vebutIr
uinedever
ythi
ngwithmy
i
nsecur
it
ies.
WhenIaskedf orustotakeabreakhet ook
off
ence,thoughtIwasjustl
ooki
ngforway sto
endusbutIwasn' t
.Ij
ustwantedust obreat
h
andthinkofway st
obetterourr
elat
ionshipf
or
thesakeofourson!
"
Baart
man"mydr i
vercal
l
edoutdi
stur
bingmy
t
rai
lofthought
.
Him:"
We'r
ehere"Il
ookedout
sidet
hewi
ndow
andwewerehome
Me:"Thankyou"Iwasaboutt
oopent
hedoor
whenhesaid
"Hol
dyourheaduphi
ghandev
ery
thi
ngi
s
gonnabealr
ight
"
Il
ookedbackathi
m andsmi
l
ed
Me:
"Thanky
ou"henodded.
Iwal
kedinsi
det
hehouseandmymom wasi
n
thel
ounge
Her: "Heybaby,howdiditgo?"Isighed"Awww
pumpki n"shemadeherwayt omeand
embr acedmei nherarms" Atl
easty outr
ied
nana, heknowsy oul
ovehim.You'v edoneyour
part,
nowj ustfocusonyouandj uniorokay?"I
nodded" nowgot oyourroom andpr epar
efor
thati
nt er
viewpri
ncess"
Me:
"Thanksmommy
"
•
•
BABALWA
∆
Wher edoIevenbegin?Howital
lst
artedr
ight
?
*chuckl
es*it
'ssi
ckreall
yhowwehav ecometo
thi
spoint,
notthatwewer et
heperf
ectfamil
y
butwewer ehappyonceuponatime.Theonly
problem wehadwasmyol derbrot
herwhowas
alway sgett
ingi
ntroubleuntilmyfatherfi
nall
y
decidedthatheneededt ogot oboarding
school af
terhegotNatashapr egnant,butyou
seet hatwastheonly"REAL"pr obl
em wehadi n
theBooi househol
dbackt henbutnow
Wowmyownf ather,amanIconsi deredmy
her oisbreakingme.Idon' tknowwhoIam
any mor e,
I'
vel osttouchwi thther ealmet he
mi nutehesawmei nasexual l
ightapar tofme
died.Thef ir
stt i
mei thappenedIwasobl ivi
ous
towhatwasgoi ngon, evenaf terithappened.I
didn'tknowhowt oreact ,Ididn'tcryorany t
hing
Iwasi nshockandIhadnoone.Zwel i wasi n
boar dingschool andmymot herhadj ustbeen
admi t
tedtoapsy chiat
r i
cwar dbecauseher
anxi et
y&depr ession,Idon' tknowwhatl edher
tot hatpointallIknowi sI'
df allasleept othe
soundofhercr i
esal mostev erynightunt ilone
daywher eshej ustsatunr esponsiv eand
obl
iv
ioust owhatwasgoi ngonaroundher.Ever
si
ncethatdayIhav ebeenmyf at
her'
ssex
machine,hecl ai
msit'
smydutytoservehim as
mymot her'sdaughtersi
ncemymom can
l
ongerful
fillherwif
elydut
iesi
nthebedroom.
Ifeel sodi
rtyanddi
sgusti
ng,I'
vethoughtof
suicidesomanyt i
mesbutt hatwouldpushmy
mot hertotheedge.She'
stoof r
agil
e.
"Vuy
elwa"myhear
tdr
oppedinst
ant
ly,
Ilooked
upandhewasstandi
ngbythedoor
.
Me:
"Tat
a"
Him: *
smi r
ks*"Howi smyprincessdoing?"I
'
m
dyi
nginside!!Ineedyourpr
otecti
oninstead
you'
retheoneI '
m afr
aidof
Me:
"I'
mfi
ne"
Hi
m: "
Okay,
good.
"Hewalkedi
nsideandcl
osed
t
hedoor"
Iwantustot
rysomet
hingnewtoday"
Ishi
ft
eduncomf
ort
abl
eonmybed
Him:"Haveyouhear
doforal
sexbef
ore?"I
shookmyhead"don'
twor
rydaddywi
llt
each
youpri
ncess"
Hetookouthi
sphoneandshowedmeav
ideo,
I
wasmorethandi
sgust
ed!
Whenthevi
deowascamet oanend,hepl aced
hi
sphoneonthebed.Tookmyhandi nt
ohi s
andIwasal
readyt
reming!Hetookmyhand
andpl
acedi
tonhisharderect
ion,
atearfell
downmycheek.
Me: "
DaddypleaseIdon'
twanttodot
his
pl
easeI'
m beggingyoupl
ease"
Hi
m:"
Vuy
elwa"
Me: "
lookLubanziissleepi
ngwithmewecan' t
"
Ihopedhavingjuni
orinmyr oom wouldhel
pbut
hewasn'tphasedinfacthecompl et
elyi
gnor
ed
hi
spresence.
Him:"He'
sj ustakid"Iswal
l
owed"
Nowbea
goodgir
l,don'tbor
eme"
Me:"Idon'
tknowhowtodothi
s"hegrowl
ed
andstoodupfr
ust
rat
edthensl
appedme
Him: "Don't
"heunbuckledhispantsashe
stoodinfrontofme,grabbedt hebackofmy
headandf orcedhi
speni sint
omymout hhe
beganmov i
ngin&outt aki
ngdeeperstrokes
everyt
hingtimeandIwasst r
uggli
ngtobreat
h
whileheenjoyedhi
msel f.
Mybedroom dooropenedandhequi
ckl
ypull
ed
hi
spenisoutofmymout hbuti
twastoolat
e.
Zwel
ihadalreadyseeni
tall
.
Zwel
i:"Yousickpi
eceofshi
t!
!"Hechargedat
hi
m andthrewinapunch.If
eltsi
cktomy
st
omach, t
hrewuprightt
her
eandt hen!
Zweliwasfeast
ingonhim andwit
heachpunch
hishandcameoutbloodi
er!Iscr
eamedforhi
m
tostop.
"
Zweliy
ougoingt
okil
lhi
m!!
!!
"Ishout
edandit
wokeLubanzi
up,
Iqui
ckl
ywenttohim and
coveredhiseyes.Hewast ooyoungtoseeall
thi
s,Ikeptscr
eami ngforZweli
tostopbuthe
wouldn't
.Evenhissonbegankickingand
screamingnow, Zweli
abrupt
lystopped
punchingdadandIsawt hel
ookofhorrori
nhis
eyes.Dadwasn'tmov i
ngany more.
"
What
'sgoi
ngon.
..
"Shef
rozeatt
hedoor
Her:
"Zwel
i
"
Hi
m:"
Mama"hel
ookedscar
ed,
Iwashor
ri
fi
ed!
Her:
"Zwe.
..
"Shefai
ntedr
ightther
eandthen.
Zwel
iwasonhiskneesl
ookingatdad.
Me:
"Zwel
iumama!
"Not
hing"
Zwel
iman!
"
I
nser
t3
∆
Ilookedatmyf at
herashel ai
dthere
mot ionl
essandbloody,Ididnotmeanf or
thingstogetthi
sfar!Iwasj ustangr
y!Nonot
angr ybutf
umingatt hesightIhadencounter
ed
whenIopenedBabal
wa'
sbedr
oom door
.
Hewasasi ckandper vertedmanwhohadno
mor al
s!Hi
sowndaught erandinfrontofmy
fuckenson!Hewasr eallymentall
ydistur
bed,
nosanemanwoul ddosucht ohi sdaughteri
n
frontofachi
ld!Hemademybl oodboilandthe
l
ookonhi sfacewhenIopenedt hedoor
sickensme,hemademedoi t!Ididn'
tmeant o!
Iwasbroughtbacktol
ifebytheloudsoundof
pol
icesi
rens,Il
ookedatBabalwawithmy
mouthhangingandhereyeslookedli
kethey
wereabouttopopoutofherskull
.Atthat
momentIknewIwasdoomed!
Her:"I'
m sorr
yZweli,
Ishoul
dhav el
istenedt he
fi
rstt
imey outri
edtohelpI
'm sor
ryKumkani "
shesobbedandsodi dmysonpr obably
becauseofthescreamingandshouting"Ididn'
t
meanf oranyofthi
stohappenedZwef orgi
ve
mepl ease"
"
Iki
ll
edhi
m"thati
sonl
ythi
ngIcoul
dut
teri
n
t
hatmoment
.
"
PUTYOURHANDSUPWEARECOMI NGIN
ARMED!
"Myl
i
fei
sover
,Ij
ustki
l
ledmyf
ather
.
Thepol
icecameinwithgunsandf
rozeatt
he
si
ghti
nf r
ontoft
hem astheyst
oodbythedoor
.
Poli
ceman: "
Puty ourhandsupwhereIcansee
them!"Theotheronewalkedaroundtheroom
i
nspectingi
ftherewasany oneel
seintherewit
h
uswhi l
ethedoorchargedformeandki cked
medownashecuf f
edme.
Me:
"Idi
dn'
tmeant
odoi
t!
!!
"
Hi
m: "Youhavether
ighttor
emai
nsi
l
ent
..
."He
st
atedmyright
sashet ookmei
n.
Babalwawasscreamingandcryi
ng,sowas
Lubanzi
.Myheartwasshatter
edthenI
rememberedmymot herpassedhadblacked
outbythedoor
,Ihopeshewasokay .Everyt
hing
i
samess.
Outsi
det
hehouseIwasmetbyt hepol
icevan,
par
amedicsrushedinsi
dethehouseal
lthi
s
whi
lemyneighbourswatchedsometaking
pi
ctur
es.
Iwaspushedint
othebackofapol i
cev an,
my
l
ifeisov
er .Icouldsti
l
l hearBabal
wa's
screamsandmysoncrying,myhear twas
complet
elyshat
ter
ed.
•
•
NATASHA
∆
Iwasgetti
ngreadyforbedwhenmycel lphone
rang,
Ilookedatthecal
leri
d&i twasan
unknownnumber .Iwasabitscepti
cal
atf i
rst
butIendedupanswer i
ngmyphone.
Me:
"Hel
l
o"
Unknown:
"Nat
asha!Youhav
etocomepl
ease!
Ever
ythi
ngi
samessTashapl
ease!
!!
"She
sobbed
Me:
"Wai
twhoi
sthi
s?"
Her: "
It
'smeBabal wa*sni
ffs*youhaveto
comeNat asha.Zwelihasbeenarrest
ed,mom &
dadhav ebeentakentohospital
..
."Myhear
t
stopped,notmyZwel i
Me:"
Nonono!Babal
wai
sthi
ssomesi
ckj
oke!
Wher
ear
eyou!
!?"
Her:"
Atthehousebutt
hepol i
cear
etaki
ngme
wit
hthem t
othepoli
cestat
ion"
Me:
"OkayI
'
m comi
ng,
justr
emai
ncal
m"
Her:
"Hur
ry!
"
Ihungupquickl
ychangedi ntojeans,ahoodie
wit
hmypushi ns.Ididn'
thav eti
mef oranyt
hing
el
seIjustworeadoekandr usheddownstair
s,
myparentswereintheloungewat chingtv
.
Me:
"mamaIneedy
ourcarkey
spl
ease"t
hey
bothl
ookedatmeconfused"Zweli
hasbeen
arr
est
ed,hi
sparentsar
einhospi
taland
Babal
wawast akentot
hepoli
cestati
onIhav
e
togo!
"
Mom :"
OhGod!Hunnygogett hecarkey
s"she
wast
alki
ngt omydad,shel
ookedatme" don'
t
cr
ysweety"Ishookmyhead
Me:"Ican'
tl
oosehi
m agai
nmommy
"shegot
upandhuggedme
Her:"
Youwon'
t,
yourdadandIwi
l
lmakesur
e
ofi
t"
"
Natashalet
'sgo!
"Mydadshout
edal
ready
wal
kingoutthefr
ontdoor
Mom :
"Go"
Iranaft
erhim andhewasal readyinthecar
warmingtheengine,Ihoppedinandof fwe
went.OnthewayIwasst r
essinghardcore!
HopingZweliwasn'ti
nmaj ortroubl
e,myson
cannotgrowupwi t
houthisfatherandZweli
wouldn'tsur
vivet
hethoughtofnotbei
ngt
her
e
f
orjunior.Thatwoul
dkil
lhim!
"
Natasha"-mydadcall
edoutf
ormyat
tent
ion
"
I'
ll
gethim outokay
?"
Me:
"Okay
"
Hi
m:"
Let
'sgoi
nsi
de"
Wegotoutt hecarandheadedi nsi
det hepol i
ce
stati
on.Babalwawassitt
ingononeoft he
bencheswi t
hmybabysl eepingonherl ap,she
wasst ar
ri
ngintospacewitht earsthathad
driedoutonhercheeks.Irushedt oherwhi le
mydadspoket ooneofthepol icemansi tt
ingby
therecepti
ontabl
e.
Me: "
Babal
wa"shelookedupandi
mmedi
atel
y
hereyesst
art
ingt
eari
ngup.
Her: "
It
'smyfault,
every
thingismyf aul
t.I
shouldhavel
istenedtohimi nthefi
rstpl
ace
thennonofthiswouldhav ehappenedbutIwas
scaredTashaIwasscar ed!"Shesobbed.
It
ookBanzi
from hert
henembr
acedherwi
th
myfr
eearm.
Me:"I
t'
sgoingtobeokay,mydadi
sgoi
ngt
ofi
x
i
t.Hewil
lgethi
m outofher
e"
Her:
*int
ear
s*"
Ifonl
yIl
i
stenedTasha.
..
"
Me: "
Shhhst opbl
amingyoursel
f"i
brushedher
back,sheseemedreal
lyworkedupaboutthi
s
wholethi
ng.
Idi
dn'twanttoseem i
nsensi
ti
vebyaskingwhat
happenedsoIjustdi
dwhatIcouldwhichist
o
comforther
.
"
Tasha"Ilookedupandmydadwasst
andi
ngi
n
f
rontofus.
Him:"I
'
m goingt
ospeaktoZwel i
inordert
o
knowwherehestandssothatwecanact
okay
?"Inodded"
ShouldIgetyouguyscoff
ee?
"
Me:
"Zwel
ineedsy
oumor
e,gopl
ease"
Hi
m:"
Okaypr
incess"
Hewalkedtotheoffi
certhatwaswaiti
ngfor
hi
m andtheydisappeareddownthehall
way ,
Babal
wawasf all
ingasleepsoIl
etherlayher
headonmyl apthenplacedBanzicomfort
ably
onthebenchinhisblanket.
I
'm soconfusedanddi sori
ented,whenIwent
overt
otheBooi houseearl
iereveryt
hingwas
fi
ne.Wellaccordingtomeev eryt
hingwasfine
butnow?Ir eal
lydon'tknowbutwhatIdoknow
i
sIwantZwel i
outoft hi
splace.
"Her
efusest
otal
k"-myf
athersai
d,Il
ookedat
himi
ndisbel
i
ef
Me:
"Whatdoy
oumean?
"
Hi
m: "
Exact
lyt
hatNat
asha,
theboywon'
ttal
k"I
si
ghed
Me:"CanIt
rytotal
ksomesensei
ntohi
m?
Whatdi
dthepoli
cesay?
"
Hi
m:"
Heal
mostbeathi
sfat
hert
odeat
h"
Me:
"What
!?NoZwel
ii
sn'
tvi
olent
"
Hi
m:"
Wel
lhi
sfat
heri
sinI
CUaswespeak"
Me:
"Iwantt
otal
ktohi
m dad"
Hi
m:"
Pri
ncess.
..
"
Me: "DadIwanttospeaktohi
m"Istoodup
caref
ulnottowakeBabalwaup"Pl
easelook
aft
erjuni
or"
Hi
m:*
sighs*"
okay
"
Iwenttotheof f
icerandaskedtobet akento
Zweli,
hewr appedupwhat everpaperworkhe
wasbusywi ththent ookmetotheroom hewas
i
n.BeforegoinginsideItookadeepbr eat
hein
thenwalkedin,hewasl ooki
ngdown.The
offi
cergaveusspaceandcl osedthedoor
Me:"Kumkani
"hel
ookedup,
myhear
tbr
oke
i
nst
antl
y.Hewasamess!
•
•
ZWELI
BANZI
∆
Shelookedatmeandj ustasIthoughtshe
start
edteari
ngup,Ishookmyheadandl ooked
asidetr
yingnott
otearupagain.Shesniff
ed
Her:
"Baby"Il
ookedather
,shewipedhert
ear
s
t
hensatdownacrossthet
able"
Whathappened?
Whydidyoudoit?
"
Me:
"Hadt
opr
otectherNat
asha"
Her:
"Pr
otectwhoZwel
i
?"
Me:"
Ihadtopr
otectBabal
waev
enthoughi
t
wast
oolat
eIst
il
lhadtodosomethi
ng"
Her:
"You'
renotmaki
ngsense"Isi
ghed
Me:
"Hav
etheyt
akenBabal
wat
ohospi
tal
?"
Her:"Hospitalf
orwhatZwelital
k?Babalwai
s
l
osingitouttherebl
amingherselft
hatshe
shoul
dhav elist
enedbutnonofy ouwanttotal
k!
Yourparentsareinhospi
tal
,yourdadisICU.
..
"
Me:
"Wai
the'
snotdead?
"
Her:"
Didyoumeanf orhimtodi
e!?
"Shelooked
atmeinshock,
Ijuststar
edather
."Zwel
iheis
yourf
ather
!"
Me: "
Thatbast
ardi
snot
hingt
ome"shet
ooka
deepbreat
hein
Her: "
Okay* si
gh*cany ouworkwithmydad
please?He' stryi
ngtohelp,i
tsfi
neifyoudon't
wantt otellmewhathappenedbuty ouneedt o
tell
him ev er
y t
hingforhi
mt obeablet ohel
pget
yououtofher e.Babalwaneedsyou,juni
or
needsy ou.Ineedy ouZweli"shewasst art
ingto
getemot ional
Me: "Hewasmol est
ingBabal
wa, t
onighthe
wasdoi ngiti
nfrontofourson"sheabr uptl
y
wipedhertearsashermout hhungwi deopen" I
needy outogetBabalwatohospitalsot hat
theycantestherokay ?
"Shejuststarr
edatme
i
nshock" NatashaIcant r
ustyourightbaby?"
Shesl
owl
ynodded"TakecareofBabal
wamake
sur
esheget
shelpokaypri
ncess?"
Her:
"Okay
"
Me: "
Nowgooutt
her
etel
lyourdadI
'
mreadyt
o
t
alk"
Her:
"Uhh..Ummmh,okay
"shestoodupas
di
sor
ient
edasshewasandwalkedtothedoor
.
Me: "Natasha"shest
oppedinhert
racksbut
didn'ttur
nar oundtofaceme"Il
oveyou"she
turnedaroundandl ookedatme
Her:
"Il
ovey
out
oo"Igav
eherasl
i
ghtsmi
l
e
Me:
"Nowgooutt
her
eanddowhatIasked"
Her:
"Best
rongKumkani
"
Me:
"Youknowi
t"
Shesmi
l
edt
hent
urnedar
oundandwal
kedout
.
Ireal
l
ydi
dloveher,
herbei
ngher
eri
ghtnow
showedmejusthowmuchshereal
l
ylovedme
too.Af tert hi
swhol emessIneedt omake
thingsr ightwi t
hher ,Ican' tbeli
eveheliv
ed.A
par tofmewasact uallyhappyt hi
nki
nghehad
died, Iwashappyt hatwewoul dn'
thavetodeal
withhi m any mor e.Thatwecoul dfocuson
Babal waheal i
ngbuthei sst i
l
loutthere
breathing!Hi shear tstillbeats,hewi l
lpayfor
whathedi dtoBabal wa.Comet othi
nkofit
deat hwoul dhavebeent heeasywayoutf or
him no!I 'm gladhel ived, Iwanthimt obeas
mi serableashemademamaandBabal wa.He
mustf eel all
thepai nt heyf el
t!
"Readyt
otal
k?"-MrBaart
mansaidashe
enter
edthei
nter
rogat
ionr
oom.Isi
ghedthen
nodded
Me:
"Yessi
r"
Him: "
Okay "hesatdownt ooksomepaper sout
ofhi
sbr i
efcasethengotapen" I
'm goi
ngt o
needyoutot el
lmeev ery
thingfr
om scratch,
ever
ythi
ngt hatl
edupt othispoi
ntandy ou
mustbebrut
all
yhonestwi
thme.That
stheonl
y
wayIcanhel
p,doyouunderst
andmeson?"
Me:
"Yessi
rIdo"
Hi
m:"
Okayy
oucanst
art
"It
ookadeepbr
eat
he.
Me: "Ital
lst
artedwhenIst ar
tednoti
cingsome
changesuponmyr et
urnfrom boardi
ngbutI
wast ooobli
v i
oustowhatwashappeni ng
aroundme. .
."HetooknotesasIspoke.
I
nser
t4
∆
BABALWA
•
We( Natasha,BanziandI)wereonourwayt o
thehospital
drivi
ngbehindthepol i
cev an,they
hadbeennot if
iedaboutmyf athermolest i
ng
me.Ididn'twantpeopletoknow!Theynow
probabl
ysawmeasadi rtybi
tchwhosl eptwith
amanwhoi ssupposedt obeherf ather,a16
y
earoldwithnomor
als!Al
lthenast
ythi
ngsmy
f
athercal
l
edme
Iam br
oken,t
odayhetookt
helastpi
eceof
me j ustthi
nki
ngabouti
tmademesi ck.
Godwhyhav ey oufor
sakenme! ?Eacht imehe
camei ntomyr oom youtur
nedabl indeye!You
sawmysuf feringanddidnot hingf or2y ears
youdidnot hingGod! doy ouev enexist?I
feelal
oneandabandoned.Whycan' tIhave
normal probl
emst hatgi
rl
smyagear efacing?
Whydi dIhav et obetheonet of acesuch
messedupi ssues!Thisisbiggert hanme, it
weighsheav ilyuponmyshoul ders.
"
Wear
eher
eBabal
wa"-Tashsai
d
Me:
"Thanky
ouf
orcomi
ngwi
thme"
Her:"
Don'tmenti
onit
,ify
ouneedany
thi
ngmy
par
entsandIareher
eokay ?
"
Me:
"Thanky
ou"
Her:
"Let
'sgoi
nsi
de"Inodded
ShetooksteppedoutofthecarandIremained
i
nsidewhil
eshegotjuniorf
rom thebackseati
n
hi
scarseat.
Sigh, okayIwasaboutt odot his.I'
mr eady !I
tookadeepbr eatheinandadeepbr eat heout
thenst eppedoutoft hencartoo.Wewal ked
i
nt othehospi t
alandNat ashahadt ost ayint he
wai t
ingr oom whil
eIwentf orthet ests,wel eft
thehospi t
alaf
ter3am thenwedr ovebackt o
thepol icestat
ionasIstil
lneededt ogi vemy
statementandpr esschargesagai nstLungel o.
I'
m sot ir
ed!I'
mt ooy oungf orallthi
s, i
tstoo
muchf orme!Ican' thandleallthi
sst ressand
pressure.I'
m wor r
iedaboutmymot her'
s
wellbeing,worr
iedaboutmybr other'sfut
ure
andscar edformyl i
fe!I'
m scaredofwhatwi l
l
happenedwhenhef i
nallywakesupf rom that
hospitalbed,I
'm scar edhewi l
lcomef orme
againorev enkillme!Ij ustwantal l
oft hi
st o
end!Iwantt
obenor
mal
butt
henagai
nwhati
s
normal?
Sigh,Ij
ustwi shthi
sneverhappenedt ome
that'
sallIwishfor.Iwi
shitwasalljustabad
dream butitisn'
t t hi
sismyr eali
ty,mysick
disgust
ingrealit
y
"Hey"-Nat
asha,Il
ookedupandshehadt
wo
cupsofcof
feeinhand.
Her:"
Gotussomecof
fee"shehandedmea
cup
Me:
"Thanky
ou"shesatdownnextt
ome
Her:"
Don'tment
ioni
t"Inodded"
howar
eyou
f
eeli
ng?"
Me:
*si
ghs*"
ti
red"
Her:"
Hanginthere,wewi
ll
getthr
oughthi
s.I
f
youneedanyt
hingdon'
tbescar
edtoaskjust
knowI'
m her
e,anyti
me"
Me:
"Thanks"
Her: *sigh*"
Ihav ebadnews"myhear trate
start
edgoi ngup, Icoul
dfeeli
t"Zwel
ii
sgoi ngto
spendt heweekendi nher
e,t
hemagistrateis
onlyav ail
abl
eMondayat12sowecanonl y
applyforbailthen"
Me: "
Nononohecan'
tsl
eepher
eNat
asha!He
can'
t
!"
Her:
"Mydad.
..
"
Me: "NoNat asha!I
fanyoneshouldbei nacel
l
ri
ghtnowi t
'sme!I '
mthewor thl
essdaughter
whowasmol est
edbyherfatherandi t
smy
faul
t!Ever
ythingismyfault
, myfather
molesti
ngmeandZwel ibeinghereitsall
me!I
shouldhave...
"
Her:"Stop!Justst
opokay!
"Shetookadeep
breat
hei n,sodi
dI.Mynosehadbecomerunny
,
Iwasint ears"
Looknonofthi
sisyourf
aul
t
Babalwa...
"
Me:
"Yesi
tis.
..
"Sheshookherhead
Her: "
Theonl ypersonatfaul
thereisthat
excuseofamani nhospitalr
ightnowf or
putt
inghisfami l
ythroughsomuchmi ser
y.I
t'
s
hisfaul
tforhavingsuchsickthoughtsand
thi
nkingwhathewasdoi ngtohisfamilywas
okay,hetookadv antageofyouBabalwa.You
hadnocont roloverwhathappened"Ishookmy
headcrying
Me:
"Icoul
dhav
erepor
tedhi
m ear
li
erTasha"
Her: "
Sweet y
, youwerescaredandi ts
understandabl eokay?Youfeltaloneandscar ed
butnonoft hisisyourfaul
t,Zwelididwhatany
l
ov i
ngbr otherwoul ddoforhissisterandthatis
toprotecty ouf rom t
hatmonst er
.AllZwel
i
wishesf oristhaty ougetal
l t
hehel pyouneed"
Me:
"I'
mfi
ne,
itsov
ernow"sheshookherhead
Her:"YouarenotfineBabi
,youneedtoget
pr
ofessionalhel
p.Youhavesomucht odeal
wit
handt hisisonl
ythebegi
nningbutyouhav
e
alovi
ngbrotherwhocaresf oryou,he'
lldo
anyt
hingtomakesur eyouar eokay"shewi ped
mytearsthencuppedmyf ace"gethelpplease,
makeallZweli'
seff
ortstoprotectyouwor thit
.
Youneedt ogethel
pfory oursake,inorderfor
youtoheal"
Me:
"Okay
"
Her:
"Okay
?"
Me: "
I'
ll
gethel
passoonasmybr
otheri
soutof
j
ail
"shenodded
Her:
"under
standabl
e"
Me:"Zwel
ii
sani
diotf
orl
ett
ingy
ougo"she
gi
ggl
ed
Her:
"Ri
ght!*
laughs*butIlov
ehim ei
therway
"
i
twasevi
dentnoonecoul dmissi
treall
y
Me:
*nods*"
IknowTasha"
Wehuggedthensatanddrankourcof
fee'
s,
af
terawhi
leweleftt
hestati
onforNat
asha's
house.Theyoff
eredtoaccommodatemewhil
e
thi
swholeordealtookpl
ace,wegott
her
eandit
wasaround5int hemorni
ng.
Quietl
ywemadeourwayt oherroom,her
fatherhadlef
tthestati
onandshehadcome
homet odropjuniorwhileIgavei
nmy
statementandoffici
all
ypressedchar
ges
againstLungel
o,myf ather
.
Tasha:"Youcangoshowersolong"wewer
ein
herroom "
Ial
readymadear
rangementsf
oryou"
Me:
"Thanky
ou"shewi
nkedatme
Her:"I
'
m gonnagoshoweri
ntheguestsui
te
okay
?"
Me:
"Okaybutwesl
eepi
ngt
oget
herRi
ght
?"
Her:"
Nodoubt,
shoutifyouneedanyt
hingbut
dobemindf
ulofJuni
or"Ismil
edbefor
e
noddi
ng,
hewassleepi
ngi nhi
scotnexttoher
bed.
Shewalkedoutoft heroom andclosedthedoor ,
Iwalkedint
othebat hr
oom andt her
ewasapai r
offr
eshnewpaj amasandabunchofot her
thi
ngs.Shewasr eall
ysacrif
ici
ngsomuchf or
meIhadt othankherpr operl
ywhenev eryt
hing
set
tles.
Itookof fthecl othesIhadonandwi thevery
i
tem It ookof fImor eandmor evulnerabl
e,I
steppedi nsidet heshowerandassoonasIl et
thewat erflowIcr i
ed! Icr i
edbecauseof
howmuchofamessmyl if
ewas, Icri
edf ormy
happi nesst hatIl ostal ongtimeago.Icr i
edf or
notl i
steningt oZwel iwhenhef i
rsttr
iedtohelp
menowev ery onei ssuf f
eri
ngbecauseofme!
Ifeltliket hest upidwor t
hlesswhor ethatmy
fathersaweachandev eryti
mehecamet omy .
Ihadj ustr uinedZwel i'
slif
e,hisfutur
e.Caused
disruptioni nhi s2y earol dson'sli
feandt he
whol eBaar t
manf ami ly!Notonlythatbutnow
mymot her'slifehangsbyt hethreadbecause
ofherf
ragi
l
ehear
t.
HowcouldIhavebeensosel f
ish!I
'mjustl
i
ke
him!Onl
ythi
nkofmy sel
fandt ohellwi
th
ever
ybodyelsearoundme!I '
m nothi
ngshortof
whatheis,
itsprobablyevenmyf aul
thedidthe
thi
ngshedidtome.
"Ther
e'snothingwrongwi t
hwhatwearedoing
Vuyel
wa, al
lfather
'sdot hi
swit
hthei
rdaught
ers
nowstopbei ngdif
ficul
t"hesai
d
Me: "
Daddyi
thur
tspl
easest
oppl
ease!
"I
sobbed
Hi
m:"
Vuy
elwa!
"
Me:
"pl
easet
atandakucel
a"(
daddypl
ease)
Ibeggedhim eachandever
yti
mebuthenev er
stopped,i
tseemedliket
hemor eIbegged,
the
mor eImoti
vatedhi
mt oi
nfl
ictmorepainonme

"
Babal
wa,
arey
ouokayi
nther
e?"-Nat
asha
askedf
rom t
heot
hersi
deoft
hedoor
Me:
"I'
mfi
ne,
5mi
nut
es"
Her:"
Okay
,I
'mreall
yti
redsoI'
mjustgoi
ngto
sl
eepnowcausejri
sgoingtowakeupsoon"
Me:
"okay
"
Iwi
pedmyt ear
sthenswit
chedofft
hetapthen
st
eppedoutoftheshowerandt
herehestood.
Me: "W.
.wha.
.what.
..Howdi
dyou.
..
"He
chuckl
edanditsentchil
l
sdownmyspi
ne
Him:"Ihav
emyway s,Igett
hingsdone.You
shoul
dknowthatbynowpr i
ncess"
Me:
"Nol
eav
emeal
one!
"
Him: "
notsoquick"hewasabouttotouchme
butIquickl
ycl
osedmyey esandcoveredmy
eyesthenstar
tedscreami
ng.
..
Me: "
Notagai
npleaseI'
l
lbegoodIpr
omise
pleasepl
ease"If
elthi
stouchonmyshoulder
"No!No!No!"
"heyhey,
itsmeTasha"Ishookmyheadst i
l
l
withmyey escl
osed"Babal
wal i
stentome,it
s
Natasha.
He'snother
esweety ,
there'
spol
ice
outsi
dehiswardhewon'tescape.It'
sal
li
ny our
head"Iopenedmyeyesandl ookedather
cryi
ng
Me:"HewashereTasha,
hewasgoi ngtohurt
meagai
n"sheshookherheadcr
yingtoonow
"
hewasgoingtohur
tmel i
kehealwaysdidin
t
heshower.I
'
m scar
ed"
Shegrabbedthetowelwr
appeditar
oundand
tookmet oherbedthenl
aiddownwithme.
Her: "
Hewon' thurty
ouagain,notwhi
leZwel i
l
ives.Hewon' tal
lowit,
nev
er!"Wewerel ay
ing
onoursi desfaci
ngeachother,shewi
pedmy
tear
s" Don'tal
lowhimtohavepowerov eryou"
Me:
"I'
m scar
edTasha"
Her:"You'
resafeher
eokay?"Inodded,
she
wipedthetear
sthathadf
all
endownmycheeks
againandIwipedher st
oo.Shesmil
ed"Il
ike
youv er
ymuchsi sevenify
ourbrot
herandI
aren'
ttoget
herjustknowIgotyouokay"
Me:
*gi
ggl
es*"
Ili
key
out
oosi
s"
Her:"
holdmyhand"Idi
dasshet
oldme"
how
doesi
tfeel
?"
Me:
"Sof
tandwar
m"
Her:
*gi
ggl
es*"
Whatdot
heyr
emi
ndy
ouof
?"
Me:
"Thef
ir
stt
imey
oumademebat
hjr
"
Her:"Rememberhowhappyy ouwerethat
day?
"Inodded"nowcloseyourey
esandt hi
nk
oft
hatda,youbathi
ngjrf
orthefi
rstt
ime"
Me: *gi
ggles*"
thi
sfeel
sweird"Iclosedmy
eyesandshehummedt hesamesongIhum f or
j
reverytimeIwanthimtogot osleep,Ifel
tat
peaceremember i
nghowhappywewer ewhen
hewasbor nandhowexcitedIwast hinki
nghe
wasmi ne.
All
thi
swasstupidbuti
tdi
dthet
ri
ck,
Ifel
l
asl
eeppeacef
ull
y.
I
nser
t5
∆
NATASHA
•
AfterBabal wasl ept,Isl
eptt oo.Iwasso
exhausted!Bei ngupal lni
ghtgoi ngupand
downhel pingBabal waandmaki ngsur eshe
wasokaywasr eallyatonofwor kal
l Ineeded
wassl eepsodi dshe.Thi sy ounggirlhasbeen
throughsomuch, Idon'
tthinkIwoul dhav e
beenabl et ohandl eallshehasbeent hrough
honestly,Iclapmyhandsf orherbecauseshei s
ast r
ongy oungl adybutshedoesneed
professional helpweneedt omakesur eshe
getsit.
JustasIwasenjoy
ingmysl
eepIwaswokenup
bymymot heromgIwant
edtocry
!Il
it
eral
l
yjust
f
ell
asl
eep!
!
Her:"yourdadandIaregoingtosortsome
thi
ngsf orZwel
iandl
ookintosomeopt ionsfor
Babalwa"shehadBanziinherarmswhowas
sti
l
linpajamasandhadhi sbot
tlei
nhand, she
wasdr essedupandready
Me:"can'
tyout
akehi
m wi
thy
oumamaI
'
m
r
eal
l
yt i
red"
Her: "
hischeerful
presencei
sneededhere
baby"Isighed,shehandedLubanzi
tomet hen
walkedtot hedoor."
Imadeyouguy sbr
eakfast
"
Me: "Thanksmom"shenoddedt hencl
osedthe
doorafterwal
king.Ilookedbesidemeand
Babalwawasdeadsl eep!IwishIwassleepi
ng
yoh.Isighedt
henl ookedatBanzi whowas
sit
ti
ngont opofmesucki nghisbott
le"
Lala"
(sl
eep).
Zweli&Iagreedt
hatwi
thLubanzii
twouldbe
I
siXhosaall
thewaydur
inghisbabyphase,
we
didn'twantourbabyonl yspeaki ngEngli
shl i
ke
no!That '
snotcuteatal l.Idon'
tgetwhysome
parentsthinkthei
rchi l
drenspeakingEnglish
from anear l
yageisador abl
eormakest hem
cleverli
keno!Lett heblackchildknowhi s/her
rootsfir
stbeforeintr
oduci ngthem tothe
l
anguageofouroppr essors,that'
sjustmy
opinion.
Het
ookhi
sbot
tl
eoutofhi
smout
h
Him: "Amfun"(hi
swayofsay ingofIdon'twant
to)thenputitbackinhismouth,Ifakedcri
ed
andhel ookedatmewi thconcern "
teni
?"
(What '
swrong)Isnif
fed"I
sungu?"(Ithur
ts)I
noddedandpoi ntedmyhead" Xolo"(sorr
y)he
brusheditwithhisfr
eehandwhi l
et heot
her
heldhisbottl
e
Me:"comesleeponmommy '
schest
"Ispoke
t
ohiminXhosabutI'
l
ljustt
ypeiti
nEngl
ishfor
t
hesakeofsavi
ngti
me.
Hel ai
donmychestandIhummedf orhi m
whi l
ebr ushi nghi sbackandheev ent uallyf ell
asleep, Iscor edabout2hour sofsl eepbef or e
hewokeupagai n,Icanf or getsleepi ngany ti
me
soonaf terthiswegonnahav etowai tforhi s
napt i
me.Il ookedov eratBabal waandshewas
stil
lsleepi ng,under standabl ysobecausewe
sleptear lymor ni
ng.JrandIwentdownst airs
forsomef ood, aftereatingwebat hedt henj ust
chill
edi nmyr oom.Idi dn'twantt owakeor
distur
bBabal wabecausesheneededt hesl eep
mor et hanany bodyel sesoIhadt ol etherbe&
playedwi thmysonal thoughhekeptcal li
ng
Zwel i
'
sname.Hewaspr obabl yconf usedast o
whyBabal wawasher eandnothi sf ather, he
tookmyphoneandkeptoncal l
i
ngoutf orhi s
fatherIt ookmyl aptopandpl ayedav i
deoofhi s
fatherandi twor ked.Imi ssedhi mj ustasbadl y.
"
Hi"
-Babal
wasaidsof
tl
y,Il
ookedupandshe
wassi
tt
inguponthebed
Me: "Hey,wedidn'
twakeyounowdidwe?"She
shookherhead"ohokayhowareyoufeel
i
ng
thi
smorning?"
Her:*si
ghs*"
Undert
heci
rcumst
ances,
I'
m
okay
"
Me:
"Iunder
stand"
"Baba!
"-jrshout
edhewastal
kingabout
Babalwa.Hewalkedt
owardsthebedashe
str
uggledtocli
mbonit,
Babihelpedhi
m up.
Babal
wa:
"Hel
l
o"
Hi
m:"
Hel
l
o"
Her:
"Nj
ani
?"(
Howar
eyou?
)
Hi
m:"
Phi
yi
ye"(
phi
l
il
e-I
'
mfi
ne)
Hisspeechwasn'tper
fectbuthewast r
ying,
theyconver
sedbackandf ort
hwi t
heachot her
andIwenttoprepareBabalwa'sbatht
hen
call
edhertothebathr
oom.Shemadeherway
i
nsidewithLubanziwal
kingbehindher
.
Me:"Pl
easebat
ht henwecangoseeZwel
i
,I'
l
l
gopr
eparesomethingf
orustoeat
"
Her:
"I'
m notr
eal
l
yhungr
yTash.
..
"
Me: "Youhav etoeat "shesighedt hennodded
"Thanky ou"IlookedatLubanzi standingnextt o
me" Let'
sgoboy "Ihel dhishandandwewal ked
out,givi
ngBabal wasomepr iv
acy.Imadet he
bedwi ththe'hel p'ofjunior.That'
sininvented
comasbecauseal l hewant edwast oplaywi t
h
theblanketsandpi llowst hewholet i
mebuti n
theendwef inishedandIwentt otake
somet hingforBabal wat owear ,
shewast hicker
thanIwassowecoul dn'twearthesamej eans.
Itookoutmybl ackmaxi dressforherwi t
ha
cardiganandsomesi mpl escandals.
Shecameoutoft hebat
hroom asIl
aidoutt
he
cl
othesIhadchoseforheronthebed.
Me:"Thel
oti
onisinthewardr
obe,wecango
buyt
heproduct
sthatyouuselat
er"
Her:
"Okay
,thanky
ou"
Lubanzihadmademywal lhisartgaller
y,we
tr
iedgivi
nghim col
ouri
ngbooksbutheal ways
endeddrawingonmywal lsoIjustlethim be.
Rightnowhewasbusywi thacr ay
ononmy
wall,
thejoy
sofmot her
hood
Me:"Lubanzi
"hel
ookedatme"
Giv
emet
hat
cr
ayon"
Hi
m:"
Hayhayhay
!"
Me:
"Pl
ease"
Him:"Hayhaaaaay!"Hest
art
edscr
eami
ng,
thi
s
boydoesnotli
sten
Me: "
Okaybyeby e"Iwalkedt
owardsthedoor
andhestart
edcrying"Comelet'
sgo"hebegan
walki
ngtowardsme, Il
ookedatBabal
wa" You'
l
l
fi
ndusinthekit
chen"
Her:
"Nopr
obl
em"
Iopenedt
hedoor
,let
ti
ngJuni
orwal
koutf
ir
st
thenIwalkedbehi ndhim af
tercl
osi
ngthedoor.
Ijustdi
dn'
twantt omakeBabalwa
uncomf or
table.Irespect
edherpri
vacy
,going
downt hestaircasewithBanzit
hedooropened
withmypar ent swalki
ngin.
Me: "
Higuys"assoonaswegotof
fthe
st
air
caseBanzirushedt
omymotherwho
pi
ckedhim up.
Dad:
"I'
m soti
red,
pleasemakemesomet
hing
t
oeat"il
ookedatmymom
Her:
"Teai
sfinebaby
"Inoddedthenmademy
waytot
hekit
chenwhil
etheywenttot
helounge.
•
•
BABALWA
∆
Ihadthemostpeacef
ulsleepI
'veeverhadi
na
veryl
ongti
me,Iguessthechangethatis
current
lytaki
ngplacei nmyl i
fewasmuch
neededandknowi ngt hatI'
m notalone, being
abletocountonNat ashahasmadeal lthe
dif
ference.IdonotknowhowIcanev errepay
herorherf amil
yfort hisbutI'
m grateful.After
shower i
ngTashagav emespacet oappl yloti
on
andgetdr essedinthecl othesshehadl aidout
formeont hebed,Ineededmycl othesIcan' t
expectTasht okeepgi vi
ngmehercl othesI '
m
alr
eadyt aki
ngupherspacewi thhersoni nher
room.
AsImademywaydownst ai
rsIcoul
dhear
voi
cesi ntheloungesoImademywayt her
e,
fi
ndingthewhol efamil
ythereassoonasI
enteredtheyallt
urnedtolookatme.
MrBaar
tman:
"Babal
wa"
Me:
"Goodaf
ter
noonev
ery
one"
MrsBaar
tman:"Ihopeyouenjoy
edyourr
est
,I'
l
l
or
gani
setheguestr
oom fory
outodaysoyou
canhavey
ourownspace"Iqui
ckl
yshookmy
head,
Iwasscar
edofbeingal
one
Me:"Noplease,
I'
m comf
ort
abl
ewi
thNat
asha
andJuni
or"
Tasha:
"Yeahmom i
t'
sfi
ne,
Idon'
tmi
nd"
Her:"Okaysweet
ywoul
dyoul
i
kesomet
hingt
o
eatsolong?"
Me:"Yesplease"shel
ookedatNat
asha,
si
gnal
ingthatsheshoul
dgomakeme
somethi
ngtoeat.
Shest
oodupandsodi
dI
MrBaar
tman: *cl
ear
sthr
oat*"
Babal
waplease
r
emainsi
tted,
mywi f
eandIwouldli
ket
ohav ea
t
alkwi
thyou"myheartst
art
edbeati
ngf
ast
Me:
"a.
.At
alk?
"
Him: "
Yesaboutyourcurrentsit
uat
ionandwi
th
regar
dstoyourmother"IswallowedhardasI
satbackdown,Tashawalkedout .
Me:
"Issheokay
?Mymom?
"
MrsBaar tman: "
Yourmom isokay
,she'
s
consciousbutshehasfall
enint
odeep
depressionandhascurr
entl
ybeentakeni
ntoa
ment ali
nsti
tut
ion"mymouthwentdry
Me:"
Me..
mental
insti
..
."It
ookadeepbreat
he
i
n"Ament
ali
nsti
tut
ion?Idon'
tunder
stand"
Her:"Wellsweetythi
swholethingwast oo
muchf oryourmothertohandle,atthi
smoment
onlypr
ofessional
scanhelp"tearsfell
downmy
cheeksasInoddedbutIquicklywi pedthem.
MrBaart
man: "
Andwit
hthiswhol
ethi
ng,we
t
hinki
tisbesty
oust
artseei
ngather
apist
"
Me:
"ButI
'
m notcr
azy
"
Him: "
Wear enotsayi
ngyouarecr
azyangel,
youjustneedtotal
ktosomeonetohel
py ouget
thr
ought hi
s.Someonewhoisprof
essi
onall
y
capableofdeali
ngwit
hsit
uat
ionsl
iket
his"
Me:
"WhataboutZwel
i
?"
Him:"Donotwor ryaboutZwel
i,asl
ongasyour
fat
her
sheartsti
llbeatstheywi
l
lnotchar
gehim
ofmurderbutassualt
"
Me: "
Whatdoest
hatmean?Coul
dhegot
o
j
ail
?"
Hi
m:"
Don'
tyout
rustmyl
awy
ercapabi
l
iti
es?
"
Me:
*cl
ear
sthr
oat
*"Idosi
r"
Him: "I
'
llhaveyourbrot
heroutofjailon
Monday ,butIneedyoutoseeyourt her
apistso
thaty
oucangoont hestandandt esti
fyagainst
thestat
ewhi chissui
ngy ourbr
other.Doyou
underst
and? "
Me:"Youwantmet ot
ell
ever
y onewhathedid
t
ome? "Iaskedwithmyeyeslookingli
kethey
wer
eaboutt opopoutofmyskul l
"NoIcan'tdo
t
hat
,t heyal
lgoingtoj
udgemeIcan' tnono..
."
Hi
m:"
Thi
sisal
lweneedt
ogety
ourbr
otherout
ofjail
Babal
waordoy
ouwanthi
mtost
ayi
n
there?"
Me:
"Nosi
r"
Him:"Babal
wathiscanonl
ybeasuccessi
fyou
gett
henecessaryhel
pinor
dert
ohelpyour
sel
f
al
ongwithyourbrot
her"
Me:
"I'
m scar
ed"
Mr sBaartman:"
Babibaby,y
ouneednotbe
scared.Weareheretohelpyouandyour
brother,wewil
lper
sonall
ymakesuret hatno
harmi sdoneonyouoryourolderbr
other"
Me:
*si
ghs*"
Promi
se?
"
Her:
*smi
l
es*"
Yesbaby
,Ipr
omi
se"
MrBaar
tman:
"Wepr
omi
se"
•
•
ZWELI
BANZI
∆
Beinglockedupi nheregav emeawhol elotof
ti
met ot hi
nk,tr
ut hbetoldIdidn'
twantt hi
sli
fe
formy self
.Ididnotwantt obel ockedupin
hereli
ket hi
s.Ihadt obeoutt herewithBabalwa,
sheneededmenowmor ethanev er
!Ineededto
beinmysonsl ifeandmay bemaket hi
ngsr i
ght
withhismot her.Ijustcannotremainlockedup
i
nher e!Icouldn't!
"KumkaniBooi
!"Thewar denshout
edashe
openedthecel
lgate.Iquickl
ygotupand
walkedtowar
dsthegat e
Hi
m: "
Youhaveavi
sit
or"Inoddedashecuf
fed
meandledmetot
heinterr
ogati
onroom.
WhenIgotther
e,I
minam wassitt
edwitht
ear
s
r
unningdownhercheeksshelookedl
i
kea
mess.AssoonasIgotinshejumpedtohug
mebutthewardenpushedheroff.
Hi
m:"
Not
ouchi
ng"shewi
pedhert
ear
sasshe
nodded.
Isatdownont
hechai
randshedi
dthesame.
Her:"IcameassoonasIhear dbabyI'
m so
sor
ry"Inodded"Areyouokay?Whereis
Babal
wa?Doy ouguy sneedanyhelp?Ican
al
way slandahelpi
nghand"
Me:
*si
gh*"
I'
mfi
ne,
Babal
wai
ssaf
e"
Her:"Pleasedon'
tshutmeout"Inoddedand
shesighed"Youwill
getoutofhere,
Iknowyou
wil
l"
Me:
"Hopef
ull
y"
Her:"Yesall
youneedistobehopef ulbaby,
do
youhavealawyer?
"Inodded"okay,ummm wel l
youcanalwayscometomymom i fyouneed
anyt
hing.I
fBabal
waneedsany t
hingt ooI'
m
her
e"
Me:
"Thanks,
I'
ll
keept
hati
nmi
nd"
Her:
*si
ghs*"
Ilov
eyouokay
?"Inodded"
AndI
wantyoutoknowthissi
tuati
ony ouhavefound
your
selfi
ndoesnotchangeany thi
ng,youdi
d
whatyouhadtointhesit
uati
ony oufound
your
selfi
n.Ist
il
ll
oveyoubaby "shewassincer
e
f
uckthisgir
lwassoinnocent
!
Ist
oodup
Her:"
Isital
readyti
meforyout
ogoi nsi
de?"
Shest
oodupt oo,Ij
ustl
ookedather"Babyt
alk
tomeplease"
Me: "Gohome"shel ookedtakenabackbywhat
Ihadj ustsaid.Iwal
kedtomywar denandhe
walkedmet omycel ll
eavi
ngImi i
nthe
i
nterrogationroom.
Idon'tknowwhoIwantt obewi thbet
weenher
orNat asha, Ihavetoomuchgoi ngontobe
thinki
ngaboutr el
ationshi
pst heywi l
lj
usthave
towai t.Ineedt ofocusonget tingoutofthis
placeandget ti
ngmysi st
erthehel psheneeds,
ensuringt hatbastardislockedbehi ndbarsand
t
hatmymothergetsbackontrack.I
minam and
Nat
ashawi
l
l j
usthavetowait
.
I
nser
t6
∆
BABALWA
•
Aftert hetalkwi thNat asha'spar entsIkindof
fel
tawhol el otbet teraboutt hiswholething,
alt
houghIwasabi tscar edaboutt hepar tofme
hav ingtotest i
fyi ncour tal lIwantedwasf ormy
brot hertocomeout .ImeanIknewIhadt odoit
soonerorl aterbutIhat et het houghtofhav ing
tor eli
veev erythingmyf atherputmet hrough,I
feel li
keitisgoi ngt okil
l medeepi nsi
deagai n,I
don' tknowhowt alkingtoat herapi
stwillhelp
eit
herbecauseheorshewi llnotbeabl eto
erasewhathappened.I '
m st uckwi thi
tfort he
restofmyl if
e,Idoubti twi ll
ev ergetbetterbut
I'
lldowhat everitt akest of i
xwhati sl
eftofmy
f
ami
l
y.
Seei nghowt heBaartman' swer emademeenv y
Nat asha'sli
fe,itseemedsoper fectandy esI
knownobodyhasi teasybutt heyar east abl
e
fami lyandalway smakesur ethatthei r
daught erishappywhi l
eIont heot herhand
hav eamot herwhocannothandl eal lthatis
thrownherwaybecauseoft hingsmyf at
herdid
toherpl easedon' tgetmest artedonhow
uselessandawast ethatmani s!Icur setheday
Iwasbor nbecauseofhi m!Itisbecauseofhi m
Idon' twantt obeal i
vet hisverymoment !Iti
s
becauseofhi m mybr ot herisinjail!Itis
becauseofhi m mymot her,thesweetwoman
thatshei s,isinament alinsti
tutionr i
ghtnow!I
hatehi m!Ihat ehim withmyent i
rebei ng!Iwish
hecoul djustdi e!
"
Youokay
?"Il
ookedupandNat
asha'
smom
wasl
ooki
ngatme.
Me:
"I'
m okay
"shesmi
l
ed,
hersmi
l
ewasso
genui
ne
Her:
"Don'
tthi
nkabouti
ttomuch"
Me: "I
'
m notma"shegav emet hereal
lyl
ook
"I'
mjustlooki
ngatyourfami l
yandhowhappy
youguysar eandthenIthinkofmine..
."*
sighs*
"Ij
ustwishthingswerediffer
ent,
Iwishwe
couldbehappyt oo"
Her:"Youknowsweet ynofamil
yisperfect,we
j
usttr
y i
ngtomakewhatwehav eherewor kand
besi
desy oucanbehappywi t
houtyourfather.
Justyou,yourbr
otherandy
ourmot her"
Me:
"Idon'
tthi
nkso"
Her:
"Why
?"
Me: *si
gh*"Thedamagei
st oogreatt
obe
undone"shetookmyhandintohers
Her:"I
'm notgoingtol
ieandclai
mt oknowhow
youfeelorthatIunder
standbecauseI'
venev
er
beenwher eyouarecurrent
ly,
Idon'
tknowhow
i
tfeelstobei nyourshoesandwhaty ouare
curr
entlyfeelingbutIwanty out otrustme
whenIsayt hatitwillgetbetterandImeant hat!
I'
m goingtomakesur eyougett hehelpyou
needbecauseIam amot hert oabeaut i
ful
daughtermy sel
fandsi ncey ourmot herisnot
wellIwil
lstepi nhershoesj ustt ohelpand
ensurethaty ougett hrought his.SoIwanty ou
totrustmeokay ?"Inoddedwi thasl i
ghtsmile,
shewr appedherar msar oundmegi v
ingmea
warm hug, IinhaledhersweetscentasIf el
t
safeinherar ms.
Whenwepul l
edoutIcoul
dfeelt
heirey
esonus,
Natashaandherfat
hert
hati
s.Welookedthei
r
di
recti
onandtheywerest
arr
ingatussmil
i
ng.
MrBaart
man: "
Ihopey
ouf
eel
comf
ort
abl
eand
happyi
nourhome"
Me: "
Yesandt
hanky
ousi
r,f
orev
ery
thi
ng"he
nodded
Him:"Ithinkit'
sbesti
fwegav eZwelihi
sspace.
Iwantyout ousetherestofthi
sdayand
tomorr
owt othi
nkaboutwhatyouwantf or
your
selfandf amil
y,i
t'
sessenti
alt
hatthetwoof
yougettot hi
nkaboutthi
swhol et
hingand
your
selves"
Me: "
Idon'twantZwel
itof
eel
asi
fI'
ve
abandonedhim"
Him: "YoubothneedthisBabal wa"whowasI
toarguewithNatasha'
sf at
her.Ijustnodded
"Pl
easedonotf eelasifI
'mt r
yingtotearthe
twoofy ouapart
,butIfeelthi
sexer ci
seis
necessaryatt
hisparti
cularpointinti
me"
Me:
"Yessi
r,mayIbeexcused?
"
Him: "
Yesyoumay "Istoodupandwal ked
upstai
rst
oNat asha'sroom thenclosedt he
door,t
hetear
sf ell
voluntar
il
y.Idon'tli
ket hi
s,he
doesn'
tunder
st andthatevent houghtheyhav e
welcomedmei ntotheirhomeIst il
lfel
tli
kean
out
sider
!
Ineededtoseemybr other,I
'
m notf amili
arto
thi
senvir
onmentorhowt heydot hi
ngs.Ijust
knowNat ashabecausesheist hemot herofmy
brot
herschil
dandI '
veonlymetherpar entsa
fewtimesonly!Sothi
s,beingintheirhome
24/7wasn'teasyforme.Notatal l.
Thedooropenedwhi l
eIwasst illstuckinmy
thoughtsandIqui cklywipedmyt earsthen
l
ookedupasIsatont heedgeoft hebed,itwas
Natashawi t
hasl eepingLubanzi inherar ms.
Shelaidhim downi nhi scotthencameandsat
nexttomequi etl
y.Wesatbesi deseachot heri
n
completesilence, i
twasnotawkwar dor
uncomf ort
ablebutr atherpeaceful.Lateronwe
werecalleddownst airsforsuppert henIhelped
Natashawi t
ht hedi shesandev eryonewentt o
thei
rseparater ooms.
•
•
ZWELI
BANZI
∆
ItwasnowMonday ,wehadappear edbef ore
thejudgeandmybai l wassetatR5000.
Natasha'sfatherpaidandwedr oveof f,Imust
sayIwasabi tdisappoint
edtoseehi m come
herealone.Washopi ngtoseemyl ittlesister,
I
hadmi ssedherandIwant edt oknowhowshe
wasdoi ng.Thisweekendi nthosej ai lcell
s
mademer ealizethatwecoul dov ercomet his
butIneededt obepat i
ent
,patiencei nBabal wa
seeingsomeonet otalktoaboutwhatshei s
goingandhav epati
encewi t
hr egardst omy
mot her'
scondi t
ionandhopef ull
yfinal l
yhav ing
ourf at
herlockedupf orallt
hesi nful actshe
hasdone.Thi swasespeci all
yhar df orBabal wa
soI'dhavet osupportandbet heref orher .
Thecarst
oppedout
sidet
heBaar
tmanmansi
on
andIexhaledloudl
y,aswegotintothehouseI
not
icedthatitwasquietv
eryquiet
.
Me:
*cl
ear
sthr
oat
*"Wher
eisev
ery
one?
"
MrBaar tman:"Babalwahasgonet oherfi
rst
therapysessi
on,LindytookherandLubanzii
s
withherwhileNatashawenttoherjob
i
nterview"agai
nIwasdi sappoi
ntedther
ewas
nobodyt her
etowel comeme.
Me: "Uhhcanwepl
easegotothehouse?I
needmycar ,af
ewcl
othesandsomeschool
essenti
als"
Hi
m:"
Ithasn'
tbeencl
eanedasy
et"
Me: "Nopr
obl
em si
r,I
'
llhav
ethecl
eani
ng
companycometothehousewhenweare
ther
e"
Him: "
Ihaveafewt hi
ngstogoov erbecause
I'
m dueinthecour
troom at2,I'
dgi
v eyouthe
keystothemercedesbuty ouwon'tbeablet
o
getyourcarsoIwil
l j
ustgetyouacab"
Me:
"Iunder
standf
ull
ysi
r"
Him:"Inthemeanti
mey oucangetyoursel
f
somethingtoeati
nthekit
chen"Inoddedand
hetur
nedmaki nghi
swayupt hestai
rcase.
Iwalkedt ot hekit
chenandhel pedmy sel fto
whatseemedl i
key est er
day '
sleftov
erswhi chI
onlyat ebecausei thadmynameoni t
, i
twas
Natasha' shandwr i
ting .I t
'stheli
tt
let hings
shedoest hatmakemel oveherwi t
houtev en
real
isingit.Iwarmedt hef oodint hemi crowav e
andt henIat e,i
twasabsol utel
yamazi ng!Af t
er
aweekendofpr i
sonf oodIdef ini
tel
yeachand
everybi t
eoft hatscr umpt i
ousmeal .
BythetimeIri
nsedt hedishIhadusedt hecab
wasal r
eadyoutsidewait
ingf orme,Iqui
cklyput
everyt
hingawaybecauseIdi dnotwanttoleav
e
amessi nanotherman'ski tchent
henrushed
out.ThecabdriverhadalreadybeenpaidmyMr
Baartmansowhenhedr oppedmeof fi
nf r
ont
ofthehouseIjustwalkedi n.
Ev erysingl edoorandwi ndowwasshutcl osed,
i
tl ookedl ikenot hinghappened.Someone
passi ngbywoul dadmi rethishel lholethatwe
l
ivei n* chuckl es*ifonl ytheyknew.AssoonasI
wal kedi ntot hehouseImademywayt omy
room gotmycel lphoneandcal l
edt hecleaning
company .Whent heywer edoneIcoul dbreath,
i
tdi dn'ter asewhathadhappenedbutIcoul d
breat h.Itookasui t
caseandpackedmyst uf
f
thenwentt oBabal wa'sroom andi twas
spot l
ess!St andingbyt hedoor , t
heimageof
him shov i
nghi sdickinhermout hmakesi ts
wayt omi ndagai nbutIqui cklybrushi toffand
dowhatIhadwentt odot hatwhi chi spack
clothesf orBabal wa.Ipackedherschool
uni f
or m alongwi thaf ewout fi
ts,Ididnotpack
alotofst ufff orusj ustaf ewbecauseIdi dn'
t
wantust oov er
stayourwel comeatt he
Baar tmanhouse.They '
vedoneenoughal r
eady.
Bef
orel
eav
ingt
hehouseIdeci
dedt
ocal
l
I
minam,
sheanswer
edont
hef
ir
str
ing.
Her:
"Babe?I
sthaty
ou?
"
Me:
"Yeahi
t'
sme"
Her:"OhmyGod!Iwasgett
ingwor
ri
ed,
so
you'
reoutnow?Howareyou?"
Me:
"Onequest
ionatat
ime"
Her:*gi
ggl
es*"I
'
m sorr
y,I
'
m surey
ouar
eti
red.I
am j
ustsohappytohearf
rom y
ou"
Me:*chuckl
es*"
Yeahumm,
cany
oucomesee
meatthehouse?
"
Her:
"Okaynopr
obl
em,I
'
llbet
her
e"
Me:
"Thanks"
Her:"Whyareyoubei
ngsof
ormal
?Is
ever
ythi
ngokaymylove?
"
Me:
"You'
l
lknowwheny
ougether
e"
Her:
"O-
kay
,seey
oui
n30mi
nut
esorso"
Me:
"Okayby
e"
Her:
"By
e"shenowsoundeddown
Idi
dn' twantt obeal lsweetyetIknowt hat
whensheget shereI '
m goingtobr eakherheart
,
noIcoul dn'
t.Ihungupt henwentt oshowerand
changedi nt
omybl ackpumat racksuitt
hensat
i
nf rontofmyl aptopandcheckedmybank
balancei twasl ookinggoodj ustli
keev eryot
her
mont hmyaccountwasr echarged
automat i
call
ywi t
hR15000bymyf ather'
s
banker .IntotalIhadR34560i nmyaccount ,
I'
m
notabi gspendermostoft hemoneyIgotI
woul dspendongadget s,mycar ,Juniorand
Iminam.
Thedoorbel
lrangsoIwentdownst ai
rsand
welcomedImi i
nsi
de.Shewalkedandst ood
awkwardlyi
nthemi ddleoft
helounge,Icl
osed
thedoorandthenturnedmyattenti
ontoher.
Me: "Somethi
ngtodri
nk?"Sheshookherhead
nerv
ously"okayt
akeasit,weneedtotal
k"we
satdownfacingeachother
Her:
"Zwel
ithewai
tiski
l
li
ngme"
Me: "
Okayl ookMi mi,I
'vegotal otgoingoni n
myl i
ferightnowy ouknow.Thi swi t
hmyf amil
y
i
sr eall
ymessedup, Icouldgot oj ai
l,myf at
her
coulddie,mymot hercouldst ayinthatment al
i
nst i
tuti
onfor everandBabi coulddosomet hi
ng
tohar m herself
.WhatI 'm sayingi sIhavegota
l
otgoi ngoni nmyl if
erightnowt hatIr eall
y
needt ofocuson, mymot herandsi sterneed
menowmor ethanev erandar elati
onshipat
themomenti soutoft heequat i
on"shet ooka
deepbr eathin
Her:
"Ar
eyoubr
eaki
ngupwi
thme?
"
Me:
"I'
m sor
ry"
Her: "
Wow"shesl ouchedbackont hecouch
andkeptbl i
nki
ngIguessshewasf i
ghti
ngher
tear
s" Ican'tbel
ievet
his"shestar
tedfaningher
facewi thherhandswhi l
elooki
ngupbutshe
couldn'tstopthetear
sf r
om comingout"I'm
sorry"shesaidasshewi pedt hem "Iknowt his
i
ssel fi
shofmeconsi deringwhaty ouar egoi ng
throughwi t
hyourfami l
y* sni
ff
s*IguessI
thoughtwewoul dgett hroughthi
st ogether.
ThatIcoul dbetherefory oubutIcannotf orce
yout obewi t
hme"shesi ghedandkeptqui et
forawhi l
ebeforelookingatmesmi li
ngandshe
said"It
'sGod'splan*smiles*you,Babi andy our
mom wi llgett
hrought hi
sIknowy ouwi l
l.
"
Me:
"Ihopeso"
Her: *si
gh*"Iwon'tli
eandsayI '
m nothurtby
yourdecisionbutitisaft
erall
whatyoufeel i
s
goodf oryouthereforeIcannotst
andiny our
waybutj ustknowt hatIlov
ey ousosomuch
Kumkani !WithyouI '
vebeenatmyhappi est.
..
"A
tearfell
downhercheekandshebi tonher
bottom li
p,Iwrappedmyar msaroundherand
l
ethercr yonmychest
Me: "
Youdidn'
tdoanythi
ngwrong,don'
tbl
ame
your
selff
ormydecisi
onokay?
"Shenoddedsti
l
l
onmychest" j
ustconti
nuebeingagoodgirl
for
meokay ?
"Shesniffedagainthenl
ookedatme
wipi
nghertearsandIhelpedherbefore
handi
ngherat i
ssuefrom theboxwhichwason
thecof
feetabl
e"youokay ?"Sheshr
ugged
Her:
"Ishoul
dbeaski
ngy
out
hat
"
Me:
"I'
mfi
ney
oucanseet
hat
"
Her:"
Kumkani..
.Don'
tdothat,
youdon'thav
eto
beHercul
esinfr
ontofme.Baby ,
ImeanBanzi
youar
eallowedtobevul
nerabl
et oo"
Me:"
I'
ll
bef i
neIpr
omise"Il
ookedatt
het
ime
onmywristwat
ch"Ihav
etogo"
Her: "
Ohokay"shest
oodupandfixedherdr
ess,
Istoodupandwehugged"Takecareof
yoursel
f"
Me: "
Youtoopri
ncess"shesmil
edt
ookhercar
key
sfrom t
hetabl
ethenwalkedout
.
Iqui
ckl
yrushedupst
air
smadesur
eIhad
every
thi
ngi ncl
udi ngtoil
etri
esthenput
every
thi
ngi nthecaranddr oveof ftoBaar
tman
mansion,arri
vingt her
eI'm greetedbyMr s
Baart
man' scari nthedriveway,Iparkedbehi
nd
hercarthentookoutt he2sui t
casesplusmy
l
aptopbackal ongwi t
hBabal wa'sthenmade
mywayi nsidet hehouse.I ntheloungeitwas
onlyMr&Mr sBaar tman,soIgr eeted.
MrB`:
"You'
reback"
Me:"YesSir
"Nat
asha'
smom gav
emeawar
m
smi
l
et hencametohugme
Her:
"Al
way
sbeenf
ormal
boy
,howar
eyou?
"
Me: "
Undert
heci
rcumstancesonecanonl
ytr
y"
shepatt
edmyshoulder
Her:"That'
swhatIwanttohear
,todaywasyour
si
ster
sf i
rstsessi
on.Hert
her
api
stsaysshedid
qui
etwell"
Me:
*smi
l
es*"
Real
l
y?"Iwashappyhear
ingt
hat
Her:
"Yesbutt
her
e'sst
il
lal
ott
obedone"
Me:
"Iunder
standma,
wher
eisshe?
"
Her:
"InTasha'
sroom"
Me:
"MayI
?"
Her:"
Ofcour
se,
butf
ir
stl
etmeshowy
out
o
yourr
oom"
Me: "
Yesplease"bynowitwasonlyus
downstai
rs,MrBaartmanhadlef
tusther
eand
wentupstai
rs,
I'
m assumingtohi
sstudy.
Mahel pedbycarr
yingthetwolaptopbagsasI
carr
iedthesui
tcases,showedmet omyr oom
thentookmet oTasha'sroom andgav eus
pri
vacy.Iwal
kedinandshewassi tt
ingont he
bedbutherbackwasf aci
ngthedoor ,
Igotin
putherstuf
fbythedoor .
Me:"Babal
wa"shel
ookedbacki
mmedi
atel
y,I
coul
dseeshehadbeencry
ing
Her:
"Bhut
i!
?"Shequi
ckl
ymadet
omeand
crashedi
nmyar
msbef
orel
ett
ingoutal
oud
sob
Me:"It
'sokay,I
'
m her
enow"Ibr
ushedherback
"
I'
m hereli
tt
lesi
s"
I
nser
t7
∆
Asshecr iedinmyar msIr eali
zedhowmuch
thiswholethingwast aki
ngi t
st ollonher,she
wasr eal
lytooy oungf orallofthis.Weneeded
ourmot hernowmor et hanev er t hisi
s
hurti
ngmet oo,I'
m alsobreaki nginsideas
muchasIdon' twantt oadmi tit.AsmuchasI
wantt oactstrongandbet heher of orBabalwa
slowlyIwasbegi nningt ocrumbl et oo.
Me: "Wewi l
lgetthr
ought hi
sBabalwa"Ipulled
outofourembr aceandcuppedherf ace"From
nowoni tsusagainstt
hem okay ?"Iwipedher
tear
sandshenodded" Ihateseeingyoulike
thi
sli
ttl
esis,i
tbreaksmyhear t"Isi
ghedand
gotupfr
om t
hefl
oorthensatont
hecouchby
neart
hedoori
nNatasha'
sroom.Myfacef
ell
i
ntobothmyhands
Don'tcr
umblenowZwel i dont!ThatswhatI
kepttel
li
ngmy selfbutIcouldn'tIneededtol
et
i
talloutsoIletthetearsf l
owbutIqui ckl
y
wipedthem offroughlythenst arr
edatBabi
whowassi t
tingont hefloorwi thhuggi
ngher
kneesassher ockedhersel f
.
Me:
"Babal
wa"
Her:"
Ijustwantitall
tobeov erbhut
i,Iwantt
o
f
orgetplease.Iwanttof
orgetbhutimakeme
f
orgetndakucela.
..
"
Me: "
Babalwa"Iknel
tdowninfr
ontof"You
can'
tbreaknowdon'tdothi
stomeplease"
Shelookedmestr
aighti
ntheeyeandsai
d"I
don'
twanttobeal
iveZweli
,Ij
ustwannadi
e"
Me:"
Nooneisgoingtodieher
eBabalwa!
"I
t
ookadeepbr
eathein"y
oucan'tdot
hattome
pl
ease,wewi
ll
getthr
oughthi
sIpromi
sey
ou.I
don'
tknowhowbutwewill
Babi"
Her:
"Zwel
iI'
mtooyoungforthi
s,i
tswaybi
gger
t
hanmeZweandI '
m scar
ed!"
Me:
"I'
m her
eBabal
wa"
Her:"
youcoul
dgotojai
landI
'
llbeal
oneagai
n.
Idon'
twannabeal
one"
Me:"Heyhey,
I'
m notgoi
ngbackt
her
e.Iwon'
t
l
eav
ey ouagai
n"
Her:
"Pr
omi
se?
"
Me:
"Ipr
omi
se"wehugged"
lov
eyousi
s"
Her:
"Il
ovey
out
oobhut
i"
Wesatl i
kethatforawhi l
ethenshewentt ol
ay
onthebedbutaskedmenott oleav
esoIsaton
thecouchandweconv ersedaboutstuffi
n
general
til
lshefellasl
eep.Iwasaboutt ol
eave
whenLubanz iwokeup, Imissedmyl i
tt
leguy
.
Me:
"Boyboy
"hesmi
l
edwhi
l
stst
andi
ngi
nhi
s
crib,Ipickedhim andhewr appedhi sarms
aroundmyneckashel aidhisheadonmy
shoul der,Ismiledtomy selft
hinkingofhow
muchImi ssedt hi
s.Asmuchashewasn' t
planned, nowt hathewasher eI'
ddoany thing
forhim andI 'm gratefultohismot herfortaking
suchgoodcar eofhi m.Shewasj ustanother
blessing,I '
m sot hankfulforallshe'
sdonef or
Babal wa.Notev eryonewoul dtakeonsucha
responsi bil
it
y.
Iwalkedoutofther
oom wi thJuniorandwent
downstai
rstotheki
tchen,Tasha'smom wasi n
ther
eprepari
ngsupper,I
'm surpr
isedNatashai
s
notyetbackhome.
Tasha'
smom : "Ohheisawake"shelookedat
hi
m" hel
loboy"hejustgi
ggledandhidhi
sface
i
nmyneck" ohbecausey ourdadisher
enow
wedon'texi
st?Haye.eh"Il
aughed
Me: "
Assoonashi
smom get
sher
eIwon'
t
exi
steit
her
"
Her:*l
aughs*"
hei
sgoi
ngt
obr
eakhear
tsIcan
al
readysee"
Me:*chuckl
es*"
NahIcanal
readyseehi
m
pl
ayi
ngrugby"
Her:"
thatv
iolentspor
tofy
our
s?Nonono,
he
wil
lpl
aygolf
"
Me:
"That
'sf
orol
dmen"
"SoI'
m anol
dman? "-mrBaar
tmansai
dwhi
lst
standi
ngbythedoorfr
amewithasmugonhis
face
Mr
sB:
"myhusbandi
snool
dmandar
li
ng"
Me:*
chuckl
es*"Youguy
sseem t
ofor
gety
ou
ar
egr
andpar
ents"
Hi
m:"
Hipgr
andpar
ent
sthati
s"
Me:
*laughs*"
don'
twannagetol
dIsee"
MrsB:"
Hey
!Whatar
eyout
ryi
ngt
osayabout
me?"
Me: "
Nothi
ngmr
sB,
justt
haty
ouar
eagi
ng
beaut
if
ull
y"
Her:
"Awwwt
hanky
ouZwe,
youar
esosweet
"
MrB:
"whataboutme?Am Isour
?"
Her:
"Ev
ensweetermylov
e"hebl
ushed,
thi
s
ol
dmanlegi
tbl
ushed.
Il
aughedtomysel
fasMr
sBhandedme
Juni
or'
sbott
leofmi
lk
Me:"
Thanky
ou,
I'
ll
bei
ntheguest
room wi
th
hi
m"
Her:
"You'
rewel
come"
Iwal
kedoutoftheki
tchenl
eav
ingt
hem i
nther
e,
Igav
eJuniorhi
sbott
le
Hi
m:"
Nkos"(
thanky
ou)
Wewalkedupthest ai
rcaset
otheroom that
wasall
ocat
edtomeandchi l
l
edinthere,we
pl
ayedandIforgotall
aboutmychallenges.For
amomentev er
y t
hingwasokay,al
lthat
matteredwasmyson.Hewashappy ,Iwat
ched
him asheplayedonthebednexttome.Hehad
absolutel
ynocareorworr
yintheworldand
that
st hewayIwanteditt
obe.Ididnotwant
mysonsuf f
eri
ngandfaci
nghardshi
psearl
yin
hisl
ife.
Ther ewasasli
ghtknockont hedoorthenit
openedandincameTasha, shesmil
edasshe
wal kedi
nwit
hgr eysweatpantsandalong
sleevedwhi
tetop.Herhairwaswetandt i
ed
i
nt oabun.Shelookedatuswi t
hasmi l
eonher
face
Her: "Hey,canIcomei n?"Inodded, junior
quicklygotof fthebedandwal ked,okaymor e
l
iker anwi t
hhi sarmsopent ohismot herand
shepi ckedhi m up."Somebodymi ssedme"she
kissedhi m alloverhisfaceandhegi ggled"di
d
youmi ssmebaby "henodded" Imissedy outoo
boy "shewal kedt owardsthebedbutsatont he
edge
Me:
"Howar
eyou?
"
Her:*
smil
es*"
Ishoul
dbeaski
ngy
out
hat
Kumkani
"
Me: "
WellI
'
m outofj
ail
andherewit
hmyson,I
canseeBabal
wawaswel l
takencar
eofsoI
'
m
doi
nggoodnowhowar eyou?"
Her:"I
'
mf i
nejustti
redt
hat
'sal
lbutI
'
m chuf
fed
causeyouareherenow"
Me:
*nods*"
Howwast
hei
nter
view?
"
Her:"Wel
lIdon'
tknow,Ithi
nki
twentwel
l
.We
wil
lseei
fIgetcal
ledback"
Me: "Iknowtheywill
"shesmil
edandnodded
thenlookedatjuni
orwhowassi t
ti
ngonherl
ap
playi
ngwi t
hmyphone" Youtakegoodcar
eof
him"
Her:*smil
es*"HowcanInot?Heisthemost
beauti
fult
hingt
hatcameoutofour
rel
ati
onship"
Me:
"aboutt
hat
..
."
Her:"
it
sokay,
Iunder
standy
ouar
ewi
th
someoneel
se"
Me:
"Notany
mor
e"
Her:
"Oh?
"
Me:
"Yeah,
Ijustneedt
ofocusonmyf
ami
l
y"
Her:"
Youguy sar
egoi
ngt
hroughal
otsoi
ts
under
standabl
e"
Me:
"I'
mtal
ki
ngaboutusNat
asha"
Her:
"Us?
"
Me: "
You,meandourson.LookI'
m notsayi
ng
l
etsgetbackt
ogether
,I'
m noti
nthespacefora
r
elat
ionshi
pri
ghtnowbutIwantustowor kon
r
aisi
ngoursonevenbetter
"
Her:"O-kay"sheseemedconfused.Iwast
oo.
"Zweli
"Ilookedather"
areyouokay?Honestl
y
areyouokay ?"
Me:
*si
ghs*"
Idon'
tknow"
Her:
"Tal
ktome"
Me: "
Justfeell
ikeI
'
mf aci
ngt
hiswhol
ethi
ng
al
one,Idon'
tevenknowhowBabalwaandIar
e
goi
ngtogett hr
oughthi
s"
Her:
"Si
mpl
e,bybei
ngt
her
eforeachot
her
"
Me:
*si
ghs*"
it
'shar
dTash"
Her:
"Zwe"
Me:
"Yeah"
Her:"
Iknowthi
sisself
ishofmebutl
etmebe
t
hereforyoupl
ease"
Me:
"Idon'
tneedst
ressr
ightnowTash"
Her:"Iloveyouokay ?Iknowt hi
sishardfor
,I
j
ustwantt obet heref oryou"sheputBanzion
thebedt hencamear oundt omysideandsat
downnextt ome" al
lowmet oZweli"she
wrappedherar msar oundmyneckandki ssed
me,Ikissedherbackwi t
hsomuchpassi on.I
didnotreali
zehowmuchImi ssedheruntil
that
verymoment .Shepul
ledoutandl ookedatme
"notgoingtost r
essyou,j
ustgoingt obethere
foryou"Ijustpull
edherinforahug
Me: "Wi
ththi
swholethi
nghappeni
nginmy
famil
yIwantustohaveahealt
hyrel
ati
onshi
p
okay?Butatt
hemomentwej ustgoi
ngtotake
thi
ngsslowyou'
l
lbetheref
ormeandI '
l
lbe
ther
eforyouwhenyouneedme"
Her:"That
'sall
Iaskf
or"Icuppedherf
acet
hen
peckedherli
ps
Me:
"Youl
ookbeaut
if
ul"
Her:*smil
es*"
Thanky
ou"Banzi
stoodont
he
bedholdi
ngontohi
smother
sshoul
der
Me:"Can'
tl
etdaddyhavehi
smomenthuh?
"He
j
ustsmil
ed"Il
oveyouguyssomuch"
Tash:"
Weloveyout
oo"shelookedBanzi
"sayI
l
oveyoudaddy
"shebegant
ickli
nghi
m.
Ev
ery
thi
ngwasj
ustper
fectatt
hatmoment
.
Stay i
ngwi ththeBaar tman'swasr eall
y
therapeuticbutitwasn' tthelif
eBabal waandI
needed, weneededt of aceourdemons.So
afterstayi
ngf oraweekwi ththem Ispokewi th
Nat asha'
sf atheraskingf orpermissi
ont oleave,
Imeanaf tereverythi
nghehasdonei tisthe
l
eastIcoul ddo.Heagr eed,evenpromi sedto
keeppay ingf orBabalwa' stherapybil
landt hat
hewoul dst il
lrepresentmei ncourt
.
Mymom' sconditi
onhadnoty etchangedmuch
butBabalwaandIv i
sit
edherev erydayaf t
er
school,
Tashawoul dcomedr opof fsupper
everyeveningsowewer ebasicall
ysurv i
ving.
Eachandev er
ydayhadi t
sownst r
ugglebut
someday swer egood.Wi thBabalwai twoul d
dependonhersessi onswi thhertherapist
, how
deeptheywer eandonwhatnot et heyleft
thi
ngson, atti
mesIdi dn'
twanthert ogo
becauseofhowmessedupshewoul dbewhen
shegothomebutshewawget ti
ngbet
ter
.
Thingsgotrockywhenourf at
herwasshowing
signsofconsciousnessandIwasaskedtogo
tothehospit
al,asmuchasIdr eadedi
tIhadto
go.
Afterbreakfast,Iwenttogodr opBabal waoff
atschool t
hendr ovetothehospit
al .WhenIgot
there,t
her eceptioni
sttoldmewhi chwar dhe
wasi nsoIwal kedt hereslowl
ytryi
ngt othi
nkof
way sinwhi chthisvisi
tcouldpossiblyworkout
butIwasbl ankandt obehonestki ndofscared.
Itookafewdeepbr eat
hsbefor egoinginsi
de
hi
swar d,hewasintherepi
ckinghi sfoodand
notreal
lyeat
ing.Icl
ear
edmyt hroatandhe
l
ookedup
Hi
m:"Zwel
ibanzi
"Iwal
kedcl
osert
othebed
"
comecl
oserdon'
tbeacowardnow"
Me:"Whatdoy
ouwant
?Whydi
dyouaskt
o
seeme"
Him: *chuckles*"
str
aighttothepointIsee.
Wellforstart
ersIwanty outotel
l y
oursistert
o
dropthechar gesshepressedagainstmet henI
wanty outogot othepolicestat
iontel
lthem i
t
wasal ll
iesandourfamilyhadal it
tl
edispute
that
'sall
"Ilookedathimi nshock
Me:
"Youar
eev
ensi
ckert
hanIt
hought
"
Hi
m: "Justmakei
teasi
erf
orev
ery
one
Zwel
i
banzi"
Me: "Whydidy ouhav etobeourfat
her?Why
areyousocr uel!
?She'sjustaki
dforgoodness
sake,yourownbl ood"hejustl
ookedatme
unmov ed"Wewi llseeyouincour
t"
It
urnedandwal
kedt
owar
dst
hedoor
.
"
Whereareyouguysgoi ngtolive?Whoi sgoi
ng
t
opayyourfeesatschool ?Babalwa'
sschool
f
eesatt
hatexpensiveprivateschool
?Yout hi
nk
y
ouaregoingtosurvi
v ewithoutme?*chuckles*
y
ouaremor eofanidiotthanIthought"-he
askedthesepr
oudl
y.It
urnedar
oundand
chargedathi
minanger
Him:"putyourhandsonmeagai nsoy our
char
gecanchangef rom assaul
ttoat
tempted
murder"Ihuf
fedwithmyhandsal r
eadyinafi
st
Me: "knowwhat
?You'
renotev
enwor t
hit.
"I
walkedouthi
swardandl
efthi
m shout
ingmy
name.
Idrov
et otheBaart
manhome, Ihadtosee
Tasha'
sdadandt ell
him aboutwhatjust
happened.Igott
hereandr angthedoorbel
l,
the
doorwasopenedbyTasha.
Me:
"Hey
,isy
ourdadher
e?"
Her:
"Uhhhnowhat
'sgoi
ngon?What
'swr
ong?
"
Ij
ustl
ookedatherandhungr
il
yki
ssedherbut
shepul
ledout
.
Her:"
Zweliwai
tbabyI
..
."Ishutherupwi
th
anot
herki
ssandshegavein.
Ipickedherupandshewr appedherlegs
aroundmywai st,Iwalkedintothehouseand
cl
osedt hedoorbehi ndmet henwalkedupt o
herr oom,assoonaswewer ei
nherroom
cl
ot hesstar
tedf l
yingoff.Iyear
nedtof eel
her
softskinagainstmi ne,shestoppedmeasI
wasaboutt ot akeof fherunderwear.
Me:
"What
'swr
ong?
"
Her:"Iam notoncont
racept
ivesZweandwe
bothknowy oudon'
thaveacondom wit
hyou
ri
ghtnow"fuckshe'
sright"
Wecan'tZwel
i"
Me: "
Okay"Iwasbumpedtobehonestbutshe
wasright
,wecan'
thav
eanotherbabyespeci
all
y
nowandsheknowsIhatepull
i
ngoutwhenI '
m
abouttocum.
"Sor
ry"-shesai
dsof
tl
y.Il
ookedatherand
smil
ed
Me:"noI'
m sor
ry"Ipeckedherl
ips,
Ilai
dont
he
bednextt
oher"whereisJunior
?"
Her:*gi
ggl
es*"
onl
ynowy
ouaskabouthi
m
r
eall
y?"
Me:
"heyy
ouwer
en'
tst
oppi
ngmeei
ther
"
Her:
* smi
l
es*"hei
satcr
èchenowt
alkt
ome,
what
'sbot
her
ingyou?
"
Me:*si
gh*"
It
smydad,
hei
sjustsomet
hing
el
sey
ouknow"
Her:
"Youwentt
oseehi
m?"
Me:"Ihadt
oandaftert
odayhewi
l
lsur
elyget
what
scomingforhi
m"
Her:
"What
'st
hatsupposedt
omeanZwe?
"
Me: "
Nothi
ngtoworryyour
sel
fabout
"Ipul
led
hert
olayonmychestandwel ai
dli
kethat
qui
etl
yunti
lshespokeupagai
n
Her:"Justdon'
tdoany t
hingthatwill
resul
tin
youbeinginjai
lZweli
,Babalwacannothandle
anot
herloss.Fi
rsthermot herinamental
i
nsti
tuti
onthenherbrotherinjail
,i
twouldbe
toomuchf orherZwelisopl
easebe
responsi
ble"Idi
dn'
tsayanyt
hingaf
tert
hatIj
ust
placedakissonthecrownofherhead.
I
nser
t8
∆
Lateaf ter
noonIl eftTasha' shouseandwentt o
Babal wa'sschool t
ofetchher ,
asIwai ted
outsideIsawherappr oachi ngthegat ewi t
h
somegi rlandt heywer elaughing.Wow!Wel l
thi
swasaf irst,Babalwahasbeeni nt hisschool
for5y earsnow.Wel l
shei si nmat r
ic,turni
ng17
attheendoft hisy earandI 'venevernotonce
heardherspeakofhav i
ngaf ri
endatschool or
taki
ngpar tinanyact i
v i
ty,whenev erI'
daskshe
wouldj ustbr ushmeof ftell
ingmet hatishow
shepr eferredt hingst obe.Bei ngalonet hatwas
butlet'sbehonestt hatisnev erhealthy,one
needsacquai ntancesorev enaf r
iendsoseei ng
hertodaywal kingoutt hatgat ewithamat ewho
seemedt obei nt hesameagegr oupasher
mademepr
oud.
Theybot
happr
oachedt
hecar
..
.
Babalwa:"Bhut
i"shehuggedmeandIt
ookher
backpack
Me:
"Li
lsi
s"
Her:
"Thi
sismynewf r
iendKhwezi
,Khwezi
thi
s
i
smyolderbr
otherZweli
"
Me: "Ni
cet omeety ouKhwezi
,youmustbe
real
lyspecial
.Babal
wahasnev erint
roduceda
fri
endtome"shenudgedmewi t
hherelbow
andherfriendgiggl
ed.
Khwez
i:"
Nicet
omeety
out
oobhut
iwakhe"
Me:*l
aughs*"
Babal
wadoyouseehowy
ou'
re
maki
ngmeseem li
keanol
dmadala"
Her:*
giggl
es*"
Stopi
tbhut
iyou'
re
embarr
assi
ngme!"
Me:"sor
rykeh,
uhhKhwez
idoy
ouneedar
ide
home?"
Khwezi:"Not hankyou,mymom isfet
chingme
soI'
m sorted"shelookedatBabal
wa"I'
l
lsee
youtomorrow, don'
tfor
getwhatwespoke
aboutneh"
Her:
"don'
twor
ryIwon'
t"
Khwez i:
"Bye"sheshookmyhandt hengave
Babalwaahugandwal kedtorwar
dsabl ack
rangeRoverwithanolderladywhol ookedabi
t
l
ikeher.I'
m guessi
nghermot her.
Il
ikedher,
sheseemedr espect
ful.It
hinkshe'
ll
begoodforBabalwa,shewasn'ttooforward
andthat
'sgoodbecauseIdon'twantBabalwa
hangi
ngaroundgirl
swhoar eforwardandhav e
nothi
ngtodowiththemselvesbutboy s.
IputBabal
wa'sbackpackinthebackseatt
hen
wegotintothecar
,Ilookedatherandsmiled.
Me:"
Glady
oumadeaf
ri
end"webot
hbuckl
ed
up
Her:
"She'
sni
ce"It
urnedont
hecarengi
ne
Me: "Youseem happier
,Il
ovethechangeI
'
m
seei
ngi ny
oubabysi s"shel
ookedatmewhi l
e
smil
ing
Her:
"Babyst
epsbr
obr
o"
Me:
*laughs*"
Brobr
o?Real
l
ynow?
"
Her:
"Br
u?"
Me:
"Babi
..
"Ir
epr
imandedher
Her:
"Geezokay
,br
owskyt
hen?
"
Me:"Honest
lyt
oGowdl
i
ngBabal
wa"she
l
ookedatmeandwebothbur
sti
ntol
aught
er
Her:
"Gowdl
i
ng?Real
l
yZwe"
Me:
*chuckl
es*"
It
sact
ual
l
yani
nthi
ngnow"
Her:
"Li
esbhut
isi
es"
Ishr
uggedanddr
oveof
f.
Me:"
Wannagogr
ababi
tebef
orewegosee
mom?"
Her:
"Let
'sbuyt
akeaway
sfr
om herf
avour
it
e
foodoutl
etandt
akethefoodt
her
ethenwecan
eattoget
herasafami
ly"
Me:
"Goodi
dea"
Wedr ovetothef oodout letandor der
edwhat
weneeded, af
terget ti
ngt hef oodwedr ov
eof f
tothementalcli
ni c.It
ookt hefoodand
Babalwatookherbackpack, shealwaysdidher
homewor khere.Wesi gnedi nthenwenttot he
vi
siti
ngrokm wher ewewai tedf orourmother.
Babalwasetupt het ableandbyt heti
met hey
broughtourmot herthef oodhadbeenl ai
dout,
shehuggedeachoneofust hensatdown.
Babalwa:"webroughty
ourf
avour
it
emama"
shelookedatt
hef oodt
henus
Her:"thankyou"shesai
dsof
tl
ythengav
eusa
sl
ightsmile
Me: *cl
ear
sthr
oat
*"mamaguesswhat
?"Isai
d
exci
tedl
y
Her:
"Whati
sitboy
?"
Me:"Babal
wamadeaf
ri
end"shesmi
l
edand
l
ookedatBabal
wa
Her:
"Youmadeaf
ri
end?
"Babal
wanodded
Babi
:"Hernamei
sKhwezi
kazi
"
Her:"
That
'sni
cemybaby
"st
il
lherv
oicewas
sof
t.
Mymot heri
sav eryloudandenergizedperson
bynatur
e,wellsheusedt obesothiswoman
sit
ti
ngwithusherewasn' tmymot her.Shewas
brokenj
ustli
keBabal wabutwithheritseemed
tobesomethingbiggerthanjustt
hat.
Me:
"Let
'
seat
,thef
oodi
sget
ti
ngcol
d"
Her:
"Looksdel
i
ciousmyboyt
hanky
ou"
Me:
*smi
l
es*"
ThankBabal
wa,
itwasheri
dea"
Babi:"
Ithoughtyouwoul
dbet
ir
edoft
hef
ood
youguysgethere"
Her:*gi
ggl
es*"
Iam,
Imi
sscooki
ngi
nmyown
ki
tchen"
BabalwaandIl ookedateachot hersmi l
ing,she
hadgi ggled.It'
sbeenawhi l
esincewehear d
thesoundofhersoot hinggi ggle.Ithinkwear e
makingpr ogress,fi
ngerscr ossed .Af ter
eati
ngBabal wadi dherhomewor kwhi l
emama
l
ookedatourr ecentpicturesandv ideos, Ihad
notyett oldanyoneoft hem t hatdadhas
wokenup.Idon' tknowhow, Ifeel l
iketheyar e
start
ingt orecov er,ev
ent houghi t
snotdr asti
c
recoveryi t
sst i
llsomethingt ome.If eellikeifI
am tobr ingitupwear egoi ngtogoback10
stepsbackwar ds.
"BoyIt
houghty
ouwerewithI
mi"-mom sai
das
soonasshesawarecentpi
ctur
eofNat
asha
andI
Me:
"Ai
mama"
Her:
"Ai
mamawhatZwe?
"
Me:
"Ei
sh"
Her:
"Imi
nam i
sani
cegi
rlZwel
i
,Il
i
keherand
t
heeff
ectshehasony ou.I'
m notsayi
ng
Nat
ashaisn'
tagoodpartneroranythi
ngjust
t
hatwit
hImi t
herel
ati
onshipwashealthybaby"
Me:
"Mamapl
ease,
wear
etr
yingt
ofi
xthi
ngs"
Her:
"Iknowy
oul
oveher
"
Me:
"Al
otmma"
Her:
"AndI
mi?
"
Me:
"Mama"
Her:
"Zwel
i
?"
Me: *
sigh*"
Iwantbot
hofthem mama,
butI
can'
tnow.Ihav
etofocusonus"
Her:
"Youcan'
tyety
ou'
rebusywi
thNat
asha?
"
Me:
"shekeepsmegoi
ngma"
Her:
"Okayboy
,dowhatmakesy
ouhappy
"
Me:"Don'
tyouthinki
tsti
mey oucameback
homewithus?"Sheshif
teduncomfor
tabl
y
Her:
"Zwel
i
"
Me: "
Mamapl easeweneedyou,
youcanheal
athome.Withusyourki
ds,
weshouldbet
he
onestokeepyousanemama"
Her:"
I'
m notr
eadyZwel
i
,mypsy
chol
gist
agr
eestoo"
Me:
"buty
ouar
emaki
ngpr
ogr
essma"
Her:
"Babyst
epsboy
.I'
m notr
eady
"
"
Wheneveryou'
rer
eadymamawewi
l
lbe
wai
ti
ng"-Babal
wasaid.
Me: "
Idon'
tmeant
opushmama,
Ijustmi
ss
yousomuch"
Her: * sighs*"ohbabyImi ssyouguy smor ebut
Ifeel asi fIhavefailedbothofy ouZweli.Your
father, ohGod, Ishouldn'
thav emarriedthat
man.Ishoul dhavel ef
thim, heissi
ckbaby ,a
psy chopat hbutIt houghtIcouldchangehi m.
Thathav i
ngy ouguy swouldmakehi m abet t
er
manbutnot hingchangedi nst
eadthi
ngsgot
wor se"shel ookedatBabal wa"I'
m sorrymy
baby ,I
'
vef ai
ledy ou.Ishouldhaveprotected
younanabutIdi dnotknow, hei
njectedme
everynightaf tersuppercl
aimingitwast ohelp
withmydepr essiononlytof i
ndouthewas
maki ngitwor se.Makingmezoneoutev en
mor eandl ooset ouchwiththerealworld.I'
m so
sorrybaby ,i
fIcoul dfi
xthisIwould"atthis
pointbothBabal waandmom wer eintears.My
eyesbur ntbutIwasn' tabouttoletthetears
fl
ow.
Mamagotup&embr acedBabalwathengotup
andwalkedtorwardsthedoor.Shehatedsay
ing
goodby
e, hat
edseeingusleaveherheresothis
i
showwel ef
toffeveryni
ght.
Me:"
Mama, wai
t"Ist
oodup"
Ihav
esomet
hing
t
otel
lyou"
Her:"Whatisi
tBanzi
?"Shet
urnedar
ound
wipi
nghertear
s
Me:
"It
'sdad"Babal
waj
umpedt
oherf
eet
Babi
:"Wha.
..
whatabouthi
m?"Iswal
l
owed
Me: "Heisawake"theroom f
ell
int
ocomplet
e
si
lencethenbefor
eIcouldevendoanyt
hing,
Babalwablackedout.
•
Sorryguy sI'
mv eryti
red,butIcouldn'
t
disappoint.Especi
all
ysincewe( t
hepage)ar
e
current
lyon1Kl i
kes.
I
nser
t9
∆
Doc:"Ever
ythi
ngi
sokay,shej
usthadapani
c
at
tackbutshewil
lbef
inewhenshewakesup"
Me:
*nods*"
Thanky
ou"hepatmyshoul
der
Hi
m:"
Hangi
nther
e"
Inoddedandhewal kedaway,aft
erBabalwa
fai
ntedIcal
l
edf orhel
pandluckil
ythecli
nichas
i
tsowndoct orsohecouldhelp.Whenhet ol
d
shewouldbeokaymyhear tfeltr
eli
efbutIwas
sti
ll
wor r
iedabouther ,
ifthat'
showsher eact
s
nowwhatwi llhappenedwhensheact uall
ysees
him noImustmakesur ethatdoesnot
happened.Shewasdoi ngsowel lal
ready,we
can'
tgobackt ost ep1agai nnono.Ilooked
besidemeandmymot herwassitti
ngonthe
smal l
couchnextt oBabalwa'sbed,brushi
ng
herhandsoftl
y .Shelookedsogui l
ty.
Me: "
It
'snotyourf
aul
tmama"sheshookher
headsqueezi
nghereyesshut
.
Her: "OhZwelibaby"shesi
ghedthenlookedat
mebef orel
ookingbackatBabal
wa"Shedoes
notdeser veal
lthi
s,mypoorbabyKumkani .
She'sy oungandhassomuchl if
etoli
vey etso
broken.Lookatme, Ican'
tevenbeamot herto
myki dsZwel i
I'
mf ai
li
ngyouguysall
becauseof
hi
m"
Me:
"Mamapl
easedon'
tpl
ease"
Her:
"It
'st
rue"
Me: "
It
snotmama, y
ouarenotfai
li
nguspl
ease
stopbl
amingyour
sel
fbecauseofhi
m"Iknel
t
downnexttot
hecouchshewassitti
ngon
Her: "
I'
m sorrymyboy,
I'
m sosor
ry"shewiped
thetearthathadfal
l
endownmycheek" Ishoul
d
haveleftalongti
meago,spar
edyouguy sthe
pain.
..
"
Me:
"Mamai
tsokay
,wewi
l
lgett
hrought
his"
"Mama"wel ookedatBabal
waandshewas
awakelooki
ngatus.Mamaquickl
ygotupand
huggedher.
Ma: "
Don'
tscar
emel
i
ket
hatagai
nBabal
wa
pl
easemybaby"
Her:
"MamaI'
m scared"shesobbed.Ij
ust
st
oodther
enotknowingwhattodo
Ma: *t
eary*"Don'
tbeBabi,y
ouknowy our
brot
herwil
l pr
otectyouandthepol
iceknow
aboutwhathedi dbabysohewon'tbecoming
anywherenearyou"
Her:"Noonewi l
leverbeabletostophim
mama, that
'swhathesaid.I
'
llneverbesafe,
we
wil
lneverbesafe"
WhatBabal wasaidmov edsomet hinginmy
mot herbecauseafterhearingt hosewor dsshe
crashedont opofthechai rshewassi tt
ingon
beforeBabalwawokeupandbeganshaki ngher
headl i
kesomeonewhowasi ndeni alt
hen
beganr ocki
ngbackandf orth,Iwast aken
abackbyt hi
sscene,Babal wat oo.Wewer e
bothjustwatchingherseemi nglyloosi
ngher
mindbyt hesecond.
Her:"I
tsokayVuyi
,i
tsokay.Ev
eryt
hingwil
lbe
okay,
justdoashesaysanditwil
lbeokay
*gi
ggl
es*wewi l
lbehappy.
..
"Sherambledon
andon..
.
BabalwasobbedandIwat chedwit
ht ears
runni
ngdownmycheeks, nochi
ldshouldsee
thei
rmot heri
nthatst
ate,Iwasnolongerangry
orbroken.Iwasnowr agi
ngwithwrath,Iwant
t
hatmant
osuf
ferwi
thev
ery
thi
ngi
nme!
!
"Zweligethel p"-Babal wasaidst i
ll
cryi
ngbutI
wasunr esponsi ve.Iwat chedherev er
ysingle
mov e&wor dshesai dandj ustfel
ltomyknees.
Iwaspower less,lookingatmywor ldcrumble
beforemyv eryey es.ThatiswhenIpr omi sed
my sel
fthatIwi llbet hechangeIwantt oseei n
myl i
fe,Ijusthadt opr otecther.Ihadtopr ot
ect
bothoft hem.
Iwasbr oughttolifebytwonur sesrushingi na
panicktomymot her'srescue,Icoul
dnott akei t
anymor eIstoodup, wentov ertoBabalwaand
shi
eldedherv iew.Shehel donf ordearlif
eas
wesatt hererockingeachot herbackandf ort
h,
hearingthecommot ionaroundusandt he
sni
ffsfrom Babi,Ijuststarr
edintospace.It '
s
tr
ue, LI
FEISBI GGERTHANUS.I twasshowi ng
usflames, myhear thadbeenr ippedfrom my
chest.
"
whathappened?
"Il
ookedbackandi
twasmy
mother
'spsy
chol
ogi
stIhadmetheraf
ew
t
imes.
Her:
"Whatdi
dyouguy
ssayt
oher
?"
Me:
"Not
hing"
Her: "
Nonono!Shewasmaki ngprogress
somet hi
ngmusthavetri
ggeredthi
sr eact
ion"I
j
ustst ar
redather"
LookKumkani ,
Ineedt o
knowwhathappenedi nordertohelpher
please"
Me:
"Myf
atherhappened"
Her:
"Yourf
ather
?"
Me:
"Hei
sawake"
Her:
"And?
"
Me:"
ItupsetBabal
wa,shesai
dsomest
uff
t
henmamabeganl oosi
ngit
"
Her:
"Whatst
uff
?"
Me:
"thatwewi
l
lnev
erbesaf
e"Isai
ditcodl
y
wi
thnoemot
ion
Her:
"Ummm okay
,thanky
ou"
Il
ookedatthechairwher
emymot herwasand
shewasn'tt
her
e,itwasonlyBabal
wa,DrFer
a
(t
hepsychol
ogist
)andI.
DrFera:"Shehasbeentakenforanimmedi at
e
eval
uati
on"Inodded"I
'm neededther
e,you
guyswil
lbeokay"Inoddedagain,shetri
ed
sayi
ngaf ewposit
ivewordsofencouragement
butIwasnothavinganyofitandshenot i
ced
sosheleft.
Il
ookedatBabal
wawhowasst
il
lhol
dingont
o
metight
ly
Me: *
clear
sthr
oat*"
Babal
wa"shesatupand
l
ookedatmewi t
heyesswoll
enfr
om cry
ing"
we
hav
et ogohome"
Her:
"Nowecan'
t,
hewi
l
lcomef
orust
her
e
Zwel
i"
Me: "
Babalwapl
easedon'
tbedi
ff
icul
t,notaf
ter
whathappenedpl
ease"
Her:"
Youcango,I
'
llst
ay.If
eel
saferher
eZwel i
,
cl
osetomom.Idon'
twanttogobackthere,
its
hel
li
nther
e"
Me: "
Thenwher
edoyousuggestwest
ay
Babal
wawehavenowher
eelsetost
ay"
Her:
"don'
tmakemegobacktherepl
easeZwel
i
hewi
llf
indust
her
e,Idon'
twannagother
e"
Me:
"Babi
look.
..
"
Her:
"NoZwel
iwear
enotsaf
e!"
Me: "
Youar esaf
erwit
hmet hanhereBabi ,
I
needyouclosetomeinordert opr
otecty ou
pl
ease.IfIl
eaveyouhereandsomet hing
happensthenIwil
lneverf
orgivwmy selfso
pl
easelet'
sgohome"
Her:
"I'
m scar
edZwe"
Me:
"I'
m her
eli
tt
lesi
s"shehel
doutherpi
nky
Her:
"Pr
omi
seme"Ihookedmypi
nkywi
thher
s
Me:"Ipromise"shesighedthenhuggedme
andIhuggedherev enti
ghter"Idon'
teverwant
tol
oosey ouokay?"Shenoddedt henpull
edout.
Her:
"Il
ovey
ou"
Me:*
smil
es*"Il
oveyoutoosi
s"Ist
oodup
"
Nowputyourshoesonsowecango"
Shegotof
fthebedandwor eherschool
shoes,
It
ookherbackpackandhandedherherblazer
.
Her:
"Thanky
ou"
Wewal kedoutthensi
gnedoutatthe
recepti
oni
standIdroveushome.Wear ri
ved
thereandthehousewaspitchbl
ackbecause
therewasnoonet her
e,Babal
wareleaseda
shakeybreat
h
Me: "
Don'tbescar
edwhi
l
eI'
m her
enot
hingwi
l
l
happenedtoyou"
Wewal
kedoutoft
hecarandwal
kedi
ntot
he
house,i
mmedi at
elytur
nedont
hel
i
ghtsand
Babalwabeingparanoi
dmademechanget
he
al
arm password.
Me:
"Seenot
hingt
owor
ryaboutwhi
l
eI'
m her
e"
Her:
"Let
'sj
ustgot
obed"
Ilockedupwi thherf ollowingbehi ndmet hen
wewentt oourr oom, yesourr oom.Shewas
tooscar edt osl eepal onesowemov edabed
from oneoft heguest roomsi ntomyr oom
becausei twast hemostspaci ousandbasi cal
ly
shar edther oom.Shewentt obathwhi l
eIsat
onmybedandbussendi ngat exttoNat asha
expl aini
ngthatsomet hinghadhappenedatt he
clinicbutIwoul dexpl ainev erythi
ngi nthe
mor ni
ngwi thherf at herbecauseIl eftthehouse
say ingI'
dgobackseei ngashewasn' tthere
whenIhadl eftintheaf ternoon.Iputmyphone
downandBabal wacameoutf rom the
bat hroom inherpaj amassoIwentt ot akea
qui ckshowert oot hengoti ntocomf ort
ablebed
wear.
Me:
"Goodni
ghtsi
s"
Her:"
Night"Iswi
tchedofft
hemai
nli
ght
sbut
Babal
wawasscar edofthedar
ksowesl
ept
wit
hthelampson.
Itdi
dn'ttakelongf ormet ohearBabi snor i
ng,
todaywasj ustami ssionhonest l
y .Butf r
om
nowonIneedt opul lmysocksup, Ireall
y
shouldconsiderl ookingforaj ob,needt odoso
much.Ensur et hatBabalwaget sgoodmar ksin
ordertogetabur sarysot hatshecanst udy
nextyear,Ial
soneedt ogetdistinctionsi nmy
modul essothatt heuni versi
tycanhel pwi t
hmy
fees.Thingswer eaboutt ochange, wellalr
eady
arechangingi nmyl i
fedrasti
callyandt helast
thi
ngIneedr ightnowi stobei ll
-prepar ed.Igot
outofbedandsatbymyst udydeskasIdr ew
upmycvandpr i
ntedaf ewcer ti
ficatesofmi ne,
wellI'
veneverwor kedinmyl ifesoIneededt o
makei tlookgoodsi nceIdon'thav eexper i
ence.
Aft
erdrawi
ngupmycvImadeawholebunch
ofcopi
esthenst
apl
edev
ery
thi
ngandputi
tint
o
mybackpack.
Ihadt ol
ookf oraj ob,sor
toutt hemedi calaid
fi
nancestocov ermomsbi l
l thenIcanwor ry
aboutBabal wa'st herapybillmy self
.Asmuch
asIam grat efultot heBaartman' shavingt hem
payforBabal waandMom' sbi l
lsmademe
somehowf eel asifIowedt hem somet hingi n
ret
urn.Idi
dn' tfeel completelyf r
ee,wit
hbei ng
themanoft hehouseIf eltli
keIwassl acking
offespeci
allysi nceMrBaar tmanwasal ready
offer
inghisser vicesasal awy ertoBabalwa
andI,Icouldn'thav ehim doi ngsomuchf orus.
Hehadhi sownf ami l
ytotakecar eof.
Igotint
obedagai n,sai
dashortpray
erthenf
ell
asl
eep.SinceitwasFr i
dayt
herewasnoneedto
setanalarm becausewehadnoschool to
att
endthef ol
lowingdaybutwhenIdidwakeup
i
nt hemorningBabalwawassitti
ngonherbad
al
readybat
hedbythel
ooksofi
twithher
tr
acksui
tonandbusywit
hherbooks.
Me:"Mor
ning"shel
ookedatmeandsmi
l
ed,
I
smi
l
edback.

Her:
"Mor
ning"
Me:"Youlookbett
erthany
oudi
dlastni
ght
,
howareyoufeel
ing?"
Her:
"I'
m okay
,howar
eyouf
eel
i
ng?
"
Me: "I'
mf inesis,aslongasy ouaregoodt hen
I'
m good"Igotupf rom bedandwentt othe
bathroom, brushedmyt eethandspl
ashedmy
facewi t
hwat erbefor egoingbacktothe
bedroom " Whatsubj ectareyoubusywi t
h?"I
askedt hishandingtomywar drobelooki
ngf or
somet hingtowear
Her:
"Goi
ngt
hroughmyHi
stor
y"
Me:
"Ohnahcan'
thel
p"
Her:*
giggl
es*"Iknow"It
ookoutmygr
eyf
aded
j
eansandlookedather
Me:
"Heywhat
'st
hatsupposedt
omean?
"
Her:"
I'
mjustwaybet
teratHi
stor
ythany
ou
bhut
i"
Me:
"Yhuuu"sheshr
ugged
Her:
"Sor
rybr
owsky
"Ishookmyhead
Me:"Notf
orget
ti
ngt
his,
str
ubob"shebur
stout
l
aughi
ngatme
Her:* l
aughs*"
Youneedtost
opseriousl
y"
shakingherhead"Needmetoir
onthatfor
you?"Shesaidlooki
ngatt
hewhitet
-shir
tinmy
hand
Me:"Yespl
ease"Iputi
tont
hecouch"
Whatar
e
weeati
ngforbr
eakfast
?"
Her:
"Fr
uitsal
adaf
terl
astni
ght
ssupper
"
Me:"Soundsgoodtome, uuuhBabalwa"she
l
ookedatme"Withever
ythingthati
sgoingon
wear egoingtoneedtost
artt
hinkingaboutthe
futureandhowwear egoi
ngtosur vi
ve,f
ir
st
thinginmindri
ghtnowismoney .Weneedt o
startsavi
ng"
Her:"Nopr obl
em,y
oucant akemysavi
ngs
car
dt hatdadgaveme,Idon'tusei
tany
way"
shelookedbackatherbooks
Me: "Howmuchi si
nthere?
"Sheshruggedand
gavemeherphone.Iwentt oherbank
noti
fi
cations,
myey ebal
lsal
mostfell
out"What
thefuck!Howl onghaveyounotusedthi
s?"
Her:
"Idon'
tusei
t,nev
erhav
e"
Me: "
Thi
sisal
otofmoneyBabi
"shej
ust
shr
ugged
Wowokay ,t
hisi
sreal
l
yal
otofmoney
,wewi
l
l
cont
inuesavi
ngit
.
Me:"
WhenIf
ini
shbathi
ngpleaseber
eady
,we
ar
egoi
ngt
oNatasha'
splace"
Her:
"Okay
"
Iputherphonedownandquicklywentto
shower,whenIcameoutBabalwawasn'tinthe
room soIqui
cklygotdr
essedtookmy
backpackandwentdownstair
s.Ifoundheri
n
theloungewit
hImi,t
heybothlookedup
Me:"I
minam?Hey
"shest
oodupandcamet
o
hugme
Her:
"Hi
"
Babal
wa: "
I'
m goi
ngtoeati
ntheki
tchenso
l
ong"Inoddedasshegaveussomepr i
vacy
.
Me:
"Youcansi
t"
Her:"
Iknowy ou'
repr
obablywonderi
ngwhyI
'
m
her
ebutIjustcametocheckhowy ouguy
s
werehol
dingup"
Me: "
Oh,
wel l
wearetr
ying.Eachdayhasit
s
ownchal
lengebutwearesti
llst
andi
ng,howar
e
you?
"
Her:*
smil
es*"
I'
m okay
,justwor
ri
edabouty
ou
andBabal
wa"
Me:
"Wewi
l
lbeokay
,wehav
eeachot
her
"
Her: *
nods*"Isentyouanemailofsomenot
es
thatImadeinethicsandItol
dyourcoach
you'r
emotherissicksothatyoucoul
dbe
excusedfr
om rugby"
Me:
"Iappr
eci
atet
hat
,thanky
ou"shest
oodup
Her:
"I'
l
lseey
ouar
oundt
hen"Ist
oodupt
oo
Me:
"Thanky
ouf
orcomi
ng,
meansal
ott
ome"
Her: "
Youdon'thav
etothankme, Iwanttobe
heresoy eahumm guessI
'l
lgetgoing"Ipul
l
ed
herinforahug
Me: "
Sti
ll
beinggoodf
orme?"Shenoddedwi
th
herheadsti
l
lonmychestt
henbrokethe
embrace
Her:"Besaf
eokay
?"Shestoodonhertoesand
peckedmycheekt
hentookherhandbag,I
wal
kedhert
ohercar
Me:
"By
epr
incess"shesmi
l
ed
Her:
"By
e"t
hendr
oveof
f.
Iwentbacki
nsi
dethehouseandj
oined
Babal
waintheki
tchen,
shegavemealookasI
satonthehi
ghchair
.
Me:
"What
?"
Her:"
Aaahneksbhut
i"shehandedmybowl
of
f
rui
tsalad.
Aft
ereat i
ngwewenttotheBaart
manhouse
andluckil
yTasha'
sdadwastheresowewent
tohi
sst udyandIt
oldhi
m ever
ythi
ng.
Him: "Okaysof i
rstlywearegoi ngtohav eto
fi
leforar est
rai
ningor dert
oensur ethathe
doesnotcomenearanyofy ouguyst henonce
yourmot heriswell Ihavet
oseeheebecauseI
feelt
here'smoret hereandifmygutf eeli
ngis
ri
ghtandIknowi tis,Iwil
lpursuedhert opress
chargesagainstyourfather,
notonl
ywi l
lthat
strengt
henBabal wa'scasebutwil
lal
sogi veus
mor eammuni ti
onandanev enhi
gherpossibili
ty
ofhim goingtojail
.Hiscaseofassaultagainst
youi sweak,soyoudon' thavet
owor r
yabout
that"
Me:
"Sowear
esaf
e?"
Hi
m:"
From wher
eI'
m st
andi
ng?Hel
lyeah"
Me:
"Thanky
ousomuch"weshookhands
Hi
m: "
Befor
eIfor
get,
yourf
atherhasbeen
t
aki
ngint
opoli
cecust
ody"
I
nser
t10
∆
BABALWA
•
Afterspendi
ngt heent
ir
edaywi t
hNatasha'
s
family,
Zweliaskedforust
obeexcusedandI
don'tknowhowbutheconv incedNat
asha's
fathert
olethersleepoverwhi chwasgr eat
newsbecausei twouldgetourmi ndoffof
thi
ngs.Zwelicall
edtheclini
candt heytol
dhim
i
twoul dbebestifwegav eherabi tofspacefor
adayort wojustforhertogetbet terIguess
buttheydidmanaget ocal m herdownand
reasonwithhersoIwashappy .Inolongerfel
t
guilt
ybecauseIfeltasi
fIhadpushedhert o
thatpoint
.
AfterTashafi
nishedpacki
nganover
nightbag
forBanziandhersel
fweexcusedour
selves.
"Whatdoy ouguyswannaeatforsupper
?"-
Zweliaskedashedroveof
ffrom theBaar
tman
resi
dence.Iwassit
ti
ngint
hebackseatwith
Juniorwhil
eTashasati
nthefrontwit
hZweli
Tasha:
"Any
thi
ngy
ouguy
swantt
oeatI
'
m cool
wit
h"
Zweli
:"Babal
wa?Anyideas?
"Hel
ookedatme
thr
oughtherear
viewmir
ror
Me: "Maybelasagneandsomer oastchicken,
I
don'tknow.Whatdoy out
hink?
"hel ookedat
Natashaandshenodded
Hi
m:"
Babe?
"
Her:
"I'
m downbabydon'
tst
ress"
Him: "Alr
ightthenlasagneitis,t
hanky oul
adies
forvolunt
eeringtocook.Youguy stakesuch
goodcar eofmeIcan' tdeal honest
ly"weall
l
aughed, j
uniortoo.Onewoul dswearhe
understoodwhathi sfatherhadjustsaid
Me:
"Andt
henwena?Whyar
eyoul
aughi
ng?
"
Hi
m:"
Hayhayhay
"
Zwe:
"HayBabal
wal
etmysonbe"
Me:
*chuckl
es*"
Tash?
"
Her:
"Don'
twor
ry,
I'
m wi
thy
ouont
hisone"
Zwe:
*chuckl
es*"
Real
l
ybabe?Real
l
y"
Jr:
"Wi
l
ly!
?"Wel
ookedateachot
herand
l
aughedagai
n
Me:
"YesJr
,Wi
l
ly"
Him:"Ohhh"henodded,l
ikeIreal
l
ycannotdeal
wit
hthischi
ld .Hemakesmesohappy
andboydoeshelikeact
ingoldert
hanhisage!
Wegothomeandl itthepl
aceup,Zweliwentt
o
siti
ntheloungewi
thhissonwherethey
watchedrugbywhi
lstTashandIprepar
ed
supper.Shewasbusywiththel
asagneandthe
roastchi
ckenwasmybaby .
"
Youlookwaybetternowt
hant
hepastf
ew
weeks"-Tashsai
d
Me:
"Real
l
y?"
Her:
"Yes,
I'
vebeenmeaningtotel
lyoubut
mom wasall
overyoubackathome"
Me: *gi
ggles*"
True,
coul
dbar
elykeepupwi
th
herquesti
onsbutIknowshemeanswell
"
Her:
"I'
mjustgl
ady
ou'
reokay
,Iknowy
ouguy
s
ar
egoi
ngt
opul
lthr
ought
hisst
il
lst
andi
ng"
Me: *
sighs*"
Ihopeso,
Ireal
l
yhonest
lyhope
so"
Her: "Havefai
th,
you'r
est
rongandsoi
syour
brother.Toget
her,y
outwoareafor
cet
obe
reckonedwi t
h"
Me:
"You'
resomot
her
ly"
Her:
*gi
ggl
es*"
HauBabal
wa"
Me:"I
t'
snotabadt hing,shoul
dactual
l
ytakeit
asacomplement.Youj usthaveawayof
maki
ngonefeelbetter,j
ustli
kemother
'sdo"
Her: "
AwwwBabal wa"shewipedherhandson
theapronshehadonandmadeherwayonmy
sideofthecounterthenhuggedme" Thankyou"
shepulledoutandlookedatme" You'r
etrul
y
getti
ngbetterIcanseeiti
ny ouract
ionsandit
makesmesohappy "
Me:
"It
hinkI
'
m happyt
ooact
ual
l
y"
Her:"Wow!Can'tbeli
evethi
sisyourightnow"
shelaughed"Let
'sgetbacktosupperbeforw
yourbrot
hercomesher ecomplai
ningaboutus
taki
ngtime"
Me: "
Trueee"shel
ookedatmeandchuckl
ed
whil
stshaki
ngherheadandwecarr
iedon
cooki
ng.
Whent hefoodwasal mostdone, Iwenttogo
setthedinnert
ablewhileNatashawr apped
everyt
hingupthenweal lgather
edatt hetabl
e,
saidgraceanddiggedin.Juniorwassi t
ti
ng
nexttohismothereati
ngt oobuthewasonl y
eati
ngt hechi
ckenthough.
Zwel
i:"
Thanky
ouf
ort
hef
oodguy
s,t
ast
es
amazi
ng"
Me:
"You'
rewel
come"
Tash:
"It
'sapl
easur
ebaby
"
Him: "
YouknowIlovey
ourcooking"hewinked
atherandshebl
ushedsohard,
mybr otherhad
t
heeeebi
ggestsmir
konhisface.Wowthese
t
wo Isi lent
lyl
aughedwhi
l
epi cki
ngmyfood.
"
whati
sfunnyBabi
?"-Zwel
iasked
Jr:
"Fani
baba"copycat
Me:
"Ohnot
hing"Ismi
l
ed
Hi
m:"
Mhmmm"
Me:
"Yout
woar
ecut
ethat
sal
l
"
Hi
m: *
chuckl
es*"
Iknow"hebl
ewheraki
ss,
omgshetur
nedpi
nk.
Her:*cl
earsthr
oat
*"I
'm goi
ngtogetacl
assof
water
,excuseme"shequickl
ygotupandwent
t
othekitchen.
Me: *
giggl
es*"
Stopi
tbhut
i,y
ou'
remaki
ngi
t
har
dforhertoeat
"
Him: *l
aughs*"Whaaaaa?I'
m notevendoing
anythi
ng"hehadasi pofsomejuicethengave
j
uniorsome" Babe!
?"
Her:"
Comi
ng"sheappear
edwi
thabot
tl
eof
water
Hi
m:"
Wasst
art
ingt
ogetwor
ri
ed"
Her:
*smi
l
es*"
I'
m okay
"
Me: *
laughs*"Youguysneedtostop,
don'
t
f
orgetjuni
orandIaresti
l
linther
oom"
Tash:
*gi
ggl
es*"
Babi
don'
tbesi
l
ly"
Zwe: "
Babalwacany oupassmethechicken
pl
ease"Ipassedhimt hebowlwi
thchi
ckenand
hetookapiece"Thanky ou"
Wecarri
edoneat i
ng,aft
erourlit
tl
edi nnerwe
al
lwenttothekit
chenandcl eanedup.Imust
sayi
twasfun,Iwasf eel
ingli
ghter.
..Idon't
knowtoexplai
nitbutatthatmomentmyhear t
wasatpeace.
Tash:"Babecanyoupleasemakehi
sbot
tl
e,I
'
ll
gogiv
ehi m abat
hsolong"
Hi
m:"
Nopr
obl
em nunus"
Tash:*laughs*"
defi
nit
elynotgoi
ngt
osay
anyt
hing"sheheldJuni
or'shand"
Let
'
sgoboy
"
IlookedatZwel iashewat chedt hem wi tha
smi l
eonhi sface,hereall
ydi dlovehisl i
ttl
e
familyandhewassogoodwi thbot hoft hem.
From mypoi ntofv i
ewt heywer ereallyacut e
l
ittl
efami ly,wit
hsomuchl ov eandcar e
amongstt hem.I tmakesmehappyt oseemy
brothernotf oll
owingourf ather'
sf ootsteps,he
i
sr eallythetotaloppositeofhim andi tmade
meev enmor eproudtocal l
hi m mybr other.A
truerolemodel inmyey es,Ihopet hatIt oocan
beabl etoseet heposit
ivesideoft hi
ngsev en
whent hegoingget stoughandt hatisonet hing
Zwel istr
iveson.
"whyarey
oustar
ri
ngatmeBabal
wa?
"-Zwel
i
asked,
bri
ngi
ngmebacktol
if
e
Me:
"Sor
ry,
what
?"
Hi
m:"
You'
rest
arr
ingBabi
,i
t'
swei
rd"her
oll
ed
hi
seyes.Ishookmyheadsmi
l
ing,Zwel
iwas
suchacharact
er!
Me:
"Idi
dn'
treal
i
se,
sor
ry"Iwi
pedt
hesi
nk
Him:"What
sgoi
ngoni
nthatbi
gheadof
your
s?"
Me: *gi
ggles*"
Notasbi
gasyour
s"hequickl
y
pokerfaceonme"I'
mjoki
ng*
giggl
es*l
ighten
up"
Hi
m: "
Nowt
ell
mewhaty
ouar
ethi
nki
ngl
i
ttl
e
si
s"
Me:"Iwasjustt
hinki
ngabouthowgoodyou
ar
ewithyourti
nyfamil
y,y
ou'r
ereal
l
ydoinga
gr
eatjobwit
hthem"
Him:"Iam? "Inodded"wowt hanksl
i
ttl
esi
s,
youdon'tknowwhati tmeanstobemehearing
yousaythat.Reall
ythankyou"
Me:
*smi
l
es*"
Nopr
obl
em"
Het
urnedar
oundandcont
inuedmaki
nghi
s
son'
sbott
lebutt
hent
hedoor
bel
lrang,
he
tur
nedtol
ookatme.
Hi
m:"
didy
oui
nvi
tesomeone?
"
Me:
"What
?Nooo!Whocoul
dIpossi
blyi
nvi
te?
"
Hi
m:"
Thatnewf
ri
endofy
our
s"
Me:
"Idi
dn'
ti
nvi
teany
oneZwe,
gogett
hedoor
"
Heputever
ythi
ngbackonthecount
erand
headedt
othelounge,
Ifol
l
owedbehindhi
m.
Hi
m:"
Whoi
sit
!?"
Unknown:"
Kumkani
opent
hisdoor
"itwasa
malevoi
ce
Zwel
i:"
Ungubani
?"(
Whoar
eyou?
)
Him: "
Zweli
banzi
Booi,
openthi
sdoor
!"He
soundedangry
,Zwel
il
ookedatme
Zwetome: "
Ngumal ume"(
it
'souruncl
e)I
l
ookedathi
m shocked
Me:
"Nodon'
topenZwel
i
"isai
dwhi
sper
ing
"whati
fhehur
tsus?Af
teral
lhei
sourf
ather
's
brot
her
"
Hi
m:"
Wedon'
thav
eachoi
ceBabi
"
Me:"Okay"Ihel
dhi
m handt
ight
lyasIst
ood
behi
ndhimthenheopenedt
hedoor
Zwe:
"Mal
ume"
Hi
m: "
Mal
ume?Youmademewai toutsi
deof
myownbrot
her
shouseandal
lyoucansayis
mal
ume?"
Zwe:"
I'
m sor
ry,
wecoul
dn'
tfi
ndt
hekey
s.We
wer
ealr
eadygoi
ngt
obed"
Him:"Mxm,whatrubbishi
sthi
sI'
m heari
ng
fr
om mybrot
herthatyouguysarepl
ott
ing
agai
nsthi
m"
Zwe:"
plot
ti
ng?Nooneispl
ott
ingany
thi
ngher
e,
hemol
estedBabal
wa!
"
Hi
m:"Molest
ed!
?That
'sr
ubbi
shZwel
iIknow
mybr
other
"
Zwe:"wel
lcl
ear
lynotenought
oknowt
hathei
s
apedophi
l
e"
Hi
m: "Yey
!Wherei
syourr
espect
?Hav
eyou
f
orgot
tenI'
myourel
der
?"
Me:
"Nomal
umei
tst
rue,
he.
..
"
Hi
m: "Whowastal
ki
ngt oy
ou?"Iswall
owed
"
I'
m aski
ngyouaquest
iondammit!
!"
Zwe: "
Youarenotgoi
ngt
owal
kinher
eandt
alk
toherl
iket
hat"
Him: "
Sheisachild!Akazothet
haamadoda
ethet
ha"(shewil
lnotspeakwhi l
emenspeak)
hethenlookedatme" doy ouunder
standme?
"I
nodded
Me:*swall
ows*"
Ewemalume"(
yesuncl
e)Il
et
goofZweli
'
shand"I
'
m goi
ngtobed,
good
ni
ght
(i
ni)
"
Hi
m: "
Notbefor
ewetal
k"hewal
kedtot
he
l
iv
ingr
oom l
eavi
ngZwel
iandIst
andi
ngbyt
he
door
.
Zwel
icl
etchedhi
sfi
standj
aw.
Me: *whi
speri
ng*"no,don'
tplease.Youar
e
goingtogeti
ntrouble"hecur
sedunderhis
breat
heasheshutt hedoor
"
I'
m wai
ti
ng!
"Mal
umeshout
edf
rom t
hel
i
ving
r
oom
Zweli
:"Iam goingt
odisl
ocat
et hatman'sj
aw"
hechargedt
ot heli
vi
ngroom butIpul
ledhi
m
back
Me: "
No,
no,
no!Cal
m downpleaseZwe.Thi
nk
ofmeandmom pl
ease"het
ookadeepbreath
out
Hi
m:"
Fine"
Me:
"Thanky
ou"Igav
ehi
m abr
iefhug
"y
eyIdon'
thav
ethewhol
eni
ght
!"Heshout
ed
agai
n
Me:
"Comi
ng!
"
Zwel
i:"
Hei
stest
ingmypat
ience"
Me:"Don'
tlethi
m gett
oyou"wewal
kedt
othe
l
iv
ingroom
Mal
ume:
"Babal
wagogetsomej
uicef
orme"
Me:"Ewemalume"It
urnedandmademyway
t
othekit
chen.

I
nser
t11
∆
KUMKANI
•
Babalwaexcusedherselftogogetthebev erage
ourunclehadaskedfor,leavi
ngmeal onewi th
him.All
IdidasIsatwithhi mintheli
vingroom
wastotryandkeepmy selfi
ncheck,kept
thi
nki
ngofmymot herandBabalwa'sst at
eof
mindandwhatwoul dhappenedi fIgotarrested
becauseI'
m surenowwi ththechargeI'm
faci
ngforassault
ingmyfat
her,
ifIam toaddon
tothatbybeati
ngupthi
smani nfrontofmeI'
d
surel
ygotoprisonsoal
lIdidwast hi
nkof
mamaandBabi .
"
Kumkani
"-hecal
l
edout
,Il
i
ftedmyheadand
l
ookedat
im.
Hi
m: "
Whatdoy
oucal
lwhat
'
shappeni
ngi
nthi
s
f
amil
y?"
Me:
"Excuseme?
"
Him:"Youthr
eeturni
ngagainstthemant hat
put
sfoodinyourmout hs,
thelav
ishli
feyou
guysarel
iv
ingisbecauseofhim andnow? "
Me: "
Whydon'ty ouasky oursel
fwhywewoul d
upandsuddenlyt ur
nagai nstan'
honour
able'
man?Huh?Didy ouasky oursel
fthat
?Doyou
evenknowhim ory oujustchoosingtot
urnthe
bl
indeyeonallthedisgust i
ngthi
ngshedoes"
Hi
m:"
Don'
tpat
roni
zemeKumkani
"
Me:"Youknowheisn'
tthemanhemakes
hi
mselfoutt
obe,
youknowt hatmal
ume"
Him: "
Evensowhatkindofsonareyou?
Tur
ningagai
nstyourownfather
!?"
Me: *chuckl
es*"
Areyouseri
ousri
ghtnow?You
aregoingtocomeinhereandactli
kewhaty
our
brot
herhasbeendoingtoBabal
waandheaven
knowswhatt omymot heri
snothi
ng!?
"
Hi
m:"
Don'
trai
sey
ourv
oiceatmeboy
"
Me:*l
aughs*"
Iam mor
eofamant
hany
ou'
l
l
ev
erbe"
Hi
m: "
Excuseme?"Hestoodf
rom t
hecouchhe
wassi
tt
ingonandIdi
dtoo
Me:"Youar
estandi
ngi
nfrontofmedefendi
ng
t
hatspi
nel
esswhimpyoucall
abrot
her.
..
"
Hi
m:"
Boyy
oubet
terwat
chy
ourwor
ds"
Me:*smir
ks*"
Youarel
essofamanthanI
t
houghty
ouwere"hegl
aredatmeandal
lIsaw
i
nhi seyeswasr age,
justthenIfelthi
sfi
st
connectwi t
hmycheekandIst umbledback.I
sentmyf ingerstodosomei nspecti
ononmy
cheekandt hrobbingli
pandi tcameback
bloody.Ichuckledshakingmyheadasmy
angerbuilt-
up
"Zwelino"-Babalwasai
dasshepl acedt
he
beveragesont hecof
feetabl
ethencameand
stoodinfrontofme
Her:"Rememberwhatwespokeaboutpl
ease"
shetri
edtot
ouchmybrui
sedfacebutIpushed
herhandaway
Me: "I
'mfine"Itookaglassofjuicesfrom t
he
trayonthecoffee,t
ookahugegul pedthensat
downbutBabal wa&mal umewer estil
lonthei
r
feetst
arri
ngatme" Youjustgoi
ngt ostareat
met hewholenightor?CauseI '
vegotthingsto
dohey "
Babal
wa:
"bhut
ist
op"Ichuckl
edandt
ookasi
p
oft
hej
uice
Me:
*shaki
ngmyhead*"
Janeh"
Malume:"
Looksli
kemybrotherwasri
ght
abouty
ouguys"hetookhi
scarkeys
Me: "Youcameherewithyourmindmadeup
aboutwhat'
sgoingoninthisf
amilyal
readysoI
real
l
ydon'tknowwhatyouwer eexpecti
ngto
comeoutoft hi
sli
tt
lev
isitofyour
s"
Hi
m: "
Zwel
ibanzi
I'
myourel
derdammi
t,gi
ve
mesomerespect
!"
Me:
"Actl
i
ket
heel
dery
oucl
aimt
obe"
Babi
:"Zwe.
..
"
Me: "
NoBabalwahecan'tcomehereandtreat
uslikeapieceofgum st
ucktothebott
om of
hisshoe,hedoesn'
tseeanythi
ngwrongwith
whathi sbr
otherdi
dbutfi
ndsfaul
tinus
reporti
nghim!"
Hi
m:"
WenaBabal
way
ouhappywi
thy
our
f
atherbei
ngbehi
ndbar
s!?
"
Her:
"I.
..
"
Him: "Youwhat ?Huh?Youar eawor thlessl
i
ttl
e
gi
rl,
wast eofsperm bothofy ou"Icouldn'
t
handleitanymore,Ichargedathim andpushed
againstthewallbutthi
sniggahadasmi r
kon
hi
sf ace.That'
swhenIr eali
zedBabalwawas
ri
ght,Iletoutasighandlethim go.
Me:
"You'
renotev
enwor
thi
t,pl
easel
eav
e"
Him:"Wi
thpl
easur
e"hewal
kedoutoft
hel
i
ving
andoutt
hefr
ontdoor
.
Iwal kedbehi ndhi
m andlockedthedoor,
whenI
returnedtothel i
vi
ngroom Babalwawasno
l
ongert here.ItooktheglassIwasdri
nking
from andt hrewitagai
nstthewallt
hencrashed
ont hechair.Howdar ehecomei nhereand
i
nsul tus!Iwasf umingfuck!
•
•
NATASHA
∆
Icouldheart her acketcomi ngf rom downst ai
rs
butIdidn'twantt omeddl einfami l
yissues,i t
wasn'tmypl acetodoso.I tsuddenl ywentqui et
andthat'swhenBabal wawal kedi ntot he
bedroom looki nghighlyupset ,shecr awl edon
herbedandcr ouchedi nt
oabal l.Ididn'tknow
whattodosoIj ustclimbedont hebednextt o
herandwr appedmyar msar oundherasshe
cri
edsilently,j
uniorwasst andingnextt othe
si
deoft hebedt hatBabi wassl eepingon
l
ookingatherconf used.
Me:
"It
'sgoi
ngt
obeokay
"
Her:
*sni
ff
s*"
may
behei
sri
ght
"
Me:
"Who?
"
Her:
"Myuncl
e"shesi
ghedt
hent
urnedar
ound
t
ofaceme"
Iam wor
thl
essar
en'
tI?
"
Me:
"What
?NoBabal
wa.
."
Her:
"Thenwhywoul
dmyownf
atherdot
hist
o
meNatasha?
"
Me: "Becausehei sasickmanBabi ,youruncle
i
ssickt ooforsidi
ngwi t
hhim.Not hi
ngtheysay
shouldgett oyou,t
heyar eawasteofoxy gen
bothoft hem.Yourfatherdoesn'
tdeservetobe
cal
ledaf atheraft
erwhathedi dtoyouandt hat
uncleofy ours,
hisopi
nionofy oudoesnot
matter,don'tgi
vehim credi
t"
Her: "
It'
shardwhenIf eell
ikeI
'minthewrong
fordoingall
thisandfinal
lyspeaki
ngout
againstmyfather,If
eelli
kepeopleareagai
nst
meTasha"
Me:"Zweli
,yourmom andmyf amilyar
en'
t
agai
nstyou.Yourfather'
sfamil
yistaki
nghi
s
si
debecausehei stheirsour
ceofincome"
Her:
*si
gh*"
Idon'
tknowany
mor
e,Ij
ustwant
al
lthi
stocomet oanendsot
hatIcanmoveon
wi
thmyl i
fe.I
sthatt
oomuchtoaskfor
?"
Me: "
Ofcour
senotbuti
twill
taket
ime,y
ouj
ust
needtobepat
ient
"shet
urnedandgavemeher
back
Her:
"I'
mti
red,j
ustwannasl
eep"
Me:
"Ohokay
,I'
l
ljustgocheckonZwel
ithen"
Her:
"Goodl
uck"
Me:
"Isheangr
y?"
Her:
"Fumi
ng"
Me:
*si
gh*"
Okay
,goodni
ght
"
Her:
"ni
ght
"
Igotofft
hebed,woremygownandt ookJunior
thenmademywaydownst ai
rs,Ipassedbyt he
kit
chenfi
rstf
orhi
sbot t
let
henl ookedf or
Kumkanionlytof
indhiminthel i
vi
ngr oom.I
stoodbythedoor
wayandwat chedhim ashe
satonthecouchwithhisf
acebur iedinhis
hands,t
hiswholewasr eall
ytakingitstoll
on
hi
m asmuchashewast ryi
ngt or emainstrong
andthegluethatkepteveryt
hingt ogether
,it
wasweighingdownonhi m.Iwal kedintothe
l
ivi
ngandsomet hingstungmyf oot .
"Ouuu!!
"-Icri
edoutandqui
cklysatont
he
couchnearesttome.Ihadst
eppedonapiece
ofbrokenglassbuti
twasnothingbi
g
"Babyy
ouokay?"HeplacedBanzinextt
ome
"Letmesee"hei
nspectedmyfootthenstood
up
Me:
"I'
mfi
ne,
it'
sjustasmal
lcut
"
Hi
m:"
I'
m st
il
lgoi
ngt
ofet
cht
hef
ir
stai
dki
t"
Me:
*si
gh*"
That
'snotnecessar
ybaby
"
Hej ustturnedandwalkedoutoftheli
vi
ngr
oom,
camebackaf terawhilewi
ththefir
stai
dki
tand
cl
eanedt hesmallcutbef
oreputt
ingasmal
l
plasteroni tt
henpeckedmylips.
Hi
m:"
I'
m sor
ryaboutt
hegl
assokay
?"
Me:
*nods*"
It
snot
hingbi
g,I
'
mfi
ne"
Him:"Yousure?
"Inoddedagain"
Whatwer
e
youdoingdownhereanyway?
"
Me: "
Icamet ocheckonyou,Babal
wat ol
dme
whathappenedandIkindofheardsomeofi t
butIdi
dnotwantt omeddlei
nf ami
lypoli
ti
cs"
Him:*nods*"
I'
ll
admi
tIwasf
umingafterhelef
t
butI
'v
ecalmeddownnow*si
gh*letmeclean
upthi
sglasst
henwecangotobed"
Me: "
Okaybaby
"hepl
acedasoftpeckonmy
for
eheadt
henwentt
ogofetchabroom and
scoop
Juniorwasf all
i
ngasleepnexttomesoImade
himlaycomf or
tabl
ywhilewewai t
edforhis
fat
hertogetdone, whenZwel i
fini
shedhetook
Juniorandwewentupst ai
rswithhi
m walki
ng
behi
ndhi m.Int her
oom Babalwawasf ast
asl
eep, guessshewasr eal
lyti
redli
keshesaid,
I
fi
xedthebedf orJuniorandhisfat
hertucked
hi
mi n.Icl
imbedinbednex ttohi
m whileZweli
wenttotakeaqui ckshower ,
bythetimehe
sl
ippedint
obedbehi ndmeIwasal readydozing
off
.Hewr appedhi sarm ar
oundmywai stand
pull
edmecl osertohim
"Goodni
ghtpr
incess"heki
ssedt
hebackofmy
neck
Me: "Goodni
ghtbaby"Iwassl
owl yf
all
ingint
o
adeepslumberwhenIr ememberedthatj
unior
didn'
thaveabot
tl
ef ort
hemiddleofthenight.
"babe"
Hi
m:"
Mh"
Me:
"Idi
dn'
tmakeabot
tl
eforj
uni
or"
Hi
m: "
Mhbabyther
e'sabitl
eftf
rom t
heoneI
madehi
m nowgotosleep"
Me:
"Zwel
ii
twon'
tbeenoughpl
ease"
Hi
m:"
Tashbabypl
easeI
'
mti
red,
gobackt
o
sl
eep"Isighedthengotoutofbed,hequi
ckly
grabbedmyhand" Natasha"heswi
tchedonhis
si
del ampandlookedatme" Getbackint
obed,
I'
l
lgomakei t"t
hatwasmor eofanorderthana
suggesti
onsoIjustcl
imbedbackintobed.
Heleft
,camebackaf t
erawhilewi
thj
uni
ors
fl
uskandat i
nofmilk,qui
ckl
ymadejuni
ors
bott
lethencl
imbedintobednextt
omeand
swit
chedoffhissi
delamp.
Him:"goodni
ghtki
ss?
"Ili
ft
edmyheadmy
headupandpeckedhi
sli
psbuthedeepened
theki
ss.
I
nthemi
dstofourki
ssIhear
dsomethingli
kea
wi
ndowbr
eaking,
Iqui
ckl
ypull
edoutofthekiss.
Me:
"Di
dyouheart
hat
?"
Hi
m:"
Hearwhatbaby
?"
Me: "
ZweliIhear
dawi ndowbr eaki
ngjustnow,
whatifwehaveintr
uders?"Iwhisper
ed
Hi
m:"
Babet
hisi
snott
het
imef
orj
okes"
Me:"
I'
m notj
okingZwe.
..
"Ihear
dfoot
steps
"
Didy
ouhearthat?"
Him:*nods*"Shhhokay
?"Iqui
ckl
ynoddedand
hegotoutofbed
Me:
"NoZwel
iI'
m scar
eddon'
tgo"
Hi
m:"
I'
mjustgoi
ngt
ocheckwhat
'
sgoi
ngon"
Me: "i
t'
snotsaf
e,j
ustlockthedoorandwewi
l
l
cal
lthepoli
ce"t
hefootst
epsweregetti
ng
cl
oserandmyey eswidened.
Zweliwal kedt ot hedoorandst oodbehi nditas
thehandl et urned,Iswall
owedt hel umpi nmy
thr
oatasamanst eppedinsideinallblackand
abalaclav a.Hel ookedst r
aightatmet hen
walkedt owar dst hebed,myhear twasbeat i
ng
sofastasi fitwasaboutt obeatoutofmy
chest.Bef oreIknewi tZwelishutthedoorand
att
ackedhi mf r
om behind,Iquicklyreachedfor
myphoneanddi aled10111, putitonloud
speakerthenscr eamedf orhel
p.Babalwawoke
upint hemi stofthi
sdr amaconfusedand
disori
ented,herey eslandedonherbrother.Al
l
Icouldthinkofwasmysonatt hatmomenti n
ti
me, Itookt hesi
delampandunpl uggedit.The
i
nt r
uderwasnowont opofZwel iasIwasabout
tosmashi tontopofhi shead.
..
"don'tev
enthi
nkabouti
t"-av
oicesai
dfr
om
behindme.Isl
owlytur
nedandther
ewas2
mor eofthem.
Him: "Nowbehaveandcl
imbbackonthatbed
nexttoyoursonovert
her
e"t
hescuffl
ebetween
Zweliandtheguywhohadgoti
ntotheroom
fi
rsthadstopped.
Me: "Pl
easedon' tdothi
s"oneoft hem threw
meont hebedandt heystartedattackingZweli
"Noooooo!!St
oppl ease!"Juniorhadwokenup
andIheldhim closetomychest ,Babalwashut
herearsandey es.Allt
hiswhi l
eZwel igroaned
andpleadedforthem tost op,Iwasscar edfor
myson,Zweli
,Babal
waandmysaf
ety
.Idi
dn'
t
knowwhattodo!
IgaveJuniortoBabal waIhadt odosomet hing,
ItookthelampandopenedJuni orsflusk.
Smashedt helampononeoft heintrudershead
andpouredt hehotwat eront heotherbutt he
thir
dcaughtmewi thahotsmack.That '
swhenI
heardthesoundofpol i
cesirens.I
'venev erbeen
mor ehappieri
nmyl i
fe,al
lthreeofthem qui ckly
rushedoutofther oom andIr ushedt oZwel i'
s
side.Hewasbadl ybat t
eredandi npai n,
Itried
totouchhim buthef l
inched
Me: "
Sorrybaby"Iwasintear
s"Babal
wacall
theambul anceplease!
"Il
ookedatZweli
"Can
youst and?"Heshookhishead"Hangon
please"
Thepoli
cecamer ushi
ngintotheroom and
weresoonfol
lowedbypar amedics.Iwas
shaken,
sowasBabal wa.Wequi ckl
ywor eour
shoesandfol
l
owedbehi ndtheambul ancethat
Zweliwasputint
oandrushedtotheemergency
uni
t,Ij
usthopedhewasokay.Thiswhol
et hi
ng
wasjusttoomuch,Babal
wasobbednexttome
aswesati nt
hewaiti
ngareaIcal
l
edmydad.
Hi
m:"
Tash,
babydoy
ouknowwhatt
imei
tis"
Me: *
sobs*"Theybr
okeintot
hehouse.
..Zwel
i
he.
..*
swall
ows*theybeatZwel
iup.Pl
ease
comeplease"
Hi
m:"
Okay
,okay
.Cal
m down,
wher
ear
eyou?
"
Me: "
Melomedhospi
tal
,theonenearour
chur
ch"
Him:"Okay
,I'
l
lber
ightt
her
e.Gety
ou&
Babal
waasweetcupofcof
feesolongokay
?"
Me:
*sni
ff
s*"
Daddywhati
fhedoesn'
tmakei
t"
Him:"Tasha,daddywi
l
lber
ightt
her
ekeep
cal
m pleasemybaby"
Me:
"Okay
"
Hi
m:"
Keepaney
eonBabal
waokay
?"Inodded
asifhecouldseeme" I
'
llbet
herein15
minutes"hehungupandIlookedovertowhere
Babalwawassitt
ingandshewasst ar
ri
ngint
o
space.
Isatnextt
oherandsqueezedherhand.
Me: "
Wehav
etobeposi
ti
ve,
he'
l
lmakei
toutof
t
his"
Her:
"Whati
fhedoesn'
t?
"
Me: "
That'
snotgoi
ngtohappened,
Zwelii
s
st
rong.Let
'shav
efai
th"shesi
ghedthennodded.
Ipi
ckedupmybabywhowassleepi
ngonthe
chai
randhel
dhimtomychest
,Zweliwasgoi
ng
tobeokay
,Iknowhewi
l
l.
I
nser
t12
∆
NATASHA
•
Af
terawhi
leofwai
ti
ngmydadar
ri
ved,
Iqui
ckl
y
st
oodupandhuggedhi
m.
"I
t'
sokayI'm herepumpkin,daddyishere"-he
sai
dashecar essedmyback" I
t '
sgoi
ngt obe
okay"Inoddedwi thmyheadst il
lonhi
schest,
hebrokehisembr acethenlookedatJunior
whowassl eepinginmyar mst henatBabalwa
Him: "
Babalwa"sherai
sedherheadt
ol ookat
him"heisgoingtobeokay,
heisastrong
youngfel
la.Trustmehewon'tl
eavey
ou
hangi
ng"
Her:
"Ihopeso"hel
ookedatme
Hi
m:"
Hast
hedoct
orgi
veny
ouanyupdat
es?
"
Me:"We'
vebeenwait
ingher
ethewhol
eti
me,
noonecametoseeusorupdat
eus"
Hi
m:"
whatact
ual
l
yhappenedt
her
eNat
asha?
"
Me: "
Wewereget
ti
ngreadyf
orbedwhenI
hear
dthewi
ndowbreaki
ng,Zwel
ii
nsi
stedon
goingtocheckoutwhatwashappeni ngbutit
wast oolatetheywerealreadyheadedforhis
room.That '
swhent heintr
uderwalkedint
othe
room wewer einandZwel i
att
ackedhimf r
om
behind,Itr
iedtohelpbutthereweretwomor e
ofthem daddyt henthey.
..
"
Hi
m: "
Breat
hbaby"It
ookadeepbr eat
heout
"
Goodnowtalkt
ome, whathappenednext
?"
Me: "
Thenal lt
hreeofthem star
tedattacki
ng
Zweli
,Itri
edtostopthem daddy.Iscreamedf or
them t
ost opandsodi dZwelibutt
heycar ri
ed
onbatteri
nghiml i
kesomedog, I.
..
"Icouldn't
keepitinanymoreIjustsobbedandsodi d
BabalwaIguesshear i
ngwhatt r
anspi
r ed
evoct
edr awemot i
onsinhertoo.
Dad:"Gir
lscomeonnow, heisgoingtopul
l
t
hrough.He..Ohdoct
or"Iqui
cklywipedmy
t
earsandlookedupatthedoctor
Doc:
"Kumkani
Booi
?"
Dad:
"Yeswear
efami
l
y"
Her: "Okaywellsir
, yoursonsuffer
eda
fractur
edr i
bandhi skneecapgotdi slocat
edin
themi dstofthephy sicaldi
sputehef ound
himselfinotherthant hatheshouldbeokaybut
wi l
lundergoimmedi atephysiotherapyforhi
s
kneeonceher egainshi sst
rength"
"
Soheisgoi
ngtobeokay
?"-Babal
waaskedin
alowt
one,t
hedoct
orl
ookedatherandsmi
led
Her:"
Yes,MrBooii
sgoingtobeokay.Wehave
howevergi
venhi
m someheavymedsf ort
he
pai
nsoheiscurr
entl
yunconsci
ous"
Me:
"Canweseehi
m?"
Her:
"I'
dli
keforhi
mtorest,
I'
ll
acceptv
isi
tsf
or
mypati
enttomorr
owonly
"
Dad:
"Ev
eni
fit
s5mi
nut
esdoct
orpl
ease"
Her:
"Unfor
tunat
elyI
'
m goi
ngt
ohavetosayno
andI
'dadvi
seyourgi
rl
sher
etogohomeand
rest
,theyl
ookdist
ressed.Weneedyouguyst
o
besanewheny ouseehi mjustt
ogi
vehim
somecourageokay ?
"Inodded
Dad:
"Thanky
ouv
erymuch,
canwet
alk?
"
Her:
"Sur
ewecangot
omyof
fi
cesi
r"
Theywal kedoutofthewait
ingar eaandIsat
downnextt oBabalwa,asmuchasmyhear t
washeav ythatwecouldn'
tseehi m Iwasj ust
gladthathewasgoi ngtobeokay .AlthoughI
knowhewon' tt
aketheinj
uriesquietwel l
especial
lywithhi
sloveforrugby,knowi nghe
can'tpl
ayisgoingtotearhi
m apar tbutatleast
beisgoingt obeokayandthat '
sallthatmatter
s.
IlookedoveratBabal
waandshel
ooked
reli
eved.
Me:"See?It
oldy
ouhewoul
dpul
lthr
ough"she
l
ookedatmeandsmil
ed
Her:
"It
houghthewasgoingt
oleav
emel
i
ke
mom di
d"myheartsank
Me:
"Shedi
dn'
tl
eav
eyouBabal
wa"
Her: "Thenwher ei
sshenowwhenweneedher
themostTasha?Shet hinksshecan' thandl e
thi
sbutwhataboutusherki ds!
?Wear e
sufferingthemostherewhi leal
lshecar es
abouti shersel
fandbeingready !
?Readyf or
Tashahuh?Shewant stocomeoutwhent he
fl
ameshav edi
edout?AfterZweliandIhav e
facedt hemusicalone?Ihat eherforlet
ting
Zwel iandIbareallt
heheat !Sheisselfi
sh!Just
l
iket hat.
..
"
Me:
"Nonono!Babal
way
oudon'
tmeant
hat
"
Her:"
Ido"shesaidt
hatlooki
ngatmestr
aight
i
ntheeyewithabsol
utel
ynoemotions
Me:*swall
ows*"Wow.
..UmhIdi
dnotexpect
t
hisatal
l
,Ijust
..
."
Her:"Tashplease,
Idon'
tneedwisewordsri
ght
now.Ijustwantmybrotherandal
loft
histobe
over
,I'
mt ir
ed.Ever
yti
meIt hi
nkwearetaki
nga
stepforwarditfeelsl
i
kewetake10back,
I'
m
tured.Ineedabr eakt
oo,
I'
m onl
yhumanand
thisri
ghthereistoomuchforme."
Me:
"Babal
wapl
ease"
Her: "No!Letmel etitall
out!Allthiswei ghs
heav i
lyonmyshoul ders,Godhast urnedabl i
nd
eyeandi sal l
owingust ogothroughal lthishurt
andpai n,it
snotf air
!Wedeser vemuchmor e
thanal l
this!Ihatemyf at
herformaki ngusgo
throughsomuch!Whycoul dn'
thecar ef orus
l
ikeanor mal f
ather?Likehowy ourfat hercares
foryouTashawhycan' tIhavethat "shewas
start
ingtogetemot ional,noshewasbey ond
thatpointandj ustasIhadant icipatedshe
brokedown.
Myf at
hercameoutofnowher eandtookjuni
or
soIembr acedBabal
wa, honestl
yseei
ngt hem
gothroughallt
hesehardshipswasstart
ingto
weighdownonmet oo.Imeant hesearepeople
Icareforandnow j ustfeltl
i
keli
fewasbei ng
r
eal
l
yunf
air
.
Il
ookedatt hedoor wayandt wopoli
ceman
stoodthere,afterBabalwacalmeddownwe
excusedoursel vessothatshecoul
dgoget
hersel
ftogetheri nt
het oi
l
et.Sher
egainedher
composur eandwewentbackt owherewehad
l
eftdadandt hepolice,
theyhadcomet otake
ourstatement sabouttheeventst
hathad
tr
anspired.
Pol
iceman1: "Letmefor
mal
lyi
ntr
oducemy sel
f,
det
ecti
veKauandt hi
sismypar
tnerTol
ashe"
wejustnodded.
Tolashe:"Weunder st
andwhatt ookplaceat
theBooiresi
dencemusthav ebeenat r
aumati
c
experi
enceforbothofy oubutwear egoingt
o
needt ot
akebothy ourstat
ement saboutwhat
real
lyhappenedinthathouse"
Dad:
" Bef
orewebeginwit
hthi
s,wer
eyouabl
e
t
ocatchtheint
ruder
s?"
Kau: "Wecaught2ofthem,unf
ort
unatelythe
otheronegotawaybutIcanassureyouthathe
willsoonbefoundandwil
lbeinpoli
cecustody
al
l weneednowar ethest
atementsofthese2
gi
rlsandoncet heboywakesupwewi l
lneed
hi
st oo"
Tol
ashe:"Solet
'sst
artaboutwhathappened
bef
oreyouall
wenttobed"IlookedatBabalwa
Her:"
Wel l
we...
"Shetol
dthem everysi
ngle
det
ailofwhathadhappenedwiththei
runcl
e
unt
ilt
hepointwhereshewenttobed.
Kau:"
Thanky
ouMsBooi
,nowMs.
..
?"Hewas
l
ooki
ngatme
Me:
"Baar
tman"
Him: "
Right.MsBaartman,wehav
ereasonto
bel
ievethatyouwereawakewhenat hi
stook
pl
acesocany out
akeust hr
oughwhat
happened.Stepbystep"
It
oldt
hem ev
erysi
ngl
edet
ail
ofwhathappened,
notleavi
nganythi
ngoutandaftergivingour
atatementsdaddroveushomeandagai n.
BabalwaandIshar edaroom,webot htook
quickshowersthenIgaveJuni
orhi sbottl
eas
hehadwokenup, mom cametomyr oom and
gaveusbot hacupofteabeforeretir
ingtobed.
Assoonasmyheadhi tthepi
ll
ow, Iwasgone!

•
•
BABALWA
∆
Wakingupt henextday ,
If oundmy selfalonein
Natasha'
sr oom.Ilai
dbackont hebedasIwent
backtolastnight
sev ents,Ireall
ydi dn'treal
ise
theamountofangerIhadi nsi
demeunt ilIwent
offatNatashainthewai ti
ngar ea,Ir eall
y
thoughtIwascomi ngtot ermswi thev er
y t
hing
butIwasl y
ingtomy self
.Iwasst i
llv erymuch
angry,
angryatnotonl ymyf atherwho
i
nsti
gatedthiswhol ethi
ngbutmymot hertoo
becauseshewasf ail
i
ngherr oleasamot herto
meandZwel ionceagain,Ineededtotal
kt omy
ther
apistaboutallthi
sinoursessiontomor r
ow.
Igotoutofbedandwentt othebat hroom, l
ike
thelastt i
meIwasher eNat ashahadt oil
etr
ies
l
aidoutf ormet hatIcoul dusesoIt ookaqui ck
bath.Afteragood5mi nutesIgotoutoft hetub
anddr ainedt hewat er,
If el
tkindabet t
erasI
appli
edl otionandf eltenergyr ushthroughmy
body.Iwant edt oseemybr other,t
hat'sallI
couldthinkof .Isteppedoutoft hebat hroom
andbacki ntoTasha' sroom andImadet hebed
withat owel wr appedar oundmybody ,she
walkedi ntot her oom asIf ini
shed.
Her:"
Sorryj
ustcamet ogi
veyout
hese"she
pl
acedanov er
nightbagbyt
hedoort
hen
qui
ckl
ysteppedout.
Iqui
ckl
ypl
acedt
hel
astofherdozenpi
l
lows
theninspectedtheov er
nightbag, i
twasmy
clothes.Iguesstheyhadgonet othehouse,I
gotdr essedinmypumat racksuitandsneakers
thencombedmyhai randcleanedupaf ter
my selfbeforegoingdownstairsandf i
ndingt
he
whol efamilywaiti
ngformear oundt he
breakfasttable.
Me: "
Mor
ning,
I'
m sor
ryf
orhol
dingev
ery
one
up"
Ma:"I
t'
sokaybaby,Ij
ustf
ini
shedpr
epar
ing
br
eakf
astanyway"
MrB: "
Yeahnopr obl
em what
soever
,Ihopey
ou
sl
eptwell
"IsatdownnexttoJuni
or
Me:"Yessi
rIdi
d,t
hankyouf
oropeni
ngupy
our
hometomeonceagain"
Hi
m: "
Absol
utel
ynopr oblem,Ihopeyoudon't
mindbutwewentt oyourhouse,well
thepoli
ce
weredonegather
ingtheirevi
dencesothey
wantedtohandthekeyov erandIgavethem
mynumberl astni
ghtandt
heycall
edmetoget
yourhousekeysandTashaheresai
dyou'
d
needafewcl ot
hessoshepackedfory
ouand
Kumkani"
Me:
"No,
thanky
ou"hesmi
l
edandnodded
Him: "
Let
'seatsowecangoseeZweli
"I
noddedwithasmil
eonmyface"f
inal
l
yshe
smil
es"
Ma: *gi
ggles*"Honeydon'tputpressur
eonher,
Banziblessthefoodboy "heputhishandover
hi
sey esandwhi speredGodknowswhatf ora
goodmi nutethenshoutedAmenandsodi d
ever
ybodyel searoundthetabl
e
Me:
*gi
ggl
es*"
Soy
oupr
aynow"
Tash:"Sayyesmyboy"hejustnodded
si
multaneousl
yasheindul
gedintotheBacon
st
riponhissmall
plat
e.
Weenjoy
edourl
ovelybr
eakf
ast,
TashandI
washedt
hedi
shesthenweallwentt
ohospi
tal
,
Iwasgi v
entheopport
uni
tyt
ogoi nf
ir
stand
alone.Hewasjustl
ayi
ngonthatbedlooki
ngt
o
theothersi
de.
Me: *
clear
sthroat*"
bhuti
"hetur
nedtolookat
measasmi l
ecreptt
hroughthecor
nerofhis
l
ips
Hi
m:"
Babi
"
Me:
"Hey
"
Hi
m:*
chuckl
es*"
Aah.
..
"Hef
li
nched
Me:
"Youokay
?"Ipani
cked
Hi
m: "I
'
m okay,j
usthur
tstol
aughandall
.You
j
ustgoi
ngtostandther
e?Comecloser
"I
wal
kedclosert
ohisbed"Smi
leali
tt
leI
'm okay
"
Me:*si
gh*"
Iwasscar
edandI'
dloosey
oubhut
i,
don'
tev
erdothatt
omeagai
n"
Him:"Hey"hegotahol
dofmyhand"Ipr
omised
youIwasn'tgoi
nganywher
edi
dn'
tI?
"Inodded
"
didn'
tIBabi?"
Me:
"Youdi
d"
Hi
m:"
So?
"
Me:
"Ishoul
dtr
usty
ou"
Him:"Exactl
y,I
'm notgoinganywhere"Iwanted
tohughim butIwasscar edI'
dhurthis
woundedbody ,helookedpret
tybeatup.Those
goonsreal
lydidanumberonhi m"isitbad?
"
Me:
*shakesmyhead*"
no"
Hi
m:"
don'
tl
iet
omeBabal
wa"
Me:
"okayj
ustal
i
ttl
e"
Hi
m:"Theface?Don'
ttel
lmetheymessedwi
th
mypr
ett
yfaceBabalwaI'
l
ldi
e"
Me:
*gi
ggl
es*"
Real
l
ybhut
i?"
Hi
m:"
Comeont
ell
memybabyi
sokay
"
Me:
"Juni
ori
sfi
neact
ual
l
yhe.
..
"
Hi
m:"SisI'
mtal
kingaboutthef
acecomeon
mygi
rlcoul
dwalkinhereanyminut
e,can'
t
scar
eherof
f"
Me:
"You'
rest
il
lhandsomebhut
i"
Him: "
Your
eckon?
"Inodded"
ThankGod
yhuuu"
Me: *
laughs*"
Mel
odr
amat
ic"heshookhi
s
headsmili
ng
Him:"i
t'
stoughouthere,
havetoal
waysmake
sur
eIgotthesauce"hepull
edhi
sfaceandI
l
aughed
Me:"I
'm sur
eTashwon'
tmindthescar
s,t
hey
doki
ndawor kwi
tht
hepackage"
Hi
m:"
Ilookbadassdon'
tI?
"Hesmi
rked
Me:
"Al
way
s"
Hi
m:*
chuckl
es*"
that
'swhatIl
i
ket
ohear
"
"Goodtoseey oual
lsmiles"-Tasha'
sfat
her
saidashewalkedinwithhisli
ttl
efamil
y,Zwel
i
andIbothlookedatthedoorway ,hi
sli
ps
i
mmedi at
elyformedasmi lewhenhiseyes
l
andedonNat
ashaandJuni
or
Hi
m:"
Heyy
ou"
Her:
*smi
l
es*"
Hey
"
Jr:
"Hey
oo"(
hel
l
o)
MrB:
"Yohbabysoy
ouandIar
einv
isi
ble"
Mr
s:"
Sadt
rut
hmyl
ove"
Zwel
i:*
laughs*"
Aft
ernoonMr&Mr
sBaar
tman"
MrB:"Letmeandmywi
feov
erher
egobuyus
l
unch"
Zwe:
"Thatwoul
dbegr
eat
"
Mr
sB:
"Goodseei
ngy
oual
i
veandwel
lson"
Hi
m:"
Goodseei
ngy
out
ooma"
Theywal
kedoutl
eav
ingTash,
JrandIi
nZwel
i
's
ward.
Zwe: "
Babycomeclosercomeon"shewal
ked
evencl
oserandhepouted
Me:
"Haahbhut
iyoucan'
tbeser
ious"
Him: "
Don'tmi ndBabal
wa, j
ustapeck"he
poutedsti
l
l andsheplacedapeckonhi sl
ips
"Thankyouf orwhatyoudidyest
erday"
Her:*
smil
es*"
I'
ddoi
tal
lov
eragai
nifIhadt
o"
hesmil
ed
Him:"Youdon'
tknowhowmuchall
thi
smeans
tomebaby,l
astni
ghtt
ookt
hecup.Thanky
ou
okay
?"
Her:"
Don'
tthankmeZwel
i
,Idi
dwhatIhadt
o
babe"
"
Zwey
i"-t
hatwasj
uni
or
Zwe:"I
t'
sdadt oyouboy"Juni
orj
ustl
ookedat
hi
m andstr
etchedhisar
msout
Tash:
"Daddycan'
tpi
cky
ouupbaby
"
Jr:
"Zwey
i!
"Hewasst
art
ingt
ogetcr
anky
Zwe:"Babyi
t'
sfi
nejustputont
hem bednextt
o
me,t
here'
smorethanenoughspace"Tashput
j
rnexttohi sfat
herandhecuddledevencloser
tohimthenpul l
edtheblankets ai t
hisboy.
Aft
erthatnobodycouldt ouchZwel
i
,noonl y
j
uniorcould.SoTashandImadeour selves
comfortabl
eont hecouchi nhi
swardand
conver
sedwi thhim.
I
nser
t13
∆
ZWELI
BANZI
•
Waki ngupi nthathospi t
albed, Iwasgr at
eful
thatIlived.Icouldn'tbar
et hethoughtofl eav i
ng
Babal wai nthi
scr uelworl
dcausehadIpassed
onshewoul dhav ebeenal onei nal lhonesty
Ili
vef ormysi sterandIwi l
l car
ryonl i
vi
ngf or
herunt i
l wearebot hbackonourf eetthenI'l
llet
herspr eadherwi ngs&l iv
eherl if
ehowshe
pleases.WhenIl earntaboutmyf racturedrib
anddi slocatedkneeIwasi ndistress!Icould
l
oosemybur sary
,that'
ssomethingIdon'
tneed
ri
ghtnow, notwit
hev er
ythi
ngthatisgoi
ngon
butifIcan'
tplayinthebigmatchescomingup.
Imightaswel lf
orgetmybursary.
Af
terspendi
ngt
hedaywi
tht
hef
ami
l
y,Iwasl
eft
wi
thMrBaartman.
Him:"Iwon'tl
ieson,looksl
i
kethi
scase
agai
nstyourfatheri
sgoingtobeadi
ffi
cul
tone"
Me: "
Yoususpecthi
mtobet
heonebehi
ndt
he
at
tack?"
Him:" I
nallhonestyyes, hewant stopushy ou
guysintoacor nersothaty oucanbackdown.
Yourunclewasj ustadi str
action,whatwe
shoul
df ocusoni syourf at
her* si
gh*I'
m going
tomov eyouandBabal wa,thehousei sno
l
ongersaf eforyouguy s.Ialreadyappli
edfor
Babal
wat obehomeschool edforthe
remai
nderoft hisyear,thetherapistwi
llal
so
comet oyouguy sinsteadofBabal wahavi
ngto
got
oher
..
."
Me:"Wai
tar
eyoutel
l
ingmewear
egoi
ngt
obe
onl
ockdownbasi
cal
l
y?"
Hi
m:"
It
'sf
ort
hebestZwel
i
,I.
..
"
Me:
"ButIhav
eschool
sir
"
Him:"Wit
hy ourcurrenti
mpairmentyoucan't
pl
ay,meaningsoonerorlateryouaregoingto
l
ooseyourbursary.Youwillgobacktoschool
nexty
ear,bythenthiswholethingwil
lbeover"
Me:*shakesmyhead*"
Ther
ehast
obe
anot
herway"
Him:"Iunderst
andthisisalotf
ory out
otakei
n
buti
tsforthebest,
yourfatheri
sapower f
ul
manandhewi l
lusethatpowertrustme"
Me:
"Whataboutmymot
her
?"
Him: "
Shewi
l
lbewi
thy
ouguy
satt
hesaf
e
house"
Me:
*si
ghs*"
Am Isaf
eher
e?"
Him:"Ial
readymanagedtogetyouguardswho
wil
lst
ayherefort
heremainderofyourst
ay
her
eatthehospit
alsoyes"
Me:
"Thanky
ou"
Him: "I
'l
ll
ety outakei
neveryt
hingony ourown,
thegi
r l
swillbeheretomorr
ow.Ihav etogoto
court
,yourfatherappli
edf
orbail.Needtomake
surethatit
sdenied"
Me:
*si
gh*"
Thanky
ou,
forev
ery
thi
ng"
Hi
m:"Don'
tmentioni
t"hest
oodup"
Takecar
e
i
nher
e,don'
tst
ress"
Me:
"I'
l
ltr
y"henoddedt
henwal
kedout
.
Isighedloudl y,thi
siswhatourliv
eshadcome
to .Al l
thisbecauseofonemanwhof ai
led
hisroleasaf atherandahusband.Nowmyl i
fe
comest oast andstil
l,pl
ansImadef ormyself
andf uturearebei ngputonholdbecauseofone
selfi
shman, Ifeltangerburndeepinsi
deme.I
couldn'tthi
nkofposi t
ivewaystolookatthis,
no
notatal
l.Iam goi
ngt obesepar
atedfrom my
sonandhismot herfor6monthstosaythe
l
east.Ihatemyl i
feri
ghtnowbutatleast
Babal
waandIwer egoingt
ober euni
tedwit
h
ourmother,t
hatformei st
heonlygoodto
comeoutoft hi
s.
"
MrBooi
"-mydoct
orsai
dassheent
eredmy
war
dwit
h2bigguy
swalki
ngbehi
ndher
Her: "
YourguardsarehereandIal
socameto
checkony ou"Il
ookedatthem t
henbackatmy
doctor"Howareyouf eel
i
ng?"
Me:
"Fi
ne"
Her:
"Thepai
n?"
Me:
"Goi
ngt
oneedanot
herdosef
ort
hepai
n"
Her:"I
sitbad?
"Inodded,Ihadtr
iedtoignor
eit
whil
eIhadmyv isi
tor
sbutitwasn'tgoi
ngaway
"
MindifItakealook?"
Me:
"Sur
e"shenoddedasshewor
ehergl
oves
thenl
if
tedt
hel
it
tl
ehospi
tal
blanketIhadbeen
cover
edwit
h.
Afterhav i
ngal ookatmywoundsshegav eme
ashott odumbt hepaint henIhadt oeati n
ordert odrinkmyt abl
ets, Ideci
dedt ogetsome
sleep.Iwast ir
ed,notonl yphysi
callybut
emot ionall
ydr ainedaswel landIdidn'tknow
howt oexpr essthatnordi dIknowwhot oturn
toaboutwhatIwasf eeli
ng.Ididn'twantt oturn
toNat ashanorI minam, Ididnotwantt oseem
l
ikeaweakl ingnobutt ot el
lyouthet r
uththis
whol ethingwassl owlytakingitstollonmet oo.
Ididn'tknowhowmuchl ongerI'
dbeabl eto
keeppl ayingher o.
Imusthav efal
l
enasl
eep,damnt hemedi
cation
theyhadmeonwasst rong!Anursewasinmy
war ddoi
nghermorni
ngroundIguess.She
helpedmeempt ymytank,t
hengotmecl eaned
upandt heyser
vedbr
eakfastandonl
ythenI
couldhavemymedsandt heshotforpai
n.
Natashacameinasthedoct
orl
eftandmygi
rl
di
dn'tl
ookokayatal
l
.
Her:"
Hey"shesmi
l
ed,
thedr
essshehadon
l
ookedgoodonher
Me: "
Babe"sheki
ssedmebr
ief
lythenqui
ckl
y
satonthecouchnextt
omybed"Nocli
mbon
thebednexttome"
Her:"
Idon'
twantt
oinf
li
ctpai
nony
our
wounds"
Me:
"Tasha"
Her:*si
gh*"Okay"shest
oodupandtookoff
hershoesthenhoppedonthebedcar
eful
lyon
myr i
ghthandsi
desinceitwasmylef
tri
bthat
wasfract
ured
Me:
"What
'swr
ong?Whyar
eyouupset
?"
Her:"I
'
m notupset,howareyou?
"Il
ookedat
herandshequickl
ylookedaway
Me:
"Nol
ookatme"sheshookherhead,
I
si
ghed"
Baby
"shesni
ff
ed"
Nocomeont
alkt
o
me"
Her:*sni
ff
s*"Idon'
twantyoutogoZwe"I
wrappedmyonear m ar
oundherandbr
ought
hercl
osertome
Me:"Tash"shewipedhert
ear
sandl
ookedat
me,
shel ookedsocute
Her: "
Dadt oldme"Igaveherthe'car
ryon'look
"aboutyouguy shavi
ngtogoi nt
ohidingfor
safety
"Isighedbeforeki
ssi
ngt hecrownofher
headandl aidbackonthepil
lows,sherested
herheadonmyar m.
Me: "I
'
m nothappyaboutthewholethingeither
buty ourf
athersay
sit'
sforthebest,
Ihatet he
thoughtofbeingawayfrom youandJuni orbut
*sigh*Idon'
tknowbaby .Ir
eall
ydon'tknownow,
thi
sonei soutofmyhands, i
treal
lyi
s"
Her:
*sigh*"
Iknow,
justt
hatt
hist
ri
alcoul
d
t
aketi
me"
Me: "Idoubtwewill
stayi
nt hesafetyhouse
unti
lthedurati
onofthetr
ialthough,Imeanmy
fat
herwoul dbedumbt otryandinfl
i
ctanyharm
onusbecausei twouldgobackt ohim"
Her:"Ij
ustwantt
hisal
ltobeov
er,
it'
staki
ng
i
tstol
lonever
yone"
Me:"Youdon'
tknowhowmuchIwi shfort
he
samethi
ngmylove"shel
i
ftedherheadand
l
ookedatme
Her:"
Iknowy ou'
ret
ryi
ngtobestr
ongandall
babybutIt
hinkyoushoul
dseesomeonetoo"
Me:
"Whatdoy
oumean?
"
Her:"Acouncil
l
or,Idon'tmaybeall3ofyou
shoul
dseeaf amilytherapi
styouknow.To
sal
vagewhat'slef
tofy ourf
ami l
y"
Me:
"IknowwhatIneedr
ightnow"
Her:
"What
?"
Me:
"Comecl
oser
"shemov
edcl
oser"
you"I
whi
sper
edi
nherear
Her:
"Zwe.
..
"
Me:"Don'
tcont
estpl
easebaby
,it
'sbeena
whi
l
e"
Her:"
Iknowbutyou'
rewoundedandyouknow"
shesi
gnall
edwit
hhereyest
hattheguar
ds
werewatchi
ngus.
Me: "
Uhhhguy
scoul
dwehav
esomepr
ivacy
pl
ease"
Guar
d1(Cebo):
"Wewer
etol
dnott
oleav
eyour
si
desir
"
Me: "Please,
you'
llst
andoutsi
dethedoor"he
gavemeasl i
ghtnodandtheybothwalkedout
thenclosedthedoor.Il
ookedatTash"We'r
e
alonenowbaby "Ipeckedherl
ipsandshe
deepenedi tt
henpull
edout
Her:
"yousur
ewewon'thur
tyour
..
."Ishuther
upwit
hakissandpul
l
edhertocl
imbont opof
memaki ngsur
eshedi dn'
thur
tthewounds.I
f
eltabitofpai
nasshesatonmyl apandI
f
li
nched,shequickl
ypull
edoutofourkiss
"
Sorry
"
Me:
"it
'sokay
"
Herl i
psf oundtheirwayt omi neagain,shewas
carefulinthewayshebot ht ouchedandki ssed
me.SoonIf elthersoftpalm onmyf aceasI
restedmi neonherass, r
ubbi ngandsqueezi ng
i
tintomyownpal m, shereleasedasof tmoan
andIf eltmymemberr i
se.Iranmyhandupand
downhert highbutinnot imef oundmyway
underherdr ess,herunder wearwasal ready
drippingwetandt hatmademymemberev en
mor ehar der.Myli
psl ef
thermout hdownher
neckasIpushedherpant yt othesideandput
myf ingerinherwethol et henslowlytookitout
andr ubbedhercl i
t.
"
Kani.
..
"-shemoanedsoft
ly,
shewassowet
.I
wentf
orthefannyhol
eagai
nbutthi
sti
mewit
h
2fi
nger
sandshegaspedforai
r.Iwant
edt
obe
i
nsi
dehert
her
eandt hen.
Me:
"Babe"
Her:"
Mmhhhh,yeah.Yes?
"Iwassti
llf
inger
ing
her
,Ipl
acedasoftki
ssonhershoul
der
Me: "Ar
eyouonfamil
yplanni
ngnow?
"Iwenti
n
deeperandal
it
tl
ebithar
dertoo
Her:"Ye.
.yeesKumkani yesbabyIdid"she
noddedwhi lebi
ti
ngonherbot tom l
i
p, t
his
enti
reti
meherey eswer eclosedshut.Ipul
led
myf i
ngersoutofherfannywhol eandlookedat
mewi thl
azyey esasItookmymemberoutof
myboxer s,shehadal
readyhel pedmegett he
hospit
algownoutoft heway .
Sheslowlysatonmyhar dmemberand
i
mmedi atel
yhervaginalwal
l
sclungonmydick.
IcursedundermybreatheasIenjoyt
he
sensati
onitsentt
omyt oes,sl
owlyshemov
ed
upanddownmyl engthwhil
eIranmythumb
overherhardnippl
est
hatweresti
cki
ngoutof
thedressshewaswearing.Hermoanswere
gett
inglouder
"Babykeepitdown"-Isai
dthatpi
nchi
ngher
hardnippl
eandmoanedasshenodded.
Myhandwentdownt ohercl i
t,rubbingitasshe
rodemeandi tdrovehercr azy.Shel aiddown
onmebutnotr eal
lyapplyi
nganypr essureon
mybodyandbegant werkingonme, that'
swhen
Ilostitandbegangr oaning.Shewentati tfora
while&If el
tmycl imaxcomi ngasIhadaf i
rm
griponherwai st,assoonasIf eltmysper m
cumi ngIquicklypull
edherupsot hatIdon't
cum insideher.Idon'tt
rustthose
contracepti
ves,theyarenota100%cer t
aint
y.
Wet ookami nutetoregainourst rengththen
shet urnedtolookatme
Her:
"Il
ovey
ou"
Me:
"Il
ovey
out
oo"shesmi
l
edandIgav
ehera
sof
tpeckbef
oreshegotof
fthebed.
Her:
"Goi
ngt
ogetapapert
owel
"
Me: "Okay"t
herewasar ol
lnotsofarfrom my
bedshegott hatcl
eanedhersel
fupthen
cl
eanedmeupandmadesur eIlooked
present
ableagainthenki
ssedmebef oresi
tti
ng
downont hecouchnexttomybed." Fuck,i
ts
noteasytryi
ngtogetitonwhileahalfi
mpaired
body"
Her:*gi
ggl
es*"You'
llbei
ngoodshapeagai
n,
don'
tstr
essaboutit
"
Me: "
Theny
ou'
l
lseehowmuchIr
eal
l
ymi
ss
you"
Her: "
Ican'
twai
t"Iwi
nkedatherandshe
winkedback
Me: "Babecanyougetmest
eer
splease"she
checkedtheti
meonherwri
stwatch
Her:
"Okay
,any
thi
ngel
se?
"
Me:
"Jui
cepl
ease"
Her:
"Mi
xedber
ry?
"
Me:
"Imeanl
i
keduuh"
Her:*
giggles*"justmaki
ngsur
e"shest
oodup
"
am Isti
ll
pr esentabl
e?"
Me:"Comecl oser,
letmefi
xsomethi
ng"she
movedclosertothebedandIpul
l
edherinfora
ki
ss"Il
ovey oupri
ncess"
Her:*smil
es*"Il
ovey
out
oo"shewentt
hrough
herbagandhandedmemyphone"I
minam has
beencall
i
ngy ou"
Me:
"Oh?
"
Her:
"Idi
dn'
tansweritsoy
oumi
ghtwantt
o
gi
veheracal
lback"
Me:
"Thanksbabe"shenoddedt
henwal
kedout
IcheckedmyphoneandIhadmessagesf r
om
Imiaskingi
fever
ythi
ngwasokayandthatshe
wasconcernedaboutmesoIjustcal
l
edher
back,
sheanswer
edaf
terawhi
l
e
Her:
"hel
l
o?"I
tsoundedl
i
keshewassl
eepi
ng
Me: "
hey,
am Idi
stur
bing?
"Ther
ewassome
f
idget
ingt
hensheanswered
Her:"Zwel
i?
"Iguessshewaschecki
ngthe
cal
leri
d"uhhnono,it
sokay
.I'
vebeentr
yingt
o
getahol
dofy ou"
Me: "
Yeah,
somet
hinghappenedsoIdi
dn'
t
hav
eaccesstomyphone"
Her:
"Ar
eyouokay
?"
Me:"Otherthanmydi sl
ocat
edkneeand
f
ract
uredrib,I
'm okay
"
Her:
"What
!?Whathappened?
"
Me:
"wasat
tackedbutI
'
m goodnow"
Her:"ohmyGodZwel i!Howcany oubeso
casualabouti
t!
?"Shesighed"
I'
m sorryf
or
shouti
ngjustt
hatI'
vebeensowor ri
edabout
you"
Me:
"Iknowbuty
oudon'
thav
eto"
Her:*
sigh*"
Ican'
thel
pitZwe.
..
"Webot
hwent
qui
et
Me:
"Mi
mi"
Her:
"Yeah"
Me:
"You'
renotgoi
ngt
oseemef
orawhi
l
e"
Her:
"Idon'
tunder
stand,
whatdoy
oumean?
"
Me: "
I'
m notcomi
ngbackt
oschool
unt
ilnext
year
"shewentqui
et
"
Zwe.
..
"Shesai
dsof
tl
yaf
terawhi
l
e
Me:
"pr
incess"
Her:
*si
gh*"
babywhat
'
sreal
l
ygoi
ngon?
"
Me:
"Babal
wa,
mom andIar
eindanger
"
Her:
"It
syourdadi
sn'
ti
t?"
Me:
"Yeah"shesi
ghed
Her:
"Iwi
l
lkeeppr
ayi
ngf
ory
ouguy
s"
Me:
"Pl
easedo,
howar
eyou?
"
Shebegant elli
ngaboutwhatwashappeni ngat
school ,
ther ugbyt eam andwebasi callyspoke
aboutev erything,attheendoft hecal lshe
i
nsistedt hatwepr ayedandIagr eedbuti nstead
ofpray i
ngwi thherIl istenedtoherpr ay i
ngfor
meandendedt hecal lonal i
ghtnot e.She
broughtpeacet omysoul .I
mi andNat asha
bothhadt heirownspeci alr
olesinmyl if
e,Iwas
planningonkeepi ngbot hofthem hopef ull
yin
theendmar r
ybot hoft hem butt hatwewi l
l
havet owai tandseei ftheyagr eeto.
I
nser
t14
∆
ZWELI
BANZI
•
Afterthecallwit
hImiIf
eltabi
tmoreli
ghter.As
Ilai
di nthathospi
tal
bed,l
osti
ntheli
tt
le
fantasywor l
dmymi ndhadnowtakenmet o,
Juniorcameinsi
demywardrunni
ngwhilst
giggl
ingandBabalwacamesoonaft
erhim
runningoutofbr
eathe,
hequi
ckl
yhidnexttomy
bed.
Her:
"Juni
orser
iousl
y!
"Shet
ookadeepbr
eat
h
i
n"Hibhut
i"
Me:*smili
ng*"
Hey"IlookedatJuniorwhowas
t
ryi
ngtocli
mbont hebedbutfail
ingdismall
y
t
henlookedatBabi"
Couldyouhelphim...
"
Her:"
Yeahsur
e"shepi
ckedhi
m upandhe
qui
ckl
ythr
ewhimsel
fonme
Me: "
Aaahboy"Babal
waheldhim backabit
andhelookedatmeinconcer
nasmyf ace
showedthepainIwasin,
heputhi
shandonr ib
andsoft
lycar
essedit
Him: "I
sungu?"(
Whathemeantt oaskwas
doesithurt
?Buthe'spronunciat
ionwasn'tal
l
thatgood)Inodded"Sowwi vah"(sor
ryneh)
Me:
*smi
l
es*"
Okayboy
"Il
ookedatBabal
wa
"
Yougav
ehi
m candydi
dn'
tyou?
"
Her:"
Itwasj
ustal
it
tl
e,Idi
dn'
tknowhewas
goi
ngtobesuchahandful
"
Me: "
Sincewhendon'
tyouknowhowJuni
or
get
swhenhei sonasugarrush?
"
Her:"
I'
m sor
ry,
itwon'thappenagai
n"shesat
downonthesmallcouch
Me:
"Whodr
oppedy
ouguy
sof
f?"
Her:"Wel
lTash'
sdadassi
gnedadr iv
ertome
soyeahwecameher e,
whereisNatasha?She
l
eftt
hehouseearl
yinthemorning,Ithought
she'
dbeherewit
hyou"
Me: "
Shewentt
ogetmelunch,youtwoate
bef
oreyoucameher
eri
ght?"Shenodded
"
Zwey
iina"-Jrsai
dashehandedmehi
sshoe
Me:
"Noboyboy
,puty
ourshoeon"
Hi
m: "A.
ah!"Igav
ehi m ashar
plookandhe
sl
ouchedbackont hepil
lowsbehi
ndhim
"
Zwe.
..
"-Babi
cal
l
edoutf
orme
Me:"Yeah"shecl
ear
edhert
hroatsoIl
ooked
upatherdi
rect
ion
Her:"Bhut
indicelauxol
o"(
I'
m sor
rybi
gbr
o)I
cockedmyey ebrow
Me: "
Whyareyouapol
ogi
si
ng?I'
m notmad
aboutyougi
vi
nghi
m sweet
sit
schil
led"
Her:"Notthat
,I'
m aski
ngyout
ofor
giv
eme
becauseyounowhav etoputy
ourl
i
feonhol
d
becauseofme"
Me:
"Oht
hat"Isl
ouchedbackont
hepi
l
lows
t
oo"
Don'
tbesorr
y"
Her:
"Ican'
tnotbeZwe"
Me:
"Nonoft
hisi
syourf
aul
tsi
s"
Her:
"Can'
thel
pbutf
eel
asi
fiti
s"
Me: "
It
sokay,wearefamil
y.Idon'
thol
danyof
thi
sagainsty
ouBabal
wa,youknowt hatandI
'
ll
doanythingt
ogetusoutofthi
smessso
pl
easedonotf
eel
li
key
ouar
eatf
aul
ther
e.I
ts
dadnoty
ou"
Her:
"Zwe"
Me: "
NoI '
m notgoi
ngtoall
owy out
ofeel
li
ke
youcausedallt
hesechanges"
Her:*si
ghs*"
Idon'
tknowhowIwi
l
lev
ert
hank
you"
Me: "
Byget
ti
ngbet t
erandshowingmeall t
his
wasworthi
t,Iwanttoseeyouli
veyourdreams
andbecomi
ngwhaty ou'
vealwayswantedto
be"
Her:
"I'
l
ltr
y"
Me: "
That'
sal
lIwannasee,
yout
ryi
ngt
oget
t
hroughthi
s"
"Molweni
"-BabalwaandIbot
hl ookedatthe
doorwa,t
hereshewasstandi
ngi nadenim ski
rt
wit
hherwhitevestandbl
ackjacketmatched
wit
hherblacknikey
Me:
"Mi
mi"shest
oodner
vousl
yatt
hedoor
way
Her:*
clear
sthroat*"IknowI'
m notsupposed
tobeherebutIthoughtI'
dandseehowy ou'r
e
doi
ng"
Me: "
Uhhhy
eah,
comei
n"shel
ookedat
Babal
waandsmi
led
Her:
"Babal
wa,
hey
"shewal
kedcl
osert
ous
Babi
:"Hi
"
Her:"Howareyouhol
dingup?Howar
ethe
exam pr
epar
ati
onscomingalong"
Babi:"
I'
m get
tingther
e,sof
armyheadi
sst
il
l
abov
et hewater"
Her: "
Good,youhavemynumberi fyouneed
anyhelpwithSci
ence"Babalwanodded,
coul
dn'thel
pbutnoticeadropofatt
itudefr
om
hertowardsImibutIignor
edit
.Shethenlooked
atJunior
Her:
"Hel
l
oBanzi
"
Hi
m:"
Hey
oo"shel
ookedatmeandsmi
l
ed
Her:
"Bi
gguy
,howar
eyouf
eel
i
ng?
"
Me: "Abitofpai
neverynowandagainbut
othert
hant hatI
'
m good,yougood?
"She
nodded,shewassoawkwar dIguessshecoul
d
sensethev i
beBabal
wawasgi vi
ngher.
"Kani you'
l
lnev
erguess.
..
"-shestoppedi
nher
tracksassoonashereyeslandedonI mi
then
shel ookedatme.
Her: *clearsthroat*"Sorry
, didn'
tknowwehad
company .Ibroughtt hefoody ouaskedf or
"she
walkedt owar dsthebedandgav emet he
takeawaybef or
et akinghersoni ntoherarms
"heybaby "shepeckedhi scheek" Whyar eyou
sost i
cky "shesaidt hatusingabi tofhersali
va
togett hest i
ckysubst ancet hatwasonhi s
cheekof f"Nomanwhogav ehi m sweets?"She
l
ookedatme
Me:
"Comeon,
whywoul
dknowi
nghowhe
get
s"
Babi:"
Aaahguy
s,nowy
ougoi
ngt
ocr
uci
fyme.
Isai
dIwassorr
y"
Tash:
"Imi
nam"
Imi :"Hi"Tashnoddedbef or
esi tt
ingdownat
theedgeoft hebedandent ertai
ningourson,
fuckt hiswasawkwar d!Imijustst oodtherei
n
awet aki ngev eryt
hinginandIguessput ti
ng
one&t wot ogetheraboutwhatwasgoi ngon
bet weenNat ashaandIt hensheswal l
owed&
turnedhergazeunt ome" Well*clearsthroat
*it
wasni ceseei ngyou"shel ookedatBabi "And
yout ooBabal wanotf orgett
ingy ouTashbutI
thinkit'sbestIgetgoi ng"shel ookedather
wr i
stwat ch"yeah,Ishouldgetgoi ng.Ihavea
classi n30mi nutes"
Me:
"Thanky
ouf
orcomi
ng"
Her:
*chuckl
es*"don'
tthinkIshoul
dhavebut
ummm yeah,you'
rewelcome"shehuggedme
bri
efl
ythentouchedBabal
wa'
sshoul
der"
Wish
youguysall
thebest"shewashur
tIcoul
dtel
l
.
Me:
"Mi
mo"
Her:"Ihavet
ogo"shequickl
ywalkedoutofmy
ward.Tashagotupfr
om theedgeofthebed
andpickedupherbagtoo
Tash:
"By
eZwe"
Me:
"Thoughty
ou'
dspendt
heday
?"
Her:
"Ihav
eanassi
gnmentt
ofi
nish"
Me: "
Oh?"Sheki
ssedmycheekthenbi
d
f
arewell
andIwaslef
twit
hamut eBabal
wa
"
Whywer eyoucol
dtowar
dsImi?
"
Her:
"Iwasn'
t"
Me:"Babalwa,don'
ttestmedoy ouhearme?
"
Shenodded"Iminam i
snotyouragemat e
si
yavana?
"(Underst
ood)
Her:"
Ewebhuti
"Isi
ghedasIdialedI
mi'
s
numberandt
ri
edcall
ingherphonebutshe
hunguponme
`Pleasecalm down,j
ustletmeexpl
ainpl
ease
princess`-sentt
hetextonWhatsApp,i
tdi
dn'
t
takelongf ormyphonetobeep
Her:`NowIf
inall
yunderst
andwhyyou'v
ebeen
shut
ti
ngmeout `shesentanot
herone
`y
oureall
yhadmef ooledZwel
i butI '
m abi
g
gi
rlI
'
llbefi
ne.Goodluckwit
hever
ythi
ng`
It
ri
edtocallherbutshehunguponmeagai
n
soIt
extedher
Me:`Okayfi
ne,I
'l
ll
etyoucal
m downbutI
'l
lcal
l
youl
aterandyouwill
answermycal
lsI
minam`
sher
eadbutdidn'
treply
`
pri
ncess`shebl
uet
ickedmeagai
n
`y
ouknowIhateitwhenyoui
gnor
emy
messagesI
mipleasedon'
tmakemeangr
y`
sent
.Myphonebeeped
Her:
`canIhav
emyspacepl
ease?Wewi
l
ltal
k
l
ater
`
Me:
`okayMi
mo`
Iwasaboutt
oputmyphoneawaybuti
trang
andi
twasher
Me:"Babe"Babal
wal
ookedatmet
henpl
ucked
i
nherearphones
Her:"
Zweliwhydoyouhavetodothi
stome?"
Shehadbeencryi
ngIcoul
dtel
lbyhervoi
ce
Me:
"Mi
mo.
..
"
Her:"
Idon'tunderst
andZwel
iyoutol
dmey ou
coul
dn'
tbei narel
ati
onshi
pri
ghtnowbutyou'
re
wit
hher"shesighed"Ori
sitmeyoudon'
t
wannabewi th?
"
Me:
"Baby
..
."
Her:
"Don'
tbabymenowZwepl
ease"
Me:
"OkayI
'
m sor
ry"
Her:
"Iwantanswer
sZwel
i
banzi
"
Me:
"You'
l
lunder
standsomedaypr
incess"
Her:
"ar
eyoubei
ngser
iouswi
thmer
ightnow?
"
Me:
"asahear
tat
tack"
Her:
"Canyoust
opbei
ngpl
ayf
ult
hisi
sser
ious
dammit
!"
Me:
"Ar
eyout
alki
ngt
omel
i
ket
hat
?"
Her:*
sigh*"
ngy
axol
i
sa(
I'
m sor
ry)i
t'
sjust
t
hat.
..
"
Me:
"It
'sokay
,justknowIl
ovey
ou"
Her:
"Theny
ouwoul
dn'
tdot
hist
omeZwel
i
"
Me: "
AndIloveherj
ustasmuch"shewent
qui
etthenIhear
dhersnif
f"Mi
mo"
Her:"Youarebeingahugepri
ckr
ightnow
Kumkani!Don'
tyoucareaboutmyfeel
ings?
You'
rebeingsoinsensi
ti
ve!
"
Me:"Bybei
nghonestwi
thyou?
"Shewentqui
et
agai
n,mydoct
orcameint
omywar d"
List
en
Mi
moIhav
etogo"
Her:
"Don'tyoudar
ehanguponme
Zwel
ibanzi
!"
Me: "Iknowyou'
renottal
kingt
omeli
kethat
"
sil
ence"Good,I
'l
lseeyoutomorr
owbutwewill
tal
klater"
Her:"
I'
m notcomi
ngther
eagai
n"shehungup.I
l
ookedatthedoct
or
Dr: "
Ididn'
tknowyouhadav i
sit
orMrbooi,I
wantust ogocheckyourkneetoday.Seei
fthe
surgerywasasuccess"Inodded.Babal
wa
stoodup
Her:
"Ihavetogoformysessi
on,
I'
ll
seey
ou
t
omorrow"Inodded"Il
ovey
ou"
Me: "
Lov
eyout
oo"wehuggedbr
ief
lyt
henshe
l
eft
.
Afteraboutanhouroft
hedoctorhavi
nganx-
raydoneonmykneeandal lt
heot her
necessar
yproceduresthatneededtobedoneI
wasbackatmywar dandIat ethecol
dst
eers
thatTashhadboughtmeear li
er.WhenI
fi
nishedeat
ingIdecidedtocallher
.
Her:
"Kani
"
Me:
"Hey
,st
il
lbusy
?"
Her:
"No,
Iact
ual
l
yjustf
ini
shedandgav
ejuni
or
abat
h"
Me:
"Oh,
whatar
eyouguy
sdoi
ng?
"
Her: "
Well
wear
egoingtoeatthenlock
oursel
vesi
nmyroom,I
'm qui
etti
red.Whatar
e
youdoing?
"
Me:
"Whatcoul
dIpossi
blybedoi
ng?
"
Her:*gi
ggles*"
Idon'
tknowZwe.
..Howar
e
yourwounds?"
Me:
"Same"
Her:
*cl
ear
sthr
oat
*"Baba"
Me:
"Mh.
."
Her:"
Aboutearl
i
er,
Ihav
enot
hingt
owor
ry
about
.Ri
ght?"
Me:
"Noy
oudon'
t
"
Her:"Good,causeI'
dhat
eforustofi
ghtZwe.
YouknowI '
mt ry
ingnott
obethatnaggi
ng
gi
rl
fr
iendagain"
Me:
"Iknowbabyandt
hanky
ou"
Her:"
Havetogo,Juni
ori
sbei
ngnaught
yby
e..
.
Juni
or!
"Shehungup.
Natashawasgoingt ogoball
isti
conmewhenI
proposethi
swholet hingt
oherbutt hat
's
somethingtoworryaboutlat
er!Rightnow
thoughIhadotherthingsonmypl ate.
Thedayfi
nal
lycamef ormet obedischarged.
Mimowasstil
l ver
ymuchangr yatme, wellshe
ref
usedt
ov i
sitsoIletherbebutthatdi
dnot
meanIhadgivenuponher ,Isenthera
heart
fel
tmessagesandexpl ai
nedtohert hatI
wouldn'
tbeabletocontacther.Sherepl
i
edwi th
asimpleIloveyout
oot extandthatshe'
dwai t
formet ocomebacktomysensesbecauseI
hadclearl
ylostt
hem i
fIthoughtshewoul d
agreetoshari
ngmewi t
hTashaoranyot her
womanf orthatmat
terbeforewishingmewel l
.
Isaidmygoodby estomysonandTash
alt
houghitwashear t
breakingf ormeseei ngher
cryithadtobedone.Iwasdr iventothehouse
byadr i
verandescortedinsideonl yt
ofind
mamaandBabal waal r
eadyt here.Myguar d
helpedmegetset t
ledont hecouchandt hen
l
efttheroom.
Me:
"Mama"t
heywer
esi
tt
ingi
nsi
l
enceev
en
t
het
vwasoff
.
Her:"Hel
l
oboy,
Ihear
daboutwhathappened
mntanam.Nx
ese"(
mychil
d,I
'm sor
ry)
Me:
"It
'sokaymama,
I'
ll
getbet
ter
,howar
e
y
ou?
"
Her:
*smi
l
es*"
DrFer
asay
sI'
m get
ti
ngbet
ter
"
Me:
"Wenahowdoy
ouf
eel
?"
Her:
"I'
l
lbef
inewhenmykidsar
efi
ne"Babal
wa
st
oodupandwalkedout
,mama'
sfacefel
l
.
Me:
"I'
l
lfi
xitdon'
twor
ry"
Her:
"She'
sangr
yatmebaby
"
Me:
"I'
l
ltal
ktoher
"
Her:"
Noboy,
Ihav
etodoi
t.Sheneedst
ohear
i
tfr
om me"
Me: "
Idon'twantarepet
it
ionoflastti
memama
please,justl
etmet al
ktoherfi
rstthenyoucan
talktoherorI'
llbeherewhenyoudo"
Her:"
Aren'
tyouhungr
y?Tasha'
sfat
herhas
beensogoodtous"shest
oodup
Me:
"YesIknowma"
Her:
"Ihopey
ouguy
shav
eshowngr
ati
tude"
shewal
kedi
ntot
heopenpl
anki
tchen
Me:
"Ewemama"It
ookmyphoneout
Her:"Ihav
easessi
onwithDrFer aat16h30so
I'
l
lmakesuppernowbecausenor mall
yaftert
he
sessi
onsIhavet
odointr
ospectionthentake
mymedswhi chmakemesl eepysoIwon' tbe
ablet
ocook"
Me: "I
'
m sureshewill
makesomesortof
changetoyourrout
ineImeant
hisi
snotthe
cl
ini
c,you'
rewit
husnowandweneedy ou"
Her:
"OhbabyIknow"
Me:
"Cany
oucookmyf
avour
it
epl
ease"
Her:
"Any
thi
ngf
ory
oumyboy
"
Itext
edBabalwaonwhat sapl
andshesaidshe
j
ustwant edtosl
eep,thatshedidn'
twannatal
k
butIshouldwakeherupwhenmamawasdone
cookingbecauseshewasgoi ngtotakeanap
andIjustsai
dcool.Thenputmyphoneaway ,
I
couldn'
tmakecontactwit
hanyonefrom back
homecauseofitbeingpossi
blytr
aced.
Althoughmyfat
herhadbeendeniedbai l
,
Tasha'sdadsai
ditwouldbebett
erthisway
becausehewasmor eliv
idnowthanev erand
therewasnotel
li
ngwhathemi ghtdo.
-unedi
ted
I
nser
t15
∆
BABALWA
•
Afterthescr
umpt i
ousmeal mymot hercooked
andIwi l
ladmitImissedhercooki
ng, Igather
ed
thedisheswehadusedt oeatwhi
lemamawas
sti
llhavi
ngasessionwi t
hherpsychologistand
washedt hedishesthenwenttobidfarewellto
Zwel i
becauseIwasof ftobed.
Hi
m:"
Youokay
?"Inodded"
Babi
.
.."
Me:
"I'
mfi
nebhut
i,Ij
ustwantt
obeal
one"
Hi
m:"
Ify
ouneedany
thi
ng"
Me:"
Iknow,
I'
ll
cal
lony
oubutyoushoul
dgot
o
t
akey
ourmedsandgotobed"
Him: "I
'
mj ustgoi
ngt owaitf
ormamat ofini
sh
up"Inoddedandat temptedtowal
kawaybut
stoppedwhenhespokeupagai n"Pleasedon't
besohar donher,sheneedsusandweneed
hertoo.PleaseBabalwa"Ist
oodsti
llt
hen
turnedaroundtofacehim wi
thafakesmile
Me:
"Goodni
ghtbhut
i"
Him:"
Undi
mamel
ephof
?"(
Arey
ouev
en
l
ist
eni
ngt
ome?)
Me:
"Ewebhut
i"hesi
ghed
Him:"GoodnightBabal
wa"Inoddedandmade
mywayt othebedroom whi
chIhadbeen
assi
gnedto.
Asmuchast
hiswasnothome,
Ili
kedi
t.If
elt
comf ort
ableher e,Iguesswi thallthathad
transpiredatt heBooi mansi onIf eltabi t
suffocat edint hatspacebuther eI '
m atpeace.I
don'tknowbutIf eelli
ghter,wit
hmymom her eI
kindoff eel abi tofmi xedemot ions.Ican' thelp
butbl ameherf orwhathappened, Idon'tknow.I
j
ustf eel thatsheasamot hercoul dhav edone
somet hi
ngt opr ev enttheev ent
sofmol estat
ion
thatIwentt hroughi nthehandsofherhusband
butt henagai nshecl aimsshedi dnotknow
whatwashappeni ng.Sigh,Idon'tknowhowt o
feelbutI 'l
ldiscusst hiswi t
hmyt herapist
tomor r
ow.
Itookoutmynight dressandgownt henwal ked
tomybat hr
oom wher eItookabat hjusttor el
ax
mybodybef or
eIgetbusywi t
hmybooksf or
therestoft
heev ening.Afterthelongrelaxing
bathImademy selfcomf ort
ableatmyst udy
deskandbeganst udy ingbeforebeing
dist
urbedbyaslightknockhal fwayt hr
oughmy
r
evi
sion.
Me:
"Who'
sther
e?"
"I
t'
smebaby,canIcomein?
"-i
twasmymom.I
stoodupandwenttoopent
hedoorf
orher
Me:
"Mama?
"
Her:"
CanIcomei n?"InoddedasImov edout
oft
heway ,
myguar dwasst andingri
ghtoutsi
de
mydoorsoIclosedthedoor" IhopeI'
m not
di
stur
bingyourst
udysession"
Me:"It
'sokay
,Iwasgoi
ngt
otakeabreather
andgetacupofcoff
eesoy
ou'r
enotdist
urbi
ng"
Her:"
Ohokay*clear
sthr
oat*Iwantustotal
k
mybaby"Iswal
l
owed" l
et'
ssitdown"shehel
d
myhandandpull
edmet ositontheedgeofthe
bedwit
hher.
Me:"Idon'
tthi
nkIwanttohav
eatalkmama"
myheartwaspumpingandmypalmswer e
st
art
ingtosweatcauseofmyner
ves,Idon'
t
t
hinkI
'
mreadyt
ohearwhatshehast
osay
Her: "Ihavet
odot hi
sfory ou,
formy selfand
ourrelati
onshipasamot her&daught er*she
si
ghed*Iknowt hisisn'
teasyforyousoy ouwil
l
j
ustlistentomebaby "Inodded"Idon'teven
knowwher etostartVuyelwa"sheletgoofmy
handsandwi pedhersonherl ongskirtthatshe
waswear i
ng,Iguessherpal mswer esweat y
fr
om t henervousnesstoo.
Me: "
Ijustwanttoknowwhatmadey oust
ay
evenwheny ousawsignsofhi
m bei
ngbadfor
youandy ourst
ateofmind"
Her: *sigh*" Okay, Iwasdiagnosedwi t
h
depressi onatt heageof16, i
t'
ssomet hingI've
batt
ledwi thallmyl i
febabyandsomet imeswel l
mostoft het i
meIwasi nmental cl
ini
cs
becauseofi t.Istruggledtodeal wit
hitbut
wheny ourf athercamei ntomyl i
fe,hebr ought
l
ightintoi tbaby* shesmi led*forthefi
rsttimeI
washappy ,genuinelyhappyev enmy
psy chi atr
istwasi mpr essedwi tht he
i
mpr ov ementIshowedandsher eckonedt hat
hewasgoodf ormewel levenIsawi t.Wegot
mar r i
edwhenIwas21andIwasal ready
pregnantwi thKumkani ,li
fewasst i
l
l goodev en
afterIgav ebir thtohi mt henwehady ouand
mypr egnancywi t
hy ouhadal otof
compl i
cat i
onswel lduetost r
essbecausey our
fatherwasbar elyhome.Hewasnev erhome
until Ihadt ogetanemer gencyc- sect ionwhenI
wasonl y28weekspr egnantwi thy ou, Iwas
stressi ngknowi ngt hatmyl if
ewasn' ti nor der,I
sti
ll hav ef l
ashbacksofhi mtelli
ngmet oabor t
youaf terwef oundouty ouwer egoi ngt obea
gir
l butInev erl i
stened.Iwasdet ermi nedt o
hav ey oubaby , Iwasexci tedtohav emyown
l
itt
lepr incessbuthewasst oodbyhi swor dof
notwant ingababygi rl
.Ithoughtt hatmay be
thatwoul dchangewheny oucamei ntot his
wor ldbutev ery thi
ngj ustwentdownsout h,Ifell
i
ntodepr essi onandt hedoct orswer en' thopef ul
thatyou' dmakei t
.Noonecamet oseeusin
hospital,yourfathernevercamet oseeusnot
onceandi tbrokemebecausei thadsunkin
thather eall
ydi dnotwanty ouanditscaredme
knowi ngIhadbr oughtyouintoawor l
dwitha
fatherwhowant ednothi
ngt odowithyou.Af t
er
beingi nhospital f
oramont hwewer e
dischargedandwewenthome.Iar ri
vedwith
yourfat heri
nt heloungeplayingafri
endl
yr ugby
gamewi t
hy ourbrotherbutstoppedasIwal ked
i
nwi thy ou..
."
•
•
VUYI
SEKA
∆
Hel
ookedatmet
henbabyBabal
wawhowasi
n
myar
ms.
Hi
m:"
Whati
sthi
sVuy
i?"
Me:
"BabaI
..
."
Him:"Whatdi
dIsayaboutt
hischi
ld
Vuyi
seka!
?"HewasfumingandIhel
dBabal
wa
evencl
osert
omychest
"
Tat
athenishout
aumama?"(Daddywhyar
e
y
oushouti
ngatmommy ?
)ItwasZweli
Him: "Zweligot oy ourroom now! "Her oared
andmyboyr anqui ckl
ywi t
htearsi nhiseyes, I
j
ustst oodint hemi ddl
eoft heloungewi t
hmy
tonguet i
ed.Hel ookedatmewi thhi schest
goingupanddownwi theachbr eathehet ook.
"Whymusty oumakemeamonst erVuy i
seka?"
Ijuststoodther etonguet i
ed"Ndiy at
hetha
dammi t
!"(I
'
mt al
ki
ngt oy ou)Ij
umpedagai nthis
ti
mewaki ngBabi up
Me: "
Xolosthandwasam (I'
m sor
rymylove)
butIcouldn'
tdoit
,Icoul
dnotgetridofher
babaplease.She'
sourchil
djustl
i
keKumkani"
Hi
m:"
Whatdon'
tyouunder
standVuy
iseka?I
can'tf
atheradaught er"myhear tsankasI
l
ookedathi m andt henatBabalwawhowas
awakebutj ustst arr
ingatme, shewasasweet
chil
d.Idon'tknowhowheexpect edmet oget
ri
dofher ,Ihadal readyfall
ensodeepi nlove
withherthatIcoul dn'tevenhelpmy self"Fuck
manVuy i
!"Heki ckedt hetabl
ecausi ngthe
glassofjuicethatwasoni ttofall.
Me: "Sthandwasam pleasest
op,
I.
..
"Heheld
hi
shandupsi gnal
ingformetost
optal
kingand
Idid,
hewal kedovertomeandheldouthis
arms" Lwandoplease"
Him: "
Ijustwantt
ohol
dherVuy
i"Isi
ghedt
hen
handedBabalwaovert
ohi
m.
Hej ustst
oodtherel
ookingatherasshemade
herheartwarmingbabysoundsandat earf
ell
downhi scheek,hel
ookedupandIwi pedhi
s
tearthenhelookedatme.
Hi
m:"
she'
sabeaut
if
ull
i
ttl
egi
rlbutwecan'
t
keephermyl
ovepl
easej
ustunder
standpl
ease
baby"
Me: "
NoLwandoha.
a"It
ookherf
rom hi
m"I
'
m
notgi
vingupmychi
l
dno"
"Vuyi
"hesai
dinalowtoneIshookmyheadand
satonthecouchi
natt
empttobreast
feedher
.
Me: "
Youdi
dn'
tev
encomeseemeatt
he
hospi
tal
"
Hi
m:"
Sthandwasam"
Me: "Nodon'tcal
lmesthandwasam,i
fyou
l
ovedmey ouwouldhavebeenther
ebaba.I
neededyoubuty ouf
ail
edmeasahusbandand
fai
ledBabalwaasafather
"
Hi
m:"
Ican'
tfat
herherVuy
i"
Me: "Yesyoucan"hesighed,tookhi
scarkey s
andwal kedoutofthehousethenIhear
dhi scar
i
gnit
ionr awbefor
ehedr oveoutofouryard.I
l
ookedatBabal wa"Daddylovesusbaby,he's
j
ustgoi
ngthroughsomet hi
ngsbutsoonwewi
l
l
beafamil
ypumpkin"Ipeckedherfor
ehead
thenbr
east
fedher.
Afterdoi ngsoImademywayt oZwel i'
sr oom,I
gott hereandmyboywassl eepi ngont hef loor
withhi sr ugbyballnexttohim.Ipl acedBabal wa
ont het inycouchsot hatIcouldt uckZwel ii
nto
bedt henIwentt ot henurseryt hatIhad
prepar edf orBabalwagotabr andnewbl anket
placedheronmybackandcl eanedar oundso
thatitcoul dbehy gienical
lycleanf orher .When
IwasdoneIl ai
dherdownandwentt othemai n
bedr oom andcl eanedbef oret akingaqui ck
showeri twasqui ckbecauseBabal wa'scr i
es
reachedmyear swhi l
eIwasundert heshower
soIqui cklygotoutandat tendedt oher.As
soonasshef eltmyhandspi ckherupshekept
quiet.
Me: "
Mommyi sherebaby
,fornowI '
m al
lyou
hav
ebutdaddywill
comear ound.I
'
m surehe
wi
l
l"
Tobehonest ,Idon' tknowwhatwasgoi ngon
withLwando, Idon' tunder standwher et hi
s
whol enothav ingadaught ert hingwascomi ng
fr
om buthewasadamantabouti t.AlthoughI
hadhopedseei ngournewbor ndaught erwoul d
softenhi shearti tdidn't
.Imadesupperand
dishedf orZwel iandI ,weat ewi thmehel ping
him becausehi sf at
herwast akingt i
meget ti
ng
homeunt ilwef inall
yr eti
redt obed.Henev er
camehome, day spassedt heni twasaweek
andi twasst artingt otakei tst oll
onme, I
neededhi m.Hewasmysanct uar y
,boywoul dn'
t
stopaski ngwher ehi sfatherwasbutBabi was
peacef ul.Myemot i
onswer eal loverthepl ace
evenst artedpul l
ingawayf rom Babal waand
shesensedi t,
al way scryingbuti tdidn'tbother
meatal l
.I'dattendt oherwhenherbr ot her
pester edmeaboutherscr eams.Icoul dn'
t
under standwhatwasgoi ngonwi t
hme, one
minut
eIwasinlovewit
hmydaught
ert
he
next si
gh,every
thi
ngwasgoi
ngdownhi
ll
.
"Can'
tyouhearumntanauy
akhal
a!?"(
Thebaby
i
scr y
ing)Lwandoshout
edashepickedup
Babalwafrom t
hebed
Hi
m: "I
'
m goneforaweekandev eryt
hingi
s
messalr
eady,
yousaidyouwantedher !
"Ij
ust
st
arr
edather"Vuyi
I'
mtalki
ngtoy ou"
"Tat
a!"Herant
owar
dshi
sfat
herandj
umped
ontohim.
Him:"Kwedin"hepi
ckedhim upwit
hhisfr
ee
ar
mt henwalkedtowar
dsmeandhandedme
Babal
wa"Breastf
eedhershe'
shungry,
stop
st
arvi
ngher.Yousaidyouwanthersoactl
ike
i
t"
Me: "
i.
.t
here'
snomi l
kcomi
ngoutofmybr
east
,
Ican'
tbreast
feed"
Him:"Si
ncewhen"Ishr
ugged"
Takecar
eoft
he
chi
ldVuyi
"
Hewalkedoutoft
her oom wit
hhisson, Igotup
wi
thBabalwaandwentt othekit
chenwher eI
madeherbott
lewhichshesuckedf ordearli
fe.
Me:"
I'
m sor
rynana,Idon'
tknowwhat'
swrong
wi
thmommybutI '
m sorry
"Icri
edasIf
edher.
"
wecankeepher
"-Lwandosai
dashesaton
t
hebednextt
ome
Him: "
I'
llt
rymybest,Ihav emydemonsbutI '
ve
beengetti
nghelp"Ikeptquiet"Ar
elist
eni
ngto
me?Babyar eyoucrying?"Hepulledmeclose
tohischest"
I'
m sorry,I
'
m wi l
l
ingtotry
.I'
l
l
changeforourfamil
y"
Me: "
Ithi
nkmydepr
essi
onisback"hekept
qui
etforawhi
l
ethenspokeup
Hi
m:"
Wewi
l
lgett
hrought
hist
oget
her
"
Andhedi d, hemadesureIwasseeingmynew
psychologist,t
hatIwast
aki
ngmymedsand
thatourfami l
ywasokay.Ever
ythi
ngwasokay
,
heev enstartedbondi
ngwit
hBabalwa.Whoam
Ikiddi ng, hel ov edbot hofhi ski dsandwewer e
anor mal fami lyIcoul dn'tbehappi erbutast he
kidsgr ewol dert heirf atherchanged.Lwando
wasst artingt opul laway ,theonl ypersonhe
reall
ycar edf orwasKumkani andwhenhe
startedmi sbehav i
nghi sf at hersenthi mto
boar dingschool andev erythi ngathomet urned
sour ,hechangedcompl etelyandmyheal thwas
dev i
at ing.Ev erythingwasj ustamessandI
fail
edt obet heref orBabal wa, herfatherwas
emot i
onal lyunav ail
abl eandt hat '
sthet i
mehe
hadbeganabusi ngmeandt hatknockedme
downev enf urtherIhadt obeadmi t
tedatt he
ment al clinicaf terthatnot hi ngwast hesame
ti
llthisdaybutIhadhopest hathewoul d
changeagai n.Thatnev erhappenedi tjustgot
wor se, mypr ayer stoGodf ell ondeafear s, I
wassowr appeduponf i
xingmymar riageand
themedst hatIwasbei ngpumpedwi thdayi n
anddayoutt hatImi ssedt hesi gnsofwhatwas
happeni ngi nmyhome.If ailedBabal wa, the
samedaught
ert
hatIhadi
nsi
stedonkeepi
ng,
I
fai
l
edher.
Me: "I
'
m sosorryBabalwa,weareheretoday
becauseofme.Ifai
ledy ouguy
s,Ifai
ledmyr ol
e
asamot herdi
smallybabyandI'
m sosor r
y"she
sobbedinmyarmsandIsobbedwi thher.
I
nser
t16
∆
BABALWA
•
Me:"I
'dl
iket
obeal
one"shebr
oket
heembr
ace
andl
ookedatme
Her:
"Baby
..
."Ishookmyhead
Me: "Pl
easejustl
eav
emyr
oom ma,
Ineed
space"shegotup
Her:"Ndi
xol
elemnt
anam"(
for
giv
ememychi
l
d)
inodded
Me: "Goodnightmama"It ookoffmygownand
gotundermycov ers,whenIheardthedoor
open&cl ose,Ir
aisedmyheadt oseeifshehad
walkedoutandonceIsawshewasgoneI
sobbedalloveragain
Icri
edmy selft
osleepthatnight,whatshehad
tol
dmewasal ott
otakeinandt obehonestI
real
lydidn'tknowhowt ofeel any
mor e.Iwas
confusednowmor ethanev er.
Waki ngupi nthemor ni
ngIwentt otakeal ong
bathandcl eansedmyf ace,
theswel l
i
ngf r
om
thecr y
ingIdidlastnightwentdownj ustalitt
le.
WhenIwasdoneIj ustappli
edl otiononmy
nowwr i
nkledskinbecauseoft hel ongperiodI
spentinthet ubbutIdidnotmi nd, Iwor emy
pairofgreyt i
ghtsandanov ersizedwhi tet-
shirt
,
combedmyhai rwhichwasnowi ncurlesi
ntoa
neatbun, aft
erfini
shingupIwor emybedr oom
sli
ppersandmademybed.Whi chIal way s
forgottodobecausemymom spoi l
edZwel i
andI ,shedi deveryt
hingf orusbutmadesur eI
l
earnthowt ocook.Lol crazyIknowbutwowI
l
ov ethatwomanwi thmyent ir
ebei ng*sigh*
thi
nkingbackoni tnow, shedidal lshecouldfor
meandZwel i
,evenwi t
hherdepr essionshe
wouldt rytoputasidehowshef elttomot her
Zweli andIalthoughonecoul dseet hecracks
shest il
ltr
iedtoplayherposi ti
onasbestshe
could.Ishouldn'tbeblami ngher, i
tsnother
fault
.
Ican'tbel
ieveIhavebeensoinconsi derateand
self
ish,beingcol
dtowardsherev ent houghshe
doesnotdeser veit
.Il
ovehersomuch, yesalot
hashappenedbutshei shere,Ican'tblameher
forallmyf at
herhasdone.
Igotupfrom t
heedgeoft hebedandf i
xedmy
nowwr i
nkledduvetthenwal kedoutofmyroom
andmademywayt othekitchen,Zwel
iwas
si
tti
ngont hehi
ghchai rbythecounterwhil
e
mom dishedupforhi m.
Me:
"Goodmor
ning"t
heybot
hlookedatme
Zwe:
"Mor
ningsi
s"
Ma:
"Mor
ningbaby
,howar
eyou?
"
Me: "I
'
mf i
nemama"Ianswer edasIopenedthe
fr
idgetogetsomejui
ce,Igotmysel
fabottl
e
anddrankitwit
hthem l
ooki
ngatme.
Zwe: "
UhhhBabalwa"Itookt
hebot t
leaway
fr
om mymout hwhenIf el
tmythi
rsthadbeen
quenchedandlookedathim"Ar
ey ouokay?
Mom toldme"
Me:
"I'
mfi
neZweandmom,
I'
m okay
."
Ma:
"Babydon'
tshutusoutpl
ease"
Me: "Mali
keIsaidI
'
mfine,
ithappenedt her
e's
nothi
ngwecandobutmov eforwardnow"I
wenttositnextt
oZwel
iandmamadi shedfor
met oot
henhandedmemypl ateoffood
"Thankyou"
Her:
*smi
l
es*"
it
'sapl
easur
e"
Me: "Youguy sdon' thavetoworryaboutme,
I'
m okay .I'
l
lhav eatalkwit
hmyt herapistabout
everythinginmysessi ontodaybutwor rynot,I
don'tblamey oumaandIwantt oapologizefor
thecol dshoul derI'
vebeengivingyou.You
didn'tdeserve, nangoku(evennow)y oudon't
deser veit
,I'
mt hankfulf
orally
ouhav edonef or
me"Zwel il
ookedt akenabackandmamawas
alreadyintear s
Her:"ohmybaby"shemadeherwayaround
thecount
erandcamet ogiv
emeahug" Il
ove
yousomuchVuy elwa"shepul
l
edoutand
cuppedmyface"thankyou"
Me:
*smi
l
es*"
Ilov
eyout
oomama"
Her:"Youdon'
tknowhowhappyIam tohear
t
hat"shepull
edmei nt
oanot
herhugandkissed
mycheekrepeatedl
y
"
okaymamaIt
hinksheget
sitnow"-Zwel
i
Mom :
"Don'
tbej
eal
ousZwel
i
"shepul
l
edoutof
thehugandlookedatZweli
whohadj usttaken
amout hf
ulofbacon"Mamalovesyoutooboy "
heshookhisheadchewingandmamaki ssed
thesi
deofhishead,t
hat'
swhenhisli
psf ormed
asmile.
Me:"Awwwmomma'
sboy
"heshotmeast
ern
l
ook
Mama:
"Babal
wano"
Him:"Yesmamatel
lherhau,
noBabalwaand
canIhavesomemorebaconpleasemommy"
Me:*
laughs*"
Aiwow"Igav
ehi
m somef
rom
mypl
ate
Hi
m:"
ThanksVee"
Ma: "Okayeatup,DrFeraiscoming.Sheasked
thatyouguysjoi
nmei nmysessiont oday
"She
waslookingatZweliandasexpectedhisface
changedtoacoldone, heshookhishead
"Zwe..
."
Zwel
i:"
any
thi
ngbutt
hat
"
Her:
"Justt
hisoncepl
easemyboy
"
Him:"Aaahmamasor
rybutyouknowmeandI
don'
tneedtot
alkt
oashr
ink,
I'
mf i
ne"
Her:
"Zwei
t'
sforal
lofuspl
ease"
Him: "Nomama, sorr
y"hetookhiscrut
chand
gotoffthechair
,pi
ckeduphisplateandwalked
tothelounge,masighedandsatdownont he
highchai
rnexttome.
Me:"Xol
oVuyiwam"(
I'
m sor
rymyVuy
i)she
l
ookedatmeandsmil
ed
Her:"You'
l
ldoit?"Inodded"Thankyou
Vuyel
wa"shesighedagain"Ferasaidt
he
sessi
ontoget
herasaf amilywouldhel
pallof
usandIam wor r
iedaboutZweli,
howthisi
s
aff
ecti
nghim andhowhei sbottl
ingev
eryt
hing
up"
Me:
"I'
m sur
ehewi
l
lcomear
ound"
Her:"
Ihopeandpr
ayhedoes"shelookedat
myplat
ethenme"Eatup,
youhavelostwei
ght"
Il
ookeddownatmybodythenbackatherwit
h
afr
ownonmyf ace
Me:
"NoIhav
en'
t"
Her:*smi
l
es*"
I'
myourmot
her
,Iwoul
dn'
tl
iet
o
you"
Ijustsmil
edandat emyf ood, aft
erbr eakfastI
washedt hedishesandusedt het imebef oremy
therapi
stcomesi ntheaf ter
noont ostudyi nthe
l
oungewi thmusi cplay
ingt hroughmy
earphones,Zweliwatchingr ugbyandmama
whowasr eadi
ngherbi ble.Ifeltcontent,scared
butatpeacewi thhowt hingswer e.
•
•
ZWELI
BANZI
∆
Mamawoul dn'tstoppesteri
ngmeaboutt he
wholefami l
ysessi onthi
ngwithDrFer asoI
endedjoini
ngt hem asmuchasIwasdr eading
thewhol eprocessi twasn'
twhatIthoughtit
wouldbeandIcoul dseehowmuchi tmeantt o
mymom.Shel ookedhappytohav eusthereas
emotionall
ydr aggingasitwas,her
psychologi
streckonst hesessionwaswor t
hi t
andwoul dhelpwi thmymom' sroadtorecov ery
aswellasusasaf amily.
Babalwawasposi ti
ve,shespokeposi t
ivi
ty
l
atelyandhereIwasmi serablebecausemyl i
fe
hadcomet oacompl et
est andstil
l.Mamaand
Babalwawer emakingpr ogresswhi leIwas
stuckinthesamepl aceorsoIf elt,myknee
andr i
bwer ecomingalongni cel
y.Icoul ddoa
fewex er
cisesbutthat'
sit,Ihadnot hingelse.All
Icoulddowaswakeup, watchtvandexer cise
whilemahadhersessi onsandr eadherbi ble,
whileBabalwahadhersessi onsandst udyingin
pr
epf
orexamsIwasmi
ser
abl
e.
Ihadj ustcomeoutt heshower ,soIjustwore
mysi mpl etrackshor t
swithahoodyandwent
outtot heloungeusi ngmycr utch,thedoctor
adv i
cedmenott oputpr essur eonmyknee
alt
houghi twasget tingbettery esmeappl yi
ng
pressureoni twouldmesswi tht her
ecovery
processandI '
ll
bebackt ost ep1.Ther ewere
voicescomi ngf r
om t hel
oungeandbyt he
soundsofi t
,itwasTasha'sf atherandIwas
ri
ght.Iwal kedintotheloungewi thhim,mom
andBabal wai nthelounget alking.
Me:
"Goodmor
ning"hest
oodup
Hi
m: "
Zweli
"weshookhands"
Howar
eyou?
How'
stheknee?
"
Me:"I
'
m good,heal
i
ngsl
owl
ybutsur
ely
"wesat
down"howar
ey ouandt
hef
amil
y?"
Him:"Weareokay
,Juniori
snaughtyasever
andTashwell
shemissesyoubutthat'
sabouti
t.
Mywi
fesenthergr
eet
ings"
Me: "
Oh, sotheycan'
tev
env i
sit
?"Iwaslonel
y,I
hat
ebei ngcoopedupinthi
shouse!Ifel
tli
keI
hadnocont rolov
ermyli
fe.Seei
ngTashandJr
wouldreall
ylif
tupmyspiri
t
Him: "
Wespokeaboutt hisZweli
"Isi
ghedand
nodded"I'
m her
et ospeakaboutthet
ri
al"I
swall
owedandl ookedatmom thenBabalwa
whobot hl
ookedner v
ous
Me:
"whatabouti
t?"
Hi
m: "
Wellasy
oual
lknow,
we'
regoi
ngt
ocour
t
onMonday
"
Me:
"Buti
t'
sFr
idayt
oday
"
Him: "
ThatIknowyesbutMondaywewi l
lbe
putt
ingourcasebef
orethejudgeandalsohear
fr
om yourfat
herwhetherhepleadsgui
l
tyor
not"
Me:
"Butweal
lknowhei
sgui
l
ty"
Him: "Hecouldpleadnotgui l
tyandcookupa
wholediff
erentstorywhichiswhyIwantusal l
tobeont hesamepagewheni tcomest othi
s
caseandIwantusal lt
ot heunderstandt he
deli
cacyoftheissueathandsoIaskt hatno-
onechangest hei
rstory.I
'm notplanningon
l
oosingthiscase"
Me: "
wewanthim behi
ndbarssowewoul dn'
t
doanythi
ngtoj
eopardi
zeourchancesof
winni
ngthi
scase"
Hi
m: "
GreatsoIwantustogoov
erev
ery
thi
ng
t
hatl
eduptothispoi
ntagai
n"
Ma:
"ist
hatr
eal
l
ynecessar
y?"
Babi
:"y
eahImeanwe'
vewentov
ert
hisbef
ore"
Him: "Youguy sar
egoingtohavetoprepare
yourselv
esbecauseyouwi l
lbeheari
ngabout
thiseverydayandj
udgingbyyourFather
's
statusyouguy swon'
trestunt
ilt
hiscaseis
over"
Me:
*si
gh*"
Weunder
stand"
Hi
m:"
Good,
sowecanst
artwi
thy
ouMr
sBooi
"
Ma:
"Vuy
isekapl
ease"
Hi
m: "
Myapologi
esf
orappear
inginsensi
ti
ve
ma'
am"shenodded"
Wecanstart"
•
Note-hadquietahecticdayy
ester
daysoI
coul
dn'
trepl
yt oyourcomments.Don'
tthi
nkI'
m
negl
ecti
ngyouguy s,y
ouknowhowmuchIl ov
e
i
nter
acti
ngwitheachandev er
yoneinthe
commentsection.
I
nser
t17
∆
ZWELI
BANZI
•
"
wehavegonethr
oughtheev
idencepresented
t
othecour
t,t
hetwosi
deshavepresentedthei
r
casesnowbef oreIbringmyv erdictforwar dI
woul dliket osayt hatthiswasav er ydif
ficult
casebutwhatwehav et okeepi nmi ndher ei
s
whatt hisy ounggirlwentt hr
oughatt hehands
ofherf at her.Yestheaccusedhaspr esented
ev i
denceofment alinstabi l
it
yandt hathasbeen
takenint oaccountbutt hatdoesnotchanget he
traumat hedef endanthasbeenexposedt oand
wi t
hall thisinconsider ation,theaccusedhas
beensent encedto15y ear sinpr i
sonf orthe
mol estationofBabal waVuy elwaBooi .5y ear
s
forthehar assmentandbr eaki nheochest rated
uponhi ssonanddaught erplus10y earsf orthe
abuseofhi swife.That '
smyj udgement "-wi t
h
thatthej udgest oodup.
Therewaswhisper
ingandchat
teral
lar
ound
mebutIhadzonedout ,
hewasreall
ygoi
ngto
pri
son IknowIshoul dbehappybutmyheart
wasbroken,
heisstil
lmyfat
her.
"
Zwel
i
"-mymot
hercal
l
edoutf
ormeandI
zonedbackint
olif
e.Thecour
troom wasnow
emptyjustusandMrBaartman.Ist
oodupand
shookhishandthanki
nghi
m.
Him: "
Sincethehouseandt hecompanyi
sin
yourname, y
ouguy swill
notsuff
ermuch.That
companyi swort
hal otofmoneysoyouguys
cangot oschoolnextyear.
"
Me:
"Wewon'
tgobackt
othathouse"
Ma:
"Babyar
eyousur
e?"
Me:
"Yes"
MrB: "That
'sokay
,youguyscanst
ayatthe
pent
houseforaslongasyoumayneed.There
i
snor ush"
"Zwe!
"-someoneshout
edwakingmeupf r
om
mynap.Iopenedmyeyesonl
yt obemetby
Babal
wa.
Me: "What?"Shehandedmeherphone,
I
checkedthescreenandNat
ashawasonhol
d.
"Tash?
"IlookedatBabal
waandshewal
kedout
ofmyr oom gi
vi
ngmepr i
vacy
Her:"
Zweli
areyouser
iousri
ghtnow?Ihav
e
beent
ryi
ngtocal
lyouandyouhavebeen
i
gnori
ngmycall
s"
Me:
"NobabyI
..
."
Her:"
Don'tl
ietomeZweli
!Yousai
dwewoul
d
goouttoday
,justy
ouandI"
Me: "
Fuck!BabyIf
orgotI'
m sor
ry"Ichecked
t
hetimeonmywr i
stwatch"Iwi
llcomef et
ch
youokay,gi
vemeanhour "
Her:
"Anhour
!?You'
real
readyl
ateZwel
i
!"
Me: "Stopscr
eaminginmyearTash!I'
l
lbe
ther
ei nanhourgeez"Ihungupandgotof
fmy
bed.
Eversi
ncetheendoft hetr
ial
I'
vebeencooped
upathome, ever
ythi
ngwasf i
neIj
ustdidn'
tsee
theuseofbeingouttherewhil
emylif
ewasn't
yetsor t
ed.Ididn'twantt ogobackt odoi ngB/ A
Iwasnowt hinkingl aw, cri
mi nal lawespeci al
l
y
aftertheexper i
encewehav ebeent hroughasa
fami l
yIwant edtodosomet hingi nt hel aw
stream andnotonl yt hatbutIhadmoneywhi ch
Ireceivedmont hlyf rom myFat her'scompany
whi chwasnowmi nebutIdi dnotr eallyknow
whatt odowi t
hity et.I'
m notr eallyabusi ness
mindedmanandi fIwast oruni tIf earI'l
lrunit
tot hegroundsoIhadsomeonest epi nasCEO
butIwaskepti nt hel oopast heownerand
maj orshareholder.Wedeci dedt or entoutt he
house, weusedt hatmoneyt okeepusgoi ng
mont hlyandt hemoneyf rom t hecompanywe
wer egoingtouset opayf orbot hBabal waand
I'
sf ees.
Icall
edBabalwat ocomef etchhercell
phone
thentookaqui ckshowerandgotr eadyformy
datewithNatasha,wewi l
ljusthav
edi nner
sinceit
'sal
readylate.Iwasinmybl ackti
ght
for
mal pantswi t hablackshirtbutIhadn'
t
butt
onedi tallthewayup.Onmyf eetIhada
pai
rofbl ackloaf erswit
hsi mplegolddetai
lson
i
tandasubt l
egol dchainjusttofi
nishoffthe
l
ook, Icombedmyuppercutneat l
yandwor e
myr olex, pr
ivi
legedki dswithamessedup
homehey .Ispr
ayedt wopuf f
sofmypol o
col
ogneandIwasr eady.Imademywayt othe
l
ounge, mamaandBabal wawer esit
ti
ngthere
Me:
"Heyma"
Her:"
Hell
obo.
..
heeeeandt
hen,
wher
ear
eyou
goi
ng?"
Babal
wa:
"Hei
sgoi
ngt
oNat
asha"
Me:
"AaahBabal
wamamaaskedmemos"
Her:
"I'
mjustsay
ing"
Ma:"Wherear
eyouguy
sgoi
ng?Youl
ookso
ni
cebaby"
Me:
"Thanky
ouma,
I'
ll
justt
akeheroutt
oeat
atar
est
aur
ant
"
Babal
wa:
"Yousmel
lni
cet
oo"
Me:
"Ar
eyout
ryi
ngt
osayInor
mal
l
ydon'
t?
"
Her:
*laughs*"
nocomeon"
Me:
"It
'sanewCol
ognedoy
oul
i
kei
t?"
Her:
"Lov
eit
"
Me:*smil
es*"Thankssi
sbutIhavetol
oveand
l
eav
ey ouguysnow, I
'
m al
readyl
ateandshe'
s
madsobye"
Ma:
"Getherf
lower
s"
Me: "
Okayma,goodni
ghtguy
s"Irushedout
thedoorwi
thmycarkey
sandcell
phonein
hand.
Iquickl
ywenttobuyherabouqetoffl
owers
thendrovet
ot heBaar
tmanmansion.Ir
angthe
bellacoupl
eoft i
mesbef
oreshefi
nall
yopened
thedoornotlooki
ngimpr
essedwithmeatall
.
Me:
"Baby
"
Her:"Zweli
"Jrappear
edbehindherandj
umped
i
nfrontofmeIhandedNat ashat
hebouqetof
f
lowersthenpickedupJunior
Me: "I
'
m sorrybaby,
ItookanapandIguessI
oversl
eptbutI'
m sor
ry"shenoddedandmoved
awayfrom thedoorl
etti
ngmei n"Youl
ook
beauti
fulmylove"
Her:
"Thanky
ou"
Me:
"Wher
ear
eyourpar
ent
s?Weneedt
ogo"
Her:"
Theyhadpl anst
hiseveni
ngZweli
,that'
s
whyI'
vebeenblowingupyourphonethewhole
daybecausetheycoul
donlystaywi
thJuniorin
theaf
ternoon!
"
Me: "
Don'traiseyourvoi
ceatmeNat asha"she
breat
hedout" Isai
dI'
m sorrydidn'
tI?It
'snot
l
ikeIdidi
tintenti
onall
y"shestarti
ngteari
ngup
Her:
"Ij
ustr
eal
l
ywant
edust
ohav
esomeal
one
t
imeforachange"Ipul
l
edhercl
oserwi
thmy
f
reearm
Me: "Don'tcr
y,you'r
egoingtorui
ny ourmake
up"Ikissedherforehead"Goputyourflowersin
avasesomewher einyourroom t
henwecango
outfordinnerokay?I'
m sureJuni
orwi l
lbehave,
ri
ghtboy "Il
ookedathim andhenodded, I
l
ookedbackatTasha" Nowgodoy ourtouch
upsthenwecanl eaveokay?"
Her:*
nods*"Okay
,I'
ll
pouryousomejui
ceand
makeJuniorabot
tl
e"Inoddedandwentt
ogo
si
tint
heloungewit
hJunior.
Hegrabbedsomeofhi stoysandgav ethem to
mesoIhadt opl
ayforawhi l
e.Tashbr ought
thej
uicet henwentupst ai
rstoherr oom af t
era
whil
eshecamebackwi t
hasmal lpurseinhand
andaj acketforj
unior.Shehadchangedt he
babybluedr essshehadonear l
ierandwasnow
i
nabl ackbodyhuggi ngdr essthatwasov erthe
kneeandsi mplestr
apheel swit
hherhai rloose.
Ist
oodup
Me:
"Youl
ookamazi
ngbaby
"
Her: *
smiles*"Thankyou"shel
ookedatJr
"Banzicome"hemadehi swaytohismother
andwor ethejacket.
Me: "
let
'sgetgoi
ng,
hiscarseati
sinthecarso
youdon'
thavetobri
ngtheonefrom y
ours"
Her:
"Okaywecango"
Wewal kedoutandshelockedthenwemade
ourwayt othecar
,Iopenedthepassengersi
t
doorforherthenbuckl
edJrint
ohiscarseat
andjoggedt omyside.
Tash:
"Sowher
ear
ewegoi
ng?
"
Me: "
You'
l
lsee"Iwasdr
ivi
ngoutoft
hei
ryar
d
now
Her:
"Ahi
ntmay
be?
"
Me:"Babei
t'
sjustaf
ewmi
nut
est
haty
oumust
wai
t"
Her:
*gi
ggl
es*"
Okayf
ine"
Iparkedthecaratt heparki
ngbayandwemade
ourwayt other estaurantwi
thmecar ryi
ng
Zweliandhol dingTash'shand,shewasal l
smiles.Ihadt akenust oherfav
ourit
eplace,
theyhadaf reet abl
ewhenwegott herelucki
l
y
sowehadourdi nnerandJuniorsurpr
isi
ngly
behavedt hr
oughoutwi t
hnohassles.
Tash:"Thankyousomuchf orthi
sZwe"she
peckedmyl i
ps"MeansalottomeandI '
m sor
ry
aboutmyat t
it
udetowar
dsy ouearl
ier
"
Me: "
Any
thi
ngforyoupr
incess,
justgett
hat
at
ti
tudei
ncheck"
Her:"Iknowdaddy
"shel
ookedatJr"
Someone
i
ssleepy"
Me: "
OkayI'
ll
getthebil
lthenwecango"she
noddedandpickedJrupfrom hi
sseatpl
aci
ng
hi
m onherlapsohecouldl ayhi
sheadonher
chest
.
Iquickl
ygott hebi l
landpaidthenwemadeour
wayout ,It
ookov erfr
om Tashcausehehad
fal
lenasleeponourwayoutIsawI mi nam and
shesawmet oo.Shel ookedheav il
ypregnant
andwhenshesawt heshockonmyf aceshe
quickl
ylookedaway ,shewaswi thhermom but
hermom di dn'tseeme.Idi dn'twanttocausea
scenesoIj ustwal kedtothecaranddr ove
Tashhomewi t
hquest ionsrunningthroughmy
head.
"
babey
ouokay
?"-Tashasked
Me:
"Huh?Yeahy
eah,
I'
mfi
ne"
Her:"
Areyousure?You'v
ebeenquietsi
ncewe
l
eftt
hatpl
ace,i
ssomet hi
ngwrong?
"
Me: "
NobabeI'mfine"Iplacedmyhandonher
t
highandsqueezedit"I'
m okay"shesmi
ledat
meandIdidtoothenf ocusedbackontheroad.
I
'
mf ucked!Real
l
y,Iknowthatchi
l
dismi
ne.She
l
ookedreadytopopfuck!
!
IpackedthecarinfrontofTasha'shouseand
helpedherwithJrbutIdidn'
tstaylongIj
ust
greetedherparent
sandl ef
t,assoonasIgot
homeIwentt omyr oom andcal l
edIminam.
Her:
"Hel
l
o?"
Me: "
Hi,i
t'
smeZweli"shekeptqui
et"I
mi?
*sigh*I'
m sor
ry,
canIseeyoutomorrow
please?"
Her:"You'
rebackandyoudi
dn'
tev
enthi
nkof
cal
li
ngmeZwe"Ikeptquiet"
Ify
ou'
renotgoi
ng
tot
alkI'
m gonnahangup"
Me:
"Howf
aral
ongar
eyou?
"
Her:
"6monthsgoi
ngon7"It
ookadeep
br
eat
heout
Me:
"Sot
hebabyi
smi
ne?
"
Her:
"Yes"
Me:*
sighsdeepl
y*"
Okay
,canIseey
ou
t
omorr
ow?"
Her:
"NoZwel
icarryonli
keyou'
vebeenthis
whol
eti
me,f
orgetaboutme.I'
l
lbejustf
ine"
Me:
"Imi
nam pl
ease,
please"
Her:
"Zwel
iIsai
dno!
"
Me: "BabyIj
ustwannat
alkpl
ease"qui
et"
Okay
I'
l
lcomebyt omorr
owaround1inthe
aft
ernoon"
Her:
"Goodni
ghtZwel
i
"shehunguponme.
Itossedmyphoneasideandl aidbackonmy
bed,Idon'
tknowhowI 'm goi
ngt odealwit
hthis.
Natashaisgoingtofr
eakoutonmebutshe' s
gonnahav etounder
standithappenedway
beforewegotbacktogether.Igotupand
stri
ppedthenwenttogoshower&r eti
redto
bednaked.
WhenIwokeupint
hemorningIbathedand
wentt
othedi
nni
ngroom f
orbreakf
ast,mom
wasal
readyt
her
e.
Me:
"Mor
ning"
Her:
"Boy
,what
'
swr
ong?
"
Me:"Not
hingma"Isatdown,
shepour
edmea
gl
assofj
uice
Her:
"Lastni
ghtdi
dn'
tgoaspl
anned?
"
Me:"I
tdi
d, wel
lsortof
"shehandesmet
he
gl
assofj
uice"Thankyou"
Her:"You'r
ewelcomenowt al
ktome,what
happenedthathasyourspi
ri
tdownsoearl
yin
themorning?"
Me:
*si
gh*"
IsawI
minam"
Her:
"It
houghtt
hedat
ewaswi
thNat
asha"
Me:"I
twas,IsawherwhenTashandIwer
e
l
eav
ingther
estaur
ant"
Her:"
Nowwhat'
swr
ongboy
?Wasshewi
th
anot
herguy
?"
Me:
*chuckl
es*"
She'
spr
egnantma"shel
ooked
atmethenputherf
orkdown"
Yes,Ical
l
edher
assoonasIgothomeandsheconfi
rmedi
t,t
he
babyi
smine"
Her:"
Zweli
whyar eyousoirr
esponsi
blemara
he?Whydon'ty
oulearnfr
om yourmist
akes?
Youhavenodegreetoyournamebutyou'
re
busymaki
ngbabies"
Me:
"Mama.
..
"
Her: "
Idon'tknowwhatt odowi thy ouany mor
e,
Idon'tknowr eall
yZwelisotellmewhatt odo
thatwill
makey oufocusony ourselfand
better
ingyoursituati
onwithoutbringing
anotherchi
ldi nt
oitZweli!
"
Me:
"Mamapl
ease"
Her:
*si
ghs*"
Howf
aral
ongi
sshe?
"
Me:
"She'
sal
mostdue"
Her:
"heeee!HayIdon'
tknowwhat'
supwith
youy
oungster'
stoday
,Zweli
don'
tyouknow
whatacondom i
s"
Me:"
Idomabutithappenedandt
hebabyi
s
al
mosther
esopl
easejusthel
pme"
Her:"
Thetri
alendedamonthagoZwehow
don'
tyouknowthatshei
sexpect
ing?
"
Me:
"Idi
dn'
treal
l
ycont
acther
"
Her: "
soyoutel
li
ngmey ouhaven'tspokent
o
thatgi
rlsi
nceweleft
?"Inoddedandshe
smackedthesideofmyhead" yazwenaZweli"
shestoodup"I'
m goi
ngtolaydown"
Me:
"Xol
omama"(
I'
m sor
ry)
Her:
"Sor
rywon'
tfi
xthi
sZwe"
Shewalkedoutoft hedi ni
ngr oom l
eavi
ngme
al
l al
oneatthetable,Ididn'tevenhavean
appeti
teanymore.Babal wawal kedinand
greet
edIgreetedback, sheaskedaboutmyand
shrugheroffandlefthert oeatbreakf
aston
herown.Ifuckedup!
I
nser
t18
∆
ZWELI
BANZI
•
Ast heaf t
er noonappr oachedIgotmor eand
mor ener vous, Ihonestlydidn'tknowwhatt o
expectorwhati nthewor ldI '
m goingt osay .I
fuckedupnodoubtaboutt hatbutIwasgoi ng
throughmyowndemonsandIj ustdi dn'tthi
nk
honest l
y,Idi dn'
twantt hedr amaofent ert
aini
ng
bothI minam andNat asha.Iwasgoi ngt o
concent r
at eonTashwel luntilyest
er day*sigh*
what '
sdonei sdone.Ij usthav et ofacet he
musi cnow, Istart
edt hecari gniti
onanddr ove
outoury ar d.Ifir
ststoppedbysomeshops, I
didn'twantt oshowupt hereempt yhanded.I
knowshepr obablywon' tev enacceptwhatI '
m
getti
ngherbutshe' l
lseeI'mt ryi
ngr ight?
Iwenti
ntot
hest
oreandgothersomewhi
te
l
ill
iesasapeaceof feri
ng,herfavour
it
ecandy
andat akeawayfrom steersbecauseshel ov
ed
theirbur
gersandchi psthendroveofftoher
house.Iparkedmycarout si
deandcalledher,
shet ookawhileanswer i
ngbutsheev entual
ly
did
Her:
"Zwel
i
"
Me:
"Hey
,howar
eyou?
"
Her:"I
'
mf i
nejustexperi
enci
ngabi
tof
hear
tburnbutI
'mfine"
Me:"
Ohokay
,I'
l
lgety
ousomet
hingf
ort
hat
t
omorr
ow"
Her:
"Okay
"
Me:
"I'
m out
side,
canIcomei
n?"
Her:
*si
gh*"
Wai
tI'
m comi
ng"
Me:
"Okay
"shehungup.
Ist
eppedout
sidethecarandwai
tedf
orher
,
aft
erafewminutesshecameoutwear
inga
whitematerni
tydresswi t
hfur-
sli
des, she
l
ookedbeaut i
ful
tobehonestbutt hi
swasn'tt
he
appropri
ateti
met obringthatup.Istoodup
str
aightassheappr oachedthecar.
Me:
"Hey
"
Her:
*cl
earst
hroat
*"Zwel
iwhatdoy
ouwant
f
rom me?"
Me:
"Iknowy
ou'
remadbutpl
easeIj
ust
..
."
Her:
"I'
m notmadaty
ouZwel
i
"
Me:
"You'
renot
?"Sheshookherhead
Her:"I
'm overt
hisnow,I
'
m notgoingt
orun
aft
eryouZwel i
.You'
rewi
thNatashaandI
acceptthat
"Iswall
owed
Me:
"Mi
mi"
Her:"Don'
tplease,y
ouar ewelcometoplay
yourparti
nthelif
eofthet wi
nsbutthat
'
swhere
i
tends"Iclearedmythroat
Me:
"Twi
ns?
"Shenodded"
wowt
hat
'
s..
.Thati
s
amazing"shej
uststarr
edatme,shewasreal
l
y
notgoingtomakethiseasyf
orme" CanIt
ake
youout?"
Her:
*si
ghs*"
Zwel
iIj
ustsai
d..
."
Me:"
Iknowpr i
ncess,
butpl
easeIj
ustwantus
t
otal
kplease"
Her:
"Fi
ne"
Me:*
smiles*"
Thanky
ou,
youl
ookbeaut
if
ulby
t
heway"
Her:
"Thanks,
I'
m gonnagol
ockup.I
'
llbeback"
Me: "Okaywait
"Iopenedt
hepassengerseat
andt ookoutt
heit
emsIgother"Igotyou
these"
Her: *
smi l
es*"Thankyoubutkeepthet akeout
I
'l
leatitinthecar"Inoddedsmili
ng,handedher
t
hel i
ll
iesalongwiththetr
eatsIgotherandshe
walkedintotheyardandcamebackaf t
era
whil
ewi thabottl
eofwat er&cell
phoneinhand
"Wecango"Iopenedthepassengerseatfor
herthenwalkedov
ert
omysi deanddr oveoff
tothebeach.
Wesatint
hebackseatswitht
hedoorsopen,
shewasbusyeat
ingthefoodIbr
oughther
Me: "
Sotwins?
"Shenodded"
Doy
out
hegender
yet
?"Sheswall
owed
Her:
"They
'r
egi
rl
s"
Me:
*nods*"
Sohar
dtobel
i
eved"
Her:
"Yeahwel
lwhatdoy
ouexpect
"
Me: "IknowI '
vebeensel fi
sh,I
'vejustbeen
goingthrought hemostandi nthepr ocess
start
edt hi
nkingaboutmy selfonlyandI 'm sorr
y
Imi.Iknowmeapol ogizi
ngdoesn' ttakeback
themont hsy ouspentalonegoingt hrought he
mot i
onsoft hispregnancywithoutmet he
personresponsi bl
eforitbutI'
m notgoi ngt obe
absentany mor eIpromiseyouthat ,
I'l
lbeher e
everystepoft hewaypr i
ncessIpr omi se"
Her:
"Don'
tmakepr
omi
sesy
oucan'
tkeepZwe"
Me:
"Iwon'
tabandony
ouort
heki
dsI
mi"
Her:
*si
gh*"
That
'sj
ustwor
dst
ome"
Me: "Andactionswil
lfol
low"shewasbrushi
ng
herhugebelly"mayI?"ShenoddedandIplaced
myhandonhert ummyandt heywer
eki
cking,
verystr
ongkickstoo.Ismiled"Ar
eyousure
they'
regir
ls?
"
Her:*gi
ggl
es*"
Posi
ti
ve"Ipl
acedmyheadon
hert
ummy
Me:"Heythere,Iknowyoudon'tknowmebut
i
t'
sdaddy"therewasastrongkickandIlaughed
l
ooki
ngatImi whowasal lsmi
les"Dothey
al
wayskickli
ket hi
s?"
Her:
"notasstrongast heonetheyj
ustgave
menowbuty es,theybarel
ygiv
emeabr eak"
Me:"Can'
tbeli
eveIhav
emissedoutonso
much,I
'm soashamedofmysel
f"
Her: "Youdidn'
tknowsodon' tf
eelgui
lty
,you
areher enowandy ou'l
lmakeupf orl
ostti
me
*sigh*Iknowwheny oulef
t,y
ouandIwer en'
t
ongoodt er
msbutIhopedt hatwheny oucame
backy ou'dtr
ytomakeamendswi thmebuty ou
didn't
..
"
Me:
"I.
."Sheshookherhead
Her:"
It
'sokay
,youdi
dwhaty
ouf
eltwasgood
f
oryou"
Me: "Ij
ustt
houghty
ouwoul
dn'twantanyt
hing
todowi t
hmeandIhadnoideaaboutthe
pregnancyI
mi.
."
Her:"
Iknow, Ij
ustf
eel
somadt haty
ouweren'
t
her
eZweli.Iknowit
sself
ishofmebutIdo"
Me: "
You'r
enotself
ishatal
l
,it
sokaytofeel
li
ke
t
hat.I
'mjustanxi
ousaboutwhatyourpar
ent
s
mustbethinki
ng"
Her:"Theyknowaboutyougoingunderwit
ness
pr
otecti
on,theyar
ejustdi
sappoi
ntedl
ikeIam
t
hatevenaft
ert
hecaseyouhav
en'
treal
l
ytr
ied
t
ofixt
hingsbet
weenus"
Me:"I
'm sur
eyourf
atherhat
esmeev
enmor
e
now"
Her:*
sighs*"Justshowhimt
hatyou'
l
ltake
car
eofhisgrandkids,t
hat
sal
lIwantf
rom you"
Me:
"Whataboutus?
"
Her:
"ther
eisnousZwel
i
"
Me:
"Butpr
incessIal
readyt
oldy
ou.
..
"
Her:"IknowandIal
readytol
dyouthatther
eis
nowayIam goingtoshareyoudi
dn'tI
?"I
nodded"Sostop"
Me:"I
'
m notgoi
ngt
ogi
veuponwhatIwant
I
minam,Iwanty
oui
nmyli
fe"
Her:"AndIwil
lbebutonl
yast
hemot
herof
yourki
ds"Ishookmyhead
Me:
"Iwantmor
ethant
hat
"
Her:
"It
hinky
oushoul
dtakemebackhome
now"
Me:
"Butwear
est
il
ltal
ki
ng"
Her:"I
'm notgoingtot
alktoyouaboutany
thi
ng
i
fitdoesn'tconcer
nourkidsZwel
i"
Me: *
sigh*"Okayf
ine,
soyou'
ll
stayathome
nextyear
?"Shenodded"I
'
m sorr
ythatyourl
i
fe
i
sbeingputonhold"
Her:"It
'sforthegirl
ssoIdon'tmind* sigh*I
havetoliv
ef orthem now,dowhati sbestf or
them andgoingt oschoolnextyearisn'
tan
opti
on.Iwon' tcope,I
'l
lgotheyearaf t
er"
Me: "
Okay,wel
lI
'l
lgobackandgett
hatdegr
ee
soIcantakecar
eofyouguys"
Her:"
Good,nowcanyout
akemehome?My
backi
sstar
ti
ngtoacheal
it
tl
e"
Me: "
OhI'
m sor
ry,
I'
llbr
ingapi
ll
ownextt
ime.
Justf
ory
ou"sheblushedbutt
ri
edt
ohideit
"comemov etothefrontseat"shegotof
fandI
cleanedupt hebackseatandt hrewawaythe
dirtatanearbybinthenclosedthedoorsand
gotinfrontwithher
Her:"I
'
m ki
ndofcol
dsocany
out
urnont
he
heat
er"
Me: "
Butitsnoteven..
."Shegavemet hedon'
t
evendarelook"Okay"Iturnedontheheat
er
aft
erroll
i
ngupt hewindows" Doyouneed
anyt
hingbeforeIdri
vey ouback?"Iwasdri
vi
ng
outoftheparki
ngbaynow
Her:
"Not
hanky
ou"
Me:
"Nowei
rdcr
avi
ngIshoul
dnoabout
?"
Her:
Justbeefbi
l
tongwi
thsomechi
l
li
eoni
t"
Me:
"Oht
hat
sreasonabl
e"
Her:
"Buti
tgi
vesmehear
tbur
n"
Me:
"OkayIwon'
tbuyi
tthen"
Her:
"Nobuyi
tZwe,
I'
mjustsay
ingi
tgi
vesme
hear
tbur
nbuty
oucanst
il
lgeti
tforme"
Me: *chuckl
es*"OkayI'
l
lgetyouyourbil
tong
andsomemi l
ktosootheyourchestokay?"She
noddedsmi l
i
ng
Her:
"MayI?
"Shehadherphoneinhandwit
h
t
heauxcabl
eint
heother
,Inodded"gr
eatst
uff
"
Shepl ayedPhor a'
salbum,YoursTr
ulyForever
.I
don'tknowi fshewast ryi
ngtosendme
subli
mi nalmessagesbutIgott hevi
beandshe
mustknowI 'm notabouttogi
veuponher
anyti
mesoon.Idr oppedheroffinf
rontofher
gate.
Me:"I
'
llcomei
nwhenIhavemymom wit
hme
sot
hatwecantal
kwi
thyourpar
ent
sandall
"
Her:
"Okay
"
Me: "
Seeyousoon,
I'
ll
cal
lyoul
aterj
ustt
o
checkony
ou"
Her:
"don'
twakemeupZwel
i
"
Me:
"Don'
twor
ryIwon'
tcal
latungodl
yhour
s"
Her:
"Okay
"
Me: "
Thankyoufort
oday,Iappr
eci
atei
t"she
noddedsmili
ngandt
riedt
oopenherdoorbutit
waslocked
Her:
"Kumkani
opent
hedoorpl
ease"
Me:
"CanIgetahugf
ir
st?
"
Her:
"St
opwi
tht
hegames"
Me: "
Ipr
omiseyouit
'sj
ustahugpl
ease"she
t
urnedar
oundandlookedatme"i
sthatayes?"
Her:"Justhugmeal ready "Ismil
edand
embracedher,herscentwasst i
l
lthesameand
Itookital
li
n"letgo"Inoddedst il
lwit
hmyar ms
hookedaroundher"Zwe. ."Shesaidsoft
lyandI
ki
ssedherneckt henpulledoutofherwar m
embrace
Me:
"I'
l
lcomef
etchy
out
omor
rowokay
?"
Her:
"Whatf
or?
"
Me:
"Justber
eady
,samet
imedi
ff
erentpl
ace"
Her:"
O-kay"Ipul
l
edhert
owar
dsmeandki
ssed
herf
orehead
Me:
"Imi
ssy
oual
ready
"
Her:"
Openthedoorplease"Iunl
ockedt
hen
st
eppedoutandopenedherdoor
Me:
"Sweetdr
eamspr
incess"
Her:"Andstopsweett
alki
ngme"Inodded
smil
i
ng" goodby
eZwe"
Me:
"Goi
nsi
desoIknowy
ou'
resaf
e"
Shesmi l
edandwal kedinsi
dethenIgotintot
he
caranddr oveofftoTash'shouse.Ididn'
twant
togoi nsoIjustcalledher&tol
dherIwas
outsi
de,shecameouti nafewmi nutesand
steppedintothecarwi t
hJrinherarms.
Her:
"Hey
"shepeckedmyli
ps"Di
dn'texpectt
o
seey
ouheret
oday"It
ookJrfr
om her
Me:
"Itwasn'
tpl
annedbutIj
usthadt
ocome"
Her:*smi
les*"
WellI
'm happyt
oseey
ou"I
nodded"i
sever
ythi
ngokay "
Me: "
Ever
ythi
ngi
sfi
ne*
sigh*butweneedt
o
t
alk"
Her:
"Tal
k?Tal
kaboutwhat
?"
Me:
"Your
ememberI
minam r
ight
?"
Her:
"Yes,
whatabouther
?"
Me:"she'
spregnant
"shefel
lbackonherchai
r
andswall
owed"andyestheyaremine"
Her:
*cl
ear
sthr
oat
*"t
h..
theyZwel
i
?"
Me: * si
ghs*"Yes,twi
ngi r
ls"sheplacedher
handonherchestandat earfelldownher
cheek" I
thappenedbef oreyouandIgotback
togetherbabe,Ididn'
tcheatony ouandplease
don'tcryinfr
ontofJuni or
"Iwi pedthetearthat
hadf all
endownhercheek.Af t
erwhi l
eof
sil
enceshef i
nallyspokeup
Her:
"thi
shur
tssomuch"swal
l
ows"
Iwi
shI
nev
ermety
ouZwel
i
"
Me:
"What
?"
Her:
"Ir
egr
etbei
ngwi
thy
ou"
Me:
"Ar
eyouser
iousNat
asha?
"
Her:"don'
tgetmewrong,Idon'
tregr
etmychil
d
buti
fIcouldgobacki
ntime.IwishInevermet
you"
Me:
"babyy
oudon'
tmeant
hat
"
Her:
"IdoZwel
i
,al
lyoudoi
shur
tme!
!"
Me: "
Don'tr
aiseyourvoiceatmeNatashayou
knowhowmuchIhat ethat,
especi
all
yinf
ront
ofoursonplease"
Her:
"Idon'
tcar
e!"
Me:
"Nat
asha"
Her:
"NoZwel
i
,Idi
dn'
tsi
gnupt
obey
ourbaby
mama"
Me:
"You'
remor
ethant
hatTashandy
ouknow
t
hat
"
Her: "Iwasundert heimpr essi onI 'l
lhav ea
familybutt hingschangedassoonast heki d
camet hewayy ouswi tchedl anesi tsobv ious
thaty ouwasgasi ngme.Aski ngmet oabor t,a
partofmet hat'sunbor nev enmydi sappoi nted
mot hersai dIhadhersuppor twhi l
et hef ather
whopl antedt heseedwast ooi mmat ured.You
j
ustwant edahi tandr unl i
ket hiswassome
kindofspor t
,youdamncowar dandwhydi dI
havet or emi ndev erysinglet imet haty ouar ea
damnf ather ?Orf eell
ikeIwasdoi ngt oomuch
foraski ngy ouf ormoneyj ustt osuppor ta
spitt
ingi mageofy ou.Youhel pedal i
ttl
ei nt he
beginbutwhatel sedi dy oudo?That '
swhyI '
m
barkingaty our i
ghtnow, youactl iket akingcar e
ofourchi l
di saf avourni ggaf ormei tsa
l
ifestyle!Tel lmehowy out hinki tsalrighthow
I'
mt aki ngcar eofy ourchi l
dal l bymy self,
pushingar oundaheav yst rolleral lbymy self ,
hav i
ngt ocar ryi tupsomest epswi t
houtnohel p
andhav ingt ol ooseadayatwor kwi thoutno
paycauset hebabygotsi ckandt hedadi sn't
there!May bet hat'swhyI '
m wil
ding,I'm putting
foodi ny ourchi l
dstummyandcl othesony our
child'
sbackandIcannev erdonot hingf or
my selfcauseev erypennythatImakei sspent
onev er ythi
ngt hatyourchil
dhaswhi ley ou'
re
l
ooki ngf resh!Orwhatdoy outhinkpost i
ng
picturesofy ourki dongr am meansy oudoi nga
goodj obatbei ngachi l
dsdad?Icoul dcar eless
abouty ouandy ournewbi t
ch,i
fy out hinkI'm
j
eal ousonebi tthenboyy oustupid!Howdoy ou
thinky ou'regoi ngt otakecareoft womor eki ds
wheny ou' r
ef aili
ngJr? "
Me: "Ididn'
tsignuptobeababydaddyeit
her!I
wasundert hei mpr
essi
onthaty
ouwer e
tr
appingme, weal r
eadyhadmadproblemsasa
couplegirlwhywouldyouthi
nkwewer efi
tto
star
taf amily
!?You'r
etheonewhoforcedthi
s
childi nt oabr okenhome, asi tuati
onwher ethe
mom anddaddon' tgetal ongi tfeelsli
kethe
l
ov ei soutandt hehat ei sst r
ongbutmyki dis
tooy oungt ounder st andwhyhe' sfatherwas
goneornev erther easmuchasI 'dreal
lyli
ketoI
meani t'shardwheny ourbabymamai sso
spitef ul andhermom don' treall
ylikeyou.This
childr ighther eisaspi t
tingi mageofme, you
shittingony ourki dwheny oushi tti
ngonme.
Can' ty ouseey ouspeaki ngbadaboutmei n
frontofourchi ldisbasi callytelli
nghimt hat
he'shal fev i
l?Idon' tev enknowhowIputup
wi t
ht hi sshit,I'
m doi ngev er y
thingIcant obe
theref ormyki d.Ican' tleanonmymom f or
suppor tthat'
scr azy, shespentherwhol elife
trynar aisemenowf ormet ost artoverand
makeherhel pmewi thabr andnewbabynah
Tash.She' sputi nherwor kandshedeser vesto
bel azyandI '
mt iredofhowy oudamn
mani pul atemenow,howev erytimey ou'
remad
Ican' tseemychi l
d, IthinkIunder standwhy
niggasturnintodeadbeatsnowandI '
mt ry
ing
mybestnott obebuthonestlythisbackand
fort
hI'm doingwithyouismakingi thardforme
andI '
m goingtokeepitrealwit
h, sometimesI
don'tevencomeseeJrcauseIdon' twantto
dealwithy ou&yourpettytantr
ums.Pr essing
meaboutmoneyl ikeyoudon'tknowmoney
doesn'tgrowont r
eesandI '
mt rynagetit!And
youknowI '
m goi
ngt hr
oughmyownshi tTash!
Butnoy ouhav etoputpressureonme! "
Her:
"Zwel
i
.."
Me:
"I'
m donet
alki
ngNat
asha"
Her:
"Iwasj
ust
..
"
Me: "
Youal waysdothi
swhent hi
ngsdon' tgo
yourway,goandbr i
ngupthepast!Likeyou
don'
tknowwhyIwasact i
ngli
kethatbackt hen
*si
gh*I'
dliketogethomeifyoudon'tmind"
ShetookJuni
orf
rom meandgotoutoft
hecar
,
Idr
oveoff.
I
nser
t19
∆
ZWELI
BANZI
•
Igothomeandpar kedmycari nsi
det hegar age
butst ayedintherethinki
ngaboutwhathadj ust
transpired myl i
feisamesshonest l
y.Ican
nev ergetabr eak,onethinggetsf
ixedand
anot herbreaks!Whycan' tIj
usteverhave
thingsmywayoram Iaski ngfort
oomuch, not
thatIev ensaidany t
hingtoTashaboutshar ing
mebutdamnaf t
ertonightIthi
nkIcanf orgetit
.Isteppedoutoft hecarandwal kedintot he
house, mom &Babal wawer ehavi
ngsupperi n
thedi nningarea
Me:
"Mol
weni
"mamaj
ustnodded
Babi
:"Ewe"Isatdownacr
ossBabal
wa
Mama:
*cl
ear
sthr
oat
*"Wher
ehav
eyoubeen
t
hewhol
eday
?"
Me:
"Ma?
"
Her:
"Iaskedwher
ehaveyoubeeni
mini
yonke
Zwel
ibanzi
?"(
Thewhol
eday)
Me:"Bendi
yobonau-
Imi
mama"(
Iwentt
ogo
seeI
mi)
Her:
"Whatdi
dshesay
?"
Me: *
clearsthr
oat*"
Weareexpect
ingt
wingi
rl
s
ma"thet abl
efell
sil
ent
,ev
enBabalwast
opped
eat
ingandIkeptmyheaddown
Her:
"Kant
iZwelidon'
tyoul
earn?Af
terLubanzi
di
dyounotlear
nalessonmntanam?"(Mychil
d)
Me:
"Idi
dn'
tpl
anf
ort
hist
ohappenma"
Her:"
Welli
thashappenednowsowhatar
eyou
goi
ngtodo?Youtel
lmehowy ou'
regoi
ngt
ofix
thi
s?Twi
ngirl
sZweli
?"
Me:
"I'
l
lmakeapl
anmama"
Her:
"Whatpl
anZwel
i
banz
i?"
Me: "
I'
ll
makeuseofthemoneyIgetfr
om t
he
company"Il
ookedupatherandshebr
eat
hed
out
Her:
"Andherfami
l
y?Youknowt
heyar
e
Musl
im Zwel
i
"
Me: "Iknowmama, herf
atherisastr
ictMusl
i
m
butithashappened.Wewillseewhenwego
ther
ewhathesay s"
Her: "Ihopeforyoursakehedoesnotdemand
ofy outomar ryhi
sdaughterZweli
.Babal
wa
pleasepassmet hejui
cebaby"shepassedma
thejuicethentooktheempt ypl
ateinf
rontof
meanddi shedformet oothenhandedmet he
plateoffood
Me:"
Thanky
ou"shej
ustsmi
l
edandat
eher
f
ood.
Wefi
nishedsupperi
nsi
l
ence,
aftert
helong
dr
aggi
ngsuppermamacoll
ectedevery
thi
ng
witht hehelpofBabal waandwentt othe
ki
t chen.Istoodupandwentt omyr oom
l
ocki ngthedoorbehi ndme, putmyphonei nthe
char gert
henst r
ippedandt ookalongbath
causeIwast iredasf uck!AftermybathI
disposedt hewat erandcl eanedthetubthen
wor emyboxer sandgotundermybedcov ers
withoutmoi sturizing.Igrabbedmyphoneand
dialedIminam' snumber
Her:
"Zwe"
Me:
"Mi
mo,
yougood?
"
Her:
"I'
m good,
youokay
?Yousounddown"
Me: *si
ghs*"I
'
m goodjustti
red,
mom i sbei
ng
r
eallyhardonmeaboutthiswholepregnancy"I
wasn'taboutt
otel
lheraboutmyf i
ghtwith
Natasha
Her:
"Oh?
"
Me:"Yeahumh,wasjustchecki
nguponyou
t
hough.Aret
hegir
lssti
ll
asenerget
icast
his
af
ter
noon?
"
Her:*
giggl
es*"Aft
erthebathIt
ookthey
've
cal
meddown, t
hinktheyar
esleepi
ngwhich
meansImustsleep"
Me:
*chuckl
es*"
Okay
,goodni
ghtt
hen"
Her:
*yawns*"
Bye"
Ihungupandl ai dbackonmybedt hinki
ng
aboutNatasha, Ireal
lydidn'
tl
ikehowweended
thi
ngsoffearl
ier .Igotupf r
om mybedand
woremysweat s, gr
abbedmyphoneandkey s
thenwalkedoutofmyr oom.Ipassedbyt he
kit
chen,
maandBabi weresti
llt
here
Me:
"Mama,
I'
ll
beback"
Her:"OkayZweli"shet
urnedtolookatme
"Ar
en'tyougoingtoputonaT- shi
rtor
something"Il
ookedatmy sel
fandIonlyhad
pantson
Me:
"For
got
"
Irushedbackt omyr oom gr
abbedahoodi e
thenr ushedoutanddroveofftoTasha'shouse,
assoonasIpar kedoutsi
deIrangherupbut
shewasn' tansweri
ngherphone,thelastthi
ngI
wantedwast ogoknockatthisti
meoft he
night.Itri
edagainandshefi
nall
yanswer ed
Me: "Pl
easecomeout si
de,pleasebaby"she
hungup.Isteppedoutofthecarandwai tedfor
her,
sheonlycameout si
deaf tersomeminutes
hadpassed.Assoonasshest oodinfr
ontof
meIcouldseeshewascr yi
ngsoIembr aced
her.
Me: "I
'm sor r
ybaby ,I'
m sosor r
y"shesobbedi n
mychest" Ishouldn'thavespoketoy ouli
ket hat
,
Iwasjustangr yhear i
ngy ousayallt
hosethings
mademeangr ybutI'm sorr
yTash.I'
mr eall
y
sorr
ymyl ove"Ikissedt hetopofherheadand
cuppedherf acethenki ssedher"I
'm sor
ry
okay?"Iwi pedhert ears"Canwegeti ntothe
car?
"
Her:"Okay"Ihel
dherhandandwegoti
ntot
he
backseat
.
Me: "Iknowy ou'
resti
ll
angryatmeabouthowI
actedbackthenwheny oufel
lpregnant,Iwas
sti
l
l akidbabyandy ouknowhowIwasl ike
backthenbutI '
m grownnowandI '
m herefor
youandJuni oram Inot?"Shenodded" Talkto
mepl easebaby "
Her: "
Idon'tknowwhatyouwantmetosay
,
you'r
ehavingababyImeant wi
nswi
thanot
her
gir
l.Whatam Isupposedtosay
?
Congratul
ations"
Me: "Tashpleasestopbeingpet
typl
ease.I
di
dn'tcheatony ou,
ithappenedwaybefor
ewe
gaveitashot"
Her:
"Thatdoesn'
tmakei
tanyl
esspai
nful
Zwel
i!
"
Me: "IknowbabyandI'
m sorr
ythatonceagai
n
yourhearti
sbreaki
ngbecauseofmebutIdidn'
t
planf
orhert
ogetpregnant
.Iwoul
dn'
tdot
hat
toyouint
ent
ional
l
yyouknowthat"
Her:
"I'
mti
redoft
hisZwel
i
"
Me:"You'r
eti
redofus?Babypleasedon'
tsay
t
hat,
I'
m hereri
ghtnowthatshouldshowyou
t
hatIcareandIlov
eyousopl easedon'
tst
art
wi
ththatri
ghtnow"
Her: *sigh*" I
'
m sor r
yaboutearli
er,Ij
ust..
.Ijust
don'twantt osharey ouZweliandI'mf or
cedt o
becausey ou'r
egoi ngtohavetwi nswithher.I
guessi thur t
smeknowi ngyou'regoingtohav e
achildwi thsomeoneel se,
IthoughtI'dbet he
onlyonet obar ey oukidsbutI'
m sor r
yIthrewa
tantr
um.Ij ustlov
ey ousomuchKani "
Me: *si
gh*buty
oufai
ltorespectmeNatasha,
asimplethi
ngasnotr
aisi
ngy ourv
oicewhen
youtalkt
ome"
Her:
"Iwasangr
yandhur
tZwel
i
"
Me:
"Igett
hatbuty
ouknowhowmuchIhat
eit
whensomeoneraisesthei
rvoi
ceatme
Natasha,
youcanmakey ourpoi
ntwit
hout
shouti
ngandworstofalli
nfr
ontofourson
Tash"
Her:
"I'
m sor
ryIj
ust
..
."
Me: "
Nodon' t
,youneedt owor konyouranger
.
Ihatet hewayy oualwaysthrowtantr
umswhen
thi
ngsar en'
tgoingy ourwaynowI 'mthebad
guyf orbeinghonestwi thyouorwoul dyou
rat
herhav ethatIdidnottell
y ouaboutthe
twins?ThatIj ustkeptquietandy oufi
ndout
everythingbyy ourself
?"
Her:
"No"
Me: "
Thentel
l mewhatyouwantTashacause
mebeingupfrontwi
thyoudoesn'
tseem t
obe
worki
ngoutforme.Whatam Isupposedto
do?
"
Her:
"Idon'
tknow"shesai
dsof
tl
y
Me:
"Tel
lmewhatwi
l
lmakey
ouhappy
Nat
ashaandI
'
lldoi
t"shekeptqui
et"
Yousee
t
hat,
nowyou'
requi
et"
Isighedt henpul l
edhert owar dsmeandki ssed
theshi toutofherandsheki ssedmeback, my
handt ravell
edunderhergownt oherbar e
thighsandIsqueezedt hem thenmademyway
toherpant ies.Ipushedi tasideopeni ngher
foldswi t
hmyf ingersandshewasal r
eadywet .I
rubbedhercl i
t&sher el
easedashakybr eathe
i
nbet weenourki ssing,Imov edmyf i
nger sfrom
hercl i
ttoherwethol eandi nserted2f ingers,
shemoanedsof t
lyholdingmywr isti
npl ace.I
pulledoutoft heki ssandl ookedatherwhi leI
fl
ickedmyf ingersinsideherwar m &wethol e,
shemoanedoutabi tlouderandmydi ck
har dened.
Me: "Il
ovey
ou, doyouhearme? "Shenodded
"LookatmeNat asha"sheopenedhereyesand
Isti
ckedmyfingersdeeper"Isai
dIlov
ey ou"
Her:
"Il
ovey
out
ooZwe.
..
"Il
edmyt
humbt
o
hercl
i
tandgav
eitsomeatt
enti
onwhil
emy
fi
nger
swerest
il
lworki
ngonherhol
e
Me: "Thenactl
ikeit
,stopdisr
espectingme.
Voiceouthowy oufeelproper
lynotthrough
tantr
ums"Ipull
edmyf ingersoutbutcontinued
rubbingagai
nsthercli
tandsheletgoofmy
wrist
Her:"I
'm sorr
y"shesai
dinalowtoneandI
nodded,tookthesamefinger
sIhadjustf
ucked
herwithandputthem i
nhermouth,sheli
cked
them &Ikissedhert
asti
ngherjui
cesthen
l
ookedher
Me:"
youandIhav
ebeent
hroughhel
landback
t
oget
herhav
en'
twe?"
Her:
"Wehav
e"
Me: "AndIl
oveyousomuchbaby .Youhave
stay
edbymysi dethroughthetoughestof
ti
mesev enbef
orethethingwit
hmydady ou'
ve
al
way sbeenmyriderandIappreciat
ethat
alongwi thyourfei
sti
nessbutyouneedt oknow
thatthere'sati
meandpl aceforever
ythi
ng.We
donot ,underanycircumstances,haveabl ow
outinfrontofoursonev er.Doyouunderstand
me? "Shenodded" don'tgomuteonmenow,
talksothatIknowy ouandIhav eamut ual
understanding"
Her:"
IhearyouZweandy
esIunder
stoodev
ery
wordyoujustsai
d"
Me: "
Under
standthatI
'm notyourf
ri
end,
Iam
yourmanandy ou'
l
laddressmewi t
hthesame
r
espectt
hatIaddressyouwith"
Her:
"YesZwe"Inodded
Me:
"Good"Ipeckedherl
i
pst
henherf
orehead
"
Goi
nsi
de"
Shef
ixedher
sel
fthenopenedt
hedoor
Me:"Younotgonnahugme?"Shet
urned
ar
oundandgavemeat i
ghthug
Her:"
Goodni
ght
"wel
etgoandIpeckedher
l
ips
Me: "
Goodnight
"shewal
kedoutt
hecarand
wentinsi
det
hehouse.
Imov edtot hedr i
versseatandst artedt hecar
i
gniti
ont hendr ovestraighthome, t
hel ight s
wereof fmeani ngBabz&mom wer esl eeping
soIwal kedinqui etl
y,wenttot hekitchengota
bottl
eofwat eranddr ankitasImademyway
tomyr oom.Ist r
ippeddownt omydr awer sand
gotundert hecov ers,butIhadnosl eepi nme
soIgoogl edaf ewt hingsont winsjustt o
preparemy selfandseewhatIcoul ddof orImi.
Soondr owsinesski ckedinsoIf ell
asl eepbuti t
wasn'tlongunt il
myphoner angwaki ngmeup
fr
om mysl eep,Ianswer edwithoutchecki ngthe
call
erID.
"
mh?
"
"
Sal
aam al
aykum Kumkani
"(peacebeupony
ou)
i
twasI
mi
Me: "Waal
aykum as-
sal
aam"(
andupony
oube
peace)
Her:
"Am Idi
stur
bingy
oursl
eep?
"
Me:"No,notatal
l
.Iwasawake,
Iact
ual
l
yjust
cameouttheshower
"
Her:
*gi
ggl
es*"
You'
rel
yi
ngKumkani
"
Me:
"Okayf
ine,
may
beIwassl
eepi
ng"
Her:"
Mhokay.I
'm cal
l
ingbecausemydad
want
stoseeyouandy ourmom"Isatup
st
rai
ghtwi
thpi
ll
owssupporti
ngmyback
Me:
*cl
ear
sthr
oat
*"Yourdad"
Her:
"Yes,
don'
tbescar
ed"
Me:
"pssshme?Scar
ed?Nev
er"
Her:
"Wel
lhewant
stoseey
out
hisaf
ter
noon"
Me:
"Ar
eyouser
ious?
"
Her:
"Aschi
l
dbi
rt
h"
Me:
*laughs*"
You'
vegotj
okest
odayhey
"
Her:
"Beher
eby1"
Me:
"OkayI
'
llt
alkt
omymom"
Her:"Andremembery
oucan'
tcal
lmeI
minam
i
nfrontofhim"
Me:
"Iknowpr
incessI
mar
aah"
Her:
"Okay
,I'
l
lseey
oui
ntheaf
ter
noont
hen"
Me:
"Pr
otectmef
rom y
ourf
atherpl
ease"
Her:*giggl
es*"
Mahi
l
mami
kar
oinaywaxkugu
dhacaan"
Me:
"Tr
ansl
ati
onpr
incess"
Her:
"Iwil
lneverl
etany
thi
nghappent
oyou"
t
hatri
ghtt
heremademesmi l
e
Me: *smi l
i
ng*"Okay,makeyour
sel
flookpret
ty
formef ancyface,j
usttocal
m mynerveswhen
Iam sit
tinginthatl
oungewit
hyourdad"
Her:
"okayby
e"
Me:
"goodmor
ningt
oyout
oo"
Her:
"By
eZwe"
ShehungupandIt ossedmyphoneonmybed
thengotof fthebedandwor emysweat s.I
wenti ntothebathroom andwashedmyf ace
thenbr ushedmyt eethandwentt othelounge,
mom wassi tti
ngont hecouchreadingherbibl
e,
Ijustsatnexttoherqui et
ly.Af
terreadi
ngher
scriptureshekneltdownbyt hecouchand
l
ookedatmet odot hesamesoIdi dandshe
pray ed.Whenshewasdonewi t
hhermor ning
pray ershegazedatme
Me:
*cl
ear
sthr
oat
*"Mor
ningma"
Her:"What
'st
roubl
i
ngyouear
lymor
ningboy
?"I
scr
atchedt
hebackofmyhead
Me:"UhhhImi'
sfat
heraskedf
orourpr
esence
t
hisaf
ternoon"
Her:
*si
gh*"Iknewthi
swascomi
ng.Whydo
youl
ooksonervous?
"
Me:
"Mamay
ouknowhowhei
s"
Her:"
Well
y ouknewthatwhenyoujumpedinto
bedwit
hhisdaught
erwithoutpr
otect
ionboy
"
Me:
"Ma.
..
"
Her:
"OkayI
'
m sorr
y,I
'
llmakeusbr
eakf
astt
hen
wecangetr
eadyandgo"
Me:
"Thanky
oumama"
Her:"Any
thingfory oubaby"shestoodupand
pl
acedherbibleont hecoffeetabl
et henmade
herwaytothekitchen.Itookmyphoneoutof
mypocketandt extedImi t
ell
ingherthatwe
wouldbethereforsureintheaf t
ernoon.
I
nser
t20
∆
ZWELI
BANZI
•
Icheckedmy
sel
fint
hemi
rr
oronemor
eti
me
befor
eleavingmyr oom, Iwasdr essedinmy
bl
ackchinopant s,mywhi techinesecollarshir
t
andblackformal shoes.Ofcour sewithabl ack
bel
t,mymom i ronedev ery
thingbyher self
becauseapparentlythati
snotoneofmy
str
ongestpoint
s,i roni
ngthatis.Althoughshe
di
dn'twanttoadmi tit,
shewasj ustasnervous
asIwasaboutt hismeet i
ng.
"Zwel
iIr
eal
l
ydon'
twantt
obel
ate!
"-she
shout
ed
Me: "
I'
m comingma!"Igr
abbedmywat chand
cel
l
phonet henwentt
othelounge.
"I
'm here"
Her:
"Youar
esuchagi
rlsomet
imes"
Me:
"Haaaah!
"Shest
oodupf
rom t
hecouch
Her: "Thisi
sf i
neright
?"Shewasdressedi
n
dustypi nkdressthatwasovert
hekneewitha
mat chingblazerandstocki
ngal
ongwi t
hher
grannyheel s
Me:
*smi
l
es*"
Per
fect
"shel
ookedatBabal
wa
Her:"
Babyaresur
euzobar
ightwedwa?
"(You'
l
l
befi
neonyourown)
Babi
:"Yesma,
stopbaby
ingme"
Her:
"I'
mjustmaki
ngsur
eVuy
elwa,
youcoul
d
al
wayscomewithus"
Babi
:"Not
hanky
ou"
Me:"Mamayou'
ret
heonewhoi
sgoi
ngt
o
makeusl
atenow"
Her:
"Hehake,okaymasambe"(
let
'sgo)she
t
ookhercarkeysandherl
it
tl
epurse
Me:
"By
esi
s"
Her:
"Goodl
uckbr
obr
o"
Ma:
*laughs*"
Heneedsi
t"
Wewentt othecarandmadr ov eus,hersl
ow
dri
vi
ngwasr eal
lyworki
ngonmyner v
es
becauseIjustwantedtogett heresowecan
getthi
smeet ingoveranddonewi t
hbutno
mamaj usthadt obeov er
lycauti
ousont he
roadbutwefi
nal
l
ygottheGamildi
enr
esi
dence
andweparkedonthei
rdr
iveway
Mama:
"Your
eadyboy
?"
Me:
*si
gh*"
Idon'
thav
emuchofachoi
cedoI
?"
Her:*
chuckl
es*"
Youaresoscar
edbaby
shameman,don'
tbeokay
?Justrel
ax"
Me: "WhatwasIt hi
nkingmaki
ngthatman'
s
daughterpregnantmamawhatifhekil
l
smei n
ther
e?"Iburiedmyfaceinmyhandsandmama
l
aughed, l
i
ker eal
lyl
aughed
Her:
*cat
chi
ngherbr
eat
he*"
Let
'
sgoi
nsi
de"
Ibr
eat
hedoutandgotofft
hecarsodi dshe,we
wal
kedtowar
dsthegateandbuzzedin.I
mi '
s
mom answer
edIcoul
dtellbyt
hevoice
Her:
"Who'
sther
e?"
Mama:
"Iti
stheBooi
'
s"
Her:"
Ohokay,
youcame"shesounded
sur
pri
sed"
youcancomein"shebuzzedusi
n
andwewal
keddownt
hepat
hwayl
eadi
ngt
othe
door
Mama:
"Zwel
ical
m downwi
l
lyou!
"
Me:
"Yousayi
tli
kei
t'
seasymama"
Her:
"Justbr
eat
hokay
?"Inodded
Whenwegott othedoorMrsGamil
dienwas
al
readywait
ingf
orusbythedoor
,shesmiledat
mymot her
MrsG:"Hel
losi
si"mymom putoutherhand
andt
heyshookhands
Her:
"Molobethuna,
ndiyat
hembauri
ghtunder
t
hecir
cumstances"(
hi,
Ihopeyou'
rewell
under
t
hecir
cumstances)
MrsG: *
smili
ng*"ndi
zothi
nisisi
imekoasinoyi
t
shint
sha"(
whatcanIsay ?Wecan'tchangethe
waythi
ngsare)shethenlookedatme
"
Kumkani"
Me:
"Mol
oma"shenoddedandst
eppedasi
de
Her:
"Youcangot
hrought
othel
ounge"
Iswall
owedandwalkedbehi
ndumama,Idon'
t
thinkyouguy
sunderst
andhowscar
edIam of
thisman.WewalkedinbutI
miwasnowher
ein
sight
Mr sG: "
Imaraahisint
hekit
chen"Inoddedand
walkedslowlybehindmymom untilwegotto
theloungeandtherewasthebigdog,si
tti
ngin
hiscouchwithhisQur'
aninhand.Hewas
alwaysdressedinhist
radi
ti
onalat
ti
re.He
l
ookedupatust henst
oodup
Hi
m:"
Sal
aam al
aykum"
"
Waal
aykum as-
sal
aam"mymom andIsai
d
Him: "
Youmaybesi t
ted"hel
ookedathiswif
e
"GetI
maraahpleaseandsomebeveragesf
or
ourvi
sit
ors"hethenl
ookedatus"Whatwil
li
t
be?"
Mom :"Justagl
assofwaterf
orbot
hofus"he
noddedandsatdown,sodidwe.
Hiswi fedisappeareddownt hepassage, hejust
sattherelookingmemaki ngmeuncomf ortable
toevenbr eatheorbl i
nk!YohwhatwasI
thi
nkingmar a!
?Af t
ertodayI'
m stocki
ngupon
condomsIswear afterawhileIminam
camei ntot heloungewithmom wal kingbehind
herholdingat raywith5glassesand5bot t
les
ofwat er.Theybot hsatdownnextt oMr
Gami l
dien, It
ookabot tl
eofwat erfr
om the
tabl
e,pour edintoaglassformymot herthen
didthesamef orme
Her:
"Enkosi
boy
"(t
hanky
ou)
MrG: *clearsthroat*"Weal lknowwhywear e
heretodaysoI 'dli
keust obegi nthereasonof
uscomi ngt ogetherheretoday"Itookahuge
gulpofwat erthenplacedt heglassdown, he
l
ookedathi swi fe"Wouldy ouliketosay
somet hingbef orewest art?"Sheshookher
head"Okay ,Mr sBooiyoursonher edeflowered
mydaught erandpl antedhisseedsi nsideher "
Her:
*nods*"
YesI
'
vej
ustbeenmadeawar
eof
t
hatadayago"
Him: "Weunderstoodthatyourf
amil
ywas
goingthr
oughsomet ur
moilbutnowit
'st
imeto
facethemat t
erathandbeforeImar
aahhere
goesintolabour
"
Her:
"Iagr
eewi
thy
ou"
Him: "OkayI'l
l getstr
aighttot hepoint
,ther
eis
nouseofusdr aggingthisoutanyf urt
her.My
daughterispr egnantwitht winsthatyoursonis
responsi
blef or,notonebutt woki dsnowas
youknowI 'm av eryreli
giousMusl im man.I'
m
appall
edatt hebehav iourdisplayedbybot h
thesechil
drenbecauseI mar aahhasbr ought
yoursonher ebef oreandIt oldhim whatwould
happenedshoul dsomet hinglikethi
shappened,
didn'
tIKumkani ?"
Me:*cl
ear
sthr
oat*"
Ye.
.yessiry
oudid"mom
l
ookedatmewit
hquest
ioningeyes
MrG: "
wor r
ynotMr sBooiI'
lldiscl
osei ttoyou
too"shenodded" asI'
vepointedoutt hat
Imaraahwasav i
rginbefor
eKumkani here
cameal ong,nowy oursontookt hatawayf rom
hereandt hattome&mycul t
ureisalreadyan
offenceandpl easedonott hinkI'm shif
ti
ng
blameont oyourson.I '
vealreadyhadaser i
ous
talkwit
hImar aahaboutt hi
s"
Ma:
*nods*"
YesIunder
standt
hat
"
Him: "
Nowshei sexpect
ingalmostdue,I
expectofyoursont
omaket hi
ngsri
ghther
e
andli
fttheshamehehaspl acedonnotonlymy
famil
ynamebutonI maraahaswell"
Mama:
"I'
m notsur
eifIf
oll
owMrGami
l
dien"
Him: "
Iexpecty
oursont
omarr
ymydaughter
befor
ethesegir
lsar
ebor
norhewon'
tseet
hem
aft
erbir
th"
Ma:
"Butt
hat
'snothowt
hingswor
kwi
thussi
r"
Hi
m:"
Thi
sismyhome,
myr
ulesandmy
daught
er.Youwi
ll
dothingshowy
oupl
easei
n
yourownhome"Iswal
lowed
Ma:
"I'
m sor
rybutwear
eChr
ist
ians"
Hi
m: "
Thenyoursonwoul
dhav
esur
elywai
ted
t
il
lmar
riagewoul
dhe?"
"paI
..
."-I
minam di
dn'
tevengettofi
nishwhat
shewantedtosaycauseherf
atherr
oared
Him: "
Areyouspeaki
ngwhi
l
eel
der
sar
e
speaki
ngImaraah!
!?"
Mr sG:"Lovecalm downplease"sheplacedher
handonhi sshoulderandImi
nam lookeddown.
Hesippedabi tofwaterfr
om thebott
lethen
focusedhisgazeuponusbutdi dn'
tspeak
Ma: "MrGamil
dienIunderst
andthatyouare
rel
i
giousbutshoul
dn'tweletthet
wooft hem
deci
dewhattheywant ?Imeanit'
sthei
rli
ves
aft
erall
"hechuckl
ed
Hi
m:"
Noki
dwi
l
lmakedeci
sionsi
nmyhouse"
helookedatme" Iawai tforyouranswer
Kumkani"everyoneturnedt hei
rgazeuponme
andIwast onguetiedhonest ly
.Ipi
ckedupthe
gl
assofwat erandf i
nishedoft hel
astbi
tIhad
l
eft
Me: *clearsthroat *"MrGami ldi
enf ir
stl
yI'
dli
ke
toapologizef orbringingshameupony our
famil
ybutIl ov eyourdaught erv erymuchandI
taketheset woasabl essi
ngal t
hought hey
weren'tplannedf or.I'
dhatet odi sr
espectyour
rel
igi
onev enfurt
herandIr eal
lywantt obea
partofmygi r
lsli
v es,all3ofthem.Il ove
I
mar aahsi r,
I'
lldoi t"
"
Kumkaninooo!"I
minam hi
ssedatmeher
f
atherl
ookedather
Him: "
Imar
aah!"Shespokebacktohi
mi n
arabi
candtheyhadaheatedargument,
mama
andIcoul
dn'tunder
standawordofit
.
Mr
sG:
"Imar
aah!Shutup!
"Shewasaboutt
o
tal
kback"Now!Zi
pitnow!
"Shef
uri
ousl
ywi
ped
hertear
sandmymom gaveheragl
assof
water
I
mi:
"Thanky
ou"mymom j
ustsmi
l
ed
MrG:
"Thecer
emonywi
l
ltakepl
acenextweek"
Ma:
"noof
fencebutwhatki
ndofcer
emony
?"
MrG: "
Mydaught
eri
smusl
i
m soi
tshoul
dbe
obv
ious"
Her:"MysonisChr
ist
ian,
asI
'
vepoi
ntedout
notsolongago"
Hi
m:"
Yoursonwi
l
lhav
etoconv
ertt
oIsl
am"
Her:"
Overmydeadbody
"shest
oodup"
Zwel
i
masambe"(
let
'sgo)
Me:
"MamaI
..
."
Her:"Iwil
lnotrepeatmy sel
fZweli
banzi
!
Phakamangoku! "(Getupr i
ghtnow)Ist
oodup,
shelookedatMrGami l
dien"Whenyouare
readytobereasonableyouwi l
lcont
actus"
Hi
m:"
Mydemandsst
ayast
heyar
e"
Her:"
ThenI
'l
lseeyoui
ncourt
"shepul
l
edmy
handandmarchedt
owardst
heexi
t
Me:"Mamastoppl
ease"shet
urnedar
oundand
l
ookedatme
Her:
"Wewil
ltal
kwhenwegethome"Isighed
t
hentur
nedar
oundtofacet
heGamil
dien'
s
Me:"I
'
lldoi
t"Imi
'
sdadnoddedandmama
wal
kedout,
Iranaft
erher
•
•
BABALWA
∆
Mylifehastakenacompl eteshif
tl i
ketotal
l
y,
eversincepapahasbeensent encedt hi
ngs
havechangedandnotf orthewor st.Wewer e
cl
oserasaf amily
,mamawascer tai
nlybett
er
mentallyandherbibl
ewasherbestf ri
end.Bhut
i
wasgoi ngt hroughhi sownchal lengeswi t
hhis
twobabymommasbuthest i
llmadei tapoi nt
tobet her ef ormom andI .Wel luntilheand
Iminam gotmar ried, aiwowubhut i
.Ididn't
expecthi mt ogot hroughwi thit
,Ithoughthe
wouldst andhi sgr oundandact uall
ysayno
whenmar r i
agewaspr oposedbutheact ual
ly
agreedt oi t.Onewoul dsayt hatheact uall
y
wantedt hingst ounf ol dthewayt heydi dbut
anywaywe( Zwel iandI )wer ebot haccept edat
theUni ver sityoft heWest ernCape.Hechanged
coursesandwasnowdoi ngl awwhi leIdi daB.
Com inAccount ingSci ences, mamasai dIwas
bravetot aket hatcour sebecausei twasnot
easybutIl ov edwor ki ngwi thnumber s&i twas
oneofmybestsubj ect sinhi ghschool .Even
withev ery thingt hatIhadgoi ngonIst i
ll
managedt opasswi thadi st
incti
onin
account ingandmat hs, t
heot hersubj ectsI
passedt ooj ustnotwi thdi st
incti
onst hough.
"I
'
mv erypleasedwi t
ht heprogressyouar e
makingBabalwa, f
rom ourfirstsessi
onunt i
l
nowIseegr eatchangei nyousowewi llonl
y
have2sessionsaweeki nsteadofev er
y
weekday"-myt herapistsai
d
Me:
*smi
l
es*"
Noki
ddi
ng?
"
Her:*laughs*"Nokiddi
ngatall
,Iwanttosee
howy ouaregoingtosettl
einuniv
ersi
tyand
maybehowy ou'l
lbewheny ouf
indaboy f
ri
end
too"
Me:
"Me?Boy
fri
end?Idon'
tthi
nkso"
Her: *
smi l
es*"I
t'
sokay,thereisnor ushbutyou
wil
lbegoi ngint
oacompl etelydi
fferentworl
d
soyouhav et
oment al
l
ypr epareyour sel
f.
Understandthatnoteveryonewhom y ou
bef
riendoncampuswi l
lbegoodt oy ouand
al
way sremembert herealreasony ouarether
e"
Me:"
Idon'
tneedf
ri
endsAshl
ey"t
hatwasher
name
Her:"Iwanty
out
omakef
ri
ends,
stopi
sol
ati
ng
your
self"
Me:
"I'
l
ltr
y"
Her:"That'
sall
Iwant,
fory
outotrybutbe
car
eful.Youcanevenj
oint
herunni
ng&t he
l
ongjumpt eam si
nceyoul
oveathl
eti
csso
much"
Me:
*laughs*"
Your
eal
l
ywantmet
osoci
ali
ze?
"
Her:
"Yes"
Me:
"OkayI
'
llt
ry"shecheckedherwr
istwat
ch
Her:"Wehaveabout15minutesleftoft
his
sessi
on,i
sther
eanythi
ngelseyou'dli
keusto
tal
kabout?
"
Me:
*si
gh*"
Thi
sthi
ngwi
thmybr
other
"
Her:
"Yes,
whatabouti
t?"
Me:
"Ij
ustf
eel
li
kei
t'
sunf
aironTasha"
Her:
"Nat
ashai
sthesamegi
rlwhohel
pedy
ou
guysthrought hecase?
"Inodded"Soyoufeel
yourbrothershouldhavemarri
edherandnot
theothergirl
?"
Me:
"Hei
stooy
oungt
oev
enbemar
ri
ed"
Her:
"Buthei
s"
Me:
"Iknowbut
..
"
Her:"YoufeelNatashaistheonef
oryour
br
other?"Inodded"Wellhaveyout
houghtof
whatyourbrotherwants?Maybeheactual
l
y
l
ovesthesecondgi rl
mor e"
Me:
"Hel
ovesNat
ashaIknowi
t"
Her:"I
'm notsayi
nghedoesn' t,I
'mjustsayi
ng
youshouldsupporty ourbrother'
schoices
i
nsteadofjudginghim.Hesuppor tedyouso
whycan'tyoudot hesamef orhim whenhe
needsyou?"Icouldn'tanswert hat"j
ustbenice
toyourbrother
'swife,she'
spr egnantandneeds
all
thehelpshecanget .St
opbei ngnastytoher,
shedoesnotneedal lt
hatunnecessar ystr
ess"
Me:
"Howdi
dyouknow?
"
Her:"
Ijustknow,youfeel
li
keyou'l
lbe
bet
ray
ingNat ashai
fyouacceptyourbr
other
's
wif
e?"
Me:
"Yes"
Her:"ButNat
ashai
sst
il
lwi
thy
ourbr
otheri
sn'
t
she?
"
Me:
"Shei
s"
Her:"
Sostopput
ti
ngyour
sel
finanawkward
posi
ti
onandbeasist
ert
oyourbrot
herandy
our
newsist
eri
nlaw"
Me:"OkayI
'l
ltr
ymybestbuteversi
nceshe
l
iv
edwithusmamahasn'tbeenatpeacewi
th
Zwel
i
"
Her:
"Becauset heyareMusl i
m andy ouguys
ar
eChristi
an?"Inodded" butthathasnothi
ngto
dowit
hy ou,j
ustdon'ttakesides"
Me:
"Okayt
hanky
ou"
I
nser
t21
∆
BABALWA
•
Todaywast hef i
rstdayofor ient
ationweek,
Zwel idi
dnotneedi tbecauseheknewhi sway
aroundcampusf rom lasty earsomom was
goingt odropmeof f.Iwokeupear lyinthe
mor ni
ngsot hatIcouldgetr eadywi thout
havingt or
ushar oundandIhadal r
eadyt aken
outmyout f i
tthenightbef ore.Imademybed
thenopenedmycur tainsalongwi t
ht he
windows, wentt ogobr ushmyt eethi nthe
bathroom &st eppedi ntotheshower .
Aftermypeacefulshower,Icleansedmyf ace
andonl yaft
ert
hatdidIapplyloti
ononmyski n.
Iwor emydenim ski
ntightjeansandpl ai
nwhi t
e
t-
shirtwhichIt
uckedinalongwi thmywhi t e
ni
key .Alt
houghIwasn'tr
eallyagr eatsi
sterin
l
aw, Imaraahhadtaughtmehowt odomy
eyebrowssoIdi dmyey ebrowsandappl ied
somemascar a.ThelipglossI'dapplyaf
ter
breakfast
,Isatinfr
ontoft hemi r
rorand
combedmyhai rwhi
chIt iedintoalowsinceI
wasgoi ngtowearmywhi tecap.Therewasa
sl
ightknockthenmydooropened, Il
ooked
backandi twasmymom.
Her:
*smi
l
ing*"
Lookatmybaby
"
Me:
*gi
ggl
es*"
Goodmor
ning"
Her:
"Sogreattoseey
ouexci
tedVuy
elwa,
it'
s
t
imeforbr
eakfast
"
Me: "
Okaymama, I
'
m comi
ng"shenoddedt
hen
cl
osedthedoorsl
i
ghtl
y.
Icl
ear
edthespaceIwasbusyonthenwentout
tot
hedinni
ngroom,Zwel
iwassit
ti
ngnextto
mom
Me:
"Mor
ningZwe.
..
"
Hi
m:"
mor
ningBabi
"Isatdown
Me:
"Imi
notj
oini
ngust
hismor
ning?
"
Hi
m:"
She'
sst
il
lsl
eepi
ng,
wehadar
oughni
ght
"
Ma:
"somet
hingwr
ongwi
tht
heki
ds?
"
Hi
m: "No,
justdi
ff
icul
tyfi
ndi
ngacomf
ort
abl
e
sl
eepi
ngposit
ionforher
"
Her: "
ohZweli
youmustgi
veheramassage
everyoncei
nawhil
etorel
axhermuscl
es
beforebed"
Hi
m:"
wil
ldo"Ij
ustl
i
stenedt
othem t
alkwhi
l
eI
at
e
Ma: "Ihopedyouwouldj
oinustoyest
erday
's
serv
ice.Itwasupl
i
fti
ngyoushouldhav
ebeen
ther
e"
Hi
m:"
Mapl
ease,
don'
tst
art
"
Her:
"Zwel
i
"hel
ookedatme
Hi
m:"
Enj
oyy
our
sel
ftodayokay
?"Iswal
l
owed
thefoodthatwasinmymout hbef
orel
ooki
ng
atmom whol ookedappal
ledbyZwel
i'
s
behaviort
henbackathim
Me:
*nods*"
Iwi
l
l"
Hegotupf
rom hi
schai
r
Hi
m: "
Thankyouf
orbr
eakf
astmama"het
hen
wal
kedoutoft
hedi
nni
ngarea
It
ookmygl
assofj
uiceandqui
ckl
ydr
anki
tto
av
oidey
econt
actwi
thmama.
"
fi
nishupsothatwecanleav
e"Inodded
l
ookingdownatmyplat
e.
Wef i
nishedeat ingandIdi shedf orImi t
hen
placedherf oodi nthemi crowav e,Il
eftast i
cker
ont hef r
idget el
linghershewoul df i
nditthere
thengr abbedsomef ruitandaf ewsnacksput
them inmybackpackr ushingaf termymom
whowasal readyi nthecar .Icl
imbedi nfront
andbuckl edup, shedr oveof fwithoutsaying
anything.Thi sthingwi thZwel iwasr eal
l
ynot
si
tt
ingwel
lwit
hheranditwasaff
ecti
ngmetoo
nowcauseshewoul
dbei nafoul
mood,Iput
onther
adioi
nthecarbutsheswi
tchedi
toff
Me:
"Mama"
Her:
"NoBabal
wa"
Isighedandt ookmyphonef rom mybag,
pluggedi nmyear phonesandl ookedoutt he
roadwi thmymusi cplayi
ng.Imadesur etoput
i
toni t'
sl oudestcauseIdi dn'twantmymood
beingr ui
nedbymama, Iwasr eallyexcit
ed
aboutschool andIwasn' taboutt oletmama
ruinmydaysoear l
yinthemor ningf or
somet hingt hathasgotnot hi
ngt odowi t
hme.
Whenwear rivedoncampuswewer edirected
tothemai nhal l
wher eallthefirstyearstudents
wer ethent akenonat ourbyourPF' saround
campussomamasentmeamessagesay i
ng
shewoul dwai tformeatt hest udentcent re.I
endedmaki nganacqui tt
ancei nmyPFgr oup,
welltwoact uall
y,LifaandFani saweev en
exchangednumber s.Aftert
helongwalks
aroundcampuswewer eexcusedandIwentt
o
l
ookf ormymom f oundhersi t
ti
ngwi t
hsome
otherpar
ents.Basi
callyIhadal ongday!
!
"y
ou'
llbeabl
etocomebyyoursel
ftomor
row?
Ordoy ouwantmetodr
opyou?"-mamaasked
asshedroveushome
Me:
"Comebymy
sel
f?How?
"
Her:
"Publ
i
ctr
anspor
tBabal
wa,
youmustl
ear
n
t
ouseabus"
Me:
"haynomama,
nothappeni
ng.I
'
llgetl
ost
"
Her:
"Umdal
angokuVuy
elwa"(y
ou'
reol
dnow)
Me:
"It
'snotmyf
aul
tyouspoi
l
edme"
Her:
"Baby
"
Me: "
I'
ll
askbhut
itodr
opmei
fyoucan'
t"she
si
ghed
Her:
"Shoul
dwebuyt
akeout
s?"Ishr
ugged
Me:
"I'
m notr
eal
l
yhungr
y"
Her:
"Okay
"
Shedr ov
eusst rai
ghthome, I
miaswel las
Zweli'
scarwer ebot hparkedint
hegar age
meaningt heywer estil
lhome.Iwentinside,
mamawasgoi ngt oMondayservice.She'sso
hookedonchur chlatel
ybutI'
mtiredtoday .I
walkedint hehouseandIcoul dhearthet v
pl
ay i
ngint hel
oungebutt hewasnoonet here
soIcheckedt heki t
chenandI miwast herewith
Junior
.
Me:"Aft
ernoon"shel
ookedatmeandsmil
ed,
Jrr
antogivemeahug" Idi
dn'
tknowyouwoul
d
beher
e,uri
ght?"Henodded
"Howwasy ourfi
rstday
?"Imi
asked.Isatont
he
highchai
randletJrgobackt
othekitchen
Me:
"Itwasokay
,justv
eryt
ir
ed.Howar
eyou?
"
Her:*si
ghs*"Theyar
edrai
ningallmyenergy"
shesaidthatbr
ushi
ngherbell
y"Idon'
tfeell
i
ke
doi
ngany t
hingortal
kingtoany one,ifIcouldI
wouldwalkaroundthehousei nahuget -shi
rt
onl
ybecauseI '
m get
tingsoirr
itat
edbyt hese
cl
othestheymakemet oohot.AllIwantt odo
i
sjusteatbutyourbrotherdoesn'tunderstand.
HesaysI'm bei
ngmoody "
Me:
"Wel
lthatseemsl
i
keal
ott
otakei
n"
Her:"
Youhavenoidea,anydaynowI
'
mjust
wai
ti
ngonthem becausewowmommyi st
ir
ed"
Me:*l
aughs*"You'
l
lmi
sshav
ingt
hem i
nsi
de
youl
i
kethat"
Her:"Ij
ustwantt
ohavethem i
nmyar
ms
al
readysodoesyourbr
other
"
Me:
"Speaki
ngofwhi
ch,
wher
eishe?
"
Her:"I
nt hebedr
oom"shegav
eJrasmal l
bowl
ofnoodlesandhewenttogosi
tinf
rontofthe
TVwithit
Me:
*cl
ear
sthr
oat
*"It
houghthewoul
dbei
n
cr
èchet
hisweek?
"
Her:"He'
sgoingnextweekwhenhisfather
star
tshavi
ngclasses"Inodded"
Shoul
dImake
yousomethingtoeat?"
Me: "
Not
hanky
ou,
I'
mjustgonnagol
aydown"
Ist
oodup
Her:
"Andma?
"
Me: "Church"shenoddedandpour edjui
cei
nto
Jrplast
iccupt henint
o2gl assesonl
ythenI
noti
cedthedel i
cioussandwichesshemadeon
thecounter
Her:"Canyout
ellyourbrot
hertocomeeat "I
noddedandwalkedofftohisroom,Iknocked
andhet ol
dmetocomei n.
Me: "
Zwe"Iwalkedi
nonl
ytofi
ndhim busy
set
ti
ngupt het
wocotswehadboughtthis
weekendwhenwewentshoppi
ng"Wellthi
s
l
ooksnice"
Him:"Real
ly?"Heaskedproudofhimselfwhi
le
l
ooki
ngatt hetwocot shehadj
ustputtoget
her
andInodded" Thankssi
s"
Me: "
You'
rewel
come,
wif
eysay
syoushoul
dgo
eat
"
Hi
m:"
Bet
her
ejustnow"
Me:"
Niceli
fepr
oblemshey
"Iwalkedoutofhi
s
r
oom wentst
rai
ghttomi
neandtookanap.
Aroundpast6myphonerangwakingmeup,I
checkedthecall
erI
Dandi
twasLifafr
om my
PFgroup.Isavedhi
snumberear
li
eroncampus.
Me:
"Hel
l
o?"
Hi
m: "
Hi!Gi
rlI
'
vebeentexti
ngyouon
What
sAppbutithasBEEEENoneti
ckhey
"
Me:*yawns*"I
'
vebeennappi
ngsi
nceIgot
home,
what '
sup?"
Him: "
Ohnothi
ng,
Iwasj
ustchecki
ngt
oseei
f
you'
reall
goodi
e"
Me: *
chuckl
es*"
Wel
lthat
'ssweetbuty
esI
'
m
good"
Him: "
Weshoulddoluncht
omorrow,
Fanisa
saysshehadsomesushifr
om ashopinA-
Blockandi
tst
odiefor"
Me:"
I'
veneverr
eal
l
yhadsushi
,notmuchofa
f
anofseaf
ood"
Him: "
Youli
e!MetoobutIwannat
ryi
tand
you'
regonnajoi
nme"
Me:
"Idon'
thav
eachoi
cei
tseems"
Hi
m: "Noyoudon'
t,
sot
omor
rowdur
ingl
unch.
A-
Block"
Me:
"Okay
"
Hi
m:"
Goodni
ght
"
Me: "
Night
y"Ihungupandputmyphoneonmy
bedsi
de.
Igotupandswi
tchedontheli
ght
s,mycur
tai
ns
&windowswereclosedwhi
chmeantmama
wasback.Iwenttogof r
eshenupi nthe
bathr
oom thentookof
fthej eansandwor emy
tr
ackshorts.WhenIgottothel oungeZweli
wassitti
nginther
ewithhislit
tlefamil
yontheL
couch,hewasmassagingI mi'sfeet
.
Me:
"Don'
tyouguy
sjustl
ookcut
e"
Hi
m:"
Don'
tannoymeV"
Me:*laughs*"ohsoyouknowyousupposedto
massageapr egnantwoman'
sfeet
?"Helooked
atmeandI mi movedherf
eetof
fhisl
ap"noooI
wasjustjoki
ng"
Mamacal l
edmefrom thekitchenandZweli
l
ookedatmeannoy ed,
Imout hed'
sor
ry'
.I
hel
pedmamawi ththefinal
touchesthenwe
hadsupperonl
ytobedisturbedbyZweli'
s
phone.
Him: "sorry
,It
houghti
t'
soff
"hetookitoutof
hispocketandcheckedthescr
een"Haveto
takethis"hest
oodupandanswered"Tash..
."
Hewal
kedoutt
hediningar
eaandIl
ookedat
I
miwhosimpl
yplacedherf
orkdown
Her:
"excuseme"
Mama: "
eatpl
ease,
Imadesur
eev
ery
thi
ngi
s
hal
aal
today"
Her:*smi
l
es*"
thankyoubutI
'm notr
eal
l
y
hungr
yma"shestoodupandwalkedout
.I
l
ookedatmamaandshelookedhurt
"Mamai na!
"(Her
e)Juniorhandedmamahi
s
brocol
iandshesmiled
Her:
"enkosi
"(t
hankyou)hegavehermoreof
hi
sbroccol
i,
mamawassoobl iv
ioustowhathe
wasdoingandj
ustcharmedbyhiscut
ness
omg
Zweli
joinedusaft
erawhil
e,at
efedhi
sson
thenl
efttohisr
oom l
eav
ingmamaandIalone.
•
•
ZWELI
BANZI
∆
AftersupperIwentt ogiveJuniorabat hthen
dressedhimi nhispajamaswi t
hImi watchi
ng
usbutnotsay inganything.Shewasmad
becauseoft hecallIgotfrom Natasha,she
di
dn'twantust alki
ngunl essitwasaboutJuni or
andsincehewasher ef ortheweekshedi dnot
understandwhysheev enhadt ocallespecial
l
y
si
nceIdi dnothandt hephoneov ert
oourson.
"Zwe..
."-shewhisper
edmyname, It
unedfr
om
thedoortolookatherandshewascryi
ng.Si
gh,
Iopenedt hedoorandpl
acedJuni
ordown.
Me:
"Babal
wa!
"
Her:
"Yeah?
"Sheappear
eddownt
hepassage
Me:"Canyouwatchhimf ormepl ease?Justa
f
ewmi nut
es"shenodded" Hambaboy "(go)he
r
antoBabalwaandIclosedt hedoorthen
wal
kedovertothebed,t
hatiswher eshewas
si
tti
ng.Icl
imbedont hebednextt oherand
wrappedmyonear m aroundher.Shecuddled
hersel
fevenclosert
omeandj ustsnif
fed,sigh.
Ihatedmakinghercry,IknowwhatIhav et odo
butitwasn'
taneasyt askforme.
Her:
"Zwel
i
"
Me:"Mimo"shesi
ghedthensatupproperl
y
andl
ookedatme,Iwipedherwetcheeks
Her:
"Am Inotenoughf
ory
ou?
"
Me:
"It
'snotl
i
ket
hatI
mar
aah"
Her:"Butthat'
swhatpol
ygamyis,y
ou'
re
basi
call
ytell
ingmeI'
m notenoughKumkani
"
Me:"
That'
snotwhatI
'
mimpl
yi
ngbyaski
ngy
ou
f
ort
his"
Her:"Thenwhatareyouimplyi
ng?Act uall
yno
don'
tanswerthat,
ifyouwantthispolygamy
thi
ngofy our
sthenyoucanhav eitbutIrefuse
ofyoutohaveagirlf
ri
endoutsi
det hi
smar riage"
Me: "
YouknowIcan' tt
akeanotherwiferi
ght
now"shejustst
arr
edatme" okay,I'
l
lbreak
thi
ngsoffwit
hNatashaandconcent r
ateonus
andourl
itt
lefamil
y,Juni
ori
ncluded"
Her:"Iwasgoi
ngtoexcl
udey oursonZweli
,I
havenoprobl
em wit
hhim andyouknowthat.I
j
ustwantyoutobreakt
hingsoffwithNat
asha"
Me:
"Canwet
alkaboutsomet
hingel
senow"
Her:
"Kumkani
"
Me:
"Baby
"
Her:
"Gi
vemey
ourwor
d"
Me: "
I.
..
"Ther
ewasaknockandt
henmymom
spokeup
"
cany
ouguy
scomet
othel
oungepl
ease"
Me:
"Okaymamawe'
l
lbet
her
e"
Her:
"Nowpl
ease,
itwon'
tbel
ong"
Me:
"Comi
ng!
"
Istoodupt henhelpedI
miupandwewentt o
thelounge,Juni
orwasstil
lawakewat
ching
cartoons.Weallsatdownandmamat ur
nedthe
volumedown.
Her: *cl
ear sthroat*"I
'l
lmaket hisbr ief,Ihat e
thet ensiongoi ngoni nthishouse.Zwel ibanz iI
am t ir
edofy ournonsensei t'
st imef ory out o
cleanupy ouract.Youagr eedt ot hismar ri
ed
andIexpectofy outoactaccor dingly .Imar aah
babyI 'm sor r
yf oranydiscomf or twehav e
causedy ousi ncey ourarr
ivalher ei nourhome,
youar easweetchi ldyoudon' tdeser veal lthis.
Wet ooky ouf rom yourhomeandi ntoour s
*sigh*I '
llputther el
igi
ont opictor estasi ti
s
sensi t
ivepl usZwel ihasmadehi schoi ce.ButI
apol ogizebabyf ornotmaki ngy ouf eel
wel come"
Babal
wa:"I
'
m sorrytoof ormybehavi
our
towar
dsyouImaraah,you'remyel
derand
marri
edt
omybr other.I'
l
l giv
eyout
herespect
y
oudeser
vefr
om nowonwar
dsandst
opact
ing
l
i
keaspoi
ltbr
at"
Mi mo: "Wowummmht hanky ouv erymuch
mamat hismeansal ott ome, ithasn'tbeen
easysi nceIgother et here'sbeenday swher eI
feltli
kegoi nghomebecauseofhow
unwel comedIf el
tbuty oucomi ngt omel ike
thisandsay i
ngal lt
heset hi
ngst hatfeelsv er
y
wel comi ngtomeandi tmakesmehappy
becauseIwantmygi rl
st obebor nintoa
heal t
hyhomewher ether eislov eandpeace"
shel ookedatme" ahomewher ewecher i
sh
andr espectoneanot heratal ltimes"shet hen
l
ookedatBabal wa" Thanky out oy outooand
mamaIaccepty ourapol ogy,naweBabal wa"
(yout ooBabal wa)
Me: *clear
sthroat*"I'
dli
ketoapologizeformy
behaviourduri
ngt hepastfewweeks, especi
all
y
toyoumamaandy ouImaraah.Ihavebeenand
yesI'
l
l admitself
ish,I
'vebeenmaki ngdecisi
ons
withoutthi
nkingaboutt heimpl i
cati
onsofhow
i
twoul dmaket hepeoplearoundmef eel
.
BabalwaI '
m sor r
ysisformakingt hemoodin
thi
shomeonet hatisfoulwhenweshoul dbe
positi
veespeciallyaft
erwhatwehav ebeen
through*swallows*I maraah"shet ur
nedtolook
atme" I'
m sorryaboutev ery
thingIputyou
throughbaby, youdidn'
tdeserv eanyofit
"I
stoodup
Her:
"Wher
ear
eyougoi
ng?
"
Me: "
Tofixthi
s"shetri
edtostandbutshewas
str
uggl
ing"Babysi
t"Ipeckedherl
ips"
I'
ll
be
back"

-
Wr
otet
hist
ir
edasadogandi
t'
sunedi
ted
I
nser
t22
∆
NATASHA
•
Sigh Godr emindmewhyIl ovethismanso
much, enlight enmeonwhyIj ustcan' tseem to
l
etgoev enwhenhei shur ti
ngmel i
ket hi
s .
Hemar r
iedherwi t
houtt hinkingt wice,without
thinki ngabouthowI 'dfeel!Ev enaf t
erhepour ed
outhi shear ttome, assuringmehewoul dn't
hur tmeagai nhegoesoutanddoesexact ly
that .Andst illIstandbyhi ml i
ket hef oolthatI
am f orlov i
nghi m.Idon' tknowwhyIcan' tjust
l
eav e, Ifeellikehej ustwant st ousemebutI '
m
addi ct edtohi slove.Mymi ndi stell
ingmeone
thingandt hat 'stogeti ttogether&l eavebutmy
hear ti stelli
ngmeanot her&i t'
sheav yunderthe
pressur e.Lov eismydr ugIgeti tthendon' t
rememberhowZwel ir
eallytreatsme, Ideserve
bet terbutheknowshowt okeepme.
Goddammi tIwannal eav ebuti t'
sjustnev er
thateasywhenI 'mt hisconsumedbynot hing
butl
ovef
ort
hisman.
MyphonerangasIcameoutofthet
ub,
I
checkedt
heIDanditwasZwel
i
.
Me:
"baba"
Hi
m:"
hey
,I'
m out
side"
Me: "
Rightnow?"Iwalkedovertomywindow
andpeekedthroughthebli
nds"ohokay
, Ij
ust
cameoutoft hetubcanyougivemeaf ew
minut
es?"
Him:"noprobl
em"Iswall
owed,hewassocol
d
towar
dsmeandt hatworr
iedme.Coul
dhebe
heret
obreakthi
ngsoff
?
Me:
"Ar
eyouokay
?"
Hi
m: "
Comeout si
det henwecantalkpr
oper
ly"
myheartdropped,mywor stf
earwasaboutto
t
akeplace.I'
mloosinghim,Il
osthimthedayhe
f
oundoutaboutI minam bei
ngpregnant
Me:
"Okay
"hehungup.
Iplacedmyphoneont hechestofdr awers,I
quickl
yappl i
edloti
onthenworemypaj amas
alongwi t
hthegownandmybedr oom shoes.I
walkeddownst air
sandmypar entswer en'ti
n
thelounge,inactualf
actthel
ightswer eoff
downst ai
rs.Isneakedoutqui
etlythenusedt he
smal lgat
eandappr oachedZweli'
scar, he
steppedoutwhenhesawmeappr oachingit
.
Me: "Hey"hedidn'
tsayanythingjustgavemea
hug,l
ikeatighthugandmyhear tbroke.When
hepulledoutIwipedthetearthathadf al
len
downmycheek.Heopenedt hebackdoorf or
meandIgoti nsodi dhe,
hedi dn'tswitchonthe
l
ight
sl i
keheusuallywoul
d."Zwel iyou'
re
scar
ingme"hesi ghed
Hi
m:"
YouknowIl
ovey
our
ight
?"
"
Youpromised"-Isai
dsof
tl
y,Iknewwher
ethi
s
washeadi
ng
Hi
m:"
Tash.
..
"
Me: "babyyoupromised"atearfel
ldownmy
cheekandhepul l
edmei nt
ohi schest
,theonl
y
l
ightweusedwast heonefr
om thestreet
li
ght
s
shi
ningintothecar
.
Hi
m:"
Iknow"hesi
ghed"
AndI
'
m sor
rybaby
"
Me: "Whydoy oualwaysdot histomeZwel i
?
Whatdi dIdotodeser v
eal lthisheart
breakZwe?
Tellmewhati tisthatI
'm doingwr ongthatit
alwayshastomeatt her eceivingendgett
ing
hurteveryt
ime"Isatupandl ookedathi m" Why
Zweli?That'
sal l
Iwanttoknow.I smel ovi
ng
youthatmuchofabadt hing? "Heburi
edhis
faceinhishandsandwesatt her
einsil
ence
"NothingIdoi sri
ghtlatel
y"hef i
nall
ysaidthen
helookedatme" Maybemeagr eei
ngtomar ry
I
mi nam wasadr ast
icdecisi
onbutIwant edto
bepr esentinmychi l
dren'
slives,Idi
dn'twant
them beingbor ninahomewi thturmoill
ikethe
oneIgr ewupi n,Idi
dn'twantt ohavetofightfor
myki ds.Ijustwantedtobet here,Ial
ready
missedoutonsomuchandy esIl
oveImi"t
hat
pi
ercedl
ikeadaggerst
rai
ghttomyheart
Me:
"Mor
ethanme?
"Hecuppedmyf
ace
Him: "You'l
lalwaysbemyf irstlove,youtaught
mel ove"hekissedmeandi twasf ill
edwith
emot i
ons.Iheldhiswrist
sandpul ledoutoft he
kissbutwest ayedwithourf oreheadsrestedon
oneanot her"Il
oveyousomuchbutnobody
understandswhatIwant .Idon'twantt ohur t
neit
hery ouorIminam butI'
m bei ngmadet o
feelsel
fishforlov
ingandwant i
ngbot hofy ou"
Me: "Howdi dyouexpectt
histoworkZwel i
?"
Hesatbackont hechai
randlookedoutthe
window, Isi
ghedcuddli
ngmy sel
fontohim and
hewr appedhisfreear
m aroundmebringingme
cl
osert ohim
Him:"
Idon'
tknowbutIjustwant
edtohavethe
twowomenthatIl
ove,t
hetwowomenwho
compl
etemetobemi neandmineonl
y.Iknow
i
t'sabigaskbutam Ir eall
yaskingforthe
i
mpossi bler eall
y?Howsel fi
sham Ireall
ybeing
fori
magi ningt histobesomet hi
ngsobeaut i
ful
Tash?Idon' texpectoft hetwoofy outobet he
bestoff r
iendsj usttohav eyouguy sinmyl if
e
gett
ingalongandl ett
ingmel oveyouandonl y
youguy s.Iam notsay ingi twouldbeper f
ect
butitwoul dbeal earningcur veforall
3ofus
andourki ds* sigh*Nat ashaIreall
ywantt his
baby,Idosobadl y.I
twoul dmakemer eall
y
happy"Idi dn'tknowwhatt osay,Ineverthought
adaywoul dcomewher eZwel iwouldaskt hi
s
ofme.Ial way sthoughti twouldbet hetwoof
usandourchi l
d" Tash"
Me:"Mh?"Hepul
ledmet
osi
tonhi
slapandwe
l
ookedateachot
her
Him: "
Ican'tl
etyougo,Ican'
t"Ij
ustgl
arr
edat
him,Iwastonguetied"
Pleasetry
,forme.For
usplease"hecuppedmyf aceandpeckedmy
l
ips,
whenhepul ledoutatearfel
ldownhis
cheek.
Me: "
don'tdothi
spleaseKani"Iwipedhist
ears
andkissedhi
m, hepull
edoutandhuggedme
ti
ght
lyagain,
Ididn'
twanttoleavehisbigst
rong
arms."I
'l
ldoit
"hepull
edoutandl ookedatme
Him: "
Youmeant hat
?"Inoddedandhekissed
mey etagai
n"t
hankyou"hepeckedmylips
"
thanky ousomuch"
Me:
"Il
ovey
ou"
Him:"Il
ovey
ouev
enmor
e"Iembr
acedhi
myet
agai
n
Me:"Youhavet
ogohome"Ipul
l
edoutand
l
ookedathi
m
Hi
m: "youar
enotgoingtochangemymi
nd
af
terIl
eaver
ight
?"Inodded
Me:
"Iwon'
t,
Ipr
omi
se"hepeckedmyl
i
psagai
n
Him:"
Thanky
ou,nomoregamesIpromi
se"I
hel
doutmypi
nkyandhehookedhi
sonmine
t
henweki
ssed
Iwalkedbackinsidet hehouseandheardhis
cardri
veaway, IlockedbutasIwasaboutto
walkupthestaircasemydadcamef rom t
he
ki
tchen.Ist
oppedi nmyt r
acksandl
ookedat
him.
Me:
"Dad"
Him: "Youreall
ylov
et hatboy"Inoddedandhe
sighed"Come"hewal kedtotheloungeandI
turnedfol
lowingbehindhi m.Wesatont he
couch" Hemar r
iedtheMusl im gi
rldi
dn'
the?"
Me:
"Hedi
d"
Him:"Sowhatdoyouwantf
rom hi
m Nat
ty?
Youcanfi
ndsomebodyel
se"
Me:
"Idon'
twantsomeoneel
sedadIwanthi
m"
Him: "Soyou'r
egoingtoshar
ehim wi
thanot
her
female"Ididn'
tanswer"
you'
regoi
ngtobethe
othergir
l"
Me: "
Wewi l
lmar r
yindueti
medadandpl ease
don'
ttr
ytotalkmeoutofit,Il
oveZwel
iandhe
l
ovesmet oo.Justletmeseewheret
hisgoes
pl
ease"
Him: "
I'
m nottry
ingtochangeyourmindNat ,
I'
mjusttry
ingtounderstandwhat
'sgoingon.I
am notgoingtotel
lyouhowt ol
iveyourli
fe,
it'
s
yourhappinessj
ustthatyourmot
herisn'
thappy
aboutthi
satall'
Me:"Sheneverreal
lyl
ikedKanii
nthefir
st
pl
acesothatIknow"Istoodup"I
'
m goingto
bed,
Ihav
et ogotowor kinthemorni
ng"
Him: "
Ihopeyoutoldt
hem you'
regoingt
o
schoolnextweekandtheymustchangeyout
o
part
-t
ime"
Me:"Iwoul
dn'
tj
eopardi
zemyf utur
edadrel
ax
andgoodni
ght
"Iwalkedupst
airstomyroom.
•
•
I
MARAAH
∆
AfterZwel i l
eftBabalwawentt obedandZwel i
'
s
mot herof feredt ogivemeabackr ubsoIl et
herbeev ent houghIwasr eluctantatf i
rstonce
shest artedIdi dn'twanthert ost op,sheshoul d
reall
ygi v
eZwel i somepoi nt ers.Hismassages
sucked, i
t '
sei t
herhei sdoi ngi ttoosof t
lyorhe
i
spr essingonmet oohar d.Af terthemassageI
tuckedJuni orintohisbed, hewasasweetchi l
d
thatjustlov edpl ayi
ngandv eryloveablenev er
givesmeanyhassl esalt
houghhi sfather
alway scompl ainedabouthi m beingnaught y .
Speaki ngofwhi chZwel ihadbeengonef ora
whilenowandIwasbegi nni ngt owor ry
, I
want edtoknowwhatwasgoi ngonbutIdi dnot
wantt onaghi m especiallynowsoIj usttook
offmygown&ni ghtdresst hensatbackont he
bedwi thpi ll
owssuppor t
ingme.
Ial
way
ssl
eptnakedbecausecl
othesr
eal
l
y
causedmeal otofdiscomf ort ,
Zwel ididn't
mindmynudi t
yatal l
andwi thmyhor monesal l
overt heplacehewoul dhav eaf il
ledev eningall
thetime.I '
dl ethim havehi swaywi thme
becauseaf tersexIal waysf alli
ntodeepsl eep
butwi thouti tItossandt urnatni ghtgosht hese
gir
lswer ereallymakingmeamess.Ij ust
want edt omeetmyangel sal ready, Kumkani
real
lybl essedmewi t
ht heset wosoul sinsideof
me.It hankAl l
ahev erydaybecauseI '
vefallen
sodeepl yinlov ewit
ht hem andIt rulydon't
regretfalli
ngpr egnant,atall.Icaressedmy
bell
y .
"Mommyi sgoingt
opr ot
ectyoutwowi t
h
ever
ythi
ngshehas*sigh*maogol aankaroi
nay
waxkugudhacaan"(Ican'
tletany
thing
happenedtoyou)
"Translat
ion?
"Il
ookedupandKumkani
was
standingbythedoor,
Ismi
led
Me:
"youneedt
ost
opsneaki
nguponme"
Him: *smi
l
es*" Il
oveadmiri
ngyourbeautyand
howy oual
way stalkt
othem"heclosedthe
doorandwalkedt owar
dsthebed
Me:"No,
gotakeashowerf
ir
stbef
orecl
i
mbi
ng
ont
hebed"
Him: "pr
incess.
..
"Ishookmyhead" f
ine"he
walkedtot hebat
hroom andIgotunderthe
coverstr
y i
ngtosleep.
Afterawhi leIfeltmyselfdri
ft
ingof ft
osleep
event houghIt r
iedhardt ofi
ghtitbecauseIsti
ll
want edtot al
ktoKumkani .I
twasl ongunti
lI
fel
thi m spooningmef rom behindwi t
hhishand
caressingmybel ly
,heplacedasof tpeckonmy
cheekt henmyneckandImoanedasIf el
this
rodhar denagai nstmybuns.
"KaninoI
'
m sl
eepi
ng"myvoi
cebet
rayedme
becauset
hatcameoutasawhi
sper.
Hi
m: "I
'l
lbequick"hi
shandl
eftmybel
l
ytomy
t
high,
her anhi
shandupanddownmyt hi
gh
softl
ywhilenibbli
ngonmyneckandgi vi
ngita
fewlovebites.Mybodywasr espondi
ngtohis
touch,If
eltmy sel
fget
ti
ngwet&hotsoIki cked
thecoversandhechuckl edcauseheknew
whatthatmeant ,Iwasreadyforhi
m.
Ipushedmybunsagai nsthi
ssolidr
odandhe
l
iftedmyt high,Imadesur eIopenedupforhi
m
asheopenedmyf ol
dswiththeheadofhisdi
ck
thenr ubbi
ngi tupanddownmywetent r
ance
maki ngmesuf ferev
enmor e
Me: "Kumkani "andthat'
sallIhadtosaybefor
e
Ifel
thim enterintomydomai nwhi chwasnow
underhisspel l
.Imoanedsof tl
yashebreathed
heavil
yinmyearwi t
hmuf fl
edgr oansashe
star
tedgrindinginsi
demeandImethi m
half
way ,
hehel dmyt highti
ghtly
Hi
m: "
Imaraahmhhmm"hebur i
edhi
sfacein
myneckandgroaned"
thi
sfeel
ssogoodfuck!
"
Me:
"Babyhar
der
"hewenti
ndeeperandhar
der
,
Ibi
tthepi
l
lowtokeepmymoansdownasI
fi
stedt
hesheet
sinmyhand
Hi
m: "CanItakei
tst
andi
ngpleasedon'
tbe
l
oud"hekissedmyneckandInodded.
Ihel
dontot
hebedasheent
eredmef
rom
behi
nd.
"aaahZweli
"Imoanedandhegr unt
edashe
slammedhar deranddeeperi
ntomeIbi
tonmy
l
owerliptry
ingtokeepmymoansdownasmy
orgasm bui
ltup"BabyIcan'
t,
Ican'
t"
Hi
m:"
Wai
tpr
incess.
..f
uck!
"Hewentf
ast
er
Me: "
Aaaa..
."Hequicklyputhishandovermy
mouthandIcameal l
ov erhi
m buthekept
goi
nguntil
her eachedhispeaktoo.Hepull
ed
outandwenttot hebathroom,camebackwith
atowelandwipedmecl eanthenki
ssedme
Hi
m:"
Ilov
eyou"
"
isev
ery
thi
ngokayboy
?"Zwel
i
'smom asked
fr
om theot
hersi
deoft
hedoor
,myey
es
popped
Hi
m:"
Ma?
"
Her:"ohokaysor
rybaby,It
houghtt
hatmay
be
I
mi hadgoneint
olaboursor
ry"
Hi
m:"
Ever
ythi
ngi
sfi
ne,
got
osl
eep"
Her:
"Okaygoodni
ght
"
Him:"Ni
ght"helookedatmeandshookhi
s
headbef
orekissi
ngmeagain"Tol
dyoutokeep
i
tdown"
Me: *gi
ggles*"
Icoul
dn'
thel
pit
,sor
ry"het
hrew
thetowelonthefl
oorandcl
i
mbedont hebed
nexttome
Hi
m:"
Mar
aah"
Me:
"Kani
"
Hi
m: "
BabyIcoul
dn'tdoi
t"Imov
edawayf
rom
hi
schestandl
ookedathi
m
Me:
"Idon'
tunder
stand"
Hi
m: "Ij
ustcouldn'
t.Ican'
tbr
eakthingsoff
wi
thNatasha,Ican'tbr
ingmyselft
odoi t*
sigh*
Il
oveherjustasIloveyouImaraah.
.."
Me: "
Soy
ouj
usthadsexwi
thmeknowi
ng
you.
..
"
Hi
m: "
Pri
ncesspl
easeIdon'
twantt
ofi
ghtI
j
ust
..
."
Me:"Kumkani
I'
mfai
l
ingt
ounder
standy
ou
l
atel
y"
Him:"I
fyoucoul
djustl
i
stenpl
ease"Isi
ghed
andsatup,
sodidhe.
I
nser
t23
∆
ZWELI
BANZI
•
Thet
alkwi
thI
miwasn'
teasyasonecoul
dhav
e
i
magined,shereal
lydi
dn'twantthi
spol
y gamy
thi
ngbutIwasn'tgoi
ngtobackdownandI
madethatcleart
oher.Shesaidshe'dt
hink
abouti
tthengavemeherbackf ortherestof
theni
ght,notwanti
ngmet otouchsoIlether
beandfelli
ntoadeepslumbertoo.
WhenIwokeupi nt hemor ningmyqueenwas
stil
lsleeping,guessweshoul dpasst he
"pri
ncess"t i
tleov ert othegirlsont heway .She
l
ookedbeaut i
fulev eninhersl eepbutIdi dn't
wantt odi st
urbhersoIwentt ogof r
eshenupi n
thebat hroom andwentt ogosi tbytheli
ttl
e
tableinmyr oom wher eIreadmypr ayer
sf r
om
myQur '
anr eciti
ngt hem silentlyinmyhear t.
Aftermor ningpr ayerImademywayt ogot he
dinninghal lwheremamaandBabal wawer e
waitingformeatt hebr eakfastt abl
ewher ewe
hadourmor ni
ngf east .Babal waputherphone
awaywhenIcamei nandsmi ledatme.
Me:
"Goodmor
ning"
Babi
:"Mor
ning"
Ma:"Zweli
,weal
mostst
artedwithoutbaby
t
houghtyouwoul
dn'
tbej
oiningus"
Me: "
Inevermissbr
eakf
astmama,
youknow
t
his"shesmil
edandnodded
Her:
"Ial
readybl
essedt
hef
oodsoy
oucandi
g
i
n"
Babalwadishedf
ormeandweat e,mamadi dn'
t
askaboutwhereIwentofft
olastni
ghtandI
wasgladcauseIwasn'tl
ooki
ngforalectur
e
that
'sexactl
ywhatshewasgoingtogiv
eme.
"Bhut
i"-Babal
wacal
l
edoutformyat
tent
ion
andIlookedupfr
om mypl
ate
Me:
"Yeah?
"
Her:
"Cany
oudr
opmeof
fatcampus?
"
Me:"It
houghtmamawasont r
anspor
tdut
yfor
t
hisweek"shel
ookedatmom t
henbackatme
Her:
"It
'sf
ine,
I'
ll
findmyownwayt
ocampus
then"shelookedbackatherpl
ateandIl
ooked
atmom f oranswersshej
ustdi
smissedme
Me:*cl
ear
sthr
oat
*"okayI
'
lldr
op&pi
cky
ouup
t
hen"
Her:* smi
les*"
Thanky ou,I
'
llgogetmystuf
f
ready"shegotupfrom thetabl
eandlef
tthe
dini
nghallandIlookedatmymom
Me:
"Ma?Andt
hen?
"
Ma: "Ij
ustwant
edhertotr
ypubli
ctr
ansport
that
'sal
ljustal
ear
ningcur
vecauseshecan'
t
alwaysdependonus"
Me:
"youknowshe'
snev
erusedt
hatbef
ore"
Her:"that
'swhyIwantedhertolear
nZwe,
Babalwaneedstobeindependentsothatshe
doesn'tal
waysdependonus.SoIwant edusto
star
toutsmall"
Me: *si
gh*"youspoi
l
edher,
youcan'
tj
ust
expecthert
ounderst
and"
Her:"
Iknowbabyt hat
'swhatI'
mt r
yingto
r
ecti
fyher
e"Istoodupandgr abbedaplateof
f
oodthendishedforImi
Me:
"What
every
ouseeasr
ightma"
Itooktheplatewit
haglassofjuicethenwent
toourroom andshewasst i
l
l deadwi t
hsleep.I
placedherbreakf
astonthetablethencli
mbed
ont hebednexttoherandpl
acedapeckonher
cheek.
"Maraah"Iwhi
sper
edbefor
eplaci
nganot
her
oneonherneckthenshoul
derwhil
eIcar
assed
herahugebell
y"Babe"
"Mhmm I maad"shemur medsti
l
lwithhereyes
closed,
Ismiledbecauseshecal
ledmebyt he
nameIgotwhenIconv er
tedt
oIslam.She
rarel
yusedit
.
"Ibr
oughtyoubreakf
astbabyandI'
m goi
ngt
o
dropoffBabal
waatcampus"sheopenedher
eyesandlookedatme,Ipeckedherl
ips"
hey
"
Her:
*smi
l
es*"
hey
"
Me: "
yougoingt
obeokayony ourown?Juni
or
i
ssti
llsl
eepi
ngsoIcan'
tleav
ewi t
hhim andI
don'
tknowifmom i
sgoinganywheresodoyou
wannacomewi t
hme?"
Her:
"I'
mti
red"shey
awned
Me: "
Okaybutwakeupandeatt
hengoshower
,
youcannapaft
erthat
"
Her:"
mhhhm Zwelinooo"shepul
l
edt
he
bl
anketov
erherhead
Me: "
OkayI'
ml eavi
ngyouke"sher
aisedher
headali
tt
leoverthebl
anket
sandsmi l
ed
Her:
"By
e"
Me:
"Ar
eweokay
?"Shesi
ghed
Her:
"wear
eokay
"
Me:
*si
gh*"
babyar
eyousur
e?"
Her:
"Yes"
Me: "
canIgetakissthen?"Shepout
edandI
gotundert
heblanket
swi t
hher
Her: *
gi ggl
es*"nonowIwon' twanty out o
l
eav ebaby "Iputmyhandonhert hi
ghand
ki
ssedherdeepl yandshewr appedherar ms
aroundmyneckbr i
ngingmei ncl
oser,shewas
arousedIcoul dtellbecauseshekeptwi nding
herwai stagainstmyhandt hatwasont opof
herpussybutnotdoi ngany t
hingtoher" Zwe.
..
"
Shemoanedmor el
ikepleadedandIopened
herfoldsandi nsert
edmyf i
ngerandboywas
shewet !"Please"shesai dt
hatinbetweenour
ki
ssandmydi ckhar dened
Me: "FuckImi "Igotoutofbedandwal kedov er
tothedoor ,l
ockedandqui cklytookof fmy
clot
heswhi lesheki ckedthebl anketsof fthe
bedthent urnedov erindoggyposi tionwai ti
ng
formet openet rateinsi
deher .Icursedunder
mybr eath,t
hispr egnancywasmaki ngherwi ld
butIdidn'twasteanyt i
mest andingont heedge
ofthebedandpul l
inghert owardsme.Ient er
ed
herwet ,war
m andtightpussy, i
tclungontop
mydi cksoperfect
ly"fuckkk!
"Itfel
tgoodand
hearinghermoansmademey earnforhereven
mor e..
.
"
Zweweneedt ogetgoing!
"Sheshout
edfrom
t
heothersideofthedoorbutIdi
dn'
tstopwhatI
wasdoing
"
15mi
nut
espl
ease"
"Okay!
"Ihear
dherf
oot
stepswal
ki
ngawayandI
pull
edout.
Me:
"I'
l
lbebackqui
ckl
ybabyIpr
omi
se"
Her:
"Kumkani
please!
"
Me: "Imar
aahpleasebaby "IgrabbedmyT- shi
rt
thatwasont hefloorandputiton,shesatflat
onherbuttandl ookedatme, wellmorel
ikemy
dickthenst
or medof ft
othebat hr
oom.Iquickly
dressedupthenwentt othebat hr
oom andshe
hadlockedthedoor" Pri
ncess"
Her:
"Goaway
"
Me: "
I'l
lmakeituptoyouwhenIgetbackI
promise"si
l
ence"Imi?
"Iheardthekeyt
urnf
rom
theothersi
deofthedoorthensheopenedt
he
doorandlookedatme
Her:"Youpr
omi
se?"Ismilednoddi
ngthen
peckedherl
i
ps"
okay,thankyouforbr
eakf
ast
"
Me:
"Yougonnahav
etowar
mitnow"
Her:
"Nopr
obl
em,
besaf
eandgetbacksoon"
Me: "
Iwi l
lbaby"wewal kedtother
oom andshe
handedmemycel lphonealongwit
hmycar
keys"Thankyoubaby ,I'
l
lbebackwithi
nabli
nk
ofaney e"shepeckedmyl ips
Her:
"Insha'
al
lah"
•
•
BABALWA
∆
Zwel
icameoutal
lsmi
l
eswhenhecameoutof
hi
sbedroom.
Him: "wecango"hewhist
ledallt
hewayt
othe
garage,assoonasIwasbuckledhedr
oveout
theyard
Me:
"andt
hemood?
"
Hi
m:*smirks*"
let
'sj
ustsayl
i
fei
ssl
owl
ygi
vi
ng
meabreak"
Me:
"meani
ng?
"
Hi
m:*
laughs*"
all
induet
imesi
s"
Me:"ai
wow"heputontheradi
oandwasev
en
si
ngi
ngalongt
othesongs.
Afterdr
oppi
ngmeof fatthemai ngateIwalked
i
ntocampusandusedt hedirecti
onsZwelihad
givenmetomakeittoourgroupmeetupspot
thatgui
defr
om y
esterdayhadgi venus.WhenI
gotther
eLif
aandFannywer en'tther
esoI
spentthemor ningwalkingwi ththegroup
quietl
y,Lifatextedmear ound9aski ngwher e
wewer eandIt oldhim,Isawhi m makehisway
towardsusandIwasr elieved.Iwasst art
ingto
getboredbecauseher epeopl ebondedwi th
thosetheyknewandIf oundi tdif
fi
culttomake
socialrelat
ionswi t
hpeopl e,Iwasv ery
i
ntroverted.
"
Hey
"hesai
dassoonasher
eachedme
Me:
"you'
rel
ate"
Hi
m:"
Trai
nswer
edel
ayi
ng"
Me:
"ohsor
ry,
didn'
tknow"
Hi
m:"
wai
twer
eyoumadatme?
"
Me: "No"hegavemet her
eall
ylook"okayIwas,
becauseI'
m al
laloneandFanii
sn'tcoming"
Him: "
Greatmoreti
meforusthen"o-
kay,I
shi
ft
eduncomf or
tabl
y"Nooonotli
kethat
,Iwas
j
ust.
..Nevermi
nd,whathaveyouguysdone?"
Me:
"Not
hingmuchr
eal
l
y"
Hi
m:"
Sti
l
lonf
orsushi
?"Inodded
Me:
"Guessweshoul
dtr
ynewt
hings"
Letmej ustsayt hatthi
sguywasabr eathof
freshai r
,hewasf unnyandf reemost
i
mpor tantlyIfeltcomf ortablear oundhi m.Our
l
ittl
eexper i
mentwi thsushi atl unchwasn' tall
thatgr eatthough let'
sjustsaysushi i
s
notourf r
iend.Att heendoft hedayIt r
ied
callingZwel iwhowasn' tpickingupsot hathe
coul df etchme, Iwasst ar t
ingt ost ressnow
becausewhenIt ri
edmom' sphoneshewasn' t
picki ngupei t
her .Li
fakeptmecompanyaswe
wai tedbutaf terawhi lehehadt oleav e
becausei twasgonnabedanger ousf orhimt o
ri
det rainlatehour sandIunder stood,he
suggest edt hatIuberhomesi nceIwasscar ed
oft akingt axis&abus.
WhenIgothomet
her
ewasnobodyt
her
e
l
iter
all
ynoone,greatjustgr
eat!Iwentt
omy
room andbat
hedbef oregoingtomakemy sel
f
somethingt
oeatint hekit
chen.Whil
stIwas
busymyphoner angandi twasmom
"Baby ,
I'
m sosorr
ypumpki
n!I
'
m onmywayt o
fetchyounowsor r
ymyangeli
t'
sjustt
hat
thi
ngswer echaoti
cwit
hImii
nlabourbutI
'
m
comi ngokay?Wherear
eyounow? "
Me:
"What
?Imi
isi
nlabour
?"
Her:"YesandZweliwasi
npanickmodebaby
I
'l
lexplai
never
ythi
ngwhenIgetther
e"
Me:
"I'
m homema"
Her:"OkayI'
m comi ng,pl
easegetsomewarm
cl
othesforJuni
or .AjacketforZwel
iandmy
coat,
I'
ll
cally
ouwhenI 'm atthegat
eandyou
mustcomeout sideokay ?"
Me:
"Okay
"
Her:
"Lov
eyou"
Me:
"Il
ovey
out
ooma"
Ihungupandrushedaroundthehouse
grabbi
ngt
hestuffshewantedthenatequi
ckl
y,
soonshewasoutsidesoIwenttothecar,
she
huggedmeti
ghtly
Her:"
iwassowor
ri
edbabyhowdi
dyouget
home?"
Me:
"Ior
der
edanuber
,whathappened?
"
Her:"Yohbabyshoul dhaveseenyourbr
other
,
neverseenhimt hatscar
edbutalli
swell
.Imi
hadac- sect
ionandthegirl
sarehealt
hy"
Me: "t
houghttheywereduein3weeks"she
shrugged,shewasbeamingwithexci
tement
.In
thebackseatJrwasfastasl
eep."
Names?"
Her:
"OhIdon'
tknowbaby
,theyhaven'
tnamed
t
hem"Inoddedandmyphonebeeped.
I
twasLifaaskingi
figothomesafel
y,It
ext
ed
hi
m backtel
li
nghim Iwasfi
neandthatmy
brot
her'swif
ehadgonei ntolabourwhi
chiswhy
thei
rphoneswer eoutofreach.Hesaid
congratul
ati
ons&thathewasgl adt
ohearI
wasokay ,t
hathehadjustgot t
enhomeand
wastohav esuppersoon.Wehadachatunt il
wegott ohospit
alwit
hmymom.Whenwegot
toImi'
swar dshewasasleepandZwel ihadhis
eyesgluedonthetwogirlsinhisarms.He
l
ookedupaswewal kedinnomamaandsmi led
Hi
m:"
Can'
tbel
i
evet
heyar
eher
e"
Mama:
"Ohbabyt
heyar
ebeaut
if
ul,I
midi
d
wel
l
"
Him: "
Theysai dshe'dwakeupaf terafew
hours,shebreastf
edbef or
epassingout"I
walkedclosertoseet hei
rfacesandtheywere
l
it
tl
ecut eti
nypeopl e.Mamat ookJuniorf
rom
meandZwel ihandedmeat win.
Me: "
Heysweet
ie,
hii
ii
"shewasmakingthose
cut
esoundsandIfel
li
nlove"
it
'saunt
-Babi
her
e"Il
ookedatZwe"
names?
"
Hi m:"You'
reholdingAmiraDaneenBooi and
thisri
ghthereisAmi nahLul
uBooi "mom andI
l
okedateachot her"Amir
ameansexal t
ed,
Daneenmeani ngpr i
ncesssothatrighttherei
s
myexal t
edpr i
ncessandhereAmi nahmeans
trust
worthy&Lul umeaningpearlsot hatoneI
don'tneedtoelaborateon"
Mama:
"Beaut
if
ulnamesbaby
"
Me: "
Theyreal
l
yar
e"IlookedatAmir
a"so
daddynamedyoupr
incessheynana"
Shel
ookedsocut
eguys,I
maad&I
mar
aahBooi
madebeaut
if
ult
wingi
rl
s
I
nser
t24
∆
I
MAADKUMKANIBOOI
•
Att
heendofv
isi
ti
nghour
swehadt
oleav
eand
myhear tfeltheav yl eavi
ngt hem ther e,myl ov
e
forImar aahf eltev enst r
ongeraft ertoday .Aft
er
bringingintot hiswor l
dthoset wobeaut i
fulgi
rl
s
whoIcannotgetenoughof ,Iwil
l foreverbe
gratefultohershehasmademeav er yhappy
man.Ar ri
vinghomemamamademecl eanour
bedr oom ev enchangedt hesheet sand
prepar edev erythingf orthegirl
s,myr oom was
nowdomi natedwi thpinkbutIdi dn'tmi nd
Ijustcan'twai tf orthem t ocomehome.
Aftert
helongdayIhad, Ir
ecit
edmypr ayers
onceagainandIr et
ir
edtobed.ThewayIwas
soexhaust edIfelli
ntoaverydeepslumber,
around9t henextdayIwokeupandgotr eady
togoseet hegirlsinhospi
talbutbef
oreIleft
myr oom Icall
edNat asha.
"
Kani
"-sheanswer
ed
Me:
"Heybaby
,younotbusyr
ight
?"
Her:
"I'
m get
ti
ngr
eadyf
ormyshi
ftatwor
k,we
notopeny
etsowecant
alk"
Me:
"Howar
eyou?
"
Her:
"I'
mf i
ne,
Ijustmi
ssy
ouandJuni
or*
sigh*
howareyou?"
Me: "
I'
m good*
clear
dthr
oat
*Ihav
esome
news"
Her:
"Oh?
"
Me:
"Yeah,
wewel
comedt
het
winsy
est
erday
"
Her:*cl
ear
sthroat
*"Ohwowumh,
congr
atul
ati
onstoyouguy
s"
Me: "
Thankyou,
Ijustwantedtolety
ouknow.
Notkeepi
nganyt
hingfrom you"
Her:
"OkayIhav
etogetgoi
ng"
Me:
"Babe?
"
Her:
"Yeah.
..
"
Me:
"Il
ovey
ouokay
?"
Her:
"Il
ovey
ouev
enmor
e"
Me:
"Juni
orandIwi
l
lvi
sity
ousoon"
Her:
"Thatwoul
dbegr
eatt
hanky
ou"
Me:
"Okayby
ebaby
"
Her:
"By
eKani
"
Ihungupt hengotmywal l
etalongwithmycar
keysthenwal kedoutoft
hebedr oom,mama
wasint hekit
chenwashingthedishes
Me:
"Goodmor
ningandgoodby
emama"
Her:
"HauZwel
i
,youdi
dn'
teatboy
"
Me:
"I'
l
lgetsomet
hingont
hewayma"
Her:
"Nosi
tdown,
I'
ll
war
myourpl
ate"
Shemaneuveredar
oundthekit
chenf
ixi
ngmy
pl
atequi
etl
ythenwarmeditandpour
edme
j
uice
Me:
"maur
ight
?"
Her:
"Yesboy
"
Me:
"Ohhokay
,di
dyoudr
opof
fBabal
wa?
"She
nodded"
Wheni
syournextsessi
on?
"
Her:
"Tomor
row"
Me: "Haveyoutakenyourmedi cat
ion?"She
shookherheadandIst oodupmademywayt o
herroom,Ilookedathermedicinecabinetand
herdoctorpackedeveryt
hingaccordingtodays
oftheweeksoIt ookthem toher"don'tnegl
ect
yoursel
fmamapl ease"
Her:
"Ihat
edependi
ngont
hesepi
l
lsZwel
i
"
Me: "butlookathowy ouarenowmamapl ease,
BabalwaandIneedy ou.Mor eespeci
all
y
Imaraah,she'
llneedyoutohelpherwit
ht he
gir
lssopleasedr i
nkyourdosageseveryday"
shesighedandIgav ehersomewat er"Drinkup
mama"
Her:
"okay
"
Imadesureshet ookever
ysingl
eoneofher
pi
ll
sthenate,IwenttoJuni
or'
sroom andhe
wassti
llsl
eeping.Thi
sboywaslazyyerr
,Il
eft
himi npeacet henbidf arewel lkumamaand
droveof ftot hest ores.If i
rstwentt ot heflori
st
andor deredabouquetofpi nkr osesf orI mi&
redforNat asha, Icoul dhearshewasdowni n
themor ningsoIwant edt obr ightenupher
moodal ittl
e.Ipai df orher stobedel i
veredat
herwor kplacet hent ookImi '
sbouquetandwent
tothejewel l
er stogethersomet hingspeci al,
a
tokenofappr eciati
on.Idi dn'tknowwhatI 'dget
herbutonceIexpl ai
nedev ery t
hingt ot helady
whowashel pingmeshesuggest edt hatIget
herabr acel etwi thchar msoni tandeachone
representingsomet hingbutt hebi ggestpieces
beingthatwhi chwi l
lrepresentourl ov e&t he
birt
hoft het wi ns.Iwassol dsoIpur chasedi t
andhopedt hatshewi l
ll
ikeit ,aftergoingt othe
j
ewel l
ersIwentt ogogetheraheal thymeal
alongwi thsomef ruitsthenmademywayt o
thehospi tal.
WhenIwal
kedi
ntoherwar
dshewasbusywi
th
di
aperchanges&hermotherwasalongsi
deher
hel
ping.Theydi
dn'
tseemesoIgreeted
"
Salaam al
aykum"I
mar
aaht
urnedandsmi
l
ed
whenshesawme
"Waalay
kum as-
sal
aam Kumkani
"hermot
her
greet
ed"I
maraahconcent
rat
e"
Theyfini
shedupwhatt heyweredoingwhileI
pl
acedt hefl
ower sIhadgottenIminexttoher
bedalongwi t
hthef oodbutthebracel
etIkept
i
nmypocket ,Mr sGhandedmet hegir
lsand
hel
pedI maraahbackont oherbedsot hatshe
doesn'
thurtherst i
tches.Af
terdoi
ngsoshe
gaveuspr i
vacy,IhandedNeenyov ertoher
whil
eIsatwi thAmi nahinmyar ms.
"
baby"shelookedupatme"
thanky
ouf
orgi
vi
ng
methisopport
unit
y"
Her:
"nothi
ngt
othankmeforI
maad"Isi
ghed
andl
ookedatmyangel
inmyarms
Me:
"Al
l
ahuakbar
"(God'
sthegr
eat
est
)
"Il
oveyouKumkani
"itmademyi
nsi
dest
ingl
e
heari
nghersayt
hat
"
AndIl
ovey
oumal
eeka"(
queen)
Her:*bl
ushes*"
Let
'sputthem downsothatI
caneatthetr
eat
syouboughtmeandy oucan
tel
lmehowma&Babal waaredoing"
Ididasshewi shesandsheateherf
oodev en
mademej oi
nher ,
wespokeaboutplentyandI
couldtel
lshewashappy .Thetwi
nsbeinghere
broughthersomuchj oyandtheydi
dthattome
too.
"BeforeIforget,Igotyoualit
tl
esomething"I
saidthatreachingintomypocket ,
Iwassitti
ng
nexttoheront hebed.Itookouttheboxand
gav eitt
oher" Justasmal lt
okenofthanksmy
l
ov e,Ihopey oulikeit
"shesmiledandopenedit
thenlookedatme
Her:*
smi
li
ng*"Thankyoubaby
"shepeckedmy
l
ipst
hent
ookitoutofi
tsboxandl
ookedat
everysingl
edet ai
l ofi
t"I
t'
sbeauti
ful,Il
oveit"I
explai
nedt hemeani ngbehindt
hechar msand
sheblushedev enmor eandIembr acedher
thenkissedt hecr ownofherhead, shelooked
upatme" Ilovey ousomuch"
Me: "y
oudon'
tknowhowhappyi tmakesme
heari
ngyousayt
hosewords"Icuppedher
cheekandki
ssedher"
Ilov
ey ou"
Ispentthewholeaf
ter
noonatt
hehospital
then
wenthomel at
ethatday,
whenIgothome
Juniorj
umpedonhisfeetandr
antowardsme
Me:"
Heybigboy
"Ipi
ckedhi
m up"
Unj
ani
?"
(
Howareyou)
Hi
m:"
Phi
l
il
e"(
I'
mfi
ne)
Igreet
edmamaandsheseemedbet terthan
thi
smor ni
ng,IaskedaboutBabal
waandshe
tol
dmeshewast akinganapinherr
oom
becauseshehadasessi onwit
hherther
apistin
theaft
ernoonsoshewasexhausted.Isatinthe
l
oungewi
thherandbondedwi
thJuni
or,
I
deci
dedt
otextNat
asha.
Me: `
babe?Di
dn'
tyougett
hef
lower
sIsent
you?
`
Her:`yesIdidthanky ou.Ijustdidn'
twantto
di
stur
bwhi lsty
ouwer ewi thImi
nam andy our
gi
rl
s`shesentanot herone` i
lovethem Kanibut
ImissJuniornow, can'tIhavehimf ortheni
ght?
You'
llgethi
mi nthemor ningagainplease`
Me: `
nopr obl
em baby
,howaboutwegooutfor
supper?Justt
he3ofust henI
'
lldr
opyouguy
s
offl
ater`
Her:
`Yousur
e?`
Me: `
Getr
eady,I
'
llbethereinanhour`shejust
sentasmi
leyf
acet henwentoffl
i
ne.Ilookedat
mamawhowaswat chingthenews
Me:
"Mama"
Her:
"Mh?
"Herey
eswer
elockedont
hescr
een
Me: "Iwon'
tbej oi
ningy ouf orsuppertoday,
Natashaaskedt ohav eJuni orfort
henight"she
l
ookedatmet henbackt heTVandj ustnodded.
Icouldtel
lshewasn' timpr essedsoIjuststood
upandwentt obat hJuni orthendressedhi m up
andt ol
dhimtogot ot hel ounge,heranto
wheremamawaswhi l
eIwentt oshowert hen
dressedinchi
lledclothes.Ther ewasnoneed
todressupinthemi ddl
eoft heweek.
WhenIwasdone, Itookmysonandwewentt o
gethismom.Wewenti nsidetheBaar tman
resi
denceandIgr eeted,Tash'sfatherwas
neutr
alwhilstMrsBwascompl etelyoffandI
underst
ood.Af t
erawhi leTashcame
downstair
sandwel eft
,shewassoexci t
edand
coul
dn'tstoptal
king.Tol dmeaboutherday ,
howmuchshemi ssedJuni orandIt henasked
aboutIminam &t het wins.
Me: "
Theyar
efi
ne,
mosti
mpor
tant
lyt
heyar
e
heal
thy"
Her: "
CanIseepict
ures?
"Il
ookedathert
hen
backattheroadandhandedhermyphone
"passwordZweli
"
Me: "
Natasha"shepunchedi nhernamenot
bel
i
evingmebutwheni tunlockedshelookedat
meblushing"t
houghtIwasf ooli
ngyouhaa"
Her:*giggles*"Whateverbaby"shelooked
thr
ought hepicturesquietl
y"Theyarebeaut
iful
,
l
ookliketheirfatherbuttheydidn'
tgetyour
hugelipsthough"
Me:
*chuckl
es*"
oht
heyar
ehugenow?
"
Her:"soy
oudi
dn'
tknow?
"Ist
oppedatar
ed
l
ight
Me: "
Butyoulovet
hesebigl
ipsdon'
tyou"she
bi
therbot
tom li
pandnodded,Ipout
edandwe
ki
ssedbri
efl
y"Il
oveyou"
Her:
"Il
ovey
out
oobaby
"
"
Hayhay
!"ThatwasJuni
ori
nthebackseat
,we
l
aughedandIdr ovetomyf avourit
eburgerjoi
nt.
Roccomamashast hebest!AftersupperI
drovet
hem home, I'
m gl
adIdi dthi
s.Ididn'
t
wantTashfeel
ingneglected.ThatnightIsl
ept
peacef
ull
ybecauseIknewbot hmywoman
werehappyandt hatmademehappy .
"
Zwel
i
!"
Me:"
I'
m comi
ngma!
"Igrabbedthe2car
seat
s
t
henmademywaytothelounge"mama?
"
"I
'
minhereboy"t
hatcamef
rom t
hedi
ninghal
l
soIwentt
hat
Me:
"Somuchf
oodmamar
eal
l
y"
Her:"
Iwantedt
odosomethingsmal
lforI
mi
j
ustali
tt
lesomethi
ngt
owelcomeherback
home"
Me:"
Okay
,theGami
l
dienswi
l
lbeher
eany
mi
nut
e"
Her:
"Gof
etcht
hegi
rl
sIcan'
twai
tanyl
onger
"
shewasmor
eexci
tedt
hanIwas
Ileftherinthereandwentt ogoputtheseatsi
n
thecar ,
Iwentbacki nsideandaskedmamai fI
shouldgowi t
hJuniororshe'l
lbefinewit
hhim
andshesai di twasokayIshouldleavehim
behind.Idroveoutoft heyardandmademy
wayt othehospi t
al,
whenIar ri
vedImaraahwas
alreadydoneandwai t
ingforme.
"
Salaam al
aykum l
ove"shewinkedatmeandI
l
aughed"areyoureadyandsorted?
"
Her:"Kumkani j
ustsignthedi
schargepaper s
pl
easebaby ,Iwanttogetoutoftheseclothes
sothatmyki dscanseemommy '
sf ace"she
wasdr essedinhert
radit
ional
wifeatti
re
Me:"Okay,wherearethey
?"Shepointedatt
he
t
abl
einherwar d.Isi
gnedthedi
schargepapers
t
hencarri
edthetwinsandwemadeourwayout .
Shehelpedmegetthem i
ntothei
rseat
sand
theyl
ookedsocut
e, webuckl
edupandIdrove
usoutt
hepar
kingbay
.
Me:"Woul
dyouli
keust opasssomewher
e
f
ir
st?
"Sheshookherhead
Her: "
Ijustwanttogethomeandsleepinour
bedwi t
hy oubesi
deme"Ismi l
edandstolea
quickglanceatherthenl
ookedbackonthe
road
Me:
"Youhav
ebeaut
if
uley
es"
Her:*gi
ggles*"
I'
dmuchr at
herhav ethaty
ou
seemyf acebabybutt
hanky ou.I'
m sohurt
Amira&Ami nahtooky
ourey esinst
eadofmi ne,
Iwantedthem t
olookl
ikeme"
Me: "WhatcanIsay
,daddyhasgoodst
rong
genes"Isai
dproudl
y
Her: *
laughs*"Yeahyeah"Wedr ovei
ntot
he
yard"mypar ent
sarehere?"Inoddedandshe
sighed
Me:
"Don'
tbel
i
ket
hat
"Ipar
kedt
hecari
nthe
gar
ageandwecl
i
mbedoutt
hecar
.
Itookthegi r
lsoutwi t
ht heircarseatsandshe
tooktheirsmal l
bagt henwemadeourway
i
nsidethehouse.Wehadal ovel
ylunchwi ththe
Gami l
diensbutt heydidnotst aylong,afterthey
l
eftmamawentt ot
her oom wi thImaraahand
thegir
lswhi l
eIchi l
l
edwi t
hJuni orfortherestof
theday, Babalwaarrivedandj oinedus.Af t
era
whilemamacamet othelounge
Her:"
She'
staki
nganapwit
hthegi
rl
s"she
l
ookedatBabal
wa"di
dyoueat
?"
Babi
:"Yesma"
Her:
"I'
m goi
ngt
olaydown,
I'
m ext
remel
yti
red"
Me:
"Okaymama"
Her:"Youguysaregonnahav et
oeatthe
l
eftov
er'sf
rom l
unch,t
here'
splentyl
eft
"we
noddedandshewentt oherroom.
Ichi
l
ledwi
thJuni
orandBabal
waunt
ili
tgotl
ate
thenIwentt ogivehim abath,pr
epared
somet hingforhimt oeatandmy sel
faft
erdoing
soIt uckedhi minbedandwentt omyr oom.
Mar aahwasbusybr eastf
eedingwhenIcamei n,
Ismi l
edatherandwentt ot akeaquickshower
beforegoi ngbackt otheroom withmydr awers
onandhel pedherwi t
hgivingthekidsabath
thenwel ai
dt hem onourbed.
Me: "
I'
m gonnagogetyousomethi
ngtoeat
"
shenoddedwithherey
eslockedonher
midget
s
Imademywayt ot hekitchenandwar medup
somel eftoversforherwi t
hacupoft eathen
tookt hem tot heroom.Af tersheat eshewent
togoshowerl eavingmet owat chov ert
hekids,
theywer efall
ingasl eepsoIputt hem i
nthei
r
cot sandwai t
edf ort hei
rmot herunderthe
blanket s.Shej oi
nedmewhensl eepwas
alreadyt aki
ngov erme.
"
Imaad"shewhi
sper
ed
Me:
"Mhh?
"
Her:"Wakeup,Iwantustotal
k"Iopenedmy
eyesandtur
nedtolookather,
Ihadbeenlay
ing
onmyback.
Me:
"Whati
sitbaby
?"
Her:
"Nat
asha"
Me:
"Whatabouther
?"
Her:
"Iwantt
omeether
"
Me: "
Imaraahconcentr
ateonthetwi
nsfornow
pl
ease,I'
llsetupadayforyoutwotomeet
whenIfeel y
ou'r
eready
"
Her:
"Zwe.
..
"
Me: "
Babyno,
Isaidnotnow"shesighed"
now
canwegetabitofsl
eepbefor
ethesetwostar
t
scr
eaming"
Her:
"okay
"
Me:
"goodni
ght
"shet
urnedandgav
emeher
back"
younotgonnagi
vemeagoodni
ght
ki
ss?"
Her:"
no"Isighedandcuddl
edherfrom behi
nd
bef
orepl
acingsoftki
ssesonherneck
Me:
"Il
ovey
ou"
Her:"Il
oveyout
oo"Ipeckedhershoul
derand
dozedoff.
I
nser
t25
∆
BABALWA
•
Hav i
ngt hegir
lshomehasbeenbl iss,t
hey
broughtaboutanewener gyorshoul dIsay
auraintotheenv i
ronment.Iguessbabi esdo
thatandIl ov
edi t
,yestheycanscr eam their
damnl ungsoutatt imesresult
inginsleepless
nightsforeveryonebutsti
llIl
ov edhavingthem
around.Imaraahwoul dstayinthebedr oom
withthem al l thet i
me, t
heyonl ycameoutwhen
Zwel i
washome.Wel lI'
velear ntt ori
deuber ,
that'
ssomet hi ngsoI '
dgethomebymy self
becauseZwel i wouldgot ogy m af t
erhislast
classev eryday .Hewasaskedt oj ointhet eam
againsohesai dhehadt obef i
t,Iwillnever
underst andhi sl ovef orrugbybuti tishi s
passionaf t
eral l
.School hasbeenwel lschool,
I'
dliket othinkI '
veset t
ledinqui etnicelywel l
evenAshl eymyt herapistagreeswi thme.She' s
proudofme, t
hatI 'v
eopenedupt ohav ingtwo
fri
endsandt hatIst il
l madecont actwithmy
fri
endKhwezi from highschool .Shewas
studyingmedi cineatUCTsowet ri
edtokeepi n
touchatal lt
imes.Ashl eymademet al
kabout
Lifaal otandInev erunder stoodwhybecause
hei sj
ustaf riendandqui etfrankl yIthinkhei s
gaybutshet hinksot herwise.
Myalar
mr angi
nthemor ni
ng,Iwasnot
i
mpressednotatal
lbecauseIhar
dlysl
eptwi
th
thepi ercingcr i
esoft het wi nsIdi dn'tget
enoughsl eepatal l.It urnedov erandr eached
formyphonef rom undermypi l
lowand
swi t
chedof fmyal arm bef orechecki ngmy
ti
met able,mycl asswasat09h40am soIhad
enought imeandi twast heonl ycl assIhad
today .Igotoutofbedandgotr eadyf ortheday,
cleanedmyr oom al ittlet henpackedmy
clothesf orpr acti
ce, Lifat alkedmei ntojoini
ng
athleticst eam si nceIl ov edl ong&hi ghjumpso
muchsomet hingI'venev erbeenser iousabout
butt hathaschangednowIr eall
yl ov eit I
mi ghtev enbel i
keZwel i withr ugby .Itookmy
bagsandmademywayt ot hedi nninghal lfor
breakf ast, Idroppedmybagsont hecouchonl y
tof i
ndt hedi ninghal lempt y .
"I
nthekit
chenBabalwa!"ThatwasI
mi'
svoice.I
wentovertotheki
tchenandshewasserv
ing
Zweli
breakfast
Me:
"Goodmor
ning"shesmi
l
ed
Her:"Sal
aam al
aykum,
youcansi
tI'
l
ldi
shf
or
you"
Me:
"okay
"Isatnextt
oZwel
i
Hi
m:"
Vee"
Me:
"awe"hechuckl
ed
Him:"Thesenewf
riendsofyour
s"heshookhi
s
headtaki
ngamouthfuloff
ood.I
mi handedme
aplat
e
Me:"Thankyou"shenoddedt
hensatonthe
hi
ghchairnex
ttoZweliandat
etoo"Wher
e's
ma?"
Zwe:
"Atcr
èche"
Somamagott i
redofsit
ti
ngathomeal lt
he
ti
me,shegottogetherwit
hagr oupofwomen
fr
om churchandtheyopenedacr èche.I
t'
sstil
l
newbutspendsmostofhert i
meoni t,
Ithink
sheneededitbecausethesi
tt
ingathomet he
whol
et i
mewasn' tdoi
ngheranygood.
Me:
"Ohokay
"
Hi
m:"
Yeaheatup,
I'
mleav
ingi
n10"Inodded
"
Babydon'
tfor
get
"thatwasI
mar
aah
Him:"Iwon'
tforgetmaleeka"Iheardasmooch.
goshcan'
tdealwitht
heset wo!Ikeptmyhead
l
ockedonmypl ateandate,knowingZweli
he
wil
ll
eavemebehi ndifI
'
m notdone&r eadyto
l
eavein10minutes.
Afterbr eakfastIwenttopl acemypl atei nthe
sinkt henwentt ogofetchmyphonef rom my
room, Ihadplacedi ti
nt hechar ger.Onet hingI
nev erforgotwer emyear phones, I
'
ddi e!Imade
mywayt othel oungeandgr abbedmyst uf
f,
Zwel iwasst il
linthekitchenwi thImi nam
talkingaboutGodknowswhat*r ollsey es
dramat i
call
y*
"
Zwel
iyousai
d10mi nut
es"Isai
dthatheadi
ng
t
owar
dsthefr
ontdoor
Hi
m:"
Yeahy
eahI
'
m comi
ng"
Me:
"I'
l
lwai
tout
side"
Iopenedt hedoorandwentt
owai tforhim by
thecar.Ikeptbusywit
hmyphonewhi l
eI
wait
ed, Ihadmessagesfr
om Fannieand
Khwezi soIrepl
iedtot
hosewhil
eIwai tedthen
messagedmymom
`
Ilov
eyouandhav
eagr
eatday
`sent
Knowi ngmamashewi llprobablyreaditinthe
aft
ernoon, shenev erpaidmuchat tenti
ontoher
phone.Af t
erwhatseemedl i
kef oreverZweli
cameoutwi thhisbagsandwel eft.Hedropped
meof finfrontofGr eatHallthendr oveoff.I
walkedi nandsatatat abl
el ookingthroughmy
assignmentt hatwasduei ntheaf ter
noon, my
phoner ang.Ilookedatt heIDandi twasLifa
Me:
"Goodmor
ningsoul
"
Hi
m:*
chuckl
es*"
Wel
lhi
ther
e,howar
eyou?
"
Me:
"Abi
tti
redbutI
'
m good,
you?
"
Hi
m: "
I'
m doinggreatact
ual
l
y,wher
eyouat
?I
j
ustwal
kedintocampus"
Me:
"I'
m si
tt
ingi
nGr
eatHal
l
"
Hi
m:"
OkayI
'
llbet
her
einf
ive"
Me: "
Cool
"Ihungupandpackedmyst uf
fint
o
mybagwhileIwait
ed.Aft
erawhil
eIsawhim
walki
nsoIstoodup"Here!
"Helookedmyway
andsmil
ed,Ismi
ledback.
Hi
m:"
Mal
i
a"
Me: *
giggles*"
howmanyt i
mesar eyougonna
cal
lmet hat?Youdon'
tevenknowwhat
l
anguageitis"wehuggedbri
efl
ythenhesat
acr
ossme
Him:"
Ican'tr
ememberthel
anguagebutIknow
i
tmeansqueen,Isawi
tonTVal ongt
imeago
andi
tstuckwit
hme"
Me:
"okaywhat
every
ousayt
hen,
assi
gnment
?"
Hi
m:"
Igothomel
ate,
thet
rai
nkeptdel
ayi
ngso
Icouldn'
ttype,byt
hetimeIgothomethe
i
nternetcafèwasclosed.I
'
m goingt
otypei
tat
thelabafterourcl
ass"
Me:
"Ibr
oughtmyl
apt
opsoy
oucanusei
t"
Him: "
Yousure?"Inodded" Thanksman,
you'r
e
alifesaver
"hetookouttwov et
koeksf
rom hi
s
backpackandhandedmeone.Theyhad
chickenliv
ersi
nsidethem, heboughtmeone
regularl
yandI'
vegrownf ondoft hem.
Me: *
chuckles*"
Thanky
ou,
wenev
err
eal
l
y
hav
et heseathome"
Hi
m: "
Iknowsoy oumuchcher
isht
heone'
sI
br
ingy
ou"Inoddedsmil
i
ng
Me: "
I'
ll
haveitforlunch,f
ornowlet'
sty
pey our
assi
gnment"Icheckedt heti
meonmywat ch
"wehave30mi nutesbeforeourcl
assstar
tsso
l
et'
suseit"
Hi
m:"
Okay
"
Het ookouthispaperworkandwegotr ightt
oit
,
Ihelpedhim hereandtherebuthi sassignment
waspr et
tymuchdoneal r
eadyj ustneededt obe
typed.Weonl ygothal
fwayt hr
oughi tthough
beforehavingtogotoclass.Af tercl
asshe
fi
nisheditoff
,wepr i
nteditatthel i
brar
yt hen
webot hwentt ohandin.
"Pr
act
ice?
"Heaskedaft
erwewal
kedoutofthe
shopwherei
boughtcol
dri
nkf
orusInodded
Wef
oundaspott
osi
tandeat
.
Hi
m:"
Babal
wa"
Me:
"Mh?
"Il
ookedhi
sway
Hi
m: "
Iwasthi
nki
ngmay beify
oucoul
dcome
watchmeplaythi
sSaturday
?"Hecl
ear
edhi
s
t
hroataft
ersay
ingthat
Me:
"Pl
ay?
"
Him: "
ohyeahnothi
ngbig,Ipl
aycr
icket.
ThoughtIt
oldyou"Ishookmyhead"it'
sokayi
f
y
oucan'
tcomeIunder
stand,
i
twas.
."
Me:
"I'
l
lbet
her
e"
Hi
m:"
What
?"
Me:
"I'
l
lcome"hesmi
l
ed
Him:"Wowumhokay"henoddedsmi
l
ing
bef
oretaki
ngabi
teofhi
svet
koek.
Aft
erourl
i
t t
lel
unchheaccompani
edmet othe
fi
eld,
Iwavedatcoachandshewavedback.Li
fa
handedmemybags
Him:"I
'
llwatchfr
om upther
e"hepoi
ntedatt
he
chai
rswhichhadshade
Me:
"Okay
"
Iqui
cklywenttot
hechangingrooms,changed
i
ntomyspor t
swearthenj
oggedtoLifaand
handedhim myst
uffandjoggedtocoach.
"Yougogirl
!"ThatwasLi
fa,
Ilookedbackhi
m
andlaughedshakingmyhead.
Af t
ergym Li f
awai t
edwi thmeunt ilmyuber
camet henwebi df arewel l
.WhenIgothome,
Imi wasinthekitchenbusywi t
hsupper ,I
greetedthenmademywayt omyr oom whereI
tookanicel ongbat hjustt orel
axmybody .
Afterdoi
ngsoIsl i
ppedi nt
omypaj amasanda
gownt henwentt ot hel ounge,thetwinswere
l
ay i
ngintheirli
tt
ledoughnutpi ll
owsawakesoI
chil
ledwiththem unt i
lmamaar ri
vedthenZweli
fol
lowedr i
ghtafterher .IhelpedImi fi
nishof
f
supperandsatupt het able.
"sohowwer ethegir
lsonthei
rvisi
ttoday?Hope
youdidn'
tcryagainwhentheywereinject
ed"we
l
aughedthatwasmom aski ngImiaboutthe
checkupthetwinswenttotoday
Zwe: "ohshedi
dn'
tcr
ytodaybutshesul
ked
though"
Her:"
Ican'
thel
pit,
theyj
ustcr
ysohar
dit
makesmyheartache"
Ma:
"Spokenl
i
keat
ruemot
her
"
Zwe: "
Weeee"Il
aughedpour
ingmy
sel
fagl
ass
ofj
uice
Ma:"
Thisi
sreal
lyni
cebabywhati
sit
?"She
wasl
ooki
ngatImi
Her:"Thanky ou,
it'
sjustsomethi
ngmymom
t
aughtmeal ongtimeagoact ual
lymyfavour
it
e
meal.It
'sj
ustasimpl eroastchi
ckenser
ved
wit
hchick-peastuddedr i
cepil
af"
Ma:"whooIl
oveit
,youmustteachmehowt
o
makethi
sri
ceespeci
all
y"shesmil
ed
Her:
"Okayma"
Zwe:"Don'tbejeal
ousBabi
hau,
weusedt
o
yourr
ice"t
heylaughed
Me:"what
everZwel
i
,iti
swhat
ever
.You'
l
lmi
ss
myr
iceoneday"
Af
terourlov
elysupperIcl
ear
edthetabl
eand
washedthedishes,
themarri
edcoupl
ewentto
thei
rroom andIwatchedTVwi thmama, she
askedaboutschoolandpract
icesoonshe
reti
redtobedbecauseshewasf all
ingasl
eep
onthecouchsoIwentt obedt oo.Ihadachat
withmyf ri
endsf
orawhi l
eunti
l sleeptookover
andIf el
lasl
eep.
"Ar
eyougoi
ngtobefi
neher
e?"Iunbuckl
edmy
seat
bel
tandgr
abbedmybagfrom t
hebackseat
Me:"YesmamaI'
mfineher
e"shewas
dr
oppingmeof
fatLi
fa'
sgame
Her:"
Okaywher
eishe?Ihav
etoseehi
m
bef
oreIl
eav
e"
Me:
"Ist
hatr
eal
l
ynecessar
y?"
Her:"You'v
ebeenf
ri
endswi
tht
hisboyf
or4
monthsnowsoIneedtoseehi
m"Isawhim
ent
eri
ngt hegat
e
Me:
"Ther
ehei
s,i
nthebl
ackhoodi
e"
Her:
"Nowwhatar
eyouwai
ti
ngf
or?Cal
lhi
m"
Me:
"Maaa!
"
Her: "
Okay "sher ol
ledherwindowdownand
shoutedhisname, helookedourdirecti
onand
masi gnal
ledf orhimt ocomeov erbefore
steppingoutoft hecar.Omg, If
eltl
ikesinki
ng
i
nt omychai r.Isteppedoutofthecartooand
wentt ogost andnextt oher
"
Dumel
angma"hegreet
edmymom andgav
e
measmil
eIsmi
ledback
Ma:
"Hel
l
o,y
oumustbeLi
fa?
"Henodded
Hi
m:"
Ewema"
Ma:
"OhLi
fawaphi
?"(
Lif
afr
om wher
e)
Me:
"mahespeaksSot
ho"
Him: "
noit
'sokayIunder
stand,
I'
mfrom Bl
oem
butmybrotherandImovedhereaft
erIgot
accept
edatUWC"
Ma:
"Andy
ourpar
ent
s?"
Hi
m:"
Theypassedonma"
Ma:"Sor
rytoheart
hat
,whatdoy
ouwantf
rom
mydaughter
?"
Me:
"Mama!
"
Her:
"I'
m nott
alki
ngt
oyouBabal
wa"
Hi
m: *
clear
sthr
oat
*"I
'
m notsur
eIunder
stand
ma"
Her:
"I'
l
laskyouagai
nwhatdoy
ouwantf
rom
mydaughter
?"
Me:"
Mamapl ease"Il
ookedatherwi
thbeggi
ng
ey
esbutshej
ustlookedatLi
fa
Him: "Il
ikeyourdaught erma,she'sanicegirl
alt
houghshet r
iestoclosehersel
fupsot hat
peopledon'tgetnearherIr eal
l
ylikeher.Past
fewmont hsgetti
ngtoknowherhav ebeenbliss
butthereisnor ushwithBabalwa, i
fwhaty ou
askingisifI'
m afterwhat'
sinsi
deherpant s
thenmyansweri sno.Iwantmuchmor et han
that
"
Me: "Mamaby e"IquicklygrabbedLi fa'
shand
andwal kedawaydr agginghi m along,even
thoughwhathesai dhadl eftmet onguet i
edI
wishIhadl ethim conti
nue,l ethim explai
n
whathemeantbutmamawoul dn'thave
stopped.Wegott ot hegat eandIl etgoofhis
hand"I'
m sorryaboutt hat,shecanbeabi t
muchatt imes"
Hi
m: "
Iunderst
andshe'
syourmom af
teral
l
"we
wal
kedint
othefiel
d"I
'
m gl
adyoucame"
Me:*smiles*"
Iam happyt
obeher
esupport
ing
youl
ikey
oudowi thme"hesmil
edlooki
ngat
methenlookedahead.
I
nser
t26
∆
NATASHA
•
WhatcanIsay
?Li
fehasbeenal
ear
ningcur
ve
thesepastf ewmont hs,havingt ol earnt oshar e
Kumkani withanot herwomanwasn' teasybutI
l
ov edhi m call mecr azybuti tst het r
ut h.Idon' t
seemy selfwi thany oneel sebuthi m.Hav ingto
got oschool ,wor kandt akecar eofJuni or
wasn' teasyt houghbutI 'ddoany thingf ormy
son.YesZwel i sentusmoneyev erymont hbutI
alsowant edt omakeacont ribut i
on.Mypar ents
madei tclearf rom thegetgowhenIwas
pregnantt hatthischi l
dwasmyr esponsi bili
ty
andt hatt heywoul donlysuppor tmet hr oughi t
butwoul dn'traisehimf ormebecauseIneeded
tolearnf rom t his,Ineededt ol earnt hat
mot herhoodwasn' teasyandt rustmei tisn't
buthei smysonsoIdon' tcar e.I'l
lgr i
ndf orhim
ti
llthev eryend.
IwokeupThur sdaymor ni
nginajoll
ymood, i
t
wasmybi r
thday .Turning22.Igotupand
showered,
appliedlotiononmyski nthen
wrappedatowel ar
oundmybodybef oreget
ti
ng
Juniorreadyforcrèche.WhenIwasdonewi t
h
JuniorIlookedforsomet hi
ngtowear,Ichoose
mydeni m dressalongwi t
hmywhitelacoste
sneaker.Myhai rwascur l
edupsi
nceIdi dn'
t
blowdryi tsoIti
editintoahighmessybun.
Me:"HowdoIlook?
"Iwasaski
ngJuni
orand
henodded"
I'
ll
takei
tyoul
i
kehowmommy
l
ooks"
Ismil
edputt
inghi
m onthefl
oorandwewal ked
downstai
rst
othekit
chen,
hequickl
yrantomy
mom.Dadwasn'tintown,
awayonbusiness.
Me:"Mor
ningmommy
"shel
ookedatmeand
smi
l
ed
Her: "happybi
rthdaymyangel "shewalked
aroundt hecounterwithJuniorinherar
msand
huggedmebef oreplacingapeckonmy
forehead"I'
m soproudofy ouandhowf ar
you'vecome, youhavegr ownsomuchbaby .I
hopey oumakegoodchoi cesnotonlyf
oryou
butt
hisy
oungmanher
etoookay
?"Inodded
"Mommylovesy
ou"
Me:
*smi
l
ing*"
Ilov
eyout
oomom"
Her:"
Imadeyoubreakf
ast,y
oucant
akey
our
pl
atef
rom t
hemicr
owav e"
Me:"Thanky
ou"shel
eftt
hekit
chenwit
hJuni
or
whi
l
stIwarmedmyplateanddi
shedsomeoats
f
orJr.
"Noooi t
sformommy !"Thatwasmymot her'
s
voiceandthenIheardJuniorscr
eaminghis
l
ungsout ,t
hrowingatantr
um.Ilookedatthe
doorwayandshewal kedinwithaboxwr apped
upni cel
yandthosehugemansi zeteddybears,
Ilaughed
Me: "
real
lymom?"Iwalkedt
owar
dsherand
shehandedmetheteddybear
Her:
"Thisi
sf r
om me, Iknowhowmuchy ou
l
oveyourstuf
fedanimalsandthi
sri
ghtherei
s
f
rom yourf
ather"sheplacedt
heboxonthe
count
er,
Juniorwaspull
ingt
het eddybear
sfoot
soIpl
aceditonthegroundforhim
Me: "
guesswewil
lhavetoshar
ehi
m"hehad
al
readycl
imbedontopofhi
m
Mom :
"comeon,
openi
t"
Me: *l
aughs*"
I'
m sur
eyouknowwhati
tis
al
ready"
Her:
"Justopeni
tNat
ty"
Me: "
Okay!Okay!"Iunwrappedt
heboxonlyt
o
bemetbyt hel
atestmacbookpro"areyou
ser
ious!
?"Ismil
edexcitedly"
omgoshIneedt
o
cal
ldad"
Ir
ushedt
otheki
tchendoor
Her:"
Natt
ywai
tIst
il
lwantt
otakeaf
ew
pi
ctur
es!
"
Me:
"Lat
ermom"
Ir
ushedupstai
rstomyroom andgotmyphone
whichwasri
ngingof
fthehookonmybedside,
I
checkedt
hecal
l
erI
Dandi
twasZwe
Me:
"Baby
"
Hi
m: "
Tash.
..Fi
nal
lyI
'
vebeent
ryi
ngt
ocal
lyou
al
lmor
ningbaby"
Me:
"I'
m sor
rybaby
,Iwasbusyget
ti
ngr
eady
"
Him: "nopr
oblem babe"hecl
ear
edhist
hroat
thenbegansingi
nghappybirt
hdayt
ome" happy
bir
thdaypri
ncess"
Me:
*gi
ggl
es*"
Thanky
ousomuch"
Him:"I
'
m act
ual
l
yout
sidey
ourhouser
ight
now"
Me:
"Youar
e?"
Hi
m:"
Yep"
Me:
"OkayI
'
m comi
ng"
Ihungupandrusheddownst
air
s,mom l
ooked
atmequizzi
cal
ly
"
Zwel
ii
sout
side,
I'
ll
ber
ightback"Isai
dthat
rushi
ngoutnotgiv
ingherachancetospeak.As
soonasIsteppedoutofthegat
eIranint
o
Zweli
'sar
msandhepi ckedmeup
Him:"Heybaby"heki
ssedmyneckr
epeat
edl
y
bef
oreputt
ingmedown
Me:*smi
l
e*"Hi
"hepull
edmereall
ycloset
o
wher
ehewasstandi
ngbef
orepecki
ngmylips
Him: "happybi r
thdaymybaby "hecuppedmy
faceandki ssedmedeepl ybeforegazi nginto
myey es"FuckIl ovey ou"hepeckedmyl i
psand
wrappedhi sar msar oundmet ightl
y" gofetch
Junior
, I
'
mt aki
ngy ououtf orbreakfast"he
l
oosenedhi sgriponmywai standlookedatme
"andIbookedusar oom sincewel l
wecan' tgo
tothehouse, i
sthatokaywi thyou?"
Me:
"Yes"hepeckedmyl
i
psagai
n
Him: "GogetJuni
or,
we'
lldr
ophim of
fat
crèchethenwecangogrababit
eokay ?"I
noddedandhesmi l
ed"y
oulookbeauti
fulbaby
,
22ati
tsf
inest
"
Me:*
giggl
es*"
thanky
ou"Ipeckedhi
sli
ps"
let
megogetJuni
or"
Him: "
Okayboo,I
'
llwaitr
ighthere"Iwalkedto
thegate"
Ili
kehowthatshirtdr
esst hi
ngy ou'
re
weari
nglooksonyou!"Il
ookedbackathi m and
hewasbiti
nghisbott
om lipgiv
ingmea
mischi
evoussmir
k
Me:"Thanky
ou"Ibl
ewhi
m aki
ssbef
oregoi
ng
i
nsi
de
Ir
anupt omyroom andgotmybagt hathadal
l
mystuffal
ongwithJuni
or'
sbackpackt hen
wentdownstai
rsandmamawasf eedingJuni
or
Me:"Thanksmom,Zwel
ii
sgoi
ngtodrophi
m
of
fatcrèchet
hent
akemeoutf
orbreakf
ast
"
Her:
"That
'sni
ce"
Me:"SoI
'm goi
ngt
ohav et
opassthebreakf
ast
youmademebutthanksmommy "Iki
ssedher
cheekthenmadeJunior
'sl
unchandpackedi
t
i
ntohisbackpackal
ongwit
hsomesnacks.
Iplacedeverythingonthecounterandt ookmy
presentsupstairstomyr oom,makingament al
notetocallmydadandt hankhimf orthegif
the
boughtme.WhenIgotbackdownst ai
rsmom
wasdonewi t
hJuni orsoIgrabbedourbags
thenbidmom f arewel
lbefor
emakingourway
out.
Aft
erdroppi
ngoffJunior
,Zwelidr
oveusofft
o
ahotel
.Theonemydadal way
shadhis
i
mpor t
antmeet
ingsin!Il
ookedathim ashe
par
ked
Me: "Babyareyouser i
ous?"Helookedatme
smili
ngashenodded, Isqueal
edandkissed
hi
m" Thankyou"Ipeckedhisli
psthen
unbuckl edmyseatbel
tandopenedt hedoor
steppingoutofthecar.Hechuckledbefor
e
doingt hesameandhel dmyhandaswewal ked
i
n.
Hi
m: "Il
oveseeingt
hatsmi
leonyourf
ace"I
l
ookedathim andbl
ushedl
ooki
ngdown.
Hewalkedtotherecept
ionandhesor
tedout
ourdet
ail
sthengottheroom key
sandwewent
upst
air
s.
"Howismybirt
hdaygirlf
eeli
ng?"Heaskedas
heopenedourroom door,Iwal
kedin
Me: "
Great,thankstoyou"heclosedt
hedoor
andIl ookedar oundtheroom,i
twasbeauti
ful
.I
felthi
m wr aphi sar
msar oundmywaistashe
placedhischi nonshoulder.
Hi
m:"
Youl
ovei
t?"Inodded
Me: "
Thankyoufordoi
ngthi
s"heki
ssedmy
neckbef
orestandi
ngupst
rai
ght
Him: "Onlythebestforyou,hungr
y ?
"Inodded
andhet urnedmear ound,wewer enowf aceto
face.Wellnotexactl
ybecausehewasmuch
tal
lerthanIwas,hedi dn'
tsayanythi
ngbutjust
stareatme
Me:*bl
ushes*"
Whyar
eyoul
ooki
ngatmel
i
ke
t
hat
?"
Him:*smil
es*" becauseIl
oveyousomuch,I
can'
tbel
i
evey ou'resti
ll
mine"hepl
acedasof
t
peckonmyf oreheadandhuggedmeonce
agai
n
Me: "
I'
m notl
eavi
ngy
ouZwel
i"hepul
l
edoutof
thehugandpull
edmetot
hecouchwher
ewe
satdown
Him: "
Iknowmyl ove,
Ijustf
eell
ikeyou
deserv
ewaymor ethanwhatI'm cur
rent
ly
gi
vingyou"Il
ookedathim
Me:
"Wher
e'sal
lthi
scomi
ngf
rom?
"
Hi
m:"
BabyIj
ust
..
."
Me:
"ar
eyoubr
eaki
ngupwi
thme?
"
Hi
m: "
What!
?Babynothat
'sabsurd!
"Hesi
ghed
"
Iwoul
dn'
tbreaky
ourhear
tli
kethat"
Me:
"thenwhyar
eyout
alki
ngl
i
ket
his?
"He
pull
edmetolaymyheadonhischest
,If
elthi
m
takeof
fmyscrunchi
ethenmymessyhairfel
l
onmyshoulder
s"Babeee"
Him: "Il
ikeitl
oose"hegav ememyscr unchi
e
thenr anhisf i
ngerst hr
oughmyhai r"youknow
myf atherleftmehi scompanyr i
ght?
"Inodded
"Wellthatcompanymakesawhol elotof
moneyandwel lI'v
ebeensav i
ng"hesi ghed"I
've
savedupf orBabal waandI '
sf ees,well
i
ncludi ngImaraah'abecauseshei smywi f
eand
Iwil
l havet opayf orherfeesnowbutt hat'
snot
mypoi nt
.Mypoi ntis,i
tdoesn'tfeelr
ighthavi
ng
youasmygi rl
fri
endany mor e"Itri
edtor ai
semy
headbuthepushedi tbackonhi schest
Me:
"Idon'
tunder
standKani
"
Him:"Iwantt
otakey
ouasmywi
fenow"I
swal
l
owed
Me:
"Now?
"
Hi
m:"
YesNat
asha"
Me:
"Di
dyouspeakt
oImi
nam aboutt
his?
"
Hi
m: "YesIdid,Iwoul
dn'
ttal
ktoy
ouaboutt
his
wi
thoutconsult
ingherf
ir
st"
Me: "
oh"hemademesi
tupstraightt
hengot
of
fthecouch"
wher
eareyougoingnow?"
Him: "
Nowherebaby"hereachedf
orhi
sinner
j
acketpockett
hentookoutasmallvel
vetbox
befor
egoingdownononeknee.Myey es
popped"r
elaxbaby
"hepeckedmyl i
ps
"
Zwe.
..
"Iwhi
sper
edhej
ustsmi
l
ed
Him: "
Ihaven'tbeent hebestofboy fr
iend'sI
knowbuty ou'v estuckwi t
hmeunt i
lnowbaby
*si
ghs*andy esIknowwhatI '
m askingy ouisn'
t
easybutwewi l
ll
ear ntogether
.Wewon' tknow
unlesswet ryright?"Hechuckl ed" y
oudon' tl
ike
sharing,ni
etherdoesshebutIl oveyou.Pl ease
sayy es.Tome, t
ousasaf amilywithourson,
yestobecomi ngasi stertoImar aahanda
secondmot hertothet winsjustasshehas
beenwit
hourson.Domet hehonour
sofbei
ng
mywife"Ijustf
roze"
babe"hewasstart
ingt
o
l
ookwor r
ied
Me: "
Wow...I
..
.Idon'
tevenknowwhattosay
*si
gh*whatyou'
reaskingmeis..WowI
..
."He
wasstar
ti
ngtolookdisappoi
nted
Hi
m:"
Ist
hatano"
Me:"OfcourseIwi
l
lmar
ryy
ourdumbass"he
smi
l
edner vousl
y
Hi
m: "
Youreal
l
ygotmet herefuck!
"Hesl
i
pped
t
heri
ngint
omyf i
nger"
Iloveyou"
Me: "
Iloveyoumore"hesmiledbefore
att
ackingmewithakissandpickingmeup
fr
om thecouch,t
hat'
showeasyi twasforhi
m.
Thosehoursspenti
ngy m werereal
lywor
thit
.
Ihookedmyl egsar
oundhi swaistashehada
fi
rm gr
iponmyass, Iwrappedmyar msar ound
hi
sneckashemaneuv eredaroundtheroom ti
ll
Ifel
thim pl
acemeont opofthebedandgoti n
betweenmylegs.Hepulledoutofourki
ssand
unbutt
onedthedressIhadslowlyandpl
acedi
t
onthecouch,Isl
ippedoffmyoneshoeandhe
hel
pedmewi ththeother
.
"Youlookbeaut
if
ul baby
"hesai
dthatl
ooki
ng
str
aighti
ntomyey es
"Thanky ouKani"hesmiledtaki
ngofhi sjacket
thenT- shi
rtandgotinbetweenmyl egs,
attackingmyl i
psonceagainwhilecaressing
myt highandgr abbi
ngmyassaf ewtimes.
Soonwewer ebot hnakedandKumkani had
grabbedmet ocl i
mbont op,Igrindedmywet
pussyonhi shar ddi ckashehadaf ir
m gri
pon
myasswhi leweki ssed.Iknewmyhumpi ng
wasdr i
vinghi m nut sashekeptcur si
ngin
betweenourki sst ightent hegriphehadonmy
ass.Hef l
ippedmeov erandgoti nbet weenmy
l
egswi thoutbr eakingt hekiss,Ifelthisf
ingers
openingmyf oldsthenr ubagainstmywet
moistent r
ance.Hepul ledoutoft hekissand
l
ookedme
"
Youwetf
ormebaby?"Herubbedmyclit
,
maki
ngci
rcl
esar
ounditandIr
eleasedashaky
"Yesss"Isaidthati
nt helowesttoneever
,he
l
ower edhisheadandni bbledonmyneckdown
tomyal readyhardnipples.Hisfi
nger
slef
tmy
cli
tandIf el
tthem enterme, It
hrewmyhead
back
"Howbadl
ydoy
ouwanti
t?"Hi
svoi
cedeepyet
sombr
emademerel
easeevenmor
ejui
ces
"
Badly.
..
"Hecameuptomyearandni
bbl
edon
i
t,Iar
chedmyback"
Please!
"
Ilower edmyhandt ogetaholdofhisdickbut
hequi cklygrabbedbothandlockedbothont op
ofmyhead, hisli
psfoundtheirwayt
omi ne
againt hat'
swhenIf el
ttheheadofhisdick
againstmyent r
ance.Heranitupanddownmy
folds
"
Begf
ori
t"f
uckKumkani
!
"Babypl easee!
!"Ipl
eadedwi thhim,Ifel
thim
entermypussyandIt hrewmyheadbackon
thepi l
l
owasamoanl eftmyl i
psandagr oan
from him ashebegant hrusti
ngi nsi
deme.He
nibbledonmyneckwhi lsttakingdeepyetslow
strokesandi tdrovemei nsane"Fuckkkk!
Baby ..
."Hegav emeadeepst roke
"
Mhh?
"Heki
ssedmyl
i
ps"
tal
ktomebaby
"
"Iwanti
troughandhar dpleasedaddy
"I
openedmyey esandlookedhi m,hesmi r
kedas
hethrewmyl egsonhisshoulderandtook
deeper&harderstr
okesjustthewayIlikedit
"omgaaaadKumkani yeesss!"
Heslammedhar derintomeuppi
nghi space
thenletgoofmyhandshehandl ockedabove
myhead, pul
ledoutofmet henstoodand
pull
edmyl egsbeforeslammingrighti
ntome.
AndIscr eamedwi t
hmybackont hebedsti
ll
fi
sti
ngt hebeddingi ntomyhands,hewas
hit
ti
ngi ti
nal lt
her i
ghtspot
s.
"FuckNat ashaaa! "Her oar edt hr owinghi shead
backanduppi nghi spacesomemor eashe
releasedgr oans.Iknewhewascl ose" fuck
babyy ouont hei njectionr ight? "Hewasst i
l
l
pumpi ngintomeandIshookmyhead" Baby y
y
comeonf uck!"Hesl owedhi spacedown
bef orepulli
ngout ,Isatup&t ookhi mi ntomy
mout h.Her oaredt hrowi nghi sheadback, I
fl
ickedmyt onguear oundt heheadofhi sdick
"I
'm aboutt ocum"hef istedmyhai rand
cont roll
edmypacewi thaf ewdeept hroats
her e&t herebef orehebur sthi snutandIt ooki t
allin,suckingt hem outofhi sdi ckandhe
releasedadeepgr oanmi xedwi t
hacur se
bef orehepul leshi sdickoutofmout handI
swal lowed.Hebentov erandki ssedmebef or
e
pushi ngmet ol aybackandt hebed, hiskisses
descendi ngdownt omyneckt henni pplesashe
play edwi t
hmycl itbef orei ntroducinghi s
tonguet oitandsucki ngoni t" Zwe..."Iarched
mybackandpushedhi sheaddowni nbet ween
myl
egs.
"Thatwasamazing!"Hepull
edmet
olayont
op
ofhischestaf
teroursessi
on
Me:"I
'm hungr
ynowbaby
"hechuckl
edbef
ore
ki
ssi
ngthecrownofmyhead
Hi
m:"
Whatwoul
dyoul
i
ket
oeat
?"
Me:
"Whatdot
heyof
fer
?"
Him: "Themenui sovert
herebaby"hepointed
atthecoffeetabl
ewhichwasinthecornerof
theroom withaphonealongsi
deit"Geti
tand
ordersomethingforustoeatt
henwecant ake
aquickshower "
Me:"
Okay"Igotupf
rom t
hebedandwal
ked
ov
ert
othetable
"
Sexyass"Il
ookedbackandhewi
nkedatme
Me:
*gi
ggl
es*"
Stop"
Ior
deredusameal,
theysai
ditwoul
dt ake15-
20minutest
opst
ogetreadysoZweliandI
tookaqui cki
nnocentshowerwhi
lewewai t
ed
thenslippedi
ntothegownsthatwereinthe
bathroom.Therewasaknockwhi chZweli
attendedtowhil
eIwr appedat
owel ar
oundmy
head.
"
babyf
ood!
"Heshout
edf
rom t
heot
herr
oom
Me: "I
'
m coming"Iwashedmyhandsthenwent
tojoi
nhim onthecouch,hepeckedmyl
ipsas
soonasIsatdown
Hi
m:"
happybi
rt
hdaymyl
ove"
Me:
"bestbi
rt
hdayev
er!
"
Him:"Itr
y,buti
tsnotovery
et"Ipl
atedupf or
bot
hofusandwest ar
tedeati
ng"I
mar aah
woul
dl i
ketoseeyou"
Me:
"I'
m sor
ry,
what
?"
Him: "
Youaregoi
ngtobehersister-
wifesoon
soItol
ditwoul
dhappenedimmedi at
elyaft
er
youagreedt
omypr oposal
"Igul
peddownmy
j
uice"
Rel
axbaby
,I'
l
lbet
her
e"
Me:"Sowhenar
ewesupposedt
ohav
ethi
s
meet
ing?
"
Hi
m:"
Toni
ght
"
Me:
"Zwe!
"
Him: "Iknowbutpleasebaby ,she'sbeen
pesteri
ngmeabouti t
."Isighed" pl
easebehave,
Iknowhowcangetsomet imesbutpl easenot
todayokay ?Sheismyf irstwifeandshe
deservesrespectbecausei fshechangesher
mindt henthi
swhol ethingstops, Ican'
tdoit
withoutherwishes.Sopl easebabybeanangel
fordaddyandbehav eokay ?"
Me:
"IknowZwe"
Him: "I
'
mj ustr
emindingyou,ourfuture
dependsony ourat
ti
tudetonightandIl ove
I
mar aah,i
fyoudisr
especthertheny ouare
di
srespecti
ngmeandI '
m nothavingthatdoyou
underst
and?"Inoddedagain"thanky ou"he
ki
ssedmyf
oreheadandcont
inuedeat
ing.
I
nser
t27
∆
BABALWA
•
It
'smor ning,I'
mr eadyandpr epar edfort heday.
Ipackedmybookst hatIneededf ortheday
alongsidemyl aptopint omybag, Ididn'thave
practi
cet odaysoIdi dn'thav etobr i
ngf i
tness
gear.Ev ersi
ncet hecr i
cketmat ch,LifaandI
havegr owncl oserbutwest il
lremai nf ri
ends.I
doubtI'mr eadyf orthatki ndofcommi t
mentor
stepast obeinginar elat
ionship.Ev enmy
therapi
stAshl eysaidIshoul dt aket hingsslow
andsheknowsbestsoI '
m goingt oli
stent oher
,
Iam happywi ththef actt hathei sn'tpushing
mei ntoany thingbutr atherletev erythingflow
yetstil
lmaki ngmef eel want edbutI 'm stil
l
scared.Mypasthaunt sme.
Imademywayt ot hedinninghallandev er
yone
wasal readysi t
ti
ngdown.Igr eetedbefore
sitt
ingdownandonl ymom &Mar aahgreeted
me, bhutilookedsourmor elikehewokeupon
thewr ongsi deofthebed.Idon' tknow, he&his
wifewentouty esterday.Hewasexci t
edwhen
heleftbutnowIguesswhat evertheyhad
planneddi dn'tgoaspl anned.
"babyshouldImakey ourpr
otei
nshaketogo?
"
I
mar aahaskedZwewhowaspl ayi
ngwitht
he
foodonhisplate.Shesli
ght
lyshookhi
m si
nce
hedidn'
trespond
Hi
m:"
I'
m sor
ry,
what
?"
Her:"
Prot
einshake?Seei
ngasy
ou'
renotr
eal
l
y
t
ouchi
ngyourfood"
Him:"NahI'
m good"hepushedhisplateaway
andstoodup"Letmegogetr eady,
Ihavea
matchlat
ert
odaysoy eah.Thanksforbreakf
ast
ma"
Ma:
"you'
rewel
comemyboy
"hel
ookedatme
Hi
m: "
Babal
wa"Inoddedandhedi
dtoobef
ore
wal
ki
ngout.
Me: *cl
earsthr
oat
*"i
sever
ythi
ngokay?"I
askedlooki
ngatImar
aah,mom nudgedmyar
m
Her:
"St
opbei
ngnosyBabal
wa"
Me:
"Sor
ry"
Imar
aah: "He'
sjustner
vousaboutthegame"
shecl
earedherthroat"
letmegocheckonhi m"
shestoodupandpushedherchairin"excuse
mema, y
oudon'thavetoworr
yaboutthet able
wheny ouguysaredone.I'
l
lcl
eanitup"
Ma:
"Okaybaby
"
Her:
"Hav
easpl
endi
dday
,bot
hofy
ou"
Me:
"Yout
oo"
Shesmil
edsl
i
ghtlythenmadeherwayoutto,I
l
ookedatmom andshejustshookherhead
andcar
ri
edoneatingsoIdi
dt hesame.
•
•
I
MARAAH
∆
Iclosedthedoorafterwalkingi
ntoourroom, I
couldhearthewaterrunninginthebathroom so
thatmeanthewasi nt heshower.Icheckedon
thet wi
ns,yest
heyst i
llshar
edtheroom wi t
hus,
andt heywerebothsleepingpeacef
ull
ysoI
decidedtotakeoutanout fi
tforI
maadwhi l
ehe
wasi ntheshower.HecameoutasIl ai
di tout
ont hebed,hepassedmeandwal kedov erto
thewar dr
obescanningi t
.
"
Babe?
"Hei
gnor
edme"
Imaad,
babyI
..
."
Him:"Idon'
twanttoheari
tImar
aah"het
ook
outhi
spumat r
acksui
t
Me:
"It
ookouty
ourout
fi
tal
ready
"
Hi
m:"
I'
m capabl
eofdoi
ngt
hatmy
sel
f"
Me:
"Kumka.
..
"
Hi
m: "
Imar
aah!
"Hehal
fshoutedthent
urnedt
o
l
ookatme"Notnowpl
easeokay?
"
Me:
"Idi
dn'
tmeant
oKani
"
Him: "
Yout reat
edherli
ketrashImar aah!Sheis
themotherofmychi l
dandnodi sr
espectbut
youknowIl oveherbutyougoandmakeher
feelwort
hlessli
keyoudidlastnight"Ijust
glar
edathim, hewasfuming" Ican'
tbel i
eveyou
honestl
y"
Heunwr appedthet owelthatwasar oundhis
waistandthrewi tonthefloorbeforegrabbing
hisdrawersandput ti
ngthem on, t
henhemade
hiswaytowar dsthebedandt ooktheclothesI
hadlaidoutforhim putt
ingthem on.Whenhe
wasdonehegr abbedhisgy m bagandf olded
thetr
acksuithetookoutandputi ti
nt her
e
beforemakinghiswayt ot hetwinscotsand
peckingthei
rforeheadsast heyslept.
Him: "
Areyoucomi
ngt
oni
ght
?"Hewast
alki
ng
abouthismatch
Me: "
Andthekids?Pl
usIdon'twanttobother
yourmom fort
hesecondt i
meinar owbaby,
she&Babalwahav et
hingstodo.Ican'
texpect
them t
obabysi
tformeev er
yday"henodded
befor
egrabbi
nghiscarkeysandcell
Hemadehi swaytowar
dsourbedr
oom door
whil
eIstoodbyourbedl
ooki
ngathim,
he
t
urnedtolookatme
"
Ilov
eyou"
"
Ilov
eyoumor
eKumkani
"
Hesi
ghedasheopenedt
hedoorandmadehis
wayout
.Okay
,maybeIwentov
erboar
dlast
ni
ght
.
•
•
NATASHA
∆
Iam donewi t
hZwel iandhi swife, I'
m honest ly
donewi tht heirsickgames.Asf orI mi nam
tr
eatingl ikesomepi eceofgum st uckt oher
shoe, calli
ngmenamesl ikethat* si gh*I've
neverf eltsosmal l
inmyl ifeli
keIdi datt hat
dinnert ablel astnight .IgotJuni orr eadyf or
crèche, Iwasdr essedi nmydeni mj eanswi tha
blackcr ophoodi eal ongwi t
hmybl ackadi das.
Afterbr eakf astIgotmysonst r
appedi ntohis
carseatt henbuckl edupanddr oveoutoft he
yard,asIt urnedt hecor nerdownmyst reetI
sawZwel i'
scarbutIdi dn'tstopIst ill
went
aboutmybusi nessanddr ovetomyson' s
crèche.Igl ancedatt her ear v
iewmi rr
orandhe
wasdr i
v i
ngbehi ndme, si
ghIdon' twantt osee
himr n!
Myphoneranganditwasconnectedtothe
Bl
uet
oothinthecar,
obv i
ousl
yitwasZweli! I
di
dn'
tanswerit
.Iparkedinfr
ontofJr
'scrèche
andgothim outt
hecar
,hesawhisfat
herinhi
s
carandshoutedhi
snamesohegotout ,
made
hiswaytowardsusner
vousl
ybef
oretaki
nghis
sonfrom me.
Him: "Morning"InoddedthengrabbedJuni or
's
bagf r
om thebackseatandwal kedt othedoor,
oneofhi steacherswasstandi
ngt here.Webid
far
ewel l
toJuniorandIswi f
tl
ymademywayt o
thecar"Babywai t
!"Ibl
atant
lyi
gnor edhim unti
l
hegotahol dofmyar m andIshothi m alook
"I
'm sorr
y"heletgo
Me:
"Canwenotdot
hisnow?
"
Hi
m: "Ij
ustwannatal
kTashpl
easebaby
, I
di
dn'
tplanfort
hingst
otur
noutthewaythey
di
dlastni
ght"
Me: *chuckl
es*"
andI'
mthef
ool
whoi
s
supposedtobeli
evet
hat"
Hi
m:"
What
'st
hatsupposedt
omean?
"
Me:
"thi
sthi
nggoi
ngonher
emaybej
usta
gamet ot hetwoofyoubuttomei t'
srealli
fe
okay!AndI '
m hur
ti
ngnowIwi llnotbecall
ed
namesbysomeonewhodoesn' tevenknowme!
Shecalledmeahomewr eckerandahoeZwel i
!
ThatIwant edtobreakyourmatri
monywi thher,
l
ikearey ouseri
ouswithmer i
ghtnow, aft
er
ever
y t
hingIam thefoolagai
nandI '
mt i
red
Zweli"
Him: "
Idi
dn'
tknowshe'dpul
lthestuntshe
pul
ledTashbutIhandl
editl
astni
ghalready
baby"
Me:*
sigh*"
Lov
ingy
oui
shar
dwor
kZwel
iand
I
'mt
ir
ed"
Hi
m:"
Noy
oucan'
tgi
veuponmeNat
asha"
Me:
"I'
mti
redoft
his!Ideser
vebet
tert
hant
his"
Hi
m:"
Canwet
alksomewher
epr
ivat
epl
ease?
"
Me:
"Ihav
epl
acest
obe"
Hi
m:"
Buty
ouonl
yhav
ecl
assesi
nthe
af
ter
noonbabe"
Me:
"What
?"
Hi
m: "Yougavemeacopyofy
ourt
imetabl
e"I
si
ghedandlookedasi
de,
west
oodt
herein
si
l
ence
"Canwegograbcoffeesothatwecant al
k
proper
ly?
"Il
ookedathim"pleasebaby
,please"
Me:
"Zwe.
."Hepul
l
edmei
ntohi
sar
ms
Him: "
Onecupthenyoucanl
eavepl ease
mamakhe"helookedatmewhil
er unninghi
s
handsupanddownmyar mscaressingthem
"Pl
ease?"
Me:
*si
ghs*"
JustoneZwel
i
"
Hi
m:"
yesbabyj
ustone"
Me:
*nods*"
Okay
"hegav
emeaner
voussmi
l
e
Hi
m: "CanIgetakiss?
"Igavehimthereall
y
l
ook"okaysorr
yIwon'tpushi
t"hepeckedmy
f
oreheadandwalkedmet omydoorwhi l
st
hol
dingmyhand."
You'
l
ldr
ivebehi
ndme"
Me:"
Cool"Iunl
ockedthecarandheopened
t
hedoorf
orme" Thanks"
Ihoppedinsideandclosedthedoor,hej
ogged
tohiscarandt ur
nedtheigni
ti
ononsodi dI
beforefol
lowingbehi
ndhimt i
ll
wegott omyfav
coffeeshop.OhZweli! i
t'
stheli
tt
le
thi
ngshedoes.
"t
hat'
sall
,babyanyt
hingel
se?"Il
ookedatthe
wait
erandshookmyhead" okaythanks,
you
canbri
ngmeagl assofwatersolong"
Wai
ter:
"Yessi
r"hewal
kedaway
.
Zwe: "
Iknowy oubl amemef orlastni
ght"I
nodded"WellIguessIdeser vethatbutbabyI
spoketoherandexpl ai
nedev erythi
ng,shewas
okaybefor
ewegott herebutseemsl i
keital
l
changedwhenshesawy ouandIdon' tblame
herokay?Thi
si sn'
teasyf orneit
heroneofy ou,
I
knowwhatI'm askingi stoomuchbutIdon' t
wanty outwohur t
ingeachot her.Hurtmebut
noteachot herbecauseI 'm notforci
nganyone
i
ntothisarrangement .Ifyouf eelyouwon'
tbe
happywi t
hshar i
ngmey ou'
remor ethan
welcomet onotent erintothispolygamist
marriage"Iswall
owed
Me:
"Ineedt
ime"
Him: "okaybabythere'
snor ush,
takeallthe
ti
mey ouneed.I fyouwishtocalli
toffthenI'
ll
respectthatbecauseit
'syourhappinessat
stakehere"Inodded
Me:"
Thanksmunchi
e"hesmi
l
edbef
oregi
vi
ng
meawink.
Thewai
tercamebackwithhisgl
assofwater
andgav
euspr i
vacyagai
n,I
'
m confl
i
ctednow.
•
I'
m back,
yourcri
eshavebeenheard.Not
every
onemustsuf f
ercauseofahandful
,I
'm
sorr
ytotheloy
alreader
sf ort
hewait
.
Dotakenote:i
fthepagei
srepor
tedagai
nI'
l
l
unpubl
isht
hisdi
ary.
Di
ary28
∆
I
MARAAH
•
AsmuchasImayt rytosuppr essmyf eelingsI
cannothi det hefactthatthepol ygami st
mar ri
ageKumkani wantsissomet hingIr eall
y
donotwantf ormy self
.Iwoul dn'tsurvive,I
thoughtI '
dlethim bewi thNat ashat hinkingthat
i
twasaphasebuti tpersistedonunt i
lnowand
i
tdoesn' tseem likeitisgoingt ost opany time
soon.Itkillsmedai lywhenhel eav esthehouse,
askingmy selfwhetherhei swi thherornotand
whatt heyar edoing.Quest i
onst hatIhav eto
askmy selfdail
ybutt henpr etendtobeokay
whenheget shome, ascr azyandst upidasi t
maysoundt omanyl ooki
ngi ntoourmar r
iage
andthesit
uati
onwefi
ndoursel
vesinwith
NatashaIsti
l
llov
eKanisomuch.Icannot
unl
ov ehi
m.
Itri
eddur ingt hosemont hsofbei ngal one
throught hemot i
onsofmypr egnancybutI
fai
led,Ilovehi m.Nat ashawast hereduringhis
tri
alswitht het raumat hefami lyendur ed
becauseofhi sfather
, i
t'
sst i
l
lf r
eshf orhim and
sheact uallylov eshim butIdon' tthinkhewant s
togot herebutshegi v eshim asenseofi tis
goingtobeokayandIdon' twantt otakethat
awayf rom hi m.Iwanthi mt obet heonet o
reali
zewhati sact ual
lygoingonandwhohe
actuall
ylov esbecauset obehonestweonl ygot
mar ri
edbecauseofourgi r
lssoIhol dnof orm
ofhei smi net ohav eaut hori
ty.Ourmar ri
age
needswor k, alotofit.Wehav en'thadachance
toenjoyour selvesashusbandandwi fe
becausewebot hwer en'tr
eadyf ort hi
sbutnow
Iwantt ogi vet hismar r
iagemyal l.Callme
crazybutI '
m stay
ingwitht
hisman.Wejust
havet ofixthi
ngsfir
st,
counsel
l
ingyesthatwi
ll
help!Ineedt otal
ktohimfir
stt
hough,Idon'
t
wantt ojumpt hegun.
Mythought swer
edist
urbedbyt hecri
esof
Amira.Ist
oodupf r
om thebedandt ookherout
ofhercot,shei
mmediatelykeptqui
et
"Salaam al
aykum pumpkin"Ipeckedher
foreheadandwokehersi sterup.Ihadtoi
n
ordertokeeppeacear oundhere,whentheone
wakesupt heotherhast otooorelseyouwil
l
dancet hewholenight
.Learntthatthehar
dway.
Ichangedtheirnappiesthengav et
hem their
bottl
es,whil
etheylaidinthemi ddleofthebedI
gotthei
rbathwat erreadyandt ookoutt he
product
sthatIneededal ongwi ththeirout
fit
s
fortheday.Afterbathi
ngthem, Ipl
ayedwith
them ali
tt
lebef or
etheytookt heirnapsthenI
wentaboutmybusi nesscleaningaroundthe
housethenshower ed.
Ifel
tbadthatIcouldn'tgotoZweli
'
smat ch,I
meanitwashi sfi
rstbigonenowt hathewas
backontheteam andIcoul dnotbether ewith
hi
m butI'
m sureheunder stoodImeanwehav e
ki
dsandIhat etr
oublinghismotherallthetime.
Ideci
dedtocallhi
mt houghandhesur prisi
ngl
y
answered
Me:
"Sal
aam myl
ove"
Hi
m:"
Baby
,ev
ery
thi
ngokay
?"
Me: "Yeseveryt
hingi
sfine,j
ustfi
nishedputt
ing
them downforanapandcl eanedar oundt
he
house.JustfeelsobadthatI'
m notgoingtobe
ther
esupportingyoulat
er"
Hi
m: *
sighs*"
It
'sokay
,ImeanIunder
stand
Maraah"
Me:
"Youdo?
"
Hi
m: "Yeah,
sor
ryf
oracti
nglikeaj
erkthi
s
morni
ngIknowthi
sisn'
teasyfory
ou"Icl
ear
ed
mythr
oat
Me:
"Canwenott
alkaboutt
hatnow?
"
Him:"
Imaraah,canyoupleasej
ustapol
ogizeto
her
?Pl
ease,yourbehavi
ourwasunacceptabl
e"
Me:
"Ihav
etogo"
Hi
m:"
I'
m st
il
ltal
ki
ngt
oyou"
Me:
"Zwel
ipl
ease"
Hi
m:*
sighs*"
Okay
"
Me: "
Ijustwantedtowishy ouwel
lonyour
matchlater
,Icall
ednowcauseIknowy ou'
ll
be
outofreachsoon.Il
ov eyou,by
e"Iqui
ckl
yhung
upbeforehesaidanything.
Ijustdidn'twanttogoi ntotheNatashaissue,
i
t'snotsomet hi
ngI'm proudof.Isai
dsome
hurtfulthi
ngst oherthatIshouldn'
thavebut
j
ealousyandhur tgotthebestofmebutIwi l
l
apologizet oherthoughbecauseshei sn'
tat
faulthere.Zweliis,
speakingofZwel ihejust
sentmeat ext:
`Okay,I
'm sor
ry.Iam adi
ckheadlat
ely
,Idon't
knowwhat 'sgoingonwit
hmebutwewi l
l t
alk
properl
ywhenIgethomet oni
ght
.Ilov
ey ou
mor eandthanky oubaby
`-Imaad.
Idecidednottoreply
,insteadIwaitedfort he
kidstowakeupanddr ovetomyhome.Iwas
fetchi
ngmymot her,myhusbandhadgi v enme
somemoneyt ogobuycl othes.Wespoke
aboutitandhefeelsit'
snotnecessaryf orme
toweart hi
str
aditi
onalwifeatti
re,Iwast aking
mymot herwi
thmesot hatIhadanext rahand
withmet ohel
pwi ththekidswhi l
eIshop.
WhenIparkedi
nf rontoft
hehouse,
Ical
l
edto
sayIwasoutsi
de.Shecameoutaf t
erafewand
j
oinedmeinthefront.
Her:"mntanam bethuna!
"(Ohmychi
ld)She
huggedme" Imissy ousomuch,
thi
shouseis
solonel
ywithoutyouImi"
Me:
*smi
l
es*"
Himommy
"Ist
art
edt
hecar
i
gni
ti
onwhi
l
eshe'
greet
ed'
hergr
andki
ds
"Sounjani
Iminam?"(Howareyou)mymom
asked.Igl
ancedatherthenbackont
her
oad
Me:
"Mama,
saf
etybel
tpl
ease"
Her:
"Ohsorr
ybaby"sheputi
tonandIst
opped
atar
edli
ght"sohowareyou?
"
Me: "
I'
mf i
nemama"Il ookedatheragain,she
gavemet hereal
l
ylook"mamandi r
ightnyani'
(r
eall
yI'
mf i
ne)
Her:
"Andhowi
sKumkani
treat
ingy
ou?
"
Me:
*si
gh*"
Het
ri
es"
Her:
But
..
."
Me:
"Ohmamai
t'
snot
hing"
Her:"
HaiboIminam,
I'
myourmot
hery
oucan
t
ellmeanythi
ng"
Me:"Ndiy
ayazlont
omama"( Iknowt
hat)"i
t'
s
j
ustIdon'
tknowifI
'm bei
ngagoodwifetohim
ornot* chuckles*Idon' tev enknowhowt obea
wife,I
'm sti
llgett
ingt her opesofbeinga
mot hertothegi r
ls.Ibar elyhaveti
mef orhi
m,
I'
m alway smoody .Beingi nthathouse24/7li
ke
ahousewi f
ethatIam i sdr ivi
ngmenut sandI
takeitoutonhi m.I '
mj ustf ail
i
ngmamaandI
canseet hatinhisact i
ons"
Her: "Ohmybaby "shepl acedherhandonmy
shoulderandcar essedi t"Iknowy ouwer en't
readyf orthisandI '
m sosor rythatwehadt o
forcey ourhandbuty ouknowy ourf at
herand
howr uthl
esshecanbeImeanl ookaty our
brother.I'
m surey oudon' twantt oendupl ike
him"Ishookmyhead" You'llgetthehangof
thi
ngs, justfocusony ourki dsandhusband.
Don'tabandonhi m now, hecan' tfeelunwant ed.
Amanwant stofeelneededbabyy oucan't
neglecthi m,fi
ndway st obondwi thdon'tthink
sexisal lthat'
sneededcausei t'
snot "Ilaughed
"don'tlaughIknowy ouhav esext hepr oofisi n
t
heseat
sbehi
ndus"
Me:"Wehaven'
thadsexev
ersi
ncet
heki
ds
wer
eborn"
Her:"
Butt
hatwasal
most7mont
hsago
I
minam"
Me: "Iknowmama, I'
mjustneverinthemood
forsex.All
Idoislookaft
erthekids,cl
eanand
cook.Sexisn'
tevenafactori
nmyl if
e"
Her:
"Hedoesn'
tev
eni
nit
iat
eit
?"
Me: "
mamacomeon"Iwasn'
treal
ly
comfort
abl
edi
scussi
ngmysexli
fewit
hmy
mother
Her:
"Tal
kImi
"
Me: "
Hedoes,Imeanheusedtounti
lhegot
ti
redofmetur
ninghim downal
lthet
imenow
hegetsi
tfr
om Natasha"
Her:"
Soy ou'
repushi
nghimint
oherarms,
if
youdon'
twantthismarr
iagej
ustl
eav
eit
I
mar
aah"
Me: "
Ididn'
tatfi
rstbutnowIdoma,Icanfeel
myselfl
oosinghi
m andIcan'
tbar
ethisfeel
ing
i
tki
ll
sme"
Her:
"Thenbeawi
fet
oyourhusband,
sal
vage
t
hismarr
iage"
Me:
"Ewemama"
Wehadar ri
vedatthemal l
alongt i
meagobut
wesatinthecarbecauseoft hisconver
sati
on.
Wegotoutandshehel pedmef eedthegir
ls
befor
ewewenti nsideandbegunshoppi ng
becausewhatyoudon'twanti sascreaming
chi
ldinthedamnshoppi ngcentre!
Bythet i
mewef i
nishedwiththeshoppingIwas
exhaustedtosayt heleast
,wewentt oget
somet hi
ngtoeatt henIuberedmymom home
becauseIwast oot i
redtodriveoverthatsi
de
oftownt henagainallthewayhome.Mom
understood,Iev
enboughtherat okenofthanks
andshesaidIshouldmakeuseofherof f
er.
Shewantedtobaby si
tthegirl
sbutIneverreal
l
y
useheroff
ercauseInev erreal
lygoanywhere
butIunder
stoodthatshewant edtospend
sometimewithhergrandkids.
WhenIar ri
v edatt hehouset hekidswer e
sleeping,Itookt hem insi defir
stthenfet ched
theshoppi ngbagsandt ookanapwi ththem.
Byt hetimeIwokeupi twasar ound7,y ohI
reall
yslepti n.Theki dswer eawakebutqui et,
awwwbabi esknewt hatmommyi sfami shed
andneededr est.Iquicklyfreshenedupt hen
wentt othel ounge, placedt hem intheirsafety
chairswithsomecar toonsont hengotst ar
ted
onsupperwhi l
eIf edt hem ont hesideandat e
mywar medt akeoutsont hesidet oo.Macame
i
nt othekitchenwhi l
eIwasbusy ,shewas
alreadyinherpaj amas
Me:
"Mama,
Idi
dn'
tknowy
ouwer
ehome"
Her:
"Isawy
ouwer
esl
eepi
ngsoIdeci
dedt
o
t
akear
elaxi
ngbat
h"
Me: "
I'
m sor
ryaboutt
helat
esupperbutI'
l
lbe
donesoon.Wouldyouli
keacupoftea?
"
Her:"Yesplease,
Babal
wawentt
ogowat
chher
br
otherplay
"
Me:
"OhIdi
dn'
tknow"
Her:"I
'
m sur
pri
sedy
oudi
dn'
tgo,
isev
ery
thi
ng
okay
?"
Me: "
All
iswel
lma,Ij
ustdi
dn'
twanttobot
her
youbyaski
ngyout
olookaft
erthegi
rl
sagai
n"
Her:"
Idon'
tmindthough,
Ienj
oyspendi
ngt
ime
wit
hthem.Theyar
en'tmuchtr
oubl
e"
Me: *smiles*"
Thanky ou,
youcangosi
t.I
'
ll
br
ingy ourteat
oy ou"shenoddedsmi
li
ngand
walkedoutofthekitchen.
Iqui
cklymadehercupoft eaandt ook
ever
ythingtoheronatr
ayt henfini
shedupwith
supper.Aft
ereati
ngIwashedt hedishesand
wenttot hebedroom withAminahandAmi raso
thatIcouldbaththem befor
ethei
rfathergot
home, half
wayt hr
oughIheardhisvoiceinthe
l
oungehedi dn'
tsounddownorany thi
ngsot hat
meantt heyplayedagoodgame.I twasn'tl
ong
unti
lheent eredourroom.
"
mygi
rl
s"
Me:"Daddy
"hesmiledbef
orecomi
ngt
osmack
hi
sli
psonmi ne"
goodgame?"
Him:"
Greatgame,nottobl
owmyownhor nbut
weputupagreatmatch"hesatdownnextto
meandhelpedmedressthegir
lsupint
heir
paj
amas
Me: *giggl
es*"
Okay
, goshower
.I'
l
lwar
m up
yourplateandgi
veyouamassage"
Him: "
Wealreadyhadsomethi
ngt oeat"he
stoodupaf
terplaci
ngAminahinthemi ddl
eof
thebedwit
hherbottle"
butI
'l
ltakethat
massageoffer"
Me:
"nowgowhi
l
eIputt
hem t
osl
eep"
Hemadehi swayt othebat hr
oom asIf i
nished
of
fandgav emyangel herbot tl
etoo, Icl
eaned
uptheroom andputt heirstuffawayt hen
di
mmedt hel
ight
s.Aft erawhi letheyf el
lasleep
soIputthem int
heircot s,changedi ntomy
ni
ghtwearandgott hemassageoi l
s.
Igavehi
mthemassagequi etlyandhethanked
mewhenIwasdone, Iwenttogowashmy
handsandwhenIreturnedtoourroom hewas
al
readyi
nsi
detheblankets.
"canwetal
k?"IaskedasIapproachedourbed.
Hewasn'tsl
eeping,j
ustl
ayi
ngonhi sback
star
ri
ngattheroof.Hesatup
Hi
m:"
Yeahsur
e"Ij
oinedhi
m
Me:
"Idon'
tknowwher
etost
art
..
."
Hi
m:"
Justspeaky
ourmi
nd"Icl
ear
edmyt
hroat
Me:
"Ir
eal
i
zet
hatIhav
enotr
eal
l
ybeenmuch
ofawi f
etoyou, yesImaycookandcl eanafter
youbutwheni tcomest olovi
ngy ouandgiving
my selftoyouI'
vef ai
led.Notonlybecauseof
Nat ashabutIfeltasthoughthismar r
iagewas
forcedontomeandIwasn' tr
eady,wewer en't
readyf ori
t.
..
"
Hi
m:"
Butwear
eher
ebaby
"
Me: "Yeswear eandi tsaddensmet oseehow
we' v
et urnedout ,alothast ranspired.Ev entsI
didn'tt hinkwoul dhappened, wehad2beaut iful
girl
sal thoughunpl annedt heyaremyl if
e,
every thingIam Iputi nt
ot hem andi nthe
processofmebei ngamot herI'
venegl ected
youandIr eali
zet hat.It
'sjustdif
f i
cultespeci al
ly
sincet her eisanot herpartyinvolvedint his
mar riage, I
'm sorrybutIt houghti twasj usta
phaseofhur tsincey oulosty ourf at
herwel lthe
i
deay ouhadofhi m andIknowt hatwasn' teasy
fory ouKumkani soIl etyoudoasy oupl easet o
grievet hel ossofsomeonewhopl ayedahuge
r
oleiny ourl
ife.Yeswhathedi dwassi ckbut
youlovedhim sohim beingsenttojailki
ll
ed
younowI 'm goingtoaskyou,doy oureall
ylove
Natashaort heideaofherbeingthereduring
t
hatper i
odandhel pingyouthroughit
?"
Hi
m:"
Whatki
ndofaquest
ioni
sthat
?Imean.
..
"
Me: "Zwe, j
ustanswermyquest i
onplease.Do
youlov eherori sshej usty
oursenseofasaf e
place, asenseofsal vati
on?"Hekeptquiet
"Kumkani "helookedatmeashegav ewhatI
hadj ustsai dsomet houghtthenranhishands
onhi sf ace.
Hi
m: "
Idon'
tknow"hesi ghedthenlookedupat
t
hecei
li
ng"Ican'
texpl
ain,Idon'tknow"
Me:"WellI'
l
ltel
l y
out his,
I'
m wil
l
ingtogivet
his
marr
iagemyal laslongasy ouagreetosee
someoneaboutwhaty ouwentthroughthat
whol
eperiod.I'
dalsolikeforustogofor
marr
iagecounselli
ng..
."
Him: "
Idon'tneedtotal
ktoany oneaboutmy
probl
emsImi nam,I'
m notcrazyokay?Idon'
t
needashrink"hepeeledofftheblanketonhi
s
si
deandat temptedtostepoutofbed
Me: "Zweli
banziIam t i
redofthisselfpit
ypart
y
youhavebeenhost ingf oryoursel
f,youdoneed
hel
pandy ouwi ll
choosebet weenNat asha&I
becauseIwillnotunderanyci rcumstances
shareyou.Hellno!Ilovey ouandmy selftoo
mucht odot hat
,it
'seitherwef ixt
hisorI'm
l
eaving"heturnedtol ookatme
Hi
m:"
What
?"
Me: "noZwelino, t
hishasgoneonf orfartoo
l
ong.Youmi ghtthinky ou'
reincontrolbutyou'r
e
notbabyyou'r
enot !Emot ional
lyyou'
reamess
andthesoonery our eal
izethatthebetter
, t
his
betweenyou,Nat ashaandIi sn'
thealt
hyf orany
ofus"hestoodupandsl i
ppedhissleeperson
Hi
m:"
Ithi
nkIneedsomeai
r"
Me: "
Whi ley
ou'r
eoutt hereitwil
ldoy ougoodif
yougivewhatI'
vejustsai dsomet hought.Icar
e
aboutyoubutthisi
st oxicandthere'skids
i
nvolvedsoplease,neitherJuni
orort hegir
ls
needthis.Makeadeci sion"
Iturnedtolayonmysi deandcoveredmybody
withtheduv etwhil
ehestoodther
e,Iwai
tedto
hearhisfootstepsleav
ingt
heroom buti
nstead
Ifel
thim getti
ngintobedagai
n.Isi
ghedthen
switchedoffmyl amp.
"
Goodni
ght
"Isai
dasIf
luf
fedmypi
l
low
Hi
m:"
goodni
ght
"
Ift
histalkdoesn'
tmakeabr eakthroughthenI
don'
tknowbutIwi l
lleave.I
'
m notsay inghe
shouldleaveNatasha,evenifhedoesn' tchoose
meandgoest oherinsteadI'
lll
eav egracefull
y
butIdol ov
ehim andIhopehel ov esmej ustas
muchorenought ochoosemeev enthoughour
marri
ageneedswor kbecauseatt hisvery
momentIdonottr
usthi
m atal
lnotwi
tht
he
wayhehasbeenacti
ng.
I
nser
t29
∆
BABALWA
•
Ihadj ustgot tenhomeaf t
eraf unf i
ll
eddayand
2gol dmedal s,notonl ythatbutLi faconf essed
hisfeelingst owar dsme.Nott hatIdi dn'tknow
buthel aidi talloutandt ot opi talloffhesai d
hewon' trushmei ntoany thingbecausehe
feelsI'm notr eady,Idon'tknowi fI'
mr eady
eitherbutIl ovet hefeeli
ngst hatbur ninsideme
whenIam byhi ssidealthought heyscar eme.I
l
ov ehowhemakesmef eel butIf earthatI'l
l
trusthimt henhewi l
ltur
noutt obej ustlikethe
mant hatIl ovedandt rustedwi thmyl i
fe.My
father.
Onal
i
ght
ernot
eheaskedi
fhecoul
dspendt
he
daywithmet omor row,tomorrowisSaturday .
Hesaidwewer egoi ngtoexplorebutdidn'tgo
i
ntodet ail
s,Idon' tknowbutI '
m exci
tedatt he
samet i
meI 'm nervous.Nervousabouthowi t
wil
lall
go, nervousbecauseIdon' twantto
messev eryt
hinguporwor seheseest hef ragil
e
gir
lwhowasmol estedbyherf at
herinsi
deme.
Thatscar esme, I
'm scaredofwhathewi llthink
ofmeoncehedi scoversthataboutmeori f
he'
llst
ickseesomuchgoodi nme.
"
Babal
wa!
"
"Ma?"Shecamet oopenmybedr
oom doort
hen
stuckherheadout
Her:
"It
'st
imef
orsupperbaby
"
Me:"
I'
m nothungr
y"shecamei
nandcl
osed
t
hedoorbehi
ndher
Her:
"ur
ightVuy
elwa?
"(Ar
eyouokay
)
Iwasl
ayi
ngsi
dewayonmybedf
aci
ngt
hewal
l
Me: "
I'
mfi
ne"If
eltherpl
aci
ngherwei
ghtonmy
bed
Her:
"Lookatmebaby"It
urnedtof
aceher
"
Nowt al
ktome,what
'
sbotheri
ngyou?
"
Me: "
I'
m scar
ed"shemov
edcl
osert
omeand
hel
dmyhand
Her:
"Scar
edofwhatmyangel
?"
Me: "r
ememberLi f
a?"Shenodded"hetol
dme
hereall
ylikesme"shenoddedagai
n"butfeel
s
I
'm notreadyforarel
ati
onshi
p"
Her:
"Ist
hatt
rue?
"
Me:
"Idon'
tknow,
Ithi
nksot
oo"
Her:
"nowwhatar
eyouscar
edofBabal
wa?
"
Me:"Mamawhati fhenolongerl
ikesmeonce
hel
earnsaboutwhathappenedtome?"
Her:"i
fhetrulyl
ikesyout
hewayheclai
msto
thenyoudon'thavetoworr
yaboutt
hat,
hewil
l
supporty
ouwher eneededandwon'
tmakeyou
feelanywor seaboutwhatyouwentt hr ough.
Onlyani nhumanpersonwoul dmakey ouf eel
badaboutt hatexperi
ence,
ifhisfeeli
ngsf ory ou
changest hereisnoneedtobeaty ourselfup
aboutit.Youwi l
lmeetsomeoneel seinf uture
andy ou'r
est i
l
lyoungbabyyoushoul dn'tev en
bet hi
nkingaboutrel
ati
onshipsfocusonschool
please"
Me:
"He'
smyf
ri
end.Myspeci
alf
ri
end"
Her: "butthefeeli
ngsy ouhav ef orhim asa
fri
endar ewaydi ff
erentt othosey ouhav efor
Fanisaasaf ri
end.Fory outoev enf eelthi
sway
youar elookingatsomet hi
ngbi gger"shesighed
"butItrustyout ober esponsibl
e, Idon'twant
yout urni
ngoutl i
key ourbrother,hehas
problemsheshoul dn'tevenbehav i
ngathi sage
butthat '
snotthepoi nthere.Iwanty outomake
goodchoi ces,choicest hatwill
cont ri
buteto
youhav i
ngagr eatfuture"
Me:
"Iknowmama"
Her:"
IknowyouseeAshl
eyastheper
sont o
t
alkt
obutIwantyoutoal
socomeandt al
kto
meifyouneedany
thi
ngokay
?"
Me:
"Okay
"sheki
ssedmyf
orehead
Her:
"Nowcomeeat
"
Me:
"MaIsai
d..
."Shest
oodup
Her: "
Babal way ouknowsupperasaf amil
yis
i
mpor tant"shewal kedtot hedoor"
I'
m not
goingtor epeatmy self
,Iexpectyouatthat
tablei
n2mi nutes.Siyavana?"(
Dowe
understandeachot her)
Me:
"Ewemama"
Her:"
Good"sheopenedt
hedoorandwal
ked
outl
eavi
ngitopen.
Sigh,Ist
oodupandwor emysl i
ponsbef or
e
havingaquickglancei
nfrontoft hemirr
or
checkingwhetherIwasrepresentabl
eornot
andIwas, soImademywayt othedinni
ngarea
andev er
yonewasalr
eadysi
tt
ingi
nthei
r
respecti
vepl
aces.
"Eveni
ng"Isai
dsi
tt
ingdownandt
heygr
eet
ed
back
"Youcanbl
essthefoodVuyel
wa"masai
das
shetookmyhandintoher
s
Ibowedmyheadandblessedthefoodthenwe
dugint
oourmeali
nsil
enceandIdi dt
hedi shes
ri
ghtaf
ter
.Ir
ememberedIhadt ot
ellmymom
aboutt
omorr
owsoaf t
erwashingthedishesI
madeheracupofteaandtookitt
oheri nthe
l
ounge
Her:"
Ohthankyoubaby
,cany
oubr
ingmemy
gi
ngerbi
scui
ts"
Me: "
okay"Iwenttogogetthem int
hekit
chen
thengavet hem toherbef
oresi
tti
ngdownnext
toherandwat chi
ngtheTV,af
terawhil
eI
decidedtof i
nall
yspeak"mama"
Her:
"Mh?
"
Me:"
Lif
aaskedi
fIcoul
dspendt
hedaywi
th
hi
mtomorr
ow"
Her:
"Spendt
hedaywi
thhi
m wher
e?"
Me:"
hedidn'
treal
l
ygiv
emedetai
lsmaj
ust
t
hati
twasgoingtobeanadv
ent
ure"
Her:"Wel
li
fhewant st
ospendthedaywithyou
thenhewi
llcometakeyouaphaendl
ini
(hereat
home)sothatIcanhaveawordwit
hhim"
Me:
"Ist
hatr
eal
l
ynecessar
y?"
Her:
"It
'sei
thert
hatory
ouar
enotgoi
ng"
Me: "
Okay"Istoodup" goodnight
,I'
m goingto
bed"shenoddedandf ocusedonther eal
i
t y
showshewaswat chi
ngont v
Imademywayt omyroom, t
ookofft
hegown
al
ongwiththepushinsIhadonandslipped
i
ntomyblanketswithmyphoneinhand.The
pl
anwast ocal
lLif
a,assoonasIgot
comfor
tabl
eIdecidedtori
nghim up.
"
Hel
l
o"at
inycheer
ful
voi
ceanswer
ed
Me:
"Heysweet
y,howar
eyou?
"
"
I'
mfi
net
hanksandy
ou?
"
Me:
*gi
ggl
es*"
I'
m okay
,wher
e'sLi
fa?
"
"
Whoam Ispeaki
ngt
oqal
a?"(
Fir
st)
Me:
"Ut
het
hanoBabal
wa"
"OhhBabalwakabhut i
,bhut
iakekho.Ndi
m
othet
hayo"(mybrother
'sBabal
wa, mybrot
her
i
sn'thome.You'
retalki
ngtome)
Me:*gi
ggl
es*"
Wenaungubani
kal
oku?
"(Who
ar
eyou)
"Bandi
le,
yandazmna?
"(doy
ouknowme)
.He'
s
socute!
Me:
*smi
l
es*"
A.aht
ell
me"
Him: "
Lifangubhuti
wam,I'
m 8year
soldmna.
FundaGr ade2andyou?
"(Li
fai
smybi g
brot
her.
..I'
minGrade2)
Me:"
I'
m 18y
ear
sol
d,f
undaGr
ade13"(
I'
min
Gr
ade13)
Him:*l
aughs*"y
aphosi
sasisi
,akekhoGr
ade
13"(
you'
rel
ying,
ther
eisn'
tagrade13)
Me: "
uzubuzeubhut
iwakhokeh"(
asky
our
br
otherthen)
Him: "
ewezombuzanjenabhutisozeaqhat
he
uBandi
le"(
yesIwi
l
l,heneverl
iestoBandil
e)
Me: *
giggl
es*"
that
'sgood,
tel
lhi
m Ical
l
ed
okay
?"
Him:"
Yima!Zokubonani
ni?
"(Wai
twhenam I
goi
ngt
oseey ou?)
Me:
"Soonv
ah"
Hi
m:"
Wheni
ssoon?
"
Me:
*gi
ggl
es*"
I'
ll
sur
pri
sey
ou"
Hi
m:"
Ili
kesur
pri
ses"
Me:
"met
ookesana"
Hi
m: "
Nankubhuti
"(he'
sher
e)Ihear
dshuf
fl
ing
t
henhi
sdeepvoice
"
Hel
l
o?"Imel
tedi
mmedi
atel
yasmi
l
efor
medon
myl
ips
Me: *
smi
les*"
Hey
"cl
ear
sthr
oat"
it
'sme
Babal
wa"
Him: *
chuckl
es*"ohheyy
ou, sor
ryIhadt
ogo
getBandi
lesnacksatt
hetuckshop"
Me:
"he'
ssuchacut
iepi
e"hel
aughed
Hi
m: "Yeahr
ight
!Ihopehedi
dn'
ttr
oubl
eyou
t
hough"
Me:"
Nonotatal
l
,Ical
l
edwi
thr
egar
dst
o
t
omorr
ow"
Hi
m:"
Yeah?
"
Me: "
Mom say
sshe'
l
lhav
etot
alkt
oyouf
ir
st
bef
oreshel
et'
smego"
Hi
m:"
Okaycool
nopr
obl
em"
Me:
"Youdon'
tmi
nd?
"
Hi
m:"
nonotatal
l
"
Me: "
OkayI'
l
lsendt
hel
ocat
ionsot
haty
oucan
uberher
e"
Hi
m:"
uhy
eahsur
e"
Me:
"Li
faar
eyouokay
?"
Him: "
Yesbabywhywoul dn'
tIbe"Iblushedso
hardatthesoundofhim call
ingme' baby'
.Omg
I'
m sur
emycheeksar eredri
ghtnow! they
evenbeganhurtingbecauseIhadbeensmi l
i
ng
fr
om themomentIst artedspeakingtohis
brot
hernowher ehecomesal ong.
.."
Babyare
youthere?"Ohtotal
l
yforgotIwasst i
llonthe
phonewi t
hhim
Me:"mh?Ur
ry es,
yesI
'
m her
e.I
'
m her
e"I
cl
ear
edmythroat
Hi
m: *chuckl
es*"okay,I
'
llseeyoutomorr
ow
t
hen.Don'twanty
our unningoutofai
rt
ime
becauseofme"
Me:"
what
?Nowecoul
dtal
kthewhol
eni
ght
ev
en"
Him: "
goodni
ght,
wewi l
ldot
hatwhenIcal
lyou
r
ightnowIhaveBandi
l
ewhoneedsme"
Me:
"ohy
essor
ry.
..
"
Him:"don'
tbe,i
t'
sokaybaby
.Ohhewant
sto
saygoodnight
"
Me:
*smi
l
ing*"
okay
"
"
Sisi
?"
Me:
"Hel
l
oboy
"
Hi
m: "
bhuti
akafunndi
thethemnandiqumbi
l
e"
(
Lif
adoesn'
twantmetot alkI
'
m sad)
Me:"
xoloboy
,I'
l
lcal
lyout
omor
rowagai
nvah?
"
(
Sor
ry)
Hi
m:"
nyanny
an?
"(Real
l
y)
Me:
"Ipr
omi
se"
Him: "zoyi
that
haphonekabhutikehngomso
ndi
lindewena"(I'
llt
akehi
sphonetomorrowand
waitforyourcall
)
Me:
*gi
ggl
es*"
okayboy
,goodni
ghtv
ah"
Hi
m:"
sleept
ight
,don'
tl
ett
hebedbugsbi
te"
Me:
*laughs*"
okayboy
,Iwon'
t"
Hi
m:"
Byeee!
"
Me:
"By
e!"
"
Byebaby
"Li
fa'
sdeepv
oiceagai
n
Me:
"By
e"Isai
dshy
ly"
goodni
ght
"
Hi
m:"
sleepwel
lbeaut
if
ul"
Me: *smil
es*"
Yout
oo"hehungupandIsl
ept
peaceful
l
y.
Thefoll
owingdayIwokeupandcleanedmy
room bef
oregoingt
otakeashowerand
washingmyhair,wi
thatowel
wrappedaround
mybody&headIwentbackt omyr oom andsat
i
nf r
ontofthemirr
or.Ibl
owdriedmyhai
rand
ti
editupintoabunthenputonmyunderwear
,I
di
dn'tknowwhattowearsinceIdi
dn'
tknow
wherewewer egoingsoIdeci
dedtocal
lhi
m.
"
Sisi
!"
Me:
"hel
l
oBandi
l
e"
Hi
m:"
Youkepty
ourpr
omi
se"
Me:"
Ofcour
seIdi
d,Ial
way
skeepmy
pr
omi
ses"
Hi
m:"bhut
iut
hiaper
sonwhokeepsthei
r
pr
omi
seisgood,
areyougoodwenasi
si?
"
Me: *
smil
es*"Iguessso"wespokesomemor
e
bef
orehegavethephonetohisbrot
her
"Don'
tworryy
oursel
fbeaut
if
ul,
I'
m comi
ng"he
saidassoonashegotthephone
Me:
*gi
ggl
es*"
Iwasj
ustchecki
ngi
n"
Hi
m:*
chuckl
es*"
I'
m sur
e,y
ougood?
"
Me:
"al
lgoodbutIdon'
tknowwhatt
owear
"
Him:"Apai
rofj
eansandsneaker
sshoul
dbe
f
ine"
Me:
"Okay
,ar
eyour
eady
?"
Hi
m:"
yep,
bet
her
einanhour
"
Me:
"can'
twai
t"
Him:"nei
thercanI
,l
ist
enIhav
etobouncenow
baby
.Seey ouinaf
ew"
Me:
"Okayby
e"
Hi
m:"
Bye"
"
Byeeee!
!"Bandi
leshout
edi
nthebackgr
ound.I
l
aughedbeforehangi
ngup.
Idecidedtotakeoutmydenimj eanswithmy
blacknikeandablackplai
nT-shir
talongwit
h
mysi mplegoldneckpi
eceandwat chthenwent
togoeatandwai tforLi
fa.
I
nser
t30
∆
BABALWA
•
Ihadsomef ruitsal ad,Iwashungr ybutt oo
nerv
oust oeatsoIchosef rui
tsaladsi nceit
waseasyont hest omach.Af tereati
ngt he
sal
adIwentt ogosi tinfrontoftheTVi nthe
l
ounge,thetelevi
si onsetwaswat chingme
i
nsteadofmewat chi ngit that'show
nerv
ousIwasanddon' taskmewhybecauseI
don'
tknowei ther.Itwasn' tl
ongbef oremy
mom joi
nedmeont hecouch, Iminam andZwel i
wenttotheGami ldienhouset hismor ningsoit
wasonlymymot herandIathome.
"
Arey
ousur
ehe'
scomi
ng?
"
"
Yesma,
hedi
dsayhei
sonhi
sway
"
Her:
"I'
mjustaski
ngbaby
"
Me:
"It
'sst
il
lear
lyf
ory
out
o..
."Myphoner
ang
dist
urbingmef rom f
ini
shi
ngmysentence,it
washi m.Ijumpedof ft
hecouchexci
tedly
"Excuseme"Imademywayt otheki
tchenwhil
e
Ianswer edthephone"Hey"
Hi
m:"
Baby
"Ibl
ushed
Me:
"Hi
"
Hi
m:"
Ihopey
ou'
rer
eadycauseI
'
m her
e"
Me:
*squeal
s*"
Rightnow?
"
Him: *
chuckl
es*"
whatwasthat
?Ofcour
se
r
ightnow"Icomposedmysel
f
Me: "Nothi
ng,absol
utel
ynothi
ng.I
'
llcomeget
you"Istoodinfr
ontofthefr
idgesi
nceithada
mirr
or
Hi
m:"
Okaydon'
tbel
ong"
Me:
*gi
ggl
es*"
Iwon'
t"
HehungupandIqui cklyf
ixedmyselfeven
t
houghitwasn'tnecessar
y,Ij
ustf
eltli
keIhad
t
obeper f
ectsomehow.WhenIwassat isf
ied
wi
thmyr
efl
ect
ionIwal
kedoutoft
heki
tchen
"mamahe'
shere,
I'
m goi
ngtolethi
min!
"I
shout
edasIappr
oachedthedoor
Her:
"Okaybaby
"
Iwalkedoutandmademywayoutt ot hef ront
gate,whenIopenedt hegat ehewasst andi ng
acrossther oadf r
om myhousel ookingar ound
from meIguess.Hewasdr essedinv erydar k
greyalmostbl ackski nnyjeanswhi chwer enot
tootightasal ways,wi t
hhi sblackadidas, bl
ack
tshir
t,bl
ackj acketandacap.Hel ookedgoodI
mustsay .AssoonasIcameoutt hegat ehe
l
ookedmywayandsmi l
edbef orejogging
towardsme.Ournei ghborhoodwasaqui etone,
barelyanycar sinthest reetsohewassaf e.
Whenhest oodi nfrontofmeweshar edabr ief
hugwhi chheseal edof fwi thakissont he
forehead
"
Heybeaut
if
ul"Ismi
l
ed
Me:
"Hey
"
Hi
m: "Howareyou?Readyf
ortheday?"We
st
art
edmakingourwaybackinsi
detheyar
d
Me:
"I'
m goodt
hanks,
wena?
"
Him:"Greatnowt
hatI'
m her
ewit
hyou,l
ooki
ng
beaut
if
ulasalway
s"Icoul
dn'
thel
pbutbl
ush
Me:
"St
ooop"
Him:*smir
ks*"What?Tel
li
ngy ouhowbeaut
iful
youar
e?Becauseit
'sthet
ruth"Il
ookedathi
m
t
henatthedoorinf
rontofus
Me:*smi
les*"
Thankyou"Iwasaboutt
oopen
t
hedoorwhenhestoppedme"What?"
Hi
m:"
Am Imot
heri
nlawpr
esent
abl
e?"
Me:
*laughs*"yesver
ymuchso"hedust
edof
f
t
hei
nvisi
bledustfr
om hi
sshoul
der
s
Him:"
Thanks,
ImeanwhatcanIst
ay"hewas
bei
ngcocky
Me: *smil
i
ng*"Let'
sjustgoinsi
desothatwe
cango"Iopenedthedoorandhewal kedinbut
stoodri
ghtwherehewassi ncehedidn'
tknow
hiswayaroundthehouse"she'si
nthelounge"
henodded.Icl
osedt hedoor"ma!"
"
Comet hi
ssi
deVuyel
wa"mymom shouted,
he
l
ookedatmebutIqui
ckl
ylookedaway
Hechuckl edandwhispered"
Vuyelwa"Iqui
ckly
nudgedhi m wit
hmyel bowbefor
eweappear ed
i
nt helounge.Assoonaswegott herewe
stoppedpl ay
ingar
oundandhet ookoffhi
scap,
mom l ookedourwayandhegr eet
ed
"
mol
oma"
"
eweboy
,ni
cetoseeyouagain"hewal
ked
t
owar
dsherandshookherhand
Hi
m:"
li
kewi
seMr
sBooi
"
Her:
"Pl
easesi
t"shelookedatme"
cany
ougo
makemeacupoft eaplease"
Me:"ma?"Shegavemethatnowl
ook"
okay
,
Li
fawoul
dy oul
ikeany
thi
ng?"
Hi
m:"
Justagl
assofwat
er"
Me:
"Comi
ngr
ightup"
Imademywayt otheki t
chenandIcoul dhear
them talkingbutIcoul dnotmakeoutwhatt hey
wer esay i
ng, Iguesst hat'
swhatmymom
want ed.Toexcl udemef r
om what evert
hey
wer etal
kingabout .Whi l
ethewat erformy
mom' steaboi l
edIpl acedt heutensi
lsforher
cupoft eaonat r
ayandwar medhermi l
ki nthe
mi cr
owav et hent ookoutabot t
leofwat erfor
Lifafrom thef ri
dgeal ongwi thaglassand
placedt hoseont hetraytoo.
WhenIwasdonewi theveryt
hingIt
ookt hetray
totheloungeandmom st oppedtal
king,I
l
ookedatLi faandhesmi l
ed.Okayt
hat '
sagood
signIguess,mymom t hankedmeasIgav eher
thecupoft easodidLi
faforhiswater.JustasI
wasaboutt
osi
tdown
"ohVuy el
wababyy
ouf
orgotmygi
nger
biscui
ts"
Me:
"Sor
ryma,
I'
ll
bri
ngt
hem now"
Istoodupandwentt of etcht
hem t hem gave
them toher,Igotthemessagel oudandcl ear
now.Iwasneededsoaf tergi
vinghert heginger
biscui
tsIwentt omyr oom andt ookmybl ack
sli
ngbag, putafewnot esi nt
her ealongwith
myl i
pglossandcel l
phone.Ialsodeci dedto
grabmybl ackjacketsinceIdidn'tknowwhat
ti
mewewoul dbeback.
"
Babal
wa!
"
"
I'
m comi
ng"
Iqui
ckl
ymademywaytothel
oungeandLifa
wasonhisf
eetl
ooki
ngl
i
kehewasr eadyt
ogo
Ma:"Youmaygo,Ialr
eadyhadawor dwit
hhim.
HeknowswhatIexpectanddon'
texpectof
hi
m."
Me:
"Thanksma"
Her:"Takeyourkeys,I
'
m goi
ngtochur
chlate
aft
ernoonandIdon'tknowwhenyourbr
otheris
comingback"Ihuggedher
Me:
"Seey
oul
ater
"
Her:
"enj
oy"shel
etgoofme"
nowgohav
efun"
Ismiledbef
orewal
ki
ngt
owher
eLi
fawas
standing
"
Lif
a"t
hatwasmymom
Hi
m:*
chuckl
es*"
Iwon'
tfor
getma"
Her:
"good,
takecar
eofherorel
se"
Him: "
I'
ll
keepmywor
d,enj
oyt
her
estofy
our
day"
Me:
"okayl
et'
sgoal
ready
!"
Ipul
l
edhim outi
ntot
hepassagethengr
abbed
mykeysonourwayoutfr
om thekeyhol
derand
wel
eft
.
Me:"Sowher
earewegoi
ng?
"Wehadj
ust
wal
kedoutmyyar
d
Hi
m: "
Wetaki
ngalit
tl
etri
pwithawhol
elotof
pi
tst
opshopeyouhadenoughrest
"
Me:
"Whatdoest
hatmean?
"
Hi
m:*
laughs*"
not
hing,
comel
et'
sgo"
Me:
"Wher
eto?
"
Hi
m:"
busst
op"
Me:
"Ser
iousl
y?"
Him:"Isawoneonmywayherenotsof
ar
away
.Youdon'tmi
ndri
ght
?"Ishookmyhead
Me: "
noIdon'
t,
justt
hatI
'
venev
erbeenonone
bef
ore"
Him:"Wel
lwear
egoi
ngtouseitt
oday,
come
l
et'
sgo"west
art
edwal
ki
ng"canIhol
dyour
hand?
"
Me:
"I'
m sor
ry,
what
?"
Him: *cl
earst
hroat
*"nonevermind,
I'
m
pushingi
t.Sor
ry"wewalkedinsi
l
encefora
shortwhil
e
"
Youcan"Isaidjoi
ningmyhandwithhi
s,our
f
inger
sinter
twi
ned.Helookedatmeandsmiled
t
henlookedahead.Secr
etl
y,Ismi
l
edtoo.
"
Doy
out
rustme?
"Heasked
"
whydoy
ouask?
"
"
doy
ou?
"
"
I.
..
Idon'
tknow,
Ithi
nkIdo"
Him:"Iwanty
out
otr
ustmet
hesamewayI
t
rusty
ou"
Me:"Youtr
ustme?"Iaskedali
tt
lesur
pri
sed
andhenoddedwi
thouthesi
tat
ion
Hi
m: "
Ihavenoreasonnotto"hegl
ancedatme
t
henbackontheroadaheadofus,Icoul
dsee
t
hebusstopatadist
ance"haveIgi
venyou
r
easonnott
otr
ustme?
"
Me:"no"heglancedatmeonceagai
nbuta
l
it
tl
elongert
histimethennodded
Hi
m:"
okay
"
Wewal kedtherestoft hedist
ancequi etl
ywi t
h
mequest i
oningmy self,whathehadj ustasked
mel eftmewi thquest ionmar ks.DoIt rusthim?
Ithi
nkIdoImeanher eall
yhasn'tdoneany thing
tomakemet hi
nkot herwiseIjustfearforthe
unknown, fearfort hehur tanddisappointment
thatcomeswi t
ht rustingsomeone.Iknowi t
's
unfairofmet ot hinkthisofhim causehehasn' t
doneany t
hingwr ongbutIdoandIcan' thelpit.
"
baby
?"Hepul
l
edmet
ost
opwal
ki
ng
"
Mh?
"
"Youokay
? "Hestoodinfrontofmeandl
ooked
i
ntomyey es,hol
dingbothmyhandsandI
noddedabsentmindedly
"Yesss"hesmil
edbef
orekissi
ngmyfor
ehead,
I
guessingthi
swasbecomingahabi
t
Hi m: "Iaskedi fy out r
ustmeornotbecause
trusti si mpor tanti nanyki ndorf orm of
relationshi pwhet heritbef r
iendshiporr omant i
c,
i
t'sv ital andI'dl ov efory outot r
ustme.I t'st
he
onlywayf orust ogett oknoweachot herbetter.
Iwantt olety oui nt omyl if
ebuthowwi l
l Ido
thati fy oudon' tletmei ntoyours?I'm not
pushi ngbabyIj ustwantust ohav etrust
bet weenusokay ? "Inodded" don'tcl
ose
your sel finaroundmeIwanty outobef ree.I'
ve
onlyseent i
nygl impsesoft hef r
eeBabal waand
I'
dl ov et oseemor eofher .Ther ealyou"he
l
ookedback" ther e'sourbus"
Hesignedfort
hebust ostop,wegotinandhe
pai
dbef or
ewesatonat wositterchair
.Ican't
bel
ievethi
swasmyf ir
stti
meonabusandt he
thi
ngIlovedwasthati
twasn'tfull
.Wesatt here
qui
etl
y,handsl
ockedwi t
heachot herandhis
t
humbcar essi
ngmi
ne.Idon'
tknowbutIfound
mysel
flay
ingmyheadonhisshoulderandhe
l
etme.
Wedi dn' tstayi nthebusl ongt houghwegotof f
att henextbusst op,hesaidhewant edust otry
somei cecr eam shophehadseencl oseby,
afterget ti
ngt hei cecream wewal kedwhilewe
ateandconv ersedsomemor et hencaughtt he
nextbus.Passedonl ytwost opsandgotof fat
thenextwenti ntosomeshopt hatsoldsome
nicei tems, heev enboughtmeasouv enir
neckl acet hensomet hingforhi sbr ot
herbef or
e
goingt oagat sbyshopwhi chwasaf i
rstt
ime
formeagai n!Buther eckonedI 'denjoyitsinceI
l
ov edf oodandwewer eprettyhungr y,wheni t
camewedugi nashugeasi twasbutwedi dn't
fi
nishi t itwast oomuch.Heputwhatwas
l
ef tint hepl asticbagf orhisbr otherandwe
wal kedout ,foundapar kwher ewewentf ullon
childishf rom swi ngstoslidesImean
every
thing! af
terawhil
ehesuggestedwe
takethenextbustothenearestbeachsowe
tookourstuffandwalkedi
npur sui
ttof
inda
busstop
"
Iam sur
ethi
sisn'
tyouri
deal
out
ingbutI
..
."
Me:
"Il
ovei
t"
Him: "
youhavi
ngfun?"Inoddedandsmil
ed"
I'
m
havi
ngfuntoo,
Ienjoyyourcompany"we
hugged
Me:
"You'
rear
eal
huggerar
en'
tyou"
Hi
m: *chuckl
es*"WhatcanIsa..
.Babydon'
t
l
ookbackokayjustr
unasf astasyoucan"
Me: "
What ?
"Itr
iedtolookbackbuthehel dme
i
nplacebeforescreamingr unBabalwathen
hear
dal oudbark,Idi
dn'tneedanymor e
moti
vati
onIsprint
edasf astasIcouldsodidhe!
Wewer ebeingchasedadog.Ial mostraninto
ther
oadbuthequi ckl
ygotahol dofmyhand
andpull
edmeback
"I
t'
sgone"hesai doutofbr eat
he.Wesl umped
ont hepavement ,Il
ookedbackandt heowner
hadj ustputaleashonit"Voetsek!"He
screamedandIl ookedathim beforebusti
ng
i
ntol aughtersodidhe
Me:*tr
yingt
ocatchmybr
eat
he*"
it
'sal
i
ttl
etoo
l
atedon'
tyouthi
nk"
Him:*l
aughs*"
ther
ewasn'
tti
met
osweart
hen
okay
!"
Wehadourl astf
ewlaughsbef
oregoi
ngtothe
busstopyetagai
nandgotontoabustothe
beach,whenwegottherei
twasalr
eadyget
ting
l
ate.
"
Justi
ntimeforthesunset
"hesaidaswe
wal
kedtothestai
rcasel
eadingt
othesand
Me:
"cheesymuch"heshr
ugged
Him:"comesitoverher
e"hepatthebenchnext
tot
hestair
caseandhetookoffmysneakers
bef
orerol
li
ngupmyj eanali
tt
lethensatnextt
o
meanddi
dthesame.
Beforewewal keddownthestair
s,heput
Bandil
e'sthi
ngsinthebackpackhehadont hen
heldourshoesinhandwhi l
eholdi
ngmyhandi n
theotheraswemadeourwaydownt othe
shore.
"
Thisisbeauti
ful
"wewer
esi
tt
ingonar
ock
l
ookingatthesunset
Hi
m:"
Thanky
ouf
orcomi
ng"
Me:"Thankyouforinv
iti
ngme,
Itr
ulyhadan
amazi
ngbeingchasedbyadogandall
"
Hi
m: "Wel
lI'
m gl
ady
ouenj
oyedi
t,sor
ryabout
t
hatdogbaby"
Me:*gi
ggl
es*"
It
sokay"Ipeckedhi
scheekand
l
aidmyheadonhi
sshoulder
.
Aft
erawhil
ewehadt ogo,weusedbusonce
agai
nandheinsi
stedondr
oppingmeof fi
nmy
nei
ghbor
hoodthenhewil
lcat
chanotherbus
home.Sowedi dthat,hadt heeelongesthug
evertosealoffouroutingwi thhimt hanki
ngme
thewholetime,lotsoff oreheadkissesandI'
m
gladhedidn'
tinit
iateaki ssalthoughI'
m surehe
wantedoneher espect edmyneedf ortime.

I
nser
t31
∆
ZWELI
BANZI
•
WhatI mi nam saidmadesenseev ent houghI
didn'twanttoadmi ti
t,t
hiswholesit
uationIput
the3ofusi nwasunf ai
rtothet
wooft hem and
althoughImayt rytomakeeachonehappyt he
otherlacksinadi ffer
entdepart
ment .Ishould
j
ustl etthewhol eideagoseeingasI'm hurti
ng
bot hthewomenImy selfcl
aimtolove.Imight
notwantt oadmi titbutI '
m amar ri
edmanwi t
h
awi fewhodeser veswaymor et hanwhatshei s
gettingandIam t heonewhoputt het woofus
i
nt hismar riagey etIhav en'ttri
edmaki ngit
wor k.Asf orNat asha, Ikeephur t
inghermor e
thanIact uallymakeherhappy ,shedeser ves
waymor eespeci allyaf t
erev erythingshehas
donef ormeandt hat'swhyIt hinki t
'sbestIlet
go.Ihav eal otonmypl at e,t
heki ds,school ,
the
companyandmyt eam, Ishouldn'tbewor ryi
ng
aboutt wowomenbutIguessIdeser veitfor
beingsel fish, Iwantt or ightmywr ongsIr eall
y
do.Idon' tknowwher eImi nam andIst andbutI
havet oatl eastt r
yt omaket hismar riagewor k
befor eev ent hinkingofcal l
i
ngi tquits,I'
veputin
toomucht oj ustletitall go.
Aft
erspendi
ngthedaywi t
hmyinlaws,Imaraah
andIdeci
deditwastimef orustogoasi twas
get
ti
nglatesowebidf arewel
landlef
tbutIstil
l
hadtogofetchJuni
orf r
om hismother'
shouse
soIdroppedoffmy3gi
rl
sathomebef
ore
dr
ivi
ngthere.
"
I'
m out
side"
"okay,we'l
lbet herejustnow"Ihungupand
steppedoutoft hecar,openedthebackdoor
andjuststoodt hewai ti
ngforhertocomeout
withJunior.Itwasn'tlongunti
lshecameoutof
thegatewi thJuniorinherarmscov er
edina
fl
eeceblanketandhi sbagintheotherhandsoI
approachedhert olendahand
Me: "
Hey
"It
ookt
hebagandwewal
kedt
othe
car
Her:
"Hi
"Il
ookedatJuni
or"
hej
ustwokeup"
Me: "
Ohsor
ryIcoul
dn'
tmakei
tear
li
er,
Iwas
busy
"
Her:
"Nopr
obl
em"
Ipl
acedthebagint
hecart
hentookJuniorf
rom
Tashandstr
appedhimi
nhiscarseatt
hen
closedthedoor.It
urnedar
oundtof
aceTash
whowasst andingbehindmewit
hherar
ms
foldedagai
nstherchestar
ea
Me:
"Sohowar
eyou?
"
Her: "I
'
mf ine,j
usttir
edwor kandschool t
hen
Junior.
"Shesi ghed"Ijustneedabr eak"I
swallowedbecauseIr eal
isedt hatIalsowasn't
makingherl if
eanyeasi erinf actIwasaddi ng
onunnecessar ystressandt obehonestI '
m
onlyreali
singnowhowsel f
ishI '
vebeen,Iwas
sofocusedonmeandwhatIwantt hatIdidn'
t
takeintoaccounthowIwashur ti
ngbot h
NatashaandI mi nam.
"
arey
ouokay
?"
Me: *
sigh*"
I'
mfi
ne,
hav
eyout
houghtabout
youknow..
."
Her:"
YesIdidandIdon'
tknowi
fthi
siswhatI
wantZwe"Inodded
Me:
"IguessIwassel
fi
sht
oaski
tofy
ouor
I
minam"shel
ookedatmepuzzl
ed
Her:
"Whatar
eyout
ryi
ngt
osay
?"
Me: "
Canwet al
kpr
oper
lyaboutthi
stomorrow
orsomet
hing?Wecan'
tdothisnow,oursonis
i
nthecarandweneedtogetgoing"
Her:
"Oho-
kay
"Ihuggedher
Me: "
Youdeservewaymor ethanthi
s"Ipull
ed
outofthehugandlookedather"I
'
m sorry
aboutever
ythi
ng"
Her:
"Zweur
ight
?"If
orcedasmi
l
e
Me:
"I'
mfi
ne,
goi
nsi
dei
t'
scol
d"
Her:
"Zwe.
..
"
Me:"Goinsi
depri
ncess"Igent
lyf
ist
edherhai
r
andki
ssedthecr
ownofherhead" goodni
ght"
Her:
"ni
ght
"
Il
etgoofherandshesl owlywal
kedaway,I
watchedherunt
ilshegotinsi
det
henstepped
i
ntothecarandlookedatJuni
orwhosatqui
etl
y
i
nhisseatwithhist
wot oy
sinhand.
"
U'gr
andmf
ethu?"Henodded"
sur
e?"Ist
uckout
mythumbf
orhim sodi
dhe
Him:"
shooo"Ismi
l
edt
hendr
oveusst
rai
ght
home.
Wegott her
ear ound8, whenwear rived
everyonewasi nt heloungeexceptImi nam,
Juniorrantohisgr andma.Igreetedt henmade
mywayt otheki t
chenasIcoul dsmel l the
aromacomi ngfrom thereandIcoul dt ell
Iminam wast hecook.WhenIgott her e, Istood
bythedoor wayandwat chedassheownedt he
kit
cheni nherblacklongsleevedmaxi dressed
thefellperf
ectl
yov erhercurves.Shewaspet it
e,
withat i
nyfigure.Herasswasn' thuger ather
j
ustr i
ghtforhersmal lbodyandherboobswel l
shenev erreall
yhadhugeboobsei therunt i
l she
hadt hegirl
s.
Shedidn'tt
urnar
oundtoaccountformy
presencesoImademywaybehi ndherand
snakedmyar msaroundherwaist,shej
umped
alit
tl
ebutIheldheri
nplace
Me: "
It
'sme"Ibentoveral
it
tleandpeckedher
neck,sher
elaxed"hey
"sheturnedar
ound
Her:"
Hi"shel
ookedatmeasi
fshewast
ryi
ng
t
oreadwhathappenedwhi
l
eIwaswit
hTash
Me: *si
gh*"Nothi
nghappened"Ihuggedher
andshejuststoodtherefrozen,eversincet
he
twinscameI'v
ebeent reatedli
kethisthatIeven
stoppedshowingaffecti
on.Idon'tblameher
thoughIdodeserveit.
.
Her:
*cl
ear
sthr
oat
*"Kumkani
,l
etgo"
Idon'
tknowhowI 'm goi
ngtofixthemessI'v
e
made, I
'
v ehurthernogoingaroundthatbutI
wanttof i
xthatnow.ShedidNOTHI NGwrong,
shewast hebestgirl
fri
endeverbefore
ever
ythinginmyl i
fewentsouthandIlefther
outi
nthecol
d.Imadeherl
i
ket
his.
Ilethergoandshet ur
nedherat tenti
onbackon
thepots,Igotabot tl
eofwat erf r
om thef ri
dge
andsatononeoft hehi ghchai r
s, t
ookoutmy
phoneandcheckedt heemai l
stheCEOoft he
companyhadsentt ome.I twasmost l
y
demogr aphicsonhowt hecompanywasdoi ng
andImustsayev ersinceIpl acedheri ncharge
theturnoverhasbeenamazi ng, mybank
accountissmi l
ing.I
nf actIthinkIshoul dbuya
housef ormyl i
tt
lefamilyandI .Livi
ngwi thmom
andBabi isgreatandal lbutIneedmyown
space.
"Tat
a!"Juni
orscreamedcheerf
ulashecrashed
i
ntomyl egsthatwerehangi
ngfrom t
hechair
andIpickedhim up
"boy
,di
dy ousayhi
toauntImi?"Heshookhi
s
headshyl
y"gosayhi"henoddedandIputhi
m
onthefl
oor.
IlookedatImiasshewatchedhi
mrunar
ound
thecountertohersi
debefor
ehethr
ewhi
mself
i
nt oherarms.
Her:"Lookaty
ou!"Hehuggedher"
ohhi,l
ooks
l
ikesomeonemi ssedme"hel
ookedatherand
nodded
Hi
m:"
mh.
hm"
Her:
*smil
es*"
WellImissedyoutoobi
gboy
,
di
dyousayhit
oyourli
ttl
esist
ers?
"
Hi
m:"
Yessss!
"
Her:
"Andwhatdi
dtheysay
?"
Hi
m:"
an-
yazmna"heshr
ugged(
Idon'
tknow)
Her: "Ial
sodon'
tknowbat hi
ni(whattheyar
e
saying)boybutt
hat'sourl
itt
lesecretmosneh?
"
Henoddedexci t
edly"don'
ttel
ltat
akho"he
giggled
Hi
m: "
sozemnanimxel
ele"(I
'
llnev
ertel
lhi
m)
hi
sspeechwasn'
tpr
oper
, hewasonly4aft
eral
l
.
Me:"Heyst
opgossi
pingaboutmygi
rl
s"hehi
d
hi
sfacei
nherneck
I
mi :*gi
ggl
es*"tel
lyourdaddynottobej
eal
ous
ofauntImiandJunior'
srel
ati
onshi
p,mxel
ele"
(t
ellhi
m)het ur
nedtolookatmeandIshothim
alook,hepatImiontheshoulder
Him:"
daddyuthikum"hei
mit
atedt
hel
ookI
hadj
ustgi
venhim
Her: "
sor
ry,
don'tworr
yndizom summari
zer"(I
'
ll
sorthi
m out)henoddednaye"nowgowat ch
thegir
lsf
ormeokayt henwear egonnaeat"
Him:"
Okay
"hewi
ggl
edhi
msel
foutofherar
ms
andr
anout
.
Shesmiledasshet urnedof fthestoveandtook
outthedishes,shecal l
edBabal wat ocome
hel
pherbyset ti
ngthet able.Befor
elongwe
weredoneeat ingandIof f
eredtowasht he
di
sheswhi chst unnedev eryonebutIdidit
anyway,afterdoingsoIpour edwarm waterint
o
t
hegir
lsfl
uskforthei
rbot
tl
esatni
ghtbef
ore
maki
ngtheirbot
tl
esfornowbefor
ebed.
"
Goodni
ghtZwe!
"
Me:
"Ni
ghtma!
"
Her:
"don'
tfor
gett
obr
ingLubanzi
'
sbot
tl
e"
Me:
"Okay
"
Hismot herdoesn' twanthimt ostopt hi
smilk
thi
ng,heev enasksf ori
tbeforesleepingify
ou
don'tgi
v eittohimy ouwon'tknowwhati nner
peaceissoImadei tandtooki tt
oherr oom
thenhuggedt hem goodnight.Therewasno
oneint heloungesoIwentt omakeI mi teaand
tookever y
thingtoourr oom.Shewasont he
bedbusywi thdiapergravy
,Iplacedt hei
rbottl
es
andf l
usknextt othet i
nofmi l
konherbedsi de.
Her:
"Thanky
ou"
Me:
"Nopr
obl
em,
needhel
pher
e?"
Her:
"Noi
t'
sokayy
oucangoshower
"
Me:
"Imadey
out
eat
oo"
Her:
*smi
l
es*"
Thanky
ouKani
"
IwenttogoshowerandwhenIcamebackt o
bedshewast ucki
ngthem inthei
rcotssoI
movedar oundquietl
y.BythetimeIwasdone
shehadj ustsl
ippedi
nt obedsoIswitchedoff
thel
ights,l
eavingourlampsonandj oinedher
.
Sheturnedandgav emeherback
"
babe?
"Ical
l
edoutf
orher
"Mh?"Isi
ghedthencuddl
edmy
sel
fupbehi
nd
herandsheletme
Me: "
I'
m sorryaboutever
ythi
ng,I
'vebeena
sel
fi
shpricknootherwayt oexpl
ainmy
behavi
orandIwon' tmakeexcusesf ori
teit
her
.
ButI'
m sorr
ythatyouhadt osuff
erbecauseof
me,Iwanttof i
xthi
ngsandIwi l
l,evenifi
t
meansv i
sit
ingtheshri
nk"sheturnedtolayon
herbackthenfacedme.
Her:
"Don'
tl
iet
omeKumkani
"
Me: "
I'
m notMaraah,Ipromiseyou* si
gh*I
wanty outotr
ustmeasahusbandandaf ather
,
i
fi tmeansgoingtoashr i
nkwi l
lgetusast ep
closertousbeingtogetherhappil
ythenI'
l
l do
that"
Her:
"whataboutNat
asha?
"
Me: *sigh*"NatashaandIhav ebeent hrougha
l
ott oget heryes,shei sanaamazi ngper sonbut
Ithinki twouldbebesti fsheandIwentour
separ ateway sandst artedaf resh.Wear en'
t
goodf oreachot her .Youbr i
ngoutt hebesti n
me, lov eshouldn'tbef or cedandwi thTashi t
feelslikewe' r
ef orcingt hings.Idon'twantt hat,
I
wantusal l
tobehappy .She' l
lbewayhappi er
withoutmeandIwanty ou, Ihonestlyloveyou"
shesatupst r
aightandl ookedatme" IknowI
haven' tbeenshowi ngi tbutI '
llpr
ovemy self
,
withNat ashaitwasj ustal otofunr esolved
feeli
ngs.Webot hneededcl osure,Ifeelwegot
thatnow.Yesshe' sgoi ngt obehur tbutshe'l
l
r
eal
i
zei
tisf
ort
hebestt
oo"
Her:
"Andy
ounotj
ustsay
ingt
his.
..
"
Me:
"Imeanev
erywor
dbaby
"
Her:
*si
ghs*"
Zwel
iyouhur
tme"
Me: "Iknowbutl etmef i
xthispleaseMar
aah"I
satupst r
aightandpulledhertositonme
"pl
easebaby ,I
'velear
ntmyl essonandI'
m sor
ry.
Ireal
l
yam"
Her:
"Itwon'
tbeeasy
"
Me: "
IknowbutI'l
lworkforit
"Il
ockedboth
handsint
omine,broughtthem t
omyf aceand
ki
ssedthem "
please?"
Her:"
yousoundgenui
neri
ghtnowyes,
as
muchasI'dl
iket
obeli
evet
hatyoumeanit
.I
wantact
ionsZwel
i"
Me:
*nods*"
andy
ou'
l
lseet
hem"
Her:
"Okay
,canwesl
eepnow?I
'
mti
red"
Me:
"sur
e,met
oo"If
li
ppedusov
er
Her:
"Zwe!
"
Me: *chuckl
es*"
sorr
y"Ikissedhercheek,we
werenowl ayi
ngonthebedf acingeachot
her
"
justdidn'
twantyoubreakingtheconnect
ion"
Her:
"yeahr
ight
!"Shepul
l
edmyear
Me:
"ouch!
!"
Her:*smi
l
es*"
goodni
ghtI
maad"shecl
osed
herey
es
Me:"goodnightmyqueen"Ipeckedhernose
t
henforehead"Il
oveyou"shesimpl
ysqueezed
myhandandIbr oughthercl
osert
omybody ,
wi
thherheadonmychestandonear m acr
oss
mystomachIf el
li
ntoadeepslumber.
Sundaymor ningcameandIwokeupt oan
empt yroom,Iwenttogotakeal eakinthe
bathroom andsplashedwateronmyf aceaft
er
brushingmyteeth.Iwentbacktot heroom,
slippedonmypushi nsandwal kedoutthe
room.Babal waandmymot herwereatchurch
thatIknewsoIdi dn'tworryaboutwalki
ng
aroundshi rt
less.Icouldhearvoicescomi ng
from theloungeandI maraahwast her
ef eedi
ng
thegi r
lswhileshemoni toredJuniorasheat e
hispor r
idge.
Me: "Goodmorni
ng"Isai
dasIasont
hecaper
t
nexttoJuni
or,
Maraahwassit
ti
ngacr
ossme
smili
ng
Her:"
Sal
aam Kumkani
,howar
eyou?
"She
car
ri
edonfeedi
ngtheki
ds
Me:
"I'
m doi
nggoodbabyhowar
eyou?
"
Her:
"I'
m wel
lmyhusband"t
hatr
ightt
her
e
mademesmi l
e
Me:
"It
'sgoodt
oheart
hat
,needahand?
"
Her:"A.
ahI'
llmanagehere,
wear ealmostdone.
JustwatchJuni
ormakesurehedoesn' tmakea
mess,yourmom will
kil
lmef orhercar
pets"
Me: *
chuckl
es*"y
eahshewi l
l"Il
ookedat
Juni
orwhowaseat i
ngjustf
ineconcent
rat
ing
onthecar
toonsplay
ingonTV
"whatwoul
dyouli
kef
orbr
eakf
ast
?"I
mar
aah
askedasshest
oodup
Me: "
canIhaveacupofcof
fee?Don'
twor
ry
aboutbr
eakf
ast"
Her:
"Buty
ouhav
en'
teat
en.
..
"
Me:
"Babe,
you'
renotmymai
dsopl
easej
ust
..
."
Her:"Il
ovetakingcareofy
ouandbesidesI
havenothi
ngelsetodobutt ot
akecar
eofthe
ki
dsandy ou,sometimesBabi&mabutIdon't
mind"
Me: "
Andthankyoufort
hatbabybutitwon'tbe
forl
ong"Il
aidontheki
dsbl
anketthattheywere
onandplayedwit
hthem
Her:
"Whatdoest
hatmean?
"
Me:
"wear
egoi
ngt
omov
eoutsoon,
I'
m st
il
l
l
ookingforaplacef
orustol
iv
ethought
hen
breakt
henewst omymom.Weneedourown
space,t
hegirl
sareol
denoughnowsoyoudon'
t
needhelpfr
om mymom"shesquealedand
j
umpedont opofme
Her:
"Thanky
oubaby
"sheki
ssedmycheek
Me:
"Wasi
tthatbadl
i
vingher
e?"
Her:"NoIjustr
eal l
ywannahaveourownspace,
thebedroom ar
rangementisn'
tworki
ng
anymore.Webar elyhav
espaceinther
ewi t
h
theki
ds, y
ourstuffandminecombinedit
'sj
ust
toomuch"
Me:"Idi
dn'
treal
i
zel
ovey
oushoul
dhav
esai
d
somethi
ng"
Her: "
Ididn'
twantitt
osoundasi fIwastryi
ng
toseparateyoufrom yourmom &sist
er"she
stoodup" l
etmegogety ouacupofcoffee"she
walkedawayt othekit
chen
"
Tat
a"
"
Mh?
"Il
ookedathi
m
Hi
m:"
nqi
bil
e"(
I'
m done)
Me: "
Goodboy,hambonikaauntImii
sit
ya.
Ubuyehl
alenot
atakho"(
gogivethepl
ateto
auntI
mithencomebackandsi twi
thyourdad)
Hi
m:"
sdl
alegame?
"(Wegonnapl
ayagame)
Me:
"myphonei
sfl
atnj
eboy
"
Him: "
okay"hepi
ckedupImi
'sphonefrom t
he
couch"sodl
alaki
phoneyam"(we'
llpl
ayonmy
phone)
Me: *chuckl
es*"
okay
,goputt
hepl
atei
nthe
ki
tchen"
Hegotupandr antothekitchen,Il
ookedatthe
gir
ls.Theywer estart
ingtolookmor eandmore
l
ikeme, that'
swhenIr eal
iz
edt hatIhadtomake
suretheynev erhavetogot hroughwhatIput
Natashat hr
oughandIr eal
lyneedt ochange.
I
nser
t32
∆
NATASHA
•
Zwelileftmeconf l
ictedlastnight
,Imeany esI
wasst ruggli
ngwi t
hmaki ngadecisi
onof
whetherI '
dsayy estohi m ornotbutforhi
mt o
soundl i
kehewasr ethinkingthewholethi
nk
real
l
yhadmef uckedupwi t
hmixedemot i
ons.I
don'
tknowany mor e,thiswholethi
ngi sj
ust
drai
ningemot ionall
y!
Ihadt her
inghegav emeonmyf i
nger,busy
twist
ingandturningit
.Itwasbeautiful
,Ishould
behappynowt hatIhav eitbutI
'm not!I
nst ead
I'
m doubti
ngus, hisl
oveforme.OhGodpl ease
j
ustshowmet hewaypl ease!Myphoner ang,I
reachedtogetitfrom mybedside.Itwashi m.
"
Zwe"
Hi
m:"
Mor
ning,
Idi
dn'
twakey
oudi
dI?
"
Me:
*si
ghs*"
noy
oudi
dn'
t"
Hi
m:"
Arey
ouokay
?"
Me:
"noI
'
m not
,Iwast
hinki
ngaboutus"
Hi
m: "t
hat'
sact
ual
lywhyI'
m cal
l
ing,
canwe
meetupforl
unchorsomet
hing?
"
Me:
"Idon'
tknowZwel
i
...
"
Hi
m:"
Pleaseweneedt
otal
k"Iswal
l
owed
Me:
"Okay
"
Hi
m: "Thanky
ou,
around2?I
'
llsendy
out
he
l
ocat
ion"
Me:
"okay
"Isi
ghed
Hi
m: "Okay
,Ihav
etogetgoi
ng.Seey
oui
nthe
af
ter
noon"
Me:
"by
eZwe"
Hi
m:*
clear
sthr
oat
*"By
e"
HehungupandIremovedt
hephonefrom my
ear
,onl
ytobl
ankl
ystar
eatthescr
een.Myhear
t
wasn'tatpeace, i
nf actitwasbeat ingatahi gh
pace.Iwasscar ed, nervous.IknowIl ostZwe
thedayhemar ri
edI minam, butI'
vebeeni n
denialhopingt hathewoul dleaveherandt hat
wewoul dhav eachanceagai n,that'swhyI
stuckaroundal l
thist i
measmuchasi thurtme
eachandev eryti
meIhadhope.Hopet hathe
wouldchooseme, butr ightnowIdon' tknow
wher eIstandandi thurtssobadl y.Myphone
beepedandi twashi m,sendingmet hel ocat
ion.
Iplacedmyphonebackonmybedsi de, i
twas
sti
llmorning.Myof fday ,soIsleptagai n.
WhenIwokeupf rom mypowernapi twas
aroundt welvesoIgotoutofbedandopened
mybl indsalongwitht hewindowsthenmade
mybedbef oregoingt otakealongbathto
destress.Ididn'
tbotherdressi
ngup, Iwor
ea
pairofblacksweat pantswithablacktshi
rt
al
ongwi t
hmyf ur
rslides.Myhairwascombed
upinabun, Iworemywat chandwent
downstair
s.Iwashomeal one,mypar
ent swere
outwelldadhadacasei nJhbsomom l eftwit
h
him.Iwenttothekit
chenandhadcereal even
thoughitwasaft
ernoonalreadyt
hengrabbeda
bottl
eofwaterbefor
eleaving.
Arri
vingatt hecoffeeshop, Ipar kedmycarand
text
edhi mt hatIhadj ustdrov ein.Het oldme
hewasal r
eadyinsidesoIshoul dj oinhim.I
checkedmy sel
fint hemi r
rorandappl i
edl abell
o,
grabbedmybagandshadest henmademyway
i
nside, hewassi t
ti
ngi nthef arcor nerbusyon
hisphone.Iappr oachedt het ablehewassi tt
ing
byandhel ookedupwhenIwascl oseby ,
stood
uptohugmet hensatdownaf teropeni ngthe
chairforme.
Me:"Thanky
ou"It
ookof
ftheshades,
hesat
down
Him: *
nods*"
Ior
der
edsomej
uicef
orusi
sthat
chi
ll
ed?"
Me:
"Yeahsur
e,y
ouwant
edust
otal
k?"
Him: "
YesIdid"t
hewaitercamewit
hourorder
andlef
t,Ipl
acedthest
rawi nt
omyglass.AsI
wasabouttotakeasip"you'r
ewear
ingyour
ri
ng"Il
ookedatmyhand
Me:"
Yes"Iremov edmyhandfrom t
het
abl
eto
myt
high"am Inotsupposedt
o?"
Hi
m:"
That
'snotwhatI
'
m say
ing"
Me:"thenwhatareyousay
ingZwel
i
?"Iwas
st
art
ingtogethosti
l
e
Hi
m: "
Tashcany oucal
m downpl
ease?
"I
br
eat
hedout"Thankyou"
Me:
"I'
m sor
ry"
Hi
m:"
NoI
'
m sor
ry"hesi
ghed
Me:
"Whatf
or?
"
Him:"Br
eaki
ngyourhear
t,gi
vi
ngy
ouf
alse
hope,
wasti
ngyourt
ime..
."
Me:"Idon'
tunder
stand"hel
ookedasi
det
hen
downonhisdri
nkasheswi r
ledt
hestr
awinhi
s
gl
assbefor
elooki
ngupatmeagai n
Him: "I
'v
edeci dedt oletgoofthewhol e
polygamyt hi
ng"Iswal lowedhard"Ireali
zed
thatthi
swhol ethinghasbeenhur t
ingthetwo
ofyou,mor eespeci al
l
yy ouandIcan' tkeep
doingthat.Ican'tkeephurti
ngy ou,youdeserv
e
mor e"
Me:
"Zwel
i
banzi
youar
ebei
ngv
ivi
d"
Him: "
I'
vedecidedtoletyougo,wearen'tgood
f
oreachot her
.Wel l
mor eli
keI'
m notgoodf or
you"myeyesst ar
tedgetti
ngglassyandIbitmy
l
iptry
ingtoholdbackt hetear
s
"Youarebr
eakingupwit
hme?"Isai
dthatwi
th
myv oi
cebreakingi
nbet
weenIwasalr
eady
gett
ingemotional
Him:*si
ghs*"
TashpleaseI'
m doi
ngthi
sfor
yousoyoucanbehappy"Ibli
nkedandt
hetear
s
f
ell
Me: "withoutyou?"Iwipedmywetcheeks
"Zweliy
ouknowIl ovey ouyetyoukeephur t
ing
meeachandev er
ytimey oudot hi
stome.What
i
sitthatI '
m doi
ngwr ong?TellmeZwe, whatis
i
tthatshe'sdoingr i
ghtwhichI'
m clearl
ynot
doingsinceI'm al
way sonthereceivi
ngend"
Hi
m: "Tashpleasedon'
tmakeanyhar
dert
han
i
tal
readyis,
Iwanty out
obehappy!
"
Me:"howam Isupposedtodothatwit
houtyou
Zwel
i
?Ndenzenikuwe?"(WhatdidIdotoyou?)
Hi
m:"
Nat
asha,
I'
m notgoodf
ory
ou"
Me:"t
hat
'sbul
l
shi
tdammi
t!
"Ibangedont
he
t
abl
e
Him: "
Youseet hatr
ightthere,Ican'
tdealwit
h
that
.NatashayouandIt ogetheraretoxi
c,yes
ourbondisstr
ongbutourf lawsar en'
tagood
mix.Wear et
oxictoeachot her"
Me:
"okayI
'
m sor
ryi
t'
sjustt
hat
..
."
Him: "
noTashstop,Ihav emyowni ssuesto
dealwit
handIsuggesty oudothesame.You
havebottl
edupangerinsidey
ou,it
'slikeyou'
re
ti
cki
ngtimebomb"
Me: "Idi
dn'tmeantoshoutbabyplease"he
brushedhisfacewithhi
shandsasssi gnof
fr
ustrati
on"Zwe..
."Isai
dsoftl
y,helookedupat
meandhi seyeswerebloodshotr
ed
Him: "stop,j
ustst
op.Ilov
eyouyesbutIlov
e
youenought oletyougocauseIcannotmake
youhappy ,I
'm weakwhenitcomestoyouso
pleasejuststopandletmedothi
s"
Me: "
ZwelibanziIlov
ey ou!I'
l
lgot oacounsel
l
or
orsomething,Ipromiseyou.Youhur tmeyes,
weneedt owor konthis,Ican'
tl
ety ougoZweli
.
Ir
efuse"hestarredatmeanddi dn'
tsayaword.
•
•
LI
FAMOHALE
∆
Thedayoutwi t
hBabal wawasamazi ng,each
andev eryti
meIspendt imewi thhershej ust
makesmef al
li
nl ovewithherev enmor e.Even
aft
erwhathappenedt ohershe'sst ill
an
amazingper sonwi thsomuchl ov etogive,yesI
knowaboutwhatherf atherdid.Themanwas
wellknownandt hecasewasi nt henewsa
coupleoft i
mes,whenIsawheroncampusI
couldseeshewasf amil
iarIjustcoul dn'
t
rememberwher eIknewherf acef rom until
fur
theroni nourf r
iendshipbutIdi dn'twantto
bri
ngitup.Idon'twanthert othinkIhav e
ult
eri
ormot iveswhenIdon' t
,she'lltel
lmewhen
sheisr eadyandt rust
smef ull
y.
Iwasonmywayhomef r
om workandboywasI
ti
red!Iworkedasawait
eratsomefancy
rest
aurantinSeaPoi
nt,
soIsometimesbri
ng
foodforBandil
ewhenthere'
ssomelef
tov
ers
fr
om lunchaswearepr
ovi
dedwithlunch.I
walkedint
otheyar
dandknockedatthehouse,
Si
sBusi opened
Her:"OhLifait
'syou"shel
ookedback"Andi
l
e,
yourbrot
herishere!
"Shelookedbackatme
"
comei nplease,Iwasabouttodi
shup"
Me: "
nothankyou,
Ijustwannawasht
hel
i
ttl
e
guyandsleep"
Her:"
Iunder
stand,mustbet
ir
edf
rom bei
ngon
yourf
eett
hewhol e.
..
"
"Bhuti
!"Heburstt
hroughandj
umpedonme,
I
pickedhim upasti
redasIwas
Me: "
Ousani"Il
ookedatSi
sBusi"
Thanky
ou,
I
'l
lgi
veyouthemoneyendofthi
smonthalong
wit
htherent
"
Her:
*nods*"
Okay
"
Me:"Goodni
ght
"shecl
osedt
hedoorandIput
Andi
l
edown"youhadagooddaywi
thSonke?"
Hi
m: *nods*"
andwewentt ochur
chwi t
hBusi
t
hensayaemal l
andsheboughtusicecream"
wewalkedtothebackoft
hehouse,welivedi
n
abungal
ow
Me: "
I'
m sureyouenj oy
edthat
,Iknowhow
muchy ouloveicecream"henoddedwi t
ha
hugesmi l
eplaster
edonhisface,Iopenedt
he
doorforusandhegoti nsodidI.
Icl
osedthewi ndowsandcur t
ainst
hen
swit
chedont helight
s,Bandi
lewassit
ti
ngon
ouronesit
tercouchwat chi
ngTV.
Me:"Ibr
oughty
ouf
oodf
rom wor
k"Isai
d
pl
ati
ngupforhi
m
Hi
m:"
naweuzot
ya?
"(Youal
sogoi
ngt
oeat
)
Me:"I
'
lleatt
hebreadfr
om y
ester
day ,
thi
sone
i
sforyoutoenj
oy"Igav
ehimthechickenal
ong
wi
thsomef i
ngerf
oodandsandwiches
Hi
m: "
enkosi
bhuti
"(t
hankyou)heatewhi
le
wat
chi
ngtvandIsatonthecampingchai
r
wat
chi
nghi
m.
Aslongashewasf edandhappyt henI'm good,
i
tisal l
Iwantforhi
mt ohav eabetterli
fethanI
didbecauseIneverhaditisespecial
lyaft
ermy
parentsdiedandIhadtolookafterhim.Iwent
tobedhungr ysohecouldeat,hewi l
lnever
sufferforasl
ongasIli
veev er
!
"Bhut
i,ndi
hlut
hi"(
I'
mful
l)Il
ookedathi
spl
ate
andtherewasst i
l
lsomelef
t
Me:
"Okay
,you'
l
ltaket
hatt
oschool
tomor
row"
Hi
m:*
smi
l
es*"
ewe"
Hestoodupandgothi slunchboxf r
om t he
cupboardthenputhislef
t ov
ersi ntherebef or
e
placi
ngiti
nourt i
nyfri
dge.Ipour edhimj uice
andfixedmy sel
fapeanutbut tersandwi chwi th
somet ea,
myphoner angasIsatdownabout
toenjoymyf ood.Il
ookedatt hecal l
erID, sigh
"
Maf
a"Ianswer
ed
Him:"Ij
ustsentyoumoneyf
orr
entandf
or
Bandi
l
e'sschoolf
ees"
Me:
"whenar
eyoucomi
ng?
"
Him:"Li
famfet
hu,youknowmyl
i
fei
sthi
ssi
de.
Ican'
tl
eavemykidhere"
Me: "
Webot hknowt
hat
'snotwhati
skeepi
ng
youapho"(
there)
Him: "
I'
m notget
ti
ngi
ntothisagain,y
ouchose
yourwayandIchosemine.Stopjudgi
ngthe
wayIli
ve"
Me:
"Ev
enwheni
tput
smei
ndanger
!?"
Hi
m: "
fuckmandon'
tyel
l,j
usttakecar
eofour
l
it
tl
ebr
otherandf
ini
shyourstudi
es"
Me:
"Ni
ggay
oushoul
dbeher
edoi
ngt
hatt
oo"
Hi
m: "I
'm notcl
everl
i
key
ouLi
fa,
Iam goodat
whatIdo"
Me: "
Andwhenyougetcaught?Mafastop
bei
ngsel
fi
shIneedyoubru,t
heycouldshoot
meher
ethi
nki
ngi
t'
syou"
Hi
m:"
thatwon'
thappened"
Me: "wakeup!Thisi
sther
ealwor
ld,
youwil
l
getcaught!I
nfactst
opsendi
ngmeblood
money !
"
Hi
m: "
Don'
tfor
getI'
m ol
dert
heny
ouLi
fa"I
cl
i
ckedmytongue
Me:
"by5mi
nut
es!
"
Him:"j
ustgi
veBandi
let
hedamnphoneand
st
optal
kingshi
ttome"Ihandedt
hephonet
o
Andi
l
eandat emyfood.
Aftereat
ingIputthekettl
eonandwashedt he
dishesfr
om lastni
ghtalongwi thtoday'
sdishes,
washingdishesisnotsomet hingIenjoydoing.I
trybyall
coststoavoiduntili
t'
sstartpil
li
ngup
thenIwasht hem,whenIf i
nishedwi t
hthe
dishesBandil
ewasst i
ll
ont hephone.
"
Sayby
eyouneedt
owashandsl
eep"Isai
dto
Bandil
ethenwentoutsidetothebathr
oom and
gotthesmallt
ubwewashi nfil
l
editwithsome
waterandbroughti
tinside,
hewasal r
eady
undressi
ng.
Hewashedqui ckl
yandIcl eanedupaf t
erhim,
assoonashegoti nt
obedhesl ept.Iwashed
toothengotintobed,Iremember edIhav en'
t
beenonmyphonesi ncemor ni
ng.Ihad2
messagesfrom Babalwaandami ssedcallt
hen
thebanknoti
ficat
ionfrom myt winbr ot
her,I
decidedt
otextBabalwa.Ididn'thav eenough
air
ti
met ocal
l her
.
`
heybaby,
sosorr
yIwasoutofr
eacht
oday
.
Workwashect
ict
oday
`sent
`ohhi
,Imissedy
ou`sher
epli
ed`wel
lIst
il
ldo,
can'
twaitt
oseeyoutomorr
ow`anot
herone.
Ismi
l
edbef
orer
epl
yi
ngagai
n.
`Imi
ssyouev
enmoremyqueen,howwasyour
day?
`Iwasst
art
ingt
ogetdr
owsythet
ir
edness
waski
cki
ngi
n
`i
twasjustaSunday,
didsomest udyi
ngbutall
I
canthi
nkofisourdat
ey est
erday
.Ilovedi
t`she
repl
i
ed
`I
'm gladyoudid,wearegoi ngtohavemoreof
thosedon'tworrybeaut
iful̀sent`
babyI'
mr eal
ly
ti
red,I'
ll
seeyout omorr
owokay ?Goodnight`
sher eadthem butdi
dn'
tr eply`
babe?`
`
goodni
ght `shef
inal
l
yrepl
i
ed
`
Iloveyou`sent.Iknewshewasn'tgoi
ngto
r
eplytothatbutIsentitany
waythenslept
.
I
nser
t33 [
SHORT]
∆
ZWELI
BANZI
•
Ican'tdealwit
hthef actt
hatIam breaki
ngher
heartagain,af
tereveryt
hingwehav ebeen
thr
ough.Ev enthoughIdidn'taskshewasther
e
forme,sti
llgi
vesmeuncondi t
ional
loveeven
whenIt r
eatherliketr
ashbutshedeser ves
moreandIcan' tgiveherthat
.Onedayshe'll
real
izeIwasdoi ngthi
sforhernotme, ending
thi
ngsbetweenusi sal
lforhertofi
nall
ybe
happybecauseI '
mf ai
li
ngt odothat.
Afterthel i
ttl
eargumentwi thherIdeci dedt o
l
eav e,i
twaspoi ntlessst ayi
ngt heretryingt obe
civi
lbecausewekeptonbi ckeri
ngwi theach
otherbutonet hingIt ookf r
om t hatmeet i
ngI
hadwi thherwast hatIwast i
redandIwant ed
waspeace.Idon' tneedawomanr ightnow, I
've
beent hroughsomef uckedupshi tandIj ust
needt i
meout ,theref oreIthinki t'
sbestIl et
bothwomango.Idon' tknowwhatIwant ,i
t'
s
evidenttomebutunt il t
henIneedt olett hese
twowomanl ivethei rliveswi t
houtgr owi ngany
hatredtowar dsmebecauseI '
m hur ti
ngt hem, I
can'thav ethatIhav eki dstothinkofandt his
sit
uationi sn'
theal thyf ormeort hem ther efore
I
'
m wal
ki
ngawayf
rom i
t.
WhenIar
ri
vedatt
hehousethekidsweret
aki
ng
anapandImi
nam wasbusywit
hBabalwa
"Hi"Isai
dasIenter
edt
heloungear
ea,t
hey
greetedri
ghtback"
macanItal
ktoyou?"
Her:
"Okayboy
"
Me:
"Inpr
ivat
epl
ease"
"
UmmmhBabal walet
'sgotothekit
chen"
I
minam sai
dasshestoodup,
Ilookedather
Me:"
Don't"Il
ookedatma"canwegotoy our
r
oom oroutsi
de?"Shel
ookedatmeconcerned
Her:
"ofcour
sebaby
"shest
oodupandt
ook
myhand"l
et'
sgo"
Wewal kedoutofthehouseandwentt
othe
backy
ar dbythepool
Her:"
What'
swr ongmntanam?
"Shesatdown
onthechai
rIsatnextt
oher
Me: *
sighs*"
ever
ythi
ngmama,
Ican'
ttakei
t
any
mor e"
Her:
"Tal
ktome"
Me: "I'
vemadesomechoicesoverthepastfew
mont hsthatwerer
ushed,
Iwasinabadspace
butnowI '
mt ry
ingt
orecol
lectmysel
fandli
vea
l
ifethatwill
makemehappybecauseI '
m not
happyma"
Her:"i
sitt
hemar ri
age?"Inodded" ohbaby
*si
ghs*Iknewyouwer en'treadyfori
tbutyou
areol
denought omakey ourownchoi cessoI
l
etyoudowhaty ouwant edev enthi
sconvert
ing
thi
ngwhichIneverunderstoodbutifyouaren'
t
happymntanam thental
kt oher.Thisi
sn'
t
somethi
ngy oucanhide"
Me: "
That'
sthethi
ngmamashei sn'
tdoing
anyt
hingwrong,I'
mt heproblem.I'
mj ustnot
happywit
hmyl i
featt hemoment ,I
'm notat
peacewit
hthewayt hingsareandIjustwantto
beal
one"
Her:
"Ar
eyousur
eaboutt
hisKumkani
?"
Me:
"Yesma"
Her:
"Youar
egoi
ngt
obr
eakt
hatgi
rl
'
shear
t"
Me:*si
gh*"
I'
ll
bebreaki
ngitev
enmorei
fIkeep
gi
vi
nghermyemptyself
"shenodded
Her:
"Sowhatdoy
ouwantt
odo?
"
Me:"Wearegoingtomoveout,
I'
llgethera
pl
acetost
aywiththegi
rl
sanyt
hingsheneeds
I
'l
lpr
ovi
debutI'
m notst
ayi
nginthemar r
iage"
Her:
"boyar
eyousur
e?"
Me:
"posi
ti
ve"
Her: *si
ghs*" ohkodwaZweliIwishyouhadn'
t
rushedintothis,t
hepoorgir
lwillbeshat
ter
ed
andy ouconv ert
edfornot
hing"Ishookmyhead
Me:"meconv er
ti
nghadnot
hingtodowit
hher
andever
ythi
ngtodowithmysel
fma,Inever
consideredmy selfaChrist
ianbutisl
am i
s
somet hingIalwaysfeltstr
onglyaboutIj
ust
neverknewhowt ogoaboutt aki
ngthestepof
becomi ngaMusl i
m butnowIam andI '
m happy
wit
ht hatdecision"
Her:
"okaykehboyaslongasyouunder
stand
t
heconsequenceofwhatyouar
edoing"
Me:
"Idomama"
Her:
*si
gh*"
let
'sgoi
nsi
de"
Me:
"Yougo,
I'
ll
stayouther
eforawhi
l
e"
Her:
"Andsupper
?"
Me: "
I'
m nothungr
yma,Ijustneedsomespace
ri
ghtnow"shenoddedagainbefor
ewalki
ng
away
IknowwhatI '
m doing,Ican'
tj
usti
fymyfeeli
ngs
forthem soI'
l
lratherl
eavebothofthem t
oliv
e
theirl
iv
escauseI'm messedupatt hemoment .
Ijustneedtofocusont aki
ngcar
eofmyki ds,
getmyl awdegreeandfuckenmakeasuccess
ofmy selfwi
thoutdr
aggi
nganybodydown
becauseIdon'tknowwhatthefuckt
hatIwant
!
I
nser
t34
∆
BABALWA
•
They earwassl owl ycomi ngtoanend, whata
rol
lercoasterridei thasbeen!Butt heimpor tant
thi
ngwasIam happyandheal i
ng .The
dynami csathomehadchangedabi t
,nowi t
wasonl ymom andI .Bhutimov edoutwi t
hhi s
family,wellnotr eall
ywi t
ht hem causehe
separatedwi thImi nam whi chcameasa
shockert omehonest lyandwhatshockedme
mor ewast hef actt hathebr okeupwi thhert o
besingle!?Imeany ouguy sknowmybr other,I
thoughtitwasal lforNat ashabutIwaswr ong.
Hecur rentl
ylivesi nhisownbachel orpadwhi le
I
minam liveswit
hthetwinsinacomfort
able
homewi ththr
eebedroomspaidforbyhim.I
don'
tknowbutIaskmy sel
fwhyNatashanever
gotal
lthatbutagai
nit'
snonofmybusi nessI'
m
j
usta"kid"ri
ght?
AtthemomentIcanhonest lysayt hatIam
happy ,t
rulyam.Thi ngsbet weenLi faandIar e
amazi ng,Ifeelmy selfdevelopingst rong
feel
ingsf orhim.Want i
ngt obear oundhi m al
l
thetime, wanti
ngt ohearf r
om hi m eachand
everysecondwhenwear eawayf r om each
other,hejustmakesmesohappy .Youknow
myt herapistAshleyt ol
dmeheshoul dn'tbemy
onlysourceofhappi ness.ThatIshoul dbe
happywi thmef i
rstandl ovemy selfbeforeIgo
outtoext ernalsourcesandI '
vedoneal lthat,
yesI'm stil
lheali
ngbutIcannowl ooki nthe
mirrorandbet ot
allysatisfi
edwi thwhatst arr
ing
backatmeandnotj udgemy selfbecauseofmy
pastexper i
ences.Il ovether oadI'm onhonest l
y.
"Babyy ouknowI '
m goingtothechur ch
conferencetodayandI '
m comingbackon
Fri
day "Inoddedwithfoodinmymout hwhileI
browsedt hroughmynot es.Iwaswr iti
ngmy
l
astpapert oday"Idon'
tthinkyou'r
egoi ngtobe
okayher ebyy our
sel
fsopl easegot oy our
brother'
shouseorI '
l
laskhi mtocomeher e"I
l
ookedatherasshesi ppedhert ea
Me:
"mamaI
'
mfi
ne,
I'
m notababyy
ouknow"
Her:"
Vuyel
wathishouseistoobi
gformet
o
l
eaveyouonyourown,oryoucancomewit
h
metothechur
chconference"
Me: "
What
?Noo"Ist oodupwithmybowl "
I'
m
wri
ti
ngmylastpapertodayandIj
ustwantto
r
elaxmamaplease"
Her:"
Thechur
chconf
erencewi
l
ldoy
ougood
baby
"
Me:"
Idon'
twantt
ogoma"Ipl
acedmybowl
in
t
hesi
nk
Her:"Okayf
ine,
buty
ouar
egoi
ngt
oyour
br
other'
shouse"
Idi
dn'
tsayany
thingIj
ustwentt
osi
tbackdown
andbr
owsethroughmynotes
"
youshoul
dgopack,
youcandot
hisi
nthecar
"
Me:
"Mamapl
ease"
Her:
"Okay"Ist
oodupwit
hmynot esandwent
t
ogosi ti
nthel
oungesoIcouldrevi
seinpeace!
"
Wear egoingt
oleav
ein5mi nut
es!"
Me:
"Yesma"
Ibri
eflywentthroughmynot esthenwenttogo
puteveryt
hinginmyr oom.Tookmycel l
phone,
studentcard,2pensandapenci l.Ipl
aced
everyt
hinginmysmal lhandbagt henwentout
ofmyr oom, mamawascomi ngoutofherstoo
busylookingthr
oughherpur se
"BabyyouknowIcan'
tfi
ndmycarkeys,
Ican
swearIputthem i
nher
ewhenIgothome
y
est
erday
"shesai
dst
il
lbusy
Me:"They
'r
einthecuphol
deri
nthel
ounge,
you
l
eftt
hem t
here"
Her:
"Andmycel
l
ph.
..
"
Me:
"samepl
ace,
I'
ll
wai
tfory
ouout
side"
Her:
"Okay
"
Iwal
kedoutwhi
l
esherushedaround,whenshe
fi
nal
l
ycameoutwewentoff.Al
lroadsledto
campust
henshewoul
dgor unherowner r
ands.
"I
'
llsendyousomemoneyi
ncasey
ouneed
anythi
ng"
Me:"Youdon'
thavet
omama,
Zwel
isendsme
anal
l
owanceeverymont
h"
Her:
"Isi
tst
il
lenough?
"
Me:
"Yesma"
Her:
"Okaywel
li
fyouneedany
thi
ngj ustsend
meamessageokaybaby?
"Sheparkedinfront
ofthestudentgate,
Inoddedwhil
eIunst
rapped
mysafetybeltthentookmybagfrom myfeet
"ubhal
ekakuhlemnt anam"(
wri
tewellmybaby)
Me: "
enkosimama"( t
hankyouma)Ikissedher
cheek"enj
oyyourconfer
ence"wehugged
Her:"behaveendl
ini
kwaZwel
i
"(atZwel
i
's
house)Iopenedthedoor
Me:
*chuckl
es*"
whenhav
eIev
ermi
sbehav
ed"
Her:
"Justbehav
eBabal
wa"
Me: "
Don'
twor
ry,
Iwi
l
l"Igotof
fthecar"
lov
e
you"
Her:
"Il
ovey
out
oobaby
,by
e"
Me:
"By
ema"Icl
osedt
hedoor
.
AsIwal
kedi
ntocampusIheardavoi
cecall
out
myname,It
urnedbackandi
twasLif
a.Ismil
ed
ashewal
kedtowardsme.
"Heyyou"hesai
dashehookedhi
sarm onmy
shoul
dertobri
ngmeint
oasidehanganda
qui
ckpeckont
hef
orehead
Me:"Hi
"Iwrappedmyarm acr
osshi
swai
st
andwewalkedli
ket
hat
Hi
m:"
soar
eyour
eadyf
orourl
astpaper
?"
Me:"Justwannagetdone,
tir
edoft
hel
ate
ni
ght
s"
Him: "
Tel
lmeaboutit
,I'
m exhaustedpl
us
havi
ngtoworkonweekends.I'
mj ustgl
adthi
s
i
sourlasthopenonofushast owrit
ea
suppl
ementary
"
Me:*chuckl
es*"
Thatwi
l
ljustbeasl
apont
he
f
ace"
Him: "
Any
waybabyr ememberyout
oldBandi
le
you'
dseehim soon?
"Inodded"
Wellhekeeps
aski
ngwhenthatsoonwill
be"
Me:
"OmgIt
otal
l
yfor
got
"
Hi
m: "
It
'sokay,
youcancomehomewithme
t
odayt
heny oucanf
inal
l
yputmeoutofmy
'
wheni
sBabal
wacomi
ng'
miser
y"
Me:
"itcan'
thav
ebeent
hatbad"
Him: *
chuckl
es*"
I'
m ser
iousokay"Ilookedat
hi
m andshookmyhead" l
et'
ssitoverthere"he
poi
ntedatanemptybenchnexttoourwr iti
ng
hal
l.
Whenwesatdownhetookouthi
sbookt hena
l
unchboxwi
thgr
apesandhandedthem t
ome
Me:
*smi
l
es*"
Thanky
ou"
Hi
m:"
You'
rewel
come"
Me: "
Wewill
eatt
hem t
oget
herr
ight
?"He
shookhi
shead
Hi
m:"
NobabyI
..
."
Me:"Yesy
ouwi
l
lLi
faI
'
m notgoi
ngt
oeat
al
one"
Hi
m:"
Okay
"
It
ookoutmyphoneandl
ookedt
hroughsl
i
des
asIatet
hegr apeswhi l
ehestudiedf r
om his
bookanddidthesame.Af t
erawhi l
ewehadt o
goint
othewr i
tingcentre,
gotthereandwr ote.
LetmejustsayInev erwanttoseet hatpaper
everi
nmyl i
feagain!That '
showIwi lldescr
ibe
i
t.
"Howwasi t
?"Heaskedashecameout ,I
fi
nishedf
ir
standwenttowaitoutsi
deforhim.I
j
ustshookmyheadandhel aughed"itcan'
t
havebeenthatbadangel
"hetookmyhandand
webeganwal ki
ng
Me:
"Idon'
twantt
otal
kabouti
t"
Hi
m:"
OkayI
'
m sor
ry"
Me:
"Wher
ear
ewegoi
ng?
"
Hi
m:"
Bandi
l
e"
Me:"CanIgobuysomet
hingf
orhi
mfi
rst
?
Don'
twanttoar
ri
veempt
yhanded"
Hi
m:"
Noy
oudon'
thav
etoBabal
wa"
Me:
"Pl
ease"Ist
oppedwal
ki
ng,
hesi
ghed
Hi
m:"
Fine"
Wewentt othestudentcentreandIbought
somest uffforuswhi chheputinhisbackpack
togetherwithmyhandbagbecausewewer e
goingtouset hetrai
nandaccor di
ngt ohimit
wasn'tsafe.Iwasn'tabouttoargue.Whenwe
arri
vedinKhay el
it
shawhi chImightaddwasmy
veryfir
sttimethereIdidn'
tleavehisside.We
wentst r
aighttowherehel i
ves,whichwasa
bungalowher ented.
"I
t'
snothi
ngfancy,notwhaty
ou'
reusedt obut
i
t'
sallIcoul
daffor
d"hesaidasheunlockedthe
door
Me:
"It
'sokay
"henoddedandopenedt
hedoor
Hi
m:"
Wel
comet
omyhome"
Igoti
nandt ri
ednottolookar
oundbutI
coul
dn'thel
pmy sel
fanditwasn'
tbadorshabby
.
Ever
ythingwasinplacewit
habedinthefar
corner
,wardroberightnexttoitthensome
openspaceandat i
nytabl
ewhi chhadt heTV-
setandaonesi t
tercouch.Bythedoorwast he
cupboardwit
hthet woplatestoveontopofit,
ti
nysinkandacut eli
tt
lefr
idger i
ghtnexttoi
t.
"
Wel
lthi
siscut
e"Ifi
nal
l
ysai
dwithasmi
l
eon
myf
aceasIwalkedtot
hecouch
Hi
m:*
clear
sthr
oat
*"i
t'
snotmuchbut
..
."
Me:*smili
ng*"
stopdoi
ngt
hat
,I'
m notasnob"
hebr
eathedout
Hi
m:"
Iknowy
ou'
renotbaby
,Ij
ust
..
."
Me: "
Where'
sthel
i
ttl
eguy
?"Hecheckedhi
s
wr
istwat
ch
Him: "Welli
t'
sonlyaround11,hi
str
anspor
t
shouldbeherearound2"Inoddedandreached
fortheremote,swit
chedt heTVonandsur
fed
throughthechannels."
I'
ll
gobuyussome
coldri
nk"
Me:
*nods*"
Okay
"
Him:"yougonnabef
ineher
eal
one?Ory
ou
gonnacomewi t
hme?"
Me:"I
'l
lst
ay"hewal
kedtowar
dsmeand
cr
oucheddowninfr
ontofme
Hi
m:*
smi
l
es*"
Thanky
ou"
Me:
"Whatf
or?
"
Hi
m:"
forbei
ngamazi
ng"
Me:
*gi
ggl
es*"
youal
way
ssayt
hat
"
Him: "
Causei t'
strue"hehel dmyhandsand
ki
ssedt hem "
andI '
llneverstopsayi
ngthatno
matterwhat,myf eelingsforyouwil
lst
aythe
samei fnotgrowst r
onger "hemovedcloserto
me"canIki ssyoupl ease?"Ibitmybot
tom li
p
Me: "
Idon'
tknow,I.
..
"Idi
dn'tevengettofi
nish
whatIwasbabbli
ngonaboutbecausehe
att
ackedmyli
pswhi chmademef r
eeze.Idi
dn't
knowwhattodo,I'
veneverkissedaguybefore
hel
lhei
sthefir
stguytoevergett
hiscl
oset
o
me.Hestoppedandlookedatme
Hi
m:"
I'
m sor
rybaby
,Ij
ust
..
.I'
m sor
ryokay
?"
Me:
"I'
venev
erbeenki
ssedbef
ore"
Hi
m:"
Iknow"
Me:"
Youknow?"Henodded"
OhIdi
dn'
treal
i
ze
i
twasev
ident
"
Him: "I
t'
snot hingtobeashamedof ,
Ijust
..
."He
sighed"Youknowhowst r
onglyIfeelaboutyou
ri
ght?I'
dnev erhur ty
ou, atl
eastnot
deli
berately
"Inodded" I'
llwaitunt
ilyouare
ready"I'
mr eady !I
'
mr eadyr i
ghtnow!Iwantt o
kissyout ooIjustdon'tknowhow!Whati fI
embar r
assmy self
?"baby ?"
Me:
"Mh?
"
Him: "
I'
m sorr
y,Idi
dn'tmeantomakey ou
uncomfort
able.I
twon'thappenedagai
n,I
'
ll
contr
olmy sel
ffr
om theurgetohaveyour
tenderl
ipsagainstl
i
ps.
..Al
lI'
m say
ingi
sI'
l
l
control
my sel
f"
Me:*swall
ows*"
I.
..Iwanty
out
o"hel
ookedat
mequizzi
cal
ly
Hi
m: "
Wantmet
owhat ?
"Il
ookedatmyhands
whi
chwer
eti
ght
lyhel
dbyhi
s
Me:
"toki
ssme"
Hi
m: "l
ookatme"Idid"I
'
m notpressur
ingyou
i
ntoanyt
hingpl
easedon'
tfeel
rushedI.
.."
Me:"Pl
easeLifa"hesl
owlyli
ckedhisl
ipswhi
le
l
ooki
ngmei ntheeyethenloweri
nghiseyest
o
myli
psthenbackupt omyey esagai
n
Hi
m:"
Yousur
e?"Inodded
Me:
"Yes"heswal
l
owed
Him: "
Okay ,
stopmei fy
ounotcomf or
tabl
e
wit
hany thi
ng"Inodded,
hebr eat
hedout.
Suddenlyheseemedner vous
Me:
"Youdon'
thav
etoi
fyoudon'
twantt
o"
Hi
m: "
What?Nooobaby,Ij
ustwant.
..Never
mind"hecuppedmyfaceandbroughtitcl
oser
t
ohis.
Histouchmademecl osemyey es,hebrushed
hisl
ipsoverminet henplacedasoftpeckon
them andIfel
thim mov ethem al
it
tlebefor
eI
fel
thisli
psagainstmineagainandhet ookmy
bott
om li
pintohisslowlysucki
ngoni tanddid
thesamet omyt oplip
"j
ustfol
lowmyl ead"hesai dinbet weenthisand
Ididtooslowl
ytomakesur eIdidn'tmessup
andbeforeIknewi t
, i
tcamenat urallyandit
broughtaboutf
oreignf eel
ingsinsidemet hen
hestoppedtolookatme" y ouokay ?"Isl
owly
noddedandhesmi l
ed" I'
l
lgogett hatcoldri
nk"I
noddedagainbeforehepl acedasof tpeckon
myl i
psagainandst oodup.
Assoonashewal kedoutIplacedmyf i
ngers
onmylips,Icoul
dn'
tbeli
eveIjusthadhisli
ps
agai
nstmine!Anditf
eltthatgood!Ist
arted
smi l
i
nglikearetardt
omy self
,Ithi
nkIwantt o
doitagainImeani tfel
tgood,i
tfel
tr i
ght!I
didn'
twanttost opbuthedid,whydidhe?
May behedidn'tli
kethewayIwaski ssinghi
m?
Ormay beIjustwasn'tdoi
ngitthewayhe
exceptedmet o.
Iwantt ogohome, r
ightnow!I'
veembar r
assed
my self
!Ilookedforhisbackpackanditwason
thebed, Iopeneditandtookmybagout .Hi
s
phoner angwhi l
eIwasbusy ,i
twaswr it
ten
Maf a.Ididn'
tknowifIshouldanswerornotsoI
decidednott o.NotwhileIwascrying,
no!Itook
myphoneoutofmybag, Iwasgoingtocallan
uberandl eavebeforehecomesback.
"Whatareyoudoing?"Ishutmyeyessti
l
l
l
ookingdownatmyphone.Ihear dthedoor
shutthenIl
ookedup" Babe?"Heputt
he
col
drinkandvetkoekshehadboughtonthe
cupboardandrushedtowardsme" Whyareyou
cry
ing?"
Me:"Ijustwannagohome"heenv
elopedme
i
ntohisarms
Him: "
What'swr
ong?Talkt
ome"hepulledput
outofthehugandwipedmywetcheeks"Mh?"
Me:
"Youdi
dn'
tenj
oyt
heki
ss?
"
Hi
m:"
What
?"Hel
ookedatmeconf
used
Me:"Theki
ss!Youdidn'
tenj
oyit
,that
'swhyyou
st
oppedandwentofftotheshopbecause.
."
Him: "whoah!Yima"(wai
t)"
areyoukiddingme
ri
ghtnow?Doy ouknowhowl ongIwaitedfor
thatkisst
ohappened?Ofcour seIenj
oyedit,
I
enjoyedeveryminut
eofitbaby"
Me:
"Thenwhydi
dyoust
op?
"
Him: "
Youdi dn'
twantmet ostop?
"Ishookmy
headandhesmi l
ed"youshouldhav esaidso
'
Lifadon'tstop"hemimi ckedmyv oiceandI
giggled"I
'm sorr
yIstopped"hepeckedmyl ips
"Ididn'
twantt obutIhadt oforcert
ainreasons
whichIwon'tgetint
obuttrustmewhenIsay
you'
reagreatkisserandIwanttodoi
tagai
n"
Me:
*smi
l
es*"
met
oo"
Him: *smirks*"real
l
y ?"Inodded"Ithought
you'dbeshybutno, notatallandIli
kethat.
Nexttimepl easebeopenwi thmeokay ?"I
noddedandhecuppedmyf acebeforeplanti
ng
yetanotherkissonmyl ipsthenpull
edout"now
I'
m notstoppingcauseIdi dn'tenj
oythatI'
m
stoppi
ngbecauseI '
m hungry "
Me:*gi
ggl
es*"
Okay
,Iseey
ouboughtmy
f
avour
it
e"
Him: "
Alway
s,haveasit
"hepeckedmyli
psand
openedacampchairnextt
othecouchIwas
si
tti
ngonbefor
eservi
ngmeav etkoekwi
tha
col
dglassofcoke
Me:
"Thanky
ou"hesatdownnextt
ome
Hi
m:"
Any
timebaby
"
Weat ewhi lewat chingt v,thenchi l
ledwhile
conv ersingbackandf orthbef or ethedoorbur st
openandaboyr ani nsidewear i
nghi sschool
unif
or m scr eaming" bhut i
".ItwasBandi le,Li
fa
i
ntroducedusbef or
einst ructinghi mt otakeof f
hi
suni f
or mt hengav ehi m hisv etkoekand
somedr i
nk.Hekeptont alkingt hough, he
woul dn'tstopbutonet hi
ngaper soncoul dpick
upwashowmucht hisl i
tt
leboyl ov edhisolder
brother.Ev erythi
ngwasbhut ithis,bhutithat
,
andt henbhut ididthis itwasj ust
admi rablebuthi sbr ot
herwasj eal oushe
i
nstruct edhi mt ogopl ayout side.
"
Sor
ryaboutt
hat
,hedoesn'
tst
op"
Me: *
smi
l
es*"
Iwasenj
oyi
nghi
scompany
,you
know"
Him:"Ofcourse,youcouldn'
tstopl
aughing.
Youdon'tev
enl aughthatmuchwhenIt ell
you
myjokes"hepretendedtosulk
Me: *giggles*"youcan'tseri
ousl
ybej eal
ousof
an8y earol d"hefoldedhisarmsacrosshis
chest"okayokayI 'm sorry
,I'
m al
lyoursnow"I
peckedhi scheekandhesmi l
ed"so?"Heshook
hi
shead" baaabe!"Hel ookedatmewi thahuge
smileplasteredonhi sface
Him: "
Didyouj
ustcallmebabe! ?
"Inodded
sl
owlyhestoodupandpi ckedmeupbef or
e
swingi
ngmearoundt henputmedown" canwe
j
ustmakethisoff
ici
al?Pleasebemygi rl
fri
end,
I
knowthisi
sn'
tthemostideal wayto.
..
"
Me:"It
houghtIwasal
readyy
ourgi
rl
fr
iend"he
l
ookedatmeinexci
tement
Hi
m:"
What
!?"Inodded"
nosayi
tsoIbel
i
evei
t"
Me:
"I'
l
lbey
ourgi
rl
fr
iendLi
fa"
Him: *
smi l
es*"AndI
'l
lbey ourboyfri
end!
?"I
nodded,hehuggedmet ightl
y"you'v
ejustmade
mesooohappy "hel
ookedatme" Thankyouso
muchf orgi
vingmeachance"hepeckedmy
l
i
ps"
Ilov
eyousomuch,
youwon'
tregr
ett
his"
Me:
"Il
ovey
out
oo"
Him: "
Fuck!Ijustwannascream t
hat'
show
happyIam"heki ssedmeunexpect
edlyl
ikehe
wassohappyi tmademehappyt oo"Iwon't
hurty
ou,Ilovey outoomuchtohurtyou"
Me:
"Ihopeso"
Him: "Let'ssitdown"wesatont hebed"Ihav e
at winbr otherwhost ay sbackhome,hei sa
troublemakerbuty eahwear efami l
y.Hi
sname
i
sMaf a, heist heoldest .Wear eonly3boy s,no
girl
s.Mymot herwasaSot howoman,
MmaThabowhi chisBandi l
e'sSothoname,
Thabot hatisandmyf atherwasaXhosaman,
Thozami le.Theynev ergotmar riedbutwere
togetherunt i
ltheirlastday .Theybothdiedi na
carcrash, Bandilewasonl y3y earsoldatthe
ti
me"hesi ghed" webeenl ivi
ngonourown
since,f amilymember shelpedher eandthere.I
don'
thaveanyot hernamejustLi
faMohale,it
's
aXhosanamewhi chIgotfr
om myfathermany
mistakei
tfortheSothoonebeingLef
awi than
'
e'butyeahthat'
saboutit
.Ifendf
ormybr other
andI"
Me: "
Wow, I'
m sorr
yabouty
ourpar
ents.What
you'
redoi
ngf orBandi
l
eisamazi
ng,remindsme
ofmybrother"
Hi
m:"
Oh?
"
Me: "Yeah,
he.
..Hehasdonealotforme"I
clear
edmyt hr
oat"Li
faI
..
.Iwas.
."Myphone
rang,i
twasZweli."
Bhut
i?"
Him: "
nyut
i?Wher
ethehell
areyouBabalwa
I'
vebeenwait
ingf
oryouatthehouse!Wher
e
areyou!
?"
Me:
"Ummm bhut
i,I
'
m sor
ryIl
ostt
rackoft
ime"
Him:"Wherear
ey ousoIcanfetchy
ou
Babal
wa?"Iswal
lowedandlookedatLi
fat
hen
atmywri
stwatchitwasaroundto7
Me:
"I'
l
luberhomebhut
indi
yeza"
Hi
m:"
Babal
wauphi
!
?"
Me:"I
'm comi
ng"Iqui
ckl
yhung"
mybr
otheri
s
wai
ti
ngformeathome"
Li
fa:
"Shi
tbaby
!"
Me:"I'
l
luberhome,
I'
ll
justsayIwentoutwi
th
Fani
sa"
Hi
m: "okay
,letmegogetBandi
l
ewhi
l
eyou
or
deranuber"
Her
ushedout
side.
I
nser
t35
∆
BABALWA
•
AsIwait
edf ortheubertocomeIsentZweli
a
messagetell
inghim Ihadgoneoutwi
thFanisa
andl
osttrackoftimebutIwouldbehomesoon,
j
ustsohecoul
dst
opstr
essi
ng.Ipl
acedal
lmy
st
uffi
nmybagandLi
facamebackinsi
dewit
h
Bandi
l
e.
"Si
siuy
ahamba?
"Bandi
l
easkedassoonashe
sawmybagnexttome
Me:
*nods*"
butI
'
llcomeseey
ouagai
nvah?
"
Hi
m:"
Nini
?"(
When)
Me:
"Soon"
Hi
m:"Ha.
awenasisi
xawusi
thi
soonuzaaf
tera
l
ongt
ime"(
whenyousaysoonyoucomeaf
tera
l
ongt
ime)
Me:*smil
es*"notthi
sti
mear oundnyannyan"
hehel
douthispinkyandIhookedminearound
hi
s"Ipr
omise"
"Ar
ey ougonnabeokaybaby ?"Li
faaskedandI
nodded"Arey ousure?Idon'twantyouget
ting
i
ntroublebecauseofme, lastthi
ngIwantisto
beony ourbrother
'sbadside"
Me:
"Hewon'
tknow,
rel
ax"
Hi
m:"
HowcanIr
elaxwhen.
..
"
Me:
"Babyi
t'
sfi
ner
eal
l
y"hesmi
l
ed
Hi
m:"
Fine"
Wesatdownandhest art
edf i
xi
ngupsupper
whichwasamusingtomebutcut eatt
hesame,
heaskedmetolendahelpinghandandI
hel
pedwherenecessar
ybutsoonhadt ol
eave
becausemyuberwasoutside.
"
I'
m gonnamissyou"hesai
dashehandedme
adampclot
ht owipemyhands
Me: "
I'
m goi
ngtomissyoutoo"Ipl
acedt
he
cl
othonthesinkandhuggedhi
m
Him:"Yougoi
ngtov i
sitagai
nri
ght?"Inodded
wit
hmyheadst i
llonhi
schest"Okaybaby ,
go
bef
oreyourbr
otherbl
owsagasket "
Me:*gi
ggl
es*"Okay"Il
ookedupt
ofacehi
m"I
hadagr
eatdaytoday"
Him:"Met
oobeauti
ful
,I'
m sohappyyoucame"
heki
ssedmyf
orehead"saybyetoBandi
le"
Ihadf or
gott
enabouthi m, hewassoi ntune
withthecartoonsthatwereplayinghewent
compl et
elymute.Icroucheddownoni nfrontof
him andhuggedhi m goodbyebef or
etell
inghim
togethisstufffr
om LifathatIhadboughthi m
earl
ier.
"
Masambebabe"heopenedthedoorand
wal
kedout
,Il
ookedatBandi
l
e
Me:
"Shar
pneh"
Hi
m: "yougoi
ngt
ocomebackagai
ndon'
t
f
orget
"
Me:
*gi
ggl
es*"
Iwon'
tfor
get
"
Istoodupandwalkedout ,
Lifawaswaiti
ng
outsi
dewithmybag.Hepul ledmeaftercl
osing
thedoorthenst
oleaquickkiss onl
y
thendidhewalkmeoutt hegate.Heeventook
downt henumberpl
atebecauseapparentl
yyou
cannev erbet oocautious.Af
terbiddi
ng
far
ewell t
heuberdr ovemestrai
ghthome, Ipai
d
thedri
vert hengotof finfr
ontofthegate.
Zweli'
scarwaspar kedont hedri
vewayandt he
l
ightswer eon, Icheckedtheti
meandi twas
j
ustaf ewmi nutespast8.
Iqui
cklysai
dasi lentprayerbef
or egoingi
nside
thehouse,t
heTvwasn' ton.Thatmademe
moreanxious,asIpassedt hekitchenIcaught
agli
mpseofhi m sitt
ingont hehi
ghchai rbusy
onhisphonewhi chheputdownwhenhesaw
me.Ididn'
tevenknowi fIshoul
dgr eetornot,
that
'showinti
midat i
nghewasr i
ghtnow
"
Uv el
aphi
?"(Wher
eareyoucomi
ngf
rom)he
f
inall
ysai
d,Iswal
lowed.
Me:"Iwaswi
thFani
sa,she'
sgoingt
oJoburg
t
omorrowsowedecidedtohangoutbef
oreshe
l
eav
es"
Hi
m:"
Hangoutwher
e?"Wher
eBabal
wa!
?
Me:
"Uhhbhut
i?"
Him:"Youhear
dmeper
fect
lyBabal
wa,
beni
phi?
"(Wher
ewer
eyoutwo)
Me:
"Wewentt
oKhay
eli
tsha"
Him: "
Kha..
.What!
?Babalwaareyouinsane!?
Doy ouknowhowdanger oust
hatpl
aceis?
Whatifsomethi
nghappenedtoyoudammi t?
Uxel
elebanibauyaphi
,huh?"(
Whodidy outell
aboutyourwher
eabouts)
Me:
"Noone"hechuckl
ed
Him:"Yazubokheubeconsider
ateofother
peopl
e,I
'minhereworr
iedsickaboutyounot
knowi
nguphiBabalwasincewhendoy oucome
backaft
ert
hesungoesdown?Sundi qhela
Babal
wa,gopackyourshitsi
hambe!"
Me:
"I'
m..
."
Hi
m:"
Idon'
twantt
oheari
t!
"
Iswal
l
owedt
hel
umpt
hatwasi
nmyt
hroatand
walkedt omyr oom, assoonasIgotinside
tearsrusheddownmycheeks.Ihat emaking
him angry,i
thurtsme.Myphoner angandI
quickl
ywi pedmyt earstocheckwhoi twas,Li
fa.
Idecli
nedt hecallandthrewmyphoneont he
bedbeforegrabbingmybagandpacki ngmy
stuffwhenIwasdone, Iwalkedout.
"I
'
m done"Isai
dasImademywayt
owar
dshi
m,
helookedatme
Hi
m: "
Switchof
fthel
i
ght
s"hewal
kedt
owar
ds
meandtookmybag
Iwentar oundthehouseswi tchi
ngof ftheli
ght
s
beforegoingbacktohi m,wewal kedoutandhe
switchedthealarm on.Wequi cklymadeour
wayt othecarandhedr ov eoff,t
hesilenceand
tensionweretoomuch!Iwasev enscaredto
mov eorusemyphone, soIlookedoutt he
windowmostofourj ourney
"
whatdoy
ouwantf
orsupper
?"Heaskedashe
dr
ovei
ntot
hemal
lpar
king
Me:
"Any
thi
ngi
sfi
ne"henodded
Hi
m:"
I'
ll
beback"
Hecl i
mbedoutandleftmeinthecar,Iqui
ckl
y
reachedf
ormybagandt ookoutmyphone.I
hadahandfulofmissedcall
sfrom Li
faand1
message.
`Angel?Isever
ythingokay ?I'm get
ti
ngworr
ied
now, kudalaumkil
e(youl eftalongti
meago)so
youshoul dbehomebynowsoIdon' t
understandwhyy ouar en'tansweri
ngmycalls.
Pleasegetbackt ome, Ij
ustwantt oknowt
hat
you'r
ehomesaf epl ease`
Ideci
dedtocallhi
m back,
thephonedi
dn'
teven
gettori
ngbecauseheansweredonthefi
rst
ri
ng
"Fi
nal
l
y!Whydi
dyouscar
emel
i
ket
hat
?Ar
eyou
homesafe?
"
Me:
"I'
m sor
ry,
yesIgothomesaf
e"
Hi
m:"
What
swr
ong?Youdon'
tsoundokay
"
Me:"
Justt
hatmybrot
hergav
emeanear
ful
for
comi
nghomelat
e"
Him:"I
'
m sorr
ybaby,Il
osttr
ackoft
ime.It
won'
thappenagai
n,nextt
imewewillev
enset
anal
arm"
Me:
*si
ghs*"
Okay
"
Him:"Babyaski
eskal
oku,
justapol
ogi
zet
ohi
m
andhe'
llbef
ine"
Me:
"Hewon'
tgi
vemeachance"
Hi
m:"
I'
m sur
ehehascool
edof
fnow"
Me:"I
'
lldoitwhenhecomesback,
we'
reatt
he
mal
l
.Wel l
hewentinsi
de,I
'
minthecar
"
Hi
m: "Goodgi
rl
,Imissy
ou.Thehouseseems
emptynowwit
houtmyGIRLFRI
END"He
emphasi
zedgi
rl
fri
end
Me:
*gi
ggl
es*"
Imi
ssy
out
ooboy
fri
end"
Hi
m:"feel
ssogoodknowi
ngyou'
reof
fi
cial
l
y
mygi
rl
,you'
vemademesohappy"
Me:
"Onl
ybecausey
oukeepmeov
erj
oyed"
"Bhut
ijonga!
"Ihear
dBandi
l
e'sl
oudv
oicei
nthe
backgr
ound
Li
fa:
"Jay
ima,
I'
m busy
"
"
Nonow!
!"Hecal
l
edoutagai
n
Hi
m:"
Eishbaby
,wewi
l
ltal
klat
erokay
?"
Me:
"Okay
"
Hi
m:"
Ilov
eyou"
Me:
*smi
l
es*"
Ilov
eyout
oo"hehungup
I
tfeltsogoodsayingthat
,Ihadbeenhol di
ng
backthiswholeti
mebutnowIcoul dfinall
ybe
honestabouthowItrulyf
eltabouthi
m andt he
tr
uthwasIhadf al
lendeeplyforhi
m.Ican'tstop
my sel
f,hej
ustmakesmewantt olov
ehi m
more&moreeachdayandi
t'
sthel
i
ttl
ethi
ngs
hedoes.
IsawZwel iapproachingthecarandI
composedt heexci t
ementt hathadbuil
tup
i
nsidemeaf terthatcallwithmyboy f
ri
end
yesmyboy fri
end .Hecamei nthecar
andhandedmet het akeoutbeforest
arti
ngthe
carigni
ti
on.Iclearedmyt hroatandhelooked
atme, hehadcal meddown.
Me: "I'
m sorryf
orgoingoutwithoutnot i
fyi
ng
anyone, i
twasselfi
shofme.Idi dn'tthinkandI
apologizeforcominghomelate, hav i
ngy ou
waitformeandhav eyourpl
ansder ail
ed
becausey oudidn'
tknowwher eIwasori fIwas
okay.Ididn'tmeantoworryyoubhut indicel
a
uxolo"(pl
easeforgiv
eme)
Him: *
sigh*"i
t'
sokay ,
I'm sorr
yforraisi
ngmy
voi
ceaty outoo.JustthatIwaswor riedsick
aboutyou,youknowIgetov erl
yprotecti
ve
whenitcomest oyou"
Me:
"Andt
hanky
ouf
ort
hat
"
Hi
m:"
Greatl
et'
sgo"
Hebuckledupanddrov
eoff
,theatmospherei
n
thecarwasli
ght
erandmuchmor ecomfort
abl
e
now.
I
nser
t36
∆
BABALWA
•
Wedi dn'tspendmucht i
mebondi ngthat
evening,Iwast i
redsohef i
xedthesl eepi
ng
couchf ormesi nceIdidn'
twantt osl eepinhis
room andbesi desIdidn'
twantt oi nvadehis
spacemuchsoIgotcomf ortabl
eont hecouch
withthehugebl ankethegav emeandaf luff
y
pil
low.Hekeptonaski ngifIwasokay ,i
fIdidn'
t
wantt otakethebedandl ethim sleepont he
couchbutIassur edhimt hatIwasokaywi th
thecouchandIhonest l
ywas.Idon'tknow
whenhel ef
tthelounge,heprobablywentto
sleepwhenhesawt hatIwasfinal
l
yasleep.
Zweliworri
estoomuchnay ey az.
Iwokeupt
henextmorni
ng,
wel
lIwaswoken
upbyacal
lfr
om Li
fa.
"
Morni
ngbeauti
ful
"hi
sfir
stwor
dsimmedi
atel
y
whenIanswer
edthephone,
Ismil
ed
Me:
"Heybaby
"hechuckl
ed
Hi
m: "hear
ingy
ousayt
hat
..
.Mhmmm y
eahI
am t
hemanshame"
Me:*
giggles*"
Real
l
ynow?Cockysoear
lyi
n
t
hemorning"
Hi
m:"
Aaahbabyear
ly?I
t'
sal
ready8mos"
Me:
"Yousoundl
i
kemymom r
ightnow"
Hi
m: *chuckl
es*"
asIpret
endasi
fIdi
dn'
thear
t
hat,
howdi dyousl
eep?
"
Me:
"Sopeacef
ul,
feel
superr
efr
eshed.Wena?
"
Him: "Ohbaby ,knowi
ngy ou'r
eof f
ici
all
ymi ne.
..
Isleptwit
hasmi l
eonmyf ace,keptrel
ivi
ng
thosekisses.Justwantedt oknowi fyou'
re
reall
ymygi rl
"
Me: *
giggl
es*"
YesIam"Ilookedbacktocheck
i
fthecoastwasst
il
lcl
earandindeedi
twas" I
'
m
your
s"
Hi
m:"
Babal
wa"hesuddenl
ysoundedser
ious
Me:
"Mh?
"
Hi
m:*
sighs*"
Ilov
eyou"
Me:
"Iknowy
oudo"
Him:"Idon'
tthinkyouunderst
andj
usthow
muchIdo, j
usthowmuchIwantt omakeyou
happy
"hesighedy etagai
n"keahor
ata
Babal
wa"(Iloveyou)
Me:
*smi
l
es*"
Ilov
eyout
ooMohal
e"
Hi
m: "
Haveagreatdaybaby
,wewil
ltal
kon
What
sApp.Runni
ngoutofai
rti
me"
Me:
"Okay
,yout
oo.Gr
eetBandi
l
eforme"
Hi
m: "
Hewentt
oschool
,I
'm al
lal
one.Wi
shy
ou
wer
ehere"
Me: "
Awwwbaby
,don'
twor
ry.Babi
wil
lbet
her
e
soonokay
"
Him:*chuckl
es*"
Yeah.
..
"Thent
hel
i
newent
dead
Icheckedt
hescr
eenandthecal
lhadended,
I
deci
dedtocal
lhi
m back.
"
outofai
r?"Isai
dasheanswer
ed
"
Yeahbaby
,sor
ry"hesai
dont
heot
herend
Me:
"It
'sokay
,thanky
ouf
orcal
l
ingme"
Hi
m:"
Comeony
oudon'
thav
eto.
."
Me:
"Iwantt
o"
Hi
m*si
ghs*"
Okaybaby
,it
'
sapl
easur
e"
Me:"Okay,Ihav
etogo.Wannamake
br
eakfast
"
Hi
m:"
Wishy
oucoul
dmakemesomet
oo"
Me:
"somedayIwi
l
l"
Hi
m:"
Iknowy
ouwi
l
l,by
ebaby
"
Me:
"By
e"
Ihungupandpl acedmycel l
phoneont he
coffeetablenearthecouch,Ireachedoutf or
theremot esothatIcouldswitchont hetv
.The
volumewasl ow, Idi
dn'twanttowakeZwel iup.
Iswitchedonmyf avouri
techannelt hengotup
from thecouchandwentt ogor ef
reshi nt
he
bathroom beforegoingbacktot heloungeand
putti
ngonmygown.I twasabi tcold,whoam I
kiddingiti
scoldashel lher
eIhav enoi deawhy
Zwel iwouldwanttolivebythebeach!
Ifoldedtheblanketandpi
llowthenplacedthem
i
nt hewar drobethatwasi
nt hehal
lwaycloseto
Zwel i
'sbedroom door,
Imustsaythatthis
housewascosyt houghli
kethedesignwas
beaut i
fulandconveni
enttoo.Ver
yspaciousfor
aonebedr oom fl
atbutwhatcanIsay?My
brotherl
ovesnicethi
ngs,Icl
eanedaroundthe
l
ounget henmadebr eakf
ast.Zwelimadehi
s
grandentranceasIwasbusydi shi
ngupforthe
twoofus.
"
Mor
ningl
i
ttl
esi
s"
Me: "
Goodmorni
ng,y
ou'r
elateasusual
"he
l
ookedatt
hetimeonthewatchthatwas
hangi
ngonthewal
l
Hi
m: "I
t'
sonl
yli
kepast10andIhav
enowhere
t
obe"hegotaglassofwat
er"st
opbei
ngl
ike
mom pl
ease"
Me:
"Mhhkay
"Ihandedhi
m hi
spl
ate
Hi
m: "Thanks"wewal
kedt
othel
ounge"
you
sl
eptokay?"
Me:
"YeahIdi
d"
Hi
m:"
I'
mtaki
ngt
hecoucht
oni
ght
"
Me:
"What
everbr
o"wedugi
n,whi
l
ewat
chi
ng
t
v.
Afterbreakf asthewashedt hedisheswhil
eI
bathed, Islippedintomybl ackjeansandagr ey
j
acketal ongwi thmybl ackconversesneakers.
Myst y l
ewasv er
ymuchont heboy i
shside,I
wasn' tallthatcomf ort
ableinskirt
sanddr esses,
Ifeltexposedi nthosebutinjeansnowt hatis
wher eIf eel comfort
able.
"
Putonsomethi
ngnice!Wear
egoi
ngt
othe
movi
es"Zwel
ishout
ed
"
okay
!"Ir
esponded
Idi
dn'tevenfeelli
kedressinguptodaythough!I
deci
dedonmyv i
ntagedenimjean,ablack&
whitestri
ppedshirtwit
hmywhi t
epuma
sneakers.Ii
ronedtheshirtandchangedthe
cl
othesIhadonatf i
rst
,myhai rwasinaneat
hi
ghbun.Nomakeup, j
usttheeyebrowsand
somemascar a.
"
I'
dli
ket
ogetdr
essedt
ooy
ouknow"hesai
don
t
heot
hersi
deoft
hedoor
"
AlmostdoneZwe"
Icl
eanedupaftermy sel
f,puff
edafewsprays
ofmyperfumet hatmymom boughtmet hen
wentoutoftheroom.Zwel iwassi
tt
ingonthe
couch,pr
essi
ngawayonhi sphoneinj
usthi
s
short
s.Hehadjustcameoutoft heshower.
"
I'
m done"Isai
d
Hi
m:"
Final
l
y,nextt
imeI
'
llwashf
ir
st"
Me:"Idi
dn'
tev
entakelong"hest
oodupand
madehiswayt
otheroom whil
eIsatdownon
t
hecouch.
Iwasonmyphonechat t
ingwithLi
faand
Fanisawhi lehegotr
eady,mymom surpri
singl
y
sentat ext.ShewascheckinguponZweliandI,
Irepli
edt el
li
ngherwewer efi
neandsheshould
j
ustenj oyhersel
fnoneedt oworr
yaboutus.
`
okaybaby
,mommyl
ovesy
ou`t
hatwasher
r
esponse.
`
Ilov
eyoutooma`Ir
espondedbef
oregoi
ngt
o
mychat
s.
Lif
awasbei ngabi gbaby,t
ell
ingmehowl onel
y
hewasatt hehouseal l
byhimself
.Hereall
y
wantedmet ov i
sithi
m soon,Isai
dIwould
comeonSat urday.Wellseei
ngasmom woul d
bebackonFr i
dayI '
dbegoinghomeonFr iday
tooandtherewillbenomor eZwelisoIcould
gotohim.
`
shoot
!BabyIcan'
tdoSat
urday
,I'
m wor
king
r
emember`hetext
ed
`
ohy
eah,
Mondayt
hen?
`Ir
epl
i
ed
`nobabe,mygoi
ngtost
artworki
ngful
lti
me
nowsinceweareonl
ygoingbacktocampusi
n
Feb`hetext
ed
`
oh,okayt
hen`soIguessIwon'
tbeseei
ng
muchofhi
m
`iwil
lseeyouonmyof fday sangel,
Ineedt he
money .Bandil
eisgoingtospendt hehol i
days
withmybr otherbackhome, I
'
m stayi
ngcause
wellIwannabecl osetoy ou.Can'
tleavey ou
herefor2mont hs,all
myof fday
swi l
lbespent
withyou.Ipromise`anotheronecamet hrough
`maybeChr i
stmast ooifwecan`Ismi led.
Whateverhedoes,healwayshasmei nmi nd.I
guessthi
sishowboy f
riendsact?Idon'tknow
butIfeel
veryspeci
alr
ightnow.Hei sreall
y
makingmef eelpar
tofhisworld
`
Thanky oubaby
, I
'
dlovethat
.Don'tknowabout
t
heChristmasstorybutwewil
lsee`I
r
esponded
"okaycomel et
'sgo"Zwel
isai
dashegrabbed
hiskeys,
Ilockedmyphoneandstoodup
Me:
"I'
l
lgogetmypur
sequi
ckl
y"
Iquickl
ygrabbedmypur
se,wal
l
etandli
pgloss
thenwel ef
t.Whenwear
ri
vedatthemal
lthe
movi
ewasonlygoi
ngtobegininan45mi
nutes
soZwel
ipur
chasedourti
cket
sthenwewentto
gogr
ababit
eatPrimi.
Ourdaywaspr ettymuchchill
ed, weeven
shoppedabitafterthemov i
e,Zwel i
'
streat
al
thoughitdi
dgetj ustati
nybi tawkwardwhen
webumpedi ntoNat ashawhowaswi thJunior
.
Juniorsawhi
sf atherandrantohi m,with
Natashawhohadt ochaseafterhim.
"Higuys"shesai
dwhenshefinal
l
ygottous,
Juniorwasalr
eadyi
nhisf
ather'
sarms
Me: "
hey
, f
ancyseei
ngy
ouher
e"Isai
dsmi
l
ing
asIembracedhersl
i
ght
ly
Her:
*smi
l
es*"
Fancyseei
ngy
out
oo.Youl
ook
gr
eat
"
Me:
*bl
ushi
ng*"
thanky
ou"shel
ookedatZwe
Her:
"Hi
Zwe"
Hi
m:"
Tash"t
heyhuggedandIj
ustst
oodt
her
e
l
ooki
ngawkwarunt
ilt
heypul
l
edout"
yout
wo
j
ustgether
eor
?"
Her:"Weactual
lyj
ustgother
e,wantedtobuy
mist
eroverheresomewarm clot
hesforwint
er"
Hi
m: "
Ithoughtweagr
eedondoi
ngt
hat
t
oget
her"
Her:"YesbutI
'
m offtoday,Idon'tknowwhen
I
'dgetti
meagainbeforewel eaveplusIdidn'
t
wanttomessupy ourplans.Itwasshortnoti
ce"
Him:*clearsthroat*"
Fine,I
'l
lsendyousome
moneyt henory oucouldletusjoi
nyou.We
weregonnal eavebutsinceJuniori
sheremight
aswellstay"I'
mt i
redhell
o!!!
?
Her:
"Okay
"Zwel
il
ookedatme
Hi
m: "
Youdon'
tmi
ndr
ight
?"Real
l
yZwel
i
?You
al
ready.
..Ar
gh!
Me:*smil
es*"I
'
llubertoyourf
lati
t'
sfi
ne"I
l
ookedatTash"greatseei
ngyou"
Zwel
i:"
Babi
..
."
Me:"Noi
t'
sokayZwel
i
,st
aybutI
'
mti
redsoI
'
ll
l
eav
e"
Hi
m:"
Yousur
e?"
Me:"Yes"ItookJuni
orf
rom hi
m andgavehi
m
ahug"puttheshoppi
ngbagsinyourcar
"
Ileftthem thereandor der
edanuber,Imissed
LifathoughsoIt houghtwhynotsurpr
isehim
andBandi le.Iorderedanubertohisaddress
andqui ckl
ywentt ogetsomethi
ngt oeatatthe
foodcour tforus.
WhenIarr
ivedinhi
sneighbor
hoodIhopedhe
washome,Itookmyphoneandcalledhi
m
whi
leIwasstil
li
nsi
detheuber.
"
Baby
?"Heanswer
ed
Me:
"Heyuhhhh,
cany
oucomeout
side?
"
Hi
m:"
Out
side?
"
Me:
"Yeah"
Him: "
Babyr
ightnow?Out
side,
asi
nyouar
e
out
side?"
Me:
"Yes,
phuma"(
comeout
)
Ihungupandpai dmydriv
erthengr
abbedthe
bags,Isawhi m comeoutfrom t
hebackt
hat'
s
whenIst eppedoutofthecar.
"
Whatar
eyoudoi
ngher
e?"Heaskedhuggi
ng
me
Me:
"Iwant
edt
oseey
ou"
Him: "
Try
ingt
ogetyourbr
othertokil
lmebaby"
hepeckedmyli
ps"y
oucomi ngin?"Inodded
"okay
"
Hethankedthedri
verandt
ookthetakeaway
bagsfrom methenheldmyhandaswewent
i
nside
Him: "
Thisisanicesur
prise,
Bandi
lei
sgoi
ngto
bechuffed"heopenedthedoorandwewent
i
nside,Bandil
ewasonthecouchunderafl
eece
whi
chf
lewt
hemi
nut
ehesawme.
Hi
m:"
Sisi
!"Her
anandf
lungi
ntomyar
ms
Me:
*gi
ggl
es*"
Hi"
Li
fa:"Lethercomei
nsi
defi
rst"hel
etgoofme
butpull
edmyhandtothecouch.Li
facl
osedt
he
door
Bandil
e:"
bhutidi
dn'tt
ell
meuzozakesana(
that
you'
recoming)
,Iwasgoingtodr
essupnam
bemhle"(
andalsolookgood)
Me: *l
aughs*"i
t'
sasurpri
senakuye(f
orhim
too)
,hedidn'
tknowndiyeza"
(I
'm coming)he
cover
edmeandhi msel
fwiththefl
eeceblanket
Him: "bhut
iuzokwenzaamaqandangokusi
tye
vah"(i
sgoingtomakeeggsforussowecan
eat)Il
ookedatLif
a
Me:"Babydi
shupsot
hatwecaneat
,I'
m not
st
ayi
nglong"
Hi
m:"
Okaybaby
"hewi
nkedatme
Bandil
eandIbondedont hecouchwhilehe
spokeawaywi t
habsol ut
elynocareintheworld,
hewasonebubbl yhappychi l
d.Weateaf t
era
whil
et henIor
deredanuberbackhome, Ireal
l
y
wasn'tgoingt
ostaylong.Ijustwant
edt osee
them causeIr
eall
ymi ssedLifa,
Bandil
ewas
j
ustabonus.
"thankyouf
orcomingbaby"hesai
daswe
steppedout
sideandcl
osedthedoor.Heasked
thatwegowai tf
ort
heuberoutsi
dethe
bungalow
Me:"Youdon'
thav
etot
hankme"hepul
l
edme
i
ntoahug
Him: "Welli
tmeansal ottome"Ilookedupat
him andhepeckedmyl i
ps,Ismil
edandpecked
hisback"Il
ov ehowcomf ortabl
eandfreeyou
arewithme"Ishy edawayandpl acedmyhead
onhischestagain" Norushbabywewi ll
get
ther
eoneday "Ifelthi
m snif
fthetopofmyhair
"Il
ovey ouangel"
Me: "
Ilov
ey outoo"hesqueezedmeev
en
har
derinhisarms
West ayedint hatposit
ionunti
lmyuberar r
ived
thenIleft
,l
uckilyIgothomebef or
eZwel i
.I
textedLif
athatev eryt
hingwasgoodbef ore
goingtoshowerandst eppingi
ntomypaj amas,
Imademy selfacupofhotchocol at
eandwent
togosi ti
nfrontoft heTV.Itwasn'
tlongbefore
Zwel i
walkedi ncarryi
ngaweekendbag
foll
owedbyJuni or
.
"
Babzi
d"heannouncedashecamei
n
Me:"Euwdon'
tcal
lmet hat
"Juni
orj
oinedme
ont
hecouchandreachedformycup
Zwel
i:"
don'
tyoudar
egi
vehi
mthat
"
Me: *chuckl
es*"worsebauy azi
that
hel
a
akayi
nikwandim"(he'staki
ngitonhisownf
ree
wil
lI'
m nottheonegivingitt
ohim)
Hi
m: "
Babal
waI
'
m ser
ious"hewal
kedt
ohi
s
r
oom
"Babandiphe?"Juni
oraskedi
nthemostcut
est
tone,Il
ookedbackandZwel i
wasstandi
ngr
ight
behindthecouch
Me:
*laughs*"
Iwasn'
tgoi
ngt
ogi
vehi
m!"
Him: "Mhmmmm, cany
oumonitorhi
m bat
h
please?Goingtofetcht
heshoppi
ngbagsfrom
thecar"Inodded
Me:
"Okay
"
HewalkedoutandIwentt othebathroom with
Juni
or,hedidmostofthebathi
ng.Ihelped
wherenecessar
y,aft
erbathi
ngIhelpedhi mint
o
hi
spajamasandwewentt ohisdadint he
l
ounge.Wehadaf ewsnackssinceeverybody
hadeatentheni
twasbedt i
mef oreveryone.
Theweekfinal
lycamet oanend,
alt
houghI
enj
oyedmy sel
fImissedhomeandmymom.
Whenwegott othehousemamawasi nthe
l
ounge,It
hrewmy selfont
opofher.
"
ohBabal
wauy
asi
ndakodwa"(
you'
reheav
y)
Me:"AhhhmamaImissedy
ou"Juni
ori
nvi
ted
hi
mselfi
ntot
hehug
Him: "
khul
u"mamapushedmeawayand
huggedhim
Me:*giggl
es*"
okaywheny
ouwantt
eay
ou
mustaskhim"
"
Mama"Zwel
isai
d
Ma:
"Heyboy
"
Hi
m:"
Uri
ght
?"Shecl
ear
edhert
hroat
Her:"
Babal
wapl
easegomakemeacupoft
ea
baby
"
Me: "
O-kay"Il
ookedatZwel
i"doy
ouwant
any
thing?"
Hi
m:"
NahI
'
m good"
Iwenttot hekitchenandgotbusywit
ht hi
stea,
IheardZwel ishouti
ngalit
tl
e.Hekeptonsay i
ng
nothatisn'thappening,
notonhiswatch.When
Iret
urnedt otheloungewiththet
eatheykept
qui
et
"Babal
wapl
easesi
tbaby
"mymom sai
d.Isat
downnextt
oher
Me:
"Isev
ery
thi
ngokay
?"
Her:
"Babal
wa.
."
Zwe:
"Mama!
"
Her:"
Zweli
please"hest
oodupangril
y,got
Juni
orandwalkedoutwi
thoutsay
inganother
word
Me:"
What'
sgoi
ngon?
"Shehandedmeal
ett
er
"
Whati
sit
?"
Her:
"Readi
t"
I
nser
t37
∆
BABALWA
•
Icoul
dnotbel
i
evemyey
es,
Ireal
l
ycoul
dn'
t.
Thiswasal etterfrom myf at
her '
slawy er,
comi ngf rom Lungel oaskingofmet ogosee
hi
m.Idon' twantany thingtodowi thhim!Iam
doingsowel lwithouthi mi nfacthei sdeadt o
me, thathasbeenmycopi ngmechani sm t hi
s
pasty earandf ewmont hs.Pretendingt hatheis
deadandi thasbeeneasyf ormebecausehei s
l
ockedup, becauseIdon' thav etoseeorhear
fr
om hi m andbecausewedon' ttoucht he
subjectofhi m hereathomenowt his!Just
hearinghewant st oseemescar esme, itbri
ngs
everything!Ev erysi nglemomentwhenhe
vi
olatedmypr ivacy ,mybody ..
.Mymi nd, my
soulist orment edbecauseofhi m butt hings
havebeenposi tivef ormer ecentlythatIhav e
beent ol ookatt hegoodsi deoft hingsbutnow
hewant st obringi tallback.
Isatther
ewit
hthatpi
eceofpaperinmymind,
readi
ngtheonesent
encewhichstoodal
oneon
i
t.
'
Yourf
atherwoul
dli
ket
oseey
ou'
ther
eitst
ood
Myf at
her?Idon'
thaveaf at
her
!Ilostmyfat
her
theminutehesawmeashi ssexobjectt
oful
fi
ll
hisnastyandrevol
ti
ngurgeshecouldnotdoto
mymot her.Ihat
ehim!Ihatehim somuch!
Mymot hert
ri
edtot
ouchmebutIj
umpedoutof
fear
,youseewhatt
hissi
ckmandi
dtome!I
hateyousomuchLungel
o!
"MamaIhatehi
m"shedi dn'
tsayany
thi
ngbut
embracemeinherarmsallowi
ngmet ol
eti
tal
l
out
,Isobbedonherchest.
"Xolomnt anam"(
I'
m sorrymychil
d)shesaid
thisbrushingmybackwhi l
stpl
anti
ngendless
kissesonmyhead" Hewi ll
nevergettousagain,
hei sn'
tcomingoutofthatpri
soncell
mybaby "
Me:
"Itdoesn'
ttakebackwhathedi
dma"
Her:"Ohmntanam"shel
etmecryonherchest
whil
esherockedmebackandf
ourth.
Wesatt her elikethatf
orawhileinsilencewit
h
mesni f
fi
ng, yesmymom wast here.Yesshe
wasr ocki ngmeandhol dingmei nherar msbut
Icouldn'tf eelher,shewasempt y.Isatupand
shedi dn'tev enfli
nchtomesl i
ppingoutofher
arms, Iwi pedmycheeksst ar
ri
ngatherwhi le
sher ockedher sel
fstarr
ingattheblankTV
screen.
"mama"Isai dthi
ssoftl
ybutaudi bl
ey etIgotno
responsefrom her"
ma? "Iplacedmyhandon
hershoulderandthat'
swhenshel ookedatme
butsti
llshegavemeabl ankstare.
Her: "
I'
m sosor r
ybaby ,I
'
der aseev er
ythi
ngifI
could.I
'dhavehim doal lt
hoset hingstome
i
nsteadofy ou,I'
dhavelefthimj ustinti
me.I'm
sosor r
yIfail
edy ou,
may beifIwasn' tsosickI
wouldhav ebeenagr eatmot her,seenthesigns
butwitheverythi
nggoingoni nourmar ri
ageI
sl
ippedintodeepdepr essionandf ail
edyou.I'
m
sosor r
ybaby...
"
Me: "Mama"sheshookherheadandbegan
cry
ing,i
twasmyf i
rstseei
ngherhavean
emotionalbreakdowni nfr
ontofme&i thur
t
"maplease"myv oicewasshaky,soonmy
cheekswer ewett oo.Shestoodupandwor e
hershoes"uy aphi
? "(
Whereareyougoing?)
Her:
"Ihav
etogoseehi
m"
Me:"ma?"Shest
art
edl
ooki
ngar
ound
f
rant
ical
l
y"mama?"
Her:"Whereismybag?YazLungeloalway
s
tol
dmet oleavemybagont hecount
erasI
comei nt
hehousebecauseIalwaysfor
get
whereIputthi
ngs,
that'
swhyheboughtmet hat
house.Masambesiyendl
ini
Babalwa.
..
"She
keptrambl
ingon,t
hiswasn'ther
.
Me: "
Mama"shelookedatme"di
dyoutake
yourmedi
cat
ion?
"Shelookedatmeconfused.
Itooki
tuponmet ogocheckherdai
l
ycapsule
fr
om hermedi
cinecabi
netandshehadn'
ttaken
them si
nceWednesday!Idi
dn'
tevenarguewit
h
her,
Ijustt
ookthepi
ll
swi t
hwatertoherand
shedrankthem.
Me:"
whendidy
ougett
he.
..
"Icl
ear
edmyt
hroat
"
thel
ett
er?
"
Her:"
Wednesdaymorning,
itwasdel
i
ver
edt
o
me"Isi
ghed,
thatexpl
ainsi
t
Me:"
mamay ouknowy
ouhav
etodr
inky
our
medi
cat
ion"
Her:
"Iwasokay
.Iam okay
"
Me:
*si
gh*"
gol
aydowni
nyourr
oom ma"
Her:
"Okay
"
Ihelpedherupf rom thecouchandshel ef
t,I
sattherealonelookingatt helet
terl ay
ing
carelessl
yont hetable.Evenfrom hi spri
son
cellhesti
llmanagest omessupt hingsforme,
formyf amilymor eespeciall
ymom.Ican' thave
hergobackt othecli
nic,Ineedher .Heneedst o
l
eav
eusal
one,
Idon'
tev
erwantt
oseehi
m!
Ipickedupmyphoneandgoogl edt henumber
oftheprisonhewasi n, Idon'tknowi fthiswas
agoodi deabutIwant edhi mt ostayaway .To
stopcontactcont actingus, t
oknowt hatwe
don'twantanythingt odowi t
hhi m!WhenIgot
thenumberIdi al
edi taf teralotof
contemplati
on,Iexpl ainedt hatIneededt o
speaktoani nmat eandt heyhelpedme.Af t
era
l
ongwhi leofbeingpl acedonhol dav oicehit
myear sthatIhadn' tpr eparedmy selffor.
"Hell
o? "Isuddenl
ygottonguet i
ed,mythroat
driedup.Myhear tpracti
cal
lythumpinginmy
chestf eel
ingli
keitwasaboutt oexpl
ode"you
saidt hiswasanemer gencycall
..
"Hewas
speaki ngtosomeonei nthebackground.I
clearedmyt hroat
.
"Dad"myt onguesl
ipped,
moreli
keawhisper
buthehear dmecausehestoppedt
alki
ngon
theotherhandofthephone.
Him: "
Vuyel
wa? "Hecl
ear
edhi
sthroat"
daddy
's
pri
ncess"t
earsfel
ldownmycheeksandI
shookmyhear d
Me:
"Don'
tcal
lmet
hat
"
Hi
m:"
Bab.
..
"
Me:"
Stop!Justst
op!I
..
."Isuddenl
yfel
tsome
gr
abmyphone.
WhenIt
urnedar
oundIwasmetbyanangr
y,no
f
umingZweli
.
"whatthehel
li
swr
ongwi
thy
ouBabal
wa!
?"He
shouted
Me:
"Ij
ustwant
edhi
mtol
eav
eusal
one"
Him: "l
istentome, youarenotgoingt oseet
hat
man, youar enotgoingtocontactthatman.Let
alonespeakofhi m aphendli
ni,ever!Doyou
understandme? "Inoddedwithmyl i
ps
tr
embl i
ng, asobwast hr
eateni
ngt oescapemy
l
ipsanysecondandhesawi t"come"hepul l
ed
mei ntoahug" Idon'tmeant oshoutbutt hat
mani snot hingt ousBabal wa,hei spoisonous.
Wedon' tneedhi mi nourl i
ves.I '
mj usttr
y i
ngto
protectyou, protectma.Al l ofus,hei ssickin
hisheadandr efusest oadmi titpleasejust..
."
Hesi ghed" stayaway ,
focusonheal i
ng.Your
recoveryisi mpor tantpl ease"Inoddedwi thmy
headonhi schest" Ilovey ou"
Me:"Il
oveyoutoo"hesi
ghed,
pul
l
edoutoft
he
hugandwipedmywetcheeks
Hi
m:"You'r
ebeautif
ulinsi
de&out
,don'
tyou
ev
erf
orgetthatsi
s"Inodded
Me:
"Iwon'
t"
Hi
m:"
Won'
twhat
?"
Me:
"For
geti
t"
Hi
m:"
for
getwhat
?Iwantt
oheary
ousayi
t"
Me: "
Iwon'tf
orgett
hatIam beaut
if
ul"It
ooka
deepbreat
h"i
nsideandout
"
Hi
m:"
Uphi
umama?
"
Me: "
Nappi
ng"Isi
ghed"
shehasn'
tbeent
aki
ng
hermedssi
nceWednesday
"
Him:"What
?Whycan'
tmamaber
esponsi
ble
na.
."
Me:
"it
'st
hel
ett
er,
itdi
stur
bedher
"
Hi
m:"
Whatabouty
ou?
"
Me:
"Me?
"
Him:"
Yes,howareyouf
eel
i
ng?
"Isi
ghedsi
tt
ing
downonthecouch
Me:
"Idon'
tknow,
IguessI
'
m okay
"
Hi
m: "I
'
m herei
fyouneedany
thi
ng,
youknow
t
hatr
ight?
"Inodded
Me:
"It
hinkI
'
m goi
ngt
ogol
aydown"
Hi
m:"
okay
"Ist
oodupandl
efthi
mint
hecouch.
Icl
osedthedoorandthr
ewmy selfont
hebed,i
t
suddenl
yall
camelikeepi
sodesinmyhead.I
t
hauntsme, Ipoppedtwosl eepingpil
lsbefore
sli
dingint
omybl ankets.Ididn'twanttothi
nk
aboutitanymore,abouthim oranyofi t.I
t'
sin
thepastnow!I'minabet terplaceri
ght?YesI
am, Iam.I'
m happy.
Mycel l
phoner angdi srupti
ngmyt rai
lofthought,
Iwipedmywetcheekst ocheckt heobv i
ousi t
wasLi f
a.Ijuststarredatt hescr een,Idon't
knowwhatheseesi nmeandI '
m scaredof
whathewi llseeinmeonceIt ellhim what
happened.Idon' twantt oloosei t,thi
sust hing
wehav egoing.Myv eryf i
rstrelati
onship,Ienjoy
i
tbuti t
'snotfaironhi m.Onmy selfbecauseI '
m
notgivi
nghi m myal l,keepingpar tsofmyl i
fea
secretwhil
stheopenl ytalksabouthi msel f
l
eavinghimsel fvulnerabletomey etIcan'tdo
thesame.Idon' tdeser vehim.Hei ssogoodt o
me, Idon'
t.
..
Agai
nmytrai
loft
houghtdi
stur
bedbymyphone,
l
ikeal
way
snotgivi
ngupwhenhecan'tr
each
me.Ianswer
edcauseIknowhewon'
tst
op
"baby
!Final
ly
,heyangel"hesai
dcheer
ful
l
y,
almostsoundingr
eli
eved
Me: "
Heyy
our
sel
f"It
ri
edmyv
erybestt
osound
okay
Him:"Howi
smybabydoi
ng?Youdon'
tsound
okay
"
Me: *
clear
sthr
oat
*"justaheadachebutI
'
m
okay
,howar ey
ou?"
Him: "
WellIwasfi
neti
ll
now,yousur
eit
'sj
usta
headache?Yousounddown"
Me:
*si
ghs*"
Yeah,
I'
m gonnat
akeanapnow"
Hi
m:"
Babywai
t.
..
"
Ij
usthungupandputmyphoneonsi lent
beforecover
ingmyheadwi ththeblanket
.Ijust
wantedtodie,Iwannatellt
hetruthsobadbut
I'
mf ai
li
ngto.Icl
osedmyey estr
yingtobl
ock
outallt
houghtsconnectedtothePASTwhi ch
seemssohardtofor
get,
IdoubtI
'
llf
orgetbut
I'
mtir
ed.Ti
redofi
tal
l.
WhenIwokeupi twasdar kout,atruepower
nap.Icheckedt het i
meonmyphoneandi twas
aroundt o8atni ght ,
thosepi l
lsreall
yknocked
meout .Ihadmi ssedcal lsfr
om Lifa,afewt exts
too.Ididn'thavet heener gyforthem ri
ghtnow,
Igotupandwentt ogot akeanicel ongbat h
beforeput ti
ngonmypaj amas, myst omach
grumbl ed.Iwentoutofmyr oom t othelounge,
Zwel i
wast herebutwi thJuniornowandt hey
wer ewat chingtel
ev i
sionwhi l
steating.He
turnedar oundtol ookatmewhenhehear dt he
soundofmedr aggingmysl i
pper s
Me:
"It
houghty
ou'
dbegone"
Him: "couldn'
tl
eavey ouandmahereal
one"I
nodded" Igotustakeout,
youcangowarm up
foryourself"
Me:
"Whataboutmama?
"
Hi
m:"Shealr
eadyat
e,she'
sint
hebedr
oom
wi
tht
hegir
ls"
Me: "
Ohtheyar
eher
etoo?
"Henoddedl
ooki
ng
backatt
heTV
Iwentt othekit
chenandf i
xedmy sel
faplate
withsomecol dri
nkthenr eturnedtothel
ounge
andat ewhil
ewat chi
ngTVwi t
hthetwoofthem,
Zwel il
eftmetogogi veJuni orabathandalso
tuckhimi nt
obed.Ididn'twantt obealonesoI
switchedoffthetvaftereatingandwenttomy
mot her'
sroom,theli
ghtswer edeemeddown
andshewasget ti
ngintobed.
Me:
"CanIsl
eepher
e?"
Her:*
smiles*"There'
senoughspacebaby,
come"Ismiledbackandjoinedt
hem onthebed
"Howareyouf eel
i
ngnow? "
Me:
"I'
l
lbef
ine,
justneedt
oseeAshl
ey"
Her:"That
'sagoodidea,
I'
m seei
ngmy
psychol
ogi
sttoo*si
ghs*Iapol
ogizeabout
ear
li
er,
I'
mreal
l
ytr
yingt
o..
."
Me:
"It
'sokaymommy
"
Her:
"NobabyI
..
."
Me: "
Mamast opstr
essi
ng,i
tisreal
l
yokay.I
knowhowhar dy ouaret
ryi
ngandhowt hi
sisn'
t
easyfornei
theroneofus.Thankyoufort
hat"
Her:"
Ifeel
li
keIt
ooky
oust
epsbackwi
tht
hat
l
ett
er"
Me:
"mamast
oppl
ease,
I'
mfi
ne"
Her: "Okay"Il
ookedbesi desme, starr
ingatthe
twogi rl
slayi
ngi nthemiddleofus.Theyl ooked
soador ablesleepingwithsomuchpeaceand
tranquil
it
y.Somet hingIl
ongfor,somet hi
ngI
feltIwasget t
ingcl oset
obutnowsuddenl yfeel
sof arawayf r
om." GoodnightVuy elwa"
Me:
"Ni
ghtma"
Her:
"Sayy
ourpr
ayer
'sbef
orey
ousl
eep"
Me:
"Iwi
l
l"
Ilai
dt hereawakemostoft henight,whensleep
wasst artingt okicki nItri
ed.Reall
yIdidtryto
praybutal l
IcouldsaywasDearLor dand
nothingel seaf t
ert hat.Isl
eptwithoutawor dof
thankst hatev ening.Iwokeupf eel
ingabit
betterSat urdaymor ning,r
etur
nedt omyr oom
andmyphonescr eenwason.I twasr ingi
ngbut
sinceIhadpl acedi tonsi l
encelastnightt
here
wasnor ingtone.
"
Hel
l
o"i
answer
ed
Hi
m:*
sigh*"
Baby
"
Me:
"Mh?
"
Hi
m:"
DidIdosomet
hingwr
ong?
"
Me:
"Noy
oudi
dn'
t"
Hi
m:"
Thenwhyam Ibei
ngi
gnor
edbabykeng?
"
Me:
"It
oldy
ouI
..
."
Hi
m:"
Babal
wast
opl
yi
ngpl
ease"Isi
ghed
Me:
"Idon'
tknowwhaty
ouwantmet
osay
"
Hi
m: "Thetrut
hwouldbeast
art
ingpoi
nt,
maybetrust
ingmetoo"
Me:
"Babyt
her
e'snot
hingwr
ongwi
thme"
Hi
m:"
I'
m wor
ri
edabouty
ouangel
"hesi
ghed
Me:
"Don'
tbeokay
?Li
keI
'
mfi
ne,
real
l
yam"
Hi
m:"
Babe"
Me:
"Yesbaby
?"
Hi
m: "
Ilov
eyou"t
hatwentst
rai
ghtt
othehear
t
"
doyouhearme?"
Me:
"Ye.
.y
esIdo"
Him:"whenIsaythatImeaneveryt
hingabout
you,
whetheri
tbegoodorbad.Iaccept&l ov
e
youj
ustasyouare"Ikeptqui
etyetagai
n"say
someti
ng"
Me:
"Idon'
tknowwhyy
oul
oveme"
Him:"Andeveni
fItr
iedangel
youst
il
lwouldn'
t
under
standwhyI
'v
efall
ensodeepl
yinthesea
ofl
ov eforyou"Iswal
lowed"Ihav
etogobaby
,
I
'm abouttostartmyshif
t"
Me:
"Hav
eagr
eatday
"
Hi
m: "I
'
llcal
lyouagai
n,keepy
ourphone
cl
oseby"
Me:
"Iwi
l
l"
Hi
m:"Okay
,tr
yandhav
eagr
eatdayt
oobaby
.
By
e"
HehungupandIt
hrewmyphoneont
hebed.
I
nser
t38
∆
LI
FA
•
Mydayatwor kwasutt
erl
yexhaustingbutIdi
d
tr
ybyallmeanstosendcuteli
tt
letextst
o
Babsi
ejustt
omakehersmi l
eal i
tt
lebecauseI
coul
dhearfr
om thecal
learl
iert
hatmybaby
wasn'tallt
hatgood.Ijusthopet hatwhat ev
erit
i
sshe' l
ltel
lmewhati tis,ImeanIl oveherandI
shareev er
ythi
ngwithheri tj
usthurtsthatshe
feelstheneedtohidest ufffr
om me.I tshows
herlackoftrusti
nmebutIdon' tblameher ,not
afterwhathappenedt oher .
Whenmyshi ftended, Igather edallmyt hi
ngs
andwenthomewi ththet ransportprovidedt o
usbyt her est aurantsi ncewecomeoutsol ate.
Arri
vi
nghome, Bandi l
ewasal r
eadytuckedin
bed.WhenIwor kl atet heyt uckhimi nforme
aft
eradayofl ookingaf t
erhi m.Iswitchedon
thekettlebecauseIwant edt obathquickly
beforegoi ngt osl eep.Byt het imeIfini
shed
withev ery
t hingIwasf armi shed,Ihad
somet hingt oeatandgoti nt obed.Iwoul dcall
Babsiebuti tislate, Idoubtshei sawakesoI '
ll
dothati nthemor ning.
ThewayIwastir
edngakhonaitdi
dn'
ttakel
ong
forsl
eept
otakeover
,Inoti
cedthi
sbecausemy
phoner
angwaki
ngmeup.
"
Mh?"Ianswered,
itwasst
il
ldar
kmeani
ngi
t
wasst
il
lnight
ti
me
"
Baby"Iwokeupal
mosti
mmediat
ely,
Ichecked
t
hescreenfort
heI
dandi
twasher.Theti
me
wasaround2am
Me:
"Angel
?"
Her:"
Ididn'
tmeant
owakey
ou,
Ijust
..
"She
si
ghed"Imissy
ou"
Me:
"it
'sokaybaby
,Imi
ssy
ouev
enmor
e"
Her:
"Youdo?
"
Me:*
chuckl
es*"
ofcour
seIdobaby
"Iy
awned
"
what
skeepi
ngyouup?"
Her:
"you"
Me:
"Me?
"
Her:"yes"t
her
ewasapause,
amomentof
si
lence"youar
eanamazi
ngperson"shef
inal
l
y
sai
d
Me:
"onl
ybecauseofhowgr
aci
ousy
ouar
e"
Her:
"Idon'
tthi
nkIam"
Me:"that
'swher eyouar ewrong.Youareso
muchmor ethanwhaty outhi
nkofy our
self
,I
awai
tforthedayy ouf i
nall
yreali
zehowmuch
ofaqueenyouar e,hopingthatIam insome
wayhelpi
ngy ouseet hat.Get
tingcl
osertothat
buti
t'
sallony oubaby "
Her:
"Idon'
tunder
stand"
Me:
*si
ghs*"
lov
e"
Her:
"Yeah?
"
Me:
"doy
ouknowhowbeaut
if
uly
ouar
e?"
Her:"
onl
yhowbeaut
if
uly
oumakemeoutt
o
be"
Me:
"wenawhatdoy
out
hink?
"
Her:
"of
?"
Me:
"your
sel
f"shekeptqui
et"
baby
"
Her:
"Idon'
tknow"
Me: "
Ther earewomenandt hent herei
sa
woman.Acer t
aintype, ar ar
ebr eed.LookI
knowy oudon' tgetwhatI 'm say ingherebut
that'
snei t
herher eort here.WhatI '
mr eal
ly
try
ingtosayher eis;there'sjustt hiswoman,
sheist hequintessenceofev erythingbeauti
ful
.
Imayat t
emptt odescr i
beherbutshecar r
iesno
adjecti
vesofdescr i
ption.From her e,I
submar ine"Isighed"y ouar et hatwomanbaby "
Her:
"Li
fa.
..BabyIneedt
oseey
ou"
Me:"
Icancomeseey
oubef
oremyshi
ftst
art
s
t
omorr
ow?"
Her:"okay,
I'
ll
makeanexcusenott
ogot
o
chur
cht omorr
ow"
Me:
"okaymyangel
,howwasy
ourday
?"
Her:
"Itwasokay
,spenti
twi
thmom andZwe.
Guesswhat
?"
Me:
"toosl
eepyt
oguessnowbaby
"
Her:
*gi
ggl
es*"
don'
tbeabor
e"
Me:
"Tel
lmewhati
tiskal
oku"
Her:"Zweli
suggestedthatIgowrit
emy
l
earnersandI'
mthinki
ngmay bey
ourgi
rlmi
ght
begetti
ngacarsoon!!"
Me:
*chuckl
es*"
Somuchexci
tement
"
Her:"
yesbaby
!I'
l
lbeabl
etocomet
owhenev
er
Iwant
"
Me: *l
aughs*"
Thenyourbr
otheri
nstal
l
sa
tr
ackeronthecar
,showsupatmydoor st
ep
andbeatsmetoapulp"shegiggl
ed
Her:
"Iwon'
tl
ethi
m dot
hatt
oyou"
Me:"yougonnahavetostophim babycauseI
won'
tbeabletof
ightback,he'
syourbrot
her"
Her:
"andhe'
sov
erpr
otect
ive"Iy
awned
Me:
"baby
"Iwast
ir
ed
Her:
"nooooo"sheknewwhatIwant
ed
Me:
"pl
easebabyI
'
mti
red"
Her:
"Imi
ssedy
out
hewhol
eday
"
Me:
"andy
ou'
l
lseemet
omor
row,
lat
emor
ning"
Her:
*si
ghs*"
okay
"
Me:
"Il
ovey
ou"
Her:
"Il
ovey
ou"
Me:
"Ki
sses?
"
Her:
"andi
funi
"(Idon'
twantt
o)
Me:
"Babsi
ebaby
"
Her:
*gi
ggl
es*"
fi
neby
e"sheki
ssedt
hespeaker
Me:"
goodnightangel
"Iki
ssedt
hespeaker
t
henhungup.
I
tdi
dn'
ttakel
ongformetof
all
asl
eepagai
n.
Waki
ngupinthemorni
ngwashar
d,r
eal
lywas
butIhadtobecauseIhadt omakeBandil
e
somethingtoeat .Afterdoi
ngsoImademy sel
f
acupofcof fee,sentmybabyagoodmor ning
messaget hencleanedar oundthebungal
ow.I
putall
thedirtyclothesinthewashingmachine
thatwasinthebat hroom outsi
de.
WhenIwasdonecl eaningIgotwat erreadyfor
Bandi l
etowasht hent ookoutcleanclothesfor
himt owear.Iwant edtoleavehim cleanand
ful
l,hewasgoi ngt ochurchwiththe
l
andl ord/
babysitt
er.Igavehim somemoneyt o
buysnacksbef orehel eft
.Ionlybathedwhen
hewasgone,appl iedloti
onandwor emy
boxer swhil
eIironedmybl ackchi nopantsthat
Iwor eforworkandawhi teshirt
.JustasIwas
fi
nishingoffmyphoner ang,Ithoughtitwould
beBabsi ebutitwasmybr other
"
what
'sup?
"Ianswer
ed
Hi
m:"
Yougood?
"Isatdown
Me:
"Yeah,
wenaoshar
p?"(
Yougood)
Hi
m:"
Sur
emf
ana,
yougothi
sshi
tready
?"
Me:
"Awe,
whatt
imear
eyoul
andi
ng?
"
Hi
m:"
int
hemor
ningandI
'
m notst
ayi
ng"
Me:"howl
ongar
eyougoi
ngt
okeepsul
ki
ng
br
o?"
Hi
m:"
shar
psani
"
Me:
"Maf
ant
wana"
Hi
m:"
Stayt
her
e,haker
eyoudon'
tcar
ekanna"
Me:
"comeoni
t'
snotev
enl
i
ket
hat
"
Hi
m:"
sur
e"hehungup
Sigh,Iputmyphoneaway.Itwouldbepointl
ess
tryi
ngtomakehim seel
ightbutIdon'twantto
gohomet hi
shol
iday
.There'
snothingforme
there.
"BabyI
'
m outsi
de"Isai
dassoonasshepi
cked
upherphone
Her:
"okay
,I'
l
lbuzzy
oui
n"
Me: "
wha.
."beep,
Ilookedatt
hescr
eenand
shehadhungup.
ThegateopenedandIwal
kedin,shestoodby
thedoorwatchi
ngmewalkinwearingblack
ti
ghtsandatshi
rtwal
ki
ngwithsockson.
Me:"Heyyou"Iwrappedmyar
msar
oundher
wai
stpul
li
ngherintoahug
Her:
"hey
"Ifeltherbur
yherfacei
nmyneck
"
yousmellni
ce"wepulledoutoft
hehug
Me:
"Thanky
ou"
Her:"
comei
n"Ij
ustst
oodbyt
hedoor
way"
I'
m
al
one"
Me:"Baby
"shepul
l
edmei
nsi
deandcl
osedt
he
door
Her:"
Wantany
thi
ngt
odr
ink?
"Shewal
kedi
n
f
rontofme
Me:
"NahI
'
m good"
Her:
"I'
l
lgety
ousomej
uice,
Imadepancakes"
Me:
*chuckl
es*"
Fine"
Shel edmet othel
ounge,Isatdownwhil
eshe
disappearedint
otheki
tchen.Alt
houghshehad
toldmet omakemy sel
fcomf ort
abl
eIcouldn'
t.
"Loosenup"shesaidasshemadeherwayback
i
nt otheloungewit
hatray.Shepl
acedonthe
coffeetableandsatcl
osetome"youlookso
niceinyourunif
orm"
Me:
*chuckl
es*"
thanky
oubaby
"
Her:"tr
yone"shehandedmeapl
atewi
th2
pancakes
Me:
"Don'
tknowi
fIt
rusty
oui
ntheki
tchen"
Her:
"Wel
lyouwi
l
laf
tert
his"
Me: *
smirks*"MsConfi
dent,Il
i
ke"sheshy ed
awaybytakingahugegulpofherj
uice.Ihada
hugeport
ionofthepancakeandhonestl
yitwas
good,i
tmeltedinmymout h!
Her:
*laughs*"
tol
dyou"
Me:"okayokay,t
heyaregood"shesatcl
oset
o
meandweshar edthem unt
ilweevent
ual
ly
f
ini
shed"baby"
Her:
" Mh?"Shewasputt
inghergl
assbackon
t
hetray,shefacedme
Me:"I
'
m her
enow,tal
ktome"shefor
ceda
smi
l
easshesatbackonthecouch
Her:"Ummm, wheredoIst
art"shel
etouta
deepbreathe"
ther
eissomethi
ngIhavebeen
keepi
ngfrom you"
Me:
"Okay
?"
Her: "
Somet hi
ngbig,somethi
ng..
.Somet hi
ngI
don'
tev enknowhowt oar
ti
culat
e,I'
m scared.
Scaredofy ourr
eacti
ontowhatI'm abouttosay
butIfeelIhavetoifIcl
aimtoloveyou.Ioweit
toyou"
Me:
*nods*"
I'
mli
steni
ng"shel
ookeddownat
herf
inger
s
Her:"okay,
ummm I .
..Well
mydad, mydadi si
n
pri
son"shelookeduptoseeormay bereadmy
facethenbacktoherfi
ngers.It
ookthem i
nto
mine
Me: "i
t'
sokaybaby,
talktome"shebitonher
bott
om li
p,bl
inki
ngrepeatedl
yandIsqueezed
herhands
Her:"heisinther
ebecausehe..
.Hemol est
ed
me"sheshutherey esaf
tersayi
ngthatand
tear
sv ol
untar
il
yfel
ldownhercheeks.She
fi
nall
yopenedupt ome,fi
nall
ytr
ustsme.I
pull
edherintomyar msasshesnif
fed
Me: "I
t'sgoingt obeokay "Icaressedherback
"i
twillgetbetter,y
ouwi l
lrecov erbaby .I'
m not
l
eav i
ngy oubecauseoft hisnordoIl ov eyou
anyless.Inact ualf
actIlovey ousomuchf or
beingsoext raordi
nari
lystrong, f
ornotgi ving
up."Shesatupandl ookedatme, Iwipedher
cheekssmil
ing"Imeanti
twhenIsai
dIl
ovey
ou
beauti
ful
,Imeaneachandever
yword"
Her:
"ev
ent
hough.
..
"
Me: "I
tdoesn'tchangeany thi
ngBabsi e"she
smi l
ed" Il
ovey oubaby "Icuppedherf ace"may
I?
"Shenoddedl ookedintomyey esandI
mov edi nclosersoftl
ylayingmyl ipsunt oher
s
asshewel comedme, herhandsr estedonmy
wrists.Thewayshewaski ssi
ngmet odaywas
dif
ferent,mor elikeshewasnowcomf or
tabl
e
sot osay ,
free.Ipull
edoutoft hekissandshe
l
ookedatme
Her:"Il
oveyout
oo"Ismi
l
edsodi
dshe,
I
peckedherl
i
ps
Me:
"Thanky
ou"
Her:
*smi
l
ing*"
Whatf
or.
.?
"
Me: "Tr
ust
ingme"Ipeckedherl
ipsy
etagai
n"I
won'tbr
eakt hatt
rust
"shebr
eat
hedoutand
noddedwel ockedfor
eheads
"Idon'
twantt
oloosewhatwehav
e"shesai
d
suddenl
y
"Youwon't
"Ikissedherforeheadandshe
huggedmet i
ghtly"hey
,I'
m notgoi
nganywhere"
Ihuggedherbacktighter"bel
i
evethat
"Iki
ssed
thetopofherheadandshenodded.
I
nser
t39
∆
LI
FA
•
Aftertheexhausti
ngdayatwor k,Ifi
nal
lygot
backhome.Asal way
sBandi l
eisfastasleep,I
decidetogetridofmyhungerf ir
stbefore
takingaquickbathasIstil
lhadtopackf or
Bandilebutfi
rsthadtosortoutthelaundrythat
wasont hecouchbefor
epackingf orBandil
e.
Byt heti
meIgotdoneal lIwantedwasmysl eep!
Thef
oll
owi
ngmor
ningIwaswokenupbymy
al
arm,Iquicklywokeupandmadepor ri
dge
befor
ewaki ngupmyl i
tt
lebrot obath.Hewas
soexcit
edaboutt hearrival
ofourbr other,
tobe
honestIwast oo.Ireal
lymissedhim, thisyear
wasourfirstapartandithasn'tbeenthesame
soIunderstandwhyhei sn'
timpressedbyme
notcominghomet heseholidays.
"Bhutizonxi
banikey
am neh?"(I
'
m weari
ngmy
nikey)heaskedasheappli
edloti
onandIwas
debatingonwhatIshoul
dtakeoutfrom t
he
l
ittl
eclotheshehadl
efti
nhisshelf
Me:
*nods*"
sur
eboy
s"
Him:"y
essss!
"Ichuckl
edshaki ngmyhead, he
onl
yworehisgoodclot
heswhenhewasgoi ng
somewher
e.Sowhenev erhegott hechanceto
i
twasabigthingf
orhim, Ihandedhimt he
pant
s
Me: "
putonyourpant
sandt shi
rt
,you'
llwear
yourj
acketwhenyouaredoneeating"
Hi
m: "
Okaybutndi
yibi
gboynj
eandizochi
tha"
(
I'
m abi
gboyIwon'tmessonmysel
f)
Me:"j
ustdoasIsayboy
s"henoddedandgot
dr
essed.
Icleanedupaf terhimt hendishedf orhim and
my self,
aftereati
ngIbat hedwhi lehewat ched
tvandwor emycot t
onshor t
swhi chwer ebl ack
withabl ackT-shirtalongwithmypushi ns.I
brushedmyhai rj
ustf orneatness.Ihear da
hootout si
dewhi l
eIwascl eaningup, Iput
everythi
ngawayt henwentoutandt herewas
mybr otherinhiscarpar kedout sidethey ard.
Hehadnewwheel s!
"Bandi
lecomeboy s!
"Iexcl
aimedwi t
hexci
ted,
wemadeourwayt owardshim andhecameout
thecar.That
'swhenBandil
erant ohi
m,we
sharedhugsbefor
egoinginside.
Me:"Whydi
dn'ty
out el
lmeyou'
reher
eal
ready
?
Iwaswai
ti
ngforyourcall
ort
ext
"
Hi
m: *
chuckles*"
Comeonl
i
ttl
ebr
oandr
uin
t
hesurpr
ise?
"Igrunt
ed
Me:
"youngerj
ustby5mi
nut
es!
"Hel
aughed
Him: "
Ilov
ehowyoualway sgetworkedup"I
shookmyhead,i
t'
salwaysbeenanamusi ng
subj
ectforhi
m.Bei
ngablet orubi
tinmyface
ever
ysecondhegetsthathe'sol
der
Me: "
Youdroveher
e"henodded"
Ithought
you'
refl
yi
ng.
..
"
Hi
m:"
Wear
efl
yi
ngback"
Me: "
Andthecar
?Whyar
eyouwasti
ngmoney?
Doyouknowhowmuchitwi
ll
costy
outofl
yit
backhome?"
Him: *chuckl
es*"nahbro,I
'
ml eavi
ngither
efor
you"hesaiditli
keit'
snothi
ng,
Imeant hatcar
l
ookedbr andspankingnewandi twasmy
f
av our
itewheels,anaudi
Me:
*st
unned*"
legi
t?"Hesmi
rkedwhi
l
st
noddi
ng"
don'
ttal
kshi
tbr
o"
Him: "YouthinkI'
dplayyouli
kethatbru?Nah,
i
t'
syour s.Igotitf
oryouinthefir
stpl
ace"I
appreciat
ethegest ur
ebutitdoesn'
tsiteasy
wit
hmeknowi ngthethi
ngshedoest omake
money
Me:
"Maf
a"Isuddenl
ygotser
ious
Hi
m: "
Nodon'
tdot
hat
,I'
mtr
yingher
ejustl
et
me"
Me: "
nt wanayoudon'
thavetodothis,j
ust
movet hissi
de.Weneedyou"ifhegetsin
uni
versityhecanl
eaveal
lthi
sill
egalact
ivi
ti
es
hei
sbusywi t
h.
Him: "
YouknowIhav emyownl itt
lefami
ly
backhomebr u,Ican'
tleavemyki dandmygirl
there.Idon'tevenlikethi
spl ace"Inodand
glanceov eratBandi l
ewhowasl ockedon
Maf a'
sphonepl ayi
ngagamewi thapacketof
crispychipsont hesidet hathegoti nMafa'
sI
meanmycarIguess?
Me:
"makesur
enot
hinghappenst
ohi
m"
Hi
m:"
youknowi
t,ohandonemor
ethi
ng?
"
Me:
"What
?"
Hi
m: "
CanyoutakemetoMil
nert
onbef
ore
dr
oppi
ngusoffatt
heai
rpor
t?"
Me:"
Whatdoy ouwantther
e?"Hegavemea
l
ook"
thoughtyoudon'
tl
ikei
there,
yetyouwant
t
ogotoMi l
ner
ton"
Hi
m:"
niggay
ougonnat
akemeornah?
"
Me:
"chi
l
l"
Igr
abbedmycapandcel l
phone,thenoffwe
went.Hetol
dmewher einMilner
tonhewant ed
togo,Iwasn'
tal
lthatf
amil
iarwit
ht heplace
hadtousethegps.Weendedupar rivi
ngata
complexwhichl
ookedfai
rl
ynew.
"Whodoyouknowhere?"Iaskedaswemade
ourwayi
nsi
de,hei
gnoredmewhi lehewal
ked
i
nf r
ontofmewi t
hBandile.Ij
ustf
oll
owed
behi
ndhi m,hewenttogospeaktothesecuri
ty
onl
yt hendi
dtheyletusi
n" ar
eyoujustgonna
gomut eonmeaf t
erIbroughtyouhere?"
Hi
m:"
chi
l
lout
"
Me: "whatar
ewedoi ngherebru?"Hetookkey
s
outofhispocketandopenedthedoorinfr
ont
ofus.HewalkedinandIf ol
l
owed, l
ooki
ngat
himforanswers.Theplacewasfull
y
furni
shed,
onecouldseethatever
ythi
ngwas
brandnew.
"I
'
mt i
redofhavingyoutwol i
v i
nginthat
bungal
owLi f
a"hefinal
l
ysaidashepl acedthe
keysonthecounterandturningtofaceme" soI
deci
dedtogety '
al
linhere,
I'l
lpayforev er
ything
ever
ymont h.
..
"Ishookmyhead
Me:
"no"
Hi
m:"
Lif
ast
opt
hinki
ngwi
thy
our
..
."
Me:
"Isai
dno!
"Hesi
ghedbef
oret
ight
enhi
s
j
aw
Him:"Cany ouforoncenott
hinkonlyabout
you!
?Ourbr ot
hercan'tst
ayi
nt hatenv
ironment
,
hedeservesbett
erandI '
mtr
yinghere!
Ever
ythi
ngIdoi sforusdammi t"
Me:
"hei
sfi
ne!Wear
efi
ne!
"
Hi
m: "Li
fa!
"Il
ookedatBandi
l
ewhowas
st
arr
ingatus
Me:"Let
'
sgo"helookedatMafaforappr
oval
andhenoddedbef
oremakinghi
swayt owards
me"You'
llf
indusi
nthecar"
Iwal
kedoutwi
thBandi
l
e.Wewentt
owai
tfor
Mafai
nthecar
.
"Bhut
iwhyu'angr
y?"(
Whyareyouangry
)
Bandi
leaskedaft
erawhi
leofsit
ti
nginsil
ence
Me:
"I'
m notangr
yboy
s"hesi
ghed
Hi
m: "mnaIdon'
tli
kewhenbhutifi
ght
s,i
t
makesmyheartsore"Il
ookedathi
mthrough
t
her
ear
viewmi
rr
or
Me:
"Kekopat
swar
ell
oboy
s"(
I'
m sor
ry)
Hi
m: "Okay
"hesmil
ed"
nankuubhut
iesi
za"
(
herecomesMafa)
Il
ookedf orwardandhewasi ndeedmaki nghis
wayt othecar,hegotinandbuckl edupwi t
hout
sayingawor d.Istar
tedthecarignit
ionand
droveoff,all
roadsledtotheairport.Noone
saidawor donourwayt herenotevenBandi le.
Whenwegotatt heair
port,
itwasar oundt o9
andt hei
rfli
ghtwasonl ygoi
ngt otakeof fat
10h00am sowesati nthecarforawhi le.
"Li
fa?
"Iwasjustwatchi
ngpeopl
emov
eupand
downt hepar
kingl
ot
Me:
"Yeah"
Hi
m: "
Havey
ougotmybackorwhat
?"It
urned
t
ofacehi
m
Me:
"Ofcour
seIdont
wana.
..
"
Him: "doesn'tseem likeit"hesighedasheput
hisphoneinhi spocketandal sol ookedahead
"Asmuchasy ouknowwemayj okeabouti tbut
I'
mt heoldest, whenwel ostmom anddadIhad
todosomet hing.Fory outokeepj udgingme
becauseoft hechoi cesImadet omakesur ewe
weregoodal ltheti
me, t
hatrightther eisfoul
.
Everyt
hingIdoi sforus, I
'm onlytryi
ngt ohelp.
Thatcompl exi swaybet terthanwher ey ouli
ve
ri
ghtnowsost opbeingst ubbornov erbull
shit
andaccepti torelseI'mt akingBandi l
etolive
withLebohangandI "
Me:
"soy
ouwannat
akehi
mfr
om me!
?"
Hi
m:"
Iwantwhati
sbestf
orhi
m!"
Me:
"Iam what
'sbestf
orhi
m andy
ouknowi
t"
Hi
m:"Hei
smybr ot
hertoodammi
t,Idon'
twant
hi
mli
vi
ngi
nthatenvi
ronment"
Me:"Fi
ne"helookedatme"
wear
egoi
ngt
o
mov
et otheapart
ment"
Hi
m:"
Thanky
ou"Inodded"
Ilov
eyoubr
o"
Me: *si
ghs*"Ishoul
dbet hankingyou,weare
herenowbecauseofy ou..
.I'mjusttr
ynasay
thankyoubro,eventhoughIdon'tfuckswi
th
howy oudidit
.Youpulledthroughforusand
youstil
lar
eImeanl ookatt hi
s"Ibrushedt
he
steer
ingwheel"Jahneh,homonat e!"
Afterawhil
eIhadt oleavebecausemyshi ft
wasgonnabegi naround11soIr ushedhome
formyuniform andmademywayt owor k,Ij
ust
!Justmadei tont ime.AssoonasIcl ockedinI
wasf ul
l
yfocusedonmyj obandkeepi ngmy
customershappy ,Ineededthetips.Ihadt o
spoilmygirl
,takeheroutespeci all
ynowt hatI
havewheelswear efreetomov ear ound
whenever,Maf aisn'tsobadaf t
eral l .I
knockedoffwor kl
ateatnight,Ihadbeengi ven
thedayoffforthenextday .
Arr
ivi
nghomewithnoBandi
l
einsightwaski
nd
ofwier
d,t
hebungal
owwascold.Icl
osedthe
windowsandcur tainsbeforeswi tchi
ngont he
l
ights,
grabbedmyphoneanddi aledBabalwa'
s
numberaf t
erreadingthemessagesf rom Mafa
tel
li
ngmet heyhadar rivedsafely.Unli
kethe
usualwhereshewoul dansweront hefi
rstri
ng,
todayshetooksomet imetopi ckupbutwhen
sheeventuall
ydidshedi dn'
tev ensoundatal l
happytohearf r
om me.
"
Hi"sheanswer
ed
Me: "
baby,hel
l
oangel
"shel
aughed,
itwasa
sar
casti
claugh
Her:
"lol
hi"
Me:
"O-
kay
,hav
eIdonesomet
hingwr
ong?
"
Her:
"not
hing,
you'
vedoneabsol
utel
ynot
hing"
Me:
"Bab.
..
"
Her:
"lookI
'
mti
red,
I'
dli
ket
osl
eeppl
ease"
Me:"
ummm y
eahokay
.CanIseey
ou
t
omorr
ow?
"
Her:
"what
everLi
faby
e"j
ustl
i
ket
hatshehung
uponme
Idecidedt ogi
v eherspace, Istr
ippeddownt o
myboxer sandgoti ntobed.Iwast i
red,didn'
t
evenf eellikebathingespeciall
yaf t
ert hatcall
.
JustasIwasf alli
ngasleepIwaswokenupa
call
,itwasBandi lecalli
ngfrom Maf a'sphone
,boy swasbusyt ell
ingmeabouthow
muchf unhewashav ingandt hatIwasmi ssing
outont henicef oodLebowascooki ng
tal
kaboutani nsulttomydust ykitchenski l
ls!
Wel l
Iam nott hebestcookbutIt ry we
spokeunt ilMafat ookthephone, wespokej ust
atinybi tbeforebiddingf ar
ewellandIwent
backt osl eepagai n.
Thenextmor ni
ngIwokeni ceandearl
y,cleaned
andbeganpacki ngupmyst uf
f.Ionl
yneeded
theclot
hesthoughbecauseMaf ahadalready
gottentheapart
mentfurni
shedsoIwasgoi ng
toleavethethi
ngsther
e.Ispoketomyl andlord
andexplai
nedtoherthatIwasmov ingout
,
gaveherthemoneyIowedt oherbefor
eputt
ing
ever
ythi
nginthecar.TobehonestIwas
exci
tedaboutthi
smov e,thi
ngswereslowl
y
movinginagooddirecti
onforme.
WhenIgott otheapart
mentIwastool
azyto
unpack,Ij
ustshowered.OhGodwhenl
astdidI
gettoshower!Jahneh,homonat
ekannete.
"Babypl
easecomeoutsi
detuu"Ibeggedas
soonasshepickedupherphone
Her:
*si
ghs*"
5mi
nut
es"
Me:
"Nopr
obl
em"shehungup
Igotoutofthecarandwait
edforher,Imether
hal
fwayasshewal kedoutthegateandhugged
hershehuggedmebackandpul ledaway
qui
ckly.Iwassmil
inghappytoseeherbutshe
di
dn'tseem t
osharethesamesent i
ments.
Me:
"Babykengna?
"(What
'
sup)
Her:
"Not
hing"
Me: "NoI'
m ser
iousl
yconfusedastowhyI
'
m
gett
ingthecol
dshoulderbabywhatdi
dIdo
wrong?"
Her:"You'
vebeenquietLifathat'
swhati
s
wrong!Ext
remelyqui
etrightafterIt
oldy
ou
aboutthet
hingwithmydad!Howdoy ou
expectmetofeel?
"
Me:
"Whoahwhat
?"
Her:
"Youdon'
twantmeany
mor
eist
hati
t?"
Me: "Nobabycomeon, Ihavebeenbusyt hat'
s
al
l.Mafacamet ofetchBandileandjustthrew
somest uf
fatmet hatIwasn'texpecti
ng.I'
m
sorr
yokay ?I
'
m sorryforneglect
ingmybaby "
sheblushedandIpulledhertowardsme" CanI
getaproperhugnowbaby ?"Shesmiledand
embracedme" I
'm sorryformakingyoumi ss
mesomuchneh"shegi ggl
edasshepul l
edout
Her:
"Idi
dn'
tmi
ssy
out
haaatmuch"Ismi
l
ed
sl
i
ght
lypul
l
inghercheek
Me:
"I'
m sur
eyoudi
dn'
t"
Her:"
Wel
lyouseem di
ff
erentt
oday
,what
'
s
goi
ngon?
"
Me:
"Di
ff
erenthow?
"
Her:
"Idon'
tknowbabyj
ustdi
ff
erent
"
Me:*smir
ks*"
Maybeit
'sbecausey
ourman
haswheel
snow"shel
ookedatmeconfused
Her: "
Wheels?"Inodded,t
urnedaroundand
unlockedthecar"what!
?That'
sy our
s?"I
nodded" omgbabyit'
ssopr et
ty,wel
lnotpr
ett
y
prett
ybutbeastsportsypr
etty"
Me:*
laughs*"
What
evert
hatmeans"wewal
ked
t
owar
dsit
Her:"
Buthow...Imeanwhere"shesi
ghed"I
'
m
nott
ryi
ngtooffendyouoranythi
ngbabybut
howareyou.
..Arghnevermi
nd"
Me:"
Mybr
othergoti
tforme"
Her:
"Oh?
"Inodded
Me:
"Wannaknowhowi
tfeel
stor
idei
nher
?"
Her:
"yeahsur
e"
Me:
"Okay
,gol
ockup"
Shewentt ol
ockupandwedr ovearoundt
hen
eventual
l
ywenttothecomplex.Shewas
confusedbutdi
dn'
taskany
thinguntil
we
eventual
l
ywalkedi
n.
"
Okaybabywhatar
ewedoi
ngher
e?"
Me:
"Il
i
veher
e"
Her:
"Youli
veher
enow?
"Inoddedandopened
t
hedoor,
wemadeourwayin"wow"
Me: "
Youl
i
kei
t?"Shenodded"
Idi
dn'
treal
l
y
hav
et i
met
ounpackbabysoo"
Her:
"It
'sokay
"shesai
dst
il
ll
ooki
ngar
ound,
I
st
oodnexttoher
Me:
"yougonnahel
pmeunpackr
ight
?"She
l
aughed
Her:"Iknewi
t"Ihookedmyar
m ar
oundher
neck
Me:"Pr
ett
ypleasebaby
,imagi
nemedoi
ngal
l
t
hisbymysel
f?Yhuuhay"
Her:*l
aughs*"
Okay,I'
l
lhel
p"Ipul
l
edhercl
oser
andpeckedherf
orehead
Me: "
Thanky
ou"Ipeckedherl
i
ps"
You'
rean
angel
"
Her:
*smi
l
es*"
soy
ousay
"
Me:"
for
gott
otell
youhowbeaut
if
uly
oul
ook
t
oday
"shebl
ushed
Her:
"thanky
oubaby
"
Me: "
YesBabsi
e,Li
faisy
ourbaby.Nobody
el
se"Iwi
nkedatherandshesmil
ed"Youlook
gor
geousbaby"
Her:"St
ooop"shet
ri
edtounhookmyar
mfr
om
herbutIpul
l
edhercl
oser
Me: "OkayI
'l
lstop,I
'l
lst
op"shest
arr
edatme
"canIgetakiss?"Shenodded,
Ipout
ed.She
giggl
edbefor
epl aci
ngapeckonmyl i
ps
"Baby
yy"shewasshor
t,Ij
ustst
oodt
her
enot
bendi
ngoranyt
hing
Me: "Okay "Ipickedherupandpl acedheron
thecount er,
st oodinbetweenherl egsand
clai
medherl ipsbeforeshecoul dsayany thing.
Sher espondedwhi l
ewr appingherarmsar ound
myneckandmi nerestedonherwai st
caressingit,Icouldfeelmy sel
fgetti
nghar dsoI
pull
edoutandl ookedather" t
hanky ou"she
smiled
Her:
"whatf
or?
"Ipeckedherl
i
ps
Me:"Ever
ythi
ng"Ipeckedherl
i
psagai
n"Il
ove
youBabal
wa"
Her:"Il
oveyoutoo"Iki
ssedherforeheadand
shegiggl
edbeforepul
li
ngmei nt
oahug, I
smil
edandkissedthesideofherhead
Me: "Iknowbaby,
Ifeelt
hesamewaytoo"I
pi
ckedherupf r
om thecount
erandshe
squealed
Her:
"don'
tletmefall
"shehel
dont
ightwi
thher
l
egswrappedaroundmywaist
Me: "
Never
"shel ookedatmeandweki ssed
agai
nbutIstoppeditassoonasIf el
tMokoena
waki
ngupagai n"let
'sunpackshal
lwe?"She
smil
edandnodded.
Iputherdown, wegotr ightt
oit.Wef i
nished
afteral ongasst imecausewekeptpl aying
around.Whenwedi dfinisht
houghwewer e
hungr y,Isuggestedt akeawaysbutBabal wa
saidi twouldbebesti fIboughtgrocer
ies
i
nst ead.Shepr omi sedt ocookjustthi
st i
me,of
cour seIsaidy es!ImeanIwoul dloveahome
cookedmeal bysomeoneel senotme.
Whenweret
urnedf
rom t
hestor
e,Ihel
pedher
wher
esheaskedmetoobutshedidmostof
thecooki ngbyher selfwit
hmewat chingher .
Weat eandt henreali
zedthati
twasi nf act
getti
ngl atesoIhadt ogodr opheroff.Igotmy
j
acketandwemadeourwayout ,t
herewas
somev oicesoutside.Ihadnotyetgottentosee
mynei ghbour ssinceImov edinher,
Babal wa
stoppedi nhertracks.
Me:"What'sup?
"Shedidn'
trespond,hereyes
wer
elockedonwhat ev
ershewasl ooki
ngat .I
l
ookedthatwaytooandther
ehewasf uming!
Ar
gfuck!Shit
!Shi.
..
"
Whati
sthi
sBabal
wa!
?"
I
nser
t40
∆
BABALWA
•
Atthi
spointal
lIcant
hinkofi
swhatam Igoi
ng
tosay?HowdoIexplai
ntheposi
ti
onIfi
nd
mysel
fin,honestlytherewasnowayoutoft hi
s
onenowal l
Iwaswor r
iedaboutwaswhatZwel i
wasgoingtodo.Imeany ouneverknowwit
h
Zwel
iheisunpr edictable!Anditscaresme
someti
mes...
"Iaskedy ouaquest ionBabalwa"hesaidclear
ly
wai t
ingformet osaysomet hi
ng.Hewas
comi ngoutoft heapar tment2doorsawayf r
om
Lifa'
sapar t
ment .Idon'tknowwhot heguyhe
waswi t
hbecauseI 'm notfamil
iarwit
hhis
fri
endsbutatt hatmomentIwi shhecouldjust
pullZweliawayorsomet hi
ngbuthejustst
ood
there!Zwelilookedatmef umingandI
swal l
owed
Me:"Bhut
i.
..
hi"Itcameoutasawhi
sper
,Ir
eal
l
y
di
dnotexpectthis.
Hi
m: "
Fol
lowmer ightnow!
"Het
urnedand
wal
kedaway,
IlookedatLif
a
Me:
"By
e"
"NowBabal
wa!
"Her
oar
edandLi
famout
hedI
'
m
sorr
y.
Iwalkedawayandfol
l
owedbehi
ndZwel
i,
he
wal
kedt ohi
scarandgoti
nwait
ingf
orme.Igot
i
nsideandswall
owed.
"Saf
etybel
t"hesai
dcol
dly
,Iputi
tonwi
thout
sayi
ngawor d
Me: "
Bhut
iI.
..
"Heshookhi
sheadwi
thhi
sjaw
cl
enchedandIshutmymouth.
BeforeIknewi thej
umpedoutoft hecarand
l
ockedi twit
hmei nsi
dewi thoutmer egist
eri
ng
anythi
ngandmadehi swayi nside,
Iquickl
y
reachedformyphoneanddi aledLif
a'snumber.
Heanswer edont hef
irstr
inglikeheknewi t
wasanemer gency
"babyisev
eryt
hing..
"Hesaidassoonashe
pickedupbutIdidn'
tlethi
mfini
sh
Me:
"lockt
hedoorqui
ckl
ypl
ease!
"
Hi
m:"
What
?"
Me:
"Li
fa,
now!Lockt
hedoornow!
"
Hi
m: "Babykengna?Bua,
ke.
..
"Thent
hel
i
ne
wentdead
Zweliissounpr edictable,Ij
ustsati nthecar
waiti
ngf orhim anxi ously.Iwasst ressingabout
whatwasgoi ngoni nther e,Ican'tbeliev ehe
l
ockedmei nt hedamncarZwel i!Ar ggh.Iwi ped
mywetcheeks, Ihadt ocal m down.Af tera
whileofwai t
inghemadehi swayt owar dst he
carlookingli
kenot hinghappened, hedi dn't
evenlookangr yany mor e.Hegoti ntothecar ,I
l
ookedathi m wai t
ingf orhimt osaysomet hing
buthedi dn'
t,insteadhej ustswitchedont he
carignit
ionanddr ov eaway .Ideci dedt okeep
quiettooandj ustlookedoutt hewi ndow, he
droveushome.Assoonashest oppedi nf ront
ofthegat e,
Itookof fmysaf etybel tand
grabbedmysl ingbagf rom myf eetbutwhenI
tr
iedtoopent hedoori twasl ocked.Isi ghed
"
Zwel
icany
ouopenuppl
ease?
"Hel
ookedat
me
Him: "
Soy ouhaveaboyfr
iendngoku?"Isat
ther
einsil
enceandlookedoutthewindow"I'
m
aski
ngy ouaquesti
onBabalwa"Iexhal
ed
deeply
Me: "
e..
.ewebhuti
"Iqui
cklybi
tmyli
pafter
say
ingthatst
il
lnotmakingeyecont
act
Him: "
Isee"wesattherei
nsil
ence"Areyou
sureaboutt hi
sboyBabalwa?
"Inodded" I
fhe
hurtsyouI '
m gi
vingbot
hofyouahiding"I
giggledthenlookedathi
m
Me:
"Soy
ou'
regi
vi
ngmeper
missi
on?
"
Hi
m:"
Ispoket
ohi
m"
Me: "
Justspoker
ight
?"Hechuckl
edt
hen
unl
ockedthedoor
s
Hi
m:"
Goi
nsi
de"
Me:
"Bhut
i?"
Him: "HambaBabalwa"Ilookedathi
m andhe
tookouthisphone,Ishookmyheadand
steppedoutofthecarthenIremembered
Me:"bhuti
arey
oust
alki
ngme?
"Hebur
stouti
n
l
aughter
Him:"What
!?Pssshpl
ease,
Ihav
eal
i
fey
ou
know"
Me:
"Thenwhatwer
eyoudoi
ngt
her
e?"
Hi
m: "
Iwenttogoseeat eammat
eofmi
nenot
t
hati
tconcer
nsyou"Inodded
Me:
"Thanky
ouf
ort
her
ide"henodded"
bye"
Hi
m:"
sur
eandbehav
e"
Me:"Ial
waysbehav
e"Icl
osedt
hedoorand
wal
kedtowardst
hegate.
Mom wasstil
lnotbackhome,Idecidedtohit
thepotsi
mmediatel
y.Whil
ethatwasbusyI
grabbedmyphoneandtri
edtocallLifaonce
againandheansweredfi
nal
ly
!
Me:
"Baby
,ar
eyouokay
?"Hechuckl
edsl
i
ght
ly
Hi
m:"
Angel
,I
'm okay
..
.Ar
eyou?
"
Me:
"I'
mfi
ne,
whathappened?
"
Him:"Nothi
ngt
owor
ryy
ourpr
ett
yfaceov
er
beaut
if
ul"
Me: "
didhehi
tyou?Youknowwhatnev
ermi
nd,
I
'l
lcomeseeyoutomorr
owmorning"
Hi
m:"
Nono,
that
snotnecessar
ybabyI
'
mfi
ne"
Me: "
Iwanttoseewit
hmyv er
yowney
es,
I'
m
busycooki
ngri
ghtnow..
."
Hi
m: "Angel
,I
'mfi
ne.Ij
ustwantt
osl
eepcause
I
'mti
redandhaveworktomorr
ow"
Me:
"But
..
."
Hi
m:"
I'
m okay
"Isi
ghed
Me:
"Pr
omi
se?
"
Hi
m:"
Ipr
omi
se"
Me:
"Okay
,goodni
ghtt
hen"
Him:"
Goodnightbeaut
if
ul,
thanky
ouf
or
comi
ngtoday
"
Me: "
Youdon'
thavet
othankme,
youknowI
enj
oyspendi
ngti
mewithyou"
Him: "
NotasmuchasIdo"Ibl
ushedandhe
chuckl
ed"Il
oveyouokay
?"
Me:"
Iloveyout
ooLif
a"hebl
ewmekissesov
er
t
hephone,sodi
dIt
henwehungup.
Iqui
ckl
yfini
shedupanddishedupf
orma&
mysel
f,mamaar ri
vedj
ustasIwasf
ini
shi
ngup
wit
hplat
ingourfood.
"Mhhmmnsmel l
ssoni ce"sheexclai
medas
sheenter
edtheki
tchen,shewalkedov ertome
andpeckedmycheek" I'
m soti
redmnt anam,
hadmeetingswi
thparentstoday"shesighed
andmadeherwayt othef r
idge
Me: "
GositI
'
llbr
ingyourf
oodandaglassof
j
uicetoy
ou"shestoppedi
nhertr
acks
Her:"Youareanangel
"Ismil
edandshemade
herwayout ,
sheseemedpret
tyexhaust
edbut
happyifIcansay
?Atpeacewiththewaythi
ngs
wereIguess.
Iwarmedherpl ateali
ttl
ethenpouredhersome
j
uice,
servedherwhi l
eshehadherey esl ocked
ontheTVscr eenwithnewspl ayi
ng.Igotmy
pl
ateandjoinedher,weat esupperandshe
evenaskedaboutLi f
a.Itol
dherwewer eokay,
di
dnotment ionthebriefmeetingbetween
Zweli
,Li
faandI .That'
sifIcanevencallita
meeti
ng!
AftersupperIwashedt hedisheswhi l
emama
wentof ftobed,shewasexhaust edandIdidn'
t
blameherasIal sodidn'tst
ayl ong.Iwent
strai
ghttobedwhenIwasf inishedandr et
ir
ed
tobed, f
all
ingint
oadeepsl umber .
"
Babalwa"Ihear
dmymom' svoi
cecal
lout
whi
lstIwassti
ll
indeepsl
eep
"
Mh?"Ianswer
edbackcoveri
ngmyheadwi
th
t
hebl
anketasthel
i
ghtpier
cedthr
oughmyeye
l
i
ds
"
Yourbrot
herishere,apparentl
yyouaregoi
ng
t
oworkwithhim sogetr eady"shesai
d,I
wi
thdr
ewt heblanketfr
om mybody
Me:
"What
!?"
Her:"
GetreadyBabal
wa,hei
sint
hel
ounge
wai
ti
ng.Ihavetol
eave"
Me:"Okay"shestoodst
il
lbyt
hedoornot
mov
ing"I'
m comingma"
Her:"I
'
m wai
ti
ng"i
groanedasIsl
owlymade
mywayoutofbedanddraggedmysel
ftomy
bat
hroom
Me:"Kodwa(
but)howcanZweli
justspr
ing
t
hisonme,whati
fIhadpl
ans"
Her:"Whatpl
ans?Youbar
elyv
isi
tanyfr
iends,
you'
real
wayshomegoingtoworkwit
hhim
mightdoy ougoodsogetr eady
"thi
sisjusthis
tact
ictogetmet ospendlessti
mewi t
hLi f
a!
ButwhateverI'
ll
giv
ehim whathewant s"Enjoy
yourday"Itur
nedaround
Me:
"Yout
oo"
Her:
"AndIl
ovey
ou"
Me: "
Whymustyoual
waysmakeitseem l
i
ke
youaregoi
ngt
odiema"shegi
ggl
ed
Her:
"SoIcan'
ttel
lmychi
l
dIl
oveher
?"
Me:
"Imeany
oucanbut
..
."
Her:
"Thendon'
taskmenonsenseokaybaby
?"
Me: *
sighs*"Il
oveyoutoomama"shewal
ked
outcl
osingthedoorbehi
ndher
.
Itookaquickshowerandgotr eady ,
Ididn'
t
evenknowwhatt owear.Ireall
ydon't
underst
andhowZwel icanjustspringthison
met houghreal
l
y.It
ookoutabl ackpairof
skinnyj
eanswithmywhi t
ehi ghlowkelsot op
al
ongwi thmyblacketj
acket,i
thadt hatwhol
e
professi
onal
yetcasualt
hinggoingont otopit
al
l ofIworemystrapheelthatIusuall
ywearto
church.Myhairwasneatl
yt i
edup.
BythetimeIwasdoneandmademywayi nt
o
thel
ounge,ZwelirushedmeoutIcoul dn'
teven
havebreakf
ast.Isil
entl
ylaughedaside,
that'
s
whatyougetfortryi
ngtobecl ever
"I
'
llbuyyousomethi
ngonthewayther
e!Just
come"hewasal r
eadyj
oggi
ngoutsi
dethe
housetowardshi
scarl
eavi
ngmebehind,I
l
ockedupandmademywayt othecar
.
Me: "
sowhatam Igonnadot
her
ethewhol
e
day
?"
Him:"Lear
nmoreaboutwhaty
ou'r
est
udy
ing,
youar
egoingt
odojobshadowing"
Me:
"I'
m st
il
li
nfi
rsty
earZwe"
Hi
m:"Iknowbutmay
bet
hiswi
l
lmot
ivat
eyou
ev
enmore"
Me:"
Youcoul
dhav
etol
dmeabouti
t"I
mumbl
ed
Hi
m:"
I'
m sor
ry,
whatwast
hat
?"
Me:
"Not
hing"
Hi
m:"
Mhhhh"
Wedr oveinsi l
ence, hedi dn'
tev enmakemy
breakfastpitst op!Ihadt ogogetsomet hi
ngt o
eatatt hecaf eteri
awi t
hpeopl egreeti
ngand
exclaimingabouthowol dIhadgot ten,asking
whatIwasdoi ngnowet c.Ihatedeverymi nut
e
ofit!Finall
ylatemor ningZwel itookmet omy
ment or,that'
swhent hingsstartedgett
ing
better,evenfor getthatIwaspr acti
call
yforced
tobeher e.
Lol
,myment orwasagi r
landshewashi l
ari
ous!
Zwelipoppedupi nheroffi
cearoundlunch,we
werebusylaughingbutIquickl
ymai nt
ainedmy
cool
,Ididn'
twanthimt hi
nkingIwasenj oyi
ng
myselfeventhoughIwas justforthe
sakeofsul
ki
ng.
"CanIsteal
herf
orl
unch?
"Hesai
daf
ter
greet
ing
Noèll:"
Sur
e,Iwasact
ual
l
yaboutt
osendherup
t
oy ou"hechuckl
ed
Hi
m:"
Greatt
hen,
Babi
let
'sgo"
Wewentt omyf av
ouri
tespotf orlunchandhad
atal
k,mybrot herwasjustlookingoutforme
*si
gh*I'
ll
foreverbegratef
ul f
orhim always
goi
ngoutofhi swayforme, mightnotagree
wit
hhismet hodsbuthey .Myf i
rstdayat
'
work'wasokay ,wewentt ogetmom andwent
outfordi
nnerasaf amilyunit
.
Thejobshadowinggi gwasn'tsobadaf t
erall
al
thoughitmeantlesst i
mewi thLif
aIenjoyedit
,
Ithi
nkthatwassomehowZwel i
'spl
an,me
spendi
ngl esst
imewi thLif
athatisbutwenot
breaki
ngup.Hellt
ot heno!Wewer enowi n
January,
mamahadsentmemoneyt ogo
shoppingwellIneedednewcl
othesf
orthi
snew
yearandsinceLifawasoffweweregoi
ng
toget
her.
InthemorningIwokeupt oanempt yhouse,
mamamusthav eleftal
ready.Iwasexhausted
sheneededmyhel pl
astnightwithsome
paperworkandfinanci
alreport
s,shemustget
anassist
ant.Runningacrècheisnotchild'
s
play,
excusethepun.
Iroll
edoutofbedandwentst raightt othe
bathroom t ogetcleanedup&r eadyf ortheday,
Ididn'tgoext r
aorany thi
ngjustasi mplelose
cottonpant sandav estwit
hsandal s,i
t'
s
Januar ysot hesuni soutandbl azing.SoIwent
forar atherchil
ledlooktoday,wel lI'
m always
chil
led.AsIwasbusycombi ngmyhai r
,acall
camet hrough.Iknewexact l
ywhoi twas, hei
s
alwaysear lywhenev erwehav epl ans.
"
baby
?"Ianswer
ed
Hi
m:"
Lov
e,I
'
m out
side"
Me: "Uhhh,
pleasegi
vemeaf
ewmor
emi
nut
es
I
'm notdoneyet.
"
Hi
m:"
Hownotdonear
eyou?
"Igi
ggl
ed
Me:"
BabyI'
l
ljustopenupfory
ou"hesi
ghed
"
Okay
,okay
!I'
m comi ng"
Hi
m:"
Nowbabe"
Me:
"Yesbabypat
ience,
I'
ll
bet
her
enownow"
Ihungupandcombedmyhai rdown,gr
abbed
myhandbagandanapplethenrushedoutsi
de.
Hesteppedout
sidet
hecarwhenhesawme
comingoutoft
hegateandgavemeat ight
squeeze.
"
Baby
"heki
ssedt
hesi
deofmyhead
Me: "hey"wepul
ledoutofthehugandhe
walkedtothepassengersi
deopeni
ngthedoor
forme" t
hankyou"Igotinandhecl
osedthe
doorbeforej
oggingtohissi
de
"Sohowareyou?Readyfortoday
?"Inodded
causeIhadal
readybeguneati
ngmyappl e
Me:
"it
'sj
ustshoppi
ng"
Him:"mhmmm"heleanedi
nandpeckedmy
l
ips"
canIhav
eabi
te?"
Me: "nooo"Ibi
tintotheappl
easIputonmy
safet
ybeltwiththeapplesti
l
linmymout hand
hestartedthecarigni
ti
on.WhenIturnedto
facehim hetookitandbiti
ntoitt
othenkissed
meagai n
Hi
m:"
Thanky
ou"
Me:
*smi
l
es*"
Let
'sj
ustgo"
Wedr oveofftothemal l
andbecausei twassti
ll
kindofearl
yitwasn'tbusyatall
,Lif
ahadme
choosingafewdr essesandskirt
shere&t her
e,
total
l
ynotmyst ylebutIguessitisti
mef or
change.ImeanIhav enor easontobeself
consciousr
ight?
Afterawhol elotofshoppingwewentt obuy
somet hingtoeatandwentt oLi
fa'
splace,i
t
wasear l
yaft
ernoonsoIwasgonnast aywit
h
himt i
l
l lat
e.Assoonaswegoti ntothehouseI
tookof fmysandalsandt hrewmyselfonthe
couch, Iwasti
red!
"Babyanythi
ngtodri
nk?"Hesaidthatmaki
ng
hiswayoutofthebedroom causehewentto
putawaytheshoppingbags.Ishookmyhead
withmyey escl
osed,hejoi
nedmeont hecouch
andkissedmyneck" baby?
"
Me:
"Mhh?
"
Hi
m: "l
et'
sgof r
eshenup,
you'
ll
feelbet
teraf
ter
ashower"Iopenedmyeyesandlookedathi
m
Me:
"Toget
her
?"Henodded
Hi
m:"
please"Isatup,
sodi
dhe
Me:
"baby
..
."Hegotupandhel
douthi
shand
Hi
m:"
come"Igotupandf
oll
owedbehi
ndhi
m
tothebathr
oom "I'
m notgonnadoany thingy ou
don'twantmetodobaby ,relax"heplacedhi s
handsonmyshoul der sandmassagedt hem a
bit"
wewon'thav esex"Ibreat hedout"yet "he
peckedmyf or
eheadandt urnedont hewat erin
theshowerbeforeturninghisat t
ent
ionbackt o
me, pul
li
ngmet owardshi m.
Me:"
Baby
"hecuppedmyonecheekandt
ook
myl
i
psint
ohi
sbrief
ly
Him: "
mh? "Heplacedhishandsonmyf igur
e
andslowlysl
idthem downt omyass,Iexhal
ed
soft
ly,
Ifel
tmy sel
frel
easingjui
ces."
Yesbaby?"
Helookedatmewhi l
etakingmyassintohis
hands
Me:
"Nosex?
"Hepeckedmyl
i
ps
Him: "Not
hingy ounotcomf or
tablewithangel
"
hepulledmecl oserandIfeltt
hehugebul ge
thathadbuil
tupi nhispants"Nowr el
axplease,
Ijustwantt
of eelyourski
nagai nstmine"he
ki
ssedmeagai nandIr
eturneditwit
hasmuch
passionashegaveme,Ikindarel
axedandlet
my sel
fenj
oythemoment .If
eltsomuchbeing
evokedinme,feel
i
ngsthatIwasn'tf
amil
iarwi
th.
Hishandmovedfrom myassuptomybr east
andhesqueezedthem sl
i
ghtl
y,hi
sbreat
hing
hadchangedminetoo.Hepul
ledoutoftheki
ss
"CanItaket
hisoff
?"Heaskedwhi
leunty
ingt
he
beltofmypants,
Iswal
lowedandnodded
"Yes"Isai
dsoftl
y,hesmiledandpeckedmyl ips
again.Hetookthepantsoff,hi
seyesdidn'
t
l
eav emineinthatpr
ocess.Soonaftermyv est
fol
lowedandIwasl eftwit
hmyunder wear,he
tookonestepbackandl ookedatmemaki ng
meshy&somewhatsel fconscious
"Youlookbeauti
fulBabalwa"Ibitonmybottom
l
ipnervously
,Ididn'
tknowwhatwascomi ng
next.Hetookofftheshortshehadonandwas
l
eftwithhisunderwear.Ij
uststoodther
e
wat
chi
nghi
m.
Hi
m:"
Lov
e"Il
ookedathi
m"Pl
easer
elax
"
Me:
"Iam"
Him: "Noy ou'
renot"Isi
ghed,hesatonthe
toil
etsitandpull
edmet ostandinbetweenhi
s
l
egs" I
'm notgoingtohurtyou"heki
ssedmy
stomach" Ilov
ey ou"
Me:
"AndIl
ovey
ou"
Him: "
Andyoutrustme?
"Inodded"
Thenr
elax
"
Inoddedonceagain
Me: "
Okay"her
eachedformybackand
unhookedmybral
etti
ngthestr
apsfal
ldown
myshoulder
s,Iwatchedi
tfal
lonthef
loor
.
Him: "
Okay?"Inodded,heplacedanothersof
t
peckonmyst omach" I
'
m goingtotaket hi
soff
now"hesaidthatholdi
ngthewai st
li
neofmy
panty
,helookedatmef orapprovalandI
noddedyetagain.Hepull
editdownsl owly
whil
elooki
ngmei ntheeye,whenhegott omy
kneesIhel
dontohisshoulderasIsteppedout
of."
Thankyou"heranhishandsupanddown
myt hi
ghsupmyhipsslightl
ysqueezingmyass
whil
eplant
ingsof
tkissesonmyst omach.
Thebathroom wasnowf i
ll
edwithsteam, he
askedmet ur
nar oundforhim andIhesitant
ly
di
d,Ifel
thissoftkissesonmyasscheeksand
hi
m cursi
ngsoft l
y.HestoodupandIf elthis
handonmywai stthenhisbreat
heagainstmy
neck.
"Il
ov eyou"hesaidri
ghtnextt
omyear,that
sentchill
sdownmyspi nandasensati
ondown
there.It
urnedaroundandhismemberwas
standingupintheairl
ookingatme,
Iswallowed
Me:
"Baby
"Isai
dlooki
ngathi
smemberst
il
l
Him: "
I'
m sor
ryIcan'
thelpi
tbabyyourbodyis
beauti
ful
"heputhishandoveri
tandopened
theshowersl
idi
ngdoor,westeppedi
nside.
Thewat erfel
l onourbodi es,inawayr elaxi
ng
me.Li fadidn'tsayany thi
ngwej uststoodt here
l
ooki ngateachot her
, hesmi ledandwi nkedat
me.Il etoutagi ggle,hegr abbedt hesoapand
scrub, washedev eryinchofmybodysl owly.I
feltsohot ,evenmybr eathinghadhi t
ched.My
nippleswer ehar dandst andingf orat
tent i
on,he
droppedt hescr ubont hef lootandputt hesoap
away&begunusi nghishands.Hest artedwi t
h
myboobs, slowlymassagi ngandpi nchi ngmy
nipples,Icrossedmyl egsasIf eltathrobbi ng
sensat i
oninbet weenmyl egs.
"
Ba.
.baby
"heki
ssedmebutIpul
l
edout"
Lif
a"
Hi
m:"
Wannagetoutt
heshower
?"
Me:
*nods*"
Please"
Het urnedthewat
eroffandwesteppedout
side,
hegr abbedthet
owelandhandeditt
ome
beforeIknewithehadmescoopedupi nhi
s
armsandheadedt othebedr
oom.Hel ai
dme
downont hebedandwi pedmewi tht
hetowel
beforewi pi
nghimselfandjoini
ngmeont he
bed.Wel aidtherenakedwi t
hkissi
nghereand
there,
himr unninghishandsallovermynaked
bodyt hatIhadev engrownusedt ohi
stouch.
Mor ecomf ort
ableinthisposi
ti
on,naked&
vulner
ablethatwas.
"Pl
easegetont op"heaskedl
ayi
ngonhisback,
Isatupandl ookedathi
shardshaf
twhichwas
evendrippi
ngofpr e-
cum "
Iwon'
tputhi
mi n
baby,come"
Isl
owl ygotontopandheheldmebymywai st,
Isatonhisthighswhi
lehismemberlai
d
str
aightonhisstomach.Hishandswentupt
o
mybr eastandhemassagedt hem
"canIgetakiss"heaskedpulli
ngmecl osert
o
him,soonourlipswereinter
twinedandour
tonguescol
li
dingagainsteachot her
.Hishands
neverlef
tmyboobsbutwer enowpi nchingmy
nippl
esmakingmer estless,
Ifoundmy self
mov ingupanddownhishardcockev enlett
ing
softmoansbecauseofhowgoodi tfelt
.This
feel
ingwasforei
gnyetsoaddi
cti
ve,Iwant ed
mor eIdon'
tknowIj
ustwantedmor e!
"baby
yy"Icr
iedout"
morepl
ease"hepul
ledout
ofourki
ssandlookedatmewit
hbloodshot
eyes
Him: "
Mor e?
"Inoddedwhi
l
ebi
tt
ingmyl i
ps,
he
hadn'
tstoppedworki
ngonmyni
pples."
You
sure?
"
Me:"Yespl
ease"het
urnedusov
erandwas
nowontop.
Him:"Okay "hepeckedmyl ipsthenmov edto
myneck, ni
bblingonitandgoingupear" stop
meifyouf eeluncomfortabl
e"Inoddedandhe
moveddownt omybr easttaki
ngmyni pples
i
ntohismout honebyonemyt oescur
ledand
backarched" y
oulikethat?"
"
Yesss"Isai
dbr
eat
hlessl
y,hemov
eddownmy
stomachandItensedup.Hemusthav
enot
iced
causehestopped
Hi
m:"
Baby
,tr
ustme"
Me:
"I'
m scar
ed"hemov
edupt
omyf
aceagai
n
Him: "Hey ,i
t'
sme.Li fa"hepeckedmyl i
ps"I
won'thurty oubaby "Ifelthi
shandatent r
ance,
heopenedupmyl i
psdownt hereandr anhis
fi
ngersupanddownaf ewtimes" Ij
ustwantt o
giveyoupl easurebaby ,appreci
atey ourbody"I
bitonmybot tom li
pasher ubbedagai nstmy
cli
tandpl acedav erywetki ssonmyneck
"okay?"Inoddedandhewentdownonceagai n
comingf acet ofacewi thmyv agina."it
's
beauti
ful"Ilookeddownonhi m" r
elaxbaby "
Hepl antedsof tkissesarounditbefore
sweepi ngmyj ui
ceswi t
ht ongueandswi r
li
ngi
t
aroundmycl it
oris,Irel
easedasof tmoan.He
suckedoni tgivi
ngmeagr eatdealofpl
easur
e,
Ifoundmy selffi
stingont hesheetsand
moaninghisnameoutsenselessly,bef
oreIlet
outaloudscream asawaveapl easurerushed
thr
oughmybody .Iwasshaki
ngl ikealeafwhen
hecamebackupt omyf ace.
"
Thatwasbeauti
ful
"heki
ssedme"
Thanky
ou"I
l
ookedasi
de"Baby?"
Me: "
Am Inowsupposedt
odot
hesamet
o
you?
"
Hi
m:"
What
"
Me:
"Youexpect
ingmet
opl
easur
eyout
oo?
"
Him: "
Babyy ounotreadyf orthat
,Iwon'
tpush
youandbesidesIgotpl easurewatchi
ng
orgasm pent
ingbecauseofme"Ihi dmyfacein
hisneckandhechuckl ed"Iloveyoubeaut
if
ul"
Me: "
Ilov
ey out
oo"wekissedandhelaid
besi
desmet aki
ngmei nhisarms,whi
sper
ing
sweetnothi
ngsunt
ilIf
ell
asleep.
"
Baby
"Ihear
dhi
m cal
lout"
Babal
wa,
vuka.I
t'
s
gett
ingl
ate,Idon'
twantyougetti
ngintr
oubl
e"I
openedmyey esandturnedtolookathi
m.He
wasstandingalr
eadydressed.
Me:
"Whatt
imei
sit
?"
Hi
m: "
Pastf
ourlov
e,getupandgoshowerso
t
hatwecaneatandI'
l
ltakey
ouhomeont i
me"
Me:
*gr
oans*"
ButI
'
mti
red"
Him: *
smi les*"Iknowbaby "hesatnextt
ome
"butwedon' twantt ogeti
nt r
oubl
eespecial
ly
sinceyourbr ot
herknowsaboutus"Ipouted
andheki ssedme" getup!
"Heslappedmyt hi
gh
"ouch!
"Hewi
nkedandwal
kedoutt
othel
ounge
area
"Makequi
ckbabyI
'm hungryandIdon'twanna
eatal
one!
"Heshout
ed, Igotupfr
om thebed.
Me:
"Okay
!"
Bytheti
meIfini
shedhehadalr
eadyst
art
ed
eat
ingsoIj
oinedhim andof
fwewent.
WhenIwal kedintotheyar
dmom' scarwas
al
readyparkedout si
deint
hedri
veway,ther
e
werealsotwof or
eignSUVs'par
kedont heother
si
deoft heroad.Iwalkedi
nandthehousewas
qui
et.Ilef
tmyshoppi ngbagsatthedoor.
"Ma!?
"Ical l
edoutasIwal kedt
otheloungeonl
y
tobemetbymymom l ookingdi
str
essedand
meninbl ackstandi
ngintheloungelooki
ng
ser
ious.Iclear
edmyt hroat"Mama?"She
l
ookedupatme" what
'sgoingon?"
Her:
"Pl
easecal
lyourbr
other
"
Me: "
Why?What
'
sgoi
ngon?Whoar
ethese
peopl
e?"
Her:"
Babal
wapl
ease"shepl
eadedsoundi
ng
def
eated
Me: "Okay
"It
ookmyphoneoutofmyback
pocket.
•
THEEND
P.
S.
Thanky ouallforyourpatienceandnotbeinga
rudeaudience,youknowcur si
ngmeoutonmy
absencelikeotherreadersdoonsomedi ari
es.
Thanky ouallforgivi
ngmeachancet opull
my sel
ftowardsmy sel
f,y
'allar
eunderst
anding
andpatient.Appreciat
eit