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The Person I’m Still Looking For

Melany Menezes
Professor Silguero
FYS 191
17 July 2023
Group 8

Childhood was a bit all over the place, I began as an only child and before I knew it I had
six siblings by 2016. Six siblings is a lot and being the oldest I am constantly faced with the
pressures of setting the example and the path. I often hope that even though I am the oldest I
don’t set a single path that my siblings will follow. I would like them to be their own persons and
find their own paths. My family is a lot bigger than just my six siblings, in fact, we have a farm,
or a franch as I like to say (it’s a compromise between my Dad saying a ranch and my Mom
saying a farm). Not only do my six siblings and I live with our parents, we also have ten dogs, 40
hens, some roosters, and a lot more that I won’t take up space with. I am thankful for all that my
family has provided me even if I don’t acknowledge it every day.
In terms of places, I moved quite a bit between California and Nevada, though not by
choice of course. Moving I must say is a very difficult experience, you get acquainted with a
community and its people, then you must leave knowing that you will most likely never see
those same people again. Though I suppose that coming and going is a part of life, we constantly
involve ourselves in situations, or communities knowing that at one point or another, it will be
gone and simply a memory. This constant movement in my youth has led to a certain distrust and
distance within myself from new places, people, and experiences. Luckily, my living situation
has been constant for the last six years. I am extremely grateful for that because it allowed me to
establish relationships with those around me and develop some fantastic friendships that I hope
to have for a lifetime. So yeah, my childhood was no one particular place or community, but I
suppose that allowed me to learn that I need to adapt and change rather than wait for the world to
change for me.
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My heritage is slightly diverse and sometimes I struggle with fitting into what society has
molded my heritage into. My Mom is full-blooded Mexican and though she does not appear as a
stereotypical Mexican. My Mom’s parents also speak Spanish and appear as “Mexican”, but
never taught my mother Spanish and I wanted to connect more to my Mexican heritage so I took
three years of Spanish in high school. Did I learn enough to be considered fluent? No I did not,
but at least I tried to find that piece that was lacking in the bridge between my culture and
myself. Now my Dad is mainly Portuguese with some Irish and Scottish from his mom. It is a bit
more difficult for me to connect to this portion of my heritage because I do not see it within my
community. Though I am proud of my heritage because not only did my ancestors come from
Mexico, Portugal, Brazil, Ireland, and Scotland, but they allowed for a change in history, they
gave their future generations a new chance and beginning. I may not know all about my heritage,
but at least I know some and that has to count for something.
Hopefully giving some of my background has allowed for some sort of image to be
developed. My background is what helps mold me, it does not entirely define me, but it allows
for a support system, a foundation. I don’t know entirely who I am yet and perhaps I will never
fully know. Maybe that’s what life is for, it gives you time to discover yourself and your world. I
do know that I am someone that is dependable, understanding, and willing to try her best. I
constantly push myself to do more than I know I can and sometimes this leads to some stress and
difficult times. I know also that as an individual I sometimes put too much pressure on myself
and honestly perhaps that is just who I am, someone constantly trying to be better than she was
the day before.
I’d also say that part of being me is science. Within this past year, I have grown and
understood myself more than I did my Freshman year of high school. This year I have
discovered relationships that provided me with joy, laughter, and that missing link to the social
aspect of my life that I severely lacked in my Freshman year. I also discovered my love of
science thanks to my AP Biology class and the amazing teacher that taught that course. In that
class, I experienced something that I never really experienced prior, genuine curiosity and a
yearning to know more. Biology is an amazing field of science, from things as microscopic as a
cell to the large ecosystems that are dispersed amongst the world. I thank my teacher for that
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class, she helped me change my perspective of being both a student and a person. I constantly
asked questions in that class and even some questions that related more to the life that I am
experiencing. I take time to describe this class because it has greatly contributed to the individual
that I am now and the connections that I have formulated. I am thankful for AP Biology because
it prepared me for college, life, and my career in marine biology. I loved this class so much that it
was the one that I enjoyed studying for and yet it was also the class that made me the most
nervous and gave me the most stress. Needless to say, I took my AP Biology exam and after at
least 30 hours of studying I earned myself a 5, and that moment when I saw my score made me
realize that by just applying myself, my heart, and my brain together, I can accomplish
astounding feats.
So now who am I? I believe that I will continue to search for that answer myself, but I
know that the people that I encounter along the way will help me to be closer to that answer.
Even if I do find that answer, something will change in my life that changes that answer that I
sought. The world will constantly change and it is up to me to change with it. So perhaps I will
never truly know who I am or where I’ll be in the years to come, but I do know that as long as I
don’t give up, I’ll always have a chance to succeed.