Original Letter

Gwendolyn Hall,
Resident Community Nurse

Loughton Community Care Centre, 23

Loughton High Road,
Loughton

25th march 2018

Dear Ms Gwendolyn Hall,

I´m writing to inform that your patient, Mr John Craig was admitted in this
hospital last 18th march. He was diagnosed with UTI. The patient is for
discharge, and he will need some health supervision and orientation taking his
medicines.

The patient was admitted confused, with hematuria, burning sensation,

strong/importunate urge to urinate and discomfort in the abdomen and posterior
area. In the admission, he was mobilizing independently. Due to the confusion,
was necessary to assist him with his ADL’s (showering, dressing, ect.). While
hospitalized the confusion has settle, didn’t present fever and blood work results
showed that the inflammatory markers presented normal levels. While here he
restarted to walk, shower and use toilet independently. After an evaluation
made by our dietitian, she concluded that he had gained some weight while
admitted.

It will be necessary reassure a good oral hydronation and supervise appropriate

nutrition. It´s required to be aware of neurological signs of confusion. Mr Craig
will continue oral antibiotics for more 7 days and if he experiences abdominal
pain he can take paracetamol.

Yours sincerely,
Romana Pereira

Corrected Letter
Gwendolyn Hall,
Resident Community Nurse

Loughton Community Care Centre, 23

Loughton High Road,
Loughton

25th March 2018

Dear Ms Gwendolyn Hall,

I´m I am writing to inform you that your patient your resident, Mr John Craig was
admitted in this hospital last 18th march. He was diagnosed with a UTI urinary
tract infection. The patient is for being discharged, and he will need some health
supervision and orientation support /assistance taking his medicines.

The patient When Mr Craig was admitted he was confused, with hematuria, a
burning sensation, a strong/importunate urge to urinate and discomfort in the
abdomen and posterior area. In the On admission, he was mobilizing
independently. Due to the confusion, it was necessary to assist him with his
ADL’s (showering, dressing, ect.). While hospitalized the confusion has settle
settled , didn’t present he no longer has a fever and blood work results showed
that the inflammatory markers presented normal levels. While here he restarted
to walk, shower and use toilet independently. After an evaluation made by our
dietitian, she concluded that he had gained some weight while admitted.

It will be necessary reassure to ensure that he keeps hydrated a good oral

hydronation and supervise appropriate nutrition. It´s required to Please be
aware of neurological signs of confusion. Mr Craig will continue taking oral
antibiotics for more 7 more days and if he experiences abdominal pain he can
take paracetamol.

Yours sincerely,
Romana Pereira

KEY
Red: correction of grammar / vocabulary mistakes
______(?) : meaning unclear, needs to be rephrased
Purple: spelling mistake
Green: suggested improvements
Make sure to check the added comments for extra feedback

Feedback:

 It is important that your opening paragraph is clear – Mr Craig is a resident at

the care centre and not a patient. The reader needs to understand the reason
for writing. For this letter you could start as follows: I am writing to discharge
your resident xxxxxx into your care, who was admitted on [add date] [for/with…
add reason for being admitted] He will require your care as he recovers.
 Think carefully about making good use of paragraphs to logically organise the
information so it is clear to the reader. For this writing task you could organise it
like this:

Paragraph 1: reason for writing: I am writing to discharge your resident Mr.xxx

into your care, who…..[see comment above] [add what you hope the reader can
do]

Paragraph 2: In this case, it would be most logical to include information

regarding admission here, you can provide information on how the patient was
when he was admitted. [all case notes in medical background are relevant]
For example:
On admission, Mr Craig presented with haematuria, a burning sensation, a
strong and persistent urge to urinate, as well as pain in the abdomen and back
area. He also showed signs of confusion that interfered with his ability to
manage his ADLs.

Paragraph 3: Provide information on the patient’s progress while in hospital [for

this task, all case notes on medical progress are relevant here], for example:
Mr Craig has made good progress overall, he is afebrile and the inflammatory
markers are back to normal. As the confusion settled, he also became more
independent and he is now able to walk and go to the bathroom by himself. He
has also gained weight following input from the dietitian.
Paragraph 4: include information on the patient’s needs on discharge [all case
notes in nursing management are relevant here]. Make sure to use a range of
polite language to make requests regarding the patient's care.
For example:
Please ensure that Mr Craig continues taking antibiotics for the next seven
days. In addition, paracetamol has been prescribed if he complains of
abdominal pain. It would be greatly appreciated if you could encourage him to
drink more fluids and to eat well. Finally, you should be aware of any
neurological signs of confusion.
  Where possible rephrase language from the case notes so you can show that
you can use a wider range of language and to show greater reader awareness.

 Take time to go through the comments above and compare what you have
written with the sample answer below.

Estimated Grade: C

Scores based on OET Writing Assessment Criteria and Level Descriptors https://prod-
wp-content.occupationalenglishtest.org/resources/uploads/2019/04/23132911/
Writing-Criteria-Final.pdf
Purpose Band Your score
Purpose of document is immediately apparent and sufficiently
3
expanded as required
Purpose of document is apparent but not sufficiently highlighted or
2
expanded
Purpose of document is not immediately apparent and may show
1 1
very limited expansion
Purpose of document is partially obscured/unclear and/or
0
misunderstood

Content Band Your score

Content is appropriate to intended reader and addresses what is
needed to continue care (key information is included; no important 7
details missing); content from case notes is accurately represented
Performance shares features of bands 5 and 7 6
Content is appropriate to intended reader and mostly addresses what
is needed to continue care; content from case notes is generally 5 5
accurately represented
Performance shares features of bands 3 and 5 4
Content is mostly appropriate to intended reader; some key
information (about case or to continue care) may be missing; there 3
may be some inaccuracies in content
Performance shares features of bands 1 and 3 2
Content does not provide intended reader sufficient information about
the case and what is needed to continue care; key information is 1
missing or inaccurate
Performance below Band 1 0

Conciseness and Clarity Band Your score

Length of document is appropriate to case and reader (no irrelevant
information included); information is summarised effectively and 7
presented clearly
Performance shares features of bands 5 and 7 6
Length of document is mostly appropriate to case and reader;
5
information is mostly summarised effectively and presented clearly
Performance shares features of bands 3 and 5 4 4
Inclusion of some irrelevant information distracts from overall clarity of
3
document; attempt to summarise only partially successful
Performance shares features of bands 1 and 3 2
Clarity of document is obscured by the inclusion of many unnecessary
1
details; attempt to summarise not successful
Performance below Band 1 0

Genre and Style Band Your score

Writing is clinical/factual and appropriate to genre and reader
(discipline and knowledge); technical language, abbreviations and 7
polite language are used appropriately for document and recipient
Performance shares features of bands 5 and 7 6
Writing is clinical/factual and appropriate to genre and reader with
occasional, min-or inappropriacies; technical language, abbreviations 5
and polite language are used appropriately with minor inconsistencies
Performance shares features of bands 3 and 5 4 4
Writing is at times inappropriate to the document or target reader;
over-reliance on technical language and abbreviations may distract 3
reader
Performance shares features of bands 1 and 3 2
The writing shows inadequate understanding of the genre and target
reader; mis- or over-use of technical language and abbreviations cause 1
strain for the reader
Performance below Band 1 0

Organisation and Layout Band Your score

Organisation and paragraphing are appropriate, logical and clear; key
information is highlighted and sub-sections are well organised; 7
document is well laid out
Performance shares features of bands 5 and 7 6
Organisation and paragraphing are generally appropriate, logical and
clear; occasional lapses of organisation in sub-sections and/or 5
highlighting of key information; layout is generally good
Performance shares features of bands 3 and 5 4 4
Organisation and paragraphing are not always logical, creating strain
for the reader; key information may not be highlighted; layout is 3
mostly appropriate with some lapses
Performance shares features of bands 1 and 3 2
Organisation not logical, putting strain on the reader; or heavy reliance
on case note structure; key information is not well highlighted and the 1
layout may not be appropriate
Performance below Band 1 0

Language Band Your

score
Language features (spelling/punctuation/vocabulary/ 7
grammar/sentence structure) are accurate and do not interfere with
 meaning
Performance shares features of bands 5 and 7 6
Minor slips in language generally do not interfere with meaning 5
Performance shares features of bands 3 and 5 4
Inaccuracies in language, in particular in complex structures, cause
3 3
minor strain for the reader but do not interfere with meaning
Performance shares features of bands 1 and 3 2
Inaccuracies in language cause considerable strain for the reader and
1
may interfere with meaning
Performance below Band 0

Sample Letter – Writing Test 1

Ms. Gwendolyn Hall

Resident Community Nurse
Loughton Community Care Centre 
23 Loughton High Road
Loughton

25 March 2018

Dear Ms. Hall,

Re: Mr. John Craig (aged 58), for discharge from Royal London Hospital on 25 March
th

I am writing to discharge your resident, Mr. Craig, back into your care, who was
admitted to the hospital on 18 March and diagnosed with a urinary tract infection. He
th

will require your care and support as he recovers.

On admission, Mr. Craig presented haematuria, a burning sensation, a strong and

persistent urge to urinate, as well as pain in the abdomen and back area. He also
showed signs of confusion and therefore needed assistance with showering and
dressing.

Mr. Craig has made good progress overall. As the confusion settled, he became more
independent, and he is now able to walk and use the bathroom by himself. He has also
gained weight following input from the dietitian. 

I would be grateful if you could ensure that Mr. Craig continues taking antibiotics for
the next seven days. In addition, paracetamol has been prescribed if he complains of
abdominal pain. It would be greatly appreciated if you could encourage him to drink
more fluids and to continue to eat well. Finally, I would be grateful if you could be
aware of any neurological signs of confusion.
Should you require any further information regarding Mr. Craig, please do not hesitate
to contact me.

Yours sincerely,

Charge Nurse