H.E.A.R.

Prompt #1:  The hardest part about H.E.A.R. for me is the “hear the other person” part. In
conversation, I seem to get excited and ahead of myself causing me to interrupt people. I also don’t
often explain my understanding, yet I ask for more information and respond easily. I’m curious, making
me have questions often but I have a hard time waiting until the other person is done talking and so I
subconsciously will free pressure to ask questions in the moment. Although I consider myself a good
listener, my lack of eye contact and frequent body movements may also give the impression that I do
not attentively listen.

Prompt #2: When we use H.E.A.R. in conflict, we can avoid provoking further negative reactions,
giving room for effective conflict resolutions. On the other hand, not using H.E.A.R. in conversations can
lead to misinterpretations causing additional confusion and frustration. When we don’t H.E.A.R., we
don’t listen for the actual conflict but instead focus on the animosity being sent our way. We aren’t
worried about needing clarifications and understanding the person’s problem making it seem like we are
uninterested in their dissatisfaction.

Prompt #3: While conducting H.E.A.R. with my partner, I was able to distinguish by thoroughly
listening and paying attention to what he was truly saying verbally and non-verbally. By doing so, I was
able to realize that they were not really upset about their computer not working properly, but were
upset that by not completing a task, they would look bad at work. Their stress was being taken out on
anyone who made their day harder.

Prompt #4:  My partner is the silent type, and so getting to listen without interrupting was easy. You
know that although silent, they actively listen as they are able to explain back easily what you were
saying. The issue comes in when it is their turn to ask questions or swiftly respond to questions. They
take a longer tome to think through what they heard making you believe they have no questions or
answers for you.

Prompt #5:  Three important reasons to listen, according to William Ury, are that it helps us
understand the other side, connect to the other human being, and makes it more likely that the other
person will also listen to us.

Prompt #6: 

Understanding the other side: While in the military, different sections had different jobs but correlated
with each other. The section in front of us was often slower than the rest and instead of getting upset
that they were slowing the rest of us down, we listened to their complaints and tried to see what about
their job was that creating the backlog. Once we were able to see how things worked on their end,
instead of arguing, we were able to jointly create a solution.

Connect to the other human being: When attempting to fix a continuous error on my bank account, I
grew frustrated that the representative seemed negligent of my needs. Instead of berating or blaming
her, I became personal and explained why it was so important that my account get fixed in time to pay
my son’s tuition. She in return told me it was her first week at work and was having a hard time
following the computer program. Once we connected, we were able to help each other get through a
shared stressful situation.
Will be listened: At my last job, I often became frustrated by outdated processes and the lack of
management involvement. Once I brought it up, I was given many excuses for why things needed to stay
how they were. I grew irritated but waited until the end to thoroughly think things through and give a
solution for every excuse I was given. By listening to each other back and forth, management and I were
able to come to an agreement that worked for us all.

Prompt #7:  An insight I found very intriguing was his secret that if we want to listen to the other side,
we must first learn to listen to ourselves. Before any type of confrontation, my mind is usually racing
making me stress out about the situation even further. If I could find a way to tune in and quiet my
mind, like Ury did before speaking to President Cezar Chavez, I feel as if I’d be able to stop getting so
overwhelmed when people have opposite opinions.