Prompt #1: Describe your ability to utilize the H.E.A.R.

Model (or the difficulty you had

using it).

I liked using the H.E.A.R. model although I had to consciously think about doing it. At
first that made it challenging to listen to my partner. Additionally, my tendency was to ask
clarifying questions before explaining my understanding.

To make sure I kept it in the right order, I made sure my first statement was “here’s what I
heard…” Then asked for more information or clarification.

Prompt #2: Describe the difference between using H.E.A.R. and not using H.E.A.R.

When not using H.E.A.R. the initial action was to respond without getting more
information or to assume I knew the rest of the information. Using H.E.A.R. resulted in a
more in depth understanding. Waiting to respond or offer my opinion until all the
information was clear took some patience. I also felt that by explaining what I understood
and asking further questions signaled to my partner that I cared about the issue she was
describing.

Prompt #3: Were you able to identify the EVENT? Were you able to identify the other
person's REACTION? Describe the EVENT and the REACTION.

We did the exercise a few times with made up scenarios and then a real life situation lent
itself to this exercise. Our discussion related to her bread making misadventure. I picked
up yeast for her and dropped it off last week.

“The yeast you bought is bad.” Instead of responding that I checked the date or a different
defensive response, I listened and employed the H.E.A.R. model. She explained that her
dough did not rise, which is the event.

The reaction was disappointment, and sadness. She had excitedly planned to make
steamed buns; a new experiment and it did not work out. After listening to her I learned
more about how she had prepared the yeast and she was willing to listen to my input on
how to do better in the future.

Prompt #4: Describe how successfully or unsuccessfully your partner used

the H.E.A.R. Model.

My partner was again my daughter. She has a Marketing degree and had learned about
similar techniques in a communications class. She was very successful using the
technique. She also shared her thoughts that acknowledging what the person is saying is a
good way to reaffirm that you are listening.

Prompt #5: Identify William Ury's 3 Most Important Reasons to Listen

Ury’s three reasons to listen are:

To help us understand the other persons thoughts, experience, and interest.

Create a connection or a rapport with the other person.

Set the stage so that by listening to them, they are willing to listen to us in return.

Prompt #6: Connect a personal experience to each of those 3 Most Important Reasons to
Listen. Your experience may be a time when either you successfully or unsuccessfully
made use of that reason.

Seek to understand - I have a manager on my team that many find difficult because he is
very straight forward and seemingly impersonal. When discussing a recent interaction
with another department, I asked him why he thought that they were upset. Then I
listened. He shared with me his military past and his personal development to transition
from an authoritarian culture to a civilian sector job. This provides greater insight for me
and shifts the way we approach problems. I have learned to ask him questions on his
reasoning and tactical decisions, and he has learned to share his reasoning rather than give
orders.

Seek Connection – By allowing the other person to speak, and by listening empathetically
we build a closer personal connection. Another one of my managers is very young and is
learning how to supervise. When he encounters contentious or stressful situations, he often
comes to my office. He explains what happened as well as his reaction. I usually don’t say
much, other than provide acknowledgement. Most of the time he talks his own way into
the answers, and then I provide support. This builds his confidence and demonstrates our
mutual trust.

Set the stage for listening – Reciprocity is important in communication. Sincerely

listening signals that you are interested in understanding. This builds a deeper connection
which allows for the other person to reciprocally listen. We had a situation with a business
partner/ tenant that was reported very inaccurately to our CEO. I researched the situation
and knew what had happened. When I called the business partner’s manager, instead of
refuting all the reported events, I asked him what happened. I listened to his side of events
and acknowledged his frustration. He was open to listening to my perspective and
viewpoint and we were able to agree on actions moving forward.

Prompt #7: Identify at least one additional insight from Ury's Video that you find interesting or
pertinent or useful. Be sure to explain why you find it interesting, pertinent, or useful.
What really stood out for me was the information about listening to ourselves first. When
Ury recounted the Venezuelan event, he described the President exploding at him and
recognizing his reaction. By having prepared himself with a quiet moment and tuning into
himself he was able to see through his own emotion and focus on listening. This seems
related to “spitting out the hook” and not getting pulled into confrontation.

This preparation is something I will try to use. When going into a situation that may be
divisive, I build up anxiety or prefer avoidance. Knowing that avoidance is not an option,
I enter the situation with anxiety. By taking a few moments, clearing my mind I’ll be
better prepared to listen to what is behind the words and not what I am going to say in
return.