CAUSE & EFFECT ESSAY:

What are the negative effects of tourism on a place that you know well?

OUTLINE

Introductory Paragraph

Thesis Statement: Nowadays tourism is one of the most flourishing industries in the world.
Inbound tourism is seen to improve the economic development of the country while offering
high potential for the creation of jobs. However, from my perspective, the negative effects it
brought to Vietnam’s capital city- Hanoi outweigh the benefits.

Body Paragraphs

*Effect 1: Environmental problems/pollution

Supporting Idea 1 / Details: water pollution+soil contamination

- Cause: people drop litter carelessly everywhere, especially, some drink's plastics and
plastic packets-> affect citizen’s lives and spoil the country’s beauty .

Supporting Idea 2 / Details: air pollution

- Mostly takes place due to the burning of fossil fuels such as coal, oil, gasoline to produce
energy for electricity or transportation-> greenhouse gas emissions-> be harmful to the
citizen

- It’s calculated by Hanoi CEM Station that the Air Quality Index levels in Hanoi can rise up
to 150 or above which are dangerously high -> All people living in the city, regardless of
their conditions, are susceptible to noticeable health issues(which include stroke, heart
disease, lung cancer, chronic obstructive pulmonary diseases and respiratory infections)
caused by the hazardous air quality.

*Effect 2: Cultural perspective and social effects

Supporting Idea 1 / Details:

- A rise in the cost of living affects local people

- The price of goods, services and housing may increase significantly.

-> Local traditions and cultures may be endangered,local people are forced to work in the
tourist industry.

->Lots of handicraft villages like Cam Ne mat village are on the verge of shutting down
Supporting Idea 2 / Details: Social behaviors

- People forget their tradition and keep on following “outside trend”

- Showing bad action, for instance, sitting on top of turtle’s head at The Temple of Literature
or throwing rubbish in Hoan Kiem Lake, which create bad impression on foreign friends and
Vietnamese themselves

Concluding Paragraph

Summary Statement: In conclusion, it clearly appears to me that the demerits of tourism in

Hanoi are more notable than its positive effects.

Final Thought: Nevertheless, developing tourism is still a very important industry in the
world, as a consequence, governments should keep the balance between the environment,
culture and tourism revenue.

DRAFT 1

Nowadays tourism is one of the most flourishing industries in the world. Inbound
tourism is seen to improve the economic development of the country while offering high
potential for the creation of jobs. However, from my perspective, the negative effects it
brought to Vietnam’s capital city- Hanoi outweigh the benefits and my essay will analyze it
critically.

First and foremost, partly due to tourism, the widespread problem of environmental
pollution has long been a major topic of concern in society. It’s undeniable that we can often
see many unconscious tourists drop litter carelessly everywhere, especially, some drink's
plastics and plastic packets. This causes soil pollution and ruins the environment, this factor
also can affect local residents' lives. Moreover visitors often put rubbish into the tourist
attractions, the stream or sometimes spit into the water and nearby bushes, it causes many
kinds of lives dead which live in the river because of pollution, and it influences the
ecological balance in the rivers. Consequently, the rivers flowing through the inner city of
Hanoi including: To Lich, Kim Nguu, Set, Nhue and Van Phuc canals are turning into "black
rivers''. Meanwhile, because of the burning of fossil fuels such as coal, oil, gasoline to
produce energy for electricity or transportation, the aggressive impact of greenhouse gas
emissions in the upper atmosphere has increased. It’s calculated by Hanoi CEM Station that
the Air Quality Index levels in Hanoi can rise up to 150 or above which are dangerously high.
As a result, all people living in the city, regardless of their conditions, are susceptible to be
affected by noticeable health issues.

Second of all, another negative economic impact of tourism is the cost of

infrastructure. Tourism development can cost the local government and local taxpayers a
great deal of money. Parallel with it, the price of goods, services and housing increase
significantly. Hence local residents whose income does not increase proportionately,
craftsmen who work about local traditions and cultures may be endangered. And so lots of
handicraft villages like Cam Ne mat village are on the verge of shutting down. Furthermore
To satisfy the needs of the tourists often the locals need to change their traditional style of life
.They dress up as tourists, they talk and behave like them, which may result in the loss of
native customs and traditions. Currently, young people always running for “outside trends''
on Facebook, Tik Tok… to create a sense of belonging among peers.To make it worse these
trends change their behaviors then lead to series of wrongdoing, for instance, sitting on top of
turtle’s head at The Temple of Literature or throwing rubbish in Hoan Kiem Lake, which
create bad impression on foreign friends and Vietnamese themselves.

In conclusion, it clearly appears to me that the demerits of tourism in Hanoi are more
notable than its positive effects. Nevertheless, developing tourism is still a very important
industry in the world, as a consequence, governments should keep the balance between the
environment, culture and tourism revenue.

Feedbacks:

1 content ( ideas) : I love your ideas and the way you arrange them in a really plausible order. I
think they are quite convincing because for each idea, you always attach an example right
behind them. But there’s still something about your essay that I think you need to rectify.

2, About your grammar and sentence structure: There are some sentences that I've coloured
and underlined above, those are the sentences that I think you should express them in a
different way and try to paraphrase them.

The clause: this factor also can affect local residents' lives. i think you should use a conjunctive or
a linking word to link it with the rest of the sentence ( the first clause)

, it causes many kinds of lives dead which live in the river because of pollution This part makes me
confused ( it’s not that i don’t understand what you want to deliver but it’s still a little bit
befuddling so i suggest you paraphrasing it)

As a result, all people living in the city, regardless of their conditions, are susceptible to be affected
by noticeable health issues(which include stroke, heart disease, lung cancer, chronic obstructive
pulmonary diseases and respiratory infections) due to the hazardous air quality.

With this sentence i’ve underlined two phrases and i think you can do away with the phrase “ be
affected by” as i think it’s quite redundant ( “be susceptible” per se is already means “ to be easily
affected by” ) and the phrase “ due to” can be changed to “ caused by”
I do think that you have a really interesting and good way of building the structures for your
sentences, those above are just some minor errors that I wish you could amend so that your
writing can be better and smoother.

3, vocabulary: great vocabulary, but there’s a word ( put) that i’ve already highlighted for you,
i think you should convert it into another word which is properer like “throw” or “litter” since i
think “put” seems to deliver a lighter meaning that the two other words i’ve mentioned above.
( that’s just my opinion)

Anyways, great essay, i’ve learnt a lot from you :333

DRAFT 2

Nowadays tourism is one of the most flourishing industries in the world. Inbound tourism is
seen to improve the economic development of the country while offering high potential for
the creation of jobs. However, from my perspective, the negative effects it brought to
Vietnam’s capital city- Hanoi outweigh the benefits and this essay will analyze it critically.

First and foremost, partly due to tourism, the widespread problem of environmental
pollution has long been a major topic of concern in society. It’s undeniable that we are often
able to see many unconscious tourists drop litter carelessly everywhere, especially some
drink's plastics and plastic packets. This causes soil pollution and ruins the environment,
moreover it can affect local residents' lives. Moreover visitors often throw rubbish into the
tourist attractions, the stream or sometimes spit into the water and nearby bushes, which leads
to many deaths of underwater creatures, and influences the ecological balance in the rivers.
Consequently, the rivers flowing through the inner city of Hanoi including: To Lich, Kim
Nguu, Set, Nhue and Van Phuc canals are turning into "black rivers''. Meanwhile, because of
the burning of fossil fuels such as coal, oil, gasoline to supply energy for electricity or
transportation, the aggressive impact of greenhouse gas emissions within the upper
atmosphere has increased. It’s calculated by Hanoi CEM Station that the Air Quality Index
levels in Hanoi can rise up to 150 or above which are dangerously high. As a result, all
people living in the city, regardless of their conditions, are susceptible to noticeable health
issues.

Second of all, another negative economic impact of tourism is the cost of infrastructure.
Tourism development can cost the local government and local taxpayers a great deal of
money. Parallel with it, the price of goods, services and housing increase significantly. Hence
local residents whose income doesn’t increase proportionately, craftsmen who work about
local traditions and cultures may be endangered. And so lots of handicraft villages like Cam
Ne mat village are on the verge of shutting down. Furthermore, to satisfy the needs of the
tourists often the locals need to change their traditional style of life . They dress up as
tourists, they talk and behave like them, which may result in the loss of native customs and
traditions. Currently, teens are always running for “outside trends'' on Facebook, Tik Tok…
to create a sense of belonging among peers. To make it worse these trends change their
behaviors then lead to a series of wrongdoing, for instance, sitting on top of turtle’s head at
The Temple of Literature or throwing rubbish in Hoan Kiem Lake, which create a bad
impression on foreign friends and Vietnamese themselves.

In conclusion, it clearly appears to me that the demerits of tourism in Hanoi are more
notable than its positive effects. Nevertheless, developing tourism is still a very important
industry in the world, as a consequence, governments should keep the balance between the
environment, culture and tourism revenue.