Nkosazana Ndlovu 1

[02/19, 17:24] Chido: Introduction...
Nkosazana is the name, im from a small town in brits, bethanie . Just by that you would know im not
exposed to a lot of things, i dont know a lot and i dont know any other place but this place. I was born
and raised here, grew up here, everything that iv seen has not gone beyond this place. So you can
imagine how anxious i am to get out off here and see the world even though its not actually the world
but just maybe a city few hours away from here. It would do me good. We live in a sotho area but im not
really sotho, im actually zulu but iv got adjusted to sotho so much, you would swear im not zulu.
I matriculated the previous year but i was not sure what i wanted to do, well that was my excuse to
people when they asked me why i was sitting at home and not doing anything. Truth is im not up to date
with the technology and my parents cant afford to pay out those 100 rands for application fees. One of
my teachers wrote me a list were they did not require application fees but it was too late by that time,
applications had closed so that meant, sitting home and annoying my family.
I have 2 siblings, a big brother that im so close to, we share a connnection that i dont share wih my
father or mother. Reason for this, i was raped when i was 12 by daddys friend and well my brother loved
me so much, he took away half of his own life because they took half off me. By killing daddies friend.
He was sentenced to 10 years only did 6 though, good behaviour. I couldnt visit him as much as i wanted
cause it was like 4 hours drive but we talked on the phone all the time, everyday. He was only released
last year. I could confide in him, he was my half actually. I also have a little sister, shes still young 4 years
of age, shes more close to my parents though
Mummy and daddy not academically inclined. As for my brother he couldnt finish school cause he had
to face prison time. All eyes were on me and my sister and matriculating made a huge difference on my
family and my brother he was so proud off me. In terms of financial status we pulling hard. Daddy works
as a taxi driver while mum does piece jobs there and there, whether its washing, ironing or looking after
a baby. She took anything that would give her money to buy bread. My brother tries he works as a
delivery guy. He gets to put money on the table and him having a criminal record did not make things
easier for him
I have 3 friends, my aunt always says i have too many friends i dont think so though. Its reabetswe,
onthatile and onkarabile all girls. Not allowed to have guy friends.
[02/19, 17:24] Chido: Insert : 1...
My best friend rea was studying at the university of Johannesburg, she comes from a well off family not
rich and not poor too. Onthatile as well, she was at tut though and onkarabile at rosebank college. I
heard it was expensive because it was private but the money her father left for her when he died was
the one paying for her fees, pretty much they were all in joburg except for me. I was disappointed to
hear that at first but i learned to live with it
Rea; so i applied for you ohk ? They should respond you january and i need you to make copies of your
parents ids ohk and luu for nsfas
Me; ohk friend, thank you for this
Rea; no need to thank me friend. I want you here as well
Me;...
Rea; so where do you want to go?
me; where did you apply again?
Rea; uj, uwc...
Me; id like uwc
Rea; haaa friend and here i am thinking you would say uj
Me; *laughing* it will be a bonus of course friend but you have friends there already so i dont want to
crunch your style and If i go there now you have to try and be with me and your friends
Rea; no such, i would never do such
Me; *smiling* of course you going to say that but thank you again ohk
Rea; pleasure dont forget the documents
Me; i wont
Rea; will talk later ohk
Me; ohk
I hung up, i walked back home placed the bread on the counter and went to sit outside. I couldnt wait to
get out off there.
Someone; yeyyy
I turned and it was lulama, my big brother
Me; mmm
Luuu; whats wrong
Me; nix
Luu; baby i know you, whats wrong

Me; i dont know what to do with myself, i miss reading and studying luu
Lulama; its just 5 months left nana
Me;...
Luu; smile for me
I hit him on his lap
Luu; please
I put up a smile
Luu; so much better
Me; can you do me a favour
He wrapped his arm around me, pulling me closer to him
Luu; anything nana
Me; i dont know where but when you working maybe, could you please find someone who will google
uwc for me please
Luu; ...
me; varsity
Luu; oh ohk il do it tomorrow ne
Me; thank you
Luu; sure sthandwa lets go
Me; where?
Luu; i want a banana
I just laughed and we walked to were they sold fruits. At 4, i went to pick up noluthanda my lil sister. We
went back together and i had to start cooking, while cooking i started imagining myself at uwc in my
head, if maybe i will have a coloured bf who has money, who will love nobody for me. Those thoughts
kept me going. Past 6 mummy and daddy arrived. I had already fed and bathed noluthando.
Daddy; nkosazana
Me; baba?
Daddy; woza (come here)
I walked to the lounge
Daddy; make me a hot cup off tea, one sugar and warm up the milk
Me; ohk ma do you also went it

Mummy; yebo nkosazana
I went to the kitchen and made them tea. I took it to them
Me; il dish up at 7
Daddy; ohk
I went to sit in the kitchen cause the moment, mum and dad returned it was news all the way from 6 to
half 6 to 7. i played games on my phone. My phone didnt have anything was just a phone to receive and
call thats all. 7 i dished up and luu came, i gave everyone their food, ate, washed the dishes then went to
bed.
Following morning same as yesterday and like any other day for the past months. Luu came with what i
asked from him. We sat down together
Luu; its a really nice school
I was just lost in those pictures, imagining myself there
Luu; they will take you ohk
I looked back at him
Luu; i pray to god everyday you go to school. I know you wont be staying home next year
I smiled
Luu; come here
I went in between his arms and we hugged...
[02/19, 17:24] Chido: Insert : 2...
Luu emailed rea those documents that they needed and i was kind of relieved. December the girls were
back and they looked beautiful. Rea had this hairstyle that was absolutely gorgeous and it suited her
perfectly, including onthatile and onks. They fetched me at my house and we went to buy food and
went to sit at the park
Onthatile; i cant wait for you to get to varsity
I smiled
Onks; you will see everything mtase, i mean you have all the freedom in the world. No parent can see
you, you can sleep out and no one will ask of your whereabouts
I laughed
Rea; its the best trust me

Me; cant wait
Onts; and the guys there
Rea; *laughing* i had a crush every corner, i would find myself a crush, the next day i dont see him and
see a better looking guy than him
We all laughed
Onks; i know that feeling plus joburg kids, you know them
Rea; yeses and if you not from there, they will see through you, that ahhh this one. Shes not from
maboneng
Me; is it dangerous as they say though?
onks; fuck yes
Me; *shouting* onks!!! Heehhh look at the works of joburg, you saying fuck now
We all laughed
Onks; the people i hang around with that side, they always swearing thats why
Me; so you were saying
Onks; well i dont want to lie shame, its very dangerous but not everywhere, certain places, you need to
be careful at all times
Me; yho
Rea; but its not so bad trust me
Me; ohk
Onthatile; have you decided where you going
Me; i want uwc, but il take anything that comes
Onks; but you sure you will be able to do law
Me; law is about books and you know im crazy about books
They laughed
Me; what?
rea; babe you know im all about you and your dreams but
Me; but...
Rea; you going to a another world, varsity is like another world. You in the same room as people who
went to private schools that they paid thousands for a month. You going to a place where there is a
party every weekend. A place where you will meet different people who are about this specific lifestyle.
You going to a place where a teacher wont give you marks cause she knows you always attend, a place
where work is hell. Im not saying you cant control but im saying you will procrastinate a lot, you will miss
one or two classes your marks wont be as good as high school and the will be a time, you will forget why
you there because you trying to enjoy what you never knew. We girls from small towns as this are at a
disadvantage cause we dont know the good life
Onks; and we still begging and have lust for it
Rea; then we get distracted by easy shit. So you may love your books now but all that may change when
you get there
Me; i hope not
Onthatile; its all about how you conduct yourself sweety, cause if you dont have self control. Trust me
the world outside this town will swallow you
Rea; and look out for the friends you will make, if you decide to go to uwc. Others will be out to get you
others not really so dont trust no one
Me; yho, you are scaring me now
Rea; trust me babe i know, at the beginning of the year i was friends with some girls, it was all about
drinking and guys
Me; rea!
Rea; so you need to watch yourself there, cause you on you own
Me; il take all these advices guys
Onks; please do
Onthatile; but yerrr i missed home
Rea; and my mums food
We all laughed
We bonded for a few more hours until i had to leave, to go and cook. Rea came around 9 and we just
sat outside
Me; i miss you everyday ey
Rea; i miss you too friend
Me; so tell me
Rea; what?
Me; bf
She laughed so loud
Me; you making noise

Rea; its because of you
Me; your laugh screamed yes, so start talking
Rea; nkosazana
Me; so?
She laughed, while nodding. I screamed, my mother opened the door
Mum; people are sleeping
Us; sorry ma
She closed the door
Me; *whispering* tell me
Rea; ohk, his name is katlego, his from joburg his hot
Me; do you have his picture
She took out her phone and scrolled through it
Rea; here
I took it and my eyes almost fell out, it was the two off them , his arms around her
Me; *in disbelief* rea
Rea; *laughing* what?
Me; is he even human?
Rea; come to joburg wena, you will see non human people
I laughed
Me; i think i might just want to go to joburg
Rea; and
Me; and???
Rea;...
Me; no way!
Rea; *laughing* what?
me; you broke your virginity
She nodded her head. I stood up and stood opposite her, she was just laughing and holding her mouth
Rea; sorry i didnt tell you *laughing* i wanted to tell you face to face
Me; so how was it?

Rea; painful b...
I got distracted by my thoughts and i could just see her lips moving but i couldnt hear what she was
saying. She looked so happy, blushing and just happy
Me; seems like he makes you happy
Rea; he does friend, i think i found the one
Me; lilili
Then we both laughed
[02/19, 17:25] Chido: insert : 3...
Well my holidays are pretty much just like any other day during the year. I was not allowed to go to any
events even after matric. Luu just wanted to protect me at all times, whenever i go out to have some fun
you got to know he will be there. Christmas this year was at my aunts place which was not that far, we
just walked and of course only noluthando got new clothes. I never get anything new and a top would
have been nice not that i was jealous of my little sister but she had it easy. I woke up and mum was
already busy in the kitchen
I hugged and kissed her cheek
Me; merry christmas ma
Her; merry christmas nkosazana
She returned the hug
Me; let me bath then il come help you with the food
Her; theres no time, go and wash your face, teeth and hands and come help me
Me; ohk
I knocked in luu room
Luu; come in
I walked in and jumped on the bed
Me; *smiling* merry christmas abhuti
Luu; *smiling* merry christmas love love
I got up from his bed and went to my side of the wardrobe, i didnt have my own room so my clothes
were kept in luu room, i took a tight and anc top and walked out. I went outside washed my face and
teeth then went back to help my mum with the lunch preparations. The time was 2 when we were done,
everyone had already looked proper. They said i was too slow, i would catch up with them i didnt mind. I
took my time bathing then wore a blue dress with white sandals and tied my hair into two ponytails with
my big afro. I locked the house then walked to my aunts place.
Guy; luu sister
Me; hi
Guy; o montle man ( you beautiful)
Me; thank you
Guy; le rato laka for jy ( my love for you )
Me; *laughing* bye
I got there and it was already full. I didnt like being with my entire family cause they talked too much
and some nje, they treat me like i dont even know how. I went to look for my mum so she will know i
have arrived
Me; ma im here
Her; ohk nkosazana
I walked out, grabbed a crate and went to sit on the front. I played snake on my phone. You will have to
excuse my head, i imagine a lot and make up things in my head. I hoped there was some way i dont
know how but a way that i could just take my brother and we leave, we go and leave a happy life. Just
me and him and we get out off this place and we travel and we dont be short of anything why would we
be short of anything anyway. We have each other and thats the only people we need in our lives.
My aunt son; nkosazana they calling you
Me; musa how old are you now
Musa; 12 why
Me; ai nje
I got up and followed behind him
Me; who is calling me?
Musa; your dad
I walked up to my dad
Daddy; nkosazana , go buy us cold drink
Musa was like 12, they could have sent him and there were other boys playing around
Me; ohk the money
He took it out from his wallet and gave it to me , i was glad in a way cause it gave me an excuse to go
Musa; can i go with you

Me; where are you going with me?
Musa; eshop
Me; no
He turned and ran, i walked out
Musa; *shouting* they said i should go with you
Me; no musa
Musa; your dad said i can go with you
I looked at him. He took out his tongue and walked in front off me. We walked out
Musa; are you working?
Me; working where?
Musa; you finished school last year mos
Me; no im going back to school next year
Musa; yho im going to train to be a police
Me; you want to be a police?
He nodded his head
Me; *smiling* thats nice
Musa; then il have my own gun
As he was talking i looked up and noticed there were some boys sitting there a crowd, a group like that
intimidated me, we walked closer and they stopped talking
Me; when will they dish up musa?
Musa; haaaa do you see me standing in front of the pots
I hit his head
Musa; ahhhhhhh nkosazana
Guy 2; nkosatana
I turned and looked at him and turned back. We bought the coke, one of them wanted to accompany us
but we just ignored them then we walked back. I sat where i was seating and called luu
Luu; love love
Me; where are you?
Luu; ka joe
Me; eish ohk
Luu; you bored
Me; yeah
Luu; come
Me; haaa
Luu; come, even here you will be bored but im sure its better
Me; ohk im coming
Luu; ohk come inside
Me; ohk
I hung up and walked out, i didnt even tell my mum cause she wouldnt allow me. I walked to where luu
said he was. There was noise coming in from inside, i walked in and was met up by two girls in the
kitchen
Me; hi
Girl 1 ; hey sweety *smiling*
Me; *smiling* is lulama here
Girl 2; ohhh lama sister ne
Lol 'lama' how the hell did he agree to be called that
Me; yes
Girl1 ; go in
I walked to the lounge and the were beers on the table. 'Lama' lol looked at me and smiled, i walked to
him and greeted everyone there. They responded back. I sat next to luu
Luu; want juice
Me; no im ohk
Luu; mathapelo please bring her a glass of juice
I just laughed
Well they were all just arguing about everything, it went from soccer to politics how i dont know. After
hours of being there, they brought us food, cooked christmas meal i was shocked and it was soooo
good. I licked my plate clean and the guys were getting drunk meaning , more noise. I was talking with
mathapelo, girl 1 when i felt someone hand on my face i turned and luu was standing up, trying to show
this guy my face, i dont think he even realised his hands were all over my face cause he was looking at
the guys direction.
Luu; you see this one, i would kill anyone who touches even her hair, boy. I would die for this kid
Me; *laughing* luu remove your hands from my face
He didnt even hear me
Guy 1; thats good boy, its your sister vele
Luu; fuck that, shes my child not my sister. My child
Guy 2; ahhhh wena
Luu; me * pointing at his chest * who ever i will fuck with needs to know that her * pointing at my head*
is my first priority. Im working for her, everything i do is for her
Guy 3; then noluthando
Luu; dont get me wrong boy, i love both these two kids and i would do anything for them, sure thando
will get something from me too but i want this one to get more you know why
Them; why?
Luu; cause i have to have her back and no one has her back but me, no one has her best interest at heart
but me, no one thinks about her feelings but me. Which is why im saying she is my child not my sister
MY CHILD
He said that out loud. Although they were all drunk and they would probably not remember what they
talked about. The things luu said hit home. We ended up dancing with the girls i was having so much
fun. I did say whenever i had fun, luu was there lol😂😂
I woke up and realised i must have passed out last night, probably on the sofa and luu took me too bed. I
was still in my clothes from yesterday. I got up and went out and they were already up
Me; morning
Them; morning lala
Luu; *laughing* lets go
Me; so why you laughing
Luu; you ugly when you wake up
Lesedi; maka (lies )
I laughed, luu got up and we walked to my aunts place. They didnt say much cause i was with luu and
they never shouted me in front off him. They told us where we would find our food from yesterday. We
warmed it up and ate it as breakfast...
[02/19, 17:25] Chido: NKOSAZANA NDLOVU II
insert : 4...
Well the rest of the holidays were pretty much the same, new years eve after 12 went straight to bed.
January i got acceptance letters from all the places rea applied for me. I was in it for uwc, i took uwc
offer, my dad was happy for like 2 seconds and was like i couldnt go cause they wouldnt be able to
afford it. The excitement was back when i told them about nsfas. The whole january i was excited i didnt
mind cleaning, schools were opening the third week of feb. Luckily because i had nsfas, registration fee i
didnt have to pay for it. Everyone contributed in buying me, suitcases and all was done by the second
week of feb i was already packed. I had to leave before the 20 if not they would give my room to
someone else.
The day before i left, me, luu and noluthando went to the park just the three of us.
Luu; you excited
Me; yeah but im scared to
Luu; why
Me; that i might not fit in
Luu; that should be the last thing in your mind, cause you not leaving home to fit in but to study
nkosazana
Me;...
Luu; dont forget that, write that somewhere if you have to get yourself a book and write what you there
for, to study so when you think of doing something out off line, you read that book and you go back in
your line
Me;...
Luu; nana iv heard a lot of things about varsity, how it can change a person, how girls get easily tempted
and drugged
Me;...
Luu; i wont be there to protect you, so i need you to reassure me that i must trust you and i should not
be having sleepless nights thinking you out drinking
Me; i promise you, i wont disappoint you and i will remember what im there for
He smiled
Luu; my lawyer, advocate ndlovu
We both laughed
Me; i wont let you down
Luu; good, cause i hope this was worth it

Me; what?
He reached for his pocket and took out a phone, my eyes were all out
Luu; they will fall out
Me; is that for me
Luu; its not brand new but you will be someone in front of those cheese girls
Me; thank you so much
I jumped to him
Thando; ouch. Nkozana
Me; *laughing* sorry baby
Luu; dont lose it
Me; i wont, i swear
Luuu; its getting dark, lets go
Me; cant wait to show mum and dad
Luu; nana they cant know about this, you know how they will get
Me; ohk i wont show them
I hugged him again
Me; thank you again
Luu; pleasure, lets go
He said that picking up thando. We walked home... I had to sleep early. Following day, we left around 4
am i had food, bags were packed and i would arrive day after next at 12. i said my goodbye, i cried of
course. I was a cry baby. I had to take a bus that would take me to joburg, then from joburg to cape
town. When we got to joburg it was so busy but i managed to get on my bus, and it was still a long way i
was just playing with my phone until it was low. Then slept most of the drive. Only woke up when we
had to use the bathroom.
The bus i was using, was doing drop off things. It dropped me off and i had to pull my bags all the way
up. I went to the residential offices, they required a few things from me. I showed them, then they took
me to my res. Signed few things then was taken into my room while they told me the residential rules.
They knocked and opened with the master key. It was empty, but the was someone already there. They
had a fridge and a whole lot of things and i only had my suitcases. I was tired from the whole trip. So i
called home letting them know i arrived safe, put my bedding, went to shower, never have i ever used a
shower before, went back and my roommate was still not back. I wore my pyjamas. The time was 2 and i
got inside my blankets and slept...
Insert : 5...
Woke up the following morning and looked to the other side, she was busy on her phone. She turned to
my side
Her; heyyyyy *big smile*
Me; hey
Her; we never got introduced to each other yesterday
Me; yes im sorry i was tired from the trip. I just wanted to sleep
Her; dont worry about it. I felt exactly the same when i got here anyway im lindiwe
Me; nkosazana you zulu
Her; no babes xhosa
Me; *smiling* ohk
Her; so where you from
Me; brits
Her; brits, where is that?
Me; part of northwest
Her; small town?
Me; you could say that you
Her; queenstown
Me; eastern cape?
Her; yeah have you been there before
Me; nope
Her; ohk, you dont have a fridge?
I shook my head
Her; ohk, you can use mine so long. You saw the kitchen right, we not allowed to have stoves in our
rooms just fridge
Me; ohk
Her; food?
Me; im going to buy it today
Her; want me to go with you ?
Me; id like that
Her; ohk
She got up and she had a beautiful body, she was in shorts. I also got up and went on the mirror i went
back to my bed and she was staring at me like staring
Me; what?
Her; uhm yho
Me; what?
Her; nothing
Me; you sure
She nodded her head, took her wash cloth and walked out, i took out my things to bath with in my bag
and went to shower. Got back, changed to a pair of jeans, top and shoe and we left. We took taxis and
bought what i needed, a week earlier before i left they opened a bank account for me. I bought what i
would need and we went back. Lindiwe had to leave so i packed everything of my mine, bowls, cups,
glasses and plates and chatted with rea, i told her about my roommate and we just talked on whatsapp
after an hour or so, the door opened and lindiwe came in with 3 guys
Guy1 ; ehhh you have a roommate now
Lindiwe; yeah she came yesterday
They all looked at me, as if i was a meal
Guy 2; how are you love?
Me; im good you?
Guy2 ; im good snethemba
Me; nkosazana
Guy 3; nkosazana hmmm
I looked at him
Lindiwe; you making her uncomfortable stop... Sorry babes
Me; ohk
They took what they came for then left. I went to the kitchen and just cooked
I talked to luu all the time. Monday orientation began, it was for a whole week and it was so draining to
be honest. I made friends terri, nqobile, xola and luvuyo. We were all in our first year, doing law and
living in the same res. Friday was the last day of orientation, after we went to buy food we went back to
res. Weekend none much happened, lindiwe had her own friends and so did i. But when we were
together we talked no offish vibes. Monday school started...
None interesting happened because lecturers were introducing themselves and informing us what was
required from us and the books we needed to buy. Went back to res and 10 minutes of going in , the
was a knock i got up to open and it was nqobile. I threw myself on the bed
Nqobile; yeses but you person
Me; yintoni bile ( what bile?)
Bile ; your body! I would kill for it, i would pay millions for it
Me; stop looking at my ass
I felt her hands on my ass as if trying to figure out the structure of my body. I laughed
Me; *laughing* stop
sHe jumped on the other side of the bed and looked at me
Bile ; why you sleeping?
Me; cause im tired brah
Bile ; well im not
Me; so that has nothing to do with me
Bile ; babes come on now
Me; i want to take a one hour nap
Bile ; you are lazy yerrr
Me; mxm get out off my room i want to sleep
Bile; i dont know how you became my friend you know
Me; *laughing* you still love me
Bile; whatever
She left...
Insert : 6
School was ohk, it was not that hectic that's what my lecturers said. THey said we still have it easy
because we first years and i could not be glad to hear that. There was this module we did, and lord, it
was the devils module, it has only been a month but every law student would tell you how much they
hated it. Never thought id hate anything that has to do with work but trust me this one i hated. I
attended my morning class when that was over i walked to my tutorial venue. I had this habit, it was just
in me it always has been within me and it seemed as though people took it serious here. I had a habit of
looking someone coming into my direction, i mean looking them straight into the eyes and when they
passed i would turn and still look at them. I know bad habit but it didnt seem as a problem back home
but ever since i got here, when i turned the other person would also turn and they would assume, im
now interested in them. I arrived in my tutorial and it was a writing tut, cause i had gone over my weeks
work i was done in less than 10 minutes. I took my things and left. I texted bile
Me; where are you?
Bile; library, you
Me; student centre
Bile; come
Me; give me a few minutes
Bile; ohk
I walked to the library and got in. I walked to the level she said she was at. I saw her and walked up to
her
Me; yeyyyy
Bile; mtaka dad
Me; *laughing* what you reading ?
Bile; legal systems , geez iv never like history and i thought i was leaving it behind but look at this
Me; just came back from the tut
Bile; how was it
Me; just ohk
Bile; do you have the questions
Me;...
Bile; nkosazana please
Me; its just multiple questions nana
Bile; ohk give me the answers ke
Me; e, c, d, a and a
Bile; thank you
Me; just hope they dont change the order
Bile; i hope so
She closed her books and we talked
Bile; boys from here dont ask girls out yerr
I laughed
Bile; like i want a boyfriend nkosazana, i want cuddles i want sex
Me; *laughing* you making noise and we in a public space
Bile; its not like they dont know sex
Me; maybe your future boyfriend is looking at you and wena you talking about sex
Bile; good then he will know, i need him
Me; you crazy lets go
Bile; im hungry
Me; i dont have money, im going to eat back at res
Bile; ohk lets go
We walked out and talked the whole walk to res. When we got there we went our separate ways. I
made something to eat and took a nap, woke up after an hour or so and cooked since i had no food for
later. When i was done cooking, i called luu
Luu; love love
Me; hi luu
Luu; how you doing baby
Me; i miss you yho, i miss home
Luu; i know nana, i miss you too
Me; so how you doing
Luu; im ohk baby, work is hectic
Me; and thando
Luu; eyyy that one, naughty but she is also good , how are you?
me; im ohk too, im hanging in there
Luu; school?
Me; well im hanging in there, it gets tough at time but so far so good
Luu; thats what i want to hear has nsfas paid out
Me; no
Luu; so what you using for books
Me; i go borrow books at the library and iv photocopied a few books
Luu; how much does the textbook cost
Me; for legal system its 470, law of persons 480 and ILS 780
Luu; fuck !!!
Me; dont stress about it, il wait for nsfas to pay out
Luu; but you need those books nana
Me; ...
Luu; i have 1300, il send it to you ohk
Me; luu please dont, when nsfas finally pays out what then
Luu; you will buy what you will need
Me; the only one that is important is for 480, so i will only buy that one. The rest i dont need that much
Luu; i dont like what you doing
Me; doing what
Luu; not wanting me to buy you books
Me; cause you need the money and i will get the money for books. I dont want you going hungry
because of textbooks
Luu; textbooks that will help you and that will make me eat sushi in a few years
Me; *laughing* but luu
Luu; im telling you, save your airtime will talk tomorrow ohk
Me; ohk
Luu; i hope you pray before you go to bed and when you wake up
Me; yes i do
Luu; i love you ne, love love
Me; i love you too
I hung up. Then i called my parents

Mummy; nkosazana
Me; mama
Mummy; you dont call anymore
Me; im sorry ma, its just school is keeping me busy
Mummy; how is it?
Me; im trying my best ma
Mummy; you cant try you need to study
Me;...
Mummy; heres your dad
Me; ohk
Daddy; nkosazana
Me; baba
Daddy; how is it that side
Me; its ohk baba, its just hot
Daddy; even here its hot man, i hope you not showing your legs
Me; no baba i dont
Daddy; good ... School?
Me; im doing my best
Daddy; good, you must show us your result
Me; il sent them to lulama then he will show you
Daddy; ohk
Me; baba june im coming back
Daddy; we must save money for you
Me;...
Daddy; eyyyyy nkosazana, your decision to go far is a problem when it gets too this
Me; no baba, il use the nsfas money cause they said i can cash it up
Daddy; oohhh ohk ke, do that
Me; ohk baba i have to go now
Daddy; ohk nkosazana , you must study

Me; i will baba say goodbye ku ma, and send my greeting to thando
Daddy; ohk
Then i hung up
The next morning prepared for class, Wednesday i had my first period with bile. We were doing the
same course but most of the time we were not together
Me; how was the tut
Bile; not so bad shame
Me; ohk
Bile; so...
Me; so???
Bile ; so someone wants your numbers
I quickly lifted up my head to look at her
Me; who?
Bile ; chuma, his a 3rd year
I sat up straight
Me; what?
bile ; *smiling* yebo
Me; you lying, where did you even meet him and why would he go to you and not me
I left her behind and she rushed behind me
Bile ; i know him from high school, when i was going to grade 10, he was doing his first year
Me; are you kidding
He shook his head
Bile; and his still yummy.. Lord
Me; but third year
Bile; dont bore me tu
Me; *laughing* fine sorry, but where did he see me
Bile; i dont know but he saw us together and now he wants your numbers
We looked at each other

Me; you dont think its early being in varsity for one day and already being with a third year
She looked at me and we looked at each other for like 10 seconds then we bursted out in laughter
Us; hell noo
Insert: 7...
I talked with luu all the time, including my parents but the call duration with them was not as close as to
luu. I was so excited to meet chuma and i was hoping he would have approached me by now. A lot of
guys were trying their luck on me, on campus, i didnt want to get on anyones bad side so i stayed away. I
didnt know what people were obsessed about with my body. I had really tiny breast. There was no need
for a bra for me, which is why i hardly wore it except when i got here of course, but i had no breast
though. Then a tiny waist that is complimented by my butt. I had a nice shaped, round, big but lol. I
wasnt that crazy about my body, i would keep the waist but i would change the butt for boobs. I love
boobs and too my unfortunate luck i dont have them.
After my classes went to the library and studied till it was closing time. I walked to res. By the time i got
there lindiwe was not there, i just made something to eat and talked to rea;. The was a knock i got up
and went to check and it was bile all smiles
Me; where have you been , didnt see you the whole day
Bile; eish i know ey
Me; whats with you
Bile; dont you want to go to the barn
Me; what?
Bile; chuma will be there, actually his at the reception
Me; *smiling* are you for real
Bile; yes, he wants you to go with him
Me; i have never even drank before
Bile ; lets just go, change so will go
I took a pair of jeans, top, tekkie and jacket and we walked out. I could hear guys talking from the
reception. We walked out and f... Geez
Guy 1; *laughing* sundiqela brah ( done mess with me brah)
Guy 2; uthanda kuba personal iyhu ( you like being personal)
Bile ; hey guys
They turned and all the guys were hot, i would take anyone there
Bile; so this is my friend nkosazana
Guy2 ; snovuyo
Guy3; bantu
Guy 1; *smiling* chuma
Wooo i was hoping he would be chuma
Me; nice meeting you all
Bantu; lets go
We walked out, the barn was inside campus couldnt believe it when i first heard about this set up but
what can i say. We were walking in a group. When we were walking towards the barn, chuma pulled me
to him. We were now walking behind them
Chuma; you good?
Me; im ohk you?
Chuma; im good, you should be good not ohk
I laughed
Me; il try
Chuma; so where you from ?
Me; north west
Chuma; so you sotho? North west majority is sotho right
Me; *laughing* yeah and tswana but im zulu
Chuma; ahhh sixhosa that went gay
I laughed
Me; dont make me fight for my tribe now
He laughed
Chuma; you really beautiful
Me; thank you

They required our student cards, gave it to them and walked in. It was packed, hot and just full, chuma
held me by the hand and we walked to were they were selling alcohol. The music was loud, iv never
been to a place like this. I was not even sure whether it was my cup of tea
Chuma; *shouting* what do you want to drink
Me; anything
Chuma; *laughing* theres no drink called anything
Me; you know what i mean
Chuma; ohk *shouting* give me heinekein and 1 brutal 8
They gave it to him and we walked to a table that was packed, both girls and boys
Guy on the table; brazzz
Chuma; yes boyza ugrand ( you good?)
Him; yeah
The girls were just looking at me. I felt so intimidated and wondered were nqobile was. One guy moved
so i can sit and i sat down opposite to this girl, chuma gave me what he had bought for me and gave me
a straw. I was not sure if i was going to finish this, he opened it for me and i took sips, they all started
talking
Someguy; yeyy so the first years bash is next month
Chuma; *laughing* unxilile (you drunk)
Someguy; im telling you brah and they got some artist coming
Chuma; its first years bash boyza dont confuse that
Someguy; i want some fresh meat
I just rolled my eyes and looked around. After a while my bottle was already finished i didnt even realise
that plus it was really nice. Chuma got so close to my face
Chuma; you ohk?
I nodded my head
Chuma; want another one
Me; no , im good
Chuma; *laughing* you hungry
Me; i said i was good *smiling*
Chuma; ohk tell me if you want to go ne
Me; ohk
He kissed my cheek wooo i think i was in love
Chuma; im going to use the bathroom
He walked away
Girl 1; so girlings
I looked at her
Her; first year
I nodded my head
Her; and you already busy nabo chuma, its only been a week. Well its clear you wont last here
Me; what?
she laughed
Girl 2; todays first years are just all over the place, bazokunyisa abantu baka chuma (chuma girls will
make you shit yourself)
I just got up and went to the crowd hoping to spot nqobile, i felt someone hold my hand i turned and it
was nqobile, she looked so drunk
Nqobile; come lets dance
She began dancing
Me; i want to go
Nqobile; why? Wheres chuma?
Me; the girls he left me with are so mean
Nqobile; xhosa girls are mean babes
Me; lets go nqobile, you also drunk
Some song came on and she just screamed. Guys came behind her holding her ass and shit. I grabbed
her by the hand and we walked out
Nqobile; yeses you boring , i was having fun
Me; mxm
The cars that were parked outside. Fuck, we walked back to res, got in and i went to drop her off at her
room, the time was 1 am i opened and her roommate was sleeping. I changed her then put her to bed
and walked out. Got to my room and the room lights were still on. I opened and lindiwe was sitting on
her desk studying
Lindiwe; hehhh *screaming*
I just laughed
Lindiwe; where do you come from?
Me; we were just eh barn
Lindiwe; tell me what happened , why didnt you tell me? We would have left together
Me; its nqobile
She came and sat on my bed
Lindiwe; start talking
I told her what had happened
Lindiwe; the girls were probably jealous ey
Me; or not
Lindiwe; so he does not know you left
I nodded my head
Lindiwe; hehh look at you, first year but third years already want a piece of you
Me; it was my first and last time. Never going back there again
Lindiwe; you should hear him out first
Me; ohk im tired will talk when we wake up
Lindiwe; ohk
I changed then got inside my blankets
Insert: 8...
Saturday morning, me and lindiwe cleaned our room. I called luu
Luu; mtanam ( my child)
Me; babami ( my daddy)
He laughed
Luu; you ohk?
Me; yes just miss you
Luu; miss you too sthandwa, how are they treating you that side
Me; good
Luu; and your roommate
Me; we get along really well, shes really nice
Luu; im glad, im saving up money for you to buy a fridge ohk
Me; thank you
Luu; pleasure sthandwa. Has nsfas paid out yet?
Me; not yet but im hoping this week cause i need to buy stationary
Luu; ohk ke
We talked some some, he asked me about a whole lot of things nje. Later that day after eating went to
wash the dishes
Someone; can i bring my dishes as well
I turned and it was chuma. I turned back. He walked closer to me
Chuma; so you mad at me?
Me;...
Chuma; what did i even do? We were good last night next thing you no longer there
Me; you should ask your friends
Chuma; abo qaqamba dont mean shit to me, they not even my friends. We just sit together emxilweni
thats all
I looked at him
Chuma; i would have came this morning, but i was still drunk. I wanted to refresh and come to you
Me; how did you know i was here
Chuma; nqobile, she told me your room number and your roommate said you were washing dishes
Me; ohk
Chuma; lets take a walk
Me; where to?
Chuma; around campus
Me; ohk
I took my dishes i was already done. Went to my room, took a jacket and we walked out.
Me; you never told me where you were from
Chuma; you never asked

Me; well i am now
Chuma; *smiling* ohk im from komani, eastern cape
Me; must be nice
He laughed
Chuma; its ohk babe and what are you studying
Me; law
Chuma; ey law student
I twirled
Me; yeah
He laughed
Chuma; *laughing* you forward i see
I slightly punched him on his arm
Me; what are you studying
Chuma; computer science
Me; and how old are you
Chuma; 22
Me; ohk
Chuma; you?
Me; turning 20 this year
Chuma; must be nice
I laughed, we went to sit at the cricket oval i was sitting on top off him, his arms on my butt, and we
talked in that position and he just went for the kill. I kissed him back and wrapped my arms around his
neck. The kiss got so heated, the grip on my butt got tighter and he was pulling me closer to his dick. I
could feel it getting hard. He pulled back and looked down on his pants.
I laughed
Chuma; so you going to laugh at your work?
Me; sorry
He gave me a peck on the lips and got up. He was really hard. I bit my lower lip, i didnt do that
intentionally or because i had plans it just happened
Chumal dont do that?

Me; do what?
Chuma; biting your lip
I hid my lips with my hand, he bended down and kissed me again. It must have been a river down there.
This time i broke it and stood up, we talked some more while walking me back to res. He dropped me off
then left. I went straight to nqobile room her roommate opened. I walked in and she was watching a
movie on her laptop, she turned and just laughed
Me; uyili nxila ( you are a drunkard)
Nqobile; ay suka
I sat on her bed
Me; hey noma
Noma; hey you
Me; what time did you wake up
Bile; around 1 past 1
Me; wooo sisi, so you wont guess where do i come from
Bile; chuma
I laughed. She sat up straight
Bile; tell me all about it
Me; we kissed
She got out off the bed and screamed
Bile; what? How was it? Is he a good kisser? Are you dating? What?
Noma; yho wena relax let her breath first
I laughed
Me; thank you noma
Bile; ohk talk ke
Me; it was so great
I considered that kiss to be my first kiss
Me; it was great, his lips were so cold
Bile; why
Me; we were sitting outside duhh
Bile; ohhh
Me; yeah his lips bile, he even got a hard on
Noma; *laughing* whaaat?
Me; guys it was so awkward especially for me
Bile; im sure it was also a river for you
Me; you have no idea i think i like him
Noma; too soon, too soon, too soon
I looked at her
Noma; its too soon, dont like him so soon or you will get hurt
Me; he seems legit noma
Noma; ohk im just saying anyway
Me; i know girlza
Insert 9...
Me and chuma i couldnt even describe what we had, because i didnt know what we were. One girl told
me xhosa guys dont ask girls out, once they get your numbers, you are just supposedly dating. So that
made me confused on a whole other level cause we hung out a lot together. One Saturday was busy
doing an assignment, the time was around 5. my phone rang and it was chuma
Me; hey
Chuma; muhleza
I laughed
Chuma; what you doing
Me; doing an assignment
Chuma; how far are you
Me; just referencing
Chuma; ohk come through please
Me; chuma...
Chuma; please we just going to chill and watch a movie
Me; really
Chuma; yeah and il order us takeaways
Me; ohk come pick me up ke
Chuma; ohk il let you know when im there
Me; ohk
I hung up and quickly changed, went to wash my face. Put on mascara, that what lindiwe introduced me
to, she loved make up and she experimented with me. I put on lipgloss as i was putting my shoes on. My
phone rang and it was him, i answered it and told him im coming. I took my phone and keys and left.
Walked out and he was standing on the pavement.
Me; hey
He turned and smiled making me to smile
Chuma; hey muhleza
Me; that name kodwa
Chuma; suits you well
We hugged, his hugs were everything. He broke it and we walked to his res
Chuma; you were alone
Me; yeah i dont know where my roommate is
Chuma; you missed me
Me; *laughing* you called me, meaning
Chuma; *laughing* ima be honest i missed you, i chose not to study because of you
Me; *laughing* dont make me turn back
Chuma; im not going to allow you to turn back, but its true im writing Wednesday
Me; what?
Chuma; stats
Me; huuuu i know nothing about that
Chuma; *laughing* and i know nothing about the constitution
I laughed
Me; have you started though
Chuma; yeah i did something which is better than nothing
We walked to his res then to his room. He opened and we got in. I sat on his bed
Chuma; debonairs or mc d
Me; what you want
Chuma; debonairs
Me; debonairs it is
Chuma; *smiling* what do you want
Me; food
He laughed
Chuma; grab my laptop and pick a movie, im going to the bathroom
Me; ohk
I took his laptop that was on his deck and it was already on movie files. Thank god for that. I scrolled
down until i found the perfect match. He came in
Chuma; found it
Me; its a romantic drama
He held his forehead
Chuma; why am i not surprised
Me; *laughing* you asked me to choose
Chuma; guess i did
He held my cheek and kissed me. I kissed him back until he broke it
Chuma; should we start it now or wait for the food
Me; lets wait
Chuma; ohk
He jumped on the bed laying next to me and we just looked at each other, he was really attractive i
mean really really really attractive. I have to give it to xhosa guys, they good looking.
Chuma; what you thinking
Me; a lot of things
Chuma; am i one of them ?
Me; yeah
He smiled
Me; you excited , you will be doing your final year next year
Chuma; yho babe if i can get through this year first then il tell you whether im excited or not
Me; if you got this far then im sure you will get to final year
Chuma; it wasnt easy trust me. Iv thought about dropping out more than iv thought off food
I laughed
Chuma; *laughing* babe im serious, this place takes the soul out off you, the love for what you studying
out off you
Me; i guess we have to go through the tough right before we can live the good life
Chuma; yeah but its fucked up
Me; guess so
Chuma; you know xhosa?
me; no
Chuma; geez brah , i cant be speaking english all the time
I laughed so loud hitting him
Me; i didnt say i dont understand it i just said i cant speak it
Chuma; i have to teach you
Me; yeah
Chuma; and il teach you, if i speak with you in xhosa
Me; *laughing* try me
He looked at me
Me; *laughing* yintoni? (what?)
Chuma; *laughing* im sure thats the only word you know
Me; uthetha e nyani
He laughed even louder and planted a kiss while getting up cause his phone was ringing
Chuma; im coming
Me; ohk
He walked out after few minutes, he walked in with the pizza. We started the movie while eating and
they were both good, the movie and the pizza we didnt finish the movie cause we were already kissing
and talking again. I told him i was not comfortable sleeping with him as yet and he didnt react in a bad
way he was cool with it and we talked some more. I took my phone from his desk and saw i had missed
calls from luu, i checked the time and it was past 12 i couldnt call him back
Me; i have to go
Chuma; sleepover
Me; what?
Chuma; sleepover, i promise you we wont have sex
Me;...
Chuma; please you want me to beg, cause i will beg
Me; chuma though
Chuma; please
He convinced me and i finally gave in. He gave me his top and i removed my jeans , got inside the
blanket. He was only in his boxers and we talked about anything and everything until we both fell
asleep...
INSERT 10...
We were on our holidays but it was just a one week holiday. Chuma wanted to accompnay me to buy
groceries and i wouldnt say no. I got ready and went to his res. The security there even knew me they
didnt require me to sign myself in cause they knew who i was going to. I knocked at his room and he
opened, he was wrapped around his towel. I looked at me
Chuma; dont look at me like that, i know im late
I got in
Me; and you said you wouldnt be late
Chuma; i know babe, mistakes happen though
I sat on his bed, took out my phone and chatted
Chuma; you look beautiful
I looked up and smiled
Me; *smiling* thank you
He got ready, when he was done. We walked out and headed there. Got to pick n pay and we took the
big trolley since he was also doing his grocery shopping
Me; i miss home
Chuma; oh look at that mummy and daddies girl
I turned to look at him and just laughed

Me; dont act like you dont miss home
Chuma; yho babe, i fucken miss home, i miss my mums food, i miss my friends , i miss my bed
Me; mama boy
Chuma; oh my mum can vouch for that
Me; you really a mama boy
Chuma; definitely, id cry to my mum
Me; ncooo thats so sweet
Chuma; *laughing* whatever
Me; how much is it so far?
Chuma; 500
Me; ohk you need this?
Chuma; uhm, im not sure
Me; chuma
Chuma; im not sure if i have it
Me; which is why i said write down everything that you dont have
Chuma; i thought i would remember but lets take it
Me; ohk
We carried on grocery shopping, when we were done we went to eat and called a cab, we went back to
res. I helped him back his stuff first then we went to my room while he was there, the was a knock
Me; please open
Chuma; have you ever seen a visitor opening doors
Me; chuma tu
He laughed and got up
Chuma; oh hey
I turned and it was bile
Bile; hey... Baypes
Me; hey you
Chuma; let me leave you girls, babe will talk ohk
Me; ohk bye

He walked out
Bile; well this is going strong
Me; Yeah
Bile; whatever it is, just enjoy it
Me; yeah give me two minute i have to call my brother
Bile; ohk
I took my phone and called luuu
Luu; so you dont answer your phone now
Me; im sorry. I had a headache and slept early last night and i woke up to do my grocery today, i just got
back
Luu;...
Me; luu
Luu; i hope you not lying to me
Me; i have no reason to
Luu; these days you don’t take my calls nkosazana
Luu never , ever , ever uses the word nkosazana. It was always love love, baby, sthandwa never
nkosazana
Me; im really not lying luu
Luu; ohk baby, did you buy everything
Me; yeah
Luu; do you still have money
Me; yeah theres change, im ohk
Luu; ohk im at work , il call you when i knock off ne
Me; ohk
Luu; take care of yourself
Me; you too
Then i hung up
Bile; what did you lie about?
me; he couldnt get ahold of me yesterday

Bile; hao why?
Me; i was busy no chuma and its the second time now, even the time i slept over at chuma place you
remember
Bile; yeah
Me; yeah so i dont need him getting suspicious or something like that
Bile; shame eish
Me; anyway, you good
Bile; im good friend just happy i dont have to wake up but i miss home
Me; seems like everyone misses home ne
Bile; ay mina shame i miss home, im not even about to lie about that i dont even know what i was
thinking coming this side yerrr
Me; *laughing* you wanted to be a lawyer thats why
Bile; all of this better be worth it yho
Me; it will be
Bile; i want to have fun yho
Me; where you want to go?
Bile; i dont know, lets go out with the girls
Me; if they up for it
Bile; where is lindiwe?
Me; im not sure ey. When i left she was sleeping when i got back she was not here
Bile; call her
I called her and she was up for it. Around 18;00 we were all dressed and we went out...
INSERT 11...
Few more weeks passed, I got my nsfas, bought my textbooks and bought a second hand laptop. Cause
my work required a laptop, the change i cashed it out and bought clothes. One Saturday i called rea
Rea; my friend
Me; hey friend

Rea; you good
Me; im ohk wena?
Rea; im good i miss you
Me; miss you so much more friend i have a lot to tell you
Rea; out with it
I told her about chuma and she was so excited
Rea; so are you in a relationship
Me; thats the thing friend i dont know, but we always together and stuff
Rea; im so happy for you friend
Me; and wheres katlego?
Rea; his around, his annoying me yerr
Me; what is he doing *laughing*
Rea; his annoying friend. His making me insecure and stuff
Me; why you dont trust him?
Rea; his actions are making me not to trust him
Me; tell me all about it
Rea; so right, i was sleeping over his place right and his phone rings. He ignores it but i pay no attention
to it. So when he sleeps i take it and go through it, the shit i found there, his flirting making other girls
booty calls. When i confronted him it went sour, we even broke up
Me; what
Rea; yeah but we got back together, ever since. I always want to go through his phone and stuff
Me; im sorry babe, talk to him about it
Rea; i dont even know were will i start
Me; from where it all began, the trust you had and how it ended to were you are now
Rea; thank you friend
Me; pleasure baby
Rea; so this chuma guy
Me; i still have to talk to him though
Rea; ohk friend. Love you ohk

Me; love you more
Then i hung up. I called chuma
Chuma; baby
He sounded drunk
Me; where are you?
Chuma; you miss me?
Me; yes chuma
Chuma; ohk il be on campus at 2 am
Me; its 1
Chuma; yes baby il come fetch you ne
Me; ohk
I hung up. I watched videos on youtube and stuff i fell asleep, was woken up by my phone. I picked it up
and the time was 3
Chuma; baby im outside
Me; chuma its 3
Chuma; i really miss you
I wore my gown and walked out. He was standing outside with a green bottle. He smiled when he saw
me. I walked up to him and he pulled me into a hug. We walked to his res
Me; you had a good time
Chuma; but i missed you
Me; hmmm
Chuma; what? I mean that
Me; ohk chuma
Chuma; you mad at me
Me; no
We got to his res reception and walked in. He was in a singel room. We walked in and he threw himself
on the bed.
Me; chuma whats going on?
Chuma; with?
Me; me and you

Chuma; *smiling* i love you
My eyes almost fell out
Me; what
Chuma; come here
I walked up to him
Chuma; i love you
Me; i love you too
After that he pulled me into a kiss, i returned it and he pulled me to the bed, he kissed my neck and i let
out a slight moan. he parted my legs apart, he slid his hands down my v and i held his hand. He looked at
me
Chuma; relax
I just pulled him into a kiss again. I opened my legs wider for him, he pushed my legs out, followed by
my underwear. I couldnt believe i was naked. He massaged my clit and rhe feeling i felt geez, i bit my
lower lip and he didnt stop and unexpectedly he inserted his finger. I bit my lower lip harder. I slightly
opened my eyes and he was looking at me, i wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer to
him. The pace of his fingers increased and my moans filled his room. I was feeling so many things that
moment, his pace didnt stop and it was getting so painful that i couldnt handle it anymore, i held his
hand for him to stop but he didnt and i was glad but i wanted him to stop again. I let out the loudest
moan must have looked so crazy, my body got up from the sheets while holding on to his hand that was
still inside of me. I could feel myself breathing again. I slightly opened my eyes and he had a satisfied
look. We kissed again and he removed his fingers. He stripped himself naked and we slept.
Insert 12...
Next morning , he walked with me to the bathrooms. I went to pee then brushed my teeth with my
finger. I went back to the room and he was busy on his phone. He turned to the door
Me; hey
Chuma; *smiling8 hey babe
I walked up to him and stood opposite him, he held my butt and pulled me closer to him
Me; well you were drunk yesterday
Chuma; the guys
Me; hmmm
Chuma; i..
Before he could continue, i kissed him, he laid on his back and i was on top off him and well we had sex
and it was so painful, i mean so painful there was a time i was so close to crying but i held back. He
walked me back to res, i just went to shower and slept.
Woke up Monday morning and headed to school, i was so down like i didnt feel like talking or doing
anything i just wanted to be in my room and sleep. I went to the library and sat there not reading just
sat there, i fell asleep and woke up past 9 pm. The level i was at was so empty. I took my bags and
walked back to res. Got there and bile and lindiwe, terri and xola were there, i just breathed out loud
bile; and she comes home
Me; hey
Xola; yho whats with you?
Me; im just tired
Lindiwe; what happened with you and chuma, you left Sunday morning and came back like this
Me; nothing happened
Bile; babe you seem so drained and stuff talk to us, did he force himself to you
Me; *shouting* no
Terri; you had sex with him
I looked at her
Bile; holy shit, you slept with him
Me;....
Lindiwe; hehhh * clapping her hands* what happened to you, not ever sleeping with him
Me; it just happened
Bile; so you regret it
Me; i dont know
I sat down. They didnt understand what was going through my mind, chuma was the first guy i was with
ever since i was 12 and sexually abused, i had never felt a touch of a man, a kiss, a mans man-hood
inside of me before... Everything started coming back... I couldnt breath
Me; i need air
I got up
Bile; *shouting* nkosazana
I walked out and walked around the residents

Bile; babe please talk to me
Me; *shouting* i cant ohk, i just cant
Bile; you crying come here
I went in between her arms and just cried. I was over this whole thing, have been i dont know why i was
feeling like this and i couldnt tell anyone about this. No one knew what happened to me except my
family and the family of that mans. Even rea didnt know i was raped and iv known her for years so i was
not about to tell bile a person i met few months back. I finally calmed down
Bile; ready to talk
Me; im just scared
Bile; of what?
Me; what if thats all he wanted from me , sex
Bile; ...
Me; bile
Bile; lets cross that bridge when we get there and like you said, he seems legit
Me; thank you
Bile; come here
We hugged and went back and i felt so much better i think crying made it all better in a way. I told him
the details and i had no message or text from this guy, i was kind of hurt wont even lie.
Rest of the week nothing from chuma
Me; im so stupid
Bile;...
Me; like he could have waited at least a week before he ditched him
Bile; im sorry babes, why dont you text him
Me; fuck no are you crazy then it will be like
Bile; like you love him
Me; yes
Bile; but you do love him
Me; not that much, i dont want to force things
Bile; just text him hey

Me; no bile i wont
Bile; ohk want to go to barn
Me; yeah i need to get rid of this in my head
Bile; ohk
We told the girls we were leaving and they were up for it. We changed and headed to barn. It was so
full, fridays are always full, we got there and bought what we were going to drink and wnet to dance, we
danced all together and this guy came to dance with me and i was so tipsy, my ass was all up on this
guys dick. I was twerking and shit. I was drunk and having the time of my life, i was forgetting about
chuma to be honest. Bile pulled me to her
Me; *laughing* what?
bile; i just saw chuma
Me; what? Where?
Bile; by the bar, his with a girl
Me; i want to see
Bile; you sure
I nodded my head. We checked him out and he was all over this guy, i was fucked up hurt but i was not
letting him win. I went back to dance leaving bile there. Around 2 am the barn was closing, we all walked
out and i was walking with some guy
Karabo; we going to my place
Me; *laughing* uhmmm
I was drunk, i didnt know what i was doing. This guys hand was on my ass and i was not seeing bile, i
wanted her to rescue me but i didnt see her. I was walking with this guy
Someone; sundiqela wena
I turned and it was chuma
Me; lets go karabo
I held him by his hand and we carried on walking, he held the guy by his top and i just screamed his
name
Me; *shouting* chuma stop
They started fighting, i think i got sober immediately, chuma friends showed up pulling him away, he got
out off his friends grab and held my arm pulling me
Me; *shouting* let go
He didnt let go. I tried fighting him but it was no use, we got to his room
Me; i want to go
Chuma; dont fuck with me wena? You want to be a bitch now, sleep with every guy here
Insert 13...
Me *shouting* make up your mind chuma! You ignored me the whole week, whole week no call or text
just after i sleep with you and today you busy with girls eh barn and you get mad when im with someone
fuck you
Chuma; fuck me ?
Me; yes bhuti , fuck you.. Entlek what do you want from me? You got what you wnated right? Sex from a
first year ? You told me all sorts of shit to get me into bed with you. Well then it worked go and tell your
boys you hit it now since you got what you wanted leave me alone
Chuma; clearly that's what you want
Me; what i want?
chuma; yeah
Me; i want a relationship from you, i want something real with you cause i like you
I was not about to say love
Me; i like you but since
Chuma; relationships are not my things, I just can't stay committed
Me; thank you for making that clear now leave me alone nxa
I opened the door and walked out. I walked back to res and lindiwe was standing outside with some guy,
i just winked at her and walked in. I texted rea what happened, i was so hurt but i was not about to let it
be known.
Ever since that night , i had not spoken to chuma. Bile was hurt just as me and i wished i had listened to
noma. School was busy cause we were preparing for exams. I wrote my final exams and i was confident
i left before the reval list was out. Luu was so suppose to pick me up, i walked out off the bus station
with my bags, i was looking everywhere for him , until i felt someone tickle me, i turned and
immediately screamed, i jumped on him and he returned the hug tighter
Me; i missed you so much
Luu; *laughing* oh my fucken word look at you

Me; luu * i got teary*
He pulled me in a hug and the emotions just ran high, i loved my brother guys and seeing him was
enough for me, i mean enough for me. We walked to the taxis and got in the taxi
Luu; you look so beautiful and different
Me; new environment did me good ne
Luu; too good nana
I smiled
Me; i missed you so much
Luu; i missed you so much more, so hows school your friends
Me; i have 5 friends, bile, lindiwe my roommate, xola, luvuyo and terri
Luu; are they nice
Me; way too nice, they made me feel comfortable and didnt make me feel like farm julia
He laughed and a few other people in the taxi. I even forgot we were talking like this in a taxi
Luu; boyfriend?
Me; *laughing* luu
Luu; i know those small boys tried their luck
Me; of course they did but i had no time for them, too busy
Luu; too busy ehhh
Me; *laughing* yeah
Luu; good
Me; its good to be back home
Luu; its good to have you back home
We got home and everyone welcomed me but i was too tired from the whole trip , so i just went to bed.
Following morning, noluthando was sitting next to me asking me a lot of questions nje.
Daddy; i hope you treating yourself like a lady
Me; yes baba
Mummy; no boys no alcohol
Me; never ma
Them; good!
Mummy; so are you loving what you studying
Me; too much ma but theres a lot of work so always occupied
Mummy; good that way you will only focus on your books
I laughed
Daddy; your roommate
Me; lindiwe, shes really nice baba
Daddy; thats better
We ate our breakfast and they kept throwing questions at me. Rea only had a week left before going
back to school, my school opened late and closed late thats why. I went to shower then walked to rea
place. I knocked and her mum opened. She screamed so loud. I laughed and hugged her, she welcomed
me in and rea showed up and she screamed as well more like we both screamed. Rea mum asked me
normal varsity questions, how is it, are you focussing, forget about boys just that. Me and rea left to got
to onts and onks place. Then we walked to the park.
Rea; i want to hear about this chuma shit
Me; yho please dont make me talk about it
Onks; start talking
Me; ohk so im friends with this girl bile right. One day she comes to me and shes like someone wants
your numbers so im shocked and she tells me about this guy chuma, third year im all excited like a third
year student is interested in me
Onks; i get you.
Me; so ohk let me tell you this, theres this place at school inside school premises that sells alcohol. Its
called the barn its like a pub im not sure exactly
Rea; what?
me; *laughing* im telling you, so whenever you need something cold you just go there
Onts; i think i might just transfer
We all laughed
Me; so bile is like chuma and his friends want us to go to the barn, so i agree. I meet him and im like
fuck, his hot i was not expecting that. We talk and we get to this place and we sit with his friends, bile
leaves me and chuma buys me a drink
Onks; what?
Me; brutal 8 its so nice with just one I was already tipsy
Rea; yeah iv also drank it, it was really nice
Me; an...
Onts; dont get lost in the moment, continue
Me; *laughing* so as we sitting, his like im going to the bathroom. He leaves and im sitting with these
girls and they start coming at me, telling me how forward i am being a first year and being with a guy
like chuma
Rea; we all know they were jealous
Onks; either because of two things
Onts; your body or because chuma wants you and not them
Me; i think its both
We all laughed
Me; so i get pissed , stand up and walk up to the dancefloor looking for bile
Onts; is that her real name bile
Me; no onts, its nqobile but i cut it short to bile just like i call you onts
Onts; ohhh
Me; yes, so i find her and shes fucked up drunk
Rea; *laughing* your tone has changed you and fucks
We all laughed again
Me; so i take bile home and go to res
Rea; you didnt see him
Me; no
Onks; so he didnt know you left
Me; yes
Them; ohk
Me; i get to my room and sleep. Next day, late i go to wash the dishes and he shows up
Onts; hao , how did he know your room or that you were in the kitche ...
Me; bile told him my room, when he got to my room, my roommate told him i was washing dishes
Them; ohh ohk
Me; so he starts talking apologising and stuff and he wants to take a walk, so i agree we talk and end up
kissing
Them; wooooo
Me; after that we became so close, i mean close constantly chatting , seeing each other, him visiting my
room, me going to his, all the couple things until one night i call him and his drunk
Them; eish
Me; he tells me he misses me and wants to see me but i cant say no, im already into deep with this guy. I
got to his room and *i paused*
Rea; and
Me; well he fingered me
They eyes almost fell out
Onks; what?
me; it was so freaking good yhooooo i can feel myself getting wet just thinking about it
Onts; and then ?
Me; next morning as im about to leave, im craving for that feeling i got i start kissing him and we end up
having sex
Rea; fuck no
Me; fuck yes but that was my biggest mistake
Onks; what happened?
Me; after never called or texted so we decided to go at the barn with my friends i meet this guy and
chuma shows up, starts beating the shit out off the poor guy and drags me to his room. I tell him all
kinds of shit and tell him what i want from him and he says he cant commit
Them; fuck no
Me; fuck yes after that never talked to him again
Onts; holy shit, no way
Me; i was so hurt like i slept with the guy
Them; ahh sorry babe
They all got up and hugged me. I just laughed about iti cause i was so over it i mean so over it. They told
me their business too and rea and katlego broke up, she was so hurt she even cried when she revealed
that to us and we just cheered each other up.
Insert 14...
Next day got ready for campus. I had no money with me so i went to the student centre, when i turned i
bumped into chuma
Me; sorry
I picked up my things
Chuma; no im sorry, here
I took my purse from his hand and walked away, he followed behind me
Chuma; so how you doing
Me;....
Chuma; you wont talk to me ?
Me;...
Chuma; i miss you
I was no annoyed and i was not about to fall for him again but i wanted the sex, i was craving the sex
Chuma; can you at least say something
Me; bye
I left him there, i walked to my next class. I took out my phone and i got a message from him
Chuma; can i please see you i really miss you
Me; for what
Chuma; talk
Me; about what?
Chuma; everything, il come pick you up at 10 tonight please
Me; no
Chuma; nkosazana please
Me; no
Chuma; im going to come either way then you will chase me away when i get there
Me; mxm
I put my phone back on my pocket and focussed on what i was doing. My classes ended at 1 iw ent to
res and took a nap, i woke up 4 hours later, i studied until 9. the was a knock and lindiwe went to open.
The door opened wide and lindiwe stepped aside, i just rolled my eyes, he came in
Chuma; hey
Me; what you want
Chuma; i told you i would come
Me; well i dont want to see you please leave
Chuma; lets go and talk outside
Me; no
Lindiwe; babes il see you tomorrow ohk
Me; *laughing* ohk enjoy
Lindiwe; will do 'then she left
Chuma; why do you have to make things sour between us
Me; sour, you made them sour. I dont even know why you here just go
Chuma; ...
I got up, he also got up now his taller than me, he held my neck and pulled me into a kiss say im stupid
and whatever but i have feelings and i fell for it. I kissed him back he moved his arms to my butt and
picked me up, i locked my ankles around his waist and he placed me on my desk. He took off my top and
squeezed my breast, he moved his kisses to my neck and i just wanted him inside off me. He laid me on
the bed and took of his top, he connected my laptop with the speaker and played music and took a
condom that was on top off the cupboard and well things happen
Next morning we woke up together and we talked, he told me straight up he couldnt be committed and
stuff and dont judge me, we agreed on making each other happy and a person to talk to whenever i
needed to talk or get down like that and i was attracted to him, so i just agreed. Crazy i know no need to
tell me but sometimes you have to be selfish to keep yourself happy and i was just trying to keep myself
happy/ He left after eating and i went to throw away the condom. Cleaned my room and i was not about
to tell anyone about the shit that was going on between me and chuma so I just kept it to myself
Months passed whenever we had just come back from a party and i wanted sex i went to chuma room
and he got down like that, same goes for him and i was happy in a way with that arrangement. I
removed the thought of him being with other girls cause i would just hurt myself. The fucks were soo
good and we both just loved them ...
INSERT 15...
After few weeks things were good on my side, one Friday bile came to my room in a rush, lindiwe had
opened for her
Bile; so get ready girls
Lindowe; for?
Bile; we going out, my baby is taking us out
Me; all of us
Bile; yes girl, il pick you up at 7 look nice and smell fresh
Me and lindiwe looked at each other, she walked out...
We went to shower, went back to our room changed and made sure we smell nice. The girls came to our
room at 7 and we were seated there
Xola; so your bf
Bile; his coming, he is 5 minutes away
Me; where are we even going?
Terri; i dont care as long as i have fun and get drunk
We all laughed
Bile; lets go
We got up and walked out and there was this car it was really nice, bmw hmmm. The guy got out off the
car and my eyes were so close from falling out like WTF was this...
Bile; let me introduce you to my friends
Guy;/ no i mean man/ no i mean gentleman/ no scratch that i mean our father; ohk baby
Bile; this is lindiwe, xola, luvuyo, terri and nkosazana
Our father; nkhosazana
Me; *fake smile* hi
He looked at me as if trying to read me. I turned away
Our father; lets go my angels
I was so close to turning back i didnt even know why i didnt go back. We sat at the back squished up. We
got to this place more like a club and we walked in and we walked up to a table surrounded by more of
our father like god help me get out off this mess, im too far from home to be caught up in this.
Our father 2; girls, girls , girls
Lindiwe; hey *smiling*

Our father 3; come sit down
We sat down and one came to sit next to me. He held my thigh but i removed his hand
Him; you not comfortable with that
Me; yes
Him; ohk, im john
Me; nkosazana
I looked away
Him; you beautiful princess
I looked at him... Like this man was old enough to be my father why was he doing this
Me; thank you
Him; what would you like to drink
Me; uhm anything
Him; ohk
I looked at the girls and they looked fucked up comfortable , it actually seemed as if i was the only one
who minded this whole thing, terri was sitting on one of our fathers lap, xola on top off him, the other
one had his hand on lindiwe thigh and bile they were kissing. I realised that this was a set up. It cant be a
coincident that we were 5 and they were also 5, i dont think so.
He gave me my drink and i held on to it. He kept on looking at me and placed his hand on my thigh
again. I removed it again.
Him; why you doing this to me?
me; doing what?
Him; playing hard to get
Me; playing hard to get
Him; yes , you dont want me to touch you. Look at your friends they having fun what about you
Me; well im not my friends
Him; well you should consider being like your friends then you will live the good life
Me;...
Him; do you know what i would do for a girl like you, you look like royalty and therefore deserves to be
treated like royalty
Me;...
Him; expensive clothes, booze i can get all off that for you
Me;...
He reached for his back pocket and took out his wallet. I couldnt believe the money i was seeing. I took a
sip of that drink
Him; i like you nkosazana like really like you
Me; how can you like me? You just met me
Him; im a guy that knows what he wants i dont have to think twice and i need a woman like you in my
life
Me;...
Him; this can be yours if you ju...
He said that holding my thigh again
Him; if you just allow me to spoil you and give you what you deserve
I looked at his hand and it was going up and down my thigh, up and down. I looked at him and there was
this smile on his face, i looked around and was shocked
I took a gulp of that drink and got up, i wanted to go and dance
I went to the dancefloor and started dancing after few minutes, i started feeling weird, hot i mean really
hot the place became so stuffy and my eyes were slowly shutting down, i tried keeping them open but it
was hard. I walked back to where we were and they were still there having fun. This guy pulled me
Him; come dance with me
He pulled me to him and it seemed like every second i was losing control of my body, he was holding my
ass and shit, i looked at bile and his bf was looking at me as if he wanted to eat me or something it was
weird or as if he was fantasising about me. I got away from john grip and walked away from where they
were seated. I started to lose control of my steps, i made it to the bathroom and when i looked at myself
on the mirror. My eyes were pinching red i mean red, i turned and bumped into this girl
Her; hey you ohk
My hands were all over the place
Me; i need to leave here
It was so hard having to make out that sentence
She helped me trying to make me stand on my own two feet with this other girl
Her; where do you stay
Me; uwc....
She opened my eyes
Her; i think she was drugged
Girl 2; babe we have to help her or they might rape her
Her; will have to take her back to her campus
Girl 2; lets go
I started seeing blurry, i could hear but i was out off it, i couldnt stand on my own two feet, i couldnt do
anything. Suddenly i just felt this breeze i tried opening my eyes and realised we were outside, we got in
the car and pretty much dont know what happened after.
Woke up the next morning in my bed, i felt numb still, lindiwe was not there. I took my phone and there
were like 4 missed calls from numbers i didnt know. I dialled them
Girl; helo
Me; uhm hi
Girl; hey you woke up
Me; uhm sorry b...
She cut me
Her; i took you home last night with my gf, we met at the girls bathroom and it seemed like you had
been drugged, you were out off it i doubt you remember anything. So i asked you were you stay and
luckily you could still remember you told me your school, res and room number. After we put you to
bed i called myself using your phone in order to call you and hear if you woke up ohk
Me; oh my god
Her; you ohk
Me; thank you so much, oh my god thank you i dont even know what to say
Her; its ohk sweety, you remember who you were with
Me; yeah i think they drugged my drink cause thats the only thing i drank
Her; i dont know if you going to report it but be careful ohk. You wont be so lucky the next time
Me; thank you so much can i please do something for you please
Her; dont worry about it, we just glad that you safe
Me; please thank your girlfriend, im nkosazana by the way
Her; lumka
Me; nice meeting you and sorry for being a burden

Her; *laughing* its ohk babe, take care of yourself ohk
Me; i will thank you...
Insert 16...
I went to shower, went back to my room and sat on my bed. I couldnt do anything i just sat there
thinking of the worst thing that could have happened, what luu could have said if he found out, My
parents. what if they killed me, what if i got raped, while lost in my thoughts the door opened, i turned
around
Lindiwe; oh thank god
She walked up to me and hugged me, i couldnt even return the hug. She must have called the girls cause
after few minutes they call came in
Bile; where did you go?
Me;...
Terri; babe you scared us
Bile; and john was looking for you
Me; john? You going to tell me about john, i was drugged could have been raped
Them;...
Me; did you know about this?
Xola; no , what?
Bile; what?
Me; it seems like i was the only one that was drugged
Lindiwe; maybe you were drunk
I looked at her
Bile; why would my bf drug me, he was with his friends meaning they my friends as well
Me; but they not my friends and im telling you that i was drugged
Terri; i just think you were too drunk
Me; and those guys, they old enough to be our fathers

Them;...
Me; whatever that you do, i dont care what you do, keep me out off it
Bile; you blowing this out off proportion
Me; are you listening to yourself, i dont want to be associated with what you were doing last night
especially with those men
Lindiwe; well cool
Me;...
I got up, took my phone and walked out leaving them there. I took a walk around campus went back
around 5, lindiwe was cooking. I made myself a cup of tea
Lindiwe; i just need you to know that if he did drug you, we wouldnt have let anything happen to you,
we were together after all
Me; you met them yesterday but you seemed really comfortable with them
Lindiwe; nkosazana sometimes you have to sacrifice your happiness to get what you want and need.
And i dont mind putting up a smile, and allowing some old men put his hand on my thigh to get what i
need
Me; so you telling me, you willing to flush down your dignity and self respect for everything that you
have
Lindiwe; i know you dont want to hear this but yes. This is life , you have to do things on your own. Have
to get things on your own...
Me; well thats not me
Lindiwe; thats what the old lindiwe would have said too but im giving you a few months before you can
see that a girl has to do what a girl has to do
Me; i have no plans of sacrificing my body for a new hairstyle, which is why im here to study and get
where i want to be. I dont want to be in my 30s and be ashamed of my past. Be ashamed for impressing
people that dont know me. Which is why they say patience is virtue, be patient and you will get
everything that you need without having to open your legs
Lindiwe; ...
Me; im just saying, its clear we different and im not about to change who i am and how they taught me
at home for varsity, a 4 year thing for something thats going to haunt me for a lifetime no!
Lindiwe; do you bubu
Me; sharp
After eating i went to bed.

Few weeks passed, me and the girls were not talking to each other just because i dont want to be part of
this craziness they do, but i was not about to do that at all. I was not about to beg a friendship
especially. I told rea everything that happeend and she did the same on her side
Rea; oh my fucken god babe
Me; just imagine like, i think im done with em
Rea; i think thats for the best ey cause now i think jealousy will come
Me; and who knows what they capable of doing
Rea; babe like , i wish you could just transfer now
Me; *laughing* im a big girl i can handle my business dont worry about it
Rea; please be careful
Me; i will, how have you been
Rea; im ohk friend, just school is school like im so ready to drop out
Me; what? No
Rea; like iv been having the worst week
Me; whats wrong talk to me
Rea; i failed my test nkosazana like iv been down the whole week and its not like i didnt study cause, i
did i dont even know how i failed like i cant be failing
Mel first or second
Rea; first
Me; im sorry but you know what you need to do right
Rea; kill the second one
Me; exactly , dont pressure yourself too much and it has passed, you cant change that move on from
that and look up to what you can actually change which is the second paper right
Rea; yeah i guess you right
Me; what you mean you guess, im always right mosadi
Rea; *laughing* helang mosadi, brika
I laughed
Rea; *laughing* i miss you friend
Me; i miss you too my friend, like legit miss you
Rea; mxm just two more months until we be together again mfazi
Me; you know how it is
Re; *laughing* stay safe ohk
Me; you too , love you too much
Rea; love you too babe
After talking to rea, i continued doing my assignment. My parents called me i talked with them for a
while until i told them i had to carry on doing my assignment. Past 1 , lindiwe was still not back i just
slept cause i was too tired
Next morning was woken up by someone calling my name, i turned and it was nqobile, i looked at her
Her; can we talk please
I looked besides her and it was all off them
Insert 17...
Me;....
Bile ; babe this is crazy we were friends and now we like strangers
Me;...
Terri; this really is crazy, and we wrong for expecting you to do things the way we do things
Lindiwe; im sorry and i kind of miss my roommate, its depressing not talking to someone you live with
Bile; im sorry friend and i would never do such again but i need you right now , i need my friend back i
miss you
Me;...
Xola; nkosazana come on, we sorry
Me; do you mean it
Bile; fuck yes
Me: was it planned
Lindz: no, ohk we may do certain things but we still look out for each other
Me:...
Them: we really are sorry and we not going to get you involved in this , if we go out it's just us
Me: ohk
Terri; so does this mean we forgiven
Me; i guess
Lindiwe; ai suka
They all jumped on my bed, hugging me i returned the hug and we all just laughed. We started talking,
they told me they wouldnt get me involve in their business and i was ohk with it but they still hung out
with them. They told me what has been happening the past week , the money they got and all the good
stuff.
Monday morning i prepared for class, bile came to pick me up
Bile; i woke up late today yho
Me; hao why?
Bile; i didnt hear my alarm can you just imagine, i didnt even get a chance to eat
Me; why didnt you grab an apple
Bile; no im just going to class after this im free , il go back take a shower and eat
Me; *laughing* you didnt shower
Bile; *laughing* babe i woke up 08; 20 I just went to wash my face and brush my teeth
Me; you will learn
Bile; mxm
We headed to class, when it ended. Bile went back to res and i went to my other class, lunch i went to
buy chips and coke, sat at the student centre and ate. The girls called me and i told them where i was
they joined me after a few minutes and we hung out there...
After a months or so, we were one month before our exams. One weekend , the girls suggested we go
out to have some fun for the last time before our exams and well we all agreed to it, that we would go
watch a movie then go eat dinner. We got all dressed up, called a cab and we left, after 3 hours or more
being there bile phone rang
Bile; girls wait
We waited her
Bile; babe... Uhm... Im out with the girls... Tigervalley ... Ohk... Let me know
Then she hung up

Me; lets go
Bile; sam is coming
I turned to her
Lindiwe; alone
Bile; no
I could feel my heart beating out off my chest
Me; well thats my cue to leave
Terri; babe come on
Me; no it will be awkward and im not looking for awkward vibes
Bile; we not leaving with them, when they get here will have dinner with them and il tell him we want to
have a girls night il tell him to go
Me; no
Lindiwe; come on babe, it wont be the same plus we all together dont drink anything or take anything
they give you anyway you will be buying your own friend
Me;...
Bile; please dont leave , please
Me;...
Bile; just an hour
Me; an hour bile
Bile; hour nkosazana
Me; fine
They all hugged me i just laughed, we waited for them and they arrived geez and this john guy was
there. We all walked to spur and they found us a table, we sat down and everyone sat besides their
person and this john guy was next to me
Him; so what will you drink?
Me; no im good
I looked at the girls and they seemed to be so relax, we looked all so young and we sitting in a table with
5 guys that look old enough to be our fathers. I did not like being in the public eye and this was bringing
attention to us. They ordered their drinks and food and we did the same
Him; so you havent thought about what we talked about
Me; what?
Him; phone, weaves i know you varsity girls
Me;...
Him; be my girl and i will get you anything that you desire
Me; anything?
Him; *smiling* anything sweety, il even give you my bank card, want to go to long street you call me il
send money for you, il even call a cab for you and your friends
Me; whats the catch
Him; no catch, i just love spending money and spending money on a girl likes you gives me pleasure
Me;...
Him; look at your phone and your friends phone dont make yourself look like a farm girl or are you
Me; no
Him; then you are a queen and a queen deserves a luxury life
Me;...
Him; just think about it then call me
He took my phone from the table and put his numbers. Well they got drunk and i wanted to go back to
res but they didnt want to. No matter how i tried to get them home. This time i knew i was done with
them, i took my things called cab and went back to res
Following morning they were still not back, i went to their room but nothing called them but their
phones were on voicemail. After 3 hours or so the was a knock on my room i went to open
Bile; babe
I just moved away from her
Bile; yho whats wrong with you?
Me; *shouting* whats wrong with me? What do you call the shit you did yesterday?
Lindiwe; yho can you just relax
Me; are you joking we talked about this and we were good but no
Lindiwe; you starting to get on my last nerve. You such a bore this is for the second time we have to
explain your holier than thou behaviour to john
Me; where the fuck does that have to do with me
Bile; you could have everything, the clothes, phone, hair but no. You miss perfect right dont sleep for
materialistic stuff
Me; yes im not perfect but i still have that lil respect for my body
Bile; *laughing* respect for your body... You fucking chuma
Me;...
Bile; and your hopes of thinking you and chuma will ever be together is stupid, cause he fucks me too.
He fucks anything that wears a panty. Dont be feeling special thinking chuma likes you *laughing* you
pathetic man nxa
She took her jacket and walked out. I just froze at the door
Monday morning, got ready for class and walked out, i saw nqobile at the reception, she just looked at
me and looked the other way. I was not about to beg a friendship because of my p so i was like fuck
her... Guess its true what the majority say you never really have a friend at varsity
Insert 18...
Few weeks passed, i stayed away from all off them. I would just go to school, come back study and
sleep. I blocked chuma and i focussed on my school work. I called rea and told her about the whole set
up
Rea; tell me you joking
Me; i wish, im done with them
Rea; you better never talk to them ever again
Me; rea as in ever i dont need friends anyway
Rea; im so sorry they did you wrong like that
Me; its ohk yazi, im glad i saw it sooner
Rea; im glad you saw it sooner too friend but il always be here with you
Me; *laughing* i dont know where i was going , coming here i should be there with you
Rea; dont make this situation take over your life. Just move on from it and still enjpy your time at varsity
Me; il try, im going to join gym
Rea; yasss girl
I laughed
Me; keeping myself busy might work i guess

Rea; yeah if you need to talk dont hesitate to call me ohk
Me; dont worry i wont
Rea; good will talk tomorrow ne
Me; ohk
I hung up then called luu
Luu; my baby
Me; hey luu
Luu; how are you
Me'; im ohk you?
luu; whats wrong
Me; nothing
Luu; you sound so down , so i know somethign is wrong
Me; just school nothing to worry about
Luu; you sure
Me; yes im ohk
Luu; so i met someone
Greatest news iv heard all year
Me; *screaming* who is it tell me more
Luu; ntandoyenkosi
Me; thats a nice name lord
He laughed
Me; you work together
Luu; no she is a general practioner
Me; f... Hell no... Luu what? .,,,shes a dr
Luu; *laughing* yeah
Me; how the hell did you get yourself a dr
He laughed
luu; my charms even work on the smartest people

Me; luu tell me more tu
Luu; ohk so i was doing a delivery at her workplace uyabo, she just bought a new car and im waiting for
her to move so i can park but the car is not moving, im sitting in the car for more than 15 minutes. I
finally get out off the car and walked to the window. Only to see her crying
Me; what?
luu; yes, new driver scared to move the car
I laughed
Me: who parked it for her
Luu: I don't know but it was not her *laughing*
Me; so?
Luu; now im like ? Did you buy your license?
Me: but luu, how could you ask that
Luu: that's a reasonable explanation for this whole thing Nana
Me: so what did you say when you asked that
Luu: shes like no, She just freaked out... So i tell her to get out off the car, so i will move it for her, she
does that and i move it. I start seeing her more often this goes on for months.
Me: hmmm
He laughed
Luu: it was always just me staring at her from a distance, you know im not afraid of girls
Me; yeah
Luu; but this girl is a dr, she has her own car probably her own place and what do i have nothing, I'm still
working on myself and most girls prefer a finished product. So i step away and im like im not going to
turn myself into a joke i move away.
Me: Luu kodwa
Luu: just listen
Me: ohk
Luu: Two months back, i bump into her as im about to leave, i hear someone calling sanbs.
Me: what?
Luu: babe south Africa national blood services, she must have saw the car I was driving and the t-shirt
and she didn't know my name so she called me sanbs
Me: *laughing* ohhhhhh

Luu: yes so i turn and its her. And im ready to piss my pants
I laughed
Luu; she walks up to me, starts telling me how thankful she is for the other day and stuff and im looking
at her like, you the most beautiful person after my sisters in the world
I laughed again
Luu; so we start greeting each other everytime we see each other. I finally asked her out, she said yes
and we been together for 2 months now
Me; thats so sweet
Luu; ai suka
Me; so its real luu with her as well. I mean i hope you didnt lie to her
Luu; nah nana , i told her straight up. I dont have anything right now but im working, im working on
myself and working for my sister so if you want someone to take you out on dates everyday buy you
expensive things im not the one leave now
Me; and we both know what she chose
Luu; exactly, im happy with her nana cant wait for you to meet her
Me; cant wait to meet her
Luu; so enough about me, you sure you ohk
Me; yes have you talked to mum or dad
Luu; yes this morning you?
Me; yeah dad called this morning followed by umama
Luu; ohk go and sleep now its late
Me; goodnight, love you ohk
Luu; love you more
Then i hung up
I wrote my final exams and left soon after that, december holidays were everything to me and i was
actually with people who cared about me and wanted to see me happy. But they soon ended february
had to go back to school, new res, new roommate this was a chance for a fresh start here, my
roommates name was karabo she was nice and chilled, we were not friends we were just roommates i
no longer had friends and i was not looking for them.

Insert 19...
After a few weeks i had started playing squash and i loved it. One afternoon headed there
Girl; didnt know you played
I turned and it was ntokozo
Me; *smiling* you play
Ntokozo; yeah
Me; thats great
Ntokozo; come on, lets play together and il show you how to play
Me; lets get on it
We walked inside the court and began playing. After an hour or so, we left and went to get a brea k
Ntokozo; havent seen you around campus for a while now
Me; locking myself in
Ntokozo; *laughing* why'?
Me; this place is one toxic place and im just trying to hide away from it
Ntokozo; and i always though joburg was toxic till i got here. Especially the people
Me; so called friends
Ntokozo; you have experienced that
Me; *laughing* yeah fucked up shit
Ntokozo; fucked up shit lets go
We took our bags and left. We went to her room and she had a joint. We went out
Me; iv never smoked
Ntokozo; dont call this smoking, its realising your thoughts
I laughed. We went to sit on the bench and her head was on my thighs
Ntokozo; so start talking
I told her everything
Ntokozo; thats some fucked up shit
Me; way fucked up, so now they not talking to me because of that
Ntokozo; fuck them

Me; exactly
Ntokozo; people are weird in varsity
Me; and you what happened
Ntokozo; so iv been dating this guy right, his a bit older older than me
Me; how old
Ntokozo; his 25
Me; not bad
Ntokozo; yeah and well the girls i was friends with. Just wanted to fuck him
Me; no way
Ntokozo; fuck yes, a fight broke out and i just stayed away from them. Ever since from that time stayed
away from girls im just me, walk alone around campus come back and do my shit
Me; this feels good
Ntokozo; i know right, maybe me and you were suppose to be friends
I laughed
Ntokozo; you dont think so
Me: don't take this the wrong way but I'd rather we talk and hang out cause a lot of people don't
understand the meaning of that word
Ntokozo: I get what you mean how about acquaintances then
Me: sounds so much better and there's no title to it
Ntokozo: *laughing* yeah that way I don't have to raise my expectations too high for you
I laughed
Ntokozo: so boyfriend
Me: no and I'm not looking for one, right now I'm waiting for my husband
Ntokozo: girllll
Me: *laughing* I can't be some boys play thing and wasting my precious time for that nahhh
Ntokozo: I think you the girl my mum always wanted me to hang out with
I laughed
Ntokozo: you don't have a bf and no friends, what do you have babe
Me: *laughing* myself and my brother

Ntokozo: I think I'm going to love your company
Me; i totally think so too look at us, we comfortable with each other and i think i may be high now
She laughed at me. We got up and went to her room, we made bread and fell asleep on the bed ..
INSERT 20...
After a few weeks me and ntokozo went everywhere together we were tight. One day we were sitting at
the cricket oval and two guys sat with us
Guy 1; hey
Us; hi
Guy 2; im sphe and this is my friend vuyo
Ntokozo; ohk
Sphe; so we inviting you beautiful ladies to a birthday celebration
Me; what?
Sphe; yes its my friend over here birthday Saturday
Ntokozo; hmm must be nice
Vuyo; would be nice if you showed up
Me; where is it?
Vuyo; pinelands
Ntokozo; yho, how are we even going to get there
Vuyo; will call a cab for you
Ntokozo; *laughing* what do you think?
Me; ohk as long as you will call a cab for us
Vuyo; just for the two of you though
Ntokozo; it is just the two of us, so you dont have to worry about seeing extra girls
Vuyo; ohk let me get your contacts
We gave it to him and we talked with them small talks then they left
Me; we really going?
Ntokozo; you dont want to go
Me; *laughing* i do, just to have fun
Ntokozo; me too, so we going
Me; ohk your boyfriend?
Ntokozo; his coming back Saturday
Me; ohk what we going to wear
Ntokozo; i dont even know shame i dont even want to stress about it
We went back to attend then headed back to res. The rest of the week none much happened just school
and me and ntokozo. Friday we prepared to leave and we were looking like flames, we were flames.
Vuyo called us letting us know the cab was on its way and we should wait for it where so we did. It
arrived and it took us to pinelands, we got there and the house was packed from the outside to the
inside, we were welcomed by shots. We took one one and the were a lot of people from school there.
Including ntokozo ex friends and mine as well. We took our drinks and our plate full off meat and went
to sit outside, with out legs in the pool
Ntokozo; there are some hot brothers over here
Me; *laughing* i think i might just have fun cause im singel
Ntokozo; laughing* i wont let my relationship status ruin my moment of having fun
Me; fuck no
We both laughed and got so drunk, we were wasted in such a way that ntokozo had to throw up around
2am her phone rang
Her; *shouting* baby!!!... What?
She looked like she immediately got sober. She got up
Me; where you going?
She hung up
Ntokozo; we have to go
Me; why ? Whats wrong?
Ntokozo; lwandile is outside... Shit his going to kill me
She held my hand and we walked outside, they opened the gate and we walked up the street
Me; babe how would he know you here
Ntokozo;....
Me; ntokozo!
Ntokozo;...
There was a black golf, and ntokozo walked up to it, there were 2 guys
Ntokozo; ba...
Guy 1; voetsek !
My eyes grew wide
He walked up to ntokozo, with his index finger pointing at her
Guy 1; sowuyi sfebe wena, usfebelina wena ( you a bitch now)
The other guy was leaning on the car bonnet with a box of pizza next to him, eating a slice, his legs
crossed. He seemed so unbothered as if he was alone and no one was there and he was nice, really
attractive
Ntokozo; nothing hap...
Guy1; ai voetsek wena i tell you i wont be around for two weeks and you already out for a fuck
Ntokozo was now crying, i was cold and confused and this nigga was just eating his pizza not even
getting involved while his friend was telling my friend shit
Me; babes lets go
Ntokozo looked at me
Guy1; askies and who the fuck are you?
Me; y...
Ntokozo cut me off
Ntokozo; shes my friend
guy 1; wena im going to deal with you, get in the fucken car
Me; y...
Ntokozo cut me off gaain and just pulled me towards the car, we got in and guy 1 was talking to the
unbothered nigga then they got in the car, the unbothered nigga was driving. The car smelled so nice, i
was so drunk before but now i was sober i was just pissed. They started the car and left. After 10
minutes of silence
Unbothered nigga: *laughing* so abo sfebenki bayaphi ( so where are the little bitches going)
Me and ntokozo;...
Guy1; ngivaya naye loh ( im going with this one)
Me;...
Unbothered nigga; where are you going ?
Me; im not esfebe including my friend
He let out a slight laugh
Him; abo sfe....
Ntokozo cut him off, i was so ready to jump and beat the shit out off this nigga as hot as he was
Kozo; campus
Me; nxa
I looked outside the window
Guy1; ngathi unenkani nyana nje wena ( seems like you stubborn )
ME;...
thE drive was silent the whole time. I dont know why but i peaked at this nigga on the mirror, i stared at
him maybe for 5 minutes or even more, he finally looked on his mirror, we looked at each other until i
turned to the window again. I looked at him again and this time it was as if he was waiting to meet with
my eyes, i quickly turned away.
We got to campus and the car stood outside our res. I opened the door with one leg out
Me; lets go
Guy 1 turned to look at me
Him; shes not going with you
Me; i left with her and im going to go to bed with her
Ntokozo; no i...
Me; you are leaving with me, if he wants you he will come see you tomorrow when you sober
Guy1; yeh wena i just said she was not leaving, yeka lomtwana
I was now getting angry at ntokozo
Me; *shouting* lets go man, he will beat the shit out off you tonight and im not going to allow that to
happen. Im not leaving without you lets go
I began pulling her, this guy held my arm
Me; *shouting * voetsek msunu dont touch me, im not ntokozo mina
The unbothered nigga laughed
Him; *laughing* fuck !

Guy1; iv been saying you stubborn wena
Me; wena lets go
I dragged her out off the car, cause she was crying and she was drunk. She finally got out off the car and
the door opened. Ntokozo stood behind me, this guy walked up to us
Guy1; i said shes not going anywhere
Me; and i told you shes sleeping with me tonight
He was about to hold ntokozo, when i dragged her to our res, we got in and i walked her to her room
Why does god always give me friends with drama
INSERT 21...
Next morning woke up and went to wash my dishes, i was so over the drama that happened yesterday.
Went back and cleaned, my roommate was not there. When i was done went to bath when i got out
ntokozo was knocking in my room
Ntokozo; i thought maybe you sleeping
mE; no
We walked in my room
Ntokoz; uhm, we need to talk
Me;...
Ntokozo; let me explain first
Me; ohk
Ntokozo; thats my boyfriend
Me; lwandile
She nodded her head
Me; yho ay yol date shame ntokozo
Ntokozo; his not even like that, he was just mad
Me; mad that he calls his girlfriend a bitch yho
Ntokozo;...
Me;...
Ntokozo; listen i just wanted to apologise about everything that happened
Me; ohk
Ntokozo; nkosazana come on
Me; what?
Ntokozo; im sorry and il talk to him to come and apologise to you as well, i think we were all drunk
ME;...
Ntokozo; we good
Me; yeah
She smiled and walked up to me, to hug me. I returned the hug and we just talked
Ntokozo; so???
Me; what?
Ntokozo; olwethu?
Me; olwethu?
Ntokozo; that guy we were with
Me; what about him?
She raised her eyebrow
Me; *laughing* no babe, me and boys nahh * i shook my head *
Ntokozo; come on nkosazana, iv never heard you talk about a crush or something or what you into girls
Me; *laughing * no and im just staying away from them
Ntokozo; for what?
Me; what?
she laughed
Ntokozo; *laughing* ohk that came out weird but babe
Me; nah. I can go out and have fun but boys a chapter i dont want to turn to
Ntokozo; chuma thing
Me; nah its just for the best, for me
Ntokozo; ohk babe
Me; how old is your man

Ntokozo; his old yena shame
Me; how old ?
Ntokozo; if not 26 then 27
Me; from joburg
Ntokozo; yeah but they also work this side
Me; they ?
Ntokozo; business things and other
Me; others?
Ntokozo; yeah they are a squad that wears suits and ties
I laughed
We made something to eat and he left cause lwandile was here. I sat in my room until there was a
knock, i went to open and i froze there
Lwandile; hi
Me;...
Lwandile; can i come on
Moved aside, he walked in. He was alone. He sat on my bed
Lwandile; uhm where do i start
Me;...
Lwandile; listen i dont want you to think, im this abusive bf ku ntokozo cause if you have been friends
with her for a while you would know that she has never cam eback with a blue eye or marks or bruises.
Yesterday we were all drunk and excited. Some guys pushed the wrong button and i took out all my
frustrations on you and ntokozo. Im crazy about her and all the shit that wa ssaid last night was just
drunken words. I would never disrespect her like that. So i felt the need to come and apologise to you,
for what you saw and the thoughts you may have off me . Also want to thank you for being the friend
that you are to ntokozo cause not many would have done what you did and fighting me even though
you didn't know what I was capable of just to protect her so thank you for that
Me;...
Lwandile; i really am sorry nkosazana and the shit that went down last night will never happen. To show
you how sorry i am i want to take you girls out next weekend, im leaving for joburg Monday so this
weekend id like to make it yours. I take you out and we have lunch
Me;...
Lwandile; im trying here

Me; you dont have to do that, all is forgiven. She loves you that enough for me
Lwandile; no i really want to please
Me; has she agreed
Lwandile; she will only agree , if you agree as well
Me; well ohk thank you
Lwandile; no, thank you. Hug?
I laughed
Me; sure
He got up from the bed and we hugged. His my friends bf but theres nothing wrong with complimenting,
he was not that bad looking. I walked him out and ntokozo was leaning on the car, i turned back and
walked to my room.
INSERT 22...
Monday i had morning classes I got back from my classes at 16:30,i took an hour nap. After an hour,
woke up, cooked, ate and left for the library.i got back at 00;00, walked in the res reception only to
bump into chuma, i pretended as if i did not see him by staring at my phone, but someone held my
hand. I lifted up my head and it was chuma
Me; *fake smile* hi
Chuma; hey stranger, its been a while
Me;...
Chuma; where have you been hiding yourself
Me; i was busy?
Chuma; with who?
Me; bye chuma
I passed him but he followed me
Chuma; im just joking
Me; hmm
Chuma; dont you want a cuddle while we watch a movie

I turned to look at him
Chuma; il even buy us food
Me; its Monday today just in case you didnt know
Chuma;you have morning classes
Me;no
Chuma; then whats wrong, you will come back in the morning
Me; no, i have a lot to do and its already am
Chuma; ohk Friday?
Me; i have plans
Said that opening the door of my room and shutting it
Karabo; you look pissed
Me;i am
Karabo; whats wrong
Me; chuma, he doesnt want to leave me alone
Karabo; the chuma you told me about
Me;yeah
Karabo; his in his final year right
Me; yeah cant wait for the nigga to get outta here
Karabo; *laughing* cause its awkward for you
Me; of course, wouldnt it be if you were me
Karabo; fuck yes... So im leaving?
Me; where to?
Karabo; the boyfie, il come back Monday
Me; the whole week?
Karabo; yebo, my periods ended i need me some dick
I laughed. She opened her wardrobe taking out a packed bag and she left. Soon after she left i called luu
Luu; my love
Me; hey abhuti

Luu; you ohk my love?
Me; *smiling* im great now im talking to you
Luu; good at least you still have time for me
Me; il always have time for you... Wheres ntandoyenkosi
Luu; *laughing* next to me, you on loudspeaker
Me; wow luu, just wow
I had a girl laugh
Me; hi ntandoyenkosi
Girl; hi nkosazana, how you doing
Me; im ohk and yourself
Ntando; im good
Luu; talk mrs always forward, you always said you would have a lot to talk and tell her if you got to talk
to her on the phone, im giving you the stage
Me; *laughing* luu no
Ntando; bubu stop *laughing* you putting her in a position she does not want to be put in
Me; thank you ntando
Ntando; *laughing* dont worry i have your back
Me; yes girl power
Then we both laughed
Luu; if you want to talk to each other, you will call each other on your phones not have this
conversations with my phone
Me; umona
Ntando; i agree with you , his totally jealous
Me; i cant wait to meet you
Ntando; likewise baby , hows school?
Me; hectic, im ready to drop out
Luu; and then i kill you
Ntando; after me
I laughed
Me; im trying my best guys
Luu; and im aware of that ohk
Me; ohk
Luu; love you ohk
Me; love you more
Luu; have you talked to mum and dad
Me; i was about to call them, when im done with you
Luu; ohk call them ke
Me; ohk bye ntando
Ntando; goodnight sweety
Then i hung up. I called my mum but she was not picking up her phone then i called my dad, he picked
up
Me; daddy
Dad; hey baby
Me; ninjani? (how are you)
Dad; ey mtanami, sisaphefumula yikho okubalulekile lokho ( ey my child, we still breathing thats the only
thing that matters)
Me; uphi umama ? (wheres mum)
Dad; usaye kwamakhi ( shes at out neighbours)
Me; ohk
Dad; kuqhubeka njani eskolweni? ( hows it going in school)
me; ey baba kunzima kodwa sizothini mele sifunde ( its hard here dad but what can we say we need to
study)
Dad; yes mtanam ayikho enye ( yes my child, theres no other way)
Me; besengifaka ne cv kuma law firm? (iv even submitted my cv in some law firms)
Dad: for a job?
Me; yes baba, these companies said we should start applying for work when we are in our second year
that way, we know when we graduate that we going to do our articles in whichever firm and I applied
for vac work
Dad: vac work
Me: yes so I will work over the holidays just saw my CV looks good when I graduate
Dad; so you will work
Me; for vac work yes baba but the other one I applied for is not for now baba, they will call me for an
interview, if they like me i will go through a selection process then if they like me still, they will take me
by the time i graduate i already have a firm i will be working for
Dad; please study baby so they will take you, these companies only want a`s
Me; i will baba
Dad; good c... Heres your mum
Me; can i please talk to her
Dad; mama nangu unkosazana
Silence
Mum; baby
Me; *laughing* mama
Mum; why doesnt your phone go through
Me; when
Mum; i tried calling you few hours ago and it kept on saying number busy
Me; ohhh, i was on the phone with luu
Mum; ohk baby, how are you
Me; im ohk mama and you
Mum'; im trying baby
Me; wheres thando
Mum; tv
Me; shes doesnt even want to talk to me
Mum; thando, nkosazana on the phone she wants to talk to you
Silence
Thando; helloo
Me; hey baby
Thando; hi
Me; *laughing* how are you
Thando; fine
Me; and how was school
Thando; boring
Me; what do you know about school being boring
Thando; mxm nkosazana
Me; hehhh wena
Thando; im watching tv bye
Me; bye thando
I carried on talking to my mum, until my airtime ended
INSERT 23..
Rest of the week none much happened, Friday was studying in my room when the was a knock. I got up
to open and it was ntokozo.
Ntokozo; no babe, no
Me; and then wena all dressed up
Ntokozo; babe lwandile, going out
I held my mouth
Ntokozo; his literally outside
Me; i just need to change, i showered an hour ago and wore my pjs
Ntokozo; ohk dress up then
Me; ohk give me 5 minutes
She left. She was in heels and i only had one pair of those. I wore a black dress that fitted my body
perfectly and revealed my butt as if it was art, i didnt wear a bra, i hardly wore it anyway. With that one
heel i had and a denim jacket. I had this huge afro, i just combed it all out and took my bank card just for
incase with my phone and walked out. I saw a red bmw, i looked at it and the driver window went down,
only to be lwandile, i walked up to the car and sat at the back i greeted him and we left
Ntokozo was buying as if they said there would be no tomorrow. As for me i was scared to buy anything
cause i was always taught that, nothing is for freetheres always a price to pay and after the incident with
nqobile i was not about to take that chance
Lwandile; can you please buy something
Me; theres nothing that i like
[LIE, THAT WAS THE BEST EXCUSE I COULD COME UP WITH]
Lwandile; a watch, bracelet geez anything
Me; no im good , like seriously
Lwandile; you sure
I nodded my head
Ntokozo; im done
Lwandile paid and we left, we went back to the car and he drove to this restaurant and we walked in. A
place i thought i would go to when i was a millioner, not when i started working when i was a millioner
that how perfect and expensive it looked. They took us to our table and they gave us our menu. I went
for what i could read , cause half of the things there , i could not understand. The lady taking our orders
arrived
Her; ready to order
Lwandile ; y(he paused)
He was disturbed by his phone, he picked it up
Lwandile; order girls
Then he walked away from our table. Im the type that over think things. So on my mind when lwandile
walked out, i was thinking his not coming back, his leaving us with this bill and we wont have the money
to cover up this money
Lady; and you miss
Me; why dont we order when lwandile is here
Ntokozo; i just did
Me; lets just wait for everyone to get here
Lady; ohk, il come back in 5 minutes
She walked away
Ntokozo; whats wrong
Me; nothing, i just want to make sure his ohk with paying this kind of money
Ntokozo; *laughing* you stressing yourself over nothing

Me; i dont care
Lwandile walked back to our table
Him; ohk boy, il see you later
He hung up and sat down
Him; have you ordered
Ntokozo; just me, you still need to order
Him; ohk
The lady came back and we ordered
Lwandile; so where you from?
Me; northwest
Lwandile; for real?
Me; yeah
Lwandile;you look like a jozi girl
Ntokozo; thats what i said to
His phone rang again
Lwandile; sorry girls, this i need to take... Boy...im at greenpoint... Ntokozo and nkosazana...ntokozo
friend... No boy, i still have to do a final fit... Ohk il let you know when i go there...sharp... Sorry about
that
Us; its ohk
Lwandile; olwethu wedding is draining me yerr
My eyes grew wide, i looked at ntokozo but she quickly moved her eyes from me
Ntokozo ; so when are you coming back ?
She quickly changed the topic
Lwandile; im not sure baby, but il let you know
Ntokozo; ohk
We had small talks and my mind was no longer there, the guy ntokozo was trying to set me up with was
getting married, WOW!. After eating our dessert and drinking our last drink, he paid and he drove me to
campus since him and ntokozo were going to get down. I just went to bed.
Was woken up by a knock. I got up to open and it was ntokozo, i walked to my wardrobe, took my
toothbrush and toothpaste, the keys and walked to the bathroom
Me; so if i actually liked this guy what was going to happen
Ntokozo; i didnt think of that
Me; mxm you dont think
Ntokozo; *laughing* so did you
Me; i told you i dont, me and boys never again. so did you enjoy the dzickk
She laughed
Ntokozo; i can never get enough
Me; how lucky are you and please thank him for yesterday again
Ntokozo; i will sweety, you must come and collect your stuff in my room
Me; which stuff?
Ntokozo; i know you baby and i know you would never have bought anything. So i bought clothes on
your behalf and shoes for both me and you
Me; *laughing* wow babe
Ntokozo; yes so dont forget
Me; thank you
Ntokozo; *smiling* pleasure
Went back to my room and made something to eat
INSERT 24...
After test week, we went on recess. I was so happy to be in my room, sleeping, eating and watching
movies with no worries at all. I had an interview though tomorrow which was a Wednesday with one of
the companies i applied at. My outfit was on point, i was just so nervous. Ntokozo helped me prepare,
she left around 7 and i slept at 8. needed enough rest
Woke up 05;00 am. Went to shower and wore a black dress that went over my knees, with a black heel.
I applied just a mascara and red lipstick. I couldnt even eat, i went through the question they normally
ask in interviews on google, 07;00 the cab arrived and it drove me there. That place was huge, i walked
in and headed to the reception, i told them i was in for an interview and they sent me to this office, and
there were like 30 more people, iv never felt so intimidated in my life. I just wanted to leave to be
honest, everyone went in and i was the last one. They called me in and i walked to the office.
The was no one there, i sat down and the door opened, i turned and an old woman stood there
Her; sweety, mr siseko is coming
Me; ohk thank you mam
She smiled and closed there door, i couldnt stop fiddling. After 10 minutes or more
Guy; im sorry about that, have been sitting here for hours and im hungry
He looked so professional, he was a lawyer but he looked good, the suit he was wearing fit like a glove. I
couldnt help but picture myself in his position one day.
Me; good day
He pulled the chair that was opposite me and sat down, i could smell him all the way from where i was
seating, he looked at those documents while biting and licking his lips, my eyes moved form his face to
his lips. I dont even know why
I quickly looked at him in the eyes when he clapped his hands together
Him ; so
Me;...
Him; *smiling* good day miss ndlovu
Me; good day
Him; before we begin, iv been at this for a while. Im hungry and you have been waiting outside there for
hours, im sure you hungry as well
I didnt even eat breakfast so yes i was hungry
Me; uhm
Him; dont worry, your interview has not started and we all need to eat
Me; *laughing* well i am hungry
Him; perfect... Sandra could you please bring something to eat for the two of us
Then he put the phone down. After 10 minutes, the door opened and she was carrying a paper bag it
was fish and chips with 2 salads. I was hungry but i ate at a slow pace, i was not comfortable being in this
guys presence.
Him; now we may start, im siseko, i was actually not supposed to be the one interviewing you, my friend
is sick and he needed someone to hold this for him so here i am
I laughed
Me; nice meeting you
Our interview began, he started off with easy questions then followed with difficult one, asking me
which law applies were. He asked me about the law of delict, property and contract. I did my best to be
honest
Him; lastly, we have a branch here in cape town and johannesburg, should we select you where would
you go
Me; uhm, it would have to be joburg. Im constantly far away and holidays are the only chance i get to go
home . So because joburg is not that far from home, it wouldnt be that hard working from them
Him; *smiling* thank you for your honesty
Me; thank you for giving me a chance
Him; thank you for coming
I got up and walked out, well fuck that and to my unfortunate luck i was never going to see him again
that hurt but then again its life
Because i used a cab to come here, i had to use taxis going back. I walked to the rank and took a taxi to
cape town. It dropped me off at cape town taxi rank and stood on the robots waiting to jump when a car
pulled over i stepped back, the window slid down and it was olwethu i was shook
Olwethu; heyyy
Me; hi
Olwethu; arent you ntokozo friend
Me;...
Olweth; i know you man, abo sfebelina
Me; that not funny
Olweth; im just teasing
Me;...
Olwethu; what you waiting here for
Me; im not waiting for anything, i needed to cross and you decided to stop right in front off me
Olwethu; where you going
Mel why
Olwethu; are you always this cheeky
Me;...
Olwethu; im going to bellville, if you going back to res i can go drop you off
Me; no im fine
Olwethu; come on , its rude when someone offers you help and you refuse it
Me; im good but thank you
Olwethu; do i have to come out and drag you inside, your friend is dating my boy so trust i wont do
anything and mores especially kidnap you
Me;...
Olwethu; theres no catch i swear
Me; you dont have to
Olwethu; i know but i want to
Me; well thank you
Olwethu; get in
I got in and put the safety belt
When you comment, I want to post more each day so I can read your thoughts. So let's not stop
[02/19, 17:37] Chido: NKOSAZANA NDLOVU
INSERT 25...
Well he dropped me off at res and he saw that i was not interested and worse he was engaged but too
flirty for my liking, i walked back inside and went to take a shower cause i was so exhausted. Ntokozo
came to check up on me and well i told her about how the interview went.
Ntokozo: you nailed it right
Me: I hope so, the guy that was interviewing me lord
Ntokozo: tell me more
Me; *laughing* mmmm let's see he was really attractive and he didn't look at me even once
Ntokozo: I don't even think that's possible
Me: trust
Ntokozo....
Me: what's wrong?

Ntokozo: I just realised something
Me: what?
Ntokozo: this is the first time I've heard you talk about a guy you actually attracted to
I laughed and punched her on her arm
Me: don't start
Ntokozo: one thing I'm sure of right now is we need to find the Mr
Me: no I have bigger things to worry about
Ntokozo: you sure
I laughed
Me: yes just forget about it, let's go out
Ntokozo: ohk just the two of us?
Me: will talk to karabo
Karabo wanted to come with us. We all dressed smart and we all looked good and left.
We got to this place and it was popping, we were dancing when one guy came to dance with me it was
just a dance didnt see anything wrong with that. I turned to look at him and we danced together i was
having a good time with him, no lie. He whispered to my ear
Him; can we talk outside
Me; sure
I told ntokozo and i walked out with this guy outside not actually out of the club but where the music
was not so loud
Him ; thando is the name
Me; nkosazana
Him; *smiling* beautiful name
Me; not just mines, yours as well
He laughed
Him; can i see you again, this time when im sober
Me; *smiling* ohk
Him; can i take your numbers
Me; ohk
I gave it to him and we walked back inside. We danced until it was time to go, thando walked with us
Thando; id like to see you again
Me; i live on campus
Thando; which one
Me; uwc
Thando; ohk i can make it there
Me; ohk
He gave me a hug and we left.
The next morning, me and karabo had the worst hangover. We stayed in bed just talking
Karabo; who was that guy yesterday? He was hot yho
Me; *smiling* thando, he was ne
Karabo; even his name is nice
Me; thats what i told him
Karabo; so whats going to happen
Me; nothing
Karabo; when will you move on from this chuma guy
Me; im over him , i just dont want a relationship now my focus is on my books
Karabo; you a bookworm, im sure if it wasnt for us you wouldnt be going out but staying in bed studying
I laughed
Me; im still trying to sort out my life uyabo
Karabo; *smiling* ohk skat
I got up and made myself breakfast, my phone rang and it was an unknown number. I took it
Me; helo
Guy; hi, its thando
Me; *smiling* hey
Thando; how you doing?
Me; im ohk and yourself
Thando; im good, uhm can i see you this afternoon
Me; will you be able to make it
Thando; yeah
Me; ohk you will let me know when you here
Thando; ohk
After an hour or so, he arrived and well we talked he held a conversation good but a friendship was
good for me, i told him this and he was not too sure but he said if it would mean seeing me again then
that was good for him.
2 months passed. I received a call from the company i applied to and well they took me, i would be
starting vac the first week after school closes. I called my fam letting them know about what happened
Mummy; so what will you be doing there
Me; more like an assistant to the candidate attorneys ma, helping with what they need help with
Daddy; will you get money
Me; yes baba
Mummy; so when will you come here
Me; its only for 2 weeks
Mummy; and where will you live and sleep?
Me; iv been looking for a place and i got it, which is very much reasonable for that two weeks
Daddy; ohk send the address so will know where to find you
Me; ohk baba, where is luu
Daddy; he went out but he didnt say where he was going
Me; ohk baba you will tell him to call me ne
Daddy; ohk baby
I hung up after an hour or so my phone rang
Me; helo
Luu; love love
Me; i miss you
Luu; ao shame my baby
Me; *laughing* ohh you dont miss me
Luu; i miss you everyday of the week, every second of a minute
Me; ncooo
He laughed
Luu; mama tells me the good news
Me; yeah just imagine
Luu; look at you after a getting ready for the big world
Me; im so scared luu yho
Luu; you got this, they trust you enough to give you this so trust yourself as well
Me; i will, so i will be in joburg
Luu; that i dont like
Me; why
Luu; you in joburg alone, i was relaxed about you being that far cause i know you inside school premises
but you being in joburg im not comfortable with
Me; its just 2 weeks
Luu; yeah babe i get it but kodwa
Me; dont worry tu, i will send you the address of where i will be staying
Luu; do just that baby wami
Me; ohk, wheres your wyfie
Luu; *laughing* ahhh my wyfie is at work
Me; ncooo you must marry untandoyenkosi
Luu; im saving up money for that baby dont worry wena
Me; good
Luu; will talk tomorrow ohk
Me; ohk
Luu; i love you ohk
Me; love you more
I hung up and did what i was doing before. After a week i was packed, my bus ticket was ready, i called a
cab that took me to the bus station. Ntokozo left way earlier like 2 weeks earlier. I took the bus and it
was the longest ride 13/15 hours just imagine, sitting the whole time and only getting up when you have
to use the bathroom i was drained.

INSERT 26
I arrived in joburg and went to sit on the stools. The family i was going to live with for that 2 weeks was
going to come pick me up at parkstation. I sat there until an elderly women came towards me
Her; nkosazana
I nodded my head
Her; you most definitely are enkosazana
I laughed
Her; mam khumalo
Me; hi ma
Her; how was your trip
Me; long and tiring
Her; i can imagine baby, come on ubaba is waiting for us outside
She helped me with my bags and we walked out, got to this car and she opened the door for me. I got in
and greeted the man that was sitting on the driver seat
Me; thank you for doing this
Her; its a pleasure baby
The asked me questions that did not make it hard to answer. We got to this place , it was a big house
really nice. After the car stopped everyone got out off the car, they helped me with my bags and we
walked inside there were 2 girls and one 1 boy, he was watching tv
Me; hi
They all turned
Them; hiiii
Mam khumalo; guys this is nkosazana, nkosazana this is sebenzile, nhlanhla and simphiwe
Me; hi nice meeting you all
Simphiwe; likewise
Mam khumalo; let me show you where you will be sleeping
We went through the hallway and they showed me a room, mam khumalo insisted i bath, eat then
sleep. After bathing i called my fam and they were glad i was safe, mummy insisted on talking to mam
khumalo and i did not mind at all they talked for a while and then i slept
Show quoted text

Her; he will like you *smiling*
I laughed
Her; come with me
She walked with me to some room, looked more like a boardroom and left me there, after a few minute
some guy walked in and oh my fucken god, when rea said guys from joburg are non human, she was not
joking. White guy, his body structure visible from the suit he was wearing, clean motherfucken
cut😍😍😍😍. His lips better than mr siseko FUCK!!!😋😋
Him; miss ndlovu
Me; yes
Him; come with me
I got up and walked behind him
Him; kitchen is that side, if you need coffee or a sandwich
Me; * smiling* ohk
Him; and this is my office
I nodded my head. We went in and i sat on the chair opposite to his
Him; you will be my researcher ohk im mr lindo mkhize anyway
[WHAT? MKHIZE? DUDE!!]
Me; mr mkhize
Him; *laughing* yes, i get that a lot but it is mr mkhize, mum is zulu. But you will call me lindo
Me; oh ohk
Him; so like i said you will be my researcher
I nodded my head. He told me what i will be doing and i would be working hand in hand with him. He
seemed really i mean really young and he was really attractive. I had a small desk and table at the corner
of his office, it was cute 😂😂
He forced me to go get myself a cup off coffee so i did. I drank it and after a slow morning. He barged in
the office, he had just come back from a meeting with a client. he was every girls dream, maybe even
mine. you would think he was white but the moment he mentions his name thats when everything
changes
Mr mkhize; nkosazana, i need you to do research for me, research this by using the sources of laws ohk i
need this in a hour
Me; hour?
Mr mkhize; yes hour
I nodded my head
I got busy, i got frustrated by myself. My head was boiling, after an hour he showed up. I handed it to
him. He looked at me and back at those papers
Mr mkhize; thank you
I smiled. Then he walked out, i was kept busy the whole time, it was not just him other attorneys and
candidate attorneys. After the last paper i breathed out loud and laid my head on the desk. He laughed
I lifted up my head
Him; long day huh
He was relaxed on his chair, he was really attractive geez with white teeth. Im sorry but i just cant stop
complimenting
Me; *laughing* was not expecting that
Him; dont worry about it, you will get used to it
Me; i hope so
Him; pack up and go home
Me; can i make a call?
Him; sure
I took out my phone and dialled bab khumalo numbers
Baba; ntombazana
Me; baba
Baba; im 15 minutes away, iv already knocked off
Me; ohk baba, should i wait outside
Baba; no need, i call you when im outside
Me; ohk
I hung up
Him; daddy coming to pick you up
Me; not really daddy but i always address elders that way
Him; step dad?
Me; *laughing* no, im staying over his house for this two weeks
Him; you not from around here

I shook my head
Him; where are you from?
Me; northwest
Him; where is northwest
Me; brits
Him; brits
I nodded my head
Him; hmmm ohk
Me; what?
Him; nothing, im from around here
Me; joburg is a people place
He laughed so loud
Him; you can say that but y... And the devil walks in
I turned...
INSERT 27
This girl walked in, she was really beautiful light skinned
Her; dont start lindo
I turned to my desk and packed my things
Her; and...
Then there was silent, i didnt even turn to look cause they were obviously talking about me
Mr mkhize; nkosazana this is slindile
I turned to her
Me; hi
Her; hi
She looked young, even younger than me i was not sure or same age as me i dont know
Mr mkhize; sli, nkosazana she is here for vac work

Her; how nice, you enjoying
Me; cant say much, its just been a day
Mr m; what are you doing here
Her; you cant ask me that
Mr m; slindile!
Her; *laughing* give me a break geez... Which year are you in
Me; second
Her; ahhhh me too
I laughed
Mr m; nobuhle, shes not your friend... Where is your brother?
Her; i dont know and i dont care
Me; thank you, i come back here tomorrow
Mr m; for the rest of your week here
Me; ohk
I took my back and walked out and to my fortunate luck my phone rang, baba telling me he was outside.
I walked out and got in the car and he asked me about my first day. When we got home i took my phone
and called luu
Luu; so how was it
Me; yho yho yho luu it was a dream
He laughed
Me; the suits they were wearing, luu like i cant wait to be there. The building is huge, the people there
you can see that they suits are personally made for them
Luu; what?
Me; luu, the cars
Luu; *laughing* how did you even see the cars
Me; *laughing* lunch i went to the parking area just to see what lawyers drive
He laughed so loud
Luu; so you know what you need to do to get there right
Me; work hard
Luu; exactly
Me; after experiencing that, trust me to work hard
Luu; im glad baby
I talked with my parents and they were just as excited as though it was them and that made me happy
too.
After supper i helped sebe with the dishes
Me; so what do you want to study
Sebe; i want to be a paramedic
Me; arent you scared of blood
Sebe; why does everyone say that ? *laughing*
Me; *laughing* its the same as me when i tell someone im studying law and they assume i lie
Sebe; but thats true lawyers lie
I splashed her with water
She laughed
Sebe ; and no im not
Me; well then good, you excited to start doing it
Sebe; i cant wait, wearing that uniform nje
Me; look at you , the smile says it all
Sebe; i really love it
Me; what made you love it
Sebe; you want the truth
Me; *laughing* yeah
Sebe; tv
sebe; iv seen it so many time in movies that i just fell in love with it
Me; i guess our love for something starts by watching a lot of movies
Sebe; yeah
After washing the dishes, we both went to bed...
Following morning same thing as yesterday busy as hell. Wednesday morning, went back to the office
I settled in and the door opened
Him; im going to court in an hour, i need to prepare i cant worry about this
I turned and his pants and shirt seems like he spilled something
Layla; i cant get a hold of james
Him; i cant drive to my house layla
Layla; we can ask vusi
Him; i dont trust anyone at my house
Layla; *getting teary* so what must i do now
Me; uhm can i help
They both turned to me. I dont even think they noticed i was there. He pointed at me
Him; i trust her
Me;...
Layla; ohk il take her to vusi
Him; my house is too far and vusi does not know my house. Tell vusi to take her to okuhle house, il call
okuhle letting him know to borrow me one off his suits
Before i could agree or disagree, layla held my hand rushing with me outside.
We got outside and he called vusi telling him, what lindo told him
Layla; go now babe
Me; ohk
I got in the car and he drove off. We got to the security and they asked to see our id, i didnt have it but
vusi begged this guy until they let us in. He pressed the buzzer and the gate opened, he drove in and
parked on the driveway.
Vusi; go in
I rushly walked out and knocked but they quickly opened. I was welcomed by this beautiful woman
Me; hi ma
Her; hi sthandwa, here for lindo
I nodded my head
Her; come on in
I followed behind her. This house was heaven i couldnt stop looking around, the ceiling way too far up.
The interior, it was so clean that you would be afraid to touch anything fearing you might get it dirty. We
walked upstairs
Her; ignore anything you will hear
Me; wh...
She just raised her hands up. I held back. We passed this room and i couldnt help but hear a girl moaning
i mean real moaning. You could feel the pleasure just by listening to her voice
Woman; yeyyy woza
I didnt even realise i was standing still listening to the girl. I followed her and this room was really weird
and we walked to this wardrobe. It was huge, shirts packed one side, ties, jackets trousers everything
Woman; i didnt know what to choose, so just pick
Me; i also dont know and i cant choose for him cause there are certain suits not allowed in court
I took out my phone and called lindo
Lindo; where are you?
Me; im here which colour suit , do you want
lindo; just black with white shirt
Me; you wear the same size
lindo; yes
Me; ohk
I hung up, took the shirt, trousers, jacket and black tie just in case i held them so delicate avoiding that
they must crease. I walked to where i came in from and the moment my leg stepped out off the room. I
could hear the bedroom door opening, i didnt know whether to turn or what, it was going to be
awkward for me...
INSERT 28
I just froze there, a guy walked out. I couldnt even move i tried but i couldnt i just stood there holding
shirts, and everything else i was carrying. He turned to my direction and my god. I swallowed my saliva
or the lump that was stuck on my throat. He had his shirt hanging from his shoulder, in his boxers. Clean
cut, sexy ass moustache, dark eyes, small eyes. I couldnt help but notice every little singel detail with
him. He looked at me and the clothes i was carrying as he was about to say something
Girl; baby
I bowed my head, greeted him and quickly passed him before he could respond. I rushed back to the car
and vusi drove to the office. I ran there and gave lindo he quickly changed and left. My mind would
quickly drift away thinking about the nigga i saw today, not that a guy like him would be interested in
me but...nahhh just forget about it
Someone; what you thinking
I got back on earth, i turned and it was lindo
Me; just thinking... And finally you calm
Mr m; yho nkosazana i can breath now
Me; did you make it
Mr m; yeah i did actually, thank you for what you did
Me; doing my job
Mr m; that was not your job but thank you
Me; dont worry about it... Its my lunch, il see you when i get back
Mr m; *laughing* ohk
I took my bag and walked out... I walked to the nearest mc d and after 45 minutes went back only to see
lindo was with someone in his office. I knocked and they both turned that very moment i just wanted to
go back
Mr m; no come on in
This guy did not move his eyes on me and that made me uncomfortable. I went to sit on my desk
Mr m; yeyyy look at me
I lifted up my head only to see he was talking to this guy
Him; you really wont introduce me
Mr m; she does not need to know you
He turned and walked up to my desk
Him; hi okuhle msimango
Me; nkosazana ndlovu
Him; ndlovukazi
I looked on the floor
Mr m; boy lets go
Him; i just got here

I looked at lindo and he seemed like he was not comfortable with okuhle being here as well. He went
back to sit with mr m. I continued doing my work
lindo ; so will you buy those shares
kuhle; yeah
lindo; why though
okuhle; why? What you mean why? Its business
lindo; we both know its not business this time around. Is this even a good business decision
okuhl; you worry to much
lindo; cause im your friend and most importantly im your lawyer
okuhle; also my business partner we should be working towards this not you discouraging me
lindo; im just thinking about you here
okuhle; i know but dont i have this under control
Chris knocked and came in, the two both turned
Chris; nkhosyzana i need your help
okuhle; eh helo miss ndlovu, i hope im not disturbing i need your help with something would not hurt
chris
Chris;...
Me; im coming
Chris; no nevermind
Me; no what?
I looked at okuhle
Chris; no forget it
I got up and walked out with chris
Me; its ohk what did you need my help with
He looked back at sanele office and back at me
Chris; can you do this for me
Handing me the documents
Me; ohk when do you need them?
Chris; before 6 am tomorrow

Me; before
Chris; yes i have to be in court tomorrow morning
Me; ohk then
I went back to the office and got started
Okuhle; nkosazana
I looked up, he smiled and lindo was just covering his face
Okuhle; where you from?
Me; north west
Okuhle; where in northwest
Me; brits
Okuhle; bethanie, thabazimbi what?
Me; been there before
Okuhle; yeah
Me; well bethanie
Okuhle; small town girl
Me;...
Lindo ; you disturbing her
Okuhle; why is he jealous
Me;...
Okuhle; why you so jealous
lindo; IM NOT
Okuhle; does not seem that way
lindo; ...
Okuhle; i think he likes you nkosazana
We both looked at okuhle
Lindo ; wow thanks boyza
Okuhle; im just joking, you like being serious
Lindo when are you leaving

Okuhle; chasing me out already
Lindo ; yes
Okuhle; i have nowhere to go so relax
By 3 i was still busy and they were still talking and laughing, 4 i was getting nowhere, 5 baba called me
Me; baba
Him; are you done
Me; no baba, il just come with a taxi
They both turned to me, i looked at them and they looked like twins, same haircut and they looked so
alike, wait are they twins?
Baba; nkosazana
Me; ba
Said that turning away
Me; they gave me some things to research and im not even close to being done baba and theres no
internet at home so i need to finish up, when im done il catch a cab
Him; you sure
Me; yes baba im ohk , il tell you when i leave the office
Him; ohk
I hung up
Lindo ; you suppose to be going home
Me; yeah but chris needs this and he has a morning case and im not even close to being done
lindo; you can go home you know
Me; id rather get done with this before i go
Lindo ; ohk
INSERT ...
Around 8 okuhle and lindo left, lindo said i should move to his desk so i will be more comfortable and i
didnt say no to that, i played music with my phone while doing this, i dont know why but i was in no rush
whatsoever. My phone rang and it was luu
Me; lu lu
Luu; hi nko nko
I laughed
Me; how you doing
Luu; yho my baby, my baby *shouting*
Me; *laughing* you drunk ne
He laughed
Luu; where are you
Me; at the office
Luu; kanti what time is it, or is it morning already
Me; its 10
Luu; what you doing at the office this time
Me; work luu
Luu; eish baby, im sorry i miss you yerrr
Me; next week nje im coming
Luu; stay safe ohk
Me; i should be telling you that
He laughed , then i hung up
Around 11 went to make something to eat and went back around 3 i was done. I called the cab and laid
on my back on the couch while waiting for it. I heard this loud and irritating sound, i opened my eyes
and realised i had passed out, my alarm was ringing. I quickly got up and switched it off, i saw missed
callas from the cab driver i felt so bad. I fixed myself up and took chris documents to his office, i took my
things and walked out. Took the lift , when it opened on the ground floor. Stood a man of my dreams, in
a fitted suit, looking all white, dark, caramel chocolate, he removed his eyes from his phone and looked
at me at that moment I just wanted to disappear
Lindo ; dont tell me you slept here
Me;...
I got off the lift
Lindo ; nkosazana
Me; im sorry, i called the cab and laid on the couch waiting for him then i was woken up by my alarm
Lindo ; i cant believe you slept here, come on
He walked in front of me
Me; where we going ? Im sorry for sleeping here
Lindo ; im not mad that you slept here, im mad that you let work make you sleep here. You should have
done what you could and left, chris was wrong for asking something from you that he knew requires
more than a few hours
Me;...
Lindo ; lets go
Me; where
Lindo ; il take you home, then il wait for you to change
Me; you dont have too
Lindo ; actually i do
We went to the parking lot and his car yho. It was so nice, still smelled leather, it was grey with balckish i
dont know. I sat in front and i directed him, baba and mama khumalo called me but i assured them i was
fine... I kept on looking at him as he was driving , he even looked sexy driving, he turned to me
Lindo; *smiling* what?
Me; nothing, I’m really sorry for sleeping in your office
Lindo; its ohk
Me; its not, please let this stay between us
He looked at me
Me; please just imagine how the owner of the firm will feel if he found out vac workers sleep in the
offices
Lindo; *laughing* just imagine what he would say
Me;exactly and thank you again for doing this
Lindo; my pleasure, do you know the owner of this law firm
Me; here in Joburg
Lindo; hao theres owner in cape town
Me; I don’t know, his your boss don’t you know him
Lindo; I’m sure big dudes like him don’t even leave their home
I laughed
when we were outside the house, i rushed back in went to take a quick bath, chnaged and walked out.
He drove to mc d and bought us breakfast i ate on the way and we got to the office. I sat on my desk
while he was busy
Me; Mr Mkhize
Lindo ; me and you will fight
Me; im sorry its just weird calling you lindo while you my boss
lindo; well try
Me; ohk... lindo
He laughed
Me; you see
Lindo ; thats because you said it as if you doubting
Me; well ohk... If you dont mind me asking how old are you
He moved his eyes from the laptop to me
Lindo ; why
Me; just asking, you seem young but holding a senior position
Lindo; how old do i look
Me; maybe 25
Lindo ; 25???
Me; 27
Lindo; I’m giving you homework to find out
I laughed
Me; final question
Lindo; ohk
Me; is mr msimango your twin
He laughed
Lindo ; thats for you to find out
Me; what?
Lindo; yes
Me; i dont think so cause your last name is mkhize, while his is msimango
Lindo; hmmm ohk
I looked at him, his eyes were on the laptop
Lindo; dont look at me like that
He said that looking at me. We looked at each other, i was attracted to him or crushing on me, no I was
really crushing on me. I laughed and looked away
Lindo ; now my turn
I looked at him
Lindo ; relationship status
Me; *laughing* why that question first
Lindo; I didn’t ask you, why you were asking which question first
Me; single
Lindo ; hao you singel
Me; me and boys, water and oil
He laughed and laid back on his chair
Lindo ; tell me about this boy that broke your heart
Someone; who broke your hurt
Our eyes moved to the door and okuhle walked in
Lindo ;*laughing* she was just about to tell me
Me; no one
Lindo ; thats a lie
I continued with what i was doing
Okuhle; i need you to look at this
Lindo ; ohk
Okuhle; start talking lady
I turned to them
Me; no one broke my heart
Okuhle;...
Lindo; looked at me as if trying to read me , i turned away.
Lindo ; small town girl, varsity boys. I smell a heartbreak from afar
Okuhle ; makes the two of us
Me; im not saying anything
Okuhle; what lie did you believe
Me; i love you
They both laughed
Me; wow thank you for that
Lindo ; im sorry lover
The way he said lover yhuuuu
Okuhle; then what happened?
Me; nothing
They both looked at me, they had this habit the two of them looking at you as if they reading you or
some shit like that
Me; stop doing that
Lindo ; it started off nice really nice
Okuhle; so nice you thought he is the one
Lindo ; you trusted him and couldnt wait to tell your girls about him
Okuhle; you had this doubt but you brushed it off
Lindo ; because his doing everything right, treating you like a lady like how they treat girls in those rom
what
Okuhle; rom comedy that you convinced his legit, i mean his mr perfect to you
Lindo ; he does not rush shit and that assures you that he does not want sex from you
Okuhle; finally, one day
Lindo ; you make the first move since you think after all he does for me
Okuhle; he deserves the cookie but what happens next you dont expect it
Lindo ; no call no text and whenever he takes your call one word answers, no time for you anymore, its
either im too busy or im studying
Okuhle; or im always with you i havent been with my boys for a while im spending time with them. After
weeks of following him around.
Lindo; you confront him and he says 10 words
Okuhle; i am not ready for a re-la-tion-ship

Then they both looked at me
Me; f...
I wanted to say something but nothing could come out. The looked at me for a while, I kept opening my
mouth to say something but nothing
Lindo; we have been eh varsity and have used those tricks ourselves, they never get old
Me; never again
Okuhle; every girl has to have that story to tell about a guy, so she will pass it on to her daughter
Lindo; the daughter wont believe her and she will do the very same thing and the circle goes on and on
and on, while guys continue to smash and smash and smash
Me; then you lose a girl that was actually down for you
They both laid back
Okuhle; well that’s not really the truth
Me; of course you going to say that, do you even have a stable gf
Okuhle; me, stable gf, my g those are not my shit. I can try to be in a relationship but I easily get bored
then I cheat so its best I don’t even get into a relationship but for you
Me;...
Okuhle; for you... all of that would change
Me; not going to happen
Lindo laughed
Okuhle; why not?
Me; I’m to smart to fall in that trap again
Okuhle; *laughing* yey this guy woke you up ne, who is he I have to meet him
Lindo; *laughing* boy lets go
He got up taking his jacket. I had a deep crush for lindo thixo everything about him nje...
Okuhle; I’m going to come back for you
Me; bye okuhle
Okuhle; ndlovukazi
Lindo; ntokazi
Me; *smiling* bye
They left
Insert 30
the crush was getting deep. I couldn't look at him in the eyes and I got nervous around him all the time
and what was hurting was, it seemed like he didn't even notice me not notice but look at me like that,
main reason for that must have been okuhle. His nice and attractive and all but he was not what I was
looking for. I did say I was now looking for my husband and well okuhle was more of a boyfriend and a
chuma guy, sex then no relationship after. As for Lindo, Lindo, Lindo, god he was mature, the way he
spoke, the way the atmosphere changes when he enters a room, his smile, his body, his lips, everything
about him was just perfect. The fact that I was a second year student and he was a lawyer in practise
made things hard for me, probably the reason why he didn't even take a second to look at me. He
seemed like the guy that was surrounded by girls who had their own lives figured out...
Lindo: you think too much
I turned to the door and he walked in
Me: I was thinking about work
Lindo: oh really ntokazi
I laughed more like blushed. The way he calls me thick😍😍😍😍😍😍
Me: 😄yeah, good morning
lindo: morning not sure about it being a good one
Me: hectic morning
Lindo: you don't want to know and yours
Me: well it was calm
Lindo: and now
Me:...
Lindo :*laughing* are you trying to say, I make your days hectic
Me: well you said it
He removed his jacket 😍😍
Lindo: I can't believe you just thought of that
Me:*laughing* they make your days hard, you make mines as well
Lindo: I'm sorry

I looked at him only to be met by his eyes
Me:*smiling* don't be
He looked away, I just rolled my eyes
Lindo: Layla I need you to come to my office ...yes now...ohk
Me: I'm going to make myself coffee, would you like one
Lindo: IV never drank your coffee before
Me: first time for everything
Lindo:*laughing* two teaspoons of coffee, one sugar with 4 teaspoons of cremora
Me: that already tastes horrible
Lindo: don't test Me
I laughed and walked out, the way my stomach ties into knots whenever I speak to him it frustrated me.
Got to the kitchen and made myself and Lindo coffee and went back..
Lindo: I need you to move, my meeting with Mr Hlatshwayo to Wednesday morning and remember
Friday I'm having a prison visit with one of the clients, I can't go there so I need you to send Sam
Layla: you know how he gets , I think it will be best if you go
I placed his coffee next to him and moved to my desk. Do you know when you in the same room as your
crush and you just keep on peaking , just to see if he is looking at you well that was exactly what was
happening
Lindo: I know that but I can't make it
Layla: I don't have a meeting scheduled for you Friday though Lindo
Lindo: I'm going to Cape town
Layla: oh
Lindo: yes so I can't make it. I will call him letting him know I won't make it...
They carried on talking and talking. I ended up staring at him, the way his eyes blinked with his long
lashes and lips as I was staring, he turned to my direction. He carried on talking while looking at me
Lindo: uhm yeah she j...
I turned away
Layla: what?
Lindo: I mean do just that Layla
Layla: ohk we done

Lindo: yeah
Layla: nkosazana want to go for lunch
Me: where to?
Layla: don't worry my treat
I looked at Lindo but he was looking the other way
Me : uhm ohk
Layla: great *smiling* IL come take you
Me: ohk
She walked out. The was awkward silence, he did his own thing and so did i. His phone rang and he took
it outside.lunch time Layla came to pick me up
Me: so how long have you been working here
Layla: way too long
Me: you love it here
Layla: yeah it wasn't my dream job but now it's all I've ever dreamt of
I smiled
Layla: and you miss advocate
I laughed
Me: I'm getting there
Layla: you coping though
Me: well I'm trying to be honest, it's not easy
Layla: I can imagine, Lindo used to tell me his stories when he was in varsity
Me: you usually talk about personal things
Layla: yeah I pretty much cry to him
Me: ncoo his a really nice guy
Layla: oh we have another one
I laughed
Me: what?
Layla: all girls in that firm are crushing on Mr CEO , Mr advocate, Mr gym, Mr too hard to please, Mr too
tidy
I laughed so loud
Me: hang on, I'm not crushing his my boss
Layla: his my boss and my friend and I'm still crushing
Me: you have a crush on him
Layla: no
I laughed...
Layla: I love my bf babe and no I'm not crushing
Me: hmmm ohk if you say so
Layla : *laughing* I am
Me: so how long you been together with your bf
Layla: 2 years
Me: yho wow
Layla: your longest relationship?
Me: uhm
IV never even been in a relationship, how fucked up is that
Me: a year
Layla: well a year is long
Me: yeah but he got tired of me I guess
Layla: well not all guys are heaven and earth right
Me: yeah
We got to this place, it was more like a coffee shop we bought what we would eat and sat down to eat.
When we were done went back to the office
Me: I brought you something just in case you dont have something to eat
Lindo: well I haven't eaten so thank you
Me: my pleasure
I went to my desk and got busy. Past 5 I knocked off and went back home, I was tired so I just want to
bed. I stalked Lindo on every social media but I couldn't find him at all. I found Layla and Checked her
mutual friends but still nothing. I eventually went to bed.
Following morning went to the office and the Mr was not there, he did say he had a meeting. I carried
on with what I was paid for and well it was boring without him, well lol to me. I took out my phone and
played music with it while working
Me: masambe sobabile, awu weh muntuza *singing* ngifuna ekhaya bakwazi sthandwa Sami *singing*
I heard someone laugh. I quickly turned and mistakenly dropped my phone, he quickly rushed to it and
bent down. He took it and held it
Lindo: well good career choice, you would have not made it as a singer
I hit him on his arm and laughed
Me: you don't know what you talking about
He placed my phone on the table and got up
Lindo: I know that you Mrs can't sing
(Mrs??? Really dude, I'm not even in a relationship)
Me: more like miss
Lindo: you look like a Mrs
He said that walking out of the office. I wanted to say something but he was already out. I just smiled.
Lindo: you a fan ?
Me: of?
Lindo: jaziel brothers
Me: yeah
Lindo: you like acting like a grown up
Me:*laughing* for listening to jaziel brothers
Lindo: 20 year old, jaziel brothers
Me: 21
He looked at me
Lindo: you only turning 21 in a week's time
Me:*laughing* how would you know
Lindo: I have details of everyone who works here
( That means you have my numbers , why don't you text)
Me: still I'm 21
Lindo: still 20
I just laughed
Lindo: 21st what will you be doing
Me: here working
Lindo: surprise party awaits you
Me: Nah don't want it
He looked at me
Lindo: saba ukuhlolwa ( scared of testing your virginity)
Me:...
I looked at him, he turned his face to me and we looked at each other
Lindo: what?
Me: it's not about that
He stopped typing and turned with his chair to look at me
Lindo: then what?
Me: nevermind
Lindo: no talk
Me: 21st is no longer about being a virgin and St...
He cut me off
Lindo: but the significance of it is that a 21 year old girl has reached 21 without having been sexually
penetrated and you know that
Me: times have evolved it's no longer about that but rather if they have a child or not
Lindo:*laughing* how many after pills have they drank
Me: geez Lindo
Lindo: small places still believe in the custom of ukuhlolwa ( checking virginity) and I'm pretty much sure
your parents believe in it to. So you don't want it cause you know you no longer a virgin while your
parents think
Me: I'm going to work in Layla office
Lindo: so now you mad
I packed my things
Lindo: I thought we were having a conversation
Me: a conversation that turned you into a small minded person

I walked out. I realised after what I just said and worse part to my boss.
Me: can I work here
Layla: what happened
Me: please
Layla: ohk , did you and lindo fight
Me: kind of and well I was a bit rude
Layla:, he can be annoying at times so I understand
Me: yeah let me get with work
Layla: ohk
I continued with work past 4 Layla left. around 5, I was not done so carried on what I was doing.
Someone: can I come in
I turned to the door and it was Lindo
I moved my eyes back to those documents. He walked in and pulled a chair to sit next to me
Lindo: why are you fighting with me ?
Me:...
Lindo: ohk I'm sorry, I'm sorry for everything I said and I take everything back
Me:...
Lindo: ntokazi come on, I don't even understand why you fighting with me. We were having a harmless
conversation that ended up in you leaving and not talking to me. I'm apologising but that is still not
enough
Me: I'm trying to work Lindo
Lindo: we both trying to work, but the moment I try to work my mind just drifts away
( Wait, if his so bothered with me not talking to him does this mean there is a chance he likes me )
Me: ...
Lindo: like I said I'm sorry and I just didnt view this conversation with a bigger picture.
I looked at him and fuck this guy
Me: *laughing* it's cool
Lindo: I'm forgiven
Me:*laughing * yeah
Lindo: come here
He got up and I got up as well, we hugged the way he smelled. Smell of heaven. He broke it and asked
me to come back, I took my things and we walked to his office and carried on with work...
Insert 31
Today I decided to be a bit extra, just for control. I wore a black pencil skirt with a slit up my thigh, a
black off shoulder top and black heels, I tried my braids into a bun, applied a bit of make up with a touch
of a dark red lipstick. I was fire, no like literally 🔥. I went to eat breakfast then baba Khumalo went to
drop me off. The moment I arrived I no longer wanted to go in cause I felt like I was too much, what was
I thinking nami
Baba: nkosazana
I turned to him
Baba: we here
Me: oh thank you baba... Enjoy your day
Baba: you too ntombazane
I got out off the car and walked in, tagged in with the my temporary card and I was already gaining
stares, got in the elevator
Guy: how is it IV never seen you before
Me: hi to you to
The elevator arrived on the fourth floor,
Guy: you work in the criminal justice floor, IL come see you during lunch
I laughed and walked to the office. It was already busy and here as well stares, I got to my desk and
breathed out loud.
Layla: well you look beautiful
Me: other days I don't
Layla: you always beautiful no need for me to say that cause you know it as well
Me:*laughing* thank you
Layla: this is for you

She handed me some documents and what I needed to do. I immediately got busy, before the work
piled up. I got a call from luu
Me: Luu
Him:* hey baby
Me: yes sthandwa
Him: hehhhhhhhhh listen to yourself
I laughed
Him: I miss you
Me: I miss you too mtase , just few more days
Him: excited to come home
( Not really cause I might never see Lindo again)
Me: you have no idea I can...
The door was roughly opened , Lindo came in panicking followed by Layla
Me: I have to go
Luu: ohk baby IL talk to you later
Me: ohk
Then I hung up.
Layla: so when are you leaving
Lindo: my flight is in a few hours time Layla
Layla: do you need anything
Lindo: I need you to give me space
it was as if he was looking for something and him not seeing it, got him more frustrated. He finally got
what he wants but it was an envelope
Lindo: finally
Layla: l...
Then they both walked out. WOW!!! Not only did I look beautiful for nothing but he didn't even say
hi.like hi would have not hurt. I just carried on working and well it was clear he was not interested.
Lunch time went to eat lunch out, like I was so disappointed the whole time, went back to the office and
he was still not there. Carried on working around 6 the was a knock. I turned and it was okuhle
Okuhle: nkosazana
Me:, okuhle
Okuhle :*smiling* I missed you, you know that
Me: of course you did
Okuhle: where is the bitch
Me: bitch?
Okuhle: Lindo
Me: I don't know, he left suddenly
Okuhle: why didn't you ask him
Me: cause he was too busy to notice anything
. He reached down on his pants and took out his phone
Okuhle: uvah?...when did you leave...when are you coming back ...I'm at your office... Yeah she's here...
So you coming down when... Ohk ... Sharp
Then He hung up. I was just busy with work
Okuhle: let's go?
Me: where to?
Okuhle: I'm taking you out
Me: nope
Okuhle: I swear it's just dinner then I take you home
Me:...
Okuhle: please
Me: I'm not done
Okuhle: IL wait for you
He said that walking to Lindo chair. I continued with work when I was done
Me: ohk
Okuhle: done
Me: yes
Okuhle: ohk
I stood up
Okuhle: fuck!
I turned towards his direction and looked at him, he was drooling like drooling
Okuhle: nkosazana like baby
Me: *laughing* what's wrong with you
Okuhle: fuck, where is my phone ?
He took it out
Me: no okuhle
Okuhle: you are art and I'm going to show you off
Me: okuhle
I could just hear camera sounds , I ended up going with the floor
Okuhle: fuck wena
I laughed
We walked out, walking to the elevator
Okuhle: can I smash
I turned to him
Okuhle: I'm being honest here, I'm not lying to you to convince you of anything. I'm telling you exactly
what I want
Me: no
Okuhle: you stingy
We both laughed, we headed to the parking lot to his car
Me: this is yours?
Okuhle: yeah
Me: she's beautiful
Okuhle: she is isn't she and shes a beast when I ride her, no pun intended
I laughed
Me: 😂😂😂 wow okuhle
Okuhle: laughing* come on
He opened the door for me and I got in.
Okuhle: you beautiful and you look beautiful

Me: *smiling* thank you
Okuhle: I was thinkingking Kasi dinner but dressed like that, you deserve something better
Me: no IV never been to Joburg till now, rather more Kasi thing
Okuhle: for real
I nodded my head
Okuhle: ohk I know the perfect place
We were mostly talking even the radio was on a low volume.
Me: why don't you be honest with me
Okuhle: about
Me,:you and Lindo... You look alike man okuhle
He laughed
Okuhle: don't you know when you have been friends with someone for a long period of time, you end
up looking like them
I looked at him
Okuhle: I'm telling you.. so you stay at res?
Me: yeah
Okuhle: IL come visit you some time
( A guy like him coming to my res, I can imagine )
Me: really
Okuhle: yeah as long as you will cook for me
Me: *laughing* you must tell me before time then
Okuhle: here
He gave me his phone
Okuhle: write your res name
I wrote it down and my room number
Okuhle: don't act all surprised when I show up Lana
Me: i won't Hao
Okuhle: since you don't want me to smash, you have hot friends as you
Me: I got one friend at school and she has a bf

Okuhle: and bethanie
Me: 3
Okuhle: yes , they pretty
Me: I would never set them up like that especially with you
He laughed
Okuhle: why do you see me as a bad guy?
Me: I don't , I'm just being honest just like you honest
Okuhle: ohk point taken... We here
We got out and he held my hand, we walked in and it was a nice place really nice place
Okuhle: well this is another part of Soweto
Me:, seems chilled
Okuhlr:, it is
We got closer to people and the stares guys like wtf. They found us a table and we sat down. I was
craving meat. Okuhle phone rang and he took it.
Me: you ohk?
Okuhle: yeah two of my boys are coming you don't mind
I shook my head
Okuhle: ohk what you going to eat
Me: why don't we eat when they get here
Okuhle: ohk that's a plan
We ordered drinks, I was drinking wine mtaka dad
Me: where is your family
Okuhle: yho my family?
Me: yeah family
Okuhle: well I don't know what happened, I had a fantastic child hood. Mum and dad had all the money,
they could probably buy the world too. It was perfect of course like any married couples, they will fight.
I'm the last born at home, just after I turned 21 they left, mum and dad and I hardly see them now
Me: what?
Okuhle: fucked up I know, they always say they protecting us
Me: so the rest of your siblings

Okuhle: everybody is doing their own things, making their own money
Me: you not close
Okuhle: we are close, all of us
Me: how many are you
Okuhle : 1 sister and two brothers
Me: big family,
Okuhlr: enough about mines yours?
Me: a baby sister and my older brother
Okuhle: you close
Me: way too close
Okuhle: must be nice
Me: yeah
Okuhle: what about you..
Guy: boyyyy
Okuhle turned cause he was facing me
Okuhle:*laughing* boyzin
Guy 2: boy
Okuhle: sure boy
Guy 1: hey
Me: hi
He wanted a hug, so I got up and hugged him and the other guy as well
Okuhle: Nana this is sphiwe and Niza
Me: nkosazana
Them : nice meeting you
Me: likewise
Okuhle: we hungry, let's buy food
They bought food and we had small talks, pics were taken.drinks were all over the table, good music was
playing. You would think it was a Friday Kanti nix , Thursday. I was getting tipsy and stopped drinking
Okuhle: what's wrong

Me: I have work tomorrow and I can't go home tipsy
Okuhle: don't worry about lindo
Me: I'm not worried about him but I need to make a good impression not behave as of its my father's
place
They all laughed
Nazi: you stress too much
Me: says people who are not waking up tomorrow
We had more fun, we only left around 2 am. They dropped me off and I just went to bed. Woke up tired
as fuck, went to shower , they had casual Fridays. It was hot so I just wore a nice ,vibrant summer dress
with all star and we left.
They dropped me off and went to the office. Did the usual at work. Lunch time went to mc d to go buy
something to eat, Lindo was not at the office and it was packed at MC d so I decided to eat at the office.
I went back and the moment I opened the door, he was sitting there eating a Sandwich...
Me: I'm sorry for not knocking I was not aware you here
He raised his thumb up, he had no food in his mouth did not understand why he couldn't just say cool.
I went to sit on my desk and began eating. The was silence
Me: how was your trip
Lindo: fine
Yho ai ke
Me: when did you get back
Lindo: I'm trying to eat
Me....
I ate my burger and chips, when I was done. Threw away the paper bag and began with my work...
Insert 32
No one has said a word to each other, I was done with my work and ready to hit my weekend but I just
carried on doing other things cause I was trying to figure out why Lindo was acting like this.
I turned to face him
Me: did I do something wrong?

I couldn't hold it in anymore, it bothered me that he was acting like this towards me. He didn't move his
eyes from the laptop
Me: I don't understand why you treating me like this right now. Did I do something, or say something. I
always leave your office clean and do what is required of me. I don't understand what would make you
mad.
Lindo:...
Me: Lindo
Lindo:...
Me: I'm sorry for whatever that I did and you not talking won't solve anything, how will I know how to
fix it
Lindo:...
I packed my things
Me: Im really sorry just so you know
Said that putting my things in my bag.
Lindo: you go out with okuhle now?
I turned to face him
Me: go out with okuhle?
Lindo:, you going to deny that
Me: I went out to eat with him yesterday that's all
Lindo: seem like you were having fun
I was testing my water
Me: why do you care anyway?
He stopped what he was doing and looked at me
Me: why
Lindo: please leave I'm trying to work
Me: before I leave let me say this, yesterday you didn't even say a simple hello, I get your life is busy but
a hi would have not hurt anybody and I went out with okuhle to eat not procreate and you mad... on
that note, I'm still tryna figure out why you mad?, I thought okuhle is your boy
Lindo: and that is exactly what's wrong about this whole damn thing
Me: what are you really mad about?
Lindo: you crossing your boundaries

Me: goodbye Mr mkhize
Took my bags and walked out
I got home and just went to bed to sleep, this whole Lindo thing was frustrating me. Clearly he likes me
or why would he be angry I went out with okuhle. Nakhona just to eat and his mad like that. I woke up
after a few hours and helped mam Khumalo cook
Her: how is it going at work baby
Me: stressful mama but then what can I say
Her: we must work
Me: exactly
Her: have you talked to your parents ??
Me: today no ma , IL call them before I sleep
Her:they raised a real lady
I twirled, she laughed
Her :*laughing* you forward wena
Me: haaaa mama
Her: vele
Me: thank you again mama for letting me stay her... My phone rang I checked the number and I didn't
recognise it... Hold on mama... Helo...
Him : hi Im outside your place
Me what?
Lindo: address that you gave us for temporary
Me:, mama I'm coming
I walked out and there was a Mercedes just outside the gate. I got out and the driver door opened. I just
folded my hands, he leaned on the bonnet.he had some files with him. I walked up to him
Lindo: I forgot to give you this
He handed me the documents
Me: what are these for ?
Lindo: I need you to confirm everything there and sign it. This is your proof of employment and
testimonial , attached with a document that I need you to go over so I will send it to the financial
department so you will get your income
Me: ohk
He looked at me
Me: Is that all?
Lindo: what game you playing
Me: game hayboooo Lindo
I walked away
Lindo: I don't understand why you went out with okuhle
I turned
Me: and I don't understand why you jealous
He looked at me
Me: he came to see you in your office, you were not there he insisted he buys me dinner then take me
home. He took a few pictures and we went to eat eh chaf poz with two of his friends and then he took
me home
Lindo:...
Me: I don't understand why you mad really! If you don't want me to hang out with okuhle fine, I won't
Lindo:...
Me: ...
Lindo: nkosazana
Me: Lindo
Lindo: can we not do this again?
Me: which part
Lindo: getting angry with each other
Me: only if
He cut me off
Lindo: we tell each other what is bothering us
Me: yeah *smiling*
Lindo: let's go
Me: where to?
Lindo: eat!
Me: they co... Ohk let me go change
Lindo: you look fine
Me: ohk let me go take my key
I went back inside
Me: ma I'm leaving
Her: where are you going ?
Me: a colleague offered to take me out for lunch so he put me into a position I could not get out off
Her: ohk ntombazane, you will eat tomorrow
Me: will you be ohk alone
Her: yes baby go
I went to fix my face, took lipstick l, my phone and my purse and walked out. I got inside the car and it
smelled Lindo 😂😂 so you would know it smelled good.
Lindo: you look beautiful
Me:*smiling* oh really
Lindo : oh so you want me to tell you something you already know
Me: it's always nice to hear it from someone else
Lindo: well you look...
He cut got off as his phone rang, it immediately got connected to the car
Lindo: dad
Guy: where are you?
Lindo: uhm Soweto
Guy: I'm at your house
Lindo: when did you come back ?
Guy: we need to talk I need you to come here
Lindo: dad I can't , I'm in the middle of something
Guy: where is your brother ?
Lindo: uhm I don't know
Guy: lindo
Lindo: dad I'm in the car and you connected to the speaker and I'm with people in the car
Guy: when you done immediately come here
Lindo: ohk
He seemed stress and scared
Me: you ohk?
Lindo: IL be ohk
Me: you clearly are not ohk, how about we reschedule
He looked at me
Me: please I insist and i don't want you to be bad company
Lindo: we going to reschedule right
I nodded my head
He turned back the car and I walked in
Ma: Hao??
Me: he had an emergency, so I told him to go
Ma: you saw tired go and sleep
Me: I will ma, where is sebe
Ma: I wonder Nami yazi baby
Me: will see when does she get back
I walked to my room and slept
#LINDO
After dropping off e ntokazi, I rushed back to my place. I was glad she wanted us to reschedule cause my
dad would have told me shit, if I decided not to cancel. I sped home, I was missed by two cars but that
didn't stop me. I arrived at home and his car was on the driveway. He was the only one who had my
house keys, meaning he could come as he pleases and well I didn't give it to him.he demanded them. I
walked in and he was watching soccer, he was old but still looked strong and fresh
Me: dad
Him: IV been waiting for you, for over an hour
Me: I got here as quickly as I could
Him: sit down
I sat opposite him

Me: how's mum?
Him: she's good, she misses home
Me: I'm shocked to see you here
Him: that's because I'm not even suppose to be here
Me: you heard?
Him: what the fuck is wrong with you
Me: I tried stopping him but you know how hot headed he is, I warned him about the shares but he
went through with them without my approval and I couldn't tell him the real reason why
Him: get him the fuck out off this mess
Me: he needs to learn
Him: I do the teaching not you, get him out
Me:...
Him: don't fuck with me boy
Me: IL get him out
Him: good
Me: want beer
Him: I want my wife
I laughed
Me: you always with mum dad
Him: and I would still be with her, if I didn't have to come here
Me: and I would be eating right now
Him: who were you with
Me: colleague
Him: call you brother
Me: he will be glad to hear from you
Him: call him and tell him to come here
I took my phone and dialled his numbers,
Him: boy
Me: hey come thru at my place

Him: what's up
Me: just come through
Him: ohk give me an hour
Me: cool
I was woken up around by my phone I checked the time and it was 1 am. It was an unsaved number
Me: helo
Him: oh I'm sorry , you sleeping?
Me: not anymore
Lindo: I wanted to apologise to you
Me:about?
Lindo:acting the way, I acted earlier and well having to leave
Me: as for that we need to stop begging each other and getting mad for who knows what
Lindo: yeah it's just
I cut him off
Me: what?
Lindo: Nah nothing
Me: did you find your dad
Lindo: yeah he gave me hell
I laughed
Lindo: dont laugh ntokazi
Me: what's with you and that name
Lindo: it's specially for you, I call a lot of people baby, Nana but not ntokazi
Me: *laughing* should I be happy to hear that
Lindo: what you mean vele
I laughed
Me: hard to believe I only met you a week ago
Lindo: tell me about it, so what happens after Friday
I got all so excited

Me: with?
Lindo: do you see yourself working for this company
Not the answer I was expecting
Me: most definitely but I'm not sure whether I'd want to settle in Cape town or in Joburg
Lindo: can I decide for you
Me:*laughing* ohk
Lindo: pick Joburg
Me: then I shall pick Joburg
We both laughed, his laugh was everything
Me: what you doing this time of the night
Lindo: smoking
Me: do you smoke weed?
He laughed
Me: I know you do, I just want you to confirm it
Lindo: how you know ?
Me: I once came across a paper that had weed seeds seems like you were crushing it on that paper,
after you smoke it you become slow and calm at first I thought I was crazy until I figured you must use
eye drops for your eyes
Lindo: that's your theory?
Me: yeah
Lindo: you will be a bad lawyer oh my god
Me:"*laughing* what?
Lindo: yes Nana, I would tell you everything about me and weed but you will think, it's because I'm
analysing myself
Me: well then analyse me
Lindo: I already did, with your bf
Me: I don't count that
Lindo: when you frustrated, you eat your pen
Me: *laughing* everyone does that... When you frustrated, you want to be left alone if you don't. You
shout at everyone
He laughed
Lindo: you have this thing when you talk to me, you bite your lips and you don't with anyone else IV
noticed. I don't know whether it's your way of trying to turn me on or what
Me: *laughing* no I don't
Lindo: IL show you next week
Me: you pray in the morning
Lindo: what?
You give a blank stare, either staring at the wall.thid has happened more than twice. Then I realised you
were praying
Lindo: you better than me
Me: I know, I know
Lindo: ntokazi, I'm tired will talk tomorrow ohk
Me: ohk goodnight
Lindo: goodnight
Insert 33
Sunday morning was woken up by mam Khumalo
Her: babe let's go to church
Here's the thing I never went to church or prayed at all, my relationship with God was not in good terms
and I never amended it.
Me: I don't go to church ma
She sat on my bed
Her: why
Me: uhm will talk when you come back
Her : no let's talk when we both come back... Get up
I really didn't want to but she begged me including sebe. I finally agreed, we went to church. We got the
when the service had already started.
Pastor: will all those who are here for the first time stand
I was not about to stand
Ma: stand up baby
I stood up, and two other girls and one man. They started clapping hands
Pastor,: thank you for choosing to come here to worship God with us... We welcome you and hope you
enjoy your visit... Also we ask of you to remain behind for 5 minutes, giving you a chance to ask
questions about our church and anything you may love to know... Thank you
Music started playing and half of the people there came to shake my hand and welcome me. The service
continued, after church I went there and they offered us juice and biscuits. I didn't ask anything they
were informing us of a whole lot of things. Then we left, got home and called my parents. Ma walked in
the room
Me: ohk mama greet Luu for me
My mum: ohk Baby
I hung up,
Ma: how are they at home?
Me. Just miss me but last week
Ma: wanted us to talk
Me: oh ohk
Ma: yes about what you said earlier
Me: Ohhh ohk
We sat down
Ma: what happened
I did not like opening up about my situation for one, I didn't want people feeling sorry for me and asking
how I felt and all those things.
Me: god wasn't with me no actually he has never been with me
Ma: what makes you say that
Me: I ... I
I looked at her and she had that mother look , that sincere look
Me: I was raped at age 12, my brother was taken away for half of his life , my parents are struggling and
sometimes can't put food on the table, I started varsity a year later...in my life is there any sign that God
is alive
Ma: look where you are right now, second year law student, you working with other lawyers, how many
students want this position but they took you out of all those students. You making your parents proud,
maybe the first girl to graduate in your family all of this is God's work baby... Yes sometimes he gives us
a hard time , trust me he gives us all a hard time but you know what, he is testing us if will we still stick
with him if we face hard times, if will still go down on one knee worship after he took your son away or if
you were raped
Me:...
Ma: I know what I'm saying is easier said than done but you need to trust him, trust him that all he
makes you go through is to make you stronger and better person the following day
Me: it's not that easy ma.
Ma: I know that but like I said trust him and look at everything he has done for you even though you
mad at him
Me: thank you ma
Ma: no thank you for trusting me what was bothering you from the inside
She pulled me into a hug, I returned the hug and we just talked. Like really talk, me and my mum never
talk about this and we never talked about it. When I told her im no longer going to church she never
argued with me till this day... Around 5 we watched idols which I enjoyed very much.
Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday it was just work. Thursday went to work and Lindo was already
there
Me: sorry I'm late, I had to use taxis today and it was my first time using them
Lindo: what happened
Me: Bab Khumalo is not here , he is only coming back tomorrow and his the one that usually drops me
off
Lindo: it's ohk, you travelled safe
Me: yep Thank you for asking
I walked to my desk and the documents there
I turned to Lindo
Lindo:*laughing* it's not even mine, I swear
Me; ,yho I'm not going home today
He laughed. I started with my work, I couldn't even go out for lunch but Lindo brought me something. As
we were doing our work someone barged in, I turned and if it was okuhle.
Okuhle: what the fuck is wrong with people, I need you to do this, find out who is behind this and if I can
claim for a breach of contract with these people

Okuhle: just after I purchase those shares, they decided to fucken pull out
Lindo: there's nothing I can do
Okuhle: you my fucken Lawyer your will help me
Lindo: it's not in my jurisdiction
Okuhle: don't fucken tell me that
Lindo: you shouting won't help with anything
Okuhle: get this done
Lindo: I warned you about this from the beginning but you went through with it without my approval
anyway, so I'm not getting involved
Okuhle: fuck you and f...
Okuhle was just fighting, my phone rang and it was my mum. I got up to answer it outside
Lindo: you making noise and nkosazana is taking a phone call
Okuhle looked at me, I was going to answer it outside but I guess it was Lindo was to keep him quiet.
Me: mama
She was crying
Me: mama... Yini... What happened
Her: you need to come home
Me: mama what happened
Her: are you sitting down
Me: just talk ma
Her: lulama was shot this morning......
I felt numb and weak and there was this sound in my ear that I could no longer hear it was as if I was
deaf. I looked at Lindo and he stood up to walking towards me , I turned to okuhle and he was always
walking towards me then blackout...
Someone; nkosazana ... Nkosazana
I slowly opened my eyes and i was met up by two perfect faces looking down at me
lindo ; are you ohk? What happened?
Okuhle; who was on the phone?
Then i remembered, i tried getting up but they didnt allow me, they both helped me up. I looked around
Okuhle; you ohk
I just got teary
Me; my brother was shot this morning
They looked at each other
Lindo; lets go
Me; northwest
Lindo; lets go il drive you there
Me; luu ... Work...
Lindo; dont worry about work, your vac was almost over anyway
Me; my bags
Okuhle: you will take them another time
We walked out and headed to the car..The drive was silent the whole time, i was looking outside the
window the whole time, i moved and sat in the middle. I looked on the mirror and lindo was looking at
me. We looked at each other until he had to move his eyes back to the road. I called my mum and they
told me he was at ga rankuwa. We got there and walked the direction my mum was telling me to go. I
saw her, my dad and thando. I ran up to them and hugged them.
Me; where is he?
dad; they still busy with him
Tears just approached my eyes. I was such a mess i couldnt even introduce lindo and okuhle to my
parents. They introduced themselves
Mama; you twins?
I didnt hear they response cause i walked out, i needed air and i was not getting it inside there. I sat on
one bench and couldnt hold my tears in i just broke down. I felt someone hands on my back, i lifted up
my head and it was okuhle while lindo was standing opposite me holding thando.
lindo; he will be ohk ne
I nodded my head. He knelt opposite me
lindo; cheer your sister up ne
Thando nodded her head and she got off from lindo
Me; thank you for driving me here
okuhle; its a pleasure

Me; you dont have to stay
lindo; you not getting rid of us just like that
lindo got up and lighted a cigarrete now they were both standing opposite me
Lindo ; how old is your brother ?
Me 27
Lindo; he will be ohk lover
Me; thank you both so much for being here
They smiled, after an hour or more being there. They allowed us to see him. I walked in and tears just
approached my eyes, his eyes were closed laying in that bed. I kissed him on his cheek
Me; luu... Luu ... Luu wake up
He didnt say anything, i sat there till my parents came and to my surprise they allowed lindo and okuhle
as well. We had to go cause the taxis were ending , of course the guys volunteered to drop us off.
Me; luu im leaving ohk, il come back tomorrow to see you, please try and wake up i love you so much ,
im nothing without you please dont leave me behind in this big world. I still need your protection... Luu
please wake up please *crying*
Nurse; im sorry but you have to go
I lifted up my head and noticed the way okuhle and lindo were looking at me. I sat up straight wiped my
face and we walked out. We got into the car and my dad was talking with the boys the whole time. I got
a message on my phone and it was lindo but he was driving
Me; okuhle?
Okuhle; oh yeah im sorry
Me; lol what will lindo say
Okuhle; never mind him
Me; ohk
Okuhle; you ohk
Me; no, i want my brother
Okuhle; im really sorry for what you going through ohk
Me; its ohk
Okuhle; can we talk?
Me; we are talking
Okuhle; no i mean just me and you

Me; ohk will talk when you drop us off
I was not sure about that to be honest
Okuhle; ohk
We arrived at my house and they forced them to have something to drink, i was kind of embarrassed
that these two were seeing where i was coming from. They got in and well we just sat and they talked to
him. After a while they got up and i walked them out.
Lindo; ntokazi im really sorry ohk
Me; thank you, what about work?
Lindo ; dont worry about it, you will get your pay before this week ohk
Me; thank you again
Lindo ; *smiling* cant wait to see you again
Me; huh
Lindo ; lets go boy
Okuhle: wait for me in the car, i want to talk to nkosazana
Lindo looked at me, hoping he would say something to stop this
Lindo; ohk
He got inside the car, this guys surprises me all the time
Me; so okuhle
He smiled looking down then back at me
Okuhle; so nkosazana
Me; what you wanted to talk about
Okuhle; i want to see you again
Me ; i dont think thats a good idea
Okuhle; give me 3 reasons for that
Me; you know those 3 reasons
Okuhle; come on you cant punish every guy for one guys mistake and my honesty
Me; im not too sure
The window went down
Lindo ; when are we seeing you again

Me; *laughing* you want to see me again
Lindo ; yeah not at work just in our personal capacity
I looked back at okuhle, his eyes were on me the whole time
lindo; come on, im sure my boy would love to see you again
What game was lindo playing though, one moment his mad i went to eat with okuhle,the other he
wants me to see okuhle , other he seems to be interested in me
Okuhle; she knows that
Me; you were my boss friend
Okuhle; so, im still going to see you, i have business in cape town il come see you then
Me; ohk
Okuhle; hold on but thats too far
Me; im not sure if il be available, i have to see my brother every chance i get but my bags and clothes
are still in joburg
Okuhle; will come back here next week Saturday
Lindo ; deal
Me; *laughing* fine
Then he rolled up the window again
Okuhle; il see you Saturday then
Me; ohk
Okuhle; oh and il take your numbers from lindo
Me; ohk
Then they left, i was annoyed with lindo but luu was my only concern now
INSERT 34
I went back inside and the excitement of me back home was no longer there, i couldnt even eat its like
the moment the guys left. I started to remember everything and think a lot. I went to luu former room
and just slept. Woke up later that day and noticed i had missed calls, they were from ntando. I called her
Ntando'; *crying* nkosazana

Me; ntando, whats wrong? Where are you?
ntando; im at our place no luu
Me; give me an hour il be there ohk
Ntando; ohk
The time was around 9. i told my parents i was leaving they didnt want me to go but i left either way. It
was far but i walked. I got there and knocked, she opened and she was a mess i just hugged her
Me; im so sorry
Ntando; *crying* i cant lose him nkosazana i just cant
Well she made me cry too now we both crying , after crying we both calm down and we cheered each
other up
Ntando; im so sorry
Me; i know him and i know he will be strong and come out off this
Ntando; i wanted to treat him but they didnt allow me
Me; maybe its for the best
Ntando; but i know what he needs
Me; he needs a dr that can think straight and right now you cant babe
Ntando;...
Me; do you know what happened
Ntando;...
Me; ntando
Ntando; we fought uyabo then i didnt talk to him, i was ignoring his calls, then i was at work and i
wanted him to beg me, i told him to come see me at work but he told me, he was about to knock off he
was just going to drop off the car and come see me... But i told him if he doesnt come, he must no
longer come and forced him to come, he refused and i just hung up i was frustrated with him *sniffing*
next thing i know, theres an emergency, in the corridors they shouting gun shot, gun shot... I ran there
only to see him covered in blood, he couldnt even look at me ...
She broke down again
Me; ...
Ntando; im sorry you had to come home to this
Me; i was looking so forward to seeing him
Ntando; i know babe

Then she pulled me into a hug. I slept over there with her, the next morning she dropped me off at
home just to shower. She came to pick us up around 11 and we left to see him. We were standing
outside his ward but i just froze there
Mum; whats wrong
Me; no go ahead
Dad; why?
Me; i need air before i can go in
Dad; you sure
I nodded my head. They went in and i just sat there. I called mam khumalo
Ma; baby
Me; ma is this also a test
Ma; i know this is hard baby... But i need you to pray ohk... This like i said is a test that wants to test you
that even after going this will you still go on one knee and pray
Me; i cant do this ma
Ma; lets pray together
She said a prayer over the phone and hung up after...
i think i sat there for an hour i was scared to go in, was scared of what i might possibly here. What if he
dies, what will i be without him? He needs to see me graduate and get married. I just buried my head in
between my thighs and let it all out i couldnt even control my cries. I felt someone hands on my back
but i didnt want to see anyone or for anyone to tell me il be fine, he will be fine i wanted them to tell me
he is fine.
Someone; love love
Its like my cries were paused, i slowly lifted up my head and he smiled. I just looked at him
Luu; love love wami
It was as if i could not talk, i was not sure if i was dreaming or what, i looked around and people were
still moving up and down, i could still feel air and the hospital smell. He moved my hair from my face
Me; luu
Luu; iv been waiting for you
Me; *crying* luu
I forgot he was in pain and i just hugged him
Luu; baby woahhhhhh
I broke the hug and looked on the side of his stomach cause that where he was holding onto
Me; you ohk
Luu; im ohk nana, i would never leave you
After that i just broke down in tears, he pulled me into a hug and i just cried to him. I was holding onto
the hospital garments he was wearing so tight. It was soo wet on his shoulder i mean wet
Luu; im sorry for scaring you baby , im so sorry
Me; luu you cant do this to me
He broke the hug and pulled my face to look at him
Luu; im sorry and i will never scare you like that ever again ohk
I nodded my head
Luu'; god i missed you
I laughed
Me; i missed you more... Come on lets go in before you get more sick
I helped him up and we walked in. The excitement on ntando face, she even helped him get into bed
again
Luu didnt want to stay in the hospital, so he wanted to go home. Ntando said he would take a few days
off to look after him and he was discharged on a Tuesday. I visited him the whole week, him and ntando
kept asking me 100 questions each day, its as if they knew what each day they would focus on or ask
me. I only had a week left, Saturday Around 10 my phone rang and it was okuhle
Me; hi
Okuhle; we are two streets away from your house
Okuhle; yeah make up a story and tell your parents you coming back tomorrow
Me; tomorrow?
Okuhle; yeah
Me; i cant do tomorrow
Lindo yes you can make up a story about work
Me; guys
Them; please
Ne; fine il let you know how it goes

I dont even know why i was agreeing to this in the first place. I told my parents i had to go to joburg to
sign some documents for work in order to get my salary, it took a lot of convincing and they wanted to
go with me at some point but i told them i was good. I also, told them i needed to collect my bags and
well they agreed. I took a small bag and walked to the street they said they were at...
INSERT 35
I saw a black mercedes with no plate in front. The driver door opened and it was lindo in a dungaree and
a white top. He looked good, i didnt even think people who were as serious as him could wear casual. I
couldnt help but smile. He greeted me from afar
Lindo ; hmmm and look at that
I laughed. I got closer until the passenger door opened as well and it was okuhle also in casual
Me; whats going on?
Okuhle; you look beautiful
I twirled, they both laughed. I hugged okuhle then lindo. They leaned on the bonnet with their legs and
arms crossed.
Me; so why am i here mr mkhize and mr msimango
Lindo; well miss ndlovu, we figured you might just want to have fun , even just for a day
Okuhle ; and theres no fun without us
I laughed
Me; why you doing this?
lindo ; doing what
Me; for one, you *pointing at lindo* are my boss, and you *pointing at okuhle* are my boss twin
Okuhle; well...
Me; yeah well...
Lindo; *laughing* why you like being personal
Me; you do this with every law student
Okuhle; i dont work at a law firm, so do you man *turning to lindo*
Lindo ; and you never visit my office back to back but since she came you have been a regular
I laughed
Okuhle; well im not your boss i can take you out
Lindo; i was also your boss for two weeks
Me;...
okuhle; babe come on
Me; promise me something
Lindo ; what?
Me; you wont drug me, nothing will happen to me, tomorrow you take me home safe and sound
Lindo ; lets put that in a handshake
Stretching his hand out, okuhle did the same and i shook both of their hands. I insisted i sit at the back
and they were cool with it.
Me; so are you twins
Them;...
Me; i think you twins so no need to answer that
lindo; why do you think we twins, we dont even have the same last name
Me; well you look alike
okuhle; that does not mean anything
Me; well it does to me
Okuhle; why you studying law
Me; why you changing the subject
He laughed
Okuhle; ohk i tell you this, we never talk about it ever again
Me; ohk
Okuhle; we not twins, we have been friends for way too long maybe thats why its starting to look like we
twins
Me; hmm
Lindo; believe us now
Me; no
They both laughed. It was a long drive having laughs and talking. I enjoyed their company so much it was
crazy that i just met them a few weeks ago , just as we were about to enter soweto. The cops stopped
us. The cop came to lindo window
Him; yebo bafana ( yes boys)
Lindo; sure!
okuhle; sure!
Him; what do we have here, license ndoda
Lindo reached for it and looked at me then smiled, i dont know why lol but i smiled back he was having
some sort off effect on me. He gave it to the officer and he went around the car and writing things on
the board he was carrying, he walked back to the window
Him; ndoda iphi enumber plate ( man where is the number plate)
Lindo ;...
He looked at them both and looked at the back looking at me. I just moved my eyes away from him. He
gave them a ticket for a missing number plate and we left.
okuhle; you hungry
M; yeah
Lindo; hold on
Me; ohk
It was another long drive. We got to this place and there were alot of cars there outside
Me; where are we?
lindo; at a braai
Me; and i was not invited
Okuhle; everyone is invited
We walked in to this house that was packed from outside. Lindo remained behind talking to some guy, I
walked in with okuhle
Me: I shouldn't have come here
Lindo: you always uptight you know that
Me: mxm
We walked inside the house and the girls were in the kitchen, others making salads, others standing
besides the stove
Me: ma ntombazane
Them: yebo babethu

I wanted to laugh
Girl 1 hey sweety
Me: hi
Girl1: don't tell me she is one of y...
Me:*laughing* whatever that is, the answer is no
They laughed,as we were laughing. this girl walked in fuck it's as if the Earth stood still for her. The
length of her weave, we were in a braai but she had on heels with a pencil skirt and a top like a bra. She
was beautiful
Okuhle: you here , didn't think this was your style
Her: where is he?
Okuhle: he was talking outside to tebza
Then she turned to me and looked at me not greeting
Me: hi
Her ; who is this?
Okuhle: someone hotter than you
Girl: holy shit and has a bigger ass than yours
She made those sounds as if you in the stadium. I laughed
Girl 1: Put it here
Raising her hand up in the air. I don't know why but I high fived her
Her: don't piss me off sne im not in the mood
Okuhle: let me introduce you she is a bitch and I don't know what Lindo saw in her that's all you need to
know. She's rude and she looks down on people and I assume you have already figured she has already
done that with you
Lindo: who has done what to who now ?
Me:...
That moment I just wanted to go home, not about this girls bitchy tendencies but the fact that, she is
Lindo gf. How could I be in the same place as someone I like who will be all over his gf
Okuhle: you know how she hates a thr...
Her: hey baby
She wrapped her arms around Lindo and kissed him. I just looked away, not sure where to look cause
they were kissing in front of me. I walked towards girl 1 named sne
Sne: sne
Me: nkosazana
Sne: and this is sazi, lethu and Keitu
Me: nice meeting you all
Sazi: same here babe
Okuhle: well mina I'm hungry
Sne: let me finish up the pap then will eat
Okuhle: ohk, you will be ohk
I nodded my head. They walked out with the girl
Sazi: so how do you know this man
Me: *laughing* you mean okuhle
Sazi: yeah
Me: actually I work for Lindo, so I met okuhle nge coincidence
Sne: work for Lindo
Me: yeah I'm a law student so I was doing vac work
Sne: yess girl
I laughed
Me: is there anything I can help with
Sne: know how to make e green salad
Me: yeah
Sne: take it away
Everyone got busy, I enjoyed their company maybe it's because I was the youngest. The music was so
nice, we dished up and went to sit out, everyone ate their food and I volunteered washing the dishes,
sne didn't want me to but I insisted. I left them there and walked in to wash the dishes
My mind was just all over the place, I was having a nice time but this Lindo thing did not sit well with
me. I knew I had no chance but this time it was proven not my assumption.
Someone: you ohk
I turned and it was Lindo holding his beer

I turned back to the water and washed the dishes, I don't know why I was mad at him but I just didn't
want to talk to him cause he was annoying me.
I could hear footsteps that he was walking towards me
Lindo: I'm sorry for Natasha, she can be rude at times she told me what happened
Me: nothing happened
Lindo: I thought we talked about this, that if you don't like something you talk to me so we can talk
about it
Me:...
Lindo: yho ay mina angisazi
He said that so annoyed and placing his bottle on the table so rough
Lindo: nkosazana what you want from me
Me: did I say I want something from you
Lindo: clearly there is something you want, now you mad at me *shouting* for what I don't know
Me: yho ay Lindo awungyeke
Lindo: ungathi ngikye...
Someone: uhm sorry
We both turned to the door and sne was looking at us. Lindo looked at me pissed, he had literally turned
pink. The look on his face cut deep,he took his bottle and walked out.i carried on washing the dishes
I could feel that sne was still standing there.i turned
Me: what?
Sne: what was that?
Me: what?
Sne: that! you and Lindo as if you were fighting or something tense vibes
Me: just work
Sne: that's the things about Lindo, he never takes work home so I know that's a lie
Me:...
Sne: are you two fucking maybe
Me:*shouting* Sne, no , what?, He was my boss. Geez no
Sne: hmmm
Me: yebo
I finished the dishes then went to sit outside
Okuhle: what do you drink?
Me: Nah I don't want to drink?
Okuhle: I'm taking you home tomorrow, tomorrow and you don't want to get drunk today really
Me: fine brutal 8
Okuhle: thats more like it
He gave it to me and poured it on the glass. I didn't even want to look At lindo. The music they were
playing, I was more relaxed as time passed, me and sne got up and danced and this song came on, more
like Nigerian music it was so nice, and sne was twerking for me. I was laughing the whole time. She got
close to me
Sne: go and talk to Lindo
Me: for what?
Sne: I don't know what happened between the two of you but clearly something happened but his
mood just...
Natasha: well it was nice being with you me and my man are out
She said that emphasing my man. I turned to sne
Me: his ohk
That means I'm leaving with okuhle since he is leaving, he looked at me but I just looked away then they
left... The party went on but my mind was not there, I was dancing but not having fun more like
pretending to have fun... I walked to the toilet and peed , when I was done opened the door but okuhle
was standing there. I smiled
Okuhle: muhleza
I laughed
Me:*smiling* mubiza
Okuhle:you wish
I laughed
Okuhle: you still ohk
Mr: yeah
Okuhle:we leaving ngo 3 ne
Me: we going to your place
Okuhle: yeah Ori

Me: yeah
We went back outside and continued the fun, when we were about to leave
Okuhle: thank you guys,we out
Me:thank you so much I had fun
I hugged them, sne showed up
Sne: where you going ?
Okuhle: we leaving babe
Sne:you can't leave now
Okuhle: Nah babe
He hugged her
Sne: I have something to show you
Okuhle tried to resist but sne just pulled him in, I just sat down waiting for her and him
Insert 36
As I was waiting, a car parked on the driveway and Lindo showed up, I just rolled my eyes. He passed me
and went inside. After a few minutes walked out
Lindo: let's go
Me: where is okuhle
Lindo: I said let's go
Me: and I said where is okuhle?
He looked at me as if he was ready to kill me. I got up and walked out with him, I say at the back and the
drive was silent
The drama in my life because of this guy wow. I was angry
Me: there's nothing more annoying than a man who gives you the wrong impression...one moment he
seems interested, the other he doesn't and the worse he has a gf but keeps giving mixed vibes
Lindo: I never gave you mixed vibes
Me: I could write a damn book for everything that happened in that two weeks, it's fucken clear you into
me and you*poking him on his back* you gave me mixed vibes
Lindo: I'm sorry ohk
Me: you sorry...
It's as if the car was getting small and I was suffocating
Me: stop the car
Lindo: no
Me:*shouting * I said stop the car
He did I got out off the car and walked to his window
Me: you don't get to say sorry, you make yourself out to be this perfect gentleman every girls dream but
you fucken not. You just manipulative
Lindo: I'm manipulative?
He got out off the car banging it
Lindo: you busy with okuhle
I laughed
Me: what's it to you anyway, if I'm busy with him. You wanted me to be busy with him
Lindo: what??? When the fuck did I ever say that
Me:*imitating him* I'm sure my boy would love to see you again... Fuck man, I'm tired of playing this
game you playing, you and your brother Leave me the fuck alone. I was having a dramaless life and you
just rock up and worse part you have a gf
Lindo: yeah I have a gf so what?
I looked at him
Lindo: ...
When I get to angry, I start to cry and I could feel tears building up and this was the worst moment this
could happen
Me: you will tell your brother to leave me alone including yourself
After I said that, tears just dropped. His face just turned soft
Lindo: nto...
Me:*shouting* don't touch me, don't!!
He took one step back, I wiped my face and I could see from the look on his face that he felt so guilty.
Me: please drop me off at mofolo
Lindo: it's 5
I walked away
Lindo: fine
We got in and the car was silent. He dropped me off and they opened for me...
Following morning, I parked my things and got missed calls from lindo, I ignored them. I said my
goodbye and walked out as I was waiting outside for a taxi to take me to town, Lindo arrived. I acted as
though I can't see him, he parked his car and walked to me
Lindo: hi
Me:...
Lindo: listen I know you don't want to see me again sharp but let me take you home. I promised to take
you home and I intend to keep that promise
Lindo: I'm not leaving without you
Me: ...
He took my bags
Me: don...
Lindo: I won't listen to you phela mina when I say we leaving I mean exactly that
He didn't wait for my response, he just took my bags and walked to his car, I followed him.i sat at the
back. He started the car and drove off
Lindo: I'm on a serious relationship with a girl named Natasha we have been together for over 3 years,
im sorry if I gave you an impression that Me and you could possibly be together... You 20 still figuring
out your life... I need someone who has already figured out their life...you really are beautiful but I just
can't
Me:...
I reached for my bag took out my earphones and put them on. I was hungry but I couldn't even eat, he
stopped at MC d and walked in. He came back with food and opened the door, I didn't even take it. Do
you know when you mad in such a way that even if they offer you food, you just don't want their food. I
didn't take it, he placed it next to me and got in the car, I never even took one fry. We finally arrived, I
left the food there, took my bags
Me: thank you
I pulled my bag. He ran after me...
Lindo: nkosazan...
I just passed him and walked inside my house

Ma: you back
I nodded my head, I went to Luu room that was now my room and slept. Woke up the following morning
and blocked and rejected both Lindo and okuhle numbers, I ate breakfast and went to Luu. I knocked
then they let me in
Me: hey
Luu: love Love.
I sat down
Luu:, what's wrong
Me:, with
Luu:, you don't look good
Me: I'm just tired and well I'm going to school Monday
Luu: have you booked your bus ticket
Me: yeah
Luu: what's wrong Nana
Me: there's this guy I like
he just closed his eyes and rubbed them with his hand
Luu: where is he from?
Me: Joburg.
Kuu: what does he do?
Me : I'm not sure
I couldn't be to honest with him
Luu: does he like you back?
Me: he has a gf
Luu:...
Me: Luu
Luu: Nana you know I love you but knowing there's a guy you like and he might hurt you does not sit
well with me, could you please talk too Ntando about this
Me: IV been trying to but her phone is off
Luu: that's because she went to g. ..
The door opened.

Luu: there she is
Ntando: you were waiting for me
Luu: I'm going to buy us something to drink. He took his jacket and walked out
Me: I need to talk to you Ntando
Ntando: ohk sweety what's up
Me: there's a guy I like but he has gf
Ntando: oh lord
Me:.
Ntando: tell me about this guy
I told him
Ntando: do you trust him though, I mean with everything
Me:, I don't know anymore, I think he was testing my feelings
Well me and Ntando talked I mean really talk. She told me to just stay away from him and see what
happens, he will eventually see what he is missing on. I ate over there then Luu walked me home.
Rest of the week was perfect, I was with Luu and Ntando and Thando. I saw my friends as well and we
told each other what has been happening, I told them about Lindo and okuhle, they were a bit
disappointed. Friday they dropped me off at park station and took a bus to Cape town... I arrived and
went to sleep, i arrived Saturday morning, karabo was not there, I fetched my stuff from the store room,
unpacked and slept... Woke up around 4 went to shower then went to check on Ntokozo. I knocked then
the door opened we both screamed and hugged each other
Ntokozo: IV missed you so much babe
Me: not as much as me
Ntokozo: awusemuhle
Me: new hair do
She laughed
Ntokozo: expensive hair do
Me: I was working mfazi so please
Ntokozo: about that tell me everything
Me:yho drama over drama
Ntokozo: I'm sorry about your brother

Me: his ohk now
Ntokozo: I'm glad, so talk
Me: no you talk
Ntokozo: I'm always with lwandile babe, nothing new there
I laughed
Ntokozo: how was the work experience
Me: it was great until I started crushing on my boss
She laughed so loud
Ntokozo: what?
Me,: for one his hot, I mean hot, his body to die for
Ntokozo: tell me more, his name, his numbers and his social media pages
I laughed. I told her everything, I mean everything
Ntokozo: please tell me you joking
Me: I wish I was
Ntokozo: so why didn't he make it clear before
Me: I don't know and I don't care, I just want tp forget about this guy
Ntokozo: you have bad luck with guys
I laughed
Me: oh wow thank you babe
She hugged me
Ntokozo: IV missed you yho
Me: missed you too
I won't post for a while be patient with me
please. Im not sure when will I post
Insert 37
I was back at school, I enjoyed working during the holidays, so I applied for work at restaurants just to
boost my CV when I'm done. I mostly applied at waterfront. It was the second semester and lecturers
were rushing to finish off the year which meant assignment after an assignment but I knew how to work
under pressure so I was not that bothered. Woke up Friday afternoon, I didn't attend any of my classes
because I was really tired and I had plans, I wanted to go to Tygervalley and buy some few things and
Ntokozo couldn't accompany me. After everything I took a taxi and left, I bought everything I needed at
clicks then went to Mr price my phone rang and it was "Thando" I was shocked to get a call from him
Me: hi
Thando: and you are still alive
I laughed
Me: I thought I was never going to hear from you again
Thando: why?
Me: well for one, I told you I needed nothing more than a friendship from you
Thando: and I said friends mos
Me: well I thought you were not in it for the idea
Thando: I wasn't but you need to compromise sometimes
I laughed
Thando: and I figured you left for the holiday didn't want to bother you
Me: yeah I got back a week ago
Thando: how was home
Me: well...
Before I couldn't answer, he cut me off
Thando: you know what? Are you on campus
Me: no
Thando: where are you?
Me: Tygervalley
Thando: ohk give me 20 minutes IL be there
Me: ohk
I hung up and went to Mr price after 30 minutes, he called and I told him where I was, he came and we
just talked while he helped me pick clothes
Thando: so how was home?

Me: uhm good, home is always good
Thando: you sure
Me: yeah there were some obstacles there and there but it's cool now
Thando: what happened ?
Me: uhm my brother was shot
Thando: fuck! Is he ohk?
Me: yeah thank god for that
Thando: I'm sorry lala
Me: it's cool , how have you been
Thando: yho everything been hectic, work chasing that paper is not easy
Me: and I want to chase that paper, I applied for work at waterfront
Thando: expect to be taken, that place is a tourist attraction and they always wanting beauties like you
Me: you think so
Thando: trust me they will take you
Me: *smiling* well thank you for that
Thando: so why you alone, I thought girls always go with their girls when going out
Me: well it's a disadvantage if you have only one friend
Thando: not a people's person
Me: wouldn't really say that
Thando: so it's just me and your other friend
Me:"*laughing* yeah
We went to grab food
Me: so you from around here
Thando: yeah only place I know
Me:, but it's absolutely beautiful
Thando: it really is and it's not busy
Me: yeah
We had general conversation, just talking and laughing we both enjoyed each other company. he
insisted on dropping me off. He dropped me off then left. I went to ntokozo room, I knocked and
lwandile opened
Me: oh hi
Lwandile:*smiling* hi
He stepped aside
Me: no IL just see her when I get back
Ntokozo: babe get in
I walked in, she was cooking
Ntokozo: where have you been and don't tell me you only went there for these things cause you would
have taken just an hour
Me: Thando wanted to come see me, so he met me there and we hung out
Ntokozo: Thando club
Me: yeah , I came to tell you I'm back
Lwandile: she treats you like a child ne
Me:*laughing* you have no idea I have to report when I leave and if I don't report ,where do I come
from?
We laughed
Lwandile: but nkosazana why you sleeping on my boy
Ntokozo: hay lwandile Hao
Me:*laughing* the very same boy that's due to be cuffed
He laughed
Lwandile: he won't stop talking about you
Me: askies to him
Ntokozo laughed
Me: IL see you ne babe... Bye lwandile
Lwandile: you would look good together
I laughed and left

Went to my room, cooked as well cause I was hungry and went to bed. I received an email and it was
from okuhle, I just closed my eyes
" So why am I blocked? Did I do something, did something happen? I thought we were good, don't be
like this, unblock me so will talk tu"
I laughed and unblocked him, his messages came through I just laughed. I texted him
Me: what's up
He immediately video called me, I answered it
Okuhle: don't ask me what's up? Did we fight ?
Me...
Okuhle: no clearly you need to start talking and give me an explanation, Hao mina ngithi I'm texting
umuntu nix she blocked me what's up
Me: I was kind of mad with what happened
Okuhle: at the braai, I don't know what happened one moment I was with Sne, the next thing I wake up
the next morning and they told me you gone. I call but my number doesn't go through
Me: it's not about that
Okuhle: then what
How do I tell him that I like Lindo
Me: it's your friend
Okuhle: who ? Sne
Me: no, not sne
Okuhle: then who
Me: lindo.
Okuhle: what happened between you two
Me: nothing , I just thought it was best if I stay away from the two of you
Okuhle:, not gonna happen, I'm catching a flight to Cape town tomorrow morning for a business
meeting, after my meeting IL come pick you up and we go out
Me: no it's fine
Okuhle: I'm not asking you it's an order

I laughed
Okuhle: don't do me like that again girllll...
Me: sorry
He laughed
Okuhle: it's ohk... Don't forget tomorrow
Me: ohk
After talking to him, I went to bed
Next morning I told Ntokozo where I was going and she wanted to see this for herself. Around 3 okuhle
called me, remember he had my res details. We walked out and god , people were turning heads with
his car. He got out and he was looking rather "ohk"... Lindo yes yummy! but him as well shame
Ntokozo:who the fuck is this nigga?
I laughed
Okuhle: geez IV missed you
We hugged
Me:*laughing* this is my friend Ntokozo
Ntokozo smile 😂😂😂
Okuhle: hey beautiful
Ntokozo: hi
Okuhle: why don't you come with us
Ntokozo: n...
Me: you coming with us
He said he would wait for us as she went to change
Ntokozo: fuck, you didn't say he was this hot
Me: I did
Ntokozo: not that hot
Me: why you panicking
Ntokozo:*shouting* cause I don't know if I should risk it all for him
I laughed
Me: he just fucks don't risk anything
Ntokozo: that's a husband
I laughed
Me: yhooo thixo
We walked out and left with okuhle. We got to this place, a house
Me: whose house is this?
Lindo: mine, I asked them to prepare us something to eat, you cool with it
We nodded our heads. We got in and he parked on the driveway and walked in.the house was beautiful
similar to his in Joburg just this time it's has an amazing view of the beach,we walked out and the table
was set.we sat down and dug in
Okuhle: you also studying law
Ntokozo: nope education
Okuhle: will you stand for that
Ntokozo: yeah IV always loved it so yeah
Okuhle: could you please ask your friend why she blocked me
Me:*laughing* we still on that
Okuhle:, yeah
Ntokozo: you bring her a lot of stress
He laughed
Me: sorry okuhle for blocking you
Okuhle: vele you should be sorry
We just laughed about it, we all enjoyed each other's company, we ended up swimming more like them
I just had my feet in the water. They were getting to close to each other but I intervened, later that day
okuhle dropped us off. Ntokozo threw herself on my bed
Me:, yeyyyy I want to sleep mina
Ntokozo: mina I want okuhle, just to feel him inside of me
Me: uzokudla uokuhle unye ( okuhle will fuck the shit out of you )
She laughed
Ntokozo: I'm sleeping with you today,
we both changed and got inside the blankets and slept...

Insert 38 continuation
Monday morning woke up and went to class. My phone rang.
Me: helo
Someone:, hi is this miss Ndlovu
Me: yes
Woman: I'm calling from the cafe, about your job application
Me: oh yes
Woman: you have been shortlisted, and your interview will take place tomorrow. We know this is short
notice but this is so you could start Friday if they take you, at the Start of the next month
Me: yes ohk, where?
Woman: IL email you everything that you need and what you need to bring
Me: ohk thank you
I hung up, I was so happy. I went to tell Ntokozo
Ntokozo: congrats babe
Me: what's up?
Ntokozo: that means they didn't take me
Me:...
Ntokozo: it's ohk you will bring me food angithi
I laughed. We walked back to res and her phone rang
Ntokozo: helo... Yes... For real... Yes... Thank you... Thank you so much..
She hung up.
Me: what?
Ntokozo: just got an interview
We both screamed people were just looking at us
Me,: we must nail le interview
Ntokozo: yes
We went to her room since mine, karabo was studying. We practised and went to bed.
Next morning we prepared for it and left.. they asked general questions and they were going to get back
to us the following day... Wednesday we got a call and they took us both, we fetched our uniform and
training started immediately since we were working friday. Friday after school we slept for an hour since
we were working at night, 5 we left and got there 17:45 our shift started at 18:00
Ntokozo: let's do best
I nodded my head, we went to the table that were allocated for us, we had to wait at the entrance and
take people to our table. As it got late, the place got fuller and busy, luckily I was in my most
comfortable shoe making it easy for me to run or whatever so as Ntokozo. The tips were coming in , for
adults I just said I'm a student trying to make something for myself, that impressed them and they
would tip big. Boys just flash my body and a few smiles and touches tip! You would swear IV been doing
this for years...
Around 6 am we knocked off, we were so tired we couldn't even talk. We got to res and separated and
went to bed. I woke up after a few hours and made something to eat. I texted Ntokozo that I was
up,after 5 minutes there was a knock I let her in
Ntokozo: I was fucked up tired
Me: tell me about it
Ntokozo:my tips eyhuuu someone salary
Me: *laughing* me too, just imagine if we did this earlier
Ntokozo: yhooo babe
Me:We leaving same time today ne
Ntokozo: yeah
We prepared supper, ate went to shower then left.
Supervisor: well you did good yesterday
We smiled
Me: thank you
Ntokozo: yes thank you
Supervisor: no thank you girls
2 months passed, we still work there 😂😂😂 the people said we brought life to the place and money.
Me and Ntokozo adjusted work and school really well and it was great not having to ask anyone for
money. I refused money for the first month from Luu he didn't like that, the following month he thought
I had a blesser, so I was forced to tell him I work as a waitress on weekends, he didn't like the idea at
first but changed when I told him , it would look good on my CV. I had regulars now at the shop, a group
of rugby guys 😂😂😂 I mean those big buffed guys that would probably pick you up with one hand, they
were crazy over me and left big tips.
Saturday evening, I went to work but I was late. Ntokozo was already there cause she had to do
something. I ran there arrived and took my things
Ntokozo showed up.
Ntokozo: take your tables
He gave me my notebook. I walked out but quickly turned back
Ntokozo: what???
My heart was beating out off my chest
Me: I can't go out there especially to that table
Ntoko,: charmane will be mad babe, she was already pissed that you were late
Me:...
Ntokozo: what's wrong? Do you know any of those guys
Me:...
Insert 39
Me: Lindo
Ntokozo: Lindo
Me: yes Lindo
Ntokozo: holy shit! there comes charmane just be cool and act like you don't know him
I walked out, he was looking down on his phone
Me: good evening gentle...
He lifted his head and looked at me but I avoided his eyes

Me: IL be with you for your time here *smiling* anything you need don't hesitate to call me, I'm here to
ensure that you have a relaxed night and enjoy your dinner.you don't like something please tell me IL try
by all means to fix it
Guy 1 : well my heart is aching
I laughed
Me: and how may I help
Guy1: seeing you again
Me: will talk about that... Making dinner takes about 30 to 45 minutes... So in the meantime what would
you like to drink and what would you like to order
Guy 2: having you as a meal wouldn't be such a bad idea
Me: more like dessert
They laughed... That's all I needed to do to get big tips laugh and go with the flow, don't be easily
offended as annoying as it was at times. Lindo was serious the whole time.
Guy 1: main man, what drink should we have
Lindo: just give us 2 bottles of Hennessey
Me: and what will you eat
They all told me
Me: sir
He lifted his head up and looked at me
Lindo: just this
Me: IL bring you....
I was cut off when I heard a group of guys call out for my name, I turned and it was my guys
Them: we won *holding up the cup*
I laughed
Them: we want your table
Guy 1: needed everywhere I see
Me: people who appreciate a good thing
Lindo looked at me
Me: IL bring your drinks soon
I walked away and walked up to the guys

Me: give me a minute
Them: take all the time you need
I went to send the order through for Lindo and his people and took their two bottles to them. I walked
to the guys
Me: don't be mad but all my tables are full
Rugby guy 1: come on you can't tell us that
Me: there is room just not my tables
RG 2: then we leaving
They started to quarrel on the door, my manager came
Me: they want to sit on one off my tables and my tables are full
Him: gentleman I'm sure we can make an exception we have plenty of other pretty ladies to serve you
RG 3: listen Mr manager we want her, if not her will eat else where
I blushed the kind of effect I had on people was amazing. My manager turned to me
My manager: you will take Chrissy table and give it to them and you take care of them
Me: you will talk to Chrissy
My manager: yes but just take them there now
I did as told and they started shouting again I don't know what was up with that. I went back to Lindo
table
Me: uhm do you need anything... Your food is 10 minutes away
Guy 1: busy lady I see, you drive die bokker guys maal
I laughed
Me: kind of effect I have
Guy 2: you sh...
Lindo: that's enough
They turned to him and I looked at him
Lindo: we here to do business not have small talks with... With...
I looked at him
Lindo: with her geez

He banged the table and walked out. We were all left shocked but I gave them space to take care of my
other tables. I went back to take their food and gave it to them. Rest of the night I was just busy , I mean
like really busy. I took their bill
Me: thank you
And they gave me tips, I mean a tip from one table was my entire salary. I thanked them and walked to
leave the money for the bill. I didn't even bother looking at Lindo. Rest of the night just the usual,
around 5 am we prepared to leave. Got in the car and drove to campus, me and Ntokozo slept that
whole drive, we were woken up by the driver.
Next day we prepared for work and headed there , it was not as busy as a Friday.
Ntokozo: someone wants you
Me: one of the guys
Ntokozo: not really
I did what I did and went to the entrance to meet this customer only for him to be Lindo
Me: good evening sir, would you like a table
Lindo: yes
Me: kindly follow Me please
I led the way
Me: we have a special tonight
I told him
Me: so is there anything you would love to have right now
Lindo,: chance for us to talk
I closed my eyes trying to close that Lindo chapter so hard
Me: IL bring your drink
Said that walking away
Me: can we exchange tables
Ntokozo: he wanted you
Me: I can't babe, this is hard I really like this guy so this just hurts
She looked at me
Me: please
Ntokozo: fine I'm only doing his cause I love you
I hugged her and gave her what she needed
#Ntokozo
Ntokozo: I'm sorry for the inconvenience sir but nkosazana won't be able to take care of you, she's not
feeling like herself
Lindo:...
Ntokozo: your food will be ready in 10 minutes
I put his drink on the table and walked away. I was called for his food, took it and took it to his table
Lindo: why did she decide not to come anymore
Ntokozo: she's trying to have a relaxed day
Lindo: let me guess you friends and she probably told you about me and by the disgust in your face I can
confirm that
Me:...
Lindo: listen I'm going to make things easier for all of us, I really need to talk to your friend I mean I
really need to talk to her and you blocking that for me cause, you should have said no when she asked
you to take care of this table. I could complain about this but I won't cause I need your favour
Me;...
Lindo: you probably hate me as much as she does but for a minute will you not consider the hate but
think about two hearts wanting each other
I looked at nkosazana and back at him
Lindo: I messed up everyone does but I need you to do this for me
Me: what?
Lindo: just give me her room number and the name of the res she stays and the time you will get to res
today
Me: no
Lindo: like I said don't think about the hate, think about two hearts wanting each other I messed up and
I want to fix that but right now you in between that
Mr: you the one who decided to flop on her
Lindo: allow me to fix that then
I looked at him. He was fucked up gorgeous maybe even better than okuhle and he seemed desperate.
Lindo: after I eat I leave I won't bother anyone
I don't know why but I felt the need to, I took out a piece of paper and wrote down what he needed,
placed it on the table and walked away... he asked for the bill after eating, I took it to him, he paid and
gave me a big tip. I walked away but quickly turned
Me: she's crazy over white roses
He smiled and nodded his head then I walked away. I took a risk of losing a friend but I did it cause I
wanted her to be happy.was I wrong?
#NKOSAZANA
I looked at him leave the restaurant, I carried on with my customers. We knocked off at 5 pm
Ntokozo: you ohk
Me: I don't even know
Ntokozo: you really like him don't you
I didn't even want to say it, I just nodded my head. I laid my head on Ntokozo lap and she brushed my
back...
Ntokozo: babe sise res
I lifted up my head and got out off the car, I just froze there
Ntokozo: you will meet me in my room when you done
She walked inside...
Insert 40
Ntokozo walked in. I looked at him he was sitting on top of his bonnet with white roses next to
him😂😍😍😍
Me: what you doing here? How did you even know where to find me
He got off the bonnet
Lindo: can you please stop hating me for like an hour and listen to me talk
Me:...
Lindo: I'm sorry ohk, I'm sorry

He said that pulling me closer to him, I was standing opposite him with my hands crossed and standing
in between his legs
Lindo: I make fucked up decisions at times maybe always in fact but I'm sorry
Me: I'm so tired of all of this , I'm tired of getting my feelings played with all the time just because you
trying to prove a point, maybe I easily like a person maybe that's my problem but I'm tired of having to
get hurt just because I have feelings
Lindo: I need you to stop comparing me to your boys
Me:*shouting* why not, you not different to them
Lindo: can we please talk in your room
Me: no
I took the flowers and walked in. He followed me
Lindo: don't force me to come in there cause I will come in nge force
I looked at him and let him in. I led the way to my room and opened, karabo was there. She looked like
she just saw Chris Brown
Lindo: hi
Karabo: uhm, uhm h... H... Hi
I wanted to laugh but the situation didn't allow me
Me: baypes please give me 30 minutes
Karabo: ohk
She got up and walked out
Me: what do you want and what are you doing here
Lindo: I want you
Me: and when did you realise that?
Lindo: you think this is easy for me don't you... It's not nkosazana
Me: it's simple and you made things easier for us by telling me I'm immature for you but no you decided
to come back right into my life
Lindo: I chickened out ohk, yeah *shouting* I was panicking, thinking about you and natasha.i have been
with her for 3 years 3 years and I've never thought of leaving her. Yes during those years we went
through a lot of shit, I fucked with other girls but I never not even once thought of leaving her and then
you you *signalling with his hand* you show up for two weeks, two fucken weeks and I'm ready to leave
a 3 year thing for a girl I met just for 2 weeks.do you have any idea how frustrating that was. I was
scared to take a chance and a risk of leaving her and being with you, fearing you might leave me for a
better guy. Fearing the two weeks were just the two weeks nothing more nothing less. I was scared to
risk a 3 year thing for a 2 week thing
Me: then why the fuck are you here? Go to your girl, I was doing just fine without you
He walked closer to me
Lindo: where you really? Cause I was a mess, I couldn't stop thinking about you, the well you smell, your
laugh, your body everything
I stepped back
Lindo: why you fighting this
Me: there you go again being manipulative
Lindo: what you want from me
Me: nothing ... Please leave
He was so close to me I could smell him, I looked on the side avoiding everything about his face. He
moved his hands to my waist... I could smell him and I wanted him to do other things to me as well
Me: please don't touch me
Lindo: so this is it
Me: ...
Lindo: if I walk out off here, I'm never seeing you again
I got away from his grip
Me: let me walk you out
He looked at me for a while and took his car keys that he threw on my bed. We walked to the reception I
was walking ahead, I heard familiar voices and I just panicked, I turned around held Lindo face and
kissed him right there and then. He held my face and returned the kiss. His lips were cold , had a taste of
mint in his breath, the way he moved his lips and played with his 👅 fuck!!!. I broke the kiss and looked
at him and smiled
Me: IL see you tomorrow ne babe
He looked confused as fuck. I turned to the securities and Chuma and Ntokozo were looking at me
Me: wow still going strong I see, must be nice
Lindo held my butt, he was pushing it
Lindo: one for the road
He looked at me and smirked, I faked a smile and planted a kiss and broke it
Lindo: oh sorry, Lindo

Nqobile: Nqobile
Lindo: wena boy
Chuma...
Me: Chuma
Lindo: nice meeting you guys... Babe you going with me to the carwash ne
I looked at him, he was really pushing it.
Me: yeah *smiling*
Lindo: walk us out guys
And these two idiots walked us out. He opened the door for me and I got in. He started the car
Me: get me out of this csr
Lindo: not till you explain what that was
Me:...
Lindo: seems like you were in a situation and I helped you get out off it, you owe me that
Me: Don't even dare leave these school premises
He passed the securities and joined the road I looked at him and looked outside the window
Lindo: will you start talking or not
Me: I have nothing to say to you
Lindo: you inside my car, right now I have all the power
Me,:...
Lindo: cool ke
Me: girl that I considered a friend when I first came here and the guy that fucked me over
Lindo: the I love you guy
I nodded my head
Lindo: you were played by such a small boy
I looked at him
Lindo: so why did you kiss me?
Me: I panicked, first thing that came into my mind was to show them I didn't care about them. You were
there so I just went with it
The car stopped and we were at a place I didn't even recognise

Lindo: let's talk
He said that getting out off the car. I followed him...
Insert 41
We leaned on the bonnet and the view was the sea, beautiful as fuck. Cape town was fucked up
beautiful.
Me: you always asking me what I want from you but the real question is , what do you want from me?
Lindo: I didn't know what I wanted from you at first to be honest, I didn't know whether I just wanted to
fuck or have a real thing with you but you know this phrase that says you don't know what you have
until its gone
Me: it's similar to something like that
Lindo: yeah well after you left, there was a gap you know, especially going to the office and all the other
shit. I even started working from home. I didn't realise how long IV been wanting to get out off this
relationship until you came along. I guess I was just scared about the idea of starting all over again,
learning to trust someone and trusting if that person will be down for you, my plan coming here was not
to see you. I came this side for business and I thought and prayed hoping I would bump into you. So
when I saw you I had to do something
Me:...
Lindo: nkosazana I get you have been hurt and I'm not trying to be one off the guys who did that. I want
something with you I don't know if I can stand for what I'm saying though but I know I want to be with
you
I was shaking, I looked at him
Lindo: I'm old enough to know what I want and I won't beat around the bush
Me: do you want to be with me or just the sex
Lindo: that's another thing like I said I'm 27 ntokazi 27 I can't be with a girl cause I want sex. If I wanted
sex only, there are plenty girls I would fuck with who just need a good fuck
Me:...
Lindo: IV placed what I feel for you on the table now everything is in your hands
Me: I'm scared that you might just be saying all of this for me to agree to this
Lindo: unfortunately I can't prove to you that I won't , you just have to see it. So be a risk taker
Me:...
Lindo: please
He said that standing in between my legs, holding my face with his hands. He got so close as if trying to
kiss me
Lindo: let's do this I fuck with you, you fuck with Me, who knows you might even learn one or two things
from me
Me: won't it be complicated , I worked for your company
Lindo:my personal life is my personal life
I looked at him. he placed his lips on my lips but not moving them. I wanted to kiss him but he pulled
back
Me: ohk
Lindo ohk??
Me:*laughing* let's try it
He kissed me and I kissed him up, he picked me up and laid me on the car bonnet. My legs were around
his waist and his hands exploring my body. I could feel myself getting wet. I helped his belt and pulled
him to me. The kiss got so intense I had to pull back. He joined our foreheads together and we stayed in
that position for a while. He put me down...
We went to the car then he looked at me
Me:*laughing* what?
Lindo:, you beautiful
I smiled
Me: thank you...when are you leaving
Lindo: tomorrow
Me: oh ohk
Lindo:, buy IL increase my days here
Me: how is this going to work Lindo. I'm either here or at brits and in most cases you in Joburg
Lindo: don't worry yourself about that... You working tomorrow
I nodded my head
Lindo: what time you knock off
Me: around 3
Lindo: ohk don't eat, you will eat at my place

Me: cooked meal
Lindo:*laughing* you want a cooked meal
I nodded my head
Lindo: ohk IL cook
I smiled he dropped me off at res
Me: what?
Lindo: this car
I looked at it and it was lwandile car
Me: it's nice ne
Lindo: mmm... IL see you tomorrow right
I nodded my head. we kissed again and I walked in, I went to Ntokozo room and lwandile opened
Me: regular manje ne
He laughed I got in only to see olwethu and some guy
Ntokozo: well you have been gone for more than an hour
I greeted everyone there and olwethu eyes were on me
Me: yeah we were talking phela
Ntokozo; so ??
Me: will talk when it's just us
Ntokozo: ohk
Olwethu: still looking beautiful I see
Me: thank you... IL see you tomorrow ne
Ntokozo: ohk
I walked out
Olwethu: let me walk you to your room
I just rolled my eyes. He followed me
Olwethu: so how have you been
Me: ohk I guess you?
Olwethu: hanging in there
Me: ohk , how's your wedding preps

Olwethu...
Me:...
Olwethu: who told you about that
Me: Hao was I not suppose to know
Olwethu: I'd prefer it if you didn't
Me: well that's a pity
Olwethu: can we hang out sometime
Me: I'm sorry but no
Olwethu: I don't mean anything too intimate just like friends
Me: I'm not sure
Olwethu: ohk then think about it
Me: ohk IL try to think about it
Olwethu: ohk this is your room
I nodded my head
Me: thank you for walking me goodnight
Olwethu: goodnight
I walked inside, laid on my bed and unblocked Lindo.... I was so excited so excited that I wanted to tell
everyone my business 😂😂 more like show him off that this nigga is crazy about me, I may be selfish but
I didn't even think about Natasha at all... I went to bed since tomorrow I was going to work.
Next morning woke up Ntokozo and we prepared ourselves then went to work. We knocked off and I
took a cab
Ntokozo: so what's going to happen now
Md: will see today
Ntokozo: helang girl you about to be off the market
I laughed
Me: and to think I wanted to shout at okuhle for giving him my res details
Ntokozo: good thing you didn't
Me: yeah
We arrived at res and I prepared myself. As I was applying my make up , I was not dressed there was a
knock, I thought it was Ntokozo. I opened and I held my towel close to my body, he let out a slight laugh
Lindo: am I early
Md: yeah
I moved aside and he came in, karabo was sitting on her bed.
Lindo: hi roomza
Karabo:*laughing* hi
He sat on my bed
Lindo: well I won't wait in the car
I fixed my face and hair now what I was going to wear. Karabo left leaving us two
Me: you have to go
Lindo: why
Me:*laughing* cause I want to get dressed
Lindo:geez just get dressed
I turned to the door placed the towel on my waist and took my bra. I felt movement, I turned my head
Me: don't even come close
He ignored me
Lindo: what happened here
He said that touching my scar, a straight line that was below my back.
Me:...
Lindo: it seemed like it was deep
He kept rubbing it
Me:...
Me: nothing
Lindo: why you always secretive
He said that pulling my bra trying to clip it
Me: story behind it, that I'd like to forget
Lindo: will i be told of that story

Me:...
Lindo: I need you to trust me ohk, I don't mean now but also in the future I want you to trust me about
anything
I nodded my head. I got dressed and we left
Insert 42
We got to this place.beautiful we walked in and there was no one, he lighted around the house
Lindo: this is my little paradise
Me: it's beautiful
Lindo: not as much as you
Me:*laughing* cliche
He laughed
Lindo:so what don't you eat?
Me: eggs and anything that does not taste nice
Lindo:why don't you eat eggs
Me: IV never liked them I guess
We walked to the kitchen and he had already took out what he would cook.
Lindo: pour us drinks
I walked to the fridge and the was cognac, I poured it for him and a glass of white wine for myself, I
enjoyed wine to be honest.
I sat on the kitchen counter
Me:so what you making chef?
Lindo: something you have never eaten before
Me:*laughing* well this will be interesting...Who taught you how to cook
Lindo: mom's
Me: you close to your mum
Lindo: yeah all boys in my family are close to my mum

Me: how many girls
Lindo: just one
Me: how many boys
Lindo: 3
Me: your mum had 4 kids
Lindo: yeah
Me: you the youngest
Lindo: not really
Me:what you mean by that
Lindo; I'm not the youngest and out off 3 boys all mamas boys
Me: that's so sweet , you still talk to her
Lindo: every chance I get
Me: how old is she
Lindo: she's really old nearly 70
Me: what???
Lindo: *laughinf* yeah my old man is 70 something but you would think his 40 actually the both of
them
Me: they age nice
Lindo: very nice
Me: that's what I'd like
Lindo: and your family
Me: well how you see it is the way it is , 2 girls and one boy.
Lindo: you close to your brother
I nodded my head
Lindo: that's rare
I laughed
Me: it's not
Lindo: my sister is older than me but I still want to protect her that's all, I'm close to her when it comes
to protecting her that's all
Me: well we kind of have a strong bound
Lindo: that came from
Me: long story
Lindo: we have the whole night
Me: it's too early to be talking about it then
Lindo: how are your studies going?
Me getting there
Lindo: that does not sound good
Me: it's hard
Lindo: how hard
I looked at him, he turned to face me
Me:, it's really hard, a lot of work and a whole other things. I feel like I'm not smart enough for this
He closed his pot and looked at me
Lindo: trust me if I can do it , you can
Me: we not the same
Lindo: I started school two years early then I failed two times
Me: what?
Lindo: yeah in high school, I was not about school. I was the black sheep in my family. Mum is fucked up
educated, older brother followed in mum's footsteps and my sister. My brother as well they all were
doing fine at school except for me
Me: you an advocate
Lindo:*laughing* all thanks to my dad
Me: what happened?
Lindo: he gave me an ultimatum, an ultimatum that changed my life till this day
Me: what
He looked at me
Me: what?
Lindo: tell me about the scar first
Me:...
I took a sip of my wine
Lindo: ohk be like that and well he gave me something that my other siblings still don't know about and
he told me if I wanted what he was offering me, I need to study either be in accounting, computer
science or law. And let's say I was having sleepless night studying and until I got where I am
Me:did he give it to you?
Lindo:, yeah and I have to pass it down to my son, should he be out off control as well
Me: ,that's nice
Lindo: mmm I guess
Me: I still talk to okuhle
He turned to look at me.i felt the need to tell him that
Lindo: what do you talk about
Me: general stuff, his a friend
Lindo: for how long
Me:..
Lindo: talk but respect me while you talking to him
Me: ohk
I got off the counter
Me: I need to use the bathroom
He directed me , I used it washed my hands and walked back to the kitchen, it smelled so nice. I
wrapped my arms behind him, I was so short
Me:it smells nice
He turned to face me. He held my face and kissed me, I kissed him back, he moved his hands from my
waist to my butt then picked me up. I wrapped my arms around his neck and legs around his waist. He
placed me on top of the counter and pulled back
Lindo: you making me want to do things to you
I laughed. I loved his lips on mine
Me: how is your sex game?
He laughed so loud. Holding on the counter, i was lightening up the mood. He peaked me at under his
arm
Me:*laughing* so???
He turned and crossed his arms and legs

Lindo: tell me yours ?
Me: wack
He laughed covering his face with his hand
Lindo:why?
Me:*laughing* what you mean ? It's wack there's no reason
Lindo: your tongue game
I laughed and took a gulp of the remaining wine, he walked to the fridge took out the wine and refilled
my glass and his
Me: why you turning this on me, I asked you
Lindo: I have game, stroke game a hundred, tongue game hundred, pleasing my woman wooooooo let's
not go deep with that
I bite my lip and looked at him
Lindo: someone wants a taste of me
I took the dishes cloth and threw it at him. He laughed and caught it
Lindo: don't worry you will get me, you already have me
I laughed
Me: have you decided when you leaving ?
Lindo: next week Sunday
I smiled
Lindo: look at that smile
I gave him a big smile and he walked up to me, wrapping his hand around my neck
Lindo: you going to make me happy
Before I said anything he kissed me
Lindo: how's your brother?
Me: his good?
Lindo: so what really happened
Me: high jacking
Lindo: what car does he drive ?
Me:company car
Lindo:for?
Me: blood bank
Lindo: the car jackers went for that car
Me: surprising ne
Lindo: yeah people are desperate out there
Me: yeah
Lindo:his the same age as me ne
Me: yeah
Lindo: his going to kill me
Me: won't deny that
He laughed
Lindo: ntokazi !
Me,: his love for me goes that deep so chances of that happening are not low
Lindo:, tell me about living in fear
I laughed
Lindo: all done, let me dish up
Me,: ohk
I went to make it comfortable for us at the lounge, he came with the food and it looked so good and
smelled so good. We decided to sit on the carpet, nice music playing on the background. We were sitting
next to each other... At that moment I don't know what happened inside of me, I was arguing with my
mind not do this, cause I was scared that if I tell him what if everything changes. I started talking to him
again only today, we still trying this out, why was I in a rush to tell him. He might not be comfortable
with this, why would I tell him something that my best friend doesn't even know. Do it! Don't do it! Do
it!
Lindo: nkosazana!!
I quickly lifted up my head
Lindo: what you thinking?
Me:...
Lindo: what's wrong???
Me: my scar
Lindo:*laughing* I'm going to hear the story about the scar...

INSERT 43
Me: the scar...
Lindo:*smiling* I'm going to hear the story about the scar
I looked at my food, he used his index finger to lift up my chin
Lindo: you don't have to talk about it if you dont want to
Me: we starting something real here Lindo right
Lindo: yeah
Me:...
Lindo: Nana
Me: this is my first relationship, I mean real relationship
Lindo: are you serious?
I nodded my head
Me: so I want to be honest with you, I always told myself I wouldn't tell anyone this but Iv always heard
a relationship should be built on honesty
He played with his fingers
Me: I'm telling you this cause I want us to start with nothing but the truth ohk
Lindo: ohk
Me: I hope when I tell you this, nothing changes. No one knows about this but my family. I need you to
not feel sorry for me or treat me different
He nodded his head
Me; daddy had this friend, they were so close we considered him family you know. He made sure we
never went to bed hungry cause he knew sometimes things were bad with my parents
(He never removed his eyes from mine)
Me; we were all so happy that time, although we didnt have much but we were happy you know. One
time, daddy friend came to visit my dad. He hugged my dad then me but this time his hands were
somewhere they were not suppose to be
(He must have figured where all this was going, cause he got up, sat opposite me, placed my legs on top
of his and he got so close to me, his hands on my thighs.)
Me; i brushed it off you know, i was a kid didnt focus much on it. Nothing happened after and he still
came around. One time, i remember my parents and my brother had to leave for a funeral and they
couldnt take me along cause transport for 4 people was expensive for them. They said i would live with
daddys friend and his family. After they left i slept over there , nothing happened. Following day when it
was getting dark, he asked me to accompany him to go and light, the lights at my house didnt see
anything wrong with that. We got to my house and he held my hand and walked with me to my parents
room. I was confused but i didnt say anything.* the pictures of that day came back running on my mind*
He locked the bedroom door and he took off my clothes, he didnt say anything. He just took of my
clothes. I asked him what was going on and why he was taking of my clothes but it was as if he was deaf.
He then took off his clothes and i was so scared when i saw his manhood, i mean i was still a child, iv
never been exposed to such, he picked me up and laid me on the bed. He got on top off me *i paused*
(I didnt realise i was crying until lindo wiped my tears. I looked at him and i felt the urge to continue)
Me; i remember crying, asking him to stop but it was hopeless, i felt so empty and broken that i just laid
there, no strength within me, i cried in silence just listening to him breath on my neck. His body hurting
my body, his weight on top of my little body, his sweat. His breathing changing after every stroke. I felt
like i was on fire, my private part was burning and... And ... As if it was leaking
(I covered my face, he held my face up for me to look at him)
Me; i remember going back to his house, i couldnt walk, he picked me up and he told his wife, some
shitty excuse. I bled the whole weekend, i couldnt pee, when ever i would want to pee and try to hold it
in, it just came out. His wife beat the hell out off me for wetting the beds and everywhere else*crying* i
thought i was going to die, i tried so hard lindo but she didnt care
He pulled me to him and hugged me so tight, i just cried trying to let it all out but i wanted to tell him
evrything i pulled back
Me; b.. B... B..
Lindo ; nana listen you dont have to carry on
He was getting teary as well. I shook my head
Me : By the time my parents got back, i was no longer me, never played or ate. I was angry at my
parents for not finding out sooner what was happening , what this man was doing to me. He picked me
up from school one day and we went to his house, when i was walking back home, blood was dripping
down everywhere. I slept on the floor so when i woke up, i used to make sure that i hide my blankets all
the time. One christmas, he volunteered to go get ice and he left with me, i didnt want to go but he gave
me no choice, there was someone inside his house, he held my hand and took me to the backroom. He
pushed me to the wall and removed my clothes, when he pushed me to the wall there were nails on the
wall, that went inside of my back. I didnt even scream, i wanted to scream but i couldnt, i remember it
being painful but i knew that pain was nothing to the pain i was going to face now. The more he forced
himself on me the deeper the nails went inside of inside of my body. He finally pulled his pants up and
told me to be a woman and fix myself i did as told, washed off the blood that was running down my legs,
went to the toilet, rolled a toilet paper and put it under my private part so the blood wouldnt be
everywhere. I walked back alone, i felt someone turning me around and it was my brother. He looked at
me and must have saw that there was no life inside off me. I didnt even realise my back was bleeding
until he showed me, the dress i was wearing at the back was covered in blood . I remember looking at
him and saying nothing. I could see his lips move but not hear what he was saying. Blood started running
down my legs and he freaked. I remember him picking me up and running with me*crying* i remember
hearing him cry and him running, not stopping but just running, i felt nothing inside of me, no pain i felt
numb everywhere. He ran with me to the nearest clinic and they took us to the hospital. I dont
remember what happened after that . I remember waking up, wanting to pee but i couldnt, i had to use
a pipe, my brother sleeping next to me. We stayed there for days, no one knowing where we were
eating hospital food. One afternoon he came in my room with a teddy bear then he sat on the bed with
me, brushing my hair as if trying to make me relax before asking me, what he was about to ask me then
he asked me '' who took of your clothes baby' thats the only thing he asked. I told him who it was and
after that, nothing happened, he played a game with me and told me he was going home and he was
going to tell mum and dad to come see me tomorrow. he kissed me and said goodbye and said he would
see me soon , not tomorrow but soon. Woke up the next morning, my parents next to me, crying their
eyes out, they had found out what happened and i woke up to news that luu had killed daddys friend by
stabbing him, not once but multiple stabs. Served a minimum sentence of murder. Me and my parents
never talked about everything till this day. My mum never ever sat me down and asked what happened,
when did it start, how did it start nothing. But with luu when ever i visited him, he would ask me how i
felt, the pain. He always wanted to make sure i was ohk *crying* he was there for me, he gave up his
own life for my life and i would never forget that. They had to stitch my back cause the hole was too
deep, it never disappeared. They tested me for hiv and to my fortunate luck i was negative.
Me: Lindo
He had disappeared into space
Me: I know this is t...
He cut me off
Lindo: I'm going to protect you and do so much for you
Me:...
Lindo: I'm so sorry
Me: it's ohk, it's all over now
He looked at me and removed the hair that was on my face.
Lindo: I have great respect for your brother
I smiled
Lindo: come here
I hugged him and his hug was so tight
Lindo: this I'm not going to allow anyone to come between it... Im going to be here for you ohk
I nodded my head
Lindo: thank you for trusting me
I smiled
Lindo:please sleepover
Me: school tomorrow
Lindo: what time do your classes start
Me: I have a tut at 12
Lindo: perfect... Please
Me:*smiling* ohk
He got up and came back holding a paper he placed it on the table and there was weed.
I laughed. He laughed with me and wiped off my tears and sat so close to me and looked at me
Me: what?
Said that wiping my tears
Lindo: your brother has done his part, now I'm stepping in. I would do exactly what he did, if anyone
ever hurt you
I couldn't speak
Lindo: you ever think of it
Me: nope except in certain circumstances, certain topics, when did your break your virginity, ukuhlolwa
only
Lindo: let's start afresh what you say
Me: what you mean ?
He placed his fingers on his whiskey and sprinkled it on my face
Lindo: I baptise you in the name of Jesus , from today you a new nkosazana, making new memories, you
forget everything that makes you unhappy, you forget everything , except the day you met your
husband
I laughed
Lindo: you shall not forget your brothers sacrifice and other things that matter the rest we shall forget.
We forget about fake friends, abo small boy. A new nkosazana is born
He sprinkled me with the whiskey again. Then we both laughed
Me:*laughing* stop !!
Lindo: deal
I smiled and nodded my head . He looked at me and smiled, I got on top off him and kissed him
Me: thank you
Lindo: no thank you
He pulled me into a kiss again
Insert 44
He said it was the first time he was smoking weed with me 😂😂😂, I do it with Ntokozo anyway so it
don't matter.
We were smoking inside the house, nice music playing, good looking motherfucken guy and weed like
girls we deserve this
Lindo: what you thinking
Me: a lot of things
Lindo: share
Me: thank you
Lindo: for what?
Me: your reaction and making me comfortable, it feels like baggage has been lifted off my shoulders i...
Lindo: I meant what i said I'm here for you and I'm going to be here for you all the time ohk
I nodded my head
Me: I'm worried about school now
Lindo; why
Me: it's hard
Lindo: it's not hard you know, it's all about having faith that you will do it cause once you lose that, then
trust me nothing is going to work out
Me: when you were back in varsity , would you want someone to say what you saying to me right now
He laughed
Lindo: no and yes for yes to make me keep pushing and no that you can't make it sound easy just
because you already there, you were also in my position and you didn't have the same faith you did
Me: exactly I need you to be realistic with me

Lindo: real talk
Me: yeah
Lindo: you not the best, you not the smartest in fact there are people out there who are 10 x better than
you. We have a lot of lawyers already in South Africa I mean a lot, every child wants to be a lawyer but
there's nothing different about each off them. You know why
Me: why?
Lindo they think it's only about the books, academics. Yes it's important but it's not just about that, we
already know you smart you went to varsity and graduated but besides academics what else do you
have to offer? You in a room with 10 people, they have what you have you have a law degree what
differentiates you from them? Question you should ask yourself all the time, in your lectures. Once you
able to answer that question trust me things will go smooth for you, if you have more than academics to
offer , we will jump for you, will dance to your guitar cause we want you to be an asset to our law firms
Me: well that cut deep
He laughed
Lindo: you wanted reality that's what I gave you
Me: so you telling me, for vac work they didn't just choose me for my academics
He shook his head
Lindo: I don't know about other firms but m... I mean that one looks way broader than that
Me: oh ohk thank you
He leaned in for a kiss, I made him kiss my cheek
Lindo: want to sleep
Me: no more like talk to you the whole night
Lindo: good cause that was my plan as well
He got up, fetched a full bottle of wine and food for us and we talked, laughed stole kisses there and
there. We eventually passed out but on the bed, I was wearing just his top. His arms were around me
the whole night
Dream: baby... Baby...lover
I slowly opened my eyes and there he was
Lindo:*smiling* get up, I have to drop you off before 12 don't forget
I rubbed my eyes
Lindo: IV prepared water for you go and bath

He left.i slowly got up and walked to the bathroom, there was a toothbrush and a Colgate next to it
Me:*shouting* are these mine
Lindo: yeahhh *shouting back*
I brushed my teeth, my face then took a nice hot bath. Oh my god last time I had this was mam Khumalo
house, at home I bath with a bucket, school shower. I overstayed my welcome there
Lindo: lover you need to get out
Me: yes I'm coming
I got out and he had his sweat top and pants on the bed. I wore them and they actually fit, they were
baggy but they didn't look all over the place, I went downstairs and there was breakfast😍😍
Me: thank you
Lindo: well these look good on you
Me: everything looks good on me
Lindo: including my lips
He said that kissing me, I laughed. I finished eating and we left. He dropped me off and said he would
pick me up later today, I was in love I couldn't say no. I got to my tut and well it was just a tut, attended
my other classes then went back to res, more like Ntokozo room
Ntokozo: IV been calling and looking for you
Me: sorry babe,slept over at Lindo place
Ntokozo: what? How did that even happen
I laughed and told her everything
Ntokozo: no fucken way
I nodded my head
Ntokozo: you leaving today again
Me: yeah
Ntokozo: yeses these girls will respect us, imagine Lindo dropping us off with his car and he gets out off
the car and he kisses you, these girls will put respect on our names, being associated with a guy like him
I laughed
Me: what's wrong with you?
Ntokozo: then okuhle thixo uyazala, that boy's mother gave birth for real , it was not just birth but real
birth that she gave birth to heaven on earth yhuuuu
Me: if lwandile can hear you say that

Ntokozo: he will understand... I wanted to ask what did olwethu say vele
Mr:*laughing* he said he wanted us to hang out and I was not suppose to know about the engagement
Ntokozo: eh serious
Me: yeah
Ntokozo: when he came back, he couldn't stop talking about you. I think he likes you
Me: Haaaa I met him one night and the second time when he was dropping me off, his clearly after
something and I'm off the market so
We both laughed
Ntokozo: Yesss girl, we riding with man who mean business now
I laughed
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Insert 45
I had an assignment and I figured since Lindo will be here for the week, will be together for the rest of
the week, so I started with it. We talked after my tut and he said he would pick me up at 9 cause he had
a meeting. Ntokozo came to sit with me cause she didn't want to sit alone, if it was up to us we would
share a room, I was sitting on the floor while she was sitting on the bed.
We were quiet for more than 3 hours I think, we were very quiet when we were busy with our school
work, I mean we didn't easily get distracted. My phone rang and it was Luu I took it outside
Luu: love love
Me: my father
Luu: uright my first born ?
Me: *smiling* yeah I'm just tired
Luu: askies baby I was checking up on you
Me: I'm ohk are you?
Luu: yes I miss you nje

He laughed
Luu: impossible
Me: where's Nkosi
Luu: she's being a baby here
I laughed
Me: why?
Luu: that time of the month for her, she wants me here then she does not want me here angsazi
Me: shame tell her to feel better
Luu: love love athi you must get better
Background: nkosazana ... NKOSAZANA...nkosazana
I laughed
Luu: yerrr you a problem wena
Me: let me talk to her Luu
Ntando: nkosazana
Me:*laughing* yho Sisi
Ntando: your brother is not treating me
Luu background: nazo !
Me: what's wrong with you two yeh
Luu: she's the pro...
The smile on my face. He took his tongue out as he was walking towards me
Ntando: nkosazana
Me: guys IL call you tomorrow... Luu treat Ntando Tu she's sick cause she does the same for you
Ntando: yes tell him wena nkosazana
They were arguing
Me: I love you both goodnight
Then I hung up and looked at Lindo
Lindo: no scream
Me: how did you even get In I need to sign you in

Lindo: they know me
Me: you have been here only once
Lindo: I have my ways
He placed his hands on my face, pulling for me to kiss him. He planted a kiss on my lips
Me: is it already nine
He nodded his head. We walked inside my room
And my girl was still busy
Lindo: yhooo I'm going to be a bad influence here
Ntokozo: *laughing* hi Lindo
Lindo: unjani Ntokozo ka nkosazana
Ntokozo: you got that right
We laughed
Lindo: please don't hate me but I'm going to steal her from you
Ntokozo: I knew that... Don't be coming into our lives and stealing my friend away from me lindokuhle
He laughed
Lindo: IL try
Me: baypes
Ntokozo: if his troubling you, call me
Me: yes then we beat him ne
Ntokozo: vele
I walked her out and went back to my room and he was reading my textbook
Me: still remember any of that
Lindo: haha was not a fan of family law but I still remember a few
Me: good you will help me out
I packed my books
Lindo: pack clothes as well
I looked at him
Lindo: come on, I'm here for a week and I want to spend every chance I get with you
Me:...
Lindo:*laughing* Ntokazi I'm begging you here
Me: fine
I packed my bags
Lindo: im hungry
Me: I have food in the fridge
He opened the fridge
Lindo: this one
I nodded my head
Me: warm it up that side
Lindo: you don't have a microwave
Me: nope, I feel like I have a house I need to have everything, that's the next thing my brother is working
on. I can't get everything at once
Lindo: we can buy it
Me: no!! I don't want you to be buying things for me.
Lindo:...
Me: I mean it lindo, I have what my parents can give to me if they can't I either wait or I forget about it. I
don't want you to be buying things for me. We not together because you have to support me
Lindo: ohk, ohk I get it
He warmed it up and sat down while he ate
Lindo:this is good
Me:*smiling* thank you
While he was eating I was finishing up my assignment
Lindo: will finish that up in bed... IL help you out
Me: really
He nodded his head. I smiled, he finished eating then we left.
We were both full, I wore the top I wore yesterday and we sat in bed, he took of his clothes in front of
me. My eyes were running all over the place, his body geez. He was just in his boxers when he jumped
on the bed
Lindo: ohk what are we looking for ?

Me:...
Lindo: what??
Me: nothing
This nigga was � oh my god. He took my laptop reading what I wrote
Lindo: these are the only case you have
Me: yeah
Lindo; ntokazi you a future lawyer which means research , this is not my stream but I can tell you more
than 5 cases based on this
Me:...
Lindo: you need to show your lecturer that you did your research and trust me you not convincing him
or her with just these cases... We have a lot of cases about maintenance between spouses
Me: ohk IL add more
Lindo: again ...* He squeezed my face* Geez I'm going to kill you
I laughed
Lindo: it's sloppy nana
My eyes were wide open
Me: what???
Lindo:*laughing* I'm not being your lover right now, I'm being someone in this profession reading a
student's work. it's all over the place. You talk about maintenance then requirements then sections yho
no!
Me: but I'm writing what they want
Lindo: the thing with law is what we know other people don't know
Me:...
Lindo: yes your lecturer knows what maintenance is but ... Let me put it like this, I'm your client and I
want maintenance from my wife... You need to remember I don't know this lawyer things so you need
to define certain words ... Like here and here and here
Me: oh ohk
Lindo:yes, also, end your essay with based on my examination, I have concluded this and that, not in
conclusion. This is to show that you took your decision based on everything that you read and you didn't
just make it up
Me: I feel like I need to start over

Lindo: no just change what I told you... I'm going to do my own things right now then when you done
will read it again
Me: ohk
He pulled his bag, taking out a number of papers. He got busy with his stuff and so did i...
Insert 46
#LINDO
Rest of the weekend I was with nkosazana I didn't want this week to end cause it was not as easy as I
made it ought to be when I go back to Johannesburg that I break off with Natasha and that's the end of
it no! It didn't go like that at all. Sunday I went to say my final goodbye and headed to the airport. The
whole flight my mind was everywhere. I arrived and my driver was already waiting for me
Him: Mr Ada... I mean Mr Mkhize
I looked at him
Him: I'm sorry sir
I looked outside the window. I took out my phone and called my father but he didn't answer, then I
called my mum she didn't answer as well. I got to my place and slept, I was woken up by my brother
Me: how did you get in
Him: they let me in... How was your trip
Me: we need to talk
Him: oh Kay shoot
Me: I need you to sta...
I was cut off when my phone rang and it was my mum
Me: ma
Ma: hi my baby
Me:*smiling* how you doing? I miss you
Ma: I'm ohk baby , your father tells me you were in Cape town
Me: yeah
Ma: is there anything wrong
Me: no ma I need to talk to you
Ma: you don't sound ohk
Me: to be honest I'm not ma, I need someone to talk to and that person is not dad but you
Ma: ohk will you come over
Me: IL come pick you up and we go somewhere
Ma: ohk baby IL wait for you
Bro: is that mum? I'm going with you
Me: I want it to be just us
I went to shower and wore casual took my things and walked out. I drove to my parents house, thing
with my parents is they never here I mean never here. As old as they are sometimes they pack up and go
and we don't hear for them next thing they back. They were unpredictable, I picked my mum up and we
left. We went to the quiet side of Jozi and walked in this restaurant
Me:*smiling * you look so beautiful
Ma: I'm always beautiful
Me: most definitely
We both shared a laugh
Ma: I'm worried about you, is there something wrong with you and Natasha
Me: no
Ma: work?
Me: no
Ma: it's your father's isn't it, IV told him so many times not to put pressure on you
Me: it's neither of that ma
Ma: then what?
Me...
Ma: Lindo
Me: ma I met someone
She smiled
Me: she's beautiful, she's smart, shes not even close to being arrogant or have pride. She's that perfect
girl
Ma:...
Me: I really like her and she likes me too.i want something serious with her and I promised her that she..
She cut me off
Ma: why did you promise her something you can't fulfil
Me:...
Ma: you promised her a lie and now you cant keep up with that lie
Me: but I want to keep that promise ma
Ma: do you have any idea what you starting Lindo
Me:...
Ma: I love you so much baby and you know I would do anything for you but we both know that this is
out off my hands and yours as well what you want to start will cause trouble between you and your
father and I'm too old for grudges between my boys. I just want everyone to be happy
Me: but I'm not happy with Natasha
Ma:*smiling* tell me about this girl
I smiled, thats how my mum was
Me: nkosazana is her name
Ma: Hao intokazi yakwa bani
Me: Ndlovu
Ma: what does she do
That became a problem but I never lie to my mum
Me: she's still in school
Ma: which year or high school
I laughed
Me: second year ma
She rolled her eyes
I lauhhed
Me: don't be like that, you met dad at a young age as well
Ma: and your dad was how old
Me: no ma
Ma: I'm sorry baby so will you talk to your dad
Me: just after I drop you off
We are our lunch then later we drove to their place. I walked her in and my dad was watching soccer
highlight
Me: pops
He raised his hand
I fiddled with my fingers. Let me put it out there, I was fucked up scared of my dad I mean fucked up
scared of my dad but it was not just me all 3 boys in my family were scared of my dad except for my
sister of course
Me: dad can we please talk
Dad: I'm watching...
Ma: the child wants to speak to you
Dad: ohk
Oh and he was fucked up scared of my mum. We walked out
Me: there's something I needed to talk to you about
Dad: ohk
I kept scrathing my head
Dad: well talk
Me: I want to break up with Natasha cause I met someone
He looked at me with his deadly greenish blueish eyes
Me: I can't do it anymore dad
Dad: you are 27, 27 2 decades and 7 years and you own a fucken law firm not just a law firm a law firm
that is one of the biggest in Africa. All that was made possible because of that girls family, you are who
you are because of that girls family. Then you have the nerve to walk Into the gates of my house and tell
me the shit that's coming out off your mouth that you met someone.
Me:...
He walked closer to me
Dad: I was in a very happy mood to see my wife, don't fucken ruin that for me. Whatever drugs you had
over this past week flush them out off your system. Get your head straight
Me: I really like this girl
Dad:*shouting* do I give a fuck? What the fuck will this girl do for you ?
Me: I worked hard to be where I am today... Just because Natasha family gave me the platform for that
law firm to stand on its own two feet don't mean I didn't do anything and I just got everything on a silver
platter. Yes the deal was to make you guys happy, two powerful families joined together but now I'm
thinking about myself and I'm not going to carry on with this
Dad : try me! Do you understand me, I say try me
Me:*shouting* why do I have to be punished everyone is living their own lives except for me, I'm living
for you! You !
Dad: you fucken chose this life, you chose it now stand up to it
Me: dad I love this girl
Dad: like I said flush the drugs your smoked out off your system, put up a smile and please that girl
Then he walked in
....
insert 47
I was not letting him do that to me. I walked inside
Ma: I won't let you stand in between my son's happiness
Dad: he did that to himself the day he agreed to doing this*he turned to me* did I force you ? Did I put
a gun in your head and forced you to do this
Me: things change
Dad: and what gave you the idea that things change on your watch
Me:...
Ma: that does not matter, he wants to end it with Natasha and that's the end of it
Dad: ma iv been friends with that girls grandfather for years, you know what we been through with her
grandfather and we had an agreement
Ma: we promised each other our kids happiness would be our number one priority
Dad:...
Ma: well his not happy and out off 4 kids his the unhappy one, your daughter is married to the person
she wants to be with, your son as well why can't he be happy
Dad: cause he chose a different life to them, he chose to run this legacy
Ma: I wonder what would have happened if you were prevented from being with me
dad...
Ma: I don't like what you doing to him, look at him
My dad looked at me
Ma: his been working to make you happy all the time, he had never cared about his happiness but
making you proud and happy. This is my son and what I say goes *she looked at me* do what you have
to do
Dad: I say try me
He said that walking out
Me: ma I love you ohk
Ma: I love you too baby, I hope IL get a chance to meet her
I smiled kissed her cheek and walked to my car.
I was so frustrated and confused.i took my phone and called nkosazana
Nkosazana: lover
Me: lover ka bra
She laughed, I couldn't help but smile
Nkosazana: have you talked to Natasha?
Mr: don't worry about this IL talk to her
Her: ohk ke how was your flight
Me: hated it, for one I didn't want to go
Her: tell me about it, I hope it won't be months before I see you again
Me: no never going to happen... Ntokazi what's your brothers full name
Her: why
Me:there's something I want to check
Her: lulama Ndlovu
Me: oh ohk I miss you
Her: I miss you too
Me: what you doing ? It seems like you walking

Her: yeah Ntokozo asked me to accompany her
Me: Ohk baby will talk later ohk
Her: ohk
I hung up... I emailed one off my friends nkosazana brother name. I had to meet Natasha and I was not
in the mood for it. I went to change cause we were going to eat out. I went to her place and they let me
in.
Me: good evening sir
Natasha grandfather: yes boy
Me: how you doing sir
Him: I'm hanging in there, where's your father
Me: I'm not sure I haven't seen him in a while
Him: ohk you can go upstairs
I went up to Natasha room, I walked in and she was in her underwear. The way my feelings were so
deep for nkosazana, I didn't even find Tasha attractive anymore.
Natasha: hey you
Me: hey
She walked up to me and hugged me, I closed the door and she jumped on top off me, I held her
Natasha: how was your trip
Me: tiring
I placed her on the bed
Natasha: need a massage
Me: I thought we were going out
Natasha: well this is the only food you need
She laid on her back
Me: I've told you I'm not comfortable with sleeping with you while your granddad is in the other room
Tasha: well that's your loss... What's wrong you seem so uncomfortable
Me: I'm tired
Tasha: shame my baby want me to run a bath for you
Me: I'm going to leave
Tasha: you seem really awful what's wrong talk to me

Me: can we talk tomorrow
Tasha: you can sleepover
Me: no I have to go
I kissed her cheek but she went for the tongue, she walked me out and I drove to my house. I got there
went to take the hottest shower and thought of nkosazana... I can't put her through this...but I also can't
let go off her just like that... My mum gave me approval but knowing my dad he wouldn't take this lying
down... I didn't know who I must keep happy, my self or my dad and 10 other people. I got out and just
went to bed...
# NKOSAZANA
I was starting with my exams 13 november, two weeks from now. I was constantly at the library with
ntokozo. Lindo always called to check up on me and said I was going to see him soon, I was so into Lindo
that I didn't look twice at another guys direction😂😂😂 I mean what would I be looking at when I have
Lindo 😍. I couldn't believe that I was his girl, you know when you date a guy who is out off your league
you have to keep reminding yourself of certain things, that was me. Okuhle called all the time and well I
didn't tell him about Lindo and I doubt he told him about us.
Insert 48
Week before my exams I got a call from Luu
Me: my father
Luu: love love
Me*smiling* I miss you Luu
Luu: haha good I miss you sthandwa, how is the exam preparation
Me: frustrating how have you been ?
Luu: well I have good news for you
Me: what?
Luu: a learnership
I screamed
Me: what? Where? I didn't know you applied for a learnership

Luu:*laughing* im also confused Nana
Me: Hao what you mean?
Luu: I don't know if I can do this in fact
Me: what do they want ?
Luu: it's a 12 months aviation and fire rescue learnership
Mr: no way Luu, you've always wanted to do this
Luu: Its like I'm going back to school Nana, no
Me: you can't say no to this... remember you even decided to finish school because you wanted to be a
fire fighter Luu
Luu:
Me: Its just for 12 months what's the worst that could happen
Luu: I have to go to Joburg
Me: so? you doing this for you, at this point I don't even care about you going to Joburg. Please do this, I
really want you to do it
Luu:*laughing* I still have to tell Ntando then will decide
Me: ohk did you apply for it
Luu: no apparently they were giving out learnerships to give people a second chance in life and my name
was there
Me: you see, so you can't deny this kind of an opportunity
Luu: I won't Nana
Me: Ntokozo here will talk later ohk
Luu:, greet her for me
Me,: Luu says hi
She grabbed the phone and talked on the phone I just laughrd.They talked for like another 10 minutes
then hung up
Me: you ready
Ntokozo : yeah
Me: Luu got a learnership for a fire fighter imagine
Ntokozo: for real
I nodded my head
Ntokozo that's fucked up nice
I laughed
Me: let's go
We took our things and left to go to the library.
Well another week past, I started with my exam and my last paper was in the 28. I was leaving for home
tomorrow, Ntokozo came knocking while I was packing my stuff
Me: what girl
Ntokozo: don't you want to go nabo lwandile
Me: where?
Ntokozo: just to the beach please I don't want to be alone
Mr,: you going with your boyfie girl
Ntokozo: please
Me: fine
Ntokozo: ohk change
I changed wore my swim wear under with shorts and we left. I greeted lwandile and we had decent
conversation between each other, we got to the beach. Me and Ntokozo just ran to the water, after few
minutes lwandile squad arrived with alcohol and eish and to my unfortunate luck olwethu was there.
We got out off the water and walked up to them
Someguys1: baby
Ntokozo: hey
Him: yerrr who this
Ntokozo: none of your business
The guy got up
Olwethu: no baba you don't play this side of the field
The guy: Ohhhh she's with you bozza
Me: no
I sat next to Ntokozo
Me: and you didn't think olwethu would be here
Ntokozo: don't even tell me you scared of olwethu, he needs to get the picture that you not interested
Lwandile: what you going to drink
Me:, for me juice please
Ntokozo: me too
He gave us a bottle of juice with glasses well we took a lot off pictures. Olwethu walked up to us
Him: you both ohk
Ntokozo yeah
Olwethu: nkosazana
Me: I'm ohk thank you for asking
Olwethu; please walk with me
Me:, why
Olwethu,: I want to talk to you
Me: no olwethu
Olwethu:, come on please
Me: ohk
I got up and took his hand and we walked away from abo Ntokozo
Olwethu: why do I get the feeling that you just hate me
Me: I have no reason to hate you
Olwethu: then why don't you ever have time for me
I looked at him
Olwethu: I know I'm engaged blah blah , what else? Thats the only that keeping you away from me
Md: yes and the fact that I have a boyfriend
Olwethu: you can't possibly be so loyal to these varsity boys
Me:...
Olwethu: I'm just saying if you give it your all, chances of you getting disappointed are high
Me: not that this concerns you in any way but I'm not dating any varsity boy
Olwethu: it don't matter, if it ain't me or one off my boys then chances are his nothing but a dog that
just barks and you deserve better
Mr: don't flatter yourself, you not all off that
He laughed
Olwethu: I hit the button
Me: no actually
Olwethu: ohk let's forget about all off that, I want to spend some...
My phone rang and I just smiled
Me: baba sekhaya is calling
He laughed and looked away. I answered my phone
Me : the Mr
Lindo: the Mrs
I smiled
Me: I miss you
Lindo: our plan is still on right
Me: yeah
Lindo: ohk lover just let me know when you there...
Olwethu: baby nkosazana you will find me by the beach
I turned to look at him annoyed then he smirked
Lindo: where are you? And who you with?
Me: I'm at the beach with ntokozo and his boyfriend
Lindo: so what you doing with Ntokozo bf
Me: it wasn't him, it was his friend his trying his luck on me but I'm not even there
Lindo:...
Me: Lindo
Lindo:ohk I hear you
Me: I would never do you wrong like that, I told you before
Lindo: I trust you so there's no problem
Me: ohk, I'm leaving today around 12 and Il get there to 2
Lindo: IL be waiting for you
Me: ohk
Lindo said I should tell my parents I'm coming Friday in order for us to be time together and I agreed
I went back
Me:that was a low blow and to my luck dating someone that trusts me , I don't have to worry about
your little stunts
Olwethu: which stunts
Mr: don't act like you don't know
Olwethu: I don't
I got mad
Me: well let it be that way
Lwandile: boy leave nkosazana alone hao
He must have seen I was getting mad, the more olwethu spoke
Insert 49
The bus was draining like hell. Sitting down for over 18 hours, I was sleeping most of the time and
talking to the phone with Lindo. I arrived past 2 at park station and waited for Lindo
Lindo: I'm on my way, got delayed
Me: it's ohk, I'm near the escalators
Lindo: ohk
I waited for him after 30 minutes or so, someone stood in front off me. I lifted my head and lord jeezus.
He was in a fitted suit, his Tshirt unbuttoned at the collar, he must have had a new haircut and looking
all types of yummy, I wanted everyone to look at me 😂😂😂
He knelt opposite me, moved his hand to my neck and pulled me in a kiss, I kissed him back then pulled
back
Me: is this your hi
He kissed me again then he broke it
Lindo:, this is me saying hi
I laughed. I got up and hugged him. He pulled my bags and I was walking besides him
Me: you look really good
Lindo: thank you Nana but let's talk about you
Me: thank you very much

He laughed
Lindo: how was your trip
Me: good but tiring
Lindo: they made us food so will eat and go to bed right
Me: no i haven't seen you for months now, I'd rather do something else
He looked at me. I took out my 👅 then I looked away. He pulled me by my shirt to look at him, I laughed
Me: let's go
Lindo: come here
I looked at him
Lindo: come closer
Me:*laighing* Lindo let's go
Lindo: come here first
Me: no
He quickly pulled me before I could get far from him. Then kissed me, I was laughing during the entire
kiss, he finally let go and placed my bags in his car. He opened the door for me in the back seat and i got
in. Since when does he have driver??
Me: hi Tata
Him: yes miss
Lindo entered just after me. He pulled me closer to him and cuddled me
Lindo: IV missed you so much
Me: not as much as me. Am I not disturbing you working
Lindo: after my meeting at 3, no
Me: you have a meeting
Lindo: yeah and I can't cancel lover
Me: oh ohk
Lindo: oh this is baba Moses
Me: nice meeting you
Lindo: and this is nkosazana
Him: I'm pleased to meet you Ntokazi

I smiled knowing, Lindo calls me by that name
Lindo: he will take you to Melrose arch then you spoil yourself, IL either meet you there or you will catch
up with Me
Me: spoil myself
He took out his phone since it was ringing
Lindo: Mr Mkhize... Yes IV delivered I'm waiting for your men...no I'm not available this week but Il send
my boys to take care of you... Like I said, I know he wants to do business with just me...
I just laid my head on his legs
Lindo: like I said I can't see him, IL send my boys over
Lindo: baby
Me: hmmm
Lindo: I thought you sleeping
Me: you done with the phone
Lindo: yeah... Look at me
I lifted up my head to look at him and the car had stopped
Lindo: IL see you in 3 hours ohk
I nodded my head. He reached for the bag that was on the side. He gave me a card
Mr: and this
Lindo: while IL be in a meeting go spoil yourself
Me: you don't have to do this, in fact I don't want you to do this
Lindo:*smiling* I know but you my girl and I have to show you that you my girl. Don't be taking this too
deep take it as Lindo spoiling his woman. My pin is 3107
I laughed
Lindo: Mo will take care of you... Ta Mo don't let her out off your sight, stay with her at all times, suspect
anything call me, I need you to protect her
Ta Mo nodded
Before I could say something. He kissed me then he walked out..
The car started and he drove off
We got to this mall and I got out off the car, IV never felt so outta place in a mall. After 10 minutes of
just being there, I turned and ta Mo was walking behind me looking out everywhere 😂😂 do you see
those bodyguard movies, he was nothing different to those guys. I walked in this shop and it had really
nice clothes, I took a few things and went to pay. He immediately took my plastics, holding them for me.
I went from one shop to another and was craving ice cream
Me: Tata which flavour would you like?
Him: no I'm ohk
Me: you don't like ice cream
Him:...
Me: I can't eat alone please
Him: any flavour will be fine
Me: I love chocolate do you like sweet things
He nodded his head
Me: then trust me you will like caramel.
I bought our ice cream and we went to sit down.
Me: I'm from brits, have you been there before
He nodded his head
Me: you don't talk much do you
He nodded his head
Me: can we please have a decent conversation
He looked at me
Me: Lindo is not here
Him: are you a student
Me: yes at UWC
Him: what you studying ?
Me: law
Him:, just like Mr Mkhize
Me:*laughing* yeah I aspire to be like him, IV always wanted to study law
Him: your parents must be proud
Me they truly are but it's not easy
Him: what year are you doing
Mr: next year third, it feels like yesterday that I was still busy with my first
Him: time travels fast
Me: really fast and what about you, are to Lindo driver
Him: i multitask, sometimes I'm his driver, sometimes his bodyguard and at times just his friend
Me: I once worked with him and his a great person to work with, is that the case with you
He laughed
me: I'm serious
Him: sometimes he makes you want to quit, his very uptight, strict and does not get along with someone
who messes up more than once or bullshit
Me: really?
Him: yeah and he never smiles, I think the first time I saw him smile was when I first got the job and he
was welcoming me. And the second time today when he was with you
I laughed
Me: I worked with him for like weeks and he was the sweetest boss
Him: clearly he was charmed by you
I laughed. His phone rang
Him: Yesss , she is with me... She just bought ice cream... Ohk will be there in a few minutes
I started packing up even before he ended the call. He hung up and we left the time was already 5, we
went drove back to where we dropped off lindo. He walked out looking all serious and I admired him .
He got in and the smile on his face, I laughed thinking about what ta Mo said. I jumped to him and sat on
top off him, he pulled me closer to his d
Me: well how was your meeting
Lindo,: stressful but you know what you got to do right
Me:* laughing* remove that stress
He nodded his head, I wanted to go back to my seat but he didn't want me to go, so we remained in that
position and just talked.
We had been driving for a while, I fell asleep on top off him. I was woken up by voices, I was sleeping on
the seat, how I got there I don't know, Lindo was talking to someone outside the car, as I was about to
lift up my head, he got in and placed my legs on top off his. The car moved again
Me: we have been driving for hours
He turned to me
Lindo:, I'm sorry Nana, we here now

The car finally stopped.
Lindo: I'm coming don't get out off the car
Me: ohk
He got out and I sat up straight, now I'm being serious. The were men standing outside 2 at the gates
and others near walls and two dogs roaming around, my heart started beating out off my chest. For one
why does Lindo need so much security I mean bodyguards everywhere, even the richest don't have this
well except in the states. He opened the door
Lindo: come
I reached for his hand and these dogs walked up to me, drooling and as if I was their last meal.
Lindo:, hey boys, did you miss daddy... Daddy missed you... I need you to behave ohk... Ohk
He was brushing them all over
Lindo: this woman is important to daddy ohk, no teeth introduce yourselves
He stood up and walked away from me
Me: Lindo you can't do this to me
They walked over to me and Lindo was standing a bit far from us
Me: Lindo
Lindo: they have to know you
Mr: what if they bite
Lindo: just relax and pet them
Me: no
Lindo: if they bite, it's not my problem then
Me: Lindo
He laughed
Lindo: the one on your left is ivy the other Iverson
I looked at him
Lindo: those are the best names
I wanted to laugh, I bent down and slowly brushed them
Me: hi Ivy and Iverson... Listen I'm really scared of you guys so please take it easy with me
Lindo laughed, he walked up to me and held my hand, we walked inside the house
Me: who are all this people

Lindo: forget about that
We walked in and that 🏠 so clean. It was covered in black and white colours. I remained behind while
he walked into some room
Me: is this your house?*shouting*
Lindo: yes
Me: I really can't wait to work and make my own money
He showed up, holding up two glasses, I took one
And we sat on the lounge.
Lindo: IL make sure you get where I am trust me
I got up and went for a picture that was next to the TV
Me: this is your mum ?
Lindo:*laughing* during her time
Me,: and your dad?
He nodded his head
Me: they look so good together, no wonder you so pink
He laughed
Lindo: haybo baby
Me: your dad's surname is mkhize
Lindo: come here
I turned to look at him
Lindo: come
I walked up to him and stood opposite him, he made me sit on his lap. I kissed him and he kissed me
back, I was ready to be with Lindo and that included sleeping with him. I deepened the kiss and his
tongue made magic. He pulled me closer to him, I could feel his dick getting hard, while we were kissing
I grinded him. His grip on my butt got tighter. He stood up and I locked my ankles together around his
waist, he walked with us upstairs...
Insert 50
He walked us up the stairs, my eyes were shut so I couldn't even see where we were going. He opened
the door to this room and laid me on the bed, I got scared I don't even know why, I unbuttoned his shirt
and removed it. He moved his fingers up my thighs so soft, I even shivered. He pulled my dress up and I
helped him remove it, I was left with my underwear, I was not wearing a bra. He broke the kiss and
looked at my body while biting his lower lip, he held my thigh and moved his hands up to my boobs
Lindo*under his breath * fuck!!!
He kissed my neck and I held the sheets into a fist, I removed his pants and pushed them down. He
moved his finger to my centre then moved it inside off my underwear, I parted my legs. He slowly and I
mean slowly rubbed his finger against my clit, I bit my lower lip trying so hard not to moan but it was not
helping. I was getting wet by each kiss and rub. He removed my underwear then came back up kissing
me, going down to my chest, breast then stomach, I could feel he was going down so I stopped him. I'm
not sure how comfortable I was with him doing that, he looked at me
Lindo: just enjoy this
Me:...
Lindo: relax
I nodded my head, he planted a kiss on my centre and made some moves that made the things to
happen, I mean I was tossing left and right, holding on to everything, letting out all kinds of moans if
there's even such 😂, I mean his tongue, his tongue 👅. Did the things, his fingers. If this was just teasing
me, I couldn't wait for the sex. He got back and kissed me, he repositioned us and grabbed a condom on
his drawer, I took it from him and he looked at me, I sat up straight and went on my knees, I looked at
him and he was biting his lips. I softly kissed the tip of his d and did the things that made him moan,
things that made him swear, things that made him almost remove my braids from pulling too hard. I put
the condom and he picked me up, he laid me on the bed and slowly entered himself, my eyes were
completely shut, he planted a kiss on my lips and o opened my eyes, he tried pushing himself in But I
was too tight, he tried it again and pushed himself in. He began with a slow pace as if trying to get used
to my centre, his speed increased by every stroke and my moans got louder, his breathing changing by
every stroke. Then he went for it, I mean I could feel it all up, I held him closer to me and moaned so
close to his ear, he held me so tight and unexpectedly flipped me over and entered me from the back,
that moment right there, I fell deep I mean deep in love with Lindo. My hands were holding on to the
sheets, his hands holding on to my hands and he did the things, I was sure people outside where
listening to me moan. I came just after him. He removed himself then looked at me
Me*breathing out so loud* what?
He was so wet from the sweating and sexy as fuck
Lindo:, some shit just happened
Me: Lindo!!
Lindo: the condom
Me: did it burst

Lindo: even worse
Me: what?
He laughed then covered his face
Me: Lindo Tu
Lindo: promise me you won't be mad at me when I tell you this
Me: I can't promise you that
Lindo: then I'm not telling you
I breathed out loud
Me: I won't be mad
Lindo: ohk
Me: well...
Lindo: I'm no longer wearing a condom so I think because it was heated up in here, it got stuck inside
Me:*shouting* what?
Lindo: *laughing* I can get it out I swear
Me: lindooooo
Lindo:*laughing* I could not have expected that to happen, it has never happened before
Me: then how do you know how to take it out
Lindo: will try
Me: what of IL need an operation to do this
He looked at me, now taking the whole thing serious
Lindo: do you think that's possible
Me: I don't know
Lindo: do you mind me calling à friend of mine asking him about this
I looked at him
Lindo: fine let's figure this out on our own
Me: ohk
Lindo: IL put my finger inside of you to check if I can feel it , if I can IL reach for it
Me: ohk
He held my centre and I held his hand

Lindo:what?
Me: your fingers are to seductive, you turning me on instead
He laughed
Lindo: lover I have to do this
Me: ohk
He inserted his fingers
Lindo: II definitely in here
Me: well then pull it
I was biting my lower lip the whole time, he pulled it out and kissed me
Lindo:will have to buy an after pill just incase
Me: ohk
I kissed him...
I was laying on top off him, his hand on my back making movements with his fingers on my back.
We were just sitting in silence, no one saying anything, I loved Lindo like honestly, I didn't know how
much I loved him till I saw him today.
Lindo: you ohk?
I nodded my head. He flipped us over then he was on top off me, he looked at me
Lindo: you mean so much to me
Md: really?
Lindo: I mean every single word
I smiled
Lindo: let's go eat
I wore his gown that was on top off the bed and he wore his boxers and went to the kitchen, they had
made us food so we just warmed it up, we decided to go and eat outside and there were bodyguards on
every corner.
Me: please be honest with me with this
Lindo: I'm a lawyer Nana
Me:, so
Lindo: I work with hardcore criminals that would kill me if I lost their case or sent them to prison, so I
need to protect myself
Me: well this is a bit extreme, don't you think
Lindo: nothing is extreme when it comes to your life
Me: ohk,you never told me what happened with Natasha
Lindo,: don't worry yourself over that
Me: you always doing this
Lindo: what?
Me: being secretive, you said I should trust you but it seems like you don't even trust me
Lindo: I don't want you to be stressing over things that don't matter
Me: everything matters Lindo
Lindo: the only thing that matters is me and you and me keeping you happy and protecting you that's all
I looked away
Lindo: I love you ohk
I quickly turned to look at him, hold up!!hold up!!! Did he just say that, I mean did he really just say
that?
Me: what?
He laughed pulling me closer to him
Lindo: I love you and I know you love me too
Me:*smiling* yeah I do
Lindo: you see nothing else matters but me and you
Me; ohk
We sat out there and talked, laughed and had a few kisses there and there. I didn't want these days to
end if it was up to me... We got in the house around 3 am and just went to bed.
The next morning, lindo was not there, I got up I was wearing a top that he gave me last night. I went
downstairs and the was dog food on the counter and a note " please feed them, that way they get to
know you, I went for a jog" I took the plates and if I die, Lindo would explain to my parents I realised
when I was outside that the were man surrounding the entire house and I was just wearing a top, we
came late last night and I couldnt see from the outside. The wall was in an electric fence, tall walls and
ish. When I opened the door, the guys there looked at me once then turned back, I called for ivy and
Iverson and they quickly showed up,now I became scared. I went on my knees and placed the bowls on
the floor "enjoy guys" I went back in and gave myself a tour, it was so clear that no woman lived here, it
didn't have that woman thing more of a guy thing. I went downstairs to the kitchen, there was already
breakfast for me on the table, I took it and went to sit on the lounge, I ate while watching TV. The sliding
door opened and lover came in looking all sweaty and sexy
I smiled and he smiled back walking up to me. We kissed
Me: morning
Lindo: morning ntokazi
He kissed me again
Lindo: Thank you for feeding the boys
Me: my pleasure
Lindo: no bite or scratch
Me: to my luck no
He laughed. He came to sit with me
Me: you want a taste
He nodded his head, I fed him
Lindo: so what you want to do today
Me: an...
One guy walked in
Him: boza there's someone at the gate I'm not sure if you want to see them
Lindo got up and went out, I carried on eating my breakfast
Lindo: you always all up in my business
He walked in followed by another guy
Guy: and this day is finally here
He walked up to me, took the tray that was on my legs and placed it on the table and held my hands, I
got up and he hugged me just imagine
Lindo:*laughing* that's enough boy
Guy: I'm sboniso but call me sbo
Me,: nice meeting you, I'm nkosazana
Guy: nice meeting you nkosazana, I'm your mans best friend
Lindo laughed and so did I

Me: as in real best friend
Sbo: the bestest of best friends anyone could ever have
Me,: well then it's a pleasure meeting you
We shook hands then I sat down
Lindo: what you doing here anyway?
Sbo: I came to see you and meet this lady of course and since you both ohk let's go to Florida lake
Lindo: the whole squad
Sbo,: yeah few drinks, braaied meat and music,you can't say no to that
Lindo: will think about it and IL let you know if I'm coming
Sbo: ohk. IL see you later right
He looked at me, I looked at Lindo
Lindo: I said will think about it let's go
He walked him out and soon came in
Lindo: you want to go?
Me: yeah
He laughed
Lindo:, you sure
I nodded my head
Lindo:, ohk will leave around 3
Insert 51
We went to shower together, I dressed up and wore shorts with a top. Lindo walked in, I turned and he
was starring
Me: what?
Lindo: I'm going to kick some ass If someone looks In your direction
I laughed, we got dressed and left
Me: ta mo not working today

Lindo: when I go back to work he will
Me: why do you have a driver
Lindo: sometimes I'm lazy to drive cause I have to drive from one place to another
Me: ohk
We got to this place and got out off the car
Me: well this place is nice
Lindo: I need to give you a proper tour of Jozi
Me: IL hold you to that
We walked to this group of people and I did not know them, i thought I was gonna see abo sne and Nazi
Sbo: and they make it
They all turned to us
Lindo: you didn't give us much choice did you
Sbo: mxm
Girl 1: hey girl
Me:*smiling * hey
Her: if we going to wait for lindo to introduce us you will leave before knowing you
I laughed
Her: Dudu
Me: nkosazana
Girl 2: ofentse
Girl 3: tshepiso
Girl 4: kamo
me: nice meeting you all
Kamo: likewise sweety
Lindo: don't let them condemn you , they are a bad influence
They laughed
Ofentse: abhuti Lindo don't do that now
Lindo: I'm just kidding lovey
He kissed all off them on the cheek

Tshepiso: well I'm happy with her, I was tired of miss stiletto
I laughed
Tshepiso: you know her
I nodded my head
Tshepiso: I hated the shit outta her and he knows it
Lindo: well you like her
Kamo: I for one will tell you after today
I sat on one off the camp chairs me and Lindo came with. After a few minutes sne walked up to us with
two other girls and a guy. She screamed when she saw me I just laughed. I got up and hugged her
Sne: IV been wishing to see this with my own two eyes
I laughed
Sne: I knew some shit was going on between the two of you
Me: that time nothing was going on
Sne: yeah right... She's the girl I told you about NGO Lindo
Dudu: ohhhhhh girl
I laughed
Me: what?
Dudu: take care of our boy, if not you have all of us to deal with
Me: and if he does not take care of me
Sne: we got your back too
We all laughed. They were smoking an oka
Sne: here
Me: no I'm good
Dudu: Lindo did say we are a bad influence
IV done it before but with Lindo being there, I was not sure if I should but I took a few pulls and passed
it. The meat was done and they joined us. Me and Lindo sat on the blanket, his head on my legs
Dudu: so babe you will be around right, this December
Me: I have to go back home
Tshepiso: where's home

Me: Brits
Them: yhooooooo
I laughed
Me: come on
Kamo: what the fuck are you doing in Brits
Me:*laughing* what you mean?
Sne: you need to move here
Me: let me have money first
Sne: Lindo!
Lindo*laughing* what??
Sne: don't say what?
Lindo: I'm sure if I bought her a house she wouldn't take it
Me: yeah I wouldn't
Sne: like really
Me:*laughing* yeah ao
Lindo: uyabo
Dudu: you can't expect us to turn up at brits
Me:*laughing* Kanti what is this
Kamo: start off a friendship
Me: IL come when I can this side
Sne: you better
They company was so great, and let say we all had too much to drink. Lindo seemed fine as for me nope.
We had to leave, we said our goodbyes and left
Me: did I tell you, I love you
He looked at me and laughed
Lindo: I have to show you this tomorrow morning
Me:*laughing* do you love me
He held my thigh
Lindo: yes Nana, a lot futhi

I smiled.
Lindo: I love you when you drunk and sober
I laughed and looked the other way
Me: I need to use the bathroom
Lindo: ohk hold on
We stopped at a garage and I got outta the car he followed me. I got to the bathroom and he pushed my
pants down. He helped me out
Lindo: are you done?
I nodded my head
He lifted my underwear then my pants and Washed my hands and we walked out, got to his place. The
window opened
Lindo: what?
Security: sir uhm
Lindo: what?
Security: your father and miss Natasha are here
I looked at Lindo and he looked at me...
Insert 52
Me: why is Natasha still coming to your place ?
He took out his phone and was on the phone
Me: really Lindo, really
Lindo: sne oh my god thank you baby for answering...listen nkosazana is coming there ohk
I looked at him
Lindo: yes IL explain everything ... Ohk sharp
Me: like really
He turned to me
Lindo: I need you to listen to me

Me:...
Lindo: shit is going to happen the moment I walk into that house, I don't mean shit that normal families
go through I mean some crazy movie unrealistic shit that I don't want you to be involved in and the
moment I go in there with you more shit is going to go down... This is the third time I'm telling you this
in a single day, I love you nkosazana and I told you I'm going to have your back and right now this is me
protecting you from a whole lot off things ohk... I need you to understand that
Me: what's going on Lindo
He held my face
Lindo: I can't tell you anything right now cause I love you and if I tell you anything right now, chances of
you leaving the fuck outta me are high. But here is me being honest, I want to spend so many days with
you and love you and I want you to love me so much that you could possibly die for me, when that day
has arrived that's when IL be able to tell you everything about me, my life and my family cause if I tell
you this when you that deep in love with me, chances of you leaving me are slim
Me: that's not fair Lindo
Lindo: I know but I can't risk losing you and walking with you in that house I might lose you
Me: you really scaring me
He kissed me
Lindo: please ntokazi, please go to sne place, IL come immediately when IV sorted this mess out
Me:...
Lindo: please
Me: fine
I crossed my arms and looked the other way. He tried to kiss me but I just pushed him away
Lindo: I'm doing this cause I'm protecting you
Me: it does not seem that way
Lindo:...
Me:...
Lindo: please take her to sne place
Guy: sure boza
Lindo got outta the car and the guy got in. the car reversed. Lindo rushed back to the car and the guy
stopped
Lindo: pass by the pharmacy first, she knows what she needs to get
Fuck! I totally forgot about it

Lindo: I placed my card under your phone pouche
I didn't respond him and we drove off. He stopped at some pharmacy and we walked in, I bought them
after answering the thousand questions they were telling me and we left. Got to sne place and I walked
in, sne was still all smiles
Sne: you ohk
Me: no I want to sleep
Sne: ohk let's go to bed
We went to one off the bedroom got in and slept
#Lindo
I walked in
Natasha: and he walks in... Granddad !!
I looked at her, I left her in the kitchen and walked to the lounge and they were sitting all there
Me: what's going on?
My father laughed
Natasha granddad: the kind of nerve you have
Me:...
Natasha granddad got up walking up to me
Him: I hate shit and I hate pieces of shit like yourself. I hate ungrateful shit like yourself and most
importantly I hate shit like yourself that won't stand for their word
Me: everyone deserves to be happy and so do I
Him: not only did you disrespect me but you disrespected my granddaughter
Me: I talked to her about it
Natasha: and I said no
I turned to her
Me: I don't give a shit..
Before I could say something, I felt blood coming out off my mouth followed by this pain, I stepped back
trying to stop the blood
Natasha granddad: you won't speak to my daughter that way
I looked at my dad and he was watching TV

Me:*shouting* I don't want to marry your damn granddaughter, she has no respect for anyone and it's
fucken clear where she gets its from
He tried to hit me with his cane again but I held it and threw it the other side off the room.i walked
closer to him
Me: just incase he *pointing at my dad* didn't tell you, I inherited a lot from him, Im what he is so try
me
He looked at me. I spit the blood that was on my mouth on the floor. I walked towards my dad
Me: take your people and get the fuck outta my house
He looked at me
Dad: IL take you out off this world as if you were never even born
I looked at his hand and he was holding on to a pistol tapping it up and down on the couch
Me: you want to kill me now? For wanting to be happy
Dad: I'm going to kill the bitch that's sucking your balls so good, that you disrespecting me
Me:...
Dad: im still capable of a lot and capable of killing her... what's her name again... Uhm... Nkosazana
Me;...
Dad: you got what you said right, you are me and I'm the only person who can take you out off this
world, now I'm sure you want nothing to happen to this bitch of yours...
He got up
Dad: stand with your word
He walked away
Me: I w....
He hit me with the back off his hand, I lost my balance, he held me with my shirt pinning me to the
table.he placed the gun on my forehead
Dad: I said stand with your word
Me: you proud of yourself
Dad: I'm proud for creating a spitting image of myself
Me: you fought for ma and I'm going to fight for nkosazana
He pulled the slide back
Dad: don't involve my wife in this

Me;, your wife is my mother
Natasha: what do you want from that girl? What? I can give you what she gives you
Dad: what game are you playing? Are you enjoying this attention
Me: more like I'm tired of living a lie... Does mum
Know you here
Dad:leave your mum out off this
Me: pull the trigger and lets see what your other kids think off you
He looked at me
Me*shouting* pull the fucken trigger
I instantly became deaf, I looked at him and I could only see his lips move
Dad: try me
He got off me, Natasha ran to me. I got up and checked the side and he had put a whole in my table.
Natasha: you taking things too far
Natasha granddad: he needs to be taught a lesson
Natasha: not like this
I got up and walked to my dad
Me: IV had enough of your shit
He quickly turned and pinned me to the wall
Dad: IV done a lot for you
Me: you are my fucken father, you are suppose to do a lot for me
Dad: I'm asking you to stick to your word that's all and you have to behave like this
Me: I love this girl
Natasha granddad: I won't stand for this
Dad: is this what you want? .... Man let's talk about this
Natasha granddad: talk to your son
Me: I'm done doing things to please you, done
Natasha: what happened with you, me and you were fine. We loved each other what happened *crying*
Lindo
Me: you knew what you were getting yourself involved in... Let's not act like we were crazy in love with
each other
Dad: that's enough Lindo thats enough!!!
Me: ...
Dad: IV had it with your bullshit
Me: I'm tired could you all please leave
Dad: let's go
They walked out
Dad: I want you in my house tomorrow
Me: I'm busy
Dad: I'm not asking you
He walked out. I could feel myself breath, I went to the bathroom and fixed myself. I was a mess. I took
my car keys and left.
I got to sne place and knocked for a while. The time was 4am, I couldn't leave without seeing my girl.
The door opened as I was knocking
Sne: fuck Lindo
She walked away, I got in and locked the door, I walked to the spare room and sat next to her. I joined
her. Was woken up by her the following morning
Nkosazana: wake up
I slowly opened my eyes
Nkosazana: wake up
I turned the other side
Her: you have a lot of explaining to do Lindo
I got up
Her: start talking
Me...
Her: Lindo
Me: the mess is not over it's just the start
Her: what happened

Me: I told you I can't tell you anything right now
She got up to leave I followed behind her and held her before she could leave the room
Me: Nana please don't do this to me...
Her: you hurt
She said that touching my face. I removed her hands
Me: please wait for me to be ready to tell you, when everything is fine IL tell you everything please
Her: fine isn't this painful
Me: IL survive
Her: I love you ohk
Me: I love you so much more lover
We kissed
We took our things and left. Got to my place and we went to shower
Me: I have to go see my dad
Her: oh ohk
Me: you coming with me
Her: no no, not ready to meet the parents as yet
Me: Nana you need to be there please
Her:Lindo
Me: please
Her: fine
I kissed her
Me: don't worry IL be with you the whole timeNKOSAZANA NDLOVU II
Insert 52
Me: why is Natasha still coming to your place ?
He took out his phone and was on the phone
Me: really Lindo, really

Lindo: sne oh my god thank you baby for answering...listen nkosazana is coming there ohk
I looked at him
Lindo: yes IL explain everything ... Ohk sharp
Me: like really
He turned to me
Lindo: I need you to listen to me
Me:...
Lindo: shit is going to happen the moment I walk into that house, I don't mean shit that normal families
go through I mean some crazy movie unrealistic shit that I don't want you to be involved in and the
moment I go in there with you more shit is going to go down... This is the third time I'm telling you this
in a single day, I love you nkosazana and I told you I'm going to have your back and right now this is me
protecting you from a whole lot off things ohk... I need you to understand that
Me: what's going on Lindo
He held my face
Lindo: I can't tell you anything right now cause I love you and if I tell you anything right now, chances of
you leaving the fuck outta me are high. But here is me being honest, I want to spend so many days with
you and love you and I want you to love me so much that you could possibly die for me, when that day
has arrived that's when IL be able to tell you everything about me, my life and my family cause if I tell
you this when you that deep in love with me, chances of you leaving me are slim
Me: that's not fair Lindo
Lindo: I know but I can't risk losing you and walking with you in that house I might lose you
Me: you really scaring me
He kissed me
Lindo: please ntokazi, please go to sne place, IL come immediately when IV sorted this mess out
Me:...
Lindo: please
Me: fine
I crossed my arms and looked the other way. He tried to kiss me but I just pushed him away
Lindo: I'm doing this cause I'm protecting you
Me: it does not seem that way
Lindo:...
Me:...
Lindo: please take her to sne place
Guy: sure boza
Lindo got outta the car and the guy got in. the car reversed. Lindo rushed back to the car and the guy
stopped
Lindo: pass by the pharmacy first, she knows what she needs to get
Fuck! I totally forgot about it
Lindo: I placed my card under your phone pouche
I didn't respond him and we drove off. He stopped at some pharmacy and we walked in, I bought them
after answering the thousand questions they were telling me and we left. Got to sne place and I walked
in, sne was still all smiles
Sne: you ohk
Me: no I want to sleep
Sne: ohk let's go to bed
We went to one off the bedroom got in and slept
#Lindo
I walked in
Natasha: and he walks in... Granddad !!
I looked at her, I left her in the kitchen and walked to the lounge and they were sitting all there
Me: what's going on?
My father laughed
Natasha granddad: the kind of nerve you have
Me:...
Natasha granddad got up walking up to me
Him: I hate shit and I hate pieces of shit like yourself. I hate ungrateful shit like yourself and most
importantly I hate shit like yourself that won't stand for their word
Me: everyone deserves to be happy and so do I
Him: not only did you disrespect me but you disrespected my granddaughter
Me: I talked to her about it
Natasha: and I said no

I turned to her
Me: I don't give a shit..
Before I could say something, I felt blood coming out off my mouth followed by this pain, I stepped back
trying to stop the blood
Natasha granddad: you won't speak to my daughter that way
I looked at my dad and he was watching TV
Me:*shouting* I don't want to marry your damn granddaughter, she has no respect for anyone and it's
fucken clear where she gets its from
He tried to hit me with his cane again but I held it and threw it the other side off the room.i walked
closer to him
Me: just incase he *pointing at my dad* didn't tell you, I inherited a lot from him, Im what he is so try
me
He looked at me. I spit the blood that was on my mouth on the floor. I walked towards my dad
Me: take your people and get the fuck outta my house
He looked at me
Dad: IL take you out off this world as if you were never even born
I looked at his hand and he was holding on to a pistol tapping it up and down on the couch
Me: you want to kill me now? For wanting to be happy
Dad: I'm going to kill the bitch that's sucking your balls so good, that you disrespecting me
Me:...
Dad: im still capable of a lot and capable of killing her... what's her name again... Uhm... Nkosazana
Me;...
Dad: you got what you said right, you are me and I'm the only person who can take you out off this
world, now I'm sure you want nothing to happen to this bitch of yours...
He got up
Dad: stand with your word
He walked away
Me: I w....
He hit me with the back off his hand, I lost my balance, he held me with my shirt pinning me to the
table.he placed the gun on my forehead
Dad: I said stand with your word

Me: you proud of yourself
Dad: I'm proud for creating a spitting image of myself
Me: you fought for ma and I'm going to fight for nkosazana
He pulled the slide back
Dad: don't involve my wife in this
Me;, your wife is my mother
Natasha: what do you want from that girl? What? I can give you what she gives you
Dad: what game are you playing? Are you enjoying this attention
Me: more like I'm tired of living a lie... Does mum
Know you here
Dad:leave your mum out off this
Me: pull the trigger and lets see what your other kids think off you
He looked at me
Me*shouting* pull the fucken trigger
I instantly became deaf, I looked at him and I could only see his lips move
Dad: try me
He got off me, Natasha ran to me. I got up and checked the side and he had put a whole in my table.
Natasha: you taking things too far
Natasha granddad: he needs to be taught a lesson
Natasha: not like this
I got up and walked to my dad
Me: IV had enough of your shit
He quickly turned and pinned me to the wall
Dad: IV done a lot for you
Me: you are my fucken father, you are suppose to do a lot for me
Dad: I'm asking you to stick to your word that's all and you have to behave like this
Me: I love this girl
Natasha granddad: I won't stand for this
Dad: is this what you want? .... Man let's talk about this
Natasha granddad: talk to your son
Me: I'm done doing things to please you, done
Natasha: what happened with you, me and you were fine. We loved each other what happened *crying*
Lindo
Me: you knew what you were getting yourself involved in... Let's not act like we were crazy in love with
each other
Dad: that's enough Lindo thats enough!!!
Me: ...
Dad: IV had it with your bullshit
Me: I'm tired could you all please leave
Dad: let's go
They walked out
Dad: I want you in my house tomorrow
Me: I'm busy
Dad: I'm not asking you
He walked out. I could feel myself breath, I went to the bathroom and fixed myself. I was a mess. I took
my car keys and left.
I got to sne place and knocked for a while. The time was 4am, I couldn't leave without seeing my girl.
The door opened as I was knocking
Sne: fuck Lindo
She walked away, I got in and locked the door, I walked to the spare room and sat next to her. I joined
her. Was woken up by her the following morning
Nkosazana: wake up
I slowly opened my eyes
Nkosazana: wake up
I turned the other side
Her: you have a lot of explaining to do Lindo
I got up
Her: start talking

Me...
Her: Lindo
Me: the mess is not over it's just the start
Her: what happened
Me: I told you I can't tell you anything right now
She got up to leave I followed behind her and held her before she could leave the room
Me: Nana please don't do this to me...
Her: you hurt
She said that touching my face. I removed her hands
Me: please wait for me to be ready to tell you, when everything is fine IL tell you everything please
Her: fine isn't this painful
Me: IL survive
Her: I love you ohk
Me: I love you so much more lover
We kissed
We took our things and left. Got to my place and we went to shower
Me: I have to go see my dad
Her: oh ohk
Me: you coming with me
Her: no no, not ready to meet the parents as yet
Me: Nana you need to be there please
Her:Lindo
Me: please
Her: fine
I kissed her
Me: don't worry IL be with you the whole time

insert 53
We got to my parents house I looked at nkosazana and she was just this innocent girl that deserved
everything that the world could offer her. I parked on the driveway and got out off the car,she followed
behind me. I walked in and my mum was in the kitchen she turned to the door and the smile on her
face made me comfortable that she would be there when my dad talks to me
Mum: hey baby
She kissed my cheek
Me: hi ma
She reached for nkosazana hand behind me, and pulled her to her
Mum: hi beautiful
Nkosazana:*smiling* hi ma
Mum: oh my god you beautiful
Nkosazana: well my self esteem just dropped a bit looking at you
Mum: oh I was just like you when I was young as you
They both laughed
Mum: your dad is waiting for you
Me: you will be ohk
Nkosazana: yes *smiling*
I kissed her hand and we walked. I walked to the lounge and he was pouring himself a glass of whiskey
Me: I'm here
Dad: you going to walk out off that door, walk in again and behave like you talking to your dad
I did as told
Me: good afternoon sir
Dad: yes Lindo
He turned to look at me and walked to have a sit. I sat opposite him
Me: what's this all about
Dad: what do you want?
Me: huh?
Dad: what do you want?

Me: nothing I just want you to start being my father
Dad: I'm not being your father
Me: no
Dad: for how long did you realise that?
Me:...
Dad: you realise that when that girl walks in your life that I haven't been a father to you, is that right
Me: don't involve her in this
Dad: don't involve her *laughing* don't involve her, you involved her the moment you decided to do
shit with her
Me: you don't get it do you? I don't want to marry Natasha
Dad: when did you realise that? Why didn't you realise that before they did things for you, before you
fucked their daughter, before everything
Me:...
Dad:*laughing * and a girl comes along and you now decide you don't want to marry her
Me:...
Dad: you...
My mum and nkosazana walked in. My father got up, I got up as well.he looked at me then back at
nkosazana
Me,: let's go
I held nkosazana hands
Dad: that's a bit rude
I stopped.he walked to us
Dad: I'm Lindo father
Nkosazana: nice meeting you sir... Nkosazana
Dad: no wonder my sons head no longer works, you beautiful
Nkosazana:*smiling* thank you
Dad: let's take a walk
Me: we have to go
My dad held my hand, I mean squeezing the shit outta my hand
Dad: we taking a walk give us space

Me: no
Nkosazana: Lindo it's fine
I looked at her, she did not know that it was not fine
Me: mum !
Mum: leave the kids they rushing to go to their own places
Dad: you got a chance to talk to her I don't
Mum: baby they just going to talk
I looked at my dad
Dad: let's go princess
they walked away...
#NKOSAZANA
we walked to the garden
Lindo dad: you love the garden
Me: I'm not sure but I'm crazy about flowers
Lindo dad: what are you doing with Lindo
i swallowed the lump that was on my throat
Me: we just got together so we both still trying to figure everything out
Lindo dad: you love him?
I nodded my head
Lindo dad: do you know Natasha?
Me:...
Lindo dad: IL take that as a yes
Me:...
Lindo dad: you studying towards a law degree right
Me: yes sir
Lindo dad: Natasha family has connections of all these law firms you familiar with that
I shook my head
Him: you know what's going to happen to you

Me:...
Him: your law degree will just remain a piece of paper that has no benefits to you. Lindo and Natasha
were engaged till you came along and we both know what happened after
My breathing changed, I felt like I was suffocating
Him: Natasha family are not pleased with you in anyway, they have your details and if this goes on we
both know whats going to happen right
Me: they going to prevent me from working because of Lindo
Him: now we hearing each other
Me: Lindo does not want Natasha
Him: you young lady have disrupted my family, and it's pissing the shit out off me
He turned and he looked like he was ready to kill me, I stepped back
Him: you are going to stay away from Lindo
Me:...
Him: what did you think was going to happen between you two. Yourself and my son, no ! Not going to
happen
Me:...
Him: your family has been through a lot don't you think, what would your dearest brother say when he
found out about this, they already have a lot to deal with when it comes to you, your rape saga which
I'm terribly sorry about
I turned to him, I tell Lindo something that was very personal to me and he tells his entire family
😫😧😡😠
Him:, your brother and your parents have a lot on their minds trying to support all 3 of you, now the...
This man was disgusting the shit outta me. I cut him off
Me: so why don't you became a real father and stand with your son instead of taking orders from a girls
family that wants to control your family
Dad: y...
I cut him off again
Me: my family may be a lot off things, we may have faced a lot of shit together but we stand together
and we would do anything for each other. It's sad how you live in this beautiful house with the most
sweetest wife and a son that's is so great but you are a complete a... *I paused* I'm going to show you
the lil respect I still have for you
Me: sorry your son could not fall in love with miss south Africa but he fell in love with a girl that loves
him genuinely and for who he is not what he is or what he has, a girl that he sees something more than
just a girl with too many family problems
Dad: y...
I cut him off again
Me: you don't have to worry about me being in your son's life anymore. IL make things easier for all of
us
I walked inside and Lindo followed behind me. I said goodbye to Lindo mum and walked out
Lindo: b...
Me: don't even touch me
I got In the car and he got in as well. The drive was silent, we got to his place and I packed my things
Lindo: nkosazana come on
Me: I want to go home
Lindo: you letting him win can't you see that
Me:*shouting* he already won ohk and the nerve you had to tell him I was raped fuck you
Lindk; what??
Me:*shouting* don't come closer to me
Lindo: what you talking about?
Me:*shouting* don't ask me what I'm talking about, you told your damn father about my personal
affair, mine that I trusted you with and you go tell your father really Lindo like really
Lindo: I didn't tell him shit
Me: then who?
Lindo:...
Me: you know what? I was crazy to think this was going to work me and you two are from completely
different worlds. I'm not about to be involved in some drama that involves two family and to those two
families I'm the enemy that they trying to remove
Lindo: ...
Me: please take me home
Lindo: what about us?
Me: what about my future and yours?
Lindo:...
Me: I love you but this is beyond me ... please take me home
He walked out, I continued packing my stuff and dragged my bags downstairs only to see ta mo there.
He helped me with my bags and we left...
INSERT 54
I arrived at my place and thanked ta mo. He helped me with my bags and I walked in, I knocked and the
door opened. The time was around 21:00 the door opened and it was Thando, she screamed I screamed
back and picked her up.my mum showed up and hugged me, I walked in and they were all so happy to
see me
Baba: nkosazana this time
Me: I wanted to surprise you guys
Mama: well this was a surprise
She hugged me again
Baba: so what did you come with
Me: my friends brother, he was going to Thabazimbi so he dropped me off
Mama:, oh that is so nice off him
Me: yes mama... I'm really tired can we talk tomorrow please
Baba:, go and sleep girl
I took my bags and took them to what is now my room. I felt like crying, I sat on the bed and tears began
building up. My door quickly opened, I lifted my head up and it was Thando
Me: hey Nana
She jumped on the bed
Mr: how's school?
Thando: just fine, I missed you
Me: I missed you too baby
My phone rang and it was "lover" I just flipped the phone over
Thando: who is that?
Me: no one... IL see you tomorrow ne I need to sleep

Thando: ohk goodnight
Me: goodnight
I kissed her and she walked out. I looked at my phone and the were 3 missed from him
I got in bed and slept, following morning woke up, cleaned took a bath and went to to rea place she was
so happy to see me
Me: I missed you so much
Rea: not as much as me, we don't even talk that much on the phone
Me: sorry babe
She took my phone
Rea: I'm going to take this pouche, she removed it and a card fell out
Me: shit , shit , shit
Rea picked it up aNd gave it to me
Rea: whose card is this?
I took my phone from her and called lindo.he answered on the first ring
Lindo: lover ka bra
I smiled but I didn't give in
Me: I have your card
Lindo:...
Me: Lindo
Lindo: you can keep it
Me: I don't want to keep it
Rea looked at me
Lindo: IL come pick it up
Me: when?
Lindo: tomorrow afternoon
Me: ohk bye
Lindo: nkosazana
Me:...
Lindo: please don't do this, I'm begging here
Me: bye Lindo
I hung up
Rea: babe you crying
SHe pulled me into a hug, I just let it all out, I calmed down
Res: what's wrong?
I shook my head
Rea: don't make me force this out off you
Me:...
Rea: nkosazana
Me: you remember Lindo
Rea: Lindo your boss
I nodded my head
Rea: what about him?
I told her everything , from him coming to my workplace, spending week together the months we spend
apart, coming back to him, what he said in the car and his father.
Res: that's crazy nkosazana
Me: tell me about it
Rea: his father wants you out off his sons life
Me: yeah and his scary Rea, he even has tattoos and the tattoos IV seen in some guys in Cape town. So
what if he does something drastic to me and Lindo is not there to protect me
Rea: why is Lindo not even being honest with you
Me: exactly, his like he wants me to be deep in love with him before he can be honest with me. What
the fuck?
Rea: so what now?
Me: nothing, his going to come tomorrow I give him his card and that's all
Rea: if you need me just call me ne babe
Me: I will babe thank you were a onks and onts
Rea: onks said she was going to buy clothes I don't know about onts
Me: ohk Luu is coming so I have to go and see him will talk later
Rea : ohk
I got home and 20 minutes off being there Luu arrived.i jumped to him
Me: I missed you so much
Luu:*laughing* ahhh baby
Me: let's talk
I held his hand and we walked to the lounge
Me: first the learnership
He laughed
Me: you took it right
Luu:*laughing* yeah 15 January I leave
I screamed and hugged me
Me: Mr fire fighter
He laughed
Me: you excited?
Luu: yes Nana
Me: so Wena and Ntando
Luu: we are moving to Joburg
Me: what?
Luu: yes Nana, she took a transfer and they granted it to her so...
Me: wait! So you will be there permanently
He nodded his head
Me: so what about me? When I come here, how am I going to see you
Luu: will be earning while we doing this learnership so me and Ntando will look for a place to stay then
you when you on school holidays you will either start here for that two weeks and end your rest of your
holidays with me and Ntando
Me:*smiling* ohk I can work with that... I'm so happy for you
Luu: Nana I feel like God has answered my prayers
I hugged him
We talked some more and more as always...
#NKOSAZANA
INSERT 55
Thando was visiting my aunt, my mum doing some job at some place and dad off to work. Lindo called
me to tell me he was on his way. After an hour he called me and told me I should meet him outside. I
walked out and 4 houses away, there was a Benz, I walked to it and got in.
Lindo: hi
Me: hi
I said that removing my pouche, I handed him his card, he just looked at it
Me: take your card
Lindo: can we talk first
I tried to open the door but he locked it
Me: open Lindo
Lindo: I just need to talk to you
Me: about what?
Lindo:, everything ntokazi, why are you failing to understand why I'm doing all of this
Me: what should I understand about lies
Lindo:...
Me: do you have any idea the guts it took me to tell you what happened and we both said we starting
this on a clean slate, we being honest to each other and you agreed while you knew very well that you
were lying to me
Lindo: the shit that is in my head and heart is not something you can just blurt out to someone
Me: Ohhh now I'm someone
I tried opening the door
Lindo: fuck! I don't mean it like that *he breathed in and out* what I mean is this is deep nkosazana, I
mean deep.
Me: and what I told you wasn't deep
Lindo: I..
I cut him off
Me: how about the moment you want to be honest with me, you call me and we can talk
I reached my hand to his side and pressed the unlock button
Lindo: I was engaged to Natasha
I turned and looked at him
Lindo: please close the door
I closed the door and sat up straight facing him
Lindo: after failing grade 10 twice, I was sent to the states to study that side, I finished my senior year
then went on to varsity did my law degree, that was only 3 years with 1 year for articles. In order to start
a law firm you need to have a PhD and I was not going that far with my studies only ended up in
masters, that's where Natasha family came through they did things cause my father's name and the
law... Water and oil, but Natasha grandad and my father have been business associates for a long time,
they talked and well they wanted Natasha to have a secured future, for her not to work a single day in
her life but get everything on a silver platter but again they didn't want her to be with an old man who
may die at anytime. That's when I came along, my dad talked to me about it and at the time I
desperately wanted this law firm, Natasha was beautiful I felt like I was benefitting so I agreed but we
would only get married after Natasha is ready to get married
Me:....
Lindo: I won't lie and say that's all there is but there's more to what I'm telling you ntokazi way more but
I'm just telling you this part to show you how serious I am about you, let me figure this out first. What I
have to tell you is a lot to take in, I need you to be ready for it
Me:...
Lindo: ntokazi
I turned to him
Lindo: please don't rush me into telling you all off this
Me: still, it's not just me and you in this, there's your father and Natasha including Natasha family
Lindo: I don't give a fuck about either off them, I'm all about you
Me:...
Lindo: I swear to god, I didn't tell my father about your personal affairs. My dad is a man with too many
connections knowing you are a threat, he may have done some sort of research and found out
Me:...
Lindo: listen IV risked too much by breaking it off with Natasha, you can't break up with me as all of that
will be in vain
Me:...
Lindo : lover don't do me like this please
Me: I don't know Lindo, your father!
Lindo: don't worry about my father, IL handle him
Me: what if he does something to me
Lindo: what did I say to you
Me: you were going to protect me
Lindo: exactly, give me a chance please
I jumped to his seat and sat on top off him, he held my face
Me: promise me nothing will come between us then
Lindo: I promise you
I kissed him, he deepened the kiss. I broke the kiss
Me: want to go inside
Lindo:*laughing* you willing to take that risk
Me: for that dzick yeah
He laughed covering his face
Lindo: let's go
We got out off the car and walked in, I held his hand and walked him to my room, got in and locked he
immediately kissed me, I kissed him back, he squeezed my butt and moved his hands down to my thighs
then picked me up, he laid me on my bed
Me: I don't have a condom
Lindo:*laughing* fuck lover
Me: wait
I moved him from me and went through the stuff in there, most off the stuff that was in this room was
still Luu. I went through the drawers and came back with a packet.
Lindo: yours
I shook my head
Me: nope
I jumped on top off him and kissed him, he removed my tights, while I was removing his top. I pushed
his pants down with his underwear. I traded him a bit until he pulled me back up, he entered himself
inside of me, while squeezing the fuck outta of my butt. I moved my body up and down and making
some movements that drove him crazy. I placed my hands on his chest and we did the deed. His d
reached places that someone d failed to reach 😂😂. We both came and just laid there.
I got up to look at him
Me: my brother is moving to Joburg
Lindo: what? For? That's nice!
Me: yeah he got a learnership
Lindo: that's amazing
Me: too much so IL visit him at times that means IL be in Joburg at times
He pulled me into a kiss then broke it
Lindo: even better
I checked the time
Me: my mum must be on her way
Lindo: let me get going
I got off from him and gave him his clothes, he dressed up and I walked him out only to see people all
around his car
Lindo: yho
Me:*laughing* that kind of car , here it's very rare
Me: I love you too
I kissed him and he walked to his car, he got to his Car and greeted the boys that were there and got in
his car and drove off. I went back inside and well the house smelled like sex, I sprayed all over and
started cooking, 30 minutes mom's walked in
Me: tea ?
Mum: yes baby
I made her tea and gave it to her
Mum: you seem happy
Me:*laughing* yes ma, I'm always happy
Mum: as long as it's not a boy

Me: nope
Mum: ohk
I continued cooking, my dad came back, made him tea as well and we sat together as a family. I dished
up and went to eat in my bedroom, I called Lindo
Lindo: lover ka bra
Me: loverrr
He laughed
Me: did you get home safe
Lindo: yes ntokazi, I however miss you
Me: not as much as me baby
Lindo: you need to be here permanently
Me: not even possible
Lindo: it is
Me: lindo...
Lindo: I have a prepositions for you
Me: no I don't want to hear it
Lindo: why don't you want me to do things for you?
Me: cause I'm with you for you, not your money
Lindo: it's not like I'm buying you a mansion or something like that
Me: then what?
Lindk: thank you for listening to me
Me: ohk I'm listening
Lindo: you said your dad is a taxi driver right
I nodded my head, then realised he was not with me
Me: yes
Lindo: how about I bring him this side make him join the Soweto line, I know someone in the taxi
association who can do that, that way you all move here and I don't have to drive for hours to see you
Me: Lindo what if something happens to us what then
Lindo: I'm with you for life now

I laughed
Mr: I'm being serious
Lindo: me too, let me do this
Me: you doing a lot don't you think
Lindo: no, give me your approval and IL set everything up
Me: can I think about it first Lindo
Lindo: ohk take your time
#LINDO
Insert 56
#LINDO
I woke up the following morning and headed to my office, Layla soon walked in
Me: what do we have today
Layla: you have a meeting with the Jones
Me: about their son right
Layla: yes
Me: is he already in custody?
Layla: yes they change their lawyer and are crying for you
Me: email the previous lawyer to send me all the details he has
Layla: already have and well he was an ass but I got them... I'l go take them
Me: ohk my mum?
Layla: IV already sent her , her daily dose of flowers
Me: perfect
Layla: one m...
Natasha: can I come in
I just closed my eyes

Layla: IL come back
Me: thank you Layla
She walked out and closed the door.
Me: what are you doing here ?
Natasha: came to talk
Me: now you want to talk
Natasha: why you doing this Lindo
Me: I don't like repeating myself, Iv already told you what's up
Natasha: how can you let a bitch
Me: rephrase your wording Natasha
Natasha: how can you let that girl come between us
Me: cause she is something you not
Natasha: I can be what she is then
I looked at her
Me: does Stephen know you here
Natasha:...
Me: let's not make things hard baby, I'm sure you will find someone you will actually love
Natasha: I love you don't you get that
Me:...
Natasha: IV loved you from day one and I was hoping you would tell me first then I tell you but Iv been
waiting for 3 damn years for you to tell me you love me and after 3 years a girl comes along, some cheap
ass girl who does not know the difference between a red and ruby lipstick and you ready to give up
everything we had for her
Me: that mindset of yours is the main reason, I want nothing to do with you
Natasha: I'm sorry lindo
Me: I have a meeting I need to get to, please excuse me
I took my bags and walked out. I met up with my clients and that meeting took longer than I expected.
After long hours, I finally took my things and left. I walked to ta mo
Ta mo: long day
Me: you have no idea

Guy: well then a beer is what we need
I moved my head to the front seat and got crazy
Older brother: *laughing* relax man
Me: *excitement* where the hell have you been, are you kidding me?
Older brother: you missed me
Me: don't ask me that
Older brother: missed you too little bro
I laughed. We got to my place and walked in
Mr: where's my niece and nephew
Older: those two are growing up as if we feeding them drugs
Me: and the Mrs ?
Older brother: we both good, let's talk about you
Me: what have you heard
Older brother: for one, mum is worried sick about you
Me: some fucked up shit is going on in my life man
Older brother: let's talk
We sat down
Me: I met girl
Older brother: you cheating on Natasha
Me: no I broke up with her
Older brother: what? Are you even allowed to do that
Me: don't be like dad please
Older brother: ohk I'm sorry
Me: dad is being an asshole, he thinks he has power over me cause he passed over the... *I paused*
All my siblings did not know the exchange that occured between me and my dad
Older brother: passed over what?
Me: nothing
He got up to pour himself a drink
Older brother: the business

I turned to him
Me: what business
Older brother: don't say what business*laughing* I know about it
Me: I thought...
Older brother: yes I knew about it, but I wanted to make mum proud so I went the other way
Me: wait does everyone know
Older brother: no just me
Me: did you know I took over it
Older brother: me and dad talked once or twice about it, you were not giving us much choice to be
honest, you hated school and this was the only way to get you to study
Me:...
Older brother: so tell me about this girl you met
Me: I don't even want to talk about it anymore
Older brother: dad is a hot head trust me I know...
Me: I can't be always making him happy
Older brother: you are the one that's making this hard you know
Me: how? IV tried talking to him
Older brother: take him down memory lane, remind him who he is, who he is married to, the shit he
went through with mum. You off all people know dad's weakness is mum, that man loves mum more
than he loves either off us
I laughed
Older brother: you do that, I'm telling you.you will be with this girl with no worries at all
Me: fuck I love you
Older brother :love you too where's your better half
Me: I haven't seen him in a while hey, maybe his out off the country
Older brother: I don't understand you two at times
Me: forget about that, sleeping over?
Older brother: nope! I just came to check up on you
Me: have you talked to mum
Older brother: yeah what you getting her for Christmas

Me: I don't know, she has everything
Older brother: when you decide to go buy it, hit me up cause the princess of the house wants to go buy
mum something as well
Me: where is she?
Older brother: she was doing business in Zambia, she said she would be back before Christmas though
Me: ohk will let you know
I walked him out and went back inside to call lover...
We talked for a while and then headed to bed. Next morning took my phone and called my dad
Dad...
Me: dad
Him : yes Lindo
Me: I'm coming to pick you up and we have breakfast
Him: for?
Me: dad come on I'm still your son besides all the bullshit
Him: IL be waiting for you
I got dressed and picked him up and went to this place
Me: so how you been?
Him: ohk
Me: dad I'm crazy about you, you know that right. I love you and I would do anything for you, you out off
everyone knows this
Him:...
Me: but I also need you to know that I love this girl
Him:...
Me: yes I know things don't change on my watch but if you were in my shoes and they were preventing
you to marry mum, what would have happened
Him...
Me: please give her a chance, who knows she might be a great benefit to this family. You always told me
growing up to marry a girl that would be a great benefit to this family Natasha what does she have to
offer
He looked at me
Me: just sit down with her at least, talk to her don't threaten her or pull some stunts like that
Him:...
Me: please
Him: fine Lindo
Insert 57
Woke up like any other day, the following day was christmas. I got a call from lover
Me: lover
Lindo: lover wami
Me: I miss you
Lindo: not as much as me sthandwa... Baby listen
Me: ohk
Lindo: can you spare me 3 hours
Me*smiling * you coming?
Lindo: yes Nana but with someone
Me: oh ohk
Lindo: IL pick you up and will go to nearest restaurant to eat ohk
Me: ohk
I quickly cleaned up. After two hours or so, Lindo called me. I locked and walked out, I walked to his car
and he got out off the car, the smile on my face oh my god. I ran to him and hugged him, he picked me
up
Me: I missed you
Lindo: missed you more
I kissed him but he broke it
Lindo: someone is in the car
I got off him

Me:*whispering* who?
Lindo: my dad
Me: bye
I turned back and walked away
Lindo: ntokazi come on
Mr: no, your father made it clear to me he does not want to see me with you.*shouting* why would you
bring him to my home, geez Lindo
I walked back to my house, he followed me
Lindo: lover please h...
The door opened
I looked at Lindo father
Him: ntokazi, could you please get in the car and we go eat
I looked at him then looked at Lindo
Lindo: please
I walked back to the car and got in the back seat
Me: good afternoon sir
Him: yes ntokazi
I kept quiet after, Lindo got in
Lindo: you good
I nodded my head. He drove for a good 30 minutes until we got to this place, we walked in
Lindo father: could you kindly give us space Lindo
Lindo: you will be ohk
Me: yes
He got up and left
Lindo father: how are you?
Me: I'm good can't complain
Him: your parents?
Me: what about my parents
Him: where are they?

Me: mum is working, so as dad
Him: what does your mum do again
Me: you would know since you did research on my family
He laughed
Him: you remind me so much off my wife feisty
Me:....
Him: and yeah I do, she does not work but does anything to get food on the table right
Me: you got good connections I must say
Him: I know, been with them for years
Me: what else did they tell you
Him: your brother served time, father taxi driver, raped at the age of 11
Me:...
Him: I respect you for your strength
Me: you invading my privacy
Him: privacy, we don't have privacy in this world
Me: you know a lot about me, let me hear about you
He laid back
Me: the tattoos? What's up with that?
Him: growing up
Me: I school in Cape town
He laughed, then nodded his head
Me: but let's not go deep in that. Lindo will benefit if he married Natasha what about you?
Him: ...
Me: I'm sure you benefitting something, what is it money, noooo Lindo has that as if he picks it up from
a tree so I doubt you need money. Are they threatening you �Mmmm it could be which is why you
desperate on getting him together with Natasha. Or , or they have something they holding your family
on that could get you into trouble with the law right.
Him:...
Me: so which is which Mr Mkhize? Which I doubt you Mr Mkhize by the way. Lindo took her mum's
surname by any chance
Him:...
Me: I love your son and he loves me, forget that I will leave him for a girl who I doubt now what's 2 to
the power of 8
Him:...
Me: is that all you wanted to talk about? �
He got up and left me there. He walked back to the table with a bottle of whiskey I think with two
glasses. He sat down and poured on both glasses
Him: here
Me: no thank you
Him: drink
Me:...
He lifted up his glass, I took the glass
Him: to you! And being a great benefit to my family
Me: is this some sort of joke
Him: no, I have a deal for you
Me:...
Him: well you were right about something, Natasha family holding something against my family
Me:...
Him: Lindo is so close to getting everything he wants, I mean everything but
Me: I'm standing in between that iv heard that before
Him: so between me and you. Let's allow Natasha family to think Lindo has gained back his mind
Me: what exactly are you asking me
Him:, to work with me
Me:...
Him: Lindo does not know though
Me:
Him: the Mkhize surname is not mine or his mums, Natasha surname
Me: what?
Him: let Lindo do this

Me: no
Him: let me clarify this for you
Me:...
Him: that girl is a dumb piece of shit that I wouldn't want to be part off my family. My family is what's
important to me and I don't need a girl like that to take my surname. I only did half of the shit I did
cause, that girls family are threatening to take everything that I have and everything Lindo has but I
could stop that from happening if Lindo gets married to Natasha. Now, you beautiful and you have this
*tapping his head* you going to work with me to get my family out off this shit
Me: I don't want to be part of this
Him: ohk you don't want to be part of this, you and Lindo don't break up.shit goes down and Lindo goes
away for life or is killed then what?
Me:...
Him: like I said, you the kind of girl I need in my family, let's help each other out
Me: I...
Lindo: you have been talking for 3 hours
We looked at the door. Lindo walked in
Him: just getting to know each other right
I looked at him
Lindo: baby
I turned to him
Lindo: you ohk
I nodded my head
Lindo: can we eat ?
Me: yes but excuse me please
I got up and headed to the toilets, I looked at myself on the mirror. Fuck ! Why did I act tough with that
man. Should I even agree to this, after a while there was a knock
Lindo: baby! are you ohk?
Me: yes I'm coming
I washes my hands and walked out
Me:*smilling* have I been gone long?
Lindo; no I was just worried about you

Me: I'm ohk
I kissed him, we walked back to the table
Lindo dad: are you ohk?
Me:yes
We ordered our food came and we are...
Insert 58
They dropped me off and my mum was home
Mum: where were you?
Me: I needed some fresh air, went to the park
Mum: all this time
Me: yes ma
Mum: ohk help me with this
I went to wash my hands and helped her cook but my head was not there, I mean should I even be
helping this guy. Me helping this man I would be hurting Lindo cause I would have to break up with him
but what if, I don't break up with this guy and something does happen to Lindo. What the hell does
Lindo family do?
Mum:*shouting* NKOSAZANA!!!
I quickly turned to her
Mum:IV been calling you man
Me: sorry mama
Mum: AI suka man, if you don't want to help me just leave it
Me: I'm just worried about my results ma
Mum...
Me: I'm sorry
Mum: it's ohk,I'm sorry nami I should have thought off that, when do they come out
Me: 26
Mum: I know you did good,don't worry now let's finish this
Me: ohk
We carried on cooking and we finished very late
I celebrated Christmas cause my family celebrates it to be honest, woke up wished everyone a happy
holiday Christmas and my aunt's came to my house. I did what I had to do by the end of the day I was
tired and went to bed early. Luu was having Christmas with ntando family so I was bored. Following day,
my results came through and 3 Rd year was where I was at, I had not failed any module which was the
best shit ever. I talked with Lindo on the phone...
Lindo: so 31st you have to be here start a new year together
Me: yeah IL make up something to my parents
Lindo: you have told every lie about coming here so what you going to say
Me: Ntokozo is in Joburg ,IL use her this time and well they know her at home
Lindo: just imagine if you stayed here, we wouldn't need to keep on doing this
Me: Lindo please tu
Lindo: you still thinking about it
Me: did you have anything to do with my brother learnership
Background: brother RRRR
It sounded like okuhle
Lindo: babe will talk later, talk to your parents ohk
Me: ohk
I hung up
Onks: well you both going strong
Me: you have no idea
Rea: so you going to Joburg for new years eve
I could see that she was pissed
Onts: I thought we would be together
Rea: well then I'm out
She got up
Me: Rea
Rea: you, you have changed

Me: what??
Rea: ever since you got here, you have been leaving to be with Lindo every damn week. When was the
last time we sat like this a full day, day after a day when nkosazana
Me: c...
Onks: she's right though
Me: are you kidding me right now?
Onts: we not good enough for you anymore, if it's not Ntokozo then Lindo
Me: oh my god
Rea: but you know what it's cool baypes
Me: Rea don't be like this Tu
Rea: be like what, it's not just me that's seeing this. Onks and onts say that as well
Me: guys
Them:...
Rea: but go girl, Joburg is waiting for you
They left. I was so shocked, I got up and went inside my house. I couldn't believe what just happened
and maybe they were right, since IV been here I haven't spent much time with them. I texted Lindo to
call me as soon as he is available. He called me after few minutes
Lindo: lover ka bra
Me: I can't come
Lindo: what's up
Me: something just happened and I still can't believe it happened
Me: just girl drama
Lindo: I need to hear some girl drama, talk to me
Me;...
Lindo:, lover
Me: my best friends think IV abandoned them since I haven't spend genuine time with them, cause most
of the time you come pick me up and now they had made plans for us 31st and now...
He cut me off
Lindo: they think you spending too much time with me and you think you better than them
Me:...
Lindo: well this is simple I have to see you. So tell them to tag along, more like a girls trip
Me: they come to Joburg with me?
Lindo:*laughing* yeah the more the merrier
Me: I'm not sure if they going to agree
Lindo: if they don't, call me when you with them and IL talk to them
Me: you sure about this
Lindo: yes Nana
Me: thank you
Lindo: anything for you
I hung up. I was happy that he said that, I locked and went to Rea place, they were sitting outside. They
looked at me
Me: can we talk
Them:...
Me:please
Rea: what?
Me: is anyone inside
She shook her head
Me: I talked to Lindo about not going to Joburg anymore
They looked at me
Me: and well he disagreed cause he wants you there as well
Onks: Really
Rea: so that's suppose to get us hyped up
Me: what you want from me Rea
Rea: I want my friend, don't you get it it's not about going to Joburg it's about you and your behaviour
lately
Me: *shouting* I'm sorry ohk, I'm sorry. Yeah I know IV been distant but I'm sorry what else you want
from me. I'm trying here...
Rea: come back to me when you actually mean that
Me: AI ke
Onks: come on guys
Me: what does she want from me?
Rea: I want my friend back
Me: we were fine just few days back, why are we even fighting Rea, like really?
Rea: when was the last time you asked me how I was ? Or who I'm seeing now? Do you know that
Me:...
Rea: exactly my point
I walked to her
Me: I'm sorry, I really am sorry babe and I know IV been selfish and IV been telling you my problems
while i did not care about you, there it is I'm sorry. But babe you can punish me like this please, can we
work this out please
Onts: let's work this out by thinking of a good story to get us to Joburg
We all laughed
Me: please
Rea: I'm sorry
Me: I'm the one who's sorry
We hugged, they joined in on the hug
Me: we all good
Them: yeah
Me: I'm sorry again guys
Rea:*smiling* let's discuss the real deal now
Me:*laughing* Joburg
Rea: yes
Me: what were you thinking ?
We threw some ideas around and all concluded to using ntokozo, I called Ntokozo and she was cool with
it on the condition she comes along as well. I talked to Lindo and he was fine with it.
Rest off the week none much happened. One day
I was standing on the hallway while Ntokozo was on the phone with my mum i was crossing my fingers
like hell.
Mum: nkosazana
She looked at me
Me: so can i?
mum: I talked to Ntokozo mum and she assured me you will be safe so you can go
Ntokozo mum????
Me: thank you so much ma
I ran to her and hugged her
Mum: don't do something IV never taught you there
I shook my head
Mum: behave like a lady
Me: I will ma, did they say who was going to come pick me up
Mum: her sister
Me: ohk
I went to go and pack, my mum told my dad and well let's say I almost didn't go but my mum convinced
him. Around 8 of the 30, the was a knock. Thando went to open and sne walked in, to be honest I
wanted to laugh my ass out
Sne: hi sweety *picking up thando*
Thando: hi
Me: hi sne
She smiled
Sne: hi nkosazana
My mum showed up
Mum: Ntokozo sister
Sne: y...
The was a knock
Me: come in
Ntokozo walked in. Lol what the hell was going on
Ntokozo: hi ma , I'm Ntokozo
Mum: Ohhh this is the lovely Ntokozo

She smiled. Well they did ama intro and stuff, my mum walked me out and there was a car outside, it
was Lindo car. I said my goodbye and we went to pick up Rea, onts and onks and we left
Me: where's Lindo?
Sne: he had some things to do
Me: how did you two get into contact with each other
Ntokozo: through Lindo
Rea: I can't believe this is actually happening
Sne: this will be the best weekend for you girls trust me
Me: I hope so
Insert 59
The girls passed out and it was just me and sne. We got to some place and he packed
Me: where is this place ?
Sne: I don't know yazi babe but Lindo is here
She took out her phone and called Lindo
Sne: I'm outside...ohk
After few minutes he walked out as always looking yummy. He went around the driver window, sne
opened it
Lindo: nangu lover ka bra
I laughed
He walked around to my window and opened the door, got in and kissed me, I kissed him back
Sne: haybo
We broke the kiss
Lindo: I'm almost done then will leave ne
Sne: will squeeze each other here
Lindo: yeah was the drive that long , that they sleeping
Sne: I don't want to drive fast

We laughed
Lindo: IL be right back ne
Me: ohk
He walked back in. We woke up the girls
Sne: Lindo is coming, so will have to squeeze each other
Rea:ohk, IL sit on top of Ntokozo
Ntokozo'*laughing* why me?
Rea: cause I'm smaller than you
Ntokozo: can we please get out off the car and we compare
We all laughed, they got out off the car and changed the sitting arrangements, I had no worries I was
sitting in front 😂😂😂. After few minutes a group of guys walked out
Guy: you have to invite us to this party
Lindo: bye gents
Guy2: who is the Mrs here
Lindo:*laughing* I'm not going to show you my Mrs... You ready to go
Sne: yeah
Guy 1: give me her *biting his lower lip*
He was talking about Rea
Lindo: baby his not your type ne
Rea laughed
Lindo: got your answer. Lindo got in the car and my door flew open
Lindo: ayyy fusek close the door
The guy bend down
Guy 1: fuck this is the Mrs
I turned to Lindo
Lindo: close the fucken door
Guy 1: I'm coming for her
He stood up and closed the door
Sne: hay your friends creeps

Lindo laughed and lighted the light
Lindo: let's do the intros now
Me: this is reabetswe but Rea is fine, Ntokozo, onkarabile and onthatile
Lindo: Rea, Ntokozo, onkarabile and onthatile right
Them: yeah
Lindo: Lindo
Them: nice meeting you Lindo
Lindo: likewise, you hungry
Ntokozo : yeah
Rea: you have no idea
Lindo:*laughing* what you want to eat
Onks: anything just let it be food
Sne: can I just have meat
Onts: yes please meat
Lindo:*laugjing* ohk... LoLover
Me: yes
We got to this place and went to eat. Lindo ordered a tray off meat and we all went crazy, I think we
were all just hungry
Lindo: IV missed you so much
Lindo: we getting it down tonight
I laughed
Me: more like you going down
He squeezed my face
Lindo: fuck I'm in love with you
I laughed
Rea: so Lindo any hot brothers you have
Me: look whose talking
Sne: as long as you don't look in my mans direction we good

Onts: does he have sticker in his forehead
Sne:*laughing* you will see him from afar nje
We all laughed, when we were done eating we left. Sne didn't want to go to his place cause he was
enjoying being with us. We got to Lindo place and well girls freaked out because of the tight security.
We walked in and me and Lindo just went upstairs, just after Lindo showed everyone their bedroom. We
locked and he got down like that. Woke up the following morning and he was not there, went
downstairs and the girls were up
Me: morning
Rea: morning babe
Onts: hey baypbes
Onks: yes girl
Me: where's sne?
Onts: she left early in the morning
Me: Lindo
Rea: didn't see him
Onks: what's up with the tight security
Me: izinto Zaka Lindo I also don't know
I helped them with breakfast, I placed Lindo food in the oven and we went to eat, but before I fed ivy
and iverson. We sat outside, with our feet on the pool
Rea: Lindo loves you yho
Me: you think so
She nodded her head
Rea: I'm legit happy for you
I hugged her
Me: so let's talk, whose having boy fun this weekend
Onts: I'm having boy fun
Onks: me too
Me: you
Rea: dude I'm single of course so I'm going to have fun,does he have hot friends
Me: I'm not sure about Lindo friends yazi but there's one I'm certain of sb...
Ntokozo: geez I'm hungry
We turned to the door
Me:*laughing* your food is in the micro
Ntokozo: thank you
She turned back
Me: as I was saying his friend sboniso
Rea: will see
Ntokozo: will see what
She sat next to Ntokozo, they were getting along these two
Rea: I want dzick wena
Ntokozo: me too
Me: hayboooo sisi... She had a boyfriend this one
Ntokozo: leave me alone Tu
Me: haybo lwandile
Ntokozo: I just said leave me alone
I raised my hands in defeat. We talked, laughed and just had fun. Lindo walked in
Lindo: well this is something I can look forward to
Ntokozo: 5 beautiful girls, in your house every guys dream
Lindo: you got me Ntokozo
I laughed
Lindo: lover
Me: hey baby
We kissed
Lindo: went to the gym, didn't want to wake you up
Me: your food is in the oven
Lindo: thank you
Rea: more like thank you girls
Lindo:*laughing* thank you girls

He joined us and we all talked, he was ready with the questions and stuff. The girls walked in to go wash
the dishes, I stood up but Lindo held my hand
Me: you ohk
Lindo: uhm my dad likes you
If only you knew he doesn't really like me but he wants something from me
Me:*faking a smile* really?
Lindo: yeah and well he wanted to take you out for lunch today just you and him
Me: should I go
I was hoping he would say no
Lindo: with everything that's going on I'd appreciate it if you would go
Me:..
Lindo: only if you comfortable with it
Me: yeah I can go
Lindo: ohk I told him to only spare two hours, me and the girls will go the waterpark. After your lunch
with him ta mo will drop you off there
Me: ohk let me go shower
Lindo: come here first
I kissed him and went up...
INSERT 60
Ta mo dropped me off at this place. I walked in and a lady led the way, I was not sure if she was leading
me to the right people. The entire restaurant was empty, I saw Lindo dad sitting with two other guys
there
Me: good afternoon
Lindo dad: I thought you wouldn't come
Me:....
Him: sit down
I sat down
Old guy 1: well he knows a real woman when he sees one
Lindo dad: he gets it from me
Me: sorry to be rude but why am I here
Lindo dad: you know why you here
Me: I'm sorry but I can't
Guy 2: why not
Me: I thought this was between family
Guy2: we are family
Me:....
Lindo dad: so what you saying nkosazana
Me:...
Lindo dad: you wasting time
Me: how do I know that you not tricking me into agreeing to this. I break up with your son and then
nothing happens but him and Natasha live happily ever after
Lindo dad: trust works from both sides, how do I know you haven't told Lindo about this deal of ours
Me: are you kidding me right now
Guy 2: feisty
I turned to him
Me: this is not a game Mr, you want me to play with your son's feeling and mine as well do you
understand that
Lindo dad: yes then you know what needs to happen
Me:...
Lindo dad: trust
Me: how do you want this to roll
Guy 1: simple
I turned to him
Guy 1: you break up with lindo make up whatever excuse you have up your sleeves then will take care of
the rest
Me: what happens after, everything

Lindo dad: they sign the contract Lindo gets what he deserves, I get rid of what they have over me then
it's over
Me: just like that
Lindo dad: just like that
Me: wait, Natasha family won't give Lindo what they want to give him unless he marries Natasha
Lindo dad:...
Me: wait! You mean to tell me, they actually going to get married
Lindo dad:...
Me: fuck no! I'm not doing this
Lindo dad : it's just marriage, they can easily sign the divorce papers
Me: are you crazy? This whole thing is crazy, I can't believe I was even considering it
Lindo dad: you blowing this out off proportion
I got up
Me:*shouting* blowing this out off proportion, are you fucken kidding me? You want me to look at the
man that I love dearly express love to another woman, a woman like Natasha to get into a union that
binds them till death. Are you all crazy ?
Lindo dad: nkosazana watch your tone
Me: IV told you this, IV lost all kinds of respect for you. So I will not in anyway show you respect
Lindo dad:...
Me: what you asking me is too much and something I will not do
Guy 2: do you know whats going to happen if you don't end what you and Lindo have
Me: uhm let me guess, Lindo gets killed or serves life
Them:...
Me: Lindo is a big boy and I'm sure he can take care of himself
Lindo dad: IL throw something else on the table for you.you do this, you get Lindo with my approval of
course then when you 28 your very own law firm
Me:...
Lindo dad: IL throw something else, while you and Lindo are apart, I move your family this side. Give
mum a stable job, Lil sister best school in Joburg and buy your father 4 taxis, owned by him. Brother I
heard he got a learnership so I can't do anything for him
I looked at him
Lindo dad: and all you have to do is break up with Lindo and be patient until he gets back to you
Me: I can't trust that
Lindo dad: IL draw up a contract with everything IV just said. Cause I'm feeling so generous, IL pay your
fees until you graduate get rid of that NSFAS bursary that you will owe when you start working, IL pay
for your fees, deposit 3 thousand every month for food , 1.5 for pocket money
Guy1: that's the best you could get
Me...
Lindo dad: think about it and while you still thinking IL draw up a contract that you will sign when we
meet again
Me....
Fuck!!!
INSERT 61
Ta mo took me to where Lindo and the girls where, I quickly changed to a swimsuit and walked in.i
looked for them and I spotted sbo, I walked to him and tapped his shoulder, he turned
Sbo: hey baby
Me:*laughing* hey, where is Lindo
Sbo: wait will go together
I waited for him. He talked with this guy then we walked away
Sbo: you just got here
Me: yeah are my friends having fun?
Sbo: talking about friends, set me up
Me:*laughing* with who?
Sbo: onthatile
I laughed
Me: why don't you talk for yourself
Sbo: didn't Lindo tell you I'm scared of girls

Me: yeah right
They were sitting in this big group, with other guys and girls. Lindo was facing the other way, I wrapped
my arms around his neck and he quickly turned. I laughed. He pulled me to him and I sat on top off him
Some fine ass guy: so this is the lady
Lover: one and only
Guy: hey
Me: hi
They did intros and most I could no longer remember their names
Lindo: let's go
I got up and held his hand
Lindo: so?
Me:...
Lindo: don't give me silence now
Me: we just talked about the future and us
Lindo: he didn't make you uncomfortable
Me: no
I was so scared that I was shaking
Me: Lindo I love you ohk, no matter what I need you to know that I love you
He held my face
Lindo: you scaring me now, what's wrong
Me: nothing is wrong I just need you to know that I love you
Lindo: I love you too
I kissed him, he wanted to talk more cause he could see I was not ohk but I just grabbed his hand and
went back to the girls.
Me: you all ohk?
Rea: yes babe you
Me: I'm ohk
Well they swem and I was holding onto Lindo the whole time, after a while we went to eat
Lindo: so you don't tell me about Ntokozo bf

I looked at Ntokozo
Me: Ntokozo bf
Ntokozo:*laughing* guess who knows who?
Me: you know lwandile
Ntokozo: not just lwandile
Me: *laughing* olwethu
Lindo: why didnt you tell me that idiot was asking you out
Me: you know each other
Lindo: *laughing* tell him you my girl that's all I'm saying
Me: lover
Lindo: small boy , tryna be a big shot, his nothing just like her boy but they hustle ne, I'm sure they
pockets are big
Ntokozo: yeah he knows how to treat a girl
Lindo: you still together
Ntokozo: his sleeping on me
Sbo: that's what you get for seeing small boys, don't be like her onts
I laughed
Onts: where do I fit in ke sbo
Sbo: I was just saying baby, you need a real ass man
Rea: and that's you
Sbo: you feel me Wena Rea, mtase
Rea: I got you mtase
I laughed, the way we were all getting along. you would swear we met each other years back. Later that
day, we went to buy alcohol, and there was a pre party at Lindo place, we left around 10 and went to
this club. I felt like I was enjoying for the last time with Lindo. The was a countdown and well started the
new year with my lips on Lindo lips. We all had fun and headed home. Lindo wanted to sleep but I
wanted him and he gave me him. Woke up the next mornings with him in between my legs, he was so
heavy on top off me. I tried removing him, but he wasn't moving.
Me: Lindo
Lindo: hmm
Me: I need to use the bathroom move

Lindo: just let it out
Me:*laughing* Lindo move
He lifted his head up
Lindo: baby
Me: baby move
He got off from me and stood up. I ran to the bathroom and went back and he was still standing there. I
jumped on the bed he parted my legs and slept in between them again
Me: Lindo
Lindo: hmmm
Me: can we talk
He lifted his head up
Lindo: are you ohk?
Me: no
He sat up straight. I sat on top off him, my arms around his neck
Lindo: what's wrong
Me: I want you to know that I love you ohk, you remember IV told you IV never been in love before
Lindo: yeah
Me: well I fell in love with you like really deep
Lindo:*smiling* me too baby
Me: so whatever happens I need you to remember that ohk, that I will never love anyone ever again the
way I love you. thank you for all that you've done for me and I will never forget it
Lindo: babe where is this going
Me: no I just needed you to know that
He held my face
Lindo: I love you so much more baby and I can't wait to spend more days with you
I hugged him,he returned the hug way tight. This was not the way but I had to do it, I just had to do it...
Rest of the weekend was amazing more for my girls I couldn't stop thinking about what I was going to
do,to be honest. Me and the girls went back home and I just went to bed, woke up few hours later and I
had missed calls from an unknown number
I returned the call
Me: hello
Guy: I thought you were running away from me
Me: what you want?
Lindo dad: the contract is done, so should I bring it over or?
Me: you can come
Lindo dad : perfect IL see you tomorrow
I hung up
Mum: nkosazana
Me: I'm coming ma
I walked to the kitchen
Mum: your food
Me: IL eat it tomorrow ma , I'm not hungry
Mum:....
Me:...
Mum: you didn't eat yesterday are you pregnant
Me: haybo ma
Mum: I just don't have appetite ma
Baba: take that food and eat nkosazana
I looked at him
Baba: come and sit here and eat
I took the food and sat besides them and forced it in my mouth, when I was done washed the dishes and
went to bed.
Following morning mum was home, Lindo dad called me and told me where to meet him. I left to go
there
Lindo dad: nkosazana
Me:...
Lindo dad: well let's get down to business

He took out an envelope and took out the papers in that envelope
Lindo dad: you can read it
I took it and read over it, everything we talked about was there. I looked at him
Me: it says it commences the moment I break off with Lindo
Lindo dad: yes
Me: before I sign this. I just want you to know that I love your son, his the best thing that has happened
to me besides my brother. he was able to love me for me without thinking twice. You have a real man
and you should be proud for everything that he is, I'm not doing this because of the benefits but
because of Lindo. I need you to know that
Lindo dad: I have no doubts about that
I took the pen from him and signed the damn papers...
I'm not writing another insert till I get 150 comments and 1k likes... IV been spoiling you guys way too
much, it's time you returned the favour
INSERT 62
Two weeks passed, the last weekend I was with Lindo. Luu moved since his learnership was starting this
week. Lindo was coming to see me, I was shaking cause I knew what was going
to happen. After two hours or so, he told me to meet him halfway. My mum was around, I told her I
would be outside, she agreed and i walked out to Lindo. I got in his car and he tried to kiss me but I
stopped him
Lindo: oh kay
Me: we need to talk
Lindo: ohk, seems like we talk a lot these days
Me: Lindo I can't carry on doing this
Lindo: doing what?
Me:...
Lindo: doing what?
Me: I cant do us anymore

He switched off the car and turned to my direction
Lindo: what??
Me: I'm sorry
Lindo:*laughing* is this some kind of joke
Me:...
Lindo: where is this coming from?
Me: I'm sorry for wasting your time and I wish you all the happiness
I tried to open the door
Lindo: are you fucking with me ?
I turned to him
Lindo : are you fucking with me right now ? What is this to you
Me: bye Lindo
I tried to open the door but he reached for my side and quickly shut it then locked it
Lindo: what the fuck is wrong with you?
Me:...
Lindo: fucken talk
Me:...
Lindo: I drove all this fucken way for you to tell me it's over, you crazy bitch
I turned to him and he was angry I mean IV never seen Lindo like this
I unlocked the door and quickly walked out but he got out as well and pulled my arm
Me: let go off me
He grabbed my top and pinned me to the car bonnet
Me:*crying * Lindo you hurting me
Lindo: I'm hurting you? After all the shit I did for us to be together, after every shit I did for you and you
just going to tell me it's over just like that with no fucken reason
Me:...
Lindo: was this some sort off game for you?
Me: Lindo please
He punched the bonnet just next to my face

Lindo: fuck you!
Woman; Nkosazana!!!!
I peaked from my side and my mum was coming towards the car
Me: Lindo my mum is coming
Lindo: I don't give a fuck, do I look like I give a fuck
I just shut my eyes and tears just rolled out my eyes
Ma: what the hell do you think you doing
Lindo looked at my mum and back at me.
Ma: get off her
She said that moving Lindo from me, I got off from the car bonnet and looked at Lindo, the Hurt in his
eyes oh my fucken god.
Ma: I'm going to call the police for you
He looked at me and walked to his car
Ma: nkosazana take this number plate
I'm pretended like I was taking it and we walked back inside
Ma: nkosazana who is that?he looks familiar. What were you doing with that boy
Me: he wanted me to go with Him and I said no
Ma: do you have that number plate I'm going to call the police
Me: I thought I saved it ma , but I didn't
Ma: nkosazana man !
Me: sorry ma, I want to go and sleep
She brushed my back and walked to my room and let's just say I let it all out...
Few days passed, I didn't hear anything from Lindo and I thought it was best, I texted Lindo dad and that
was the start of our contract. few more weeks passed and I went back to school.
This year I was in a single room being a third year😋😋😋 finally!!!. I just settled in and sat in my
bed,Lindo had blocked me from every social media and lets say I felt like shit.
I just stayed in bed, I didn't even go bath yeah yeah I'm the reason for this but you wouldn't understand
why I took this decision. Monday morning woke up and went to take a shower I prepared for class and
headed to my class.
First day lecturers introduce themselves and the course.i chose the criminal procedure and justice
stream. They told us the textbooks we would need to buy, while I was in class my phone rang.i checked
it and it was a bank message 5000 paid to your account, ref DEAL. I just placed it back in my pocket. I
was tired from everything so I decided to go back to my room
Someone: nkosazana... Nkosazana... nkosazana
I turned and it was ntokozo. I stopped
Ntokozo: geez IV been screaming for you
Me: I'm sorry babe
Ntokozo: you ohk?
Me: yeah you?
Ntokozo: yeah, where do you leave now
I told her
Ntokozo well my res is opposite to yours and fucken single room
I laughed
Me: a third year thing
She laughed
Ntokozo: where is your hot muntu?
Me: we broke up
Ntokozo: what???
Me: yeah we were just too different you can say that
Ntokozo: no! I don't believe that, you were crazy in love the last time we were all together
Me: things change
Ntokozo: babe you ohk
Me: yeah I want to go and sleep I'm tired
Ntokozo: let's go IL walk you
Me: ohk
The walk was silent, she walked me to my room tucked me in,took the spare key and left.i zoned off.
Someone: nkosazana... Nkosazana
I slowly opened my eyes and it was Ntokozo

Ntokozo: IV made us food... Here ... Get up and eat
Me: I'm not hungry
Ntokozo: I'm not leaving till you eat
I sat up straight
Me: when did you cook
Ntokozo: while you were sleeping
I dug in
Ntokozo: want to talk about it
I shook my head
Ntokozo: who broke up with who
Me: I broke up with him
Ntokozo: why
Me: I had to make a choice
Ntokozo: what kind of choice
Me: my future
Ntokozo:...
Me: I love him but I had to make a choice
Ntokozo: sometimes we have to make hard choices
Me: thank you ohk
Ntokozo: I love you ohk
Me: i love you too babe
After eating she gave me her rooms spare key and left went back to bed. following morning, I called Luu
and he was settling in very well. Few more weeks passed and got a call from my mum that she got a job
at pick n pay as a cashier and we were moving to Joburg. My family was fucked up happy but I wasn't
not that I blame anyone, I guess I had to deal with it !
Insert 63
Woke up the following morning and well I was kind of tired of sobbing, I got up and went to take a
shower, then went back to my room. I got a missed call from a few numbers and dialled Luu first
Me: hey
Luu: hi love love, how are you
Me: I'm ohk but how are you
Luu: yho babe it's not easy here but I'm hanging on
Me: you enjoying it
Luu: yes very much baby
Me: well I'm glad to hear that, where's ntando
Luu:, she's around we both good
Me: ohk
Luu: and you, are you ohk?
Me: yes I'm ohk I'm just stressed about school
Luu: you have done this before so don't let stress take over your life
Me: have you seen mum
Luu: yeah, I don't know if they told you but mum's job came with a school program for Thando
Me: what kind
Luu: she will be at some private school everything paid
Me: oh my god Luu
Luu: yho baby I couldn't believe it as well, dad also started working
Me:what's happening?
Luu: that is exactly what I'd like to know
Me: have you seen the house
Luu: yeah it's beautiful, you have your own room as well as Thando
Me: I can't wait to go back home now
Luu: good just focus there right now
Me: I will I have to go now , will talk later ohk
Luu: ohk baby I love you ohk
Md: I love you too

Then I hung up, I saw another missed call from okuhle. I haven't talked or seen okuhle since the time he
came here last year. I returned his call
Me: helo
Okuhle: Ohhh you alive
Me: yeah nobody has tried to kill me as yet
Okuhle: trust me, IV stopped many
Me: after all this time what is this
Okuhle: well I was told to stay away from you, during your duration of your relationship and since it's
over I have no reason to stay away
Me: who told you that
Okuhle: your ex
Me: oh ohk, so how you been
Okuhle:let's swap that question around
Me: I'm ohk okuhle but I'm running late for class now
Okuhle: ohk IL talk to you later
Me: ohk
Then I hung up. I dressed up wearing just a summer dress with sandals. Kaapstad is very hot during this
time. I headed to class, after my class I went to Ntokozo room. I knocked but there was no response,I
opened but she was not there. So I just left. On my way to my room my phone rang and it was Lindo
dad, I just rolled my eyes but answered
Me: what do you want
Him: hello nkosazana, how are you feeling, how is school
Me:...
Him: you hate me that much
Me: yes!
Him: ohkay, if that's the case then I'm sorry
Me: what you want?
Him: don't you want an update on what's going on
Me:...
Him: I thought so... Well your mum is settling in very well, your sister has started school and she is
adjusting to the new environment very well. I'm still working on a plan for daddy cause I just can't drop
of 4 taxis at his new home you know
Me: ohk
Him: as for Lindo, he came to cry to his mum. I didnt see him cry but he wanted his mum so I guess
when it was just them, he cried to her.
Me:...
Him: him and Natasha are back together and like we suggested, his family don't trust him anymore. So
they will have to get married before everything else happens
Me...
Him: that's all I have for today
Me: stop making my life difficult, stop calling me and rubbing this in my face
Him: I know it's hard
Me: you don't know shit, so stop calling me
I hung up, got to my room. I emailed my boss for that restaurant letting him know I'm back and I'd like to
come back again then started with an assignment that I had.
After few hours Ntokozo knocked
Me: let yourself in
She did
Ntokozo: it's Friday
Me: Sooo
Ntokozo:barn
Me: do you really want to go eh barn
Ntokozo: yes babe, two man
Me: plus I think I need a shot
She laughed, we got dressed and left. It was packed as always we got ourselves drinks and we went to
the dancefloor shaking our asses off. We left when we felt we were getting two drink and slept in
Ntokozo room.
#LINDO
Woke up the following morning , washed and wore what I usually wear and went downstairs.
Natasha: hi baby
Me: hi, I'm rushing to a meeting IL see you when I get back
Natasha: ohk
Ta mo was already waiting for me, I got in and it seemed like the only thing I knew to do now was just
scratch my head
Ta mo: you ohk sir?
Me:...
Arrived at my place and went to the conference room. My clients were already there
Me: sorry I was running late
Them: no we just got here early
I sat down opposite them and our meeting began.i couldn't think straight, walking back to memory lane
trying to figure out what went wrong. What happened? Was I pushing to hard? Just what?
Me: excuse me miss
Her: yess
Me: would you feel better talking to a woman about this
Her: yes please
Me: perfect, IL send a woman in to talk to you then they will write down everything then I'll read it from
there
Her: thank you
Me: it's ohk
I got up and told Layla what to do and went to my office. My head was filled with this girl's pictures, her
body, her moans, her touch , her laugh.i couldn't hold it in anymore
Me:*shouting * FUCK! FUCK ! FUCK
Said that throwing my laptop on the floor, my documents, throwing my mug in the wall
Layla: Lindo stop!!!
I looked at her
Layla: I need you to calm down *crying* you scaring me
Me: I'm going to go ohk
Layla: ohk
I took my phone and car keys and walked out...
INSERT 64
Woke up Saturday morning and carried on with my assignment. I took my phone and dialled Lindo
numbers but I just put it away. Rest of the week won't bore you with the details same old same old. Me
and Ntokozo got our jobs back. April we were working the whole time. June wrote my mid year exams
and went home.
Luu picked me up from the airport, I paid for my own ticket first time flying terrifying but I would do it
again. The moment I saw him I just ran to him and hugged him. He was in his uniform like my brother
guys 😍😍😍
Me: Mr firefighter
He turned around. I laughed
Me: you look so good, I thought you were coming with ntando
Luu: she's waiting for you in the car
He helped me with my bags and we headed to the door. I opened the front seat and I just froze, they
both laughed at me, I turned to luu then ntando
Them: surprise
I held ntando stomach
Me: no fucken way
Luu: watch your tone
I laughed
Me: you going to have a baby
Ntando: and you going to be a big sister again
I just got teary, I hugged them both
Me: guyssss *crying*
Ntando started crying as well, she got out off the car to hug me
Ntando: you happy?
I nodded my head
Luu: guys we should be happy not crying

Ntando: we are happy
I let out a slight laugh, my arms around ntando were so tight
I got in the car
Me: how far long are you ?
Ntando: 6 months
Me: why you only telling me this now
Ntando: we didn't want you to be overly excited
I laughed
Me: boy or girl
Luu: we don't know yet baby
Me: what did mum and dad say
Luu: they were so happy, they were going to be grandparents
I laughed. We arrived in this area it was a beautiful area. We packed outside this house
Me: and here
Ntando: well this is your home now
Me: for real
Luu: yeah
I walked out and the gate opened, the house was really big. In the area protea glen. I knocked and my
mum opened, she was glowing and looked way more happier. I don't remember when was the last time
I saw my mum like that. It was as if she had life within hrr, I don't know if you will understand what I'm
saying. We hugged and they were so happy to see me. They gave me your around the house 3 rooms,
kitchen, lounge, sitting area and bathroom. My parents had a joined bathroom.
Me: this house is beautiful
Luu: did you see your room
I just got emotional. I don't know why I was crying, whether the sacrifice I took for my family to be this
happy or the person I hurt in the process, I could not stop thinking about Lindo no matter how hard I
tried it wasn't easy. I was tired so I just went to bed. Woke up the next morning and the was no one, I
called my mum's and she was at work, as well as my dad. Thando had some musical thing at school. I sat
in the lounge and took my phone, i called Lindo dad
Him: nkosazana
Me: thank you!
Him...
Me: I just got home, and I saw what you did for my family, thank you for the house, my mum's job just
everything
Him: it's only a pleasure... Want to go out for lunch
Me: no just wanted to thank you
Him: please just lunch, IL sms you the details and times
Me: ohk
I received the sms and got ready, a car came to pick me up and I went to this restaurant and he was
waiting for me
Me: hi
I sat down
Him: hi nkosazana... You looking beautiful
Me: thank you
Him: what would you like to order
Me: no thank you I'm fine
Him: youv lost weight since I saw you... Is it the books or my son
Me: books
Him:...
Me: I just wanted to thank you again
Him: you like it
Me: my family likes it so that's enough for me
Him: Lindo is taking this hard
Me: I don't want to hear about Lindo
Him: I just thought you should know, his not taking this easy and his with Natasha because he has to be
with her not because he wants to be with her
Me: is that suppose to make me feel better
Him: it's suppose to make you realise that it's not over between you and him
I looked at him
Him: I meant what I said nkosazana, my kids happiness are my number one priority and seeing Lindo the
way he is cuts deep but I need him to do this and him to go through this in order to be strong and to get
him out off this and my family but as soon as all off this is over, I want you to be back together
I laughed
Me: Lindo will never forgive me for this and pretty much I don't blame him. So what you need to be
praying for is your son recovers from all of this and he goes back to being the Lindo he was
Him:...
Me: I hope this is the last meeting, and again thank you
I called for the lady that was serving us to make my food a takeaway then went back to the car I came
with, Lindo dad got in and the driver and they dropped me off...
Insert 65
#LINDO
I was officially married to Natasha and I was trying by all means to get it into my system that this is your
life now but it was just not easy. Whenever me and Natasha had sex, I would just think about nkosazana
in order for me to cum. Before that I never came, I faked it �. I had dinner at my parents house as a
family for my mum's birthday and it was a holiday. Even though me and Natasha were married, spouses
were not allowed just my parents and their kids. I got to my house and walked in
Someone: yeyy
i turned and it was my sister
Me: hey you
Older sister : hey baby brother
We hugged
Me: you just got here
Her: yeah,what did you get ma?
Me: don't ask me that, what did you get her
Her: mum receives a lot of gifts each year I'm running out of ideas
Md:*laughing* makes the two off us
We walked in using the sliding door and the two were in each other's arms dancing. We laughed
Dad: we still go it
Me: no doubt about that
I reached for my mum's hands, she gave me her hand and I kissed her cheek
Me: happy birthday my mother
Mum: thank you baby
Older sister: happy birthday mum
They hugged
Mum: thank you baby
Me: is it just us
Dad: they are helping to set the table
Me: let me go and check up on them
Dad: Lindo wait, I need to talk to you
I turned to him and he walked out, I followed him
Dad: how have you been?
Me: I'm ohk
Dad: and Natasha
Me: she is just being her
Dad: the contract
Me: I was suppose to sign it this week but I had some changes that I needed them to fix, so they going to
amend it. IL probably sign it next week
Dad: ohk what you doing after
Me: what you mean after?
Dad: I mean signing the damn thing
Me: nothing what you mean
He looked at me
Me:was I supposed to do something
Dad: will talk about it after you have signed the contract
Me: ohk
We walked back inside and lunch was served. My mum liked hearing from us, what we were doing,
whether we were happy, whether something happened over the last few months and stuff from all off
us. We shared jokes and laughter around the table and it was a bit relaxing for me an escape from my
real life. I left around 10. Following monday morning prepared for work, got a call from siseko
Me: Mr siseko
Mr siseko: Mr Mkhize
Me: how may I be of your assistance today
Him: sir you need to come down here
Me: is there a problem
Him: yes sir
Me: I can't just fly to Cape town siseko
Him: I know that sir but it's an emergency
Me: IL come there tomorrow morning
Him: perfect
I hung up
Natasha: what's wrong?
Me: there is a problem in Cape town
Natasha: can't they fix it
Me: no, if they could they wouldn't be calling me
Natasha: ohk then, your breakfast is ready
Me: thank you
INSERT 66
Few months passed, lulama and ntando had a baby boy Simphiwe...after a few more weeks, Iv been
trying to get a hold of luu for a while now but his phone just goes to voicemail. I called ntando and she
picked up as i was about to hang up
Me; hi
Ntando; hey
Me; ntando are you with lulama, i really need to talk to him
Ntando; no babe
Me; do you know where he is
Ntando; nope... Babe me and lulama broke up
Me; what?
Ntando; yeah so i wouldnt know of his whereabouts
Me; what about simphiwe
Ntando; il raise my son alone
Me; but luu wants to be part of simphiwe life
Ntando; this is between me and lulama
Me; ohk
I hung up. Few more days passed i tried getting ahold of luu but nothing, you would think he just
disappeared into thin air.
Ntokozo barged in
Me; what if i was with someone and we were getting down like that?
Ntokozo; wena getting down like that, with who
I took my pillow and threw it at her. She laughed
Ntokozo; you ready
Me; yeah, we can go
I took my purse and we walked out. We were going to buy groceries.
Me; have you talked to lwandile
Ntokozo; yeah, he came begging my ass
Me; you like making lwandile beg ne, i just dont understand you at times
Ntokozo; that nigga disrespects me way too much, you have no idea
Me; babeee
She laughed
Ntokozo; i mean it, he fucks with these girls from school then when they look at me they see a joke and
mina when he says sorry i should just be ohk with it
Me ; ohk you got a point so you cool now

Ntokozo; yeah we cool
Me; ohk i want you to be happy
Ntokozo; i want you to be happy as well so when will you call lindo
Me; its been 6 months babe, im not going back there but i think i want some guys wase gugz
She laughed
Ntokozo; hehh do you know boys from gugz
Me; do you
Ntokozo; no but i know the girls bayanyisa
I laughed
Me; it will be something like makunyiwe makunyiwe
Ntokozo; you of all people know im a coward right
Me; i have your back angithi
Ntokozo; you better

We finished doing our groceries and passed some few shops bought some clothes and went back to res,
she helped me pack and she left cause lwandile was on his way. I got busy with my books when my
phone rang
Me; oh wow lulama
Luu; baby im sorry
Me; whats wrong kanti
Luu; yhoooo nana, like im so tired from everything yazi
Me; i called ntando and she told me what happened
Luu; i asked her so nicely not to say
Me; why didnt you tell me
Luu; how? Like im doing all i can to please untando like im going all out nana. Taking extra shifts for
more money, helping with simphiwe but nothing she doesnt appreciate the shit i do for her
Me;...
Luu; im so tired and worse part, shes busy entertaining some guy, with big pockets so just imagine how i
feel
Me; im sorry
Luu; yho sthandwa sami

Me; it seems like she just changed
Luu; the word change doesnt even begin to describe the person ntando has become
Me; so its really over
Luu; i dont know, maybe with us yeah but my son i cant let it go just like that
Me; she cant just take away your son
Luu; and that is exactly what she is planning to do manje, this nigga of hers is buying my son things,
things i can buy for my son like my head is ready to burst
Me; im sorry luu
Luu; its ohk baby, im a grown ass man i can handle such but what about you are you ohk?
Me; yeah, i went to do my grocery shopping today
Luu; what did you buy
Me; *laughing* food
He laughed
Me; luu
Luu; hmm
Me; i applied for this scholarship, it provides everything for law students and if i pass my final year with
great marks they make me choose any law firm in europe to do my practicals and articles
Luu; for real
Me; yeah, i did research on it and its legit. The people offering these are a couple from germany
Luu; i hope you have applied for it
Me; im in that process
Luu; just imagine, you the first person who flew on a plane now theres a possibility you will the first
person who will fly out off south africa in our family
Me; *smiling* you know im doing all off this for you right
Luu; you doing it for us
Me; mostly you, this is me showing you that i love you and if a girl like ntando does not appreciate what
you have then clearly his not the one for you
Luu...
Me; dont let this get you down ohk, just fight for simphiwe
Luu; the way i love you love love, if i could give you the world that is exactly what i would give you
Me; you know i wouldnt hesitate to give you that
Luu; i know baby, will talk tomorrow ne

Me; ohk
Luu; dont forget to apply and anything you need just call me
Me; will do
I hung up and carried on with my work
INSERT 67
School was just school wont even bore you with those details. September i wrote test 1 then went on
recess, when we got back we were preparing for our final exams. I wrote my final exams and went back
home. I always talked to the girls, rea, onts and onks and 27 december they were coming to visit me
they were leaving on the third of january.
I woke up and went to the kitchen, i was alone thando was visiting. I made myself breakfast then went
to shower bath. I was visiting lulama so i was rushing there. After bathing i headed there and to my
fortunate luck, simphiwe was there. The moment luu opened i just screamed for him, i picked him up
Luu; dont even go in , we going to buy food
We walked to his car and got in. We went to buy food and went back
Me; heloo baby, you missed me didnt you
Luu; *laughing* you wish
Me; dont be jealous, wheres ntando?
Luu : i dont know
Me; ohk when is he leaving
Luu; i dont know yazi baby, so you good
Me; yeah im good and my exams were ohk
Luu; i was scared for a moment
Me; i know my marks slipped but i promise, when my results come out you will be proud
Luu; really
Me; yes really i got my head straight again
Luu; what were you distracted by
Me; boys
He looked at me
Me; but i swear to god, none off that will happen again
Luu; who is this boy
Me; his name ?
Luu; yeah
Me; lindo
Luu; thats a girl name
I laughed
Luu; ahhh this boys you go out with
Me; *laughing* stop luu
Luu; what happened ?
Me; nothing i didnt deserve him
Luu; what? Who is he, jesus
Me;...
Luu; yeah i dont think you deserve jesus nana the rest of these nigga they dont deserve you
I looked at him
Luu; i mean it
Me; well things changed nje and we just couldnt work out
Luu; im sorry
Me; it o....
The door swung open, our eyes moved to the door and ntando barged in with some guy
Ntando; *shouting* who the fuck do you think you are? You have no right to take my baby
Me and luu both stood up, simphiwe was still in my hands
Luu; get out ntando
Ntando; im not going anywhere without my son

I held on to simphiwe tighter
Luu; you have the nerve, to walk into my house with your boyfriend and want to act all up in here cause
your boy is here
Ntando; i dont have time for this
She pushed luu out off the way and came for me. I stepped back
Luu; i swear to god, if you touch her or my son im going to hurt you
Ntando bf: where will i be when that happens
Luu; you will be watching
Ntando; give me my son
Me; no!
Ntando; *shouting* NKOSAZANA I SAID GIVE ME MY SON
Me; i said no
She grabbed simphiwe hands, simphiwe started crying. Luu walked up to us and held ntando hand
Ntando; *screaming* dont touch me !
Ntando bf: dont touch my girl
Luu; *shouting* GET THE FUCK OUT OFF MY HOUSE NOW!!!
Ntando; im not leaving without my son
Luu; you fucken crazy
Luu pulled the guy out with his clothes
Me; what happened to you
Ntando; dont ask me shit, give me my son
Luu; your bf is waiting for you in the car, leave now
Ntando; im coming back for my son
Luu; voetsek nxa
She walked out. I sat down
Me; what happened to ntando
Luu; i dont know baby
Me; she didnt know you took simphiwe
Luu; her mum called me to come and pick him up because she was busy nama ou
Me; im sorry you have to go through this
He smiled and pulled me to him, i hugged him
Luu; i have you two, nothing will possibly ruin my life
Me; i want to play fifa
Luu; hehh the nerve girl
I laughed. he got up and went to plug the playstation and we played, simphiwe fell asleep and i placed
him in bed.
#LINDO
I had been in cape town for two weeks now, i had to make sure everything was going just fine. After
checking out everything, i went out to lunch with siseko
Siseko; how is the married life
Me; its ohk , cant say much about it
Siseko; you and natasha look good together
Me; thank you man uhm do you still have files from our vac students from last year
Siseko; yeah
Me; i need you to get them for me
Siseko; do you see some potential somewhere there
Me; yeah and some that are not needed in this industry
Siseko; are you trying to blacklist someone
Me; yeah
Siseko; what? For? Did something happen? There were 3 students that went to joburg is it any of them
Me; yeah
Siseko; who?
Me; miss ndlovu
Siseko; what? You cant do that come on, she was the most humble one and determined. Her marks
spoke a lot about her, the way she worked in a team the way she conducted herself. What? Im confused
Me; just get me her documents
Siseko; did something happen
Me; do i have to get them myself

Siseko; shes a third year student this year, come on give her a break. She still has a long way to go
Me; seems like il get them myself
Siseko; fine, il email them to you
Me; thank you and not a word to anyone do you understand me
Siseko; ohk
The shit that girl put me through, no no, i was just not about to let everything slide as if she did not put
me through hell. I wanted her to regret every shit she did and not forget who i am or my family. After
lunch i had a flight to take . I arrived in joburg in less than 2 hours and went home. Natasha was not
there so i just went to bed.
INSERT 68
Rest of my holidays i was with luu except when he was working and i had to look after simphiwe, ntando
was still acting like a crazy bitch. I was now doing my final year, the work of god. This december it was
just me and my girls. We went to every Party drank every alcohol and being girls worked in our favour in
some cases. Luu moved on from ntando, he was with this girl but i didnt like her one bit, but i didnt tell
luu about it, cause i wanted him to have that happiness cause this whole ntando shit was draining him.
New years we went all out and we partied the night away until we could not walk. This was my year, i
was final year student, turning 24 and i had a chance of that scholarship that would take me to europe. I
was happy. February i had to go back to school, on my way to class i got a call from ntando
Me; what you want?
Ntando; hey can we talk
Me; about what?
Ntando; i want to apologise
Me;...
Ntando; me and lulama we fixing what has been broken, and i felt i also owed you an apology for my
behaviour for everything, my behaviours and everything that went down
Me;...
Ntando; im really sorry nkosazana
Me; ohk ntando
Ntando; i mean that
Me; so you and luu

Ntando; we trying to fix things but its still looking good for us
Me; im glad to hear that, listen i need to go
Ntando; ohk i hope will talk soon
Me; yeah greet luu for me if you bump into him
Ntando; i will
I hung up and went to class, lunch i went to ntokozo
Me; the bitch is sane again
Ntokozo; ntando
Me; yeah
Ntokozo; athi what was her problem
Me; i dont know and pretty much i dont give a fuck, i just care about my brothers happiness
Ntokozo; some girls when they see the next good looking guy they cant think straight
Me; hay this one was crazy
We both laughed.
School was school march- april i was busy with my test, while i was studying there was a knock, i got up
to go and open and my eyes. I just screamed, he laughed. I pulled him in
Me; luu, you in cape town whats going on
Luu; *laughing* came to check up on you
Me; luu *smiling*
Luu; *laughing* come here
We shared a hug. He was there for two days and it was the best two days off my life, by the time he left i
was ready for my tests. I was closing Friday but my last paper on Monday. After writing went back to res,
i received an email and it was flight ticket for tomorrow. I called luu but there was no answer, soon after
that my phone rang and it my mum
Me; ma
Mum; baby
Me; did you send the ticket
Mum; you got it

Me; yes
Mum; yes we miss you and we wanted you to come back
Me; really
Mum; *laughing* yes nkosazana, il talk to you tomorrow
Me; m...
She hung up. I started packing and told ntokozo. Following day, i took a cab to the airport and arrived
after 2 hours. I was picked up by my uncle and his son, i was kind of surprised on why ? I greeted them
and we headed to the car, the drive was silent. We got to my place and there were a lot of cars parked
outside, my heart started beating out my chest, thinking about my father...
I got out off the car and walked in. I bumped into my aunt
Aunt; nkosazana
She just became teary
Me; wheres umama ?
She wrapped her arms around me and walked me to my mums bedroom, my mum and ntando where
sitting on the mattress. I just became teary, ntando couldnt even look at me
Mum; woza baby
I sat on the matresse
Mum; baby... *crying*
Me; yini uphi ubaba
Mum; baby lulama passed away..,*crying* they killed my baby... That rubbish of a girl, killed your
brother,
I laughed and stood up
Me; mama uphi ululama
She buried her face
Me; *laughing* mama im getting impatient, uphi uluu
Aunt; he left us baby
I walked out, held on to the door frame and blackout...
Insert 69
I woke up in my bed, my head so heavy, I stood up and I almost tripped on the floor. I reached for the
door and opened and everyone turned to my direction, they all rushed to me
Me: let go off me
I went to my mum's room
Me: where's Luu
Mum: NKOSAZANA!!
I just looked at her and I felt this pain in my heart ,the door opened and it was my dad. My knees failed
me and 😭😭😭, I felt an actual whole in my chest, I'm sure my cries people three streets away from my
house they could hear them. I couldn't sleep that day, I couldn't eat or do anything, I just cried. I only
knew how to cry, I cried for Luu, screamed his name hoping he would just walk through the door and be
like yho love love well you can act. Everything felt like a dream, like I could just wake up from it. Luu still
had a lot to do with his life, what about his son. What about me ??? . Thursday woke up and went to the
kitchen to make myself tea
Ntando: nkosazana I'm sorry
Me:...
Ntando: the girl is arrested and I'm going to make sure she doesn't see the sun ever again
Me:...
Ntando: I'm really sorry...
Me: please leave me alone
It's as if she didn't hear me cause she kept on talking
Ntando: we in this together and I know exactly how you feel, I love your brother as much as you
I turned to face her
Me: you know how I feel
Ntando: yes baby
Me:*shouting * fuck you! You don't know shit, you dont know shit
People came to the kitchen
Me: you have the nerve to stand there and tell me you loved my brother , who the fuck do you think I
am...
My uncle: nk...
Me: I was there when you treated my brother like shit, I was there when you spit on everything he did
for you
Aunt: nkosazana!
Me:*shouting* it's because of you my brother was killed!
Aunt: Hao nkosazana how can you say that
Me: it's your fault his laying in a fridge right now, he tried so hard to keep you happy, so hard to keep
you happy but it was not enough for you. If it was not because of you he would have never met that
girl...
Ntando: nko...
My anger just couldn't be control. I don't know what happened with my arm but I just saw ntando
holding her cheek looking at me
Mum: nkosazana that's enough !!! We all hurting
Me: we all hurting *shouting and crying* are we really?
Mum: you not the only one who lost the person they loved
Me: let me remind you, I lost the only person who loved me
Mum: we still here
Me*shouting and crying* you! You, you have never been there for me, ever let's not act like you have
been there for me. You have never cared about me, I was raped in your eyes but did you bother asking
me how I felt after, did you bother asking me how, where it all started. Well let me inform you, it started
in your bed
I felt this pinching pain in my cheek and I returned the slap harder. My mum looked at me. You would
not understand the pain I was going through
Aunt: haibo usithathaphi isbindi sokushaya unyoko ( where do you get the liver, to hit your mother)
Me: *shouting* YOU ALL DONT KNOW SHIT ABOUT LUU, SO DONT STAND THERE AND LOOK AT ME AS IF
YOU KNEW HALF OFF THE THINGS ABOUT LUU AND DONT YOU STAND THERE AND ACT IN FRONT OFF
ALL THESE PEOPLE THAT THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT, CAUSE IF YOU APPRECIATED HALF OF THE THINGS
MY BROTHER DID FOR YOU, HE WOULD HAVE NEVER MET THE GIRL THAT WAS BRAVE ENOUGH TO
STAB HIM CAUSE OF A MESSAGE SHE SAW THAT WAS FROM YOU! SO FUCK YOU!!
everyone:...
Mum: nkosazana😢😢😢
Me: don't ! Just don't
I walked out, and went to sit outside. People were coming in numbers, I sat there and kept telling myself
that this was a dream
Me: you just dreaming... You going to wake up... Wake up...
I closed my eyes and opened them again but I was still where I was sitting not in my bed.my uncle called
me and we walked in. They called me to the bedroom there was my mum, ntando and my dad with my
aunt's with Simphiwe.
I sat down
My uncle: nkosazana we are all going through a tough time and we need to get through this by holding
each other's hands and helping each other through this.
Me:...
My uncle: we need to be together so us pointing each other about what happened to lulama is not
helping either of us and what you doing is causing eyes for us
I looked at him
My uncle: you need to stop what you doing, this girl ululama took out her lobola which makes her
lulama wife traditionally and she *pointing at my mum* is your mother,you will respect her and you will
apologise for what happened
I looked at my mum then back at ntando, she just looked down. I picked up Simphiwe and walked out
My uncle: nkosazana!!!
Me: what do you all want from me? You want a sorry. Sorry ke, sorry ntando, sorry for telling the truth,
sorry for saying it's not your fault when it is your fault
My uncle: nkosazana!
Me: you wanted me to say sorry, I am saying sorry seni funa Ini Kimi ? What? Nifuna mina manje ( I said
sorry so what do you want from me now? What? You want all off me now
Mum:*crying* nkosazana!
I took Simphiwe and walked out. I fed Him and soon after that he fell asleep. I went to my bedroom and
slept with him. I closed my eyes hoping this would just be a bad dream.
Rest of the week was the worst days off my life, I felt like I was going crazy. I couldn't think straight and
sometimes I would just disappear into space and it would be as if Luu was there with me I would start
talking to Him, until they snapped me out off it. Saturday, the day of the funeral at 9 the service began. I
wanted to talk, I stood up and walked towards his coffin. I stood infront of it, my back facing the
audience. I was going up there to talk to Luu not everyone
Me:*whispering* you said you wouldn't leave me, why am I standing next to your coffin Luu. I hate all
off these people here, I hate them cause they don't even know who you are but they act like they care.
Luu why did you leave me *shouting * WHY???
I hit his coffin. My mum rushed to me and helped me to my chair, as I was going back to my chair.
We left my yard and went to the cemetery, I felt nothing inside of me. I mean nothing, I could no longer
cry or feel any sort off emotions. After that service we went back home and people went to eat. I walked
out to talk to Ntokozo family since they had to leave when i bumped into my aunt
My aunt: these are for you
It was white roses
Me: from who
My aunt: elinye edushu that gave me and said I must give it to you
I read the note " I'm sorry... Just know that I love you" tears just approached my eyes. My aunt rubbed
my back and I just wiped them. I went to say goodbye to Ntokozo family and everyone I bumped to kept
asking me , how are you feeling. I was tired of answering the same question to be honest
Rest of the week I was home, ntando was still home. The moment I would look at Simphiwe
I felt comfort in a way. We eventually finished cleaning up and took back everything that was
borrowed...
Insert 70
I needed to feel you know, I mean feel something. I couldn't feel shit, I mean I was not happy nor was I
sad. I felt as if I was not a human. I took my phone and tried to call Lindo but he blocked me. I was so
desperate to feel something inside off me . I took a taxi and headed to his office, I arrived at the
reception
Lady: hi may I help you
Me: uhm Im a relative of miss Layla and I'd like to see her
Lady: hold on
Me: I'm already late please can we do this when I get back
Lady: this is procedure mam
Me: please
Lady: fine
He gave me the visitor card. I went on the elevator and arrived on the fourth floor. I was in sweatpants
and a hoodie, I put on the hoodie and walked to lindo office. I wasn't even thinking, i walked to his office
and he was busy on his laptop. I closed the door and he lifted his head up. He stood up when he saw me.
I closed his blinds and walked to him
Lindo: nkosazana
I kissed him but he pulled back
Lindo: what you doing ?
Me: I really need to feel something Lindo, please
Lindo: you not thinking straight
Me: Lindo please just let me feel something please. I feel dead inside*crying* please
Lindo:...
I looked at him
Me: I'm begging you here
He held my face and pulled me to him. He picked me up and laid me on his desk. He removed my hoody,
I unbuttoned his shirt. He kissed my neck and I held on to the corner of desk. The shit I was feeling
😍😍😍 he went down to my boobs and kissed them and went down to remove my pants. He slowly
moved his fingers on my thighs, I held on to his belt so tight and pulled him to me. I removed his belt
and pushed his pants down and boxers. He held my underwear and tore it. I broke the kiss and looked at
Lindo but he just pulled me into a kiss.he played with his fingers on my centre. He stepped out off his
pants and picked me up, I wrapped my arms around his neck and he entered me right there and then. I
looked at him straight in the eyes and so did he. It was as if we were reading each other. He walked with
us to the wall and he fucked me on the wall, my moans were so loud he had to use his hands to cover
my mouth. He placed me down and my knees just betrayed me.he cleared his table, walked back to me
picked me up and laid me on his table and god lord Jesus, this man over here...
I dressed up and he dressed up with no one saying anything. I rolled a tissue and wiped his table cause
the was still sperm there, I was relieved he pulled out. I fixed myself up and took everything I came with,
I walked towards the door and held the handle
I turned to him and he was holding on to his table looking at me
Me: thank you
Before he could say something I walked out...
I took a taxi back home, my centre was on fire I got home and I needed to use the bathroom, when I
peed I held it back again. It was 🔥,I almost cried trying to pee. when I was done, took a shower and
went to bed. My clothes were packed and I was going back to school, my parents dropped me off
including ntando, I was not talking to either of them but they felt the need to accompany me.
Me:*talking to Simphiwe* I love you ohk, I love you so much and I'm going to see you when I come back,
behave baby
I kissed him.waved goodbye and headed to my flight.

I arrived in Cape town and took a cab back to res. I got there and just slept,woke up in the middle of the
night and being alone you know what happens you end up thinking a lot. Let's just say my pillow was
wet. Woke up the following day and prepared for class, I just sat there Until the end off my class.
Attended the rest of my classes, I was sitting on my bed busy with my phone when there was a knock. I
got up to open
And there was this lady
Me: hi
Her: hi nkosazana
I nodded my head
Her: I'm Lisa
Me...
Lisa: I was sent by ntando
Mr: for what?
Lisa: uhm I know you went through something terrible the last few weeks and since you in your final
year, a year that will determine your future she wanted you to have someone to talk to so the anger
does not build up that will result in you repeating the year
Me:...
Lisa: may I come in
I moved aside
Lisa: I just came to ask you which days were good for you and when we should start
Me: I don't know
Lisa: I know this may not be easy to deal with but I need you to know that, it helps talking about it
Me: weekends from Friday
Lisa: perfect time?
Me: around 2
Lisa: even better, I shall see you then
Me: ohk
She got up and left. Rest of the week none much happened Friday Went to this girl and just talked to
her, I kind of felt better after talking to her about certain things, later that day prepared for work. I took
a cab and arrived there, it was busy as always on Fridays worked he whole night, knocked off at 6am I
went straight home.
INSERT 71
The whole thing has been hard on me. You know I just thought I would try and not think about it too
much that way I can focus more but it was not helping. I was taking a lot off strain, I was losing weight as
if I'm anorexic. I was not eating, I was not sleeping, I was not attending classes. I didn't know how to
grieve for luu, my head was filled with Luu, why he left me. Why he couldn't hold on a bit longer help
could have arrived, why he was with that girl, why ntando texted Luu that night. I was always crying and
Ntokozo did not know what to do, I didn't talk with my parents on the phone or ntando. One morning
Ntokozo barged in, I was sitting on the edge off my bed looking outside the window
Ntokozo: here
I turned to her direction and it was a bowl. I looked the other way around
Ntokozo: nkosazana eat
Me: I'm full
Ntokozo: *shouting* what are you full from, you don't eat nkosazana. Eat !
Me: no
She started crying
Ntokozo: babe I know it's hard ohk , I don't know how you feel or how it feels to lose someone you
would give the world to. But you know I love Luu and it still hurts and I still can't believe it till this day
that I will never hear his voice again. Babe I need you to know that you doing your final year, final year
you pushed till this far and I'm not going to let you throw that away. Just please take 4 spoons
nkosazana just 4
I turned to her direction and she was crying so bad. I felt so bad.i took the bowl and she looked at me. I
took one spoon and it was porridge with butter and sugar, I ended up finishing the whole thing. She told
me to go and shower , I did and we took a walk around Campus. I went back and she helped me to
study. She stayed in my room for weeks, we would both sleep in that single bed. She would make us
food, make me talk about how I was feeling, help me study. This girl was a blessing in my life to be
honest
Few more weeks passed, i had just finished bathing, i walked to my wardobe looking for something to
wear and looked at my pads. I havent used them for two months MAY and JUNE. This was july, my heart
i dropped my towel and looked at my stomach and iv never had a belly but now i had a belly, i just
thought i was gaining weight. I slowly walked to my bed and sat down. I dont know how long i have been
sitting there, the was a knock, i just looked at the door and kept quiet
Ntokozo; nkosazana open up
Me;...
Ntokozo; nkosazana
I heard the padlock and the door opened
Ntokozo; like really? You do know we need to go right
Me; im pregnant
She laughed
I turned to her
Ntokozo; you havent had dick since lindo which was two or year ago so who got you pregnant jesus
*laughing*
Me; i had unprotected sex with lindo april
Ntokozo; what??
Me; he pulled out, which is why i didnt even buy morning after
Ntokozo: what?
Me: Ntokozo he pulled out
Ntokozo: clearly his pullout game is weak
SHe sat next to me and removed my hand that was in my stomach and felt it
Ntokozo; SHIT!!! ITS only been 8 or 9 weeks why do you already have a bump
Me; *shouting* i dont k...
I just felt sick i ran to my bin and threw up
Ntokozo; SHIT NKOSAZANA !!!
I wiped my mouth with the towel and tears just approached my eyes, 'ntokozo pulled me into a hug and
i just cried to her after maybe more than an hour crying. We got up and sat in my bed
Ntokozo; will figure this out
Me; lindo can not know about this
Ntokozo; what? He must support this child
Me; he didnt even want this, i forced him to have sex with me and il be breaking something important
Ntokozo; what?
Me; the contract i signed

Ntokozo; what contract?
Ntokozo has been with me with everything so i just told her about lindo dad , the contract everything
Ntokozo; fuck !
Me; you see
Ntokozo; i would have done the same, what guarantees did you have that lindo was going to marry you
and if you didnt they would have made it hard for you to find a job
Me; yeah
Ntokozo; what we going to do?
Me; i have something else to tell you
Ntokozo; what?
Me; the scholarship took me but final decision after they receive my results
Ntokozo; no babe, you going to lose the scholarship now
Me; *crying* i dont know but looking at the terms that would make them withdraw their scholarship ,
theres only one thing and that is if my marks drop they dont say anything about pregnancy
Ntokozo; that may be a good thing, you can call them and let them know before its too late
Me; i cant lose this
She hugged me
Ntokozo; im with you on this and we going to figure everything out together ohk
Ntokozo; im here for you
I had to accompany her to some school for some interview, she didnt want me to go but she is always
there for me and i had to be there as well. I quickly changed and we left. There were other students
there, she was shaking i held her hand until they called her in. After she left, couldnt help but touch my
stomach , i dont even know how i didnt notice this. How was i going to tell my parents, after two hours i
had become so hungry, i got up and went to look for something to eat. I left those school premises and
walked down the street to find a shop and to my luck. I found a fast food shop, i bought chips and sat
down, they were so nice, i wasnt even half way done but i wanted more...
Guy; well you in love and its not with a human
I looked up and it was some fine ass chocolate. I laughed
Me; hunger
Guy; can i
Me; sure
I continued eating
Guy; philasande
Me; nkosazana
Him; nice meeting you, want coke with this
Me; no im good was just craving these
Him; so what you doing here, all by yourself
me:im actually with my friend, she has an interview at the school down there so i was hungry
Him; you shouldnt be alone in these streets especially being a girl
I looked at him
Him ; i mean it, there are some crack heads here
Me; thank you for the heads up
Him; let me walk you where you were,
I took my chips and the ones i bought for ntokozo and we walked towards the school direction
Him; uyakhuluma
Me; yeah
Him; into grand
me; *laughing* yini I into egrand
Him; just nje
I looked away
Him: you beautiful you know that
Me; *smiling* thank you
We got to the entrance off the school and saw ntokozo running like a headless chicken
Me; my friend may be looking for me
Him: call her
Me; *shouting* NTOKOZO!!!
She turned to my direction, and walked up to me.
Phila; can i get your num...
Ntokozo; geez iv been looking everywhere for you
Me;was hungry
She looked at phila
Phila; hi
Ntokozo; hi... Lets go
Phila; can i get your numbers
Ntokozo; she ha...
I gave it to him, ntokozo looked at me but i just looked away. We called a cab and it came to pick us up
Me; so what happened
Ntokozo;...
Me; what?
Ntokozo; that guy
Me; he was really nice to me, so please relax
Ntokozo; wena
Me; stop tu, so how was it
Ntokozo; *smiling* it was really nice, they going to get back to me after 4 weeks
Me; will you really settle here
Ntokozo; maybe for a few months just to up my cv then move to joburg again
Me; will pray about it ohk
Ntokozo; yes nana
We got to res and i just went to bed
INSERT 72
Weeks passed and they were the worst, i couldnt keep anything down. I could smell a whole lot of shit. I
was throwing up so much to such an extent that i was scared to eat cause i knew i would throw it out
anyway. I didnt tell my parents about my situation, i was going home june so they were just going to see
for themselves. My scholarship pulled out, i was depressed for weeks and thought off having an
abortion. The company that took me, that i was suppose to do my articles at pulled out. As for it, i dont
even know why cause they didnt know i was pregnant, i just received a call that they wouldnt be able to
work with me. I applied to a lot off law firms, i mean pretty much all the law firms in south africa
including the law firm lindo worked at but they were not interested in me. I was a final year student and
now i had to worry about work, at times i just wanted to drop everything and go back home. I didnt
know what was happening, i thought luu would be with me but nothing. Pretty much, i was going to be a
mum with no job. My life!!!
My bump was showing, i mean really showing but it was still easy to hide, i wrote my june exams the
way i was so scared to go home, i waited for supplementary lists to come out and to my luck i was not
there. I left really late for home. My flight arrived in joburg, i was wearing a long summer dress with
sandals, i collected my bags and saw my mum and my dad. I walked so slow to them, my mum ran to me
but i just stepped back
Mum; nkosazana
Me;...
They helped me with my bags and we walked to the car. I sat at the back and the was an awkward
silence. I couldnt hold it anymore
Me; im pregnant
The car immediately stopped, i bumped my head on the sit in front off me. My dad turned to face me
and looked at my stomach, i held the dress and he moved his eyes back to me
Mum; nkosazana
Me;...
Baba; nkosazana!!!
Me;...
Mum; kodwa nkosazana
Me;...
The car started and the whole ride, they kept saying my name. We got to my place they didnt even allow
me to go to my room. They sat me down
Baba; we send you to school in order for you to study but you come back with a child. Nkosazana yini?
Me;...
Mum; after all the things we are going trough and you going to bring a child
Me;...
Baba; who is the father of the child ?
Me;...
Baba; nkosazana do you sleep around that you dont even know who the father of the child is
Me; ...
Mum; nkosazana talk, you saying nothing is not helping either of us
Me; it was a mistake

They both got up, their hands on their heads
Baba; who is the father of this child
Me; ...
They demanded to know who the father of the child was but i would rather die than say who it was,
they shouted, threw insults told me how of a disappointment i am, how iv ruined my future, how iv
disappointed luu. The night ended with them calming down saying luu death affected me so much that i
did not know what to do with myself but sleep around. I went to bed but i slept around am`s cause i
could hear them speaking in their room about the whole thing.
Woke up the next morning, made an appointment with a doctor. I went to wash and my bump was big
guys for just few months nje. I took a taxi arrived there and did the required procedure, signed some
documents and i finally saw the doctor, we went through the sonar
Me; why isnt there a heartbeat
Doctor; wait
He moved it to the side and i heard it. My heart was filled with so much joy, i forgot about all my
problems but ... The doctor looked at me
Me; why are the heartbeats from two sides, is it possible
Doctor; miss you having twins
I swallowed the lump in my throat
Me; what?
Doctor; *smiling* you having twins, congratulation
He walked out. I just covered my face with my hands , one i could deal with two, NO !NO! NO!. I took
the cloth and wiped the gel , the doctor came to give me the pictures. I couldnt even say anything i just
walked out. I couldnt think straight, i took a taxi back home and got off, i walked to my house and went
straight to my bed
Me; twins, this is not a blessing what kind of blessing is this. I dont want to have twins, one would have
just been fine. Why am i having twins? My first pregnancy and im having twins is that even allowed. I
passed out on the bed was woken up by my mum and told them the news, their reaction i dont even
know.
I had to go back to school since my holidays were over. I was eating everything, but there is nothing
more i loved than amaas, they gave me ulcers but i ate them either way. I ate everything and peed every
second, september. A company from Russia called me offering a scholarship, i told them about my
situation and they were giving it to me either way. They had a lot on the table, my very own place that
would be suitable for me to raise my kids but i had to be there january, it was weird cause i thought they
would want me to graduate first but they wanted me in russia january. Few more weeks passed, the
way time had flew, i was already writing my final exams, pregnant as shit but i would study whole night
and go to that exam room, with all those eyes, sit down take my paper nail it and leave. I wrote my final
paper and went home, by the time i went back home my parents had accepted the situation and i told
them about everything me having to leave, they were excited for me. My passport was done and my
visa was organised by the company. I was due to graduate march but i was told i would come back.
January, took a flight to russia and it was the longest with my constant peeing and stuff.
I arrived after days and was met by one guy, holding a board with my name on it
Me; hi
Him; miss
He helped me with my bags and we walked to the car, it was fucked up beautiful here, my eyes were
just roaming around. We got to a house or what i wouldnt know, it was too big i wouldnt know what it
was. The door opened and i walked in, one lady led the way until we reached this door
Her; you may go in
I knocked and walked in
Old men; miss
Me; hi
Him; sit down, sit down
I walked to the chair and sat down opposite him
Him; juice
Me; water please
He gave me bottled water, i opened it and drank a gulp
Him; im mr clinton cerebos...
Me; nkosazana
Him; yes nkosazana, do you know why you here nkosazana
Me; uhm i thought this was for law
Him; not exactly
I started panicking. He sat next to me
Him; you were, actually you one of the many that was chosen
Me; chosen for what
that moment im thinking sex worker, human trafficking

Him; to take your throne
Me; what?
Him; nkosazana,i run russia every drug, every gun every illegal thing that exist here they ask all off that
from me
Me;...
Him; and iv chosen you to take over south africa for me, a pretty , educated and person of law more
importantly a woman, no one would ever suspect you
Me; what? This is crazy
Him; no this is a blessing, you will continue school this side, after the birth of your kids undergo training
then you take your throne...
INSERT 73
#LINDO
I had a long day and i was just rushing to get home and to my bed with my wife. Ta mo stopped at the
gate
Me; whats wrong
One off my guys walked to my window, i rolled my window down
Me; what?
Him; theres a lady here for you
He stepped aside and it was ntokozo
Me; ntokozo
Ntokozo; hi lindo, can we talk
Me; uhm about?
Ntokozo;...
Me; im really tired, i had a long day
Ntokozo; nkosazana is missing, nobody has heard from her for two years now lindo, she didnt even
graduate. She left two years back january to attend a scholarship and she never came back, no contact
with her family nothing and she ...
I cut her off

Me; so what does that have to do with me
Ntokozo; nothing, im just asking you to help us out
My wife walked down the driveaway, she must have been worried on why the car was parked for so
long in the driveway
Me; im sorry i cant
Wife; baby is everything ohk
Ntokozo turned to the gate
Ntokozo; baby... What is this?
I got out off the car
Me; let me sort this out babe, il be right in
Ntokozo; are you fucking
Rea; no we married actually
Ntokozo *shouting* WHAT? You were suppose to be nkosazana supposedly best friend but you go on
and marry her ex, what the fuck is wrong with you
Me; could you please just leave
Ntokozo; and you? You stupid fuck, you not even aware that nkosazana h... *she paused* you dont even
deserve to know
She turned to rea
Ntokozo; what a friend you are
She walked away alone, in the dark. Ta mo drove in and i hugged and kissed my wife
Me; im sorry about that
Rea; its ohk baby, what did she want ?
Me; she came to ask about her friend, im not getting involved
Rea; *smiling* iv missed you
Me; lets go and see how youv missed me really
We walked inside and did the deed...
#NTOKOZO
I was not allowed to go in with my car, i got in my car and drove to my place. I was so angry that i was
shaking. I got to my place and tried calling nkosazana even though i knew it was no use. She said she
would call when she arrived but she didnt call back, i dont know if she had her babies, if she found the
people she was looking for. I tried calling people in russia but they had nothing for me and most they did
not speak english. Her parents were so worried and did not know who to call or what to do. We told the
cops this side but the was nothing much they could do
Woke up the following morning and prepared for a work, i was a full time teacher and i loved everything
about it. I arrived and went to my classroom, my day began. One off the staff members called me to the
office apparentely i had a visitor. I got up, took my things and walked to the office. I got there and the
was an old white man there
Him; ntokozo
I nodded my head
Him;can we talk outside please
Me; sure
We walked out and set on one off the benches that were outside
Him; im lindo father
Me;...
Him; im here to ask about your friend
Me; lindo told you
Him; told me what?
Me; what are you here for exactly
Him; i cant seem to track your friend down, her family is looking for her, her accounts dont work, she
didnt graduate. I know my son married her friend and i dont want to bother her cause its seems like she
knows nothing
Me; are you happy?
Him; excuse me ?
Mel you are the reason that nkosazana could be dead right now
Him; i dont think you know what you talking about
Me; i know exactly what im talking about, i know about the contract you made her sign, that made her
sacrifice what she and lindo had
Him;...
Me; maybe wherever she is, she is at peace she does not have to take your shit or see the shit your son
is doing with her friend
I got up and walked away

INSERT 74
#Nkosazana
I woke up the following morning, i went to take a shower and went downstairs. My babies were up
Me; morning
Blue; morning mummy
Bear ; morning mummy
I know weird ass names but i love them. I had two healthy babies, boy and girl. Girl blue and boy bear. It
was just us, we were actually flying back to South Africa today. They had both just turned two.
Me; take your bags to the car ohk
Them; ohk
They took their bags and rushed to the car, i took my bags said goodbye to this place and walked out.
They opened the door for me and i got in
Blue; mummy
Me; hmmm
Blue; where we going
Me; very far baby
We got to cerebos place, the man that introduced me to this life and made me have everything i have.
The twins ran to him and hugged him
Mr cerebos; ready to leave
Blue; yeah
Bear; yeah
Him; well behave ohk, cause if you dont
Them; mr boogeyman will come for us at night
I laughed. He got up and walked to me. I kissed his cheek
Him; ready !
Me; ready
Him; take care of yourself ohk

Me; i will
Him; you got everything you need
Me; yeah im meeting some guys Saturday actually
Him; ...
Me; what?
Him; im just worried about you ! Dont fallout when you see the twins father
Me; who is that again?
He laughed
Me; il be ohk and i have better things to do than get all worked out with him
Him; good luck
Me; do i need luck
Him; *laughing* no
Me; my steel
Him; it will get to you a day after you arrive to your new home... Your accounts
Me; iv been handling myself all this time, please dont worry and if i come across a problem il let you
know but you know i can handle it
Him; let me walk you out
Me; blue and bear come on
They rushed out. I said my goodbye and they took me to the airport. 3 guys off mine from russia were
going to have a life in South Africa as well cause they were living with me. One my driver and the two my
bodyguards. Got to the flight and i just passed out, with both blue and bear in my hands.
We arrived in South Africa and i went to my new home, that i bought with all the money i made that
side. The past two years were the worst for me. I was almost killed,i was kicked, punched all the damn
time. I gave birth to my babies 12 January and after i gave birth thats when hell started. I was trained on
how to fight, i dont mean fight a girl i mean fight a man. Guys there would fight with me as if i was one
off them and not a girl. I was taught how to use gun, how to put together a gun, how to drive, how to fly
a helicopter. I was taught how to rob a bank, how to steal a car, how to smuggle drugs. I was taught off
the different drugs of this world. The money off this world, how to scam someone. I was taught
everything, i had blue eyes for months. I had scars and gun shot wounds on my back. I had become a
russian queen crime lord and on the low, i ran south africa. i was taking charge off the throne they gave
me.
Blue and bear were still so tired, i just took them to their new bedrooms and went to take a long
shower. I had to go and see my parents. I immediately went to bed cause i was exhausted. Was woken
up the next morning by bear
Bear; mummy wake up
I slowly opened my eyes, pulled him to me and kissed him. He laughed
Bear; mummy no
Me; *smiling* how you pumpkin
Bear; good, im hungry
Me; lets go
I got up, went to the bathroom first and went to wash my face and teeth and went to check up on blue.
She was still sleeping, i picked up bear and we went to the kitchen
One of my guys; mam
I turned to him
Me; morning
Him; your machines are here
Me; give me a second
Him; ohk
I quickly made oats for bear and gave it to him. He went to sit down while watching tv. I walked out and
the was a van. I bit my lower lip
Me; this is such a turn on
They laughed
Me; are the rooms ready
Him; yes, one in your kitchen the other bedroom
Me; let me see what you have
They opened and it was everything. Rifle, 9mm, the works. The guys helped me place them where they
were suppose to be in. Blue finally woke up and we went to take a shower all 3 off us, dressed them up
and they walked us out. My driver was goldair. He drove there and the gps directed him. He parked
outside and i breathed in and out
Goldair; you ohk mam
Me; im ohk, can you please watch these two first, i need to speak to my parents first just us
Goldair; its ohk

Me; baby stay here ohk, il be right back
Blue; mummy, i want to go with you
Me; il be right back sweety
I kissed them both and walked in. The gate was open, i walked in and knocked
Woman; im coming
The door swung open
Me; ma
Mum; nkosazana
I smiled
She pulled me into such a tight hug, i returned it
Mum; where have you been? We have been so worried about you come in
My dad showed up, it seemed like he just got out off the tub. He also ran to me i just laughed. We sat
down and they questionned me so much, after a while off answering them false questions. I went to
pick up blue and bear
Me; and this is blue and bear
Mum; hey babies, come here
They just stood behind me
Me; this is grandma and grandpa
They both looked at me
Me; go and say high
They slowly walked up to them, bear going to my dad and blue to my mum. They were very much in love
with them
Mum; well im sure you slept with a white guy
I laughed
Me; ma dont go there
Mum; the father still does not know
Me; there is nothing for him to know
I bonded with them but i had to leave to see ntokozo. We drove to the school were she taught, the time
was 2 i was able to get in and i walked to her class with both blue and bear
Me; behave ohk, dont misbehave

Ntokozo; yes il be in my cla...
I smiled
Ntokozo; no fucken way
Me; yes mam
She screamed so loud, blue and bear had to cover their ears. We hugged
Ntokozo; where the hell have you been? Where are my babies
I stepped aside
Ntokozo; no way... Hey babies
She went on her knees.
Me; they shy trust me
Ntokozo; names
Me; blue and bear
Ntokozo; wow friend
I laughed. We talked for a while and she kept talking to the twins. She finally decided to leave work early
to accompany us to go for grocery shopping.
We took two trollies
Me; so what has been happening
Ntokozo; that bitc*she paused*
As the twins were looking at her
Ntokozo; rea got married to lindo
Me; wow really
Ntokozo; dont do me like that
Me; *laughing* do you like what?
Ntokozo; thats how you going to react, really
Me: I kept tabs on everyone, I heard the year I left
Ntokozo: yeah
Me:, Lindo and Natasha divorced because
Ntokozo: Lindo finally got what he wanted from Natasha family

Me:, yeah all the shit I told you about this damn contract
Ntokozo: yeah
Me: it seems like it went according to plan, Lindo family got what they want so as Lindo I don't know
why would Natasha easily agree to a divorce but they divorced that year. As for him and Rea I don't
know ke, how they met when they got married and all off that
Ntokozo: I think we both know he married her just to be petty
Me: or not, he came out off an unhappy marriage do you think he would go back to one again, I doubt
Ntokozo: so what explanation does this have
Me: no explanation babe, maybe I was the one standing between them
I laughed. Ntokozo looked at me
Me; im over that babe, work and these two are my main focus
Ntokozo; i almost told him hey
Me; you be...
Ntokozo; dont worry i didnt tell him, his an ass
I laughed
Me; lets forget about lindo, how have you been, you loving what you do
Ntokozo; i love it babe i mean its everything
Me; my kids will be taught by you
Ntokozo; while we on that, they are a duplicate of lindo and his father
Me; where did you see lindo father
Ntokozo; he came to see me asking about you
Me; im sorry i disappeared like that
Ntokozo; im just glad you safe and healthy
I did my grocery shopping and went to pay, bought the twins some clothes, we dropped off ntokozo
then went home.
Me; what do you want to eat ?
Blue; chick
Me; chicken and what?
Bear; anything
I made them chicken and mash. I cooked for the guys as well, dished up for them and went to the
lounge.
Me; this is for you and this is for you
Them; thank you mummy
I began with work. I knew about lindo and his family. What they did and who his father was. I had a new
drug that only i had, i was receiving a lot off calls for it and guns. I had a meeting with some guy. All the
people i did business with here were unaware i was a woman and pretty much i didnt even care. After
eating, they went to shower and took them to bed and i headed to bed. I was looking for someone to
help me around the house and a few girls were coming in. she would help around the house and take
care of the twins since they were only starting school the following year. Saturday i dropped them off at
my parents and headed to newtown.
I was flames. I arrived at that restaurant
Lady; im sorry mam, its closed
Me; im here for mr Wells
Lady; oh come on in
I walked in and some music was playing, i walked to a table and the was a man there
Me; mr Wells
Mr wells ; its miss not mr Cerebos
I nodded my head
Him; well this is a surprise
Me; a woman in a mans business rare i know
Him; well sit down
I sat down
Him; you absolutely beautiful
Me; thank you can we get down to business
Him; yes
Me; i delivered your drugs last month but my payment
Him; about that, i know im sorry, i was facing those months you know but this month im good
Me; same order like the last time right
Him; yes
Me; what else you need
Him; 9mm silver
Me; ohk when do you need all off this
Him; anytime except for the drugs of course, i need them i can give you
Me; one week
Him; a week
Me; perfect, now lets talk about my money
Him; how much you need
Me; you know how much i need... For the 9mm want a legal or illegal
Him; i have a job i need to do
Me; you not answering my question
Him; it cant trace back to me
Me; only thing i needed to know, usual address
Him; yes
Me; i got up, id like to stay for lunch but i need to get going
Him; *smiling* looking forward to more days with you
Me; we shall have more days, just dont try to fuck me over, excuse the language
He bowed.
Me; can i
Him; sure
I took the glass that still had my drink and i walked out, headed to my car and they opened the door for
me
Goldair; went smooth
Me; yeah
He drove to my next meeting this was the biggest meeting off all. I walked in
Me; gentleman
They all looked at me
Me; let me introduce myself, miss cerebos
Guy 1' what?

Me; i get that a lot
One guy stood up, to help me with my chair i sat down
Me; you know who i am, lets hear off you man
Guy 1; mr jansen
Guy 2; mr Ross
Guy 3; mr khoza
Guy 4; mr ngcobo
Guy 5; mr samuels
Me; pleasure meeting you gentleman
Mr jansen; more like a pleasure to meet you
Me; lets get on with what brought us here
Mr ross; what do you have for us, we have been clients off this guy for years now
Me;more like what can i do for all off you, im not about to sit here and sell you some bullshit story that
my products are way better and cheaper that i will have your best interest at heart fuck that
They laughed
Me; my products are not cheap you will probably pay more than you are paying right now, the drugs. I
have people to pay, i cant be giving you freebies but i can give you some real quality, shit that makes you
high for days, your junkies will come back for more and cause its a start of a good friendship, 2kg will be
on the house and this is the first and last time let me just put it out there. Steel, now that my speciality
Mr ngcobo; what do you have to offer
Me; any kind of machine you need, rifles sniper or just a pretty desert eagle
I said that placing it on the table
Mr ngcobo; FUCK ! THIS IS A BEAUTY
He took out one glove, wore it and picked it up
Mr samuels : get me excited please, lets talk about the machines on the road
I smiled
Me; i deal with german shit only , anything, any colour
He reached for his hand over the table
Mr samuels; im with you
I shook his hand

Ngcobo; im with you as well
Me; gentleman come on lets make money
Them: we in
I smiled
Me; thats more like it, id like to have a party with all off you but im just going to have one drink
I bought the most expensive bottle there and shared a glass with them and walked out...
INSERT 75
It was great being in South Africa once again. Woke up the next morning with my babies, we went to eat
breakfast out. I was tired of making breakfast and i was still looking for someone to help me around the
house. I ordered the twins something simple that they would be able to eat and finish. When we were
done i took them to my mum since she wanted them i was really glad cause i had a meeting with some
men. I dropped them off and headed to midrand
I walked in
Zulu; i still cant get over the fact that im doing business with a woman
Me; how lucky do you consider yourselves
They laughed . One got up and helped me with my chair, i sat down.
Garry ; still looking beautiful
Me; do your wives know how off a flirt you all are
Marvin; as for me, she definitely knows
I laughed
Me; lets get on with business men shall we
Zulu; of course
Marvin; before we go in. I got a call
Me; from who?
Marvin; a mr adams
Me; i need a drink
I ordered myself a bottle of wine and it came through

Me; lets get this out off the way
Them; ohk
Me; he called all off you
Zulu; i got a call from him as well
Me; what offer is he bringing to the table
Zulu; 2 kg free for 3 months
I laughed
Marvin; thats a good offer dont you agree
Me; it sure is but thats the offer im not going to give you
Zulu; *laughing* of course not
Me; you know this business is not about the best product or the price more like its about loyalty
Them;...
Me; so gentleman im a woman, my dress is took expensive for me to go on one knee and beg for you
not to leave me and my lipstick will be ruined if i keep saying please dont leave me. So this is just testing
the loyalty we have between each other. So do what you do but im with all off you
Marvin; im with you
Garry; we all are
Me; *smiling* thats what i needed to hear now lets talk about some more important stuff
Ngwenya; oh yes please all this small talk is boring me
Me; im with you... Mr zulu got your package
Zulu; oh yes all wrapped up and beautifully sealed
Me; let my money come in the same way
He stretched his hand on the floor and placed a briefcase on the table
Zulu; beautifully wrapped as well
I smiled
Me; now we talking
Goldair took it and opened it
Zulu; you dont trust me you have to count it
Me; dont be personal come on now

He laughed
Zulu; a friend off mine, does want the desert eagle
Me; who is this friend off yours
Zulu; i think i might just personally introduce you to him
He took out his phone and put it on speaker
Him; mr zulu
Zulu; man! Man! Man! Listen im with the woman who sold me that beauty and iv just told her
Him; oh yes, beautiful
Me; mr
Him; mr khuzwayo
Me; hi mr khuzwayo
Him; are you as beautiful as you sound
Zulu; even better man
I laughed
Me; how may i help you mr khuzwayo
Him; i need your services and i need the beauty you sold my friend
Me; i dont come cheap, neither do my products
Him; money is not a problem
Me; wuuuuuuu mr khuzwayo i think you might just be my main now
Marvin'; oh come on
Me; money is a problem to you marvin
We all laughed
Me; let schedule a meeting so will discuss this in a proper way
Him; id like that, il take your number from zulu
Me; perfect
Him; looking forward to meeting you
Me; same here
He hung up
Me; well thats out off the way... Marvin my baby what do you need
We talked about business
Me; so final things im goi....
Guy; well well well
I recognised that voice
Zulu; mr adams
Guy'; well this is amazing all the man off the moment
Marvin; great seeing you again
Guy; great seeing you as well mr marvin
I took a sip off my drink
Guy; and who may this be
He walked in front to get a clear view off my face. I placed my glass on the table and lifted up my head.
His eyes, the shook on his face. You would swear he just saw a ghost
I turned to the men surrounding my table
Me; id like to have lunch with you guys but i have to get going
I took my clutch on the table
Me; and took one case on the table
Goldiar was already holding four off them. I got up
Lindo; y..y...y
Me; im looking forward to our next meeting
I pushed my chair back
Zulu; looking forward to making more money with you
Marvin; i look forward to our date
I laughed
Me; it will take more than that to take me out on a date
I looked at lindo and he was just standing there looking at me. I walked out, goldair followed behind me.
We got to the parking lot
Lindo; nkosazana
Goldair; stay where you are
Lindo; fuck you

I got in the car and they were fighting with goldair, i was not getting involved. I could hear lindo shouting
my name from the outside after few minutes goldair got in
Me; well that
Goldair; took care off it
We drove to my next meeting
Later that evening I got a call from cerebos, I took it outside
Me:Mr cerebos
Mr cerebos: miss cerebos
I laughed
Him: how you holding up
Me: I'm good everything is in order
Him: perfect then tell me why haven't you gone to my friend
Me:...
Him: miss cerebos, you do know you making millions and billions, cops that side will question your
wealth. I did not allow you to do your practicals this side in order for you to only depend on this kind of
work
Me:...
Him: I need you in a court room, do you understand me
Me: yes
Him: IV sent all your qualifications to him, his expecting you. don't make me call again with regards to
this. I need you to be an advocate that will make things easier for all off us, you are way to smart you are
informed about Russian law and South African law make that count to good use
Me: ohk IL go see him sometime next week
Him: perfect now let's talk about what has been happening
We talked some more until I had to go
Following day I had meetings, After all my meeting i picked up my babies.
Me; how was your day
Blue; perfect *stretching out her hands* grandma gave us ice cream
Bear; and chocolate
Me; she did
Blue; yes then we went to the shop with grandpa but people kept touching my hair
Me; *laughing* what did you tell them
Blue; to stop
I laughed
Bear; will we go again
Me; do you want to
Bear; yes please mummy
Me; ohk then we will
Bear; goldair
Goldair; yes mr bear
Bear laughed, i laughed as well
Bear; have you talked to cerebos
Goldair; yes
Bear; why didnt you tell me this
Goldair; im sorry mr bear
Bear; ohk can we call him when we get home
Goldair; will do just that
Bear; ohk
I got home and prepared dinner, while they were on the phone with cerebos. I got a message from
marvin '' mr adams is bothering me with your numbers' i responded him 'dont give it to him'
I dished up for all off us
Me; *shouting* supper is ready
Bear; coming
I placed their dishes on the table including goldair. They came down
Blue; mummy
Me; hmm
Blue; i dont want this

Me; blue please eat
Blue; mummy!!!
Me; no baby , look at bear
She looked at bear and bear was shoving everything in
Blue; i want oats
Me; will have oats tomorrow morning ohk
Blue;,,,
Me; blue
Bear; mr boogeyman will come for you
Blue; no he wont
Bear; cerebos said if you dont eat, mr boogeyman will come for you
Blue; really mummy
Me; yes baby
She started eating. Goldair left, i didnt live with him figured he needed his own space but the guys in the
gate stayed there. Next morning was the usual prepare the twins and be busy with work. I had no
meeting so i was working from home and the twins i didnt get work done to be honest. I got a call from
a mr smith wanting to do business with me
Me; please do a background check on me for mr lary smith
Nhlanhla; mr lary smith
Nhlanhla was my IT guy he could access information off anyone and we worked together from the time i
was in Russia and funny enough we have never met
Me; yes how long will it take
Nhlanhla; give me an hour
Me; ohk
After an hour he called me back
Me; so
Nhlanhla; his clean, nothing legal about him.has been in trouble with the law a few times.
Me; what are you telling me
Nhlanhla; make money
I smiled
Me; il deposit your money
Nhlanhla; i need something
Me; what?
Nhlanhla; ...
Me; will you talk or not
Nhlanhla; a car
I laughed
Me; what are you getting at nhlanhla
Nhlanhla; come on miss cerebos
Me; what kind
Nhlanhla; golf
Me; boys and a golf
Nhlanhla; *laughing* so can i get one
Me; iv got your back boy. Il let you know
Nhlanhla; ohk
I hung up. I took my phone and called mr smith
Mr smith; miss cerebos
Me; when can we meet
Mr smith; today
Me; perfect lets meet at 5
Mr smith; ohk
I didnt want to bother my mum and it was already late with the twins. Ntokozo was happy to take them.
I dropped them off and went to this meeting. I sat down after few minutes he arrived
Mr smith; miss cerebos
Me; mr smith
we shook hands
Me; so what brings us here
Mr smith; well y...
Guy; thank you smith for doing this

I turned and it was lindo
Mr smith; pleasure man... Sorry for doing this but he needed you more
He got up and walked out. Lindo sat opposite me
Lindo; i need something strong for this
He ordered whiskey. I took a sip off my wine and just looked at him.
Lindo; what is this nkosazana ?
Me;...
Lindo; do you have any idea what you are involved in
I took another sip
Lindo; y...
Me; what are you doing here ?
Lindo; what am i doing here? Dont ask me that shit! More like what are you doing
Me : i dont have time for this
he held my hand across the table, squeezing the shit off it
Lindo; im going to tell you this once
Me;...
Lindo; stop what you doing
I removed his hand with my other hand
Me; what do you have to do with any business im involved in
Lindo; y...
I cut him off
Me; im sorry
He raised his eyebrow
Me'; listen i got closer to him. I know you hate me and pretty much i dont blame you
Lindo;...
Me; im sorry for the disruption i caused in your life and how things had to end between me and you
Lindo; is this some sort of joke
Me; no, i mean that. Im really sorry lindo
Lindo; fuck you !

Me; what?
Lindo; you a miserable bitch
Me;...
Lindo ; yo...
Me; lindo since you are so well uninformed let me school you. Let me take you back, remember when
you said your father liked me and you wanted me to go and have lunch with him. That lunch was more
off a meeting i was given a choice and off the choice i was given i chose money, mum a job, dad a job
and a house in joburg including my school fees which he only paid for a year rest of the two years i had a
scholarship
Lindo; what?
Me; yes i chose money
Lindo; you chose money over us
Me; thats where this whole thing is twisted, you going to think i choose money over us or love or
whatever you want to call what we had but the truth is, i chose money to save your life.
He raised his eyebrow
Me; lindo, i know this mkhize surname was natasha surname and you only used it in order to make it to
the top with this law firm cause you couldnt use Adam. I know you made a deal with natasha family that
you would marry her in exchange they sign over all the law firms to your name, which you backed away
from when i came along. Your father thought that was all bullshit cause if you didnt marry natasha all off
your hardwork and the things and benefits you brought for that law firm will be in vain, cause they
would have remained under the mkhize surname and not Adam. But what you didnt know is that,
natasha grandfather stephen was your father clients when your father was still in this business, they
were good friends in fact and he knew every shit about your father and how he passed the business to
you. He knew what your side business was. He used that against your father to take your father down,
should he betray him. By betray i mean , he signs over the law firms to you and then you back away
from the deal, if that happens they take you down with that information.
Lindo;...
Me; but i came along and i almost destroyed all off that, when i had lunch with your father, he told me
all off this in due time off course. Remember the offer you were going to give me about moving my
parents to joburg, i was going to take it and your father knew about it. He made a deal with me to break
it off with you just until natasha family signs over these law firms to you and he gets what natasha
grandfather has over him mostly you. What you were also unaware of, is that there was a hit out for you
for going against your word, your life was worth 500 000 any person could take you out and they could
get 500 000. i didnt know off this until 2 years back. I dont even think your father knew, but that hit
didnt go through. You know why
Lindo;...
Me; cause i broke up with you. Your father told me, he would take care off me the way you would have.
I didnt want to take it, i would have not taken it if your life was not in danger. So i broke up with you and
you went back to natasha, they pulled back on the hit. I had people following me making sure this was
not just fake that we were not pretending to have broken up, just so you can sign the contract. You got
married to her and you have 4 law firms under your name isnt that wonderful. Natasha grandfather died
* i laughed* lets just say it was not a stroke.
Lindo;...
Me; but then something happened that was not planned. I lose my brother and i leave south africa. To
late for your dad to reconcile us back together. So no lindo i did not choose money over love, i chose
money to save your life. I choose money for you to live the way you live, i chose money so you could
have the life you have today
Lindo; w...
I cut him off
Me; but you want to hear the plot twist off all off this... You denied me the opportunity to showcase
what i could change, i understand you were mad no more like angry but i never stole from you, i never
killed anyone off your family members, we were never married, i never cheated on you. we broke up
just like thousands of people break up in this world for no reason. But because of that you took away my
future, not my phone or something an angry ex would do. You denied me to have a future knowing very
well where i come from, how my family lives and you denied me that
He looked at me straight in the eyes. I smiled
Me; but again look at me im doing something that i never thought i would do but look at me im doing it.
I laughed and laid back on my chair
Me; why do you think your father takes every shit you say or do to him now, allowed you to marry Rea,
allowed you to be part off that business with those guys from Nigeria, cause he feels he owes you. He
feels bad
Lindo; ...
He was so confused and as if thinking about his father
Me; so what did you want me to do exactly. You made sure no company hires me so let me guess you
wanted to see me so low , you kicked me when i was already down. And you were thinking you were
going to bump into me , cleaning toilets or being wherever just not in a court room right
Lindo;...
Me; *laughing* but in fact, you met me surrounded by the most powerful men in a table and being the
only woman.
Lindo; nkosazana...
Me; i have to get going lindo

Lindo; lets stop this now, il withdraw everything
Me; nahhh we already in this business
Lindo; you dont know what you starting
Me; no, no , no you dont know who i am. Im not the girl i was 3 years ago and let me inform you, il put
this in the nicest way possible. Get the fuck out off my way and stay the fuck away from my clients
I packed up
Lindo; you messing with me
Me; now you see ! You want to play dirty and play cat and mouse. I dont have time for that so lets not
step into each others toes
Lindo; you starting something you wont end
I laughed and sat down again, i got closer to him
Me; it seems like the only person that wants to start something here is you lindo
Lindo; get out off this business
Me; well then its seems like this will be messy
Lindo;...
Me; want to play dirty , fine with me
I got up
Me; and stop wasting my time calling people in order to meet up with me. I have no business with you
I took my bag and walked out, goldair was smoking out off the car
Goldair; well that is the fastest meeting you have ever been in
Me; yeah more like shitty meeting
Goldair; what happened
Me; nothing important, i miss my kids
We drove to ntokozo place, she insisted we stay over for dinner so we did. Later we left, the twins were
already sleeping
INSERT 76
#Lindo
I couldn't believe what that girl just told me. I drove straight to my parents house, parked in the
driveway and walked in
Me: is it true
They both turned to the door, I walked to my dad.i was angry I held him with his top.
Me:*shouting* is it fucken true
My mum: Lindo stop it man
My dad; you come in my home and hold me with my clothes do I look like your fucken friend
Me: is it true
My dad: oh and I read minds right, yes it's true I love your mum, yes it's true I love you yes it's true I hate
rugby
My dad: what you talking about?
Me: nkosazana, the contract, Natasha family, the hit for me, that nkosazana saved my life is it fucken
true
My dad:...
My mum: what is he talking about?
Me:TALK!!
My dad: I did everything I did for you
Me: what the fuck is wrong with you? Are you crazy
My dad : you don't know anything
Me: I know everything, she told me everything
My dad: who?
ME: NKOSAZANA!!!
my dad: I thought
Me: you thought wrong, she's back and she's not the nkosazana we both know
My mum: what's going on? Where's nkosazana? What's wrong with her
Me: do you have any idea the mess you have done
My dad: mess IV done, it's all over now what you worried about
Me:*laughing* it's only the beginning, let me enlighten you. Nkosazana is miss cerebos
My dad: what??
Me: she is miss cerebos. You know who she was trained by
He got up and walked away
Me: cerebos, the Russian Mafia
My dad: what is this Lindo
Lindo:*shouting* this is a mess you have created not just for me but for all off us
My dad: it's not possible
Me: where the fuck do you think she was for 2 god damn years. Russia!!!
My dad:...
Me: you could have just told me the truth
He turned to me
My dad: tell you the truth. You wouldn't have handled the truth, I would have told you the truth if you
could handle it but you couldn't. You have never known how to think with your head you always
thinking with your heart
Me: I could have done something to stop this entire madness
My dad : well you didn't but that girl did. Fuck!
My mum: I'm not getting involved in this
She got up and went upstairs
Me: was the a hit for me
My dad:...
Me: she told me everything, what you did and what you did for her family
My dad: I did what was best, I did what I could to try and protect you, so don't stand there as if I'm in
the wrong for protecting my own son
Me: for what you did, you don't know what I did
He turned to my direction
My dad: what did you do ?
Me: I blacklisted her from every law firm
He covered his head
My dad: are you crazy? Just after she loses her brother
Me:...
My dad: you a fucken idiot

Me: fuck you! None off this would have happened if you just sticked your nose out off my business
My dad: she was broken, no job and she had just lost the one person he envied her brother. Cerebos
wants someone who does not have a heart to do this job and she was the perfect person
I looked at him
My dad: I have to talk to her
Me: no! You are going to stay away from all off this
My dad: do you understand...
Me: I said no, I'm going to deal with this. She does not want us nowhere around her, so stay the fuck
away
My dad:...
Me: you just messed up our lives
My dad: makes the two off us
I took my car keys and walked out
My mind, I wished I could take back everything that happened or wished she could have told me what
was going on. Why? Was the only question in my head, I was confused and scared. The mess that was
done and the shit that was going to happen...
After few more weeks, me ntokozo and the twins went out just us. I wanted to spoil all off us
Ntokozo; you really spoiling me anything i want
Me; anything you want
Ntokozo; *talking to blue* you hear that baby
Blue laughed. We were spoiling ntokozo today. We went to watch a movie and to my luck the twins
behaved, me and ntokozo went shoe shopping and we were both in love the twins were bored.
Blue; mummy i need the toilet
Me; let me pay here first baby
Ntokozo; no il take her
Me; ohk
Bear; can i go to
Ntokozo; yes baby come

They walked out off the shop
Lady; what are you paying with mam
Me; uhm make it card
Her; ohk
I took out my card
Me; d...
Girl; baby w...
I turned and my heart. I was not scared off who i was seeing but i was scared and hoping that ntokozo
does not walk in with the twins
Lady; thank you
I took my plastics and turned wanting to get out off that place
Girl; nkosazana
I turned
Me; hi reabetswe
Lindo looked at me
Rea; you look good
Me; so as you, i see the marriage life is treating you good
Rea; y...
I cut her off
Me; congratulations by the way, such a pity i was not even invited to the wedding
Rea; i dont think that would have been appropriate
I raised my eyebrow
Rea; you understand dont you
Me; i have to say you look good together
Rea; yeah we do
I laughed
Me; you couldnt wait till i ... * i paused*
I saw ntokozo and the twins
Rea; what?
Me; uhm y
They both looked at me, my eyes were on the entrance to my fortunate luck. Ntokozo looked up, looked
at me and the people next to me. Held the twins by the hands and walked the other way
Me; congratulations again you both deserve to be happy
I turned away and left. I looked for them everywhere until ntokozo called me
Me; oh my god
Ntokozo laughed
Me; you have no idea how scared i was
Ntokozo; you wont tell him vele
Me; no, he does not deserve to know
Ntokozo; lets go to another place or will feel crammed here
Me; yeah
We walked to the parking lot and just left. Lindo began playing all messy i mean real messy, he was after
everything i had. I had no intentions of fighting with lindo but he wanted a fight, he was playing with me,
busy with my clients to be honest i wanted him dead. Late at night, just after i put my kids to bed
Goldair; you sure you dont want me there
Me; just look after these two , il be ohk
Goldair; ohk
I took my car and drove to lindo estate. Being a girl is a really great advantage, i parked like 10 houses
from his and walked the opposite street from his house. I got to the house that was opposite his house ,
jumped the wall and jumped from one block to the other until i got to the roof. I was laying on top off
that roof, i settled in and took out my baby. I checked it out and i had a view off his bedroom sliding
door and the toilet only. With another window but must have been his office. There was no one in the
room so i had to chill there and it was not the best position around past 12, they walked in. I took my
sniper and it was in their bedroom direction. I had no intentions of killing either off them. I took a blank
shot and it was fun seeing them run around like headless chickens. Lindo took his gun and walked to his
sliding door. I decided to be petty, i took a hit and hit his shoulder, then packed up. He was going to live
was just teaching him a lesson. I walked back to my car and left. Goldair was sleeping so i just let him be.
Following morning same old same old. Had a meeting and went there
Me; i dont understand how y...
Lindo; you want a war with me
He was walking towards my table

Me; excuse the drama men
He turned my chair and i faced him, goldair walked up to me but i stopped him
Lindo; you want a war with me
Me; what you talking about
Lindo; you have the nerve to invade my home and start shooting
Me;....
Lindo; il give you what you want
Wells; man we having a meeting
Lindo; shut the fuck up
Me; you being rude
Lindo; seems like i need to show you who i am
I laughed
Me; yo...
He squeezed my face
Lindo; iv been treating you like a lady, you want to be treated like a man fine with me
He let go off my face and walked out. I fixed my face
Me; shall we continue
Them; you ohk
Me; yeah a small problem i can take care off
We carried on talking business...
The shit that was going on between me and lindo was real war, im talking about clients and his clients
were eating out off my paws . One morning i was going to drop off the twins at my parents house.
Goldair parked outside, they were actually sleeping over for the weekend. I got out off the car
Me; grab your bags
Blue; yes mummy
I opened the gate and knocked
Mum; come in
I walked in and oh my fucken god. This nigga has my parents tied to the chair with his goons pointing
guns in my parents face
Lindo; *smiling* welcome home
Mum; *crying* nkosazana
Me; really? You going to go this low
He stood up and walked towards my direction
Lindo; im tired off your shit
I looked behind me, the twins were on my mind
Dad; what do you want
Lindo turned to them
Lindo; daddy let me tell you something you dont know about your daughter
I took out my gun. He pointed his to my dad
Lindo; no, no, no dont even try it
My parents were so shocked to see me with a gun
Lindo; put it down
He pulled his slide back
Lindo; who should i start with mummy or daddy
Me; lindo please
He pointed it to my mum
Lindo you need to be taught a l...
Blue; mummy
Bear; is grandpa here
They both walked in....
INSERT 77
I picked blue up while bear held on to my leg. Lindo put his gun down and looked at the twins and back
at me. I looked at him
Bear; are those real guns?
Me; no baby they just toys

Bear; grandpa
He ran to him and jumped on him, my father couldnt even pick him up cause he was tied to the chair.
Lindo looked at him as if he was seeing his twin, but to be honest he was cause bear was lindo just a
younger version
Lindo; nk... Nk..
He couldnt speak
Lindo; put your guns down
His goons put their guns down. His eyes did not move from bear, even bear began looking at him
Bear; mummy who is this
Me; nobody baby, come here
Lindo; no come here
Daddy; boy go to your mum
Bear got off my dad and walked to me, blue just laid her head on my shoulder
Goldair; miss we need to ge*he paused*
And immediately took out his gun pointing it to lindo direction
Bear; goldair you have a gun
Me; put it away look at bear
He turned his direction to bear and put it away
Goldair; its just like yours
Bear; really
Goldair; yes
Goldair picked him up. Lindo walked towards us and looked at me
Lindo; these are my kids
Me;...
Lindo; *shouting* are these my god damn kids
Blue started crying
Me; im sorry baby shhhhhh... Lets talk just me and you
Lindo;...
Me; no guns nothing sort this mess out

Lindo; i have nothing to talk to you about
Goldair; why dont you leave
Lindo turned to him and he looked like he was ready for blood.
Lindo; you and these kids in the car now !
Goldair; not going to happen
Lindo turned to his boys, they walked up to us. One held my hand
Lindo; i was not asking you no matter of fact, i was not talking to you
Goldair; y...
I cut him off
Me; il be ohk
Lindo; lets go
He tried taking Bear
Me; dont you dare touch my child. I took him from goldair and held his hand. We walked out, i was
armed so i was not bothered. We walked two streets away from my house, he opened the door, i got in.
Each twin was sitting on one off my laps. He got in as well. Ta mo looked at me but i looked away
Blue; mummy im scared
Me; what did cerebos say
Blue; i should only be scared of the boogeyman and i should never be scared cause you are watching me
Me; and where am i right now
Blue; with me
Me; yes baby, dont be scared ohk... You too baby
Bear; im not scared
I looked at lindo and he was looking outside the window. I looked the other way as well. The car finally
stopped. Lindo got out off the car, so as ta mo
Lindo ; take the kids
Ta mo; ohk
Me; uhm excuse me and where the hell do you think you taking my kids
Lindo; dont piss me off than i already am
Me;...
Lindo; give them damn kids to him

Me; guys listen you will go with this man over here ohk
Blue; bu
Me; he will give you anything you want
Blue; no!
I looked at lindo
Lindo; dont piss me off
Me; you not the only one who can be pissed off cause trust me im pissed off too
Lindo
Me; baby please
They slowly got out off car, they walked with ta mo. Lindo got in the car and drove off. I took out my gun
while looking at him in the mirror. He finally stopped and turned to the back
Lindo: im going to kill you
He got out off the car and roughly opened my door but my gun was already pointing to his direction. I
got out off the car
Me; you are really pathetic
Lindo;...
Me; you know what fuck a gun
I placed it on top off the car
Lindo; those are my kids
Me; fuck you
He punched me. I laughed held my lower lip and i was bleeding
Me; well then lets.
I threw punches, he threw punches. We fought i dont mean girl or him feeling sorry for me, allowing me
to hit him. No i mean real fight, punching the shit out off each other, kicking the shit out off each other. I
was wearing a white shirt, so as him, we were both covered in blood. It didnt stop, it was as if we were
trying to kill each other. A car pulled over and i felt someone pull me away, i got away from their grip
and went for lindo. He was on the ground, i threw a few more punches
Me; *shouting* you ungrateful bitch
He flipped me over and hit the fuck out off me, this person moved lindo away. Lindo got out off his grip
and came for me. I tried to stand before he get to me but i couldnt. I kicked him and it went on again. I
just saw lindo slowly passout. They moved him from me. They helped me up, i looked up and it was
goldair. I looked at lindo and he was laying there on the ground, goldair hit him with the gun. I was so
exhausted i threw myself in the car
Me; my kids
Goldair; they safe, we need to get you cleaned
I couldnt even speak properly
Me; my kids
Goldair; i sent zwicker to take them, he has them they safe
Zwicker was one off my guys. I passed out there.
Blue & Bear; mummy
I slowly opened my eyes and i was in my bed. I held my face and i was covered
Bear; are you ohk
Me; yes
I got out off the bed and walked to the bathroom, i removed the shit that was on my face and fuck!
Lindo messed me up. I washed my face and went back to the twins. I made some fucked up story to
them and of course they would believe me. I sat in the lounge with goldair the twins were sleeping
Me; his going to come for them
Goldair;...
Me; ...
Goldair; we have to take them away
I looked at him
Goldair; you have to take them back to Russia
I just covered my face...
Me; *shouting* shitttt
INSERT 78
Me; no! Im not taking my kids to Russia. Im going to deal with this
Goldair; you sure

Me; yes im sure, go home
Goldair; im not comfortable leaving you alone
Me; im not alone
I showed him my gun. He laughed. I walked him out and walked back in. I sat on the hallway outside the
twins door, thinking off what i was going to do. I couldnt send them to my mum. I took my phone and
called cerebos
Cerebos; miss
Me; sir
Cerebos; whats wrong
Me; lindo knows about the twins
Cerebos;...
Me; his going to come for them
Cerebos; so? Are you scared of him
Me; no
Cerebos; then protect your cubs
Me; he came for my parents today, he was going to kill my mum if the twins didnt walk in
Cerebos; clearly he does not know who you are. Show him
Me; cerebos
Cerebos; make a move first but before plan everything. You know his weakest points and now you have
his two biggest weakness. Take the twins to him, let them share 2 or 1 sentence with each other then
you will have him eating out off your hands
Me; thank you
Cerebos; pleasure miss, go to bed now
I hung up and went to my room. I woke up and prepared breakfast for the two, they walked downstairs.
We sat outside our feet in the water, we ate our breakfast.
I took my phone and called lindo
Lindo; hello
Me; uhm hi
Lindo; nkosazana
Me; can you talk

Lindo;...
Me; more like can we meet
Lindo; where?
Me; could you come to my house
Lindo; im going to need the address
Me; il sms you the details
Lindo; ohk
I hung up. I sent everyone home including the guys at the gate. After 2 hours, the buzzer rang. I looked
at the twins and they were just chasing each other. I was still in a bikini, i buzzed him in. Then there was
a knock
Bear; i got it
He ran to the door and opened. Its like reality clicked in to lindo that the was someone that young that
looked just like him.
Bear; hi
Lindo; uhm hi
His face was fucked up. I did a pretty good job. Blue was in my hands. He walked in and looked around
Me; hi
Lindo; hi
I placed blue down
Me; would you like anything to drink
Lindo; no
Me; they want to swim , can we talk outside where i can watch them
Lindo; lead the way
I went outside. I took out blue shirt and she was wearing her bikini
Me; dont
Bear; play underwater
They walked to the pool
Me; thank you for coming
Lindo; ...
Me; listen...
He cut me off
Lindo; so for how long where you going to hide this from me
Me; to be honest as long as i could
Lindo; you b...
Me; could you stop calling me a bitch, iv never slept with your father or your brother for you to call me a
bitch
Lindo;...
Me; when i found out i was pregnant i was scared and didnt know what to do. I forced you to sleep with
me that day and to suddenly just step into your doorstep and say im pregnant that was not on. When i
couldnt find a job, i didnt know how i would have possibly fed the twins. Until this opportunity came
along. I didnt want to disrupt your life to be honest, you were married and stuff
Lindo; when did you give birth
Me; 12 january
Lindo; names
Me; girl blue, boy bear
I called them, they ran up to me and hugged me getting me wet
Me; i want you to meet someone ohk
Them; ohk
Me; this is lindo
They looked at him
Lindo; *smiling* hi
Blue; hi
Lindo; whats your name
Blue; im blue and this is my brother bear
Bear; i can speak for myself
Lindo laughed. Lindo picked blue up and they all had a conversation. I got up and left them. I thought
about what i was doing and i was not sure if it was a good idea. After an hour i was done making lunch. I
took it outside and they were all in the pool. Laughing and shouting, it was a great view to see, no lie.
For a second i pictured all off us as a family, we sure would be one beautiful family.
Me; i made lunch
Bear; i was getting hungry

I took him out off the water, covered him with the towel and dried him up. Then took blue out. I gave
lindo a towel and he got out off the water and dried himself up
Me; please eat and finish
Blue; yes mum
Me; i warmed up food for you from last night
Lindo; im good
He didnt even look at me. He put on his clothes
Lindo; i have to go guys
Bear; do you have to
Lindo; *smiling* yes boy but * he paused* i have to go
He kissed them both
Me; want me to walk you out
Lindo; im good
He took his things and walked out. Well that was a bit offish, he drove off...
After few weeks or so, never heard back from lindo. I just figured he was still trying to process all off
this. I had no meetings that day so i was home with my munchkins. That day was dedicated to them
meaning, no laptop or phone but i do what they want to do. Goldair was around and he was the one
organising my meetings for next week and stuff. After the prettiest make up from blue i had to model
Blue; *shouting & laughing* yes mummy, come
I held my waist and model for her. The sound of her laugh. You would swear lindo was the one laughing
Me; do i look like a princess
Blue; yes yes
Bear; an ugly princess
Blue; stop it bear
He took his tongue out
Me; baby that is not nice
Bear; im sorry mummy, its blue
Blue; you are mean and im going to tell lindo
Oh kay, i did not expect that!

Me; guy...
Woman; miss ndlovu
I turned and there was a woman with two police officers and goldair standing besides them
Me; uhm hi
Woman; hi im zanele from child welfare
Me; child welfare?
Woman; yes, im sorry to do this but we have come to take your childrenn to safety
I laughed
Me; what?
Woman; yes, we can either take them willingly or with force
Me; woah! Woah woah
It seemed like the makeup that blue applied was heavy on my face, i wiped my face with my top
Me; im confused whats going on
Woman; you are endangering your children lives and not being a responsible mother. Until you can
prove you are the best interest for these kids. The court has taken the decision to take your kids into
child care
She stepped towards me
Me; stay the fuck back
1 officer; mam dont make this hard
Me; *shouting* do i fucken look like im a danger to my kids
She walked up to me
Me; I SAID STEP THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY KIDS
Goldair; nkosazana
Me; SHUT THE FUCK UP
He stepped back
Me; get the fuck out off my house
Woman; we not taking your kids forever, book yourself in a rehab and a job
Me; you not taking my kids
The two officers came for me. They held both my hands. This woman held my kids by the hand they
both screamed for my name. I was shouting as if i was a crazy woman...
INSERT 79
I was just sitting in the couch
Goldair; will get them back
Me;...
Goldair; So they say you do drugs they have blood tests from your supposedly blood, the results contain
cocaine and some drugs. Pictures of you leaving the twins by themselves near the pool and pictures they
could have created of you in a club while twins home
I was just staring into the wall
Me; iv never done drugs in my life. Except for weed 3 years back... The twins can swim and i never leave
them alone unless im getting something inside the house a snack or towel... I dont even club
I turned to goldair direction
Goldair; blood of an addict was taken and was taken down as your name. Pictures easy to do nowadays
Me; i want my kids
Goldair; you know who is behind this
I got up walked upstairs. Took a shower, drank sleeping pills and slept
Woke up the next morning and headed to court just imagine. My kids were under supervision from a
certain family. I could only see them with an authority. I was to see them in two days, i couldnt sleep in
those 2 days...
#LINDO
Me; baby please eat
Blue; i want my mummy
Rea; im your mummy now
Blue looked at her
Bear; you not our mummy
Rea; yes i am
Bear threw his bowl on the floor
Bear; i said you not our mummy
Rea; this is my house and i wont tolerate this
Me; rea...
Rea; no lindo , if we dont discipline them they will keep disrespecting us like this
Me; you not going to hit my kids
Rea; i thought you said they ours, now they yours
Me; ...
Blue; bear wheres mummy
Bear threw everything on the counter on the floor
Bear; i want my mum
Rea; i wont stand for this
I just walked out.i could hear them crying from inside after a while i couldnt take it anymore, i walked in
Rea; eat your food or i will repeat you
I tried taking the bowl from blue to feed her
Rea; leave her, they spoiled too much laba
They were crying to such an extent that they were gasping and shaking
Me; blue
She didnt even look at me
Bear; ggjghvn
He started talking to blue but i didnt understand what language they were speaking, blue responded
him back with the very same language. In between they conversation, i had cerebos
Me; blue bear
They both turned to my direction and looked at me, not saying anything
Me; what are you speaking ?
They turned away, holding hands and walked out off the kitchen. I went to rea
Me; you will never ever place your hands on MY kids do you understand me
Rea; l...
Me; i mean that rea, never ever touch my kids
I took my car keys and walked to the twins
Me; lets go buy ice cream
They walked, they got in the car. We bought that ice cream and went to my parents house.
I parked in the driveway
Blue; we here to see mummy
Me; not exactly baby
We all got out and walked inside. I knocked but i let myself in
Me; ma
Ma; im here baby
We walked to the lounge and she immediately stood up . I smiled, i had told my mum about blue and
bear and she could not wait to meet them
My mum; hey babies
They stepped back. I got them closer to my mum
My mum; hi im grandma
Blue; grandma
My mum; yes
Bear; we have a lot of grandma
My mum laughed
Bear; and im one off your grandma`s
Them;....
Me; say hi
Blue; hi grandma
My mum; *smiling* hi sweety and whats your name ?
Blue; blue
My mum; and you baby
Bear; im bear
My mum; oh my god come here
They walked up to her and hugged her

My mum; i never thought another lindo would be born
I laughed
My dad; is this who i think it is
They lifted their heads up, my dad walked downstairs
My dad; hi beautiful
Blue; *laughing* im blue
My dad; blue you should have been beautiful
She laughed
My dad; and you big man
Bear; im bear
My dad; are you as strong as a bear
Bear; yes *showing his muscles*
My dad; even stronger than a bear
They both laughed. My dad picked up blue
Me; i thought we should come and see you
My dad ; they look so much like you
Me; tell me about it, i couldnt deny them even if i wanted to
Mummy; yeah
We stayed there for a while and they ate there, to prevent conflict with rea. Then took them home..
Following morning, rea prepared the twins. I was sitting outside, my hands were shaking. I tried holding
them but it didnt help
Rea; babe they here
I could hear my heart. I walked inside, the twins were playing on the floor together. The was a knock
Rea; come in
The door opened and zanele walked in with one officer then nkosazana. She was a freaken mess. She
lifted her head up and looked at me and rea. She was hungry, she looked hungry not for food but blood.
Her eyes, had no life or soul in them, she looked like a dead person walking, she stared at me, i had to
look away. I went to the kitchen and drank water and went back
Blue; *screaming* mummy!!!

Bear; *screaming* mummy
Bear started talking the language they were talking together with blue. She immediately got up and
went for rea, i dont know what happened. I just saw rea head against the counter. The social worker
tried to stop her. I pulled her away from rea
Nkosazala *shouting* if you ever i mean ever touch my kids again *she paused* ask your husband... Let
go off me
I let go off her
Nkosazana; can i have space with my kids
Zanele; lindo give her some space
Me and rea walked out
Rea; how could you allow her to do that to me
Me; i dont have time for your whining right now
After a while i couldnt stand out there any longer
Me; time is up
They were still talking this language i think it was russin
Me; how can you allow her to speak a language we all dont understand
Rea; what language is even this? Stop this
Zanele; mam
She carried on talking as if we were not there. I dont know why but i was getting pissed that she was
saying something we all could not understand. I walked to her and held her top. She was on her knees.
She lifted her head up
Me; speak english
She looked at me. There was something about this girls eyes that scared the shit out off me . I let go off
her, she didnt move her eyes from me
Me; *shouting* dont fucken look at me
She didnt move her eyes, she looked at me then turned to the twins...
#NKOSAZANA
Lindo; time is over
Me; il see you again ohk
Blue; i want to go with you

Me; i know baby but il be back ohk
They both started crying
Bear; i dont want to stay here
I held my tears back and covered my self. They rubbed my back
Blue; mummy please
Bear; mummy please
Blue; i promise il eat my food from now on
Bear; and il never say ugly princess again
Them; please dont leave us
I dont know where i got the courage to lift up my head. I kissed them both and stood up. They held on to
my legs, lindo and rea came and pulled them from me. I walked to the door and turned to look at them
then walked out...
#LINDO
I could not understand anything the twins said after nkosazana left, they just spoke russian throughout
the whole time. My mum was in love with them, i thought maybe if i took them to my mum they would
talk. We got to my parents house and we walked in
My mum; Hi babies
Boom! They spoke russian
My mum; huh
Me; after nkosazana they havent spoken english
My dad started talking this language as well. It went on for a while
My dad; how did you take these kids from nkosazana
Me;....
My dad; lindo
Me; i told child welfare she does drugs and sent some fake results of her blood
My mum; lindo!!! How can you do that to a mother. You took this kids nge force
My dad stood up
My dad; you such an idiot. Do you know what you have just started
Me;
My dad; *shouting* Lindo this is not a fucken game, this may seem as a game to you but its not. We
talking about people lives, our lives. Fuck !!! You were not ready for this
Me; i can take care of nkosazana
My dad ; *shouting* Do you know who cerebos is? Even i dont mess with the Russian Mafia. That girl
knows everything she needs to know to get ahead in life, she was fucken trained by cerebos meaning
she is even better than cerebos, way better than him and you took her kids away from her. Are you
stupid
My mum; baba maybe you blowing this out off proportion
My dad; that girl will come for him and us, do you even know that. Fuck lindo man
Me; you behaving like you scared of nkosazana
My dadl *shouting* that because i am dont you get that, that girl has nothing to live for. She is broken
and she is not the nkosazana you know and you have taken the only thing that makes her still have a
heart, her god damn kids
Me; they also my kids
My dad; *shouting* why the fuck did you not sit down with her and talk to her about being part off your
kids life. Before doing all this madness, did you even once ask her to be part of your kids life, did you?
Me;...
My dad; or you just took them away before you even had a decent conversation with her
Me; i thought she would deny me that
My dad; well let me enlighten you, your thoughts have just digged a grave for all off us
Me; dad!
He quickly turned
My dad; iv always told you this, think with your head and not with your heart but you keep thinking with
your heart
Me; so where you going ?
My dad; im trying to spare my life and your mothers, im going to talk to this girl
Me; dad come on
My dad; she is going to kill you, or even better kill us in front of your eyes then kill you...
My mum; lindo what have you done?
I looked at the twins and they seemed so unbothered

Insert 80
#lindo dad
Lindo gave me the address, we drove there. His driver drived me there. We parked at the gate, the walls
off this house, one man walked up to the car
I rolled my window down
Him: who are you? And what do you want
Me: uhm Im here to see miss cerebos
Him: who are you and what do you want
Me: Andre and I want to talk to miss cerebos
He pressed the buzzer next to the gate
Woman: hello
Guy: mam the...
I cut him off
Me: rather say Turner
Guy: I don't have time to play around
Me' say Turner
Guy: a Turner is here to talk to you
Woman: IL be right out
I sat inside, she walked down the drive way, holding 556 tactical,I know a good gun when I see one. they
opened the gate and she walked to the car, opened the door and got in.we were both sitting at the
back. She looked like me when I was still in this game
Nkosazana: Mr Turner
Me: miss cerebos
Nkosazana: it's such a pleasure seeing you again only this time, I address you differently
Me: that goes both ways
Nkosazana: so what brings you to my home
Me: I was hoping we could talk
She faced the gun to the car roof
Nkosazana: I just got this baby

Me: she's a beauty 556
Nkosazana: tactical
She smiled and turned to me
Nkosazana: you know your shit
Me: yeah it was hard to find back then
Nkosazana: shipped from the us
Me:, they create some beauties
Nkosazana: I know ey, I'm their biggest customer
Me: can we talk
Nkosazana: about what
Me: can we talk inside
Nkosazana: *shouting * open the gate
They opened the gate, we drove in. She got out off the car, I followed her
Nkosazana: I'm a wine person, so I don't know what you would like
Me: do you have whiskey
Nkosazana: yeah
She poured drinks for us, I took my glass and we headed to the lounge. The entire lounge it was steel, I
mean rifles, AR MAGS...
Me: you going to war
She turned to look at me and bit her lower lip
Nkosazana: you just never know who to kill next, you would know this
Me:...
I sat down and she sat opposite me
Nkosazana:excuse me let me finish this call
Her laptop was facing her
She spoke in Russian but I knew Russian
Nkosazana: IL talk to you later
Man: who is that?
Nkosazana: the man who will soon be grieving

Man: nkosazana
Nkosazana: please IL talk to you later
She closed her laptop and smiled
Nkosazana: Mr Turner
Me: can we talk
Nkosazana: I did let you in, so we can talk
Me: I know about you and Lindo
Nkosazana: what do you know?
Me: I know everything
She laid back
Me: listen my son *I breathed out loudly* he can take idiotic decisions, take decisions without thinking
and before thinking about the consequences
She raised her eyebrows
Me: I met my grandkids, they look so much like Lindo
Her:...
Me: I know what he did, lying and saying you do drugs in order to keep you away from your kids. I was
not aware of that and the first time he came to my home with the twins, he didn't mention anything like
that
Her: what are you here for Mr Turner
Me: I know he messed up maybe even dug his own grave but I'm coming to you as a father not Turner, a
parent
Me: let's talk all off us don't make any drastic decisions
Her: you mean don't kill your son
Me:...
Her: you know I tried acting like a civilised person in all off this.i brought your son to my home and
introduced him to my let me say our kids and I was going to have an arrangement with him cause I know
the shit that's going on has nothing to do with the twins. Bear needs a father you know his a boy. he
spent the whole day here, I let them be did not interrupt him with his kids and at the end off the day. I
thought he would be man enough and talk to me about seeing the twins again but he didn't but he was
actually plotting to take my children away from me. H...
Me: he panicked
Her: panicked?
Me: you kept his kids away for 2 years
Her: was I in South Africa two years back
Me: that's no excuse
Her: fuck excuses
Me: nkosazana come on, we all grown here
Her: yeah we are but your son still needs to grow or maybe you need to do a better job
Me: now...
Her: now what? I'm pushing it. Your son allowed his bitch to hit my kids Mr Turner, IV never laid my
hands on my kids but that bitch you call your daughter in law hit my kids. My kids
She got closer to me
Her: and you want me to listen to your bullshit asking me to spare your son's life. While that bitch was
hitting my kids, your son was looking and yet he wants to shout to child welfare that those kids are his
Me: I did not know that
Her:*shouting* of course you did not know
I took a sip off the whiskey
Her: he came for my family and now I'm going to come for all of you, from your lil princess what's her
name again Paris
I looked at her
Me: now...
Her: he involved people that had nothing to do with all off this and now I'm going to involve people he
cares about that had nothing to do with this
Me: now that's my daughter
Her: your son invaded my family home and pointed a gun to my parents face
Me: what?
Her:*laughing* he wants war and I shall give it to him
She got up
Me: nkosazana listen
She turned to my direction
Me: let's end this between me and you. Now once and for all
She sat down again
Her:...
Me: what you want ?
Her: I want your son's blood
Me: that's impossible, we talking about my son here. My family, tables may rather turn if you coming for
my family
Her: Turner like I said IV got great respect for you and your name But I am going...
Woman: hello
We both turned to the door and my wife walked in,I got up and walked to her
Me: what you doing here,who brought you here
Nkosazana:*laughing* what is this now?
His guys: mam she insisted on coming in
Nkosazana: it's ohk
Me:you shouldn't be here
My wife: I'm here to talk to her
Nkosazana: shit
I helped her to sit down. Nkosazana sat opposite us
Nkosazana: so this is like some family shit
My wife: give us some space
Me: a...
Her: please
I got up and walked away...
#NKOSAZANA
Her: nkosazana
Me: ma Ngwenya
Her: you know my maiden name
I bowed
Her: how are you girl?

Me: I'm living
I took a sip off my wine
Her: how?
Me: huh
Lindo mum: when I found out about what my husband does. I couldn't stand him, I wanted nothing to
do with me and till this day I don't like what he does. So how does a girl like you end up in a world my
husband and now my son is involved in. The girl I met for the first time in my would not possibly do this
Me: that's because the girl you met, died mam
Lindo mum:...
Me: a half of me died when I was 12 the remaining half was buried the day my brother was buried. I'm
not the girl you met because the girl you met is dead
Lindo mum: nkosazana
Me: I still call out for my name, still talk and all the other things but the soul, the soul is not there. I live
for my kids and not for myself, I still have that lil piece that is still pumping a bit off sympathy because of
my kids. But your son took that away and now it's just the nkosazana that was created to have no sort of
emotion and care in the world, so that's how mam
Her: I'm sorry baby
Me: what you sorry for?
Her: everything, your brother. I know how it feels to lose someone you love but this, this girl your
brother...
Me: now you see you going to come into my home and you going to talk about my brother, you don't
know shit about my brother, so do me and yourself a favour and don't mention my brother and about
what you were going to say. My brother does not know this girl or whatever bullshit you were going to
say. You right my brother does not know this girl and pretty much he does not give a shit about this girl,
you know why cause he does not know this girl. in fact his probably resting in peace cause her sister is
laying right besides her.
Her:...
Me: so I don't know what I can help you with mam
Her: you love Lindo
I laughed
Me: you know what let me be real with you. I do love your son
Her: then why you doing this ?
Me: you don't get it do you, this is no longer love

Her: then let it be love
Me: not every love story will turn out the way The way yours and Mr Adams turned out, some love
stories will turn out like Romeo and Juliet while others will turn out like mine and Lindos, meaning one
off us must die
Her: nkosazana, you can stop this
Me: your son had the power to stop this but guess what he did with it. He took my kids and declared a
war with me
Her: y...
Me: Mrs Adams I'd like to go back and forth with you but time is not on my side. I need to get going
I stood up
Her: will you kill him?
Me: not just him, your family has brought so much hurt to my family. My parents are not speaking to me
cause off your son
Her: n...
Me: so no I won't just kill him, I plan to kill all off you...
Insert 81
After two days, just on my way out. Cops blocked my way. One man walked out walking to the car. He
knocked on the car window, goldair rolled the window down
Goldair: sir
Officer: I'm here for Miss Ndlovu or cerebos
He looked at the back and opened the door at the back
Officer: miss Ndlovu
Me: yes, how may I be off any assistance
Officer: I need you to come down with me to the station
Me: ohk
I took my phone and left everything off mine in the car. I walked out and walked to the car, they came
with got in and it drove off. Got to the station and walked in. Walked to this room and sat down. After
few minutes some guy walked in
Him: afternoon miss, I'm detective Shabangu
Me: ohk what am I here for
Him: a case has been opened against you
Me: ohk for?
Him: you being a threat to the society
Me: what does that even mean
Him: it means you a danger to society and someone has laid a complaint against you
Me : what kind of threat
Him: threaten to commit a crime
Me: which crime
Him: murder
I laughed
Me: so how long will I be here
Him: I have some questions for you
He asked those damn questions and they kept me there for like 3 hours, goldair showed up and I left.
Goldair: the Adams
Me: I know, it's ma Ngwenya
Goldair: IV already cancelled your meeting
Me: ohk drop me off at Northcliff
Goldair: for?
Me: why do you ask a lot ?
Goldair: ohk
He dropped me off there, at the security complex
Him: who are you here for
Me: miss Paris
Him: hold on... A miss
Me: Ndlovu
Him: Ndlovu is here for you... What bring you here
Me: talk to her about her brother Lindo

Him: about your brother Lindo... Ohk
Him: you may go in. Block e
Me: thank you
Goldair drove in. She was ready standing outside waiting for me.i got out off the car and walked in
Me:*smiling* Paris
Her: yes
Me: nice meeting you, nkosazana
Her: nice meeting you too
Me: can we sit down and talk
Her: yes please
We walked in and there was no one
Me: there's no one here
Her: yes
Me: your brother is the reason I'm here
Her: yes you said something ab..*she paused*
She paused because I took out my gun
Me: I don't like running and I don't like fighting but I don't mind pulling the trigger so do make things
easy for me please
Her: ...
Me: me and you are going to go now
Her:...
She got up, we walked out to the car and got in
Me:goldair this is Paris, Lindo sister
Goldair: hi
Paris:...
I laughed
Me: want to text someone
She shook her head
Me: well ohk

#Lindo
woke up yet another day and went to the office only to bump into my dad.
Me: dad... What you doing here ?
Dad: Paris and Sanele haven't been home for 2 days
Me: what?
Dad: I thought she was bluffing
He was staring into the wall
Dad: guess she was not, if anything and I mean anything happens to my kids you*he paused* you better
pray they are ohk
He got up and walked away. I sat there for a few minutes and walked out.
Ta mo: you have a meeting
Me:drive to nkosazana place
He drove there but her goons didn't let me in. I was fighting with them for over an hour until a car stood
behind mines. I walked to it and opened the back. I held her top and pulled her out off the car, her
driver got out pointing a gun at me and his goons
Me: where is my sister and my brother
Me:*shouting* where are they?
Nkosazana: I'm tired and Id like to go to bed
Me: if anything and I mean anything happens to them
Nkosazana: you will do what?
Me: im going to kill you
She reached for her back and took out a gun
Nkosazana: here I'm sure you will be doing everyone a huge favour... Take it
Nkosazana: ohk let's do this... Everyone put their guns down including you goldair
She turned to him
Nkosazana:*shouting* put it down
He slowly lowered his gun
Nkosazana: now can you take it and pull the trigger... Here I mean it, no tricks
I looked at her
Nkosazana: will you or
Me: you doing this cause you know I can't kill you right
Nkosazana: why wouldn't you, I'm giving you a loaded gun, so why wouldn't you be able to kill me
Me: cause I love you
She smiled
Nkosazana: you love me
Me: where is my sister and my brother
Nkosazana: do you really love me ?
Me: nkosazana
Nkosazana:*shouting* I don't know geez
She opened the door and got in, I walked back to the car and got in. Me and ta mo left...
#nkosazana
After a few more days, haven't seen my kids in weeks. Did the usual and went to bed... All of a sudden I
couldn't breath, I opened my eyes and there were two man standing besides my bed, I tried reaching for
my gun under my pillow but I was losing all my strength, I pulled the trigger then passed out...
Insert 82
Woke up and my head was feeling kind of heavy, was tied to a chair. I slowly lifted up my head
Guy1: does it hurt
Guy 2: IL be ohk, as long as the bullets out, I just need to prevent losing a lot of blood
I lifted up my head
Guy 1: she's up
They walked up to me and I laughed
Lindo dad: good morning

My vision was still not clear. I shook my head and they splashed me with water. I looked up and it was
just them two, I had shot Lindo cause he was not wearing a top and he had a bandage over his shoulder.
My eyes were on him when I felt this pain
Lindo dad: where are my kids ?
I spit out the blood and turned to him. He threw another punch and another and another and another. I
could only taste and smell blood.
Me:*laughing* really turner, you hit like a bitch
It went on for a while, I could no longer feel my head. I had fell on the ground. I slowly opened my eyes
and looked at Lindo, he felt pain I could see it in his eyes
Lindo dad: pick her up
He did just that, I could feel blood coming out everywhere
Lindo dad: where are my kids
Me: f... F... F.. Fu.. Fu...
Lindo threw a punch. When Lindo was tired his dad continued, when he was tired Lindo carried on. I was
dehydrated and Sooo tired . They left me there, I passed out on the chair. was woken up by water. I felt
like I was drowning
Lindo: wakey wakey sleepy head
I slowly opened my eyes. They were standing there together. I laughed
Me: back to continue the job
Lindo dad: where are my kids?
Me: which kids of yours
He punched me
Me:*shouting* fuckkkk
Lindo dad: got jewelled up
He showed me his hands and they had rings
Lindo dad: where are my kids
Me:...
Lindo dad: where are my kids ?
Me:...
Yesterday shit continued, I passed out, was woken up by cold water. I opened my eyes and I was in some
sort of shower naked. I tried standing up but I couldnt. At least the blood smell they were getting rid off.
After few minutes, Lindo came and dragged me out off the shower. He threw me on the ground and I
was still naked.
Me: can you dress me up
Lindo walked up to me with a baseball bat
Lindo: I didn't want to do this
Me:...
Lindo dad: nkosazana where are my kids
Me: fine
Lindo stepped back
Me: the cemetery
Lindo dad : what?
I laughed. He threw the bat, I held it. He pulled it, I pushed it to him where he got shot. he let it go, I
turned with it to Lindo dad and threw it at him, when I was about to hit him again. I felt this pain on my
head... Then I was out
#lindo
Dad: I can't with this girl
Lindo:
Dad: Lindo
I turned to him
Dad: she does deserve this
Lindo: she's the mother of my kids
Dad: ...
Lindo: would you be able to do this if it was mum
Dad:...
Lindo: exactly
Dad: so what do you suggest we do
Lindo: there's nothing we can do, but I was just saying that she's the mother off my kids
Dad: and she's ready to kill you

Lindo: she would never kill me, dont you get that. She may be a killer like Al off us but she still has a
heart and I know ohk, I know she would never kill me
Dad:...
The rest of the drive was silent. I went to pick up the twins and went back home
Bear: dad when can we see mum
Me:...
Blue: I want to show her what grandma bought me
Me: will call her ohk
Bear: I want to see her
Me: I know bear but IL make sure you see her ohk
Bear: ohk
He looked outside the window, we got home and I put them to bed. I couldn't even sleep that day
thinking about everything. Woke up the next morning with the twins, bear didn't even want to eat. He
was a mama's boy so you would imagine what he was going through not seeing his mother . I left with
the twins, got to my parents house
They ran inside, my dad walked out and got in
Dad: you ohk today
Me: yeah
We arrived at the warehouse. I walked to where she was but she was not there
Me: dad!
Dad: hmm.
Me: she's not here
Dad: what?
He walked in
Me: she was here right
Dad: fuck !
Me: she's gone isn't she and
Dad: we need to go home now
We went back to the car and left...

Insert 83
#lindo
We went back home and we just sat there, thinking about everything.
Dad: so how will this turn out
Me: don't you even ask me that
Dad: maybe you should give her, her kids back
Me: if I do that, she is going to punish me and we never going to see the twins ever again
Dad:...
Me: there is nothing we can do, we just have to wait for her next move
Dad: we can't just sit around and wait for her to move, what if it's a hit
Me: what do you suggest we do dad, torture her till death then cerebos will come for us
Dad: just go home
Me: where are the twins
Dad: leave the twins here tonight
Me: dad
Dad: please Lindo
Me: tomorrow morning, IL be here
Dad: fine with me
I took my car keys and left.the times was around 9pm, I spent my whole day there. I parked in the
garage and opened the door. There were blood stains on the tiles, I threw my keys on the counter and
rushed to the other room. I stopped and looked at her. Rea was on the floor, covered in blood actually in
a pool off blood, nkosazana standing besides her leaning with the couch. She lifted her head up and
looked at me
Me: what have you done ?
I tried walking up to Rea, she wasn't even moving
Nkosazana: stand just there, don't even come close.

The only thing that was on my mind was, what the fuck was this girl made off, just yesterday she
couldn't stand up but today... Well her face was fucked...
She covered her face, with the gun on her head
Nkosazana: you hurt me
She sounded as if, she was crying. I stepped in front but she pointed the gun in my direction still looking
on the floor, she lifted her head up and her eyes were so red
Me: nkosazana
She moved Rea with her leg, she didn't move
Nkosazana: maybe she's dead
Me: let me help her
She reached for something on the couch and it was my baseball bat
Nkosazana: you want to help her but you didn't help me *she laughed *
Me: nkosazana
She jumped rea, one hand was a gun the other baseball bat
Nkosazana: how do you want us to do this
Me: I don't want to fight you
Nkosazana: well one off us must not be able to leave this house
Me: you already hurt
I lost my balance and held on to the wall. I looked at my leg and blood was just coming out. I looked up
to her
Me: you shot me
Nkosazana: why you surprised, you won't die
I ripped my top and wrapped a piece of it around my leg. I lifted up my head and she was right in my
face. She pressed her thumb where she shot me
Me:*shouting* that fucken hurts
She laughed
Nkosazana: she's no use to me like that. Tell me when she healed
She passed me and left. I tried waking up Rea but nothing. I took her and drove to the nearest hospital. I
sat there for hours till the next morning . The dr walked up to me and told me a whole lot off things but
the most important was that she was going to be fine, they took care of my leg as well. Next day went to
check up on her,she was awake and eating with a cop besides her talking.
Me: afternoon
Cop: yes sir
Rea:...
I looked at her. I told her so nicely not to involve cops
Me: what brings you here
Cop: well your wife has opened a case of attempted murder
Me: against who?
Rea: can you come back later
Cop: ohk
He walked out. I looked at her
Rea: I can't let this go and let this girl freely roam the streets when she almost killed me
Me: I told you not to involve the cops
Rea: b...
Me: you will tell whatever bullshit, you have to say to him and drop everything you understand me
Rea:...
I left the room
After few days there was still nothing from my siblings. I was in my office when I received a call
Me: hello
My mum: come here now then she hung up
I rushed to my parents house, parked in the driveway and ran inside
Me:*shouting * mum!!
Nkosazana: surprise!! *Laughing*
There was my older brother, my sister, my brother, , my mum, my dad and Rea all tied to chairs with
tape over their mouth
Nkosazana: surprise this is, isn't it
She was holding a gun 556 tactical and a desert eagle on her waist
Me: sit down

She pulled a chair in front. I walked to it and sat down. She made me face my family
Nkosazana: so this is the entire Adams family right
Me:...
Nkosazana: wow you actually quiet , you never quiet
Nkosazana: you better sit there and listen to me I don't have time to be tying you to a chair
She walked to my family, she was behind them
Nkosazana: you owe them an apology don't you think, they are here because of you
Me:...
Nkosazana: your brother wife, such a pity and his kids. Lindo that's all on you
Me: don't do this
Nkosazana:*laughing* don't do this ! You don't want me to do this, you should have thought off that
before all the bullshit you put me through. She was behind my mother and whispered in her ear
Nkosazana: I'm so sorry Mrs Adams, I'm really sorry cause you the sweetest woman and mother ever.
I'm sorry you had to be involved in this
She walked to my brother and Paris and wrapped her arms around them
Nkosazana: I'm also sorry to you two, cause you were not involved in this mess but your brother, and
your father most especially your brother got you involved in this. Paris I'm really sorry you don't deserve
this so as you sanele. I'm really sorry again also okuhle pshhh your brother is an idiot so I'm sorry to you
as well
SHe walked to me and stood behind me
Nkosazana: I wouldn't have involved either of you, if he didn't involve people that were not involved in
this fight of ours, he started off with my parents then my kids
Me:...
Nkosazana : and this bitch *pointing at Rea with the gun* this bitch had the nerve to hit my kids
She walked up to her
Nkosazana: you know I did not care about you marrying lindo, I even congratulated you but you wanted
my attention didnt you, you just had to lay your filthy hands on my kids
She spit on her
Nkosazana: you going to die
Me:..
Nkosazana: another one to blame for this mess is the man of the house
She stood behind him
Nkosazana: if it wasn't for that damn Contract we wouldn't be here, no actually he *pointing the gun at
me* would have been dead. But it is your fault in a way, I'm not sure how but you are the biggest cause
of this mess.
Me:...
Nkosazana: and finally
She walked up to me
Nkosazana: if you had just talked to me like civil people, like adults we wouldnt be here, if you had not
acted like a lil bitch in blacklisting me we wouldn't be here
Nkosazana: sad hey
She stood behind me
Nkosazana: don't worry, I'm not putting the blame on just these two. I'm also to blame for half off the
things that happened.
She whispered to my ear
Nkosazana: why You had to marry that bitch huh
Me: nkosazana
Nkosazana: no don't say anything sweety, dont..
Me: ...
Nkosazana: I don't plan to tell the twins some bullshit story, so when they turn 18. I'm going to tell them
about this day, they will probably hate me for killing their grandparents, aunt and uncle's and their
father but IL make them understand why I had to do it
Rea kept trying to talk,she walked up to her and removed the tape and walked behind me again
Rea: you are crazy! Why don't you accept that Lindo loves me and not you
I just heard this loud scream and everyone screaming through the tape
Nkosazana: still stupid
She began bleeding, she shot her on her shoulder. She was already fucked up
Rea: oh my god it hurts! Il
Nkosazana: shut her up
One off the guys there placed back the tape
Me: nkosazana you will be taken in

Nkosazana: don't be an idiot, IV got all off this figured out. in fact it will look like you killed your family
but then you will be dead to
Nkosazana: so who should we start with first
Me:pl...
Nkosazana: shhhh ohk since you want to talk to much about something irrelevant will start with the wife
Me: nkosazana please I'm begging you
Someone: nkosazana put the gun down
We both turned to the door. An old white guy walked in
Him: put the gun down baby
She lowered her hand
Him: give it to me
She gave it to him. Then kissed her cheek
Him: you look beautiful... Oh my god the Adams family. Mr Adams
He said that untying him and removing the tape
He stretched his hand out
My dad: Mr cerebos
Man: pleasure meeting you
My dad: likewise
He turned to my direction
Man: and this is your son... You have been giving my daughter a headache
Me:...
Man: I should be putting this here and pulling the trigger
He said that placing the gun on my forehead
Man: but I'm feeling happy to see my princess this beautiful so I'll spare your life
He walked passed me, I stood up with my dad next to me.
Man: I would have loved to see you kill each and one off them but I know you doing this out off rage and
I don't want you to regret this tomorrow morning
Nkosazana:...
Man: let's go
He touched her waist and they walked out. He stopped at the door and turned
Man: Mr Turner teach your son how to treat a lady he clearly does not have a clue ...
#Cerebos
Goldair told me what was happening and I took the first plane out. We got inside the car
Me: are you ohk?
Nkosazana:...
Me: you coming to Russia with me
She turned to me
Nkosazana: what?
Me: yes and the twins are staying with that Adams boy
Nkosazana: you can't do this to me
Me: I'm doing this for you, I'm trying to protect you and not from the Adams but from yourself
Nkosazana:...
Me: we leave tomorrow IV sent Zwicker to pick up the twins you will say goodbye then we leave
Nkosazana...
Me: I'm a fan of many love stories but yours and that boy, I'm not sure I can handle it...
We got to her house and slept next morning she said goodbye to the twins, I was going to meet her at
the airport since I was still going to drop off the twins.they opened the gate for me and they walked out.
This boy walked out
Him: tha...
Me: don't even fucken say it, I don't like you and I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing this for those two
kids and that princess. If it was up to me I would fucken kill you right now
Him:...
Me: she will be back and when she's back, you will not deny her the chance to be with her kids, your
bitch ass wife will keep her hands very far from those kids. They will talk to their mother each and every
day, with video call so don't you even dare deny them that..
I went back to my car and drove back to the airport...

Insert 84
It's already been two month, the twins had adjusted well with me and I was glad, it was no more Lindo
but dad and you would understand how I felt...
I dropped off my kids when I go to work to my mother's place and pick them up when I go home. We
were on our way home
Bear: daddy can I call mummy when we get home
Me: yes boy... You ohk blue blue
She nodded her head. We arrived home and I parked on the driveway, bear walked out and I helped
blue out. I picked her up
Me: what's wrong
She looked at me with those eyes and pouty lips
Blue: I miss mummy
I kissed her forehead
Me: I miss her too baby
She wrapped her arms around my neck and we walked in, I had someone who helped me around the
house mam Gloria she was heaven sent, I could leave her behind with the twins but I'd preferred leaving
them with my mum. Blue was still in my arms
Me: hi ma
Blue: hi ma
Mam Gloria: hi Mr and miss Adams
Blue laughed. And no she was not officially miss Adams we were still in that process but they gave me
permission. We walked to the lounge and Rea was watching TV
Me: hey
Rea: hey baby
Me: let me put the twins to bed
I walked upstairs and headed to blue room
Me: you don't want to talk to mummy today
Blue: I do
I checked the time, the part of Russia nkosazana was at was two hours ahead than south African time.
Me: let's hope she's up
I took my phone and it rang twice on the third she answered
Nkosazana: hello
Blue:, mummy
Nkosazana: hi baby
Blue:I miss you *she got teary*
Nkosazana:...
Blue: mummy
Nkosazana: I miss you too...
Bear passed the room, looking at our direction but hiding something. I got up and followed him to his
room, he even closed the door I opened. he quickly turned
Bear: dad
Me: what do you have there boy
Bear: nothing
I raised my eyebrow while walking towards him. He stepped back
Bear: fine
He showed me, it was a plate with a chocolate cake. I looked at him
Me: bear you ate a full course meal with dessert in less than an hour. Don't you get full
Bear: but dad it's chocolate
Me: and who gave it to you?
Bear:...
Me:...
Bear: ma but she told me to keep it a secret
I just laughed
Me: that plate better not sleep here
Bear: *smiling* ohk
Me: blue is on the phone with mum
He placed the plate on the bed and ran to blue room. I walked behind them, I walked in and blue finally
cheered up cause she was laughing... I let them be until they brought back my phone...
Rea: how was your day?
Me: it was ohk just tiring yours
Rea: are they sleeping
Me: no they talking to their mum
Rea:*imitating me* their mum
Me: if you have a problem with the mother off my kids, you better save us all the trouble take all your
shit and get the fuck out
Rea: I'm going to bed
Me: do just that
She went up, I took my phone and made some calls. I had a meeting with some clients off mine , after
setting everything up. I got up and went to bed
Few more months passed. December, I was on leave. Rea left for two weeks to go visit her family so it
was just me, the twins and mam Gloria. We were the only family she had , so she was with us the whole
time...
My meeting took longer than I expected , I called mam Gloria not to cook. i went to buy us takeaways
fish and chips and drove home. I parked on the garage and walked in, I could hear the twins all the way
from the kitchen talking. Mam Gloria was in the kitchen, she quickly ran to me
Mam Gloria: I'm so sorry Lindo, this woman said she was here to see the twins and I told her to wait for
you but the twins saw her and they screamed. So I let her in
I walked to the lounge and she was sitting on the floor with them
Bear: daddy
They all turned, she turned to my direction and yerrr Jesus god help me. She has never looked so
beautiful. Bear ran to me, I picked him up
Me: oh hi
Nkosazana: hi uhm Im sorry for just, I thought you were here
Me: no it's fine ... How you doing
Bear: happy
Me: I didn't know you would be here, I bought takeaways
Nkosazana: no it's fine, IL get going

She stood up
Blue: where you going
Nkosazana: I have to go baby
Blue: can I go with... Daddy can I go with mummy
Bear: me too
Me: how about we all eat first
Blue: yes
I went to take our takeaways. Nkosazana insisted in sharing with blue. The twins were the one talking,
we were just listening to them talk. When we were done, nkosazana cleared the table
Me: how about you go and pack your bags for when you leave with mummy
They didn't even respond, they just rushed upstairs. Nkosazana walked back in
Me: you can take them with you
Nkosazana: really?
Me: yeah
Nkosazana: thank you
Me: sure
It was really awkward between us
Me: when did you get back
Nkosazana: few hours ago
I nodded my head
Nkosazana: the wife?
Me: out on holiday
She nodded her head. I noticed she had a ring on her left hand. I looked at her and she looked at me, I
tried asking her about it but I couldn't. No words would come out. Was she really engaged?
Me: a...
Blue: done!
They walked down with their bags
Nkosazana let's check
She opened her bag

Nkosazana: baby you didn't pack your underwear and trousers
Me: IL help bear
We went up. I helped bear then they left... I couldn't shake off the thought that she may be engaged...
#nkosazana
After placing the twins to bed, I called the hubby
Him: beautiful
Me: hey you
Him: why you calling now
Me: I just got home, was with the twins
Him: did he give you a hard time
Me: nope they even sleeping over
Him: I was sleeping already, IL call you tomorrow ohk it's like 2am here.
Me: forgot, IL call later
Him: I love you ohk
Me: love you so much more
I went to bed. Woke up early and prepared the twins breakfast. They woke up and ate then we went for
a swim
Me: so guys
Them:mmm
Me: look
I showed them my ring
Blue:, it's so beautiful, can I wear it
Me,: no baby
Bear: cerebos gave it to you
I laughed
Me,: no pumpkin. Mummy is going to get married
They clapped. I laughed
Blue: to daddy
Me: uhm no baby
Bear: what ? To who then?
Blue: but mummies and daddies get married together
Me: uhm I know baby but I'm not marrying daddy
Blue: Then who?
Bear: why not daddy? You don't love daddy
Blue: daddy says he loves you , why don't you love daddy
Bear: you don't love daddy?
Bear: that's not nice mummy
They kept talking, daddy this and daddy that. I didn't even know how to answer them anymore.
Me: we need to go
Them: where
Me: I need to go buy food
I got them out off the pool and we went to shower, dressed them up and we left. Me and Ntokozo kept
in contact the time I was away and she knew about my engagement. We bought food then left, I went to
cook. The intercom Rang and it was Lindo. I let him in, after few minutes he walked in
Lindo: hi
Me: hi
Lindo: I was hoping we could talk
Me: let me switch this off
I did and we walked out to the pool
Me: I haven't Prepared the twins
Lindo: no I'm not here for them, I was hoping we could discuss how we going to make things work
between us, without making things hard for them
Me: uhm, I start work January
Lindo: you can have them during the week cause I'm working most off the time
Me,: no you can take them cause IL be busy during the week
Us:...
Lindo: how about one week the whole week they with you the other with me
Me: that will disrupt their routen , how about since a month has four weeks, I have them for two weeks
so do you
Lindo: ohk that's better who starts
Me: you can
Lindo: ohk for the holidays. Can I take them for Christmas
Me: IL take them for new year then
Lindo: ohk they can stay with you till Christmas
Me: thank you
Lindo: I have their bags in the car
Me: IL help you
We walked to his car
Me: before you hear this from the twins, let me tell you I'm engaged
Lindo:...
Me:..
After a while maybe 5 minutes, he turned to face me
Lindo: congratulations
Me: thank you
Lindo: his from here
I shook my head
Lindo: ohk
He took out the twins bag and went to say bye to the twins. I went to pack their clothes. As I was busy
with that...
Blue: daddy is sad
Me: no his not baby
Blue: yes he is, I know him
I turned to look at her and rolled my eyes
Me: ohk Sisi
Blue: you made him sad
Me:*laughing*what?
Blue: yes cause you not marrying him
Me: baby your daddy is already married
She raised her hand up and walked out
Me: wow blue 😂😂😂
I finished what I was doing and finished off cooking then dished up for them. After few days I met with
my clients and we were back into business and making money.
Insert 85
(4 years back or 5 I'm not sure)
Taking it back few years back. Remember how Rea was one year ahead than nkosazana when it came to
her studies. Well when nkosazana was doing her third year, Rea was in her fourth year. I was in a middle
of a divorce. I had a meeting at Campus square, I never really went there cause it was mostly students
there but my client had to pick up his kid at UJ. We had our usual meeting then got up to leave. I walked
out but someone called my name, I turned and it was nkosazana friend
Her: heyyy
Me: hi
Her: you still remember me right reabetswe
Me: oh yeah rea ne
Rea: yeah
Me:ohk then bye
I turned
Rea: I heard about you and nkosazana I'm sorry
I turned to face her
Me: it's all good, what you doing here anyway
Rea: I study at UJ
Me: oh
Rea:*laughing* yeah
Me: we should hang out sometime

Rea: uhm
Me:*smiling* come on
Rea: ohk take my numbers
I took out my phone and Gave it to her. Since that time we been talking over the phone, we got flirty I
mean real flirty. She graduated the following year the very same year nkosazana lost her brother. By
that time we were already dating. We went out everywhere together, we were tight. After a year
Me: how serious are you about us
Rea: you know I love you, so I'm dead serious about us
Me: well then let's get married
Rea: what????
Me:*laughing* I'm serious but not something big, just be my wife legally
Rea: are you serious
Me: yes
She hugged me
Rea: yes I'd love to marry you, I'd marry nobody but you
Me: but I don't want a big thing
Rea: it doesn't matter as long as we married
Me:*laughing* ohk
#NKOSAZANA
(Current time)
Christmas, the was a lunch at my parents house. Simphiwe was all grown up, I was with him the whole
time. Me and her mother finally made peace cause I knew that whatever had happened and whatever
shit had happened to her, she loved my brother. My parents put the incident that happened behind us,
while I was away Lindo family paid damages to my family. May be the reason why my parents put
everything behind them. Plus my fiancee was talking to his family about paying my lobola
The family lunch was everything, I had fun and I was with my family except for my kids but I knew they
were having as much fun. Later that day, I went to buy goodies for me and ntokozo. she came we had
wine, vodka and a couple of ciders. We played the music we love and just had fun
Ntokozo: so vele vele you getting married and it's not to Lindo
I laughed
Ntokozo: it doesn't feel right
Me: and vele vele Wena you single while lwandile is out there
Ntokozo: it's not the same
Me: it is,you were crazy about him and today you not with him
Ntokozo: are we ugly friend
I laughed
Me: babe I'm engaged
Ntokozo:, Ohhh that means I'm the one who is ugly
Me: maybe
She pushed me, I laughed so loud
Me; I'm joking Hao, you the prettiest girl of all time, even prettier than me
Ntokozo: of course please be real with me
Me: with
Ntokozo: do you feel something for lindo, I mean even a lil love for him
Me: his the father of my kids
Ntokozo: you know that I don't mean that so please spare me the bullshit
Me:...
Ntokozo: you do
Me: let's go to bed, we too drunk now
We picked each other up and dragged each other upstairs and threw ourselves on the bed.
Woke up the next morning
Ntokozo: when is he bringing the munchkins
Me: he didn't say
We cleaned up and prepared food for us, the intercom Rang. Ntokozo buzzed them in. The door opened
and they had big ass presents with them
I went on my knees and hugged them
Blue: look what aunty Paris bought for me
Me: it's so nice did you say thank you

she nodded her head. Lindo walked in, wearing shorts, a top and a cap, yeeerrr Jesus god help me.
I stood up
Lindo: hi
Me: h...
Okuhle walked in
Okuhle: crazy bitch sane again
Me,: don't piss me off Wena
He laughed and pulled me into a hug. I returned the hug
Okuhle: you a turn on you know that
Me: you disgusting
Okuhle: I'm hungry what's cooking
Lindo:, let's go boy
Ntokozo: yeses so much...* She paused*
Okuhle: fuck! And who is this
Me:*laughing* babe okuhle, okuhle Ntokozo
Okuhle: you Lesbo now
Me: no she's my best friend
He walked up to her and kissed her cheek. They were taken back by each other now some awkward
vibes for me and Lindo
Me: hungry ?
Lindo:...
Me: it's a lot for me and Ntokozo, and it seems like these two won't be done now might as well
Lindo: ohk
Bear was already playing with his remote control car, bumping into everyone feet. I dished up for
everyone and we went to sit outside. Okuhle jumped into the pool
Blue: yeyyy
They clapped their hands
Okuhle: come join me
Ntokozo: no
Okuhle: come on
Ntokozo stripped and jumped into the pool as well. The twins joined them
Lindo: so how was your Christmas
Me: good , we bonded with my family
Lindo: thank you for the presents for Paris and Sanele kids
Me: don't worry about it
Lindo: have you started with the wedding preps
Me: no
Lindo: can I ask you something
Me: what?
Lindo: are you really happy? I mean like really happy? Are you excited for the wedding ? Do you feel like
you would die without him? Or maybe you would call him lover
I stood up
Me:*shouting* that's enough !
Everyone turned to us
Me:*shouting* you have no right to ask me that, no right whatsoever. Lindo *crying* I deserve to be
happy ohk, I deserve to be happy. You married so what must I do sit around and wait on you
Okuhle got out off the pool
Okuhle: guys the twins
Me:*shouting* stay out off this
He raised his hands up
Me: what must I do, watch you and my supposedly best friend be happy and raise our kids what???
Lindo: y...
Me: you have no right to ask me that
Okuhle: we going to buy alcohol
Lindo: we leaving boy
Okuhle: we going to leave the moment you two fix your shit, we taking the twins with us.
They took the twins and left...
Lindo: I just don't want you to make the same mistake I did
Me: Ohhhh relax, I'm not engaged to sbo
Lindo:...
Me: I'm tying the knot next year, whether I love him or I don't or whether I can call him lover, it has
nothing to do with you but what you need to know is , I'm tying the knot next year
Lindo: ohk congratulations
Me: thank you
We sat in silence. The guys arrived and they were having fun, they started kissing in front off us
😂😂😂😂 ubufebe... The drinks were everywhere and it was just us four. The two went upstairs, me and
Lindo were in the kitchen.
Lindo: you want the wors or chicken
Me: uhm
Lindo: come see for yourself
I walked to him and stood behind him. He look at me over his shoulder
Me:*laughing* what I'm short
Lindo: come here ke
He moved aside and now he was behind me. He moved his hand to my waist, I was not sure how
comfortable I was with that
Lindo: so what you want
Me: uhm....
Insert 86
Me: uhm y... Your hand
He moved his hands down. His fingers went down my thighs and lifted up the top I was wearing. I held
his hand
Me: please stop
He stopped.
Lindo: I made a mistake with Rea ohk, I did all off that with intention to hurt you. I know it's fucked up
but I think we can both agree that we did some fucked up things to hurt each other cause we still love
each other
Me:...
He fingers moved again, moving so soft to my thighs then my underwear
Lindo: don't make the mistake I did please
Me: you drunk
Lindo: yeah I am I think the alcohol in my head is what wants you more
He moved his hands inside my underwear. I held his hand
Lindo: don't you think it's enough
I was trying so hard to tell him all sorts off bullshit and shout but how can I, when his hands are just on
my centre
Lindo: spread your legs
Me: no
Lindo: spread your legs
I did as told. I don't even know why
Me: I need you to stop
Lindo: I want to end things with Rea
I held on to the counter, his fingers were just making circular movements on my clit
Me: l... L
I couldn't speak, I could only try to breath
Lindo: but I need to know that, you won't marry this guy
I moaned and held on to the counter, he said his last word while entering his fingers inside off me. I
could hear him speak but my mind was not longer there. He moved his fingers in and out, in and out. I
bit my lower lip.
Lindo: let me make love to you
Me:...
Lindo: Nkosazana
I just nodded my head, my eyes were rolling at the back of my head. He moved his other hand and
removed my underwear. He was still behind me. I removed my top and I was completely naked in the
kitchen wowza... I could feel his d on my behind and could hear him breathing on my neck. He pulled my
air and unexpectedly entered me from behind. I gasped for air, the grip on the counter, I felt like
something was leaving my body. He held my hand with his other hand, it all started with a slow pace but
soon changed, my moans surrounded the kitchen I could hear him groan with every stroke. The pulling
off the hair made things even more heated in there. My knees were failing me and I could no longer take
it, I had to push him away. He turned me around and picked me up laying me on the counter and spread
my legs. He moved everything that was there and went down on me, I didn't know where to hold on to.
My moans 😌, I held his head, I wanted him to stop but I didn't want him to stop. He got back up and we
kissed. I got off the counter and he held on the counter now I returned the pleasure he gave me, he
pulled back
Lindo: I'm going to cum, shit
I stood up and kissed him, I walked out off the kitchen and headed to my room, the door soon opened.
He locked and walked to the bed. The deed went on for a while, just as he was about to pull out to cum.
I locked him in, his grip on my body was so tight and his groans and moans on my ear 😍😍😍....
I woke up the next morning and I was alone, I thought off what happened last night, how fucken weak I
was. I didn't want to leave my room . I kept questioning myself why the fuck I did that. After a while, I
finally got up did my hygiene process and walked downstairs the time was 12
Okuhle: that is exactly what good d does to you
I threw the cloth that was next to me to him. Him and ntokozo laughed.
Me: morning no actually afternoon
Ntokozo: hey babe
Lindo:hey
He said that kissing my cheek and walking out.
Me: don't you even say it
Okuhle: silence
Me: good
We had lunch and I was trying so hard not to be awkward cause they were having fun and laughing
including lindo. Since Ntokozo and Lindo cooked we had to wash the dishes
Lindo: you ohk
I nodded my head. He held my hands and looked at me, I turned around and he stood in front off me,
his hands blocking me from going anywhere
Me: what happened was not suppose to happen
Lindo:..
Me: you took advanta...
He held my face and kissed me, I couldn't help but kiss him back but he broke it
Lindo: did I take advantage right now

Me:...
Lindo: just stop trying to deny you feel something deep for me ohk, just stop. I know what I feel and at
least I'm not a coward to let it be known but what about you. You want to call what happened last night
a mistake like really fuck nkosazana
He moved away and turned to look at me
Lindo: when will you stop punishing me huh? Hasn't it been enough?
Me: y...
Lindo: I told you I'm planning on leaving Rea, I told you this what more do you want from now
Me: I want you to tell me why you did everything that you did
Lindo:...
Me:...
Lindo: everything that I did, I did to hurt you only. Marrying Rea, keeping you away from the court room,
the fights, the torture. I was angry and I wanted to hurt you as much as you hurt me
Me:...
Lindo: but why did you do the shit you did to me
Me: cause of what you did Lindo, you hurt me and it cut deep it still does I did everything cause I was
angry with you, hiding the twins and wanting to hurt you
Lindo: exactly my point we did shit to hurt each other cause...
Me: don't say it
Lindo:*shouting* cause we love each other, enough of all off this
Blue: mummy
I quickly wiped away my tears and walked to her
Me: yes baby
Blue: are you crying
Me: no daddy was making me laugh
She laughed
Blue: uncle okuhle wants ice cream for all off us
Me: ohk IL bring it
She walked out, I walked passed Lindo
Lindo: can we finish this conversation

Me: no
We carried on washing the dishes and went to sit outside, they didn't stay long. They lef, I could feel
Ntokozo looking at me
Me: I don't want to talk about it please don't make me talk about it
Ntokozo: come here.
I went in between her arms and we hugged
She left the next day only to bring more clothes, she lived alone so she figured to spend the rest of her
holidays with me and I was glad. The twins were with me, they were going to him on the second the
start off his week. They were enrolled to a crèche
Ntokozo: why don't we call Lindo and okuhle over
Me: for what?
Ntokozo: it's new years eve and I'd like to start a new year with okuhle dick inside of me
Me: I'm not getting involved
I heard her phone ring, it was on loud speaker
Okuhle: Nana
Ntokozo: baby
I raised my eyebrow
Ntokozo: where are you?
Okuhle: my place want to come
Ntokozo: no, how about you come here nkosazana crib and we have a braai
Okuhle: ohk, can I call some off my friends
Ntokozo: yeah and
Okuhle:*laughing* Lindo
Ntokozo: yeah I don't want her to be bored
I turned to her , like she was aware that the phone is on speaker right
Okuhle: why don't they just kiss and make up
Ntokozo: angazi babe let's not rush them
Okuhle: ohk what should we bring
Ntokozo: anything will go and buy goodies now so
Okuhle: will see

Ntokozo; ohk
Me: you do know I heard your conversation right
Ntokozo: yeah he was on speaker so
I looked at her
Ntokozo: let's go
We dressed up the twins and left, bought meat, drinks and snacks. We poured glasses off wine while
preparing. The was a buzz, Ntokozo let them in and when the door opened. Ntokozo jumped to okuhle
well they kissed
Me: wow
Okuhle:they have to go
He said that picking up blue. I laughed
Me: my parents are not around
Okuhle: mine are and all their grandkids are with them
Ntokozo: even better
Okuhle:blue blue want to go to grandma
She nodded her head
Okuhle: big bear
He also nodded his head
Okuhle: it's settled
People walked, mostly I knew like sne and some off okuhle friends.they came with drinks and it was nice
vibes
Okuhle: will drop them off ne
Ntokozo: ohk you will be ohk babe
Me: yeah
Okuhle: don't worry your muntu is coming
Me: his not my muntu
Okuhle:the ahhhhhh Lindo ahhhhg Lindo you giving it to me so nice didn't say he was not my muntu
I threw the bottle next to me. He caught it and we all laughed
Me: and I was not saying that
Okuhle: babe please vouch for me

Ntokozo: leave her alone let's go
They walked out, I went to pack the twins clothes
Bear: we going to grandpa
Me: yes baby
Bear: Yesss we going to play with his gun
I turned to him
Me: what?
Bear: and car and everything
I breathed out loud, I finished packing their things and they left. Sne was helping me with everything ,
but we didn't go over board. It was just pap , green salad and chakalaka. The guys were braaing meat.
Then sbo arrived, more like Lindo friends arrived . We all greeted each other, I haven't had so much
people in my house before my phone rang and it was the fiancée. I took it upstairs where the was no
noise
Me: baby
Him:hey princess
Me: how are you
Him:I'm ohk just miss you
Me: i miss you too, so where you going
Him: well for one I wish I was coming down there but then
Me: I know babe, I also wish I was starting the new year with you
Him: so where are you
Me: at a braai you
Him: me and the guys going to a bar
Me: have fun ohk
Him: you too, I love you
Me: me too
He hung up. I took a shower and walked out to dress up but sne barged in
Sne: girl come
I just took a towel and went downstairs. It was full, the sound yhuuuuu. They couldn't work the oven. I
did it for them
Sne: why do you have to buy such complicated things
Me: *laughing* it's not
I turned and I just froze
Insert 87
He looked at me and I looked at him, he was carrying 2 bottle of Hennessey, vodka and lemonade. He
looked at my towel
Sne: about time
Lindo: was held up
Sne: thought you coming with the Mrs
Lindo: she's out with her friends
he turned to me, I passed him and walked upstairs. The door suddenly opened and he walked in
Me: you don't knock
Lindo: should I go back and knock
he got in and closed the door
Lindo: can we talk
Me: about what
Lindo: first these are for you
Me: what
Lindo: we didn't use protection
Me:, oh
Lindo: unless you want to be pregnant again which I don't mind
Me:, I'm on contraceptives Soo
Lindo:, oh ohk
Me: but thank you
I took them
Me: I'd like to get dressed

Lindo: don't treat me like this
Me:...
He sat on the bed and pulled me to the bed.
Lindo;, let's talk
Me; listen uhm you were not the only person in the wrong, I was wrong on my side as well, I guess I
should have told you what was happening with your father and the twins but I chose to be selfish and
keep quiet about it. I know IV hurt you and your family and I'm really sorry, I need you to know I didn't
want things to end up here. I'm sorry for the damage IV caused. I was just selfish and in love. When I
found out about you and rea, yes I put up a smile and congratulated you two but how do you become
happy, I was hurt. She was my best friend and now I find out she is married to the one guy I managed to
fall in love with. I used the twins in order to hurt you, I knew it was wrong but I did it either way
I fiddled with my fingers
Me: I'm sorry
He removed the hair from my face and made me look at him
Lindo: I'm just as sorry for everything, for the shit I put you through and for messing with your future.
I'm also sorry about your brother. I guess I was hurt and wanted to hurt you where it hurt most cause I
was confused, me and you were perfect together we were madly in love with each other then one day
you tell me you can't be with me anymore. I was also mad you kept the twins away from me or maybe
even jealous to a certain extent of the woman you had become. I made some fucked up choices in the
process and I'm still regretting them till this day but I'm human, I make mistakes and sometimes I don't
use my head to think, but what I feel for you , the way I felt for you. After all we been through none off it
has changed *he laughed* I don't know why or how but I loved and hated you at the same time. So I'm
really sorry
I smiled
Lindo: let's fix this
I got up
Me:Lindo we can't just fix this, the damage is too much
Lindo: so what you suggest we do, we leave everything forget about me and you forget about what
happened the other day
Me:...
Lindo: talk to me
Me:, I don't know ohk Lindo, why do you wait to tell me this when I'm engaged
Lindo: I don't know what you want me to say
Me: I want you to be real with me

Lindo: this is the realest I can get nkosazana. I'm telling you what I want to do and why I want to do it
Me:...
Lindo: lover, lover ka bra IV been about you and I'm still about you. Just tell me what you want, I'm
offering myself to you lah
I looked at him and walked to him, I kissed him but he pulled back
Lindo: no you not taking advantage of me, what you want
Me: I wa...
The door switch open ,okuhle walked in. He walked to us and wrapped his arms around us
Okuhle: you know what, let's just get this out off the way. I hear you engaged and you married
Us:...
Okuhle: but you love each other and you would be our very own Mr and Mrs Smith but circumstances
are keeping you apart. So you could either stop hurting someone son and someone's daughter and
break it off with them and be together or
Us:...
Okuhle: or you can just fuck each other, like today your spouse's are not here. We going to get drunk ,
when we drunk you going to fuck. When my brother over here need to get down like that nkosazana you
have to be there for him so as you brother
Us:...
Okuhle: so I gave you two choices, make up your minds and stop stealing each other
He got up
Okuhle: since that's out off the way, I dropped off the twins they both good. I'm going to look for my
woman and we do something you both failing to do, which is to love each other bye
He walked out and we just laughed,
Me:, I'm really sorry
Lindo: not as much as me
He pulled me into a kiss
Me: I need to get dressed
I got off from the bed
Lindo: let me help you
He took the bra and was suppose to clip it but instead began kissing my neck going down, removing my
underwear picking me up and pleasing me. After our hot session, I got dressed. I just wore a royal blue
jumpsuit, applied a bit of make up and went downstairs. Others were already drunk i went out, Lindo
was sitting with the guys, laughing and enjoying so as okuhle. I joined the girls
Ntokozo: Yesss girl
Me: don't even start
She laughed. We hung out, others swem. I went to the kitchen to dish up for myself since everyone else
had eaten while me and Lindo were busy upstairs. he walked in
Lindo: you making food
Me: yeah
Lindo: please make it two
Me:,. Ohk
Okuhle,: boy borrow me your phone
Lindo: it's in nkosazana room
Okuhle: nkosazana
Me: same
Okuhle: eish someone is coming but they lost and my airtime is gone
Niza: here
She gave it to him
Okuhle: thank you
I made food for me and him, he came and stood behind me
Me: do you really have to?
Lindo:*laughing* yeah, so you going to avoid what we talked about
I turned to his direction
Lindo:, okuhle gave us two choices
Me:, you make it seem like this whole thing is easy
Lindo:, that's because it is
His hands were blocking me from leaving
Lindo: seems like you don't understand me in English mfethu ngyakthanda
I laughed
Nazi: you know I'm here right

Lindo: niza we talking get out
Nazi: yho I'm leaving
I kissed him
Me: nami ngyakthanda
Lindo: then what's up?
Me: I can't leave this guy at least not now
Lindo: so we done, me and you
Me: you said okuhle gave us two choices
Lindo:I refuse to be your play mate
I laughed
Me:, when will you leave Rea
Lindo:, the moment I'm sure you leaving this guy
Me: why you even with her
Lindo: I'm not different to a single guy trust me
Me: ohk ke sharp lindo
I tried removing his hand,he got so close and kissed my cheek
Lindo: it won't be forever right
Me:, yes
Lindo:*smiling* come here
I faced him. We kissed until we were interrupted
Sne: haybo haybo what's this
We broke the kiss and turned to her
Me: nothing
I passed her, she laughed Lindo followed me. lindo was drunk I mean drunk. We went to sit down and
just talked as a group. By 23:30 everyone was drunk, we were singing along to songs and dancing out
butts off. Lindo hand was on my butt
Lindo: let's go
I turned to him and wrapped my arms around his neck
Me: where ?
Lindo: I want all off your right now
Me: I'm sure after one stroke you will pass out
He laughed
Lindo: let's go and see
Me: check the time
Lindo: 15 minutes to 12
Me: we starting the new year together
Lindo: with my lips on yours
I planted a kiss on his lips, he bit my lower lip
Me: love you too
Sbo: guys guys like it's 5 minutes till the new year
Me: yes sbo
Sbo: like a new year, in 4 minutes it will be January
We just laughed at him
Sne: 3 minutes to a new year she stripped. We all stripped getting ready to jump to the pool 5 4 3 2 1 we
all jumped to the pool screaming HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!. Lindo tongue was already down my throat, we
kissed for the longest time till we were interrupted. We hugged everyone and ran upstairs. We just
kissed immediately, his phone was ringing so was mine..
He placed his beer on the floor, so as my drink. Our phones were annoying us. He took them and threw
them out the sliding door and did the deed.
Woke up few hours later and Lindo was laying next to me, he had passed out. I took his top that was
near the door wore it and went downstairs.it was such a mess. People had passed out on the couches on
the floor. Nobody was up as yet I decided to go back to bed. I laid on top of Lindo
Me: baby wake up
Lindo: hmmm
Me: wake up ,I'm bored
Lindo: no
I got off from him, he turned to my direction
Me: happy new years

He kissed me
Lindo: happy new year
I smiled
Lindo: I dreamt something yazi
Me: what
Lindo: throwing out our phones
I quickly turned to my lamp and my phone was there
Me: I don't think it was a dream.
He laughed, got up and walked to the sliding door
Me: I'm going to kill you, if you broke my phone
He wore his boxers and we walked downstairs then went out. Bottle of beer everywhere
Me: someone has too clean up
Lindo: who will
Me:...
He laughed we stood next to the garden and faced my sliding door
Me: so they have to be somewhere here
Lindo:, yeah IL check this side, check that side
Me: ohk
I looked over everything but nothing
Lindo: don't kill me ohk
Me: Lindo
He showed it to me, my jaw dropped
Me: lindooooo
Lindo:*laughing* it's still works just the screen
Me: let me see yours
He showed it to me
Me: it's not even half as bad
Lindo: IL go fix it
Me: of course you will

Lindo: sorry baby
I walked away, he walked to me and wrapped his arms around me
Me: you still remember what we talked about last night
Lindo: I was not that drunk
Me: actually you were
We placed our legs on the pool. took my phone and called the fiancée
Him: happy new year
Me: happy new year babe. Sorry I didn't hear your phone i left it in the car
Him: I figured, how's the hang over
Me: you don't even want to know
We talked for a while until I finally hung up. Then lindo called his wife they also talked for a while then
he hung up
Me: do you think ...
Lindo: don't even say it
Me: say what?
Lindo:whatever that's going to make you back away from us
I laughed
Sbo: fuck, is the something on my head. Maybe a human or a brick
Lindo: more like alcohol
Sbo: I'm quitting alcohol, no for real guys
He sat in between us
Sbo: happy new year guys
Us: happy new year sbo
The insert 88
We prepared lunch and everyone left around 2 including Ntokozo. I picked up the twins and spent my
last day with em. The following day, goldair was around and he hated Lindo. Around 6 Lindo arrived.
Me:go and take your bags ohk
Them:, ohk
They ran upstairs.the was a knock, goldair let him in. He walked to the hallway, I smiled he was just in
sweatpants
Lindo:, hey
Me:, hey
He turned around and goldair was stuck on him
Me: give us some space please
He walked out.
Lindo:I think he has a crush on you
I laughed. He walked up to me and planted a kiss, soon after that the twins walked down the steps
Lindo: hey guys
Blue: hi daddy
Bear: hi dad
Blue jumped to him, he picked her up. Bear came to me
Me: you ohk
He nodded his head.i picked him up, we walked out to his car
Me: IL call you guys ohk
Them: ohk I kissed them both
Bear: again
I kissed him again
Bear:, one last time
Lindo: mama's boy
I kissed him again
Me:, I love you ohk,I love you both
Them: love you too mummy
I closed the door and looked at Lindo. He was leaning against the car
Lindo: when will I see you
Me: from Tomorrow I have meetings, so I don't know

Lindo:lunch
Me: ohk
Lindo: tomorrow
Me:*laughing* yes I'll meet you at 12
Lindo: perfect
He kissed my cheek and got in the car, he rolled his window down.
Lindo: sleep tight
I smiled and waved goodbye. They drove off went back inside and started with work. I had to go to
cerebos friends CEO of a law firm on the 10th, so I was preparing that and preparing for my meetings
Woke up early cause I had a 10 am meeting. I prepared for it and left
Me: good morning and happy new year
Jansen: happy new year
Ngcobo:let's hope it will be a happy year
I laughed
Me: let's get on with it , I need to be out off here before 12
Ross: well then what do you have with us
Me: 8% increase
Them: what?
Jansen: come on now, are we millioners
Me: uhm yeah
Ngcobo: come on cerebos it's a lot
Me: things can't remain the same, the whole year
Samuels: but 8% that's too much you milking us
I mean we sat there arguing, going back and forth.it was this and that, this and that. I checked the time
and it was already 12 and we haven't reached an agreement
Me: I have to go
Jansen: we not done
Mr: and who is the reason for that, IV told you from the Start that by 12 I need to be out off here
Ngcobo: two hours in a meeting with you
Me: let's continue this tomorrow
Them: ohk
I packed up and walked out.i told goldair where to drop me off. He parked outside the entrance and I
rushed in.. I saw him and rushed to him
Me: I'm so sorry
Lindo: thought you stood me up
Me: was in a meeting from 10
He helped me with my chair, I sat down. I breathed out loud
Lindo: can you breath now
Me:*laughing* yeah
He was in a fitted suit,looking all yummy and looking like a snack
Lindo: I can't sit this far apart
He moved his chair next to mine
Lindo: you smell amazing
I laughed
Guy: are you ready to order
Lindo: yes IL have this and beer
Me: can I please have this with a glass off wine
Guy: anything else
Lindo: will shout if we need anything
He walked away
Me:so the twins birthday
Lindo: yes what you think
Me: I don't know
Lindo: I'm thinking the four off us, weekend away they haven't had that. Let's give it to them
Me: what will you say to the wife
Lindo: don't worry about that
Me: where ?
Lindo: Cape town
Me: woah Cape town?
Lindo: yes come on its on a Saturday we leave Friday, get back Sunday
Me: you sure
Lindo: yes IL set everything up
Me: ohk, so how you been doing
He removed the hair from my face
Lindo: can't stop thinking about you
I smiled
Me: really
Lindo: yes really, I have something for you
Me: what
He placed an envelope on the table. I took it
Lindo: read it when you alone
Me: what is it
Lindo: you will see
We talked and laugh and just had a good time at 2 we went our separate ways
Goldair: meeting
Me: something like that
Goldair: are you hiding something from me?
Me; something like what
Goldair: I don't know
Me: no
Goldair: ohk
He dropped me off at my next meeting and it was the usual. After few days Lindo sent me all the details
of our trip. Thursday night I packed everything off mine, Friday around 10 goldair dropped me off at the
airport, I went to sit on one off the chair i felt someone tiny hands cover my eyes
Me: who is it
Bear: guess
Me: blue
Blue*laughing* no mummy
Me: daddy
Bear: no mummy
Me: uhm I don't know
Bear: mummy!!!
Me: bear
He let go. I turned and lindo had picked him up i got up and picked him up
Lindo looked at me
Me: what?
Lindo: fuck
I twirled
Me:you like
Lindo: I love
He held my hand and pulled me to him
Lindo: both of you eyes close
They covered their eyes. We kissed. Then broke it
Lindo: let's go
We went to get our boarding passes, then headed to the gate. Our flight was only boarding in an hour's
time, we were early. We bought the twins some snacks and sat down while they played around
Me: so what lie did you make up
Lindo: let's not talk about that, this weekend is about me and you and these two
Me: ohk, do you think they know it's their birthdays
Lindo:bear definitely, as for blue I don't think so
Me: what did you buy for them
Lindo:*laughing* no what did you buy them
Me: nothing
Lindo: ay baby they got enough presents Christmas
We both laughed, we looked over them and they had a friend already it was finally time to board
Lindo: we should buy a private jet, it's not like we can't afford it
Me: we pay 50/50
Lindo:, yeah
Mr: we should consider it
We boarded and settled the twins in. Blue was a daddies girl while bear a definite mama's boy. When it
took off his grip on my top was so tight it seemed like that was the case as well with blue. We looked at
each other
Me: I love you
Lindo: love you so much more
They finally calmed down and played with each other while me and Lindo talked. We arrived In Cape
town and took our bags, the twins were sitting on the trollies.
Me: who is picking us up
Lindo: a person
I looked at him, he laughed
Lindo: come we followed him
We walked towards this Audi, some guy walked out
Him: Mr Adams, Mrs Adams
Lindo: sure boy
Me: hi
He helped pack our bags, lindo opened the door for me and we got in, he followed behind us
Me: rented it
Lindo: no
Bear kept asking question like the bear he is.
Me: I thought we going to a hotel
Lindo: no
The gates opened and the car drove in. Remember Lindo penthouse in Cape town that's where we were
at
Me: feels like yesterday I was here
He laughed. We walked with our bags. We changed and headed to the beach, it was a walking distance
and it was freaken hot , sunscreen and big hat of course. We found a place
Bear: I'm going to swim
Me:*laughing* no you not, this is not a pool baby
Bear: I can swim
Me: even the bestest swimmers baby can't handle this kind of water
I got up and removed the scarf I was covering myself with and walked with bear, he was in my arms the
whole time. The waves were everything. The two finally joined and of course we took crazy ass pictures
when we were all exhausted headed back home. Prepared the twins food and they slept. We cuddled on
the couch
Lindo: what should we get them, when we go back home
Me: bear a bike
Lindo: yeah blue
Me: blue already has enough dolls and kitchen sets
Lindo: let's gets them both bikes so they won't have to fight
Me: ohk
I sat on top off him and kissed him. He got up and walked us upstairs. He laid me on the bed and the kiss
got so heated. He untied my gown and kissed my neck going down to my stomach, he kissed my thighs. I
held his head
Bear: mummmm
Bear: Mumm
Me: really bear? Really
Lindo laughed, he got up. I tied my gown and opened the door, he was walking down he stairs might
have thought we still sitting in the lounge
Me: baby
he turned and ran to me. I picked him up. I checked the time and it was past 12
Me: well happy birthday
He didn't hear me
Bear: I can't sleep
Me: want to sleep with Me
He nodded his head
Me: ohk c...

The door opened and blue walked out. WOW
Me: blue blue
Insert 89
Blue: mummy I can't sleep
Me: come on
We walked to our room.
Lindo: well damn
Me: yeah
They jumped on the bed.
Lindo: this is the life we have chosen
I laughed
Me: when will your friend deliver the cakes
Lindo: 7am
Me: goodnight
Lindo: night baby
We woke up, his friend came. 3 cakes 1 for bear and the other for blue. The other one for them
together, we lighted them up and walked to them
Us: happy birthday to you *singing*
They slowly turned and looked up. They smiled and covered their faces, we carried on with the singing
until they finally got up. They ended up singing along, I know no longer knew who we were singing for
cause they were singing for us, we singing for them 😂😂.
Bear: can I cover my entire face with the cake
Lindo: might as well
He splashed his head on the cake and laughed , blue just ripped it apart with her hands. We went
downstairs and just had temporary gifts for them. We went out and they had fun by the time we drove
back home. They had passed out, we put them to bed and did the deed of course.
Sunday morning we prepared to leave, we didn't want to leave though. Flew back to Joburg and I went
home with the twins since it was my week.
Me: did you have fun
Them: yes mummy thank you
Bear: is daddy coming back
Me: no baby
Bear: why
Me: he has to work
Bear: oh
Me: yes sweety
I started work tomorrow,I walked to my room and noticed the envelope Lindo gave me the other day. I
sat on my bed and opened it, I read through every paper and immediately took my phone. It rang
Me: h...
Rea: why you calling my husband this time
Me: give Lindo the phone
Rea: call in the morning
Me: seems like you need another beating
She hung up, I was so frustrated. I went to bed, the twins first day at creche. I prepared them for it and
prepared myself for work. When we were done, we ate breakfast. Lindo said he was going to pick us up,
cause he wanted to be there as well. Goldair told me he arrived, we walked out and headed to his car.
We got in, goldair was driving behind us. He tried to kiss me but I just raised my hand
Lindo: what *He paused*
I was really angry, we dropped off the twins and I was relieved no one was crying. We walked back out
but Lindo held my hand
Me: let go
Lindo: what's wrong
Me: let go off me
He let go, I walked to my car and he followed. Goldair opened the door for me
Lindo: give us some space
Goldair:...
He got in, I just looked outside the window

Lindo: what happened? I'm not a traditional healer that I will know what's up
I reached for my bag and took out the contract
Me: what's this ?
Lindo:...
Me: Lindo
Lindo: I thought I would make things easier for you
Me: I don't want you to make things easier for me. I'm starting work today
Lindo: what ? Where?
I told him
Lindo: I'm giving you the opportunity to work with me here, sign the contract
Me: no, you giving me this job because it's me and not someone who has real potential. You didn't
interview me or anything but you want to give me a job
Lindo: b...
Me: and your WIFE
Said that emphasing the word.
Me: you know what, just go out before I be late
He looked at me and got out. Goldair walked in and drove me there. I arrived at work and met with
cerebos friend first. He told me everything I should know and headed to my office😂😂 couldn't believe
it with a view and all that. I was allowed to practice and the admission of advocates allowed me to go
into practice, which meant I could go to court.
I had already few cases in my hands, lunch just grabbed a sandwich and carried on doing what I was
doing. The was knock
Me: come on in
Sindi: miss there is a Mr Adams for you
I covered my face
Me: let him in
He walked in carrying flowers and a paper bag. He stood up by the door, I looked at him
Lindo: I'm sorry for everything and I'm sorry for whatever rea said over the phone last night, I checked
my call log and realised you called last night. I'm sorry baby and well as much as I wanted you to work in
my firm. The fact that you practising again makes me happy
I smiled
Lindo: am I forgiven
I got up and walked to him, I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him
Me: well you forgiven
I took the flowers and placed them on a vase and the paper bag it was lunch. We sat down and ate
Lindo: how is it going so far
Me: messy, you don't even want to know
Lindo: don't worry , you will get used to it. It can't be easy
Me: y....
The door swung open. Cerebos friend walked in
Him; well I had to come and witness this with my own two eyes, Mr Adams in my premises
Lindo got up
Lindo: Mr Logik
They shook hands
Him: you not trying to take her away from me right
Lindo turned to me
Lindo: actually I placed a crazy deal for her but she turned it down. So you know you got a keeper right
Him: I definitely know that... Let me leave you two
Lindo: it was great seeing you
Him: likewise
Then he walked out
Me: you got to go now
Lindo; you chasing me out
Me: yes, I'm chasing you out
Lindo: IL see you later
He kissed my lips and walked out. I carried on with work around 4 goldair went to pick up the two and
came back to pick me up. I was so tired
Me: so tell me what happened

Well they told me about their friends, what they did, their teacher what they had to bring tomorrow and
a whole lot off stuff. We got home and prepared a snack for them, they ate while watching TV.i went to
take a long ass shower then cooked dinner. Around 7 we all ate, I took them to bed and talked with the
fiancée over the phone. When that was done, took care off work. I was looking over certain cases. When
I heard something on the sliding door, I took out my gun and walked to the sliding door I opened the
blinds and there he was. I opened the sliding door
Me: why?
Lindo: I can't use the gate since your goons won't let me in
I raised my eyebrow. He laughed and just kissed me. I went back to sitting on my bed
Lindo: twins are sleeping
Me: yeah, if you here around this time. What does the wife say
Lindo:we always fighting these days, so I don't think she cares
I laughed. He went to the bathroom and I just heard water running. I continued doing what I was doing
after an hour or so, he walked out with a towel wrapped around his waist
Lindo: what case you working on
Me: I can't tell you that, it's unethical
He laughed
Lindo: ohk miss unethical
Me: there's dinner downstairs
Lindo: want anything
Me: just a glass off wine
Lindo: ohk
He walked out. After few minutes he walked in with a plate and my glass, I took it and he laid next to
me. I put away everything
Me: you sleeping over?
Lindo: want me to
Me: do what you want to do, I don't mind either way
Lindo: I'm going to sleepover
Me:*laughing* you were going to sleep over anyway. Aren't you going to court tomorrow
Lindo: no more like my day off tomorrow
Me: how lucky can you be

Lindo: not so lucky cause you won't be around
Me: cliché
He pulled me to him and we kissed. He moved his hands down to my butt but I held his hand
Me: I'm on my periods
Lindo: what?
I laughed
Me: yes Lindo , so no
Lindo: you lying
Me: you want to see blood now
Lindo: you really on your periods
Me: yes
Lindo: when did you start
Me: this morning
He raised his eyebrows. I laughed
Lindo: you lying
Me: feel the pad
He felt it
Lindo: ohhhhhh
Me: ohhhhhh shame
We laid on the bed just talking about everything until we both passed out. Next morning he was still
sleeping. Woke up the twins, when they were done bathing
Me: choose what you going to wear
Blue: ohk
I went to wake up Lindo, he took a shower and walked to the kitchen. When the twins were done
dressing up. Dressed them up in their gowns cause I knew they were going to eat. Well they screamed
seeing daddy there. I prepared breakfast
Lindo: I think it's about time you find someone who is going to help you out with everything
Me: where do I even start looking
Lindo: you a woman, I'm sure it's not hard. You just not giving yourself time to look for the right woman
I turned to face his direction

He was feeding blue
Me: I want the right woman to do this for me
Lindo: I know but it will be easy like I said cause you a woman
Me: IL ask around
Lindo: that's more like it
After few minutes, goldair walked in and looked at Lindo
Lindo: this awkward shit between us needs to stop man
Goldair:...
Lindo: she has forgiven me but still nothing from you
I laughed, goldair walked up to me and kissed my cheek
Me: morning... Here is your breakfast
Goldair: thank you miss blue and Mr bear
Blue: morning goldair
Bear: hi Mr goldair
I looked at bear, he was forward
Lindo: go take off the gowns and take your bags
Them: ohk daddy
They walked upstairs
Lindo: so what you say truce
Goldair:...
Me: please goldair
He shook his hands
Goldair: truce
Lindo: thank you God!
Everyone ate, when we were done we left. We dropped off lindo just after the twins cause they dropped
him off last night.
Insert 90
I had a visitation with my client, I headed there and we had a long ass conversation. What was annoying
was he was lying to me but he needed my help.
Him: so will you get me out
Me: no cause you lying to me
Him: fuck you bitch, I don't even need a woman to do a man's job
The nigga unleashed the cerebos in me ��. I pulled him by his neck and pinned his head to the table I
was already standing up by that time, I whispered to his ear
Me: I have better things to be doing than babysitting your filthy ass now seeing the circumstances we in,
you seem like you the bitch in here now make my job easy for me.
I let go off him, he looked at me
Me: now let's start again what happened
Him: it was four off us, we had planned to high jack the fidelity truck, plan was in motion.... Shootout
happened... We shot most of them or so we thought but I was shot and left behind
Me:*smiling* your friends
Him: haven't heard from them or seen them
Me: anything else
Him: no but should I remember IL let you know
Me: first time offender?
Him: no IV been involved in arm robberies
Me: ohk
We talked until I had to go
Me: we have a lot to cover but I'm going to do my best
Him: jail time
Me: maybe 15 but I can get you 7
Him: not lesser than that
Me: will work on it
Him: thank you
Me: I have to go will talk again
I got Up took my things and walked out...

Goldair: you ohk
Me: yeah we going back to the office.
Goldair: ohk
He drove back to the office. We walked in, I opened my office door and almost fainted
Him: surprise
Me: baby
He walked up to me and kissed me, I was so shocked... Finally intro about my fiancé. Daryl jones, Rich
motherfucker, net worth billions, his 20 years older than me 😂😂 his 45. He saw me the first time
during my training in Russia and wanted a peace off me but cerebos was still working on that. His very
manipulative, selfish and greedy.
Me: IV missed you
Him: not as much as me, cerebos told me where I might find you
Me: I'm glad he did that
Jones: goldair
Goldair: Mr Jones
Jones: when do you knock off, we have to go for dinner
Me: I still have to pick up the twins
Jones: perfect will do it together
I took my bags and walked out. I haven't checked my phone for an entire day, I went through it and saw
cerebos message. We drove to the twins school and picked them up. I introduced him as daryl, they
already have a father. We went to some restaurant in Sandton city
Jones: so how's school
Twins:...
Me: they will get used to you
We ordered dinner, goldair walked up to me and whispered to my ear
Goldair: Lindo is here
I looked at him and he just nodded his head
Insert 91
Jones: you ohk
Me: yes baby how was your trip
Jones: long but I knew it would be worth it
Me: I can...*I paused*
I spotted Lindo, he was having dinner with a client a bit far from us. Looking all so 😋😋
Jones: you can. ..
Me: I can't believe you here
He smiled
Jones: so how is everything, business
Me: business is good money coming in.
Jones: you really settling in here
Me: I have to ,cerebos has Russia under control
Jones: so after our wedding day ,what's going to happen
Me: babe we still have to talk about that remember,it's not just me here but the twins as well. their
father won't let me take them with me to Russia
Jones: you can have them over December holidays
Me:...
Jones: I'm sorry
Me: I need to use the bathroom excuse me... Goldair please watch over the twins
I got up and went to the toilet, I wanted to get out off here to be honest. I went back and almost turned.
He turned and looked at me
Me: Lindo
He had blue in his arms
Lindo: nkosazana
I sat down.
Me: you have met
Jones: yes very nice man
Oh and let me put it out there MF may be 45 but he looked 30 he was sexy as fuck 😍😍😍 another
reason I agreed to this whole thing,I was benefitting in a way.
Me: well then I'm glad
I looked at Lindo, he looked pissed
Me: blue blue daddy is leaving now
Lindo: let me talk to you for a second
Me: me
Lindo: yes
I stood up
Me: excuse me baby
Jones:it's ohk
We walked out
Lindo:*shouting* Daryl fucken Jones
I smiled
Lindo: don't give me that nkosazana
Me:...
Lindo: please tell me he was joking when he said you are his fiancée
Me:..
Lindo: do you have any idea how old he is, his way older than me and you 7 years younger than me
Me: can you calm down
Lindo: and what's with you and Russians geez
He walked away
Me: his my fiancee
Lindo: I told you why I married Rea now your turn
Me: I love him
Lindo:*shouting* fuck that nkosazana
Goldair:. Nkosazana
I turned and he was standing there
Lindo: goldair stay out off this
Goldair: I need to make sure she's ohk before I leave you two alone
Me: I'm ohk

He walked in
Me: stop ohk, just stop. I'm engaged to him and that's that. You coming to pick up the twins Sunday
right
Lindo: I'm not done with you
I bit my lower lip.
Lindo: no!
Me:, my playmate Is mad
He laughed, I laughed with him
Me: IL see you ohk
He kissed my cheek and walked to his car. I walked back in
Me: sorry about that
Jones: it's ohk baby, everything ohk?
Me: yeah his just concerned about the twins. His picking them up Sunday
Jones: is this whole routen working
Me: yeah it's fair for all off us
Jones: ohk
We ate our dinner then headed home, goldair drove us home.
Jones: this is cosy
Me:*laughing* I know, not as big as yours
Jones: it's beautiful
Me: let me put the twins to bed ohk, then will have a glass of wine.
Jones: ohk
I picked them up and walked to their bedroom. Put them to bed, goodnight kisses then walked
downstairs. I changed into something comfortable and went downstairs My glass was already waiting
for me.
Me: done!
Jones: they sleeping
Me: yes
I sat on top off him
Me: how long you here for?

Jones: chasing me out already
Me: stop it, you know why I'm asking
Jones: not longer than a month
Me: what do you have so far for the wedding
Jones: my groomsmen
Me: and your family
Jones: another reason I'm here, they flying in next week for the negotiations
Me: ohk ready for bed
Jones: yeah Im tired
We headed to bed. Next morning prepared breakfast, goldair walked in
Me: morning
He kissed my cheek.
Goldair:, morning
He sat on the counter
Me: you ohk ?
Goldair: yes won't Lindo be a distraction with the plan
I got closer to him
Me: no don't worry about that
Bear: goldair! *Shouting*
Goldair: Mr bear
Bear: please help me to my chair
He picked him up and placed him on the counter. Blue also came
Me: I need someone to help me around the house goldair
Goldair: IL ask around
Me: thank you
We ate our breakfast, Daryl was still sleeping left him a note and left. Work is work during lunch went to
lindo office walked in and he was on the phone. I closed the blinds and undressed, he looked at me,
then walked to him. he turned the chair around I sat on top off him and kissed his neck. He was
stuttering on the phone
Lindo: let me call you after few minutes

He just hung up. He held my face and kissed me, I unbuttoned his shirt then removed it let's just say it
was fire in the 🔥😋😋😋. We were laying on the floor
Me:how's your day
He laughed
Lindo: tell me about your fiancée
I stood up
Me: yho lindo
Lindo: I just don't understand how come you engaged to Daryl Jones
Me:, I'm beautiful he was attracted to me, I was attracted to him we went on a date then he went on
one knee there ke
Lindo:...
Me: don't make this hard on me Tu
Lindo: fine let's forget about it
Me: thank you
Lindo: preparing for the wedding
Me: yeah his here for the negotiations
Lindo:, this is a mistake, come on you can't go through with this.
The door handle went down
Rea:, Lindo!
I Laughed, grabbed my clothes and threw him his clothes. We could hear them talking
Me: will talk ohk
Lindo: ohk
I unlocked the door, she looked at me
Rea: you bitch
I laughed
Me: Lindo will continue this conversation, bye baby girl
I walked passed her. I could hear her shouting. Walked back to my car, goldair was on the phone talking
in Russian, he quickly ended it then headed back to the office. When that was done we went to pick up
the twins
Bear: can I sit with you goldair

Goldair: ask mummy Mr bear
Me: go ahead baby
He jumped to the front, goldair parked at the gate
Me: what's going on
He got out off the car and talked to some guy
Blue: mummy where is goldair going?
Me: his coming baby
He knocked on my window, I rolled it down
Goldair: this is Lebo, his mum is looking for a job. She is in her 40s
Me: ohk will she be able to do everything.
Goldair: yes but they live here
Me: huh
Goldair: squatter camps
Me: do they live together
He nodded his head. I looked at goldair
Goldair: IV spent time with him before, his a great kid
Me:...
Goldair: I think they should just move in on the cottage
Me: you trust
He nodded his head
Me: ohk, tomorrow is Saturday can they come then.
Goldair: ohk... Boy IL drop you off ohk
Lebo: thank you big brother
Goldair walked us in and left. Darly was in the kitchen. I kissed him
Me: hey baby
Him: hey beautiful
Me: I'm so hungry
Him: dinner will be ready in an hour
Me:, ohk... Let's go bath babies

We went to my room and bathed together, when we were done they wore their PJs and headed
downstairs, we watched TV ate dinner then bed.
Following morning made breakfast, Jones left early cause he was meeting someone. Goldair walked in
with Lebo and a woman must have been his mum. I made breakfast for all us and went to sit down. I
spoke Zulu with them. The woman was nontombi
Me: so will you be able to do the job mama
Her: yes
Me: ohk and I have twins but they go to crèche won't that be too much work
Her: no I know something about kids
Me: but hitting them is out off the picture
She nodded her head.
Me: ohk how much would you like to earn for everything
Her:anything is fine with me
I wrote it down and she was shook. And accepted it
Me: Lebo
Him: yes mam
Me:, mam no let's make it nkosazana
He laughed
Me:, you still in school
Lebo: yes
Me: grade
Lebo : 11
Me: ohk let's do it like this ma. You will stay here with me. Cause I want you to have your space you will
stay in that cottage it has everything and luckily two bedrooms. Anything you need inside. However, I
don't tolerate theft since we sitting together like this I expect us to be a family anything you need please
come to me including you Lebo ohk
Lebo:, yes
Me:, do you have other family relatives
Nontombi: no
Lebo: it's just us

Me: ohk when can you move in
Nontombi: even today
I smiled
Me: goldair could you please help them
He shook Lebo head
Goldair: will do it right boy *smiling*
Lebo: yes *smiling*
The twins walked in
Lebo: yho they look alike
I laughed
Me:babies this is Lebo and ma ohk
Blue: llllll*moving her tongue* ehhhh booooo
I looked at her, goldair was from Russia but he said it perfectly
Me: wow blue
Bear: hi Lebo
Me: and baby this is blue and bear
They shook hands. They hugged ma
Goldair: let's go
I showed ma the cottage and she cried 😢😢😢
Insert 92
Few more weeks passed. Jones family came through and paid my lobola and stuff, fam was happy but
unsure about Daryl. Nontombi and Lebo were settling in very well, I loved having them around. After
two months of being there jones left. We dropped him off at the airport
Goldair: you ohk ?
Me: *smiling* you always asking me that are you ohk
I looked at him on the mirror, he laughed and looked away

Me: I'm waiting
Goldair:, I'm doing just fine mam
Me: stop with the mam
Goldair: it's only a matter of time till it's all over then you won't have to worry about him
Me: do you think I can do it
Goldair: where are you right now?
I laughed
Me: can I go with you, the twins are not around and IL be bored.
Goldair: to Lebo soccer match
Me: yes please
Goldair: sure
He made a U-turn
Me:, you love Lebo don't you
Goldair: not more than Mr bear
I laughed
Me: I'm not even worried about that
Goldair: and yeah, his a great kid it's just he didn't grow up with a silver spoon in his mouth I'm sure if he
did.. he would be very far now
Me: and you have a soft spot
Goldair: you only seeing it now
Me: no, IV seen you with the twins
Goldair: well those two give me...
Me: hold on to that... Hello
Ross: miss cerebos.
Me: what can I do for you Mr Ross
Ross: well I'm having problems and I'd like to talk to you.
Me: can we make it tomorrow Evening
Ross: perfect IL see you then
The car had stopped, we got out

Me: wow in a soccer match and I'm wearing heels
Goldair: you look just fine..
We walked to the grounds we were at Soweto actually. We sat on the benches, he bought us ice creams.
The guys came out.
Me: what number jersey is he
Goldair: green and yellow jersey number 10
Me: ohk
Well goldair is fascinated by football that's what he calls it😂😂. We were cheering him on and they
actually won 2_1. We waited for him
Lebo: sis nkosazana this is a surprise
Me: had to see if you really a champ
Lebo: goldair did not lie to you did he.
I laughed
Me: not at all, congratulations
Lebo: thank you
We went back home, ma was cooking. greeted her and went to my room. Took a cold shower and
walked out. I sat on my bed but fell asleep.
Woke up later that day and was covered with a blanket, whoever it was saw me naked � anyway I wore
my PJs then walked downstairs. I ate my supper watched TV then bed. I was really bored and the twins
not being there made things worse. Next day I met up with Ross
Me: what's wrong Ross
Ross: I'm having troubles with money
Me:...
Ross: the wife
Me: that's some real Bs
Ross: please just help me out
Me:what do you have for me
Ross: wife owns a boutique shop for wedding dresses
I laughed
Ross: anything you need free
Me: *laughing* you know what, I might just take you up on the offer but after 3 months I need my
money.
Ross: I won't even make you run after me
Me: ohk your wife
Ross: you can come tomorrow
Me: Sunday?
Ross: it will be open just for you
I laughed
Me: IL see you then
I got up and left
Me: dress shopping tomorrow and you going with me
Goldair: what?
Me: yes goldair please
Goldair: where's Ntokozo
Me: it will be you and Ntokozo
Him: fine
It was just another day. Following day we picked up Ntokozo and headed to that boutique. They both sat
down. I fitted my first dress
Ntokozo: holy shit
Goldair coughed
Me: I'm not able to read your reactions, goldair what do you think
Him: uhm it's not you
I smiled and turned back.
Ntokozo: woah I don't get asked
Me: what do you think
He looked at goldair
Ntokozo,:, it's not you

She didn't move her eyes from goldair. I changed to a few more dresses, they were laughing at me and
stuff. I was even having fun with this whole thing😂😂. After a while of searching, I went back to change
and saw this ballroom dress oh my god😍😍😍😍 it was just perfect. I was just staring at it
Me: can I
Lady:, yes
We took it back to the storeroom and fitted it. I looked like a real life princess I just wanted to get
married now. I walked out and Ntokozo mouth dropped, I turn to goldair he was busy on the phone
Me:, goldair
Him:, y.. *he paused*
He lifted his head to look at me then just stared at me, the both off them
Me: guys can you say something
Ntokozo: you look like...
We both turned to goldair cause he had stood up, he took his things then walked out.i called out for him
but he didn't even turn back to look at us...
Insert 93
I settled with that dress they took everything they needed and we walked out we walked to the parking
lot and he was sitting on the bonnet smoking a cigarette
Me:, you ohk?
Goldair:, yes just needed air
Ntokozo: needed air
Goldair looked at her. We got in the car
Ntokozo: you hot
Me: Ntokozo!!!
Ntokozo: what? it's a compliment
Goldair:, thank you miss
Ntokozo: do you think...
My phone rang and it was Jones

Me,: soon to be husband
Goldair looked at Me on the mirror, I signalled to him that it was Jones
Jones: soon to be wife
Me:, how you doing
Jones:, just missing my wife that's all you
Me,:, besides wanting to be with my hubby I'm ohk
Jones: how far?
Me: I have a dress and the maid of honor dress
Jones: that's amazing you love it
Me: I love it, I just need few more fitting then I'm done
Jones: should I transfer money to you
Me: you know I don't like you doing that
Jones: I know baby but it's our money
Me:, IL let you know if I need anything ohk
Jones: ohk where you going now
Me: home baby
Jones:, ohk
Me: have you looked for your suit
Jones: I'm still on that search
Me: hurry baby please
Jones:ohk baby will talk later ohk
Me:, ohk
I hung up
Ntokozo: Wena you don't have a heart yazi
Me: how is the agreement
Goldair: our lawyer is drawing it up, we have to finalise everything by next month
Me: ohk you sure he will sign it
Goldair: he wants to give you the world, trust me he will
Me:, ohk you eating supper at my place

Ntokozo: yeah
Me:, where is okuhle
Ntokozo: oh my baby
I laughed
Ntokozo:I'm seeing him tomorrow actually
Me: Yesss girl
We got to my place and made supper for all off us. We ate supper, later that day goldair went to drop
off Ntokozo. I took my phone and called Lindo it rang but no answer. I tried like 3 times but nothing. I
eventually went to bed
Following day prepared for work, I ate my breakfast then the was a knock. Goldair never knocks, I went
to open and there was some guy
Me: uhm who are you
I looked aRound, I was ready to take out my gun cause how did he even walk through the gates
Him: uhm Im nhlakanipho goldair told me to come pick you up
Me: where is he
Him: his not feeling well
I took my phone and called goldair
Me: goldair
Him: hi, IV sent s...
Me: you sent him
Him: yeah are you ohk
Me:no are you ohk
Him: IL be fine
Me: ohk
I hung up and left. Arrived in the office and got busy with work. Lunch time my door opened and Lindo
walked in
Lindo: hey
Me: hi
Lindo: uhm Im sorry about last night

Me: it's cool
I was busy with some case law
Lindo: lunch?
Me: I'd love that but I'm kind of busy
Lindo: supper
Me: will see
Lindo: nkosazana could you please look at me
I removed my eyes from these cases and looked at him
Lindo: Im sorry about last night
Me:*smiling* ohk Lindo
I moved my eyes back on the papers, he left. Around 5 I knocked off and told the guy to drop me off at
goldair place. I walked in,I knocked but there was no answer so I just walked in. I could hear him all the
way from the kitchen shouting in Russian
Him: I'm here how the fuck do you expect me to fix this... Do something or get the fuck outta my place
and get...
I walked in
Him: IL call you later
He hung up
Me: and that?
Him: nothing what you doing here
I could hear his voice he seemed block I think he was catching flu
Me: wanted to check up on you
Him : oh
Me: luckily I bought flu medication
Him: you didn't have to
Me:, yes I did, I have to take care off you... Have you eaten
Him:, not yet
I made him something to eat then we Both ate
Me: take this now and Tomorrow morning after eating
Him:, ohk
Me: and this antibiotics three times a day ohk
Him: ohk
Me: when you cough, drink this
Him:, thank you so much
Me: pleasure I have to go now
Him:, let me walk you out
We walked out, nhlakanipho walked in to wash his dish. He opened the door for me I got in
Me: please rest ohk
Goldair: I will goodnight
He kissed my cheek and closed the door. Nhlakanipho dropped me off at home.
Walked in
Guy: you just knocked off now
I turned around and he was leaning on the door frame
Me: what you doing here?
Lindo: you still mad at me
Me:..
He walked up to me
Lindo: lover I'm sorry ohk, things got hectic last night
Me: ohk
He kissed me
Lindo: you still mad at me
He said that kissing my neck, I laughed. He picked me up, we kissed and headed to the bedroom where
we both got down like that 😋😋😋😋😋
Insert 94
Few more weeks passed, I didn't see Lindo as much anymore. He always had excuses and whenever we
meet we just fuck. I went out for lunch me, the twins and Ntokozo.
Ntokozo: you ohk
Me: yeah I'm fine
Said that busy with blue
Ntokozo: how long have we been friends
Me:*laughing* first year
Ntokozo: exactly, I know you baby
Me: what you on about manje
Ntokozo: I feel bad for telling you this
Me: Ntokozo
Ntokozo: I loved you for ulindo and I was selfish forcing you to Lindo cause I wanted okuhle
Me: ay Wena man
Ntokozo: Lindo is in love with Rea
I laughed
Me: no baby
Ntokozo: I just feel like he is using you for sex and you
Me: his not
Ntokozo: you were the one telling me that these past few days, he does not avail himself for you and
when you do meet him you have sex
Me: his not ntokozo, he is ready to leave urea
Ntokozo: I was just saying
Me: I understand your concern but trust me his not
Ntokozo: are you in love with him?
Me: y...
She cut me off
Ntokozo; or you think you in love with him when you actually in love with someone else
Me: what the fuck are you talking about?
Ntokozo: just saying

Me: when this marriage is done me and Lindo will be together geez girl
Ntokozo:ohk ke
We ate our lunch
Ntokozo: don't be mad at me
Me:, I'm not
We sat in silence
Me: you were the one telling me to be with Lindo and that it doesn't feel right that I'm not marrying
lindo
Ntokozo: until I saw he was using you
Me: you are never with Lindo how would you know his using me
Ntokozo:*shouting* I saw him with Rea, the way he looked at her, he doesn't look at you like that nawe
if you really loved him you wouldn't have agreed to this sex thing only nkosazana think about it even
with this sham of a marriage you would have choose him and not this wedding if you truly loved him
Me: he does not love her
Ntokozo: babies go play on the swings ohk
They both got up and left.
Ntokozo: do you think if he truly was still in love with you he would have continued with his marriage to
Rea. the moment you left to go to Russia he should have divorced that bitch but he didn't, if you were
not engaged do you think he would have made a move. He hated the idea of someone else having you.
You not in love with him you in love with
Me: fuck you
I took out money and threw it on the table and walked out, I took the twins and left
Blue: where is Ntokozo
I walked to my car and sat there
Bear: you ohk mummy
I took my phone and called Lindo
Lindo: lover
Me: where are you ?.
Lindo: home
The door opened and she walked in. I started the car and drove off
Me: meet me now at Newtown.

Lindo: ohk IL see you in 30
Me: ohk
I hung up. The drive was silent, I arrived in Newtown
Me: IL meet you back home later
Ntokozo jumped to the driver seat, I walked in to that Newtown restaurant
He was already there he got up and kissed me, I returned the kiss and sat down
Lindo: you seem...
Me: are you in love with Rea
Lindo: what??
Me: are you in love with Rea
Lindo: uhm n.. wait where is this coming from?
Me: when are you planning to divorce her
Lindo: nkosazana we talked about this
Me: ...
Lindo:are you ohk?
I looked at him
Lindo: I love you
Me:I have to go
Lindo: where to? Let's eat
Me: I'm full
Lindo: ohk drinks then
Me: ohk
We ordered drinks and just talked Nd laughed Nd had a good time like always. I got everything that
Ntokozo said out off my head... When we were done, he went to drop me off.
Me: IL see you when
Lindo: tomorrow
Me: ohk
We kissed then I walked in. They were all sitting in the lounge
Me: yebo
Ntokozo: you back
Me: yeah and if you must know everything is just fine
Ntokozo: ohk baypes as long as you happy then I'm good
Me: I am
Ntokozo: that's all I needed to hear KE
Me: the twins
Ntokozo: bed
Me: sleeping over
Ntokozo: yeah tomorrow church
I looked at her
Ntokozo: don't look at me like that we are going and that's that
Me: cool asambe
we went upstairs there were a lot off rooms there but we always slept together. Next morning we
prepared for church dressed up the twins and left ...
Insert 95
One night got out off the shower and he was sitting on my bed
Me: what you doing here?
Lindo: that's how you going to welcome me now
I walked to my bed and sat down
Lindo: you have been acting funny these days what's up
Me: no I haven't
I lotioned my body
Me: but something is different about you
Lindo: in what way
Me: you know what never mind, it's just Ntokozo said something and it's been on my head ever since
Lindo: what?
Me: nothing where are you suppose to be
Lindo:*laughing* don't worry about that
Me: hungry?
Lindo: yep
We walked downstairs and dished up for him
Me: do you still have that offer on the table
Lindo: which one
Me: your firm
Lindo: you want it
Me: was considering it
Lindo: if you want it we can talk about it
Me: ohk
We Washed his plate then he kissed me but I broke it
Me: can we just talk no sex
Lindo:*smilling* ohk
We talked through the night, next morning he left
After few days, I had a job during the week big heist, I met up with Lindo
Lindo: don't do it
Me: do what
Lindo: the job
I turned to goldair he looked at me
Me: what job?
Lindo: I got a tip that you doing a job
Me: me
Lindo: yes
Me: they told you I was doing a job, who is that?
Lindo: I don't know it was anonymous
Me: I told you before not to get involved in my business

Lindo: goldair! Stop her
Goldair:*smiling* she can do it
Lindo: are you fucken insane
Goldair: me and you have no connection whatsoever and putting a bullet in your head I can do now so
mind the way you talk. Also, stop undermining her she can do it
Me: thank you
Lindo: do whatever you want to do
He got up
Me: you leaving now
Lindo: I'd like to think
He took his things and walked away
Me: do you...
Goldair: don't doubt yourself
I took my things and we walked out
Me: how did he even know?
Goldair: people talk
Me: that's not good what if, it reaches the wrong people that you know
Goldair: it won't... Don't worry about such you have a job Friday and next week Saturday you getting
married
Me: tell me about being busy
Goldair: you got everything
Me: been meaning to tell you...
I reached for an envelope in my bag and handed it to him. He used his legs to control the steering wheel
while using his hands to open
Goldair: card number and CVV
Me: yes for all his cards
Goldair: that's his pin for the safety deposit box
Me: yes check inside the envelope
He did
Me: that has his fingerprint, I don't know how you going to do it but if one off the guys will pose as him
then that is needed
Goldair: when we go back to Russia, Il do that
Me: everything in order
Goldair: how we going to do it
Me: you going to do it
Goldair: yeah
Me: ohk my parents
Goldair: you going to tell him they couldn't make it cause of their visa and you tell your parents he was
murdered on your wedding night
Me: knowing my mum, she will want me to mourn
Goldair: you will have to eventually three months is enough
Me: ohk
Goldair: the twins
Me: IL be leaving them with Lindo... How about the guys
Goldair: they on standby including the footage
Me: ohk
Goldair: IV found the perfect orphanage
Me: Really
Goldair: yeah and got ahold of their account number
Me: let's make it 4 orphanages
Goldair :even better
Let me put it out there Daryl Jones owns a number of business but they just a cover up. His actually a
bitch ass nigga. Sells girls all around the world that's were the billions comes from. His more into human
trafficking and prostitution. It was cerebos idea and when I heard about it, you know I was in to put a
bullet on this nigga forehead. I had a daughter and getting rid of pisses off shit like this, I did not mind.
He dropped me off then walked in.
Few days passed the job was a success and Lindo could not believe it. Sunday I took the twins to Lindo
place for the first time ever. He always picks them up and comes to drop them off. They let me in and I
walked in, I walked to the lounge and there was Rea, onts and onks
Me: the whole squad

Them:...
Rea: what are you doing here?
Me: where is lindo?
Rea: his not here
Bear: hi Rea
Rea: hi sweety
They both ran to her and hugged her. WTF!!!
Rea: have you eaten?
Blue: yes
Rea: well ice cream later on ohk
Them: ohk
They walked upstairs, I hated Rea and I expected my kids to hate her as well. Also for Rea to hate them
but nothing.
Rea: thank you for dropping them off
I walked upstairs
Rea: where do you think you going
I walked to the twins bedroom
Me: you ohk
They nodded their heads
Bear: you staying for ice cream
Me: no baby let me just pack your things
They walked downstairs. I continued packing
"Hey" I turned and he was leaning on the door frame. I got up
Me: hey *biting my lower lip*
I kissed him but he pulled back
Me:...
Lindo: everyone is downstairs
Me: Soo
I pulled him to the twins bedroom and kissed him, he kissed me back but pulled back
Lindo: we need to stop
I looked at him, he opened the door I took my car keys and walked out
Me: I'm going now ohk
Bear: will you call
Me: yes baby
I kissed them both then walked out, Lindo followed me
Me: next week IL be done with everything, IL be a free woman make up your mind
Before he could say anything, got in the car and left...
Insert 96
Tuesday me, goldair and Ntokozo flew to Russia
. We headed to cerebos place
Ntokozo: fuckkkk
Goldair laughed
Ntokozo: why the fuck am I not single,I need a Russian guy
Goldair: and they definitely know how to treat a woman
Cerebos: my princess
he walked up to us and kissed my cheek
Me: Mr cerebos
Cerebos: how you beautiful
Me: tired
Cerebos: I understand and this must be the beautiful Ntokozo am I saying it right
Ntokozo:*laughing* not so bad will work on it
They laughed and hugged
Cerebos: Mr goldair
Goldair: Mr cerebos
They shook hands

Cerebos: both your rooms are ready go and rest
We went up I showed Ntokozo her room and she slept, well I couldn't sleep. I went to shower then
walked out. I heard dog noises so went to the sliding door, it was goldair playing with the dogs. He was
running up and down. Falling and dogs biting him. I found myself biting my lower lip and laughing. He
looked up and I stepped aside holding my boobs I was naked. I peaked again but there was no one,I
heard sounds and he showed up on the balcony. I crossed my leg and covered my boobs
Goldair: you spying on me
Me: you in my balcony remember
Goldair: get dressed
Me:, get down
Goldair: I can climb up not down
We looked at each other. He jumped up. He walked to the bed and took my gown on the bed and
covered me.
Me: thank you
Goldair: shouldn't you be resting
Me: shouldn't you be practicing your shot
He laughed
He went on his knees and pulled a bag under the bed. Unzipped it and took out a rifle sniper. He set it
up and walked to me. He stood next to me
Me: the pigeon
Any girl who saw what I was seeing would be 😘😍 he pulled the trigger. We walked to the balcony and
it was down. He turned to me the same time the door flew open of cerebos goons with guns
Goldair: still think I need to practice
I laughed. He turned away to the guys
Goldair: don't worry it was me... Get some rest miss cerebos
Me: goldair wait
He stopped
Me: how do you know you love someone or someone is in love with you... You taught me all about
killing and different types of guns but not about love
Goldair: that's because we can't teach you how to love, you have to figure out everything on your own.
Just like you have to figure out who you love and if someone is in love with you
Me: thank you

He closed the door and I went to bed.
Following day I met up with Jones, everything was set it was actually going to be a beautiful wedding.
After everything we went back I joined cerebos and goldair
Cerebos: you ready
Me: yeah when will you do everything
Goldair: will clean out his account around 2 am
Me: ohk safety deposit
Goldair,:, tomorrow morning before the service begins
Me: Ohk Ntokozo will be safe right
Goldair: IV got someone who has her back
Me: ohk
Cerebos: go to bed now
Me: goodnight
I left them and went to bed
Woke up very early they did my make up and Ntokozo. Wore my dress and walked downstairs
My bridesmaids were there, I didn't even know the girls
Me: where is goldair
Cerebos turned
Cerebos: oh mother of God
I smiled
Cerebos: you look like a Russian queen
I laughed
Me: thank you
Cerebos: geez Alexander won't be able to contain himself
Me: Alexander???
Cerebos: don't worry about that meet your bridesmaid

They told me their names, Ntokozo walked down and she was fucked up beautiful. Cerebos is flirty so, I
had to wait for goldair. I sat down
Ntokozo: you nervous
Me: yeah a bit
Goldair:, you ready
I turned to the door, oh my god😍😍😍 we looked at each other
Ntokozo: well then enough with the eyes can we go
I got up
Goldair: you look beautiful
Me: not as much as you
He laughed I noticed what I just said. I looked at Ntokozo she just laughed at me. Well we left and
headed to the venue
Goldair: this is yours
He gave me a gun
Me: I can't put it in my boobs
Goldair:, your tights
I couldn't bend and Ntokozo was not there. I gave it to him
Goldair:, you need it
I lifted up my dress, he looked at me then went down. He touched my thigh and I moaned 😂😂 I tried
holding it back but I did not know what the fuck was wrong with me
Goldair:, you ohk
I nodded my head. He fixed my dress
Goldair: done. I have to go
Me: be safe
Goldair: IL try not to hit you
We both laughed, after few minutes the service started my bridesmaids then Ntokozo then Me. I walked
to Jones and the smile on his face, the service began and we said our I do's then it was time for signing.
He signed everything then we left, pictures then reception. It was time for our first dance
Jones: I love you
Me: love you so much more

The dance went on for a while then 🔫. He went down, I screamed everyone screamed
Me:*crying* call an ambulance now!!!.
The cries were real guys I mean after messing up my gown with blood. Goldair showed up in paramedic
uniform lord😍😍😍
Him: mam you will have to come with us
The people there helped me up and we got in the ambulance.
Me: woahhhh that was close
Goldair laughed
Insert 97
Few days passed, Ntokozo left and I had to cry and cry and cry. Jones had a son Daniel he was like 27 I
think
Daniel: he said he had everything under control and that I shouldn't worry about it
Me: what you talking about?
Daniel: there were people threatening him, sending him death threats he said they were bluffing
Me'*shouting* how can you not tell me this? You were suppose to tell me you and him. I could have
done something
Daniel:*crying* I'm sorry, he said he would handle it
Me: I'm sorry baby
I hugged him
Me: I know I shouldn't be taking out my frustration on you
We hugged it out, his mum arrived and she talked a lot as always. I went to my room and just sat on
My bed
Someone: you still ohk
I quickly got up. He was leaning on the door frame
Me:*smiling* should you be here sir
Goldair: nope but cerebos keeps telling me about her princess

I laughed, he walked up to me but locked the door I sat on the bed. He grabbed a chair and sat opposite
me
Goldair: how you doing
Me:, I'm hanging in there, all this crying I no longer have tears
He took out eyedrops from his pocket
Goldair: this is for you
Me:thank you when will this end
Goldair: just give it few more days ohk
Me: ohk
Goldair: I have to go
Me: will you be able to go out
Goldair: how did I get in
Me:*laughing* goodnight
He left, I took my phone and called Lindo but he said he was busy so I just hung up...
The crying went on and I got everything as planned, they found out he was robbed and they suspected
the people sending him death threats not me. I got everything including property but I handed his two
properties and cars to his son. I told them I was moving back to South Africa and they thought it was
best in order for me to heal. I went back and told my family about the tragedy, I came back alone since
there were things goldair needed to fix. He made funding for the orphanages we talked about. I picked
up the twins
Me: now I'm all yours
Lindo:, that's amazing
Me: Rea
Lindo: yeah I know when you going back to work
Me: Monday
Lindo: excited
Me: yeah it's been a while so yep
Lindo: you must be tired
Me: yeàh will talk tomorrow.
Lindo: ohk
We got In the car and left...
Few weeks passed me and Lindo went away for the weekend. The twins were at my parents place
Lindo: so how will things turn out now
Me: work remains work
Lindo:*laughing* I can't believe you did that to you jones
Me: girl gotta do what she gotta do right
Lindo: how about you do me now
I laughed
Me: I'm hungry
Lindo:, you going to pass on this meal
Me:, yeah
He laughed
We went to eat out and went back to our room and did the deed. Following day we took part in certain
activities and we were drained by the time we went back. Sunday we drove back home,he dropped me
off and left...
The following day me and Ntokozo went out
I did my nails and hair so did she.
Me: you and okuhle
Ntokozo: perfect
Me: umshado
Ntokozo: most definitely
I laughed
Ntokozo: when you picking up the twins.
Me: tomorrow
We paid then left
Me: how's work ?
Ntokozo: hectic with the exams coming up

Me: let's go In here, I bought blue some tights but no top... So when do you close
Ntokozo: July
We went through tops
Ntokozo: let's go
Me: I told you I was looking for a top
She walked up to me and held my hand
Me: Yini ngawe
She dragged me out off that shop,I removed her hand
Me:, what's wrong with you?
Ntokozo: I need the bathroom
She ran there I followed her, she was breathing heavy
Me: Ntokozo what's wrong
She was just trying to catch her breath, I gave her my bottled water she drank it and calmed down A bit
Me: you ohk
She nodded her head
Me: since when you have asthma
Ntokozo: can we please go
Me: ohk
I helped her with her bag and we left, she wanted to be alone so I dropped her off...
A month before my holidays, I was trying to figure out what I was going to do, Lindo came through
Lindo: you ohk
Me: yeah
Lindo: I just came to pick up the twins
Me:..
I walked up the stairs and called the twins, they came down with me
Blue:daddy
Lindo went on his knees and picked her up
Lindo: go and check who is in the car

Bear was down, I picked him up
Me: what's wrong
He shook his head
Me: baby
Bear: you said we going to call goldair
Me: eish
I took out my phone and dialled his number he picked up on the first ring. I gave it to bear and walked
him out
Lindo: you don't have to
Me: he has my phone
I walked out, placed bear in his car seat
Rea: hi nkosazana
Me: baby say bye
Bear said bye and gAve me my phone, I kissed them both and walked in. Lindo held my hand. I pushed
him to the door
Me; don't touch me...
Insert 98
#Goldair
Too be honest i was tired from everything, i tried my best with nkosazana but she is just too blind and i
wont ambarass myself like that and confess my shit to her. I packed my bags and took them to the car. I
drove to her place and walked in
Nkosazana: morning
She kissed my cheek
Me; hi
She turned to face me
Nkosazana; whats wrong?
Me; we need to talk

Nkosazana : ohk let me give the twins their food then will talk
Me; ohk
They walked in the kitchen
Bear; goldair *smiling*
Me; *smiling* mr bear and miss blue
Blue; hi mr goldair
I smiled and kissed her.
Nkosazana; ohk lets talk
I looked at the twins and they were just eating
Me; uhm
Nkosazana; dont worry about them talk!
Me; im leaving
Nkosazana ; huh
Me; im going back to russia, i can no longer work for you
Nkosazana; what? Are you joking *laughing* dont joke like that
Me; unfortunately im serious
Nkosazana; what you mean you serious?
Me; im sorry but i can no longer go on
I tried kissing her cheek but she raised her hand
Nkosazana; does cerebos know, you cant leave me goldair come on
Me ; blue, bear il see you ohk
Bear; where you going ?
Me; a bit far
Nkosazana; *shouting* be honest with him
I looked at her she was already in tears, i felt bad but she did not understand how i felt
Bear; goldair where you going
He got off from his chair and walked to me, i picked him up so as blue.
Me; im going back to russia
Blue; are we coming with

Me; no you will look after mummy right
Bear; no we cant look after mummy, you always look after mummy
Me;...
Nkosazana; please!
Me; il try and call you ohk and when you go back to russia, you will visit me right
Blue; do you really have to go
Me; yes baby
She wrapped her arms around my neck,
Blue; will you call me
Me; yes baby all the time... Bear
He got off from me and walked away
Me; BEAR!!!
He disappeared in the hallway
Blue; goldair are you coming back tomorrow
Me; no baby let me go and talk to bear
He just tightened her grip around my neck, i turned to nkosazana and she was looking down crying. I
walked to Bear room and he was sitting on the floor i sat next to him
Me; big guy
Bear;...
Me; you know i love you both right, i love you both so much to infinity right
Blue; up to the moon
Me; no the moon too close
Bear was just looking the other way
Me; mr bear i love you ohk and im going to call you all the time
Bear; who will take me to school now and play soccer with me and take care of mummy when we with
daddy
Me;...
Bear; you promised me and blue you would never leave us
Me; me leaving does not mean i wont ever see you guys ever again and *i paused* i love your mum
Now i was just giving it to them straight
Me; i love your mum so much but
Bear; mum loves you too
Me; no he doesnt boy and thats the reason why i have to go. Il call you both everyday and please take
care off your mum ohk and if anything is wrong or there is something you dont like call me, my numbers
are in your bags ohk
Blue; i love you goldair
Me; i love you too sweety
We all hugged it out then i went downstairs
She started crying now everyone was crying, bear was mad at me. I looked at nkosazana and walked out.
A cab was already waiting for me, it dropped me off at the airport and left...
I arrived in russia early hours of the morning. I went to cerebos house, I walked in and was met by
cerebos
Cerebos; alexander
Me; mr cerebos
Cerebos; what can i do for you sir? And why are you not in south africa
Me; im sorry but im done
He laughed and walked to his whiskey table
Cerebos; would you like a glass
Me; yes please
He poured drinks for both me and him and sat down
Cerebos; lets hear it
Me; im running my ship again
Cerebos; you in love with her
Me;...
Cerebos; *laughing* i knew it, saw it from the first time you saw her. You looked at her as if she was the
most beautiful girl in the world. You suddenly had life in you. What do they call it you blossomed
He took another sip of his drink

Cerebos; you mr alexander had no soft spot, you had no heart but the moment you saw her all off that
changed
Me;...
Cerebos; when do you plan on telling her
Me; i dont
Cerebos; why is that? Got too much pride
Me; yeah i do my reputation does not allow me to do that
Cerebos; trying to stop yourself from loving her
Me; maybe i am you know why cause she is not ready to be loved, she failed to recognise a real thing in
her face.
Cerebos; sometimes we meet the right person just at the wrong time
Me; well im done! Iv created the master piece i wanted in her and now you may step down
Cerebos; so what you going to do, go back to your place drink vodka and smoke two lines then wake up
to run your empire while she is being gullible
Me; like i said im done what she does now is no longer my business except for shit that concern my
business
Cerebos; did you tell her who you are
Me; no and you wont either
Cerebos; yes sir
I took my things and walked out ...
Goldair;
I couldnt sleep the whole night kept tossing and turning, finally woke up and just stared into space. Her
picture was in my head, how she smelled, her laugh. I got up and walked downstairs i took a shot off
vodka and went for a run, ran back and saw cerebos car on the driveway. I walked in
Cerebos; well i was right about the vodka
Me; what you doing here
Cerebos; im still your great grandfather behind all off this
Me;...
Cerebos; go take a shower you dont smell nice
I went to shower, when i was done went downstairs

Me' you still here
Cerebos; yes
I sat down
Cerebos; so how are you
Me; im fine
Cerebos; no you not, look at yourself
Me; you came all the way here to tell me that
Cerebos; no, i came to tell you to fight for her
Me; no
Cerebos; geez goldair
Me; listen grandad i have a lot to do, she s probably sucking that niggas dick right now and you want me
to make a stupid out off myself by going after her. Are you insane ?
Cerebos; ...
Me; whatever you had in mind about me and her just forget about it. I have places to be and a business
to run. You have no idea how hard it is to keep my shit operating while im living in south africa and you
not doing shit about it
Cerebos; im too old for this
Me; people dont know that but do they
Cerebos; dont you think its time you come out now
Me; no, you going to be my cover while i run my shit behind the mask and that is your face and name
Cerebos; well since you back i can relax now
Me; you have been relaxing nothing new there cerebos
Cerebos; whatever Black
The following day met with my business associates and it was good seating down surrounded by russian
men who want to spend money on you. Let me formally introduce myself im Alexander Black but most
commonly known as goldair guess you could say my street name where it came about i dont know.
Cerebos is my great grandfather from my mothers side reason behind me not being alexander cerebos.
My great grandfather during his time was this russian mafia highly feared all over the world of the
underworld. He staged my kidnapping when i was 15 since or so he says , saw potential within me. My
parents thought i was really kidnapped and he acted really well with them grieving for me. I was taught
ev everything i knew when i was 15, homeschooled, moved from one country to the other. By 18 i knew
everything and knew a real war my wounds were my proof. I went back home when i was 21 as this
broken, no heart cold hearted mf . Everything in me had changed, i could kill an entire family with
children but i would feel nothing in me thats the kind of animal i was turned to. I ran the underworld but
still covered my grandfather. So people thought everything was still run by cerebos but that was not the
case, people who knew me were the people aware of the whole shit. Few years back, i started taking
over every country but i could not find the perfect candidate for south africa, cause men that side are
typical suspects for every crime and gangsters that side knew each other, so i needed someone who will
be no close to being a criminal and would be the last suspect. A woman, beautiful educated woman. I
had troubles of finding one, i eventually gave up. My left hand man told me about this girl that his friend
had told him about 'thando' the guy that introduced us to nkosazana. They spotted her but during her
fianl year she loses her life, her brother dies and now she becomes the perfect candidate. Broken and
nothing to live for girl, just the girl i need a girl that can pull the trigger without thinking and i would
easily turn her into that cause she no longer has anything to live for. However, she falls pregnant now im
ready to back this shit up and find someone else but cerebos tells me to go through with it so i do. She
first met my great grandther thinking he was her boss but no. After she gives birth, i finally get to meet
this girl but im supposed to fight her and the moment she walked through the door i instantly fell in
love. Long story cut short, im madly in love with her but she does not know, i wanted to keep an eye on
her see if she does everything she was taught so i go undercover as her supposedly bodyguard goldair
and she takes it. Thats how we got where we are right now.
Insert 99
#nkosazana
Following day it was a Sunday, ntokozo picked me up to go to church as usual she is always forcing me to
go to be honest. Then we went out for lunch
Me; i think lindo loves rea, i mean really love rea
Ntokozo; ...
Me; i know you want to say i told you so
Ntokozo; well then since you said it i told you so babe.
Me; but im not sure
Ntokozo;....
Me; since you found out what i really do, you have always wanted to go to missions with me right
Ntokozo; fuck yes
Me; lets go spy on lindo and rea ke
Ntokozo; fuck you! Not that kind of mission
Me; please
Ntokozo; no
Me; il let you hold a gun
Ntokozo; no and im not going to let you do this
Me; well im going with or without you
Ntokozo;...
Me; so
Ntokozo ; ohk
Me; *laughing* il pick you up later
Ntokozo; ohk
We carried on with our lunch, later that day she dropped me off at my place. Around 20;00 i went to
pick up ntokozo and we headed to lindo place, she kept on complaining but we were on top off a roof at
the house opposite to lindo. We both looked through binoculours
Ntokozo; i feel like im in a movie
Me;...
Ntokozo; do you think in this house they can hear we on top of their roof
Me; if you keep talking they will
Ntokozo; woo boss lady
They walked in their bedroom, i almost slipped but ntokozo held me
Me; shes pregnant
Ntokozo;...
Me; *shouting* shes fucken pregnant
Ntokozo; ...
Not only was she pregnant they were all lovey dovey and it was not the touchy feels that got me but the
way he looked at her, the smile on his face
Me; his in love with her
Ntokozo;....
Me; lets go
I packed away everything and carried the backpack
Ntokozo; you ohk
I nodded my head
Ntokozo; its ohk to be heart broken
Me; rub this powder on your hand so you wont slip
She did just that
Me; hold on to me and get off
Ntokozo; will you be able to hold me off
Me; trust me
She pulled my arms and tried getting off while i was holding on to the roof with the other after 5
minutes of her hesitating to jump, she finally jumped and walked back to the car
Ntokozo; its ohk to be hurt
Me;...
Ntokozo; im sorry he broke your heart and if you want to cry
Me;...
Ntokozo; you dont have to act tough with me
I turned to her
Me; did you know, cause you were not shocked
Ntokozo;...
Me; did you fucken know?
Ntokozo; remember when we were going to do our nails and we stopped at the baby shop, i saw her
picking clothes
Me; *shouting* i cant believe you
Ntokozo; im sorry i did not want to hurt you
Me; hurt me? No you did not hurt me but you made me make a fool out off myself
Ntokozo; im sorry
Me; ...
Ntokozo; i know you hurt cause of lindo and not me really
Me; im not hurt ntokozo, i dont even feel like crying *i opened my eyes* do you see tears, im not heart
broken at all
Ntokozo;...
Me; you know whats frustrating is i was ready to give it all for him but he choose that bitch not only that
but he actually loves that bitch, *shouting* my friend and they expecting a child together. How long was
he going to hide this
Ntokozo; nkosazana
Me; let me be honest with you, i got over lindo years back before i even came back to Russia, i did half
off the things i did cause i wanted that bitch to suffer and for her to see with her own eyes when lindo
fall in love with me *laughing* but guess what? God said il hurt you were it will hurt most, i watched her
live happily in love with lindo, wowza
I walked away
Ntokozo; just let go of everything ohk, everything and start afresh
Me; *shouting* NO! You dont honestly think im going to let this go right. HE MADE A FOOL OUT OFF ME
Ntokozo;...
Me; *Laughing* its weird how i dont even want to kill him, know why
Ntokozo; why
Me; *laughing* i was never in love with lindo. Yes i was once in love with him not anymore. I only did
half the shit i did because i wanted to be petty to REA dont you get it. Why the fuck would i be so calm
and not crying my eyes out after finding out lindo is in love with rea and they fucken expecting thats
because i dont love lindo fuck man.
I left her behind and walked away. I waited for her in the car and she got in. I drove off to her place
Ntokozo; im not going to my place
Me; *shouting* then uyaphi ntokozo
I was so angry with her , you have no idea
Ntokozo; can you for a second have a heart and get rid of the animal that they created inside of you
I stopped the car
Me; listen and listen to me carefully, get the fuck out off my business
Ntokozo; thats the shit i wont do cause you my best friend
I got out off the car, she got out as well
Ntokozo; im not sure i like the girl that you have become
Me; well this is me stick with it or get the fuck out off my life
Ntokozo; you would like that wont you, for me to get out off your life so you can do all this fucked up
shit you do.
Me; can you stop being my mum

Ntokozo; no! You my best friend, best friend from varsity and i know you. Im tired off your fucked up
behaviour. Leave lindo and rea alone and stop running away from your feelings
Me; what?
Ntokozo; not only are you trying to hurt rea but you also hiding your feelings
Me; *shouting* feelings? What feelings?
Ntokozo; you know exactly who im talking about, you knew you were in love with him but you didnt
allow yourself to love him so you tried burying them by using lindo and look his gone and you a
miserable bitch
Me; fuck you
Ntokozo; fuck you too, its cold here and people are looking at us as if we drunk. Lets go to your bed and
cuddle and stop pissing me off
She got in the car, i followed her
Insert 100
We woke up together and i just went for a run, trying to clear my head, i had a job at pretoria a hit. I left
ntokozo while sleeping and drove to pretoria. I arrived in less than 2 hours, i went for breakfast and
roamed around the streets of pretoria. Around 5 i headed to that guys house and did the deed then
booked myself in to a hotel just to sleep. The following day went back home, the twins were coming to
me. I took a long ass shower. I heard the shower door open and lindo walked in naked. He tried to kiss
me but i got out off the shower
Me; im on my periods
I got out off the shower
Lindo; what? Thats a lie
Me; im not
Lindo; your water is clear
Me; aybo bhuti
I wrapped myself with a towel, wore my gown and walked to bear room
Me; hi my big bear
He ran to me and hugged me. I picked him up
Me; you missed me

Bear; yes
Me; how much
Bear; up to the sky
I laughed, blue showed up. I put bear down and picked up blue. Lindo walked out all dressed
Lindo; i cant stay for long
Me; ohk
I wasnt even looking at him when he said that
Me; we have to get you ready for school, you know that right
Bear; yes mummy
I checked my back and he was no longer there. I sat with them and blue wanted to talk to goldair, i took
my phone and dialled goldiar, it was 12 that side. It rang once then he picked up
Goldair; hello
Blue; goldair
Bear; mr goldair
Goldair*laughing* hi guys
Bear; were you sleeping
Goldair; yes, what time is it here
Bear; wait, 2 hours ahead... Mum whats the time
Me; 10
Bear; is it 11
Goldair; no
Blue; 12
Goldair; *laughing* yeah
Blue; were you sleeping
Goldair; no was waiting for your call
Me; im coming dont drop my phone
Bear ; ohk mummy
I went downstairs and just stood there
Ma; you ohk baby

Me; yes ma where is lebo
Ma; lounge
Me; hehhhhh homework on a Sunday ngo 11
Lebo; sisi nkosazana it slipped mY
Me; what is it
Lebo; business studies
Me; you need to do well, you know that this year
Lebo; yeah, you going to help me with applying right
Me; yes baby
We talked for a while and went upstairs to take my phone but they were still talking, goldair laughing
and the two laughing they heads off
Goldair; you cant say that *laughing*
Blue; im sorry
Me; guys school tomorrow
Bear; but we still talking
Me; no
Goldair; go to bed ohk, il call you tomorrow
Blue; you promise
Goldair; i promise
Bear; tell cerebos i love him ohk
Goldair; il do just that mr bear
Blue; goodnight mr goldair
Goldiar; goodnight miss blue
I took my phone
Me;goldair
Goldair; yes miss cerebos
Me; why are you treating me like this
Goldair; im not treating you in anyway, sleep tight

Then he hung up
Me; wow
I put the twins to bed then went to bed.
It was finally my birthday month JULY, i was turning 25 shit. I was planning to go away just me and my
kids and maybe ntokozo.
Ma; you losing weight
I turned to her
Me; haybo
Her; im serious
Me; im ohk ma just work is stressing me out
Her; why dont you call him
Me; he doesnt even want to talk to me, iv never been good with men in my life yazi ma maybe i need to
do what i do best and stay with my kids
Her; you need him
Me; why does he not need me and be here
Her; *smiling* his been with you all this time but you had your eye on glitter
Me;...
Her; just call him sometimes we have to put our pride away and fight for what we want
I hugged her
Me; where is lebo
Her; soccer
I went to my bedroom, it was so cold. I took my phone and practised what i would say. Dialled the
number and it rang as i was about to hang up
Goldairl hello
Me; goldair
Him;...
Me; uhm how you doing
Him; im ohk and yourself
Me; im i dont know how i feel

Him;...
Me; my birthday is coming up
Him; i know 31st july
Me; i love you
I held my mouth after saying that
Him; what?
Me; i...
Him; where are you?
Me; im home
Him; listen there is an envelope in your safe the one in your bedroom. Its 4 tickets to the maldives for
next week, i was going to wait but you need them. Take a vacation and have time to yourself, think
about what you want and your plans ohk
Me; goldair
Him; are you listening to me
Me; did you hear what i said
Him; you not thinking straight cause you hurt, i know everything that happened. You need time to
yourself ohk. So take this trip
Me; goldair
Him; happy birthday!
He hung up. I walked to my bathroom and looked at myself on the mirror
Me; why am i crying
I wiped my tears and just went to bed. The twins were not there sooo. I stayed in bed the whole time
while crying.
'nana...nana' i slowly opened my eyes and there was ntokozo
Ntokozo; oh my god, are you ohk
I turned the other direction
Ntokozo; you are really worrying me
Me;...
Ntokozo; listen i know its hard and i know you hurt but you have to move on babe! There are better
things for you out there, you and lindo where good together then not now, you both have grown and
you both have grown apart. You not the woman lindo needs and lindo is not the man you need. I know
you never defeated but now its time to accept defeat, he loves her and it fucked yeah but we talking
about love here, we dont choose who we love
This girl was making me cry again and i did not want to
Ntokozo; just remember hating her and wanting to do things to her wont help anyone. Shes your kids
second mum and they love her and you have to respect that and you need to respect lindo decisions.
The men you seat around in a table are not here so dont act tough with me, cry all you want and you not
crying for anything. You got your heartbroken but you stronger than this
She tried to hug me. I raised my hand for her not to hug me
Me; *crying* check my safe
Ntokozo; what?
Me; my safe, theres an envelope there
Ntokozo; whats in here
Me; open it
I wasnt looking at her the whole time
Ntokozo; look at me first
I turned to her and sat up, she smiled sat on my bed and wiped my tears
Ntokozo; finally i see you cry
I laughed
Ntokozo; i love you ohk
Me; i love you too, open it
She opened it and took out everything there and it was everything
Me; you close july, how about a vacation me , you and the twins
Ntokozo; yeses free trip
I laughed, she hugged me
Ntokozo; now we move to bigger things ...
Insert 101
We left and the maldives were everything i mean i was laughing and forgetting everything. After our 5
days we went back and was with the twins for another week. AUGUST none much happened, lindo
wanted us to meet for lunch so we did
Lindo; hey
Me; hi
I sat down and ordered what i would have
Lindo; well you have been distant
Me; when isrea due
Lindo;...
Me; put me out off my misery and stop snooping around it has become pathetic
Lindo; im sorry
I wasnt even mad
Lindo; i dont know what i was thinking or where i thought everything will end up. I just did what i did
Me;...
Lindo; but to be honest, you are me nkosazana i mean as a man i need someone to protect but i cant do
that with you when you can already protect yourself.
Me; spare me all the BS
Lindo;...
Me; whatever happens i need you and me not to be selfish and always consider the twins in whatever
we do. There is nothing to tell the twins if they didnt know anything, also, it would be best if we stayed
away from each other in terms of the other business. Like not become enermies
Lindo; totally agree
I got up
Me; thank you for everything and congratulation on the new member
Lindo; nkosazana
I turned, he smiled i smiled and waved. Abel opened the door for me and i got in
Abel; centurion
Me; *smiling* yes
I texted ntokozo what happened and she immediately called and we were cool. I arrived in centurion
Ross; and the beauty arrives

Me; sorry im late
Ngwenya; let get on with it, i need to talk to you in private
I breathed out loud
Me; men order lunch and drinks while i have this convo
Them; fine
We moved to a more private area
Me; whats going on
Ngwenya; uhm
Me;...
Ngwenya; there is someone i want you to take out
Me; an assasination
Ngwenya; yeah
Me; you have the info
He handed me the envelope
Me; ohk will talk more about it
Ngwenya; ohk
We went back and the fights and arguments began
Marvin; come on nkosazana thats an arm and a leg
Me; you always complaining
Garry; im fine with it
Me; thank you garry
Marshall; can you give us 3 months
Me; two
Them; fine 2 months
We talked some more and after 4 hours we left got in the car and took out the papers in the envelope. I
knew the guy they put out a hit for him and so does cerebos, i called him
Cerebos; my princess
Me; there is a hit out for kinders
Cerebos; what?
Me; yes
Cerebos; wait let me call you after an hour
Me; ohk
After few minutes goldair called me
Me; hi
Goldair; there is a hit for kinders
Me; cerebos told you
Goldair; who put out the hit
Me; ngwenya
Goldair; kinders went into hiding after retiring from this whole thing
Me; clearly he went into hiding in south africa
Goldair; fuck, how much they offering
Me; 6 zeros
Goldair; you cant do that job
Me; why?
Goldair; his son is my friend
Me;...
Goldair; nkosazana
Me; im listening
Goldair; figure out something but you cant take him out
Me; il think off something
Then he hung up. I arrived home, opened water in the tub and got in. I stayed there for like an hour or
more i dont even know. I figured out something for this kinders, i called goldair. He answered breathing
out loud and heavy as if having sex
Me; where are you?
Goldair ; what?
Me; where are you?
goldair; home! Why you calling this time
Me; you with who

Goldair; *laughing* nkosazana! Stop
Me;...
Goldair; now talk to me, have you figured out something
Me; yeah fake death
Goldair; fake death
Me; yes
Goldair; thats going to take too much time, finding a dead body putting a bullet in their head then
forensic id... No! Think of something else
Me; i take kinders 3 weeks early but someone poses as him in his house, find a dead body and it stays in
his house, the most common thing he always has we place it on the dead body but its not like the usual
assisination. I set him alight
Goldair; burn to such an extent, forensic cant do much
Me; yep
Goldair; ohk go ahead with it
Me; since when you call the shot
Goldair; *laughing* someone is waiting for me
Before i could answer he hung up
I agreed to ngwenya to do the job and it was underway, i was alone meaning i had to do evryshit all by
myself. After few more weeks the job happened and i got my zeros, kinders flew back to russia and
goldair was going to move him somewhere else
INSERT 102
September, october and november same old same old just business. I was back to myself again and
more happy but i needed to do something. The twins were with lindo, i flew to russia arrived and
headed to cerebos house
Cerebos; this is a surprise
Me; i actually came here to do something
Cerebos; going to inform me

Me; goldair
Cerebos; about time
I laughed
Me; i needed time to myself and think about everything and what i wanted and if i was ready to let go
and love again
Cerebos; are you now?
Me; yes
Cerebos; want me to accompany you
Me; nope, im going to shower, look good then heard there
Here is the thing, i did not know where goldair lived and iv never been there before
Cerebos; ohk il tell the guys to drop you off there
Me; thank you
I went to shower and dressed up too much and left. The guards on the gate knew me so they just let me
in
I breathed in and out and walked out, i knocked and a woman opened
Me; hi
Her; hi may i help you
Me; im looking for mr goldair
Her; goldair??? Im sorry but there is no mr goldair here
Me; are you sure
Her; yes mam im sorry
I turned back and took my phone
Cerebos; that quick
Me; wrong house, there is no goldair here
Cerebos; oh mother of god, say mr black
Me; what? Mr black
Cerebos; he will explain to you
I walked up and rang the bell, she opened
Me; mr black
Her; ohh mr black, come on in
I walked in and cerebos house was nothing to this i mean
Her; im sorry but his out at the moment, do you mind waiting for him
Me; not at all, do you know cerebos
She nodded her head
Me; he brought me here
Her; ohhh ohk mam would you like anything
Me; no thank you
I walked around and there were pictures of blue and bear everywhere, it was really cute. After an hour
or so, i heard the door open. They were speaking in russian
Girl; i want you to do things to me that no one has done to me
I stood on the hallway
Goldair; im g...* he paused and looked at me*
The girl turned
Gir; who is she
I responded in russian
Me; his wife
Girl; you married. You filthy pig
She punched him and walked out. He was fucked up drunk, he held on to the door for his balance and
we just looked at each other
Woman; mr black a w...
Goldair raised his hand for her to keep quiet, she walked away
Me ; so this is the shit you get up to mr black
He laughed and walked up to me. He held my face
Goldair; you so beautiful
Me; lets get you to bed
Goldair; no, lets hear what brought you here
Me; id prefer it if you were sober
He held on to me and we walked upstairs. Lets talk about the master bedroom fuck!!!. I threw him on
the bed
Goldair; what you doing here
Me; why dont you tell me who you really are
He smiled, i removed everything he was wearing, he sat up straight, i sat on the couch next to his bed.
He looked at me
Goldair; please sleepover
Me; im not sleeping here
Goldair; ohk
I walked out and went to sleep on the other room. Next morning, went downstairs i grabbed one off his
top and went downstairs. The table was set, i got busy with my phone
Goldair; fuck my head hurts
I looked up and he walked to the table in his boxers. First time seeing him like that, his body. His scars,
he looked up and saw me and paused
Goldair; thought i was dreaming
Me; nope
He sat down, we just stared at each other
Goldair; what you doing here
Me; lets start with intros cause i know you lying to me, nkosazana ndlovu but commonly known as miss
cerebos
Goldair; *smiling* alexander black
Me; why did you lie to me ?
Him; i had to
Me; you had to? What?
Him; im not who you think i am
Me; then who are you, cause i came here to ask you to have me for life cause im in love with you but i
dont want to be with someone i dont know anything about
Him; you what?
Me; im in love with you
He got up and walked to me
Him; you sure about that
Me; yeah or i wouldnt be here

He sat on the chair next to me
Him; promise me something
Me; what?
Him; i tell you and you dont walk out off here but you finish what you came here to do
Me;...
Him; so
Me; fine
Him; alexander black, 30 years. Captain off this ship, cerebos is not the mastermind of everything but i
am, the jobs, the money, the hits all me. Im the one who recruited you not cerebos. Cerebos is a mask i
hide under cause im not trying to be known and his been in this game longer than me, cerebos is my
great grandfather actually from my mums side that is why im alexander black and not cerebos
Me; what?
Him; yes i left with you to see if you were really doing the job and you would not back away but ended
up loving seeing you work and overstayed my welcome, iv been running everything from south africa.
The phone calls thats why
Me; so why not say alexander black
Him; people i work with know its no longer cerebos but black so if you knew you would have easily
found out it was me and not cerebos
Me; ...
Him; im sorry but i did what i had to do
I stood up
Him; sit down, you didnt finish what you came here for
Me; you lied to me
Him; i know and im sorry
Me;...
Him; listen iv waited long enough for me to hear you say that and you finally did, you dont think im
actually going to let you leave right
He got up and walked to me
Him; i want to be all about you cause i love you always have but now you need to make up your mind,
you going to be all about me too or not
Me; wow mr black
Him; what you say ?

me; i want all off you
He wrapped his hand around my neck and kissed me...his lips were so cold i had to pull back, he bit
them
Me; can we promise each other not to hurt each other
Him; i have no intentions whatsoever to hurt you
I kissed him and he returned it way deeper, he picked me up and laid me on the table. I broke it
Me; food
Him; you the food i need
Me; *laughing* im hungry
He pulled my chair for me and we sat down and ate
INSERT 103
He didnt want me to go back to cerebos house but insisted i accompany him to some meeting, we got
there and walked in
Alexander; gentleman
Them; mr black
Alexander; this is...
He was cut off
Guy 1; the beautiful miss cerebos
Alexander; this is mrs black actually
I smiled, i was ready to burst cause i was so happy. He pulled the chair for me and i sat down, he sat next
me
Alexander; lets get on with it
He looked at his watch
Alexander; i want to be out off here by 1
Well watching your man tell other men shit and talking real business is the most beautiful art i have ever
witnesseD. I was in love, i was just staring at him as his lips moved, his hands moving around, him taking
off his jacket to shout at these men. I was just allowing myself to fall more in love with him. He turned
to my direction and smiled seeing how i was looking at him. They finished off with everything they
packed up and walked away. He turned to face me
Alexander; enjoyed your stay
Me; more like , i loved the view
He laughed and pulled my chair, now i was close to him
Alexander; lets stay for 2 weeks here then after two weeks we leave together
Me; as in go back to south africa together
Alexander; yeah iv been thinking about this whole thing during the meeting
Me; yeah
Alexander; i love south africa and im willing to settle there
Me; wait! Woah
Alexander; *laughing* im serious about me and you and i dont want you to come and live here or we do
long distance, no. I want us to be together. Il run everything from that side and then il come back this
side if i have to
Me; are you sure? I dont want you to regret an...
Before i could finish he pulled me into a kiss then broke it
Alexander; im doing this, just give us 2 weeks this side, please
Me; *smiling* ohk
Alexander; one more thing you coming to stay with me
Me; yes mr black
We both laughed and got, then left went to collect my things at cerebos house
Us; *shouting* cerebos
We walked to the lounge and there was a masseus
Alexander; so this is what you do with your money
Cerebos; sometimes i need a womans touch
Me; *laughing* im leaving ohk
Cerebos; south africa already
Me; uhm not really
He got up and sat up straight
Alexander; shes staying with me

Cerebos; is that new love, russian mafia love i smell. A new relationship maybe
Me; yes cerebos
Cerebos; start of a good thing and start of a bad thing all at once
Alexander; can you hold the negativity to yourself
Cerebos; will the princess be introduced to mama black
Alexander; most definitely, its more than a dating thing here
Cerebos; *laughing* you know what she is capable of ask jones
I laughed
Alexander; rather she put a bullet in my head than anyone else
Cerebos; *smiling* im happy for you two, protect each other and love one another ohk
I left them and went to take my bags, they took them to the car then we left
We got to his house
Alexander; what do you want to eat
Me; will you cook
Alexander; yes
Me; well blow me away
We walked to the kitchen and there were two women there, he introduced me to them both. Then told
them to go and relax he would prepare dinner
Me; you sure about settling in joburg
Alexander; yes munchkin, so my question to you is are you ready for us
Me; most definitely
Alexander; the twins
Me; they already know whats up that mummy loves goldair and goldair loves mummy
He smiled
Alexander; it feels good knowing im finally settling down with one girl
I laughed, we carrried on talking when he was done cooking. We went to eat then bed, we both talked
too much that we passed out eventually...
Following morning he was not next to me, i got up and went to the bathroom. I heard the bedroom door
open, i went back but it was one off the woman i met last night
Her; morning miss, your breakfast
Me; thank you so much, do you know where can i find mr black
Her; he went for a jog and it usually takes about 2 hours
Me; oh ohk thank you again
She placed the tray on the bed and walked out. I took a shower and wore one off the ropes there and
sat on the bed while eating. The fruits were fresh, the juice wuuuu. I switched on the tv and tuned in on
some movie. After few minutes, the door opened and he walked in all sweaty. I bit my lower lip, he
threw himself on the bed, he leaned in for a kiss. I kissed him. He took a piece of the fruits
Me; great jog
Alexander; great especially knowing what im coming home too
I laughed
Alexander; im going to shower ohk
Me; ohk
He stood up and walked to the bathroom, i spilled juice on myself so i got up and went to the bathroom
and wiped my self with my washing cloth. I heard the shower door open
Alexander; you ohk?
Me; yeah just spilled juice
He stood behind me
Alexander; do you think i need to shave
I lifted up my head and he was just behind me. I could feel everything off his
me; that beard is the reason i fell in love with you
Alexander; *smiling* really?
Me; *laughing* yes really mr black
I turned around but he was not giving me space trust!
Me; can i pass
He looked down on me. Alexander was tall, taller than me, dark eyes, beard, a lot off hair that he always
kept in place but was out off place whenever he swem or showered and greatest body ever.
Alexander; kiss me
I tip toed and wrapped my arms around his neck, while his hands were on my waist
Me; im your woman
Alexander; baby you are my woman
We both laughed, i kissed him and he returned the kiss. He moved his hands to my face and his grip was
tight, he moved his hands to my thighs and picked me up then placed me on the basin. The kiss got so
heated i was feeling some type off way but i was really scared too, i pulled him to me by his towel and
the moment i let go off it, it dropped. We both broke the kiss and looked at each other...
Alexander; w..
I cut him off
Me; i want you to make love to me
He held my face up for me to look at him straight in the eyes
Alexander; you want me to what?
Me; to make love to me...

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[02/19, 17:24] Chido: Introduction...

[02/19, 17:24] Chido: Insert : 1...

Me; ohk friend, thank you for this

Rea; no need to thank me friend. I want you here as well

Rea; so where do you want to go?

me; where did you apply again?

Rea; uj, uwc...

Me; id like uwc

Rea; haaa friend and here i am thinking you would say uj

Rea; no such, i would never do such

Rea; pleasure dont forget the documents

Rea; will talk later ohk

I turned and it was lulama, my big brother

Luuu; whats wrong

Luu; baby i know you, whats wrong

Lulama; its just 5 months left nana

Luu; smile for me

I hit him on his lap

Luu; so much better

Me; can you do me a favour

He wrapped his arm around me, pulling me closer to him

Luu; anything nana

Luu; oh ohk il do it tomorrow ne

Me; thank you

Luu; sure sthandwa lets go

Luu; i want a banana

Daddy; woza (come here)

I walked to the lounge

Me; ohk ma do you also went it

I went to the kitchen and made them tea. I took it to them

Luu; its a really nice school

I was just lost in those pictures, imagining myself there

Luu; they will take you ohk

I looked back at him

Luu; come here

I went in between his arms and we hugged...

[02/19, 17:24] Chido: Insert : 2...

Onthatile; i cant wait for you to get to varsity

Rea; its the best trust me

Onts; and the guys there

Me; is it dangerous as they say though?

onks; fuck yes

Me; so you were saying

Rea; but its not so bad trust me

Onthatile; have you decided where you going

Me; i want uwc, but il take anything that comes

Onks; but you sure you will be able to do law

Onks; and we still begging and have lust for it

Me; i hope not

Me; yho, you are scaring me now

Me; il take all these advices guys

Onthatile; but yerrr i missed home

Rea; and my mums food

Me; i miss you everyday ey

Rea; i miss you too friend

She laughed so loud

Me; you making noise

Me; your laugh screamed yes, so start talking

She laughed, while nodding. I screamed, my mother opened the door

Mum; people are sleeping

She closed the door

Me; *whispering* tell me

Me; do you have his picture

Me; whispering tell me

Me; in disbelief rea

Rea; laughing what?

Rea; laughing what?

Me; smiling merry christmas abhuti

Luu; smiling merry christmas love love

Me; laughing bye

Musa; shouting they said i should go with you

Me; smiling thats nice

Girl 1 ; hey sweety smiling

Me; smiling is lulama here

Luu; laughing lets go