TEST 1 , WR ITIN G TA S K 2

This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 7.0 score.

The twenty first century has been marked as the epoch of human opportunities, especially when it
comes to building a career and living your own life. Some people tend to take a risk whereas for
others it seems unconscious. There are certain benefits and drawbacks which will be discussed below.
Living without taking risk might be beneficial for some people, even if they have opportunity to
do so. Monotonous and stable life does not mean boring for people if they see any advantages of
following this lifestyle. Building a career in one organisation, receiving all social benefits and
planning a family is usually related to life without sudden movements and extreme activities. Not
only people try to avoid possible changes, they also plan everything carefully in order to keep
their life calm.
On the other hand, without taking a risk is difficult to realize your ambitions. Getting a new
position abroad might give you a lucrative job in the future, which means there will be some
changes to make. Adrenalin are of the things which push people to activate their dreams and plans.
Moreover, some people participate extreeme sport and then come up with the idea of setting up a
new business. In other words, sometimes risk is an essantional in order to achieve your goals.
I would like to conclude by saying that, there has to be a balance between following a lifestyly with
taking risks and to be undecisive person.
Here is the examiner’s comment:

This is a strong response. It presents the advantages and disadvantages of both

aspects of risk: professional and personal. The position is clear throughout: without
taking risks, people can live a [stable] and [calm] life, but it is difficult to [realize …
ambitions] or come up with new ideas. More clarity in the conclusion would also
help achieve a higher rating. (The candidate is linking not taking risks with being an
[undecisive person], but this is not necessarily the case. Many people who do not take
risks have thought about them and decided not to take the risks, and therefore are not
indecisive.) Progression is logical. Cohesive devices are appropriate [especially | even
if | whereas] and each paragraph has a central topic.

Vocabulary use is strong with some precise meanings [the epoch of human
opportunities | realize your ambitions], but there are some slips in spelling [essantional /
essential | lifestyly / lifestyle] and an occasional lack of clarity in word choice [seems
unconscious | of the things]. Sentences are varied and contain complex structures.
There are multi-clause sentences with, for example, modal [might | would] and
conditional structures [if], but a few errors remain.

To improve the response, the conclusion could be extended, and the level of error in
vocabulary and sentence structure should be reduced.
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