PUBLIC SPEAKING FOR CAREER DEVELOPMENT

PSYCHOLOGICAL EFFECTS OF BEING SINGLE TOO LONG

by
NUR ISLAMIYAH A 122 23 005
ULUL AZMI A122 23 012

POSTGRADUATE PROGRAM
TEACHER TRAINING AND EDUCATION FACULTY
TADULAKO UNIVERSITY
PALU
2023
 What does single mean?
Being single refers to the state of not being involved in a romantic
relationship or not being married. It is a personal choice for some individuals,
while others may be single due to various circumstances such as the end of a
relationship, focusing on personal growth, or simply not having found a suitable
partner yet. Being single for a long time can have an effect on you. Single life is
not always a walk in the park, it can be lonely at times but it may come with its
benefits. It can be a unique and transformative journey, one filled with self-
discovery, personal growth, and the opportunity to build a fulfilling life on your
terms. It's a chapter of life that offers freedom, independence, and a chance to
explore your passions and interests. The painful truth is that being single is not
always a choice; when that is the case, it can be very lonely and sad.
Being single for an extended period can have profound psychological
effects on an individual's well-being and outlook on life. In this article, we will
delve into the various ways long-term single life can shape one's emotions,
mindset, and overall mental health.
Here are some aspects to consider about being single:
 Independence and Self-Discovery: Being single can provide an
opportunity for personal growth and self-discovery. It allows individuals
to focus on themselves, their goals, and their own happiness without the
distractions that can come with a committed relationship. It's a time to
explore one's interests, pursue personal passions, and develop a strong
sense of self.
 Freedom and Flexibility: Being single often offers a greater degree of
freedom and flexibility in terms of decision-making and lifestyle choices.
Single individuals have the autonomy to make choices without considering
a partner's preferences or needs. They can plan their schedules, travel, and
engage in activities according to their own desires and interests.
 Building a Supportive Network: When single, individuals can dedicate
more time and energy to nurturing relationships with friends, family, and
other loved ones. These connections form a crucial support network,
providing emotional support, companionship, and a sense of belonging.
Building and maintaining strong relationships can be fulfilling and
enriching during singlehood.
 Self-Care and Personal Development: Being single offers an opportunity
for individuals to prioritize self-care and personal development. It's a time
to focus on physical and mental well-being, engage in hobbies, pursue
education or career advancement, and work on personal goals. Singlehood
can be a period of personal empowerment and growth.
  Exploring Relationships and Dating: For some, being single is a time to
explore new relationships and dating opportunities. It allows individuals to
meet new people, learn about themselves, and understand their preferences
in a partner. Dating can be an exciting and enriching experience, providing
insights into compatibility, communication skills, and personal desires.
 Embracing Solitude: Being single provides ample time for solitude, which
can be beneficial for self-reflection, introspection, and recharging.
Solitude allows individuals to connect with their thoughts, emotions, and
inner selves. It can foster creativity, mindfulness, and a deeper
understanding of one's own needs and desires.
 Overcoming Challenges: Like any other life situation, being single can
present its own challenges. Feelings of loneliness, societal pressures, or
the desire for companionship may arise. However, navigating these
challenges can lead to personal growth, resilience, and the development of
coping skills.
Reasons People Choose to Stay Single
When meeting new people, singles are frequently asked if they are married.
If the answer is no, the social pressure is on. Because what comes next can
characterize the interaction as comfortable, awkward, or judgmental. Some singles
even wear a ring on their wedding finger to avoid being asked this question in the
first place. But according to research, not everyone is uncomfortable admitting
they have chosen to fly solo.
 Selecting singlehood
Menelaos Apostolou (2017) examined this question in a piece aptly
entitled “Why People Stay Single.” [i] Viewing the issue from an
evolutionary framework perspective, he identified both a preference for
singlehood and traits which might interfere with attracting a prospective
mate. His research identified 76 different reasons people remain single and
classified them into 16 factors, which were then separated into three broad
domains. The reasons people choose to remain unattached apparently vary
according to age, sex, and personality.
 Freedom of choice
Apostolou’s proposed theoretical framework predicted two broad reasons
that would drive people to choose to stay single: to increase fitness and
anticipated difficulty landing a mate. The first reason, described as
“freedom of choice,” recognizes that singles have more freedom to pursue
goals and casual relationships. Apostolou recognizes goal achievement as
a strategy that can increase fitness through enhancing mating success in
the future.
 He notes that increasing fitness through singlehood through the “freedom
of choice” strategy will likely benefit men more than women, allowing
 them to jump-start careers and enhance social status, which will put them
in a good position to attract high-value mates. He also notes that biological
differences factor in here as well because men do not run the risk of
getting pregnant through casual encounters. Consistent with his prediction,
Apostolou found that men rated “freedom of choice” significantly higher
than women did.
 The wisdom of age
As with so many other things in life, when it comes to someone’s
willingness to enter a relationship, age matters too. Apostolou found that
younger people who were still furthering their education would be more
likely to focus on a career than a relationship. For other factors within the
“freedom of choice” domain, his results found that older people, who
likely have more relational experience, may be more cognizant of the
factors causing them to prefer to stay single. In other words, the effects of
age may reflect a better comprehension of why someone is driven to stay
single, as opposed to a change in the perceived importance of different
reasons.
 Relational constraints
Regarding other reasons why people stay single, Apostolou noted that
within the “constraints” and “difficulties with relationships” domains,
some people stay single because they have trouble finding a partner.
Examples include individuals who prefer to stay single if they are
handicapped in some way or suffer from a serious illness. Another factor
hindering people from forming intimate relationships was having children
from a prior relationship.
Obviously, we recognize these findings reflect personal perceptions
because many people underestimate their attractiveness, physically, socially, and
emotionally, notwithstanding what they personally view as impediments.
Although Apostolou found other reasons contained within the “constraints” and
“difficulties with relationships” domains, he found that both domains were
significantly correlated with age, with older people endorsing higher scores. He
points out that this, too, may be a result of more life experience, allowing people
to become more aware of the difficulties involved in entering into a relationship.
The bottom line is that there are many different reasons for choosing to
remain single. With age comes wisdom and often a greater appreciation for the
reasons why people choose to enjoy fun, faith, family, and friends—while
remaining unattached. It's important to note that being single is a valid and
fulfilling lifestyle choice. The experience of being single is unique to each
individual, and it can be a time of self-discovery, personal growth, and
empowerment. However, it's essential to respect and support individuals' choices,
whether they are single or in a relationship. As humans, we are social beings, and
having companionship is an innate desire. However, there are times when we find
ourselves being single for too long. Being single for extended periods can have
various psychological effects on individuals.
How to be more comfortable with being single
We have all experienced the feeling of loneliness when we find ourselves
single, It can be depressing. However, being in a relationship does not add value
to you, no one is inadequate just because they are not in a relationship. You need
to realize that you don’t need another person to make you feel complete; know
your worth.
How can you expect someone else to enjoy their time with you if you don't
love being with yourself? The goal of being in a relationship is to demonstrate
love, and care, and share your life with someone special, not to achieve fulfilment.
Embrace yourself, discover your calling, and savour each moment as it arises.
Here are a couple of things you can do while you are single to be more
comfortable with yourself
 Learn to love spending time with yourself and have some me time.
Take a break from the dishonesty, deception, manipulation, and everything
negative that some relationships carry and relax, watch a movie on your own, play
some games, read a book, get a massage, go site seeing just do something you
love on your own and enjoy life and embrace yourself wholeheartedly. Discover
ways to create happiness within yourself.
 Heal from your past
Before you can be comfortable with being single, you will have to heal
from your past because these past things may carry emotional stress, and trauma
which will make being single tough for you. The healing will take time but you
will have to go through the process.
It is advisable to seek professional help to be able to identify what you
need to heal from and develop as a person. Healing will take time and focus but it
is essential to go through it if you wish to start enjoying your single life and
develop as a person.
 Surround yourself with friends and family
It is also important that in this period you surround yourself with friends
and family especially when you just ended a relationship. When you surround
yourself with friends, they help take your mind off the breakup, help suppress the
feeling of loneliness, they will push you to be the best version of yourself and also
encourage you to move on. Surrounding yourself with friends and family will give
you the healing and strength and confidence you need to be able to continue living
a happy life even if it has to be a single life.
  Take that time to focus on your goals
Focusing on your goals will help take your mind off loneliness, especially
if you are feeling anxious and frustrated by it. Take that time and focus on your
career, learn new things, and find out who you want to be in the future.
In doing this, you eventually become satisfied with being single and you
know yourself more. When we are not in a relationship, we get time to get clear
about what matters to us and what we value so why not take advantage of that and
know what matters to you?
 Start a blog
Writing down how you feel is a great weapon. When you are feeling
depressed and lonely about being single, you can start a blog and write how you
feel and how you are dealing with it, and in the process, you will learn to heal
from it and be more comfortable with being single and also help other people
going through the same situation. As you continue to write how you feel, you will
learn from it in the process. Because as you write, you research what other people
have written about being single and how they handled it. You will learn to be
comfortable with yourself and help others in the process.
Psychology of Being Single
The psychology of being single is complex and multifaceted. It involves
various factors, including individual personality traits, life experiences, and
societal expectations. Being single can be challenging, especially in a society that
places a high value on romantic relationships. However, it is essential to recognize
that being single is not inherently negative. However, it can lead to some
psychological effects of being single too long. It can provide individuals with
freedom and opportunities for personal growth and development. It is also
important to understand that being in a relationship does not guarantee happiness
or fulfillment. Understanding the psychology of being single involves recognizing
the unique experiences and challenges that come with it and developing strategies
to cope effectively. By building a support system, embracing being single,
focusing on personal growth, and practicing self-care, individuals can navigate the
psychological effects of being single too long and lead fulfilling lives.
Psychological Effects of Never Having a Girlfriend
Never having had a girlfriend can also have psychological effects of being
single too long. It can lead to feelings of insecurity and inadequacy, especially
when it seems like everyone else has had a partner. It can also make it difficult for
individuals to connect with others, leading to social anxiety and loneliness.
Moreover, individuals who have never had a girlfriend may have unrealistic
expectations of what a relationship should be like. They may feel pressure to
conform to societal expectations of what a man should be, which can affect their
self-esteem and mental health, which can be the main psychological effects of
being single too long.
Negative Effects of Being Single
 Loneliness and Isolation
One of the most significant psychological effects of being single too long
is loneliness and isolation. When we are single, we may feel like we are
left out and have difficulty making new friends. These feelings can have a
negative impact on our mental health, leading to depression and anxiety.
It is essential to have a support system, and being single can make it
challenging to create one. Being around people who share similar interests
and values can help individuals combat feelings of loneliness and isolation.
 Self-Esteem Issues
Other psychological effects of being single too long include self-esteem
issues. Negative self-talk, comparing oneself to others, and decreased
confidence are some of the issues individuals may face when they are
single for an extended period. This can lead to a negative self-image and
poor mental health.
Individuals need to develop a positive self-image and avoid comparing
themselves to others. Instead, they should focus on their strengths and
embrace their uniqueness. It is also essential to recognize that being single
does not define their worth as individuals.
 Increased Stress and Anxiety
Being single for too long can also lead to increased stress and anxiety
levels. Fear of missing out and increased pressure to find a partner can
cause individuals to feel stressed and anxious. This can also have negative
psychological effects of being single too long.
Individuals should focus on being present and avoid worrying about the
future. Practicing mindfulness can help individuals reduce stress and
anxiety levels. It is also essential to remember that finding a partner is not
the only way to lead a fulfilling life.
 Lack of Emotional Support
One of the most significant challenges of being single for too long is the
lack of emotional support. Without a partner, individuals may not have
anyone to share personal experiences with or provide emotional support.
This can lead to psychological effects of being single too long.
Building a support system is crucial when it comes to dealing with the lack
of emotional support. Friends, family, and colleagues can provide
individuals with the emotional support they need. Joining clubs or groups
that share similar interests can also help individuals build a support system.
 Stagnation and Lack of Growth
 Being single for too long can also lead to stagnation and a lack of growth.
Without a partner, individuals may not have anyone to push them to grow
as a person or provide opportunities for self-improvement. That can be
called one of psychological effects of being single too long. This can lead
to a lack of motivation and a feeling of being stuck.
It is essential to focus on personal growth and development when single.
Individuals should take advantage of the free time they have to pursue their
passions and interests. They can also set personal goals and work towards
achieving them, which can help them grow as individuals. being single for too
long can have various psychological effects of being single too long on
individuals. Loneliness and isolation, self-esteem issues, increased stress, and
anxiety, lack of emotional support, stagnation, and lack of growth are some of the
challenges individuals may face. Coping with these challenges involves building a
support system, embracing being single, and focusing on personal growth.
How to Deal with Being Single
Being single can be challenging, especially when it seems like everyone else is in
a relationship. However, it is important to remember that being single is not
inherently negative. In fact, it can be an opportunity for personal growth and self-
discovery besides all psychological effects of being single too long. Here are
some strategies individuals can use to deal with being single:
 Build a support system: One of the most crucial things individuals can do
when single is to build a support system. This can involve reaching out to
friends and family members or joining clubs and groups that share similar
interests. Building a support system can provide individuals with a sense
of belonging and help combat feelings of loneliness and isolation.
 Embrace being single: Instead of viewing being single for a long time as a
negative thing, individuals can try to embrace it. Being single provides
individuals with freedom and opportunities for personal growth and
development. It is essential to recognize that being single does not define
an individual’s worth or happiness.
 Focus on personal growth: When single, individuals can take advantage of
the free time they have to pursue their passions and interests. They can set
personal goals and work towards achieving them, which can help them
grow as individuals. This can include learning new skills, pursuing
hobbies, or volunteering for a cause they are passionate about.
 Practice self-care: Self-care is essential for maintaining good mental health,
and it is especially crucial when single. Individuals can practice self-care
by getting enough sleep, exercising regularly, and eating a healthy diet. It
can all level down psychological effects of being single too long. They can
 also engage in activities that help them relax and de-stress, such as
meditation or yoga.
 Avoid negative self-talk: When single, it is easy to fall into the trap of
negative self-talk. Individuals may feel like something is wrong with them
because they have not been able to find a partner. It is important to
recognize that negative self-talk is not helpful and can have a detrimental
effect on mental health. Instead, individuals should focus on their strengths
and embrace their unique qualities.
 Be open to new experiences: Being single provides individuals with the
freedom to try new things and take risks. Sounds like something opposite
to psychological effects of being single too long. Individuals can take
advantage of this by being open to new experiences and stepping outside
of their comfort zones. This can lead to personal growth and new
opportunities for connection and happiness.
 Coping Strategies
Coping with being single for too long can be challenging, but there are
ways to deal with the psychological effects of being single too long.
Building a support system, embracing being single, and focusing on
personal growth are some of the strategies individuals can use.
Building a support system involves reaching out to friends and
family members, or joining clubs and groups that share similar interests.
Embracing being single involves recognizing that being single is not a
negative thing and finding joy in the freedom it provides. Focusing on
personal growth involves setting goals, pursuing passions, and working
toward self-improvement are the best cure for the negative psychological
effects of being single too long.
Psychological effects of being single for too long
It might surprise you to learn that most people who remain single for a
long period can develop health problems that eventually have an impact on their
love lives but people who did the right thing during their single life grew as an
individual and maintained healthy mental health. While some individuals may
embrace and love being single, others may encounter difficulties or emotions that
have a terrible psychological impact on their mental health. This could include
having a profound sense of loneliness, having low self-esteem, being depressed,
feeling isolated, having trouble maintaining or creating connections, etc. However,
when managed correctly, it may lead to improved self-esteem, self-discovery,
independence, personal growth, emotional maturity, increased self-care, etc.
There is nothing wrong with being single, it doesn’t matter if you have been
single your entire life. What matters is how you handle it, and who you become in
the process. If you’ve been single for so long but in that period of your life, you
allow yourself to grow mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally you grow
as a person.
If instead of allowing yourself to grow, you stay bitter and frustrated, thinking you
are single because you don’t deserve love or you are not beautiful or handsome
enough, you allow these negative thoughts to fester destroying your self-image in
the long run.
A great void will be created and an empty feeling will generate loneliness and
depression and you may end up filling it up with an addiction. You have no room
left for someone to come into your life and show you love since you have
harboured all these negative thoughts about yourself.
Instead of letting it get to you, build a better relationship with yourself and in the
process, you end up maintaining your individuality and becoming a better version
of yourself. It becomes easy to connect with any other person who walks into your
life when you do that.
Overcoming the loneliness that comes with being single
We all want to feel loved and accepted, it is our human nature and we get
the connection and companionship that we most desire from our relationships.
When we have been in a relationship for so long and it ends or when you have
been single for a while you tend to feel lonely and isolated. It is hard to get used
to doing things alone after being in a relationship. Even though it can be hard,
There are plenty of single people out there that have no intention of dating, simply
because they love being single. How do you overcome the feeling of loneliness
when you are single?
Loneliness is an emotion we feel when we are not acknowledged by others. You
can even feel lonely in a relationship when it is not fulfilling. Loneliness comes
from the endless unsatisfied desires in our minds.
Loneliness is about the state of mind and the first step to suppressing loneliness is
Acceptance
Remove all desires and accept that you are single. You should refrain from
imposing yourself on others and actively seeking a romantic partner. While it is
perfectly OK to surround yourself with friends, you must also learn to accept and
love yourself.. You should keep a still mind and allow yourself to grow, by
learning to love your single life before jumping into another relationship. Getting
rid of loneliness is not just about getting a new hobby or finding new friends, it is
about accepting yourself, discovering yourself in a new way, and allowing the
parts of yourself that need healing to heal.
It becomes difficult to live a single life when we are always looking for
relationships and looking for validation from people or to feel important. When
we do that, we always get distracted or constantly get occupied with other people
which does not leave space for ourselves. There is nothing wrong with wanting to
be in a relationship, it just needs to be for the right reasons.
But you'll also need to hang out with friends who make your life better. And to get
through this process, you'll need people in your life to inspire you to keep
searching for who you are. You need to develop a liking for spending time by
yourself when you are alone yourself.
Is being single better than being in a relationship?
Relationships are just great when you are with the right person. When you
find that special someone and spend all your time with them, when it just feels
right, it is an amazing feeling. It can also be hell when the person you find
yourself with always gets on your nerves, and there is a constant argument, lies,
deceit, cheating, and confusion. It drains your life away and can be very
depressing. Then again single life can be an amazing thing, you don't have to
answer to anybody, you can go anywhere you want, do anything you want, meet
new people, be alone in your home relaxed without being bordered, and not worry
about planning dates, getting the wrong birthday gift or valentines day gift.
Generally the freedom can be amazing. It can also be very lonely, especially on
days like Valentine's when everyone around you is in a relationship and you just
have no one to hangout with, and can also be very depressing. They both have
their pros and cons, when you find yourself in an amazing relationship then good
for you, keep it going and if you are single don't rush into a relationship work on
yourself and wait for the right person to come into your life. Relationships can be
amazing when with the right person and single life can also be glorious when you
live it the right way. There is none better than the other. Just learn to make it work
when you find yourself in either situation.